subreddit,author,date,post,automated_readability_index,coleman_liau_index,flesch_kincaid_grade_level,flesch_reading_ease,gulpease_index,gunning_fog_index,lix,smog_index,wiener_sachtextformel,n_chars,n_long_words,n_monosyllable_words,n_polysyllable_words,n_sents,n_syllables,n_unique_words,n_words,sent_neg,sent_neu,sent_pos,sent_compound,economic_stress_total,isolation_total,substance_use_total,guns_total,domestic_stress_total,suicidality_total,punctuation,liwc_1st_pers,liwc_2nd_pers,liwc_3rd_pers,liwc_achievement,liwc_adverbs,liwc_affective_processes,liwc_anger,liwc_anxiety,liwc_articles_article,liwc_assent,liwc_auxiliary_verbs,liwc_biological,liwc_body,liwc_causation,liwc_certainty,liwc_cognitive,liwc_common_verbs,liwc_conjunctions,liwc_death,liwc_discrepancy,liwc_exclusive,liwc_family,liwc_feel,liwc_fillers,liwc_friends,liwc_future_tense,liwc_health,liwc_hear,liwc_home,liwc_humans,liwc_impersonal_pronouns,liwc_inclusive,liwc_ingestion,liwc_inhibition,liwc_insight,liwc_leisure,liwc_money,liwc_motion,liwc_negations,liwc_negative_emotion,liwc_nonfluencies,liwc_numbers,liwc_past_tense,liwc_perceptual_processes,liwc_personal_pronouns,liwc_positive_emotion,liwc_prepositions,liwc_present_tense,liwc_quantifiers,liwc_relativity,liwc_religion,liwc_sadness,liwc_see,liwc_sexual,liwc_social_processes,liwc_space,liwc_swear_words,liwc_tentative,liwc_time,liwc_total_functional,liwc_total_pronouns,liwc_work,tfidf_abl,tfidf_abus,tfidf_actual,tfidf_addict,tfidf_adhd,tfidf_advic,tfidf_ago,tfidf_alcohol,tfidf_almost,tfidf_alon,tfidf_alreadi,tfidf_also,tfidf_alway,tfidf_amp,tfidf_amp x200b,tfidf_ani,tfidf_anoth,tfidf_anxieti,tfidf_anxious,tfidf_anymor,tfidf_anyon,tfidf_anyon els,tfidf_anyth,tfidf_around,tfidf_ask,tfidf_attack,tfidf_away,tfidf_back,tfidf_bad,tfidf_becaus,tfidf_becom,tfidf_befor,tfidf_believ,tfidf_best,tfidf_better,tfidf_bit,tfidf_bodi,tfidf_bpd,tfidf_brain,tfidf_call,tfidf_came,tfidf_care,tfidf_caus,tfidf_chang,tfidf_come,tfidf_complet,tfidf_constant,tfidf_control,tfidf_could,tfidf_coupl,tfidf_cri,tfidf_day,tfidf_deal,tfidf_depress,tfidf_diagnos,tfidf_die,tfidf_differ,tfidf_disord,tfidf_doctor,tfidf_doe,tfidf_done,tfidf_dont,tfidf_drink,tfidf_drug,tfidf_eat,tfidf_els,tfidf_emot,tfidf_end,tfidf_enough,tfidf_etc,tfidf_even,tfidf_ever,tfidf_everi,tfidf_everyon,tfidf_everyth,tfidf_experi,tfidf_famili,tfidf_fear,tfidf_feel,tfidf_feel like,tfidf_felt,tfidf_final,tfidf_find,tfidf_first,tfidf_food,tfidf_found,tfidf_friend,tfidf_fuck,tfidf_get,tfidf_give,tfidf_go,tfidf_good,tfidf_got,tfidf_great,tfidf_guess,tfidf_guy,tfidf_happen,tfidf_happi,tfidf_hard,tfidf_hate,tfidf_head,tfidf_health,tfidf_hear,tfidf_heart,tfidf_help,tfidf_high,tfidf_home,tfidf_hope,tfidf_hour,tfidf_hous,tfidf_hurt,tfidf_idea,tfidf_im,tfidf_issu,tfidf_job,tfidf_keep,tfidf_kill,tfidf_kind,tfidf_know,tfidf_last,tfidf_late,tfidf_leav,tfidf_left,tfidf_let,tfidf_life,tfidf_like,tfidf_littl,tfidf_live,tfidf_long,tfidf_look,tfidf_lose,tfidf_lost,tfidf_lot,tfidf_love,tfidf_made,tfidf_make,tfidf_mani,tfidf_mayb,tfidf_mean,tfidf_med,tfidf_medic,tfidf_mental,tfidf_might,tfidf_mind,tfidf_mom,tfidf_month,tfidf_move,tfidf_much,tfidf_need,tfidf_never,tfidf_new,tfidf_next,tfidf_night,tfidf_normal,tfidf_noth,tfidf_notic,tfidf_old,tfidf_onc,tfidf_one,tfidf_onli,tfidf_pain,tfidf_panic,tfidf_parent,tfidf_part,tfidf_past,tfidf_peopl,tfidf_person,tfidf_place,tfidf_pleas,tfidf_point,tfidf_possibl,tfidf_post,tfidf_pretti,tfidf_probabl,tfidf_problem,tfidf_ptsd,tfidf_put,tfidf_question,tfidf_quit,tfidf_read,tfidf_real,tfidf_realli,tfidf_reason,tfidf_recent,tfidf_relationship,tfidf_rememb,tfidf_right,tfidf_said,tfidf_say,tfidf_scare,tfidf_school,tfidf_see,tfidf_seem,tfidf_self,tfidf_sever,tfidf_shit,tfidf_sinc,tfidf_situat,tfidf_sleep,tfidf_social,tfidf_someon,tfidf_someth,tfidf_sometim,tfidf_sorri,tfidf_start,tfidf_stay,tfidf_still,tfidf_stop,tfidf_stress,tfidf_struggl,tfidf_stuff,tfidf_suicid,tfidf_support,tfidf_sure,tfidf_symptom,tfidf_take,tfidf_talk,tfidf_tell,tfidf_thank,tfidf_therapi,tfidf_therapist,tfidf_thing,tfidf_think,tfidf_though,tfidf_thought,tfidf_time,tfidf_tire,tfidf_today,tfidf_told,tfidf_took,tfidf_tri,tfidf_turn,tfidf_two,tfidf_understand,tfidf_us,tfidf_use,tfidf_usual,tfidf_veri,tfidf_want,tfidf_way,tfidf_week,tfidf_weight,tfidf_well,tfidf_went,tfidf_whi,tfidf_whole,tfidf_wish,tfidf_without,tfidf_wonder,tfidf_work,tfidf_worri,tfidf_wors,tfidf_would,tfidf_wrong,tfidf_x200b,tfidf_year ptsd,sjhachman,2019/01/01,"Ashamed of my triggers So it's been 11 months since experiencing my trauma. I've come a long way and I'm really proud of myself for all the progress I've made. Unfortunately, though, a very big trigger of mine has recently become more prevalent online, and because it's online, my friends often talk about it or joke about it in real life. The problem is that I can't tell them that this thing triggers me. It's...embarrassing. Not the idea of having triggers and standing up for myself, but the trigger itself is embarrassing and I'm afraid that people are going to think I'm joking. I'm afraid they are going to ask questions that I can't answer, or make me explain why they can't make these jokes around me. I feel like knowing the trigger would be beneficial to you guys reading this but I'm just so...ashamed that this is an actual trigger that causes me actual distress when the thing is just so stupid. I am sorry this post might come off as complaining, but I just need to know if someone feels the same way.",6.033023450586263,6.3481002713567865,6.294585427135679,79.47025335008375,66.38693467336682,8.643383584589614,30.653685092127304,8.344100000000001,2.148034840871022,810,28,155,10,12,260,116,199,0.135,0.782,0.084,-0.8887,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,3,2,11,15,1,5,10,0,16,1,0,11,1,45,36,15,0,4,10,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,18,7,0,0,9,4,0,4,4,9,0,0,2,3,19,6,17,31,3,17,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,6,5,102,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.2960469120971413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503251777991804,0.14180574327053036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246625340222554,0.16752504443803842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558230963640594,0.0,0.2613277643133436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339379230665698,0.10836436303778668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719206978931444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241306704149073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019278613991915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123480053153348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672509321394333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714016366309946,0.07410601802600217,0.0,0.0,0.13423715626952776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352876787322766,0.20250289350446893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091465894811133,0.0,0.0,0.121074155275298,0.0,0.0,0.11247309579993467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515983198867164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452730628312072,0.0,0.0,0.1451428212477003,0.0,0.0,0.16992280655049438,0.0,0.15172684442462214,0.17265164420188875,0.09717380511458892,0.0,0.14977142413200314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547605800669734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852288279140647,0.0,0.0,0.16979983002816146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191929714449715,0.1325800716082267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154660567755472,0.09719413333301384,0.1490305245114722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251566675992042,0.0,0.2408022490934988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687283775848522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775323746705444,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theprincessofpirates,2019/01/01,Help with letting go of trauma when it is actually your fault. I need advice (or even better some book recommendations) on how to let go of trauma that resulted from your own mistakes. About a year ago I fucked up pretty good and I haven’t really had a day of rest since the resulting shit-storm that ensued.,5.302500000000002,6.236102250000003,6.190000000000001,77.40000000000002,68.16666666666666,9.333333333333334,25.0,9.516144504307137,1.9810000000000008,245,6,47,5,4,81,51,60,0.214,0.621,0.165,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,4,7,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,3,0,9,9,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,5,2,9,6,3,8,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,2,4,33,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.2442909587134559,0.0,0.0,0.2446245748531121,0.22190697304525625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140106390910924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144543797931676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534398096652803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23143077783768434,0.0,0.0,0.2845424270358388,0.20996921545725106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677943491998867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119692269011645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856203140765792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546808067055307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037108338754175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25696539576632144,0.2070797921106726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120760501471554 ptsd,legendofriss,2019/01/01,"Music to listen to during a ptsd episode to calm down? I do not like generic calm music, it actually gives me anxiety. I prefer music with meaningful and well thought out lyrics so I have something to focus on. What works for you?",2.452272727272728,5.158206954545456,3.9329090909090887,82.53936363636366,81.72727272727272,6.247272727272727,24.70909090909091,7.554174236665415,1.6009054545454542,182,7,32,3,5,60,36,44,0.081,0.721,0.198,0.6757,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,5,4,9,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.3791564099011628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972300120106081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37272043345545214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981972517646234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541793743100178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991150369989085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308455258694212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34934174232334914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828598208594202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Cavenge,2019/01/01,"I want to go a single day where I'm stable. I want one day where I don't fear that I'm going to die, or have a panic attack, or think someone would abandon me. I want one night where I wake up in cold sweat from a nightmare. I can barely remember what it's like to feel normal anymore. Every day is a battle just getting out of bed. Every sleepless nights makes the day unbearable. I just want this to be over. I don't want to kill myself, I want this to get better. My life can't just be distractions and trying to get through each moment. People say things can get better but I really don't see it. 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Guess what happened? Anniversary of a trauma was coming up, and before my partner could reply to 'is this a good time to talk about this?' I had to whisk them to the ER. They're fine, but I'm still shaking because the injury was similar to one of my other traumas. Partner is totally unaware of this trauma. Anniversary rolls around and we spend some super chill time together--Partner still manages to do the most triggering thing ever. Because I'm me I went on autopilot, seemed fine, until I got home and lost it on my partner via text. ",4.955244755244756,6.1429735104895125,5.830356643356647,78.73168881118883,69.13986013986013,8.517202797202797,31.782517482517484,8.841846274778883,2.7355404195804205,584,25,105,10,10,192,94,143,0.166,0.7609999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9247,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,1,2,8,10,0,1,7,0,8,0,0,1,2,20,23,10,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,8,8,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,5,2,2,6,0,11,5,22,16,3,22,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,4,9,73,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505287934868902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397420142461765,0.0,0.1673276758927703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938948613609325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700246463148554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027290460771325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778737527099561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175605816719826,0.16493379985829684,0.15727239923042366,0.21679826244054398,0.21662309603970775,0.0,0.17388968127384474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972477437932024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465773759520665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458073921211266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324956281230302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632665437997965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298637239504555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901529593928894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661394651248748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31407676742050755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805321832254726,0.0,0.0,0.2248770189306734,0.0,0.13064006443364196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22932681265694374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209045101671826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822889049930748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Maryfullagrace,2019/01/01,My friend said anniversary date of trauma could retrigger me (any advice on how to cope?) I kinda wish my friend didn't mention it but I mentioned myself that the traumatic event from last February would be here soon and she said that some of my PTSD symptoms associated with that date could come back. I'm really nervous for February to come because my trauma made me have the worst panic attacks possible. I'm really scared now and hope my brain doesn't attack me on these future dates...,6.458949275362323,7.514603228260871,6.5508695652173925,75.40644927536233,65.6304347826087,10.046376811594204,29.46376811594203,10.125756701596842,2.961885507246377,395,13,69,9,6,126,66,92,0.271,0.618,0.111,-0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,2,3,2,0,7,2,1,2,0,15,16,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,4,2,12,3,9,8,2,13,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,9,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156905248876286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939646018067898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994819431717377,0.0,0.13500570357712607,0.0,0.10702838789479126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599884596318795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30248321195561645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28036338541415884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712963452524249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438477240755654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431163867801401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613253026673971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059984656311523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979335026130948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052368158102512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249546255924489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340224943717592,0.0,0.17578037905250565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248879471825236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019016372215341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472285695816762,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,voodoopunx,2019/01/01,"Lashing Out and Long Term Plans I know that I'm a bit mentally fucked right now and I have been lashing out at my endlessly supportive partner. He's been an absolute rock and had to deal with me getting black out drunk and angry because I was ambushed by my abusive father over the holidays. I've been massively spiralling and I didn't tell him in words that anyone except me can understand. (I'm working on that bit already). I've been crying almost at a drop of a hat. I've been ignoring him. I've been distant. I've been clingy. It's doing my head in, I can't imagine how he must feel. I've said stuff to him in order to push him away and make us break up, so that I am free to punish myself / hurt myself in whatever way my messy and broken brain sees fit to tell me. I'm in the process of getting back into therapy, even if it's only a short burst of 6 weeks or something. I need to be able to structure what happened between me and my father in a concise way and then build out to what the current major issues in my life are. If you want to offer advice, the two things I really need to know is (1) how do I stop myself lashing out when the entire world feels unsafe, and (2) what's the best way to discuss C-PTSD causing events with a new therapist? ",3.9833251010327833,4.384957354961838,5.283183655141446,84.63480691513247,70.87022900763358,7.996766951055232,28.38886394252357,7.928766900206844,1.7001676695105532,985,34,206,12,17,330,153,262,0.138,0.8,0.062,-0.9646,1,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,1,1,0,3,8,7,2,0,13,0,20,5,2,4,1,40,39,18,0,6,4,2,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,11,18,1,2,6,3,1,1,2,4,0,1,11,5,28,4,38,26,5,41,0,1,2,1,17,23,1,4,11,133,39,1,0.1310164916682779,0.15523311865164846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802779933034938,0.0,0.0,0.13119409111276928,0.0,0.1445799564873946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160977725962346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309430672152195,0.10074359492751178,0.0,0.07986643726987186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749372493066955,0.0,0.2860721518558388,0.0,0.0,0.1462577344570846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345900270969323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391546403710778,0.0,0.1350722499951507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653515710093608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132491749585179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211226353757024,0.1369014187807977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585745089364975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344607187104145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025586407842458,0.0,0.0,0.13674717814851253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400647488724194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925408226832816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159454722778698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745452554830636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320338081939142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942941369361801,0.0,0.12653654406865747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964394574294988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531512676009894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083932519431703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188736802276092,0.12462668605123654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440318109725852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086289617289047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953565356483258,0.0,0.0,0.1499825375391762,0.0,0.14867596212949205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290283770074045,0.0,0.14982877642314504,0.15212024492208376,0.08704153540903926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279840749190902,0.13639278837142155,0.15759670784180002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727692130619987,0.31198437831169484,0.10509352682334124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095381566333391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jennyjuggs,2019/01/01,Does your PTSD cause paranoia and delusions?? Hi all. I’m new. I got into a car accident about 10 years ago that triggered my ptsd. Over the years it’s gotten worse to the point where I cannot even be a passenger on the highway without visions of car accidents where I’m dying. My body also constantly clenches up as if it’s ready for impact the whole time I’m in the vehicle. My boyfriend thinks it’s some type of paranoia/delusions/psychosis when it comes to the visions of the car accidents that I’m having. It’s not flashbacks. Just like videos playing in my head of what could happen. Is this normal? I’ve seen many therapists and they haven’t said anything negative about it. ,3.3799751243781064,5.5516671716417925,3.91126865671642,86.90978855721393,75.044776119403,6.854726368159205,28.33084577114428,7.793537801064563,1.8355741293532333,547,23,104,8,12,172,89,134,0.16899999999999998,0.7979999999999999,0.032,-0.9449,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,0,9,0,6,2,2,2,1,15,17,6,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,1,2,0,4,5,0,0,0,4,2,8,2,17,11,3,20,0,0,1,0,4,9,0,2,8,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435784599189068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827507779483134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152579480174051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595255672768029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047069896263308,0.0,0.15971727904447378,0.0,0.20036608203083506,0.0,0.14803756139900087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242989953519285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225656922353046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246384233198684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829208262487972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639605112483508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902877027979616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905836514618622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798014768739302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907347604377258,0.0,0.0,0.1816658248006519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527565159691905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334768276101878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637066069152094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21527931899299424,0.0,0.11880545915834105,0.0,0.0,0.10811608018009193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700750773963095,0.0,0.17873195993473273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895215710110447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23880037976388024 ptsd,M_Nerd,2019/01/01,"Unsure if what I'm doing is destructive or good Hi. So, I've got c-ptsd and bpd, and I've been having a good holiday even though I'm having a low/bad period. Saturday was like something just snapped in me and I needed to be alone (or as alone as I can be in a house filled with people) and I just distanced myself 100% from most places where I have contact with my friends. This happens from time to time but this time I'm too tired to really analyze what's going on, so I thought I'd reach out and ask if anyone else gets this need for isolation? A couple of friends has messaged me and like said they're here for me if I need it, and even so I feel alone, and like I deserve to be alone, and I feel so aggressive, not like aggresive as in violent, more like, when I read my facebook feed, I think nasty comments as I scroll past, and I feel like picking fights, so instead I've gamed a lot to avoid doing something stupid and ruining friendships. I guess what I'm asking is, does anyone else relate to this? Does it seem like a destructive thing to do or constructive? Thanks for reading, and I hope you will have a good new year.",8.109914163090131,5.262695291845496,7.981120171673819,79.3417231759657,63.892703862660944,11.55175965665236,35.31716738197425,9.642632912329526,2.950373733905579,885,28,193,13,10,286,127,233,0.194,0.621,0.18600000000000005,-0.6272,0,6,2,0,1,0,27.0,0,1,0,0,15,22,6,1,7,0,17,2,0,1,0,40,40,30,0,7,10,0,3,7,2,1,1,1,0,0,10,15,1,1,6,4,0,2,1,8,0,0,5,4,22,14,24,31,3,18,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,11,16,118,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278489891419471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442522873195224,0.21163586018442074,0.0,0.0,0.1930972585193136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862307089657098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007184718314604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427235029403733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807541306992276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254681700750207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642495628211154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665755183019422,0.07378002096808155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958075374527847,0.0,0.053957173875424064,0.0,0.05869383321644564,0.2598677091711939,0.08259883286300558,0.0,0.1137695806232054,0.0,0.0913261626987448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025758507605549,0.0,0.11916603372261032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353186267826726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780111686037602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22973237143203484,0.0,0.0997440986472153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858812807752074,0.0715982117333045,0.0,0.10790089176237942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072350526066672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066068484002619,0.0,0.06616091469483044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982386278925498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401811494938037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901301461582365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508218316161296,0.0,0.0,0.06861163751661807,0.06617475518943207,0.10146763119445906,0.08198919227061358,0.18066228240631196,0.11869996767343127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665060207753455 ptsd,xSlater666x,2019/01/01,I feel in danger I constantly feel like I’m in danger. I have a hard time falling asleep in random places or other people’s houses. I’ve been spending the night at my girlfriend’s house a lot lately. It’s hard but I think I’m getting to that point where I feel safe enough to sleep. But I’m still really alert and hypervigilant. Anyone have any tips on dealing with this?,1.7261842105263163,4.062584250000004,3.175526315789476,89.21618421052631,81.5,5.378947368421053,18.71052631578948,6.6274283507984215,0.09024210526315768,297,7,60,3,8,97,54,76,0.114,0.7609999999999999,0.125,0.5775,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,3,0,3,2,2,0,0,12,11,4,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,5,6,2,8,10,2,14,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,6,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809383626482974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199051778774274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21944537230251776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20935515061032595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982448894491695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080332583860849,0.1450724845184991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060951348209946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638197498357208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686285624622763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290705986548803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920922203045693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726419428905326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905664350000282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078242764020893,0.0,0.21216381134537732,0.0,0.19196577699379788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009115675025135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032155844449072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217111020565686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011837109517127,0.0,0.0,0.11841112640690316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Wattsherfayce,2019/01/01,"PTSD make me a POS I just want to go die in a corner. Go to sleep and never wake. Fuck a 'new year'. no such thing. Just one big blur of shit.",-3.979090909090907,-2.8280472424242404,-0.9298484848484848,111.52522727272726,112.33333333333334,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-3.027218181818182,103,0,31,0,6,35,28,33,0.256,0.634,0.11,-0.7615,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,3,0,0,4,3,1,1,7,5,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,3,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32366838958896005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28831573201900346,0.0,0.0,0.3544820568284125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817343904071547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405308193576246,0.301202795143511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113289421255546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645554746315846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201266783793185,0.0,0.0,0.31209191906410283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719037296103449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839470555232108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083192512728906 ptsd,theflexorcist,2019/01/01,"Untreated early childhood Ptsd This is long and I'm extremely disorganized, my apologies. Guess I'm just looking for hope that someone recovered from something like this. I can't find much hope in researching this, or find anyone else who talks about this. Not as a ""oh poor me I have it the worst""- I dont, but it's quite severe objectively. Here's how I'll explain. I was diagnosed with PTSD about 4 years ago. However, my symptoms began very fast after the traumatic event 20 years ago. I am 23. I had all the PTSD symptoms Ive had since being diagnosed ever since it happened 20 years ago- the flashbacks, the nightmares, disgust and intrusive thoughts, hypervigilence and just constantly on the lookout, and just all around sheer terror when faced with a reminder of the event. (I would really really really appreciate if you don't mention anything medical related if you comment). I literally let this go my whole life, no one ever knew this event happened until i was faced with a situation where I had to inform my now-husband. Which didn't involve me saying anything but ""something bad happened a long time ago"" and from there it was just a yes/no guessing game for him. From there he got me into therapy for it. By this time I was beginning to have psychotic symptoms. Which brings me to my next point. I can't talk about the event. Physically my brain and my mouth won't say the words. I can hardly think about it and manage to keep it together. Now being in EMDR after jumping around from asshole therapists to ones that literally said they can't help me, i haven't been able to even start the EMDR therapy and it's been about 2 years of just building trust. But I can't manage to bring the event up in my head and not lose my shit. There's even been a second traumatic event that had similarities with the first event later in life, as well I've had issues with substance abuse (I'm clean), and nasty depression crashes. I feel like because the event happened at such a major part in brain development, and then because I let it go into adulthood, I think I'm fucked. TL;DR I think I'm fucked but has anyone gotten past this ",4.1976068866571055,6.211533282926832,4.942209469153514,81.10748923959828,72.26829268292683,8.043041606886659,28.15638450502152,8.757208317658263,2.2742109038737452,1706,66,315,33,34,550,205,410,0.149,0.7829999999999999,0.068,-0.9921,1,0,2,0,1,0,49.0,0,2,1,3,26,15,4,1,20,0,33,17,7,1,4,56,67,24,0,5,14,0,2,2,0,2,8,3,1,0,23,20,0,1,10,1,1,5,12,9,1,4,19,6,38,6,44,42,7,58,0,2,1,2,19,14,3,7,41,208,61,3,0.07797439449025036,0.09238690700360268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764783840394362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904301924511668,0.07989398174289003,0.12833256563297926,0.13882748525590793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510536240672532,0.0950649342981858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740904238633075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426261953282661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715923171745314,0.15828473811898908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138540961958573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513760114083894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300270433356308,0.141064607869527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03942619672268165,0.05570492300385557,0.0,0.0,0.14253436787765375,0.06632498012016906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441721424871659,0.0,0.0,0.08862929061887091,0.0,0.062363246370350026,0.0,0.1717951728839522,0.0,0.2758099981333441,0.0,0.06984974173133603,0.0,0.08002422436035192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052264592997120836,0.0,0.0,0.15489233517956444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138500946413578,0.0,0.06930722452994817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946820258627664,0.11015124161053418,0.07618870101827341,0.0,0.0,0.1380097708255454,0.0654788530187383,0.08723340235692204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855099912657336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05732015179915314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292665314060002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056749353995685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443867068366834,0.07443538252758705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371100634490912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734436834143877,0.0,0.0,0.08293536659831531,0.0,0.0,0.1498571812768089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417150511689803,0.12401673632335652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808887124499598,0.08003959542208433,0.1290024497749893,0.0876464864061022,0.0,0.0,0.06606745141511497,0.12005699672567795,0.0,0.0,0.055190677752205125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431357552133614,0.0,0.12534572934739074,0.0,0.0,0.17834103127092832,0.09053428187911096,0.0,0.1498885305638924,0.0,0.06190295940087474,0.0909349929614701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433704159366241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010834499505621,0.0,0.0,0.08705562682220247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055390772651202666,0.0,0.0,0.2008518142431084 ptsd,norashepard,2019/01/01,"Now I’m triggered by flying. :( I’m about to get on a plane for the first time since being sexually assaulted on one, and my body is freaking out. I’m shaking and feel like panic-crying. I don’t want to get on the plane. *I don’t want to get on the fucking plane.* I had no idea how much the assault affected me until today, since I’ve been through so much worse. I could use a word of encouragement from someone because no one but my therapist knows this happened. I just want to be home.",0.8817011701170117,3.099030653465352,2.828532853285332,91.13723672367243,84.04950495049505,5.652925292529253,23.043204320432054,6.980632752743323,0.7610910891089113,380,14,82,5,11,127,67,101,0.16899999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.075,-0.8102,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,1,6,0,8,2,1,4,0,17,22,6,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,3,2,1,8,2,16,17,2,11,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,6,53,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482181912378076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922424256810054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503892311290342,0.0,0.20690337450444127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523990443480994,0.13456361466343325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021795895548713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741347405282457,0.2952292067052211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656512704706888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893930487411967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263423758288866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351710917242657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202262971282513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27693088521518583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552736907240051,0.0,0.0,0.2209985502512428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116248081154169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595958596586391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21869916631548214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098335720834076,0.0,0.1785421849328707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268158709847544,0.0,0.0,0.3332968259500788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195378090576526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jpurc1111,2019/01/01,Why am I triggered by fireworks? SO weird I am triggered by fireworks when my traumas are sexual and physical abuse. Makes no sense to me at all...,2.581309523809523,5.1785183214285695,3.6428571428571423,85.56880952380955,80.07142857142857,6.590476190476192,30.76190476190476,7.793537801064563,2.3944619047619047,115,6,21,2,3,37,23,28,0.359,0.6409999999999999,0.0,-0.9067,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,5,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,16,4,0,0.0,0.7259747214491791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089963235672429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5528858029695339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,brattynattylite,2019/01/01,"i’ve been doing so well and now it’s all ruined i’ve had ptsd for about a decade, i really thought i had it handled, but i got raped for the second time and now everything feels terrible and out of my control again. i don’t know how to get back to a place where i feel in control. i keep seeing flashes of the assault and i want it gone i can’t see this anymore, i don’t know what to do. it was my coworker and i don’t even know if i have the strength to report this, i’m scared ill somehow end up being fired ",-0.6430161943319845,1.3015311491228054,1.8036842105263169,97.75002024291494,88.38596491228071,4.911201079622133,19.29554655870445,6.297961479604792,-0.14694251012145765,397,12,97,4,13,135,72,114,0.25,0.687,0.063,-0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,11,7,2,1,5,0,12,2,0,3,1,21,26,9,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,3,6,0,0,1,4,5,1,1,7,5,13,2,12,18,1,12,0,1,2,1,0,5,0,2,6,68,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208538338587712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169007811550204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716872019496286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862430600137296,0.0,0.0,0.13888601376052934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898346115302064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264479747324255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098610840357519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817777260478073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690391096137352,0.0,0.0,0.34668831587373045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196947706121158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24580262834287314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347088679246334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052401837182605,0.0,0.3351271814206953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693649602296756,0.12261424363054385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402685700778746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890643285671195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cassidylmc,2019/01/02,Episodes Just joined an honestly need to know that there are people out there going what I am in order to just relate. I was raped by my ex step father when I was 8 and later diagnosed with ptsd from its been years and the episodes still happen. Just the heart racing flashes of images and tears begin to well and I just break down. Some are better than others but they happen way more often sometimes 4 or 5 a day. I’m a high schooler and dealing with it and my depression cutting etc it’s just too much. I think I’ll break once he’s released. He was a cop so they cut his sentence by a few years. I’m so scared of my own brain ,1.7324999999999982,3.558884522727276,2.913636363636364,93.76545454545456,78.77272727272728,5.3090909090909095,20.090909090909093,5.985473137389443,-0.09239090909090876,495,12,108,3,12,159,91,132,0.147,0.8,0.053,-0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,14,8,3,1,7,0,7,4,2,0,0,21,16,11,0,1,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,4,0,11,3,14,12,6,17,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,3,7,73,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443805474073494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23280133953396734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344920480594223,0.2149971818547804,0.17961653213242,0.21166528430545345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325789546208445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851896916638613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688252093217901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471227417964733,0.0,0.22033559815481132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460898249162862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330203494260913,0.15463091750409586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220899455510943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457645350057405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437739130937864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878647272697565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625292614323806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654155185975889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362500521932005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553057622158554,0.0,0.0,0.18750389901024986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685878428346935 ptsd,haykorr,2019/01/02,"Torn About College Hi everyone! I've been attending a four-year university four hours away from my hometown, so i've been staying in the dorms up there and trying to soak up that ""traditional college experience."" Truth is, I really hate it. I was diagnosed with PTSD at the end of 2018, alongside depression and anxiety. My trauma happened in February of 2018, so it is pretty fresh and still hurts. It's terrible timing that I also had to go off to college for the first time a couple of months after. My hyper vigilance intensifies when I am at my college. I don't feel safe at all, but I've been toughing it out for 2 semesters to see if I still like it and get acclimated. I like the school and it's objectively a good school to attend, but don't know if it's the best option for me right now. It has a few cool things that I like (great academics for my major, amazing recreation center and yoga) but it all boils down to my PTSD. My other option is a school 20 minutes away from my home, and commuting there because I feel safer staying at my house. I'm kind of upset about leaving the ""Traditional college experience"" behind but then again it's for my mental health, and i really didn't like it anyways. I'm not into partying, drinking, sports, or greek life, so it was hard for to meet people since my school is big on those things. I'm anxious i won't make friends as easily at the commuter school, but i also don't have many friends currently at the university that I am attending. I've had my first long break since the summer before senior year and it's the best I've felt in a while, since I've been away from the university and am now getting anxious about returning next week. It might be a long shot that anyone has experience with this. Regardless, can anyone give me some help/advice/reassurance? I'm not sure what to do. (I've also never posted a text post to reddit before let alone this sub so excuse me if I'm doing everything wrong haha)",5.8569217839533865,5.979869100515463,6.74273868220529,76.7670304796056,66.75773195876289,9.840609592111162,30.52935903182429,9.653516015845867,2.6850500672344237,1553,53,300,30,23,518,193,388,0.115,0.758,0.127,0.9156,1,1,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,0,4,19,25,1,1,19,2,29,5,0,1,5,41,46,30,0,4,11,0,4,4,2,2,3,0,2,0,26,14,2,1,4,3,0,4,8,8,0,3,10,6,28,17,49,32,7,57,0,2,1,0,6,22,0,8,30,200,54,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669834398743774,0.0,0.20082863884074967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403794274095734,0.1891370103711203,0.0,0.11706399667956628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594498225583266,0.0,0.0,0.05102885645531312,0.0,0.14246213757703105,0.0,0.1756970209973334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262355443601172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209932495634049,0.08496391692867201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200395926983316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414223887098799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998851962475492,0.07523317603587706,0.2456534119455376,0.0,0.0,0.08465261131218403,0.0,0.08037475492438935,0.0,0.0,0.14240741509745902,0.0,0.0,0.1293483208618038,0.0,0.08747006986036353,0.08030228715649748,0.047574338341628684,0.07021200037934194,0.0,0.09229060203423446,0.0,0.0,0.07402450181862265,0.0,0.07498774328437235,0.08264632268417385,0.0,0.08897984592546494,0.0,0.0,0.056109067626975456,0.0,0.08396798396648353,0.0,0.08243751605229149,0.0965901338602794,0.08961331692923427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717111312210032,0.046004842502401215,0.0,0.0,0.08863683349459567,0.0,0.0855991757532535,0.059126868787261436,0.16358596643357431,0.0,0.0,0.14816148218853425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055877094097641834,0.08486883017382849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436002000200908,0.08880311173958741,0.0,0.0,0.06681654617405282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645623346021593,0.0,0.08902656506673619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803399374333914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034213558519567,0.08516319336660318,0.0,0.0,0.1957050875814702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107253575655085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148790702537143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235950899515935,0.06670605480607553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773740203628246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844750498982395,0.13370187391679053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889571127122581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122644674957703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762398168899426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683361453672212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714713561755305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152377523419383,0.0,0.10781302773168157 ptsd,shonuph,2019/01/02,Trauma has destroyed sex for me I guess I should be happy that I’m numb to this,-0.4450000000000003,1.491198944444449,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,87.33333333333334,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.374644444444444,63,1,15,0,2,21,16,18,0.364,0.476,0.16,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7191102737618021,0.0,0.0,0.6948959736321876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,journey1992,2019/01/02,"I just got yelled at by the police and I’m shaking!! I am a 27 year old black (half black and half white) female. I was driving down the highway when I see a police car flash his lights at me. I have never been pulled over on the freeway before so I thought it would not be safe for me to stop on the freeway. So I took the first exit coming up and slowed down, I open my window and yell if i should stop here. He yells pull over. He comes to my right passenger window and demands, “why didn’t you stop your car? I’ve been flashing my lights awhile!.” I say, “Oh I didn’t know if it was safe for me to stop my car on the freeway that’s why I took the next exit. This wasn’t the area I was supposed to go to.” In an intimidating and attacking tone he asks, “do you need to go back to drivers ed? You should always stop your car when you’re being followed with flashing lights! When you drive away, that’s what people do when they are running away because of drugs! I started following you because you were swerving in the beginning. Why were you swerving? Were you on your phone or something? Do you need to go back to drivers ed? Let me see your license and insurance card! Are you from (says my address on my license)?” I told him I was not on my phone and there is a lot on my mind which may explain why I was swerving a bit. It felt like he was totally treating me like a criminal, not giving me the benefit of the doubt, and was also trying to get me in trouble (trying to get to me to say something about me being on the phone). Also when he asked if I was from the address on my license it was in such an accusatory tone. The address listed on my license is a white suburban area. I wonder if he thought I was not From there because I am black?! Then he goes to his car and another police car pulls up. I think he called for backup?! I see that police officer get out of his car and talk to the police officer. Then he goes back to his car and leaves. Then the police car comes back smiling (probably because he realizes I have a clean criminal background) and was like “ok, next time you know to pull over when a police car follows you and keep your hands on the dashboard (which I did). You can go free without a ticket just a warning.” I just slightly smiled. If I said anything I would have burst out crying. I have been crying for like an hour and called the crisis line, too. Is this a typical experience with an officer? It seemed like he liked scaring and belittling me?!This was so rude. And I also wonder if I was being racially profiled like he was being ruder because I am black? I was so affected by this because I’ve had two similar experiences by police officers where I felt they were attacking me. Men in power who are angry and attacking is very triggering. I also was scared and sad because it reminded me of police brutality incidents I read about on the news. Can I see your license? Are you from this area?” I am a 27 year old black (half Black, half white) female. I was driving down the highway when I see a police car flash his lights at me. I have never been pulled over on the freeway before so I thought it would not be safe for me to stop on the freeway. So I took the first exit coming up and slowed down, I open my window and yell if i should stop here. He yells pull over. He comes to my right passenger window and demands, “why didn’t you stop your car? I’ve been flashing my lights awhile!.” I say, “Oh I didn’t know if it was safe for me to stop my car on the freeway that’s why I took the next exit.” In an intimidating and attacking tone he asks, “do you need to go back to drivers ed? You should always stop your car when you’re being followed with flashing lights! When you drive away, that’s what people do when they are running away because of drugs! I started following you because you were swerving in the beginning. Why were you swerving? Were you on your phone or something? Do you need to go back to drivers ed? Let me see your license and insurance card! Are you from (says my address on my license)?” I told him I was not on my phone and there is a lot on my mind which may explain why I was swerving a bit. It felt like he was totally treating me like a criminal, not giving me the benefit of the doubt, and was also trying to get me in trouble (trying to get to me to say something about me being on the phone). Also when he asked if I was from the address on my license it was in such an accusatory tone. The address listed on my license is a white suburban area. I wonder if he thought I was not From there because I am black?! Then he goes to his car and another police car pulls up. I think he called for backup?! I see that police officer get out of his car and talk to the police officer. Then he goes back to his car and leaves. Then the police man comes back smiling (probably because he realizes I have a clean criminal background) and was like “ok, next time you know to pull over when a police car follows you and keep your hands on the dashboard (which I did). You can go free without a ticket just a warning.” I just slightly smiled. If I said anything I would have burst out crying. I have been crying for like an hour and called the crisis line, too. Is this a typical experience with an officer? It seemed like he liked scaring and belittling me?!This was so rude. And I also wonder if I was being racially profiled like he was being ruder because I am black? I was so affected by this because I’ve had two similar experiences one police officer and another man in power where I felt they were attacking me. Men in power who are angry and attacking is very triggering. I also was scared and sad because it reminded me of police brutality incidents I read about on the news. Thoughts? Anyone have similar experiences? Is this a typical experience with a police officer?",3.231421690779932,4.7261533857998295,4.46631336705471,85.67303868970136,73.73909324208725,7.409383717037975,27.24886562279168,8.04050195162591,1.6821737196414632,4544,170,922,68,92,1496,229,1169,0.131,0.8009999999999999,0.068,-0.9976,7,0,8,0,0,0,131.0,0,38,4,5,57,47,10,7,68,2,116,4,2,4,4,154,197,85,0,24,29,0,6,14,0,10,2,13,12,4,33,54,0,16,25,4,2,57,17,21,0,9,72,44,165,28,130,103,6,189,0,2,19,0,112,74,0,26,72,645,198,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298315055756368,0.05800297858423359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964301359250714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02437086937694761,0.0,0.05736407915887669,0.0,0.13033590061068726,0.23791012810251874,0.13098668547809394,0.21440584758409906,0.0,0.29745518392715703,0.0,0.05931671982042613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610352577872455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236015418075845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801428598595875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314282297319806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083962079779962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456459319131395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386200430714545,0.0,0.0,0.059293935113950015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925929615035077,0.06687065558911477,0.13865912882071393,0.0,0.027876090404242302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864873889347074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619600347676099,0.0,0.0,0.07661983456122826,0.0,0.0,0.07381113757788199,0.0,0.071281568722352,0.0,0.2383920447835852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059263594565619984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703856191167759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033758005667676,0.053763420620839115,0.0,0.14827136266386998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314724659758216,0.0,0.023618110218051363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832703208700164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515745249209625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972727076777868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953059842696488,0.06630865781998144,0.1663047686545361,0.13958055163897606,0.0,0.1944200123196202,0.06345991537948724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732987421828588,0.0,0.0,0.049339969037382865,0.0,0.0,0.2913967466138224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056028976784229925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044666332300329965,0.0,0.13835172100416426,0.04064753251697744,0.0,0.0,0.06660936987368661,0.15489720945931754,0.0946548647154477,0.0,0.06809498430157943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751673596835445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516039783291343,0.0,0.0,0.06719641649205768,0.15119158697219928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903770415132683,0.0,0.0,0.04488992842392296 ptsd,kge92,2019/01/02,"My Story TW: sexual abuse, strained family relations I started to type a bunch of background, but this is long enough. I may post a more in-depth story at some point, but here are the basics: when I was about 13 (memory is hazy) my older (by 3 years) half-brother molested me for several months. I kept it hidden for over 10 years, only telling 2 or 3 people, until I started going to therapy about 2 years ago. I then disclosed to my mother because my therapist said she had to report it to the authorities (of course nothing came of that, small town and all). She told me she too had been abused by her step-father, as well as my cousin who I was close to. She told my father. Tears were shed, they seemed supportive. I remember my father talking to me and him telling me he and my mother were on the same page and that my half-brother was out of the family. They'd only talk to him if he was essentially dying in a ditch. I had not told my half-brother that my parents knew, I was waiting for the police to question him. I don't think that ever happened. So I still had to spend the holidays with him. That spring I sent him a letter telling him everyone knows and I never want to speak to him ever again, he is dead to me. He texted me and told me not to let any of this affect my relationship with my nephew (his son), which made me furious. I told his ex wife (nephews mother) and his then girlfriend (now wife) and they were shocked but understanding (of being distant, etc). Things seemed to have gone well. Over the next 2 years (up until now) things would slowly fall apart, mostly thanks to my mother, but maybe it's because I least expected it from her. He was still invited to family functions, as long as I wasn't going to be there. The first giant mess came with the family trip to Florida that had been planned. I assumed he would be uninvited, but my mother kept saying ""I don't know"" when I asked if we were still going. Eventually I called her after work one day and it went something like this, Mother: ""Well maybe there'll be time for him to go and for you to go."" Me: ""Are you fucking kidding me? It's like NOTHING has changed since all of this came out."" Mother: ""Everything has changed"" Me: ""He's still going on the fucking family vacation! What the fuck has changed?"" Then she started to say something and I hung up because I was at a crosswalk and people were probably staring. So I eventually told her I was just not going to go (for reference we live in KY and the trip was only for 7 or 8 days, I was not going to drive or fly down there for 4 days, especially not because of him) and she said, ""Okay, it's up to you."" I still went on a different trip, the week after, with my mother, grandmother, and some ladies they work with (my grandma owns a tax office where my mom works and the ladies that work with them always take a yearly trip to FL). After that the holidays seemed to be fine. Thanksgiving was normal (as in he was not in attendance at either my mothers side or fathers side dinners). Then Christmas seemed normal, until I got to the meal for my mothers side (parents still together, we just do their sides separately). We did a lunch time meal and the more I looked around I noticed all of the presents the kids had opened. Basically they had Christmas the day before, with him, and I was just there for leftovers (not actual food leftovers, but it felt like a secondary event). Now, I understand that I do not have children, and he does so they wanted all the kids to be able to open their gifts together, but that doesn't mean that he had to be invited. So I talked to my roommate and my therapist about it and we assumed all of this had to be because he had threatened not to let my family see my nephew unless he was allowed to come to family events with him. It still hurt because it meant they were choosing my nephew over me, but it was slightly understandable. The next mess was Easter. We haven't even been a big Easter family for a while, but it falls near my young cousins birthdays, so I usually try and see them. Well, my boyfriends family was having Easter on a certain day (we'll say Saturday) so I said I would be absent. Then later my boyfriends family moved their day to a different weekend. Then my cousin (the one who was also abused and I used to be close to, and the mother of my cousins) sent me a facebook message telling me that my other cousin and her 2 kids would be coming in for Easter as well. They live about 5-6 hours away so I don't see them often, so I asked my cousin to speak with him and tell him there has been a change of plans and he cannot come. She basically said no and told me to talk to my mother. So I called my mother while leaving work and told her that I wanted to come to the Easter dinner and she said she was not changing the plans. Things got heated and I was screaming at my mother in the hallway outside my office. Later I sent my mother and cousin messages about how they were not being supportive. It may have been a little snippy, but I was very hurt. My cousin did not respond kindly and basically told me that she had dealt with her issues and I needed to deal with mine. My mother told me she would respond to me and she never did. My mother came to therapy with me a couple times and always cried and said she didn't know how to deal with any of it and she still has unconditional love for him but doesn't like what he did. Then eventually I called her out again and explained everything that had happened. Basically just sent her a cliff notes version of all of this and asked her what I'm supposed to think of things at this point, she said shed, respond, never did. So after all of this I told them that I would not be going ""home"" for any holidays anymore (I now live about 90 mins from my hometown) and they'd have to come see me. My cousin came to visit me I think once since then. I didn't see my nephew for about a year (part of that is me not reaching out). So Thanksgiving comes around and I send them a list of restaurants where I'd like to eat. My cousin basically says no to all of them, asks if we can eat at Cracker Barrel, I say that it'll probably be crowded, as we were planning on eating on Black Friday and the Cracker Barrel is by a shopping center. Then she suggested a restaurant near the college campus that I hadn't listed. I agreed to that one, then she changed it to one of the ones I originally sent that I ended up not really wanting after she suggested the other one. It was a mess but we ended up eating at the one near campus. My mother called me prior to the meal (a couple days) and I was cold and distant and she asked if I was going to have that attitude at dinner and I just didn't respond. The dinner was fine. So that was all on Saturday after Thanksgiving (they changed the day from Friday to Saturday so everyone could be there). The Monday before Thanksgiving my mother came to visit me and do some shopping. She got in town around 2 and left by 6 (it's a 2 hour drive, it honestly wasn't worth it). The short time was just an extra sting because I had told her about 2 months prior that I felt like she had just abandoned me, along with the rest of my family. I was always distant and never close with anyone, but now they knew why so I expected them to reach out, and I definitely expected my mother not to just ignore me. But I told her that I wanted to try and spend more time together to repair our rocky relationship and she never initiated anything. So my dads side Thanksgiving was on Thanksgiving day and my grandmother texted me a few days prior telling me that she is sorry but she didn't think I was coming (I never responded either way) so she invited him. I told her we'd just figure something out for Christmas (I wanted to yell and tell her that was shitty not to double check and shitty that she wants to be around him at all, but I just wanted to get everything over with). Then I told my mother I would not be there. So basically they tried to work it out for me and my fiance (went from boyfriend to fiance in October) to come early in the day and then he would come later. I told them that I would leave at 2 and they needed to tell him to be there at 3. I wanted no overlap. So we got there at 11 and it went by in a flash and then people hugged me goodbye as if it was normal for me to be rushed out so the piece of shit who molested me could come have dinner with them. So then we drove about 4 hours to his family Thanksgiving and said everything was ""good"" when people asked how it was. They asked if we were still hungry after already eating and I didn't want to tell them we left before the food was even done, that food wasn't for us. The shitty part is that's not even the shittiest part of all of this. That comes next. So I hosted a silent auction fundraiser in November and won a free party room rental through a local winery. It would have been big enough for all of my mothers side for Christmas, we'd just bring food, potluck style. So I asked them what day worked, then booked the room. I asked my mother for help with the (refundable) $100 deposit, and then she proceeds to ask if I'd want to come ""home"" to do this (this is the second time she asked). I said no, then she said that they can't come up to me to do this because it will be too much money and my grandmother can't make the trip. It would be one thing if this was last minute, but I had told them well over 6 months ago that I would not be coming home for any holidays with them. At the time I said that since my dads side had been seemingly drama free that I would still go there for those. And all they had to do was bring a dish. We could have ordered pizza for all I care. They'd have to make food if we did it at ""home"" anyway. Then as far as my grandmother, I know she's not the healthiest, but I honestly think that was just a way for them to get out of doing all of this. So we just didn't have Christmas. They chose not to have Christmas with me. I know that I'm partly being spiteful, but I'm just over it all. I'm tired of lowering my standards. ​ So there's my story. I would like to point out that I am currently in therapy and know that I should not expect anything from people or assume things or be spiteful, but I am where I am. I expected too much from my mother and family and now I'm left feeling angry and jaded all the time. I'd also like to point out that my mother and cousin have always been close but this all has brought them even closer and they've formed some sort of alliance and my mother always takes her side. ALSO all of this is heightened because I'm now planning a wedding and am trying to figure out how to balance wanting financial help from them but not doing the traditional things like my father walking me down the aisle or father/daughter dance. ​ I realize that I'm opening myself up to criticism here with how I've handled things, but I'm trying to share my story more, and this is it. 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ptsd,jakmra,2019/01/02,"Lost my best friend christmas day Kinda trying to figure out how to be “okay” again after living through the accident, what helped you with the nightmares/flashbacks if you were in something that the other person didn’t survive but you did.",21.429302325581396,10.175560302325586,16.821860465116274,51.04581395348838,50.62790697674418,18.130232558139525,59.27906976744186,8.841846274778883,6.5946,195,7,30,1,1,57,37,43,0.081,0.785,0.134,0.3506,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,3,2,4,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,7,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,4,3,7,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4164306143115183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25591146666847736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065766306729916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659752950586742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503930246129673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331681107126865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34648168285882885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054859255263841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694098839095335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,janevonda,2019/01/02,"I’m so lost Just a rant. I just needed to get this out. I’m not looking for advice just a bit of relief. I’m so exhausted and scared. I’m not sure that I even want to fix this, I don’t see why I should. It doesn’t make a difference what I do, accomplish or battle against.. I always end up in the same place, same situation and with absolutely nothing to show for it. I don’t want the only reason for staying alive to be that I don’t want to hurt the people I love, I don’t want to live just for the sake of other people. Specially when I don’t want to live at all. All I hear in my head is “I can’t do this anymore”, everything has become overwhelming and I can’t handle it anymore, I can’t even control my own physical reactions anymore. I shake uncontrollably and go into full panic mode at the smallest things. I’m already seeing two therapists, I was put on anti depressants, put into a course about emotional control and I still can’t deal with my self, my uncontrollable fright, my self contempt and the feeling that I am utterly worthless. I’m not even sure why I’m posting this other than trying to get a little relief by writing this down and putting it out there (advice I got from my group course). 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But yesterday I got a panic attack I don't want to talk to people, but I do want to say what happened. So I decided to post here. Short history: my mom and step dad mentally and physically abused me. My mom has done this for as long as I can remember. I don't have any memories of her being kind to me or taking care of me. She told me she would help me kill myself and that she didn't want to spend money on therapy for me. (Eventually she had to because I was seeking help/council at school and she didn't want them informing more authorities.) My mom and step dad used to yell and scream and throw stuff at each other at night, drunk and angry because ""one of them drank quicker"" or ""had a glass more"" or did something else. Most of those nights they would decide that it was all either my fault or my dad's (they kept us separate after the divorce). So they would storm into my room and scream and yell at me how I was a failure and nobody loved me and I was dumb. Everybody was better of without me. I would often oversleep in the morning and be very late (an hour or more) for school, tired and afraid of the consequences. The dogs would've peed in the living room because they were incontinent and couldn't hold their pee all night. But it was my fault for oversleeping an hour ish. I was so scared every morning. I was too scared to go to school because I couldn't explain why I was late and I was scared mom would see me and know I was late and yell at me and grab me and punish me (I don't want to describe what it was. It wasn't sexual, but it was physical and emotional and I hate it and thinking about it) I was scared to wake her to ask and call because she would yell and scream when you woke her (if she woke up at all). Even if she told you to wake her up. And I thought with therapy and time it would get better. I avoid situations where i know I get triggered as much as possible. I chose a career where I would always be in control of how much someone could drink. And I always turn on as much alarm clocks as I can so I won't oversleep if I have to work in the morning. I still have terrible nightmares, but it hasn't happened during the day for a while now. But yesterday I forgot to turn on multiple alarms. I came home so late and had to get up so early. I had talked to someone who was so happy to have turned in his essay that he started crying and it reminded me of how scared I was to fail and how I cried when I passed my exams. I went to bed and had a nightmare again where she told me I couldn't do anything and I failed at everything. I was all alone. Nobody would help me. I woke up, I was late and the combination of the nightmare and the feeling of knowing that I would be an hour late triggered me. I tried to wake up my bf, he wouldn't wake up and I got scared to do so because it didn't feel like him. It wasn't him. It felt like my mom. The light was the same light as it was there and it just turned into her home. I got a complete panic attack and started hyperventilating and crying and I just couldn't stop. I could smell the pee and the rotten food and I was so scared for the sound of stairs (I live in a house without creaking stairs because the sound will wake me up and set me in panic mode). My bf woke up and tried to help me but he didn't know what to do other then trying to let me focus on him. I don't know how long it took. Work called, bf explained I was hyperventilating. I finally started breathing normally and the headache started. I have cluster headaches that hurt like hell. This wasn't one, but it was in the same pain scale. I couldn't call work. I wasn't on my phone all day because I felt terrible. Now I have to go to work. I don't know how to explain what happened and how to explain that I couldn't call them earlier in the day or let my bf call because a panic attack doesn't allow you to be like ""oh, I'm scared to death. Let's call off appointments first before I can't do anything anymore"". I am scared of the confrontation at work and I want to run away. But I can't. I have to go. I thought I could control it. It has been a while since I had this during the day and I don't know how to deal with it. Every time I let myself think freely I hear her voice telling me that I ruin everything and I fail at everything. TL;DR: i had a panic attack triggered be being late and having a nightmare. I thought I wouldn't have those during the day anymore and it took me by surprise. Now I'm afraid they won't understand at work. ",2.1504357351509213,3.6157648111814393,3.4643459915611814,91.87226387536516,76.5210970464135,6.5071080817916265,23.01882505679973,7.1686216300943375,0.6132095748133715,3523,103,797,39,78,1150,298,948,0.229,0.721,0.05,-0.9996,0,2,2,0,2,1,89.0,1,3,9,14,35,54,10,19,37,0,107,15,8,15,5,163,179,98,2,31,23,8,5,4,4,15,2,12,5,0,42,57,4,7,26,2,2,12,30,43,0,3,66,22,148,11,103,78,16,102,1,5,1,1,75,44,2,11,48,562,190,14,0.0,0.04553916351876991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03980704540805794,0.0,0.0,0.06396196064565011,0.0,0.0,0.026137102757714817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623433997993896,0.0,0.0,0.06325742338051879,0.0,0.035931515712893866,0.1749013426818651,0.03611092665477078,0.0,0.0,0.2108664504248228,0.0,0.03270533506545164,0.0,0.0,0.06798522859899886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23547845648982216,0.043959375176464435,0.0391870212174394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04029834275473368,0.0,0.08621619113573624,0.09206160638659146,0.0,0.12665705436942026,0.12393690451951972,0.03962477422862764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039332326421250174,0.0,0.03765164569657492,0.0,0.0,0.032107491913950584,0.04323417659042336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025385940214118885,0.0,0.06476625262545578,0.0,0.10362863868841063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886775903012698,0.027457955675192627,0.07380721180557469,0.042103639270994406,0.0,0.032692772309757714,0.04647572747404422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024206834819142,0.0,0.06553045050887922,0.0,0.09221988805978612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019637712675254,0.040914748347844886,0.0,0.03794658315935783,0.0,0.0,0.043319013121259166,0.0,0.10304862123569218,0.0,0.07710683265325595,0.0,0.11355213239009145,0.04434880376842789,0.04114543844903884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425226080957371,0.040024114633898836,0.14786000968187954,0.0,0.30349430187689674,0.0,0.0,0.1572094745706248,0.0,0.07510955451335817,0.0,0.06787757875972074,0.06802749139082437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03468906788328908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387334174148843,0.0,0.0,0.22507290617649373,0.0,0.0,0.0847623927576845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820586845487602,0.03765811752693457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208907104995664,0.0,0.04089752603095039,0.22547582465951094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026645974050978242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332966227946887,0.036810084129113824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0435393371666546,0.0,0.0,0.030565036852425807,0.346321058498683,0.11669474782201178,0.03062770095173448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03179381064459736,0.04320252518181485,0.0,0.0,0.06513166358397478,0.02958912351752327,0.0,0.0,0.10881789986849097,0.0,0.030694222757699362,0.03213336227572642,0.0,0.0,0.04399885386109945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0288983198611997,0.06178515820329077,0.033593864510264804,0.0,0.08790749304808049,0.0,0.0,0.04925516341596658,0.0,0.12205231593443346,0.04482348904579187,0.044175352734500885,0.0,0.1101788045670394,0.08540534863369037,0.07828448055115686,0.16722487497689698,0.0,0.04001216716109046,0.04623254567559593,0.03319548021129205,0.0,0.03171288175426678,0.13601967361696554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035629609296272916,0.034681589103235134,0.0,0.0,0.07409989369687295,0.0,0.1678867286953099,0.0,0.0,0.3003341586492703,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MushyButtons,2019/01/02,"What kinda jobs do you guys have I’m struggling incredibly hard with work right now. Planning on applying for disability but have a feeling I won’t be approved. Trying to figure out a job in my area that’s low key, doesn’t have customer interaction, and I would be amazing to work from home. Just looking for what you guys are comfortable with thanks for any suggestions!! This community is amazing!! ",6.4648648648648654,7.785353054054056,6.606324324324322,74.058945945946,65.75675675675676,9.703783783783782,35.07027027027027,9.888512548439397,3.5844248648648653,322,15,56,7,5,103,58,74,0.067,0.6459999999999999,0.287,0.9733,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,4,2,6,0,1,2,0,11,0,0,0,0,10,15,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,4,11,11,0,7,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,1,1,37,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567496426874476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318531721389366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824587938186466,0.0,0.0,0.21824226802817828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24437811380860866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4835251399370303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458562961704232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805644072577434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254692221730246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242993476659575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654069904423754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547272503208355,0.0,0.0,0.1730658918930328,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_blondepotato_,2019/01/02,"Im all scarred I’m a 23 year old trans girl. I’ve been transitioning for three years. My childhood was absolutely terrible. The simplest way I could put it was that my parents hated each other and took it out on me. From when I was four during the day I was forced to go under the back porch like the “little ugly troll I was”. I was sexually abused in ways I can’t bring myself to describe. I was hit and thrown and psychologically just tortured. And when I said I was a girl it only got worse. They had four more kids but they taught them to gang up on me and to enjoy watching me be hurt. Every night I’d cry myself to sleep and pray for a new family, I’d pray to be taken away and if I couldn’t have that I’d pray to die. I begged for help from the school counselor but since my family are millionaires and don’t “fit the type” the school said it was all in my head and had me put in hospital. My parents came across as so friendly and the perfect family with me being the only outcast. I have high functioning autism. So I have a hard time with change, and I think because of the abuse I haven’t been able to grow up. I feel stuck as like an eight year old girl or so, and I can’t talk to a therapist about it because it’s hard to explain. Like I can’t be a functioning adult. I mean I have a job and stuff and all that but I can’t act like a normal adult. I have a hard time with keeping friendships. I have one friend who doesn’t care my room is filled with all the toys I never got to have growing up. She acts like the closest thing to a mother figure I have. But i don’t know how to explain how badly I want to be normal but I’m just to screwed up :( I don’t know how to get better. I could just use some people to talk too, I’m just really down ",2.288886166603845,3.17458630079156,3.824020919713533,91.75482519788919,75.1741424802111,6.891858273652471,21.715133810780245,7.1686216300943375,0.3683561251413501,1364,31,324,14,28,454,178,379,0.138,0.7020000000000001,0.16,0.8939,3,0,0,0,2,0,27.0,0,0,3,2,15,17,3,0,23,0,40,3,2,4,6,58,68,31,1,7,11,3,4,5,2,0,0,2,2,6,13,21,0,1,8,1,0,11,11,6,0,5,22,7,46,11,44,37,7,47,3,1,1,1,23,19,1,3,20,214,59,5,0.09608560992178196,0.2276914714442077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027559346637637,0.07388390301910873,0.08022747078608025,0.11714579194786105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497991366154882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989634025196443,0.0979656830854672,0.0,0.10164583480003564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534330819306091,0.0,0.10554553066642608,0.061967269435369676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972169313740596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095627049747597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27174288490189136,0.0,0.048583771425999366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484710077498156,0.0,0.050200765396831305,0.0,0.05460766641229827,0.0,0.1536968796839245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25822150005821043,0.09486464713249483,0.09861155647888184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440415893284004,0.10151972234841722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286163271112048,0.0,0.10378894708897013,0.0,0.0953501415945354,0.08540530496557595,0.0,0.0,0.10561227671444864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471287768077626,0.0963030237370734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466539766659846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410714586163593,0.0928000808097902,0.0,0.0901698358938683,0.1882869936333484,0.0,0.0,0.20165136854714766,0.0,0.06511009599812954,0.14615487225784812,0.0,0.0,0.2133833977056851,0.0,0.0,0.06661366361319689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931851539898589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061554902128551275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827988368377732,0.0,0.0,0.19448753401346572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948300944859374,0.0,0.09615500180013917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109995035079676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445994719382627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156279891692658,0.06383500971374965,0.061567779070995976,0.0,0.0,0.11205658369079502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067546480711894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298711647932272,0.0,0.0,0.05667378222417763,0.15253656947781702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979194453336042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562794749748202 ptsd,ircole327,2019/01/02,"I just want to forget. If I could give away any number of things to just forget what happened I would in a heartbeat. I guess it’s just one of those nights where I can’t stop thinking about it so I’ll get no sleep. I just want to forget everything. I just want it to leave my brain but I know it never will. It’s consistently ingrained in my brain and I can’t get it out no matter how hard I try. I’m constantly filled with the feeling of regret and guilt all backtracked with the lingering thought I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. It’s hurts and I just want it all to end. ",0.958595800524936,2.7469436456692904,2.4745078740157496,96.17165682414698,81.04724409448819,5.493175853018373,19.24475065616798,6.42735559955562,-0.1791674540682413,461,11,109,4,12,150,72,127,0.215,0.7120000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.956,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,4,0,6,4,3,1,3,35,22,7,0,8,8,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,1,2,14,0,18,17,3,12,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,2,5,74,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629921632046395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223231141807886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900117221530206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016063655116227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438406563728056,0.0,0.1436178357140201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931839482321716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166262343850826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095165156341303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795751702988847,0.1725552355205772,0.10222873404934066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981557441911272,0.0,0.15906539898063546,0.0,0.16113523240470345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256297119369128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885616853749334,0.0,0.0,0.1904646831496954,0.0,0.0,0.12705305328722058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873289600484925,0.0,0.0,0.1688031878760336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188989431382825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000776726702453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503859467173012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950285847765713,0.11525847058060568,0.0,0.1428029295793945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212526055151443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243864930482288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778007195155475,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MissouriSheepDog,2019/01/02,"Ex got promoted after choking me. My ex-boyfriend and I dated for over a year and a half. I finally got the courage to leave him (after 1.5 years of emotional and verbal abuse) after he choked me and said he would kill me and my family if I left him. He also said he would get me fired, as he was a higher ranking employee at his job. I was able to fight my way out and I haven’t talked to him since. He works for the police department in my city. I filled charges on him at the advice of my boss and friends. His department did an “investigation” and told me that they cannot prove anything, as he denied everything I said. They said they dropped the case. I just found out that not only was he not charged or punished in any way, but he was actually PROMOTED during the investigation. How he’s even higher ranking in the police department. I’ve been dealing with PTSD since I left him 2 years ago. Now I feel sick to my stomach because he’s going to kill someone eventually and because the department essentially rewarded him for abusing me. I also found out that a lot of my friends “liked” and commented on his status, congratulating him; even after they KNEW I was abused by him. He’s living a happy and great life while I struggle everyday with PTSD. How can I get past this? I don’t know what to do anymore. He will never be held accountable. ",4.312832643406272,5.458984730337082,5.447080622905581,81.03899467770553,70.61048689138576,8.767120047309284,29.03390498718707,9.134995656068208,2.343176779026217,1061,40,212,21,19,352,137,267,0.131,0.737,0.132,0.2583,2,0,0,0,3,1,27.0,0,0,4,6,8,12,4,1,13,0,16,3,1,3,2,36,32,21,2,3,6,1,2,1,2,3,2,4,0,0,5,16,0,1,6,0,1,6,6,5,0,1,18,6,43,7,32,10,1,37,0,0,0,0,40,13,0,3,16,137,48,5,0.1029011518150562,0.3657631151399279,0.10041668050189227,0.0,0.0,0.10055381462049644,0.09121566238382496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458002785867654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997631186508893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205029223621252,0.0,0.0,0.0846788801974348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254551741049955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060865691469093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157499456755513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593048057993698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248092014680066,0.0,0.09700604796324767,0.0,0.05202991419135944,0.0,0.0,0.1127231820448298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256516033841664,0.15900234926993764,0.0,0.10752320946989846,0.0,0.05848109593447059,0.0,0.16459890261122914,0.11344888314907753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954018954627033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211351526824372,0.0,0.22768975681866366,0.0,0.056551781939948885,0.0,0.0,0.1089574620187495,0.22360480506353056,0.0,0.07268212667557017,0.05027230503889039,0.0,0.09086360228918952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748287949314924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936371193455906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826096285883917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823079291549654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24057187972914454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915302380111184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024179226515354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718781200603802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757462611247623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270804800258855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832646029126957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335628931285473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491326406816409,0.0,0.0,0.14619605174227673,0.0,0.0,0.19879490406633235 ptsd,vveezel,2019/01/03,"Which doctors when?? Looking for advice about professional treatment. I'm feeling a little frustrated/lost/overwhelmed by how sort of fragmented treatment seems to be. We have therapists, for emotional/talk stuff, we have psychiatrists, for meds and brain chemistry stuff, and we have regular old doctors, for body stuff. But that stuff is all so related, it seems impossible for it to be treated as three distinct areas by three different people who don't talk to each other. I'm not really sure what I'm asking lol. (new to this subreddit... hi!) I'm just anxious about this. I see a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist every month or two, but I have a lot of physical problems that I think are related to my ptsd (chronic pain, chronic fatigue, stomach problems, etc) and neither of them seem equipped to help with that. Seeing a regular doctor next week, and not sure if I can expect them to help with it either if its a psychiatric issue?? Not to mention I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, which I know can be related to trauma, so I don't know if I need my ADHD and PTSD to be treated as related things and not as separate issues.... I don't know. I'm stressed about figuring out who to go to when and how to get treatment that addresses all this stuff as a whole because I feel like addressing each issue as if its distinct and independent doesn't make sense or won't work or something. Does anyone have any words of wisdom about this? (It's possible I'm just being paranoid that treatment will fail if its fragmented in this way. That might be perfectly fine. If that's the case, I just need advice about how to figure out who can help with any given issue.)",6.197095238095237,6.978680352380955,6.697896825396827,75.09446428571428,66.1111111111111,10.109523809523813,33.84523809523809,10.125756701596842,3.5190666666666672,1321,57,234,30,20,431,156,315,0.095,0.802,0.103,0.5571,1,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,3,0,2,3,15,15,0,1,8,1,24,11,3,5,7,71,49,32,0,11,19,0,2,1,0,3,8,0,2,0,32,20,0,0,11,0,0,1,10,7,0,3,2,5,18,8,42,38,9,16,0,2,3,0,15,5,0,15,10,170,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853286461999733,0.16142711116104955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233859119834366,0.0,0.0,0.09331193569132154,0.0,0.05775426030314738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721773702741798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035081566126852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174746881564724,0.0,0.0922063945559449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838349674341854,0.0,0.08629705827022864,0.0,0.2536268605767011,0.07228183889289384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921183138297612,0.0,0.0,0.06959215836376666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352779825974327,0.0590078419618876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315391005552192,0.0,0.04694219910931898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609057211494718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448423239859112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618067336425171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035308359241978,0.08278463468779658,0.0,0.0,0.06936129883005045,0.0,0.09016519036019212,0.07022164482733964,0.0,0.0,0.05513463283390476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174746881564724,0.0,0.0,0.08762314933046955,0.0,0.0,0.06592872804191723,0.0,0.0,0.1224903552399886,0.0,0.0797734119939062,0.08784363354402464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667243369765225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788981893676885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057262872892653964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311654131479416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580697642286761,0.19310467592814398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529142272818738,0.0,0.0815553035872723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316394096337417,0.2255816410334591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358777561470938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461543210470022,0.0,0.4727732548358647,0.0,0.0,0.1556947848972831,0.0,0.0,0.13277786933511132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918046847272657,0.054874268266722495,0.05292529664329999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068599006181047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556224140597547,0.13250984962292214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922174269778999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060132138456453925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mj_11704,2019/01/03,DAE feel dread and anxiety when going to bed? Every night when I lay down to go to bed I get this strong sense of dread and fear. My chest gets tight and breathing labored. I dread going to bed as it is knowing the nightmares will permeate my sleep. Does anyone else feel this way?,2.7576785714285705,4.761886553571427,3.1065714285714314,92.73842857142859,76.32142857142857,5.908571428571428,21.91428571428571,6.742157984588678,0.3922828571428569,221,6,46,2,5,68,40,56,0.219,0.722,0.059,-0.855,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,4,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,7,10,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,3,5,1,7,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,23,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898632741807333,0.0,0.0,0.1910178067236452,0.2799110528779539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239066663806272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282116139354767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23017075079891297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074098842100849,0.2762618158432508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854565258766213,0.0,0.465773219304383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501357268286284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563662913270383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733830106229868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684210812363405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tomoassassin,2019/01/03,"can you experience trauma outside a warzone i keep trying to get help for the shit that haunts me and it doesnt stem from getting blown up in a warzone and my own sister isn't taking me seriously and im mad about it idk man i keep having the memory of putting my hand behind my head and then in front of my eyes and seeing the blood on my hands it activates my anxiety idk man",2.8991666666666696,4.029591250000003,4.802500000000002,84.37916666666669,74.0,7.833333333333335,24.583333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.4068333333333336,300,9,64,5,6,103,57,80,0.159,0.7120000000000001,0.129,-0.1734,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,5,0,4,6,6,0,0,7,10,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,4,11,0,11,10,1,7,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,0,1,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191172606024478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801823438795152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992944693747834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29395860040444083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198719801342187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093922732094591,0.0,0.0,0.5091821853592108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879400727131653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282466826554633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940150640044283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153588234725723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446636469564754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SeekerofKnowledge93,2019/01/03,I'm losing my patience We don't have to agree or get along at all. I have my view points and my term of reference I like to use and you guys have yours. I've had my fill of certain users constantly getting at me in the comments. If you don't like me or agree with my goals. Fine whatever. Whether I'm winning or losing in life in life. I can do it with or without you. As a sufferer of PTSD the one thing I had to learn was whether or not to engage. Some people love to be miserable and dictate to others. Some people do not. But enough is enough. I'm done and I'm moving on from any discussion over my ambitions. ,0.12277353689567505,2.2660630076335906,2.138137404580153,95.28822391857507,86.86259541984734,5.630737913486005,20.9470737913486,7.03164865440522,0.457503409669211,478,16,110,7,15,159,77,131,0.105,0.759,0.136,0.6513,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,4,0,4,0,11,0,1,3,0,14,3,0,1,2,27,22,14,0,1,12,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,1,17,7,22,17,6,12,0,4,1,1,9,8,0,8,4,80,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341953651890728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132502990119949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194341954283848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078020378197712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620001221174472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953938372974408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27876875108111104,0.19281697345229998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415374038828735,0.0,0.0,0.1781036014518663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20973712293352006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372009852632266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27361611206384634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865464690117216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23067542711250336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110138539185362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704350949252055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022502966952287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sammy_the_Lamanite,2019/01/03,"BCBS insurance is screwing us in 2019 I really just need to vent about how livid I am with my Blue Cross (PPO) insurance. I was informed today that my psych doctor - who has been amazing and so helpful in getting my PTSD under control - will no longer be able to accept BCBS insurance. Why, might you ask? Because someone thought it was a bright idea to make each and every psychiatric visit (even my follow ups for medication refills) require preauthorization with the turn of the new year. And for smaller offices, it’s completely unreasonable to call for preauthorization on every single visit. Just one preauthorization takes about 40 minutes. So my doctor is in an awful position of sending patients to new doctors or work out cash prices. This is crap. I pay hundreds of dollars a month for the luxury of heath insurance and in turn, my insurance is making it impossible to receive the healthcare I need. I am really looking forward to the day when mental health services are taken seriously. ",8.761355932203394,9.169634994350286,8.513000000000002,65.55424576271189,60.63841807909604,11.147796610169491,39.73389830508475,10.793553405168565,4.674609491525423,802,39,121,18,10,258,119,177,0.08800000000000001,0.845,0.067,-0.228,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,3,9,6,2,0,8,1,14,7,1,4,0,23,27,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,4,0,4,7,1,3,0,1,5,3,14,3,27,19,2,22,0,0,3,1,11,9,2,2,8,85,20,8,0.14385790761134426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448772422654706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769444523905154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689500794948782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083227911926578,0.0,0.16134887587229366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277644934155573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417339926650897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501679122105323,0.0,0.2424129834064732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751598192107536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291422869182245,0.0,0.0,0.096424923077337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623980672485109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080441085367125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920525408110643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449217072989558,0.14497493513126156,0.15261050629900574,0.0,0.0,0.11482600937087922,0.0,0.0,0.21333763135376635,0.0,0.27787772721279713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748184126935877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816219564851814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843181186161584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189033828253673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816324318622966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420710955919396,0.0,0.0,0.13636047555192832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31295218728612384,0.0,0.0,0.17304335009946675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980938595308295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473027008046906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263977593493458 ptsd,hockey375,2019/01/03,"How do you get the bad memories and past bullying out of your head? I saw a therapist a couple of months ago and the person said I have some trauma because I've been getting flashbacks from years of bullying by family members. I'm wondering how can I get this stuff out of my head and be normal? It just constantly takes me back to the past and I feel the same powerless/afraid feelings I did back then. I also can't get the face of the bully(s) and things they used to do to intimidate me while smirking and enjoying doing it. ​ I started getting heart palpitations, panic attacks etc so if there's any way to get past this I'd like to know please. Thanks in advance for any comments.",4.466277372262773,5.816456248175187,5.3427810218978085,81.158697080292,70.45985401459853,8.691678832116787,30.48832116788321,9.120678840339163,2.616661897810219,554,23,106,11,10,181,93,137,0.155,0.768,0.077,-0.9074,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,1,1,8,7,1,1,8,0,9,4,4,3,0,20,26,13,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,4,13,3,16,21,3,17,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,3,13,72,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878460960122453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071612804558125,0.0,0.145191015453835,0.16282699008157184,0.18225179029565625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244651982073268,0.0,0.20607839746523368,0.11188599909244287,0.08168632167471987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448084616084222,0.0,0.0,0.14827056665362914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944755346672553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632507658372658,0.0,0.13551078582973242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42006280915471655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27504924212604903,0.0,0.0,0.15879291068136173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364394627453368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654665654092448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695904754885344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312934222677425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572223711767592,0.0,0.0,0.38375996234683146,0.0,0.11700530069224994,0.0,0.1470938591415116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746650425429654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484724287867034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340012933865468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075276093264753,0.0,0.0,0.1233709566641523,0.0,0.15558654780047435,0.08902491589125205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573462740521732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063644803141452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531935721219127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282699008157184,0.08629283777628792 ptsd,he_calls_me_good_gir,2019/01/03,"Why work is hard TW TW: Abuse/Rape I work as a nanny and work drains me so much and people never get it. My PTSD stems from multiple traumas but mostly my abuse and rape. And I’m sitting here trying to explain it and all I can come up with is: “Babies are like men they don't understand personal space, they get handsy, and don't understand the word no.” And it feels good to be able to put such a weird feeling into words. Thanks for listening!",0.6664735264735242,3.043681901098904,2.159440559440561,94.31510489510492,87.13186813186813,5.5068931068931075,18.162837162837164,6.980632752743323,0.15907912087912113,347,9,75,5,11,112,66,91,0.195,0.685,0.119,-0.8439,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,2,3,3,6,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,2,21,18,10,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,4,7,3,9,17,3,7,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,2,45,10,3,0.2085681763065776,0.2471191836027161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796630159996776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091667342622994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793652757233334,0.0,0.0,0.17493709083585654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683611900585886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189587575787634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533216077472765,0.0,0.16086063538784992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445949122684888,0.1821136867013167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24380503687623176,0.20966862410495168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920215547248735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160410093750694,0.0,0.0,0.43425365417389056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820033841209707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555203491585383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jacksamygdala,2019/01/03,"shoutout to anyone who struggled with new year fireworks Obviously, veterans are vulnerable to the fireworks, and I really wish more people would realize that. I literally live in a military town and the fireworks are nonstop. But personally, my neighbor shot himself this month and it really got to me. The fireworks have made me think about it a lot these past few days, and I've felt awful for his wife. Worse than the fireworks are the obnoxious amount of celebratory gunshots. Every time I hear one nearby, I think, ""hm, I wonder if that's what it sounded like when he did it. Why didn't I hear it?"" So, to the vets and anyone with trauma similar to mine, sorry about the fireworks and I hope you're doing okay. ",5.9792205638474325,7.1355381492537315,6.595771144278611,74.29292703150917,66.76119402985074,9.53764510779436,32.0530679933665,9.725611199111238,3.133153565505804,568,23,100,12,9,186,91,134,0.127,0.7979999999999999,0.075,-0.7357,0,0,0,1,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,9,3,8,0,0,1,1,21,18,10,0,4,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,3,1,1,11,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,5,4,13,3,13,12,4,9,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,4,8,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607163224556223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023374450304093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570776900709588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900474199183433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491073556347784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202466711539534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516985444892728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910816578615817,0.0,0.1646235940319927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584985150885151,0.0,0.17640724028832214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880889677266634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005797750347985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263317024961449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797122023507314,0.12924904202264448,0.1627859457575588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886727438112984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086962764367284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490006043256605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389172440835867,0.0,0.0,0.10871047551493823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822662060843527,0.0,0.21438854012973185,0.0,0.20217843858961151,0.0,0.0,0.1899909690937605,0.13243652499326547,0.0,0.0,0.12005662244708093 ptsd,hurtymchurtface,2019/01/03,"Oh no oh no oh no. My Dr is sick and I’m out of nightmare meds I put a refill in on Monday. It’s Thursday and I’m fucked. Up. Getting zero sleep. He won’t be back until Monday. Help!!!! How do you cope with the nightmares without meds??? I’m so scared the on call doctor won’t fill them",-3.248035714285713,-2.4285243749999985,0.02098214285714306,103.05437500000002,120.875,1.8285714285714283,12.383928571428573,3.1291,-1.805344642857143,216,5,53,0,14,75,48,64,0.28300000000000003,0.7170000000000001,0.0,-0.9625,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,1,3,0,5,5,1,1,0,6,10,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,9,7,0,12,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,5,31,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214722038436712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817209637073132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823915481155105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255061678502474,0.14414442666017613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492747053795056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6129171735742457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27735197900870784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27622032126069185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760955434728118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26595418248541297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,recycleyourpain,2019/01/03,"Anyone just feel like being alone but at the same time wanting someone to talk to. I’ll give a little backstory. I was always kicked out of my house living at different cousins, aunts, and finally my grandmas house. One of my best friends died in my arms as I performed CPR on him waiting for the medics to arrive. I became a paramedic after that saying to myself I’m going to be better so nobody has to go through that. Turns out it’s really hard to save lives. I’m not going to go into calls I’ve ran or things I’ve seen. But friends and family always ask what’s the worst I’ve seen/done. Not realizing that to them it’s just a story but to us we relive it. It makes me just want to be alone. But at the same time I want to have friends. It’s weird. Is that a form of PTSD. I’m sorry I’m super new and don’t know how this works. Thanks for listening or reading. ",0.25508281573499403,2.424448152173916,2.3206211180124217,94.03079710144928,86.5,5.026501035196689,18.001035196687372,6.42735559955562,-0.1413138716356106,676,17,150,7,21,226,111,184,0.098,0.703,0.199,0.9737,1,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,1,5,5,11,0,0,8,0,8,2,1,2,0,30,30,12,1,3,11,2,2,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,12,7,0,1,3,1,0,5,3,2,0,1,3,5,14,9,28,24,5,19,0,0,1,0,15,9,0,2,6,92,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27571012931250155,0.0,0.0,0.2215055181805025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930690488939388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443378731131338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968389173043222,0.11771921261817425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591353620862412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381403991988083,0.1390648082651888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254781162077368,0.0,0.06730111942768194,0.09508915359405007,0.0,0.14580835765297664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085062582884823,0.0,0.0,0.12768498772719106,0.3025831030412233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923457500400862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071670930737521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315019233340933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502763761792045,0.13340465574286864,0.2350656250096098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884760729397496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134087754154078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855217160304586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019436363421048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555908467294943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313950093355448,0.0,0.08526949839254244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584923066555753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277814771855058,0.0,0.0,0.1489984499070168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698353635142184,0.0,0.12254380251021647,0.0,0.0,0.08842803854690516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552274206031773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477836596362365,0.0,0.0,0.16010709933378306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23552364548504326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690091959840796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tiged123,2019/01/03,"Boyfriends Mother Insult-Re-traumatized I’ve only met my boyfriend’s mother 2-3 time over the 3 years me boyfriend and I have been together. I have ptsd from being abused from a former partner, including 2 incidents where I was almost killed. My boyfriend knows about my ptsd. He went to visit his parents over Christmas. We ended up getting in a fight. Unbeknownst to me, he apparently shares a lot with his mother. ...Just not my ptsd history. I was stunned when his mother, who has texted me only once ever, texted me to say “There are no words to describe you. You’re a piece of work. There’s a word for it Bipolar Disorder”. While I don’t have anything negative about someone being bipolar, I do not have that diagnosis. She clearly thought this was an insult. I haven’t responded to her, and don’t think I will. My concern is that my boyfriend clearly never shared my ptsd or trauma history with her, but must have told her a lot more things about me for her to text me something like this. ...I’m left with a ptsd episode worse than I’ve had in years. My boyfriend and I made up, or so I thought. I haven’t been able to work since the holidays. He’s vague about what his mother said, only indicating she was really upset that I was hurting him. As anyone with ptsd knows, yes, I didn’t pull any punches in the messages during the fight. But, he apparently shared everything with her(btw, he said some pretty crappy things too). I don’t know why Im posting. I’ve never done this before. I guess I’m lost. My boyfriend never took the time to understand ptsd symptoms? I don’t feel like I can ever see or talk to his mom again...Our relationship must be over.. Maybe someone has some thoughts. Should I confront his mother????",2.7388322026232497,5.119964411940298,3.4096879240162856,88.69777928539123,78.01492537313433,6.329262777023972,25.375395748530078,7.463857097105799,1.2880945273631847,1358,51,267,19,33,427,171,335,0.14800000000000002,0.7829999999999999,0.069,-0.9683,3,0,1,0,3,0,58.0,1,1,0,3,13,14,5,1,13,1,34,3,0,1,9,45,56,12,1,3,8,8,1,2,1,4,3,3,0,1,11,9,0,0,9,1,0,4,14,9,0,0,21,5,48,5,33,28,6,28,0,2,1,0,46,10,0,9,15,170,59,2,0.08331123453850199,0.09871018977423808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342416710741395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665449635014466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058253152272007676,0.0,0.06855804744795849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089172442989962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548189252799276,0.0,0.0,0.08525631797570524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737890257166168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071956259653216,0.0,0.0,0.07487476566379167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042124663405179126,0.0595175626006776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04352668150196788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177671743579248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918639965740335,0.0,0.08999042958120616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217153743053956,0.0,0.13735702717605375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051790009146478,0.0,0.0,0.08140332196501808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094405392982924,0.1416564647333881,0.0,0.07883110450170952,0.0,0.0,0.08369733288493487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757311098858364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276428015236444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872374579894783,0.0,0.1900858440436161,0.0,0.0,0.09250726673511388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978913333559279,0.0847574764551179,0.0,0.0,0.6817046242618133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337131015144589,0.0,0.0,0.08944508753519713,0.0,0.0,0.15849612425371848,0.06625243757312274,0.0,0.0,0.06638826758528889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891591412479174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117867733859607,0.06413705856639737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659227198747871,0.0,0.06696241454857199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106965646647606,0.053382475132060805,0.0,0.198419442805105,0.09715890166120277,0.0,0.0,0.07960745482606031,0.09256184699013836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672993328307102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772303490767337,0.07517543093740515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130314195208786,0.0,0.08490126547262107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729940715335404 ptsd,tsvs53,2019/01/03,"My therapist is proud of me. About a week ago I posted on r/AMA as a survivor of child sexual abuse. After the last therapy session, I was thinking what I can do as my therapist said. And I got an idea that by speaking about my experience I may be able to help myself to move on and also give courage to other kids who are in similar situations to ask adults for help. So I did AMA for it. Facing about my trauma was harder than I thought. It made me so sick and feel uncomfortable, and I was getting worse than ever in past few months. I had really bad nightmares for the first time in a while. When I got panic attack in school few weeks ago I was like it’s pretty bad and I got worse again but this time was worse. Well, it was not only bad things. Actually it helped me a lot to move on and also I possibly could actually helped other kids from similar situations! I had this year’s first therapy session today and told about it to my therapist and she said what I did is really amazing and it’s not everyone can do. Also she is really proud of me! Now I feel god and proud of myself too.",2.3681192982456167,4.018015706666667,4.499532163742688,83.89526315789476,76.37777777777778,8.114619883040936,22.953216374269005,8.841846274778883,1.5641111111111117,854,25,180,19,19,295,114,225,0.13,0.733,0.138,0.4442,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,5,15,13,1,1,7,0,21,2,1,1,1,23,35,20,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,4,16,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,6,1,2,18,5,29,7,31,14,3,29,0,0,0,0,17,7,0,2,20,134,45,3,0.09599040008477344,0.11373292763407655,0.1873455674021163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701793958916571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23029046480225096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973806632774158,0.10920293772052088,0.0,0.0,0.2404439236472871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664052365774819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682881243079535,0.0,0.0917229408592252,0.0,0.09389703039657284,0.0,0.0,0.0970712609433447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329877055077938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015102218663546,0.09208273850134407,0.0,0.0,0.23031687551316726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25736136714412183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836147770405376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824498773712438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046896060819027516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160760550288337,0.0,0.09082843751098904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661862154583056,0.20404520819908933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730050247575595,0.0,0.11262405221239595,0.0,0.0,0.091633698421084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821475327294117,0.09193226908384497,0.09765674605797076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448172480692926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826177041221164,0.0,0.0,0.09714740956866964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579446307078068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195467762865155,0.3343567588735865,0.06377175652864492,0.06150677245184565,0.0,0.07620565543557291,0.11194554844756124,0.0,0.09098767541748523,0.0917229408592252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399541779265832,0.0,0.08630689765982384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934672551270658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181467048570431 ptsd,CDRChakotay,2019/01/03,"Reaction / Anxiety as-if I'm a young boy. Mindfulness to counter act / accept? NSFW Trigger I grew up with an alcoholic father that would beat mother. When I was in my teens I had to fight him make him stop. I'm not a person that likes to fight, not my thing but had no choice. As kids my sisters and I would tackle him to the floor. This could be anytime of the night, no telling when he would explode. Now in my late 40's I still have instant sense of dread if I thing my boss is pissed, or someone is angry or slamming something. The fight, flight, freeze response kicks in and a flood of anxiety and brain foq. I have working more so now on acceptance of the feelings instead of pushing those down, still I find my inclination to thing WTF is wrong with me (I know the cause) and want to battle these emotions and get them out of my life. Any suggestions on acceptance or other techniques to work through these issues to bring some peace wound be appreciated. ",3.77687943262411,5.483015978723408,4.110765957446809,87.9136666666667,72.72340425531915,7.14099290780142,27.42695035460993,7.793537801064563,1.5203073758865249,756,28,153,10,15,236,119,188,0.214,0.684,0.102,-0.9745,0,0,2,0,3,0,22.0,0,0,1,3,9,11,5,1,9,0,14,5,2,4,0,33,22,14,0,6,7,3,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,10,8,1,1,6,0,0,4,4,7,0,0,3,2,21,4,26,13,2,23,0,0,0,0,16,9,1,5,11,104,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457317835270015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744790341631638,0.0,0.2642435117540407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928001340706336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741950786522528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789391981037186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942741490342582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873267563527406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785271025626274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023321738633433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18026311140864887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491623731340618,0.0,0.19482304405492232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198932990842025,0.08437679365135099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152844621406644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438664977017734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207550501640516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080265859235242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463356020149704,0.13295966860878522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27585093445914577,0.1443922864743324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509550997658992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442201486069241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018681223506361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514681202359352,0.0,0.0,0.3680621193206955,0.18882995566160607,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Synaethete,2019/01/03,"Meaningless Bad Day Well... I can't promise this will stay short, but I'll try. Unrelated to PTSD, I hate noise and crowds. Anxiety disorder and all that. Well, this new years my house was filled with bunches of drunk, loud people. For 6 days straight. Thankfully, one was my partner, who helped me stay in quiet spots and stay calm. But after 6 days I was super sleep deprived, especially because I've still been working full time through the holidays. Last night I had my first good night sleep. And now this morning I feel awful. There were no triggers or anything. But my anxiety is through the roof, I'm freezing cold in a warm room, even my sensory processing is bad today. Things just feel bad, and I have no reason why.",3.4355811341942726,5.855257532846718,3.6791240875912434,87.45524985962946,75.86131386861314,7.135092644581696,27.32678270634475,8.139509932561175,1.8513373385738348,570,23,110,10,13,176,99,137,0.266,0.581,0.153,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,7,13,1,0,3,1,11,3,2,2,1,16,16,9,0,0,5,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,6,6,1,0,3,2,0,1,3,5,2,2,6,7,12,8,9,9,3,24,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,14,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127978024427775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445430484508635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483880631168915,0.08478433292887069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26909307701841073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940234649885845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186368918531408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406501277777156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183048037117606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665708442785044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731668362856864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322509263322308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604842952737077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337204664123465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343282215498654,0.0,0.2610418781400181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424693733075984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642335314796098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258178660060427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300154585621644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783689469282047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447352064404804,0.11107268493565052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280498870449676,0.0,0.0,0.0924012484972076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110101558526958,0.0,0.13183539648398904,0.0,0.0,0.094428925732488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501064901389789,0.0,0.1255017027126072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125482933414896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895655543964352 ptsd,broccoli49,2019/01/03,"My mom has ptsd and I don't know what to do. Hello everyone, I'm a 21yo guy and my mom has what I'm pretty sure is ptsd. She shows a lot of those symptoms like anxiety, panic attacks, tensed up muscles, stress, depression... She has this feeling for more than 10 years but last 3 years it got worse. All of this happened because of many traumatic things that happened to her in her life I love my mom so much. She is without questioning the most important person in my life. But it really breaks my heart seeing her like this. She has been to many therapists but they don't really seem to help her. The thing with my mom is she understands that all the things that happened to her in the past are things that are just so unfair but are things that sometimes are part of life (how bad it could be). She is just really depressed because that feeling of anxiety and constant stress won't go away. She is always tensed up and no doctor can do anything about it. She take anti-depressants and they help her a little bit. I'm clueless, I don't know what to do and how I can help her. Has anyone here got some advice for me? Does ptsd get better? I would really appreciate it. Thank you",2.9308050847457636,4.737825555084747,3.812000000000001,88.74952542372883,75.22881355932203,7.262372881355933,23.24067796610169,8.07648339933343,1.151349830508475,925,27,192,15,20,296,118,236,0.168,0.6709999999999999,0.161,-0.4999,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,2,1,8,13,1,3,7,0,27,7,1,2,3,31,47,14,0,2,7,4,2,2,0,2,5,0,0,2,23,7,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,3,3,30,6,23,40,9,14,0,2,1,1,30,7,0,5,7,136,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542788964088605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727422119867947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337553740526484,0.0,0.0,0.06112758309285475,0.0,0.07194096076535854,0.0,0.0,0.09945528887570533,0.08213596504063926,0.0,0.07299382349935714,0.1065834330479504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731776607219118,0.09544231934742847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447226081545122,0.0,0.06979945392562757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258896468025716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894802502482361,0.07650369149977533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353558768748448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840650718900156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04567445256599958,0.0,0.049684008790947226,0.0,0.13983892048603427,0.0,0.0,0.08656164912508456,0.23192129164413894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359564010907048,0.17579162462830358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608982821377034,0.07126070068176743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524649870139911,0.0854200697022564,0.08761993676532531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432316519282328,0.07890188180972009,0.0,0.0,0.17726462842865245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095509490530391,0.0,0.0,0.0642653214530227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257102859085,0.0,0.0946696431224741,0.0834543111884216,0.0,0.07633362830467108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893973085883164,0.0,0.0,0.3065753607125622,0.0,0.0979327884980497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401940968435705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966411575911373,0.07958582007120403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646271789010443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028349969296505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239431905956009,0.09086506214114712,0.06573055885673662,0.0,0.0,0.08048654799292235,0.0,0.10150382622618234,0.290396879427342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100951616563832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427180969887071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909061497020511,0.06210216997390139,0.0,0.0,0.11259396566136505 ptsd,Lemons-are-evil,2019/01/03,"Does it ever get better?? And when I say “it” I mean the nightmares, flashbacks, the isolation, the constant anxiety. I mean *all* of it. Does PTSD ever get better?? My incident probably wasn’t even that traumatic but I still have fits and panic attacks and flashbacks and oh my! I just need to know one day I’ll never be reminded of that time. That I won’t sleep deprive myself because I’m so scared of falling asleep because the nightmares are so horrible. I refuse to go to a therapist and “talk it out” or seek some mental help because those were *massive* factors in what happened. The whole thing is barely a year old, but it feels like it’s everyday now. That I can’t escape it. Does time actually heal all wounds? Can the mind eventually get over it, make it less important? Or do I get stuck with it? Ta. Apologies, I did try to write in as few triggering words as I could. ",1.0943629929221428,3.693791034883724,2.7625682507583416,88.57596056622852,89.23255813953489,6.014560161779578,23.75733063700708,7.423996415210882,1.4017024266936295,686,28,134,13,23,225,111,172,0.204,0.7190000000000001,0.077,-0.9801,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,1,2,8,0,12,4,2,2,5,30,26,14,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,17,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,4,2,14,3,14,19,6,20,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,3,14,91,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.13482868822286967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569551660831666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718214257334215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526715153917509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24439066574729265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930681451519648,0.0,0.1103131652675682,0.0,0.0,0.08910471651081599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627262344911486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125639432858866,0.2499555242716992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986015713432461,0.09870479522986844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887411377050262,0.0,0.07852210819229262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217847148903635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926087977753092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593163344495735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750022912981896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222592223351436,0.0,0.0,0.3010034385104237,0.0,0.0,0.13923738823510773,0.0,0.13950682773402576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244727674845268,0.10656103268054816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449804726925392,0.0,0.09362388723544272,0.0,0.0,0.16210635172967314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896477305040964,0.0,0.16150698671312533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987401026500153,0.13832683591382802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826434914054864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033840275209887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105144645219583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041971287784254,0.09179039992945454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112974178009706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380467254352927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542558064122734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897345210871854 ptsd,catabear11,2019/01/03,"Does anyone experience sudden panic from hearing a noise while trying to fall asleep? I'm bad at explaining, but every night while lying in bed, if I hear any noise (car, door shutting, etc.), it feels like my brain has an electrical shock and my heart does a weird skip. It's like a mini panic attack but I calm down fast. I'm very jumpy and startle easily, but it seems silly that normal, faint noises affect me so much. I'm just wondering if anyone has this problem too. I have a hard time falling asleep because of this. Any tips or advice would be appreciated.",4.568188073394495,5.978605211009183,5.420997706422019,80.4643405963303,70.28440366972477,7.651834862385322,23.716743119266056,8.07648339933343,1.3171366972477072,444,11,82,6,8,145,82,109,0.274,0.5920000000000001,0.134,-0.9576,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,3,12,1,3,5,0,5,5,4,1,0,17,14,11,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,4,6,4,6,12,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,5,8,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253513749880247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226219353558626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23260272879810245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892236729755206,0.0,0.0,0.13887807821197956,0.10139284148517654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856785878112829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29111190898787564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550121719691345,0.0,0.0,0.14013966981306547,0.0,0.0,0.16270204212459416,0.0,0.0,0.0841011282273097,0.11882573674027518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899844708105014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37493058186016304,0.19710110691234425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252025928039224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227122667645295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560888483574472,0.16296746969522807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903033612439472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915474593161338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142001356471685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698799452043526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292672558315772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723915149344212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803771090246485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815561379443405,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Dive_a_little_deeper,2019/01/03,"How the hell does emdr work. I have been coming off meds so that I might have a chance to recall the emotions and memories close to the time of my trauma. I just had a memory trigger after speaking to a friend who was there when it all happened. As soon as I remember the trauma (even though I am depersonalised) I feel panic and a sick feeling in my stomach. It’s like I want to change the way things happen. But I’m stuck in the frozen place of disbelief and rejection. My question is, how can moving your eyes ever make a horrible memory that still is unsettling, go away? How do you feel peace from that? I’m so depersonalised that I don’t know? ",4.3061452991452995,5.26318323846154,5.383333333333333,82.1938888888889,70.46153846153847,8.854700854700855,25.982905982905983,9.150863307647796,1.9342649572649573,511,15,103,10,9,169,87,130,0.189,0.71,0.1,-0.9365,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,13,7,1,1,11,0,12,3,2,5,2,23,25,13,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,4,5,13,2,14,20,1,16,1,1,1,0,6,6,1,3,7,76,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514247049574628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846122687069696,0.1697480116386882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244677699111127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216637180298676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130154945400116,0.17825023579661914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989153254747765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224651600895933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199259821366983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348515463551322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829791904318044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627258124239302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153774002462332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888700587425566,0.0,0.0,0.20904738898854786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094414599050665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23120509541957396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588366027276175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207500501892832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22322829108891684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737076718180634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091657389021166,0.0,0.19360847689310345,0.0,0.11490609999453648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622990944091913,0.15641546197415804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346056532629511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SpareDare,2019/01/03,"What is the Criteria for Sharing your Trauma? I have few friends or people I’m close with and even with them I’ve never shared my trauma. They’re relatively unaware of my diagnosis, and it annoys me because I feel like I should have shared it with them by now and I’m just being odd about it. So, do y’all have any criteria or anything for when you think it’s appropriate to share with someone your trauma? I want to say it’s a thing that I should do only when I’m ready to do it, but at this point I’m struggling and hurting and I feel like I can’t even talk about it to others because they don’t know about it. ",3.2855640373197623,3.935396114503821,4.588956743002544,88.08706530958445,72.58778625954199,7.348939779474131,25.242578456318913,7.3871296695380915,0.9625056827820186,485,14,109,5,9,161,75,131,0.135,0.735,0.13,-0.4047,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,3,0,10,13,1,1,2,0,12,0,0,0,1,22,21,11,0,3,4,0,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,13,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,3,17,7,16,18,1,7,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,2,6,77,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636313309177559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801154845150185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29336209014411896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178573556787007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24333160407432855,0.34380106112459896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590409623367127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575910159982657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322396550770658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351116817267141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855826559630985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300400764456096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668171196317692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274657322135405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913524121657456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387838881621184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25155054295661383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340299040574485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985868175555631,0.15418097443771225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192519366856296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,templemads,2019/01/04,"Just diagnosed I (22F) was just diagnosed right before the holidays, the same day I said goodbye to my boyfriend (22M) for the winter break. (I was raped and have been abused in past relationships). We’re entering the third week apart and our conversations have been mostly arguments. He’s unsure if he can stay in a relationship where he constantly has to put in so much effort reassuring me and making sure I’m okay. He says he’s afraid to be angry or upset because it makes me so upset. I feel helpless and terrified. I feel so alone. I don’t have any good friends and my therapist (through my university) isn’t here to talk to. I can’t stop crying and all I want to do is text him and hear his voice but he needs space right now. I’m so alone and terrified. I know I’m too dependent on him. I know I have issues and I can be crazy. But I just want to talk to somebody. I feel so irrational and scared. ",2.1306234015345282,4.122188385869567,3.7659590792838884,87.34042199488495,78.18478260869566,7.8076726342711,23.323529411764717,8.671277953709913,1.519476726342711,709,23,153,16,17,236,107,184,0.228,0.7020000000000001,0.07,-0.9841,0,2,0,0,1,0,23.0,1,0,0,1,12,11,1,4,5,1,18,3,0,3,2,33,33,19,0,4,7,0,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,10,0,1,5,1,0,2,3,6,0,1,5,7,23,5,14,26,4,20,0,1,0,1,20,9,0,4,7,92,24,0,0.0,0.17685057626402734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30917998381247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150299933965108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098847963640806,0.0,0.12701061913114073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129875222812431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395684741335412,0.09626137720172534,0.0,0.0,0.3029947430651865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264134335626127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531913388108468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251935397051615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822865950372606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579032018492042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406053225478684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926654021327095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972444262937013,0.11067557741654767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248707659326387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500491238958548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205021753228228,0.0,0.2549371639681408,0.14198195228878213,0.1186988069874136,0.14943689010453062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909299464855892,0.0,0.1247893724139375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406772817785617,0.0,0.0,0.23994162361617355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330420988491693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760767055847102,0.0,0.11972864387292625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,danimichelle2010,2019/01/04,"Anxiety falling asleep bc bad things happen I no longer can take naps due to several times I’ve decided to take a nap I’ve been waken up to bad news. One time I took a nap & was waken up to a phone call that my brother died. Another time I was awaken telling me my cousin had shot someone & almost killed the person. Another time I was informed my other brother was shot & hours later died. & last night I was woke up by a phone call telling me my cousin had committed suicide I’m so terrified to even sleep as I feel like life just hits the fan when I’m asleep. The feeling when you get that call and the words leading up. You just don’t know who it’s going to be this time or what happened. It’s so awful. I’m just really struggling. I know it may sound silly to some. I have a pounding migraine probably from being so tired from staying up last night due to my cousins death & then working 8 hours. But I’m just too afraid to shut my eyes. Any advice? I’m worried I may have mild PTSD. Any input would help :(",1.6514788732394372,3.587809863849764,2.9672558685446013,92.75764436619718,79.46948356807512,5.950140845070423,22.85657276995305,6.961326702584282,0.6198584037558685,803,26,175,9,20,260,122,213,0.226,0.721,0.053,-0.9919,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,2,0,2,11,7,1,2,9,1,17,7,4,1,1,22,35,10,5,1,6,5,2,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,10,1,0,0,6,3,0,4,2,5,0,1,10,4,19,2,18,19,1,28,0,0,1,0,18,6,0,5,18,91,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607320840478137,0.0,0.0,0.0984492221445619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326264533616529,0.0,0.13371643469888425,0.20618569165273853,0.07521143259325805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417942306183908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011747317797239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040728678796853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493675768843694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942299669594948,0.07023693427388435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136602599682416,0.0,0.055875220036726105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738809396579817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589910882627042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936428128805894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087720318768224,0.0,0.10806374979375467,0.16028124249468886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944346298306844,0.048032207004959984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452571780693053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662143210881685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584569525521665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600122263056604,0.0,0.1149260842305079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298371504843049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106903889746353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838695253244846,0.0,0.0833027853277043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047917212711554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027811775473281,0.0,0.1075416918981711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784271755166134,0.0,0.17186494737807476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531674851059056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28664410519824435,0.11299972158313383,0.0,0.0,0.1092326378842952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157518248577824,0.09984461952289243,0.0,0.06984083000730325,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GritStevers,2019/01/04,"Took a huge leap back in progress. I feel lost and hopeless The last 2 years I was going to therapy. My emotional flash backs had slowed down and only 2 real panic attack last year. I am back to my anger, hopeless self. This a started a few months ago. I know the holidays are the worst for me because my abuse always got worse around them. I thought since they were over I would be fine. I'm not fine. I'm not ok. I can't focus at work, I'm barely making it through work outs or even the day without feeling exhausted. Normally I can figure out what's causing this but I am at a loss. I don't know this time. My work is suffering, my work outs suck and I feel like I'm ruining my relationship because I can't control my anger right now. I'm trying to meditate, I am trying to work on positive thoughts but it's like my mind gets foggy and I lose the control. Quite frankly, I'm scared. I'm scared I'm losing everything and I'm losing control. I have an appointment with my therapist next week but I just need advice on how to get a little control back so I can stop the vicious cycle of bad thoughts.",0.9410480349344964,3.1790611310043717,2.7710462882096074,91.51052576419217,83.97816593886462,5.934742358078602,23.133799126637555,7.24861992348623,0.9257223056768562,865,32,185,13,25,287,133,229,0.287,0.624,0.09,-0.9937,1,0,0,0,1,2,22.0,0,0,2,16,10,25,5,3,12,1,16,1,0,7,0,40,43,11,0,3,8,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,10,0,5,9,1,0,2,6,20,0,0,9,3,29,5,21,32,2,34,0,9,0,0,4,14,1,1,20,106,35,5,0.0,0.11166678721889674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209666822456716,0.08354390757976182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842070536251022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389943856222759,0.0,0.10721909181261753,0.0,0.2898792133058191,0.0786919584871204,0.11490368207520953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968172001449324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228222183488207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060781247946487364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601471842839462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224897791706779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470274998524505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296170950209558,0.06732977632722348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847989741973837,0.0,0.05356250391905251,0.0,0.07537760044771223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359091235848387,0.1536470849444444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208823783612448,0.09445983366855444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163134505300937,0.10288127641363863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291032468172726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516218017146652,0.0,0.07522672182229108,0.0,0.0,0.06988264564799174,0.0,0.0,0.10023230814151547,0.0,0.0923416389765518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716787717954613,0.0,0.11057805629161888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024283997833296,0.0,0.10727324242737478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118555723995967,0.0,0.08048606525465409,0.0,0.0,0.18871453814256592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831973844159207,0.0,0.0,0.07796174575461433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667082151454844,0.0,0.0,0.07879436183302538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777917909164754,0.10942754464348578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244637737044685,0.0549559393160785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104711419318266,0.1279744840378954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559892244515468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085034092667374,0.0,0.34306316734694925,0.0,0.09604531779170536,0.06695006710518983,0.0,0.0,0.12138341639005157 ptsd,cherrysodacake,2019/01/04,"Doorbell anxiety? Does anyone’s anxiety shoot through the roof when the doorbell is rang, even when you know it’ll be rang when the person is coming over? I’ve told my friends to just come in for this reason. I just feel that deep dread and begin shaking. ",4.0368,5.82200568,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,72.2,6.6000000000000005,26.5,7.1686216300943375,1.1888,204,7,40,2,4,62,40,50,0.201,0.741,0.057,-0.6966,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,10,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,1,5,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463694866880969,0.0,0.0,0.2119133283858917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5221352923080075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652182710201067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001746288683288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324110852652434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341508403303617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655913983935058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646287064424309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116060504779036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895960142679939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,riverbadger,2019/01/04,"Triggers causing fatigue/brain fog I'm going to guess there's no real answer to this but any tips about how to overcome fatigue and brain fog after a trigger? It ruins my whole day when I experience a trigger because I'm too exhausted to process anything else that happens. It's making work pretty tough, hard to get through the whole day :(",4.996923076923078,6.799544076923077,5.273846153846153,80.40615384615388,69.76923076923077,6.430769230769231,34.53846153846154,6.742157984588678,2.373369230769231,275,14,46,2,5,87,49,65,0.253,0.688,0.059,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,6,0,11,7,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,8,7,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318657597995268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327119120915535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835412684863928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701044504505755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630093943201587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715848219323587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589408715568566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059660055630844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000779972551658,0.0,0.11966489320780573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319532388584581,0.0,0.1861956343202659,0.0,0.18861849906521616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054901720211527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142130567590652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396609598111173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470160698075106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328864142029625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,novaturientfox,2019/01/04,"I hate yelling. So much. My parents often do this. Passive aggressive yelling. I accidentally messed up plumbing and now there's yelling, not even directed at me. I just. Feel like shit and I hate, hate, hate when people yell. So much.",0.7648837209302286,2.3419851395348843,1.4544418604651168,92.29375581395351,116.2093023255814,4.510697674418604,25.23023255813953,6.2581,1.2469832558139546,183,9,35,3,10,56,32,43,0.433,0.489,0.079,-0.9652,1,0,0,0,3,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,6,5,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,6,1,2,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,3,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092682934253015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078847188161041,0.15242936053952005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8426225861915058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424029287095762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136984529776082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23691869924679496,0.0,0.0,0.14792174747418682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190180632183223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ctrizzle27,2019/01/04,"Support. Can anyone provide several links to some helpful information for someone who suffers from PTSD and information for spouses of those who suffer? 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I'm still struggling with my fear of men and of being touched by people. Over the months it hasn't gotten any better. If I didn't have any responsibilities I would probably lock myself in my room and rot the rest of my life away in bed. I recently started dating someone, which was a big surprise to me as I thought I'd never want to be with another man for the rest of my life. He's supportive of me, understands. But he says it hurts him to know he can't touch me. Just wondering, if anyone else has gone through this and came out fine (being able to handle physical contact again) ? And yes, I am in therapy for this. But it's the holidays, my therapist can only see me next month. I'm very scared. I'm just coming back from my vacation, I went away for a couple of weeks and the anxiety has just been building and building at the thought of having to see my boyfriend face to face and get back to reality. 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When I was 8 my cousin made me let him suck my penis, and then forced me to suck his. I was horrified, nauseous, and confused. The worst was that I felt guilty for not wanting to do it, and ultimately relented, consented, and instantly regretted it, even before it even started. I was trapped. I could not tell anyone because I would not be believed, and I would have gotten in trouble for participating. I’ve avoided thinking about it for 35 years. I have never written the words until now. In my life, I have rarely initiated sex, and can usually only get or maintain an erection when I an 100% convinced my partner is interested. If I believe my partner is participation ng mostly just for me I am physically unable to continue. I have occasionally misperceved disinterest which ended the encounter. I have never been interested in recieving oral sex. This has not been a problem with any of my partners. Most were glad, and a few were indifferent but willing. I would like to overcome my aversion to recieving oral sex, but would be unable to complete the act if I felt like they were doing it just for me. How do you get over feelings of guilty sexual selfishness when attempting to do so turns you into your incestual childhood predator? ",5.681479905437353,7.629136157446807,6.674432624113475,70.46361111111112,68.27659574468086,9.477541371158392,36.034278959810884,9.861636050157227,4.022952718676123,1027,54,167,25,18,342,137,235,0.14400000000000002,0.7909999999999999,0.066,-0.9417,1,2,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,1,1,12,15,2,2,9,0,33,4,0,3,2,43,47,20,0,10,12,1,3,2,3,5,1,0,0,3,8,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,14,3,34,6,23,24,4,20,0,1,0,3,11,5,2,6,16,141,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924184156769116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123243880236348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792566861659943,0.17741609920388102,0.1366942260110965,0.36197629473692505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842973054286695,0.0,0.0,0.1282592988286569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228083516884638,0.0,0.0,0.2122046107883243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812252531089555,0.0,0.3084823828164248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678572805666884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642669873664078,0.1134659594864518,0.15696280743944085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200302859209633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24779351224151466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217522583989655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371237930181494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370299806521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040789671661713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293269319396058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473200327273308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692409989674265,0.0,0.0947506167324259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485283358399832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564609221772817,0.0,0.0,0.10344796610767117 ptsd,superdupechickentoes,2019/01/04,Fuk pts fuk it I I’m coming on 4 years since the stupid car. Kid. Napping shot at thing .... fuk it a stupid tv thing at moms triggered me back ,-2.9586175115207363,-2.1868331290322534,-0.920921658986174,109.55290322580645,122.22580645161293,1.7714285714285716,10.880184331797237,3.1291,-2.2513170506912443,107,2,28,0,7,34,24,31,0.207,0.7929999999999999,0.0,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32582654209431583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650107231831758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4962740459258022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35051849003141017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5630222451623541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27287185154763266 ptsd,CupsBreak,2019/01/04,"I need help. Having a flashback. I need support. I’m spiraling. I’m having a flashback. I was with a man for five years who turned out to be very abusive but in a completely underhanded way. He had me convinced that everything was all in my head. I was completely isolated for years and his abuse broke the ptsd wide open. I guess I’ve had symptoms since I was a kid (bad childhood) but I didn’t know about any of it until him. It’s been six months since I left him and most of the time I can function fine but every once and a while this pain will kick in and it comes back. Right now I feel like I’m sitting in the spare room back in that house. I can feel the walls. Alone, hopeless and in too much pain but pretending everything is fine, sidetracking myself and numbing the pain, because I’m pretty sure it’s all my fault. I’m sitting in that room and I can’t get out. I can feel the walls around me. It’s dark. He’s either sleeping or not home and I’m alone. It’s like I’m there and I can’t breathe.",0.3659507042253516,2.535291375586855,1.8872124413145563,97.33955105633804,85.94835680751173,5.240140845070423,20.142605633802816,6.6274283507984215,0.07847746478873274,785,24,183,9,24,253,113,213,0.204,0.6779999999999999,0.118,-0.9771,0,2,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,7,15,0,0,12,0,18,8,3,0,3,33,36,16,0,2,7,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,3,2,11,15,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,8,0,2,8,3,22,7,18,26,5,32,0,2,0,0,9,18,0,3,12,109,33,0,0.0,0.2972103209603673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597997817271368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529160506420687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116526215381906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288433063242488,0.1047225536860396,0.07645639558465311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804038333142356,0.2630062227508567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567387081164754,0.0,0.2254433223729417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025216281574156,0.08960186341341009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552808281053378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816703071975914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287196756452576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840680620411478,0.0,0.1258089999373058,0.0,0.0,0.14472073248326145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892892926678591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627191985129766,0.0,0.0,0.12255020228305445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011104776289224,0.0,0.09219997327683532,0.1859983980902468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357087564121675,0.0,0.0,0.4003751682812664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275997789014017,0.0,0.0,0.14661219781753634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071101349064547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075015862410195,0.0,0.1255130847268766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232797359034602,0.118209227678222,0.1303620072504547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313487192387914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642367064986702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348670283413232,0.0,0.09955454739947099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153596357094854 ptsd,VeggisonSTL,2019/01/04,"Banned from group. Now I have nothing. I was banned from a women with PTSD online support group. When I asked admin why, I was told it's because I reacted with a laugh on a serious post. I would NEVER do that on purpose. The only source of connection I had with people who understood was ripped away from me over an accident. I wasn't even allowed to explain that I did not do that on purpose. I have nothing. No one in my life understands what I'm going through. This may be the thing that pushes me over the edge. I can't do this anymore. Everything in my life keeps getting removed from my life, one thing at a time. I don't even have my own brain to rely on. ",1.3320693277310944,3.5055272279411764,2.9485714285714306,91.22500000000004,81.86764705882355,5.944537815126051,23.68487394957983,7.1686216300943375,0.9363609243697479,517,19,109,7,14,170,81,136,0.059,0.857,0.085,0.5053,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,8,0,17,4,1,2,1,15,27,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,3,0,3,3,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,8,0,18,2,21,16,1,18,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,4,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843099229643964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374151582555014,0.0,0.17460903082954973,0.0,0.0,0.113290383437881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074663072976396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454998986794806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702697164726835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709719600023532,0.0,0.10562092523563542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518902789928047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938069223002946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333638162416307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566497162686261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518689786002175,0.141344740123279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884265610325904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798970311634488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724477043949464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089655847212746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24693649193819295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836866712821744,0.0,0.0,0.1775844235673329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347290076990936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676976810603256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202011696325336,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bluesrosemary,2019/01/05,"Triggered by someone who I should excuse? NSFW TW Sexual assault mention Not sure where else to talk about this at this point so I made a throwaway. Basically, a stranger completely misread a situation on social media which lead to them imply I had never been sexually assaulted. This lead to me having a complete meltdown and being triggered in a way I haven’t been in years. The mutual friend who made the post where the incident occurred told me several people have talked to the stranger and explained why this was wrong and inappropriate. I was then told that this person was autistic, so that’s why they misread the situation. I asked if they understood that what was said was wrong and hurtful...the answer was essentially “not really.” I’ll admit I’m not well versed in autism but I still feel like this person is kind of shitty for refusing to budge even after others explained to them that they were wrong. my friends don’t agree but say I’m allowed to be upset. So I’m still feeling fucking awful about the whole thing, and now I feel like my friends think I’m asshole for not fully letting this person off the hook. Maybe I’m hurting too much to see clearly right now. I don’t know. I just needed to let this out. 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I have many medical records documenting my diagnosis. But I don’t even know who at a college to ask about this. I really can’t handle having a roommate or even sharing an “apartment”. Because of ptsd and some other health issues too. But I can’t afford off campus housing . If I just “deal with it”, I will most likely end up dropping out of college, which I do not want to do. I have some related and unrelated sleeping issues which I’m thinking may help my chances of getting a place to myself. Any advice? 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God exists! He’s the asshole in the sky. The greedy asshole who takes back things he likes too much. If your lucky he won’t wait until it hurts more than ever. I will take a car for this dog because I know it wouldn’t hurt as much for my aunt to lose molly. That greedy bastard won’t take her. And plus, her will to stay for my aunt is much stronger than God’s little traps. She’s already survived deadly infections, amputations, fertilizers, and now a being in an SUV that tumbled off a drop off in Colorado three times! God won’t take her while my aunt is still going through her cancer. He already took Rob Roy. He can’t have Molly. I will take a car before I let her go alone without her baby again. I know what it’s like to lose your best furry friend in times of immense stress. Nope! YOU CANT HAVE HER!! ",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454553,2.779545454545456,94.7268181818182,78.0909090909091,5.3090909090909095,21.227272727272727,5.985473137389443,-0.019322727272727214,672,18,148,4,16,210,104,176,0.181,0.679,0.139,-0.8544,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,4,0,4,6,11,1,1,8,0,16,3,0,0,1,12,27,8,1,2,2,3,0,2,1,7,3,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,2,0,0,5,9,6,0,1,1,0,20,5,21,17,5,24,0,4,0,0,22,8,1,2,11,94,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306380865890356,0.3048657175810109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621551252833702,0.0,0.08420440599261468,0.0,0.11754074561338748,0.0,0.14496173650989205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461260707472936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494892675123137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672097398310673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570079824954187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957478040944193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518282283707789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125003475380954,0.0,0.13496931039724205,0.13844524458346966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30907029526320523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304630263679442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723106887267662,0.1103129450208422,0.0,0.1582305302005137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192929619375344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176922166989067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109256526166482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347050164270568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315498431024744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fuckingfuckingfuckit,2019/01/05,"I’m starting to be not okay again. *NSFW* *TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ABUSE* Sorry if this is frazzled, I don’t even know what to do right now. So, I’ve been struggling with PTSD since 2016. My situation is so weird. I was groomed and repeatedly raped about 3x a week for about three months when I was 16 by a 25yr old WHO LIVED IN MY HOUSE. he was a friend of my stepdad’s, and he spent the entire time in my house taking advantage of then 15 year old me and deluding me into believing we were in a “relationship”. I’m in therapy now, and in the process of getting him arrested. Therapy has been helping a lot, and my symptoms were subsiding. I could sleep without nightmares. I could have sex without stopping to have a panic attack. I had my first meeting with the police Wednesday, and I was in a “Crimes Against Children” unit. I hate that it even exists. They told me they’re going to charge him with the most serious sex crime in my state, and it has a minimum sentence of 25 years. I also learned that he is somewhere in Europe, and that the day before my meeting, he got engaged. And then it all came back. I tried to have sex, and broke down crying. I haven’t slept more than a nap since the meeting. I feel so much guilt and shame. I don’t know what to do. How do you even survive the court system? How do you deal with the guilt? 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Been a hard one for me in particular, How about you? Life is crazy, but it is the things that we do, that we may live and survive and hopefully, things will get just a little bit better, and if they don't or if they get worse, maybe being here for each other will be enough to bring some light into that dark dark place. Sorry, I know, its a bit sappy.",5.313402061855669,3.950652711340208,5.479092783505156,90.33369072164948,68.27835051546393,8.584742268041238,22.492783505154637,6.742157984588678,0.2696078350515463,351,3,86,2,5,111,70,97,0.122,0.765,0.113,0.2126,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,1,2,3,5,4,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,1,0,18,19,8,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,3,3,7,4,9,11,5,10,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,7,2,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733945004884883,0.4280820341668505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257697288788948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048610375103717,0.0,0.11142243657852503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35125310667573034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472661094920235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774656726110438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847927301115398,0.09578245124080093,0.19649837210856647,0.17311994246325324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696335511912974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657035547792396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483549310579646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776626282024192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848088761809786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946724940290316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605001381167956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627677191796803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979654697404745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625283570429158 ptsd,mchrisos,2019/01/05,"Trying to learn about my boyfriend's condition and be a better partner. My boyfriend suffers from PTSD, and while I have mental illness issues of my own (bipolar), PTSD is a foreign world to me. I am learning and am hoping other sufferers may be able to share their insight and experience with me so I can continue to learn. We went to a hockey game last night and I asked if that would be too much, with the lights and noise. He said no, but I could tell he was tense. Afterward, we got in the car and he was clearly agitated and was yelling at me and when I tried to respond calmly and rationally, he kept saying, ""Whatever. Who cares."" He does this a lot when he's angry - the who cares bit. My questions are: Should I simply avoid all loud, crowded places even if he says it's okay? I don't want to make his choices for him. Is being angry after being overstimulated common? Has anyone else ever responded with ""Who cares"" during a time of fight/flight? Is that a reaction of being overwhelmed? Also, any insight into why I haven't heard from him at all today? I texted this morning just to say what my plans were and no response. Thanks to all for reading and for any insight. ",4.236140664961638,5.608407795652171,4.975166240409209,83.49047314578006,71.04347826086956,7.324808184143222,27.44245524296675,7.724431198458867,1.5863785166240407,923,32,178,11,17,298,142,230,0.128,0.76,0.112,-0.6301,0,1,0,0,2,0,34.0,2,0,1,2,9,13,0,2,9,1,25,2,0,1,5,44,38,20,0,7,4,0,0,0,1,3,2,7,0,1,10,18,0,2,7,3,0,2,4,4,0,0,9,8,24,9,26,19,7,20,0,3,0,0,30,6,0,6,12,126,34,4,0.13981095685723968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180677168642714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901524899698394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977590718012462,0.14325284739472974,0.0,0.0,0.13070437156965414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365142972333246,0.15263735416775154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276397652833339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162767252940532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234951051518254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679411430408247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234381841566876,0.12646701480571226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367619434256383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118195941727078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886382659896732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592631493200064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396459015848642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886227583289473,0.0,0.0,0.09332489935207974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089656062409994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277714014494682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120311195656098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607269267053302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32686305356744483,0.0,0.1566202689207287,0.0,0.13984879168774975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299223635820331,0.3335498534813591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122200938710599,0.1287191448796914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152489327338841,0.0,0.1325244394345685,0.0,0.0,0.18984492454765395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246412473138567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296061577126994,0.1261576423604266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931769237906403,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,soggiestwaffles,2019/01/05,"Thinking about getting EDMR Hey everyone, I’ve been having this sinking feeling like there’s some memory I repressed since a kid and lately my dreams have been confirming that feeling. I’m thinking about doing EDMR in order for the memories to surface. I’d appreciate any and all advice! Thank you.",3.7093650793650816,6.932023481481488,4.463015873015877,76.805,82.7037037037037,6.789417989417991,29.936507936507937,7.957251820313856,2.9087174603174604,244,12,36,5,7,78,45,54,0.04,0.7190000000000001,0.24,0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,12,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,2,5,10,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290040007020537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289568689649298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32171627633214883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34047539598070203,0.24052733073922294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590365028633506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797945546198207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448694208899314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27850873163446643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099736678932978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4314674086341484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mfinny3838,2019/01/05,"Everytime I close my eyes On November 4, I saw a drunk homeless woman get hit by a car, twice. The first time was from far away, the second time was when i was within a few feet of her. If I had been a few inches closer i would have gotten hit too. I could further describe, but for the sake of my triggers and for others I won’t get into it. I’ve been going to therapy and I was diagnosed with acute PTSD- meaning my symptoms are short term. lm 18 years old. I pulled over to save this woman. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have nightmares, I wouldn’t have lost any sleep, I wouldn’t have this loss of motivation and the awful flashbacks, anxiety and guilt. I wouldn’t have nearly failed my psychology and forensics classes because of how triggering they were. Every time I close my eyes I can go back there and relive everything. I’d like to think if i had to do it all over again I would- to potentially save somebody’s life (we never found out if she is alive/dead)- but apart of me also would want to keep driving like everybody else. Does that make me a bad person?",3.0977907291949047,4.533627686635949,4.287774464624563,87.05670371374356,73.97695852534562,7.13353212252643,23.82461371645433,7.724431198458867,1.0525767958796424,836,24,174,11,17,274,134,217,0.121,0.7879999999999999,0.091,-0.7459,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,1,5,7,9,0,1,9,1,28,8,4,5,2,40,43,15,0,13,6,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,0,3,6,12,1,1,4,1,0,5,7,5,0,3,14,3,29,4,24,18,4,32,0,3,3,0,7,16,0,4,13,122,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665568753334956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620682209609524,0.0,0.1307256147928109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055092518842667,0.13139906956876454,0.14268080846270045,0.1041691588888038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643678381159552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734434274479305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495415369447677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427514608402789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397694469896036,0.0,0.15357931203207745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535364576729096,0.0,0.1873652313994324,0.0,0.0,0.1785594316282247,0.0,0.19423436674810432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188934463587905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207002589738888,0.1669703547474192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653981901816646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406624207617032,0.0,0.0,0.18614251964841155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179609653400726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931376877525215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920911492597266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997539801962268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710071782165249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761366518122682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542048137942056,0.0,0.0,0.10949541855215483,0.0,0.0,0.29893109800013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079167381389867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364172777683402,0.0,0.0,0.11004354394948623 ptsd,Two_eh_em,2019/01/06,"Not PTSD because my trauma doesn't fit DSM-V Has anyone else experienced this? I was given a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder instead of PTSD because my trauma (ongoing domestic violence, not involving threat to my life) didn't fit the new PTSD criteria. What am I supposed to do? I can't get the right counseling or therapy with a BPD diagnosis. It's like breaking your wrist and being told you need to see a chiropractor. Anyone else experience this? What have you done?",4.9973863636363625,7.634690329545458,6.936363636363637,64.9245454545455,71.8409090909091,11.21818181818182,33.72727272727273,10.9516,4.906359090909091,391,20,62,15,8,136,64,88,0.191,0.7509999999999999,0.057,-0.9063,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,0,10,2,1,0,0,6,15,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,2,9,1,6,9,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,2,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381726118383077,0.3490101142392634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076415698389607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450235420945735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519262769222206,0.0,0.0,0.1742885932865513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28454811137835057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659808990408148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889811367595245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029659987972267,0.08320597705250515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262843973733673,0.0,0.1644886610105766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871011337714107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5972578228331535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544575628741382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571683651020866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476693469140405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627406818191524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Atropos_101,2019/01/06,"Do I have mild ptsd? My story doesn’t even come close to some of your stories... but I’m a 16 year old female and last year, I witnessed my dad’s heart attack in front of my eyes. It was a very traumatic, stressful event. It was incredibly serious and he actually lost his pulse and miraculously in the hospital (the doctor herself stated he was really lucky) they got his pulse back. Watching my dad die in front of my eyes, hearing the police shouting at each other, my mom going into complete hysterics, I think it’s given me a mild form of PTSD. My biggest regret is that I didn’t go to the hospital when he had the heart attack because I was in such a bad state of shock. It was an incredibly selfish thing of me to do and I despise myself for it. I refuse to forgive myself for making that choice. Also, a week after he could leave the hospital, I had nightmares about him having another heart attack but not being able to get to the hospital in time. I also couldn’t stop putting my fingers on my pulse to make sure my heart was still beating. Even thought it’s been a year, I don’t think there’s been a week where I don’t remember it and then have a breakdown. And I don’t WANT to remember but my brain just won’t stop remembering it. My heart (and weirdly, this only happened after the heart attack) has been a skipping a beat more frequently. I can feel it throughout the day or when I exercise and it makes me scared but I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid. My depression and anxiety has also increased and I either sleep too little or sleep too much. My stress levels are also very high. And whenever my dad so much as sneezes or coughs, I get scared he’s going to die for good (I think it’s because when the heart attack happened, I watched him lunge forward, make this inhumane noise, and then just drop dead) Even while I’m typing this, I’m ultra aware of my heart and its beats. And when someone talks about anything heart related, I visibly cringe and feel sick. I feel stupid for feeling this stuff over something as small as a heart attack (especially considering others have had much much more traumatic experiences) but I think the fact that I was 15 and young might’ve made it worse? Do you think I have ptsd? ",4.491368965266148,5.568521476297972,5.245979756790216,82.90413747906504,70.12866817155756,8.244345736547004,28.060074273647427,8.558390810932622,1.947163605912765,1766,61,349,28,31,573,209,443,0.261,0.706,0.033,-0.999,0,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,2,1,4,24,24,8,4,23,0,37,21,17,5,2,65,70,40,3,5,14,4,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,24,20,0,3,15,1,0,9,9,20,0,0,19,11,53,4,36,46,11,53,0,3,4,0,21,17,0,6,26,234,77,2,0.05523680783942245,0.0,0.05390315644595268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669142109070848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792060920563224,0.04225600680736656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545518637079821,0.0,0.0,0.3770390589710021,0.0,0.04247369566384853,0.046120427302912916,0.06734369073879486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166254545794195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047581618952441784,0.057914742095387016,0.0,0.0,0.044102096399817686,0.0,0.0,0.03562317142932855,0.0,0.04757538165280716,0.0,0.114654171540083,0.0,0.0,0.056537213407605286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945017188158997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403219717937843,0.0,0.0,0.11171755889594424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771790456185873,0.0,0.09417705248363988,0.04633001372311017,0.044177921207612623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769145350008396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225589692394265,0.6545588324457609,0.0,0.058360720193543075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03035670502122427,0.04502537074766382,0.0,0.05848780393651758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536179268519346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029750079790831,0.0,0.0,0.05226640314780112,0.14748399261462702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058597524117265876,0.0,0.06469268174726467,0.0,0.0,0.1624216375621736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057961737996265285,0.0,0.0,0.04201008142777042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370661733773348,0.05552824838731675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035386113521234615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771760652971525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106033615725999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055339840288762,0.0,0.04680196803212607,0.04252399330105494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044112186092856234,0.09236088938857072,0.1265471535087312,0.0,0.06323292968564752,0.0,0.0,0.052060037687886314,0.0,0.0,0.044397253808234415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0366968807072819,0.17696758049478126,0.0,0.043851855413192434,0.032209026853809115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115230266803576,0.032580100400034166,0.0,0.08861527083179592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629102620088585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671207971611588 ptsd,UmmSaidShe,2019/01/06,"Does anybody else struggle with not remembering their trauma? I have very few conscious memories of my earliest childhood traumas, but my _body_ remembers it. I remember smells, textures, sensations, but few images, no narrative, no order of events. The myriad evidence that anything bad happened is circumstantial, but I _do_ remember enough to know I was violated, and I am definitely trigger-able. It’s almost irrelevant whether or not the trauma occurred, because regardless of what events transpired, I am left with all the trappings of PTSD. Why, then, am I so consumed and guilt-riddled by my lack of specific memory? Why do I feel like I’m a terrible human being for suspecting the worst of my caregiver? Like even if it _did_ happen, it absolutely _must_ have been my fault for “misunderstanding” things? Like if only I knew _for sure_, why, then... Then I could argue to myself why my feelings are _differently_ illegitimate, and it’s all still my fault, with the added bonus of perpetual nightmare fuel?... I do NOT want to remember it, but at the same time, it feels invalid if I don’t. I know there are many flavors of misery to be had with this illness, but if there’s anybody out there in a similar boat, if you have found a way to cope with crippling guilt and shame caused by absent memories, please share what has helped you. I would love to feel a little less alone. Thank you very much for reading, and I hope all of you out there find some manner of joy in your lives today.",7.89021978021978,7.81595853479854,7.976131868131869,70.29386813186817,62.553113553113576,11.382564102564105,36.51501831501831,10.93419730881044,4.0726187545787536,1172,50,205,28,15,381,161,273,0.206,0.654,0.14,-0.9667,1,1,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,5,1,1,7,23,2,3,10,0,23,3,1,1,5,58,38,21,0,12,15,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,12,0,0,16,1,1,0,6,13,0,0,6,6,29,10,32,27,12,18,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,9,12,150,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059505420446156,0.10958426156802148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870702404409878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834452160745168,0.0644990353463534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752785245604105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869305319903656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447837186628868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054591546447187,0.0,0.0,0.09259251951380852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838826785871595,0.0,0.0,0.10932703400355928,0.0,0.06988460168438004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21399702632831305,0.07558862422440324,0.0,0.0,0.0967057864151532,0.0,0.0,0.11601204052736735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712976503703027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092027898552712,0.0,0.0,0.10509033930733597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629764681339808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495974022830548,0.0,0.0,0.155076035856393,0.10604652593484168,0.09342962117835947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549505243370084,0.0,0.0,0.10727180770705826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778040397851463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047107894405962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161444391850494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368285552736655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583574808600198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5992941781611277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449769885774959,0.0,0.0,0.11061256997168477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972195387946327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974129760216294,0.0,0.0,0.0702935458355084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169697973855528,0.0,0.10029277348746823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460390207869242,0.062407777899793536,0.08398476311244785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818978568164956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751623388679905,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aperson11211,2019/01/06,"PTSD sucks [TW] I know I’m preaching to the choir here. But it really does. How can I make it better? I need better strategies for overcoming this. It’s taking up so much of my time and thoughts. I just want to feel like myself, to feel like I can move forward and leave it behind. I’ve spent all weekend barely able to get out of bed, having really bad flashbacks and when I eventually get some sleep, nightmares. I’ve got a counsellor, which is great, but she keeps cancelling our sessions. She’s cancelled 5weeks out of 9, so it’s all a bit sporadic. I’m trying so hard. To keep going. To go to uni, keep on top of my work. To look after my family. To be a good friend and girlfriend. But sometimes it feels inescapable. Recently I keep wanting to take Codeine, just because it feels nice for a bit. I’ve only done it a few times and I’ve never taken too many. But that’s not the point. I shouldn’t need to be doing it at all. I’m worried as well that I keep getting suicidal. And when I do it seems so rational. I don’t want to end up doing something stupid on the spur of the moment just because it seems like a good idea. When it passes I’m always so glad I didn’t do anything. But I also never tell anyone when I get like that. I don’t want them to worry about me. Or think I’m being over dramatic or saying it for attention. My ex used to use suicide threats as a way to control me. I never want to make anyone feel like that. I don’t know why I’m writing this. I just want to feel better please, pretty, pretty please. ",0.6383027317510077,2.81345457680251,2.538866099417828,93.09371786833857,84.73667711598745,5.025024630541871,19.77259292431706,6.3317336037704965,0.07433176892073368,1186,34,256,11,35,394,160,319,0.114,0.6829999999999999,0.203,0.978,0,0,1,0,0,1,42.0,1,0,1,6,19,19,3,0,11,0,17,1,1,6,6,62,65,26,2,9,12,1,7,5,2,1,0,2,1,0,20,8,0,6,14,2,1,5,9,4,1,0,6,10,29,15,38,55,8,30,1,0,1,0,10,11,1,5,20,156,49,2,0.08295726725052331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634089664860834,0.06902709192055692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160113002282072,0.0,0.06826676252991958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069265853026819,0.10113996026880487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22010688429681446,0.18113570018745287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930436292210736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259646361009177,0.08489408654528559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347551576252496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820472855607777,0.0,0.25167412145310064,0.17779406489825886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409257889335543,0.0,0.17336699281384024,0.0,0.0942930534588928,0.13916123977770578,0.06634850491082979,0.09146068000858243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431341698858594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936486571325663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686811539422622,0.0,0.0,0.09118228912184496,0.0,0.0,0.08783976793450833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026436522259049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966321116879465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107492401269232,0.08410564833407347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817044648637519,0.060983136614641824,0.12302352503709295,0.1919452759707236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309273994165401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212433568252825,0.07842143171017796,0.0,0.0,0.16879472893941297,0.0,0.0,0.0969726060769483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628909928583263,0.0,0.08191029337060028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597094857851545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510423608956292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301717799681071,0.0,0.0,0.06386455725483435,0.08204685852259859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814835717255134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474708162620067,0.0,0.0725083080665222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315566718649672,0.0,0.065858803780243,0.09674609931690296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056322539005066716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329688713491406,0.0,0.0,0.2935820734382368,0.06584761740051516,0.0,0.0,0.074588546025503,0.0,0.0748560305160941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603938785746654,0.16849426346897198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Bones1225,2019/01/06,"I was in a car accident and now I have this weird thing happening to me at intersections I’m just posting this because I need to tell someone and I feel like no one really understands my ptsd and I actually don’t exactly understand what’s happening to me in specific situations, when sometimes stopped at a red light. I was in a car accident over a year ago where my car was t-boned at an intersection. I broke my pelvis in four places, a rib, and had a brain bleed. The most significant, long lasting affect of the accident is the ptsd I have now. I have road rage, and at almost every intersection I pass it’s very scary for me and I often will cry out. I feel pathetic because I’m 26 years old and even with friends in the car with me I’ll cry out in fear uncontrollably. Most of the time in the car I’m a little on edge but am fine, but when crossing intersections or if I feel another driver is acting recklessly near me I’ll get very upset. I have this one very weird thing happen to me when I am sitting at a red light. It happens sometimes but yesterday was the most severe, as I happened to get stopped on a red light at the same intersection where the accident was, it’s in a town over from where I live now and I avoid the area so I am not over there much. Anyways so when I am sitting at the red light, I start to feel very woozy, and I start to feel like I’m leaving my body or losing control of my body. I can’t tell if I’m passing out or what exactly is happening but it’s frightening and I’m afraid I’ll lose consciousness. I’ll usually try to shake my head and kind of wake myself up or open a window, and by the time the light turns green and I can go again then it will pass and it will go away. Sometimes when I stop the car on red the episode will start where I feel like the car is still moving even though it’s not and I’ll press extra hard on the brake and realize I’m not actually moving, then the sickness/pass out feeling starts. Does this happen to anyone else? 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My ptsd is still there but it’s getting better, but I keep having these vivid dreams of my attack or just with my assaulter in them and it’s making it extra hard to get over.",5.300470588235292,5.217249870588237,6.0329411764705885,82.08823529411767,67.94117647058823,8.682352941176473,27.588235294117645,8.238735603445708,1.6352823529411764,329,9,68,4,5,108,53,85,0.14,0.759,0.1,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,4,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,16,13,10,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,9,1,13,11,1,9,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,4,49,15,0,0.19745877980356435,0.2339563653686051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750352943148358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463786810155345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746362444187156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126562505470942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688428184701427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510208723446103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947097572513542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636105376228657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616374937351888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119968326235848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633399431362368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576908366190306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406154995189978,0.0,0.1928885359852018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715698025309866 ptsd,lexilynn42,2019/01/06,"I think I just relived my trauma and made everything worse. (Triggers sexual assault/drinking) So over a year ago I attended a party with a bunch of friends and got very drunk with them. My boyfriend at the time was also very drunk. Towards the end of the night we got into an extremely bad fight that led to him trying to force me to have sex with him. Luckily it didn’t end up happening and I went home but the night was so traumatic for me that it led to intense anxiety and panic attacks as well as nightmares and depression. Fast forward to today. I went to another party with a friend of mine who has had a crush on me for a long time. I’ve denied him multiple times and went into the reasoning why despite knowing that I shouldn’t have to give a reason. He didn’t give up and kept pursuing me anyway. At a previous party while drunk he began making out with me and touching me. I was conscious enough to understand where it was going so I stopped him and said I didn’t want to do this with him and that this was wrong. He left. Last night we had another party and I got extremely drunk on accident(alcohol count on the drink was higher than I thought) so I ended up laying on my friends bed. He came in and ended up making out with me. I was barely conscious at the time and can’t remember what all happened other than feeling some pain and a lot of numbness. The next day he texted me and I told him I didn’t remember what happened. He told me in detail everything and that we had started having sex but he had to stop for some reason. My body is incredibly sore now and I’m just in a lot of mental pain. I don’t understand why I did this to myself. I never should’ve gone to this party or drank alcohol around my friends. I should’ve been able to trust him not to take advantage of me and at least to feel bad. Since then he’s been texting me asking when we’re going to do this again and wanting to see what else I can do. And I’ve been ignoring the messages. Why doesn’t he realize I DONT want him?!?! Why does he constantly pursue me? Why couldn’t he realize I was DRUNK and DIDNT ACTUALLY WANT THAT? I don’t know what to do I feel the panic coming back and the anxiety all over again. I feel sick to my stomach and my body is a constant reminder of what happened. 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Do any of y'all find it very intrusive when people call you by name? I don't know how to explain it, but when someone uses my name I feel very awkward and vulnerable. I feel the same calling some else by their name. It feels like an invasion of privacy and I'm not sure why. Just wondering if anyone can relate? ",1.3282417582417594,3.627685076923079,3.2806593406593407,88.08076923076923,82.84615384615384,6.791208791208793,23.131868131868128,7.957251820313856,1.3458791208791214,250,9,52,5,7,84,51,65,0.122,0.8290000000000001,0.049,-0.5884,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,22,11,7,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,2,5,11,2,2,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,3,3,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231131900466944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689136062587695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874401372937833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938741530741544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620529765721708,0.17051381111844086,0.0,0.0,0.21815018288863294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117287942288558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660751935596485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547140800071622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223370438720395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249540930614671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061438189241481,0.0,0.3938737751225946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21537255007586886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588394496181107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Chefbpd,2019/01/06,"My accident stole a huge chunk of my identity, but not for long My accident ended my culinary career. I feel like it stripped a huge chunk of my identity from me. When you meet people, they generally ask what you do in the first few questions. After the accident, I no longer had an answer. Monday, I start college for the first time. I can no longer say, I run banquets, or I'm a chef, or I cook, but I can say I am a fulltime student. It doesn't fill the whole gap, but it's a start. It doesn't magically fix anything, but it's one step & I hope that step is in the right direction. ",2.797941712204008,3.80089380327869,4.495027322404372,86.9793897996357,74.08196721311475,8.045173041894353,26.67030965391621,8.515128840125781,1.6541938069216762,452,16,101,8,9,153,74,122,0.131,0.773,0.096,-0.6428,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,11,0,8,1,0,0,0,12,14,7,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,5,0,0,3,1,3,18,2,8,13,2,19,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,4,11,67,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538216729840561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927768254721177,0.0,0.21900239255291612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074856951421744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184493897889406,0.16735609027818546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985245383041496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326740100503861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444808141023123,0.0,0.0,0.20731359474236274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874130216145824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240706670142216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26242590973815794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005759617305532,0.0,0.3725874662586113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316222534863925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659946079139734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26154401722576914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NotBrokenYetBritches,2019/01/06,"I need to talk about last night someplace. Guess it's here. Trigger warning: Rape, break in, violence I had a nightmare last night. I was in my room, reading a book. I hear glass shatter, and the alarm goes off (my house has a fucking anxiety-inducing alarm system). My book disappears and I look outside of my room, terrified. Before I can see into the hall, I'm shoved back onto my bed, and this big man, easily double my size, looms over me. I scream out, before he spreads me legs and begins to rub on me. Behind him, my mother just,,, *stares.* Her expression blank and cold, I remember that much. The man shoves my face back up to look right at him as I feel the pain in my stomach. Ah fuck the *pain.* It felt so fucking real. I passed out from it, and woke up tightly hugging my pillow. I've been thinking about it all day, it's been the most real dream of the past month. I'm afraid to fall asleep again. I didn't wake up sweating, or hot, or gasping for air this time though. I was just,, dead silent. Thanks for the vent.",1.2229832303618693,3.474160689320392,2.324924977934689,95.07168578993824,82.88349514563106,5.2988526037069725,20.528684907325683,6.574015621080383,0.17574563106796148,786,23,171,8,22,249,132,206,0.175,0.777,0.048,-0.9807,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,0,0,10,12,4,3,11,1,8,13,6,1,1,25,25,11,1,1,4,1,5,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,8,9,0,1,4,4,0,3,1,10,1,0,8,12,28,2,27,17,4,37,0,0,4,5,10,20,3,4,12,102,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535410883403026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493824993060748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450352654538496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409294897882336,0.0,0.1406974344556594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064102076319677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614258036202615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515659812126554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908274296642628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23889261674015136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461064834650004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169635494966178,0.0,0.10772073990768123,0.1086545058086189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27502801261484544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31184903737028313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988508804509875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657554485904084,0.3335798475960973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659965980935633,0.12514084954332302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167701323967022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777999783462167,0.0,0.13491055994717813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389428155850377,0.14397076808481235,0.0,0.08544625596624872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OnePlanetOnePeace,2019/01/06,"The new mission They label it Diagnose it Treat it It makes it worse 3 tours in Iraq, tortured, drowned to death and resuscitate. I fond memories of, a cherished blur of adrenaline. But it's not real. We chase that numbness, that elusive shadow of something you can't name. Escaping into it becomes a daily response mechanism to conflict. Drowning out the outside noise with the noise inside our heads. But it's not real. Your family is real, your friends are real, your future is real; you are real. We approach issues as problems and launch missions. We push forward to win the fight; but it's not a fight; there is no battle outside, only one within. The new mission isn't one of conflict. It's a mission of serenity, patience, and love. If you are struggling, just let go. Your life is your karma and you have a lot more to give. If you are reading this, stop what you are doing, stop what you are thinking. Make your loved ones feel important. Your wife should wake up to a path of flowers leading to a card thanking her for everything she's done. Your kids should enjoy a breakfast out where you leave your phone in the car, or even at home. They are real, they are important. I live in a glass house and see my family two days a week, I stayed in the blur for too long. Things aren't too late to change until they are. The new mission is love. Gitr done",2.8505681818181827,5.117223708333333,3.635975757575757,87.80296363636364,77.06818181818181,6.0421818181818185,25.71151515151515,7.087006719466742,1.220897151515152,1065,40,203,12,25,338,146,264,0.142,0.735,0.124,0.2086,1,0,1,0,2,0,40.0,4,17,4,2,7,17,4,1,18,0,24,9,2,4,0,46,35,13,3,5,10,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,16,12,1,4,2,1,0,6,7,7,0,4,2,2,31,10,28,30,2,29,1,0,1,3,38,12,0,6,12,144,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926883118173886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508441033563862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057967168905279164,0.0,0.0,0.09122946273594623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396325274842507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936694521765237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078114189855305,0.0,0.16946758992228833,0.0,0.045447600160011474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944346638306276,0.0,0.0,0.08622406756394163,0.051082641712110965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224600022735724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016008608352856,0.0,0.0,0.10371303885464764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381461253189864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013920610127704,0.09517323342232444,0.0,0.0919115678384392,0.06348709743748109,0.0,0.0,0.07936843122111424,0.07954372224604964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641540428893087,0.2433690430973222,0.0,0.11999534527235342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26042899781158835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827213608031719,0.0683601540272519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600599550957487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990743178400754,0.7161465848472712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162519998109003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919640793631814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580343394748768,0.0,0.15029260620578044,0.0,0.09396534034135426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827522897974411,0.0,0.0,0.05971434313410274,0.05759346637427069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780273612482245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720988076831456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159856612181902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blurglub,2019/01/06,"Where would I post a garbled backstory? I'm pretty sure I've been living with undiagnosed PTSD for about 14 years, and while I'm trying to get the nerve to do something concrete about it, I have an incredibly hard time putting everything into words/making what happened and is happening coherent. A good friend suggested I just word vomit it all out on a forum somewhere anonymously and get used to talking about it in a way that isn't personal. Is this a place to do that, or is there a better sub for that kind of thing? ​ Thank you in advance, and sorry if this is the wrong place!",9.483391304347826,7.148004469565219,8.976521739130437,71.67086956521742,60.82608695652174,12.330434782608695,38.65217391304348,10.793553405168565,3.9843391304347833,474,18,89,9,5,152,81,115,0.053,0.795,0.153,0.9111,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,6,7,0,0,9,0,10,1,0,1,2,15,18,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,6,16,16,1,15,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,3,60,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057983242086307,0.21372906847122566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556293443835112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580811543765081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589438168040338,0.0,0.1837935116593523,0.0,0.0,0.14753057967082547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110829375076076,0.0,0.15756544714834106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316533897299986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553166114467981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535828544802198,0.367541188387112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845673161807528,0.17894626582509746,0.0,0.0,0.2056093321613932,0.17682089890251987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541091136119318,0.0,0.1968976480456236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577693207001482,0.0,0.0,0.141376012303108,0.0,0.16193850682263186,0.0,0.0,0.1168553956235045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256453690635016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941970107802034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191495029656635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961555934049746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494923595062392,0.1923112223125854,0.21372906847122566,0.11326923026965635 ptsd,Happy_Ohm_Experience,2019/01/06,How on earth do you tell if someone is gaslighting you if your memory is shot from ptsd? It’s doing my head in....,1.6437500000000007,3.048049208333336,3.3483333333333327,92.43000000000002,77.75,6.466666666666668,20.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.29348333333333354,87,2,20,1,2,29,21,24,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,3,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5195768910855847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5918000457614333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42895912184836815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425004314909541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Voidspun,2019/01/07,"Validated in my ptsd and my ideas for its source by an awesome psych. But... Hi. First, background: FTP with no clue about formatting because usually I'm on mobile. I'm mid-20s, AFAB nonbinary, American, shitty family situation that I'm 6months out of. Some of that shitty situation involves abuse and more manipulation than I care to think about. I was initially dx'd with ptsd and general anxiety in 2016, following a house fire (only lost the kitchen, thankfully, but it was at 2am and *traumatic as hell*.) and 3-4 months of recurring panic attacks. Recurring being between once and twice a week. Fastforward through some more abuse and shitty stuff to now. I'm employed, work with good people in a loud environment. I have panic attacks on a near-weekly basis, usually with no obvs trigger, and the results vary from ""I need to go collect myself outside for as long as I can hold off the misplaced guilt for being *broken* and *holding my coworkers back*"" to ""I cannot do this and I need to go home *right now*."" I'm seeing a great psychologist, specializes in ptsd and has been awesome in helping me ground and figure out causes and such, but insurance doesn't cover therapy (apparently) and unfortunately $110 a visit is a bit steep. I don't want to go back on meds, they didn't help as much as I needed them to. Dulled the edge, but didn't stop the knives in my mind and in my gut enough for me to function. I know I have PTSD and probably major depression. I suspect I might have cPTSD (the descriptions and discussions in those communities strike a little too close to home for it to be coincidence). I'm an obligate night owl in a crack-o-dawn position (thus perma-jetlag which I know doesn't help) with no interviews or alternate jobs on the horizon, and I'm getting to the end of my rope. I have very few contacts where I am now, and going to any of the places I used to be is a very bad idea for me. What more can I do?",3.6941297222701364,5.580608930481284,5.142968776953602,79.67828618250822,73.33155080213905,8.783025702949804,28.374676556839752,9.370254747372089,2.6363582197688458,1516,61,290,37,31,508,209,374,0.191,0.738,0.071,-0.9926,3,0,0,0,2,0,66.0,0,0,2,3,10,15,3,3,21,0,26,2,1,6,0,57,51,29,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,10,27,1,3,7,0,0,6,9,10,0,2,6,3,30,5,58,40,10,45,1,3,1,0,11,23,1,4,16,190,40,5,0.0,0.22120044038946335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347875316295824,0.0,0.07140974070047856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239001244495215,0.0,0.14355523974488335,0.07794034513744283,0.05690309919005645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191009258094458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517287627907424,0.09589246651895147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039911776427013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267720395308634,0.09645178453681988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799867855060843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940040037725092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04876964140656532,0.0,0.21220364175126544,0.07829453175022087,0.0,0.10291473583114699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877043733148524,0.0,0.1872681009270939,0.0,0.0,0.10770921297531914,0.0,0.21075344746694066,0.0,0.0,0.09263189867468123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026014807300074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093557616042274,0.0,0.08260862679240119,0.0,0.0,0.1018986227566323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368680725204872,0.0,0.0,0.09902577926919767,0.09425325419762637,0.0,0.07450820611292074,0.0,0.06862034476740915,0.20764551902010006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759927318778242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941086978262548,0.0,0.0709941437495247,0.0,0.219043776205086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471464053411109,0.0,0.09752712050578104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064320756816636,0.0,0.4364677864337124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971731578810827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438499541002827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985052991180767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804177039456575,0.0,0.0,0.10685929536996612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859408238773103,0.10674974391961747,0.0,0.0,0.059812604125765764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806213188199099,0.20561574401809596,0.1540411124848934,0.05505812539665743,0.0,0.14975370344502262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795729114136062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Distantstallion,2019/01/07,"Got a final Exam on Friday, shaking with worry I'm in pretty deep in the whole PTSD thing. High TES, High Anxiety, High Depression. Last time I had a University exam I blew my lid and had a ton of flashbacks during, granted I was just uncovering the extent at the time after repressing it for 6 months. I'm worried it's going to happen again. Studying is already difficult, I barely get sleep, can't concentrate, when I do I just stare at a page. The rational part of me knows I'll have tried my best fail or don't every single day is a fight. I take my pills, go to the gym, clean, practice hygiene, attend classes. I can handle failure, if I dropped put I could find some peace working the lowest job, eventually find my place. These Grey areas terrify me. I can't deal with them. What do? ",2.3433333333333373,4.517277006369426,4.2002802547770735,83.59095116772825,78.29936305732485,6.7344373673036095,24.47940552016985,7.793537801064563,1.4672559660297242,618,22,118,10,15,209,111,157,0.199,0.6990000000000001,0.102,-0.9325,2,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,3,4,7,1,2,11,0,13,2,1,0,0,13,22,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,1,0,5,3,6,0,0,4,2,18,1,13,17,8,26,0,2,2,0,3,11,0,3,9,73,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701910616424463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798166064631382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618495646536269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123136069031663,0.0,0.0,0.09946233069017324,0.15899914610302746,0.13283371897559024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299411676685417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689458885820347,0.2819176110691468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057616826261974,0.0,0.1752991804999088,0.0,0.12334777708023975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363806093585107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888413651818643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304446042312442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475799633603709,0.12571391414815988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310087955439546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701058611651678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161132242218716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156902213738804,0.0,0.0,0.1802807073549734,0.1550386667481918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433632421926305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595796496484033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246020041889088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985961112405172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470861393375727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721866431884614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227759663086173,0.3132458354201369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AnonLad,2019/01/07,"I couldn't help it ... what if the abuser couldn't either? My dad was abusive towards my mom, and I have PTSD because of it. As a result, I have had to come to terms with the fact that my actions towards men are sometimes downright hurtful. For example, shutting down emotionally (a switch flips), physically pushing someone away for no reason, rejecting people after a long time spent building up trust. I hate that I do this - I admittedly have sabatoged my own relationships. My question is.. after doing this, my explanation is that ""I genuinely couldn't help it."" The part of me that acts out of PTSD doesn't feel like me. It's hard for me to feel responsible for ""her"" actions, because sometimes in that state of mind i'd have disassociated. I know that I have taken certain harmful actions but all without consciously deciding or meaning to. Of course, I have not done anything physically harmful or directly abusive to another person. My actions do not compare to the way my dad treated my mom. But when I hear my own justifications, I can't help but think, what if my dad couldn't help it to?? Does anyone relate? I know this kind of reasoning is flawed, but it also scares a part of me.",4.578427579365076,6.522270781250002,5.593690476190479,77.12353174603176,71.09821428571429,8.013492063492063,32.53373015873016,8.680891452615391,2.8419164682539684,941,45,167,17,18,310,120,224,0.154,0.8220000000000001,0.024,-0.9784,0,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,0,0,0,0,3,11,1,1,8,0,22,0,0,4,3,38,34,12,0,6,12,5,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,17,4,0,0,13,0,1,7,10,6,0,0,5,4,29,5,30,25,7,23,0,2,0,0,16,8,0,5,7,126,46,0,0.0,0.4199842987160548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448878894807612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389618432386415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261696643110501,0.0,0.09723178375210152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101083869520942,0.0,0.0,0.14405280668235254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178036994103896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033985410954578,0.12091394346092953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290886300104424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948578803827666,0.08441020407756045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584398355418023,0.11665394417623708,0.0,0.0,0.13316966424079396,0.0,0.3167881560925779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648774356795614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230406124999098,0.12987017824422484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772473467840152,0.0,0.0,0.10456376467188844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870581218238422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930321897551315,0.2767642306284577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559014550277017,0.0,0.08191404101946766,0.10316869223557808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762345573314437,0.0,0.13236103065873764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429667525695481,0.0,0.1268546251337129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182941155158405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011264276315712,0.0,0.2337173203991389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570917596701528,0.0,0.0,0.06889733348287673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378621540565896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389753889670633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwawaybassett1995,2019/01/07,"Invasive flashbacks after car accident. Help! Hey all. New redditor here, sorry if this is in the wrong place. 4 months ago I fell asleep on the motorway and ironically hit an accident that had just happened (overworked, wasn’t drunk or on my phone). Fortunately nobody besides me was hurt. When the police saw the state of my car/me they said they couldn’t believe I was alive. I got a new car pretty swiftly and started driving again And I’m not scared of driving. But atleast 8 times a day I’ll be doing something such as the gym or reading and suddenly I’m flashing back to hitting the car in front and being whacked with an airbag. I find myself losing track of conversations and lying in bed thinking about it. Does it go away in time. ",3.0770729270729302,5.520946482517483,3.906858141858145,85.24512237762238,77.18181818181819,6.603196803196802,27.69680319680319,7.7094869923839395,1.8027586413586416,589,25,110,9,14,188,104,143,0.149,0.764,0.086,-0.862,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,7,4,0,1,10,0,9,2,1,0,1,17,20,12,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,7,1,0,2,3,0,8,3,4,0,0,7,2,10,0,15,8,1,30,0,2,1,0,7,8,0,3,13,66,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781119653325994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846118829901728,0.1542415577066988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259965758575081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936414799405144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553792181263536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183335898663401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140000891396096,0.0,0.16043038583774027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738133834336528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445144870083345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147360630571211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440923480714708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010926237470596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38746272014643335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957416827408776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20407244690382376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006445809019354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080730841695415,0.0,0.20082588187723135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442421160084266,0.0,0.22454441639789055,0.141978845582393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853016368120487,0.0,0.0,0.23393163210786455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931400201864573,0.0,0.0 ptsd,VanillaMast3r,2019/01/07,"School Paper Over PTSD - Survey? **Who I am**: Student, Highschool, 12th Grade **Affiliation**: None, as this is for a paper. **Target group**: PTSD Sufferers, Others. **Compensation**: None, besides knowledge and maybe a decent grade. **Background**: Chose to do my Psych semester test over PTSD because I was ignorant, and thought PTSD was cool because I saw it in action movies. After a bit of research and reading here, I realize I was in the wrong. I have a few bullet points which I need suggestions/answers for, if at all possible. \- (Why it affects those people) \- (Can it be treated?) \- (How can it be treated) \- (More in-depth analysis) \- (What the Future looks like) \- (What can we do now) \- (Do you know anyone with PTSD) \- (What should you do for them) \- (How serious is PTSD in comparison to other mental illnesses) I came up with these bullets on my own, so if any of them seem ""weird"", please forgive me.",0.13184056122449306,0.0172110437500006,1.687219387755107,88.78196428571432,138.5625,4.306122448979592,20.76530612244898,5.9561762281905315,0.9598966836734696,677,28,119,12,49,217,109,160,0.062,0.897,0.041,-0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,85.0,1,2,2,0,5,10,0,0,6,1,17,1,0,3,1,22,24,9,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,7,0,1,6,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,6,3,16,5,19,15,7,14,0,1,2,0,8,9,0,3,4,88,30,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289796703728079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523715164666291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862142074110615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308609691582793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942413082805732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699449614028921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955546634176365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023675052845292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246757432494468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284917689098335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038925379739944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451193305662923,0.0,0.0,0.13381247851357952,0.11523738556295565,0.13742689649562234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8549858898393642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193561625591598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233719672763852,0.0,0.1109755738915546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677706971720476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999816073462418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328138676600967,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CanaryButt,2019/01/07,"Working with my therapist has helped me approach my trauma but for the past week now, rumination and flashbacks have been occurring more. Is this part of the process? Kinda like I'm facing my demons? The flashbacks and rumination have been lowering in intensity but now I feel they're happening more often when before, they'd rarely come up. There are a lot of things that will take time like subconscious learned behavioues. I've just been having a hard time. Trying not to let it send me into a depressive episode but it's hard when it just hits me. Or not even memories but I catch myself doing a certain behaviour or thinking in a certain way that happened because of it. It's scary and uncomfortable. My therapist isn't forcing it either, it's just something that our sessions has lead into to start addressing. It's just hard living like this, knowing I have all of these behaviours and thought processes because of it and they won't go overnight. I'm so impatient. I can't talk to anyone other than my therapist too and its hard. Am I at least on the right track? Is it normal to experience symptoms like this when trying to recover? I dunno. I guess I need some reassurance.",3.9656673072816604,6.4880095470852055,4.7433568225496465,79.96877428998506,74.60538116591928,8.193807388426222,29.453128336536412,8.976282227363876,2.7887558829809964,951,42,168,22,21,306,131,223,0.117,0.7959999999999999,0.087,-0.7066,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,2,2,14,9,0,0,9,0,20,2,1,1,3,40,35,16,0,2,13,0,5,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,20,10,0,0,5,0,0,6,5,2,0,0,4,5,20,7,20,26,8,25,1,1,0,0,7,8,0,8,14,124,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927894822158999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617898347181402,0.0,0.11292103768955294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431244978532712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429746498621818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876495136333706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980964000052425,0.0,0.0,0.06709895608110968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541854620882428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461880388992147,0.0,0.2346988105605617,0.0,0.4755056426745272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894846375312143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293045917279797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356984798322475,0.0,0.2593292139975001,0.0,0.11717976003093702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281990332274387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839807989490253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002140782433447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370512823244946,0.12668065596664144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332819766507195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216175817298398,0.0,0.0,0.0939283311710216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379299105411245,0.09977663459740573,0.10666217245850504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622375203753675,0.08816241282841064,0.08503114481733022,0.0,0.10535188020660524,0.15476113868846653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019414388372734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053339857707912,0.10644686877192724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660984250550768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RemarkableRaccoon0,2019/01/07,"Triggered by my partner's instability and insomnia I have posted on here before, mostly rants/seeking support, validation. I guess here I am looking for advice today. I have C-PTSD, and I have literally spent the last year overhauling my mental health. Seeing a therapist, being more open about my feelings, and I have put a ton of effort into getting my nervous to calm TF down. The New Year has emerged, and I am feeling like I am more function than I have been in a few years. Meanwhile, my partner of over 5 years has struggled with anxiety all her life. This has included bouts of extreme insomnia. In the past she tried blaming me for my snoring, so we got a separate room set up for her. I was framed as so much of the problem until it was inescapable that its really her and her anxiety. So we have 3 beds in our house plus a double foamie. When she sleeps in the same room as me she sleeps in one of the two queen beds we have in just our bedroom. I sometimes joke that we are like the Flintstones from the prudish age of TV. So yeah, she works shift work and while she is not considered full-time permanent she gets part-time hours. I have my own online business which I have neglected but slowly grown over the past year. Because of my improved health I have been eager to work on my career and business. However, this week she has had a canceled shift which led to her taking an overnight shift (11pm to 7am) which was a TERRIBLE idea, she consented to all this before talking to me about it. Which would be fine if I didn't have to put out her fires and basically become totally responsible for her mental health as a consequence. I feel like a babysitter... So it was: night shift 3pm - 11pm, followed by a 11pm - 7am, followed by 3pm to 11pm, followed by 7am to 3pm. She did not sleep at all since she picked up the overnight shift. We had a talk about this pattern of anxiety and insomnia of hers, and that went well. Until she woke me up at 1am last night, SCREAMING AT ME that she hadn't slept at all. Now, as a lot of you can probably relate to, getting woken up by being screamed at for something you have zero control over is an absolute trigger. I burst out in tears, the kind where you just feel your soul pouring out because you are powerless but so much is expected of you. She went to the other room and I don't know what happened, she did go to work and texted me later she was sorry. Now I am left alone, feeling very resentful of all the effort I put into helping her from keeping the home clean, to trying ti stay up with her. I had shaken this disgusting feeling of anxiety, depression, and sadness that lives in my gut but it has returned after last night. It really pisses me off because I LITERALLY just got out of this cycle and I am trying to get myself into a sensible routine. But I do feel angry about this. She texted me today that she will see the doctor after work. I really don't know what to do with all this. Today I feel like I really don't want to be around her so I am writing this at my local library. I don't really have any friends or family to console with because I live in a big city several hours from my hometown. Anyone have any advice for how to deal with this? When your mental health is a full time job just for your partner to be such a trigger. I want to add that our relationship is usually pretty great. This issue definitely rears its ugly head from time to time. I feel like someone has hit the disable button on me (like...her) and I feel working on myself getting ahead is not an option anymore. It really makes me wonder if there is a solution to this or if I am just to let go of all my goals until she can just be a little more stable....help",4.52172608802557,5.140226973226241,5.583354916263693,82.18552495697075,69.76305220883535,8.507597737890336,29.167254050214467,8.603709575120403,2.088873310930798,2907,104,584,45,49,964,304,747,0.099,0.8059999999999999,0.095,-0.5342,6,1,1,0,0,0,82.0,8,8,0,12,29,26,3,2,37,1,67,17,7,8,8,98,110,43,0,8,18,0,11,5,4,2,9,2,8,3,34,36,0,4,14,2,1,12,9,12,1,3,22,16,104,14,112,78,21,100,1,3,3,1,55,47,1,10,43,430,138,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785446411278502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245555026652781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201599080626168,0.0,0.1845260136642244,0.0,0.05980420807228325,0.042165144065962064,0.0,0.0,0.05368230774105908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704019305605326,0.06659974306718311,0.1026265414689868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763475666265538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216957458829413,0.05193874308194299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172250646723565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684814564994786,0.0,0.30490925073303704,0.17232142836111586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04658982042751532,0.0,0.15752871086477152,0.0,0.06854298116981147,0.0,0.09645937120343097,0.06648408803878,0.06643037091815583,0.0,0.053325597487277915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188810567205968,0.2563963731861363,0.0,0.0,0.0808394378119226,0.0,0.06048865990055804,0.0,0.11877229000815998,0.0695813747196305,0.0,0.06807456018182695,0.0,0.06294049215844047,0.05984125846459181,0.053599930144049394,0.0,0.06279612259001603,0.06628172168614288,0.14746457614349948,0.0,0.0,0.06551920624111884,0.06166373402478492,0.04259367544759879,0.17676551384253106,0.060439282396432266,0.10649701550921416,0.0,0.050639193410497926,0.0,0.0,0.05126731353067365,0.0,0.0,0.040252610357453165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823132217087396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865904393425329,0.0,0.0,0.058240853431432385,0.0,0.1697703757498366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086276137739635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530209340795831,0.11513175807524274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775344630766323,0.061349662052790785,0.06501665498559349,0.05770166864046535,0.07049078663273423,0.18186301359554016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317892399384792,0.0,0.0,0.06474267665900152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961071034903797,0.0,0.0,0.06812503858323928,0.0,0.04988312793684914,0.0,0.1810391537703344,0.0,0.051094396069999264,0.04642406820821453,0.05964104536298995,0.0675040862735576,0.0,0.06427479814056941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630416158773694,0.0,0.0,0.06843094208786549,0.0,0.0,0.04534022684195517,0.0969382684480742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001623881598615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054892034006848,0.0,0.17148010853806642,0.0,0.0,0.1228249989425761,0.0,0.058907107063677834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641505279616665,0.049756153972159135,0.07113634848419287,0.0,0.048371296508536506,0.0,0.054219490388424864,0.11180266365258396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653958517814955,0.26340709077067864,0.0,0.0,0.04283740352993768,0.0,0.0,0.1941652418948814 ptsd,-Papadil-,2019/01/07,"Here I go. Wish me luck. A few months ago I quit my job due to the triggers and apparent similarity to the original cause for my PTSD. The downside was that I lost the best therapist I have ever met (and any sort of steady income). Today, I start a new job in a similar field but it shouldn't have the same triggers or environment. I'll be gaining back medical benefits that will allow me to see my therapist again. I still suffer, I still have episodes, and I'm nowhere near being done with this shit. But, I feel stronger, and that progress feels good. Like a new PR in lifting or something. I can confidently say I'm excited to go back to work, not scared or worried. I like this feeling, I'm gonna try to remember this the next time I start spiraling before an episode. Wish me luck folks.",3.665421940928269,5.062108094936711,4.705759493670887,84.77589662447258,72.48101265822784,8.557805907172996,29.62236286919831,9.075114841892004,2.3623527426160327,621,26,130,13,12,203,101,158,0.075,0.617,0.308,0.9907,4,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,6,7,12,1,1,11,0,10,2,1,5,1,28,26,9,0,3,6,0,3,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,5,17,8,12,17,3,22,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,6,19,77,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358215109126805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480634048714212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440161093001026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863109544710572,0.0,0.14630645322471494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321664144236193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142668985365786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261079975125705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21147581069375104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846444447983898,0.11693389780888508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766938822247344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622133380734314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218691361873507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044499682905556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127897140156333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692939328734202,0.1482684328255192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296757383559554,0.0,0.0,0.14828401202317168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792895112630434,0.0,0.0,0.11086765498436142,0.1395777935308298,0.0,0.11109495462007274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431065276094076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732775338270427,0.0,0.0,0.1973559763234041,0.0,0.2226724944022874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32374093449643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129345864553984,0.0,0.13214822619355845,0.0,0.0,0.09465299433773114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206385739471653,0.0,0.0,0.10149509499646632,0.14158174371927795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,impalernz,2019/01/07,"Anyone suffer from multiple traumas.. anyone of which can trigger ptsd Hi. So I've suffered trauma in multiple ways. From childhood sexual abuse. Things I saw in my time in the military. A previous relationship and the breakdown of the relationship and the fight to see my children including false accusations. Followed by a failed suicide attempt. My friend drowning before I could get to him. Getting jumped in my own backyard by 6 unknown thugs who attacked me from behind and almost killed me I.struggle to sleep 6 hours on a good day. Most days I'm lucky to get 4 or 5 hours sleep. Even with meds for sleeping. What are some of your coping strategies? I really need some help. ",4.078424317617866,6.987615403225808,4.4977419354838695,79.80507444168738,76.41935483870971,7.041191066997517,29.69975186104218,8.139509932561175,2.5482178660049617,546,25,89,10,13,172,90,124,0.237,0.679,0.084,-0.972,1,0,0,0,2,1,15.0,0,1,0,2,2,11,3,0,7,0,3,3,3,1,0,13,11,5,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,2,11,3,20,9,4,14,0,3,2,0,10,5,0,6,6,55,15,1,0.0,0.1874620397320813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584321189602995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212589150260982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999541448268025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346315643009935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632391682768593,0.0,0.0,0.204074586567522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045012636451681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222385615821278,0.0,0.2479865710659515,0.0,0.0,0.13270545570273412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604995368689267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116250235177628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504438449048856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574413818121934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731638046831787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494796253151494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101358276050795,0.0,0.0,0.33973308311354705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607898013651178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749957296221229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540343735928065,0.0,0.17306442603461508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511277432882657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225798230757357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125585803748704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Farte-Butte,2019/01/07,"I got diagnosed with ptsd this morning and I don't really know how to deal with it. I have no idea why I'm having such a hard time dealing with it. I've basically become agoraphobic and incredibly anxious and neurotic plus loads of other head chaos but I found it easier telling myself it was just anxiety and not really relating it to a real situation/person because it now feels really real. I got diagnosed this morning and I'll now be doing a ""ptsd stabilisation course"" and then therapy. Do you have any tips for dealing with it? I don't want to waste this chance to move on but I really really cannot imagine really talking about it. I'm sorry for this post, I don't really know who to open up to in this situation because most people don't understand and I guess I'm freaking out.",4.041666666666668,5.5695056878980935,6.498487261146496,71.77452494692146,71.7388535031847,10.583651804670914,28.36995753715499,10.686352973137794,3.467374097664542,631,24,116,21,12,226,88,157,0.115,0.82,0.064,-0.3794,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,12,3,1,1,0,31,24,12,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,15,14,0,0,7,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,4,2,11,0,19,19,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,4,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119116515332939,0.0,0.0913351280842768,0.13487982536855314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556142626859542,0.13185991378949816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692660527506581,0.0,0.2423622590942122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603685624953857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090798949792684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909785801762489,0.0,0.13152457620498895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069524541932002,0.0,0.12253140782061428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477988387701095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312302676383879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689560002975564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827719009217934,0.10424914539284882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434525270604742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791274746801926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27179017915134995,0.5354023767367195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420245501549533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365041044514392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596337111670278,0.10435452723567094,0.0,0.13653601649048802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961887351479966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242920648946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042093817811859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773338784955916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,clit-o-pee,2019/01/07,"211 operator looking for advice on how to comfort PTSD victims For some background, I spoke to a veteran the other day at work and realized our resources at work had very little on how to speak to people with PTSD, veterans or not. I got approval to create a file specifically for educating my coworkers and myself on the subject and while I've done a couple hours research, I would love some firsthand feedback. What are some things we should do when you tell us what you're going through? What is the best thing we can say to you? What are some things NEVER to say to someone with PTSD? What are some things that help you get through an episode or flashback? Do you find that simply having someone to listen to you helps? Anything else that you can think of that would help us in the future would be amazing. We are a small call center in Northern Minnesota, but I like to think we can help in any way we can.",6.685762711864406,6.5785142146892674,6.379666666666669,80.84916101694918,65.045197740113,8.887909604519775,32.954237288135594,8.238735603445708,2.369524745762712,724,27,139,8,10,226,103,177,0.019,0.8490000000000001,0.132,0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,8,6,0,4,3,6,1,0,9,0,19,1,0,2,1,30,28,10,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,14,10,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,6,20,5,27,19,6,19,0,0,1,1,26,11,0,7,7,107,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348820124534307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593655958867616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399250031952192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261848491513886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903883925450269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982702025374916,0.0,0.0814987895116572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932132702670487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055666887674352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155007322104892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602359035147683,0.0,0.07181950651061697,0.0,0.1010703695684307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388150577147685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244499015061646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061738448661940185,0.12665686147539135,0.0,0.0,0.10611974614373637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114054689873689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746504464241952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760968490106723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431625315770104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099045675774227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414734221227907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045375480448592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33582089819604066,0.16194676683117853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040173161667143,0.0,0.0,0.10426924429486624,0.0,0.1003073548501978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183999070828076,0.0,0.0,0.2693108291360373,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bigteethsmallkiss,2019/01/07,"Playful hitting that caused anxiety? Nothing meaningful to say, just mad at myself. My love playfully spanked me in the kitchen harder than she meant to and it hurt, a lot. I snapped back with ""Why are you hitting me?!"" without thinking, as if I were in my old relationship where unexpected hitting was very common. Immediately anxious, but the way I responded offended her (as I would have been too). I don't know what to do to fix it. How do you back pedal from habitual / anxious responses with new people? How do you stop knives from flying out of your mouth? ",3.7422115384615395,6.287094951923077,4.804461538461538,79.14053846153845,75.44230769230771,8.006153846153849,31.55384615384615,8.841846274778883,2.9841684615384616,441,22,79,10,10,144,79,104,0.165,0.778,0.057,-0.8708,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,4,0,0,7,6,2,0,3,0,10,3,1,3,0,18,17,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,4,1,1,4,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,1,16,3,17,9,1,12,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,2,6,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315450624840025,0.4818792456407597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32799004771894097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190917916011412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283148997464507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721015763852875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131846149344705,0.19248867807984152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598196419897155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464275709616328,0.0,0.22379584486509502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478577729006492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22897713409059944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169604543972752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830713836202272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665776962420675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759739035802061,0.0,0.1692874721607943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244717853620785,0.0,0.0,0.20558913014839209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515041761994233,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,InfernoInfinity,2019/01/08,"Tips/tricks for talking in therapy? Hi all! Bit of a lurker here but needing some help. I did therapy for a few years during college, and while it didn't start out great, I eventually got to a good spot with my therapist and I felt like we connected really well. I'm now 5 years down the road and some recent events have led to me seeking therapy again (new person). Problem is I find myself literally unable to speak in sessions. I feel really rude - I'm responding to everything she says or asks in my head, but I can't verbalize a damn thing. We just sit there in silence with me super keyed up. She mentioned today maybe trying art therapy. My first thought is I suck at art, but to be fair I have no idea what that really involves. A. Any input on art therapy? B. Any advice on how to emotionally remove/distract myself enough to be able to speak? 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This means that you pay what you can afford - insurance or not. It will require some research but therapy IS possible for those struggling. Figured I would mention. Thanks! ",4.7902173913043455,8.197191391304349,3.5829347826086964,79.61614130434783,91.6086956521739,6.647826086956522,34.01086956521739,7.6454224807358475,3.6514000000000006,228,13,31,5,8,66,40,46,0.097,0.789,0.114,0.2244,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,9,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,7,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,21,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910418454131761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932879409840827,0.0,0.3012099615578335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291115926024815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793188646962719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088921437549312,0.0,0.0,0.2459872496951465,0.30554833812083915,0.6204427365702977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979994015054352,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Motion_ambient,2019/01/08,"Just got out of the hospital today. And I’m feeling kind of depressed now that I’m out. I went in because I was having flashbacks of past emotional and sexual abuse. I was put on a new medication and I’m waiting to pick it up so I can take it tomorrow, and I’m also trying my hardest to use the coping skills that I learned there to help me get through it. Anyone have any other suggestions on how I can cope with this?",3.5658333333333303,4.231322704545455,5.416363636363638,82.35287878787881,71.95454545454545,8.593939393939394,29.43939393939393,8.841846274778883,2.248630303030303,330,13,69,6,6,114,61,88,0.08800000000000001,0.8440000000000001,0.068,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,3,0,14,17,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,8,1,14,13,0,13,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,5,48,15,1,0.0,0.30119201460447115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203288090443938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728684944394176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774643458791234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496134684103946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189468719791584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859470341757129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853396660019822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328119105090239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331140440526094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038862505345811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647159672657491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25608535282173794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24551330901655935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426679661487546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25554679476055003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191130941043562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24095714260818085,0.0,0.0,0.17258888531369299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195519809335307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356510962062684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,riot_squirrrrl,2019/01/08,"Treatment: 32, queer, female, white, non-vet Hey folks! Have a unique situation. I need a treatment center for myself. I have PTSD with borderline traits. I have an MSW and have been super traumatized by the medical systems in our country, who send me to ERs who just discharge me with no plan, and put me in rooms locked on the outside and won't open the door for me to go to the bathroom. I've been a social worker since 2006. I will not go to inpatient. All of the cool wilderness therapy programs are for youth or under 30, or for Vets. And they all usually get sued anyways. I need basically adult horse camp for adult women who have been mistreated and misdiagnosed by Western medicine/Kaiser/Premera. I have Premera Blue Cross that will cover treatment. I also have rich parents who will do anything at this point to keep me alive. I have a rich socialist boyfriend who wants me to stop trying to break up with him and stop feeling so much pain. I have been sober since 2016 but I don't go to AA. Any leads in a sunny area? Literally anywhere in the world for any price? Okay with hippy/white lady bullshit, just need it to be güd. 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I saw a video on reddit that made me worry for myself. I’m a short girl(20) and though I have a pretty strong Resting Bitch Face, I’m terrified someone will try to kidnap me or something(grew up with my parents always warning me of people doing that). And after all of the shit that’s already happened that I was unable to protect myself from, I’m afraid that in a situation like that I’d freeze up and not be able to scream or fight all over again. I’m afraid that i even look like a target. I don’t make eye contact with any males other than my family members/fiancé and i barely go out but when I do, I’m obviously anxious and I don’t talk. I just hope me looking like an utter bitch gets people to leave me alone. This is why I only go out if I’m with other people and I hold onto them/their clothes. Men scare me. Women make me uneasy. Sorry about the venting. 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I can say it's gotten way better in the past few months. My abusive ex passed away in September, so the reason for my stress is no longer a threat. I'd say it's a bit bittersweet. I wanted peace, but not like this. But such is life, ya know? ​ So I started dating again! I've been on a couple of duds, and canceled about a million more because of some internal gut instinct to flee. More often than not I talk myself into just staying home, because let's face it....it's easier to hide under our covers where it feels safe, and go about our lives without the potential stress of dating someone new (who we actually like. YIKES!) That just sounds complicated. And the last thing I want after last year is complicated. ​ BUT. I met this really great guy recently. We talked for a month and a half and are finally deciding to meet up for a date, and lemme tell ya. I'm terrified. I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack every time I think about it. I. want. to. puke. It's a mix of first date jitters and my past life creeping up on me all at the same time. ​ And I think to myself, how will I ever be able to separate what happened to me, and my future with another person? When I look at this really great guy, how will I not simultaneously think about how secretly evil and malicious people can be? What if he IS secretly malicious and evil, and I have to find out too late all over again? I feel like a little child, and I hate being in this mindset. I don't want to feel like small and closed-in. I don't want to block potentially good things from happening to me. ​ People don't want broken people. And not that I'm broken, but I have some internal issues going on. ​ What have you people done when starting to date again?",1.9957444444444403,4.566426530000001,3.1871666666666663,88.04427777777781,82.45,6.1555555555555586,21.63888888888889,7.471455274886353,0.9475222222222222,1612,51,315,26,45,519,200,400,0.162,0.727,0.111,-0.9777,0,0,0,0,0,0,91.0,4,4,0,4,21,22,6,3,19,0,25,4,2,4,3,65,53,27,1,7,12,1,4,5,1,2,2,3,1,4,22,21,0,2,13,0,0,4,9,10,0,5,6,8,39,12,49,41,10,63,0,0,1,0,28,23,0,5,39,210,61,0,0.054783226468610266,0.06490916514581775,0.05346052645793935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155032209338428,0.4659733153761682,0.0,0.0574449895898474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232382887140207,0.05147064462079831,0.0,0.0,0.06679069275148079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845131189980835,0.05980909457246453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061659809389661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056062261007360295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495545647397639,0.04615723108098733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080018141723254,0.11741144380614425,0.0,0.060012346813407925,0.05007087651048103,0.13979575334452704,0.0,0.0,0.04232538487397934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062269140164121224,0.04594957118929529,0.0,0.12079740116684375,0.0,0.1084880144210402,0.09688925248361653,0.0,0.0,0.05408709433134525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0367200419210568,0.0,0.05495204289927541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717945530415398,0.0,0.0,0.060609523277243574,0.0,0.030107428562003526,0.08931128278350556,0.061797865645977994,0.0,0.05952213585170235,0.05601956074130564,0.07739002597452714,0.1338215862245392,0.05490718499153801,0.048374592647019,0.0,0.04600411272547823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745489740955452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290998149927535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427631255537376,0.0,0.0,0.10459357703114483,0.15191916552733728,0.047834600264839815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640386600961868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019107536095508,0.0563262809432153,0.05409182704006677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871316410510872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04531725104907621,0.061578641877928775,0.0,0.0,0.046417650008564085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755169932440308,0.05839163027531799,0.0,0.0,0.12550800165318346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806536456746507,0.047882954602015165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918662419755897,0.10530863841405848,0.0,0.0,0.06388907981776752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387539813384636,0.04348437522148572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280907537174484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659733153761682,0.0705572034143033 ptsd,poodlepuzzles,2019/01/08,"Issues at work, again. I work for an overall supportive company, and overall I enjoy my job and the work environment. At least, I did.... I have one coworker who will make off-color jokes, randomly yell about things that really should be handled calmly, make fun of people using the word “triggered”, etc. Several times I’ve had panic attacks at work and this person has tried to one-up me. Everyone in the office knows I have PTSD, so there isn’t any claim to ignorance here. I don’t even know what to do, because I don’t want to make waves and because some of my coworkers go along with it and I don’t want to get anyone else in trouble. And I don’t even know if I’m just being overly sensitive because I’m okay with a relaxed work environment, but this is just...out of control and affecting my work performance. ",6.2988888888888885,6.054315500000001,7.052083333333332,76.16680555555557,65.875,10.611111111111112,32.77777777777778,10.25414643259724,3.222256944444444,640,24,123,14,9,213,101,160,0.052000000000000005,0.848,0.1,0.4854,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,8,8,11,1,1,5,1,16,0,0,7,0,30,30,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,2,3,2,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,1,13,7,19,24,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,3,2,80,20,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327529068369332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590729882817307,0.1405393217215252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604229101869252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25083919516173125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383955070255392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145817755379982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529725877475549,0.18118924463055705,0.0,0.0,0.13106476922146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166181205637394,0.0,0.07795268252069901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431621478723888,0.13611274394887093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261429800401299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27467135822851546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858898933315841,0.0,0.0,0.16093079085480194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509129600913907,0.1197651163360086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603357723062099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786989187545667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495472807735267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565052503193855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112475542080636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799806315367052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931244209571746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184644715520018,0.0,0.0,0.16180414374834362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5991361615765605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kitcatso,2019/01/08,"How do I (21F) carry on? I’ve been dealing with PTSD since I was a young adult. It has worsened significantly since graduating high school after to being assaulted on more than one occasion. I pulled myself out of college for a year and a half and am just now getting back into it. Since then I have filled my time with work or isolating myself. I have no hobbies, hardly any friends and no idea how to open myself up to either. I am not sure if I have any interests or how to find any. I have no idea what to study or what I would even be slightly interested in, academically. I constantly fear abandonment and rejection. My PTSD has consumed me and made me into something small and weak. I am embarrassed by how jumpy I am, how I have a serious tremor and how I get very dark and scared very quickly. I do not want to live like this anymore. Therapy is not in the budget (yet) and I fear opening up to people due to the underlying causes of the PTSD. How do you carry on? How do I reclaim my life? Sorry this is kind of all over the place. TL;DR: 21F consumed by PTSD, needs advice on how to reclaim my life and find meaning. ",3.1994666666666665,4.776698835555557,4.703666666666667,83.60350000000003,73.97777777777776,7.666666666666668,26.277777777777786,8.344100000000001,1.705044444444444,878,31,178,15,18,294,124,225,0.183,0.775,0.041,-0.9824,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,1,15,15,1,4,8,0,22,3,0,11,2,48,28,24,0,4,9,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,6,17,0,1,5,0,1,2,6,9,0,2,3,1,27,6,32,22,3,31,0,2,0,0,4,18,0,4,12,136,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265798993677525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351991518470822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143346061925407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864926963442488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184324185652245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458525023843865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885675033300402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614656276875892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594618520543614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074208217200294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907113634416497,0.0,0.12046632637605045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327530286782304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180798349742288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602919854974828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005459445378915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286248963310349,0.05632383869816283,0.0,0.10180131734383842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908818724278503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125582307918152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548450820142234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812205663483507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992610549358611,0.0,0.1204513052641004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390614867846624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542328809956412,0.11667749766031572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28610199710787804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875424869812525,0.0,0.12905535194356155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865747013627262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184174745489596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722529465821944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024916317548496,0.06799978339387958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393095559203112,0.0,0.0,0.08189720791865653,0.0,0.0,0.07424162005957355 ptsd,desperateforsun,2019/01/08,"Ketamine infusions New here. Has anyone had ketamine infusions for their PTSD symptoms? If so, how helpful were they?? I'm desperate. I've tried a dozen medications, EMDR, mediation, you name it. Thanks in advance.",3.811666666666667,7.033945722222228,4.777777777777779,71.495,91.77777777777777,7.955555555555558,33.77777777777778,8.344100000000001,4.238477777777779,170,10,24,5,6,55,33,36,0.059,0.773,0.168,0.6391,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713279007851475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600962886293886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909113640677843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374773260035948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536001853055005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033240857571429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572568225900516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634549607680145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bucket1999,2019/01/08,"Terrified of the dentist after being in a sexually abusive relationship Before you say these don’t relate, please hear me out. I was in a sexually and verbally abusive relationship for a year when I was 16 (now 19). The idea of lying down horizontally while a man sticks his hand in my mouth and I feel restrained absolutely terrifies me. I have to get a cavity filled in an hour and I’m hysterically crying on the train there. Has anyone experienced this? Does anyone have any advice? I’m on the verge of cancelling the appointment but I know I really need to take care of it. Thank you and so much love to this community. ",2.818099547511313,5.52399689915967,5.233781512605045,73.84300581771174,80.00840336134453,8.70355526826115,24.27989657401422,9.265573868473778,2.583338202973497,497,18,90,15,13,174,82,119,0.125,0.7340000000000001,0.141,0.7254,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,11,0,7,4,2,0,0,11,18,8,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,12,3,17,15,1,16,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,6,62,16,0,0.0,0.450567248370925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580163099315505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930104068641646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658992206190761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179428527948195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938593834131064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885876413633425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639192092195054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613999184092574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933978021880814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21430047278036785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872486152004331,0.0,0.0,0.2146437881015832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449542227381564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160787174190914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139774043259945,0.140985659848767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087155252052622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180791269820962,0.0,0.0,0.4082762586436468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120616505480125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296086550905654,0.0,0.0,0.17505444595387193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244328256153293 ptsd,Solumnist,2019/01/08,"First time EMDR Hey all. Hope this is allowed. Just wanted to say that I had my first EMDR session yesterday. First few minutes I thought that t would never take. But then I slowly started to get into it. Thanks to the pointed questions asked by my trauma therapist, I started to feel, and with feeling came the imagery. And vice versa. Yet it was so much more difficult than I imagined. I resisted so much her (gentle but direct) attempts to have me state directly — I can’t even say it now.... My pain. We concluded with an empowering exercise: I had to say “I can do this. I am going to overcome this” and repeat it. But all I felt while stating that was my absolute lack of belief that in fact I can. I was shocked to find this out actually. That was around noon. The rest of the day went fine. I actually felt somewhat relieved. But then somewhere around dinner time I burst into tears. I felt so alone. I felt I wanted someone there for me. Who would hold me, and take me through all of this warmly and safely. I have friends who are there for me, but it’s not the same. It’s been almost five years since I’ve been intimate with someone. I yearn for it so much. But there is yet this hell to go through. A hell there because of the darker side of love. I hope to find out what it means to feel at home in the world, with someone. Good luck to all of you.",1.2853186274509838,3.6338472867647087,2.6526176470588254,92.19336274509806,83.48529411764707,5.391372549019609,22.66960784313725,6.742157984588678,0.6140716666666668,1050,37,220,12,30,339,144,272,0.117,0.748,0.135,0.5236,2,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,1,0,5,15,18,2,0,9,0,20,4,0,2,6,61,45,18,0,8,8,0,8,0,1,2,2,3,1,0,22,17,1,2,15,1,0,4,3,7,0,4,15,11,33,11,38,28,13,37,3,1,0,1,13,12,2,6,19,168,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.21308214594160474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932506668505787,0.11307452017104247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438148134442687,0.10206582419280252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665533295468434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486948489001297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041017923521745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211042616644947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560962352529926,0.0,0.4193084402284465,0.0,0.19957173119917748,0.2785978841754496,0.0,0.0,0.0843499347490291,0.0,0.05704051383162107,0.0,0.12409569163660045,0.09157254784812843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951350464220687,0.2168749329832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853656974224044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892583740706412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24077312926330585,0.0,0.08420408822709748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617210181583397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320762187905537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230330662026564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604659683231857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031240189253276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27751613560632044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455218652273314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417514128757751,0.0,0.0,0.10051557919420567,0.0,0.12676299503427466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667439971101745,0.12732405694241564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287909311061036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120823923903292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511251854639418,0.0,0.0,0.0703064546464325 ptsd,stefioan,2019/01/08,"Emotional Pain Relief & Healing Aid subliminal program available for free to current or past military personnel in the USA I have been using the subliminal programs of Indigo Mind Labs for years now. I did use an emotional health title with great success and many other individuals did and have journals in the forum section recording their great results. ​ I was considering the ""\[Emotional Pain Relief & Healing Aid Version 2\]([https://www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-2-0/](https://www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-2-0/))"" (the more powerful and paid version) for being my next program and I noticed in the description the following: ​ "" It should also be helpful to those who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, regardless of the source or type.  For this reason, we at Indigo Mind Labs have decided to make this program available **for free** to anyone who can prove that they are a current member of any branch the military of the United States (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines or Coast Guard), or have been honorably discharged therefrom. To take advantage of this offer, you must send us an e-mail requesting it for free, and show verifiable proof that you are currently a member of, or have been honorably discharged from, the United States military. "" ​ If you know anyone that can benefit from this please share. Hope it can help someone in need.",8.79530131826742,11.491281788135595,7.573333333333334,64.11790018832393,61.62711864406779,10.498681732580039,39.38229755178908,10.62613485830676,5.11861845574388,1186,62,155,31,18,361,135,236,0.06,0.708,0.232,0.9915,4,0,0,0,0,0,87.0,2,3,2,5,2,17,0,1,15,0,21,5,0,5,3,30,30,12,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,14,7,0,1,4,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,7,0,12,17,25,19,4,19,0,0,0,0,15,7,0,7,7,102,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332726725279054,0.0,0.4967494018176379,0.3342529549915791,0.062354731473275575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822846910309166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508870703477613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094285732532039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218483815901112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746591392469456,0.0,0.0,0.1229204546006204,0.0,0.0,0.09107234536138344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503923554016284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061206130298818676,0.09296282782441403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516861353240507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798957622292343,0.0,0.0,0.09751708870202104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043936694929986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902734403610954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753183114968591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065193953110242,0.0,0.0,0.08781703667221047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427620037018497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776916139258724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503460652626566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894210852968613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029600325831136,0.15838750559991452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342529549915791,0.05904761449946215 ptsd,Asher_the_atheist,2019/01/08,"Struggling and wondering if I can join you here? Brief background: 32F, have PTSD as the result of childhood trauma/abuse, coped for years through elaborate dissociation but that stopped working (quite dramatically) about 6 years ago in grad school, have struggled ever since to keep a job/maintain any sort of stable or normal sleep schedule/engage in social interaction/bring myself to even open my blinds, much less leave the apartment. I've been trying *so hard* these last two years to resolve the problem. I finally found a therapist that seems to be helping, started doing EMDR, I'm on various medications (though, those never seem to do anything 😕), I've been making myself do hard things and face the demons, etc. The problem? It never seems to be enough. I work on one thing, and everything else seems to spin out of control. I make progress in one small area, but it doesn't seem to make up for the fact that I may, at any time, lose all control and completely shut down. I need a job, but applying for jobs is triggering, interviewing is triggering, *working* is triggering (lots of psychological abuse, so anything that puts me on another human being's radar is accompanied by wildly overblown anxiety). And I'm just so tired now. And frustrated. Don't know of joining this sub will help at all, but worth a shot?",5.235125,7.5314355958333365,5.265833333333333,78.6825,70.125,8.3,30.33333333333333,8.982922981607832,2.722608333333333,1053,44,182,21,20,329,160,240,0.139,0.78,0.081,-0.9568,3,0,0,0,2,0,45.0,0,1,0,9,10,7,1,2,10,0,19,5,2,9,6,48,35,17,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,8,0,4,9,0,1,2,4,6,0,3,3,3,11,1,31,27,8,32,1,1,1,0,6,16,0,11,14,116,22,8,0.0,0.22562590292243415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440141447072247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949749081480588,0.09984011976939024,0.07283840481797631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670592259444488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998300063918271,0.0,0.21358106373117566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953903073641189,0.0,0.0,0.09838145410689096,0.10618871370732297,0.06288791053424493,0.08612646140356231,0.0,0.0,0.0855721514042093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430221915388373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439717262080288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058597974729206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763979624720062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283455436269872,0.08463052623359085,0.0,0.0,0.05232709231981563,0.07761207055244207,0.0,0.10081781649324742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652004602237096,0.0,0.08094748838334241,0.0,0.0,0.1906681363765815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591802928688438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699932026343873,0.07059993134766411,0.146869723244186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328944706979178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290388621564513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221376664017952,0.11130000265514098,0.09571630971441954,0.0,0.10127174715470386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636159226916476,0.0,0.4333959828660957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876195651985866,0.0,0.0952827041085758,0.09705862302803688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673929180260185,0.0,0.0,0.07960311869152109,0.0,0.19907657013653704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055072497238176,0.12651182420994905,0.0,0.09354721433054412,0.0,0.055520015117988535,0.10943441949181427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464401643319721,0.0,0.09301018595172553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325545826063556,0.2079506507347252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394397030378112 ptsd,laceleatherpearls,2019/01/08,"The answer to ever question here is therapy Not pointing out anyone is particular. I was diagnosed with ptsd 3 years ago and the answer to ever question on this sub is : therapy. I have X symptom, what do it do? You keep going to therapy. How do I make it easier on my partner? Go to therapy. My partner has ptsd, what can I do to make it better? Tell them to go to therapy. Then go to therapy yourself. I have several conditions but ptsd is unique. There's no youtube channel you can watch or book you can read. You have to go to therapy. You have too. If you don't go to therapy, GO TO THERAPY. if you don't have insurance, GET INSURANCE. I moved to a different state to get insurance for therapy. Getting insurance and going to therapy is literally the most important thing. You have to go to therapy. You have too. You have to go every week. Maybe twice a week. You will go for years. You have to go to therapy. Go to therapy. ",0.4330436590436584,2.8929451297297315,3.5774324324324347,82.08747920997922,92.29729729729729,8.467775467775468,26.034303534303533,8.841846274778883,2.9956652806652815,719,35,141,26,26,257,80,185,0.016,0.945,0.04,0.4989,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,12,1,1,7,1,0,0,5,0,26,2,0,3,2,20,45,8,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,4,3,0,14,4,0,0,1,1,1,21,1,27,43,1,27,0,0,1,0,18,4,0,6,8,104,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047163851407986235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720282708265032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047056326065290886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400290438424425,0.0,0.0555888781142221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625562920731236,0.04482829526905978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339371564845426,0.0,0.39309606933406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047291879986743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103074996783895,0.0,0.053452513403184784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654948902357251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029680656537035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658467348635926,0.0,0.11920564864082075,0.0,0.053220333612155016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601075624560019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530133899710021,0.0,0.0,0.04650433262532275,0.0,0.8518387359102232,0.0,0.035347659253158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535718397904786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852575585536712 ptsd,gen92,2019/01/08,"Sleep problem Hey, I don’t know where to put this so I’m putting it here.. I’ve had ptsd all my life according to the several psychologists and psychiatrists I’ve seen. Because I’ve had it all my life I don’t know if this is normal.. I grind my teeth in my sleep and I’ve destroyed several night guards. Has anyone else had a similar experience?",0.2966197183098593,2.7232294366197216,2.6353380281690164,88.81441549295776,92.66197183098593,6.783661971830987,22.592957746478877,7.908726449838941,1.511979154929577,274,11,59,7,10,93,45,71,0.092,0.908,0.0,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,7,5,3,0,2,10,11,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,1,7,0,3,7,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259595521525728,0.20895530445591406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431676238946912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036135865293967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948736828764846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241544675469788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288090363314186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913789966694596,0.19981280641273474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951380634305365,0.23838887015410185,0.4100216061780408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607765568478257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081641623684508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JennYaretzi,2019/01/09,"Is it normal to collapse when triggered? I'm not sure if this is a symptom of my PTSD or just a weird quirk. When I get scared I tend to collapse. I'll fall to a fetal position or duck down. I am fully conscious when it happen but will some time depersonalize for a few seconds. I'm able to get up immediately and move on. It tend to scare those around me since I'm used to it. I was always a bit skittish but not this much. Thankfully with therapy I don't fall as much. It tends to happen more when I have a bigger trigger (unexpected touch or loud noise) or stress. \*Trigger Waring\* I was choked almost six years ago. to the point I almost past out. I felt my body wanting to collapse, but I had to force myself to stand because I feared his grip getting even more tighter or dying. I'm not sure If this is some type of tic I've developed or if its something else. Does anyone else have a similar reaction? ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ",3.4310125567726435,5.90964804568528,3.9074913171253023,85.51511354528455,76.15736040609137,5.9747795885653225,28.64253272775848,7.0608816371341465,1.6229147208121826,823,36,150,9,19,258,114,197,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.9867,0,0,1,0,0,0,66.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,4,8,0,11,2,1,4,2,34,27,18,1,5,16,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,4,4,16,3,21,22,8,19,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,13,8,97,26,1,0.04277722422732157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03791942824750403,0.0,0.08567042181285048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0355940773691165,0.5098401503598416,0.5717691060038405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02991082979974751,0.04383032139937261,0.0,0.03808079886051376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026076598845134743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046701649652295465,0.04751585268165779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044396005095243066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03743463719195616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146976357680873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02825395316053571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813627003199041,0.0,0.0,0.04107284362279874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704800228186737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565551622053593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045465419541612685,0.06289236363516931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041912597278086994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04083570086879199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040438303715612176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000428596007273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565492799730366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03538576192847835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032931997116279546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049001165823242834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063405517319297,0.044461915078808735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393835207671889,0.048919483976000384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02494374345227587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03694578712155409,0.0,0.0,0.025231115168937016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5717691060038405,0.02754712989600736 ptsd,ThatsHellaGay,2019/01/09,"What it’s like to be a teen with PTSD I’m aware that many teens have PTSD, this is just my experience. I didn’t grow up with PTSD, I was diagnosed with it recently. It’s extremely hard for me to talk to my peers, especially because they make fun of PTSD often. I don’t mind but sometimes they push it too far. I have flashbacks constantly at school and randomly just break out crying even when someone just says hi to me. I do get to work alone in group projects most of the time thankfully due to my PTSD. I normally don’t stay up late especially on school nights, but I’m always scared to sleep. I have nightmares nearly every night relating to what caused my PTSD. I am getting help, but the psychiatrist has an excruciatingly long wait list. It’s hard to get into a relationship with a boy who understands why I don’t talk a lot sometimes. I’m academically talented but private schools don’t necessarily like the fact that I have PTSD and anxiety. Friends never understand it too. “Hah, I must be giving you flashbacks right now!” -my best friend. The more people bring it up, the worse I feel about having it. I use to be happy and had tons of euphoria but now I’m that one quiet girl in your chem class. 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I was just reported because I had a falshback and was describing what happened. Apparently someone didn’t want to hear it so they fucking reported me and now I’m being told to not talk about it with people cause they’re “not comfortable.” So, I can’t show symptoms of a disorder? Fuck that! And this is the second time this has happened even though I mention don’t tell anyone because I feel like this is personal to me and I trusted these people with that info. It’s not their business to go around telling others like that. ",2.77117816091954,5.316795715517241,3.947241379310345,83.98022988505748,78.91379310344827,6.9701149425287365,28.63218390804597,8.07648339933343,2.24988735632184,477,22,87,9,12,155,72,116,0.122,0.7959999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.7615,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,11,8,4,0,4,0,12,5,1,1,0,16,24,8,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,12,7,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,6,2,11,4,10,17,0,5,0,0,0,3,9,1,4,0,5,66,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669642687091778,0.0,0.0,0.16130281842123745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209107484308417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861381616212808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076662659847633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967822137948066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916181207096823,0.1294464286217782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5025382303397686,0.0,0.0,0.1029778386113238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204619745553691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042210136216782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177046385064841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512369251993493,0.1582133214984751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352674723628193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883319790870797,0.0,0.14563844748415428,0.3167465077078922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802410878300934,0.0,0.10565682026698173,0.0,0.0,0.17314050288050153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068740706718848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stereofeathers,2019/01/09,"“It’s god’s will” I’m at my outpatient therapy group, and we just finished our “trauma recovery” group. The group, you know, for trauma survivors? Specifically for people with ptsd? And multiple people in the group were talking together, and they came up with a statement that everyone in the group agreed with and everyone thought was a fine and cool thing to say, including the therapist. They said that God “puts trauma in our lives” to “humble us” and “make us better people” The therapist in the group nodded along with them and said something about how that’s great or correct or something along those lines. I’m... I’m really upset. I mean, I understand, people can have whatever religious beliefs they want. I’m fine with people who use their faith to cope, and I get that it’s a really important part of a lot of people’s lives. But don’t... do this. I’m glad it helped everyone else in the group feel better, but it just made me feel awful, and I can’t really explain why? I guess I just... I hate being told that my trauma is something I needed, or that it was beneficial in some way. That I’m a better person because of it. That is was a good thing, in the end. I don’t know. I just feel sick.",3.8458097928436885,5.312455313559326,4.973333333333333,82.75857815442562,72.13559322033899,8.63427495291902,25.39924670433145,9.150863307647796,1.9874320150659133,938,29,185,20,18,309,115,236,0.103,0.7609999999999999,0.136,0.212,0,0,3,0,0,0,36.0,5,1,5,3,6,16,1,1,14,2,14,1,0,4,1,48,41,15,0,2,9,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,19,18,0,0,11,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,10,7,24,10,25,29,3,14,2,0,0,0,27,9,0,6,2,118,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474918075886361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818221482335396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214844832476622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873106243860159,0.0,0.0940771469321179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044860188285432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112022526986472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055494241472360206,0.0,0.0,0.08909017014685748,0.0,0.11710513008834632,0.1170105127056878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486775636877453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119532778814736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674868182004412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758393509064386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030229032829104,0.0,0.10050553356687546,0.07090098264648721,0.0,0.0,0.115701958047784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875890438406875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502316372482545,0.0,0.4418268970228879,0.0927449933960276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416253245199335,0.106777889735771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041368837024708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207426544500995,0.08446839138538784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24531418150379666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853735748810241,0.0,0.0,0.1214689281145788,0.24665332703549075,0.14113232798115405,0.0,0.0,0.08432480256460505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014953396095144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057612697340212,0.25553306424749955,0.09173778615911518,0.0,0.0,0.06264981282733564,0.0843104796615485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584474104786714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jointhenovel,2019/01/09,"Panicked and distrustful of therapists Hi everyone, I'm glad to be here. I sunked after a severe anxiety crisis that lasted 3 years (with agoraphobia) and a traumatic sexual relationship. After that I searched for help and the therapist I found attacked me personally in a bad way, which left me traumatized. I have largely recovered my life (work, friends, etc), although I still have constant panic attacks and difficulty doing certain things. I'm starting to notice that panick attacks come when I feel angry because someone may be taking advantage of me. I feel really vulnerable/anxious to other people's hidden motivations, specially if they are not honest or I feel they try to manipulate me (I was slightly gaslighted as a kid). For example: Recently I went to a large therapy group and one of the organisers was the therapist who attacked me last year. She looked ashamed and asked me to meet to solve the conflict we had in private. I have the feeling that she is doing that now because she knows I can talk about what happened and make her look bad. She actually started crying when I mentioned this possibility (not as a threat). I feel she is not being honest and this makes me really anxious and scared, like I don't know who to trust anymore and I doubt my feelings all the time. I've been talking about this with my current therapist, who has been helping me for the last months, and she is encouraging my feelings. But she seems to have something personal with the other therapist and she seems personally happy when I talk about strongly confronting the other therapist (they work on the same small field). I feel vulnerable and that I can not trust therapists. I feel any small thing can destroy me and I don't really know if those are small things anymore because they don't feel small to me. Feeling manipulated and scared all the time. Does anybody else feel the same? ​",6.657829457364342,8.252444860465118,6.9453488372093055,70.79713178294578,65.51162790697674,10.035658914728684,35.84496124031008,10.222266870305534,4.044905426356588,1528,74,247,37,24,494,175,344,0.21600000000000005,0.6859999999999999,0.099,-0.9923,1,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,4,5,9,28,8,5,18,0,27,1,0,5,3,59,58,25,0,2,8,0,12,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,21,20,0,1,19,0,0,2,7,15,0,1,7,14,49,13,29,47,5,31,0,0,2,0,34,8,0,7,21,180,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.06595768518376678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732332872627785,0.08212874399634466,0.045963235642226236,0.0,0.05170584763283671,0.07635699259998749,0.13406141319520445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318713818449594,0.3075716425936104,0.0,0.0,0.11286896074950507,0.12360595127623265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822244280900087,0.0,0.07304032989852957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424398551612725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059148101435982724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646242548004625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538025393333025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645847450912649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101039010514692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410849145199826,0.052219545817531035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976924692308015,0.07195037020693877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060774838681374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143640512113584,0.16528359885758293,0.0,0.0,0.0734362820212921,0.0,0.047740522847332885,0.03302085721858671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351645729463215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090233145848094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053949362018126674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695119066497555,0.0,0.0,0.04580045212446391,0.0,0.0,0.07930181517453302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04685810801506135,0.17704985608261314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619710172587751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989885691671066,0.0,0.06673656125946442,0.07256591974644429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533793165130367,0.0,0.0,0.12306203965206745,0.0,0.07635699259998749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057268436154363125,0.052033764770711984,0.0,0.0,0.0956805124904541,0.0,0.05397713000346587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081895639916286,0.1629778448675907,0.0,0.0,0.07729458110068572,0.5493370247171613,0.1347105511721225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882406127474728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045888891614559016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536494666495302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265622257775551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984120459429695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212874399634466,0.08705095363976692 ptsd,not-weed,2019/01/09,"A documentary fucked my whole night up! So I was hanging out with my boyfriend and his roomates. They insisted on watching the R. Kelly documentary that was out, and I was pretty clear I didn't want to watch it. One of the boys kept asking ""why?"" and I wanted to explain so bad but I just couldn't. He even noticed I was uncomfortable and offered to turn it off, but continued to watch anyway. I spent the whole night so fucking uncomfortable and I couldn't explain to anyone what was wrong for some reason. It's so frustrating. ",2.554304812834225,5.161916480392158,3.6440106951871662,85.45259358288772,80.27450980392156,6.454188948306596,24.9590017825312,7.686295010490155,1.4731450980392158,419,16,80,7,11,135,64,102,0.214,0.7490000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.9639,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,3,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,1,21,18,11,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,8,3,12,0,13,8,3,9,0,0,3,2,8,5,2,1,3,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625859889314094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554848366248925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465068652644186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815676897359996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867540665247948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925893110810386,0.0,0.0,0.2381448041945232,0.0,0.0,0.14174101282834978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128041018992342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506464315699805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22752011767101074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467512655333524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887460638825618,0.4670682852666771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286977979712275,0.0,0.0 ptsd,creamfilles,2019/01/09,"Does anybody get ""happy"" flashbacks when they hear a song before their trauma and get super depressed? Just heard a song from 3 years ago and man it feels like I can remember how my brain used to be normal before my trauma. It doesn't make me feel happy to remember even though the song is associated with good times. It just makes me feel this lost nostalgic sense of sadness.",7.260416666666668,7.136501986111117,6.835555555555558,78.11500000000002,63.861111111111114,9.422222222222222,29.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,2.1073777777777782,301,8,56,4,4,94,55,72,0.16899999999999998,0.679,0.152,-0.1091,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,2,6,10,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,4,0,15,15,5,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,8,7,5,5,12,0,4,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644562635500154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31573534731027586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071066837855522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979196854053698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235372853610416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253717374034245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814202645835159,0.13253873036596855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385777411688,0.0,0.0,0.15560913729189282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39498853180579535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909958001664464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063789299641806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025218929589787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476780709831545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177460638490606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42032615518116095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227686622065267,0.0,0.10818082014149216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023358960653636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947168677371847 ptsd,Redjay12,2019/01/09,"DAE have nightmares every single night to the point of developing a sleep phobia? It’s awful. I take sleeping meds otherwise I will have panic attacks every night. If I don’t take them I will panic. Now I can’t escape my nightmares, because I don’t get woken up by them I just stay asleep. It’s one of the ways that PTSD affects me regardless of if I avoid triggers. I don’t swim and I don’t date, so then PTSD is under control, even though I’m lonely. But I can’t stop having nightmares ",1.1615031503150313,3.4483287326732714,3.0621962196219634,89.46198919891991,83.45544554455445,4.86084608460846,21.063006300630068,6.11248444174946,0.28297227722772306,386,12,77,3,11,129,65,101,0.232,0.75,0.018000000000000002,-0.9601,0,3,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,5,5,1,3,3,1,12,3,3,3,0,11,17,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,1,0,15,0,7,14,1,12,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,6,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728860983711446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571432437332096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450362397228196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454130145499256,0.0,0.2922251767518399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060402270892684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926288889550062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32548307956690753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751288192046765,0.0,0.0,0.4069385523688312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393656172291382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40543395535846094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34708753533174685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184841075584596,0.0,0.14498565363907334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26077830002321706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170382822165397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765155466914736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Squidiculus,2019/01/09,"Triggered by an abuser, can't get away from emotional flashbacks TW: Sexual harassment, victim blaming, To make a very long story short, I am a university student. My school recently allowed a professor who was accused of sexual harassment to begin teaching again. In a darkly ironic twist, the news story originally broke two years ago literally the day after I was sexually assaulted. The professor is a part of a department I work with and seems unrepentant. So now there's a huge protest planned and a student movement pushing him to resign. I wholly support this movement, but I still find myself getting triggered by the whole thing. I'm writing this now because I had a panic attack and will now probably miss class. It really hurts because I have been doing well for months now. I've had panic attacks, but they've only really been over understandable things, such as exams. So far this year I have been calm, and having great productive days. But then this fucking guy reappears and suddenly I'm constantly terrified and back to feeling broken and unfixable. I can't do this now, I'm in my last semester of undergrad. I'm trying so hard to be strong and support something I believe in, but how can I when I can't even support myself? it feels like PTSD has taken everything from me. It took my personality, it took my sense of security, my friends, my hobbies, and now it's finally taking my education and my future. Of course, I don't intend to let it, but I very well might be completely fucked if I have a breakdown this semester. Last semester was already sub-par by my own standards.",5.969274453024454,7.506616773648647,6.969305019305023,70.20130630630632,67.07432432432432,10.232689832689832,35.04118404118404,10.398101306919678,4.1232102960102965,1279,62,208,34,21,428,175,296,0.19,0.68,0.13,-0.9574,1,0,1,0,1,0,36.0,0,0,0,3,20,26,9,2,15,0,27,2,0,7,0,33,49,23,0,1,6,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,15,11,0,1,5,0,0,6,4,15,2,1,11,3,28,11,25,33,3,42,0,4,0,2,6,8,2,3,29,150,43,10,0.0,0.12776001781632684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558411580260552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899224841423454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24534265597483426,0.10130912112331672,0.0829140301671253,0.0,0.13146340854522315,0.0,0.0,0.12148662907015385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305690729675245,0.1165251021158712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908187947271233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129338232552392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122019649533616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690996863725927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904340796955983,0.07703323107409771,0.0,0.1181216624933682,0.09855397247349026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330860385331744,0.19937279090921453,0.11267265551602318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888211850030493,0.0,0.10676790114425837,0.0,0.0,0.09659381981164628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543343230586806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579044583282355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026270423127076,0.0,0.0526799203220313,0.0,0.0,0.09542548479738198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197685544953382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438978422857593,0.0,0.0,0.08606827114529325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200899649498343,0.0,0.2530287616176945,0.0,0.11676855975394587,0.0,0.0,0.0941523337781918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625815906480172,0.0,0.12604661200683587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815634538692825,0.0,0.10646836653701558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912894827816336,0.0,0.09816369091545707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830122175215216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611257088122952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670900334061232,0.0,0.0,0.08107416946310468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327391230957806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396045078551461,0.0732089763121166,0.0,0.1053334999251169,0.11225404233136094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779408326752521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390287425235014,0.0,0.0,0.12038749639472585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850097144185535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388769913313606 ptsd,blanc_nord,2019/01/09,"New Years Resolution: Be Kinder to Myself One of the things I've struggled with in dealing with my PTSD and in trying to process my trauma is the utter self-deprecation and self-hate that has come out of my circumstances. I used to be someone who was rather confident and comfortable in themselves and it was ripped away from me in my trauma. Therefore, my New Years resolution is to be kinder to myself. To acknowledge and accept that it's okay to feel shitty and that I am trying the best that I can. We're only a couple weeks into 2019 and I feel like, with tons and tons of effort and mental affirmantions, I've already come to love myself more than I had even a month ago. I'm always worried that my sense of progress is a placebo; it goes back and forth from being real to being a figment of what I want it to be. But lately, I feel better. I think I'm beginning to learn how to function and manage my PTSD through yoga, small moments of self-care, and the miracle liquid that is CBD oil. ",7.19106060606061,6.075811843434348,7.448161616161617,76.92890909090909,64.40404040404039,9.940202020202019,31.921212121212122,8.841846274778883,2.4581357575757585,787,24,153,10,10,257,109,198,0.065,0.75,0.185,0.9758,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,4,4,10,0,1,8,1,16,1,0,3,0,33,28,14,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,19,0,0,7,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,3,4,19,7,32,19,4,21,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,12,110,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269020601532052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797982059291812,0.0,0.11911998561557377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450285201580578,0.1100806463025982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502368275999101,0.12661274562312827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24663807961815354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840301560611186,0.0,0.0,0.14759092712257202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455535141883772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715689371507016,0.1022730151498083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614898985452945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994039084253624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292068356117872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427087846366116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142683680279925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765282410657975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970084301914127,0.1088790801580726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33469106461228953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629465972770206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480390392339566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129838971359146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966115815111145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510866154708683,0.09173068333704516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439150192905905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364364961160992,0.0,0.0,0.08443904992453706,0.0,0.11483373571547592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538519356885504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437975975238427 ptsd,littlemisslegacy,2019/01/09,"Getting Better I have had Complex PTSD for a long time. I was officially diagnosed a couple years ago and it has been a bumpy road to say the least. There's always the times when I feel like I'm never gonna get better, and I know that there's a good chance I never will because it caused me to have delvelopmental problems, but you know what? I'm kinda learning to roll with the punches. I'm starting to learn that I have the power to tell my past it can fuck right off. I had a nightmare last night and for the first time ever, I didn't wake up angry after. I just kinda got up and was like ""yep. This is my life."" I mean it's not walking on the moon, but for me waking up and feeling okay is a huge step in the right direction. It makes me feel like I'm gonna be alright.",3.196297918948524,3.561908180722895,4.512322015334064,89.5900164293538,72.6144578313253,7.000219058050384,24.127053669222345,6.574015621080383,0.5680192771084345,602,15,138,4,11,200,99,166,0.052000000000000005,0.782,0.166,0.9377,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,4,5,10,1,0,13,3,15,5,2,2,3,27,33,8,0,1,4,0,3,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,9,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,7,4,16,8,16,22,1,28,0,0,0,1,3,10,1,2,19,86,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169021923131078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300128348054194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743815183756864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827343805634209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420168401627774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768620460616206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223618582674576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445861692533707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424626348928631,0.22838220152657626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596145689854194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477712809052048,0.16702161365815665,0.0,0.0,0.1340678202297718,0.12784018657937118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568987982076056,0.13029249996024794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290107634723065,0.2342720669697234,0.0,0.0,0.14145507072657992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669572389293176,0.0,0.0,0.17411471193974434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465598878337439,0.0,0.0,0.1500008154779615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525872007034868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294713189413292,0.18684665269588352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730082554520137,0.0,0.12711271167948976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313693484434065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397088848382732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27961532978297304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293295691808316 ptsd,altmyass,2019/01/09,"What is ptsd like? About 6-7 months ago my dad tried to kill himself in front of me, and i keep having flashbacks about it and sometimes have nightmares about it,is that ptsd or something else?",3.8672807017543844,5.537495026315792,3.0131578947368425,96.02043859649126,72.42105263157895,5.066666666666666,25.824561403508767,3.1291,0.19576140350877136,153,5,32,0,3,44,32,38,0.125,0.8140000000000001,0.062,-0.5514,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25727964458865626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245770864289035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579780427528518,0.3211068043571603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179627089296662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316662556815485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6785484652218543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22344040786608524,0.2870541082633545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705344604722794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BenKirbyTennyson,2019/01/09,"PTSD and the job This might have been brought up numerous times but my search skills are at an all time low just as is my concentration. I work in an industrial environment, and there is little to no time for yourself. You always have to function like a cog in a clockwork. I had problems in the past with some PTSD symptoms but after I got my diagnosis I had a talk with my boss and he seems to be pretty chill and understanding, so any future outbursts dont get me into trouble. The problems that remain tho is the high stress level, not a single spare second to use coping skills or reflect about things. How do you guys manage your symtoms while working? I don't know how long I can continue like this",4.61717391304348,5.958062746376811,5.1833043478260885,82.4801739130435,70.08695652173913,7.548985507246377,27.56811594202899,7.908726449838941,1.6404759420289858,561,19,108,7,10,180,99,138,0.132,0.795,0.073,-0.8216,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,4,7,7,0,1,10,0,15,1,0,4,1,25,22,13,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,5,0,14,2,16,15,3,20,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,4,11,79,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465993685186107,0.0,0.0,0.11822625811514315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037548631702148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908312140018546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390464274760743,0.0,0.0,0.17214217651919736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836856381201708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252265075677622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095545269396218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698719567567342,0.17424675677634055,0.0,0.1538547678878325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844309592830031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596272036275472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687138592920085,0.0,0.3327084049488209,0.4064505886354472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582695850367315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914845608017592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070022607732875,0.0,0.13973675906506358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550045865408355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30412590683859736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809874968309963,0.0,0.15015349819359505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531346582268005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OddEggplant,2019/01/10,"I feel like all I do is lie these days As you all know there is shame and stigma around PTSD, especially if you didn't get it as a result of being a veteran. For me, it was sexual violence which is full of it's own shame. I feel like I carry that secret around every day. I'm afraid of people finding out because I feel like they would get scared off or just never take me seriously again. So I find myself having to lie about things more and more. Lie about why I couldn't make the meeting after work because I had to go to my sexual assault support group to get my weekly dose of some kind of social interaction. Lie about what I did this summer because I don't want to tell them I spent it in a residential treatment facility getting treatment for my PTSD after two suicide attempts. I had to lie to the woman I am dating who asked where I met the friend I introduced her to, can't tell her I met her at a sexual assault support group. Lie to my boss about why I needed to leave work and go get something at home, can't tell her it's because I forgot to take the three different psychiatric meds that keep me sane throughout the day. I feel like there are all these gaps in my story and I have to fill them with lies to those who don't know about what's going on. And I feel when you get comfortable lying it just becomes second nature. I've been lying to my therapist about not drinking because she insists I be sober in order to work with her. It's not like I have a drinking problem, I have maybe 2 drinks at most maybe 1-2 times/week. And just today I kind of exaggerated and lied to my boss and coworkers that I was feeling sick and that I thought I had a sinus infection. All I feel is guilt for that. I was just exhausted from working all the days before with a sore throat while kids screamed at me (I work as an assistant preschool teacher) so I told my boss I was feeling sick and that I thought I might have a sinus infection even though symptoms wise I felt much better, but tiredness wise I was exhausted and wanted a break. So I don't know if you all have this issue to. I realize at least I'm recognizing it and I'm going to put an effort into changing it. ",5.570982142857144,5.070049383928573,6.412192857142857,81.00780714285716,67.4375,9.310857142857145,30.196785714285717,8.726425361277474,2.1370498928571418,1716,55,358,24,25,570,204,448,0.105,0.8270000000000001,0.068,-0.9062,1,0,4,0,0,1,28.0,0,4,3,8,22,26,2,5,17,0,34,15,1,5,7,70,76,25,1,8,10,0,9,5,1,2,11,1,1,2,26,19,3,2,18,3,1,6,10,12,0,3,19,10,65,14,56,52,14,38,0,0,0,0,31,16,0,6,19,249,91,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404314991586102,0.0737377686656124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24040828832093405,0.08711158439402686,0.06711708046098971,0.0,0.0,0.06975880309598005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343962084478503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034722023443727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240791253690245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318033307393176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209639921190524,0.0,0.0664558516205416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190538185825332,0.2253941525635605,0.07573266813262135,0.0,0.1441812111325553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060938869838882026,0.0,0.2472545681229315,0.0,0.17930662833846187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911836831703138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232533253064807,0.0,0.07010800077032174,0.0,0.1642729980834806,0.1300434249412799,0.0,0.0,0.08351756595323308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926724647360121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052649882758496205,0.0,0.15848170349314122,0.0,0.08761268966975194,0.0,0.0,0.08367424070959754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579824293029296,0.058485043891197436,0.0608335025704557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468220951602882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547302055474236,0.184402035982764,0.07929147334697076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896794650398441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804034468512516,0.0,0.06072206812501426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862767885629815,0.1790135370593402,0.0,0.08198164924074401,0.1186088358630166,0.0,0.2068214958952808,0.0,0.0,0.09158031571410817,0.0524012520298232,0.0,0.07749459286410687,0.12523637340249924,0.0,0.0,0.07476457244858492,0.07536874005849119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704971809289278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930454043675903,0.0,0.12653803405221145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234540032679358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287110830073677,0.0,0.0,0.05603075809248738,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Serrafia,2019/01/10,The void is lonely Any tips on how to deal with the crippling loneliness that this shitty thing causes? I really need some help with this. Thanks. ,3.4800000000000004,6.391074777777781,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,79.0,6.562962962962962,16.407407407407412,7.793537801064563,0.4805407407407407,117,2,21,2,3,35,24,27,0.249,0.5870000000000001,0.16399999999999998,-0.4654,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959726135996169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471030467039688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487049731738148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917267651821349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227189356248531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788206969334195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007030540214618,0.0,0.0,0.2891487319721318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,setheworldonfire,2019/01/10,"Finding a place to live after childhood abuse So this is kind of a frustrating issue that I thought maybe some of you would relate to. My triggers are all very domestic things because I was abused/neglected as a child and growing up in a violent household was traumatizing. So things like thumping, sudden loud noises, dogs barking, babies crying, things being run down or broken, bug infestations, all very common things are triggers for me. A lot of the time I can manage it but when it comes to trying to feel safe where I live these are big challenges. Especially since as a result of my unstable early life I have been living in apartments for nearly ten years now. I've done the hard part of divorcing myself from my family, establishing my life on my own, getting therapy, and starting to build myself the good life I always wanted. Now I want the stability of a quiet safe home someday but I have to build that from scratch and in the meantime I need to live somewhere I can afford, which in the city, is not many places. I've been clinging to this one complex for about 5 years just to try to maintain some semblance of stability in my life, but dealing with the thumps, bangs, and sometimes overhearing domestic violence that comes with living in apartments is really getting to me. I'm going to start looking for a new place tomorrow because it's just too much right now. I can't sleep here. I'm always irritable. I need somewhere quieter. I'm thinking of mentioning to the landlord that I have PTSD but I don't know if he'll take me seriously or that he won't try to take advantage of that to sell me something. I know that I can look after myself but there's no way to know ahead of time what it'll be like to live somewhere until you're already moved in and it's too expensive to back out or try again. Sometimes it feels like having PTSD just makes me an extremely fussy and unpleasant person to deal with. That I'm high strung or high maintenance because a normal apartment isn't good enough for me. But I just want to live somewhere I can feel safe and get a good nights sleep again. I guess I was just wondering if I was alone or if anyone could relate.",6.076723917412758,6.603643042755351,6.2808194774346795,78.8724917778184,66.31591448931117,9.137255618490776,31.631737621048785,9.057496981413335,2.612971423350995,1735,65,323,28,26,555,210,421,0.094,0.81,0.095,0.1486,1,1,1,0,3,0,33.0,0,1,0,3,20,15,2,0,19,0,30,6,2,4,2,65,63,27,0,11,20,0,5,3,0,4,4,2,2,2,23,13,0,3,11,0,2,6,6,3,0,2,8,9,37,12,59,48,9,54,0,0,2,0,10,23,0,13,27,220,60,2,0.0,0.0910462746593202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958607294365981,0.08479805432578744,0.0,0.12787890217377873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373034449289055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590874492093452,0.0,0.14052816139161364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238671366870522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061352805314463535,0.0,0.08440832072600309,0.0,0.15844331774983972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863696909722928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793992602443225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244065014400003,0.0,0.11656224194557192,0.054896585286566005,0.0,0.0,0.07023302125308402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044173579548285,0.0,0.04367159264370525,0.19335654385233392,0.0,0.0,0.08465112104536504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883614764055045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237749206231067,0.07707969713766286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020402636202689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002005861289264,0.12669254968773794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21710565973048,0.11262468282290335,0.0,0.4749758384883344,0.0,0.1290573703498663,0.0,0.0,0.06532908823740488,0.0,0.0,0.05129323447491713,0.07790664271322269,0.07719902449304304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167184497520255,0.05648837539302092,0.11395607786431065,0.0,0.07421535459562077,0.0,0.07211185902314839,0.07528972968721885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207073981067384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321337570737554,0.0,0.0,0.06709625896662774,0.24085343549953225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965048303530498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922753136317546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562341933468947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356524346832404,0.0,0.15379679613354452,0.0,0.0,0.059157420965683626,0.15199919195136494,0.0,0.108779604561615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555259973939662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787655655300901,0.0,0.20420404121118074,0.04923782948836351,0.0,0.06100468157914419,0.08961542943515252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086851482573554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680688529763795,0.13597180543398624,0.06099431969137596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333285044938911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458699358986766,0.0,0.0,0.09896862032997653 ptsd,Krazykatlady93,2019/01/10,"Sheppard Pratt trauma program If anyone has been here or been accepted would you mind please telling me what treatment goals you put on your application?? I was denied bc my goals “don’t match their program” or something. The goals were 1. Reduce ptsd symptoms to be able to get a job 2. Learn to cope with triggers in a healthy manner 3. Avoid future acute hospitalizations (I was hospitalized 4x in 2018 and it never really helps I’m just tired of the cycle of in and out of the hospital and never really learning how to cope with things. I didn’t put this part on the application just explaining why it’s there) I really really need this program. I have no hope left for anything else and I don’t know how much longer I can keep just doing this in and out of hospitals using it as a bandage but nothing ever changes. I’m on meds and in therapy but I need a more intensive treatment. Please please help me with goals because I don’t know what they want to hear!! And I really need to get into the program and it already took me 4 months just to hear that I was denied. I’m bordering on yet another useless week of inpatient treatment at the local psych ward and I can’t do that again. Last time I left worse than I came. This is the only program like this that Medicare covers that is in my general area so I just need to know what they want to hear so I can get in. I’m reapplying Monday and I don’t know what they want from me so I need to write something good please I’m desperate!",2.620155555555556,4.624555726666671,3.926000000000002,86.70522222222225,76.73333333333333,7.2444444444444445,24.44444444444445,8.167268648758528,1.4506111111111113,1178,40,240,21,27,386,152,300,0.084,0.8079999999999999,0.108,0.7295,1,1,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,4,4,15,7,0,1,11,0,22,2,0,4,3,57,51,21,0,11,10,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,18,17,0,2,8,0,0,4,9,3,0,0,9,3,31,4,37,40,3,34,0,1,0,0,15,19,0,4,12,155,49,13,0.09477952967222276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459156783560522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938460084075416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662720508806487,0.0,0.07799547718093718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777672157639783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840253239021727,0.0,0.0,0.10026417507606286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917613519752942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573351081900384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485551771187329,0.0,0.0,0.07949657270473291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204702549209817,0.0,0.12705744174510114,0.0,0.0,0.09413745867553364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405405847833648,0.08424440082900521,0.0,0.0,0.20835340323606386,0.07725796673817446,0.0,0.0,0.20595647262006211,0.0,0.0,0.046304490698882296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052786909503532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570030636217627,0.0,0.07565211633491017,0.0,0.06967385978153948,0.35138910152446695,0.14619963251176502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094351493854874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208410324490419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102636994437276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161578472860593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079219819653488,0.19055921120467387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035909683829375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593182490108506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851222176319456,0.0,0.0,0.08284148651039681,0.0,0.1083886522981032,0.0,0.06296730803099593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055266705948660386,0.1089351267261609,0.0,0.0,0.1053035448570044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185908249078121,0.0,0.0,0.16771026676084558,0.0,0.07602642168995835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552378351638865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096588437977746,0.06732865852159248,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Starfire911,2019/01/10,Anyone else do this? Whenever I tell someone that I PTSD (Mainly doctors) when they look at me I look into their eyes and I can see their sorrow and pity for me. And they treat you like your damaged. I know I’m damaged but can you treat me like a normal person. ,0.13325396825396751,2.4676921666666694,1.840793650793653,95.605,90.29629629629628,3.8264550264550254,16.973544973544975,5.288315135182226,-0.6298010582010587,203,5,43,1,7,66,37,54,0.135,0.6829999999999999,0.182,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,4,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,8,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,15,4,3,8,1,3,0,4,4,0,9,2,0,0,3,30,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972391579567428,0.2890276111918043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288724145790474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356443482449997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502556985037674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27562324188552323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737577489250472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763816801558521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463042019463749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32974020858077885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478381831744276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23900821117531315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465531823154526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HunterRuu,2019/01/10,"To the Grandmother in the waiting room I didn't post this when it first happened, but I want to give a shout out. I was in the waiting room of my Therapist before my appointment, my mom likes to sit on the kids side of the waiting room because the seats are more comfortable. While we were waiting I was super anxious. I had already taken an ""emergency pill"" (Ativan) to try to make it through but it wasn't working. I felt like I was gonna just scream and cry. Enter the Grandmother. She was there with her husband watching the grandkids while a family member was in a session. Her grandkids were being normal kids, playing with everything and talking to everyone, but when she started to play with them she would sing and hum. She had the most beautiful voice! It wasn't calming her grandkids at all since there was so much to do, but I know I wouldn't have made it through that appointment without her! I almost cried just because it was so calming! So long story short. Thank you So So much to the Grandmother in the waiting room! You being there and humming that beautiful song calmed my panic attack when nothing else could! When you have PTSD it's hard to realize there are still beautiful simple things left in this world!",5.157865761689294,6.649582192307697,5.0577224736048265,83.31766968325795,68.95726495726495,8.06998491704374,31.286073403720465,8.4952907291091,2.4239801910507794,979,41,180,15,17,303,124,234,0.118,0.705,0.177,0.9642,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,3,1,3,16,13,1,1,15,0,24,1,0,2,1,34,40,19,0,5,7,5,2,2,0,3,1,4,4,2,12,9,0,5,3,4,0,1,5,3,0,1,17,7,27,10,26,17,5,29,0,0,1,0,22,16,0,2,12,136,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555583854033894,0.0,0.1714301642864338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549880012078958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673055337949428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939715842755844,0.0,0.13218953899267824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403258044204432,0.0,0.3412845354589764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977315614783966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844148366348706,0.13961658902892976,0.0,0.14644808367289952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491582532848016,0.0,0.0,0.13213876241814276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149023768698337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737354971632915,0.0,0.13916111864463107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537509018541745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878584319821402,0.0,0.0,0.15179017987732615,0.0,0.0,0.1374779177125865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469938479585011,0.10369586522627988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819414700853619,0.0,0.0,0.22839702044801366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220786410704318,0.1490604073476163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226717601936368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878025378952234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815932692426993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285053084922979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995597498833176,0.0,0.1240609566591768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248626800969592,0.0,0.14302338595759784,0.0,0.18037077345889926,0.10320617793391022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547096137504752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162815951066268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974973911126988,0.0,0.11309505123454795,0.0,0.0,0.1103546225608122,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,joncottrell,2019/01/10,"2019 started off so well but now I'm already unraveling TL;DR: I feel as though I'm unraveling after a hiccup even though everything was going well. I could use help brainstorming some extra coping ideas. I've had a really tough 3 years. Bipolar disorder full on onset. Repeat of childhood traumas, and lots of family drama as I've been coming out. 2018 I made so much progress. EMDR worked really well even though it was tough, I got ECT which really stabilized the mood disorder, and my relationship flourished. Oh and I finally went back to work! Third week of January is always the worst and it's coming rapidly but I felt prepared. The anniversary of two of my incidents are then and I felt positive about it this year (no 3-month stint in the psych ward for me is the plan!). Then, something happened with family's finances and I need to sell my house to help. Seems simple, but that simple thing terrifies me and is now bringing me over the edge. Last night I woke up every hour during the night running through the room screaming about snakes and asking the empty room if they were seeing any. I had to turn on all my lights to get some fleeting sleep. But ended up just giving up sleeping after a while. I took out my weighted blanket to help me relax a little while just lying on the couch. I think I just have one too many things. House, family relationships strained, job is stressful all leading up to this awful anniversary that I kind get out of my mind. I'm considering breaking out the Klonopin which I have avoided for a year now, or just taking a bit of sick leave, or trying to find someone to handle the stressful bits about the house. I've tried all the usual suspects in the last few days, cold showers, music, favorite shows, exercise. I don't want to lose myself again. And I feel on the brink. I think I've learned that even when it's all going great I shouldn't pressure myself too much as it only takes one issue to go over the edge. P.S: my psych/therapist just retired and I've been having trouble finding a replacement. I've got a consult coming up but I actually only have my GP to rely on now.",3.990826398852221,5.953393482926828,4.769526542324248,82.3455380200861,72.70731707317074,7.457675753228121,26.44906743185079,8.219915518859313,1.8174548063127691,1688,59,309,27,34,544,220,410,0.154,0.72,0.126,-0.922,2,1,1,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,1,6,28,19,0,5,25,1,19,7,2,3,4,59,55,31,0,5,13,0,5,0,0,1,4,1,4,0,14,18,1,1,12,4,2,11,3,12,3,4,15,9,35,6,50,38,15,65,0,1,1,0,9,24,0,7,29,208,49,8,0.0,0.0,0.07767848039273302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784098967854116,0.0,0.06623388599692237,0.0,0.0,0.05413098244236077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441560237995261,0.0,0.0,0.06120777248247576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738059793971351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570601604143704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355441974732234,0.0,0.0,0.051335654641572234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824578446890723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050230277962559,0.0,0.0,0.15772588455019346,0.0,0.06706674638395478,0.0,0.07153968151924513,0.0,0.22512043886616004,0.0,0.0804966794191715,0.0,0.15285767988144353,0.08719831648000738,0.14550659550000536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317581777077207,0.0763599299025104,0.13571617706897934,0.0,0.12732737793409532,0.08775969093209582,0.0,0.0,0.07039034590537087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006335395682655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839033195682417,0.27554442514710803,0.0,0.08985913078044709,0.0,0.08308210734148617,0.07899108648037656,0.0,0.0,0.082891538002586,0.0,0.1297698542869116,0.0,0.08428530035810032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978048431941592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905245506636758,0.0,0.06767338957475659,0.0,0.07531979646101028,0.0,0.08070228324072387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037368401060943,0.0,0.06353625734513962,0.0,0.11703086442979735,0.0590226670828334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939911332910105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787854402155657,0.12107933937991885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298210939225826,0.0,0.0,0.17092201942805954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343119043593519,0.07246518891293309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931571648868648,0.0,0.06744513671977727,0.0612802551399516,0.0,0.0,0.0563415528664247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236391392849935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969914642192685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242216686697463,0.10576590004903487,0.10200940826459101,0.23462088344399715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843894195597891,0.10808685470372062,0.08658234670471003,0.0777579968698193,0.0,0.0,0.06874916371336517,0.08766856369046719,0.0,0.04695036166675821,0.0,0.06385061684380483,0.09693180839687857,0.2147108816266718,0.07379034214782833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590003742385925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537800889305522 ptsd,dangskippy88,2019/01/10,"My post deleted? The strangled chick What did I say wrong? Could I be contacted about it? I know it’s just a post, but I’m having so much trouble finding anyone to talk to or reach out. The hotlines keep shuffling me around and I’m not near any walk in clinic. I keep feeling like I’m walking into walls. It took a lot out of me to write that post. I would have just edited it. I’m really tired. What was it",-1.422413793103452,0.4546410114942532,0.7777471264367826,99.8169655172414,104.40229885057472,3.2395402298850566,16.144827586206898,5.2151,-0.8248951724137932,316,9,72,2,15,104,61,87,0.15,0.779,0.07,-0.838,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,0,0,19,16,4,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,8,5,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,3,2,8,1,11,10,2,13,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,1,47,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134851762783293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533703856279515,0.0,0.0,0.18503500469717007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595529241588436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050977258908822,0.14849164300100684,0.0,0.0,0.1899756909169214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695021225172277,0.0,0.0,0.11423166402132402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154744663710297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671087550328804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279733026709774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5972028583623663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331572259885234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529462696684138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706596374493965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388987288526184,0.0,0.0,0.2309345366004112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476542178777095,0.2272567967593828,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SummerOfJerj,2019/01/10,"PTSD from alcohol and drug abuse? Hello all, I abused alcohol for 8 years straight (age 15-24), and have now been sober for over a year. Through these 8 years I did some very messed up stuff due to my usage and inflicted a lot of trauma upon myself and upon others. I'm just now quitting weed and kratom, and the pain from my past becomes more evident each day. Is it possible that I have some form of PTSD from this? If so, where do I start in getting better? I am very new to dealing with mental health issues but it is very clear that I have some major ones. I have been having some flashbacks, emerging memories that I havent thought of since they happened, anxiety attacks, and of course depression and dread. The extent of my abuse is hard to fathom, even for myself, and I am some grateful to be out of it now. But I dont really know how to start dealing with the mental scarring it has left. It's seems like such a complicated and neverending web of sickening shit and wasted life. Should I try to pinpoint specific events and work through them individually? Try to forgive myself? I'm truly lost these days. I am starting CBT at the end of the month but otherwise have had a very bad experience with doctors. If this is a form of PTSD, it's almost like o would feel ashamed of that fact. As if it detracts from people who have gone through ""real"" trauma (I.e. war vets, rape/violence victims, etc.) Any thoughts on how to begin processing this? Thanks in advance.",5.190947368421051,6.09684262105263,5.496491228070177,82.3721052631579,68.40350877192982,8.526315789473685,29.73684210526316,8.6894789155246,2.184894736842105,1157,42,225,18,19,368,167,285,0.219,0.693,0.08800000000000001,-0.9929,0,0,3,0,3,0,41.0,0,0,2,5,10,19,4,3,10,0,25,8,1,2,3,45,41,22,1,5,7,0,2,2,0,2,7,0,0,0,19,17,2,0,6,0,0,2,2,14,0,1,8,2,20,5,41,30,14,33,0,2,0,0,7,12,1,11,21,156,39,2,0.0,0.3544706255400401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131496928522825,0.09985938556547946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781587867413495,0.0,0.07628874340148446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345067914763104,0.0,0.0,0.08326554518316108,0.0,0.110137548816342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819795478177425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862772370840145,0.20562255170270788,0.0858923111141199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020719488699024,0.0,0.0,0.11687602483839744,0.0,0.11564841675334585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883260453778252,0.0,0.1112188487981872,0.06586689647846983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975494074683226,0.0,0.0,0.05042355411685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210178082922152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088185784598164,0.0,0.08933329930380507,0.0,0.0,0.1060021659529336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408616022184948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054805814719695735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108350639859224,0.0,0.07043815475601889,0.09744041800200587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088607493626327,0.08478195240139838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009970852846031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959890851998896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631425802107244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757570177761164,0.0,0.10611358455055088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519803711954207,0.06913620687594824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242405661309847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497167750046765,0.0,0.0,0.10606896666411464,0.0,0.11350797700304667,0.06388587891666678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907851702978147,0.0,0.0,0.10236546273139327,0.0824928923932098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175591543550687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416035522011285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181264903324816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583397579684612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541237742472964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32913165034249964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260040850573332,0.0,0.0,0.07084121357171784,0.0,0.0,0.19265735412278234 ptsd,Ones_Fate,2019/01/10,"How do you know something is a flashback? Repressed memories? I guess I ruminate a lot about my trauma and will run through the scenes in my head but Im always pretty aware of my surroundings, so it doesnt consume all my attention. It feels more like intrusive thoughts from my OCD but more severe because they can end in panic attacks. I also have had terrible nightmares every night, without fail, for years. The dreams have reoccurring themes: my mom committing suicide to hurt me even though I try to save her, my mom is actually alive somehow after committing suicide and couldn't care less of how much she hurt our family, my little brother or husband being in danger of death always by an outside force - robbery, demons, monsters etc. and lately my mom trying to kill me which has been fun..... Because of probably playing too many video games the dreams play out like levels in 3rd person, with me always failing by having my loved one or myself killed before being able to save them and having to restart the level, over and over again until morning. I am in therapy, but its slow going and emotion for me was weakness to survive so Im really good at telling my story to anyone without emotion, as if it didn't happen to me. I guess I feel that its still safer for me currently to suppress my emotions. My therapist wants me to write down all the major memories I have and how they made me feel and all I want to do is forget that my mom ever existed and while there are several traumatic memories I can call to mind and come to mind frequently, I dont want to remember all the traumatic events and I dont really want to dig through the past to find more when Im trying to forget the current ones. Also, this is a weird question I was hoping to get advice on and please I do not mean to offend anyone or belittle any trauma someone has experienced but a previous therapist has me paranoid about this. In addition to PTSD, I have OCD that manifests itself in many ways and one is contamination OCD and she kept insisting that contamination OCD is most likely to occur in sexual abuse cases but Im pretty positive I was never abused sexually and then she would talk about repressed memories and ask again if I was sexually abused with a doubting look, like I was lying, she would say that if I went through my memories maybe I'd find something but I dont feel worthy of my diagnosis in the first place because it doesnt feel like my abuse was that bad and I dont feel that I would repress memories but somewhat frequently I have dreams about being raped. I would attribute this to my mind just wanting to torture me in my dreams but for what the therapist said. Its just freaking me out because I would say I have an above average memory, with my first memory being between 1 or 2 and being able to remember small things like where an object is located after years of seeing it last, or student and employee numbers a decade later. I dont want trauma that was concocted in my own head with help from a pressuring therapist, making me doubt my own memories.",8.686989795918366,7.279657324829934,8.794897959183675,69.41081632653062,61.63605442176871,12.073469387755106,37.83673469387755,11.062562989136584,4.1889551020408184,2449,99,433,54,28,807,277,588,0.22,0.632,0.14800000000000002,-0.9966,3,0,2,0,4,3,41.0,1,1,3,5,24,41,7,7,20,0,54,5,2,6,8,111,86,48,5,16,21,6,6,6,0,6,1,3,0,1,23,27,0,5,15,8,0,4,13,26,0,5,15,12,72,15,74,59,16,57,1,4,2,2,29,25,0,18,33,322,95,3,0.11180948072597947,0.26495190287739306,0.054554962238529486,0.0,0.0,0.05462946526556317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941400134091303,0.13955166725215212,0.0,0.0,0.0380171405020658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817978862352007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522633856541758,0.06359971283326138,0.0,0.0,0.046678123060531464,0.136316043344954,0.0,0.047570816470215466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708499043529702,0.0,0.056998608655700875,0.0,0.0,0.04815698367870752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32759969674321743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886559250080731,0.04951500655555655,0.0,0.062348563255456915,0.0369245537595912,0.050569038265112325,0.047102154907499666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052702013819748116,0.0,0.1696026988621709,0.07987671537123034,0.0,0.0,0.1021918397840131,0.09510508718761844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029207919456595007,0.0,0.0317719522735343,0.04689024383403447,0.0,0.0,0.1231707485319832,0.0,0.0494363772747515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474878426082533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037471769043961066,0.0,0.0,0.05552602132430441,0.0,0.0,0.11969436161584512,0.0,0.2415468515745608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370062447053387,0.0,0.030723783268232288,0.04556982490213754,0.06306298216854482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387339370308016,0.056031236545977886,0.0,0.0,0.04694590193626496,0.0,0.0,0.04752821108417984,0.05045621084438821,0.05289841705153328,0.03731684829971897,0.113357264264214,0.056163825802444285,0.060896651291525085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934355334970624,0.26189982498483005,0.0,0.0,0.04109641664866651,0.0,0.043117182185860164,0.0,0.0,0.05246281173969378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364749668804301,0.0,0.0,0.06559216746676043,0.0,0.0,0.0533674004296999,0.0,0.048813862938604465,0.05840855496187874,0.06136661704010929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375043813222507,0.06027476552469899,0.0,0.06534964982251243,0.0,0.06262610360742678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162801639844311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126658345706886,0.0,0.05317821014193085,0.08891538677725158,0.0,0.0,0.04454884005816818,0.0,0.0,0.1263128879169709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736790509182167,0.08607640077985534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044645597868980695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223014245011651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044934112669843485,0.04886320717842869,0.0,0.06393194275151254,0.2596388496756725,0.03714062539667666,0.0,0.054926123562767035,0.04438211922811797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138669470688026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784438584781466,0.04437458074866929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182425440211818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778034948922001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856561784253848,0.0,0.0,0.07200163976970926 ptsd,dm3official,2019/01/11,"How do you cope? I don't want to get into details because the incident is still fresh, it's been three days now and my brain keeps going in and out of craziness, I do smoke but I refuse to do that because it is just temporary. I am religious too and I'm deep in my prayer as well but when I close my eyes everything just come rushing back and I feel like I can't do anything. 😥",0.6395121951219522,2.465754597560977,2.509939024390245,95.32393292682929,82.29268292682926,6.051219512195122,22.445121951219512,7.1686216300943375,0.5729463414634148,295,10,70,4,8,98,58,82,0.07400000000000001,0.828,0.098,0.4289,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,0,10,2,2,1,0,17,17,9,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,2,11,2,8,16,0,14,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,6,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25827923131939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413382133749211,0.0,0.38265109148030574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503704662468534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703617551519672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024131032897196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820762498456982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869655115450176,0.22422094693078126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639783841385777,0.0,0.1783733142131009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27897231833842856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533356637667469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506482191699949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512218207591094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282196952349317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NibAttackArt,2019/01/11,"I just want to give up already I tried killing myself when I was younger unsucessfully and i was convinced if i cpuld just move out things would get better but they aren't I think about suicide every day and im so tired of it. I have doctors but they say such wonderful things like ""this fear will never go away"" and ""we can help you cope"" i just dont want to cope i want a normal life with parents who love me but ill never have that. I dont have any motivation to keep living. I have nothing to hold on to. Im so tired ",0.8854545454545466,2.826576873873876,2.3778869778869773,95.98732186732187,82.06306306306305,5.117444717444719,20.000819000819,6.11248444174946,-0.17816036036036031,407,11,95,3,11,132,74,111,0.183,0.588,0.229,0.4735,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,1,2,2,8,6,1,1,1,0,12,6,0,1,2,25,22,10,2,6,7,1,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,1,17,4,12,18,0,10,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,2,5,64,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655335207284123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200809595797193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093401650050386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266664991406396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674039059458876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353579955765462,0.0,0.0,0.35160794167955634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263851271867856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879658766160696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837107713293588,0.1438978327270053,0.08525092401714643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054474802342482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240608589752419,0.0,0.0,0.13333075083834375,0.16595757866593888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595250242175093,0.07328454415149033,0.0,0.13245658158252896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538477459161716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594308755150182,0.0,0.0,0.2313851909831874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697240554522675,0.14393321112517216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656206920637653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928947294209585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408040270195487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931243798819706,0.0961167250007934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448158476086741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018431012050522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26542934094705595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267330939250935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655878023090666,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,scarberia123,2019/01/11,"How to maximize my time with a (inexperienced) therapist? After being on the waitlist for 7 months I was finally booked with a therapist, I enjoyed our first few sessions so far but he’s admitted that he’s fresh out of school and lacks experience. I don’t mind it but is there anything I can do on my part to maximize my therapy with this therapist? Opportunities like this are hard to come by so I need to make every session count.",4.914642857142859,6.235206892857146,6.58666666666667,72.775,69.35714285714286,10.83809523809524,33.04761904761905,10.864195022040775,3.9398476190476175,345,16,65,11,6,119,62,84,0.019,0.8140000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9024,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,14,11,6,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,9,3,14,9,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,48,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564559576840096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339463872632346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695966090382102,0.0,0.0,0.19690152449146556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050478942553836,0.0,0.17121828418443824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803174747779332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983407657186998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343635114795556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032468398879883,0.0,0.16066880201739925,0.0,0.0,0.1492549547033724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797887141584066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371755063689434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23019415398668164,0.7011441711008299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737458073095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,survivorlacey,2019/01/11,"Trouble Separating my PTSD and OCD I hope it's okay that I'm posting this here, but I've just been feeling a bit alone in regards to all this... I have been dealing with OCD for a number of years, but very recently, I met with a psychiatrist who believes I may have PTSD as well. Many of the symptoms were right in front of me, but I had always grouped them in with my OCD. I was wondering if anyone could relate to this? My intrusive, paranoid, irrational thoughts. My terror in situations where people insisted there was nothing wrong. My fear of men that seems to go far beyond ""rational"" precautions. Even my occasional emotional numbness I thought was an OCD symptom.",4.756666666666668,6.677036730158732,5.431936507936507,78.56028571428574,70.5873015873016,8.84952380952381,33.234920634920634,9.3871,3.2594977777777787,532,26,96,12,10,172,88,126,0.128,0.738,0.134,-0.3131,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,2,5,1,11,3,0,0,1,18,20,6,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,10,1,15,3,17,8,2,13,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,5,2,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588400094823892,0.0,0.0,0.14130520654735013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874323750622524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133083159342892,0.0,0.0,0.18540124475723685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355887590501584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507865144371965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102648484650084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121655899583092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109655543961804,0.08586692250119818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651355014581693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686712040023098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217248588891676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294844131875658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177329409205618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264218571115674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397024813008447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167678379619521,0.0,0.0,0.1450267505554651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459924074680678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088663582418214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530194098613185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963882186545274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012063611758946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526900468924636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841643217882563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856733015847434,0.0,0.1093595667440845 ptsd,Quantumfanatic,2019/01/11,I want to lie down and cry I failed to deliver. Three times. My teachers are disappointed in me. I'm in the middle of a conference. I want to go home and lie down and cry and fall asleep. I am physically exhausted. I am feeling dizzy all the time because of some problem I have in my back. I am tired. ,-0.14773809523809334,2.0948657142857168,2.4653769841269835,91.41330357142859,90.2698412698413,6.324603174603175,22.160714285714285,7.6454224807358475,1.0793190476190475,232,9,53,5,8,80,40,63,0.324,0.617,0.059,-0.9612,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,5,3,1,0,1,10,10,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,1,10,0,10,10,2,11,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,1,3,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186962411218791,0.0,0.1733756834395777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6248292220835047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380788989507814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163860993805934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852896893737231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721450789263062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33168731814016394,0.3268912034365151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355086192287932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,monsooooooon,2019/01/11,Blackouts in public. Anyone else? I try so hard. Love the safety of my room. Fuck this agoraphobia. ,0.5183333333333344,1.1332030555555583,2.2028888888888893,85.68100000000003,129.55555555555554,3.6622222222222223,14.711111111111107,5.6839178017228535,-0.1186355555555556,77,2,13,1,5,25,18,18,0.209,0.507,0.284,0.4427,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075399107152066,0.4506586149574375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674221821394306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066164724259384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940019908518325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969644546581053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986162310533331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Queen0fPentacles,2019/01/11,"I am having a mental break and I have nobody that will listen to my story. I need advice for coping strategies. I am not in imminent danger to myself or others. TL;DR NSFW [Trigger: abuse, suicide, drug use, bereavement] My diagnoses: diagnosed with CPTSD by my psychiatrist but diagnosed with PTSD by my nurse practitioner because of changes to the new DSMV. Bipolar 1, depression (symptom, not MDD), anxiety, akathisia (debilitating movement disorder caused by an antipsychotic I was prescribed), ADHD, formerly suffered from Bulimia (now EDNOS), substance abuse. I have been institutionalized in psychiatric facilities many times, did outpatient rehab for 2 years as a teenager, I was sexually assaulted twice as a young teen, and I was last hospitalized in October of 2018 for suicidal ideations and psychosis, as documented by my local E.R. I suffered from PTSD after many years of physical, mental, emotional, verbal, and financial abuse at the hands of my father. The last straw that broke the camel’s back was when I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD after my first boyfriend committed suicide by firearm on January 27th, 2015. I was never the same after that. I am a different person now. There is an alarm bell going off in my head, and it won’t stop. It never stops. That is the reality of living with Complex Trauma. My current situation is that I am dealing with the loss of my grandmother who passed away last August, and then I was physically assaulted by my father the same night she died. I realize this is a delayed response to my loss, however I deal with bereavement in a very strange way after losing my boyfriend, and I also lost an uncle from suicide by firearm the previous year. What sets him apart is that like me, he also dealt with PTSD but instead it was because he was a sharp shooter in Vietnam. Like me he also was bipolar and suffered from addiction, specifically alcoholism. I never was the kind of person to use drugs, but I have been using hard substances since the beginning of October. I feel as though the suicide of my Uncle Don set a precedent for what my future may look like. I am holding on for dear life, and taking it one day at a time. I refuse to let my illness swallow me whole. I am just feeling very haunted right now. Absolutely haunted. When I found out my grandmother was slipping away, my family and I drove over 2,000 miles from the west coast to Rochester, New York so we could be there for her final moments. The drive was tense and nerve wracking, because we were unsure if we would make it there in time. We completed our drive in about 3 days, and when we got there, she was still alive, but barely. I walked into my grandparent’s living room, and she laid in a hospital bed. Her lungs had filled with fluid, and she had the death rattle in her chest. It was such a loud, jarring noise. I am still haunted by the sound. I grabbed her hand and leaned in close to her. I said, “Grandma, it’s Mary Margaret.” Her eyes were closed and her chest was rattling very loud. I do not remember what I said next. I do realize this may be a sign of a mental breakdown. However, I do remember that I said exactly what I needed to say, and I find peace in that. After I said it, she raised her eyebrows and furrowed them together. She opened her mouth very wide but could not speak. What did she mean to say? I want to know what she said. When I see her in my dreams I ask her, but I haven’t gotten an answer yet. I was taking turns with my cousins holding her hand, and when my turn was up, I went outside and broke down in hysterics. It was extremely hard for me to keep my composure when I was holding my grandmother’s hand, but I did. I didn’t want her to be sad or afraid. About 30 minutes passed and it was my turn again to hold my grandmother’s hand. When I came back in I realized that she had an accident in her bed, and I called my mother in to clean her up (she is an Registered Nurse and used to work in an elderly home). She gave her fresh bedding and a gown, fluffed her pillow and put lotion on her arms and legs. I knew the end was near. I sat with her and held her hand. I wanted to talk to her but I was lost for words. I wonder if she could feel me holding her hand. I wanted her to know I was there. I had to use the bathroom which was only the next room over, so I walked away and took about two minutes to do that. Her chest was still rattling, even louder now. When I returned to my grandmother, the air was so thick, it could be sliced with a butterknife. I had a very odd feeling, it was very strange. The room was completely silent. I approached my grandmother and touched her wrist. She was gone. I imagine her choking and reaching for me. But I wasn’t there. She suffocated and died alone. This weighs on me heavily to this day. I went outside to break the news to my family who were all seated at the picnic table. Everyone gasped, cried, and scattered, some of them tried to head into the house to pay their final respects. They were stopped by my father, who is my grandmother’s eldest child and also the primary abuser in my household. He told everyone to get lost, and that only my grandmother’s children were welcome to pay their final respects. I was heartbroken. My cousins and my brother and I walked over to the pond. We sat there and sobbed. I felt so empty and lost. Not only was I lost, I felt as though I lost something very dear to me. I still feel like that, even in this moment. We sat at the pond with teary eyes and gazed emptily over the water. After sitting there for about a half hour, we collected ourselves and headed to the bar. We got drunk, barely ate the food we ordered, and we didn’t have a lot to say to each other. We headed back to my grandparents house after dark. I am still traumatized by this next event so I will try to keep this short and simple. After getting back and walking up the patio, I saw my mother, father and aunt were all seated at the table. My aunt seemed sober but my parents were absolutely fucking plastered. I realized in all the commotion before leaving, I had misplaced my phone. I asked my mother to call it. I heard it ringing in the house and I went inside to grab it. I answered my phone to tell my mom I had found it. In the background I heard my father talking to my aunt. He said, “She is completely fucking brain dead.” My father often likes to tell people how stupid I am, although I consider myself to be at least semi intelligent. I was seething with rage. Hatred boiled up inside of me and it began to overflow. I hung up the phone and stormed out of the house. I walked out onto the patio to confront my father. This is something I never do. I said, “What are you doing, talking shit about me?” I was very angry. I do not recall what he said next, but he was very angry too. He stood up and came at me. My mother, who is complicit in the abuse, went inside as my aunt watched the ordeal. He grabbed me by the arms and dragged me down the patio towards the driveway. “You need to leave,” he snarled, “get the fuck out. Nobody wants you here.” I told him to let go of me but he didn’t. I had bruises on my arms the next day, which I photographed. I included this assault in the police report I filed against him a month later for domestic violence. He said, “You do realize my mother just died today?” I told him that my grandmother died today as well. I told him to let go of me. Things were about to go from bad to worse. But then my aunt quickly stood up and started walking towards us. My father let go of me and walked away. After that happened I had a great discussion with my aunt about the abuse I was putting up with. To this day, she my only family member to acknowledge that I am being abused. Next I tried talking to my mother about it. I repeatedly told her that she was complicit and that it needs to end. She said that I provoked him. I take it that she was implying that I deserved it. She was far too drunk for me to reason with, so I dropped the subject and went to bed. I am still living under my parent’s roof and the things I have dealt with have consumed me and taken over my life. I have no job, no money, no car, no driver’s license, no friends, and nowhere to go to escape. I rarely leave my room, and I rarely leave my house. This is due in part to the fact that there was a false imprisonment scenario many years ago, where I was being held against my will by my father and forbidden to leave my home. I spent many years in isolation completely cut off from the outside world. I have become quiet and reclusive because of this. My father has not assaulted me since that day, which may be because he is aware that I now own pepper spray. Because he cannot physically abuse me, he has escalated every other form of abuse. I am so torn up inside. I don’t even have anyone to talk to right now, so I am reaching out to all of you on here, TLDR: what are some good ways to overcome great feelings of loss in addition to being assaulted by my father the same day my grandmother died? To those that read this, thank you and my heart goes out to all of you who are also struggling. Much love to all of you and take care of yourselves, because you are worth it. ",3.683665873271648,5.339977179900057,4.4960547170763725,85.26011807736964,72.87007218212105,7.480849411554576,26.808730969197374,8.139509932561175,1.6779917225473024,7195,256,1420,110,143,2316,612,1801,0.192,0.738,0.07,-0.9998,10,2,5,3,10,4,235.0,14,9,5,12,74,56,14,3,80,0,144,54,26,11,13,226,256,112,12,16,26,29,23,5,1,8,15,22,16,4,82,105,10,14,31,5,5,33,24,37,1,5,121,51,291,19,241,110,19,239,0,18,6,4,178,97,5,13,105,1025,373,6,0.0,0.3233609457860784,0.0,0.033057647577486894,0.03644356792748517,0.02963227222956638,0.02688040577633906,0.03240714524168692,0.0,0.031406529768342524,0.0,0.12125050172049465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023197785130575355,0.0,0.0,0.02120325330003229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669771299480745,0.0,0.11396162476463705,0.0932691695363548,0.025319282240289183,0.1293966479542377,0.033490487303006765,0.025803499576203173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033851624614191014,0.061928410559318574,0.06936517950151093,0.03091734982544196,0.03115111204895636,0.032078782424965084,0.0,0.12717659282346214,0.0,0.0,0.09684501999962176,0.0,0.03330950176990995,0.136895347489438,0.06252544687093667,0.026118025920389084,0.12311292989134663,0.15735767744429294,0.031682136970449415,0.03475394332969573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703324501864359,0.0,0.0,0.03411043045716849,0.053716145547846775,0.0,0.0,0.0600861690833275,0.0,0.025549286818629592,0.057951783325515836,0.0,0.0,0.08576033535903474,0.0,0.0919963854510046,0.02166347925224824,0.05823161128710438,0.09965541425380707,0.027715596348963197,0.025793587949840817,0.03666791402015173,0.06649742494358636,0.023428255389860642,0.08410217757522225,0.04752913192851565,0.0,0.10340300434472356,0.025434341402509282,0.04850576290190418,0.0668646575428574,0.0,0.0,0.026815422452476832,0.0,0.054328714561438736,0.0,0.12448473352976375,0.0,0.0,0.03593409859956273,0.0,0.0,0.06083491025879765,0.0,0.029863042162600637,0.17494918443024732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03009190147749804,0.053906747902030906,0.0,0.03157779068543092,0.033330566400413056,0.07415434786280213,0.0,0.16054374407214728,0.0,0.1240334215301586,0.0428374909893337,0.0740738993414851,0.0,0.08032997084061358,0.0,0.025464531630970372,0.03392481131212413,0.19861343838718667,0.025780389439735308,0.02736860352092443,0.0,0.02024151256453461,0.12297514894378887,0.0,0.033031737363114086,0.0,0.0,0.09167841129128017,0.0,0.0,0.035515114751262206,0.02420433597598224,0.0,0.022291636937559842,0.08993947858848708,0.09355098565159256,0.05857423685235735,0.19349957593285969,0.028457029770325562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020548334393647533,0.09225110614186093,0.0,0.0,0.06734245039717128,0.03283794845774155,0.0,0.021022850821003903,0.05295551285892884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178858271696898,0.060968012459787335,0.0,0.0,0.030332216736749,0.0,0.0,0.03117813338325872,0.0,0.0,0.06870238545971763,0.05179307877885531,0.28845078236563226,0.07234461110609437,0.0,0.0,0.02416431040827328,0.02760584038628191,0.0,0.0,0.03112716114273516,0.05016866990366807,0.034085458473026416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668980975835732,0.0,0.0,0.0214634907999004,0.0,0.14530076435575154,0.07605669211500306,0.0,0.03170123995782207,0.0,0.16584772920918522,0.0,0.0,0.03151825789963422,0.0911995284927258,0.12186645545166525,0.053009043748910085,0.027918274827695932,0.0,0.0,0.04029185045764786,0.0,0.05958637295879578,0.0,0.0530465233706848,0.0,0.05748723276523832,0.1448794583137896,0.03369109157366281,0.061764038089886675,0.098951447415879,0.029622152133272555,0.0,0.03647605108951234,0.13095104481420888,0.0,0.22518436100467865,0.08942943568449152,0.048139576341280105,0.0,0.0,0.02726492732257686,0.1405533082808621,0.0,0.0338556749342193,0.0,0.0,0.032885095991258766,0.022076240894999797,0.0,0.030902757483466013,0.0215413071123404,0.0,0.0,0.09763834316607067 ptsd,BubonicZombie,2019/01/11,"I slipped up today. I'm trying not to let the social isolation get to me, but today, it showed up as I was melancholy towards my friends when I asked them for advice on how to deal with loneliness. I guess it's my fault, as no one knows that I've been diagnosed with PTSD. So in reality, they don't know that my isolation digs deep whenever I feel alone. I hate showing my friends the side of me that's sad/depressed/desperate for love, but today was a day that I couldn't stand it.",4.754233333333332,4.708594490000003,5.66,84.16833333333334,69.1,9.466666666666667,30.66666666666667,9.2995712137729,2.367866666666667,379,14,83,7,6,125,68,100,0.236,0.6409999999999999,0.124,-0.8945,1,3,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,3,5,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,1,0,11,15,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,1,15,3,15,10,0,13,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,5,54,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545551638646028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071585819076404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699006079382213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899522244416134,0.20621003024633644,0.0,0.20301431070947065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113523573617328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090672034721714,0.0,0.10450127879178804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203426497128961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974766093527168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984959562924705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453220956649704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052427746735966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355375409174557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23381062746343986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20389341428173416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5687817329047289,0.0,0.0,0.13579926040823515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,youngnigurath,2019/01/11,"Day three without relying on weed for emotional support I know it seems silly but I'm really proud of myself. I'm taking a two week break, and then scarcely using it afterwards. I got addicted and way too hazy and foggy to ever get better. I know my gf's proud too and it makes me feel good. Day three and my brain is already a million times less hazy. Wish me luck lads.",0.4663157894736827,2.897139315789474,2.5897894736842098,90.03152631578949,90.05263157894737,5.67157894736842,19.442105263157888,7.1686216300943375,0.666114736842105,292,9,59,5,10,98,56,76,0.0,0.677,0.32299999999999995,0.9803,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,1,16,14,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,8,7,5,13,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24157125499805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445355891114889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959827668101725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24737330212637826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28582088148461504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24926454535965284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044536102253946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204508849070084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577423975321148,0.0,0.0,0.18586336968627468,0.17722976190887268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24356562989760466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791638097695373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419594291179112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173176242376006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514633761784438,0.0,0.0,0.16661185964289538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921382456613684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646611271429791,0.0,0.0,0.19138692893935924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758917939423677,0.17775013990815816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548233101004765,0.2136096691343136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Stigsonic,2019/01/12,"My friends can’t deal with my PTSD anymore and don’t want to be around me. I’ve been struggling with PTSD for roughly 10 months, I am now 0/4 on suicide attempts, I just want it to end I can’t deal with it anymore. One of my two best friends (they are married to each other) told me that he can’t be around me anymore because he is frustrated with dealing with my problems. On one hand, I get it. It isn’t his problem, he shouldn’t have to help me. But on the other hand, if has to leave because he can’t deal with it anymore, how the fuck does he think it feels like to be me?!?!? I don’t really know what to do anymore, I just feel empty now, and a part of me really wants to hate them but I can’t because that’s not who I am. How am I supposed to feel about this situation? I don’t even know what emotion I’m feeling but it’s awful.",2.7700819672131125,2.950981158469947,4.220887978142077,91.9628073770492,73.48087431693989,6.97431693989071,27.818306010928964,6.42735559955562,0.9403191256830596,644,23,156,4,12,215,89,183,0.13,0.767,0.103,-0.7767,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,2,2,10,10,3,1,3,1,22,3,2,2,0,33,37,8,1,7,7,0,7,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,15,11,0,0,7,0,0,0,11,6,0,3,2,7,23,4,24,31,3,9,0,0,0,1,17,5,1,1,5,107,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5287511183698831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18985005349759854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500550804821495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190363395054928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397313587352766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331432225973248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994657121713392,0.0944442417042364,0.0,0.0,0.0704293854062018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566523497016016,0.07617787351594726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476713227889245,0.09857950287580768,0.055710783391322564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527695675783978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147313630469547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720424230572493,0.0,0.0,0.1129078195362864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209497578079987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851125907822269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451311353786536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547199113353053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406471590479602,0.24929404447112866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662229219215202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985875925363225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114748475850222,0.0,0.11663802652838633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832543640710231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189138062244953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416390332335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868282866803304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lalanooneimportant,2019/01/12,"I was raised in a religious cult. I don’t believe my ptsd can be cured . . . . . . My title says a lot. I was raised in a very damaging religious cult from the age of 11 till I ran away at the age of 23. I ran straight into the arms of an abusive man and marriage... I was able to break the cycle after 5 years. I’ve spent many many hours with several therapist and have found them all very inadequate in dealing trauma from cults. I have found so much healing in publicly speaking out against the cult but there are still very clear triggers for me. I can’t go to church. I feel panic at the idea yet so much pressure to “conform”... will my kids resent me for not raising them in church... I struggle with nightmares and insomnia even 13 years later... I look like I have my shit together from the outside but on the inside... so far from it I struggle secretly with addiction. Addiction to numb the pain and quiet the voices. I am currently sober and have it under control but fear the relapse. I may delete this. Idk. I never trust the internet ",2.5706269349845208,4.703516769607845,3.694427244582045,87.69886996904025,77.38235294117645,6.8437564499484,26.423116615067077,7.85451343220497,1.6070627450980388,807,32,161,13,19,261,124,204,0.213,0.748,0.039,-0.989,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,2,1,7,13,2,5,16,0,15,8,2,2,3,26,23,12,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,6,4,0,2,3,10,0,1,5,0,1,3,4,11,0,0,8,6,24,2,31,12,4,30,2,1,1,0,10,14,1,2,13,110,27,0,0.1407471589304488,0.16676236818683518,0.0,0.3068703565902525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322365889283104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585738505132351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578599067143402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510414067028327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296217105549134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837968383615628,0.07116599253418067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086439901227117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998985393972444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386076001903411,0.0,0.0,0.15888641062941078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876195243981141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819216542379422,0.0,0.0,0.11965820135663414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853910560307085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069307127790934,0.0,0.1085528857542812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976490051454175,0.16513646533538842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452589690779562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192778995880204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900422750539636,0.14447493605108416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124008629323734,0.0,0.0,0.2942789799972081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634182996045779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483934390576256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127311154867934 ptsd,quartermooses,2019/01/12,"Is it possible to suffer the extremes of hyperarousal and hypoarousal back to back? It seems that I have days of hyperarousal, but my tolerance for anything those days is low. After even a short period of hyperarousal I find myself in deep states of hypoarousal. Sometimes it's hour by hour and sometimes it is day by day. Does anyone else experience this? Suggestions for dealing with it? ",5.8221739130434775,8.469187086956527,5.483405797101451,76.23206521739135,69.43478260869566,9.237681159420287,31.78985507246377,9.725611199111238,3.5533072463768125,315,14,50,8,6,97,47,69,0.077,0.883,0.04,-0.3899,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,13,5,0,15,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,10,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744020444181285,0.2014002411237346,0.16175317025559088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30228695445465403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5070630106978568,0.2026460298133626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201208469686038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420171194126376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298268595245128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227463106947945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965343216564136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871464970025197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215932886689986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789419903064055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388808227714791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thedonuthasbeeneaten,2019/01/12,"Are there medical reasons for the easy development of trauma and PTSD in certain individuals? Maybe dumb question but I'll go for it. Let's say Person A and person B are exposed to 3 things, and person A is traumatized by all 3 and develops PTSD as a result. Person B experiences little to no PTSD or long term adverse effects of the 3 experiences. Is it possible to have something like a genetic factor or medical issue that predisposes person A to be more easily traumatized and have PTSD or C-PTSD over person B?",6.6340136054421786,7.227100428571429,8.600408163265309,62.49340136054426,65.12244897959185,11.839455782312925,35.72108843537415,11.538034831475384,4.701749659863945,414,19,67,13,6,148,62,98,0.181,0.7190000000000001,0.1,-0.8076,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,7,0,8,2,0,3,2,15,9,10,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,6,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,12,7,3,6,0,0,0,0,8,3,1,4,3,44,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840625847129191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344629912211075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652079393757316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141571506564672,0.0,0.054540559681532735,0.11189034162811308,0.0,0.09879588497695974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215511281855556,0.0,0.0,0.2249265520292494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5848665998195329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585477556593586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6524927071633003,0.0,0.12505981590683976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478218776556695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877880996200005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594418473589575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416715246871046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,laylaadams1,2019/01/12,"Triggers Hey guys how do you pin point triggers? My psychologist and me have figured out at least 3 ... men, noise and mess. Tonight I had an episode and although I felt a little bit edgy on and off all day I couldn't tell tonight's episode was going to happen. My kids had been very clingy (touching me) and loud all day, I had a few twinges in my back and thighs, like radiating pains but nothing to make me think I was overly stressed and should take time out. I thought I had been coping 'normally' until I was in full blown rage and really wasnt coping at all. Now the guilt has set in and I feel like a failure and upset. How can I pin point what triggers out bursts like these? I'm exhausted now Thanks L",3.2358712121212143,4.560149986111114,3.609898989898991,92.49772727272727,73.44444444444444,6.625252525252527,26.285353535353536,6.980632752743323,0.9038694444444446,554,19,123,5,11,172,92,144,0.17,0.7509999999999999,0.08,-0.9282,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,5,11,1,3,5,0,16,3,1,6,3,31,26,15,0,3,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,3,2,13,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,12,4,17,4,14,12,7,26,0,0,0,0,6,15,0,0,12,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907082371353307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258492605408513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668290165941373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460005798346844,0.14778849243695494,0.1986283445998823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175694044619099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048345490738927,0.1829351053063345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031997709639017,0.20733882058177425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380878201383925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202689394766105,0.19849804690531334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201250445595265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911194169668253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252668829179404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23696972482159576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554104525364146,0.0,0.1808141381621096,0.19045877627424845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255441213633784,0.0,0.16423225370238995,0.12062798757131933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069001934214914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ImperfectSoldier,2019/01/12,"Relatable songs for PTSD My girlfriend has PTSD and I think she feels quite alone in her experiences, I do my best to understand based on what I have read and what she says but I can't relate to what she goes through. So I thought maybe she might like it if I made a mix of songs which captured what she felt, and maybe that catharsis by listening would be a healthy coping strategy. So I would really appreciate it if you guys could just suggest songs that you think captures aspects of PTSD experiences. Based on what I have listened and searched so far, I have two songs so far So Long Sentiment by Celldweller Crawling by Linkin Park Thanks ",5.200650406504064,6.748768739837402,4.609918699186991,86.35357723577236,68.91869918699186,8.393495934959349,30.739837398373986,8.841846274778883,2.302017886178862,517,21,103,9,9,155,76,123,0.013,0.845,0.142,0.9516,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,2,6,3,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,1,0,19,21,12,0,5,4,0,2,1,1,3,0,7,0,1,10,4,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,9,19,3,12,13,1,6,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,3,2,69,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686187493907625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169075515150977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863361325530848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151939396393622,0.0,0.0,0.08146230246385433,0.0,0.15469133189436268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952471072570393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871044537131562,0.0,0.0,0.14257771010778225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244663718045112,0.0,0.0,0.3237142754736973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091276538614042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5649886090158526,0.0,0.0,0.1713608331613649,0.1611540846150439,0.0,0.10321150269214302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812152483302205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832888947538153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064661879264992,0.0,0.12790372953272167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738153438622554,0.1677216976149603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22889653329523346,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Debauchery_,2019/01/12,"I keep having “flashback” dreams of my childhood abuse I call them “flashbacks” because even though the things being said and done to me are carbon copies of things I actually experienced as a child, instead of my parents being the abusers, it’s people who I have completely loving and healthy relationships with in my waking life. This is the 4th night terror I woke up from in tears this month. I think it’s because I recently did a lot of self-introspection and have recently began to accept the role I played in my abusive childhood. I am afraid that I have now opened Pandora’s box and will forced to keep reliving these same scenarios via dreams for a great period of time. It is beginning to change the way I see my healthy relationships and is starting to open up trust issues I’ve never had before. I go to therapy bimonthly and I am on prescribed medicines that I take daily. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope?",7.2872327672327675,7.93338396703297,7.201188811188812,72.90290209790213,63.725274725274716,10.574225774225775,34.67732267732268,10.436869588844218,3.7133230769230776,790,33,136,18,11,252,116,182,0.105,0.7490000000000001,0.146,0.7894,1,0,1,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,2,8,0,18,3,1,1,1,17,30,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,11,9,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,4,21,5,23,21,2,25,0,0,1,1,11,9,0,1,14,95,32,0,0.0,0.4778124917215216,0.1311787392850083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914131429598886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798521139766866,0.13773359497298826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388762796798895,0.0,0.11438519018741385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726225388366922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220309992541794,0.0,0.14094133544306947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763562283692162,0.1375627440967792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229426519154276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878599144962487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639643531678897,0.0,0.0,0.1482032804749782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403040590276207,0.0,0.238965012980076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094947868204774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428274449599407,0.12132319143996935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729620475689663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036763177643364,0.0,0.0,0.12614811230680942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492622923805044,0.0,0.0,0.09319289355851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26545558552706355,0.2886428121567387,0.0,0.0,0.12786830523961085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711877408857864,0.0,0.1402338761004952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348640410677414,0.0,0.0,0.09514622115430392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107035463189187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372591797454788,0.0,0.1786110819577072,0.08613367243864503,0.13207120575528014,0.0,0.07838389836254016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669976332235734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Alaspooralice,2019/01/12,"I feel betrayed My best friend is in town for the first time in 4 months and I found out she went to lunch with my abusive ex before she came to see me in the afternoon. I just feel so betrayed because she knows everything that he did to me. I called her crying when I saw him last, when he tried to kill himself in front of me. I still have nightmares about him. And I just feel like absolute shit that she went to see that monster before she even told me she was in town. He abused me for 5 years and she's my best friend. I don't know what to do and it hurts so much that it's hard to breathe.",2.641550387596901,3.2386184263565916,3.2635658914728687,97.19364341085274,74.03875968992247,6.663565891472868,22.86046511627907,6.42735559955562,0.13703720930232555,463,11,116,3,9,145,74,129,0.208,0.677,0.115,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,9,8,2,0,2,0,6,3,2,0,0,15,19,8,1,0,2,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,6,0,0,4,1,3,0,1,8,7,27,5,18,11,3,21,0,1,3,0,19,8,1,0,10,76,34,0,0.0,0.3679626213993894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465719646333946,0.0,0.2642635458042341,0.0,0.32591338685263543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855815712220894,0.1775988585994127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056769801114022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256092104134988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955557735896593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355425758108814,0.1109320041017854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208101851666118,0.0,0.17025641474082556,0.239937758172984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391003060126824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623036327945834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717942221006892,0.0,0.1706755634952651,0.12657385771228916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586192420806173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394294870663496,0.0,0.11414860611257845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474759802074909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939260390061674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400674271371565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054496863319804,0.0,0.0,0.14837661556383494,0.0,0.1054248711537426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878920784455984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999517582999527 ptsd,RunawayStagecoach,2019/01/12,"Uncomfortable I stumbled into finding out that one of the coaches who sexually abused me has a prestigious coaching job. I had made a report about the abuse months ago. Investigators were supposed to call me back...no one did. I had been told they were backed up a couple months. It has been about 8. This was my coach after my previous coach repeatedly raped me. I did not adequately protect myself from either of them. I couldn't comprehend what had happened and what was happening, and blamed it all on myself. My symptoms have been crippling since reporting. I wish I had not found out this information today. I wish I could forget it all and have a new life. I am angry and sad. I moved in with family after making the initial report. I was not ok. I don't know what will happen to me if I have to go through reporting again. I want to forget. I want to be able to feel comfortable and relax. I want to be able to get in bed and sleep instead of feel tormented at night. How do people do this? People shouldn't have to live like this. I am waiting to hear back from a trauma treatment center to see if they can help me. I had gone to a therapist for years, but after the reporting process discovered I needed more assistance. I feel like I've become a container for bad feelings and discomfort. 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They just pop up. Wake up in the morning. Flashbacks. Feed my children. Flashbacks. Drive. Flashbacks. Breathe. Flashbacks. What is going on here? I see everywhere online and according to my therapist they always come because there is a trigger of some sort. I really don’t get it. They just keep getting worse. ",2.6298901098901126,4.9643249230769255,2.377637362637365,86.28557692307693,107.46153846153842,4.318681318681318,29.258241758241766,6.18269132825596,2.0208241758241767,300,16,45,4,14,89,53,65,0.08800000000000001,0.912,0.0,-0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,2,2,1,11,10,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,8,10,2,9,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,1,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441690501996219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518298106593613,0.30066822171136426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888083757376935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527761623384125,0.0,0.3171088912955685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567949637502924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24513494351285206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066249264856652,0.0,0.1667710797521185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26082665423073914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879878443167194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338370048602206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407112894198709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299044670829149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hopeless_anon,2019/01/12,"feels like someone took an eggbeater to my memory Its all scrambled up and I have the most shit memory on some things but then I have vivid flashbacks that I remember as if it were yesterday, then there's these awful hazy memories. Its like I remember the feeling, the helplessness and fear but I can't remember exactly what was happening. I was trapped in an abusive residential facility for 5 months and I have never been so desperate and suicidal. I remember some shitty incidents that are 100% not ok, but its honestly just a blur mostly. I want a court case and to make them pay for what they have done but all the gaslighting has gotten to me... I feel insane, like my head is all mixed up. :(",3.6953508771929866,5.977468503759397,4.968590225563911,79.18090538847119,74.48872180451126,9.8468671679198,28.376566416040106,10.125756701596842,3.307456641604011,553,23,103,18,12,183,89,133,0.311,0.597,0.092,-0.9916,0,1,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,3,8,1,1,8,2,13,2,2,1,5,31,21,14,1,2,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,7,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,7,4,15,5,10,14,7,10,0,1,1,0,2,4,1,6,8,80,25,1,0.0,0.19293523078221425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663879810083665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832369088085139,0.2470058564659688,0.11633079322630906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399623108884824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711775181011435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23866181514309956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869496932207877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997494865973055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255899415005486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.737850361339272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714985180608666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379712710316286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781172605659303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818167455275132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809179108207037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604548807531388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Abused-But-Surviving,2019/01/12,"Hate Winter Break I feel like being home is so much harder than being at school. Like here I have to deal with my mentally ill parents in addition to my own struggles. I find my self checking behind me and locking the doors and keeping my dog near me. Today I went out to dinner and I made sure I could see the door and I scanned all the people to make sure none of them where my abuser. I feel like I take a step in the wrong direction every time I come here. I wanna be back at school with my boyfriend so all the nightmares go away and I don’t have to keep looking over my shoulder. 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I recently came down with the flu and have been in bed, which seems to have worsened my symptoms. Just curious if anyone else has been sick and had tremors or other physical things amplify. ",3.8734090909090932,6.231544068181822,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,74.22727272727272,8.036363636363637,29.181818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.4060181818181814,185,8,36,4,4,56,36,44,0.221,0.735,0.044,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,9,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,0,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23967874750522486,0.3512171546588707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920473690556702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863475124773812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29156727819095063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282871191777853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384524866841825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31205273803917266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562781838256625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277268520001634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stinkerbox,2019/01/13,"Help talking to people? I've been having a lot of extra social anxiety since turning 30 and going off medication. I find myself preoccupied with what to say and panicing inside. Although I feel like I used to be fine? But somehow now I feel so not like myself and out of place, all the time, that I'm just never sure what to say or do? Cheers. **Tl;Dr** Help talking to people and making new friends. ",0.9554545454545468,3.5460348717948733,2.90878787878788,86.83772727272729,91.30769230769228,4.374825174825175,19.91142191142191,6.11248444174946,0.32803589743589745,312,10,57,3,11,104,57,78,0.043,0.733,0.224,0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,2,3,20,11,8,0,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,4,6,6,10,9,3,8,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,3,6,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930521646649614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736855863010272,0.27886028264924706,0.0,0.0,0.1783826813244281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078856549132724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109201292283896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616379018191303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907013021018284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592733333049822,0.0,0.0,0.13027810189835076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661416475973667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505278422567521,0.18849728677489755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289910178998867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706138775667671,0.0,0.20391206711624585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104154918405927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614473984831149,0.0,0.0,0.1989521703194229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394627849427467,0.0,0.0,0.3137419785345553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380573059129667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122899117730628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856500724053716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,creativenamereddit,2019/01/13,Can a PTSD flashback be a mere subconscious thought that you don’t even notice but thinking back on you could see yourself subconsciously thinking about it when your reminded of it? Wow I hope you can understand that ,9.816923076923079,9.518142615384617,8.050897435897442,72.07326923076926,58.74358974358975,11.902564102564106,42.57692307692308,11.20814326018867,4.847707692307692,178,9,30,4,2,53,32,39,0.0,0.785,0.215,0.8765,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,4,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,3,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520712987353459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26173547045296525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165202606914644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255965851496674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37322221321178256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832009266189424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26122797653015484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42010422829619537,0.0,0.2602503496150078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34126941099985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tyrienne,2019/01/13,"I just published an article on Managing PTSD with Cannabis! My article got published! I have been on disability since 2012, I am so excited!!!😄😄😄 https://www.monroeblvd.com/blogs/marijuana-effects/managing-ptsd-with-marijuana",12.978275862068967,18.432116482758623,11.899586206896556,20.07903448275863,73.82758620689654,10.595862068965518,36.83448275862069,9.3871,5.755449655172415,194,9,21,6,5,62,22,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,13,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069388322104466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8972216783381898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31746151451993243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stellabella00,2019/01/13,"Husband is a combat vet and I’m not sure how to handle his issues anymore My husband served in Afghanistan years ago and the first time we hung out he told me some of the awful things he had seen (this was after we had a few drinks). Since then he has never spoken about it again and if I ask anything he changes the subject. I’m sure he’s still affected deep down but he would never go to therapy or anything like that. He does not want to be around anyone else really anymore, not even his own family. And barely goes to anything with me and my family. Since we got our two dogs, he has put all his focus on them and I feel like I am just left out in the cold. We used to have a great love life but he has no interest in sex anymore and the only thing he likes to talk about is the dogs. We don’t have kids but I want a baby so badly. We were talking about it earlier but when we got home today, one of our dogs had eaten the stuffing out of the couch and when my husband saw it he picked the dog up and threw him in the floor and punched him (not super hard but still!). I cried and begged him to stop- I’m so upset about that and I’m so afraid of his reaction if we were to have a child and they did something wrong. He’s never hit me but I feel like I am emotionally shut out and forgotten. I have been dealing with my own depression lately and I feel so lost and hopeless at this point. It’s hard for me to feel like eating anymore and I have lost a lot of weight, which was a red flag to my parents. They are concerned and want me to come stay with them for a while. I have tried SO hard to make everything perfect or at least to cover up when he isn’t dealing well but I guess I’m not even able to do that effectively anymore. I just miss how our relationship used to be so much, it’s like I lost the man I married and it’s breaking my soul ",1.8847727272727253,3.189581050505052,3.300896464646467,93.43801136363639,76.87878787878788,6.364141414141415,21.718434343434343,6.9077264865688965,0.30723131313131313,1440,37,337,14,32,472,185,396,0.146,0.735,0.119,-0.2472,1,0,2,0,1,1,26.0,11,0,4,7,24,24,0,2,19,1,29,7,0,8,7,81,61,43,0,6,18,4,8,6,0,1,1,0,2,3,14,36,4,1,5,1,0,4,11,10,1,3,19,12,48,14,45,38,8,45,1,6,3,2,50,20,0,7,25,226,62,0,0.08270141156106738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330981143124886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100878886818902,0.05782674986709493,0.08473736934497528,0.2041686452934448,0.07362179000679786,0.07731465593966362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905222421322259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748712761576975,0.0712399431764288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084361724071867,0.0,0.17052304782532984,0.07123060459398188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237256257206781,0.0,0.0,0.08101589857363567,0.0,0.08462419045700223,0.06908641734592426,0.09302795670052268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924700472099284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432669609328603,0.0,0.15592706116526392,0.0,0.16726527433863156,0.17724571483124973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034577842580822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700111804493192,0.0,0.1322877474862197,0.09117859820770732,0.09110492867409783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222526616380373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295625885668455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631878716847789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329079446081816,0.0,0.08985532564216411,0.0,0.05841445275688801,0.2424223936744973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708350803374599,0.07030978267875519,0.07464125281254742,0.0,0.055203834403997766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079505324375877,0.0,0.19135328092858955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056040616803133214,0.06289815016052386,0.0,0.0,0.09183013048635652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817956538377481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313776090201876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529806419366915,0.0,0.0,0.08879036587731068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682292451224212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366758704511315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814870095115188,0.13209090820487362,0.06914208318912762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558902033306051,0.0,0.0,0.13294452387798775,0.0,0.0,0.0945762716195661,0.0,0.1098862860867322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822385814839277,0.0,0.07839126813765503,0.07902474283773196,0.0,0.05614882978673468,0.0,0.08078726211006383,0.0,0.0,0.14285493280023145,0.0,0.0,0.14633830577521806,0.0,0.0,0.10070803939138706,0.07435850103364908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058748709953565674,0.09042101085694032,0.0,0.05325699757304082 ptsd,KittenBurglarr1975,2019/01/13,I am pretty sure I accidentally caused damage I was watching the movie Lolita a few days ago and it triggered me worse than it usually does. I remember having a relationship like that with one of my abusers and I still think I have Stockholm Syndrome over it. I still feel like I love him sometimes and I feel as if he loved me because of how he'd treat me after my other parent would beat me. I know it was just grooming but I feel like it wasn't. My therapist told me this is normal but I feel guilty over it. ,2.525619047619045,4.286570133333335,3.90666666666667,87.83333333333334,76.23809523809524,6.571428571428571,24.04761904761905,7.3871296695380915,0.9557619047619048,404,13,85,5,9,133,68,105,0.113,0.722,0.165,0.5499,1,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,3,1,21,18,8,0,3,4,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,5,22,7,8,12,1,8,0,1,1,2,8,2,0,1,9,62,31,0,0.0,0.20749211751117072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523597231199712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675335476823407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989955984132885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293984680212925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532513165733894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35418980064273337,0.2502158109788434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096243020398005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566687545469605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31611068774356005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715833569039445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866787635318066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944533659993931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816304785552578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801656299209893,0.19838021969855466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732011239119221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27970690646215185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505135407854893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333129946343376,0.0,0.11221174661371687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733753029259255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928732422269707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846529717532572,0.12440235397781747,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Standard_Inspection,2019/01/13,"Having a flea problem with PTSD is a fucking nightmare tw: suicidal thoughts mentioned, pests My family and I had a really bad flea infestation from September-December and I still put the meds on the cats about every 3 weeks to ensure the fleas can't mate again. Wearing socks 24/7, having to put on clothing to a half-dried body out the shower every time, being so fucking paranoid about getting bitten. Your home, your bed, clothes, fucking violating. I brought them with me to school by accident, on campus, driving, they'd hide on me. They're so tiny and hard to kill, they're terrifying. It was so fucking stressful, oh my God. My grades were shit too this semester because of this, I couldn't focus. I couldn't relax knowing I'd be getting bitten, it was horrifying. I already have a lot of problems and this made everything a million times worse :(. I totally fell into being a victim to all of this, but I still took charge and vacuumed, called pest control, put the meds on my kitties, I changed and washed sheets. I even got the opportunity to throw away a ton of junk I didn't need hanging around. I still feel like I'm a victim to it, I feel weak, defeated and so upset just replaying this all in my head even though I won! But wow, it's really been an experience from hell. I'm fucking drained thinking about it! I wanted to curl up and die every second deep into the infestation, now I'm on maintenance in terms of preventing another one. What a horrible time. I always think ""If I were okay, if X and Y didn't happen, maybe I could've handled it strong, maybe I could've had good grades still"". But I know that X and Y did happen, and I just have to suffer the consequences of X and Y, and keep going.",4.2084179104477615,5.6334565880597,5.275402985074628,81.10743283582092,71.17910447761193,8.345074626865673,28.92238805970149,8.841846274778883,2.2946143283582088,1347,52,259,25,25,444,185,335,0.212,0.696,0.093,-0.9893,1,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,2,5,20,27,11,2,19,1,22,11,4,2,3,47,50,23,3,8,7,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,13,19,0,3,7,1,0,10,5,19,0,3,16,3,32,8,38,28,6,36,1,2,0,5,7,15,7,3,12,165,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443753250351094,0.0,0.07874801555574071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923823397474038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842496157421036,0.0,0.0,0.08891734353473077,0.0,0.07902040082921667,0.05769163195895057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512364367017016,0.0,0.0,0.0966379650629811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011651283306756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614674553719138,0.1511245900665036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982213210247827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501758199399352,0.0,0.2392147059480396,0.0,0.08505628000434735,0.09257602603625678,0.08921811725683379,0.0,0.09570559944770472,0.06761079550446697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374655199894083,0.09889093011964546,0.0,0.053786061631605736,0.07937949557097985,0.07569220941295607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673795813396086,0.0,0.08477880139804382,0.0,0.09712788703175942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949315811451042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412033141760507,0.10470507689233877,0.0,0.10402327727262538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04623629660111842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045949674748445,0.0,0.08955060410682325,0.0,0.0,0.1901570901321892,0.0,0.21024728734034034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017431992132002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413047592538157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111529161847792,0.1106290309986831,0.2854178528805353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212575441190466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578067676475012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971465433668809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023183288061462,0.0,0.10840973706053213,0.0,0.0,0.10352073897159196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128291052143884,0.09298326529317644,0.07513354481944409,0.16555593873343727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514846097368173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055821091503725516,0.0,0.07591445515809261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096446189109809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway63937294,2019/01/13,"I’m such a terrible person.... I really hate myself.. but basically I’m in an abusive home and I really needed someone to talk too, so I forced myself to have a Ptsd attack so someone would call me... I feel terrible, I wanna die. I’m alone and I had no one to vent too and I feel like a worthless peace of shit.. I hate that I’m doing this for attention, it’s not right!! I’m sorry..",-1.3560162601625976,0.6639451463414652,2.472560975609756,89.50648373983742,97.53658536585364,5.660162601626017,16.589430894308947,7.1686216300943375,0.3965577235772355,290,8,64,6,12,107,52,82,0.426,0.498,0.077,-0.9902,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,4,0,4,0,4,1,1,0,0,11,14,6,1,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,2,11,1,7,12,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,41,14,0,0.0,0.2398375660465776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964866599359308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302848201735591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669600806950075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008260004134272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470179957583784,0.1446106768087359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997006287115161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304627533941594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889341036041256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500937213162117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716672697665644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674752208809388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366210740170511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593540778863037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286771180675306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778379075551173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430238603330186,0.0,0.0,0.22659541987819795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626995405303425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379513856423115,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,clambarf,2019/01/13,Not sure how I'm feeling. Had a situation two nights ago trigger an episode at a friends house. I cant stop thinking about it/ get it out of my head. It feels like there are more bad days than good ones now. ,1.4113636363636353,3.157985590909096,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,79.45454545454545,5.3090909090909095,24.63636363636364,5.985473137389443,0.19988181818181872,162,6,40,1,4,50,41,44,0.116,0.645,0.239,0.6289,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,2,1,9,8,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,2,4,5,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441327775792189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22995436717234835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761552357052746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27850935106507424,0.19675169362720232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277971432992848,0.0,0.14388943245109467,0.0,0.0,0.2309993555959776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28264829794330204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31778411892703395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455054914593734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584519659892678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866237434020977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095703882344583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302536111746153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595689962467108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647047246732173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690338210792788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,quietaway,2019/01/13,"Developing PTSD I think... and I had my worst episode today at work Last time I met with my psychiatrist I noticed that when a specific event was brought up (overdose but there’s more behind it), I would freeze, my heart would start beating hard, my vision would become blurry, i would feel hot, feel dizzy, and would become incredibly tired after. When I tried to talk during those times I would stutter and not be able to pay attention to what I’m seeing or hearing. My psychiatrist talked about how they may be traits of PTSD, but wanted to hold on it because treatment would be difficult with my bipolar disorder. After that I noticed they came up more, at least once a day. I would feel these.. surges or zaps in my head whenever I would run into more triggers. It’s as if suddenly I’m hyper aware of my past events and my surrounding environment. Then today at work (retail), I heard a music box. That’s normal because we sell music boxes, but there was something familiar about the tune. Then I realized it was the same tune as someone’s alarm. This someone was an alcoholic sociopath who I saw for a bit. My heart started beating hard. I started breathing harder. I had to lean against the counter to support myself. Then I tried to focus on my work and I was fine. Then an hour later during my lunch break, it just hit me out of nowhere. I was eating, then I felt my mind being pulled back and forced to take a seat. In front of me I saw him. He was yelling at me and cutting himself in front of me. Saying I knew nothing about suffering. I couldn’t move. Then almost on cue, exactly in timing of my memory of the event, I started crying. My body curled up on its own and i felt my eyes go shut as they started watering. The tears were coming out forcefully. I pulled up my sleeve and started burning myself with my cigarette, except there was really nothing in my hand. I stood up and walked without wobbling. It felt like my body wanted to walk. I couldn’t control it. It went straight to the bathroom. I started pulling my hair and sobbing saying “Stop it stop it stop it.” In my memory I locked myself in the bathroom and cut myself with a razor and tried to cut my throat. In reality, I grabbed a pen and cut myself, but as I went to the mirror to cut my throat i had dropped the pen, so my hand was just recreating the movements of when I tried to cut my throat. I wrapped my arm with toilet paper, because that’s what happened in my memory.. except it was the sociopath who wrapped it. I couldn’t control it. Then when I exited the restroom, I sat down, remembering how I was getting ready to get on the ambulance and I just watched my memory being replayed. At that time my mind was able to crawl back to control. I was very tired after, but i couldn’t think anymore. I couldn’t focus. I started crying. I had to talk with my manager because she noticed I was really out of it, and she said it would be best if I left early to take time to rest before tomorrow’s shift. I’m so ashamed. I didn’t think it would be this bad and I hate it. I hate it so much. I still feel like I’m dreaming. It feels like everything around me is moving fast. It kept happening throughout the day (not that extreme, but feeling the sensations) and I’m exhausted. I don’t want to do this anymore. 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Sorry if this is the wrong sub... So, my mother does this thing i despise where whenever i do something she doesn't like (for example, staying up late)' she just whips out her phone and takes a picture of me. I absolutely hate it because photographs of me make me highly uncomfortable. She uses it as a way of shaming me, and i feel like shes sending them to other people as well. She does this so frequently that now everytime i see a flash, or generally anything that lights up similar to a camera (like a lighter flicker), a complete sense of dread and fear comes to me. I get nervous, my breath hitches, my eyes widen, i become extremely nervous and anxious, my hands shake even more. And the reason why i request help is because i know that i don't suffer from ptsd. There's no way such a miniature thing such as having a photo taken of you can lead to ptsd. That's why i'm ashamed of posting this here. I truly feel ashamed that i'm posting such a stupid thing here while people have suffered trough genuinely horrifying things. But i don't know why i act that way. Can anyone help? 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My mother died on Wednesday night, I was called in to sign some papers at the nursing home she had been living in (She wasn't an old woman, she was just ill) and I... just walked into the room with her dead body, she was there, but not there... It's been creeping at the back of my mind since that night, and it isn't the first time I've thought about it, but tonight I went into a near catatonic state over it, losing my mother was a very traumatic thing, but that's to be expected when you lose a loved one... Not only did I lose her, I saw her body, I've never seen a dead body before. I'm going to be looking into therapy, but is there anything I can do in the mean time to calm these horrific memories? 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I was stalked by an ex and would like to watch the show (seems interesting) but want to avoid being triggered by anything super heavy. ,10.663191489361699,8.336115000000003,9.64308510638298,67.78250000000003,58.57446808510639,12.804255319148936,40.52127659574468,11.20814326018867,4.403987234042551,203,8,36,4,2,64,39,47,0.053,0.7390000000000001,0.208,0.802,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,0,5,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,10,4,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,3,4,5,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,4,2,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722482109998437,0.0,0.3204085107737265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108707313219354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902206825730004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37604444393708025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544569577113452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403161091187654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22965347375057135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42224221092358016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27658879705615524,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,obviousthrowaway226,2019/01/14,"Anyone else here annoyed about how the news reports traumatic stuff? The lead story tonight on NBC News with Lester Holt was a horrific and grizzly kidnapping and murder. The banner news story, some utterly wretched shit. No warnings. No preparation. They threw that out there like it was their gold for the day. How utterly callous is that to people want updates on the news? I worked in criminal law in law school and saw crap like that. The attorneys who worked regularly on serial killer stuff, murder stuff, the way they coped with it was extreme exercise and professional comraderie. And still, they were friggin' heavy people, man. Why not? It's awful shit. Yet, our news in the US just tosses this stuff into the laps of every man, woman, and child here who just wants some news for the day and leaves them there with it. I think that is utterly callous. Considering I have trauma issues from being a crime victim as a kid, it's like yeah, just what I needed when I wanted some news, man. Personally, I think they're a bunch of bastards for doing that to people. ",5.000767766497461,7.106389746192896,5.0250729695431495,80.96522366751272,70.31979695431473,7.970685279187817,26.018083756345177,8.660442795831766,1.9613657360406087,848,27,149,15,16,264,115,197,0.25,0.6920000000000001,0.058,-0.9935,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,5,3,13,12,8,0,14,2,9,4,3,3,0,37,17,11,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,7,18,12,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,9,0,0,6,1,13,3,21,10,4,18,0,0,1,0,16,8,4,3,10,101,31,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768546896852813,0.1431449922855423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019722903418794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167061799824979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770807193467167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581644696835072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479281571345203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204759434595525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359000126513454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290563011125568,0.12198562255740035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138961999717906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868117727841698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115691470135196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6397183774427406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903553420170734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804874734923708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24720611240588464,0.11089187645645507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606265823592874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034148169976321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mythical420,2019/01/14,"Trauma-Focused Counseling/treatment? I was officially diagnosed with PTSD this past Fall, but it's been years and years since the ""trauma"" occurred. Part of me wants to work through it, but a larger part of me is afraid of what that entails, and afraid that I'll come to the conclusion that my ""trauma"" isn't valid. If you have gone through TFCBT or other PTSD treatment, what was it like? Any advice/words of wisdom?",6.296923076923079,7.178868179487183,5.470923076923079,83.62407692307694,65.92307692307692,8.291282051282051,29.70256410256411,8.238735603445708,1.9554994871794864,330,11,62,4,5,99,54,78,0.0,0.89,0.11,0.8552,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,0,6,0,2,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,10,9,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,4,0,5,2,9,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609919308700105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21040078303897036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479098285772079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932879968984428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5290004993087636,0.23316540990352375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5710331687596322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204711831229152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406568726690375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781778406991602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145795319887295 ptsd,bittylilo,2019/01/14,"Surviving college with PTSD I'm in my third year of college, set to graduate May 2020. I was sexually assaulted last May in my hometown and I went through intensive therapy over the summer to ensure I could come back to school and stay on track. I survived the fall semester by distracting myself with school and work, but when I went back home for the winter, my depression skyrocketed. I thought I could do what i did in the fall, but I'm not working anymore, and I tried to combat my free time with more counseling, but nothing is working. Its begun to get in the way of my academics. Waking up suicidal has caused me to skip 2 days of classes already (we're only 6 days in) and I've failed 2 homework assignments. I dont think I can do it.",4.727959183673471,5.665860877551022,5.796061224489797,79.69001020408162,69.47619047619048,9.417414965986396,33.067346938775515,9.642632912329526,3.140391020408164,587,27,114,13,10,195,94,147,0.15,0.7829999999999999,0.066,-0.9398,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,6,3,5,1,1,5,0,12,1,1,1,0,20,20,9,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,1,5,2,4,0,1,5,0,18,2,23,11,1,27,0,2,0,0,0,8,0,2,11,75,21,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830758367812094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452917522882424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551351984022689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042598733473002,0.0,0.1429089887516562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26491683709314257,0.0,0.0,0.21398479148767932,0.0,0.1428902553373052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443469171273048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667640525266894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641219146496944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352314264075042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918644726091732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617515726436435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939293464415907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358012608271395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682835149803047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146872543925932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972220827832065,0.0,0.0,0.10630263756100572,0.0,0.13170683238514672,0.0967381849901638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263586306545632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316844614558974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075837074359741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623336282753089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683478014944424 ptsd,j0nb1az3,2019/01/14,"The shutdown and my ptsd Long story short I have been diagnosed with cptsd. We’re part of the 800k people working though a govt shutdown unpaid. With infant twins, 2 car notes, and multiple mortgages. I’m just struggling. I’m having a lot of detachment issues and panic attacks. Taking this and turning it into fuel to attack myself. I can’t post this on my Facebook. I can’t post this anywhere. This is all I have right now. I don’t know how to hold on when i feel everything being taken away over someone’s childish outburst Self harm isn’t in the picture and I don’t want it to be. I just need encouragement right now ",2.2556472795497164,4.7349001056910565,3.5455284552845536,86.49495309568482,80.46341463414635,5.410631644777986,24.09568480300188,6.67199483983844,0.9723350844277676,495,18,91,5,13,161,83,123,0.152,0.813,0.035,-0.9287,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,2,5,0,12,1,0,1,1,18,21,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,1,11,1,13,17,3,16,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,4,62,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219749974841352,0.1742457542137171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188237973674756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666794696153029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093774137279121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357203292099173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192395366080312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412624436342618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767144110581188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375162236639361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175973244905128,0.0,0.20083508313145335,0.0,0.12857459709244093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552387859257793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679278955031808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167636155946605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934752042763026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713963744107384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193883036587762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944282260778626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182213486662872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172719979060952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938910007247796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501707273470165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,40ktb23,2019/01/14,"I made a breakthrough in therapy, but now I am panicking my therapist is going to leave me I’ve been having EMDR therapy every week for a couple of months now, and finally last week we seemed to break through a barrier and I actually felt good about myself after I left the session. I have my next session tomorrow and when I think about it I am panicking that if I keep improving that I am going to have to deal with this on my own... I know it sounds stupid, but how do you know when you are ok and when you are not? How do you know when you are ready to stop therapy? ",3.70728813559322,4.367293076271189,5.362500000000002,82.88747881355934,71.62711864406779,9.628813559322039,27.46186440677966,9.827888789773867,2.3834033898305087,445,15,96,11,8,152,70,118,0.147,0.745,0.108,-0.6007,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,5,0,0,10,3,1,0,4,1,13,0,0,3,0,22,23,13,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,3,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,21,2,14,20,1,21,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,15,74,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.16534013325240848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874720858582969,0.0,0.0,0.17467583464592115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275285417357295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626802496165737,0.18560328669275666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925829881295477,0.14211061369375735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505979829663782,0.0,0.0,0.2793444011954597,0.13810881013289533,0.0,0.17940287608575947,0.1840871859152239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031962932906138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523814063679174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019170125230488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424354249013086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165183233869658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5812770552788504,0.1967223522911693,0.0,0.1085644896127801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718145217009369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chw_19,2019/01/14,"workbook for working through shit? Hi all — trauma recoveree here (grief/loss/physical injury). I'm [building a handbook for healing from trauma](https://www.littlehealinghandbook.com/), as a complement to other healing avenues \[NOT a replacement for therapy / medication / other forms of wellness!\]. I want to make it because I wish I had had a resource before traumatic things happened to me, and kept wishing for something physical to work through at my own speed while I was healing. Whatever I make, I want to make it something others find useful, too. I'm imagining this as part coloring book, part collection of wisdom from ordinary people, part journal. Is this a resource you'd find helpful to your work, if it was out in the world? What kinds of things about it would you want to know were included (or not)? ",9.519874100719424,10.28814468345324,8.419343525179857,65.6468570143885,59.0,11.266546762589927,42.55485611510791,10.9516,5.102114388489207,657,35,97,15,8,203,91,139,0.07200000000000001,0.797,0.131,0.6522,0,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,0,3,0,3,4,5,1,0,6,0,8,5,1,4,1,22,22,6,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,12,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,6,1,11,3,24,14,6,6,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,2,2,75,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101239083552187,0.0,0.12704399672153185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729164795104191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320262172996396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007318891723503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554738234038955,0.08205182316444437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989783593066375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040486349265514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850346989430742,0.0,0.1035063861354681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325514070251253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298781225528053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073849321904505,0.0,0.1983776542530156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894796737881467,0.0,0.0,0.2641844661501707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342393626551621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433771371984253,0.0,0.0,0.3260783136340132,0.0,0.0,0.10605901506017243,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sparklemeggan,2019/01/14,Am I having flashbacks? All my life I always thought that a flashback for ptsd has to only be for the traumatic event you went though. I was diagnosed with ptsd multiple times and was always so confused because I don’t have flashbacks of my traumatic events. I have flashbacks about other things though. Like other slightly traumatic events. But never the main ones. So do flashbacks have to be of the traumatic event to be considered ptsd? ,5.4376672694394195,8.074082025316457,4.943074141048825,79.72430379746838,70.51898734177216,8.05858951175407,31.53887884267631,8.841846274778883,2.993996745027125,356,16,57,7,7,108,48,79,0.209,0.762,0.029,-0.9489,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,13,2,0,0,2,7,15,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,0,8,1,9,8,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330229724429541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219880820136683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031122385737528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134695189864205,0.09776594889530532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434081646213474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356029200617422,0.1521962696843856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7017702315733984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132947334613096,0.0,0.39322341238512654,0.15886874259222614,0.11668850834631946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855083595789188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aly_m97,2019/01/14,night sweats and sleep paralysis I’ve been experiencing night sweats for a while now. I’ve also been getting sleep paralysis more often with very disturbing hallucinations. My mom passed of a drug overdose when I was 15 and a lot of the hallucinations that I get have to do with her. Last night I saw her and she looked really unhealthy and I asked her if she was in heaven or hell and she told me that she was in hell. So disturbing. Ugh. I’m thinking about getting medical marijuana for my PTSD but I’m afraid that I won’t be taken seriously or that it may not help. ,2.629726468222046,4.942490460176991,4.288930008045053,82.60995172968623,78.02654867256638,8.002896218825423,23.54706355591312,8.841846274778883,1.7566707964601769,454,15,93,11,11,152,71,113,0.173,0.8079999999999999,0.019,-0.9367,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,2,3,4,0,10,6,4,0,0,16,21,13,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,8,3,15,1,10,10,2,10,3,0,2,0,11,2,2,6,7,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696637138000136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349685461209506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276244085463341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076471960032906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315634582461909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999574903349284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648271583328662,0.0,0.0,0.16687164694983533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773312105108745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298827061557517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5525911200265573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294427550442243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257430565079333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928468215130892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576936125451696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875555361530668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619529245326284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PizzaBurnVictim,2019/01/14,Looking to see if therapy has helped anyone. I think it's time to go. I just have a few questions. Do they write everything down? How do I know if I'm safe after telling them what I have been through and still going through? I recently got admitted to a psych ward this past year and it wasn't my first but definitely the scariest visit. I feel like the psych ward did more damage then good. ,1.9301582278481035,4.201420291139243,2.899224683544308,91.86503955696205,80.26582278481013,6.481645569620253,23.799050632911392,7.6454224807358475,1.07483417721519,309,11,66,5,8,98,61,79,0.058,0.763,0.179,0.8323,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,14,18,7,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,4,3,9,3,7,14,2,12,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,3,9,44,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195495684286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338729188655618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157727973448272,0.1859043693263344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134674881371397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295783056287524,0.2182638874673584,0.2081252313160956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744229356273377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301252937741402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713250148119254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218522963828848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24841364278338104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29151089251468354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25694020954710056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736516209369346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781554866036428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22744760276008036,0.0,0.29758928973957344,0.0,0.0,0.16674129347480215,0.0,0.0,0.15173894518287614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675759871902647 ptsd,sleep_life,2019/01/14,"Wake up anxiety It seems like every morning I wake up with anxiety or fear or an awful dreadful feeling. I have ""nightmares"" but sometimes they aren't scary, it's mostly just a dream about me feeling awful/scared/dread/guilt, all the bad stuff. I wonder if I'm having anxiety or panic attacks in my sleep and they are causing the dreams rather than my feelings being caused by the dreams. Anyway, I have to go to school and sometimes I use the wrong coping mechanism or non at all and end up staying home and bombing the day. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to better my situation? I'm not very good at lucid dreaming so far, I've tried moving my bed around to switch up the mood. I use cbd in the morning and night but it's just not enough in the morning to get me out of whatever is happening. If I smoke weed it calms me but then I can't goto school. Sometimes I feel an intense need to exercise and get my heart rate up and my body tired but it don't feel rested after, I just feel like I did the thing I needed to do. Any advice would be great, thanks.",3.5490101809954737,4.618730696832582,4.533526583710408,87.16101385746607,72.34841628959276,7.1539592760180994,25.577205882352942,7.413659706084162,1.1441785067873305,848,26,176,9,16,276,128,221,0.14400000000000002,0.698,0.158,0.5435,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,1,8,14,1,3,12,1,16,7,5,4,2,44,35,20,0,6,16,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,8,10,0,0,8,5,0,2,5,6,0,0,1,6,24,7,27,31,5,21,0,0,0,0,3,13,0,9,7,118,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140395736877706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872234789808964,0.0,0.2678294974779289,0.0,0.0,0.08160055862057262,0.0,0.0,0.10388927624341,0.0,0.13276505825038282,0.0,0.0,0.09744106460664667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321319089619037,0.0,0.12962930644568205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397696342988101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526295725624421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212646479797337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336308823989776,0.1205840768591057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983262354722816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132188410748485,0.3540473878064769,0.08337173468780609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194366783364845,0.0,0.06632427893790943,0.09788386891496292,0.0,0.1286640623083567,0.0,0.0,0.10319894880307932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829210441242004,0.0,0.0,0.1170613440896528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402913467925314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403546332056666,0.0,0.17306569871644173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951666204625754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692432790261005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362167494663385,0.0,0.1062408661932807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311776269839237,0.11678600423092513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34626296621124925,0.0,0.0,0.12438850974373725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359555292709904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744326775831092,0.0,0.0,0.07753143960213958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413146380917595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923280985044877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158563891270048,0.0,0.09629114399770217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265580411272916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290155613910502,0.12759501465880788,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Seelocybin,2019/01/14,"Delayed reactions to new sources of trauma I've noticed that tend to bank new traumatic memories for later processing, like my CPU is overloaded. In the moment that means that I often freeze up, caught between fight or flight, and often find myself dissociating. I had another traumatic experience last week and it brought up a lot of old triggers. I'm experiencing a lot of anger over it now, but it's unpleasant anger with no outlet & a sense of helplessness. It was the sort of experience where anger in the moment might have helped the situation, but all I had left was fear. I've noticed that other people, healthier people, seem to be able to discharge anger in the moment, where it's warranted. I have a rage bank instead.",7.487277777777778,8.01233894074074,7.860879629629633,68.76020833333337,63.2962962962963,11.49074074074074,35.393518518518526,11.20814326018867,4.219462962962963,587,25,100,16,8,193,84,135,0.304,0.677,0.018000000000000002,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,6,1,9,0,9,0,0,1,1,18,15,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,3,0,2,2,1,9,0,0,6,2,6,1,18,7,3,22,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,8,12,67,16,0,0.17785348871482312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270418071610806,0.0,0.0,0.18649489024884436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479496787437874,0.0,0.20013462101732848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255486659772936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921144449490435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497433109150654,0.0,0.0,0.19323833588094,0.0,0.0,0.08689023085934204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30240935200879804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373458874728886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886744455726624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435440153520255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40497475141362455,0.18662731822915005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24660243046439764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191113641608998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999147730845245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266334068996953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,McScoopenstein,2019/01/14,"Something I've only recently found out I was diagnosed a bit under 2 years ago, when I had a huge life change. I've had massive problems for a very long time. When I have my darkest spells, I tend to cut my hair. Does any one else do this? I shaved a part of my hair not too long ago.",0.29763440860214985,2.010225645161292,2.143225806451614,98.1015053763441,82.87096774193549,5.423655913978496,20.010752688172047,6.42735559955562,-0.11597634408602132,218,6,54,2,6,72,45,62,0.142,0.8170000000000001,0.041,-0.6908,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,5,4,2,0,0,4,7,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,2,8,0,5,3,2,12,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,9,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027907309355319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450093255755395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480389666816959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24034302770546465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23059895110567816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882057264203304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897929349237176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491084641841083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047511011000018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021222610960978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539537516433327,0.17279264114196796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460309076390448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173956938748153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243284400282523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490642399791712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247969605227258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746032605604812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630664409766256 ptsd,Sabbeina,2019/01/14,"Having difficulty working Hi. I have an internship at a place that could’ve been my dream job. But what I’ve noticed is that many people here haven’t been very nice to me. I’ve had PTSD triggers since I got here. The things I learned about myself here is that I can never become what I really want to. I’ve always been a very caring person but this environment is toxic. They don’t take me for lunch so I can never know when I will have my lunch, they never think of me as an asset and it has come to a point where my ptsd is so overwhelming that I cannot function properly. I become really angry very fast, I have anxiety for every social event and I hate myself cause I think I’m the problem, I have had a really bad childhood (fosterchild in four families who did horrible things to me). So when I enter a building who isn’t warm and kind I start to question myself to a point where I cannot do anything. What I want to ask is, how does your job affect you? Or internship? How are people at your job? Are they understanding? Warm and helpful? ",2.3739955522609333,4.278815967136153,4.016847047195451,86.23096367679764,77.12206572769955,7.113318507536447,21.53916481344205,8.032893268588372,1.0317004694835683,823,22,168,14,19,275,110,213,0.132,0.752,0.116,-0.8521,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,3,1,13,9,1,1,10,0,28,2,0,5,3,25,42,15,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,5,2,0,6,1,0,2,8,4,0,1,7,2,33,5,15,34,0,19,0,1,0,0,14,8,0,2,9,122,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072322667531723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260285391233666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961376620942927,0.0,0.11316533031210825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107162305647957,0.0,0.26738024218404177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341845625031014,0.1243516077952736,0.0,0.10427378357950516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966485074833938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059315966612243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019897745199636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411508702265954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681467542328398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195117303638723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113720663445145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36037008802090736,0.0,0.0,0.12605485917115133,0.06652586774598543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272561462645852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28008347161874064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781613093610068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784153939182442,0.10569611696818547,0.12647139737656504,0.0,0.2288625935868177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158284208390078,0.2830017464570569,0.0,0.13560360876330851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23264302629473665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100133740870424,0.0,0.0,0.12339514452106265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567975312316649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101447149317148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608403699226237,0.15512779594612344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260172309308745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996365726021353,0.1427967527337517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812578007021632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gothicbambi,2019/01/14,"Are these symptoms? Having a really hard time right now and tonight I was standing talking to my mom and had to walk away because I felt like I was gonna black out. Am now experiencing incredibly strong auditory hallucinations. The auditory stuff has been a thing since I was a child, but it’s been a minute - this is the first time since it got this bad. Is this experience potentially related to PTSD?",4.858859649122807,6.775358394736844,6.118421052631582,73.75728070175441,70.3157894736842,9.803508771929828,29.771929824561404,10.125756701596842,3.0852350877193,322,13,62,9,6,108,55,76,0.101,0.8440000000000001,0.055,-0.6539,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,6,0,12,1,0,0,0,5,15,3,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,4,5,2,5,6,0,11,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,7,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233961139195594,0.0,0.19853101502878115,0.14494457293669574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325881952437968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282999333447578,0.0,0.0,0.2022500933603696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016926017627994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299843227641524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116164165191097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27847755372828426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779446014616827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232384967193652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305734585694024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39337753985656937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721938726040873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471378008811128,0.0,0.19111340415708808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796620719397866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772953837733469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwitawayar,2019/01/14,"I’m afraid to attribute to my trauma every bad thing that I feel. Hey guys, Just wanted to know if anyone can relate to. It’s been roughly a year since my traumatic episode took place and ever since my life has became a mess. Gaining weight, becoming way more introvert, not being able to keep a job and a constant feeling of irritability. The thing is: it’s hard for me to separate what is related to my PTSD traits and what is just... life. It seems like sometimes it’s too easy to make it all about that specific event, but then I realize I’d never feel this way if it weren’t for what happened, even if what I’m feeling isn’t directly connected to it. Does that even make sense? I shuffle between validating the severity of my feelings and not wanting to voluntarily associate every little bad thing to the trauma...",5.804339622641512,6.41246770440252,6.6411886792452846,75.76819811320756,66.9245283018868,9.882012578616353,32.8811320754717,9.888512548439397,3.201215849056603,651,27,121,14,10,216,96,159,0.1,0.826,0.07400000000000001,-0.6369,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,7,0,9,3,0,3,3,29,25,9,0,5,8,0,8,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,18,4,1,1,8,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,8,9,1,17,21,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,7,80,27,1,0.14318315292013886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011698969588917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391039038480459,0.0,0.1581345430712903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547301215596968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530054201465385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914224422255024,0.12951735920647262,0.2412759635479297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36198852144398863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177383261417173,0.1266163892576546,0.0,0.12826398097904587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420871857503016,0.12726776518389996,0.0,0.0,0.07868971628196371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226899067278206,0.06995205605636473,0.14350713478992316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191151732819193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043167449339604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495959198209174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737344352302644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034856483535653,0.0,0.1617562073356241,0.0,0.23688516741882965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416117994217574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853735735749449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908175128571053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890626667974176,0.2273042443216518,0.0,0.1743585064907474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220525603649986 ptsd,bigpapigordo,2019/01/15,"Are my symptoms reason for concern? To give you some backstory I used to use drugs heavily for around 2 years. Around a year in I started to deal in order to bring in money. The most memorable deal of my life was being thrown out of a moving car. I was on the outside, he grabbed the drugs and I (stupidly) grabbed onto the car and tried to get it back. The driver hit around 30 mph and the passenger shoved me out of the car. I have permanent mental and physical scars from this incident. I find it incredibly hard to trust anybody (I only trust around 3 people completely) and I hate being in public. I'm constantly paranoid and looking around myself while in public. I worry about people seeing me, and a lot of other silly reasons. After browsing this sub it made me realize that I have similar symptoms. It's not to the point to where it has a major impact in my life but I'm still curious and wish to seek help. Thanks in advance, stay safe guys. ",2.9351871657753996,5.060290326203212,4.349197860962569,83.47320855614977,76.21925133689841,7.180748663101605,25.438502673796787,8.124751697461798,1.7339326203208567,749,27,140,13,17,248,113,187,0.038,0.8370000000000001,0.125,0.9532,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,9,7,2,0,12,0,8,6,0,5,0,30,23,10,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,9,15,0,1,5,0,1,6,1,2,0,0,3,5,18,5,34,17,4,34,0,0,2,0,9,18,0,3,8,98,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5431359940361525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382889645471172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793980496250087,0.13186455559773036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25160269827216397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830181170800281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115276927171014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637524849918707,0.11705650549794178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208229092345282,0.0,0.0,0.10930950406105763,0.12047340204408975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179009111361292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237826932086675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246939748889848,0.0,0.0,0.10374041082718988,0.0,0.11546202543399987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297145566883952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969216285328405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280472345841344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919210518738095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535208789166952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509219167200751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723730104892273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636918998342871,0.13006131013570502,0.09744849551249406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25365924209242263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123432718881886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284626189439019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077905310983944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032153687546714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392125892794968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157158864589104 ptsd,dykening,2019/01/15,"i just remembered masturbating at a really, really young age (like, 7 or 8) i dont think i knew what it was at the time but wow that memory just came back. fuck my life, how much else have i forgotten. what taught me how to do that",0.5797959183673456,2.539544530612247,3.1626122448979617,89.8431020408163,83.28571428571429,8.817959183673471,15.922448979591836,9.3871,1.0574375510204082,178,3,43,6,5,62,39,49,0.136,0.727,0.13699999999999998,0.0129,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,2,0,10,9,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,6,2,3,5,1,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,5,28,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458932820455792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657464032776434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37478313292846294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26713754776206816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29563410322980266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258720927038901,0.1562297536348666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350771984351596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097221801200528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622516449761173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049039458582592,0.0,0.0,0.18646795859863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Markwerty,2019/01/15,"Advice on first baby steps getting back to work Hi there, after 18 months of treatment to get me to this point, my psychologist last week said he thinks I am ready for up to four hours of “work” a week. At this stage it will be volunteer most likely. My PTSD was caused by a toxic work environment in a high stress finance job (looking after 100s of millions of dollars with no ability/experience to do the job) . Which I hopefully will return to a similar role but with obviously within the right role. But for now I would love to know any tips/tricks/advice you might have on what to look for in this small baby step forward and any experiences you could offer that is insightful. Thank you for finding the time to read and help despite you fighting your own battles to lend a hand so I can fight mine! Mark ",7.5825,6.6603832611465,7.396234076433121,76.9895103503185,63.52229299363057,10.397770700636944,33.00079617834395,9.516144504307137,2.7701216560509545,640,21,125,10,8,204,112,157,0.064,0.797,0.139,0.9292,2,0,0,0,3,0,13.0,0,5,0,4,4,8,3,1,8,0,12,2,1,1,1,17,22,5,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,1,2,3,1,4,0,3,2,4,13,4,30,14,2,27,0,0,2,1,15,12,0,3,14,84,20,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941361082823117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046919862923942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572615127862905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460621439627506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016298087321965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944381517532814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755539206800094,0.12801626414989792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726135553813758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087779793803082,0.15901280612123075,0.0,0.14948167386718775,0.14821338936022724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986984839648775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271153669816071,0.1226785845940765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352729587797442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527662467170529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583323051301632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596580150269263,0.0,0.0,0.12012864103667058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227230286248044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759278768606441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054195164994788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852722286996393,0.1431611283446566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723986434655396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856130647282922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964351072901027,0.0,0.0,0.08775847394400238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414460074074912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287000503396636,0.0,0.0,0.1069117513542532,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Melkly,2019/01/15,"Paranoia and that time o(F) month My symptons get worse 2 weeks before my peroid. It makes me think my boyfriend is cheating on me. He is a normal person, stable family, healthy long term relationships, like any of us on his phone too much, and otherwise amazing. How do I stop the intrusive thoughts that he is cheating on me when he takes the phone to the bathroom to poop? Or to shower? Or goes to school? 2 weeks of every month is me living in paranoia and anger and depression, if I can stop the paranoia the other two symptoms should elevate as well. If not, well at least ive identified another way that doesnt work, and that is still better than nothing.",4.9847681539807525,6.270036173228347,5.151128608923887,83.26497812773405,69.15748031496064,8.164129483814524,29.85914260717411,8.515128840125781,2.1967399825021867,522,20,99,8,9,164,86,127,0.191,0.687,0.122,-0.8844,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,6,9,3,0,6,0,10,2,1,2,0,18,15,12,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,0,12,5,13,13,3,17,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,4,12,65,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891172697475895,0.1833573915362317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487941456240048,0.0,0.0,0.1546506706657555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506078406432085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473282448473223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484373615667722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135784801423054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542843216289497,0.0,0.15440579217987704,0.15474680874213928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672132143482905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791453524594026,0.0,0.12854322580893812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713270147520261,0.16778419931461572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268220244032366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877356699543163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696904053763907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396445149295917,0.2923838680310009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817479153121594,0.131473987504217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204410447687732,0.0,0.13882039455146264,0.10196307029278616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081414887922475,0.0,0.2103366964458916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879681535539032,0.28052648500828997,0.0,0.3144427409532293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730115900986444,0.0,0.1781986735403406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheWordsmithBookworm,2019/01/15,"It's All in My Head I am fairly new to reddit. A friend of mine suggested reddit knowing this has helped him through his trauma. I've been listening quietly to people and their posts for some time now. It seems like a place that is relatively safe to talk about internal turmoil. My husband was brutally murdered in front of me and took his last breath in my arms about 16 months ago. He was beaten to death with a baseball bat by a couple of teenage boys over a neighborhood noise complaint. I have been going through the motions of life, having to deal with court dates and victim's advocates, my 12 year old son's emotions and reactions, my own depression and anxiety. I have reached out to counselors/therapists and tried to stay committed to going to sessions, but every time I attend a session I come out of it feeling worse than I did. Dredging up the past trauma does not seem to help, but hinders me. I have become agoraphobic and shelter myself in my apartment. Just going to the grocery store, picking up my son from school, doctor appointments, etc. are a hard commitment for me to keep. The anxiety of public places and feeling vulnerable around others is so overwhelming to me that even talking about it right now gives me adrenaline rushes. I'm not sure how to confront this growing problem. Is there home therapy? Any suggestions?",5.896666666666667,7.539710815261049,5.9174497991967865,77.27609437751008,67.35341365461846,9.067469879518073,33.512048192771076,9.444778638647367,3.296648192771084,1079,49,183,22,18,340,162,249,0.166,0.767,0.067,-0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,11,15,5,2,11,0,15,5,3,2,4,34,29,12,2,1,5,3,3,1,1,0,2,2,1,1,9,14,0,2,5,0,1,10,2,11,0,0,6,5,25,4,42,23,4,38,0,2,0,0,20,14,0,3,13,125,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002547481374475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207782784035716,0.0,0.20716392439100612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053625742156937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149540586319026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663661164200324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981945239580408,0.0,0.0,0.13959325076914508,0.11662132217705445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858942063604401,0.11849097708219156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523087354331026,0.0,0.0,0.1510087344211916,0.08943157373903236,0.0,0.11408180765849338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692637847781958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046110501687774,0.0,0.0,0.12988968908797907,0.2308557913319837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121293365425996,0.0,0.1389612509321214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151386734181066,0.0,0.13581898744049006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035128982876718,0.0,0.0,0.07441325646843472,0.11037049174769573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563825484267936,0.06615045184766664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807637884045118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077184638792372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208135144630268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925628398554315,0.093870519393371,0.0,0.2829320036782709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967744055829486,0.0,0.0,0.12956118090991767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563234804233752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703379189133125,0.0,0.2465293215857995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443202414427021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276145396384929,0.0,0.0,0.21766158295615304,0.0,0.0,0.15484369261947692,0.1572118588180368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790768953319936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043631769434446,0.09192889497075273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798594302738873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719428267597418 ptsd,MrSadBanana,2019/01/15,Dose going outside your comfort zone cause immense disoceation for anyone else? Just in search of some advice.,6.881666666666668,10.637633833333336,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,71.77777777777777,3.6,31.222222222222214,3.1291,1.5136888888888893,91,4,11,0,2,25,18,18,0.0,0.872,0.128,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571202392787576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270905500229572,0.4793074625540745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805505188161096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907796011487854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26585657309712896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,matts2,2019/01/15,"Looking for an honorable animal using organization in L.A. So I ""have"" a well trained guide dog with endless love. For irrelevant reasons she can no longer work as a guide dog. I know that my Jaycee can offer comfort for someone in need. Does anyone know some worthwhile organization in the L.A. area that can help her transition to a new career? TIA",4.583177083333332,7.241609296875001,5.348125,75.71770833333336,73.21875,8.016666666666666,29.416666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.7019041666666674,281,12,48,6,6,91,49,64,0.029,0.6809999999999999,0.29,0.9613,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,2,0,7,10,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,9,10,1,5,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,1,1,29,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365714696287206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799161443529664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143988645551969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515790375320185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686061621175827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886907821753302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371759523855556,0.0,0.3089277507217681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288746430302232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27102069977348897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762607856494225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875971800567185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328656354934559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TTthrowawaY3123,2019/01/15,"How to release traumas when you feel watched? I always feel watched; in fact, I **WAS** watched, it's a part of my traumatic experiences, but I can't shake off the feeling. I'm not paranoid, this feeling isn't really scaring me, but it's limiting me from doing normal everyday activities because I feel like my abusers are always watching me. I can't turn off my mind, it's full of my abuser's words, so whatever I do, there's their 'voice' in my head, judging me, and that's limiting me from doing things that I want. I don't know what to do, I feel really helpless. My therapist says that I'm not clinically paranoid, but this is a consequence of long term extreme abuse. Anyone else feels this way? What can help? I thought about dancing to release traumas, but I feel watched when I dance and I expect someone to come in the room I'm in. I used to write, but my abusers read every one of my writings and from then, I can't write at all even if it's not happening anymore. I used to paint, but they always abused me into telling them why did I paint the thing that I painted. They find every razor I take, I know that's not a good coping mechanism, but it's still a release... they stalk me on the internet. Whenver I got out of my house, they followed me (no guys, this is not paranoia, I 'just' have overcontrolling parents (if that's the word)), so now even though they let me go out of my house, I always expect them to appear out of nowhere (as they did maaaany times). I really don't feel free even inside of my own mind, because I've been so abused that they were yelling at me - You think this, you think that. They behaved as they know what is going on in my head, which is why I, for a long time, had to tell them every thought of mine just to not be abused (not literally every thought, but I did that when they get suspicious). So yup, I feel like they know my thoughts, but I feel like that for a reason. I really have no idea what to do. I'm constantly whining about this on the Internet and I don't even know why. I can't talk to my therapist because I also feel watched in their office, but they say I'm not paranoid because my abuse history is that specific that even if I got paranoid, it would be an understandable reaction to this behavior of my 'parents' (I hate calling them parents). I have no friends (they stalk everyone new I meet, everyone I follow on Instagram etc, **especially** those of the opposite gender of mine). I have no hobbies (for obvious reason; they destroyed my every opportunity to have one). I have no life basically. I don't know what to do. I don't want to study, I don't want to live in this environment. When I get angry, they threaten me with hospital... (hospital was my escape for a long time, but meds physically destroyed me and they are required when you're in hospital, and besides that, I was also abused in hospitals... so no thanks, really). I feel helpless and I feel like my life is basically pointless. I see no point in going to therapist. I see no point in living and trying to find life inside of myself because every time I do something new, they have to ask questions and be suspicious and stalk, stalk, stalk. They blame me, of course. Ahh I know I'm not going to get any help for this anyways, i don't know why I'm posting. i guess i'm venting. ahh",2.8247207792207796,4.611270156060608,4.22127705627706,85.78977272727275,75.46969696969697,7.502164502164503,27.69480519480519,8.306716005460428,1.8916168831168831,2573,105,528,46,56,851,232,660,0.16899999999999998,0.748,0.083,-0.9972,4,0,1,0,10,2,113.0,0,3,24,4,27,19,3,2,15,1,49,6,2,5,3,101,113,41,0,10,25,3,14,4,1,1,4,4,1,1,37,16,0,3,35,3,1,11,29,10,0,2,15,26,114,10,70,93,6,60,0,3,8,0,46,27,0,6,24,359,151,2,0.0,0.5151468382476891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726574703746797,0.16078859625053568,0.0,0.0,0.032851932774161874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047909774761939236,0.033778936635417194,0.0494985147243182,0.0,0.0,0.045162608480976696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724429010398687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049329124795489225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041614123774862635,0.0,0.0522051151121457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035616248984253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053877561057559004,0.1595389529309945,0.0,0.24421565737516546,0.09232307840509762,0.0,0.047255696438110575,0.0,0.0,0.3419723727620166,0.1380484933344175,0.0,0.0,0.08830752145785119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0373235910119165,0.0,0.07571873584829877,0.0,0.10982099404738883,0.0405194898368554,0.07727460820899103,0.0,0.05321806291948804,0.04783373254610538,0.04271969225933733,0.0,0.0,0.047695362814931946,0.0991584137225838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476131667473714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148472985092793,0.0,0.054535240085236525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239591387806572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939946039477392,0.10236671278270923,0.09440579770616564,0.0,0.08531586974111073,0.12825644418296828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366066363445006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755710112004072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331471011105097,0.0,0.0,0.04733278806240978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547116856311164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609250476319341,0.052314188039693815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133567393472647,0.0,0.04626688812569135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541173933243897,0.0,0.048322302840235615,0.0,0.1547406477967716,0.09933986799677366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683487685866708,0.048365966519534107,0.0,0.07699240287040028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040932253535608434,0.03719080518046807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03857981322330963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036322528558990264,0.03882912889295553,0.0844487921056796,0.04447664813651344,0.0,0.1682722172642579,0.06418901119907479,0.0619092074711331,0.0474635728779044,0.15340852867960872,0.11267800126784065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03279879584929228,0.05254656954362602,0.0,0.050291611809831535,0.0,0.08344732730451516,0.0,0.0,0.0854821059367231,0.03834561790773525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174366263052516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034317490702745125,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,8Erinyes8,2019/01/15,"I couldn't stay quiet after my male co-worker admitted his girlfriend is trying to frame him for assault. Now I may lose my job for stepping in.(Trigger domestic violence) Background - I have C-PTSD from years of abuse starting from when I was 3 to 25. I am thankful for the few times people stepped in to protect me. For the past few weeks, a co-worker has been emotionally, verbally, and physically assaulted by his girlfriend. I let him know if my background so he could come to me for advice or just to vent I was hoping my bosses were doing something about it. He is currently sleeping in his car in below 20° F weather because she kicked him out of the house. She calls the work phone number if he doesn't answer his cell phone to scream at him. A few days ago I noticed scratches on his face and neck. He admitted to me that she is trying to set him up for assault charges and is laying the foundation by telling everyone he abuses her. I know abusers. This guy is far from one and is more of a push-over. I immediately went into action as I know male survivors are rarely listened to. She was on the work phone berating him as he sobbed listening to her. I took the phone from him and walked outside. I uttered the word ""bitch"" to shock her into silence. As soon as I said that she stopped and asked if I called her a bitch. I continued as I knew she would start up soon. I told her that she is abusing him, needs to stop calling work, and I would be going to the cops. My goal was to make sure she knew she wasn't working in the dark. Someone knew what she was doing. She started screaming that she will have my job for calling her a bitch and hung up. Later on she did call my boss to complain about me. After she hung up, I went to the cops to file a report. Now cops trigger my PTSD hard and I had to go to these cops before to drop off a wallet I found. The same one who dealt with me before took my report. He knew it was bad if I felt like I had to come to them. I told them what I saw on him and what he told me about her trying to get him in jail. The cop said I did the right thing. My bosses want a statement from me on what happened. I fear she will succeed in getting me fired for saying the word bitch to get her to be silent so I could say my peace. From the few weeks of seeing him breaking down, I know she is tenacious. She wants me fired.",3.087490892531875,4.1623600532786895,4.011420765027324,90.4466029143898,73.46721311475409,6.733697632058287,25.235883424408016,6.937597516519254,0.8337224954462656,1838,57,404,16,36,592,221,488,0.151,0.7979999999999999,0.051,-0.9944,3,0,1,0,4,0,49.0,0,0,2,7,11,20,7,1,24,0,40,3,3,5,1,57,83,23,0,13,6,0,5,1,2,5,0,9,0,3,14,16,0,3,14,0,0,13,3,15,0,2,29,16,93,5,78,43,6,63,0,2,2,0,81,24,5,7,23,280,107,13,0.0,0.3686200428436071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600442045526244,0.06894610196630321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271256122251482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494194431354812,0.04741315800375726,0.0,0.13236784650284852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971036137401063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339988820165496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419988521341385,0.0,0.0,0.05016081052417566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749053998599017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432085652901729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752263246800329,0.0,0.0,0.07467972475692344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528030191963704,0.0,0.0,0.12190844154584105,0.0,0.0884068261530086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701311601000928,0.06877942491126195,0.0,0.06967441498126979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725177338685406,0.0,0.08974614750248161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436666580783248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098050146700527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953396424892492,0.0,0.03799873156330953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701444164850186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051917869128859526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767190154376557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855153632745713,0.0,0.0,0.10540968541398762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424854556319717,0.05392193958631236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183821633873345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664225629692498,0.14797066099907202,0.12370544739379932,0.0,0.0,0.061979533464509885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783484523679136,0.0,0.06590161842483243,0.059877823481752177,0.0,0.0,0.16515643821255072,0.08290171813734475,0.0,0.13005290900770786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330548015704087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798198966671888,0.07160815350071525,0.0,0.0,0.05167269521856102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453533705270232,0.0,0.0,0.22296256958705185,0.17282993823244105,0.1584198431909211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917517546839898,0.0,0.12477872214607615,0.0,0.0,0.14420322081541687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397428078527969,0.0,0.0,0.11050347744096796,0.0,0.0,0.05008691624494994 ptsd,theshadowsweare,2019/01/15,"I don't know how to live with myself.. TW: CSA, Rape Hello all, Lately I've been struggling with increased symptoms, flashbacks, and the like. I went through a very traumatic childhood with an emotionally, sexually, and occasionally physically abusive father. He was a bully, would take advantage of me, gaslight me if I protested; overall he was not a good human being. He ended up raping me at around age 5. I can live with the fact I was raped. It hurts and breaks my heart that I had to go through something so horrific, but I can live with that. What I cannot learn to live with is the other traumas that occurred in my early childhood. Before age 5, I was forced by my father to sexually abuse my younger sister by 2 years. I had no choice, but afterward I was so broken and hurt by everything that was going on, I'm pretty sure I kept performing inappropriate sexual acts with her. My father taught me what I was doing was ""loving"" her. I honestly thought sex was how to show love. Out of everything that was going on, I didn't know how to cope with it. An abusive father who would force me to orally pleasure him daily, yet that was the only positive attention I would receive from him. My little 3-5 year-old brain didn't know how to cope with it. So I'm fairly certain I sexually abused my sister as a result. After being raped, I learned that everything that was happening between my father and me, and my sister and me, was wrong. Honestly I felt I deserved being raped because of what had happened between me and my sister. But now, as an adult, I feel the need to isolate myself from everyone who loves me. I feel so overwhelmingly ashamed of myself, it's a challenge to not just end it all. I can't feel comfortable around others because I'm so afraid I'm going to hurt them like I did my sister. I don't know how to live with myself. I've tried to rationalize it, explaining that I was a child in an abhorrent situation, it wasn't my fault the way everything happened. But I can't accept that. I can't accept that I had the capacity to abuse my little sister. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I don't know how to overcome this overwhelming shame. I've tried to look it up online, but I could find little on the subject. I've tried therapy and medication, but I find nothing helps. I appreciate any help/advice you could give me. I'm just so desperate for help. I'm 26 years old, live alone because I can't feel okay around others. I feel so trapped in my PTSD and don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for reading.",4.062429202110478,5.373884314741041,5.403343383223864,80.48862011413804,71.39043824701196,8.215871648540972,28.308603424141275,8.685302888712808,2.1401307634327558,1994,74,386,35,37,668,207,502,0.241,0.652,0.108,-0.9977,1,2,1,0,3,0,67.0,0,1,1,3,21,37,6,6,18,1,46,13,2,7,6,78,85,32,0,7,13,11,6,2,0,3,2,0,0,3,30,24,0,1,21,2,0,8,16,18,0,0,28,7,69,19,59,49,3,41,0,5,1,9,34,16,0,1,17,263,99,5,0.0,0.4079902253889292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729761169335775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713271135136546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683301853244807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659831734929373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392300003352444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259450020425127,0.0,0.0586021173589378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688014846873842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099719673853945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746792030714954,0.12199429988821278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580691114343275,0.24757867522273774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741102003391875,0.0,0.06612466864366824,0.0,0.1258893294778335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606504908845214,0.15655847967393896,0.05776372524259201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270086144114844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816096381461865,0.13848353907501934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117582418434964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22709033223209205,0.0,0.0776867953140878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729145137269929,0.20707332836443929,0.3648734827413181,0.0,0.05783229002413048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646983647472945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937788238094499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106520400342278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608129169313402,0.0,0.14453204906042555,0.0,0.0,0.05237768362244605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006413826456921,0.0,0.0,0.08050372334185447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888724995283199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741120663770877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053018423001992256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199642742046602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981570569326287,0.07158085836105077,0.05178062626764169,0.0,0.0,0.06340496617833005,0.0787572610710766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467398612493814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027180297836295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682381833527915,0.0,0.05466469953096857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638418943348151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467668604873839,0.07529701727951638,0.0,0.13304738672487262 ptsd,squidkidqueer,2019/01/15,"voluntary hospital admission I have so much anxiety and fear about going back, I haven't had a good experience once. But I know right now if I don't seek help, I'll end up dead within a week or two. Ain't life a bitch : / Currently uninsured, chronic pain & hell brain, and unmedicated. Not doing well my dudes. I'll post again on how I'm doing after I get back 👍",2.718,4.175647400000003,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,75.0,8.733333333333334,24.5,9.2995712137729,1.9178,285,9,61,7,6,99,59,75,0.306,0.654,0.039,-0.9627,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,1,3,0,7,4,1,1,0,8,11,7,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,1,0,6,2,5,10,1,14,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,8,36,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569069634581668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813873554619776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646436052646255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264691505344045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000775573381109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193761305573715,0.0,0.2668129854647985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387940629374895,0.0,0.13475422617101376,0.19887536240852408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892883123156662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030863208255827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747674748784985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430203143373246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525128168393505,0.0,0.0,0.252300164113607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22708440260622975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024893656452587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23162055378574944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901941385872296,0.0,0.21318901938560086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CarefulShape,2019/01/15,"people with PTSD are weak i grew up abused as hell yet still I didn't get it, why? because of my thinking and not being weak-minded. Just change your way of thinking and you should be good, the past is the past has already happened no need to dwell on it move on to the future or choose to suffer like a pathetic person all your life instead of processing in life.",3.00382882882883,4.604514337837841,3.5713513513513497,91.4247747747748,74.54054054054055,6.014414414414415,23.144144144144143,6.42735559955562,0.4609171171171176,287,8,60,2,6,90,59,74,0.232,0.6890000000000001,0.079,-0.936,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,4,6,1,1,4,0,7,3,0,0,1,12,12,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,6,2,12,8,1,12,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,6,41,8,0,0.0,0.2598992409975311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24206317106115105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371648143072465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23204800028325115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460368490199314,0.0,0.0,0.1839841669420907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939744805278287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098731737863799,0.10716554006113073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148553759097586,0.0,0.0,0.2331391437963713,0.0,0.16264859959845734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187974259496828,0.15207280714839572,0.19153190885021265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25641369929975466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517680566194754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811070427708389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411341048567114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979333388678487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kward94,2019/01/15,My PTSD has manifested itself as Schizophrenia.. I think The flash blacks seem to make make me blurt out random words or sentences. It’s happens mostly when I’m alone and the things I say are usually unrelated to the flashback. Has anyone had similar experiences?,5.890531914893613,8.453217148936176,6.064840425531916,72.50875,69.0,8.955319148936171,30.89893617021277,9.516144504307137,3.2661957446808523,214,9,34,5,4,68,40,47,0.045,0.928,0.027000000000000003,-0.2023,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,4,9,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279230526089866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213882144469444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097153225928043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279986208361021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226929010333412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701120850712192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517891012761459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28823915014103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034840039307487,0.2028774476797604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34871243242857386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AbsurdPigment,2019/01/15,"I'm Scared of My Room? I think I'm scared of my room. It isn't where my trauma took place, but it is where I've had more than my fair share of breakdowns. Any maybe a moment where I felt powerless with a guy. It has gotten to the point where I will be exhausted, but I can't sleep. I can't sleep in that room. ​ I don't go in it very often during the day. It is a mess, and it is always a mess. When I go in it during the day, it is with the intention to clean it. I do a little bit at a time, but I never do it completely. ​ I think I hate it because of the breakdowns and also because it is a closed space where I'm stuck with my thoughts. Nighttime is hard for me in general because that is when the abuse took place. I've always had trouble at night. The room doesn't help. It doesn't feel like ""my"" room. ​ Any suggestions to make it feel better? It is a tiny spot. I have practically no decorations, my bed is pressed against the window, and I have to keep my blinds drawn to prevent the busy intersection outside from seeing in. I might rearrange it...? ",1.4245856933081598,3.24598811894273,2.9728508495909374,93.00165932452278,79.70484581497797,6.085924061254459,21.82273966855465,7.07126945348624,0.4617796937277117,841,25,191,10,21,276,104,227,0.194,0.737,0.069,-0.984,1,0,0,0,1,0,43.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,1,2,17,0,25,4,2,2,1,25,44,9,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,2,0,8,1,18,7,0,2,7,0,0,4,8,8,0,0,8,7,23,3,23,33,2,36,0,0,2,0,4,24,0,2,9,124,41,0,0.0,0.12697634374021022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857020677802433,0.17834442430837272,0.34834886802153714,0.3906618980587301,0.14575558651923345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598552706093228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947812288239021,0.11699950437143032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236342142465623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822875761766504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837454071783474,0.07656071277593136,0.10289791437284948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181188477966788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611299174679392,0.0,0.0,0.0960013177613703,0.10580603627080508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183233145347978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525568341898763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235678411248868,0.10741031069542352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153535272700537,0.0,0.10766448058546774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368812255065265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265443028540241,0.0,0.0,0.1005697403142627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239351269921764,0.0,0.10130823059941832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458736891026506,0.0,0.08539887831749196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144904327504727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733762497214486,0.0,0.08507927915711297,0.06249041827885285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23813478481865816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842467589380942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906618980587301,0.0 ptsd,darkcoffeemagic,2019/01/16,"Is it weird to pick up old interests from my teenage years? TW: Child Abuse When I was a teenager, I really wanted to be a scene/alt kid. Lol I know it sounds hilarious, because it is, but I really loved the way the internet was at that time and how everything was just silly and carefree. During that time though, I wasn't allowed to be anything I wanted to be because of my mom. If I did anything different with my hair, makeup, clothes, she'd freak the fuck out and tear my self esteem into shreds until I was crying on the floor or hiding in my room in shame or worse- beaten. I was never allowed to pick out the clothes I wanted, I wasn't allowed to talk or act anyway outside of her liking. I wasn't social inept by any means. I was a responsible, intuitive kid and I knew what was appropriate and inappropriate. So I really wasn't anything THAT terrible. I cleaned up the house everyday, raised two toddlers (with the help of the second oldest sibling), and kept my grades up as best I could while she was doing online schooling. Never got into trouble, always was at her beckon call. So I really wasn't a terrible kid at all. But she just.. fucking hated me for no reason. She hated that I liked anime and art, she hated that I was energetic and optimistic, she hated that I wasn't really a social butterfly. Just everything. My mannerisms, my voice, my laugh, my humor. Every fucking thing. She would find reasons to pick on me and tell me why I should hate myself. It sucked really fucking bad. So I'm trying to combat those things by indulging in things I wanted to at the time. So yeah, I like scenecore stuff. Not hardcore, but you get it. I like rainbows and everything eyesore lol. But is that weird?? I'm 22 years old now and I still find the alternative/scene/emo style fascinating and I want to try it out. Is that uncommon??",2.7681304276585266,5.014732551532035,4.370838112403735,82.53227879731281,77.24512534818942,7.231885957725709,24.207848599049647,8.219915518859313,1.6475662133377031,1442,49,271,27,34,482,179,359,0.183,0.63,0.187,-0.8106,4,0,0,0,1,0,56.0,0,1,0,2,13,29,11,1,15,3,29,6,1,9,3,57,53,30,0,9,12,1,1,4,0,2,0,2,2,5,20,19,0,1,7,1,0,1,10,19,0,2,20,3,51,10,38,26,2,37,0,0,0,5,23,19,5,4,20,194,71,3,0.0,0.10196647242426148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160842440252788,0.0,0.0,0.05852343261632676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245898535557026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718561142030443,0.10492218341341583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031416899581328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878764038279583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871153327971916,0.0,0.09453235445262836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899138937170402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250886711648008,0.0,0.2320342736385642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731370562215674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182426009930397,0.04496255330114198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882966913333023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248298526299021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057683889995347015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930114492855173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729606793333959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817736048068224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767208728563565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374405916262588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079188332756517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274883239169216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806100033510973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307916378593217,0.176967063423327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709684050992661,0.0,0.0,0.0897788603778212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545370953134606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872725312833396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985175741552157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917139164806793,0.07521982387310262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715223864045638,0.0,0.0845530528795811,0.0,0.15054601489978295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685754576317682,0.0,0.08406765746468785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25380070740841165,0.06831005046740386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776553415933301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770201500370628,0.061134222102241675,0.0,0.0,0.11083903359587613 ptsd,notalegalist,2019/01/16,"I suddenly have so many questions that I never had before. My head hurts so much. Just need to ramble-bamble some. I've just had such a bad night. I passed out. I fell asleep. I cried. I saw Broseidon, king of the brocean, (we don't use his real name) in my boyfriend's face, and I hate it I hate it so much. I just wanted to do my stupid Spanish homework. My boyfriend of 2.5 years...he is my world. He has done everything and more to support me. It's not so much of a ""I don't know what I did to deserve him."" It's a ""I don't know how this person so perfect for me waltzed into my life. How did you become so caring. How did you end up caring so much about me."" At least, I try to think that way. I'm starting to get to be way too dependent on him. He constantly has to keep me on track, wipe drool up from my face, drive me when I just can't. And he does so for me, without hesitation, but I feel like I'm tiring him out. I don't know how to not be dependent on him. I don't know how to properly function without him. And I'm just now realizing this. And it's terrifying. I love that we are teammates. But this is beyond that. I don't know how to go about not having my hand held at every step. I didn't mean for this to happen but it did. I love him so much, and I hate putting all of this on him. I know it must be exhausting in so many ways. I don't know how he does it, but he is magic. I'm just confused and tired and lost. ",-0.6109475055845088,1.2044833892405116,1.8885033507073707,98.0767870439315,86.94303797468353,5.11005212211467,18.15487714072971,6.37848985222837,-0.3439349218168277,1085,28,275,11,34,371,139,316,0.125,0.792,0.083,-0.9064,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,2,2,0,3,30,16,4,1,4,0,29,12,6,10,4,62,62,30,0,3,15,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,18,13,0,2,12,0,0,6,15,9,0,0,11,4,50,7,38,47,9,32,0,2,1,2,22,15,0,5,9,191,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655266163277689,0.0,0.11448550507649966,0.08820793364382144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137873440705468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202078795221916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386681535781445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142899786847644,0.10608126264658556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918129377779446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733892043167005,0.0,0.09316388357570904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052414150513246514,0.07405548750212551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415862943858663,0.0,0.05891297366386952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916671398518557,0.0,0.0,0.3070315301126084,0.10638616171456072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109713169791871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213871994095273,0.0,0.0,0.3987858829910423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321887776299342,0.05064356157238928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131583007587146,0.0,0.187116321657714,0.0,0.0,0.21019210487008125,0.0,0.112917292046416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810140609016117,0.07686336824065508,0.07994980593911354,0.0,0.0,0.09727888987569956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051284595215847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420800445239296,0.1161241198126942,0.0,0.0,0.11798898937795615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337183728320339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763335122610012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642182655392961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382862964038831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037906050066142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952987975486443,0.0,0.0,0.061141983515576724,0.24684399162678197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998511402848314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AhhhhhhItsJai,2019/01/16,"I thought classwork would be safe Why would anything triggering be brought up on some paper or in a magazine we're analyzing? Why?? I thought at least I could stay up with school work but I can't even do some stupid 6 question paper. It is early in the semester so if I don't do this it will drop me to a D (at best). How am I supposed to do this? This stupid paper is too much for me and I don't know how to just tell my teacher I can not do it. How am I supposed to keep it together? If not even my school is safe, what is? ",-0.27408045977011497,1.5151679137931031,2.1162068965517267,97.10781609195404,85.3793103448276,5.59080459770115,21.735632183908052,6.816661863887847,0.29350804597701163,402,14,101,5,12,137,67,116,0.114,0.835,0.052000000000000005,-0.8406,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,2,0,3,0,20,0,0,4,0,25,25,9,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,13,3,13,16,5,11,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,6,1,77,21,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800570343926522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700528041768125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270690804689307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28574304192560696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922673515490928,0.0,0.0,0.11887898967834347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901363604674393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24231807194265845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378370066022863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305589797715772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18906554089064165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434538935234463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903744626193021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574771446704717,0.0,0.0,0.30732256933193985,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,passepar2t,2019/01/16,How long does it take to figure out if you have PTSD? Does anyone know? ,-0.41000000000000014,1.8136790000000045,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,92.33333333333334,3.0,7.5,3.1291,-2.455,55,0,13,0,2,17,14,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728113709884306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6828693662573188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144236402510873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452823945023173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560802190843976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933543740851442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Anonymous0212,2019/01/16,"PTSD-related angry tone of voice is getting in the way of my relationships Had a fun time in therapy this week. (/s) It’s become extremely apparent that one of the symptoms of my PTSD is that when I get anxious about — well, many more things than I thought, this intense, angry tone of voice comes out. Needless to say, it doesn’t work very well in my relationships. DH Is dealing with his own PTSD in therapy, one big symptom being avoidance. and has almost never called me on it when he notices it (way more often than I do.) But he hasn’t avoided telling me that we actually have a friend? friends? who have told him they only want to see him alone, without me. *Totally embarrassing.* So basically I left therapy the other day feeling like I should just say “f*** it” to any more socializing, it’s just too d*** hard to start learning how to undo literally decades of abuse and communicate more effectively at my age (61). It just feels overwhelming and like too much work and I’d be better off just being a loner, other than being around DH. 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When I was a toddler my mom divorced my violent and alcoholic father and we moved out. My mom gained full custody. When I was under the age of 5, he came a few times during the night and broke the window. We managed to escape to a neighbor. But one time he managed to get in. We didn’t hear him so we didn’t wake up until he was in the bedroom. Fortunately he didn’t become angry. But another time he managed break in during the day. My aunt and cousin was visiting. He kicked and beat my mom severely. My teenage cousin forced me out while I was fighting to stay there. I didn’t want to leave my mom in danger. But my cousin managed to drag me out and get us in safety at a neighbors and the neighbor called the police. Turns out my mom almost got killed that day. As an adult I have been to therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD. I am doing much better now, but still I get worried when hearing sounds during the night. As a child I promised myself that I would never sleep so deeply that I wouldn’t hear intruders coming in. It worked. And till this day I always get up and check where the noises come from. And I have troubles falling asleep until I know nobody are inside my home. Fortunately this doesn’t happen so often. Maybe once a month or so. But I realize that it is not healthy. I read some use white noises to sleep better, but that would make me even more worried as I would then not hear anything at all.a Any advice on how to overcome my fears of someone breaking in? CBT and stoicism helps me normally. But I don’t know how to use it in this example.",2.3819090909090903,4.369591251515157,3.4678787878787922,89.7918181818182,77.3939393939394,5.9757575757575765,22.81818181818182,6.88968998030894,0.6631090909090913,1283,39,262,13,30,413,165,330,0.121,0.823,0.056,-0.9553,0,0,1,0,3,0,31.0,5,0,0,5,16,11,4,2,17,0,24,6,4,6,1,53,44,38,1,6,10,10,0,0,3,4,2,6,6,2,11,24,1,0,3,1,1,6,10,8,0,1,13,7,41,3,40,27,5,52,0,1,1,0,36,21,0,4,22,180,52,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650904699208902,0.0,0.09027506893997854,0.08458668455576919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070287619245117,0.0,0.0,0.11488795579500073,0.08857644418019743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951340521953564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329288425638052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941755424076875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625553856861054,0.09661366829494493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553060380223187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343270032412024,0.0,0.0,0.08573748281789054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579307707074295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901093704327507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653290674036298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756011764224927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746984682698322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38082513664138096,0.0,0.056619920496771,0.0,0.08473248224446958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345594966047248,0.0,0.0928474000769219,0.0,0.0,0.08944383996744136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563858349319289,0.0,0.08486365690389995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946639712740326,0.06742488678291426,0.08978055715339632,0.062096770521291214,0.0,0.06515015142584069,0.0,0.0,0.2378142510101674,0.0827647995621927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996011298307456,0.0572405341523906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874345598953736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449503764034264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542951739462943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690663661322865,0.0,0.07157300252494381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003610265405168,0.06745959068297255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966012976742053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776921936816295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188147316031173,0.0,0.0,0.10160962967290664,0.14591368058125895,0.0,0.0,0.04982387934186705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149675183879109,0.17157119481903818,0.0,0.18001983545180852,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nsjbn,2019/01/16,"I‘m going to open up to my therapist. Finally! She already knows why I have it (I mean, she diagnosed it.. lol) but we never talked about the aftermath of it. Self harm is such an uncomfortable topic for me, but I think I’m getting pretty addicted to it again, and I’m so scared. Also, i dissociate a lot lately and I’m more stressed than usual. That’s why I decided to open up to her. I don’t want to do this alone anymore. It’s time to get help :) I still don’t know how to tell her that I don’t feel good lately.. but I’ll figure this out.",-0.7129022988505724,1.4089284568965574,2.2777241379310347,92.50635632183908,92.01724137931036,5.851954022988505,18.07816091954023,7.3011,0.3880133333333333,415,12,96,8,15,146,75,116,0.157,0.708,0.135,-0.5884,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,3,1,6,2,0,1,1,20,19,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,15,1,15,19,2,15,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,9,62,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916386542817348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820669509636644,0.19399026271439146,0.14058037811816512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433790547119152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842464556618054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888545111631402,0.0,0.0,0.19257096697239998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368757911180672,0.0,0.0999063456993958,0.14744554788703554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178293193897414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322079335654732,0.0,0.3966008788584033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945162469620316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148845004826912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558122182603893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884312707095168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759979323844362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338884591102644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038729808775527,0.0,0.201368539346367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129452780994015,0.15364949645904313,0.0,0.0,0.20410745025494215,0.0,0.11264007828808577,0.0,0.0,0.10250542207370872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936094728024418,0.0,0.10368636587088803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31724892505196994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alexneverafter,2019/01/16,"Any tips to help with the nightmares? I can’t believe how many nightmares I have. I am on 100mg of Zoloft and my psych is aware of my nightmares, but we were hoping increasing the dose would avoid them. I adore my Zoloft, so I’m not willing to give it up, but I can’t handle these nightmares. I dream people stab me, beat me, drown me. That my mother steals my babies (I don’t even have or want kids), that she kills me, publicly humiliates me, shoots me, even tied me a noose and told me to hang myself once. I NEED to get better control of these. I’m not sure if only medication can help with this or if there is something I can do. ",4.30409090909091,4.232747136363638,4.879848484848483,89.46477272727276,70.06060606060606,7.50909090909091,25.59090909090909,6.6274283507984215,0.7281181818181821,490,12,112,3,8,157,83,132,0.179,0.6779999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.8122,0,1,1,1,0,1,19.0,1,0,1,3,5,7,1,1,3,0,14,4,0,2,1,21,22,10,2,6,8,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,0,26,4,11,18,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,5,0,75,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704707509344862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601902234794028,0.0,0.20424760540608847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590187743660403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050672980920012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065658436288818,0.22153862916305533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095883409017333,0.0,0.0,0.2293754639459173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555008215212135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23413684667212886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23264768843707445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123903560116316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459434937510273,0.0,0.17564022714820296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601046729055264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777888446964228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176581557111646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067300464201706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621435713263172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405310386034772,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,zombiethoven,2019/01/16,"How to be a more supportive partner My husband has PTSD that manifests predominantly as sleep disturbances (He has not slept through the night in approximately 1 year. Maybe longer) and episodes of severe depression. He has just started seeing a private therapist and also occasionally goes to a VA support group. He refuses any medication due to prior negative experiences with SSRIs. Recently his depression seems to be worsening and I dont know how to help. I'm dealing with my own anxiety and depression issues (Postpartum related; I'm also in therapy and undergoing CBT) and I'm really struggling to be supportive. He sometimes stays in bed all day and I feel torn between anger because I need help with our home and children and being compassionate because I know he is trying. For those of you out there who have struggled with PTSD and depression, what did you need most from your partner? Did you feel supported? Was there any specific practice that brought more harmony to your relationship (ex. Set routines, dedicated alone time, etc)?",7.153070244672456,9.52323704972376,7.575899763220207,63.774378453038686,65.24309392265194,11.801262825572215,39.447908445146005,11.491704259439757,5.657043883188635,850,48,126,30,14,278,120,181,0.197,0.687,0.116,-0.9542,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,5,0,0,7,13,1,3,4,0,13,3,2,2,1,29,31,15,0,2,2,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,5,15,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,5,3,13,5,22,22,6,15,0,4,1,0,25,4,0,2,8,82,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659200132908062,0.0,0.18004967453612022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310742549352518,0.0,0.08611827587211039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724729276308667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260047355103089,0.11605814202411226,0.3878369161170364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193508375015234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554900075591552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011830066864682,0.0,0.0,0.11384089841497325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091103673873374,0.0,0.11292021102085872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749729069832203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373469691557892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309502320422815,0.0,0.0,0.11340576894674738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694336949152075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564242777780107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263184356032369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211734653858114,0.0,0.11115256506594172,0.12086160814950095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970635508026079,0.1024825156662837,0.0,0.12717580031149858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265461151666906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133788447231414,0.0,0.07967996994023722,0.1199881726804339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23537213684916816,0.0,0.0,0.5109874435056972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873739361001696,0.13070629230314718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564240376080653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642988962467487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249352233536195 ptsd,server_busy,2019/01/16,"So stressed I get dizzy, anyone else? When the stress piles up several days in a row, I get spells of dizziness that are overwhelming. Didn’t know if this was experienced by others. tia ",2.7270000000000003,5.513166771428577,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,81.28571428571428,6.928571428571428,23.035714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.39,147,5,29,3,4,45,33,35,0.202,0.711,0.087,-0.5198,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,4,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150559428407475,0.3151357269812232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835337536088665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569303074090184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32137905552049234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902916456329967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474598445735572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7046271860035294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,runners_high420,2019/01/16,Prazosin for nightmares I am new to Reddit and have been finding it helpful. I was wondering if anyone has had any experience taking Prazosin for nightmares and what dosage was most helpful (if at all)?,5.895833333333336,8.35624802777778,5.806666666666668,74.80500000000002,68.72222222222223,7.022222222222222,37.0,7.793537801064563,3.2689000000000004,163,9,24,2,3,51,28,36,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,9,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,4,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,1,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531733300668747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26031728278808103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641758953456592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34027083628729604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4990829098175311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595647791173613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279919466989818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037379882952518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,I_Am_Not_Your_Daddy,2019/01/16,"Worst therapist I've experienced in my LIFE (TW: Rape) Guys, I'm FUMING right now. I saw a new therapist for our first session today with the idea of doing some EMDR. I'd done some research and found someone in my city that looked like they had the experience and would be able to help. Despite listing herself as a specialist and my contacting being specifically for the purposes of CPTSD, our first interaction was for her to compliment my parents on the choosing of my name. I told her that I was looking into changing it and she look flustered and back tracked. We start talking about family and how I'd experience little support, if any, and each time I visited or spoke to them it's nothing but denials, invalidating everything I say or think or remember, and insults. When the topic was raised of how last year I had woken up to being raped by a female friend, she said that as I had taken MDMA earlier in the night, I'd made myself more vulnerable and had some responsibility to take. I WAS FUCKING ASLEEP. HOW THE FUCK IS MY TAKING ANYTHING GOING TO MAKE ME MORE VULNERABLE THAN BEING GODDAMN ASLEEP?! She also corrects me to say that it wasn't really rape, but sexual assault. When I ask her to clarify, she says that because in this instance it was a woman doing this to a man that even though it's horrible, it's sexual assault because women can't rape men. She tries to explain why EMDR works and fucking makes something up using an explanation of left and right brain as creative and analytical working together. She asks me to think of a time I felt safe, and when I tell her that I don't know what safety feels like because nobody has ever stood up for me and I've always had to protect and defend myself, she tells me thst im exaggerating and that there must have been some time I felt safe. And to round off this shit hour, she ends the session by saying that all things happen for a reason. What the actual flying monkey fuck happened to me today, guys? Why is this the kind of experience I have everytime I go to see a therapist? How can someone be dealing with trauma professionally for this long and STILL be that judgemental and clueless?",5.861666666666667,6.7689699492753626,6.8358937198067675,73.36297101449277,66.89855072463769,9.51497584541063,31.758454106280194,9.633347757342033,3.037984541062801,1725,68,306,35,27,577,220,414,0.161,0.7509999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9906,1,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,3,0,2,4,16,23,13,0,19,0,31,13,4,9,4,62,69,37,0,3,6,1,4,2,1,2,1,6,0,6,24,24,0,3,12,0,0,3,3,15,0,2,24,16,47,8,47,37,9,39,0,0,6,8,46,14,5,8,24,219,71,6,0.0834344444259306,0.0,0.08141998219640613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667224950633822,0.06942414155636233,0.0,0.0,0.0567382832986432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865943868714948,0.0,0.15599988543229545,0.0,0.0,0.0641559376626409,0.0,0.15258258873459693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931404334068026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882625791901058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601724860897382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538240446810394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389815310624648,0.0,0.0,0.05510766365434098,0.07547123169534442,0.0,0.0,0.07498549876599311,0.2448446893896889,0.07865456872937072,0.0,0.04218696202630593,0.0596055837688751,0.16022030183401215,0.0,0.0,0.1419385916123818,0.0,0.09148156181971732,0.06446124479538595,0.3085351977081873,0.0,0.0,0.09483543502956536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652264350526753,0.1475616073187325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592434937609427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216612117056925,0.0,0.0,0.09418733208139572,0.0901235174025519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868841346313806,0.0458533886572651,0.06801020805408944,0.0,0.0,0.09065176799466323,0.0,0.0589322155476982,0.08152371021986972,0.08362323232980226,0.0,0.07383685778809834,0.2101917594479826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894768867628492,0.11138627906677492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058150633949494,0.0,0.07829757408946586,0.0,0.08005759966609029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264407673419624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345024156030214,0.08578450485695296,0.0,0.0,0.09451496096167844,0.142505119323371,0.07936526294458418,0.26540167608355497,0.0,0.0,0.06648644991353159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564425821803423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413874680141702,0.0642319115572304,0.0,0.0,0.0590553291994024,0.0,0.06663085509521374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946804187916469,0.0,0.0,0.12546463732714885,0.06706144598897952,0.14585076390052712,0.0,0.0,0.2906214620632433,0.05543013750681525,0.10692284610585573,0.08197391802866437,0.0,0.14595388652036606,0.0,0.15817219516452444,0.07972518715354207,0.0,0.05664651098443582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206057143831131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057321739347485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148253848302927,0.0,0.0,0.05926943546902416,0.0,0.0,0.05372904670458621 ptsd,peachmoonprince,2019/01/16,"I saw him on the bus yesterday, more shaken today than yesterday I think it would be safe to call him an abuser at this point, I wont detail anything but I think its really true. He sexually abused me and emotionally manipulated me and I need to see that for what it is. He was my boyfriend for two years, I broke up with him because I felt unsafe around him and I told him that. He decided the best way to handle that was to show up at my house and offer to talk it out in person, so I huddled in my room and cried while I texted him to go home. That was over a year ago, I put up so many walls and mde so many excuses for him over that time because it has to be my fault and not his, but it is his fault, its all on him. I had myself so convinced I was doing better, I wasnt scared to be on campus anymore, I was considering dating again, my therapist said she thinks twice a month appointments are better for me now because I was doing so good. But I saw him on the bus yesterday and I panicked the whole way home, had flashbacks on the rest of my ride and in the kitchen while I was trying to make lunch, but I told myself he isnt here, he cant hurt me, and convinced myself I was okay. Im not. Ive been so dissociated in the last 24 hrs, throwing myself wildly into whatever my current task is, except now where all I can do is lay in bed and have these flashbacks and wish I had the strength to do my homework due tomorrow. This isnt something Im over, and Im scared, and I dont know how to cope with this. All that happened is I saw him, I shouldnt be crying in bed after two hours of flashbacks. I should be okay.",6.480072254335263,4.175197086705204,7.303865606936416,81.21394869942199,66.57225433526011,10.384104046242776,31.45158959537572,8.660442795831766,2.1133300578034686,1256,34,290,15,16,424,161,346,0.08,0.758,0.162,0.9865,1,0,1,0,2,0,31.0,0,0,0,4,13,17,0,2,11,2,40,2,0,3,4,45,57,27,0,5,7,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,7,1,18,19,2,1,6,1,0,4,9,6,0,3,20,6,57,11,44,28,7,53,0,2,4,0,26,26,0,0,21,213,75,2,0.0,0.25904660834836263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690332481887708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841353730256556,0.0,0.0,0.08995894804274197,0.09731570838190544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991671115673876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147219208821018,0.1933648043304516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162534029208644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401601743977952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811923887416407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296741908607055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496189659919232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212762684609779,0.09169029169384972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666906123697927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193086338869392,0.0,0.10765566929460367,0.12613766166107931,0.11702659266936985,0.0,0.3542448194073016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007801238512892,0.08910831328801691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297024766616521,0.22166147531223665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725614674948108,0.0,0.0,0.08105750504864208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954517819823234,0.0,0.0,0.10334032608564728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098942323287493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700315585931985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398592971554074,0.0,0.2188916788482061,0.0,0.08711185537899233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415791484680987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786522655511997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692598670460833,0.0,0.21013862641479106,0.0,0.0,0.06374388501265786,0.0,0.10362016176280688,0.208915018997547,0.0,0.0742193737072487,0.0,0.2135745311204633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354220920832858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204903052470893,0.12570967411676284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765598099593135,0.0,0.0,0.14079370916233735 ptsd,chelmoore2,2019/01/17,"Flashbacks Was watching tv, seems like a simple task, but then (medical drama) during an episode a similar trauma occurs and it shows the whole ordeal, as well as what happens after (having to tell relatives that a certain person is dead, etc.) and just kinda went into a panic attack., having flashbacks and anxiety through the roof. This is hours after my most recent therapy session and now I just feel so mentally and physically drained. Just kinda sucks to continuously go through this after 2 years. I feel like I’m becoming a burden. ",9.315937499999997,9.056272885416671,9.352166666666667,62.20950000000002,59.72916666666666,11.43,38.99166666666667,10.793553405168565,4.604406666666668,431,19,62,9,5,142,71,96,0.229,0.679,0.092,-0.9543,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,2,1,8,0,5,1,0,0,1,17,13,10,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,3,3,4,10,11,3,12,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,4,11,47,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698762506056722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25262673289611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452492072828573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476569961453524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456168324869827,0.15864060339084746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262025273861997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636803250797855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186856032033555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21697582277004854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237033501963736,0.22378551348738368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605410344248638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193895320668318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192586974993103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215622453797166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940913227183071,0.0,0.25394639543984154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965973477747406,0.20585300610881074,0.0,0.24792345851885944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300016625760228 ptsd,ellieisherenow,2019/01/17,"NSFW Missing Gap in My Memory So, I have this gap in my memory from when I was around 7-8 years old. My parents have filled in the more significant parts of the gap, but most of it is totally lost to time minus a trip I took that I only remember because I threw up on a stuffed tiger that I kept by me at all times and it got a bit discolored from it and I had to leave over it (totally... Sanitary?) Most of this filling in had to do with a number of disturbing things. From me seeing people in the shadows (not monsters like, living breathing people that radiated malicious intent), I wouldn't sleep, I constantly cried, I started peeing my pants, and a couple more things I think were genuine hallucinations. I even slept walked into my parent's bedroom and asked my mom if killing her would break her love for me (my parents aren't liars by the way, and they never told this story with a light heart). However, I remember one thing. A church, and I remember one person there: P. P was my brother's best friend at the time. He had a history of coming on to random people but never anything too serious. He would always come around with my brother, my parents filled in a couple gaps including one where I spoiled a movie for him on accident. P was in this church, and I was in the kitchen. I walked around the table, I saw him, and then my memory cut to a bouncy castle outside, but I can't remember anyone else. He was wearing a red shirt and khaki shorts, it was summer, and I had gone in with a crocodile ZooPals plate to get some grapes while everyone else was still outside. About the time my memory stopped being a worthless POS, he stopped coming around. I later figured out that he tried to come onto my brother, and when my brother declined he started attacking him. I tried to force myself to remember something about the church, but when I tried to remember past walking up to him in the kitchen, the details got extremely weird, like it was a mixture between what actually happened and a placeholder, like when you write over a deleted image and the recovered image is messed up to an extreme degree. This cause a panic attack the likes of which I hadn't felt before, and I tried to kill myself over it (obviously failed, thank god). I'm not saying I have PTSD, nor am I asking if I do, it just sounds a lot like PTSD and I didn't know where else to post this. Its been weighing extremely heavy on me and I just needed to get it out.",7.41,6.239236000000003,7.697500000000002,75.49750000000003,64.0,10.833333333333336,34.791666666666664,9.928628108626363,3.2374791666666667,1920,71,370,34,24,630,232,480,0.123,0.7829999999999999,0.094,-0.9498,5,0,1,0,0,1,59.0,0,1,1,3,19,24,6,2,33,0,30,11,7,2,6,72,60,30,2,6,10,9,1,5,1,3,0,2,3,1,25,31,3,3,10,0,0,14,10,15,0,3,27,7,58,9,65,29,12,73,3,4,3,1,31,33,0,7,28,267,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.06864292155300004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058529562082710665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918424353453521,0.07207293198939904,0.05788486237083761,0.2504745334963553,0.13151916285335066,0.1600466729211163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04287937836356226,0.0,0.05985523019702454,0.0,0.07381881119845267,0.0,0.0767944361738313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225984898200177,0.0,0.24237106340086625,0.0,0.07601391136546375,0.0,0.0,0.15566252947556405,0.07726656960999413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628328672180907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046459737906464564,0.0,0.0,0.06721408700848862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675386392461993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434548191161015,0.0,0.07350080878873454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251666061038122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220254268160137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335473013059758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564436145079166,0.0,0.03865771614819637,0.0,0.0,0.07448123639006435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182592940861122,0.0,0.0621126200625831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678579307805182,0.059801622641425974,0.06348573219993722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238283193458731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052157151967081934,0.10850303007927398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381131823592714,0.0,0.1429951718368643,0.053497696869996766,0.0,0.08253031110581957,0.3124225734304447,0.07617272836700091,0.06714869062078145,0.1462973157853401,0.06141927382779984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736748162679378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445033420313318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780976027649186,0.0,0.0,0.05593819213658072,0.0,0.0,0.05605287599723231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039205822386282,0.0,0.0,0.05415213743950953,0.0,0.0,0.09957580977462074,0.0,0.056174619987965975,0.11761688373893005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476078028023131,0.0,0.0,0.14019481991683386,0.045071838260557336,0.0,0.0,0.16406621425528764,0.0,0.0,0.06721408700848862,0.07815172650419808,0.19102838909377293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558336169670544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993682385183336,0.0,0.0,0.04529746431488633 ptsd,vr33mdsoortig,2019/01/17,"Lost my job, PTSD got me a bit lost For the first time I am starting to see that I have been living in a vicious circle for years. Every time I start enthusiastically and super driven to a new job, or a new project, or a new adventure, only to find out that I am passing by myself. My body hurts every day and the muscle tension worsens as I try to keep a job. What happens then is that I have to report sick at work, then sit at home for weeks because, among other things, my muscles can not get better quickly enough, then go back to work enthusiastically, and then get sick again. This happened to me again in recent months. I was offered a fantastic job and I started full of good sense. But then I became ill. I could no longer move my arms due to the muscle tension. I became uncertain about my own abilities. I was ashamed of myself to my employer and colleagues and hardly dared to go back to work. When I got better again, I had to report sick again after the second working day. And now I am at home without work. It is so hard to admit that I can not do this now. I have tried everytime. But it is impossible to keep up. I have been sexually abused on several occasions and I never realized the damaged it caused. I have incurred debts and I am unable to repay them. I can't sleep without having either sleep paralysis or nightmares forcing the terror to my conscious mind. My thoughts keep racing. My body hurts. I feel empty, depressed and it is difficult to enjoy the things I used to love so much. I can not afford to stop working, because I have to pay off, and because the fixed costs continue to exist. So how can I focus on my recovery if the worries about money keep following me? And how do I get to fully recover if I start working again? I am lost! So back to now. I don't have a job, and I lost interest in nearly everything I used to do. What do you guys do to keep up with day-to-day life? How do you manage to keep a clear head? I have so many questions but I don't really know how to put them into the right words so... anything helpful is welcome. Thanks in advance guys ",2.8358700067704814,4.512280677725119,4.463470548408939,84.53681042654031,75.1611374407583,6.908165199729179,25.56425186188219,7.658307877764058,1.3677315368991203,1634,57,327,22,35,549,196,422,0.12,0.7859999999999999,0.094,0.3489,8,0,0,0,1,0,49.0,0,2,2,17,25,25,1,5,19,0,38,12,6,7,2,58,72,38,0,3,14,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,2,2,15,16,0,7,8,0,4,8,10,15,0,2,13,4,54,10,56,58,6,66,0,8,1,1,12,18,0,7,39,243,69,18,0.0,0.08117728658503534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638076755927636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804794263116145,0.0,0.12529556945894588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121189234915467,0.07479899024418837,0.15220609240320146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038223090559112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470244969872855,0.0,0.0,0.17674214173910194,0.0,0.05901057170087848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079275376846371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545114675302308,0.0,0.061575510331591775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03464248099777064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262009198430007,0.058277542712321564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073864179512386,0.0,0.07787559468914687,0.05746586788650512,0.10959299942321166,0.0,0.0,0.13567826081130346,0.1211725123594377,0.0,0.12274926580655532,0.0,0.07031461064490592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592315060197938,0.0,0.13744924079200113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669022399886095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399453532909304,0.3653876470522991,0.0,0.0,0.03765322433628178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048393106761151286,0.0,0.0,0.06049867013263265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991622869311273,0.0,0.061836102979116986,0.0,0.0,0.06946192895946056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691790976012664,0.0,0.05468681698749055,0.07281900100018984,0.050365301108263455,0.0,0.052841830038268416,0.19851227735220692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210759926939893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008860769463727,0.06887498468844341,0.07675079295575762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043891498430828235,0.0,0.06764880946589387,0.0,0.0,0.058510149239551675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459638398002063,0.0,0.0,0.07740074625215526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712594658385574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397681381576634,0.0,0.0,0.05728034853609596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307801988964558,0.0,0.0,0.09103464165475038,0.0,0.0,0.054392060939443064,0.07990153825534574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303232971099806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834732139202513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549573919487823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208912596895656,0.0,0.3491504756652721,0.06957877854213496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044120443617896216 ptsd,galapagosisland,2019/01/17,"Does it get better I’m trying so hard. I wake up and start meditating, seeking help, therapy, I try to process the past, I read self help books, philosophy, watch videos, and I even started going to a Buddhist temple. All the concepts make sense, but I still feel bad. It’s as if they make sense logically but nothing has clicked. I haven’t had any aha! moment. I feel like there’s no way out, there isn’t any light at the end of the tunnel. It’s just an upward battle forever and then you die. Is this it??? I don’t feel like I deserve to live. ",0.2325000000000017,2.5502272500000025,2.1746428571428567,93.72035714285715,89.0,4.985714285714288,19.607142857142858,6.5431188927421005,0.11661785714285733,420,13,93,5,14,139,79,112,0.16,0.735,0.105,-0.8561,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,1,6,5,1,0,6,0,6,1,1,2,1,15,16,9,1,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,7,11,3,8,15,1,12,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,9,51,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25799060590367645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583827333118138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776486745053035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196867658606591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599848024518005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800851371105094,0.0,0.0,0.12528806574290047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877379943921125,0.2710283036029425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910488714141014,0.0,0.1078048626164611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992445180507074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542896249497996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853453274611402,0.0,0.16749922355420566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532383071456133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820121040350767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108000484168785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897407418022361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978874234707308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26852628025069697,0.0,0.15148620718231473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692637096371867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575733145516819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056662367135065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,antisocialrmbly,2019/01/17,"I feel like I'm stuck in a glass prison. I'm completely new to this sub so I'm sorry if this post doesn't really belong here. I just feel so lost and alone. I finally have the person of my dreams in my life and he's so supportive and understanding, but I still feel like I can't tell him when I'm getting flashbacks or when I'm anxious or depressed because I don't want him to worry more than he does already and I'm still scared that he (or anyone) will find a way to take advantage of me. I feel like my entire life is made of glass and one wrong move will make the whole thing shatter. I'm sorry this post is kind of pointless I just had to get this thought off my chest.",3.8113165905631625,3.7602601164383564,4.799680365296805,89.5447869101979,71.12328767123287,8.132724505327245,25.81126331811263,7.793537801064563,1.0766021308980211,531,14,125,6,9,174,83,146,0.201,0.703,0.096,-0.9329,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,0,1,4,0,9,3,1,2,0,22,31,15,0,2,7,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,5,4,15,6,12,24,2,13,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,4,9,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439599823592696,0.15338772166183698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702814739146995,0.0,0.09719061588614554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473187534222107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573673209378465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971875207136552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216380644909872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811262100446557,0.2979005430397139,0.0,0.15226548729201742,0.12704163086159226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524140986921932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447450012322471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635676060447813,0.2037221683733692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173270918199375,0.0,0.0,0.13152324464315535,0.0927822275561494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477328498191192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424511027118902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418862506113762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136767024610692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26624327465397724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904566194200811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916122122783212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111937058483698,0.0,0.0,0.22200792454872464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773325467083418,0.0,0.0,0.1045091785834653,0.0,0.12149035661155735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234407818835301,0.0,0.0,0.11034886581454437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470179385633908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819846068858965,0.11033012262085293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518627502756396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411591905927984,0.0,0.0,0.15197246524198224,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yankh8r806,2019/01/17,Does Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) really work and is it possible for me to perform the technique? Hello and thank you in advance for reading. My girlfriend has PTSD from multiple sexual encounters with an abusive ex along with other encounters that I’d rather not get into. I read online about EDMR and I was wondering if it’d be able to help her. We don’t have much money so seeing a therapist isn’t in our budget. I was hoping I’d be able to learn how to perform it in an effort to help her. If anyone has experience with it I would greatly appreciate your input. ,5.347809734513273,6.716640982300887,7.044413716814159,69.71582411504427,68.38053097345133,9.897787610619467,30.9391592920354,10.125756701596842,3.4073194690265494,473,19,80,12,8,164,79,113,0.037000000000000005,0.8440000000000001,0.119,0.8173,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,2,0,5,4,3,0,0,4,0,12,1,1,1,0,19,17,8,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,2,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,12,3,17,11,1,6,0,0,2,0,11,4,0,4,0,61,18,4,0.4039027055309366,0.2392793296974941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412090814564503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767289897312118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754717443099967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055112465852574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226520793748341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270727469613757,0.0,0.0,0.2005832608705067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845748110308668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276698064947276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360703242464757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040120073392485,0.0,0.12937520784149062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092908142429324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592967260649934,0.0,0.23448108595986325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190076274062044,0.14702299004226385,0.0,0.0,0.1434604467372116,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Dyanuh143,2019/01/17,"Nervous system response... Its wild to me to observe my nervous system responding to stimuli while I have a smile on my face. I feel my heart pounding, my hands are shaking. Yet I'm scrolling through nail polish shades on Amazon like I was before he decided to text (harass) me. I've tried explaining this response to people with and without PTSD, has anyone else experienced this? I had read about this kind of progress but hadn't consciously recognized it in myself. I think its awesome and sad simultaneously. Awesome that I can engage with him and it doesn't have to ruin my day. I don't have to tailspin and call my therapist. He doesn't have that level of fucking power over me anymore! Its exciting! But, it's also sad that he messed up the person he vowed to protect, to love and honor. That I may never *not* have a neurological response to him. Going to take this small win. Hope you all can feel good about progress too! ",3.712944915254237,6.0074090338983055,4.524375000000003,82.3285963983051,74.48022598870057,6.684887005649718,28.01165254237288,7.6454224807358475,1.8090567796610169,737,30,133,10,16,237,109,177,0.07400000000000001,0.645,0.28,0.9936,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,5,5,18,2,3,3,0,16,6,3,0,2,21,26,9,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,7,0,1,6,1,0,2,7,9,0,0,3,4,21,9,24,22,1,15,0,3,0,2,12,7,1,2,5,92,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728961993473001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144137159227276,0.15117306144532158,0.22152390670657626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397148643843966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207658249944293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943203152271474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806085460185179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186358705389647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998747311455432,0.0,0.0,0.12287225068909545,0.1813394954658664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25619972646205513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147367953089604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514051141335376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562509420785764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513022474409872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674786531646374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988684396439353,0.1887787427243341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527278930267363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162599295321528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255656301330648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510265150794021,0.0,0.13853314161541508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678657394616892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841045598619407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ohhoneyno_,2019/01/17,"Update: The detective said we ""didn't have enough evidence to pursue a criminal case"", but I'm pulling every string I have in lae enforcement to get them to look harder. (TW:rape) So, basically, I had a scheduled appointment to call my rapist last month.. And I bailed on it because I was too afraid. But, then I did do it with the help of my little setvice dog in training. Just for the detective to say that we didn't get enough evidence in the phone call to make an arrest. It felt like i got punched in the gut. I tried storming out and he stopped me and said that he would ""look at the medical exam again"", meanwhile I'm fucking awaiting my STD screening just in case since he didn't use a condom. I know two people have called his sergeant. He just hasn't gotten back to me. I have this fire in my chest about it and I won't let it die. Until I've done everything I can. But, I am fucking exhausted. I feel defeated. I feel like I should have just pretended it didn't happen. That it was fine. Like every other time. I thought this time would be different..",1.866967067200712,4.018373088785051,3.051575433911882,91.33465732087228,79.7943925233645,6.693012906097019,23.74187805963507,7.793537801064563,1.1477261237205163,827,29,177,14,21,266,123,214,0.121,0.789,0.09,-0.8244,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,2,0,1,1,9,10,3,1,10,0,24,9,2,2,0,26,44,10,1,3,7,0,4,3,0,4,3,3,0,0,13,8,0,1,5,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,15,10,26,4,21,23,2,22,0,1,3,5,16,10,2,0,14,113,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593647181367144,0.0,0.08398319105830927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220351067107265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298330086230246,0.1439401176981066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098633756834494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284706062199372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321539961276204,0.0,0.12381861236646652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393211003198116,0.09842277230944214,0.13228061273509004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25473191933855904,0.14395806802763858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018709419204784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182937872953754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234419255987933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571467882824379,0.11230077450429707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087895420534702,0.0,0.2019220950818298,0.13808153255053734,0.0,0.0,0.231383866783216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196241098396736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878857890493468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996653958149903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551223215616678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621012566326966,0.1095600742583291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396460184214975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518172132741822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937383178810313,0.16066935603856816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353665043134364,0.0,0.13458107540256584,0.0,0.0,0.1189888726308343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573542554994866,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,divaofdusk,2019/01/18,"Does this sound like ptsd? I grew up with someone who psychologically/verbally abused me till I was 15. She eventually learned to stop (after a lot of work). But, she still uses the same voice and facial expressions she used during the abuse. Every time she uses the tone or facial expressions, I go spiraling. I either cry, go outside and scream, break my own stuff, or even scratch and hit myself. ",4.9127853881278565,7.058778657534248,5.319383561643836,78.59542237442923,70.64383561643834,8.154337899543378,25.865296803652967,8.841846274778883,2.017896803652968,314,10,56,6,6,100,58,73,0.196,0.772,0.032,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,3,0,15,7,7,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,11,1,6,5,4,10,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,6,37,14,2,0.0,0.4908948370341783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22755246715016625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128466993575573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682538304895395,0.0,0.1745388835193647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354644320602099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120654858797416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761176514024971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421556920442865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552363125665438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543601500630506,0.17319270292702355,0.0,0.0,0.2371454428113578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207950347033056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367519489640047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081291565869548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Hanya34,2019/01/18,"Just feeling low I feel so tired. Today I went to the Dr because I was having stubble of a UTI. I'm out of town for work and couldn't get in to see anyone until mid afternoon and I felt like absolute shit because my symptoms had been going on for a day already. My boyfriend of three months had what we thought was a UTI a week ago. They gave him antibiotics and it seemed to get better but the day after he stopped the course his symptoms came back. His prostate is fine. My thoughts went immediately to an STI like chlamydia or gonorrhea. He's had a vasectomy and we're monogamous so we have unprotected sex. I have not had unprotected sex since 2008 or so when I was married. I typically use condoms for birth control because I can't tolerate the pill. Anyway. I had a full STI panel completed when I met my new boyfriend and everything was negative. So here we are three months later and I'm thinking he's fucked someone else. I'm freaking out about it, especially because he's so jealous that I can't ever mention past relationships or he covers his ears and wigs out. But he can talk about all his past shit. Right now I'm fixated on this friend of his I met on New Year's Eve who was a total skank. She was drunk as shit (it was only 10pm when we got there) her boyfriend was drunk as shit, and she was kissing and hugging all over my boyfriend. It pissed me off. At one point, he asked her how her relationship with her bf was going and she said it wasn't going well. He reached over and pinched her ear and said something like ""don't be so silly"" and it felt weirdly intimate. Like he looked like he was going to kiss her. I said,""what are you doing?"" And he said ""I pinched her ear."" I said ""why?"" And he said ""because she's being silly."" After I interjected, she turned around and started talking to some other chick at another table. I tried to talk to her and she completely blew me off. So I just gave up. She did stop hugging on my bf after that though. She actually left the table. Probably to get more drinks. My bf told her that she ""went crazy"" after her divorce and basically fucked a bunch of guys. He said he was her wing man. She's a 55+ year old groupie for local bands/open mics. I find that pretty pathetic. My bf kept saying that he didn't know what she saw in her current man, because he wasn't her type. I said ""well, when you're a 50+ year old open mic groupie, that's the type you get."" My bf denied ever sleeping with her. I think he's lying. the next day I did address that I didn't like how she was hanging all over him and he said that she does that when he ""brings people around"" - I assume other women. I had a panic attack before I could get up enough gumption to address it. Then he kind of blew it off and started saying that he hardly hangs out with her at all, which I think is BS, because he talked about her a lot when we first met and she texted him to go see a Kix concert (yeah. Kix. She peaked in 1980.) He said he met her because his son dated her daughter. He always emphasizes that they are friends. But she seemed super possessive of him in a sexual, flirty way. It was odd. Anyway, I'm fixated right now on the idea that he fucked her while we started dating and she gave him an STI and now I have it. I'm also perseverating on an odd remark a waitress made when he introduced me to her. It's a local hangout he frequents. I think he used to drink a lot proper to meeting me. He told her I was his girlfriend and she said,"" now I know why you didn't sit in my section."" She didn't laugh, and she looked pissed off. She gave me the once over and glared at me. I asked him about it and he was very vague and acting like he didn't understand what I was getting at. I explained and he got defensive. All I said was it was an odd remark and asked him what she meant by it. He never did explain. I'm really angry right now and I may have no reason to be angry at all. I've been having escapist fantasies about just moving to another state and not telling anyone, killing myself, and admitting myself to the hospital. I'm perseverating on past traumatic experiences and cycling through everything bad that's ever happened to me in my life. I miss the life I had from 2005-2007. I think those were the happiest times of my life so far. I had friends, was confident. I've been really suffering since 2010 onward. I had six suicide attempts from 2011-2013. My husband at the time actually left me for dead and a friend called in for a welfare check (I left a suffice note on facebook.) I also left a note on the dresser. When the people came to do the welfare check he told them I was sleeping and went up to check on me. He had to have seen the note. He just went downstairs and told the cops I was asleep. My friend called the cops again and voiced concerns. They actually came back, forced they're way past him and took me to the hospital. I regained conciousness when they were carrying need down the stairs and recall my husband crying and then telling him to get out of the way. When I woke up at the hospital, I woke up to my ex doing sternal rubs and trying to keep me awake. I had an NG tube. For some weird reason that I still don't understand his secretary was there. He was basically putting on this show of trying to save my life after he'd basically left me for dead. I am so tired of trusting people only to have them let me down. I am so tired of having pain in my chest and daily panic attacks. I wish I would just die and then this would be over. This is not a life. I'm doing EMDR but it's not working. My Drs took me off Xanax and put me on Valium. He keeps trying to wean me off of it but I have panic attacks so bad I miss work. He treats me like I'm a drug-seeking addict. I hate my life so much. This is just me venting. I'm not going to kill myself. I just don't know what to do and I am so tired. I could try and file for disability but every time I try to look at my claim stuff I end up reliving the abuse. Thanks for reading if you got this far. I hope I didn't trigger anyone. I might call the helpline just to talk to someone. ",1.6509330143540666,3.658795724082936,3.146106060606062,91.11915909090912,79.79744816586921,6.0619776714513565,22.650956937799048,7.134817507513479,0.6766179904306213,4754,153,1031,59,120,1558,434,1254,0.17600000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.09,-0.9992,1,0,4,0,2,4,145.0,6,4,6,10,62,61,17,3,53,1,95,48,14,9,11,156,211,92,6,9,23,5,6,8,11,4,19,18,3,5,47,67,4,7,27,9,3,23,22,30,2,5,98,31,184,31,131,100,17,174,0,4,7,13,185,75,9,14,79,655,231,6,0.0,0.0449802329961056,0.11113994136747196,0.04138553646456681,0.0,0.0,0.033652122729889766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189338065135085,0.06071838050228294,0.031588457828647366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961553689391991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963434275464341,0.0,0.0,0.06759066663884143,0.10647151751061758,0.12956600216074587,0.0,0.058382778263620774,0.06339544130936654,0.18513631566105448,0.0,0.032303922114278086,0.0,0.0,0.03357540176837083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629414135055265,0.13025950314078155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079607472180192,0.0,0.04257900305660844,0.06062111796084951,0.0,0.041700837813213786,0.07344944981002594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039399850715847035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03322188818117335,0.0,0.0,0.07437904718740444,0.044025307230502464,0.0,0.03171341666420412,0.0,0.033624163593243085,0.03922617634682602,0.0,0.0,0.10301977523549144,0.03198566803029771,0.0,0.06823782656661706,0.037135334443064265,0.0,0.0,0.03839071081072908,0.0,0.07290132991659617,0.0,0.03469771467097327,0.03229151354911081,0.0,0.0,0.1466515297958736,0.10528921420165482,0.13883958646908953,0.0,0.12945230893467116,0.0,0.09108801592489164,0.0,0.0,0.03758957733457823,0.0335707687946775,0.0,0.034007607351448366,0.037480841105271966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03770606437455476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042855878383897865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748694612211463,0.08400140327390915,0.03953287374181965,0.06259081357418042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623586307271494,0.03881998618874199,0.16088735968590032,0.1483753763220552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956386838987612,0.0,0.0,0.06454998013564092,0.0,0.035921736711650575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040272999604404086,0.0,0.0,0.06060379382934852,0.04034891740439121,0.0279073503694361,0.02814926230007112,0.029279591953004305,0.07333026977964098,0.040374337672176484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967207101524489,0.04042961286419757,0.025724874715935896,0.05774551120404995,0.04039556521670015,0.13362505164145547,0.0,0.0,0.14496083732360696,0.07895679423671327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035887533713431265,0.0,0.0,0.03862226430556536,0.040930794874739114,0.0,0.0,0.07632708579496904,0.0,0.0,0.03797351456625641,0.0,0.04864044880087928,0.07806506939161183,0.0,0.08151662734904883,0.0,0.09726120160502283,0.4333408302152354,0.060379786229055585,0.0,0.0,0.060503576196617614,0.06912061793045074,0.0,0.0,0.15587488607488456,0.06280717080095727,0.0,0.07598131554560235,0.0,0.06433226210278635,0.029225957771933517,0.0,0.0,0.08061173249615433,0.0,0.030317493440709064,0.06347793900582767,0.0,0.0,0.043458828518405615,0.04152562416102888,0.0,0.0,0.07891668689052532,0.0,0.15256707616839493,0.06636309216740441,0.03495145195075143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216265602791686,0.03729869170359447,0.06027714591400341,0.06641001366264992,0.17453264444473252,0.035984713707715034,0.14510201528303296,0.08435711558631609,0.15464729270746375,0.04129310497823036,0.0,0.07904214581557553,0.0,0.06557610280681156,0.0,0.03132364980083404,0.0,0.09040036140159173,0.03045182216241048,0.0,0.06826702603489063,0.17596152452888267,0.06851184071028152,0.0,0.043655853807068296,0.0,0.0,0.08291307514417197,0.0,0.0,0.0539359946228799,0.0,0.0,0.07334124792699173 ptsd,dovakooon,2019/01/18,"I don't know if this actually happened to me or not. I need help understanding. ​ 2 months ago I was diagnosed with PTSD, for other reasons than what I am about to attempt to explain. ​ When I was 5 I visited Pakistan for a month, mainly because my uncle was getting married. I lot of eventful things happened, but for some reason, this one memory stands out and I can remember it more clearly than the rest. It was at his wedding, and being the only American child there, I felt alone and bored. So I went outside of the gates of my Uncle's house (Which was where the wedding was taking place) and I remember a man who was driving a wooden cart which was being pulled by goats. He offered to let me ride on the cart for a little bit for fun, which I did, got off, and went back inside. My entire life, whenever I remember this, I just remember feeling very uneasy, distrustful of this random man. And the memory of it was something that would come in my head at least once a week ever since then. I am pretty sure he was there for some purpose for the wedding, but it was never established when I had met this man. ​ About a year ago, something odd started to happen. One day, while I was remembering it, the way I thought of the memory changed. Instead of me simply riding on top of a goat pulled cart, it was me and this girl who was around my age riding on it together, and at some point I jumped off of the cart, sensing that something was up. And it ended with the man shooting the girl in the head, and then shooting at me as I ran away back into my uncle's house. ​ This ""new version"" of that memory just popped in my head out of no where one day last year. And ever since, whenever I remember that memory, I can barely picture what the ""original"" memory was, and instead I picture the version that recently came. ​ Some facts about Pakistan: Many children are kidnapped and forced to do things like beg on the streets, many children are sold into labour by their parents. In fact, that same trip to Pakistan I ran into this group of children who had their eyes cut out, finger(s) cut off, etc, clearly by whoever kidnapped them, and they were begging for money (Obviously for their kidnappers.) ​ So what if in reality I luckily escaped a kidnapping attempt, and my brain recreated a ""substitute"" memory in place of the other one? Or am I just being crazy? ​ ​ ​ ​",7.961211303095753,7.3151702354211725,7.7605318574514035,73.78397993160549,62.62850971922246,10.567638588912887,37.43421526277898,9.827888789773867,3.6603290856731454,1941,84,343,33,24,621,209,463,0.07200000000000001,0.862,0.066,-0.1932,1,1,3,2,0,0,104.0,0,0,5,3,21,7,3,0,26,0,34,7,5,3,9,69,56,29,0,4,10,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,10,35,26,0,0,14,0,2,15,4,4,0,4,30,3,45,3,66,21,14,78,0,0,1,0,31,34,0,10,28,265,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.04109499483960441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465905377909296,0.0,0.0,0.043615074387257126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562806523252335,0.5117038751905192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037488387107538455,0.0,0.0,0.03956537683456905,0.0647626751088281,0.0,0.02567093289022489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04597512586694382,0.0,0.0,0.04701064194509269,0.0,0.04816462509801677,0.0,0.0,0.04454864934258946,0.03627554514866332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054317191889363625,0.0,0.0,0.04274254139864203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0372985124613739,0.0,0.04696573473989475,0.0,0.07618498047757293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02129296691059893,0.0,0.040433885512193214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022001652097132986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03368061471264002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171784851277043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965641905583886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028226619400074874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718261456070316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02314351734569477,0.0343266981105603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306211913928835,0.02974477552668896,0.020573674670607018,0.0422070382277233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035801905254744554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538941278341748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722639666804184,0.0,0.0,0.031225330193452663,0.032479178918298296,0.04067179208171411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04484764104368166,0.11414405089944693,0.032027884697561404,0.0,0.0,0.0467601165292291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799563472346954,0.0,0.039809216955135784,0.0,0.0,0.042842790795161685,0.0,0.0,0.049226384036050806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659578863356981,0.04158027427629639,0.0,0.2862264320040859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967055213988732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725905125899753,0.0,0.0,0.029806914509589555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968982748307935,0.0,0.0316627963088624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595435305564785,0.0,0.0,0.0334320268186731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04383981853556678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034746605345059065,0.0,0.03342634825596623,0.03377950696815115,0.0,0.0,0.07807603121086125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02991498007049828,0.0,0.5117038751905192,0.054237174646773516 ptsd,shatteringreality,2019/01/18,"I believe I have PTSD flashback but do not remember any trauma? Hello, ​ So for the past 6-7 years I have had this vision when I close my eyes that usually pops up after smoking pot (smoking way too much like oil) or doing psychedelics. I have had this vision at least 30 times now for 1-10 minute at a time. ​ I started to believe there was something wrong with me. Like maybe it's the vision of the future or that there is something wrong with me spiritually. ​ Anyways, I think it might just be a traumatic memory I have had but don't recall. ​ This vision feels very intrusive in front of my eyes. It is accompanied by a vision of a person with paperwork in his hands walking from my left to my front as well as another person coming from the right. The vision is accompanied by this extremely weird and extremely uncomfortable feeling. Sometime's it is much more intense and it feels like pure dread. Like the ""matrix just collapsed in on itself/corrupted and I am still stuck in it."" That's the best way I can explain that feeling. It's very scary. ​ Is this PTSD? I can sort of feel it sitting deep in my mind even when I am not having it.",4.408709364386219,6.188924633187772,4.933238719068417,82.35338549247939,71.22707423580786,7.534303736050463,28.44274623968947,8.167268648758528,1.975168655992236,947,36,175,14,18,302,124,229,0.128,0.687,0.184,0.8937,0,0,2,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,0,1,13,11,0,1,11,0,23,3,3,0,1,28,33,12,0,0,8,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,18,8,0,0,8,0,0,4,3,5,1,0,5,9,20,6,27,26,5,32,0,0,2,0,5,13,0,4,16,126,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290040533686363,0.4811140587760383,0.05385096076787721,0.08303614747949825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843686052016167,0.08310354594648574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821396361045264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052303320807914784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020066742562626,0.05657234880000096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603864124905686,0.0,0.0,0.15475019212669686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955558834565613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400658627847442,0.07995790782171375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642545922292186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559447525168811,0.0,0.1382888551490339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851344621037663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970524236581022,0.06762662829885112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192650000028775,0.0783195462841949,0.0,0.056050095825284536,0.0,0.06324011505205818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050740854816926584,0.0,0.0,0.09235101428263087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721505080567309,0.13067776998973402,0.0,0.12571244314694005,0.0,0.0,0.07120005796573141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316059696848474,0.4811140587760383,0.05099485951936273 ptsd,sarahsings92,2019/01/18,PTSD or not? I have been diagnosed with PTSD from sexual abuse by two past boyfriends. I have flashbacks sometimes when being intimate with my new boyfriend. But it isn’t all of the time. Is this truly PTSD? I’ve read about PTSD on forums and medical websites but no one really specified about how often. ,3.4821052631578944,6.254633964912284,3.8483333333333327,84.3925,77.77192982456141,8.010526315789475,25.28947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.2739263157894736,244,9,44,6,6,76,47,57,0.099,0.863,0.038,-0.5533,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,1,10,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,8,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,32,5,1,0.0,0.2117858557052711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142434785866146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006870352177295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263487647701006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112353008702913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063414822123515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8357822748896521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787952783003034,0.0,0.1145098456034514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678526141999729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042287588280596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460975504983975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,snickertywicket,2019/01/18,"So much success! First of all, I’ve posted here a few times in this past year and the understanding and support that I received has been absolutely wonderful! I’ve been given advice on how to deal with ‘normal’ incidents, how to explain things so people understand and when I had a massive knock back in November posting on here helped me through. When I started EMDR I was given a ‘trauma score’ (this is what I call it, I actually have no idea what it is officially called) of 65. I was told that the number for ‘normal levels’ was 32. Basically, I had a long way to go to get better. I couldn’t see any end to it, I couldn’t sleep, I was jumping badly at every little thing. I was desperate. I needed it to stop. I went to my GP and got antidepressants, something I’d said I would never ever do. Alongside the EMDR (which was awful during the sessions but actually seemed to work really well for me), they slowly started making me feel better. A month ago I stopped taking my antidepressants and I felt good! My friends were thrilled for me and seeing how excited they were, I was excited too. This week I went to my therapy session and I was told that my scores were good and that I am OFFICIALLY in recovery!! I’m so happy, I cant stop smiling, and after my session I went out to my car and cried. I feel like my PTSD started to define me these past few years. When I accepted it I was constantly trying to explain myself to people, trying to ‘get it out there’ that it’s not just military, that any traumatic event can cause it and it weakened me. I’m so grateful that I had the strength to take action to help myself. I’m so grateful that my friends stood by me and that they honestly tried to understand what I was going through. I’m so grateful to my family who had no clue how to react but showed me how proud they were of me in their own little ways. I’m so grateful that my therapists were able to teach me techniques that worked. And I’m so grateful to this community who helped me through really difficult times, even the times when I couldn’t face talking to my friends. Hopefully I won’t be posting as much anymore but I will be here, trying to help you through as well ❤️",3.745991798721157,5.142048360091749,5.097589658048374,82.04763274951351,72.27981651376146,8.128885182096193,28.12037809285516,8.666027191798058,2.1009703363914367,1719,65,339,31,33,574,202,436,0.07200000000000001,0.6970000000000001,0.232,0.998,1,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,5,8,28,24,0,0,11,1,37,2,2,8,3,55,78,35,0,8,5,0,3,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,33,16,0,3,12,1,0,9,9,3,2,1,32,6,62,21,47,38,6,55,0,0,2,0,25,12,0,3,30,245,95,7,0.08168034238031288,0.0,0.15941646326429054,0.0,0.0,0.07981708524128413,0.07240469521029899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109086751380193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100495147854307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280714146381837,0.06819967409738074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447925030553851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668095239601105,0.0,0.0,0.08390821151040455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826743263987631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972202069137483,0.0,0.08420884642230429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234453933889988,0.0,0.0,0.05394909579654085,0.07388454597084586,0.0688192112996937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700095743184655,0.0,0.08260007065434455,0.05835245291699963,0.07842593787327909,0.0,0.0,0.06947725750227188,0.0,0.0,0.18931808971853975,0.0,0.08534921532381108,0.0,0.09284164179792123,0.13701919178202096,0.06532723144281563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695024330363801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21899444699920367,0.0,0.0,0.08112701004132146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220716438192812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039904889453562735,0.16373032252190278,0.0,0.07228453267609894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452226279711201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519647001204419,0.0,0.12008889982035698,0.06056493890714172,0.06299691547708032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005878630786827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594625825079228,0.11325372978455678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23468156840483806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547994923647124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465303774705903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769671021387506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017731537506336,0.07435871600391916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173933094673029,0.0,0.0,0.06288151810484158,0.0,0.0,0.17344130022960144,0.0,0.0,0.20486527090069645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268988457732956,0.0,0.0,0.1228269044519259,0.06565156520891655,0.0,0.0,0.09340859002431184,0.0948371730153822,0.10852958010079042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288539349362195,0.0,0.0,0.15609813495712516,0.0,0.22182236335097472,0.0,0.0,0.25509635108968504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296681077490049,0.06551904377518536,0.0,0.14688087442934367,0.2271554871206491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857884706131834,0.11892852412210075,0.0,0.0,0.05802337170346365,0.0,0.0,0.10519892499540599 ptsd,ForUBatman,2019/01/18,"I follow your advice and I’m about to loose him I posted about a guy I’m seeing. He has ptsd and because of it, he would get distante etc. I got a lot of good advice. Some of you told me that I should support not enable bad behavior, so I had the talk. I said exactly that, he says “clearly I can give you what you expect, I’ll have to think about us.... I’m so sad. Any advice?",-1.1071084337349433,0.8243132891566312,1.7216987951807248,97.50206626506028,90.80722891566263,4.283855421686749,15.528915662650606,5.6839178017228535,-0.8018183132530119,285,6,69,2,10,99,56,83,0.077,0.7859999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.5939,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,4,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,2,11,18,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,3,14,2,8,12,3,2,0,1,1,0,15,0,0,2,0,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5831316912001393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352688781154739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660855407731421,0.12125660957726606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184257133223986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392476774432943,0.1908171916496688,0.0,0.1668402882022703,0.15909032858280106,0.0,0.0,0.1969569152009316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691102409936142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050538346342635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252074459019326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189213516090118,0.15818502467207793,0.0,0.0,0.15850933385394006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225726146172554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988017325063544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274565654509187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007160592156516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23927000034899976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130335950125752,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lauvin,2019/01/18,"Help? New to the sub, so sorry if this isn’t the right place to talk about this. I have C-PTSD from an extremely abusive home life that includes sexual abuse, physical and mental abuse as well as extreme emotional neglect. Then when I started dating, I must have had a sign on my forehead that said to take advantage of me because I’ve been assaulted/raped numerous times. I was stalked so much by an ex that I had to take a RO out, and my therapist thinks it’s smarter for me to just not date right now. I’m a 30 year old female and in addition to ptsd I have anxiety, DID and depression. I had to go on disability about 5 months ago because mentally I was struggling at work and becoming chronically suicidal. I’m doing much better now that they’ve figured out meds to a degree, however my doctors have a stipulation for me returning to work. I struggle being in open places, the park, taking a walk, etc. these places don’t have quick exits or places to hide, what if I become so overwhelmed that I have a panic attack and am nowhere near my car or personal space to breathe? It’s like playing a game of hide and go seek and I don’t feel I can stray far from home base because I need that safety net. Any suggestions for how to cope? I need to be able to do this before they’ll allow me to return (they don’t want me backsliding if I go back to work too early). I need help figuring out the hyper vigilance aspect and how to cope in open/unknown spaces. Any help or advice is appreciated. Thanks —",4.986800139884596,5.4212078338870455,6.0342682287113165,80.01639272600106,68.66777408637873,9.659101241475783,30.460045462493444,9.682069395223575,2.691308305647841,1182,44,238,25,19,394,171,301,0.138,0.741,0.121,-0.8795,1,0,0,0,2,0,30.0,0,0,2,5,15,13,1,4,14,0,26,5,2,3,1,36,43,24,1,8,8,1,1,1,0,2,3,1,2,1,13,14,0,1,4,2,0,5,5,7,1,0,8,2,28,6,39,31,3,44,0,3,0,0,11,21,0,6,19,152,41,4,0.09448911243709417,0.3358624417918483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233366709763706,0.08375889702867415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851167325390628,0.0,0.07228391238630312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074950062883639,0.0,0.07265629499929238,0.0,0.17279905777625626,0.2087116021084636,0.0804032752319928,0.0,0.0,0.08356794137433443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138333408581644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671361042588192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628753360489034,0.0,0.0,0.10538033743622034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047776534328359085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110102030135368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900021809647294,0.0,0.18956056789144327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674045448935599,0.04616260750733964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495610287200446,0.0,0.1904456025203299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542030806857257,0.0,0.1389207393957692,0.21018743881472696,0.0,0.09125817359067324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915042872317743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108626146283382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250424836510294,0.3948840460573784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090543197986087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138637148307872,0.08988078371670315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577282543575173,0.06687988011576795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975610722101338,0.0,0.10335575280265337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131321597126818,0.07594676939297097,0.0,0.08699287971945507,0.0,0.10970914228717116,0.0,0.06054480794655107,0.0,0.0,0.055097361323383366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573212664388524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495705976716184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636759764230686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060847890462247825 ptsd,thedevilisaredhead,2019/01/18,"Does anyone have any tips on how to get through situations where you must be exposed to a trigger for prolonged amounts of time? So I was planning to do research with my academic advisor in the fall, but I have to take a specific class first (taught by him). This class is first thing in the morning, two days a week. Now, there is a girl in this class who suffers from Tourette Syndrome. Her tics consist of very sudden, very loud, very shrill meowing sounds. One of the stimuli associated with the trauma I experienced is loud, sudden noises. To say that I was totally unprepared for what I was going to have to deal with in that class is an understatement. I have worked very hard for years to control my visible/perceivable reactions to my triggers, and I am at the point where loud noises, usually just make me flinch or cringe or grit my teeth or squeeze my eyes shut. I used to go straight into a full-fledged panic attack like the flip of a switch. By the end of that class there was so much cortisol in my bloodstream and I felt so anxious and stressed that I had tears in my eyes by the end of class, just like the old days of being exposed to loud noises I'm not prepared for. I have worked so hard to get past that, but at that moment, I felt like I was right back where I started. I know this girl cannot control her tics just as I cannot control my hypothalamus, amygdala, and HPA axis' responses to my triggers, and I get even more anxious because I don't want her (or anyone else) to feel hurt because of my reactions to her tics or report me to the dean of students for being rude or malicious toward an individual with a disability because that is not my intention at all. I have no intention. My brain does what it does, and I can't help it. In other circumstances I would probably drop the class for another one, but I need to take this class if I want to do research in the fall. I've already explained my situation to the professor, but that doesn't prevent me from being exposed to the trigger every few minutes, for 75 minutes straight, first thing in the morning, two days a week. I don't want to take my xanax that often, but I also don't want my stress response to be triggered every four or five minutes while in class because it is obviously very physically and mentally taxing, and I'm concerned it might affect my ability to learn the class material. Does anyone have any tips for how to calm myself down and get through this class? Again, I COMPLETELY understand that this girl cannot control her tics, that she has a disability, and that she is not doing anything of malice towards anyone, just as I have no malicious intentions involved with my reactions. I have no issues with her. I just need to get myself through this class, and that's my problem, not hers.",9.084028290282903,6.885793217712179,8.740378228782287,72.62177275522755,61.472324723247226,11.911562115621154,39.92650676506765,10.411451182825502,3.9785717097170963,2212,94,425,39,24,713,223,542,0.131,0.8270000000000001,0.042,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,1,0,10,22,13,2,3,27,0,43,5,4,17,4,79,71,34,0,10,22,0,6,3,0,3,1,6,0,3,30,18,0,5,7,0,1,4,15,9,0,9,9,15,63,4,77,54,6,54,0,2,2,0,20,26,0,10,26,308,93,24,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493869141256241,0.0615531583315616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468495016635096,0.08071011953125924,0.0,0.17390916573851012,0.0,0.2152778238443349,0.07886521598052061,0.06334003691635971,0.0,0.0,0.0875648810065346,0.0,0.05918544540498714,0.0,0.1876816353884536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859243623775327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807019439409868,0.0,0.3453151543322105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891851779059315,0.07935304754182068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26942907585782033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642988479277093,0.0,0.13634576207732707,0.0,0.0,0.05083818797507283,0.0,0.12970167335313942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891851991844796,0.0,0.14780720651035598,0.0,0.0,0.1964128123785632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20106914620592609,0.0,0.08748804345928875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379006239932618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159160083066903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239834792589848,0.0,0.0,0.08033704427977112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230088951826736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281147021345266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051378304010122534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756800570891102,0.08165337417204657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658206103964442,0.1141450733659004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076743090373438,0.0,0.10431419766803908,0.0,0.0,0.09030811749489216,0.0,0.0,0.07347690516317572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276185650929982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298705191805172,0.07365022658095156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573225539929993,0.0,0.06120990894418146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303578891825994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054480007455959885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763385438466197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361636459504004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227135622120062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04488202805545915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037768871126553,0.08012884526901322,0.0,0.06647766632515288,0.08477196244188348,0.3175429844741384,0.1815964185246509,0.0,0.12348193845367356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207065800915632,0.0,0.0,0.05467752580567521,0.0,0.0,0.04956637960959999 ptsd,skitzzxo,2019/01/18,"Hypnosis therapy was effective Has anyone here tried hypnosis to assist with recovering from trauma? I did when I was 18 (currently 21) and barely remember even going to the sessions but have improved tremendously because of the sessions. I was repeatedly sexually abused as a child by a family member. My boyfriend at the times aunt ran a hypnosis therapy clinic in Chicago. She offered a few free sessions with a great hypnotist there which was extremely kind of her because there was no way I could afford that at the time. I wanted to forget every memory of being molested and abused and pretty much trick myself into having no memory of it so I did not have to actually recover from the trauma because this family member is someone I see frequently. My family is super Muslim so bringing up something like this in the open wouldn’t be appropriate and I would be somehow blamed for it even though I was around 4 years old when it started. Even just bringing up a very small part of my trauma once to my mom when I was 15 years old resulted in her saying that “we don’t talk about these things”. Police involvement, etc isn’t an option or something that I wish to pursue. After the first session, I was already starting to disassociate with the memories. By the 5-6 session I was completely forgetting and could make myself believe that it was a memory someone told me about but never actually happened to me. I started to even forget I sought out hypnosis a few months after. I have not even thought about this since but recently had a dream about the same hypnosis clinic. I make daily entries in an online journal so I was able to go back to entries made 3 years ago and read my daily experience and pretty much watch my progression with disassociating the memories. Just wanted to share my experience of hypnosis being extremely helpful and was wondering if anyone else has ever thought about seeking out help in this way? 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My own personal highlights montage was already playing on the back of my eyes. It's weird the way the memories come back the night my sister was raped she texted for help but in the memories I hear her screaming in the dark and I can't find her. On the way home every car on the highway was about to crash into me. The urge to jump out of the moving vehicle and run into the forest beside the road was overwhelming. I went for coffee with an ex girlfriend and knocked my coffee over because I just dont have the motor control anymore. She asked me if I knew my eye was twitching, I didn't. Yesterday (Today?) I don't know for sure but they started me on an SSRI and I had a freakout while home alone, and I couldn't find my anti-psychotics. Last time this happened I tried to hang myself - this time I put my fist through my bedroom door and then ripped it off it's hinges. My muscles burn right now but I can't have muscle relaxants because they're ""AdDiCtiVe"" which I know deep down is true - but fuck me sideways my body is on fire and I'm ready to kill myself. I question taking a cocktail of random pills when valium 2mg not even the full strength one always did the job. My favorite part is that SSRI's have ""discontinuation syndrome"" which may include flu like symptoms and worsening of symptoms. While evil valium has ""withdrawal"" flu like symptoms but is totally not the same. Whatever doc just get me hooked on whatever will make this stop. The best description I ever heard for ptsd was like having a glass and everytime something bad happens a little water is added - and when it's full well then you're fucked. Monty python is on tv and it just made me laugh: it is the scene in the Holy Grail where John Cleese storms a castle alone and stabs everyone men, women and children on his way up with glee he stops at one point turns around and slashes some roses on the wall - fucked up but I grinned. At this point my forearms are burning while typing from too much remembering so I'll leave it here. Goodnight reddit. ",3.8631149425287368,5.783639673563223,4.150545977011497,86.82696839080464,72.95402298850574,6.764367816091952,26.79597701149425,7.492282038375204,1.4243218390804602,1778,64,341,21,36,554,245,435,0.18600000000000005,0.7140000000000001,0.101,-0.9908,1,2,1,1,0,2,37.0,0,0,1,3,18,25,7,3,32,0,29,19,5,4,4,58,53,33,1,2,12,2,2,3,1,2,8,5,4,4,15,24,2,3,7,4,0,9,8,13,1,2,16,10,45,12,43,34,9,67,0,1,2,5,20,35,4,5,23,222,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525726118946573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000000332227191,0.10654887881190843,0.0,0.0803400134510534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575484925096643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859528359438545,0.090264226629424,0.0,0.0,0.14848693204501429,0.0806179053621129,0.11771589302627004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013266471436035,0.0,0.0,0.21449772129196296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317204930670268,0.0,0.0,0.10829264590429187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315965431794672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377249095189047,0.08733791493336611,0.08135025184624797,0.0922607390557835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649578706933491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570475828480379,0.05044507217058575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707633864974968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882249579961877,0.0,0.06471758786486671,0.0,0.19370150351862286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958141720786495,0.0,0.1068218319732737,0.0,0.10612624884991327,0.07870376078670786,0.0,0.10223591840603312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141513078062192,0.09677169151227602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272198195012576,0.06445002385245469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026207922079823,0.0709777259854209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906086559302375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085392087933098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455772781898233,0.0,0.0,0.08430654715144321,0.0,0.0,0.18254800262185894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286554684314552,0.09706265390845294,0.10816170323031678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937597591786348,0.0824559220079717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433138563629589,0.0,0.0,0.06834086581228413,0.0,0.0,0.16144562995881204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100026684282199,0.3010672942957436,0.07259600496688401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260191765578613,0.0,0.09152116253957454,0.0,0.0,0.06555329821039389,0.10502217700473426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22991835468452065,0.0,0.0,0.08681294002476757,0.0895058019242571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Espera22,2019/01/18,"Life is a rollercoaster I'm constantly going from med to med, counseling from one facility to another. My dreams are always nightmares and I find myself so easily disappointed. I'm about to quit my job because of all the gossip in the clinic, this sucks because everyone I talk to just says that it's a really normal aspect in a clinic. I have too much integrity to just sit and hear the gossip so I've gone to management about it many times and have asked people not to talk to me. Whenever I have a really bad ptsd attack is always after I find myself being disappointed in myself or the good of others. Like the pollution on the planet, people not being as nice to me as I am to them, friends flaking on me, the delusional ways in which people live. I always tend to get so overwhelmed about these things and it results in full blown panic, paranoia and hallucinations. As a child I was sexually abused by family members I had trusted and for a very long time I just thought that I had been doing something wrong. Like I wasn't behaving well enough and it was some form of punishment. Before this is was always so lighthearted and playful and wanted to make friends. When this started happening I became isolated and I started to hate everyone. I was only 5. I still suffer from triggers from that moment. When I was 20 I began a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. It started ok and just went down hill. He always accused me of being overly friendly and he killed my dog out of negligence. I always tried to do the best I could but constantly always told myself there must be something wrong with me. I am now at a point where I am trying to seek help and not be in an environment that is detrimental to my health like my current workplace. I just don't feel a lot of hope right now. I've been living with this for so long, I don't know if I'll ever not have ptsd.",5.141803278688523,6.211696262295085,6.272059016393445,76.17048196721312,68.61748633879782,9.353267759562844,28.847650273224048,9.592334608150935,2.6771795846994544,1496,52,272,32,25,501,189,366,0.119,0.773,0.108,-0.2526,2,0,2,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,1,2,23,29,5,2,18,1,33,4,0,3,3,46,56,27,1,6,12,0,1,3,3,1,4,2,0,1,17,17,0,0,5,2,0,3,7,15,1,1,15,3,39,14,50,34,8,40,0,4,0,0,17,16,1,5,22,207,56,2,0.0,0.20134007874369292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948858102862245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909357177424519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943112745178624,0.09666034514838502,0.0,0.0,0.0709425134943395,0.1035881705435508,0.0,0.07229925001480092,0.0,0.08916588690853662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363470541586124,0.0,0.06783791373882439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557457632644828,0.0,0.08779191334077494,0.0,0.0,0.07685601828647426,0.0,0.1623760551967562,0.0,0.0,0.08009776489380074,0.0,0.04296103100626317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531357084532668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969320427455811,0.0,0.04439088558689533,0.0,0.04828776319869993,0.07126489965406474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513457337128385,0.0,0.0,0.08388568707690629,0.0,0.09031418784328094,0.09576211813089734,0.0,0.05695047929863601,0.0,0.0,0.08438975817382832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431499386032189,0.0,0.09400156481633773,0.0,0.04669473119725125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001353541015194,0.1245293263941664,0.0,0.1500519113266153,0.15038331202239924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223449734319405,0.0,0.0,0.056715027093869864,0.08614152329258043,0.0,0.0,0.1887546869260575,0.0,0.08562508300257626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245930430592229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832479975734198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757471622508721,0.06461997303307013,0.0,0.09968852474207963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767128148307479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031971359958029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863988140105665,0.0,0.0,0.09037110226501407,0.0,0.0,0.10886195045438628,0.0,0.0,0.09122098239686068,0.0,0.07255993979828483,0.0,0.06756785205480118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082094616251558,0.0,0.0,0.1804167240512788,0.0,0.06785343372045509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658385065323786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644719936521679,0.0,0.0,0.06745299266136122,0.09908795108112878,0.0,0.0,0.0811880275983781,0.0,0.11537178303009794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010530734673855,0.050114761450407885,0.06744153550231217,0.0,0.0,0.0763940484626472,0.07876372540705351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579253184032787,0.0,0.0 ptsd,woowoowoogirl,2019/01/19,"Triggers I've been diagnosed with ptsd about a year ago and it's been really difficult for me to acknowledge the fact. Tonight I saw blood relatives who came into my work. I didn't want them knowing where I worked because I was afraid they might tell my abuser and he'd start harassing me like he did my sister. I told my manager and I kept to the back until they left. My coworkers were so sweet and empathized with me. The whole time they were in the restaurant I was breaking down. My legs kept giving out. Fear, flashbacks, and anger filled my mind. I was nauseated and dizzy. I felt so embarrassed for my behavior at work. I've been doing so well to keep my troubles away from work that I couldn't help but feel disappointed in myself. Recently I've been coming to face the facts that I have ptsd and I should stop ignoring it. Not taking it seriously has only made it worse. I've been scrolling through this sub for a while now and I wanted to share because I feel so alone. This community is a blessing and even just telling random people on the internet about tonight helps. Thanks for reading. Tonight showed me that I have a lot of work to do. ",2.817292839903459,5.176643818584072,3.453531777956556,88.5993322606597,77.6283185840708,7.117940466613033,24.8744971842317,8.150884317080207,1.5152106194690265,917,33,185,17,22,288,136,226,0.157,0.742,0.101,-0.88,1,1,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,4,5,12,16,2,3,10,0,22,4,3,2,2,40,40,16,0,4,3,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,15,0,5,5,2,0,3,3,10,1,0,19,5,34,6,26,17,2,27,1,1,1,0,15,10,0,3,14,125,44,7,0.0,0.1584381596543894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118536077708824,0.0,0.0,0.13849518806228994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256357895163873,0.10282361081143394,0.0,0.16303082034430108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294181896084172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518926696807512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572454919381413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832181660437306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504739103100936,0.13522725792021612,0.0,0.1283936495987361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827788686693473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926146026788414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885784968264315,0.0,0.0,0.07348986175640546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528884544819795,0.0,0.0,0.06532959034618953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368527214280785,0.0,0.12653055524803966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185742305150326,0.1350206365793529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170125757534124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270567934554903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126266507843557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375772784475615,0.0,0.08566544323416572,0.0,0.13203388934858168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946487949076685,0.0,0.0,0.1117971958438686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054195690320944,0.0,0.2337570415184048,0.12311282880205013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797410585700387,0.0,0.0,0.1277766628375251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577448588530482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202317245775808,0.0,0.0,0.14929532493961722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867543719432665,0.0,0.13627367432456816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611228810453203 ptsd,realnyahours,2019/01/19,"does this happen to anyone too? any tips? i was diagnosed with ptsd two years ago following being raped by my best friend, and i grew up with very abusive parents. ive had really bad nightmares following the sexual assault, but lately its becoming worse. the feeling of being stalked and killed and being abused is always in my night. i dont know what to do anymore, my body is starting to not want to go to sleep because i want to avoid the nightmares. ive been fallibg asleep near 5 am everyday because i’m scared of having the nightmares, and i’m a high school student almost going into college. please help? am i alone on this? is there anyway to ease this?",3.7065411931818213,5.773115492187504,4.435681818181821,83.98659090909092,73.765625,6.842045454545455,27.26136363636364,7.686295010490155,1.7284125,525,20,95,7,11,168,89,128,0.25,0.644,0.106,-0.9711,1,2,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,3,2,5,0,16,5,3,0,0,15,28,5,1,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,5,2,6,0,1,3,1,10,2,17,22,1,17,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,6,62,15,3,0.0,0.3727880199795414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945134745823,0.0,0.15752948173609813,0.16293217191823445,0.0,0.0,0.13089970709098206,0.0,0.0,0.10698043213984698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601542968534687,0.10999916696906224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135248234204422,0.19179702934055315,0.17374341817220518,0.0,0.0,0.16509367949869416,0.0,0.0,0.17474286898089195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967266366558086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376684944708225,0.0,0.18437345188845974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954381355682379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215421303493643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788128796254204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911422412198635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544575400534574,0.16621323602106314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404710200531195,0.0,0.08645688675159269,0.0,0.17745956153782255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476306265296019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468105814999987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268598119720907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838942562715932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078080632088972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750099194135267,0.15921242516399928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742984357227666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134923847905832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367509940023444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298023666173148,0.18557837872535185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031867997459798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130649538097863 ptsd,imsbs111,2019/01/19,Is this a sign of PTSD? Just watched scene in a show which contained a car crash. When and up to the collision happening I felt this primal sense of fear then started hyperventilating and a migraine was triggered?,5.842307692307693,7.854901948717949,5.515897435897441,78.67076923076927,67.97435897435898,8.276923076923078,33.51282051282051,8.841846274778883,2.84834358974359,172,8,31,3,3,53,33,39,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.8299,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,5,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,5,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5116191760275024,0.0,0.0,0.4365451331695929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020545510169582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5314734931421558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218108598551465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,boombist69,2019/01/19,"""The brain does not recognize the passage of time the way we do consciously."" ""So when something in our memory is triggered, it can absolutely feel like what you went through previously is happening all over again."" -domestic hotline advocate",8.315666666666669,10.791419900000005,7.899999999999999,62.17166666666668,62.5,13.333333333333336,43.33333333333334,12.45797560212912,6.8263333333333325,196,12,28,8,3,62,37,40,0.0,0.933,0.067,0.4173,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,1,6,7,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,4,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44758009668848975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508640869899127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027266124075024,0.2864306292190661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545486962829806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195878356842329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086621366652564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337905327522169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182464132657995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716741162482537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shikiP,2019/01/19,"PTSD episode on Dr. Phil So, recently theres this episode where he gives this woman with severe PTSD a chance at new experimental treatment. I'm not sure what exactly he means, but he says hes connected to the leading PTSD researcher in the world who apparently said talk therapy isnt that effective and they think rewiring the brain is better. I wouldn't be surprised if this is true. I'm just curious if anyone knows who exactly hes talking about? The discussion on the show was about finding a new way to cope because conventional therapy wasn't helping, he mentioned he would hook her up to the research. Does that mean there are scientists trying to create a new form of treatment? I'm curious how much it would help. I'm not sure if something like that exists already, or something that purely and effectively helps rewire. I'm kind of wondering if they're doing trial runs or cases to test this out. 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I realize this might seems like a strange question. James McAvoy's character was obviously very fucked in the head. But there were parts of the story that I found strangely uplifting for anyone with a history of trauma. The idea that someone who went through horrendous trauma could basically modify their epigentic profile on such a radical level to create something like ""the beast"" based on pure belief about who they were...is pretty incredible. Also, the idea that he not only let the girl go with a history of self-injury and being molested, but basically called her the next step in human evolution/gave her this sense of power she'd never had before...was something to watch. Most of the time perpetrators prey on who they think are easy targets, people with a past history of trauma...and this was a complete reversal of that. There have been plenty of times when I didn't say a word about anything in my past, any trauma, but felt like assholes/psychos/creeps could smell it on me...maybe reading into some kind of body language or vibe I was giving off..and my instincts were always right on the money. I pick up on A, B, and C, quicker and quicker now and I don't give them the time of day, but still it seems like a never ending cycle of my version of swatting. For once it would be nice to not feel like a target or this unidentifiable ""other"" that the wrong people seem to see. 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May be sensitive topic or trigger for someone,not sure. Not even sure if this is a good spot to post this. I am in the works of looking for a therapist to find answers, but that has been an impossible quest. Anyway, I have been diagnosed with ptsd about 2 years ago but had been living with it for a long while. I try to explain this to my significant other, and I think my so doesn't understand. Seems to think I am just not able to control my emotions Out of nowhere I get this feeling like my brain is being cheese graeted and I flip out. I spend 20 minutes screaming about how terrible this world is and how much I am tired of existing because of how screwed up living is. How no one gives cares about me (obviously not true since I am in a relationship) and I am tired of everyone and this world taking a dump on me. I'm not in the drivers seat when this happens... It just comes out in this long winded angry rant. It is starting to strain my relationship. I have zero interest in hurting myself or anything. On the daily I try to find positive things about my life and these episodes just keep happening regardless of the positivity I add to my days, and I have no idea why. I was diagnosed with ptsd 2 years ago but had it since I was much younger. These episodes are a whole new animal to me and I am trying to figure this out. Tldr: episodes causing concern. Any idea what it is? ",3.922894269572232,4.974572501694915,4.96857142857143,84.46073446327686,71.44067796610169,8.33091202582728,29.301856335754643,8.704169506293173,2.103761904761905,1148,45,240,20,21,377,148,295,0.16,0.7559999999999999,0.084,-0.9681,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,2,16,15,2,1,11,0,31,7,1,7,5,61,49,24,0,3,16,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,21,18,0,2,12,0,1,1,8,7,0,2,7,3,30,8,39,39,3,27,0,1,1,1,4,14,1,7,12,174,51,1,0.10067738442702533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848885353756394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684640737849949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284890911434653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406141069940923,0.06137199909301678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238925703066216,0.0,0.0,0.10264730321929147,0.1034234066684478,0.0,0.08672465209903599,0.0,0.0,0.1129182474066676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492858412322465,0.0,0.0,0.20437085190227455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324850667492414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299292580604766,0.0,0.0,0.0962015552545482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090551058323713,0.07192394355095948,0.0,0.0,0.18403461088339546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259977805731729,0.09657892096507292,0.0,0.08444341345123775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780573571133009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777722228832268,0.2273050250495224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948668512513057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111141400478921,0.049185884619928004,0.0,0.1777999498885021,0.17819263417077785,0.08454364667150413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801892328437005,0.0,0.0,0.09723484524011226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822160123894068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642110448158406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530594243690384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617966683060724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165290960424463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656274553883899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125997088110236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846617300637023,0.0,0.07569686363403735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168942030285032,0.06688558066172164,0.1290200055324553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314276863146459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050600061666132,0.0,0.0,0.1048087077671938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181691360159948,0.11240270431609983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329433492473585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966586946659325 ptsd,calmjm13,2019/01/19,"I am of value. My value is not something I have to earn. I am not a burden. I am loved. And today comes tears after these words. Because I’m starting to believe them. Emdr is working I think!",-1.3813571428571445,0.4828781500000012,1.6835714285714296,93.17000000000002,105.0,2.2857142857142865,18.214285714285715,3.1291,-0.6690714285714288,146,5,29,0,7,51,29,40,0.124,0.691,0.185,0.35100000000000003,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,11,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,4,11,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,22,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24620582042709896,0.0,0.0,0.45504244127141497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479129641668693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364523866208449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310932012892825,0.0,0.0,0.28587336006118963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587945380879848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828377346543893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940346107261881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BleuVitriol,2019/01/19,Do they actually care? Feels like the people I live with don't care. They say that they're here for me and stuff like that. But when I start to have anxiety it's like they turn a cold shoulder to me and avoid to make convo even when I try to start later after my anxiety cools down. Btw these people aren't my parents but somebody else's.,2.265258215962444,3.8932296338028185,3.3179577464788754,92.35092723004698,76.60563380281691,6.423474178403758,20.284037558685448,7.1686216300943375,0.2538150234741781,268,6,60,3,6,86,48,71,0.063,0.797,0.139,0.631,1,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,4,7,0,1,2,1,4,1,1,1,0,8,11,6,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,10,6,8,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,9,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.21059981023302304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301887162678361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400661525143239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802818891879562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425407276556951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912021787987987,0.15417498618794512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163021675756585,0.0,0.19056452875706828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405511154153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396318993581966,0.0,0.0,0.2992315036028329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716210846248197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055034105176166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247051265089233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652108907254974,0.2347397334931333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,acxrios,2019/01/19,"Somatic Issues Anyone else not remember their nightmares, wake up tense with random bruising? ",11.811428571428573,14.844988714285714,9.255714285714287,53.639285714285705,54.71428571428571,11.314285714285715,42.57142857142857,11.20814326018867,6.3008000000000015,78,4,7,2,1,23,14,14,0.156,0.8440000000000001,0.0,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256875009964996,0.4772514818213289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891033590839724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4861582251564055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276432799310001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ShitheadRed,2019/01/19,"Cold Sweats at night. Any advice? Hey friends! Just wondering if any of you have any advice on how to prevent cold sweats at night. I'm on Effexor (Venlafaxine) for daytime anxiety and it works great. I can run errands by myself now with only small levels of panic and I don't dread leaving my apartment. Trouble is one of the side effects is increased dreaming and weirder dreams. I've always battled nightmares but this medication ensured that I was getting them constantly, even for quick naps. I started vaping CBD/taking CBD pills and now I dream less and those dreams are not usually nightmares. However, I still wake up shivering cold and sweating and panicky quite frequently, even when I don't remember dreaming. I tend to quickly warm up after waking up, but it doesn't help my already significant lack of sleep and waking up sweaty sucks. Any advice on how to stop it or deal with it? Thanks!",5.4970250231695985,7.526771204819276,5.5261445783132555,78.18627896200191,68.87951807228916,8.240222428174237,33.25115848007414,8.841846274778883,3.0680274328081563,724,34,120,13,13,227,111,166,0.129,0.726,0.145,0.4305,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,3,11,9,2,2,1,0,9,9,7,3,0,24,16,15,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,10,0,2,3,6,0,2,4,5,0,1,1,4,13,4,22,15,3,29,0,0,0,0,6,13,1,3,14,79,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488511211949868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689603766034219,0.0,0.12739954732866546,0.0,0.0,0.4164794232325816,0.0,0.1171285120541644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654572075040695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157849392006436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225504403835104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182921851544572,0.0,0.07999350614261339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880400010007124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262621381324953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621210797231727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424192879589022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873661891182991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375110464951752,0.1164468368092752,0.0,0.1796412599314701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285102738038762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344345889431906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322028790477252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083718435501445,0.0,0.12227361530081728,0.12800657661997314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511945011417347,0.0,0.0,0.1409628536207652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686287186839493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604095350196788,0.11146569524745348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,skydiver89,2019/01/19,"My assault was the worst thing that ever happened to me But it's made me see I deserve love. This world is fucking cruel and it shows you no mercy. But I'll keep fighting and I'll find the person who respects me and loves me. ​",1.5410204081632628,3.739514122448984,2.680979591836735,93.29616326530613,81.24489795918367,3.92,24.08571428571429,3.1291,0.08049877551020446,188,7,38,0,5,60,38,49,0.255,0.551,0.194,-0.6115,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,1,9,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,7,3,1,7,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,0,1,26,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875343042696759,0.3224603475847757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400473836199774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24254845068299594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24533542550191184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346707279311919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358779876205976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790236008474511,0.2511047677887009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317156996612333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114699600021029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630372770274227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224603475847757,0.0 ptsd,didumakethetea,2019/01/19,"It's just sinking in that I could have died, it's 1 year on and it's like it's happening again (descriptions of abuse) It's been almost a year since I called the police on my ex and it all ended. I had nightmares at the beginning and the odd one every now and then for months and it feels like everything's getting worse again now. I had a lot of help at the beginning mental health wise (well after about a month of me steadily spiralling) and I'm worried about needing it again. I don't want to be back on pills or back having nightmares every night, flashbacks every time I close my eyes. This time round though I've finally realised that I could actually have died. If he'd choked me a little longer, if he'd used the knife he threatened me with (he cut my clothes (that I was wearing) instead while I stood there frozen). If he'd thrown me down in a slightly difference place I could have hit my head. If he'd followed through on his threats. These thoughts pop into my head all day long. I don't know what to do. I'm tired. I don't want to do this again.",2.9693956486704285,4.321076479452053,3.551012624227777,92.54845286059631,74.15981735159819,6.61412839108246,25.21112006446414,7.048011613610866,0.822491055600322,835,27,185,8,17,262,121,219,0.14800000000000002,0.8009999999999999,0.051,-0.9541,1,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,15,6,2,0,10,0,21,7,4,1,2,29,37,14,2,10,6,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,15,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,6,3,26,4,22,22,3,38,0,0,2,0,10,13,0,7,26,120,41,0,0.0,0.1568500604810414,0.12918494313458884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256063721795622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035859241212244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351759939082889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31708681965067304,0.0,0.0,0.08537491454671682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747815454072754,0.13831016541323515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725043962491767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346105809754084,0.0,0.11897567565952115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693590619121935,0.094573147057578,0.0,0.1450171205583402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916370682436353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706424722824622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717225814341888,0.14071501227083433,0.0,0.0,0.08873231974630068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275323878022731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934952311177775,0.13268072802075426,0.0,0.11715318546229354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125457519217597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334091009743284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21133080231791795,0.0,0.0,0.09815897340160787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423077705819455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970491894541999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831016541323515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095070865865254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006384493559714,0.1050958760379761,0.15438507044394786,0.15215270138464249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433484228783247,0.0,0.0,0.15616370895525286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902658622689324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443952220672892,0.13490774006973952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049828938709868 ptsd,snarping,2019/01/19,"I truthfully thought the dreams of family members dying had stopped. When they first started it was fresh after my trauma and they passed while in the accident with me. Now five years on and they're back but at least it's not happening during the accident. I just really wish I could stop dreaming that my loved ones are dying, it affects my barely stable emotional state and makes it even harder to ""maintain."" I am much better off than I was when I was first diagnosed and have started trying to talk through things that have happened but it kind of seems like the more I talk about things the more I unearth from repressed memory. Idk, I'm sorry, I just needed to get some of this out and to maybe talk with someone that would understand.",5.428723404255322,6.829542404255317,5.223893617021278,82.72350000000002,68.21985815602837,8.476879432624115,28.28439716312057,8.841846274778883,2.1667043971631204,593,20,109,10,10,183,94,141,0.122,0.7140000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.8221,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,3,8,7,0,1,5,0,10,2,0,2,1,27,23,10,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,2,0,4,5,0,15,5,19,16,5,20,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,14,85,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195307469933366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748207856272934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124113441136916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777754372215105,0.32266320497636897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748592917928948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267265106931296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465435577311366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644498155700675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121572822118724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749262156075773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187629536285467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594456830707172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029886357015006,0.0,0.10376346778431453,0.0,0.15616949433909372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427295978280108,0.11526352291238832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533631946124228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958466095956683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151500390340274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171150078187924,0.0,0.0,0.1740125179250378,0.22005531741304454,0.0,0.0,0.25992478236315697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748322458788013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654692249915305,0.0,0.0,0.12340920545428558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553972117344224,0.0,0.0,0.1618279741781174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875877001359913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104265661697476,0.0,0.0,0.10010411073110788 ptsd,hooloovooblues,2019/01/19,"Do you ever get upset with your partners for doing something you used to be abused for? I spent several years in an abusive relationship. I've noticed that when my boyfriend does something my ex would get mad at me for, or find suspicious, my brain tells me that it's something I need to be worried about - even if it's something I consciously know is fine. It's like the behaviors have been hardwired as bad things and it makes me feel like I'm acting like my ex when they stress me out. I guess as an example, my ex would fly off the handle if he saw me texting anyone and hadn't told him who I was talking to. When my partner texts people my first instinct is to wonder who it is he's talking to that he wouldn't tell me about because I now view that as something *normal to do in a relationship* even though I'm aware it is not, and I fear the worst because my ex treated me like the only reason I would talk to people without telling him was because I was cheating even though that was never the case. I deal with this by ignoring it until the feeling passes because I don't want to be like my ex. Idk. Sorry for the stream of consciousness. I just realized this is guiding a lot of my behavior. ",6.273426860025218,5.491589274590166,6.625081967213112,80.99406683480457,66.09016393442622,9.310970996216898,33.93316519546028,8.384062270229773,2.5157973518284997,949,37,193,11,13,308,128,244,0.151,0.7759999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9647,0,0,5,0,1,0,17.0,0,3,1,1,13,15,2,3,11,0,23,1,1,3,2,35,39,15,0,9,6,5,2,5,2,4,0,0,0,2,17,6,0,1,9,0,1,2,6,8,0,1,9,4,35,7,29,23,2,16,0,0,2,0,28,5,0,6,14,137,52,0,0.0,0.24707243408734844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290406470711795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870563853887938,0.25423434418570473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639350793919392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749197682115348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124244397100924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065968791141625,0.09431308277411607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732639210167133,0.10543838631484584,0.0744864795434391,0.0,0.0,0.095295736037738,0.08868721126493684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894764938687887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485894729444647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730096545082788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25469149824720283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864183025565707,0.0,0.0,0.06959726985728765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731070173473716,0.08041510204648619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215693527936906,0.0,0.11870566480228778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929774403368554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456755809074093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720112717876112,0.0,0.22388180536397603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778904901351166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40133899072237256,0.0,0.11671541465584764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943447198954232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514112290644129,0.2733949385630673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926860777844422,0.0,0.20487840843951505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962906403259003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005093048230715,0.0,0.0,0.06149782086368119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005071222583729,0.1130702506885046,0.0,0.10588551858789856,0.0,0.2221992293406559,0.0,0.0,0.06714282933236633 ptsd,justtlikeyesterday,2019/01/19,"seeing a male therapist? i was in a (mostly) mentally abusive relationship two years ago and was so screwed up at the time that i didn't realize how awful it was. i would stay up late crying in my bed telling myself it was okay because he loved me and he didnt mean it. anyway, ive developed pretty bad ptsd from it since around september when i saw him for the first time in 5 months... i had to stop seeing my female therapist for financial reasons but i started college and they offer it free, they aren't all male but most of them are and ive connected with one in particular (not like that he was just my advisor so he already knows some things) i feel like it would be easiest to start seeing him for counseling but im wondering is it weird to see a male therapist for ptsd over an abusive relationship? i havent experienced much fear of males since it started but could it develop if i was talking to a male about it? idk im just trying to weigh my options",3.0931346153846166,4.778323348717951,4.714919871794873,82.96622596153847,74.48717948717949,8.567307692307693,27.572115384615394,9.188382445141503,2.3450576923076927,763,30,155,18,16,257,115,195,0.101,0.769,0.13,0.7823,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,1,9,9,1,1,7,2,19,3,0,2,1,30,32,13,0,4,8,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,5,13,6,1,1,6,0,1,0,5,4,0,3,10,7,22,6,23,18,5,22,0,0,5,2,20,9,1,6,14,107,35,1,0.0,0.2688160093607871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055783103159592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251840047860977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098576677816316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094717770503353,0.06915205059085698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905727134330096,0.0,0.12460865652830318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276516849561618,0.057358738434935025,0.08104165183851443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649211698440194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450696145556012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234372896316818,0.0,0.1279654082181355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084223528186593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238414670251614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356955814126334,0.0,0.0,0.11432097006001465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054682981933346,0.0,0.0833915484474549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686996822629646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540939510027162,0.0,0.0,0.265210883751106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166353474988831,0.0,0.2435844925749821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615883872064252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767769628290348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24088052455343725,0.12091208533817405,0.0,0.09484102854397974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117887979589176,0.09915167406329524,0.0,0.0,0.3951382044450009,0.07536458199297122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229570461862314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701840214950502,0.0,0.11081452392477746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230209824085916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611692277881571,0.0,0.0,0.07305172470975925 ptsd,blueyellow155,2019/01/20,"I think I have acute trauma. What's next? I think I just got PTSD, or at least acute stress disorder from an assault two weeks ago. ​ I feel depressed, I'm extremely exhausted even if I sleep a lot, it feels like I'm only half sleeping. I feel on the edge, but numb at the same time. I have his video tape of the assault playing on repeat in my head throughout the day and even when I sleep. It's super tiring. ​ I know it takes time to heal. 2 weeks is not very long. I have seen a school counsellor who taught me some basic grounding techniques (which don't help much). But what's next? Waiting lists for therapy are 6 months long... I can't afford private therapy. Maybe see a doctor? But I don't think pills are the remedy... I don't know.... In the meantime I'm going to be out of school, and I won't be able to go to work, nor go to my long-awaited job interviews. ",0.8730769230769226,3.110361857142859,2.2875714285714293,94.86992857142859,84.27472527472527,5.398241758241759,20.63846153846153,6.742157984588678,0.2805859340659338,686,21,151,8,20,221,112,182,0.139,0.8059999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9104,2,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,2,1,10,0,13,10,4,0,0,22,33,9,0,1,7,0,3,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,8,2,0,3,7,7,0,2,3,5,19,3,16,27,5,24,0,1,2,0,4,8,0,4,14,85,26,7,0.11026670304637748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977447791384604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389478533636161,0.2679722269868781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711129013281706,0.0,0.09497254975846216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637519475029033,0.1128626429682412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566023482417614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672624746119028,0.07877455468866111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880013253152756,0.0,0.08819035548121233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316544927018232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390944672964267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094226883421306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211993925417545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053870741322150514,0.0,0.0,0.2927476869157698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374480775541397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077772406231423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801383036590782,0.0,0.0810587141885506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345397792765888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386279647470904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889587509710002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319158068250455,0.0878682860497931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33103900902177474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631013578732456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290683783036325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521991695439844,0.0,0.0,0.21196335281337986,0.0,0.0,0.12859480257535827,0.1267353542645131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771454649770304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098157807660624,0.0,0.0,0.17689859599761626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027547308785775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679722269868781,0.0 ptsd,sistersick,2019/01/20,"TW Pedophilia, grooming, police, depression, CP mention etc. What is the best way to report a online pedophile to the police, how do I cope with this feelings I’m really upset right now. Sorry. I want to report my abuser to the police. I am constantly having flashbacks. I am upset over this every day. I want it to stop. I’m angry and hurt and question everything every day. I was groomed by someone 4 years older than me when I was underage. After I cut her off one year ago I found out she is mostly friends with pedophiles online now who draw child porn. She also draws child porn. This broke me and every single day I feel like I’m going insane. I tried to threaten her that I would report her to the police. Didn’t work and she’s still online. I told her family what disgusting things she draws and about her friends. Didn’t work and she’s still online. I don’t know what else to do. I just wanted her to go away from where I am online and she hasn’t. I can’t take this it drives me insane. I just wanted her to go away and she won’t. I’ve been keeping my feelings away from my family because I don’t know if they’ll be angry. They tend to blame me for a lot of things. I’ve been keeping all of this in for a year and I constantly feel like I’m going to explode. She thinks she is untouchable because of her pedophile friends online who are in a gigantic circle jerk telling each other they’re not doing anything wrong by looking at cp. I try to stop thinking about what happened constantly and I can’t, and I’ll even dream about it. Every day. I feel like I can’t rest until I get justice, and I try and try and try to get it and I DONT. She gets to enjoy her life with no consequence while I struggle every single day and lose hours and hours of the day to how broken my mind is I haven’t contacted police yet. Because I don’t know which way I should. Cybertip, or fbi, or local. She is in a different state from me. This all happened a little over 1 year ago. I wrote a very long document going into detail of many things she did. I have a few screenshots of her sexts and the porn she sent me when I was underage. I can remember everything vividly and recounted everything vividly in what I wrote. I don’t know if that’s enough. I don’t know how seriously people take just recollections of events. I’m tired I heard from some places that cybertip doesn’t take things seriously or it would take forever for cybertip or fbi to reach me. I don’t know what a local police would or could do about it and I’ve heard that sometimes they don’t care. I also don’t know how to see them without my parents knowing. Does anyone have any experience doing any of these things for sexual abuse or something similar. Should I send them the document I typed. Does anyone know how things work when a pedophile is reported to the police. Or any similar experiences to mine and how to cope with it. Anything. I feel so hopeless that I will ever recover from this Sorry thsi was so long winded. I’ve never used reddit before. I feel so lost ",1.6421322976697574,3.9735125993485347,3.2956286644951165,88.2592059634177,81.8013029315961,6.188884991230268,21.33540466048609,7.439217596111235,0.8614490403407666,2392,73,479,37,65,791,237,614,0.132,0.8029999999999999,0.065,-0.9889,2,0,1,0,2,1,56.0,0,0,5,6,29,24,3,3,18,0,53,5,0,7,4,95,109,46,0,12,14,1,7,3,3,8,2,2,0,2,36,28,0,4,22,1,0,8,22,15,0,1,17,13,87,9,65,82,13,66,0,6,4,3,47,19,0,13,39,331,123,8,0.0,0.14246895286647307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658865834413378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615872922064772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265461329741678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840770909705021,0.0,0.09895020213029486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945917019609008,0.0,0.0,0.10994903457955174,0.0,0.05115920539473163,0.0,0.06309409740244035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129816017046221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491085198078487,0.0,0.0480023480437781,0.0,0.0,0.23264144060700975,0.0,0.05178279979504703,0.0,0.0,0.06281446234951894,0.0,0.0,0.10522594718058967,0.0,0.07046227673402024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022403134681964,0.0,0.0,0.062121868839271815,0.06705167559294341,0.03970986773116403,0.054383590763860734,0.2532759574303273,0.0,0.1621007337435031,0.1176212718352904,0.11335492429097113,0.0,0.2127956439573354,0.12885303189483327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592042701151822,0.1393498109809264,0.0,0.09423344362199174,0.0,0.1708429613743383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633098048901322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841568258570445,0.0,0.0643616074398288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687799846441663,0.0,0.0,0.2973722146930466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04246579022442736,0.08811739243992868,0.060257816696739415,0.0,0.10641176424539596,0.05048715195170224,0.06726089167746338,0.06563002341728016,0.05111338617494835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095404699548064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060705857574924464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04636962203223023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04074007313076737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675812018209101,0.0,0.0,0.041680871230599034,0.0,0.06281446234951894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735015152683121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038515550865513226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810625509268409,0.05134367040888919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047909273536640457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050940987889663655,0.04628468243647859,0.059461976327123175,0.1346028177592337,0.0,0.0,0.09602666007550363,0.1005289979385513,0.0,0.06285233681115017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081638098286848,0.0,0.0525490844549979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23965342924232055,0.07704721620817029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691011402086622,0.0,0.05744893589695975,0.0,0.2040937057986384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192591321592036,0.0,0.0496067637918562,0.1418455308360479,0.09544373879929724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795524910201302,0.0,0.1313081125630464,0.0,0.0,0.12812635957886306,0.06573372680408654,0.0,0.15486581694650273 ptsd,RomanianChic2,2019/01/20,How to handle emotional triggers? I just experienced a really bad emotional trigger from my childhood which brought back so many memories and feelings..that I feel like I'm in the moment again. How do you guys handle these when normal ground g techniques aren't quite doing it?? I feel like I'm losing my mind,4.671724137931037,6.992753758620694,5.209862068965517,78.3713448275862,71.75862068965517,8.088275862068969,28.84137931034483,8.841846274778883,2.600899310344828,250,10,42,5,5,80,47,58,0.11,0.74,0.15,-0.18600000000000005,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,7,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,4,0,10,8,5,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,2,3,7,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856795556039091,0.20162174051541712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5432542907998213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441942755950059,0.3450199220503677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390984541128756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594521156257645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701490286530909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24481799419589495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438211574128393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23659446696254094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256838643480298,0.0,0.0,0.15469522325472565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Andthentherewasblue,2019/01/20,"Anniversaries are so exhausting Holidays, birthdays, trauma date. I noticed I get more paranoid and emotional during these times but it is intense for 2 weeks I thought it would only just be for those specific days but it's like my mind knew I'm exhausting myself thinking about how difficult I am, what's real, how bad is my behaviour ",3.661797235023037,6.654172000000003,4.61267281105991,77.76758064516129,79.0,8.704147465437789,31.43778801843318,9.23628265651192,3.710752995391706,272,14,44,8,7,88,49,62,0.257,0.628,0.115,-0.8992,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,12,11,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,1,3,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693605075260634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080526156635556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628855973355765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854705144005927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760780998212906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257376438593567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672863050144381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24535455364006986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36719349193645257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067113428271428,0.0,0.2561112010623334,0.18811273718868315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25877312637457434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291683216565201,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,somehappyendings,2019/01/20,"A professional said I have cPTSD. But do I? A saw a therapist from 2014-16. She was very helpful. She had a PhD in psychology, but as far as I know, no medical degree. I bring this up because she informally diagnosed me with autism spectrum disorder and cPTSD. I'm pretty sure the autism diagnosis was incorrect. However, I keep running into weird things about how I think and act that fit with PTSD. The most recent one I was made aware of is armoring. This was much more of an issue with me when I was younger, but I thought it just went with being kind of high strung. (I only found out it was a symptom in an askreddit thread just now.) I understand the way to get a real diagnosis is to see a full on psychiatrist or something, but that's not my primary issue. I feel like my life has been easy compared to so many other people's lives. I do not feel I deserve to be as broken as I am. I think that if I were to get a diagnosis, I'd just look at it like a doctor getting paid to make me feel better about being weak by medicalizing what for me (but not those who have gone through real trauma) is a character issue. ",3.7775385462555056,4.7265679955947135,5.537838656387667,80.62852009911894,71.68722466960352,8.846806167400882,27.843887665198242,9.188382445141503,2.1953878854625555,873,31,181,18,16,300,139,227,0.07200000000000001,0.81,0.118,0.8846,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,15,0,21,7,0,3,1,39,45,16,0,1,13,0,3,2,0,0,7,1,0,0,13,8,0,1,10,0,1,5,4,3,0,1,17,7,26,5,30,25,4,20,0,0,3,0,7,11,0,3,5,130,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148701636262402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822464127631765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356772730163436,0.0,0.0,0.1532030879843139,0.136821988325885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027702324421743,0.09549741985948053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656769661671318,0.0,0.0,0.20951895189518333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959950956014172,0.14123493705717474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185657927501184,0.0,0.1188164485888194,0.0,0.139201902898789,0.07346426344152936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441857919268816,0.13061366890655066,0.0,0.11803744085213172,0.0,0.11225330152982828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264864815633534,0.08922907541574622,0.13552543077479565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693269226295443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826647821403528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058161406827177,0.1016658325418402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267338769178927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359954937934955,0.0,0.0,0.15625887764078622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30430274480602304,0.0,0.0,0.13198789871813169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271555005159555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652163808979123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029095168355838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259870700988412,0.1389394691791435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520693436175487,0.08880770524591701,0.1713070367154669,0.0,0.10612298852007296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391603501757626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029584356775053,0.0,0.10610496310844536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391802939173313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RacyJellyfish,2019/01/20,"I’m so exhausted It’s like having your arm cut off and screaming for help and everyone just asks you to work harder. So you grow numb to the pain of your arm and work and hope it gets better while you slowly bleed out. It’s like having bees in your bones and being distracted by their buzzing and everyone telling you if you just focus you’d do better. It’s like floating above your body and everyone telling you to have some control. And I’m so tired...",6.3028260869565225,5.727127108695655,6.079478260869568,84.24813043478264,65.95652173913044,9.53391304347826,30.35652173913044,8.841846274778883,2.1025669565217395,362,11,76,5,5,113,55,92,0.146,0.6729999999999999,0.181,0.5906,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,11,1,5,5,12,1,1,1,0,6,9,4,1,0,15,11,13,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,12,6,9,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,3,4,47,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826478729763678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455840131164674,0.0,0.2170159431659266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191280219416876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.560063328862781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207460339657316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095475593235612,0.0,0.0,0.19404999432742126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863489077739745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789120612766687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34153014567400136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245531271045713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28446850709162796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SwimmingChipmunks,2019/01/20,"First time visitor to this sub. Not even a lurker, but yeah... I thought it was gone and I guess it's not. So, I've been better for many years after some kind of odd tapping therapy that supposedly helped me reprocess everything. Unfortunately, something happened a week ago that has made it all start again. There have been times this week that I couldn't even move. My husband (who normally drives me crazy) has been a freaking saint for once...to the best of his ability (lots of takeout & even did the dishes). WTF is wrong with me and why can't I snap out of this? Nothing actually happened. Just some creep trying stuff and I got away this time. The fear from before is back though and although I can type my thoughts, I'm not doing so great at communicating in person to people.",2.9112141280353185,5.3635573841059605,3.5744105960264925,87.36567770419424,77.80794701986757,6.675673289183223,23.973951434878586,7.793537801064563,1.2297360706401768,619,21,123,10,15,195,107,151,0.146,0.736,0.119,-0.5546,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,10,7,0,1,6,1,14,1,0,1,1,21,24,9,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,6,1,0,2,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,10,0,12,4,15,13,5,19,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,12,84,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.14700825440154888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353812567897466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632243110805518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415363843186083,0.1158370728026974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281882051199332,0.0,0.1580931337239644,0.1332336820786775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29849974979471083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539044079408702,0.0,0.0,0.1695180432387482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813896553561024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048494945434572,0.1660871699023839,0.16595297652163732,0.0,0.2664305950876418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097448757099896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568740820470507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280733971689751,0.0,0.14254439252198536,0.0,0.15273086864541804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011230098636367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760058211642044,0.14454839783801185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044386055189937,0.13153781959971034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597424784649375,0.0,0.0,0.10662764378614877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245302922294625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227623150588306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800841600259554,0.2391913624956771,0.2635277667922144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022783900599729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416774292497105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359341113293484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470718006358312,0.0,0.09701074789781956 ptsd,Wintyro123,2019/01/20,"been having a bad ptsd day I recently stopped taking my ptsd meds and these past few days have been bleh but today has hit me hard. Yesterday someone I barely know told me he is going to rape me. Someone I was playing a video game with told me to “get molested”. And now, looking at Instagram someone said they were “traumatized” that someone didn’t put glitter on their artwork. I just feel pissed off. I can’t sleep. I’ve been up all night. Can someone just say something nice? I’ll be hanging out on r/eyebleach if you need me. ",3.063904761904759,4.958553104761903,3.794285714285717,88.63904761904762,75.09523809523809,6.571428571428571,28.809523809523807,7.3871296695380915,1.635666666666666,416,18,83,5,9,132,81,105,0.218,0.731,0.051,-0.9645,0,0,1,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,3,6,3,0,2,0,13,3,2,0,1,13,24,4,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,3,0,3,2,4,0,0,9,5,14,2,9,13,2,18,0,0,1,1,9,6,1,1,9,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741427615749082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968282111651395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771589333253508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972698282667352,0.0,0.0867258586167459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669925108298778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386473896701009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814521496532605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950373352599332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315065582802375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432043695144174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567356719419386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567614883950356,0.15340472732602947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067367661843184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451571466101686,0.12135331181585272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270978672572888,0.0,0.646485649449169,0.11747861289736355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758008278431054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473589376000015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464655991362674,0.2916308785683812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NiceIceX,2019/01/20,"Hypervigilance is exhausting Every small sound scares the fuck out of me and I worry about getting killed. Tonight I was turning up the thermostat and heard a small sound so I ran to the kitchen, grabbed my biggest knife, and began making sure all the rooms and closets were clear. I have to do this like daily. I also have OCD and harm obsessions so when I carry my knife when clearing rooms, I worry I’ll lose control and cut my eyes out or cut my hand off. This is *torture* and I just am so sick of living like this. I’m always waiting for something bad to happen, all day. I listen for sounds and make sure my doors are locked. Sometimes I sleep with the lights on. I’m just so fucking scared :( and I’m just tired. All the adrenaline and stress just leaves me worn out. ",2.0681127450980377,4.470783764705885,2.638721405228757,93.17612132352942,80.63398692810458,5.13218954248366,21.98080065359477,6.322622252153567,0.2952879084967326,608,19,125,5,16,188,92,153,0.29,0.623,0.087,-0.9886,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,12,18,6,4,7,0,9,9,3,3,7,30,25,18,1,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,3,5,5,0,3,14,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,14,0,0,6,9,17,4,15,19,3,17,0,1,1,2,2,11,2,1,7,76,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699359485099624,0.1425405736433564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303361404392095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213459402715893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104783986448711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433295522486198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167398478725661,0.08950047698282437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514856048876864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895250517524654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813886484526132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738322087628374,0.0,0.15126661090853674,0.0,0.0,0.19164794332162646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286965853410979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430150034654236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714300261633063,0.0,0.0,0.13187996731862925,0.16942632166666174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962308002313485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32290834119356937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689140408179767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863320742988082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479397480357929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,petsnackofficial,2019/01/20,"Question about symptoms I'm a 19 year old guy who has medically diagnosed PTSD and I have a question about something I've been experiencing. I want to know if this is a symptom or if it has a name or anyone has any tips on how to deal with it. Thank you in advance! Often and especially when my friends, who I love more than anything, are trying to comfort me/ask me what's wrong/make sure I'm okay I find myself completely shutting down. I physically cannot speak and find it very difficult to move and especially cannot make eye contact or keep myself from retreating to a ball shaped position. These are things I do when I am having a flashback or am badly triggered but there's no accompanying flashback and I don't really understand why I might be being triggered. I hate it a lot because I can't communicate and only worry people even more. Is there a name for this shutting down kind of thing? And is it a PTSD symptom? It definitely seems at least PTSD adjacent. Does anyone know how to break out of it? If it helps: my PTSD is incest and sexual abuse/rape related. (Also: I've been lurking for a while so hey! You're all incredibly inspirational and I wish us the best of luck on our journeys!💕)",2.8812324077596045,5.044288460251046,4.643470901483454,81.12054298212249,76.53138075313808,7.692734880182579,26.763217953594516,8.575989854853784,2.077969037656904,958,38,186,20,22,324,145,239,0.073,0.763,0.165,0.9688,0,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,2,1,0,2,12,13,1,0,11,1,23,8,1,5,2,44,36,24,0,5,8,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,1,16,11,0,1,9,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,3,20,10,23,31,6,18,0,0,1,2,17,10,0,14,5,128,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011672466720498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663185031160193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758843984767146,0.0,0.09273279912714716,0.0,0.10534826905276308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408995237310944,0.06869368981152545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182593291285018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815144924105495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617660134204945,0.0,0.11437616595977468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861421616918473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442950309147882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598997362703186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706263522389075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157904947380576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125628220772643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553253501882155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016246303025876,0.0,0.11734743479072175,0.12386099161189365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580349045934107,0.10170551350403854,0.0,0.07522025842131476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352152101554047,0.0,0.11954438793821527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976973859553468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824732524077905,0.0,0.0,0.08570446528537948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812381937698443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269059710413785,0.0,0.2524731809843733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219095595135827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025871184859962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867528932056963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620730884438558,0.3513786081906831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374816805420184,0.0,0.0,0.14973008533994034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650790080456325,0.0,0.0,0.11731240577636075,0.1355500474776541,0.0,0.0,0.09297957887949856,0.06646642874353262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168358633181444,0.0,0.129585885693885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444035215158165,0.0,0.0,0.12320687279800635,0.0,0.0725675157067958 ptsd,AnnabelStabb,2019/01/20,"DAE feel exhausted after a trigger? Loud noises scare the shit out of me, I’m recovering at the moment and I just feel so wrecked. My stomach hurts and all I want to do is go to sleep. But I have important life admin to do, a house to clean, food to prepare and I just cannot. Any tips on how to deal with this?",-0.4411567164179111,1.6407803134328385,1.941921641791048,96.05676305970152,89.1492537313433,5.141044776119403,18.82276119402985,6.6274283507984215,-0.03514776119402985,239,7,57,3,8,81,51,67,0.124,0.733,0.14300000000000002,-0.0926,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,4,0,5,6,3,2,1,14,10,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,12,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077487854478402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149545225402787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089374444612002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694088065169191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362127737552566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352503114226614,0.3270414071423283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21578192874364605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058563059445582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313588807961049,0.0,0.0,0.30571814060939845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801903489003157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sweetcheeks719,2019/01/20,"PTSD/polyamory I am a 34 year old female with PTSD from sexual abuse as a child. I have recently found out that one of my triggers is hearing/knowing people are having sex. I am married, but we also have a girlfriend as well. I want my husband to be able to be free with her, and I don’t want to be put in a horrible spiral while it’s happening! I’ve looked all over for answers, and I’m at a loss. Anyone with similar triggers or experiences?",2.084891304347824,3.803653141304349,4.158043478260872,85.73423913043482,77.3695652173913,7.208695652173913,26.71739130434783,8.07648339933343,1.7243217391304348,347,14,72,6,8,119,68,92,0.118,0.77,0.112,-0.3802,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,11,1,0,2,1,16,17,8,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,9,3,15,13,1,9,0,1,1,1,5,4,0,1,4,51,11,0,0.2259498938711657,0.2677136766372632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180692048495323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798941939142772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210223525913678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477423961597029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199806744939288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417615257137612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974100391686252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23709640475454005,0.0,0.153109495716317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664520666542942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282466691032088,0.2271420511199681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309826139947286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665422031302023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031560900815552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455043235947664 ptsd,mitchopolis2099,2019/01/21,"How can you tell if you have PTSD vs anxiety/depression? I had a psychiatrist diagnose Mr with PTSD. I used to see him regularly until he retired. Then I started seeing a new one and she rolled her eyes when I told her he said I have PTSD and has been trying to convince me it's just depression... I really don't know what to think but it's confusing. It took me years to accept I had PTSD and now all the sudden it's just, "" nah, that's not true. You're just depressed with anxiety"". Now I'm sitting here wondering WTF is the distinguishing difference?",1.653108108108107,4.043230459459462,3.750833333333337,84.64625000000002,82.24324324324327,8.024324324324324,23.664414414414416,8.841846274778883,2.01114954954955,435,16,89,12,12,148,75,111,0.16399999999999998,0.7909999999999999,0.045,-0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,1,4,0,9,2,1,2,2,22,20,9,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,6,4,15,3,7,14,1,11,0,2,3,0,12,0,0,3,9,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610030137159293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921465773805588,0.15403893284068262,0.0,0.1585627950970694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340642829029142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657620356623002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284032731393683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7096236598378582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722495698454224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436388032313435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24187513635856014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742050313546653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326498611834451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724529590365323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501857550714298,0.16861721337717955,0.10303890932976806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310767875663787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645833657708429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773209815675764 ptsd,throwaway068381,2019/01/21,"Tw self harm I self harmed again. I just needed to throw it out there, I feel like trash, like I'm worth nothing and I failed again in my ridiculous attempts to stop.",2.2454901960784315,4.07033688235294,2.0182352941176482,100.7787254901961,77.23529411764707,4.533333333333334,20.15686274509804,3.1291,-0.720949019607843,130,3,30,0,3,38,26,34,0.27,0.501,0.229,-0.4015,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,2,4,3,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610787993090118,0.2488212586399289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403176498457041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582555415409993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341974267016575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7266930740803305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911893274342598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jxcartier,2019/01/21,"Triggered by insignificant news events I have had PTSD in various severities since I was very young. We all can point at horrific events that rattle us to the core. But every few years, news of a minor but emotional event will send me into a tailspin. The worst was in August 2009, when Jaycee Lee Dugard emerged from 18 years of captivity. I was so messed up from that I needed to take time off from work. Who else can relate? ",4.817723577235771,6.270732073170732,4.849756097560974,84.63406504065041,69.73170731707317,8.393495934959349,24.642276422764226,8.841846274778883,1.5776276422764228,338,9,67,6,6,105,64,82,0.163,0.815,0.022,-0.9235,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,9,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,7,0,14,5,4,17,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,9,44,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23473207592219186,0.31607725851196883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23674718924197286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835140046049055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656274906446689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328463654026233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31744005383730145,0.0,0.2324388088015297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127039850582566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384821745018951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33799779349582026,0.0,0.0,0.23184715229717584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456492652894465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36189821611702105 ptsd,hanjay09,2019/01/21,"Flashbacks/episodes I sometimes have intense flashbacks, I'm not completely gone but it's like I'm back there at least emotionally, I feel terrified, like I'm going to be sick and pass out and then I start shaking so badly I clench up and curl into a little ball. Then I get waves of emotional pain and headaches. Eventually I get so tired, when it's over I fall asleep. Has anyone ever had anything similar? I can't work out if it's definitely my PTSD or something else..",1.8904985337243403,4.535150268817207,3.3137243401759555,86.3633137829912,83.94623655913979,6.392570869990226,25.658846529814266,7.686295010490155,1.6596752688172045,377,16,73,7,11,123,68,93,0.257,0.618,0.125,-0.9581,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,1,0,5,4,1,0,1,13,14,12,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,0,5,2,3,0,0,2,1,9,2,8,11,1,18,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,8,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564266374089744,0.0,0.18317561727560971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116078587239156,0.18585640968031086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333852191506033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594844165975927,0.500775817991502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134871063157586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255004348874216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259200192753596,0.0,0.1265051075518983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174960388209161,0.2230973263616292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368553499468576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602000786134317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136347563077536,0.22015082301309952,0.0,0.15755293935339898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558386691419372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620508367118488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NicholasSnell,2019/01/21,"Anyone else have success with domesticated rats as emotional support animals? (x-post from /r/BipolarReddit) I have bipolar and my partner has depression and PTSD. He has tried many of the strong antidepressants. Not much effect. He recalled that, when he was a child of 10, he had a pet rat whom he very much loved. A few days ago some extra money came our way and we decided to acquire two rats as pets for him (and, secondarily, for me). Bust my buttons! He has been engaged, task-oriented, energized, calm--all since the rat adoption. Today we got a third because--well, how could we resist. He has been playing with the rats, feeding them, tending to them, and just letting them ride in the hood of his sweatshirt. I have not seen him this euthymic and equable since August. Does anyone else have a similar story about rats as emotional support animals? Or emotional support animals that have had as dramatic an effect?",4.668882235528944,7.173581197604793,5.144814371257485,78.00652295409185,72.35329341317366,8.28566866267465,32.09141716566866,9.029198982220553,3.150205908183633,728,35,123,16,15,232,108,167,0.021,0.7959999999999999,0.183,0.9777,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,4,0,3,5,4,10,0,0,10,0,16,3,0,3,0,22,24,13,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,4,12,1,0,3,1,1,2,2,1,0,2,8,1,15,9,16,14,5,9,0,1,1,1,21,1,0,2,5,80,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423167668216654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598779352492668,0.2871939039492621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029059651356542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118958109577833,0.0,0.0,0.09038308791119806,0.0,0.1207082280943204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264340363970072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341493258619852,0.4729388391645348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208819361193227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433095918410661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264879530519109,0.0,0.0,0.14208685194936393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060480378001452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422188825670958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638241021348537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23186175204739284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771107621849457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284277353673565,0.0,0.0,0.0951504734763822,0.0,0.13690305336424358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563578220004228,0.0,0.11124200157927984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_unemployed-imbicile,2019/01/21,"Fantasies as a side effect I witnessed my family member pass away. I was told to give them this medicine every 30 minutes while they were actively dying. They ended up dying in front of me. It was a experience that shook me hard. I can only imagine what others must go through in war and other events. I’ve always been a slight conspiracy but, but mainly in a fun way. I like to bend my mind. A year after I had this experience, I’m convinced that this was all set up and some sort of weird ritual. Someone wanted my family member dead and masked it as this terminal illness Everything in my life connects to it and makes sense. I’ve told my doctors this and they say it’s ridiculous. But it’s so believable to me. Has this happened to anyone else..? It’s scary ",2.349757174392934,4.662647993377483,3.965139072847681,84.56435320088299,79.0,6.675673289183223,23.311699779249448,7.793537801064563,1.3170870640176604,601,20,115,10,15,200,95,151,0.165,0.755,0.08,-0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,4,1,1,7,2,1,5,0,9,3,0,2,2,17,17,12,4,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,17,5,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,4,0,0,8,2,17,3,18,8,3,20,1,0,0,0,8,9,0,2,6,79,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680489856167894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336480277636062,0.1807746221438412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576292755911254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877755399184727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662154777584402,0.0,0.0,0.1805848172908273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738563502174312,0.0,0.1562656826206549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865090205058812,0.0,0.15856499328841436,0.34516715159320044,0.33264728161898804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924889117989905,0.1002699212943465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601753445116645,0.0,0.1580477076353862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461857981306172,0.08619537628335916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177692012675826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814522507035474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418388388392327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403051779326438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494895898918802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33717515983642743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406369757985888,0.14004288061470574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361591334735965 ptsd,kennaks3,2019/01/21,"Horrible Car Crash months ago when I had a learners permit Hello, I’m an 18 female, was 17 in November. I was in a horrible car crash, probably the worst you could get in and walk away from just to give some description. It was on the 19th of November. My 14 year old sister had emergency surgery on her intestine. My dad got banged and bruised badly and still feels it a bit. I felt only a little sore, but I can’t get it out of my head. It’s like an ongoing battle. At first, I thought of the crash itself, then I thought about other crashes, then I thought about scenarios not even related to cars (examples would be: what if I randomly lost the ability to use my legs and fell and busted my teeth out? Or What if the entire world collapses?). I get very nervous when others drive, I can’t help but think of how close we are to the other cars and how fast we are coming up to a red light. I end up pinching myself or doing this weird slurping noise with my mouth. The images have gotten better, though if anxious they could get bad. I had managed to drive and pass my drivers test with an 84. Haven’t driven on the road since I took the test, only an empty parking lot and I felt fine. Yesterday, my dad surprised me with a 2019 civic (he wanted to get something with high safety ratings) and today he wants me to drive 5 minutes up the road to my job with him in the car. I’m trying to think like “I pay the insurance, it’s a smaller car than my dad’s, I like the way it drives, very good safety ratings, I drove from Kilgore through Dallas for hours so I can do this” basically to hype myself up. My dad does not want to enable my behavior because he knows it can get worse with time. Anyways, I’m just trying to get some advice. Please help, I’m really tired of being this anxious all the time. ",3.3770400728597463,4.523826303278688,4.559508196721314,86.5170947176685,72.85245901639344,7.717304189435335,25.577413479052826,8.167268648758528,1.4431828779599272,1401,44,293,21,27,461,196,366,0.14,0.7509999999999999,0.109,-0.7468,1,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,2,1,1,5,13,14,1,1,25,0,21,7,5,4,1,56,53,24,0,9,11,5,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,16,21,0,0,9,0,1,17,5,7,0,1,17,5,40,7,46,31,6,56,0,1,1,0,18,21,0,9,20,185,56,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751513269745497,0.09753050227180704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248593809948066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033720863022628,0.0,0.1837325176267012,0.06707020386241769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730814976311752,0.1201187770496026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477677413381573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569198027881675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628359752324782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744947116829762,0.0,0.0,0.07267045866105698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563193350380313,0.0,0.21128246143988866,0.0,0.0,0.09358718797148388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023845601725772,0.10554598210369877,0.0,0.09228372936701973,0.0879970238965679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112917367090277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749484372893862,0.11624742742777977,0.0,0.0,0.1083524380441575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918281107190296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046684914439623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125793638946131,0.11027393006976376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010525786583512,0.09353929965720244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782088576099703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545270361578415,0.0,0.0,0.1673579035972956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207743832414984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862553261675585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704848166689693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101379671731334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470260148966936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786608757575559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099912339952864,0.10809897982161454,0.26204262196284084,0.12831289604688045,0.12645752403311492,0.10429081191075644,0.0,0.12224179614718228,0.14939947229874204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950262528029972,0.0,0.1815642551040666,0.19468674363249772,0.08733270432713848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212484975205483,0.07815858583902459,0.0,0.0,0.07085247692470563 ptsd,chrisjanzen4,2019/01/21,"Has anyone gone through the PTSD recovery program at Homewood Health Centre (Canada)? Hi. I’ve recently been diagnosed with PTSD and considering an intensive PTSD recovery program (3 month in patient), at the Homewood Health Centre based in Guelph, Canada. If anyone has been there or knows someone who has and would be willing to share their thoughts on the program, I’d be very appreciative. Thanks in advance, Chris If anyone’s interested, here’s the link to the program: [Homewood Health Centre](https://homewoodhealth.com/health-centre/post-traumatic-stress-recovery)/post-traumatic-stress-recovery ",10.287370820668695,13.209139500000004,7.974802431610942,61.805000000000035,58.255319148936174,10.903343465045593,41.088145896656535,10.914260884657429,5.4769592705167165,499,26,62,13,7,146,59,94,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.8995,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,6,0,9,4,0,0,0,10,13,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,10,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,2,34,2,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29659864724322904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435122869559373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6011823203711616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770663591357213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285961964283442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27083340087237745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958472791098011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396098607706095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198029722714745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323933495968243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017691876630866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225131845979656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666514516573055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100442488061669,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Fingers_inbutts,2019/01/21,"Bright Lights trigger my anxiety Hey everyone. I've been struggling with PTSD for awhile and I feel like my symptoms are getting worse. I finally decided to go back to school but I've been having a hard time with the crowds and bright lights. I don't know why bright lights are a trigger for me, but they are hard to avoid. It's hard for me to go get a haircut, go to the grocery store or sit in class. Does anyone have any suggestions? I get the urge to run out of the room and my vision starts to get fuzzy.",2.3461904761904755,4.062575809523807,3.0076190476190483,94.27904761904765,76.61904761904762,6.571428571428571,23.095238095238088,7.3871296695380915,0.6765238095238093,400,12,90,5,9,125,65,105,0.119,0.754,0.128,0.6124,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,2,7,0,8,1,0,2,0,15,18,6,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,0,1,3,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,2,10,10,4,15,16,0,12,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,5,48,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283594393340604,0.0,0.14439657086164645,0.0,0.0,0.13198143919352767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514045384458155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518021483722384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803628824997674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543987724128797,0.13484615446472525,0.0,0.2067711781541345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944654559549746,0.0,0.3218203625933768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072605016709013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373446141529737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221584728934798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064374913834112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102949221921356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360130946903234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973270429140396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618805565371247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110064186842897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032145352038006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235682138033933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,InitializeMarzipan,2019/01/21,"Does anyone else feel guilty about being triggered by their partner? I’m currently in the most supportive, loving, understanding relationship of my life, but some days my PTSD flares up and I flinch when he hugs me or accidentally steps on my toes. My partner is a lot bigger than me physically and it pains me that I have these subconscious reactions to someone who would never hurt me. Feeling guilty for projecting these feelings on to someone who has been so supportive throughout my recovery. Every time he accidentally triggers me I can tell he’s upset. I wish I could stop these reactions. ",7.647466307277624,9.092940566037742,7.570431266846362,67.75745283018867,63.150943396226424,10.962803234501347,35.89757412398922,10.914260884657429,4.346508355795148,484,22,77,13,7,155,79,106,0.184,0.665,0.151,-0.4881,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,1,2,0,8,5,1,2,1,18,17,6,0,3,2,0,3,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,3,16,4,11,13,3,12,0,1,0,2,11,5,0,4,6,54,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399252063259834,0.1963481215251483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530013832882423,0.0,0.0,0.12358583719897705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769716620698236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008271644060684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145698458397348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906824580464129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514444335030865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535430893589098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629174219182154,0.17295403304724402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779727664600695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390839247989745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240058321043287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057394710775779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32473584859140553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021170184374814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43492010392623576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749352770853632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174130178132094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949413759845708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036564965444685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361288287632263,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gossamer4448,2019/01/21,"Dissociation For those that have a problem with dissociation ,does it feel like your whole body is numb at times? .its gotten better but when i am having a bad time it is full force dissociation its tough to get through .do you have any tricks besides the usual grounding technique?",4.818823529411767,7.700166176470593,4.815450980392161,78.70552941176472,73.50980392156862,6.432941176470589,25.88627450980392,7.554174236665415,1.4384792156862747,229,8,40,3,5,71,45,51,0.214,0.721,0.065,-0.8156,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,1,7,1,0,3,0,7,2,1,0,0,4,10,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,2,5,9,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553947204907295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26464320745432995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803199041454302,0.0,0.35206425110759204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773684310532852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026137898186488,0.22643187826282646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559529349621252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548476305476494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032820081268086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696366523055318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490798629650685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35386763021527995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwwwwdatmush,2019/01/21,"Feeling irritated that I can't find a good job I'm posting this here because I'm dealing with a new symptom of my PTSD which is irritability and anger. Due to unfortunate circumstances I had to quit a few good paying jobs in the past. Long story short I recently lost a job a few months back due to my narcissistic mom who I live with. I used to live on my own for 5 years until I got severe PTSD. I've been struggling with finding jobs but the only one that has called back so far is a housekeeping hotel job only paying 8.89 an hour. That's the lowest I have ever been paid since working as a teen. Almost 4 dollars lower than what I'm used to. I'm very upset but other people told me just to take the job. What makes it worse its a job where I have to stand outside in the freezing cold because it's one of those outdoor motels and the hours are uncertain. I have a clean resume with hospital cleaning and other cleaning services but I'm not getting callbacks anywhere else. Like I said circumstances led me back to living with my mom. I got very sick, had panic attacks, and can't live on my own right now. I want to get away from her but my disability barely allows me to feel anything but negativity and hopelessness. I'm very frustrated with the whole job search. It feels like I'll never land a decent paying job again.",4.224630396215257,5.348875161048691,5.3144963532426575,81.98955647545833,70.79775280898878,7.718430908732508,27.16124581115711,8.032893268588372,1.6542254681647939,1056,35,207,14,19,349,153,267,0.226,0.728,0.045,-0.9939,11,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,3,4,18,0,13,2,0,5,2,33,35,13,0,1,7,2,4,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,15,11,0,0,5,2,5,1,5,9,0,2,10,6,22,4,28,25,5,31,0,2,0,0,8,10,0,2,20,126,37,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693801518895428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322772259847123,0.0,0.0,0.08740961128520147,0.07218794352615829,0.17724149397994518,0.0,0.09367441950530024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845596468729972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921233901304607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418483344970148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695006279259214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165485292310181,0.05489012709571922,0.0,0.0,0.1404495176803476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028504445747267,0.0,0.0,0.12888919789140155,0.12290211833281718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133175614899033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6862117805164093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750742888893559,0.0,0.2713828348435212,0.06799555095463418,0.0,0.0,0.08387323775841987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128720019253584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997378351065402,0.061328056427098335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059259011820698274,0.07420662368965934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412922812069512,0.11687123019082728,0.0,0.0901479834768204,0.0,0.0,0.07334661618821263,0.05326692633453569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358560193454752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796293484401548,0.0,0.0,0.08172227099203618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586417042885092,0.0,0.0,0.06561569920849455,0.07308659851240673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680039532630915,0.0,0.06355776547180754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032343605176716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985980284155117,0.05776950290101561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341804876128158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271957674893214,0.0,0.1901879510610369,0.0453186031076772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578226416967596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055935967367591495,0.0,0.07830027052093212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049478488689621465 ptsd,SkippyDontCare,2019/01/21,"Like a ticking clock, the nightmare are back In 2 weeks, its gonna be the 4th anniversary of me burning alive in my tent while on an army excercice. Face, neck, chest, arm and hands. I was suppose to have facial surgery and skin transplant, but i was a miracle they said. Even the 3rd degree burnt has left nothing but some dark spot here and there. But you know what didnt leave. The fucking nightmare. Always this fucking nightmare. I, wherever im sleeping, am waking up and start burning. Then i wake up again, and start burning again. It goes on and on and on... until im not even aware anymore if im in a nightmare or really woke. I had my dog who was helping me at first. He died. Then the presence of my girlfriend helped me, but she left me (not related). Now im in a mission, somewhere. And god i could use some Seroquel. I dont know why im writing this, its been a couple of days with only a minimum sleep... i talked to my medic but i dont want him to write a report on that, i dont want to be sent back as i know its just gonna be for a couple of week. Maybe i just needed to vent. I just wake up from another episode of sleep paralysis. Sorry, my english suck. Not a native speaker ",1.0151821862348172,3.057581497975711,2.6907303643724703,93.36874331983809,82.19838056680162,5.409489878542511,23.645182186234823,6.55674776486733,0.5930898461538471,918,34,202,9,25,302,142,247,0.056,0.878,0.067,0.3728,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,1,1,12,4,3,0,15,0,17,16,13,1,0,34,34,20,1,5,13,0,2,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,9,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,9,4,26,1,28,19,2,32,0,0,0,2,14,15,3,4,17,131,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581621888009258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814558243721137,0.0,0.0,0.10228177403975107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860822663381444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234455692493894,0.2282328660178009,0.0,0.06651326143356145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703739420313713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626188214143448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362388131884088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772620713971177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069248438054287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382578480394866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5570151335167963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700401769121421,0.0,0.0,0.10920461143169484,0.22411201030931446,0.0,0.0,0.0503863382629355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036125313966456,0.0,0.0,0.10389722255361196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647297212038293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989603953601989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843848306414436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660706423745811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098104587592187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30962713854356594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545070023578825,0.14599834993991062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289565558017857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907514925703745,0.0,0.0,0.12166287551001452,0.0,0.16545665193044806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306290212337533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,oldschooldyingcat,2019/01/21,"My doctor violated medical confidentiality I needed to send a medical report to a disability rights organization I joined some years ago. I told my neurologist I was enquiring about disability rights and that my general practicioner is and will not be informed about any of this. How my psychologist and psychiatrist are responsible for my treatment. He was the only doctor who knew of my autism and PTSD diagnoses. I told him I had a deadline. For weeks, I made appointment after appointment and call after call, because he wouldn’t write the report he agreed to write. He now not only sent my GP a copy. He addressed the report to him and I was the one merely getting a copy. A report that is highly confidential and was written to be send to a court of law by me and me alone. It starts of with “Presuming you are familiar with the following diagnoses and treatments of your patient...” . He was not available to personally speak to me today, but his practice confirmed in front of a witness that I never signed a release clause with them, which is irrelevant anyway, as I verbally withdrew consent. My first step was damage control. I showed up at the GP 10 minutes before they opened up, after a sleepless night. When I explained the situation to them, the nice lady working there immediately informed the GP and handed me the original report. My diagnoses and treatments were highlighted with a marker by my GP. He read the entire report. I am not someone who cries easily, but I had been feeing very sick all morning and outside the practice, I just started bawling. I still feel completely powerless and violated. Drained. I am writing a report to the state medical board. I was also adviced by multiple people to get the police involved, as these seem be two reportable crimes in my jurisdiction. And no, I don’t live in the US. The sad part is that I only told him of my diagnoses because he claimed I “seemed heavily depressed” and that “his intuition” is never wrong. That I “must be suicidal”. I’m not. He said I need therapy. I told him I am already getting it. When he asked what for, I told him autism. And I think that he was very embarrassed there for a moment. He started stuttering and said that my “autistic body language” must have thrown him off. To add insult to injury, the report itself also includes many mistakes and omits important details and won’t be very useful for the court. I know this is bad for my health, bad for my recovery. Every other patient would feel violated now. But I feel like a little child again. Every single time I ask a professional for help, it backfires horribly in some form. I rarely ask any longer and I end up regretting it every time. ",5.231353391232421,7.217779705645166,6.213548387096775,73.16660463192723,69.48387096774194,9.119437551695617,32.072787427626146,9.59751140882722,3.365352315963607,2138,96,356,50,39,708,241,496,0.157,0.777,0.066,-0.9953,2,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,2,3,3,15,16,4,1,33,0,36,13,2,5,5,71,69,30,1,8,9,0,4,1,0,6,11,3,1,2,21,26,0,1,12,2,1,6,11,14,0,3,23,7,65,2,51,35,6,46,0,4,0,0,55,14,0,4,26,259,86,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864746632133915,0.07134369553642199,0.0,0.0,0.08335655035462661,0.08881545506568396,0.12872512342800682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946297067837554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257233990719849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440058743026492,0.0981238913461288,0.0,0.06848546234221149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939893567875225,0.0,0.0,0.16436514034648986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438533437005571,0.0,0.0902689989186606,0.0,0.0,0.088407257409565,0.0,0.0,0.06932025151632194,0.3267559076245959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475638102278553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128442117360116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343225713863616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208450587909395,0.05749737116663749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845915574329517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614779500104234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555011164351235,0.0,0.0,0.053946339755656894,0.08503515183574754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044231582683559915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039320133526155626,0.08066553036481301,0.0710683341834944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615535779617387,0.0,0.08159755527681171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24323573440599866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935487191881723,0.12414754994759597,0.0,0.0,0.07552823735987173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054537648164946585,0.18363380237575336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715570056133666,0.0,0.05579706946245331,0.07027501775490393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408081075922954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805051997286519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746480146312073,0.15311632544216108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653816522960186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046673594709942,0.0,0.0,0.06819334039445188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708997362820436,0.0,0.06427416299478421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803579824321045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203980470914336,0.0,0.0,0.05157052561199728,0.0,0.0,0.09386105859942263,0.0,0.07628887126482142,0.38452678316779776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862060641919356,0.0,0.09681164432390364,0.06951183363180365,0.0,0.19922175065307046,0.0,0.0,0.06455894465624983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859288814709548,0.0,0.0,0.05717311222407754,0.0879959850220442,0.0,0.051828683580754674 ptsd,burnitoB,2019/01/21,"To those who are healing: what's worked for you? I'm about to start therapy for the first time since shit went down last year. I'd say I've already gotten a lot of healing because of my amazing family and friends, but I want to really solidly finish the process and close this chapter of my life. I'm still having some less extreme PTSD reactions, and I only have debilitating episodes once a month or so, not every day anymore. I've been considering asking for EMDR but I'm not sure what else to ask for. For those who have found a lot of success with certain techniques or tools: what advice or input would you give a therapy noob? Thanks!",5.546666666666668,6.166700928571429,5.91123015873016,80.73446428571428,67.49206349206351,8.522222222222224,31.62301587301588,8.472884824447931,2.3487968253968265,511,20,98,7,8,164,86,126,0.047,0.812,0.141,0.9195,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,3,3,7,1,0,6,0,6,4,1,0,2,20,18,9,0,2,7,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,1,6,6,16,13,4,12,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,6,9,59,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655712928344933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697728492391624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803538367447904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31680033068617264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328685911984546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927246334313416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154237379127732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275747795469282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972956207238598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441225185368731,0.0,0.18577827128438526,0.13090614528998187,0.0,0.0,0.16253883776129466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811328349290256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196779428513256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880975428576613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524252101548878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044424026755992,0.0,0.12886402020564428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980620889257619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854529895734147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347426290008807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392403365975964,0.1401595441514815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992795871168213,0.0,0.13531213096452827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969180540753905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559942761432287,0.3875305886056844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879972964179227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993798092180327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706924385641668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335171996239165,0.0,0.0,0.12036275990932528,0.0,0.0,0.1091114888725548 ptsd,sngmch,2019/01/21,"How to deal with my reactions to people at work? I have been diagnosed now for 4 years and only just getting the real help I need. I finally have a job with a supportive management team, I've had to take a step down to a calming job. I have lovely colleagues however, I'm struggling with a couple of them... One of them is near retirement, he's a bit sarcastic and likes to shout. He has 'told me off' jokingly a few times and every time he has I've jumped out of my skin, developed full physical symptoms and he just laughs and I laugh back. Then I just feel broken for the rest of the day or ready to cry/run away. Another one questions what I'm doing a lot, she's just a bit nosy and does it with everyone. Thing is I hate explaining myself when I don't have to, but the people pleaser inside me starts getting flustered, trying to explain everything. This again leads to intense physical feelings and paranoia... I know she is just joking- it's normally comments like 'why are you finishing early, your never here'.. I'm there all the time so she's definitely joking but it's my reactions that are just all wrong. I've started feeling myself become more reclusive at work, avoiding the louder ones. So.. I've spoke to my manager and she said I'll get used to them and she is there for me. I know my reactions aren't the norm but I can't help but feel irritated and angry they would make me feel that way... which I know they aren't doing on purpose. Does anyone else have these issues in day to day working life? Also, should I tell my manager that this is how bad it's making me? I don't want people to make exceptions for me, I don't wanna be that person people are awkward around in case they 'set me off'. Also, I'm just finally glad to be at work after years of being on and off sick in different high pressure jobs. ",2.8335273492286106,4.587079021739137,4.366851332398318,84.89792426367462,75.3586956521739,7.6831697054698465,25.457924263674606,8.460557738077197,1.7415105890603089,1432,50,287,27,31,478,189,368,0.11,0.7759999999999999,0.114,-0.5866,5,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,2,6,6,21,18,1,4,16,0,30,6,1,7,3,60,62,24,0,6,13,0,6,2,0,2,4,3,0,1,14,17,0,1,11,4,0,3,7,7,0,3,5,9,43,11,46,52,9,44,0,0,0,1,31,18,0,3,23,197,57,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217250421931422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976629419041796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665265732198817,0.09748579712927001,0.0,0.08469791947018941,0.0,0.0,0.08939048488080087,0.07315950704022879,0.07944087918955736,0.0,0.10507856149271227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774420073821712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527451395564058,0.0,0.1840791308770536,0.0980888088376244,0.0,0.09656868722968988,0.0,0.0994047458237795,0.0,0.0,0.16652150065936322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948021655421167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801625333718355,0.09091372682468914,0.08550887610329909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240537155079774,0.0,0.0,0.20845018825808967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912571342601458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393454509250286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754541453091645,0.10052437051072154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993051334894886,0.28324583854759555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686519903720372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720269386334196,0.09296465251803508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088763273402973,0.08587075673231326,0.0,0.19052714911021928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054772707528159,0.0733805610945243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932204653071713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341516887649365,0.07236094716833197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638421952789738,0.0830756665912337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658253598454884,0.0,0.0,0.10829417459904707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050329127252453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346861702823365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946468267734546,0.0,0.0,0.10796775820787173,0.0,0.09889056468140847,0.07153609901317325,0.0,0.08315964489921952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320913827952883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664368845263313,0.0,0.0,0.09091372682468914,0.0,0.06459621619065646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217346788984699,0.0,0.0,0.05611812316620268,0.07552051104906099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585224345012223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770625121605681,0.0,0.0,0.06758723883465985,0.10402452175187687,0.0,0.12253863676090962 ptsd,astral_berry,2019/01/21,Therapy Has anyone ever found anything useful for PTSD outside of medication and EMDR? EMDR was amazing but it's not offered by any therapists in my area. I have never found CBT particularly helpful. ,4.005142857142856,7.355747800000002,6.357142857142858,61.95285714285717,85.28571428571428,7.371428571428572,32.714285714285715,8.238735603445708,3.9734,163,9,20,4,5,57,33,35,0.0,0.779,0.221,0.8171,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,8,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121173048439995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863250970256805,0.0,0.21928572694203172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410413516622824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5843508531095446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861217395871684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26844492449026497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055214856858132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114943147879192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047367010309903,0.3093973180870284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301483247439632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vario_,2019/01/21,"Does anyone else feel like they're making a big deal out of nothing? My trauma (sexual assault) happened a long time ago now, and I feel like it was a very minor thing to have happen in comparison to other, much worse things that could've happened. I'm annoyed at myself for still feeling this way after so long. And I'm also annoyed at myself for feeling this way at all. Part of me feels like it shouldn't be such a big deal. So what, somebody did that to me? Why should it affect my life and relationships all these years later? I feel completely pathetic.",4.370636363636365,5.673704200000002,5.112500000000002,82.89875,70.63636363636364,7.3181818181818175,25.56818181818182,7.6454224807358475,1.3392727272727272,442,13,84,5,8,143,74,110,0.107,0.7759999999999999,0.117,-0.459,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,4,0,6,1,0,2,2,16,18,6,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,8,3,13,13,4,18,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,12,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260257398793113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369385058549647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940905309313186,0.14567067434271067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906326507182638,0.0,0.0,0.11351172858616412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931434803759702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441453015685686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876536975949314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313146400821997,0.30470031113085266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37716321876260894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041936385603492,0.20837225556632247,0.0,0.0,0.2516331761600963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490004051453993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451181658313402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641661280837258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395700440461116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526381167183451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353769783912948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890378022125245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290087348929663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730570976327474,0.0,0.225696954739672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828693579465958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488408056670116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155326404280204 ptsd,Tolfvinc,2019/01/21,"Such minor stuff sets it off and I can't sleep Literally the only thing that happened yesterday even REMOTELY related was I got scared of various things, which are in no way related, and I mentioned to my friend that I have PTSD. And oc, I get a night full of panic attacks and nightmares. I'm still on edge and I woke up a full 6 hours more than I would and a normal basis. Just typing this out is putting me on edge again I just want to be more comfortable (Crossposting on r/cptsd)",1.7813265306122474,4.039506520408164,3.2830204081632672,88.97983673469388,80.73469387755101,7.185306122448982,23.065306122448977,8.238735603445708,1.3942742857142854,381,13,80,8,10,125,73,98,0.118,0.797,0.085,-0.4951,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,2,4,0,7,1,1,0,0,12,13,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,10,2,12,8,5,17,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,5,59,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654703169967909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412605741196486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802863133247304,0.0,0.12191620514525205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186632018113744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635141515037944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22980361476195604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898399603772686,0.22863432021929905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747386168628654,0.0,0.273786982899724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727746947457723,0.2345820893233969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336249422358678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23351940617916955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635431656526533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671309322821486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31005591560968104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763639668402958,0.1852230693058752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657657720924625,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HonestAdventure,2019/01/21,"Thoughts on EMDR TW: Sexual assault I've was diagnosed 4 years ago with PTSD because I was sexually assaulted by several classmates when I was 13. I am trying a new therapist who wants to try EMDR. Can anyone tell me about their experience? It seems really intense!",3.9440816326530586,6.739438102040817,6.293224489795919,67.39820408163266,76.14285714285714,10.450612244897961,32.248979591836736,10.355215969177356,4.632131428571428,213,11,33,8,5,75,43,49,0.153,0.815,0.032,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,5,0,5,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23865029948731065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824726056078075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411608538458106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732560832023612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633521444555767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600176367010106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147077467025358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247140346390066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450908714177281,0.0,0.3041458098383395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353131175078616,0.0,0.0,0.3125891170028917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21373330651502045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655700317012257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587949362570358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337104232658715 ptsd,mitzuleech,2019/01/21,"I wish I had someone who I could tell ""I'm getting worse again"" I wish it wasn't just my therapist. My boyfriend is so detached and unable to comprehend what I'm feeling (or maybe I am) and I feel so alone. When I tell my mum she just gets worried and I can feel her stress levels rise and it just eats away at her sleep. She has been worrying about me for too long. I wish I just had a friend who understood and could pull me out of the downward spiral that my mind goes into. I've been feeling sick frequently (when I have episodes I vomit) and I can't pull myself out of it. I'm going to watch a movie rn.",1.580013986013988,3.0440390153846195,2.997552447552448,94.62108391608393,78.07692307692308,6.265734265734268,22.58741258741259,6.980632752743323,0.4499230769230769,472,14,111,5,11,154,79,130,0.14300000000000002,0.746,0.111,-0.6258,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,3,0,13,4,1,0,0,25,27,11,0,5,5,1,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,5,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,6,5,24,1,11,19,0,16,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,1,5,75,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591373756431846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505085028739963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558053906488057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639195072153467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32399767957318826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237662818851542,0.0,0.16739058150462197,0.0,0.09104252657412663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417675594618667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609374381247254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175131263851913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031071975367953,0.0,0.13573272806641928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183502864270468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28003503214027003,0.0,0.0,0.185998775490446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5526491318307469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253716556363155,0.163252420211472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,s6n6nd6,2019/01/21,"i feel like there's something behind me there's definitely something terrifying behind me, almost touching me at all times. sometimes i definitely see something behind me but i think i made it up in my head",4.267105263157895,7.234609131578949,5.504473684210527,72.51881578947369,76.10526315789474,6.957894736842108,30.552631578947373,8.07648339933343,2.7341894736842103,169,8,26,3,4,56,25,38,0.066,0.782,0.152,0.2732,0,0,3,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,6,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,1,6,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,20,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933286977242153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811502574310967,0.20927040370565111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30063234692853524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431115901443727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771789761337993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23342857052304805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6765392038347768,0.2897168566728596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769875031082106,0.0,0.0,0.17081077992604216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MarthaStewartBathH20,2019/01/21,I could really use a friend I'm having a really hard night ... if there's any other combat vets on the sub I could really use someone to talk to. 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ptsd,BeardedBiscuitBandit,2019/01/21,"Let's share secrets. I've been known as secretive or mysterious by those around me. So much of my life has been hell that most of their normal stories I have a fucked-up counterpart for. So I stay silent. But I've never really told anything about what I've seen or experienced to anyone no matter how close. To most I'm. Just a cynical hateful old man despite being only 26 lol Lately I've started waking up in a panic again, running through the house like a maniac checking the rooms and making sure everything is okay. I've started attacking people when they wake me up or I hear a noise. I think sometimes I'll imagine a noise in my sleep. The anniversary of my child dying is coming up and while I acknowledge it I think I've suppress it. I want to cry but can't, I want to scream but hold it in. Every day I have to restrain myself because I just want to start punching holes in walls and breaking shit. Everyone sees me as moody but there is so much to unpack underneath it all. Surely they know something bad has happened in my life previously, that this isn't normal behaviour. If only they knew of the monster right under their noses. I've contemplated killing myself more and more recently. It's just been a fleeting thought but it's become evermore pervasive, popping into my head for no reason all the time. My SO doesn't know and I wouldn't burden them with it. They must know something is up but not the extent. I can't find the will to get help. I can admit to myself something is wrong but not others. It's exponentially harder to carry something like this alone. There is a sadness in me that I can't feel. A part of me broke as a kid and it's beyond repair. One thing after another. I've seen too many people die to count. My only solace lies in the fact that as long as I stay silent those around me don't have to imagine the horrors. That's all I feel like saying for now but if you're so inclined do share. 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At least, that's how I think it is. My memory before the age of 15 is very foggy. I am 17 now. Anyway, it seems as though I can never escape trauma. I have been displaying dissociative symptoms since the age of 9 or so, for unknown reasons. I'm guessing that's how old I was when it started, but I can't be too sure. The earliest trauma I can remember is watching my grandpa die when I was 12. Since my parents didn't believe I was suffering from any mental illnesses, it went untreated. I was finally diagnosed at the age of 16. Knowing my diagnosis, I believed I could finally move on. And I almost did. That was until my mom died a few weeks ago. I saw it happen. There was so much blood. I can't look at ambulances, hospitals, or blood without remembering and having a panic attack. I saw her waste away and die for 3 years. Anyway, my point is, I don't feel like I will ever be able to move on from the pain in my life. I've been suffering so much for so long that it's almost impossible for me to focus on my future. I should have been developing talents all these years, but instead I was trying not to snap and kill myself. I'm smart (my grades don't reflect this so nobody cares), and I'm decent at some things, but I am never satisfied with anything I do. I feel like i will go nowhere in life. I'm a total burnout. It hurts so much because there was hope for me to succeed before everything came crashing down around me. I'm tired of the pain. The only way out I can see is to kill myself. But I know that is not an option, because I will only traumatize my family more. I feel as if my life is over. It's too late for any improvement or redemption. And I just know that the next traumatic event is right around the corner.",2.2645750000000007,3.939450560000005,4.241645833333333,85.52446875000003,76.73333333333333,7.460833333333331,23.985416666666666,8.278499904357787,1.435841666666667,1420,46,296,26,32,485,182,375,0.232,0.701,0.067,-0.9973,1,0,0,0,0,2,46.0,0,0,0,2,23,22,3,1,14,0,44,11,2,3,7,53,70,28,5,4,12,3,4,3,0,4,9,0,0,0,17,11,0,0,13,0,0,5,11,13,0,0,19,9,49,9,39,44,10,50,0,4,5,0,4,19,0,11,28,213,66,3,0.08698383208335002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710591883778366,0.0,0.17420348608592606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830397723875476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158028230177745,0.1548681043950082,0.0,0.09895666638852864,0.08172417357496463,0.0,0.0,0.10604907336654004,0.0,0.1480336688819493,0.1960019838506236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948633114608108,0.08868581397749146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944951197971994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828675856931922,0.2708264541795379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704185705664855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868185603775861,0.0,0.0,0.07817545952664433,0.0,0.0820006155253737,0.0,0.17592655629225418,0.18642380106161013,0.0,0.190573072622375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494349163161648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582249768375088,0.0,0.07691951544278948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639457197671369,0.0,0.0,0.09311799128763228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246944494663645,0.0,0.14341211786782912,0.0,0.09812155133906147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843177590539913,0.12748771989856286,0.0,0.0,0.07697795417219863,0.07304451151210219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765924392436934,0.0,0.0,0.10187441284594896,0.0,0.18490009534002527,0.1918293752077713,0.0,0.2012618810574956,0.0,0.09250829223070256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127489951597073,0.0,0.0,0.1323102478819584,0.18511386030568425,0.1020567852362089,0.09658525168605073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822278369779712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016794448906935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943386651845968,0.0,0.0,0.19707145053152475,0.074283717327597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931485233572571,0.07918681384442111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586177429639766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061567604051921875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819812323271888,0.0904095070490604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057788192951055785,0.0557357273458101,0.08546117338085346,0.0,0.0,0.09997511914119434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905631221589872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177077115260415,0.0,0.0690437171436473,0.06977318331339434,0.0,0.0,0.08063488379498814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384931010306294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202947196943763 ptsd,cariethra,2019/01/21,"For those with physical scars related to their traumas, do the phantom pains trigger you? To kind of explain, I have multiple traumas. Some of which (4 to be precise) stem from catastrophic pregnancies and miscarriages/births. The pain in my incision and old PICC scars seems to be worse when I am not mentally well. All of a sudden it will itch and burn which throws me into a panic. I end up having dreams around the events. Then it becomes a cycle of the incision hurting more. ",5.0901765650080275,7.043154101123594,5.411268057784913,78.91202247191012,69.7865168539326,9.130658105939006,31.815409309791328,9.606745405546679,3.2233004815409307,381,17,67,9,7,121,68,89,0.263,0.711,0.027000000000000003,-0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,1,7,0,7,3,1,1,2,13,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,0,7,2,15,6,3,11,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,51,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448993669996253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785083714638893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335291933039325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699594219410104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626023019210401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25413390570799216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26461609373577594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5366656865162511,0.2958739805976043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295713878186889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22673633972505505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569886960017729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jentgregs,2019/01/21,"Combat related problems My PTSD stems from a 6 month tour in Afghanistan back in 2009. Specifically one day where I lost my best friend and I nearly lost my own life. Lately I have been having nightmares replaying the events of that day. I usually wake up screaming and clutching my left leg which I sustained a GSW that day. It has been really hard for me to cope with it. There are times I wish I would have not made it home. It is really hard for me to go out in public and not get scared. Also I have a massive fear of people in traditional Islamic attire. When I see people dressed like that I have flashbacks and just start crying. Which makes me feel worse because I feel like an asshole for assuming people’s intentions just because of what they wear. I see a counselor once a week and we are going through EMDR. I also take Paxil for my mood and hydroxozine for anxiety. Any other veterans have these problems and what are some of your coping methods?",3.159915915915917,5.602629102702704,3.9177927927927954,85.27981231231233,76.89189189189189,6.921921921921923,24.87237237237237,7.984000788550335,1.5861471471471478,764,27,142,13,18,243,117,185,0.152,0.758,0.09,-0.8393,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,1,3,8,12,0,2,7,0,14,4,3,3,0,25,28,10,0,4,4,0,4,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,13,10,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,5,7,24,4,21,22,3,23,1,2,2,0,5,9,0,2,14,100,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800845572328495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269306783699614,0.0,0.10427406981324044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481125504992987,0.0,0.16618230732474645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304522170210826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497262472882341,0.26371917357391683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338266442319615,0.13784128477622334,0.09737736319357797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053100338835738,0.0,0.0712145001915798,0.0,0.15493220628965976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442076320284707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672649444121202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537596254467,0.0,0.14809736903819742,0.0,0.09627728468263153,0.13318490377932718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975892083900795,0.0,0.0,0.12897646944175215,0.09098562135994387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087985169763533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516193273110392,0.09236478582107936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28349321306025005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608537497636465,0.1593349590244151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464281888033067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646654662349422,0.0,0.21723720401048527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647841487913417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248549535501753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948139373607642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501223098986874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933682138207892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567457035749267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890792905937446,0.09682819928959853,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madethisjusttoconfes,2019/01/22,"How do i get over this? i always hate seeing a certain movie playing or just get,,triggered seeing it? it's because when i was watching it when i was younger my dad choked my mom and used that to make me look away. is this dumb? how do i get over this fear?",0.5144444444444431,2.6889463703703704,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,85.2962962962963,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.7146444444444446,200,6,46,0,6,62,38,54,0.255,0.68,0.065,-0.9258,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,1,0,5,0,0,4,1,8,13,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,8,2,4,11,0,5,0,0,4,0,2,3,1,1,2,32,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357941236763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662440056480627,0.0,0.0,0.17274527751861166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31888028706391075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441616726949283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797782066794453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379670847053473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915775891007053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318901931051023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516329288992893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24474856891266605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mentallydivergent_,2019/01/22,"stopped taking my meds a month ago i was on sertraline 175 mg and I’m wondering if I should get on them again and gain even more weight or stay hopeless and unmotivated im afraid of trying new meds and experiencing other adverse affects idk idk ",4.096875000000002,6.110471604166667,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,72.54166666666666,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.316816666666667,199,8,38,4,4,66,39,48,0.242,0.6920000000000001,0.065,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,10,6,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,4,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,5,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23130251101328864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234464268363328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632740086863376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818538180380923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5796783625780739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827526694488965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25201197067796954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781212429073296,0.0,0.21815275671979004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619011817674653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715725994342832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31774767845772633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829721151154113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,serial_skeleton,2019/01/22,"*Trigger Warning* Child abuse, animal abuse. I need help, at the end of my rope I don’t feel like I can keep going on like this. Not suicidal. But I’ve been out of the mental ward for 2 months now after I had a breakdown. And now I just feel like I need to stay somewhere like that. I constantly have heart palpitations and PVC arrythmias. I was horribly abused as a child. I remember some of the hitting and being yelled at, ect. But that isn’t the worst of it. I was made to kill kittens as a kid. My mom would tell me to put them in a freezer and I’d come to her proud of what I had done only for her to parade me in front of my grandma and say what a bad kid I was for killing kittens. I didn’t remember much of this for a long time and now that I remember everything, I just want to give up. I can’t even tell this to anyone except my wife and counselor because it is so disturbing that I don’t want to tell anyone else. I skipped work today because I just couldn’t go in like this. I have a wife and kid, neither know I skipped. But I just had to calm down today. I can’t keep up at work like I’ve been since I got out of the hospital. I’m on meds and I do counseling. But I guess that isn’t enough. I just don’t know what to do anymore.",0.6574907749077497,2.2770377306273097,2.7453490774907756,94.68701254612549,81.28782287822878,6.254819188191882,21.541107011070107,7.24861992348623,0.4421343468634689,959,29,233,13,25,324,125,271,0.135,0.7559999999999999,0.11,-0.9294,0,0,0,0,3,0,27.0,0,0,1,3,10,13,2,1,12,0,26,1,1,2,0,42,45,16,3,6,11,3,2,6,0,1,0,2,0,5,14,12,0,2,7,0,0,5,11,5,0,0,12,4,36,8,39,29,5,30,0,0,0,0,17,13,0,2,17,156,50,2,0.0,0.3692061711160679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301092728662296,0.1452563533375109,0.106426881077998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672694126947986,0.12663612748454728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947463225551157,0.0,0.1122463493833664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629486444191197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676988653077193,0.0,0.09199780933635444,0.1073252657286828,0.0,0.0686050208393567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335147535483074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503937989887477,0.1484092064673686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964137333310873,0.11806319783982132,0.0,0.0830741647907139,0.0,0.1144242910131438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308620873371096,0.06962173498117781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464849496755295,0.229833080039269,0.0,0.11416824723756885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30447321484814577,0.0,0.0,0.09192150113709407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828411272937213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537592792424405,0.0,0.10467632423752916,0.0,0.0,0.1216510500566376,0.08290788043412539,0.0,0.07635625169531816,0.1540362756598875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899766064140949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441783431567964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35299269301699865,0.0,0.0,0.08260143104922849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592216886345763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071138254381674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361669840635515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723603406486518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056731352358859,0.0,0.19691284343923005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253019406735027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123689758510855,0.0,0.0,0.07378612312425634,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,crazyausachick,2019/01/22,"More dissociative panic Woke up..... terrified i was dying. Sick with pneumonia but still terrified. No one could calm me. I knew I was dying. Internally I was hysterical. I came through. This wasn’t the first time I was so overwhelmed with such terror that I was in limbo between life and death. Nothing was real. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t recognize anything. Please make this stop. ",1.354954337899546,3.982580191780824,2.9468835616438334,84.77000570776255,96.39726027397259,6.268949771689497,22.521689497716896,7.492282038375204,1.6211744292237442,306,12,56,7,12,100,50,73,0.343,0.565,0.092,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,3,1,0,11,2,0,1,0,11,16,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,13,0,11,1,6,2,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679793293225104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874194816567819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064206313144226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5216180499873843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375507803451668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810753734047498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750014552132984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774425125277878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411284805560721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028692674841994,0.0,0.0,0.2948456132036602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27585119580923106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860336490309741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006879660928177,0.21009748869505399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653465769103438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pancakes11111111,2019/01/22,"feeling hopeless 😔 just wanted to vent dropped 3/4 of my classes I couldn't get myself to show up to class. The fear and anxiety was overwhelming and i would start crying right before class started. No one listens or tries to understand how hard this is for me. It's frustrating because i WANT to go, i was so excited about all of the classes i signed up for. But I physicaly could not do it. 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I know inhave to get it diagnosed, of which i most likely will, is reoccuring thoughts, which are almost all the time, a sign of PTSD, I'm almost scared to go to sleep. The trauma was a 7.2 earthquake on November 30th, in Anchorage, Alaska, being i live their, im so scared about another quake like that, and i'm 12, thought i should throw that in there.",2.1726418786692747,4.3176422328767154,3.348375733855189,89.63082191780823,78.72602739726028,6.911154598825831,21.38747553816047,7.957251820313856,0.9276982387475541,285,8,60,5,7,92,54,73,0.114,0.851,0.035,-0.672,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,2,4,0,7,2,1,0,1,10,14,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,3,0,5,2,9,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,3,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150983365185566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173387858090544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103728659061583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828908284080543,0.0,0.11779529784296268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388522964605806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113909185365318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252155164615676,0.0,0.18302162303409772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845708817955399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150232644350567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741789240030814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290956066135672,0.12085975759760115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pandadumdumdum,2019/01/22,"Am I being ridiculous? I was on a flight that lost cabin pressure at 37,000 feet and the oxygen masks dropped, we had to use them as the air outside was unbreathable. I experienced the worst pain of my life in my ears and had a heavy nose bleed due to the pressure change, and honestly thought we were going to die. I'm not afraid of flying, for the most part, and I've gotten pretty good at handling it. I have had some pretty bad anxiety reactions to seeing oxygen masks, feeling pressure change in my ears, and seeing the interior of that specific model of airplane. I might have to fly on the same type of plane again in a few months (A Boeing 737-800) and I'm seriously considering paying more to take a different flight that isn't on that model of a plane. Am I being ridiculous? Should I just tough it up and get on the 737-800 again?",6.546759813705922,5.948032485029942,6.908942115768465,78.57835662009317,65.46706586826348,9.817431803060547,31.13040585495676,9.150863307647796,2.4324589487691286,663,21,132,10,9,216,95,167,0.191,0.732,0.077,-0.9541,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,1,1,3,14,2,4,14,0,15,7,4,1,0,19,27,8,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,12,0,0,9,7,13,2,24,14,7,18,0,1,2,0,3,12,0,3,4,90,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660501892122194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709269506547026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331187913289221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245995611092072,0.21388169740319168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350913246777768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695418496604607,0.0,0.11634321524495615,0.17170369904577154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459496993271556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234686135016581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171683286344369,0.0,0.0,0.16340010359429946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178292520678005,0.0,0.0,0.22168441989664986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165337903660831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262597931143145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391883109548846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251939465128265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176806455749548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,climchanwrit,2019/01/22,"ADVICE: Got over PTSD, now it's come back Hi all, I'm looking for a bit of perspective here. I was diagnosed with PTSD from one particular kind of trauma, and over many years worked through therapy (talking, cognitive-behavioral, even EMDR), and I gradually learned the tools I needed to integrate all of my memories into my life. While I technically don't clinically qualify, I understand the idea that I will have some of my triggers and down days for the rest of my life. ​ I have come from an incredibly abusive work situation into another, much better position. As I digest my experiences and try to integrate into the new job, I'm finding that I'll burst into tears at random times, I'll be jumpy, dissociative, anxious, sad, and aggressive. Knowing how I used to be and what PTSD looked like for me specifically, I recognize these signs. It's coming back, and I'm trying to get in front of this. Does anyone have experience with this, where your PTSD comes back for either related on unrelated situations? I don't think this is just a passing flare up, I seriously think this could be a bigger relapse. I'm journaling my thoughts (a coping mechanism I found that was very productive and helpful for me), I'm doing all the other kinds of things that I know help me, and I'm making an appointment today for a few sessions with a therapist. ​ I'd just appreciate any perspective/tips/positive vibes from people who have experienced this before. What helped you? TL;DR PTSD is coming back from an unrelated but abusive work situation (that I'm now out of). Therapy is planned, and I'm using all my normal coping skills. Anyone experienced this before? What helped you? 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Pay attention to every single word and then assess in which way what they’re saying could be about me or directed at me. I get it in songs, tv, people, everything. I can’t turn it off. I feel like it pisses people off as well, like they notice that I am very aware of them if that makes any sense? I was assaulted sexuallly and psychologically by a guy I used to be friends with. They used a drug on me called scopolamine, they said a bunch of things into my head while I was on it and its brainwashed me to an extent. That or it’s ptsd and I’ve completely lost my sanity, but I doubt it.",2.6025286478227656,3.648369363636366,4.70056913674561,85.15236631016046,74.6149732620321,7.909702062643241,22.448051948051948,8.418075326091056,1.0686886172650871,689,17,155,12,14,239,106,187,0.08800000000000001,0.813,0.099,0.0027,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,2,3,9,2,1,7,0,13,4,2,5,0,32,28,17,0,4,10,0,2,3,1,0,2,3,0,1,16,8,0,0,5,2,1,1,5,4,1,0,5,6,24,5,25,20,4,18,0,1,0,0,13,13,1,9,5,104,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433322069821236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375713078219326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348872296596235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164692373419308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544352892106333,0.0,0.0,0.11075529823894907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217384433935854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687617520863015,0.0,0.12467108965961812,0.0,0.13077129513800206,0.0,0.14028031050808293,0.1982008041702432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071734370206095,0.0,0.0724746016098941,0.0,0.0788368232394943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373529551551976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236502598005496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297997199406263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623596592091697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331230611515486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514274428905201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259556189471474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579317371930294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846792927541042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243086070044105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195289723018727,0.11031438311187043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215829402592628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088570817944208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594242931187914,0.0,0.11445714933414125,0.0,0.2202163057964554,0.0,0.0,0.12472443733656376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,moniv23,2019/01/22,"Getting help making things worse TW: sexual assault So I went to the dr a couple weeks ago, and I’ve been feeling better over the past few days, but was in a horrible slump right after and a few weeks or maybe over a month leading up to the appt. Getting out of bed was harder, my depressive symptoms were slowly creeping back up, and I was getting a lot of migraine and back pain. I have fibromyalgia and arthritis and it seems everything aggravates it, but more recently, I’ve noticed when I take my adderall it makes things 10xs worse (since it’s a stimulant I know my muscles tend to tense and i have tmj so I crack my jaw all day and notice my temples hurting and headaches sometimes coming from there) I’m also on a smaller dose of duloxetine cause I was trying to get off of it. The adderall was given to me by a fckd up, ageist, discriminatory psychologist (only one I’ve ever seen) and she thought i had add. I was only recently diagnosed with ptsd when that probably was my diagnosis to begin with as a child, but definitely after the sexual assaults/rapes at 15, 24, and 25 (I’m 26 going on 27 now). I finished CPT therapy a few months ago and it’s done WONDERS for my self harm, suicidality, hypervigilance, and self worth, but this nagging leftover dissociation and feelings of anxiety and depression have left me useless with work, even with taking loads of adderall each day and drinking black tea after that (which doesnt do much for me anyway). I got referred to a therapist that does emdr after I went to the dr for gastrointestinal issues (my pcp has been my family dr since I was little and downplays all my symptoms because I “look okay”) and this lady actually listened. She asked all the right questions about my traumas and gave me the right referrals and I cried most of the appt without wanting to or being able to stop (side effect of healing I guess?) and she heard me out completely, which is what I’ve always wanted, but I could help but feeling worse after. I’m semi hopeful now, and I’m going to follow thru with the referrals, but I’ve been procrastinating so much and have a hard time sleeping and waking and eating and overeating and my vivid semi disturbing dreams have come back full force. My ptsd went from a 67 to a 29 when I was done with cpt in November 2018, and my depression was still moderate-severe and my anxiety was within the clinical range as well. I can’t help but think that some symptoms have some back, maybe some underlying mistrust of myself and others since I haven’t had good experiences with the medical system as a woc, but I’m just not sure what to do to help in the immediate moment. I’m from a small town so mental health isn’t exactly the top conversation, and to top it off I work as a therapist so everyone just assumes I’m over everything I’ve gone thru. Any advice or kind words or just real statements to help me through this weird time? Side note for context, I just realized I had been raped those 3 times during the spring of 2017, a couple months after the last rape, so I’m fairly new to processing this type of trauma, which I try to give myself credit for in the grand scheme of things. Thanks for reading ",6.990215208034433,6.752131788617888,7.408802008608322,74.16227044476332,64.4471544715447,10.357245337159256,33.53538976566237,9.916854025145753,3.1747025346724063,2530,95,468,48,34,831,298,615,0.151,0.7559999999999999,0.093,-0.9926,0,0,1,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,0,7,27,25,4,1,35,1,37,22,3,6,6,101,86,58,1,4,19,0,4,0,0,0,14,3,1,3,25,44,3,1,14,3,2,10,6,15,1,1,31,11,51,10,82,53,16,83,0,5,4,2,18,32,0,15,40,318,76,7,0.06843073845723358,0.0,0.06677852948156353,0.0,0.0,0.06686972563280423,0.12131944153568824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472403682090484,0.05693985626858091,0.0,0.0,0.046535248740928736,0.0,0.10469865523323177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397350298684355,0.0,0.0,0.21047605558484747,0.0,0.04171474301237859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052142720044766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702972185100277,0.0,0.11789404381845744,0.07174832732312726,0.0,0.0,0.05463637639823435,0.1514346210589633,0.0751679529353419,0.13239649551351046,0.0,0.17681788428201586,0.06945575907836378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988420037053386,0.14005680817335608,0.0,0.0670360718338708,0.0,0.07002172919433419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045197857365337664,0.061899520668280486,0.0,0.06538850313075821,0.12300227057174774,0.06693839304038934,0.0645104100377191,0.0,0.10380191243282864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300894587732646,0.06564499980463001,0.07778153130446486,0.05739645674353189,0.05473031281117604,0.0,0.07538417336031315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130050049083775,0.0,0.0,0.07273867501444553,0.0,0.0,0.2293384076491245,0.0,0.0,0.06796716375289227,0.0,0.0,0.07325652083666521,0.0,0.0,0.0714239120853463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126008369746223,0.03760774423767837,0.05578018517164141,0.0,0.0,0.07435019755942271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858557733418204,0.0,0.0,0.05746458558219621,0.0,0.0,0.058177366729975186,0.0,0.0,0.09135609858719196,0.0,0.13749574899337405,0.0,0.0,0.06893676971684637,0.06896208928343568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386228770771144,0.0,0.10060893301549716,0.0,0.0,0.06609083362091774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581769857888214,0.0,0.0,0.04637043938005261,0.10408932040779936,0.0728151304442926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653248829568832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737799100471696,0.0,0.15998374256780082,0.0,0.07665808818231397,0.0,0.06844925678690819,0.07788916175956002,0.0,0.0,0.13513419736143642,0.0,0.0,0.17531843022982466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062296774212669624,0.14277636880081032,0.0773072564213751,0.0,0.1698198419866888,0.0,0.06848015831815535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767975010365558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054648876127535176,0.057211161475880526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485212111392722,0.0,0.06449516115141819,0.2133772167565578,0.10290279801872156,0.0,0.0,0.06300183001175708,0.07825651322383886,0.15890672329510794,0.13638702583121054,0.04384765409128112,0.0,0.05432636254738304,0.11970754169950253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291995900163268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072444504274816,0.0,0.1097820214237592,0.0,0.061527452074360924,0.19030794038426124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596478991617667,0.074210216797002,0.0996367852060551,0.0,0.20921030606838809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwaway1123124235,2019/01/22,"Dealing with Roommates and Insignificant Triggers Hi everyone, ​ I've never posted here before, so apologies if this isn't a proper post. ​ I am living with roommates found online in a small, two-bedroom apartment. My wife and I share one room, this other couple shares the second. ​ My wife is out of the country working on visa paperwork, so I'm here alone with them. ​ The roommates are largely okay but very controlling and annoying about what ought to be done. When my wife was here they would needle her about every little thing (the light was on in the hallway, there is water on the bathroom floor, the fridge door was slightly ajar). Nothing they complained about was outright ridiculous, but there was some new thing every day for months, and they wouldn't tell her in a kind way. The boyfriend would tell her and then wait expectantly for her to go ""fix"" whatever insignificant issue there was, watching her the whole time as if he's the boss. ​ Now that she is gone, they are still doing the same thing. Not as often, and for some reason they even still text her to tell me to do something. ​ So, the point of this story: ​ I largely avoid conflict with them (eg., saying no, telling them to take care of their issues themselves), because I get all worked up and anxious when I have to deal with it. The troubling thing for me is that this is not reflective of my character at all. I am a professor who has lived abroad for many years, I am comfortable arguing or debating with others and dealing with conflicts in a classroom or professionally, I know how to box and fight and am not terribly afraid of physical violence (no more than the ""normal"" person, I mean), I am a big guy, feel confident in myself physically and mentally, etc. Point being, I am at least self-sufficient in most meaningful ways. ​ The issue is that the second I enter my home, all of this melts away. I immediately revert to the same level of insecurity and anxiety I had as a child growing up in an abusive home. I even sometimes will catch myself in the mirror and be shocked at my size (I am only 6'1"", \~220) -- not because i'm a huge man or something, but because internally I am literally feeling myself to be a small child again. ​ So, the real point of the story: ​ Does anyone have any recommendations for dealing with this anxiety? I can't seem to find ""myself"" when I'm home, and it's a strange feeling. I have this dreadful sense of something bad looming around the corner, but I know rationally that nothing will happen. I just can't seem to shake or deal with the feeling(s). ​ I realize on rereading that this is a little jumbled -- hope it makes a little sense. ",7.987121724429414,7.986552118343197,7.414586503240351,74.15447485207103,62.33333333333333,9.767511975204282,36.25309946463793,9.23628265651192,3.3022578754578764,2192,92,376,32,28,685,250,507,0.142,0.779,0.079,-0.9884,0,2,3,0,1,0,123.0,0,0,9,3,26,21,4,5,35,1,44,1,0,6,4,81,65,36,0,9,15,3,3,0,0,6,0,1,5,5,24,25,1,5,14,0,1,6,11,14,0,3,10,6,50,7,62,45,12,59,0,0,1,0,43,35,0,13,14,284,74,6,0.0,0.046004879613055834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04021414075808258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627718305915212,0.5189835199803761,0.02640439948588716,0.0,0.05940669048110151,0.04386463459284317,0.0,0.027149469203575024,0.0,0.0,0.03456518869027768,0.0,0.0,0.03648022284783268,0.0,0.03241979255316958,0.07100764057899278,0.0,0.0330398032403604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039587775756124835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043548949820531264,0.0,0.04296248906603573,0.0,0.025040874409936083,0.20015002771528426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03397868051118385,0.03973456695499501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330352966653905,0.051291110032506734,0.0,0.0654285987004299,0.03710185730521714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889787284761775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035488126227013785,0.0,0.0,0.042572943054455484,0.0,0.0,0.020286048958407167,0.0,0.0220668706062034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03844586532338877,0.034335508601091184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684307350402888,0.03856500593013185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157916151124006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04043342988925852,0.042677752004422295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674769332279332,0.06857174348359699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0259180190053086,0.039365539474187236,0.0,0.04229511969651746,0.0,0.0,0.03912953307628355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030992172044273607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02994657904582186,0.03750036414326012,0.0,0.0,0.038043236401715294,0.07451310545785317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02631088559434629,0.029530474990721936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03390314790798684,0.0,0.0,0.11011514779651088,0.0,0.07437306081427476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044194811424989135,0.0,0.039921693154156106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03087761680525585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069518085746086,0.04050611505214997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967516924537483,0.03840192557669071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201624771619961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029193854772631176,0.0,0.13574967769401727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318250106961603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022640943070230585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792935431680537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03203720039097298,0.0,0.06163978361512772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335012136988591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653455286586495,0.0,0.0,0.05516465287431591,0.0,0.5189835199803761,0.02500398550510444 ptsd,spicycherry6,2019/01/22,"MILD TW: SEXUAL ASSAULT Whenever I heat muffled voices/noises from other rooms or outside, I immediately believe something horrible is happening. If I hear a shout outside, I assume someone is being attacked. Considering I am a college student at a large party school, 99.9% of screams on the street are by intoxicated idiots. If I hear one of my roommates crying, I assume she just received some sort of horrible news or is suicidally depressed. If I hear a conversation getting heated, especially if a male voice is getting very loud, I am struck with fear. Even though that situation could be literally anything and it’s not even my business. What annoys me the most is that if I hear one of my roommates having sex, I get scared it’s actually them getting assaulted. We are all very sexually active women and 3/4 of us have a steady boyfriend. I have no issue with sex. I have it all the time. But because I was once a victim I get really scared. I feel guilt more than anything. That I may very well be ignoring a horrible situation I could prevent. If something horrible was happening and I assumed nothing was wrong and didn’t budge, I would be directly responsible. A bystander. At this moment I hear thumps from my neighbors upstairs and I heard a female voice. Turns out the voice was just the wind. Yet for a while I was paralyzed with fear. Whenever I try to talk myself down and remind myself logically I have zero evidence this is really a horrible thing going on, it doesn’t work. Because I feel like even if there’s only a 1% chance someone is in danger, I am compelled to drop whatever I’m doing and step in. I’m sick of this. It drives me crazy. I can talk myself down from all my other fears but this one is so much harder. What do I do?",3.724437810945272,5.9816861253731375,5.390671641791048,76.30322139303483,74.31343283582089,8.1681592039801,29.375621890547265,8.936278230431713,2.762633830845771,1392,61,244,31,30,472,180,335,0.16399999999999998,0.79,0.045,-0.9828,0,0,2,0,0,0,40.0,2,0,1,1,10,19,7,6,18,0,37,4,0,1,3,46,56,21,1,10,14,0,2,1,1,2,2,12,2,2,17,12,0,2,6,0,0,4,4,17,1,4,7,14,43,2,26,41,7,20,0,1,0,2,17,11,0,16,5,183,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.09120271640574452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381794852414246,0.0,0.0,0.1063233541920068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394374528558128,0.0,0.0,0.10529653590726472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923916356862582,0.0,0.1026605639205493,0.0,0.0,0.08049628865661403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851867987858094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155028148473287,0.09451157885109253,0.06676728495909101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441429235487878,0.0,0.05311502811037607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529135798877925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5266766629364922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975471435067628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045659453754185814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870327975873014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896766415504491,0.0,0.0,0.09953101840109396,0.1899911572726214,0.07107994772960766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974473811805746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713796527188825,0.0945857195054619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010415661589865,0.0,0.0,0.15837538649316754,0.14389894607988568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222921689533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502379606406257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209015250298885,0.0,0.09182320846744207,0.0,0.054496822366949305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345267509670904,0.10165679313407701,0.0,0.0,0.1124199335165927,0.0,0.0,0.2313409313506258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840310621732875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803942476179217,0.0,0.0,0.06639074793176,0.10218298485673742,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rowan_121,2019/01/23,"I use rituals to cope I’ve had anxiety surrounding a trauma for quite some time now and I’ve learned to use different rituals to “control” my anxiety. My brain tells me that if I do a certain thing those scary things I don’t want to repeat won’t happen or that I will be safe. I imagine this is what OCD feels like but once I do one ritual my brain says “good now do two more” and so on. Short term, it relieves some anxiety, but in the long term it’s become consuming and I believe it’s made my obsession with the traumatic incident worse. I can’t go more than an hour without having reminders tug at me pulling me to do this or that or I’ll suddenly be on the brink of death. It scares me so I wanted to know if anyone else can relate.",2.6224623655913994,3.8726564451612937,4.368790322580647,86.7465188172043,74.87096774193549,8.521505376344086,26.46505376344086,9.075114841892004,1.985505376344086,579,21,127,13,12,196,98,155,0.181,0.736,0.083,-0.9517,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,0,2,6,0,14,2,2,4,1,26,23,12,1,4,8,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,3,0,2,2,2,17,5,15,17,6,18,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,7,10,85,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37418862755493454,0.0,0.0,0.11400537030266532,0.16705962539569835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007120664781107,0.0,0.18369671203366175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640259298776371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828696580899671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034809263398973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362037916796076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244082359625868,0.116479907080717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266264971949978,0.13675502853107294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418080674970624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056720786834197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960567303298872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965591133296046,0.0,0.0,0.1442903464822843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427781861693507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363838865264522,0.110484011038401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734192109808381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966051422778666,0.16323722628155185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250916065732888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664068558746896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507328041549012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592719935629162,0.0,0.0,0.2816383343501739,0.0,0.0,0.19233720008718327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571702721535954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615753537550956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aquilles22,2019/01/23,Idk what to do My entire life ive had horrific fear of any sorta sexually related parts of life since i was like 4 i just recovered a memory of being held down and molested while someone put a girls hairpin in my hair so idk if i have ptsd or something cuz its not like im kinda nervous or shy but i can be completely confident and myself one second and then the next one im on the verge of tears im so scared. I once went i track club or running group for kids my age wen i was like in the 5th grade and the first day i went a girl came up to me and told me i was sexy and my reaction was to get so angry i wanted to literally kill her my face started twitching and i was almost about to cry i wanted to tell her to fuck off but i jus sorta looked away i dont think she noticed cuz she jus ran away after saying it. i pretty much am able to keep my composure in situtations like this other than obviously seem uncomfortable or scared asf. But situtations like this keep happening in my life im 22 ive never had sex never done anything sexual and my fear of it ruins my ability to make friends away from that because im just scared theyll talk about it with me. It ruined my chance to play basketball in my life people told me i could have easily played pro overseas or something if i tried. This fear has completely ruined my life thus far. Now after dropping out of college after 1 week i work at kroger and 2 girls who work there have already tried hookin up with me and i literally just dont have the ability to do that kinda stuff. So idk what to tell these people or what to do i have no kinda sexuality its not even like im gay or something i just wanna torture someone sexually this life is hell please help i really dont know what to do.,1.6826614450127906,3.56296342663044,3.7980242966751945,87.11053069053713,79.13586956521739,7.155498721227622,21.964833759590807,8.124751697461798,1.1077375959079283,1383,41,297,26,34,473,187,368,0.206,0.659,0.135,-0.987,0,0,3,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,13,24,5,7,8,0,30,12,2,4,3,55,50,30,1,6,18,0,1,6,1,1,7,1,0,4,20,14,0,3,3,3,0,6,8,15,0,4,15,3,47,9,46,31,2,38,1,3,1,3,19,17,2,16,20,196,67,4,0.07478917600375512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489055649366982,0.0,0.08253171547081728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050859204312677535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061545119400307914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108006782939633,0.0,0.0,0.045590787523854516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553889328447215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683005623263668,0.0,0.0,0.05971307138835971,0.0,0.08215239801097034,0.04823283136826269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653529329913325,0.2629570718270482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939754539696243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524758468985093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361563490272583,0.0,0.0,0.05778193185792872,0.069141388078745,0.03907425765255742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613582134507387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012960818714717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847108638265565,0.0,0.0,0.13295211197440426,0.08274314230985916,0.0,0.041102175225739064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169548407409227,0.2192292818894129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280407170785722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992235572997583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054978649715642834,0.0,0.1153640462810949,0.0,0.07953913714469646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514797257959615,0.0,0.079648031589345,0.10135816243846543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098938946006956,0.0,0.10369879561107803,0.0,0.0,0.0820960564840789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608747918993354,0.0,0.0,0.08742454451313847,0.07518377879279503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791186123430672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059475354575908426,0.2246310367710044,0.0,0.0,0.0680852569488097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186637924032616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673725225586446,0.17272908466871795,0.0,0.0,0.052936163713234216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561571337070971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011270670818236,0.1307380725873035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792188412863679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292852538262873,0.0,0.10155388243220426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822518745549743,0.0,0.05999136577665879,0.0,0.0,0.1386606308723448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889482173104184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,letrangerdesign,2019/01/23,"How do you guys unwind? In the hours before bed, I find myself struggling to find an activity to help me unwind a bit. Reading has been suggested, but I find it too stimulating (a good book can be exciting, haunting, but rarely relaxing). What have you folks found success with?",5.077941176470588,7.012105764705888,5.809950980392159,76.11727941176474,69.78431372549021,9.02156862745098,30.39705882352941,9.516144504307137,3.006211764705882,218,9,38,5,4,71,43,51,0.07,0.633,0.297,0.9494,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,2,0,9,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,4,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,26,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385124523759047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27437177585040634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6890942960149036,0.0,0.0,0.2755548154870011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079177902445406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488421651252456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845169088749454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24749545053743102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513838210516373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627298526130172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SheCriesWolf,2019/01/23,"My friends are still friends with the guy who hurt me (TW!! sexual assault) Fall 2018, I was assaulted by one of my close friends... ... ... I'd tried to leave twice, but he kept saying that we'd only cuddle, and idk I believed him. I'd been with him before but I was done with it... He didn't respect my space and I didn't get anything out of it. I was clear that I didn't want to but he kept trying and... I eventually pretended to pass out, which didn't stop him. I'm sorry for saying this, sometimes I just have to reassure myself that it was real. Like I said, he was a close friend and part of my immediate friend group (my roommate's boyfriend is his roommate/best friend). I've known them all since freshman and sophomore year (2-3 years). I told my roommate what happened and how much it triggered my existing PTSD and even caused new symptoms, really scary, debilitating symptoms. But the other night they all hung out. Got drunk and got pizza without me. I can't really say how much that hurts because there's really no describing the level of pain I feel. I'm not gonna tell them to stop being friends with him. But I feel so alone. How can I be friends with them when they hang out with my abuser? I can't press charges because his dad's a lawyer and I've seen this happen a billion times with entitled rich white boys, and I don't win. I lose hard and I get death threats on the internet. But I also can't get out of the situation because I live with her. I really, honestly thought she was a good person. I thought she understood. I know this is how it is with assault cases but... It doesn't make it any easier. When I learned about it today it sent me into an anxiety attack and then dissociation for 3 hours. It fucking sucks you guys. ",1.934037660389933,4.0359935694051,3.3010439926678927,89.88784660889854,79.31161473087819,6.5325445759040175,23.696800533244467,7.618777277803332,1.0525441426428928,1362,47,290,21,34,444,188,353,0.177,0.667,0.155,-0.8606,0,1,0,0,1,0,59.0,1,1,5,2,13,26,7,0,10,0,26,7,0,7,3,63,52,28,1,1,10,1,4,1,8,1,3,4,0,4,21,29,2,4,8,2,1,4,12,11,0,3,23,10,52,15,31,25,5,28,0,3,2,2,43,11,2,0,14,181,73,2,0.0,0.10618290424241787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928174205262954,0.0,0.0716676365725674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094344438612196,0.0,0.06855767235747319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374813688296253,0.0,0.0,0.1019536322521831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389125596014992,0.0,0.07625848156037557,0.1009690145772802,0.09404876456169553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092062570689494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171052622206667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919197127431871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062730222333312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539103489007736,0.08285057535015213,0.14046542098088124,0.0,0.0,0.07516748839108238,0.1433517114569268,0.0,0.0,0.177472201665832,0.15849814422162814,0.0,0.08028029813063066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825586790535997,0.0,0.19187625829121085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925181516050728,0.0,0.0,0.09489272655287603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378292231529116,0.0,0.07913450630993596,0.0,0.0,0.10025983453309198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982083973137579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175936692875734,0.0,0.0,0.08655380925612853,0.0,0.08410060323773905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072760692117614,0.06815867413514709,0.09536007591589377,0.0,0.0,0.0970477698015302,0.0,0.0,0.0782511494021748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475887184083243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020051235656223,0.2296468369907805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524742391296279,0.21380395227918994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413309534737889,0.1007346037992225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863468441893299,0.10032022992605123,0.0,0.0,0.07156920470295611,0.14984964438813414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862952334629088,0.0,0.0,0.07833025077318245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229366960253456,0.052257089035009,0.0,0.08494756819396526,0.08563402392509903,0.0,0.1216897407232752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285913216508035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638874002972614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542235610214885 ptsd,Grmmff,2019/01/23,"The cost of having fun I stayed up too late last night celebrating my birthday and drank too much and ate garbage food and didn't get enough sleep. As a result today has been really trigger-y and gross. I need to learn how to celebrate in ways that don't fuck up my self care. Instead of treating my birthday as a cheat day for all the rules and habits that help my take care of myself. ",6.68879746835443,5.47622493670886,6.302373417721517,85.05457278481015,65.45569620253164,9.418987341772151,29.87658227848101,8.07648339933343,1.7021367088607589,306,8,67,3,4,95,59,79,0.069,0.685,0.246,0.9459,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,4,0,5,5,1,2,1,10,13,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,7,4,11,9,3,10,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,5,41,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764310678946435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150680990637567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24141661208428145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825231388318085,0.0,0.0,0.2160000264180431,0.12206929770639666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660658534101102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045096761081928,0.26356050303497736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175515448839893,0.1732439959752751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925897852068016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967826912241694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437415500361036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23381264106067146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490333167258315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567114013893406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146710383721346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545565753341486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,idkhowtobecreative11,2019/01/23,Do you ever feel like you are dying or about to pass out and nothing is wrong with you? I'm in line at the store and just feeling weightless and like I'm about to fall down. I have been having severe PTSD and anxiety the last few days and I just feel like I'm going to drop dead any second. It is really scaring me. I've never felt like this before. Everything feels just empty ,1.2743354430379732,3.3827068607594946,2.899224683544308,91.86503955696205,81.65822784810126,5.468987341772152,17.469936708860754,6.6274283507984215,-0.11174810126582324,298,6,63,3,8,98,55,79,0.173,0.672,0.155,-0.3897,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,2,18,16,6,2,0,4,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,5,0,1,3,1,2,0,1,2,6,6,4,10,14,1,12,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,8,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402284897342226,0.0,0.15774853146586126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754677932360462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298708050552344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401131523542333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652691311287567,0.0,0.0,0.1853264256970228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170597788647122,0.2946300277589092,0.19799198746185975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719274054773846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680870165164706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029711897164896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904029760444385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978621072095656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410460802219797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210210486064855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206450149712486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23295630960990454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22545604245608536,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TepidCatastrophe,2019/01/23,"My memories are being corrupted by my nightmares I've always been a little forgetful but it's worse now. PTSD can make you forgetful and my medical conditions tend to make me foggy headed so my memory is slowly going. I'm only 29 years old but you would think I was 79 and had dementia. My husband is wonderful and helps me with things but lately my nightmares have been clouding my memory. I have the normal nightmares people have in addition to what I call my ""trauma nightmares"". Some of the normal ones for example are that I'm back in school and completely forget to go to class, or forget to turn in homework. I was talking with my husband the other day and I started talking about the time I missed a deadline for a particular class (it was a particularly memorable one in college) and apparently I've talked to him in the past about the class and he told me I was wrong, that I passed that class with flying colors. I didnt believe him and went through my old college files (I kept my grades from college on an old thumb drive) and sure enough, it was right there in black and white.....an A. This is just one example of things that have happened where I dont have the correct memory and it scares me. Does anyone have issues with memory like this?",4.255724762726491,5.944822959016397,5.183994823123381,80.76911561691115,71.45901639344262,8.415530629853322,27.186367558239866,8.99025400887824,2.226011475409836,998,35,186,20,19,326,132,244,0.108,0.8340000000000001,0.058,-0.8871,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,1,13,0,24,2,1,2,2,37,40,16,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,14,16,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,4,0,3,12,2,30,2,26,26,2,26,0,1,2,0,13,10,0,3,12,133,44,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763201604795644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904465897410063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946443351367924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573647807968176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208382373950986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356241062750636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342195118176808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319763760726075,0.0,0.15160069318323904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365617482701705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702852402906905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143863858517998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275344428592814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670255525784994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501087209487286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591576100339565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319531714735209,0.1296456374155687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268819617026393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030948777705453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534768521215117,0.0,0.0,0.4072024822770824,0.0,0.26295871833409884,0.09837874679300057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348202667708208,0.08967704797408718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120667556875464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046671191084656,0.0,0.0,0.12950486803166114,0.1309120904936402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155668327489626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191362386517635,0.0,0.0,0.3119070024809053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187270352721315,0.08288414685412818,0.0,0.0,0.07542674495282482,0.0,0.0,0.12360228633392402,0.0,0.0,0.14069886417994698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991147991238647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027775566452638,0.0,0.0,0.1318217062458338,0.09188862384961964,0.14142714386924987,0.0,0.08329905833195639 ptsd,shadowspawn,2019/01/23,"The spiral, or perpetual circle of intensifying PTSD because you know it's PTSD, anxiety because you know you are suffering from anxiety. I'm in a panic, I start to further panic because I'm in a panic. The more I try to hide it the worse it becomes obvious. The more I tried to write or draw not looking like chicken scratch the more it looks like chicken scratch. The more I tried not to think about something the more I thought of it. If I wake, the more I try to have the images go away and sleep the worse I sleep. There are only a few things that helped me. A regimen, a hobby I would pour myself into by myself (coding, drawing, creating) during those periods of intense effects until I could get through the time until the next does of meds and the next session. Might help, I dunno. Someone gave me an small sand game timer and said ""just breathe 20 deep breaths until it runs out. Time it until you reach 20."" Just saw the same advice on a streaming show. It sorta works too.",4.2784529977794215,5.541906886010366,5.010262768319767,83.69534974093266,70.81347150259067,7.37957068837898,29.32975573649149,7.7094869923839395,1.8238574389341224,771,30,149,9,14,249,111,193,0.149,0.8240000000000001,0.026,-0.9708,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,0,2,5,6,0,3,21,0,6,5,5,1,1,25,20,10,0,3,7,0,3,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,5,2,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,7,19,2,23,13,8,21,0,1,3,0,10,9,0,6,12,100,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123518902587554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898192513553392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656344654402875,0.0,0.0,0.2268871917633795,0.13702039206758884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905605799404343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857039239927004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481900599171718,0.0,0.07050917706915832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631672966574998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636610404320335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122409134171268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083672343328264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780859540270915,0.0,0.0,0.13161369234346065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638897379958621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435726194324216,0.0,0.4366917440685081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29005142592897737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801452434642018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483098251012008,0.0,0.10512013799971676,0.09551154004971578,0.0,0.0,0.08781406785554306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242348188137462,0.07949604371473401,0.0,0.09849400113717846,0.14468696467571127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369288175548669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032102624973858,0.0,0.2528663084561313,0.08813243950368642,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ShelterBoy,2019/01/23,"Memory and debriefing??? I have problems bringing up the memories of things that took place when I am asked to tell my story. I simply cannot find them. Then I made a friend online and in talking to her I noticed that when she asked me a question I was able to answer with information I have, but never think of when I am just asked to tell my story. This happened frequently enough that it led me to thinking about why. I came up with the idea of ""debriefing"". As in questioning someone about something in a way that elicits the things not readily coming forth by self reporting. Yesterday I was reading Slaughterhouse 5 and the part where he calls Bernard V. O'Hare and he responds ""I don't remember much"" it connected what I have seen on reddit PTSD and CPTSD where people express confusion about memory or only remember highlights of a particular thing. Aside from my recently arrived at theory that the book is Vonnegut processing and explaining what he can of his own PTSD, it hit me that this ""i don't remember much"" thing might be something like my own inability to recall at will and is common to all trauma victims. I mean that the memories are there but like me they cannot on their own access them. It takes interaction with another who is more finessed at questioning a person to get the parts the owner of the memories cannot bring out on their own. As I write this I looked up debriefing victims and found this ""critical incidence stress debriefing"" (CISD). I don't think it applies directly here, it seem to be intended to prevent PTSD. I found this Trauma - Informed Care [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/) Browsing it there is no mention of debriefing decades after the fact. It all relies on/assumes at the time of occurrence reporting. Anyway my point and the idea of this post is to find anyone else who is surprised by how much more comes out when they are just talking to someone, than by your own volition when asked directly to tell the story. And to find out if anyone knows what I mean and can name this sort of debriefing. BTW this doesn't only apply to the abuse topic, other things are stored this way too. I would think Police should know about this and anyone who takes child abuse complaints etc. ​",6.923406988694757,8.312290390887291,6.2628186022610475,76.68709532374102,64.75539568345323,9.985919835560123,32.39885234669407,10.125756701596842,3.36439027064063,1851,73,315,42,28,567,204,417,0.119,0.8420000000000001,0.038,-0.9888,0,0,2,0,3,0,67.0,0,1,6,0,19,12,2,2,19,0,31,0,0,5,4,72,62,25,0,4,7,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,3,37,21,0,1,26,2,1,7,10,7,0,0,8,2,39,5,56,47,16,43,0,0,2,0,43,20,0,9,15,233,76,4,0.07703693322389431,0.1825523373955429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346948496239875,0.0936083059795655,0.0,0.08077994145919899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159804472418618,0.0789334418914612,0.0,0.0,0.2880765333711003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866332206708491,0.08810972873495546,0.07854428766421853,0.0,0.0,0.1327209933122873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435447254520077,0.0,0.0,0.0795997452905906,0.08591654433827188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112310839747608,0.0,0.0,0.1689340419922025,0.0595185435104054,0.0,0.04024861802732215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812350563151076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393064128407326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467496761999574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527270857478552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469162166065237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289420889156861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783160886334214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172401210494258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989302970811698,0.0,0.05941563207855596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770705907275916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718011826786807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668469829742765,0.0,0.053407709642955416,0.06726567863806987,0.08048719874354816,0.0,0.07282480243394297,0.0,0.07378008705327467,0.0,0.0,0.07371394103017982,0.2701561572539535,0.0,0.2588969878235213,0.0,0.0770577805120973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606467775372293,0.0,0.26180348367014084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013153070216721,0.08036632248336831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305462870526166,0.11861358975956895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824554672734289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584437283947167,0.12383873763640005,0.20200102553388988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558995766727177,0.19744862477937355,0.0,0.0,0.04492085527745904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559086736812417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122296663638086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951384990611248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472482706466107,0.0,0.0936083059795655,0.0 ptsd,sad-but-trying,2019/01/23,"I had a horrible nightmares Last night I had horrible nightmares and I’m breaking down now. I just need to talk about it with someone but I feel very alone right now. I dreamt first that a person I hate was bit by my dog and that my dog had developed rabies (it was horrifying to see my dogs face so angry and mean), then in my dream I was talking with one of my brothers who suddenly fell down a flight of stairs. He looked up at me and I screamed “are you ok” and he responded “you never care about me!” And he started crying. I woke up crying at that point (5am) and just laid in bed trying to calm down until my alarm went off. I cried the whole way to work and am thankful no one is in the office today so I can work and cry. I can’t seem to sleep anymore without getting nightmares, I’m so tired but sleep is not a restful place. My trauma won’t leave me alone, and I’m scared. ",1.0573118279569904,2.9585887096774215,2.587311827956992,94.91763440860215,81.25806451612901,5.423655913978496,21.086021505376344,6.42735559955562,0.1289698924731182,684,20,156,6,18,223,109,186,0.318,0.623,0.059,-0.9958,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,3,9,9,1,2,6,1,13,4,3,0,1,23,29,17,0,1,6,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,6,12,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,5,0,3,8,4,24,4,25,20,3,30,0,0,2,0,11,15,0,1,11,102,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26669857402543645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768838754548975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056493863204642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127227318508852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5657165365966229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510138973288894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951724332428962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726813289837583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711694015464126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495088642750117,0.0,0.1363308456189426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812009993302477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024977158102273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546872443831396,0.09930225758777986,0.0,0.0,0.12082597658394136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449274153515767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242216085664128,0.13451949028470053,0.0,0.12171320975788467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995436583247822,0.0,0.0,0.12890422273211447,0.0,0.10259947812971328,0.11721190338603495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576919849251383,0.0,0.10909200635017673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911320421607282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069735824379732,0.0,0.11853847178783185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479826430295324,0.12204279743930573,0.0,0.0,0.08741484125608766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623471618403717,0.0,0.1021981452512256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935532887446985,0.0,0.14374813604409115,0.0,0.12411330570889376,0.0,0.18746744737373744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HighOnDissociation,2019/01/23,Looking to start DIY CBT? Could anyone point me in the right direction? I'm looking to start with something basic. ,2.7042857142857137,5.731788952380956,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,88.04761904761904,4.704761904761905,26.04761904761905,6.42735559955562,1.3515904761904771,92,4,15,1,3,28,18,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24467733338864944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793885083361451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5877016708041929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33079444422433985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988360376654857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693911633853097,0.0,0.0,0.4953607467513906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Blue-Princess,2019/01/23,"Tonight I had a very public meltdown at a concert... PTSD has ruined my life. Quite literally. The life that I once had is gone forever and I’ve spent 3 years now fighting a horrific battle to try and win back the me I used to be. But tonight I think I’ve proven to myself that I’m never, ever going to be me again. And that breaks my fucking heart. My favourite artist playing live and my best friend by my side, and still I was unable to smile, to dance, to sing, to endure more than 40 mins of a 3 hour concert. I say endure... I never would have used that word in the past to refer to a concert. Ever. I was out at a gig probably once a week. I adored dancing and loud music and big crowds. But tonight instead I stood frozen in place, unable to move, to feel a thing, I hated every moment. Tears streaming down my face. Panic attack. I had to leave. Only like 6 songs in or something and boom I bolted. I legit adored the person I used to be, the life I used to lead. Now I’m just this broken abstract entity living in the carcass of a once awesome human. And that realisation kills me. I used to be strong and beautiful and brave and a force to be reckoned with. Now I’m just a hollow black hole of shame and weakness and exhaustion and terror and pain and loneliness and... and nothing. Rest In Peace, old me.",2.0375561797752795,3.8919077790262193,3.5097986891385773,89.71391151685394,77.95131086142321,5.798314606741574,21.986423220973787,6.6274283507984215,0.4496692883895128,1015,29,212,9,24,334,146,267,0.185,0.685,0.131,-0.931,0,0,1,0,2,0,40.0,0,0,0,5,11,22,6,3,17,0,14,9,2,6,4,42,30,22,1,1,5,0,1,1,1,1,6,7,0,2,7,21,0,0,4,9,1,6,2,13,0,0,8,9,28,9,32,16,3,39,0,1,1,1,7,12,1,1,21,136,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420298513138185,0.0,0.09070832231345073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379769776988787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134134129879888,0.09939116881360092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059646989636873836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911399877026663,0.10905736545354727,0.0,0.0,0.06704261149321053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646668132868647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397898925879016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161724272752098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051154106689394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249086166852012,0.0,0.0,0.2499679342536936,0.057632070017413724,0.0,0.20833170411080032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537884334281205,0.0,0.0,0.181964801475326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319124649598328,0.0,0.12378513171124947,0.3768887809484895,0.0,0.08971821140132044,0.12552379515634274,0.1384073022209173,0.0,0.0,0.1126115846646072,0.0,0.10300307706309048,0.12324902242318116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718694945550593,0.0,0.1378955610454431,0.0,0.0,0.1254710158023981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381103937452052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081573972123724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420754025573208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783711525702627,0.07558764114899083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009094970021394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5094223370632845,0.0,0.09733403605214108,0.0,0.0,0.09462494872262713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379943075777356,0.0,0.0,0.07596602689686939 ptsd,pyrofish9,2019/01/23,"Sociopathic symptoms? I'm wondering about this. No I'm not confusing emotional numbing with sociopathy, although maybe it is connected. Does anyone think ptsd has possibly turned them into a sociopath(aspd, npd)? Or maybe having a personality disorder to begin with caused you to be more likely to be in traumatizing situations? What does everyone think about this?",7.4358192090395505,11.087867525423727,7.645000000000002,57.76603107344636,68.66101694915254,12.068926553672314,36.951977401129945,11.20814326018867,6.115912994350282,300,16,38,12,6,97,47,59,0.172,0.773,0.055,-0.8138,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,1,0,10,12,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,9,10,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,2,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486692946831593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21841996562420704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243681673240044,0.0,0.372131508574534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391696012705027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316813252008334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038757044845864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272120206907391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856521410869985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396978239863509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485421492680143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238994507042428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099425523409644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724774408521891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127020001806445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23057801354478855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,StarLeagueRecruit,2019/01/24,"I'd like to vent. Please understand. My stepdad was an English teacher at the school I went to. My science teacher had cancer, and she died. There were different memorials, for different people. I got to go to the staff and faculty memorial, because wives and daughters did. My stepdad... You don't forget a memorial like that. Some other students were there. I heard later that they had that reaction people do. Surprised, admiring, saying ""You can sing!"" He can sing. Those are the words for it, but I don't think they're enough. What my stepdad can do is take his voice, extend it out to where you were in the audience, grab you by the heart, and make your heart sing along with him. It was impressive, inspiring, beautiful. I threw out my dresses because I thought that would make him touch me less. Watched my hair fall out from stress. Hated my body because it was something he wanted. I got reminded recently that people think that evil people are evil. Like that's all they are. Like beauty and evil never coexist in the same person. Like the moment I say ""molester"" he becomes incapable of being friendly, and generous, and kind. Like the moment I say ""friendly, and generous, and kind"" he becomes incapable of being a molester. Like I'm not allowed to remember the person who gave me remembrance, strength, and hope, because he's also the person who gave me post-traumatic stress disorder. I hate him, okay? What he did to me. What his job as a high school teacher gave him the opportunity to do to others. The creeping realization that maybe the daughter from his first marriage has a good reason for never speaking to him. I hate him. But it takes something away from me, and something away from that hate, to not acknowledge the other things he was. It takes something away from the betrayal. I wasn't molested by someone twirled his moustache and laughed. I was molested by someone who taught, who inspired, who sincerely gave himself to people. I have to live with that. I have to reconcile that evil and that good in the same person. I don't have the option of thinking that a good person doesn't molest, like my mother screamed at me. I don't have the option of thinking a molester does no good, like my best friend screamed at me. I don't get to separate them. I don't get to have that. Ever.",3.4254085917312693,6.012149539351853,4.0068432385874235,84.22945736434113,76.75462962962962,7.074160206718347,28.33354866494401,8.133680483312611,2.187091559000862,1819,79,326,33,43,574,182,432,0.162,0.593,0.245,0.991,4,0,4,0,0,0,74.0,0,5,3,4,5,48,14,2,25,1,39,5,4,4,4,52,70,17,1,3,4,4,3,9,3,1,1,8,0,5,33,19,0,0,12,3,0,4,13,18,0,1,24,12,55,30,47,43,7,26,0,0,1,0,54,14,0,4,17,232,88,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866381041204063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067648088433877,0.0,0.0,0.17887172932610504,0.1620347602585101,0.0,0.0,0.07698396595159691,0.0,0.0,0.08148342878272183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613330110378187,0.1532855411161234,0.08407382706192386,0.0,0.06419547206853085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757977058466819,0.0,0.0,0.06635588227827954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623976862720063,0.0,0.0,0.17002701592656716,0.0,0.07665232844233859,0.0,0.04169064702716025,0.2461145085290345,0.11734107646532432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897006064383845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385751956983508,0.0,0.07750602046913296,0.0,0.07286035607520565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279580612718263,0.0,0.0,0.1527806895406935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225480648088292,0.0,0.0647758444010624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979331416109172,0.0,0.07369727289862105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315535210682195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542835941674968,0.32026384659729257,0.0,0.08052429225135296,0.0,0.0,0.07025602048588167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542352731921306,0.07243148892815457,0.0,0.08309952656432126,0.0,0.0,0.17501002016651346,0.0,0.14848301830953425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431081317241875,0.2258961496219155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680610903640526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546669209350312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873533393384344,0.1880175963657004,0.0,0.05823750618554545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636754172834781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04326803919001044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800295679419771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211092484297244,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,StarryBallarinaGirl,2019/01/24,"Im having a rough night, I just want to be adopted so bad, I want someone to care, I want the flashbacks to stop I keep flashing back to all the abuse when I was little. Maybe talking about it will help but I cant even think straight. My parents sexually abused me and told me how worthless I was my entire childhood. Im 23 now and I just cant get over the things that happened to me. I wish I wasn't to old to get adopted, I wish with all my heart some family wanted me. I wish I wasn't so unloveable, I just want someone to call me their kid and actually care. I just want someone to talk to. Im so scared and just depressed I don't even know what to do anymore ",1.4475000000000016,2.8030554166666697,3.1025000000000027,94.1925,78.16666666666666,5.633333333333334,24.5,5.985473137389443,0.3853583333333335,516,18,122,3,12,171,76,144,0.17600000000000002,0.6579999999999999,0.166,-0.7619,1,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,15,7,0,1,4,0,11,1,1,1,2,28,29,10,0,9,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,1,25,2,14,22,3,10,0,2,0,0,8,3,0,1,7,80,29,0,0.0,0.2738050467324896,0.112755740366372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459008800317726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884735730597089,0.09647566616562862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179848742667314,0.0,0.23561267591851195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951916984404664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263342603581406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089260141187964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207355095762047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217650405977342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692197383611934,0.0774477130589142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374426903139076,0.0,0.0,0.1027021493997066,0.0,0.0,0.06350078502700954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158069458972712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608098512604255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084316244881011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124556541032185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829960386781278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568120258071117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937039815853986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660121178939636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857421922369475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676329599426805,0.07403689088056306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040867684864222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40891037750266107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986148679852096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BigEmotions,2019/01/24,"Does anyone have advise when it comes to cleaning with PTSD? It makes everything look unfamiliar and causes me to panic. (Hear me out I know it's weird and stupid and sounds like a cop-out) Every time I tidy my brain quickly goes into panic mode or having full on panic attacks because even though its the same place with other of the same surroundings its unfamiliar and different from how it should be. The only way I can get around this is by doing so super slowly two or three things at a time before waiting until the things not being there is the new familiar or by just cleaning everything like literally everything; moving furniture to clean under, it wiping down the walls, organizing, just making everything look as much like an IKEA catalog as actually used areas can actually look and dealing with the subsequent downfall of my metal heath. I don't have the time take my time with this (anniversaries are coming and I'm always out of commission for two or three months with them and I want it to be livabley clean before then because it's not going to be after {last year I had dry vomit on my bed for two weeks before I had the energy to clean it and I still slept in it}) and I'm not sure if a big stresser right between the one month of calm (after the winter holidays and before the anniversaries) is smart. I'd ask my therapist but I don't want her to be upset with me for letting it go this far and I'm worried she'll judge me because I can't even pick up my dirty clothes without feeling unsafe because it all looks different or taking the stack of books I was going to read but didn't from my desk to my bookshelf without putting them right back because I can't calm down with them not being there anymore because it's become the new normal. (I know its weird and silly but its stressed me out to the point of making a reddit just to ask for help with this) Does anyone know anything else I can do? Or have slimier problems with stuff like this? Should I Just go with cleaning everything and dealing with the results? 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Before I answer I would like a few opinions. Thanks 🙏 ",2.0360526315789467,4.449416552631583,3.3307894736842094,88.10302631578949,80.84210526315789,4.852631578947369,20.026315789473685,5.985473137389443,0.1783999999999999,151,4,28,1,4,49,35,38,0.077,0.743,0.181,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,6,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32927124170383404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997069862955105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618193681199984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720732885028316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117176886386837,0.0,0.3945587267219604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242700466449582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502017300575615,0.3850891937515119,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FashTheBorder,2019/01/24,"Not There Hello, Fuck I'm drunk and don't think this is worth posting. I was involved in a TDY that some people can call a deployment, it was OCONUS. Just had a moment where I had to draw my weapon against someone who was eventually ID'd as one of ours. I had my finger on the trigger and was about to pull, and it would have been a clean shoot. It's been on my mind for two years now and my therapist thinks it's a PTSD thing. I know so many people that have seen actual shit, I feel horrible about calling my shit PTSD. It wasn't. I got issues but it's not the shit that my brothers and sisters have been through. What the fuck am I supposed to do. 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What are some of your top go-to reads for Trauma and PTSD, primarily for mental and emotional abuse? 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How do you guys get through the day/your classes? I’m taking 19 credits and working part time (not every day) and I’m exhausted. Even when I manage to get good sleep, I feel wound up like a spring. Like there’s always this tension and I can’t relax. The only thing that seems to help is exercise, and it only really helps while I’m working out or for a short time after. The other day I skipped a quiz I knew we had, and I can’t even explain why. I’m so tired of this. ",0.14690938511326834,2.330616563106794,2.192451456310682,94.63165453074436,87.25242718446601,4.598381877022653,20.23381877022653,5.985473137389443,-0.00025501618122980574,378,12,83,3,12,126,71,103,0.085,0.73,0.185,0.8551,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,2,6,7,0,1,6,0,5,5,1,1,0,14,16,10,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,8,5,8,14,1,11,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,10,48,14,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634042668607274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386774589868611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640762155767871,0.0,0.1684320803775885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108007253280574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088885592277666,0.0,0.0,0.16767430988855495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794148757437507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679897778731125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533102518805465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040798327348535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21648212779217224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128066920069817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819897815481377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000535213935423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030680134566754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328107559913551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331372652799563,0.2297661594075721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038691345136293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29107248333447266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Noxturnal77,2019/01/24,"Hurricane PTSD So after two years of no therapy and suffering whenever any small storm hit or wind would pass by, I’m growing more and more certain that I developed PTSD. I live in Florida and have lived through many hurricanes as a kid. I don’t remember much, but I remember crying and feeling terrified anytime a small storm would hit long after the hurricane was gone, especially at night. After Hurricane Irma hit in 2017, I began feeling terrified of the sun going down and going to sleep at night, since that’s when the storm hit Miami. It’s only intensified whenever we would get rain or wind. Even power outages trigger memories. I can’t talk about it to anyone here because they laugh it off and go, “You’re so weak, when I went through Hurricane Whatever, we partied and drank, etc.” Well that’s good and all except I have an abusive/lazy dad who obviously didn’t install the shutters the right way. Actually, he almost didn’t install them at all, believing there was no hurricane and it would just be a regular day. When the transformers exploded and the power went out, the entire storm was spent terrified the shutters would fly off with every gust. Hurricane season doesn’t start for us until summer, but I really want to evacuate or seek help when the next major hurricane hits. Obviously, leaving isn’t going to happen because my dad doesn’t want to spend money, and he doesn’t care if the storm affects anyone else, as long as he’s fine. I heard him talking about selling our shutters before the next major hurricane to make money. I can’t afford to leave on my own. Has anyone else gone/going through this? I’m looking for every possible way to cope during the next storm, but I couldn’t even fall asleep last night with all the wind hitting the walls outside. Therapy also most likely isn’t an option. It’s for “crazy people” according to my family and I’m already enough of a disappointment as it is. If anyone has overcome ptsd on their own or learned how to cope with it, any suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks all. ",6.313601036269429,7.279904525906732,6.8782321243523326,73.24941036269433,65.91709844559585,10.424704663212434,32.79751295336788,10.444984826868176,3.615713077720208,1641,67,283,41,25,538,198,386,0.101,0.792,0.107,-0.4126,3,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,4,0,3,2,16,11,0,0,21,0,27,4,2,4,7,57,58,34,0,11,11,2,2,1,0,6,1,1,0,1,12,18,1,0,5,0,5,10,13,3,1,1,12,4,23,8,45,31,15,50,0,2,1,0,20,15,0,9,24,179,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0822746075771273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442450135940911,0.0,0.09303841834249596,0.0674228481733676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466767412783332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358066494974171,0.17277155640242792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278944858981057,0.0,0.07174178290323054,0.0949887406035138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595988278914161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926108118603996,0.05437311362163847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408607317337119,0.0,0.0,0.08711498924627463,0.09402817570309964,0.11137220321950288,0.0,0.14206998417880504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948016692937579,0.0,0.08525955550353086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404860736460239,0.0,0.23957718949882206,0.07071540795451914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455524435213373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565113596785755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872407765198425,0.0,0.17854468770302442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04118971219123703,0.0,0.14889492829324025,0.1492237737067963,0.07079934621295801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056277722940228085,0.08547732461601933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239554172106892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268994609189461,0.23735827527862804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412171738437214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845008717338444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504709914461858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29566238746212464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401128237375896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910140757469445,0.07200046262463794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974228077365291,0.0,0.08437110245144415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967520385227209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553071379918696,0.0,0.0776215181900533,0.1928321562583431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235882893309503,0.0,0.10141480734823624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945669797366702,0.1338430481001364,0.0,0.0,0.07580500819557771,0.1563128272463603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593493449385997,0.0,0.0,0.0542930139980809 ptsd,PDXGalMeow,2019/01/24,"I think I may be having PTSD I’m the youngest in my family. My brother is a few years older and we grew up in a one parent household. When our mom was at work he would watch me. I remember some good times like when he took me fishing or hiking. They don’t outweigh the bad. Thinking back I never told anyone except a therapist how awful my brother was to me. He would do things that weren’t as severe such as make food that was horribly spicy and make me try it as a “joke.” He pushed me down the stairs as a “joke.” He stuck nasty bugs in my shoe, etc. I guess “normal” things a brother would do? What really sticks in my mind is when he would pin me down and suffocate me with a pillow. I remember screaming and he would do it until I stopped. I remember him saying he wouldn’t let me go until I stopped screaming. I remember the feeling of being crushed and not being able to breathe. I honestly cannot remember how often this happened to me when I was younger. Another thing he would do to me was pin me down and grab a knife and pretend he was going to stab me and then at the last second turn the knife. All of this happened at least 20-25 years ago. The reason I think I’m having PTSD is because if I feel at any time that “crushing sensation” I feel major anxiety and feel like I need space. It happened to me yesterday when I was at the dentist and I had to sit up and just take a breather. The same happens with me if my husband and I are being intimate and he is on top and everything is fine then all of a sudden we have to stop because I’m feeling that crushing sensation. I’m fully estranged from my family for multiple reasons but wanted to share my story. I see a therapist for this and many reasons but lately I feel like this is coming up more and more. I do feel like it’s PTSD and a mixture of anxiety and depression. TLDR: my brother used to suffocate me and now I think I’m having PTSD",2.7487219584083853,4.122171027918785,4.341393482888488,86.57427132798428,74.76142131979695,7.5204191910921905,26.669068282298998,8.155646560271837,1.64982963812019,1491,55,312,24,31,500,178,394,0.099,0.8340000000000001,0.067,-0.8537,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,1,2,13,14,0,0,21,1,40,4,2,8,3,78,75,39,0,12,8,7,8,4,0,8,1,3,1,0,16,24,1,3,19,3,0,6,6,4,0,2,12,13,52,10,42,50,10,51,0,1,2,0,26,19,0,7,29,222,68,1,0.07413534462982008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571650994360141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041457655756855,0.07773737282414205,0.11342667144890164,0.0,0.0,0.05183715669779016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700550391860641,0.06189991613048584,0.09038443597389426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386103500656119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638526636980794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268050605557345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666280674786652,0.0,0.13977641008057154,0.0,0.2623954043389445,0.1588869150494572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964475299839045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426564960562835,0.062181209747890785,0.0,0.0,0.08166844020240384,0.0,0.2622305616816576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060430200585942825,0.08362789785075829,0.0,0.0,0.07580841270726248,0.0,0.14487513866091678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897183642158074,0.0751616034521877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485556446497732,0.08682641962770751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054970418677470684,0.0571777480775431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263689731315674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050236028158965385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231852688488167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466410025034182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749300011385476,0.22867044451100196,0.0,0.0,0.4199044682192637,0.0,0.0,0.05895540162448552,0.0,0.0,0.05907627133454073,0.0,0.0,0.08375183764480756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594140301455486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574055290414803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721536981928185,0.14775668641004064,0.19001174153909192,0.0,0.0,0.08645783126859398,0.0,0.0,0.07083949879419146,0.08236709567681755,0.05033303263181881,0.08063796645712938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402913490415313,0.0,0.0,0.043726947043215066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397141383820213,0.0,0.0,0.3159817306684471,0.0,0.0,0.09548146263770772 ptsd,Rocketyank,2019/01/24,"Hey, guys. I’m writing something about mental illness and one of the characters has PTSD from combat. I wanted to ask you if there’s anything you wish movies/tv depicted more accurately about PTSD? The character as I’ve written him is someone who was (still is, I guess) a mellow, intelligent, decent man. Since he got back from combat, he’s prone to bursts of anger or agitation. I tried to research PTSD on my own to try to get a feel for the symptoms and I have depression/anxiety myself so I have a base understanding of certain things. Is there anything you think movies/tv gets wrong or anything you wish was portrayed better or more often? Thank you to anyone who responds, I know it’s very personal. ",3.9423631840796,6.253738932835822,4.703805970149258,81.22769900497514,73.85074626865672,7.451741293532338,28.33084577114428,8.344100000000001,2.197589054726369,563,23,101,10,12,181,89,134,0.121,0.762,0.117,-0.1234,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,5,0,1,8,5,1,0,6,0,8,2,0,0,1,17,23,8,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,1,14,3,16,19,3,3,0,0,0,0,17,1,0,6,2,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495176572803514,0.0,0.0,0.10506828097157432,0.0,0.3709641063794932,0.0,0.1404768210587532,0.0,0.0,0.115543958893518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328965478224022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597813676797639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570137725922371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018007456690792,0.0,0.16553304942479966,0.14878526536574813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258132056308028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143105541835422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182296749557458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120497655063335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269527193538662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243001682529712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731843994075767,0.1156807868298439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000125105558967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618212591594458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834316377447226,0.0,0.0,0.09982891315886776,0.09628328557987127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040391700317469,0.0,0.0,0.15643041867127336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398377098945765,0.08862976773109794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345593020939768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642904053277386,0.0,0.0 ptsd,6meMasterXD,2019/01/24,"Does anybody know of anything that can stop daydreams? I really need something to do that can stop my mind from idling. I’m usually doing a lot better than I am currently, but there is too much arguing and yelling going on recently. Card games don’t really help too much because I’ll just stop and start daydreaming, whether I want to or not",6.373636363636365,6.816318030303034,6.578333333333338,77.28750000000002,65.66666666666667,10.842424242424245,34.68181818181819,10.686352973137794,3.7674363636363637,274,12,51,7,4,88,52,66,0.14400000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.106,-0.384,1,0,1,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,15,13,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,6,13,3,9,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,7,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546832076951694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738939638106934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993300629641398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723132752440087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808849897918062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510672875753248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238628098112704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160979358543664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22756928683115066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313600798988699,0.1671162199450733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28876806267190464,0.0,0.2225353012533086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350833336430013,0.0,0.0,0.1595249385741653,0.0,0.0,0.5652826583948015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24822393998908165,0.0,0.13293480885557513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ISTJ_PHD,2019/01/24,"Survivor's Guilt Hello everyone, First time posting. Does anyone else struggle with survivor's guilt? My trauma was just over a decade ago and I still feel that guilt in my stomach everyday. Only recently have I started to seek professional help and open up to a therapist about it. He's a wicked nice guy who specializes in our type of disorder and he said survivor's guilt is common with ptsd sufferers who experienced my type of...trauma, particularly when it takes place in an....academic environment. I'm avoiding specifics as to prevent triggers for anyone reading (aka I'd have to mark this post NSFW, which I have no idea how to do). Part of it involved my breaking routine, where if it had been followed, I wouldn't be alive to post this. My mind constantly questions why I managed to avoid death and not someone else who maybe would have done something amazing with their life like cured cancer? My trauma left me confused about what my purpose is on this planet and what I'm supposed to be doing. Self-medicating with drugs dulled the pain from my experience, but exponentially increased the guilt as I was definitely not being a productive member of society while under the influence. Even though I've been clean for months, my existential crisis is still ongoing. Basically, I'm wondering if this guilt is as common as my therapist claims and if so, how do people cope? Most specifically, HOW do you find your purpose for existence when you're lost and broken?",7.313435030728709,8.364865317164181,7.245548726953468,71.19427129060581,63.73880597014925,10.335733099209833,35.540825285338016,10.328600350310266,3.871567778753292,1187,53,197,27,17,379,166,268,0.19,0.7440000000000001,0.066,-0.9807,1,2,2,0,0,0,33.0,1,2,1,2,14,20,0,10,7,0,23,5,1,5,0,37,33,23,1,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,4,1,1,1,15,12,0,3,5,1,0,2,4,16,0,1,8,3,21,4,32,20,3,32,0,3,0,0,15,11,0,7,16,128,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389898194841412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796869425977052,0.13165359333151164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885246927262931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726112384172255,0.0,0.11244281000077316,0.13149028435971602,0.0,0.0,0.1490080644769124,0.0,0.2146744739493318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486669366421737,0.0,0.0,0.12277807816207567,0.0,0.12568826107430373,0.0,0.0,0.06496860410137255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743789266078647,0.10929386381770126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722569166422584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612440288961141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505001534704084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960518944839653,0.0,0.09075656546085778,0.06277391639207253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026244383983644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290858714344901,0.0,0.14272386206687807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297386698266825,0.0,0.10255980692182903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977227349226058,0.13672283886348427,0.0,0.0,0.13914257581273207,0.0,0.08907906101154994,0.0,0.13424511433755093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691748393627107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019839504791455,0.0,0.1439386481103914,0.0,0.1285251657024979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268687632505789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222237890567425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404350404893545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886949418851576,0.0989181830640932,0.0,0.0,0.09094616247644892,0.0,0.20522518985451207,0.0,0.0,0.1343260584584107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966087857445987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983745025358843,0.0,0.0,0.1262411600940065,0.0,0.07492378225359053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159425955228373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934235166856068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127588959588466,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,redditreadr999,2019/01/25,"Have you undergone forced outpatient treatment? I'm writing an article for [MadInAmerica.com](https://madinamerica.com/) about forced out patient treatment, also known as Assisted Outpatient Treatment (AOT). If you have undergone this type of treatment please reach out to me on Reddit, at [msimonson@madinamerica.com](mailto:msimonson@madinamerica.com) or at 201-572-1030.",18.17078014184397,21.96836465957447,15.124255319148936,14.533333333333356,40.70212765957447,13.07517730496454,45.45390070921986,12.45797560212912,6.744679432624112,317,14,31,8,3,98,37,47,0.121,0.81,0.069,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,10,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,0,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5888325236713088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8082550705482009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,5657536646755tgdyf75,2019/01/25,"(rant) I am so tired I am so exhausted. I am tired of being on alert all the time for danger. I am tired of having to try and come up with plausible excuses for my behaviour when I get triggered and have to leave a party all of a sudden. I am tired of finding new jobs or doctors every time I have a panic attack in public and feel too embarassed to go back ever again. I am tired of logging onto social media after a long tiring week and seeing people make jokes belittling the trauma I and others have undergone and the condition we suffer from. I hate this new ""that gave me ptsd flashbacks lol"" meme I keep seeing people post when they see a funny 10+ year old video - sorry for my language but I just want to tell them all to Fuck.Off. they have no way of even KNOWING the excruciating experience we go through and I am fucking exhausted of this bullshit. Im sorry for the rant but I am just pissed and exhausted all at once and needed to rant... ",2.5173713235294137,4.425159989583335,4.363664215686274,83.89334558823529,76.70833333333334,6.809313725490195,22.75245098039216,7.724431198458867,1.1385848039215691,746,22,145,11,17,253,113,192,0.285,0.667,0.048,-0.9937,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,3,0,11,12,5,1,10,1,14,12,1,2,5,31,30,16,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,4,13,0,1,3,2,0,3,1,11,0,0,1,4,22,1,26,28,4,25,0,1,3,1,10,5,2,1,15,104,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654685493038,0.0,0.0787744748844026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824796120387128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048575883968173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766446605931026,0.09266806568929373,0.08631498115887241,0.0,0.0,0.10021162258500696,0.0,0.0,0.05179966035358364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363357942826474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941893040845406,0.05352368745202465,0.0,0.11644458591146364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114399020073016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065901328499277,0.0,0.10166162083127007,0.09105850904039946,0.0,0.0,0.056301516971668464,0.0,0.0,0.10847528029360083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066128422839316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838334815517942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596224167540645,0.0,0.1978855294943117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749960422985733,0.1091014034575797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019803998737193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204599802743675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981147307204918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197536249508397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449080491851233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443056301048152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293593082560039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895421199996227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947390672227345,0.7064780655473017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955395430890803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042517046328665,0.08131668516601996,0.08217581867328999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597171819776809 ptsd,laxman890,2019/01/25,"OCD turned into PTSD Hi all, This is my first post and I can finally be at peace knowing there are people who think in the same patterns as me. A week ago I had a obsession to place to the first end of my laptop charger in my mouth/tongue . ( don’t ask please I have ocd) I did and felt nothing since it is protected . Then I googled the amount of electricity in it but that only triggered me. So I ended up “fapping” to return to homeostasis . WORST MISTAKE. Not even 2 minutes later i places the cable in my mouth again. Then I did with a different cable in the morning a couple times throughout that morning then to realize that it carried 7 amps! I was floored and I have been since . I’m terrified to sleep in my room since it is where it occurred. Thoughts?",2.3737687969924863,4.413207335526316,3.549548872180452,88.9518421052632,77.61842105263158,6.448120300751881,26.646616541353374,7.447530270364453,1.403537969924813,593,24,121,8,14,192,98,152,0.123,0.838,0.039,-0.9485,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,9,0,14,2,2,1,1,16,21,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,7,1,17,0,19,13,4,29,0,0,0,0,3,14,0,0,14,87,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514810844245293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515607824516345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597563504120189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890833021241808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854062565508547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027104592987988,0.0,0.0,0.11286930372742435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407839410896707,0.1871984416895753,0.0,0.29071292348426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391506930417301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639707607471524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299673237264897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847158359729547,0.0,0.3570812513101709,0.1875826958538528,0.0,0.0,0.16366258372775408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975785008321356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240786718982468,0.0,0.1710104911840711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949753983602084,0.0,0.1356652521203189,0.09964562975726599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858760700347283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707530668690046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SEX_NUGGET,2019/01/25,"I got out! But it's almost harder now. It's like I was holding my breath that whole time, and now that I can finally exhale, I'm left gasping. There's just so much I dissociated from, I cannot really handle it Positive, no further trauma, but negative, all the abuse I absorbed and dissociated from is now all burning me alive all at once. I purposely have poor memory of those years and purposely don't seek to recall any events, but flashes of random things come to me and they are so absolutely horrifying, I am having difficulty functioning. I don't actively think about them, or anything really - I feel brain dead and stupid these days - yet I also find myself randomly crying in the grocery store for no specific reason and getting lost driving to work. I know it's a ptsd thing but I don't know what to do? How to get this out of me? I tried therapy the first few months (so end of last year) but I almost felt like talking about it a bunch made it harder for me to move forward, and I disliked giving him any more of my time and mental energy and life (trauma therapy is exhausting) so this year I decided I would focus on my own self, my own present and future, instead of him and the past (with the promise to myself I will return to working through anything after I rebuilt my own foundation). But I feel like I am in unfamiliar, dark waters, and just don't see any recovery nor progress, and am too exhausted and brain dead to research all the ways to help myself stop being brain dead, and like I said, all that time of not processing things is now flooding me, mostly subconsciously if not unconsciously. I don't know what to do. Therapy (talking about it) almost worsened it, psychiatrist attempt has messed up my brain chemistry, the one thing I would like to really do (exercise / movement - reconnect with my body) I always intend to do but I'm so brain dead next thing I know 5 hours have passed and I'm not really sure what I've been doing since I've come home from work but now I need to force myself to fall asleep so I can be ""productive"" at work, which lately means working 10 hours a day, 140% focused, yet incapable of producing nor accomplishing anything. Again, I have no idea how the time really passes. I meant to just post the title, had typed up something then deleted it, then typed something else and now here we are. I am moving soon to a place more in nature and in an environment that will not allow me to be so much a recluse, which I am stressed about but is a challenge I am purposely bringing onto myself because I think that it's a good idea right now. I thought about going to some support group but again I don't want to continue focusing on the past and giving him any more of me, indulging it. I want to move forward. But can't figure out how. \[originally I wrote this in r/abusive relationships\] Hmm I may crosspost this to [r/ptsd](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd). I was always one for looking up the empirical studies and biohacking my genetics. That is what I need to do to help me now, but I'm so low/off/dead/foggy/in a foreign land that it is too much for me. Would really like some empirical guidance + supplement stack + detox + etc advice. Now that I think of it I may also have a concussion. Just remembered some things from when I saw him last. I don't really know exactly for sure though but actually I just remembered I think I hit my head on the concrete ground really hard. Hmm yes I just realized why my hip hurts so badly and now that I'm paying attention to my body I think a couple ribs are kinda dislocated again. Yayy dissociation. Also wtf. I should delete this paragraph",5.391711495946944,6.153372193502825,6.362608695652174,76.85943625644806,67.88418079096047,9.772340948169985,30.22181282240236,9.867487886160001,2.840078629329403,2875,105,548,64,46,957,308,708,0.16899999999999998,0.752,0.079,-0.9972,0,0,2,0,1,0,98.0,1,0,2,12,49,22,1,1,23,1,53,18,12,9,8,119,96,57,4,9,25,0,4,6,0,8,5,1,1,1,41,29,1,2,26,1,3,14,19,10,0,3,13,8,84,12,70,71,22,87,0,2,3,0,18,25,0,14,56,388,125,12,0.0,0.13701892586751274,0.0564258059329744,0.0,0.0,0.056502863879168926,0.0,0.0,0.17370075664822085,0.0,0.0,0.13872038986922405,0.09622485863661988,0.0,0.0,0.15728342237444887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142747421148382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827884769882373,0.035247676341992766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284541290360314,0.0,0.3227416586291851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996168452465016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397880131341965,0.06351461102298665,0.07458064760284726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830275431537169,0.0,0.05121301593900797,0.0,0.06448667153448327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584729514299297,0.04130795673906018,0.055518064570441526,0.06334103420286882,0.05284814325757072,0.04918325458116765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041908297023139,0.11093601635743802,0.032861502227051934,0.04849824269258619,0.04624543297538476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179703972434983,0.0,0.059341922036683675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751356361663858,0.0,0.05800005188303781,0.0,0.11388579270999752,0.0,0.06189950962001604,0.13054771023037715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888694273494286,0.09426508573446116,0.06522558988930666,0.0,0.0628236328523008,0.0,0.040841298020345335,0.16949307507974826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048555809468296234,0.0,0.06311940343748844,0.0,0.0,0.05471245313415903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298496940974564,0.0,0.0,0.05827084688520885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615286638639958,0.184366496828018,0.12751718644141544,0.08574837050427363,0.0,0.0,0.061494216592128864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157840632318811,0.07836319349344081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039503855313272,0.0,0.0,0.060411549231662975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055377369704925516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277202150102594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963373733073929,0.05945051438894056,0.0,0.06207905103935338,0.13100181800879146,0.049379562550130485,0.0550018411196393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607654557014812,0.0,0.060320822727861274,0.0,0.0,0.04783084983502457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902820360459955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483416738838094,0.06623475874194497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561557485363861,0.10899285968106122,0.0,0.0,0.09295006053503728,0.0,0.0,0.19837304875268366,0.0,0.2304856938621904,0.1852496033963947,0.056809695427016825,0.04590410741208899,0.13486559365890005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039257255398036234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820967615476932,0.04589631041689465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217524564702495,0.06455605488251744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047505648407866,0.0,0.0,0.1232249961243442,0.0,0.0,0.11170616894769543 ptsd,snow-goddess,2019/01/25,"It feels like I’ve taken 10 steps back. I’ve been going to therapy for what feels like a very long time (7 years, I think). A year and a half ago I tried EMDR, and it was amazing. After a while my nightmares were gone, I had almost no flashbacks, I didn’t have the constant gnawing fear that I wasn’t safe, the intrusive thoughts stopped, I even stopped the desire to contact my abuser. But about a week ago I had a nightmare and suddenly everything is back. Not as strong as before, but it’s back. I know that progress isn’t linear, and I know I’ve made it far. But it’s scary and nearly infuriating to feel like I’ve slipped so far back. I hope things get better soon. ",2.170217391304348,3.910172181159425,3.260217391304348,92.17119565217394,77.18840579710145,6.049275362318841,23.818840579710145,6.816661863887847,0.621640579710145,523,17,115,5,12,168,84,138,0.139,0.684,0.17600000000000002,0.7384,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,0,1,9,0,10,0,0,1,0,23,23,12,0,2,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,3,7,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,11,3,12,8,9,12,0,24,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,21,68,21,0,0.0,0.18052741679537174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701244694145449,0.0,0.15257137505916735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686366184977728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296512539664795,0.0,0.0,0.13475431640462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465226004458872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063553775834527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693569082744114,0.0,0.0,0.17145280141245997,0.23112071870100556,0.3265484096879326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960433863207822,0.0,0.08659244803599232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133266205285587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747145930592494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233132891323138,0.0,0.0,0.1348380859783812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417129266358428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547676521197301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424246967542611,0.0,0.10122442735018697,0.09762923523675797,0.0,0.12096066114858575,0.08884516165802232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344572273667163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571694734522654,0.0,0.0,0.12221788162297828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962359189195405 ptsd,prk92,2019/01/26,"New here So I’m trying to find the best way to support my SO. (Potential trigger coming up) When my SO other was 18 he came home from school to find his father dead from a heart attack. His first instinct was to start doing mouth to mouth resuscitation but the body was already cold and stiff. He continued to do this for the half hour, forty five minutes it took the first responders to get there. seldom does he talk about it unless he’s been drinking. He says he has “day nightmares” about it and that he can still feel his dads cold dead skin. He’s undiagnosed and in the military. Hasn’t seen action yet. I just want to learn better ways to support him. Honestly one of my biggest fears is him being deployed and it making things worse. ",3.6465632183908063,5.5133016965517285,4.096293103448279,87.215933908046,73.41379310344827,6.764367816091952,23.80747126436781,7.492282038375204,0.9840919540229884,586,17,116,7,12,184,100,145,0.113,0.7809999999999999,0.106,-0.4939,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,11,7,1,1,6,0,11,7,5,2,0,17,23,10,2,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,8,6,1,1,4,1,0,4,1,2,0,5,7,6,9,5,18,15,1,19,0,0,1,0,18,3,0,0,10,72,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971478585528858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852713242554822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090650690931405,0.1440322085492395,0.0,0.1808954372785204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626298752208728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028535257218494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502814476946844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251570122439844,0.0,0.0,0.15953611679908405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832573998983541,0.08234449291167457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29769344296451744,0.2770491353141477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508513129073082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298422081995809,0.0,0.0,0.1633570649117243,0.0,0.16037958784732587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087071245062938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728658710828788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035491237156757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950900814676716,0.0,0.16481817792155345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526976352609893,0.0,0.13005638973636902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696123493889724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308968576699789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819377233603493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809381425807156,0.1105680048570546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605622868831423,0.2585337880421433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596338315294173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KaraIHateThat,2019/01/26,"Watching movies with ptsd Triggering scenes in movies are always difficult for me to decide what to do. I usually just push through it and put myself through a living hell. Sometimes I leave the room, sometimes we skip the scene, it always helps to know that the scene is in the movie, but that's not always the case. It's really difficult for me to decide what to do or how to go about this when I'm watching with someone that doesn't know about my ptsd or that I'm not comfortable to talk with. So I was wondering if anyone had advice on what to do or how they deal with triggering scenes in movies, thanks!",9.548925619834712,6.544578933884303,8.573619834710744,76.69679338842978,61.31404958677686,12.324628099173555,35.7702479338843,10.355215969177356,3.2757854545454546,485,14,99,8,5,151,69,121,0.103,0.851,0.046,-0.7265,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,1,0,8,5,1,0,6,0,8,0,0,4,0,23,15,10,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,11,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,2,2,9,2,22,13,0,10,1,0,2,0,5,5,1,5,2,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460795672817315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715833849772195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209548148667688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947656072564449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736614685810504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662739209633653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764819221772504,0.0,0.0,0.20003631398255126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668175794511277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416688052130899,0.18991422795361929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210253632131388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600691518942526,0.0,0.3736883996539069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151844699322041,0.0,0.17392981649831302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080658935576799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487292809421367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,corazonsinalma,2019/01/26,"I DO NOT GIVE MYSELF PTSD Uggggh...Just looking for some support. My asswipe relatives were claiming that I ‘need to forgive my mom’ aka my abuser who happens to be a narcissist. They don’t understand that I can close my eyes and describe each and every incident clear as day of her abuse. They claim I make myself sick and that’s why I have epilepsy. No, I have epilepsy because of being abused impacted my health so much, adverse childhood experiences effect health. I never asked to be abused. And, they just brush me off as crazy. I am not. I literally only had one therapy session and the receptionist girl messed up and put my appointment even later than when it was supposed to be. That’s not my fault. And, neither is my PSTD. It’s my mom’s fault for using me as a punching bag. It’s valid, isn’t it? I just...I need to hold on and, idk how much more of that I can take.",2.4750357142857133,4.509490028571432,3.8470535714285714,86.96200892857144,77.28571428571428,6.889285714285713,25.794642857142854,7.8658589789855275,1.4996928571428567,685,26,139,11,16,225,106,175,0.162,0.772,0.067,-0.9514,0,0,0,0,4,0,26.0,0,0,3,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,16,4,1,4,2,26,27,14,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,10,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,3,3,28,2,17,20,6,10,0,0,2,0,11,4,0,1,5,99,38,1,0.0,0.64940783358988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128099672752517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352903435567671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836964762504179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905035751880806,0.0,0.11544928737518513,0.0,0.0,0.1340365282922944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144665525884236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117056083716712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913018681412024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506630502088035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914651049777021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209635335958917,0.0,0.0,0.2014579598355832,0.20320427696567492,0.10568195800721218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285153747476924,0.1042135201195184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160174635683721,0.13774775086934105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554940970587451,0.0,0.0,0.10302558196811178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566997782939663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264762890632565,0.0,0.1183454153703634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364355153176675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,o3dipusr3x,2019/01/26,"Keep Vomiting and getting sick, doctors are saying it’s psychosomatic December and January have been really rough on me. This is my 2nd time with the flu and even when I’m feeling ok, I keep vomiting multiple times a day. Backstory: I’ve had the vomiting since college. My parents just gave me home remedies like honey and baking soda. I lived with them and couldn’t get out of their household till I got a job out of state. I got hospitalized for 30+ days for ptsd and was prescribed Zoloft. My vomiting went away while I was hospitalized. I got better, got a new job I love, a supportive SO. A year later, my vomiting and GI got worse (like loose stools worse) and I went to the gastroenterologist, got scoped, and was told there was nothing medically wrong with me. My psychiatrist prescribed me buspirone and my vomiting briefly subsided for a few months. I told him I believe Zoloft is giving my diarrhea and he believes it’s still psychosomatic and from anxiety. Yesterday I was told by him we’ve reached a block with medication. Since I got serotonin syndrome when on abilify at a low dose and more buspirone makes me tired. I don’t know what to do and I feel stuck. I also feel guilty for being sick again and my SOs parents are in town and all I can think about is if they’re like my parents. TL;DR: my psychiatrist told me we’ve hit a wall in meds. I’m still vomiting multiple times a day and I don’t know what to do. ",3.826212073819207,5.736043460431657,4.998733187363153,80.75235064122617,73.02877697841727,8.863559587112919,28.993431341883017,9.43228470229965,2.67633481388802,1134,47,222,28,23,374,148,278,0.107,0.8029999999999999,0.09,-0.6854,5,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,1,11,9,0,0,13,1,20,20,0,1,1,37,52,24,0,2,2,3,4,3,1,0,17,1,2,0,5,23,2,3,6,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,22,6,37,7,25,27,3,32,0,1,0,1,17,11,0,1,21,132,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336378922814593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018022171992727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619197962787385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671728155903984,0.0,0.08113584974462425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749254542727544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389893821393633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059286328174809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915825782595445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585987047537796,0.08800458097252127,0.0,0.0,0.5136054203433775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202187765432604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207396143880408,0.16308399697083162,0.0,0.0,0.10083490845635447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445738850110814,0.0,0.08100737681948016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279819182960163,0.0,0.06123661512207911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019015480381289,0.1848351451164866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322533835952964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886022718599088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802621758126758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055965088973647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072381923147024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058770467925374936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295467820296016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177519566696426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652605555750942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410453448517767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058782762379703576,0.0,0.0,0.16048156109176054,0.10544069221339708,0.0,0.3506428721498391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008627820453553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698012415748216,0.0,0.10030239204533964,0.0,0.05907702423478079 ptsd,baggins,2019/01/26,"Rebuilding trust? My friend suffers from PTSD. She moved in with me a few months ago but I didn't really understand how to approach this. over a week or two I touched her several times in a way that triggered her but she wasn't able to tell me this until it got to the point where she left to stay with another friend. (Hugs and cuddling in bed - she just didn't want them but felt she couldn't say no without hurting me. Now i know how to deal with this properly but its kinda late.) Shes having trouble at the place shes crashing but all her pets and things are still at my place and she has no plan to move out so shes still paying me rent... I want her to be able to feel safe to live in the space she's paying for. She's been away for 2 months now. How can I help her feel safe again?",1.7177852916314436,3.11047762130178,2.6634192730346595,97.46770710059174,77.52071005917159,6.248689771766696,20.355452240067624,6.868970318607317,0.002396111580726501,614,14,150,6,14,194,100,169,0.048,0.7929999999999999,0.159,0.9659,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,11,9,0,0,6,0,13,2,0,4,1,31,21,14,0,3,8,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,7,7,0,2,5,0,3,3,7,3,0,1,6,5,28,6,26,13,2,32,0,2,0,2,23,15,0,2,12,102,35,2,0.29877407762119434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242259640744866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664533548877302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403540404831637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401147745086374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106915080185504,0.0,0.1434349842742193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308321112289906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947846170254245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013098317111263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599219147429706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209920972172703,0.0,0.16851508661975995,0.0,0.16230945476829015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191149216718226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384786182862686,0.3175495613044009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121553202932878,0.0,0.14121903783416934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746254541369363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570116233581656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879856921888213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876483252593014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922670679411427,0.2386013643304954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130570856420731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924611064388936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710878366920229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592943013223494,0.1555171758187176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762246919504082,0.11857647801355292,0.11982927164658808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400377452450408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,seizonnokamen,2019/01/26,"Hallucinations & Troubling Images Hi everyone! What do you guys do when you begin seeing violent hallucinations or images? Right when I am trying to fall asleep, I end up seeing people getting killed in various violent ways. Some nights I just try to sleep and endure them. Other nights, especially with stress as a factor, I am too afraid to go through with it and to close my eyes. When stressed, I will see troubling images while awake. I try to ignore them because I am not sure what else to do. What does everyone else do?",4.2001587301587335,6.68135824489796,4.9117687074829925,79.24196145124719,73.6938775510204,7.620861678004537,25.174603174603178,8.515128840125781,1.9088875283446718,420,14,74,8,9,135,64,98,0.27,0.73,0.0,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,2,0,5,10,3,3,1,0,8,3,3,0,1,11,14,8,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,0,4,12,1,12,13,2,15,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,2,8,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839230891540153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347748155821744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854858958694034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836071984084384,0.0,0.15034732675571846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244050970096898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868690354444883,0.0,0.09647233076252314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807830625909967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878022391685487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185960801722376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768265907712346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449648119653918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058041881888044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698717002132306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38889406267426624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599865267457055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457455080495836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473894190001906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FeramAmor,2019/01/26,"14 hour Panic Attack and still going... Any tips on how to stop it? Or even to ride it out somewhat easier... It's past the point where I can even cry anymore... I have been lying awake all night with my chest hurting so badly, and my head racing and I am shaking and dissociating. And it just won't stop... Guys I have nobody to turn to... The guy I trusted can't be relied on anymore, and I think that is on exacerbating it... What can I do?",0.3554945054945087,2.4642243846153846,2.871087912087912,90.68641208791209,85.37362637362638,4.958681318681318,17.89120879120879,6.2581,-0.23446901098901085,333,8,74,3,10,115,63,91,0.241,0.728,0.031,-0.9626,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,2,2,0,11,2,2,1,1,16,14,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,9,1,9,11,2,15,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,2,6,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377067959774153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901702328040785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378792027938754,0.0,0.0,0.16424602591599452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607853015058487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598524026285172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179577400217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895509560656205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188292242483535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372136818175936,0.0,0.2105839088094932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460057456572415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307987582033065,0.0,0.0,0.187783545252643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595610884994265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709419196471405,0.32891952480200404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604489382257258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396580733019505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,poop_dawg,2019/01/26,"I'm considering getting a second dog to help me feel safe(er) And also I love dogs. There are times when I'm alone in my home - no boyfriend, and no neighbor (a.k.a. my giant Nordic father) - and I'm constantly terrified. I feel like having a big dog would help me feel more safe. Fellow scardy-cats, does having a big dog help you feel safe?",2.7824378109452748,4.805715925373137,3.382910447761194,90.6978482587065,76.31343283582089,6.257711442786071,21.61442786069652,7.1686216300943375,0.5292308457711443,265,7,55,3,6,83,44,67,0.132,0.598,0.27,0.8953,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,13,5,0,1,0,1,4,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,7,4,2,12,1,7,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633460114308358,0.0,0.20333883588925472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27477446970701325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225125246398424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5142642066957743,0.1816498319577101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284506345727298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5112934740763221,0.0,0.2550525494312307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422299494146755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22948770936585236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826630484152445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062540977576214,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,reemergence111,2019/01/27,"Peri/Menopause exacerbating PTSD symptoms? I have been in peri menopause for about 6 months. Since it began it has been much more difficult to manage emotional flashbacks, anger, deep depression, and severe anxiety. When triggered, the symptoms seem to be EXTREME, and it takes longer to calm my mind and return to a place of inner peace. Recently, I even had more repressed memories of childhood abuse leak through. The memories are so traumatic that I find myself locked back in my room, even afraid to face my roommates. Has anyone else noticed this? And if so, what’s your experience? ",6.740294117647058,9.087347294117649,5.694264705882354,76.94669117647061,66.25490196078431,9.02156862745098,34.318627450980394,9.516144504307137,3.5148392156862744,472,22,76,10,8,141,77,102,0.243,0.695,0.062,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,7,6,1,2,3,0,8,3,1,1,0,10,11,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,0,8,1,12,6,3,13,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,2,7,51,14,1,0.0,0.2371412698874433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311178008713558,0.0,0.0,0.13994731988992504,0.2050740835618009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390056092184706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723861747370852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719699742040245,0.2251382490801603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643901922871981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19578200869447746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293058019461966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209124676330245,0.0,0.15975529328552845,0.0,0.1471309520867727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22786849692908864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911084231555885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339609382278207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762085255597955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220616056892186,0.0,0.226108952745601,0.0,0.16556352924034534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41605839049675936,0.1504855104919488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,academic-bisexual,2019/01/27,My loud neighbors are giving me panic attacks I live in a dorm and my PTSD is triggered by sound. My neighbors are loud as FUCK and sometimes I literally hear them screaming at the top of their lungs. The anniversary is coming up and I know I won’t be able to take it that day. I have talked to them about it before but never said why. (I’d like to clarify this is everyday and during quiet hours) they get really mad when I asked them to stop and now they shout shit at me and my roommate. I don’t know how to take the screaming anymore. It’s in my dreams. I want it to go away ,1.5656184798807755,3.3158564262295123,3.1469299552906134,92.25477645305516,79.0,6.075707898658719,21.746646795827125,6.980632752743323,0.4473508196721317,452,13,101,5,11,149,80,122,0.185,0.7290000000000001,0.086,-0.9326,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,6,1,4,8,4,1,4,0,9,3,2,2,1,15,22,10,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,9,3,0,6,7,0,1,2,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,1,9,21,1,16,19,0,16,0,0,0,1,13,7,2,0,8,67,27,1,0.19917573269800126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975288067204972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620242332509016,0.2265911498863431,0.18713215733395996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948387854010954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715722574946827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284518701929609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413475540430388,0.10406109965949943,0.1910675118933373,0.11319615889883533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448552640197555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614797581147006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189235475908217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730720224137797,0.0,0.17587582104091745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361660385113415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23368980751211804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328257729209249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759707455245742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946173257964694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044510273823102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698989254862093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665198310344645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29951072652624233,0.16008990929999176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747900761057264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972511895650622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bunbunsylvia,2019/01/27,"Help with flashbacks? Mostly the voices. I’ve had ptsd for over 6 years because of childhood trauma. Sometimes I hear my dads voice and my brothers voice talking about me in my head and it’s very triggering. Like flashbacks but just them talking. Does anyone have any advice to prevent zoning out during the day and being able to concentrate? Any advise for mood improvement? Feeling so stressed out and like something bad is gonna happen. ",4.732310126582277,7.699559493670888,4.094161392405066,83.29795094936712,74.31645569620251,5.468987341772152,28.8623417721519,6.6274283507984215,1.6969860759493682,356,15,55,3,8,106,64,79,0.114,0.725,0.161,0.3048,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,4,1,1,1,0,13,8,6,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,2,11,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,5,32,7,1,0.2279901783275621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227893636025291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100822787581741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941603372231658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036227574740355,0.13898069658015347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703480386441625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199515741453149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527868450079032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20161096174593648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339836981321186,0.0,0.2569615007966111,0.0,0.15281701070626388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276896980422697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665083178982418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551797786888446,0.2254881160597236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611619789758172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664997384504627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881157741832921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681819989133213 ptsd,psychout57,2019/01/27,"Ex boyfriend raped me and his ex. Feels like there will never be a happy ending. Possibly trigger warning ⚠️ I’m sober now and have to deal with the shit that happened to me for the first time. It’s not fair that sometimes nothing happens to shitty people. His ex who came out and told people in high school was called a liar and ostracized for telling people. She was told by his friends to stop lying and she was never taken seriously. I’d heard about this but all his friends reassured me he was a nice guy and would never hurt a fly. We dated for a few years and he’d showed multiple signs of abuse but I had almost everyone around me defending him, which made me feel crazy. He also made me feel crazy and told me things I experienced didn’t happen. He’d yell at me and corner me and yell in my face then deny it ever happening. He’d threaten to break up with me and tell everyone what a bitch I was. When I didn’t want to have sex he’d guilt me into it so I would cry during, which would only make him angry. Then one time he stuck his finger in my butt and I told him to stop it hurt but he didn’t stop. He just kept going until I was crying and begging him to stop. I pleaded because it hurt but he just ignored me. Then after he finished I went in the bathroom and just locked myself in and cried. I felt like no one would believe me since no one believed when he had fits of rage and I felt like I was stuck. Eventually I was able to leave but he didn’t make it easy and harassed me for months after. Even now a couple years later he still randomly decides to harass me. I feel helpless and like I can’t do anything. I shouldn’t have to be nice to someone who raped me, but I do because I don’t want to set him off. I feel guilt that he will do this to someone else since he’s already done it to me and his old ex. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, but I don’t feel like police believe when a boyfriend rapes and I know his friends/family won’t believe it either. He’s a professional victim and would end up making me look like I’m trying to ruin his life when he’s ruined mine. I can never feel safe and I feel worried about my family’s safety and mine. He comes off as this dumb nice guy, but he isn’t. He’s dumb, but he’s manipulative and evil. I just want to be able to at least smoke weed again so the nightmares and anxiety will go away. I feel like the only way for it to go away would be for him to be in jail for life or to die, but I can’t rely on either happening at least not anytime soon. I don’t know if I’m asking for advice or what, but maybe I just needed to get it out since I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it. Maybe it’d be nice if someone had a similar story or if someone even had a happy ending to a story like this out there. It feels like there will be no happy ending with him. 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Is there always a reason? I moved back to the city where everything that gave me ptsd went down, but I moved back here a few months ago and didn’t have any issues. Not even remotely close to the same part of the city. Unsure what the trigger is or if there even has to be one it’s just been tough the last week with an unexpected resurgence of nightmares and hyper vigilance related to stalking stuff. Any tips?",4.352040816326529,6.323285989795923,4.3589285714285735,85.62982142857145,71.75510204081633,7.757142857142857,25.51530612244898,8.472884824447931,1.6398326530612248,409,13,79,7,8,126,73,98,0.068,0.932,0.0,-0.6586,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,8,0,9,0,0,3,0,13,11,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,4,0,3,0,10,6,3,14,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,8,56,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793364077094184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886183675363267,0.0,0.0,0.3404629307530346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668999653358135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51329760182937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204521719013434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998563691391875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418476740648006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603369370754675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320615667647115,0.3547450662002958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308571544358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807203846259738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507984213110505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431715147609405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104360155734032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386522320606647,0.0,0.0,0.15470423169497494,0.1505879155609506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Square_Comedian,2019/01/27,"Not sleeping How do you cope with this? In the past, I would just binge drink until I passed out but it's ruining my life. I've been prescribed benzos and zopiclone and nothing works. I've been awake for almost three days now. It's amplified by a stressful situation that I'm in right now. I don't know what to do. ",1.2557802197802204,3.5372258307692306,2.554505494505495,93.28692307692309,83.0,5.560439560439562,21.59340659340659,6.868970318607317,0.4503406593406592,249,8,54,3,7,80,51,65,0.116,0.884,0.0,-0.7876,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,6,3,1,1,0,11,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,8,5,0,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,5,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31122307281967554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004414266903302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044674066178442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708085220919476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952847839767084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982226762651066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29669545302096784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26542300945412245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493542063858803,0.31102622271153785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560223721687938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22626738683768655,0.0,0.0,0.22078465679731296,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,erikamezal,2019/01/27,"I feel like PTSD is taking over my life (F23) I was sexually abused as a very young child and never knew how to express how I feel. As I got older and intentionally made myself get fat so that no one would look at me or try and abuse of me again. When I was 21 I was in college getting my life together and I was sexually assaulted by someone who I thought was a friend. I am now 23 years old and have been in a relationship for the past 2 years. I love my partner so much but I don't think he always understands me. When I first met my boyfriend he was very understanding with everything that had happened to me. He would hold me when I would get really bad anxiety or flashbacks. I still get flashbacks and anxiety but it seems like my boyfriend gets annoyed with it so I try to push all my pain back. I have lost all motivation in life and am trying to get myself to be normal again. I recently have lost about 50lb I'm trying to love my body again and get back in shape. It has helped in my relationship because my boyfriend can't keep his hands off of me...in a good way. But I can't keep pushing all my feelings behind. How do I get over all of this? I have gone to counseling but it makes things worse because when I go home and try to sleep I feel like I'm re living everything. How do I make it stop and help myself build motivation to feel free and like myself again? Someone help ",2.156041666666667,3.8844584652777816,3.652799999999999,89.39220000000002,77.19444444444444,7.1080000000000005,23.672777777777767,7.976525956113202,1.0776717777777771,1090,35,243,18,25,360,141,288,0.127,0.731,0.142,0.754,0,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,0,0,0,5,22,15,2,0,5,0,25,10,4,10,5,53,62,30,0,4,6,0,6,4,2,3,5,0,1,2,10,13,1,4,13,0,1,4,5,6,0,2,16,7,43,10,29,42,5,37,0,2,1,2,17,10,0,3,26,157,53,3,0.0,0.2131143018561468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074832339546211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759861425516284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830747643249214,0.07509118070085208,0.10964593231359226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998964626847361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616538621552328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273668061284309,0.12849781598873258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649786258880517,0.0,0.0,0.06948282902689598,0.0,0.3758946613970621,0.0,0.05111159688869565,0.07543241977151616,0.0719284806838579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952838922678818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084270720215884,0.0,0.09021119153003523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987504342699915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905692514971412,0.17574894921206605,0.0,0.07941341963330735,0.0,0.07552195706089337,0.0,0.19634729307633855,0.0,0.16233799465685328,0.08509777885573136,0.12006336224045155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611187953553048,0.0,0.06936268869747315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811628064557572,0.0,0.0,0.09437066384981448,0.0,0.06094164425402356,0.0,0.09569617702943932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585223326149095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512809945670112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761405954181323,0.0,0.08879903115276802,0.1931110397834569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187258742850914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999900588562204,0.0,0.15240166859572502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182145376174934,0.07518889828597204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761921812086845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974819101847473,0.057626112081953326,0.0,0.0713975951972955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052966049752324,0.0,0.0,0.187249049200752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841003067879052,0.0,0.07138546803181893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165048694204417,0.19165972039263007,0.0,0.0,0.11582916767440687 ptsd,skshenrj,2019/01/27,"Being a witness not knowing what to do, feeling like the event wasnt real TW: rape. About 6 months ago a girl was raped in my neiborhood. I heard her and couldnt do anything because I froze. My parents were asleep (it happend between 2 and 3 midnight). I decided to keep it to myself. My parents are toxic and telling them could get me in trouble. Going to the police could get me in trouble for being involved. Thursday I came back from work. I rode my through my neibourhood when I saw two men walking. This is nearby a playground and it was around 10 in the evening. I found it odd as it was cold outside and there was snow. As I kept looking behind them I saw a female figure on hands and knees. That is when my memory fractured as if someone threw a stone through a window. I mainly remember her bare hands. I started to disociate and put my bike away. When I sort of actually not really calmed down I walked back to the place where I saw the 3 people and searched for them (this was a few minutes later) went looking for them for 20 minitues but found no one. I feel like I might have imagened it even though I know what I saw was real. Maybe I am wrong and nothing happend, but why would she be on the ground on her hands and knees while there was snow on the ground? Being a witnessed is the worst thing that ever happend to me. Being almost kidnapped myself and getting molested was so much easier. I feel so guilty for not being able to take action when I thought something was wrong instead of waiting a few minutes even though I know I couldnt have done anything and I had no control over myself at that moment. I am in therapy, but I go there mainly to talk about my parents. I cant talk about any trauma that involved anything sexual such as molestation or witnessing what I just witnessed. So I will put it here, because I know that putting it out there will make me feel lighter. I hope that you wont be disapointed in me for not taking action, I am sorry.",4.205739795918369,5.3502293188775525,4.830714285714286,85.36428571428574,70.86224489795919,7.2326530612244895,29.561224489795922,7.447530270364453,1.7212846938775508,1551,61,306,16,28,497,194,392,0.121,0.836,0.043,-0.9831,3,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,4,2,28,14,4,0,17,0,41,8,6,2,1,56,75,31,0,7,10,3,8,2,0,5,0,1,1,2,20,15,0,4,14,1,0,13,11,10,0,2,25,16,57,4,45,34,6,48,0,0,6,2,20,20,0,6,17,236,77,1,0.0958080006169133,0.0,0.09349478813186622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492801182292466,0.0,0.09593787318082286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515272581583295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365254634110413,0.08528943302474527,0.0,0.0,0.09001477038611279,0.1473408771989289,0.0,0.116807335836718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957882916315737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745681941151744,0.1529897850492833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804484845842973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898408424620919,0.08666382166954924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377361528092588,0.13689050956813315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100970550367972,0.0,0.0,0.15016717797881682,0.0,0.10889978929366496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515896238408356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515855306003163,0.0,0.0,0.21061428617351616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361389930476813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090918131332094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395258437310689,0.0,0.09625201409022384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163714824175296,0.0,0.0,0.07647303203077703,0.0,0.07042990426327063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193036054799407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492198074856526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191503397178965,0.0,0.0,0.06642120427547225,0.0,0.10009896895121584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28894050890199585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21810095948546532,0.0613770584992599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853178804543856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117780801399721,0.07375767963030949,0.0,0.1072492127740936,0.06781339595772416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440713860222508,0.15401368350662656,0.08374041544774821,0.0,0.10956479845548844,0.0,0.06365057842703206,0.0,0.1882617483246572,0.07606085063231023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359049515574963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881497643116283,0.08645181857554961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974936551689302,0.0,0.0,0.06805925477242768,0.2095020169653766,0.0,0.0 ptsd,operator139,2019/01/27,"The worst symptom of my PTSD is my night terror disorder. In the last month I have had 2 per week, way more than usual I have PTSD and most specifically an extreme version of night terror disorder. I find I do have triggers (most evident one is stress) but I am trying to figure out a way to stop this. I have tried CBD oil and it does seem to help, along with weed but my work drug tests so I can't do that. And I have read that CBD can cause you to show up with false positive so I only can use it rarely. Does anyone find that supplements help their night terrors? I sleep with pink noise and a weighted blanket and it does help the episodes. Still, I'll wake up screaming in my fiance's face lately and it really upsets her. My last resort is finding a new job so I can smoke weed every night. It's truly the only thing I've found that cures it. So stupid.",0.8015730337078644,3.0728716853932596,2.2001011235955046,95.14082584269664,84.95505617977528,5.133033707865169,17.888764044943823,6.508806274219699,-0.1789986516853932,672,16,148,7,20,216,105,178,0.158,0.741,0.101,-0.8434,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,1,5,8,1,5,8,0,16,6,3,3,0,25,19,12,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,12,11,1,1,6,2,0,0,1,8,0,1,2,4,19,0,16,17,5,20,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,3,13,89,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144047285937489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196496244922242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669757832392662,0.0,0.3057783325948837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507144209169653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813333691230387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31936202057761903,0.0,0.0,0.12770638672057502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342077391265327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558125778563567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988171513334026,0.13138636412694293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296745830641803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249013250777276,0.0,0.4372072394503899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892496711760089,0.17716558868780044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27230088371657946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650429483432725,0.0,0.07461544253540366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603244053759443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655689089272506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301530908579164,0.09737645574663308,0.13341917098332132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105981052662472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737933672765833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815473838118205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059508189794744,0.1282783072254813,0.0,0.0,0.18490133589442412,0.093427435094579,0.14183246278971876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479356785515149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SaltySkirtThrowaway,2019/01/27,"I am so tired of tiptoeing around land mines in my life (PHYSICAL ASSAULT TW) BACKGROUND: my PTSD is centered on a a series of physical assaults I suffered through during my teenage developmental years (about a decade ago). They involved beatings and my face being forced into water for periods of time. I have times where my coping is strong, but I’ve had a lot of life stress recently that has brought more frequent nightmares and stressors. A coworker asked me if I would be willing to be a sparing partner. I have a martial arts black belt, but haven’t practiced in years. He hadn’t either, and wanted someone in a similar boat to work through his muscle memory. I wish I didn’t have to avoid truly telling him why I can’t. I wish I didn’t have to try and decide whether or not friendly sparing would trigger an episode. It’s like a bomb constantly waiting for the right button to be pushed; waiting for fingers to curl in just the right way, or a playful shove to have just the right amount of pressure. I wish I didn’t have to pull the barber aside to tell them they can’t put the hot towel over my face, I wish my knuckles weren’t white while they wash my hair. That I was able to let shower water run over my face, or let people touch me when I’m in a swimming pool. I want to not flinch when a hand moves too quickly. I want to not shy away from physical affection and intimacy. I want to truly feel safe and carefree in water. In so many ways, I feel I’ve grown from the broken child I was when it all happened. But in weeks like these, years after my trauma, I feel so helpless again to the hold it has on me. I’m so worried that I’ll never be given release from the torture. ",5.120189633375475,5.4347976224188805,5.499224610198064,84.38805309734515,68.35103244837758,7.991066160977668,31.482090181205226,7.62386473244151,1.9608408765276024,1330,52,269,13,21,425,183,339,0.155,0.7020000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.7525,3,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,4,3,16,15,3,3,21,0,32,13,6,2,2,46,51,22,0,11,14,0,8,2,2,3,4,0,1,2,7,8,3,5,4,4,0,8,12,9,0,0,10,10,40,6,44,31,5,50,0,2,2,0,14,21,0,5,21,180,47,1,0.11438527237959767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139564235210638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182714350386628,0.10693478879817037,0.0,0.10746872873354588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123609843329863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350989182401774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837377769554079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115051860211502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339333816948958,0.16158740131219929,0.11176573252277852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724626812108468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596871271449655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157344222438987,0.0,0.0,0.08822097368750921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930034541906053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337102622483166,0.11498879216572035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129416569327718,0.0,0.0,0.2930531928649991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691827009299417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102794304333507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995553958946505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339794437307415,0.13146904384702549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766009149927043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26986958907881115,0.18158741003749607,0.09175296588964488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032149168315918,0.0,0.5261496726048387,0.0,0.0,0.08327384061436609,0.1161637964947337,0.0,0.1625120312493457,0.0,0.0,0.22098109543197825 ptsd,TWiiN2ITION,2019/01/27,"Still trying to find where I belong Over the last 3 years, I tried taking advantage of group therapy through the VA. I always felt like I didn't belong because my PTSD wasn't military related. I do go to therapy and try to remember to take my meds daily, but that day is always with me. From the time I wake up to when I finally get to sleep, the day the changed my life is always in the back of my mind. Countless times I've gone through that day and second guess everything that I did. My wife does what she can to help me, mostly holding me and trying to make me smile, but there are days that I walk around fighting like hell not to break down. It's been a long battle and I hope that one day I can win this war. V-XII-MMXV",4.524705882352944,4.248803823529413,5.307973856209152,87.28588235294121,69.58823529411765,8.891503267973857,26.803921568627448,8.515128840125781,1.4936745098039212,567,15,129,8,9,185,99,153,0.118,0.746,0.136,-0.0355,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,4,0,7,0,10,3,2,1,0,18,19,7,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,2,6,1,21,5,20,13,1,24,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,3,16,81,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388482036565914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084042478828222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043783125175129,0.0,0.0827479300794584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435985414592624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377163868365957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878998328372199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219974348381494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033497245742198,0.14870028363076052,0.12406702843831847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092033535171535,0.0,0.07714611488730905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495366830970506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098595436655428,0.0,0.0,0.1348238466255084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064900630054336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958795933142296,0.13263475857312326,0.0,0.0,0.12012865680560668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060978819864507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078034059266318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706216004258498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198325576249468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867679611405092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377083544027667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584145419904506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840487209474993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041243196178155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31046886625128417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830616188613658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686434922143281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741431319559789 ptsd,vanillasilver,2019/01/27,"Nightmares and flashback support - TW sexual assault, hospitalization Hello! It’s now 4 am, and I’m awake AGAIN because I heard my name being called in my sleep and someone knocking at the door but when I got up to check (nervously, might I add), no one was there and now wide awake and scared again. Just before this, I was having a nightmare about people I knew hunting me for sport and a lot of people had paid to come shoot at me. Before that, I had a nightmare about my service dog dying, and lately I’m depending on her more than anything. My original diagnosis of PTSD was due to a sexual assault that happened shortly after my parents divorced, and now recently because of some medication I was prescribed, I had a psychotic break and was sent to the ER twice and then a psychiatric hospital, and not five days later I was I sent to jail because of something I did (that I don’t remember) while I was hallucinating during my psychosis. I’m starting to have nightmares of the police coming to my apartment and taking me away, things making me not safe at home, etc. especially when my roommate is gone for work and it feels all too much like the start of some secondary PTSD. I’m here asking if y’all have tips on dealing with PTSD related nightmares and flashbacks, I’ve got my dog sitting with me watching Netflix because I can’t sleep - any little noise makes me jump. Love and kindness to you all! TLDR: I am having nightmares and flashbacks and want to know how to cope. Currently I’m with my service dog, watching tv. 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Long story short I was in a 4 year relationship with an abusive woman. I already had combat related PTSD when we were dating and she knew that and I think she manipulated that. She would threaten to kill me and my friends, beat me and attacked me. I snapped one day and picked her up by the throat and threw her on the floor and told her she wasn’t going to kill anyone, that she doesn’t know what that does to your soul. After it was over I tried to kill myself. I felt like a monster for what I had done. I was stopped and baker acted and got help and put on medication. It helped but this woman would come back into my life and prod at me and pull me back in only to torture me. This went on for two years of the 4 years. She ended up leaving for another man and I was okay with that, I wanted peace. I ended up meeting someone amazing and I fell hard. She was everything I could have wanted in a person and so kind and gentle and driven. But while we’re together, we would do things and I’d get these waves of emotions relating to my abusive ex and i couldn’t place why I was thinking about her and I felt terrible. There was pressure of marriage and I hadn’t sorted out the unknowns feelings yet and my anxiety skyrocketed so I broke up because it felt wrong to be thinking about someone else while I was this amazing woman. I’d later come to find out through a therapy session what these emotions were. I was diagnosed again with PTSD relating to an abusive relationship. It was clarity and I realized that this amazing woman was what I wanted but it was too late. She felt like I used her to heal myself and left afterwards but it’s not the case, not at all. But I can’t change the way she feels and I lost her trust. We were romantically involved but she essentially broke up with me and ended things. Now I feel numb and don’t know what to do. I still love her so much and I she’s my best friend and I feel like she’s my person but now I’m heartbroken and numb and tired. Please help. ",1.667890424987199,3.946296193548392,3.1252503840245787,89.83390732206864,81.3041474654378,5.977593445980543,22.317255504352282,7.213258583274324,0.7620441986687143,1684,55,351,23,45,550,197,434,0.194,0.64,0.165,-0.9458,0,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,3,1,0,6,17,28,5,1,13,1,32,10,1,3,1,85,65,45,3,8,11,1,9,3,2,3,7,0,0,8,26,44,0,1,16,0,0,10,8,14,0,3,32,9,69,14,47,27,3,59,1,4,0,2,45,22,0,1,29,251,95,1,0.0,0.28059878512177394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714085169872095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711405679342782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277718693003769,0.06039013439917677,0.0,0.0,0.055197826399428336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980750574625412,0.0,0.12140248846809565,0.0,0.0962441754894698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284437520490315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835097821236498,0.13600245648234996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302847169189063,0.0,0.0,0.05091082364098417,0.0,0.0,0.08012409741453679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908235642010246,0.08078470014984564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594560614219695,0.17759742735155573,0.2097565714214212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094765099594172,0.07722006635460496,0.0,0.0,0.1596610495456913,0.05639591953426293,0.3031853956845089,0.0,0.07215122387960958,0.06714771406666788,0.0,0.0,0.1219802221434604,0.0,0.04124374588468991,0.0,0.0448643501560418,0.0,0.06313683664824825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071619888778632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587387409701268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620116675387593,0.0822055645738688,0.08676851575233585,0.0,0.08904960228870093,0.08358779277324525,0.08577031697717037,0.0,0.05575881110217922,0.1157006855143441,0.0,0.0,0.06986086247602227,0.0,0.0,0.17234823885371706,0.0,0.14249581463430136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952539178218726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803118457471047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349289463311895,0.06003867036250898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472818975553557,0.13785758083055102,0.08247720629056081,0.08665420906705029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27683563921133003,0.07935814660263481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695075449649765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377398164908194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304289136768779,0.06599874130121211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090276639001158,0.0,0.1048906285937539,0.15174783579191214,0.0,0.0,0.046031501969304216,0.09073179619353132,0.0,0.07543211483339299,0.0,0.05359618803101397,0.0,0.07711450633980514,0.0,0.0,0.06818022627185663,0.0,0.0,0.1396854641897021,0.06266019511788694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317968616014738,0.07123254664415936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823361682925214,0.08631028497387963,0.0,0.15250747344513513 ptsd,lanasoul,2019/01/28,"I’m sorry if this is not the appropriate group for this! /Trigger warning/ *long* kind of Since 2001 (when I was aged 9-10) I’ve experienced this. I’ve only recently begun thinking it could be some kind of PTSD-like symptom, but I don’t know. But sometimes, I get The Feeling. The Feeling is when I’m met with an overwhelming and very, very deep feeling of disgust, discomfort and trauma. Things that can trigger it are hearing about child sexual abuse, especially when it’s described in detail, and (this one is odd) androgynous or feminine sounding men. For instance, I liked of one of the songs of Cigarettes After Sex. But when I heard another, the singer’s feminine but male voice was an instant trigger and I had an anxiety attack + the ‘feeling’. I’ve never been able to properly describe The Feeling, but the best words I can describe it with are disgust, discomfort, wrong, no. The thing is though, I have no recollection of anything in my past or childhood that would explain it. The closest thing to an incident I can think of is when I was 6, the teenage boy next door came up to me and said that if I kissed him he’d give me candy. I said no. He then started following me around school (I was in pre-school. I think that’s the proper term. I’m not American.) but this school had classes from grade 0 to grade 10. I just feel like this shouldn’t be “enough” to trigger such a serious condition. Perhaps my mind is weak. I am by the way diagnosed with schizophrenia, anxiety and depression. C",3.3751317540590904,5.565406211072665,4.342231833910033,83.72866316209742,75.12456747404845,7.767953154112322,29.800505722651053,8.617729084823388,2.4680251796646253,1181,54,225,24,26,382,160,289,0.192,0.732,0.076,-0.99,0,0,1,1,1,0,48.0,0,0,0,1,10,17,3,3,18,0,27,5,0,4,1,47,51,23,0,5,13,0,6,2,0,2,3,7,1,4,18,11,0,0,12,1,0,2,8,11,0,2,12,14,23,6,27,33,4,27,0,2,0,2,15,7,0,5,19,148,41,5,0.11650213532340938,0.13803597978809262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216264689490125,0.1782476292840821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958713307459097,0.10371160032486502,0.0,0.13253799772471275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226180341135555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332474062869992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301747519071203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034311844180133,0.11824721500257765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037784877289168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534418807020712,0.08322914875327099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086755725817121,0.11175946399181036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130637362677164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24263809221546265,0.06402652677969213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075117570657458,0.0,0.0,0.10310072365281912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763394565108867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985362889023779,0.0,0.12390134260435468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788972398820542,0.08860512370073141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112144706575822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618476174875485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503180370953744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216404188262151,0.0,0.0,0.3537191420983503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637177023937199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522359078673855,0.13041460232425345,0.08246081101510888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109032647192973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321965259760457,0.22394959249558524,0.1144627564416002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225292546490694,0.0,0.09247397229168623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275977432419171,0.12737679616455114,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kin-Of-The-Cosmos,2019/01/28,"Everything keeps hitting me all at once Let me start this by saying I have PTSD. Everything hits me a bit harder than most people so if you think this is nothing, it may be for you but for me it's hell. Let's start with last week. I contacted Amazon over a pretty simple request. I'm on disability and didn't receive my cheque for December. I've been scraping by for that month and this by dumpster diving and panhandling. Merry Christmas to me I guess. At any rate, I contacted Amazon customer service with an off hand request. I had gotten a Prime trial and asked them if they could extend it for a month for free. I explained the situation. Didn't expect anything from it at all, but the reaction I got was weird. The person I was chatting to on their website started asking for order numbers. I said nevermind and ended the chat. 13 hours later he emails me to say he didn't understand what I was talking about and said to contact again. So I did. Weirdly, the second person was like ""No problem, done. Go enjoy The Grand Tour!"" So I tried to get on Prime and it didn't work. Figured I'd let it be for a couple days. While waiting, my roommate comes back. He left in November to go to India for the holidays. I forgot how much noise he made. He's on the phone at all hours of the day and night. He often puts the other person on speaker phone and will yell his responses. I can't sleep. I mean I can't afford my medication to sleep properly anyway, but this asshole is so fucking loud that I couldn't sleep if I did have the meds. I've gotten maybe 2-3 hours sleep since he returned last week. I turned the music on once at 10AM and he had the nerve to tell me to turn it down. That pissed me off even more. While all this is going on, I'm waiting for the government to tell me what happened to my disability cheque. They keep saying they're doing investigations and will have another sent out as soon as it's done, but that does fucking nothing for me. We don't have food stamps here so I can't go get that. Food bank is miles away and my knees are fucked, so getting there is hell to begin with and coming back takes multiple hours. Even if I did get there, I don't have a current statement from the government with my address on it because they didn't send the goddamned cheque. So I go back to Amazon. Prime still isn't working. So Customer Service tells me it's just a glitch and they'll reach out to me in 12 hours. They do. 12 hours later they say I never had prime to begin with. So I contact customer service AGAIN. This time I get someone who calls me darling every 3 seconds despite me asking repeatedly for her to knock it off. She says that they did give me an extension on the prime but it was an extension of nothing because the prime was already over. She then hangs up on me. So I say fuck it and tweet Amazon. They respond and ask what's wrong. I explain. At this point I don't care about the free prime. I had no right to it anyway, I always thought it was a longshot, but being told a half dozen different things is just bizarre and confusing. They then don't respond for a day. So I say ""Uh hello?"" And another amazon rep comes on twitter to ask what's wrong. I explain again. No response. Today, 4 days later, I say that it's the worst service I've received. Amazon immediately jumps on and gives me a link to contact. I do and don't even get a chance to explain. The dude just says another department will reach out to me. Then I turn to Canada Post and ask why the hell I didn't get stuff delivered. They shrug and say ""We deliver until 8PM."" I'm checking the mail continuously. We have no mail and no one else has gotten mail in the neighborhood. We live next door to a Canada Post and have never had this problem before. Maybe it's the weather? No. People across the road got their mail. Just that we didn't. So no cheque for me today despite being told I'd get it today. That means no eating today, no meds today, no paying bills today. Sitting in the dark crying all night. Like I said it in't much. But this is overwhelming to all hell to me and I'm freaking the fuck out. I want to beat the shit out of my roommate because he won't shut the fuck up, I want to scream my goddamn head off at Amazon because they won't give me a straight fucking answer. I want to lose my shit at the government because they lost my cheque and i've been without any money since the start of December. To top it all off, a storm kicked up at 3PM and I can't go dumpster diving for any food. Tomorrow it's going to be worse and colder so I won't be able to go dumpster diving then either AND the mail likely won't show up again. I just fucking want this all to stop. everythnig. I can't get a breather. Meds I'm on barely work to begin with so when this shit happens I just feel lost and terrified and suicidal to all hell. I'm so... idk. overwhelmed. overloaded. Just something. ",1.808571428571426,3.9615655110664,3.216619718309861,90.06655935613684,80.00603621730383,5.787525150905433,22.91951710261569,6.913230679561687,0.7096181086519109,3834,127,792,43,98,1251,358,994,0.166,0.7440000000000001,0.091,-0.9984,3,0,1,0,0,0,112.0,5,2,15,8,44,40,17,3,52,0,77,25,11,2,11,117,170,68,1,13,20,0,2,3,0,9,2,17,2,3,49,50,4,6,14,4,12,19,36,32,1,5,43,19,103,10,117,105,16,138,5,5,0,8,96,53,17,9,65,519,152,11,0.0426613851393084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707789934377095,0.0,0.035497689968213675,0.0,0.0,0.08703361444788364,0.13420254609977575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03510668498406009,0.0,0.2392958174494697,0.0,0.04008177566530341,0.0984119155259368,0.0,0.13002992206130728,0.0,0.03630169659406473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657518337024584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356204405603832,0.0,0.04349612538179993,0.0,0.0,0.11024701740095123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034061644645234826,0.047204011224131016,0.04686152835121205,0.11005225650607277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04457206745760679,0.0,0.0,0.037333265625409985,0.08731481742813463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365324742398827,0.03563811309451647,0.0,0.03778532466345954,0.0,0.0,0.08453232760622241,0.0,0.03594405695032093,0.0,0.07668260428243358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02157087815763377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547589487502375,0.0,0.0,0.3155181049991112,0.20059931656395852,0.12277406391947746,0.1939635864534024,0.0,0.06824041377521024,0.0,0.04699632541803676,0.0,0.07545064397460476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378288896284109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25207722528356524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583879856812076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695494456555229,0.0,0.0,0.046351719779386825,0.13087247010665232,0.0,0.06252659360780137,0.0,0.03767078467081725,0.0,0.0,0.047727177611186535,0.09313988280986146,0.0,0.0,0.0403672341279528,0.0,0.0,0.08571819090465999,0.09294151006063196,0.14216154470678466,0.04297685732250518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810382120968121,0.0,0.06272205351855736,0.0,0.06580618042080953,0.0,0.04537086707851673,0.08006963998351044,0.0,0.12280424887525886,0.0,0.0,0.09086596571274544,0.028908458655720764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059152065772519025,0.11175082793192934,0.0,0.0,0.04032879833493756,0.0,0.08171562853478656,0.0434019657314835,0.0,0.08164236806481219,0.04986887626514761,0.04288647521864597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03643258981112117,0.12174223987913688,0.3392604576539741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137389635476734,0.07057987727565149,0.04795318433855117,0.1707687787258021,0.0,0.03614685318710855,0.032842818526941216,0.0,0.0,0.12078379191418702,0.0,0.03406943728020943,0.03566682822683618,0.0,0.0,0.04883707933753802,0.04666463111940677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032076052349871244,0.034289605390428336,0.11186379296526354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028342328648240333,0.02733569300603654,0.0,0.03386837447764847,0.024876196748502118,0.0,0.2426280290833865,0.08152956342821037,0.0,0.028964280142722683,0.13921000951931134,0.0,0.044412006464574286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065116109415828,0.0,0.06844077972734088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384952645342445,0.0,0.0,0.041124052899214426,0.0,0.09317398942818382,0.0,0.043475596121052035,0.0,0.09328705510679512,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hemtuh27,2019/01/28,"PTSD and digitizing childhood vhs tapes Hi, I need to talk about this because I don't have anyone I'm comfortable sharing with. I am going to bring up a couple things that I'm struggling with and share some background so this makes sense. I am F/29 and I am a *survivor* (never said or typed that before) of abuse by the hands, words and actions of a few people. Some of these people I am just now realizing did things to me and happen to still be in my life. This is why I'm posting. I don't know how to manage the way I'm feeling about these flashbacks. I realized it wasn't just my father who abused me as a child. My childhood vhs tapes. My father narrates and is the man behind the camera in 98% of these tapes. I have probably 20+ vhs tapes I am digitizing for my sister and mother. I knew it could trigger some panic attacks or flash backs to hear or see my father on these videos, but I decided I was strong and I could handle it so my family could share in these memories and I can edit him out as a gift. None of us speak with my father anymore due to his abuse of drugs and us. This is hard to type because I hate seeing this in my head again and it feels horrible. I apologize for how oddly this is written, I'm in a state of shock I think because of what I'm learning. **Background** Growing up I have a couple blurry memories or flashbacks of my father doing things that are wrong. One flashback is of me and my mother nude hiding in their closet, wrapped up in their comforter while he is yelling. Another memory is him following me up the stairs and pulling my pants down. Another is him putting his tongue in my mouth. All of these I believe I was maybe 5-7 or even 8? I don't really know. I didn't say anything until I remembered the first thing when I was 15. My parents were divorced when I was 13 or 14 due to his drinking and drugging and abusive ways. I have one sister who is 18 months younger than myself. I also have a very saddening memory of my father being angry with her for not staying upright on her bike (she was probably 4 or 5? so I was 6 or 7). He had cornered us in the laundry room and he was hitting her with a broomstick as she tried to climb into a cabinet where her shoes were kept. I was on my back kicking at him. Her little knees were bleeding so badly from falling on her bike. I don't know why I remember this incident so vividly. CPS has been called on my father 3 times. I don't know much but he was taken to court after me telling a therapist about the first flashback at 15. My mother tells me that she ""made it to where I didn't have to testify"". I don't know a lot about the court case. I know my father is re-married to a woman who is younger than him by at least 10 yrs. She had a 3 and 5 y/o when they married. Those kids are now much older and finishing high school and starting college. I know their father was worried about what my father had done to me and wanted to keep his children safe. I wish I was able to learn the details of these things. I only have my mother as my source and she can be misleading at times and also doesn't remember everything either. I had stopped all contact with my father at 15 and ended up in treatment by the age of 17 because I was an emotional wreck. I think I still am. Anyway, once I turned 19 a boyfriend (who was also abusive and much older than myself by 10 yrs) convinced me that I needed my father in my life. I regret being convinced every day. I cut ties with him and his blood relatives when I was 26. He had told me he solved an argument with my step brother (who was 13 or 14 at the time) by ""quickly and physically ending the disagreement"". After hearing that I got out of his car, said ""goodbye"" and never spoke to him again. I was frozen. I felt that it was my fault. My step brother ended up in treatment similar to mine for some time. I don't know how he is doing now since I don't speak with my father's side, but I hope he's alright. I also hope my little step sister is alright. I don't know if I can forgive myself for ""leaving"" them. **The Videos** I started digitizing and felt fine with hearing his voice at first. It kind of sounds like an old video tape instead of what he sounded like 3 years ago in person or even on the phone. I thought ""Ok, I can do this just fine, just start with the tapes that Mom and sister will like to see first."" This was turning out to be great because I could see my grand parents and great grand parents, my aunt and mother and myself and my sister. I couldn't stop watching. My mind was racing. I chose a tape that was labeled ""1996"" - I realized there were a few copies of the same footage with the same label. I watched this tape and it's pretty normal until it stops and comes on and I hear my father saying things about how it's early in the morning. How he's going to show me this in the morning. I am heard saying ""no"" and clearly uncomfortable. Watching this I was horrified. I can see is the dimly lit room that was clearly the master bedroom floor. I am laying on the floor under a blanket. I am watching this for the first time my husband and I were looking at each other in shock. I immediately stopped it and was sobbing. Why would my dad take that video? What is the reason for that? Is that video part of what my first flashback was or was this a regular occurrence that I still can't remember? I was alarmed to see footage of my father dropping me down a slide when I was barely able to walk. My mother reacted clearly upset and the camera went off as you hear me screaming. There was another tape from ""1996"" where I'm crying hysterically and it keeps cutting in and out of weird conversation with me sobbing. My little sister is trying to comfort me. My mother is not there. I can almost remember parts of this that aren't on camera. My dad says something to me, as he is shooting the video, about how no one thinks I'm a brat, and he asks ""right?"" to my sister and she says something like ""only mom and dad think \_\_\_\_\_\_ is a brat."" He quickly corrects her and she seems to look like she's confused by his manipulation. The camera goes off and then comes back on to my face. My hair is soaked with tears and is stuck to my face from crying so much. I believe my dad starts telling me to go to bed and I refuse and cry more. Watching this I can tell that I'm afraid to go to bed because I know what he's going to do. I won't get into that because I don't truly remember much. I know it's blocked out and I'm afraid to watch more because It could all come back. I gave myself a couple days after that footage. I was afraid I'd see something worse. I decided to watch my sisters birthday party in 1996. It was on another tape labeled ""1996"". My sister is turning 5 and we are at the local pool with some childhood friends and some family. I see my cousin and I see my childhood friend. I instantly remember inappropriate things happening with those boys. My cousin used to pretend we were ""married"" when we were around that age. He would make me go into a bathroom after our ""marriage"" and undress with him. He always locked the door. He is about 2 years older than I am. I remember feeling like it was wrong but that he was older so it must be ok. I don't remember much of what happened in the bathrooms when this stuff used to happen. I know for sure it happened in 2 places. I know I was crying at one of them and my sister was knocking on the door. It was a family vacation. He has a daughter now and she is about 5. I hate him. My childhood friend I mentioned, he also made me take my clothes off because of what ""grown ups do when they get married"". This must have been at the same age as my cousin incident. I remember something weird he did once he made me lay on top of him, he said we had to touch nipples....then I remember his mother walked in on us. I felt instant embarrassment and guilt, but being so young, I didn't know exactly what was wrong. She never said anything or did anything. This friend is still in my life and also has a brand new daughter. They were at my wedding and so was that cousin. I feel sick thinking about this. How could his mother not have done anything!!?? I saw her face in that video too and felt even more sick. Once we were in the high school ages, we spent more time together. He talked me into cheating on my boyfriends because ""kissing isn't cheating"". He'd feel me up and I told myself it was ok because we weren't having sex. I hate myself for this. I hate seeing these people on my video tapes and remembering these things. It makes me feel like my family isn't real. It makes me question if things really happened even though I know certain things definitely did. I continue to doubt myself and pretend I'm ok. I'm not ok. I'm having a very hard time with these new things and I feel physically sick reliving these things. **Can having abusers in life be a pattern for some survivors?** I have had far too many moments in my life where my innocence was taken from me or I was hurt in different ways. I was raped by an ex for years. He took photos of me after he drugged me when he took me out of the country. He was so much like my father. So many red flags and I should have ran screaming, but he was SO manipulative. He told me no one would ever love me like he loved me. He exposed me to HEP-C for years and never told me. He cheated on me. He would tell me I was overweight and that my style was boring. He told me I didn't ""do anything"". He would force me to have sex with him every day multiple times a day. I was fresh from treatment, he was sober and had been for years. I thought he was safe. He even convinced my mother he was great along with other family. He has thousands of nude photos of me from the age of 18-22. He refused to destroy them when I begged for many years. He'd always convince me to come back when I'd leave him or when he said something painfully horrible. He'd show up at my apartments while I was in college in the middle of the night yelling at me. He was a 3x felon. He was an addict and when I left for good, he started drinking again and then using drugs. No idea where he is now, but I pray it's prison. He had his 3 strikes. I also have been in a friendship where a guy in college became obsessed with me and stalked me. I had to go to the Dean of Students because he had signed up to be in every one of my classes. This was after he had left things at my doorstep, stood outside my front door at 3am whispering my name and sending me paragraphs about how he wanted to ""practice having sex"" with me ""because we are best friends"" and he ""felt like I would give him feedback"" *WHAT THE FUCK!?* \- Guess what - the college only asked him to change classes. That's it. The Dean told me they would kick him out of the college, expel him from classes that semester or ask him to change his classes. I had to tell all my professors on my own because the college didn't have my back. He even showed up in NY when I moved after college, and I moved across the country.....I finally got rid of him when I moved from NY. There was a guy in college who raped me because I was too drunk to drive home one night. He offered his bed and he slept on the couch until he joined me in bed later that night. I woke up and he was having sex with me. I remember he noticed I woke up and put a condom on. I was frozen. I didn't know what to do. I left when I could see the sun was coming up. I wouldn't talk to him and he acted like he didn't know what was wrong. He'd even send me texts if he was on the same bus to tell me he was behind me. I'm still confused by that. I'm sorry I spilled this mess here. I have a lot in my head and I don't know how to get it out. I have no one to talk to. No one understands unless they've had these things happen. I'm tired of sharing with someone I feel I can share with and they tell me they don't believe me, or ghost me completely. I had began to keep it all to myself for a few years in college and now I'm busting at the seams with flashbacks and panic attacks. I had a flashback when I was skiing with my husband this year. My father did things to me once when he was teaching me to ski as a kid. I was in the trees and it all came back. I don't know how to talk to my husband about these things. He doesn't understand. He means well and he's good to me, but he will never understand what I feel and what happened to me. I've never been able to really heal from any of this and I'm just now remembering things. I feel like a pile of used, damaged crap. I'm in a new city now, and I don't have any close friends here. I feel lonely and these flashbacks have affected my social abilities. I'm always on edge and I just thought I could share on here and someone might be able to tell me I'm not crazy and that I'm not bad for what happened. I feel I am though.",1.943279297534616,3.7220017324263055,3.299268812016532,91.46299449992766,77.97203325774754,5.924842636818321,23.46667953233302,6.742157984588678,0.6125970717743363,9968,323,2157,94,235,3251,689,2646,0.127,0.773,0.099,-0.9978,5,2,11,1,7,0,305.0,13,1,12,11,120,113,16,14,96,7,254,47,15,27,22,377,447,184,1,32,41,59,22,12,6,15,18,27,13,10,138,149,4,13,75,21,1,42,52,52,1,16,155,73,386,61,320,253,41,326,1,6,24,13,299,142,4,38,147,1495,524,28,0.08803829301232864,0.15646647163710115,0.0,0.02399368358088913,0.0,0.0,0.01951015870719785,0.0,0.022039408336692372,0.0,0.0,0.12320733445055004,0.054941184290149686,0.0,0.0,0.02993452910504442,0.0923158264236029,0.0,0.0,0.021827582518301032,0.01538960536662282,0.0,0.0905600172505412,0.01959318649574857,0.061727939752915184,0.05007813396108205,0.0,0.11846802283219285,0.0367541486516693,0.20125247354408585,0.0,0.01872852575670457,0.07439175622619196,0.02309768924634858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02247423510920984,0.025173088384308977,0.0,0.0,0.04656642027298862,0.09479649248363953,0.023076618806201987,0.0,0.0,0.14058282645848533,0.07305952252728475,0.09670593091428242,0.056777415766689834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02299531955059769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450468699970387,0.0,0.04312200531194163,0.10209646958613257,0.0,0.0,0.024757807502146626,0.05848184734435372,0.0,0.0,0.10175980889502184,0.019908919079261816,0.05563204419249693,0.0,0.019780785254394282,0.0,0.10374333430574416,0.0,0.13354441860528313,0.04717093058916772,0.10566320942477143,0.024110411679310145,0.0,0.11232799059285588,0.0,0.0,0.1020272501893453,0.020347495814936008,0.03449728083929905,0.021113588198401825,0.08755983383378875,0.03692117161511037,0.035206132686541165,0.07279689663642712,0.024246026319499285,0.04358587572145768,0.17516693645971784,0.0,0.0394325090279973,0.08691958772557537,0.04517634383939908,0.0,0.12403194331642023,0.0,0.0,0.04650864510261128,0.02207739652375384,0.04372094480197397,0.0,0.0,0.02356170338024589,0.024846129188265797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058689359958432524,0.0,0.02291958361870155,0.2298218313367101,0.0,0.0,0.04660992028702832,0.07174039721584789,0.0,0.07773006244531144,0.12903318893962315,0.06617812356584513,0.0,0.0,0.03696499655983654,0.0,0.0,0.03742350421996538,0.03972899834403708,0.062477971143852465,0.05876624421427831,0.0669427582185121,0.022111574620434137,0.02397487760010309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023348679077500014,0.02222339476155924,0.051554692370855915,0.017567831387032985,0.07017807957095865,0.11325698156480032,0.032639639369740736,0.10185083843957173,0.06377094899447591,0.0,0.0619634805859081,0.021564708713142863,0.0,0.025058045027103345,0.023095344720378316,0.09375790879907396,0.13422830803669214,0.050217816744972534,0.023419737731574672,0.05164698397003309,0.07331707932048283,0.047668446031663765,0.0,0.04577600048990688,0.01921791041577553,0.02299531955059769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021079087168466844,0.02239164858279925,0.04746008508453672,0.0,0.02572801332217715,0.04425140040854208,0.02465575917092156,0.0,0.0,0.02505171287081133,0.04229968863977193,0.02262950699341736,0.0,0.0,0.34905578380197666,0.018796055299867036,0.10468072152620854,0.08751448025218024,0.0,0.04454972633431036,0.19292658323016368,0.020036688867845102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01820654643560389,0.0,0.0,0.022435988200600096,0.0372972799871434,0.08472022390341392,0.0,0.024637915306522942,0.07789244615591695,0.023459276620881056,0.08788436815418109,0.07360395505211444,0.0,0.023009184754810872,0.025195695630513548,0.0,0.0,0.02074376231842967,0.0,0.0330969199222599,0.08845230636505164,0.17313603420963594,0.0,0.0,0.02555481093453867,0.2485771022356516,0.07051422916479178,0.0432485879448922,0.052419428009273496,0.10267167328137393,0.025296766715396574,0.0,0.12618654265716334,0.048906891442798785,0.029886110985020982,0.07182028647387749,0.0,0.06873822589724657,0.10589922662472033,0.07603681844557486,0.0,0.036320405925546806,0.025963633106095188,0.05241052436096575,0.0,0.0,0.019789249598007253,0.02040309491008583,0.05958064947234145,0.0,0.02530992303548275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02235179000861477,0.02242963547533848,0.10944478547438163,0.09625605292620862,0.0,0.11338754850224295 ptsd,mrtestcat,2019/01/28,"PSA/Trigger Warning: PTSD Flashbacks in Escape Room It's a great movie, but it was kind of shocking to my gf. I wished we warned ahead of time. Hopefully, this helps somebody else.",1.6411764705882348,4.405150176470588,1.6384705882352968,95.42711764705885,91.35294117647058,3.896470588235295,24.44705882352941,5.6839178017228535,0.5231364705882355,142,6,27,1,5,42,32,34,0.195,0.5379999999999999,0.268,0.4785,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305802731876643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035911180773454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24536757631560774,0.0,0.0,0.3635879923045429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812033536843213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279137494472708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345711834455425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209599835289101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nihtmoon,2019/01/28,"is invasive ptsd a thing? i've been having ptsd symptoms of public humiliation events i have suffered a few years ago, with flashbacks and the panic and racing heart and the pit in my stomach everytime something reminds me of what happened. &#x200B; now however i'm getting these symptoms when i remember being humiliated or perceiving myself to have done something shameful or childish and stupid. &#x200B; when ever i remember these events sometimes dating to one or two days, i get the flashbacks and the whole thing. &#x200B; is this this even ptsd anymore? or maybe i never had ptsd ? &#x200B; does meditation help ?",8.838464619492658,10.508845102803736,7.795727636849133,66.39663551401873,60.58878504672897,9.478771695594123,41.4539385847797,9.606745405546679,4.563107877169559,514,28,70,9,7,158,71,107,0.194,0.782,0.023,-0.9621,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,6,0,9,4,2,0,2,15,13,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,8,0,6,9,2,12,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,4,11,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177744195903493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998278860909582,0.4483939384222324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149099652571607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949607960815174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807319364163733,0.09440768401489116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060932775663649075,0.08344885856160687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639762286298993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157974516681885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932121661506397,0.061835788503812876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926813583263326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115183047262345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251357353803348,0.0,0.0,0.1082399763465378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313590981501149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901118034180516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420429899519344,0.09124138334045266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177407718346345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257867271939545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901185736159046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299809143335567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483939384222324,0.059408433099384074 ptsd,kopatopie,2019/01/28,"I’m afraid that I will never get over everything that has happened to me I still live in the house I grew up in. The house where all of the trauma happened for fourteen years. My life has been a collection of horror films. I’m twenty-five years old now and I still feel like a small confused six year old child. I’m in therapy and have been for years, emdr especially has been helpful. But not a single day passes where I don’t think about everything that has happened. I have no idea how to get out on my own, how to have a fresh start. I only work three days a week because of my mental situation, which isn’t nearly enough to afford rent anywhere. Sometimes I just feel like everything was taken from me before I ever had a chance to get started on my life. I was just a kid. I have no memory of a normal life and my earliest memories are traumatic and dark. How can I have a fresh start? Is it possible?",2.4783851351351345,4.269776713513515,3.972347972972973,87.17690033783785,76.45945945945947,7.219594594594596,22.91385135135135,8.07648339933343,1.1696554054054054,712,21,148,12,16,236,104,185,0.097,0.821,0.08199999999999999,-0.5568,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,12,5,0,2,12,0,21,3,0,3,3,21,37,8,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,1,2,5,5,0,0,4,1,1,2,6,3,0,2,7,2,19,2,22,29,4,31,0,0,0,0,3,12,0,1,19,105,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537894972259067,0.0,0.1052213105656781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949451054268954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776868607756905,0.0,0.0,0.11185304090024466,0.0,0.0,0.33339946382173297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504738250552622,0.17667833555694346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381392577383533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280431654810169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288335035175677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853625712866321,0.0,0.139591461155856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620235830763052,0.1208231890314476,0.0,0.10918964414872327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124615171650904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537037104115877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211556607412996,0.0,0.0,0.25951027550306444,0.0,0.0,0.09404521139384514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940245046533914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899341836064125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229797217705687,0.0,0.26257096925286993,0.0,0.197502110215142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141028686223814,0.0,0.0,0.07923314095976647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918859467611113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002232400591674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185191031644424 ptsd,SHThrowAway213,2019/01/28,"Can anyone tell me the difference between PTSD and C-PTSD? It's confusing me. [LONG] Apparently I've got C-PTSD, even though it's not in the manual yet. But I searched online and from what I can tell it's PTSD with a few symptoms of BPD. That does make sense as he did say because he can't actually diagnosis me with C-PTSD, he would diagnosis me with PTSD and BPD. This was 2 years ago. I had another mental health evaluation 3 weeks ago. They said that I'm not exhibiting the key symptoms of BPD. But I do have a quite a few of Schizophrenia, but not enough to make a diagonsis of it, and I've got pretty good insight of my illness and I'm mostly functioning so I don't fit the criteria. My question is can my Psychotic symptoms be apart of my C-PTSD? Did ask at the appointment, but unfortunately that doctor didn't believe in that diagnosis, but he will refer me for a more specialist psychiatrist appointment.",3.8064835164835173,5.313427890109892,5.559120879120879,78.36087912087912,72.2967032967033,9.595604395604397,29.48351648351648,9.957137785484203,2.957665934065935,724,30,145,20,14,248,100,182,0.068,0.884,0.048,-0.3383,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,10,0,16,6,0,2,0,24,24,13,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,10,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,8,2,15,1,17,13,5,11,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,3,6,90,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.08832175531414613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045795128091567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490445849929886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328458382142879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461180743659136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517221409238982,0.0,0.0,0.101970371567166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34197111355720194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456052919696717,0.0,0.09263772769479646,0.07920326687891231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351790292273536,0.0,0.0597790057663241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591295956585511,0.1447733974947718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620468594287823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009582796265559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120828222012595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120974694906228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920781350710555,0.0,0.0,0.7405847023369245,0.0,0.10138852951468208,0.09626531245349866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860928625275951,0.07197478205801758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822142157710923,0.0,0.0,0.15821417708652186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892264693456467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259923892722553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429356081747938,0.0,0.0,0.05828352682339761 ptsd,Digitalfall0ut,2019/01/28,"ptsd? Back in 2017 i was in a serious car accident, the truck went airborne for a few seconds before rolling down a steep hill, i was the passenger and my side was completely crushed and my head shattered the window. I remember every single little detail from it, i know it hasn't been that long but the memory won't fade. i have dreams about it a lot and when i'm in the passenger side i get a tight feeling in my chest before i literally see the accident happening all over again in my head like a flashback, i know i should go to a psychologist but i have really bad anxiety so even the thought of that is extremely hard for me... sorry if this isn't the place for questions since so many people suffer from much worse but its worth a shot... ",3.929841366687004,5.218607463087249,5.135680292861501,82.36824283099452,71.68456375838926,9.176571079926788,27.63941427699817,9.573946990214177,2.4242966442953016,588,21,119,14,11,195,95,149,0.226,0.727,0.048,-0.9786,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,16,0,11,3,3,0,1,17,21,10,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,6,1,1,3,3,3,0,1,6,4,15,1,15,13,5,19,0,1,1,0,1,11,0,3,6,83,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392567025027298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997410659780832,0.1519920860837438,0.0,0.0,0.30979770213291197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086081766471236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023276827891613,0.0,0.15337280751727408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204264694499928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951060650535784,0.0,0.10345500179485244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097344146996892,0.0,0.16306810323599105,0.0,0.3736419965464167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008396247071727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893337795614374,0.1824474501134305,0.0,0.16109573921630768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476012052038068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455548272497246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381707933923093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262005344933204,0.0,0.1901884122949968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127898242284794,0.0,0.2039214841232113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166166388087416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621079985308235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505877034240247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058169347651604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377390208019114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451589832674572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874878465224438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550978385074385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ShakeYourSkeleton,2019/01/29,"I honestly don't know if I can do this anymore I don't know what to do anymore. I screwed up my life 3 years ago and lost everything, I tried to get help, therapy, went to the doctors, things got better for a bit and now I'm back to being a miserable waste of space who contributes nothing to society and pretends to be OK all the time. I just screw everything up and do nothing to help myself out of these slumps. I don't even have the balls to kill myself because I couldn't do that to my family and I really don't want to die. I was tortured by my mother for the first 13 years of my life, it's been discribed as one of the worst child abuse cases that officials involved had heard of. I won't go into detail as I don't want to trigger anybody. I stayed strong for my dad and little brother and kept it all inside, trained to be a nurse. The PTSD got too much for me to handle and I ended up abusing over the counter opiates, got arrested and lost my job and kicked out of my family home. I was clean for a year but have relapsed since then. Currently studying for a master's in software engineering but screwing that up too. My credit rating is shit, I've lost a lot of my loved ones, I'm having to take medical leave from my masters and I'm lying to my aunt and uncle about it and about my mental health which is killing me. The post is so incoherent sorry, I just needed to vent. I feel like I was so messed up at the start of my life that I can never really recover from it. No matter how hard I try I always end up back in this rut. I'm sleeping all the time, still tired, no motivation, don't care about anything, I feel guilty and I feel this heart wrenching ache all the time too. I haven't left the house in a week and a half, I'm not looking after myself. I feel so burnt out. I just want to be happy but I have no idea how to get there, I think I'm beyond help. Thank you if you took the time to read this, I just needed to be honest instead of pretending to be alright all the time. 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I’m supposed to protect people. They’ll never get to see their loved ones again. I can’t help but see their faces lying there on the floor of the school. I should have been faster. I should have been better. I spend every day wishing I could trade my life for theirs. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. You all deserved so much better. ,-1.2204519230769255,0.7792210125000025,0.38000000000000256,103.29884615384616,101.375,2.4615384615384617,11.153846153846152,3.1291,-1.9770769230769232,291,4,68,0,13,92,52,80,0.105,0.703,0.192,0.7451,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,6,2,6,3,0,0,2,0,11,3,1,0,3,8,19,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,15,3,8,11,3,8,0,0,2,1,9,4,0,0,4,48,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681529969374221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617706028471044,0.0,0.0,0.13422840158157598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536081363429326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874076845384167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950699115082485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256596646273928,0.14701031240652435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784792763624852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300151500747186,0.0,0.1605248032617423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103613395079648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429303843407065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106414487522122,0.33170970009359435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659751339844576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393423841032717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,itsyagirlflapjack,2019/01/29,"When is the right time to inform your partner about your ptsd? I have ptsd from my childhood. Mostly emotional abuse, but some physical, specifically an attack in a car. I’ve gotten a lot better in that I don’t have panic attacks in cars unless someone is yelling. But I do have some small triggers. If a man moves quickly near me or reaches his hand out too quickly, certain phrases, and certain men that look like my abuser can cause me to panic, noticeably flinch, experience severe paranoia, or even have a panic attack. In the past, I’ve let my partners know in advance to avoid behaviors that might set me off. But they all seemed to worry so much about it that their entire behavior changed. They would do something small (like move too fast) and if it triggered me, they would feel so guilty about it that they keep a distance from me for awhile after. While this stems from caring about me, I also struggle to accept it because I have abandonment issues from the emotional trauma and I feel guilty about flinching or panicking or whatever happened. And I worry that I’ve done something wrong to make them feel like they can’t be close to me. And I worry that they’ll leave. When is the right time to let your partner know you have ptsd? Telling them beforehand seems to make them unnecessarily cautious and distant but I don’t want to be triggered and not have them understand what’s going on. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this? 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ptsd,veggiemo,2019/01/29,died maybe i was driving down the freeway from my college towards my home like ten minutes ago. all the lanes were running smoothly but the one i was in was backed up and slow. all the sudden i started having a panic attack and getting a bunch of memories. my one year of my most recent trauma is coming up march 15. i pulled over my car to the far right and put on my hazards. and almost walked into oncoming freeway traffic. i watched the cars go by. all i could think is how quickly i could end it right there. my head is still throbbing. i ended up driving away and desperately looked for other ways to end my life the rest of the drive. one year ago two men took all i had left from me. i am in a deep daze all the time. i don’t want march to come. i want to be in another universe by then. 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ptsd,flipdaberdy,2019/01/29,"PTSD enhanced I've been writing a lot since I stopped the needing to get high non stop to numb the pain thing. One thing I found is the scary similarities between PTSD that occurs in youth(formative years) and the more widely accepted understandable combat/adult PTSD. In fact the only differences I've found are 1: consent/awareness of origin 2: society's reaction 3: options available Can you help find more?",7.41986301369863,9.075001945205482,6.914958904109592,71.48997260273975,63.794520547945204,9.675616438356164,36.51780821917808,9.888512548439397,3.890229589041096,334,16,53,7,5,104,58,73,0.171,0.762,0.067,-0.7859,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,0,4,2,0,1,1,14,9,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,3,1,6,6,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747183217169425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400073114126,0.0,0.0,0.3934833720497301,0.0,0.0,0.09374760560374963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027178556242095,0.18958338217533066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254958486149167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304909680869415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159009035428385,0.13646872924331954,0.1909319473407685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6292512419799283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843084090618675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000321060627373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384178514829523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867986094711416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555053310087525 ptsd,singingchick,2019/01/29,"Child Protection Worker Living Past Traumas I was diagnosed with PTSD in my early 20’s and had success with treatment in lessening my flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and general feelings of anxiety. I felt like I was a success story. I wanted to become a social worker because I enjoy helping others and making them see the light I once thought did not exist. I still believe it is there. My experience was in school social work at the high school I graduated from. I also have been working as an associate psychotherapist to get my clinical hours for the next portion of my license. I feel like my empathy and first-hand knowledge have really helped me to connect with my clients. I have remained grounded and still considered myself to be a success story. Since April, I changed jobs to working as a child protection worker. I was positive I had overcome the triggers of my past and was ready to help children who deserved a voice and to feel safe. However, as of this month, my symptoms have started creeping back. I have been having high anxiety on a daily basis. I notice myself isolating more and more. I have been having difficulty sleeping in my apartment alone and tend to sleep over my mom’s house even though she is also a huge trigger to me. I have been having nightmares and find myself dissociating frequently. I wish I could take a mental health day or a vacation but I’m scared that my anxiety will get worse because the workload just piles up when you’re gone. I know I need to find a therapist and do self-care but I frequently work overtime and never have time with the two jobs I’m working. I also know that I keep coming up with excuses to not take care of myself. Don’t you hate it when you know the answer to feel better but you don’t take your own advice? Anyway, thank you for listening to me vent. I’m thinking of you all and remaining optimistic that I will feel like that success story again someday soon. I hope you guys do too. ❤️",5.378104458345746,6.901042155495977,6.058367590110217,76.23280210505416,68.46380697050938,8.743084102869625,32.31347433224109,9.150863307647796,3.023389315857412,1576,69,270,30,27,514,195,373,0.07200000000000001,0.799,0.129,0.9535,3,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,7,1,13,16,16,1,1,18,0,33,6,2,3,2,54,67,26,0,5,7,1,6,3,0,2,4,2,0,4,9,19,0,4,15,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,15,10,55,13,39,48,5,36,0,0,1,0,22,14,0,2,23,195,64,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758220235156318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282626131474422,0.0,0.2150233885807208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569260727028607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891742233105501,0.0,0.10927124431811094,0.09898568064914533,0.0,0.1009786317988395,0.0,0.07926755842818498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138042360059503,0.0,0.0948131952814532,0.07720549100538604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155965017327473,0.0,0.0,0.057801825619243886,0.0,0.0,0.09096924338356344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919760926439576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876721390565394,0.0,0.0,0.2265898360117137,0.12805870631926627,0.08605571526027007,0.0,0.16383441329937193,0.07623644996558057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365253346999942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874455287877968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848783948278645,0.0,0.09526902187220186,0.0,0.0,0.1802247217463446,0.18939112023380256,0.0,0.08901956502341958,0.08826427420940391,0.103417211837859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778813979520532,0.07966435490153875,0.0,0.0,0.14776951907490826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136127781565415,0.0,0.07914204381125113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598265376206933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032266247620828,0.0,0.0,0.10496974186071553,0.07153920005899991,0.0,0.0,0.06645708395314498,0.06912565877542441,0.0,0.0953190431646117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020406250941443,0.0,0.09544954136515113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111770875623974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476885004340293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057417177669173175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973199131363949,0.1814140695337231,0.07142089906125107,0.0,0.0935002252887933,0.0,0.0,0.07414015646811792,0.0,0.17938291285422908,0.1827263266641777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343826014571208,0.0,0.14315204323013705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315648897083967,0.2021644382416116,0.0,0.0,0.08251625040168573,0.0,0.10406354043591708,0.0,0.05742918902272288,0.08805780625668427,0.07115361148296899,0.052262066482846814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755229103343824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528641669570667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030663152225922,0.0,0.0,0.3262466310799041,0.0,0.09133729395337056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,p_638,2019/01/29,"I feel as if I was the abuser Hey, I don’t know whether this is the correct subreddit or not but I felt as if it was the most “appropriate” one? If I happen to make any grammar mistakes please excuse them, English isn’t my native language. This is mainly a vent. tw: abuse, toxic relationship, ED mentioned, suicide mentioned Throughout 2017 and 2018 I used to be in a long distance relationship with a girl I met on instagram. She was really sweet towards me at the beginning and I became extremely emotionally attached to her quickly due to how perfect she seemed to be. Though once our relationship evolved further she started humiliating and threatening me, at one point she demanded me to cut off my childhood friends because she was jealous of them and suspicious of me cheating with them (which I didn’t). She would tell me, her friends and her instagram following that I was extremely toxic and abusive and that she is afraid of me, that she needs help and so on, she even told people I was the cause of her eating disorder. I don’t know why she did that, we fought a lot, I did everything she wanted me to do - I even ended up cutting ties with my childhood friend because she kept saying “it’s either her or me” and at that point I was convinced I couldn’t live without her anymore. But besides calling me names, starting fights with me, threatening me to kill herself and so on the one thing that stuck with me the most was that she kept telling me how terrible and abusive I am, that she was the victim and I shouldn’t cry around because it’s my own fault and because of how weak I am. After many times of trying I broke off with her a couple of months ago. And even then the things kept happening, she would post online how, because of me, she would kill herself and created an account on a porn website using my image and private information (I am a minor). I just can‘t get over it, I have nightmares about her, get flashbacks and I just don’t know how to live like this any longer. She did ruin my life and I am haunted by these memories of her, I don’t know if in truth I was the one abusing her because of all the fights and the things she spread around. It may sound stupid or delusional, I am sorry if it does and I don’t think anyone can understand what is going on with me but I had to get this off my chest. I’m so confused, angry and it hurts not knowing the truth. Thank you if anyone actually took their time to read this. ",4.123988012909173,5.533159381742742,4.8345712309820215,84.24818234209316,71.36514522821577,7.679207007837714,29.57146150299677,8.167268648758528,2.0085599815583217,1930,78,380,28,36,621,222,482,0.25,0.665,0.084,-0.9986,0,0,0,0,4,1,44.0,2,1,4,1,18,30,11,2,21,0,42,5,1,9,5,92,77,46,3,14,19,0,2,1,3,5,2,2,0,1,26,31,1,3,11,1,1,3,13,20,0,4,24,5,89,10,52,45,7,40,0,3,0,1,60,21,0,15,16,293,115,1,0.0,0.4634348081539081,0.07633889225715419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934408295594426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639495560543608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775807985774288,0.10939716967126722,0.0,0.0,0.13927836980959285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28612105990468284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798791669085441,0.0,0.0,0.08036133516980498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655739584842757,0.0859293893541956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965565287046162,0.0,0.06845753501137118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004640536598936,0.0,0.08799556595112552,0.06928646992788756,0.0,0.0,0.15500585549518525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030595876743863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03955424530816192,0.0,0.07511080222058347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813154420493432,0.0,0.12261213966405694,0.0,0.04445857062102069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383528875654119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052434338185860616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374430666114183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730945867455762,0.0,0.214959325825478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525449566322427,0.03821807351827692,0.0,0.13815287879628002,0.06922899980124603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650634215943113,0.0,0.0,0.05221755720906536,0.0793105487397808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244055598630361,0.0,0.0,0.05800480390947271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330988362411723,0.21203629389461395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423319586140117,0.0,0.0,0.08587045750170827,0.14790081058976184,0.0,0.07492045509124838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078248809602504,0.0,0.050114629376213186,0.0,0.0,0.25196162874565936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220975922881292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121550551517028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756943849189418,0.1107398525853017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556834140100561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674881092663066,0.0720215007819076,0.0,0.0,0.15591290420788576,0.05012511307736127,0.07685825920707726,0.0,0.09123033205545568,0.0,0.0,0.07474986247988083,0.08691378651050166,0.05311143262538595,0.0,0.0,0.0814377321817919,0.0,0.13512712851615005,0.0,0.0,0.046140688934594304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058827765207312,0.0,0.0,0.0754086534889495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166712013182382,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hsarnocinski,2019/01/29,Accommodations at work? First time poster here! I’m looking at starting a new job soon. It’ll be call center type work so nothing crazy. Eventually once my SDIT is ready to work I’ll bring her with me. However currently I’m wondering about how to ask for accommodations with my new employer. This will be my first time telling an employer about this. PTSD & anxiety. I’d like to make them aware eventually I would need them to be aware about bringing a service dog. Is it unreasonable to ask for the ability to take a few short breaks throughout the day? I’m talking like 2-5 mins to walk outside. It helps ground me by taking a deep breath of air. Especially if a panic attack is creeping up on me. How do you bring all this up with an employer without going into too much detail? ,2.2486274509803934,4.853858830065363,3.8075816993464073,83.79411764705884,81.61437908496733,7.260130718954247,25.33986928104575,8.313332769828598,1.9122183006535949,623,25,122,14,17,206,99,153,0.056,0.8440000000000001,0.1,0.7099,6,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,5,9,4,1,1,9,0,10,1,1,3,1,13,26,4,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,2,0,2,0,1,11,2,24,20,3,28,0,0,1,0,10,11,0,2,13,71,17,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774182508487498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125264908739559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061599977782066,0.1862842188273934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720252932411275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560234284443984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785637872250145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306037788902166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975520035342336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249220652580046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999562352639618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750503390277774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930143588601203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037183079855347,0.12141526134989818,0.0,0.3162929733377472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571182854908979,0.0,0.0,0.17438368223842765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212013912350334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914098024270305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158999534286662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462325724078462,0.13161248226621336,0.14312084085188315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190962711068526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784488101526872,0.17757507990740226,0.3576261637210987,0.0,0.0,0.11632015101310705,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,imigawakalong,2019/01/29,"PTSD & Mdma treatment It seems the last post on here about that was awhile ago, so I thought I would give it a shot and ask if anyone has recently participated in that research study with MDMA and treating PTSD. I've been checking out the MAPS site and found a local study and reached out to them. I haven't heard back yet (it was only yesterday I emailed them). Just curious if anyone has participated, what was your experience, and did it help? I know a lot of people have tried it recreationally and tried to self-treat, just interested if anyone actually did the real study with the therapy and everything. Thank you in advance. My heart goes out to all of you dealing with PTSD... my boyfriend suffers from it, as related to combat and I hope we can find not only a counselor he trusts (he has a hard time with counseling - if he doesn't vibe with the person or thinks they are bullshitting him, he will walk away - he is realllllly intelligent and smart and needs someone who doesn't treat him like an idiot). So, hoping to find some real help he can heal and grow from, but was interested in that study, as it seems vets seem to benefit from it.",5.330784313725491,6.402160751131222,5.907131221719457,78.95306485671195,68.18552036199094,9.151251885369533,28.760482654600306,9.3871,2.335200663650076,910,31,179,18,15,295,129,221,0.037000000000000005,0.84,0.124,0.9474,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,3,3,1,8,13,1,0,11,0,20,2,1,0,1,47,34,21,0,8,9,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,13,20,0,0,9,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,10,2,17,11,27,22,3,22,0,1,0,0,24,11,0,12,8,116,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.11970506226804095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873668090701934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329093825451864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573143509208945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146768612306602,0.0,0.11524945838601752,0.09432316620071636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646404264771832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024497373790287,0.11999162858527194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423039156631425,0.0,0.0,0.1344977701860793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176731331193546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988532220290513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536070048992314,0.1644418862243508,0.0,0.0,0.2436715403105223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741444294568857,0.09998978101393577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992878249868976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428689222521764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095584777991353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658719617798256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504168577289622,0.10710788281844784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748084726769625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301726321610617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792432547053249,0.0,0.0,0.12111862626563588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350136321114046,0.1279681826658398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393514715914512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293507124382003,0.1402801298720672,0.0,0.0,0.07859990634794424,0.0,0.0973837049425604,0.07152797385797098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656535513117476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713894638660752,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sami_Zayniac,2019/01/29,"How would you describe it? I tried posting this in a few other subs that I can relate to. However I do not have PTSD and I have no idea what anyone who does is going through. But I would definitely love to try. I want to know how everyone has or would describe whatever struggles they have faced with mental health. I started a really small blog mostly aimed at trying to inform friends, family, and anyone who happens to read it, about mental health. Its been a success so far in the sense that 3 people in my life have begun discussing the struggles they have with me, and how they fear for their well-being. I think it would be great to get as many perspectives as I can. I know it's almost impossible to describe mental illness of any kind to someone who hasn't experienced it, but maybe bringing some different perspectives could help.",6.2636875,6.935117993750001,6.3587500000000015,77.97125,65.9375,9.15,31.0,9.120678840339163,2.603075,669,24,121,11,10,213,105,160,0.058,0.826,0.116,0.85,2,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,1,4,1,5,8,0,3,5,0,18,6,1,3,0,26,28,12,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,14,5,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,17,5,20,21,3,11,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,4,2,89,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291773134520138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902662548092373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562671015300344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598033119523824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868274771854022,0.0,0.0,0.11615974204387912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683665489907156,0.0,0.0,0.12513338314213374,0.14936692671011112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255289391457628,0.0,0.06935002120881295,0.0,0.07543794987826435,0.0,0.0,0.14634389154291855,0.0,0.0,0.11737959691328773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28218814558803224,0.0,0.0,0.08897134839721269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984481769938973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822599098101065,0.14589844541534308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937566326619655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198010456504656,0.0,0.0,0.1345752937414583,0.1333529598489811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013054421235533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202367628967527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271261189256065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516338327057502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327737193160356,0.0,0.0850352327176049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246830598860552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395249703446924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775327350889349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505302161433953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703607562989637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829219272179562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119347222094521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771724947183603,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,deoxyribonucleiic,2019/01/29,"Can I call myself a survivor? (CW: sexual assault) Basically I tried out tinder and met this guy and agreed to a date and then he tried to make it into this weird week long relationship thing I didn’t want and when I tried to back out he guilt tripped me. I mean I wanted out but I figured the relationship was going to be over after the date anyway bc we agreed to that so I just sucked it up and went with it. Then when we did stuff he stopped when I said no but he didn’t really ask before doing anything and I froze up but he kept going. Like he didn’t care whether I was comfortable. And that really fucked me up. I feel like what happened is my fault and I was just weak and stupid. I feel like a fraud calling myself a survivor (although I did experience emotional abuse in another later relationship). I just want to feel okay again especially with sex. Am I valid to call myself a survivor? Could this count as sexual assault? 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Hi all, I bike to work every day, and two weeks ago I was tapped by the back of a bus going round a corner downhill. I fishtailed, lost control of my bike and crashed into the curb, flipping twice into a bar of shrubs and landing 3m from my bike and losing consciousness. I came to on the foot path, a passing car having stopped to help. My bike was badly damaged, but I wasn't, miraculously; my basket was completely mangled, but all I had was a mild concussion, some road rash, impressive bruises, a torn ligament in my shoulder and a sprained wrist. Considering I was going at 40km p/h and the bus was going significantly more, it's miraculous. I lodged a police report but because I was knocked out and didn't remember much, there is nothing I can do with them, and the bus is being an utter jerk and denying everything. Now I have been in bike accidents before as a teenager, even ones involving a bus. I was dazed, but fine, and now my bike is fixed. I was totally cool with the idea of biking again, right up until I started biking to work this morning, when I started feeling nauseous and anxious. I kept feeling like I would lose control of my bike, or that a car would clip me. This was pretty irrational, but I still felt unduly worried, imo. I'm familiar with trauma causing PTSD (I lived through a large series of earthquakes in Christchurch from 2010 - 2014) but this seems kind of.... unwarranted? I was ultimately fine, and before today I was more pissed off that it's costing me $600 to fix my bike. TL; DR I was hit by a bus the other week on my bicycle, I only received minor injuries, I am now concerned by riding but it feels like I am making a mountain out of a molehill. Any advice?",5.483997493734336,5.815874459064332,6.356750208855472,78.49447368421055,67.56725146198829,8.853467000835417,33.244778613199664,8.704169506293173,2.712298913951546,1363,58,258,20,21,452,191,342,0.141,0.763,0.096,-0.9272,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,1,7,9,16,2,0,25,1,30,7,5,5,3,51,47,23,0,2,8,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,21,1,5,8,11,1,9,2,9,0,3,21,6,38,7,38,22,7,42,0,4,1,0,5,17,1,3,18,179,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258690389534535,0.11417993245792235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759340614981037,0.0,0.0,0.14551562725588865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904489134834303,0.10754874610650396,0.07851975708694403,0.0,0.21921111335173935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732127885855234,0.0,0.13232061670995454,0.0,0.0,0.13505204217930214,0.0,0.2889367623048095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830700763979987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507603127564604,0.0,0.10852573683493398,0.0,0.11576372894794315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538657943948806,0.18403997457527854,0.1236752432050358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961253394506536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633684284701056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540780498676195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341330200754121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585751709374085,0.0,0.11373923842823412,0.0,0.0,0.2882049249178889,0.14060842414964744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719597953018338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468821345500378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359411380179113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728318510930662,0.0979637840671844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104336879957412,0.0,0.0,0.15056888401009985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591360332799758,0.11000076200417692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726136193689335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823409921885216,0.0,0.10286570571309106,0.10768870134031597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209429442663962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582605180806175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664295240052924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875465508437126,0.1308101031774665,0.0,0.18300207307937216,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nikkweedx12,2019/01/30,"My PTSD stops me from having a healthy relationship with my mom, and she wont try to understand.. I'm 23, I have delt with depression & anxiety as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 18, due to constant yelling for about 8 years of my life, from my parents & sister. I was blocking out every bad memory I could and replaced it with my own happy lies in my head. I was scared to have friends over due to the constant arguments. My mother always made sure I was okay, and wished she could stop it all. My mother was my best friend, now we have no relationship. She doesn't understand how much the arguing affected me, how much it hurts when all those memories I blocked out comes rushing in my head. Basically anytime someone yells or shouts at me or someone I care about, I react with yelling. I start to shake, my thoughts are not clear, and I defend myself or whomever anyway I can by yelling. Its not like I react to simple loud noises, sirens, nothing like. When someone is talking down to me or someone I love, I become very sensitive to it. Yea so does everyone, which is why its hard for my mother to understand the way I react to yelling. I've asked my mom to come to therapy and let my therapist explain my triggers, but my mom sits there and just tells my therapist the ways I react a re wrong. My mom . will get into arguments t hat . a re preventable through understanding PTSD. These result in me being called crazy, unstable, and that just makes me worse. Mentally I can't process anything. Im trying to move out . because my mom no longer wants me home. I have no credit so I am being denied, the state housing sign-up is closed. Yet my mother picks at me daily, making me feel worthless. Which sets off my PTSD. I understand it takes 2 to fix something. I'm confused on w hat to do to fix our relationship. Sorry for my grammer, I have a crap keyboard &#x200B;",3.81924714192769,5.421696309973051,4.761574495770984,83.71037735849059,72.42318059299191,7.920475880658053,29.235151965796078,8.53829466247534,2.1965405892740963,1485,61,290,26,29,483,203,371,0.187,0.7559999999999999,0.058,-0.991,1,0,1,0,4,0,56.0,2,0,0,1,14,21,2,3,9,2,28,6,3,13,4,65,51,20,0,4,9,11,2,2,2,2,2,7,1,0,12,20,0,5,9,0,1,5,8,10,0,0,7,9,60,11,47,37,6,38,0,3,0,1,28,15,1,5,15,191,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942981716666231,0.2321609954111901,0.08678699568974653,0.0,0.0,0.05463854622987309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058775201197558136,0.0,0.06677104290684559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963538180073375,0.0435389147925882,0.07888130390321138,0.0,0.0,0.0749542333288756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729310644150269,0.0,0.07282070414196788,0.0,0.0,0.12304951098086113,0.0,0.15436619355492592,0.0,0.1140512137817848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151669043624808,0.0724930362263062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250291645285347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017711954491911,0.06824792053447759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03611371179872399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103627616170118,0.0,0.03731566982974767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603131577542671,0.06398115090440806,0.0,0.14660160074753514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164328486223581,0.0,0.0,0.08241277387099911,0.07646000402693508,0.0,0.07714930342065307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303505268044552,0.0504483126000579,0.06978752757326395,0.0,0.0,0.06320727718246283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446221914324664,0.06758235101766566,0.09535107026766834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197777841611974,0.0,0.0,0.4182498950381388,0.0,0.07591154963067119,0.10500852805529902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853247882215352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930700212429112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339595563991307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23004533581583014,0.08090855318544457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150707486409183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24206655452607165,0.05498506246580436,0.0,0.07995241571249974,0.05055370276617989,0.0,0.0,0.11942597292013543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731551300873577,0.0,0.05370135150450931,0.057407256103000515,0.06242701773409249,0.0,0.08167864441132253,0.1658556612337762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670203623788054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698331777574076,0.0,0.0,0.3717703076675857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893161327324721,0.0421272490322214,0.11338481034306835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444832142883172,0.0,0.08213314572310994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278633429384801,0.0,0.0780900480281615,0.08678699568974653,0.045994193815133866 ptsd,of_some_kind,2019/01/30,"Delayed response/flashbacks **tw:** *threats/potential violence* Yesterday as I was driving to work, I honked at someone for cutting me off dangerously. They promptly slammed on the breaks, blocked my car in, got out of theirs and started banging on my window holding a knife. I mean, that'd be upsetting for anyone I assume. But considering the origins of my PTSD it was especially triggering However, I was a little shaken up but fine as it happened. I got out of there safely, went to work, was operating fairly normally and then BAM. A half hour into my shift, it hit me. I started having flashbacks and absolutely lost it. One of the worst episodes I've ever had, and it sure was embarrassing around my coworkers. I felt like a huge idiot, and that I was just being dramatic or something, because it didn't happen until a while after the fact. Does/has anyone else experience the delay like this sometimes? ",3.763151515151513,6.7002952848484885,5.005606060606059,75.50174242424242,77.96969696969697,7.545454545454546,31.59090909090909,8.515128840125781,3.1633636363636364,722,37,115,16,18,238,113,165,0.166,0.727,0.107,-0.8043,1,0,1,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,2,3,4,12,3,2,10,0,12,0,0,2,3,27,23,13,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,9,0,5,3,0,0,3,1,7,0,2,13,1,18,5,22,6,1,28,0,1,0,0,2,12,0,2,14,86,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574565511568366,0.18863407433239146,0.0,0.16388965477660913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222676284001674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379345011213122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653063939261029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008690976248806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676662159033607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944860925643062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256012690476027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130321166852847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988570324883474,0.18451839244088827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200968888032574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054085710075492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038069852098826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475216020264784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520517973809644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559888776265621,0.1417305781388885,0.18208141092228813,0.0,0.26061643649375416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351378990207406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706642348305073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680566403140365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thomasxx3,2019/01/30,"for some wierd reason my guitar helps my ptsd? sooo i bought a electric guitar 2 months back and i love it, i play almost everyday for 1 hour. but iv noticed that my ptsd really calms down when i play and if i have some dificulty when playing i dont really get frustrated. im more like ""okay lets do this again 4 times"" what eventually becomes 8 times and then its time to put the guitar back in the case haha. its so wierd but i just want to share it here and hope it gives someone some inspiration. :) ",1.3537165775401083,3.6631309313725495,3.065579322638147,89.59965240641712,82.82352941176471,6.454188948306596,19.07664884135473,7.686295010490155,0.5819686274509799,393,10,84,7,11,130,71,102,0.0,0.617,0.383,0.9922,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,1,0,3,2,4,2,0,1,0,16,10,11,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,10,11,6,8,4,15,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,6,13,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890364305250861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29032114818330257,0.0,0.0,0.2084932625724168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124937405032066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863003478524464,0.18109548530654695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653560928099694,0.0,0.0,0.1875016610765751,0.18591079414539485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039153662456944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304088119763566,0.0,0.0922286308075337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703817979267256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068281719443335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492788352100567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413486722172269,0.18977657319957236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418752817870206,0.1940978251878105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995312962476846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302383338174085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113476471523051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chlomydiaa,2019/01/30,"Does anyone else experience this? Hello, this is my first time posting in this sub but I am experiencing something that I have never really heard mentioned associated with PTSD. Some background, I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD due to a great deal of trauma placed on me by my mother’s long, particularly ugly battle with heroin until her death when I was very young. I live in the suburbs of one of the most dangerous cities in the US. I have been kidnapped, had a gun placed to my head, seen her be sexually assaulted, overdose, had to pull her out of public places while she was overdosing and staff were yelling at me (couldn’t have been more than 8 or 9) to get her out of there, and have had many more awful experiences that have left me with PTSD and attachment issues. I am not currently in therapy because truthfully I can’t afford it. The therapist I did see briefly wanted to see me once a week and although I have insurance the copay wasn’t doable for me so I’m trying to figure something out. Anyway, lately I have been experiencing what I can only call “the call of the void” if you’ve heard that term. Many people use it in terms of the urge to commit suicide, but that is not what I’m referring to. It’s like when you’re driving and for a second that voice in your head is like “what if you just swerved into oncoming traffic rn” or if you’re standing on a bridge over water and the voice in your head says “what if you just dropped all of your belongings down there rn” I have this intense urge to go back to the city that I roamed the streets of and go back to the urban decay and go into the abandoned house my mom died in and I want to walk around and go to the places associated with these memories. I spend a lot of time looking at the neighborhoods I used to frequent on google maps, and every time I see freeway signs pointing toward said city the little voice in my head wants me to just skip wherever I’m going school,work, whatever and drive there. Obviously I don’t do it, but the urge is there and it’s a recent thing and I don’t know why. Is wanting to return to the places where trauma occurred common? Do other people experience this? Looking for some insight from people who deal with what I do. Thanks! 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Something happened recently that made me think I might have repressed childhood trauma, though. I realized it in therapy. I was wondering if anyone here wanted to share experiences of recovering repressed memories, or feeling that body trauma hunch that you have repressed memories you can’t or don’t want to access. This is new territory for me and I don’t know what to think or expect or do. 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My SO knows everything that happened to me and has proven time and again that he is faithful, trustworthy and would never hurt me on purpose. He has encouraged me to get counseling, but I’m still working up the courage to go. I know it would help my current situation but frankly it’s still terrifying to me. Background is that my ex was a horrible person. A lot of bad things happened and at the end of our relationship he left me for another person who was friend of ours and that he had known since high school. It’s been 5 years and I’m still dealing with it, and probably should have sought help years ago. Fast forward to now. My SO got an amazing job 6 hrs away about 3 months ago. Prior to that he had been dealing with depression and a general “who am I” type crisis. This job has brought him back and he is who I remember falling in love with. I am beyond happy for him. The problem is that he is renting a room from and working closely with an old friend of his from high school. A girl I have never spoken to and only heard about from him. There are more than just the two of them in the house (her, him and 2 other guys). To everyone else it’s obvious they are just old friends. But for me it feels like at any moment my world is going to fall apart. That I’m going to wake up and find out he left me for her. Almost like a repeat of the past. Everything he says and does proves to me that it’s not going to happen. He drove back one night just to spend 12 hours with me. But there is a part of me that is living in terror every day and I don’t know how to tell him. Also, yes I will make an appointment eventually. 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My psychologist helped point out that a lot of what I'm experiencing and how I act has become a part of me now because I grew up with constant trauma. Not only that, but the weird thoughts and reactions I have are of my brain trying to stabilize itself now that I've moved out on my own, trying to get used to the fact that I'm not in danger anymore. Ever since she pointed that out it gave me a whole new perspective on who I am as a person and why I react and think the way I do. Now that I'm aware of the way that I act almost every day, it makes sense as to why I feel so exhausted and overwhelmed all the time. I'm only 20 and I am already so exhausted and broken and feel like I have no control over who I am or my life. I don't want to be acting the way I do yet it's become apart of who I am so it's instinctive, so I'm now dealing with hating myself every day. I'm extremely hypervigilant so I have to be aware of everything that's going on around me at all times, I have to scan the room and all the people in it, I listen closely for every single sound no matter how small even if it's all the way down the street and very faint, I need to know what roommates are in the house at what times and where so I am always actively tracking them and if I am caught off guard I jump and get scared real easily, etc. I feel like I'm being watched most of the time. I always feel like I need to be ready to fight so I need to know what I have around me to use as weapons. I always feel like someones going to get mad at me out of nowhere and start screaming and hitting me just for sitting on the bus, opening the wrong tab on my computer, or slicing cucumbers. If my emotions get too overwhelmed and intense I completely shut down and disassociate to the point that I can't remember anything or anyone's faces and I don't know where I am. The list goes on but I go through this every day and I can't even relax in my own home or get schoolwork done. I feel like therapy is useless and I've had a lot of therapists tell me that they either couldn't help me, that I needed constant long term therapy that I can't afford, or they literally didn't know what to say. I'm so depressed I don't know if I even have a chance at a norma life anymore at this point.",4.344093567251463,3.971090884990257,5.685237816764133,84.75920175438596,69.97465886939571,8.711345029239766,28.01617933723197,8.238735603445708,1.6088958284600396,1876,56,423,24,30,635,211,513,0.128,0.789,0.083,-0.9812,1,0,0,0,1,1,29.0,0,0,3,2,25,23,5,3,23,0,36,9,2,8,6,91,82,45,0,10,15,0,7,6,0,0,7,4,2,1,30,32,0,3,17,1,0,10,14,16,0,0,8,14,63,7,61,68,15,74,0,4,2,0,16,40,0,13,25,287,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947955614429345,0.0,0.0765686253008975,0.0,0.1732028845877048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762354432624468,0.04851595531848395,0.0,0.05709835497273118,0.12353561224332572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042296757157812684,0.1532616681596173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745716584151174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274937727328286,0.14996215301351745,0.15564347780188495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424372331908266,0.07153340441992424,0.059761630002254075,0.07042482256398742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100545725343317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804934915113805,0.0,0.0,0.0773831744068796,0.1374854062843813,0.06276315769497483,0.2338411073379718,0.0,0.062359213943724234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455837573596405,0.29741409299016736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812553014342287,0.0,0.11830013695535037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850381692601615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301527694816172,0.0,0.06959931445792125,0.0,0.0,0.08006155182620169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22879473927990185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702709315777313,0.20338950480086354,0.0,0.0,0.061403984603867486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179781427361818,0.0,0.0,0.04631536044320128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374580637798381,0.0,0.20579387808191385,0.0,0.06701294885579982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105541599685847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513773559098318,0.0,0.04810316967243068,0.06058474280754079,0.0,0.0,0.26236690180203354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110793714563083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897589011137117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860024629408746,0.0,0.0,0.05517813501369665,0.06946699050723465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739640311306435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879010950084955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911141445568041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064598582128353,0.0,0.15869673390358166,0.08056191409308731,0.0,0.044459427126000615,0.0,0.055084337047266084,0.1618369735521758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421640065814864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985358943205705,0.0,0.05725030463921889,0.0409253659750357,0.22029992301424192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252192441492823,0.07746643352995264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586215259667774,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kalayle,2019/01/31,"TEIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT. Do I have PTSD? I was sexually assaulted by one of my best friends two years ago. It wasn't rape but it was two incidents of him trying to kiss me and touch me after I said no multiple times. I would always end of freezing so he would always get his way. For about four months, we were on and off friends and I would always forgive him after he assaulted me. It took me a while to realize that what he was doing was wrong. I told him I didn't want to talked to him again and to leave me alone. Unfortunately, we are in the same major so I still had classes with him and we were in two musicals together. Plus, he would always still try to talk to me even though I told him not to. I found myself disassociating and having multiple panic attacks that's semester. In one rehearsal, there was a possibility that I would have to dance with him and I had to leave the room because I couldn't breathe. I played it off that I was afraid of heights and didn't feel comfortable being lifted. I luckily didn't have to dance with him. During his last semester, I only took a few classes and I went to an IOP eating disorder clinic. I wasn't eating and I was planning on killing myself. I only saw him twice that semester and everytime I did, I would have a major panic attack. I luckily haven't seen him since he graduated last semester but ever since he assaulted me, I have been having vivid nightmares every night. My psychiatrist says it might be PTSD and gave me pills for it but I don't know if it is. I do have dreams about him sometimes but not every dream I have is about him. Most of my dreams are about being stalked, killed, or assaulted by someone else. A lot of them have to do with my family abandoning and choosing the side of my assaulter. I never feel well rested. I feel like I could sleep all day and never feel satisfied. The reason I want to figure this out is because I don't want to say I have PTSD if I don't. It isn't fair to the people that actually have it. Thank you if you have read this far. Sorry it was so long.",2.829299384825698,4.551931342105263,4.368192754613808,85.01634928229667,75.29186602870813,7.647956254272042,24.143814080656185,8.418075326091056,1.4723720300751884,1623,51,335,30,35,542,184,418,0.202,0.706,0.092,-0.9934,0,1,0,0,0,1,38.0,3,2,1,2,15,26,11,3,11,0,58,8,2,1,4,64,78,28,2,14,10,0,6,1,2,7,2,3,1,0,19,23,2,1,11,7,0,5,16,16,1,7,29,12,70,10,46,37,9,37,0,1,3,2,37,12,0,7,20,257,89,4,0.0,0.0,0.07977238561496001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246297086736868,0.0,0.0,0.0846642893185708,0.0,0.0,0.2720771605113988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859959427687948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996633076902702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578747144400249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526759604443452,0.0,0.0,0.05271946126081816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368809399606133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729330298472295,0.06828836345000679,0.0,0.07240276657890321,0.0,0.0,0.05399251727627677,0.07394401270088652,0.13774920228697146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706293243742186,0.0,0.16533310432655424,0.058399418483603964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963036135941839,0.12631364287536873,0.0,0.042708954754928516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087985970789616,0.0,0.04492550972188055,0.13326793733649225,0.0,0.1731145987368753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039937007310649836,0.0,0.0,0.07234271161912799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949759704019562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671967651192038,0.0,0.0,0.06524894405557881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609523837344824,0.0,0.0,0.0767131618613455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078652375482274,0.12434316045043407,0.0,0.1918228319397142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667244160176953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215642672546416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28667039174095377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817682052877516,0.0,0.0,0.08404858876939575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775924520316982,0.13001553351069495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524241024977748,0.0,0.0818051196805344,0.0,0.06926319138919595,0.0,0.0808489669585119,0.09150804798069674,0.0,0.0,0.1305650559757683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140881108091967,0.0,0.0752608108798441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031511212539147,0.0,0.04766679875307349,0.0,0.0,0.1562237721323879,0.1816458134974387,0.11100044967074296,0.0,0.23956213662721354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464787429052964,0.06488623622371413,0.0,0.0,0.07349954649925262,0.07577943851006494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34842043443419074,0.08937650974139025,0.0,0.05264179771131952 ptsd,lifesabeachblonde,2019/01/31,"How to deal with interactions with the person who caused your PTSD? So my kids dad was my abuser, rapist, and the main root of my PTSD. I left the relationship 8 years ago but I still have major issues dealing with it. I don't trust anyone new unless I meet them through a trusted person. I have panic attacks regularly. I have managed it throughout the years without needing medication or anything else. This past 6 months, my kids dad has been in a custody battle with me and is demanding 50/50 custody and daily contact. My symptoms have progressively gotten severely worse, and I am literally at the point where once I get a text, I am in full panic mode. I can barely get out of bed to go to work and I am in a full on panic everyday. It doesn't help that every single decision that needs to be made just ends in an argument. You guys, I have no idea how to deal with this at all. I feel like I am stepping into a new realm of depression and anxiety I've never experienced before. I can hardly function and it terrifies me. I have an appt with a therapist next week and my BF really wants me to get medication for my anxiety because smoking weed isn't helping anymore and I cry all the time and am in a constant panic. Does anyone else have to deal with a situation like this where you have no choice but to deal with the person who caused so much pain and sorrow in your life on a ""multiple times a week"" basis. I don't know how I can continue doing this. Each court date and each argument just adds more weight what I already have on my shoulders.",5.0335389610389605,5.701895925324677,6.123792207792209,78.58711688311689,68.64285714285714,9.147012987012989,29.685714285714287,9.255337874911486,2.4708864935064936,1227,44,238,23,20,410,164,308,0.26,0.708,0.031,-0.9977,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,4,1,2,10,14,3,4,19,0,27,8,1,7,3,49,38,21,0,3,7,2,3,2,1,0,5,0,1,6,13,25,1,0,4,0,0,2,8,10,0,0,4,4,36,4,36,33,11,40,0,2,0,1,27,19,0,1,21,169,49,2,0.0,0.1025482778605726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767218620810971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551071111448932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324219050994789,0.0,0.08583491301457384,0.12103634810361096,0.08868129159078686,0.07122374817991108,0.0,0.0,0.09846377327580086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052760426847211564,0.0,0.07364816410017487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782256281239306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353042331826364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507174192402176,0.0,0.4461492091400545,0.07454588294416435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574099094930882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460379804037427,0.0,0.07665811938519257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292259186409711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437625709922889,0.06183174767587382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356573087101098,0.0,0.04918868601486458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569867616073831,0.0,0.0,0.07753231443579937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602605128299147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770506357428978,0.0,0.09033631317355467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047565932220938585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403745237614428,0.0,0.06113323033383744,0.08456847766917143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189624624353571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743811963386396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908384277994922,0.0,0.06362463085251395,0.12835230854263302,0.06675313868429347,0.16718216825609694,0.0920475178152458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217353707687713,0.0,0.0,0.0920959134768312,0.4061938029844576,0.0,0.0,0.0826223167077056,0.0,0.2267178695776651,0.0,0.0,0.08181826846682294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023459797891317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544651424246051,0.0,0.0,0.09292292630376957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777751347930493,0.0,0.0,0.0972864720011178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911940055230703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995918646959956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049188781354518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093667195827223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104977125468345,0.0,0.13885130033639367,0.10539528281135654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343166519883274,0.0,0.06300984900704595,0.0,0.08820242958010044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147146453879657 ptsd,ggaunted55,2019/01/31,"TW: Suicide. I feel like I have PTSD from an attempt and am struggling Hi, i’m a 21 year old guy and a uni student in my second year, in my first year of uni i attempted suicide due to how bad everhthing became, i lived in student accomodation and everything was so bad, i was accused of being violent due to being cornered and shaking because they twisted a tweet what I had posted, it was a stupid mistake and was meant in a light tone. I was labeled as violent as I was shaking so much in the corner of the kitchen and ran out, I didn’t hit or touch anyone. I felt so so unhappy and so low, I barely ate, slept or drank and I rarely left my room. I attempted suicide because of everything, being labeled as violent/aggressive and having no friends and for feeling so low. I can remember the blood so much and I used to have flashbacks frequently. I am currently in the uni toilets, crying, breaking down because of how they mentioned about PTSD and right now it feels like they don’t understand how it feels to be so weak, broken and to live with no support. One of the people who cornered me is still in my same class/course and it breaks me so much knowing nothing happened",4.630606223175967,5.611149214592283,5.586370708154508,80.9484831008584,69.72961373390558,8.40010729613734,33.87580472103004,8.660442795831766,2.8264165236051504,929,45,177,15,16,306,124,233,0.269,0.684,0.047,-0.9954,1,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,3,4,15,16,3,3,11,0,20,6,2,4,0,33,37,31,3,1,2,0,6,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,6,16,3,0,9,0,0,3,4,12,0,3,14,7,25,4,27,18,4,34,0,2,0,0,8,17,0,2,13,128,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857195474254913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153153140865474,0.23165408798893106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391431607930105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276891154238567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256196523974997,0.1809888960665636,0.12162491214259245,0.0,0.0,0.1077470741029058,0.0,0.0,0.09786641449425404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542512039288528,0.11201556432189094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961557684066383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376294163937351,0.0,0.0,0.12377100753813412,0.0,0.22370725979596984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793553182663549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154512773072387,0.0,0.13292087604620734,0.0,0.08583617420380214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781836282993816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131668812956715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961454016916932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434945970209677,0.10817713123228756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116036237825683,0.0,0.0,0.13242499870633676,0.0,0.4156755765111232,0.1437457985703702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186994052618534,0.0,0.10940387166676888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447176984494976 ptsd,0seagirl,2019/01/31,"I'm 31 and I haven't felt the same since a near-drowning incident when I was around 8. I haven't felt ""real"" since. Is this normal for PTSD? It's like I don't feel like a real human anymore. This is going to sound like some kind of stupid artsy shit, but seriously, it almost feels like I became a ghost or something, or like there's some kind of veil between myself and reality that I can't get rid of. It's like some kind of constant derealization or something, but is that normal? I feel so upset that it seems like I'll never experience what life felt like ever again now. I feel permanently changed. ",4.523109756097561,5.077169065040652,5.755843495934958,81.18059451219513,69.73170731707317,8.101219512195122,25.944105691056908,8.07648339933343,1.4050495934959353,477,13,98,6,8,160,72,123,0.114,0.7120000000000001,0.175,0.7693,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,15,2,1,4,0,8,2,1,0,2,27,19,9,1,2,5,0,7,8,0,0,1,1,0,1,10,3,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,8,9,11,8,15,4,8,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,8,14,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384758064529384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226572530863502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010135606002737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083696263570213,0.0,0.0,0.13365406221444973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187557413347284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209827002231236,0.0,0.0,0.25014514758110856,0.176713928099707,0.3562563745058928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461765678278993,0.0,0.07029015231233314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863808325355023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735878958449561,0.483390117344615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538958377597967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24236013604746806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457521527275854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815496661863821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259355979596708,0.0,0.0,0.1269556670024378,0.20461862619077384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190429699416152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sunshinegal91,2019/01/31,"First time on reddit, needing some support Hi, i stumbled across this when trying to google how I'm feeling. I got diagnosed with PTSD in 2018 after I was involved in a terror attack. The person is going to trial soon and I have to speak and so I have been feeling pretty emotional about it. I don't know about the rules on this forum regarding triggers, but i generally don't talk about the trauma because i don't want to upset anyone. The scene was incredibly graphic and I can't see any blood on movies anymore without feeling sick and remembering what happened. I have been feeling isolated and alone and like my friends arent supporting me. I have deopped hints about being scared about the court case but no one reached out to me. I decided to message a friend and try and talk about how I'm feeling. I said i feel alone and scared about the court date. He told me i need tougher skin and then mocked me and minimised the trial by saying it wasn't like i was snitching on a mobb boss. I immediately started crying and felt so hurt and bad. I am sick of the nightmares, sick of the triggers.. I'm sick of needing to wear my noise cancelling headphones and getting overwhelmed in crowds.. I'm sick of being afraid when I'm in the city and feeling like no one understands how i feel. When another attack happened in our city, my friend said dont worry, the likelihood of it happening and you being there is low. But here we are. And i have to see that monster in two weeks. It feels weird asking for words of support from strangers, especially when i don't talk about this with my closest friends. But i just really need to feel supported right now and for someone to tell me it is going to be ok.",4.593962075848303,5.8742374131736526,5.029116766467067,83.79341566866269,70.07784431137725,7.602594810379242,30.084331337325352,7.9370924344782425,1.9783936127744512,1352,54,261,17,24,430,165,334,0.162,0.634,0.204,0.8837,1,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,1,0,1,22,26,3,6,14,1,27,9,3,6,0,57,68,32,0,5,6,0,12,3,4,0,6,4,0,1,10,22,0,0,15,0,0,2,11,14,0,4,11,18,34,12,45,53,1,30,0,3,2,0,24,15,0,1,16,174,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965280645059478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897955769860452,0.09094425023254707,0.0,0.0,0.0860131227079997,0.06064382135388445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108109471167049,0.19733640579623227,0.0,0.0,0.07241615271305267,0.05286996758259813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952691290406006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802939837860584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164723049100456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975598801597807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385343045828193,0.06196012220798795,0.0832746603097606,0.0,0.0,0.07377272334446296,0.0,0.0,0.2680303657917865,0.0,0.045312986408139536,0.0,0.09858162226653527,0.0,0.06936611986926727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23008587395423002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284654781881564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047664688192150084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271160870009642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572375849593524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754135107996305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572952640987694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823586467131264,0.0,0.0,0.10138304436865878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556163180893377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824848883917447,0.07406717668245236,0.16500069557856922,0.06897139179152209,0.17366426094912846,0.0,0.1382255923468974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348627630932188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613881314947985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936819303225916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913151719308995,0.07580607875972159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057311789556945,0.0,0.0,0.08287448971630806,0.0,0.11776832039298102,0.0,0.0847228713758295,0.0902892697633512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051155760341935315,0.0,0.06956979109404905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360488529022572,0.0,0.0,0.08807879915893073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HarpyDarp18,2019/01/31,"I have PTSD. Diagnosed correctly after being seen by 3 psychiatrists. It took years, and I was on a host of different meds to treat me for Bi-Polar II disorder. Being misdiagnosed for any ailment is tragic. My therapy is writing - check out my free download on Amazon until Sunday. The Bar Is Loaded by CL Harper Trigger warning - abusive mother, sexual abuse ",4.877552083333331,7.609099984375002,6.823125000000001,65.14270833333336,72.59375,9.266666666666666,30.979166666666664,9.725611199111238,3.9690916666666674,285,13,39,8,6,99,56,64,0.219,0.6779999999999999,0.102,-0.8689,1,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,1,5,9,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,5,3,11,4,0,8,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,4,27,6,0,0.0,0.6104198512545794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751745656352901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614551927111696,0.0,0.2691336883760656,0.2952280953351706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28613182391689623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011167165887945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29458423631592945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861993731386559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588380668717162 ptsd,Bakedbrown1e,2019/01/31,"EMDR digital tools for eye tracking? x-post from /r/EMDR Hey, I'm doing EMDR over Skype whilst I'm travelling and my therapist and I are trying to find a good tool to use for eye tracking. I've found a couple of youtube videos and the easyemdr website but am finding the speeds and framerate uncomfortable. Are there any other good tools anyone would recommend? Thanks",2.7450724637681145,5.734124666666666,3.646376811594205,82.57507246376814,84.94202898550725,6.544927536231885,25.057971014492754,7.793537801064563,1.97556231884058,298,12,50,6,9,95,51,69,0.047,0.7709999999999999,0.182,0.8708,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,5,2,2,1,0,10,10,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,3,7,8,0,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946784562303006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845320038571103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29201138845840924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824179063465887,0.0,0.0,0.2893636863772951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427103632991787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527528225715303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24297286483769945,0.0,0.30641984362818325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791775622629935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22793350024933595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874740876267107,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madanggirl,2019/01/31,"Bad day, big trigger, but I am ok. I was pulled over by police for failing to wear a seatbelt. $395 fine. 3 points off licence. But that was not the worst thing. I mentioned that I was the one robbed just up the street. Where it all began. He remembered the perp, the day. I explained to him that ptsd is an insiduous injury, esp common among police. As I drove home (seatbelt on), I felt horrible, awful, you know that feeling. It was the cops, the place, and took me back to the incident that happened earlier in 2018. im now in my safe place with my dogs, and my potted flowers. I am ok. The bad feeling has not lasted. I am trying to learn to sleep without medication or alcohol. Just not today. I wanted to touch base with you all and say hello. I hope you are ok as you can be. ",0.6713836477987414,2.9268690000000035,2.623553459119499,91.98614779874217,85.41509433962264,5.29433962264151,20.78301886792453,6.691623216298621,0.3712415094339625,597,19,128,7,18,199,102,159,0.133,0.72,0.146,-0.1677,1,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,4,0,1,5,10,0,0,11,4,12,4,2,1,2,27,23,8,0,2,9,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,8,5,1,1,7,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,8,5,20,6,20,14,3,24,0,1,0,0,10,13,0,2,8,89,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065044469872892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437017056409324,0.3135311798110239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421698067429293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898667255194787,0.0,0.1802719525762339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602901612427493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883311798308776,0.18648070910483416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028050411742179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318392626729356,0.15304343907338644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891410056028287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722603003611382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923230401639541,0.0,0.1774869068387976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947275796115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126871109989548,0.0,0.0,0.1493084141551374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878882062698621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473449376315528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779675243348275,0.0,0.2086000619994491,0.12747170021405535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074135599063677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098681952131007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,galaxygazer28,2019/01/31,"Help...I’m stuck and feeling desperate Long story short, or as short as it can be, I was sexually abused from the age of 2 or 3 until I started my cycle around the age of 10. Sexually abused by a family member growing up, never got the help I needed or deserved as a kid or a teen because I was always “just being dramatic”. When I was 19, now I’m almost 30, I said enough is enough and sought out help. I’ve been on meds and going to therapy on and off ever since. I recently opened up for the first time about all of my trauma as a kid to my therapist. After 5 different therapists and never being able to talk about any of it, I told her almost everything. I don’t know why, but I felt like I finally found a therapist I could really open up to about my trauma. Things were going pretty well; all things considered. Then, a bomb landed on me; my mom told my fiancé and I that we had to pack up ourselves as well as our 3 large dogs and our toddler and move out of the house we were renting from her in a matter of a week. She had been planning to sell the house and finally found a buyer to flip the house, but said we had to be out in a week. We had nowhere to go but her house. So, since September of 2018 I’ve been stuck living with this bitter, self centered, hoarding, anxious, fucking mess of a person whom I have never gotten along with. When I was 13, my mom had a severe mental breakdown and never got help. She has gotten worse ever since. In 2014 her codependent died; my dad. So naturally, she still hasn’t gotten help and is now developing what I’m 99% certain is COPD, still won’t go to a Dr. Anyway, I live in a 13x10 room with my fiancé and our 2 large dogs sharing a hallway and bathroom with our toddler who has a room about 10x8 in size. We can’t get approved for a home loan, my only running vehicle is on it’s last leg, and I legitimately cannot get ahead to save my life because everything has to be put on hold now that we are in this situation. Did I mention that in the same week we got evicted my therapist also had to leave the practice and I could no longer see her due to insurance? Yah... awesome. I suffer from PTSD, anxiety, and severe clinical depression as well as CFS and Raynaud syndrome. Can’t have another child, get a house/better vehicle, continue with my plans for nursing that have been put on hold for 6 years now, or function like a normal human being because every single thing that I had to help me has been taken away. It’s easier to stay in my 200sqft of space every day than it is for me to go out into the rest of the 2,500sqft of house that this selfish asshole that I call my mom has because I’m sick and tired of being constantly nit picked and blamed for things I didn’t do and her making shitty comments to my toddler or under her breath. My child is coming to despise her own grandmother at only 3 years old because she sees what an absolute bitch the woman is. I can’t stand the level of toxicity I have right now. We need to get out of here but are stuck because of shitty credit scores. Every single day I’m backed into a corner and fighting my way out. I am a first responder so my career choice in helping the sick and wounded has not exactly helped my health. I am so lost right now and desperately searching for the light at the end of the tunnel but all I can see is darkness and a tiny speck of light. I’m not suicidal but I do feel stuck and hopeless at the moment with zero motivation. Can anyone be of assistance? ",5.995851742031134,5.190966684507043,6.98698295033358,78.24799110452187,66.66197183098592,9.896219421793923,31.078576723498895,9.206073818396263,2.4769295774647886,2726,88,554,43,38,920,309,710,0.177,0.743,0.08,-0.9974,3,0,0,0,4,1,68.0,12,0,0,8,29,22,5,0,41,1,64,11,2,3,11,99,109,54,2,5,15,4,3,2,0,1,8,2,4,8,23,52,0,2,7,0,4,11,15,13,3,3,39,11,76,9,106,59,10,106,0,4,3,1,56,47,2,8,47,392,99,3,0.0585256222903673,0.1386865844670128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117209913430357,0.0,0.0,0.046802919000881786,0.0486980061354359,0.0,0.0,0.039799430086553365,0.06136921791446245,0.04477194086045837,0.06611729453204092,0.0,0.040922475893922526,0.0,0.0,0.05210021199090376,0.0,0.0,0.05498674868747621,0.04500259097022436,0.0,0.21406005679812787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976120391531596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050414641390397696,0.0,0.06324540608765812,0.0,0.09345589425125933,0.0,0.0,0.07548836934671371,0.0,0.050408032720258934,0.0,0.06074035593328415,0.06114681874970543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183633002424316,0.12094522542186552,0.0,0.0,0.10587955203349482,0.14793108290707774,0.0,0.1051981111213438,0.0,0.05517274804836147,0.0,0.059184626256402625,0.0,0.056193775441931035,0.12822391701856034,0.0,0.09956372884471686,0.0,0.12834064804846204,0.0,0.054105994738131095,0.12230888836294967,0.0,0.16630729935555344,0.0,0.140424859688853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220999971318032,0.0,0.0,0.31382792763249834,0.0,0.05870597104480179,0.0,0.0,0.33765355161310545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03216415143353521,0.047706193477401335,0.0,0.06197018357274928,0.0,0.0,0.04133837783196369,0.05718532561540736,0.0,0.10335839344300064,0.05179333403304567,0.0,0.0,0.06388763027382796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0390663073377252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500877270749368,0.0,0.058980061895420134,0.0,0.0,0.20563350445040526,0.0,0.062203474382192675,0.0,0.08679201470568004,0.1805542716019979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057342683678360415,0.0,0.0,0.061412795524393264,0.0,0.0,0.08902274603473805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110231594546201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954159821031652,0.0,0.0,0.06841332054288772,0.11766883057432588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037493012273416886,0.0,0.05778699142805585,0.0,0.0,0.09996112331481267,0.11134253806157852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991203088268325,0.0,0.061054988012796435,0.13223458906408184,0.0,0.14523899863705492,0.06578525158182194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041424736686846764,0.0623805262797025,0.09347727512343124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401753169278357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047040678285826636,0.0,0.0,0.06692914964759365,0.2718110333642416,0.15552729156634798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03412676100810027,0.06726659335593929,0.0,0.11184748031777897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04645491483060946,0.14083717197064907,0.0,0.15786468925115402,0.0,0.052810271038834115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964260909767776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537716383419289 ptsd,themarketcrashof1929,2019/01/31,"(NSFW, TRIGGER WARNING) i am 14. recently (at the age of 13, so a few months ago) i was in a relationship with a 20 year old. i feel like i am traumatized, could that have something to do with age, or am i not actually traumatized and it is me overreacting to feeling bad about my ex? i feel the same way about him as i do my previous (and oh man do i not wanna use this term) ab*sers. (more ab*se entailed when i was a younger child, however it’s harder to talk about) he was manipulative and didn’t listen when i said no, he also forced me into uncomfortable situations (being with his friends, doing drugs, etc) and got angry when i expressed discomfort. he tried to get me to run away from my family and shut me off from my closest friends. he hit me and yelled at me, and r*ped me. although occasionally i gave consent i took it back quickly, and he didn’t stop, i still feel disgusted by those times. could it be that there was no consent because of our ages, or could it be i am just disgusted because it was an ex i dislike? i have breakdowns where i shake and cry and can’t stop thinking about it, to a point where i have to leave classrooms and disassociate. i am not sure whether or not this is trauma or me just being unhappy with an ex? i’m not asking for a diagnosis! i just can’t tell whether or not this was a truly traumatic event or if i am just exaggerating",3.0165990843688704,4.488837762589932,4.788541530412033,83.2378678875082,74.25179856115108,8.076128188358405,28.10398953564421,8.710501217029153,2.03553381294964,1070,43,227,21,22,364,147,278,0.202,0.743,0.055,-0.9902,1,0,2,0,1,0,38.0,1,0,0,0,19,10,2,2,11,0,32,1,0,3,1,51,47,27,0,5,19,3,4,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,13,16,0,2,5,0,0,3,12,6,0,0,12,7,37,4,29,27,5,34,0,0,0,0,23,11,0,7,20,170,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.14698163855132942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351394859608826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204493219980314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080768722933062,0.0,0.14151075915068176,0.11581610049612776,0.12575990763113468,0.1836309163231807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36076913597221855,0.0,0.16544702278950338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466929660515798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797910973781446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198943649365425,0.0,0.3046283547039565,0.10760167384984387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23273449901349624,0.0,0.07869179418794713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046313564952618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948292873123066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735844456462502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022201212990273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804846665178168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423828853209207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487173040998627,0.1617075820292991,0.0,0.0,0.14327240165089342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693011700905041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595325070437708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028389095377373,0.2518471227932984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195587321647532,0.0,0.0,0.1210612057283988,0.13164694761508314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651006236589424,0.0,0.0,0.08782668502657039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734236476711212,0.10225987255344507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008576739059566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955371832081202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969931840981116 ptsd,SilkySusan,2019/02/01,"Tired Of Being Angry In the early stages of my PTSD, anger was just beginning to develop. I would have small bouts of rage, enough to be abnormal, but not enough to control my life. Now, my anger is becoming all consuming, to the point where I feel like it’s changing my personality. I’m irritable, on edge, aggressive, and defensive. It’s like I’ve completely hardened. I never had been this way. I’d always been one to forgive and forget. I was patient once. Anger was something I rarely, if ever, experienced. Now, it’s part of my every day life. If I even experience a trigger for a split second, you can bet that I’m cussing and yelling the next. I’ve always been good at hiding my symptoms, but it’s becoming more and more difficult. I don’t want to hurt anyone, nor myself. It’s exhausting. Sometimes, I’ll get so angry that I’ll find myself furrowing my brows, clenching my teeth, tensing my shoulders and tightening my fists unwittingly. It leaves me with a lot of physical symptoms like headaches or knots. I just want to breath a little. Let my guard down. I just don’t know how. ",2.836142857142857,5.291858519047622,4.211904761904762,82.67642857142856,78.09523809523809,7.6190476190476195,26.66666666666667,8.563005593585519,2.186809523809524,859,35,162,19,21,283,129,210,0.204,0.693,0.103,-0.9784,0,0,1,0,1,0,36.0,0,1,0,1,10,14,6,0,7,0,16,9,3,3,3,33,24,13,0,5,9,0,1,3,0,1,6,1,0,1,9,6,0,3,4,0,1,0,5,9,0,2,7,3,24,5,18,13,7,18,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,5,11,106,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388637029589776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003623649301626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170442253206703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518400229763198,0.0,0.15049275032128642,0.0,0.16098567384285986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256760627089693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966181440686666,0.0,0.09480290506154204,0.1298347913671309,0.12093365160113385,0.0,0.0,0.14040387067655433,0.0,0.0,0.07257514274059981,0.10254077426730702,0.0,0.0,0.1311875472915041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499063179793998,0.0,0.0,0.1203895750089017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365619953797482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888257573195565,0.0,0.0,0.15198186430946364,0.0,0.1467733198651113,0.202764728720074,0.2103705015163576,0.14385885428254822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202754060333207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107023298345358,0.0,0.15265012070557896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285910901896144,0.0972624061949552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543341958135776,0.0,0.0,0.12532842086557633,0.0,0.0,0.13568609837421758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778365659515698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049954597016932,0.1419588736652454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983737312878541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497130837091506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932023652524636,0.11393067044903947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196249108046652,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yepyepyep_yepyepyep,2019/02/01,"just fk me up Im new to ptsd. Ive done some sketches of how I am. Its not good. I want you to know you r my lifeline at times... apart from my psychiatrist, doctor, I am at a place you were all at once. I dont understand how people can just go out and do shopping,,, have coffee,, knock on doors... make a living,,,, I have massive reasons to stay on the planet, massive,, but Im just no good today. I wish I could hold someone and cry. But I cannot get close (7 years now). I have my dogs. Hit me up with some comments .... nothing is wrong , nothing is right. Just fk me up. ",-1.1099726775956285,0.8517211721311497,1.4131475409836085,99.41737158469948,91.37704918032787,3.909071038251368,17.969398907103823,5.2151,-0.7096968306010929,421,12,104,2,15,143,78,122,0.108,0.8340000000000001,0.058,-0.6114,0,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,15,1,0,4,1,25,23,6,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,3,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,19,2,15,19,3,20,0,0,0,0,4,13,0,2,5,68,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930743113495514,0.0,0.1916571910035032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858683841103745,0.0,0.17855278338171374,0.20448830450511649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911581724155667,0.0,0.09916054129203072,0.2926897233048712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769349195685237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588919664702901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406831631260534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646621034978355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851308341150004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348349660632792,0.0,0.0,0.18581463685738914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209618973910636,0.0,0.18229361155530094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395682940273235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939366089125594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490042700240214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478356466211599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597159523204326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017402154692012,0.0,0.16538586536744698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816389841585176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291234347912874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064245109413728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076559779227648,0.0,0.11235887414172986 ptsd,Lalas_bearcub,2019/02/01,"A bunch of little things As far as directly triggering things, life has been semi smooth recently. I started back up at school and that’s been hard but getting thru initially. But the last like 2 weeks I have had so many like just common life circumstances all happen at one and has cause me to spiral so fast and have panic attack after attack. I was able to pick my self up for a few days but my goals of getting work done today were not met and I ended up spending almost all day in bed. I am trying to be self positive and saying that I must have needed this time but as deadlines and exams dates get closer I just can’t help but feel insufficient. Like I am not capable a facing “normal” life. Teachers and friends just keep saying things like “oh well your computer breaking just happens sometimes” and “falling down the stairs and spraining your ankle is just a bad day” and having to pick your self up and play fun best friend to a girl turning 21 in New York City “should be an amazing time” and having debilitating stomach pain when eating almost anything just sucks. I know all these things are true but I feel like all these people would handle it without feeling bedridden and self harming. Im really not feeling sorry for myself about any of these things happening either because I can recognize that it’s “just life”. I’m just really struggling and my only support is a weekly call with my therapist back home as I also try to find someone here at school. Does anyone else just",7.71735431235431,7.1330888006993005,7.400545454545457,75.96415151515154,63.09090909090909,9.724568764568764,32.35337995337996,8.841846274778883,2.615743869463869,1191,38,213,15,15,377,173,286,0.127,0.6859999999999999,0.187,0.9735,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,3,18,22,3,2,9,0,25,8,2,4,6,58,44,28,0,5,20,0,6,5,2,3,5,2,2,5,14,15,1,1,6,1,1,1,5,8,1,1,7,8,21,14,30,32,8,36,0,0,0,0,15,14,1,2,25,148,35,6,0.08815579663955572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655059251214728,0.0,0.0,0.07049815872284063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994896470597433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164058273474386,0.0903260314272942,0.07254470927368295,0.0,0.0,0.2005798905230186,0.0,0.13557273216647786,0.07360640792394342,0.05373895539895129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251406979277144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001692477793133,0.0,0.0,0.0905602867806162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055958765625628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714573171070538,0.0902139870011187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020538808102342,0.07364285618759478,0.0,0.07807986979593716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829687826510407,0.06297851873365966,0.0,0.0,0.08057280105163997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621789960762432,0.0,0.13817329574352458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23386763948810946,0.0,0.07897027822592556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908897224305384,0.0,0.08842745181378428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952233879813746,0.0,0.0,0.07835692256742167,0.0,0.0,0.04844812035984605,0.07185874025867957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906818497261896,0.2153423465840003,0.08835526759158553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937614119310082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536640619018731,0.0,0.0851414177280219,0.0,0.0,0.08637396345887167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973664929291225,0.06704645579671913,0.09380398307028999,0.10343183312904633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111612953990864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294972137096647,0.0,0.08704321398701134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021005560473085,0.0,0.17843674522518754,0.0,0.0,0.3678628878396376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469412041632263,0.0,0.08718833701440393,0.09868319691660883,0.062397126596872736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215957932319394,0.0,0.0,0.10003815333311364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023556745059566,0.29283397063256184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280870790132443,0.0,0.08356138742755467,0.0,0.0,0.11970399843957695,0.09588819216957707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142652517714058,0.0,0.07926264826452448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497904211359253,0.0,0.0641784698840672,0.0,0.0,0.06262334861937073,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PTSDJerkthrowaway,2019/02/01,"Guys, If you think you have PTSD. Go to a Psychiatrist. Sorry, I’m not a mod but I’m just saying. We can’t diagnose you.",-2.8555555555555543,-1.4626543333333313,1.3752592592592627,94.8206666666667,110.85185185185185,5.122962962962963,12.807407407407407,6.742157984588678,-0.36360148148148186,91,2,23,2,5,34,22,27,0.052000000000000005,0.948,0.0,-0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144982492001429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320924065449455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043615229292981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773756854346801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247610647016646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571492388413341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616741375162819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway3209850,2019/02/01,"Trying to find a partner when you have ptsd I already barely go out because, you know, PTSD issues. So I'm extra lonely but also don't know anyone to help remedy the loneliness. So I try online dating. Which inevitably leads to this conversation: &nbsp; Guy: So what do you do? &nbsp; Me: I'm actually on disability at the moment. So, tell me about... [attempts to change the subject until I get to know him better] &nbsp; Guy: What are you on disability for? &nbsp; Me: PTSD. What about you, tell me about your job? What are your hobbies? &nbsp; Guy: [ignores and very briefly answers questions] Why do you have PTSD? Are you military or something. &nbsp; Me: No, I've just had some difficult experiences that are personal. &nbsp; And then he leaves or pushes to the point where it's way too personal or it just gets awkward and fizzles out. &nbsp; I feel like a complete freak and I'm starting to be convinced I'm going to die alone. ",2.3488430361090664,5.235924581920905,4.0779710144927535,79.53238761974946,85.66666666666666,7.372046180299681,27.46966347334807,8.321376580360154,2.688775190370916,749,35,128,19,23,250,103,177,0.138,0.807,0.055,-0.9417,1,3,1,0,0,0,57.0,0,9,0,3,14,8,0,1,6,0,12,0,0,1,0,22,25,16,1,0,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,9,6,0,1,7,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,1,1,19,3,18,23,2,18,0,1,0,0,22,7,0,5,7,86,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.08262209872055186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768875615614652,0.09343137100826147,0.06770761212782027,0.0,0.7338872336708369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059200647828900985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051611792622997685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488046489919503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895657224977548,0.0,0.08877100812413835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787025569834793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281989077799409,0.0,0.0,0.042809826865959126,0.06048562396597404,0.0,0.0,0.07738346732010437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846929796096098,0.0,0.09623562255660983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514988543335046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056750038386009935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836962360713144,0.08401824176050539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959115816950945,0.0,0.0,0.08964939030308078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041363679112601484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478547005499156,0.0,0.0,0.08003702314826126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958815108610477,0.0,0.09484563644481768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518025667076965,0.0,0.0,0.059927245222402975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800416173499434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496572454267788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698585671619751,0.0,0.0672041706356514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639816969097744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DancingChromosome,2019/02/01,"Is this considered a “body memory”? So, I’ve noticed that every-time a guy touches me in my waist and we start making out I get this feeling in my abdomen.... like it’s kinda painful and sharp and last a few seconds and it makes me SUPER uncomfortable... I get this feeling that something was there before... and I feel danger... I feel like I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing even though it’s consensual. It’s something that I noticed when I first kissed a guy and I thought it was just “butterflies” but over time I’ve noticed that I get the feeling every single time and it’s kinda painful? The other day I was alone in bed and I was thinking about this and I got the feeling AGAIN without anyone being there with me.... I felt the feeling in my abdomen/pelvic/vaginal area and it kinda hurt... like something was there before... However I have no recollection of any sexual abuse or forced penetration.... but sometimes my area hurts down there. Anyways I just want to know if this is a body memory? Has anyone else experienced this? If it’s not a body memory, what could it be? ",2.042503105590061,4.562086252380954,3.4794409937888204,86.37903726708076,81.71428571428571,5.937888198757764,23.89233954451345,7.255503002510835,1.1649420289855068,843,31,161,12,23,276,105,210,0.124,0.773,0.103,-0.9036,1,1,3,0,1,0,39.0,1,0,0,2,13,10,1,0,10,0,16,8,5,2,0,42,36,18,0,5,9,0,10,3,0,1,2,0,1,2,22,13,1,0,12,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,8,11,23,5,12,23,2,17,0,2,0,1,3,9,0,6,11,116,45,0,0.0,0.1311026851830372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460049194905493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752460978566068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473872962261764,0.11337445830986613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831076003951486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687231044802329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834537767015478,0.0,0.0,0.07136038398722715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243424953724927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308357621885743,0.0,0.09322777333119472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916373322994419,0.0790487009532099,0.10624178076520564,0.0,0.0,0.09411921310588572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734308738054152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849727002512768,0.0,0.0,0.21912267657152049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369071826046612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081059153307344,0.09019488206137846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217465669210684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772006425408166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37792879953209735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23547975262175336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555523583845117,0.10943612072564857,0.0,0.07831895541327782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090033812655487,0.1087135016970428,0.08784409459572813,0.12904233014191524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526450008812909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666308167291594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throaway_444,2019/02/01,"I feel disgusting (vent) TW: CSA, INCEST, POCD I was raped by my grandmother until I was 11. I know it happened but I have little memory of it, just bits and pieces of dissociated memories. My mother and father were covert incestuous, I had to carry the burden of my mother's emotional issues and act as her therapist. My dad is a narcissist, and I had to walk on eggshells around him all the time. He always made inappropriate sexual jokes when I was growing up, and he flashed the whole family several times. He would walk in the kitchen wearing only a towel and then he would drop it and expose himself. Since I was a child I was terrified that I would become a pedophile, and when I became an adult these thoughts prevailed and I developed POCD. I'm terrified of being around children, I don't want to hurt them and I get disgusting intrusive thoughts about the most disturbing things. I would never hurt a child, and I feel like I'm a monster for having these intrusive thoughts. I can't be intimate with someone unless I completely detach myself from reality and I ask them to hurt me physically. Most of the time I have thoughts of my father raping my very younger self, and me crying and begging him to stop. That's the only way I feel ""satisfied"". I don't know if he did actually rape me when I was kid, but I have a horrible feeling that he did. I don't have any memory of this. I watch incest rape porn, and it's the only way I'll feel aroused. I feel disgusting about this and I feel like a terrible monster. I'm sick, I'm disgusting.",3.3768240670220853,5.3544065313531375,4.999884488448847,79.97268278750953,74.44554455445544,8.753947702462554,27.495430312261995,9.367010060515213,2.5933250571210964,1221,48,233,31,26,412,151,303,0.252,0.6709999999999999,0.077,-0.9967,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,0,8,17,8,1,17,0,27,11,2,1,2,48,49,26,0,6,5,5,7,2,0,4,1,0,1,6,12,19,1,1,13,1,0,4,5,14,0,0,16,8,45,3,26,27,6,23,0,3,1,8,24,6,0,3,12,157,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.10764570546444388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178595342935243,0.0,0.0,0.07501392616115693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639685526988065,0.10312405669178032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182766213469373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042889595387547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565692402262576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211692947547898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408281669379598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398954053380303,0.0,0.3904289360366256,0.15760959266590896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057631917721928085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754591496332543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542643088978481,0.0,0.0,0.11513397289738443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124592113125028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778284472634196,0.1105586318558049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437707566486172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507712779164738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516849745030448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507638055625385,0.12461781083839372,0.0,0.09124877329304082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346448701930964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222329220669116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807729119632427,0.07328442103461467,0.0,0.0,0.3502922072187724,0.19296625540720985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101650601155067,0.06506312659409058,0.17511635434717115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315609772742205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31344149293238505,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fitzswackhammer,2019/02/01,"Have I been misdiagnosed? Is EMDR right for me? My therapist has diagnosed me with PTSD but I don't seem to meet all the criteria. I have definitely been affected by bad experiences, but I don't have vivid memories, flashbacks, or intrusive thoughts. When I think about the stuff that happend I don't really have any emotions at all. It just seems like some horrible stuff that happened a long time ago and which is the likely explanation for me turning me into a weirdo hermit. My therapist says that I have just disassociated myself from the trauma and that all the stress is stored in my body. Now she wants me to have EMDR therapy which will cost me an extra 50% per session. From what I've read about EMDR I'm wondering how it would even work for someone without vivid memories or emotions. When I read my therapist's CV I can see that PTSD is her specialist subject and that she has recently learned how to administer EMDR. She is a very well qualified and established professional so I don't think she is exactly scamming me, but I can't help but wonder if it might be a case of a person with a hammer thinking everything looks like a nail.",6.1235064935064925,6.904836909090911,6.9512987012987,73.21409090909094,66.27272727272727,11.012987012987013,33.44155844155844,10.914260884657429,3.8265194805194813,920,39,169,26,14,306,127,220,0.116,0.825,0.059,-0.9275,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,12,7,0,1,13,0,26,2,1,3,4,37,40,16,0,3,10,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,14,7,0,0,9,2,2,0,6,3,1,0,3,5,28,4,18,33,5,11,0,0,4,0,9,4,0,9,10,125,42,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636208334221653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159592464786332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018493136652017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332795697766258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178524962162293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699406011435854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925091331000722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783743799204333,0.11737124485957268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061049532316818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042539767468948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758601634394305,0.0,0.0,0.10618556526641944,0.10075966330790467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272882597851714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476885503508784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28051899918102624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24004085290617666,0.0,0.07686735708601886,0.0,0.11847363110316099,0.0,0.0,0.1024690588278921,0.0,0.0954192385815815,0.0,0.0,0.09561486604544824,0.2184650574346752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016654057500564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744579821032998,0.0,0.27471500552469863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721668474935586,0.4179457949890306,0.0,0.2306503119260868,0.0,0.0952570342857117,0.06996594206592413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051244072792015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900262986202496,0.0707720052343402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788358242553107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566410781164475,0.26024363989459265,0.08735266102357961,0.0,0.0,0.08523600132553785,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,featherhoax,2019/02/01,"what to do when you fall back to square one (tw: suicide) normally i am pretty okay day to day and honestly i can even go a week or so without having one of those moments when you can't breathe. i'm hungover at work right now and all i can hear in my head is the voicemail my sibling left me right before their suicide attempt a decade ago when i was like 9. i mediate, journal, do the breathing exercises my therapist tells me to but what do you do when you just can't get this shit to stop? i want to shove a sock in my ear just so i can just stop hearing this ",3.2615000000000016,3.6881668166666657,4.5183333333333335,89.38500000000002,72.5,7.666666666666668,29.166666666666664,7.6454224807358475,1.5244166666666672,438,17,101,5,8,145,76,120,0.118,0.81,0.07200000000000001,-0.8582,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,4,1,2,12,4,1,0,5,1,13,6,5,0,1,13,19,10,2,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,1,4,18,3,11,18,1,21,0,0,1,0,8,6,1,1,14,71,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597819828134907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530261727190754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497292640125418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269596866757444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622012546025323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193199966016394,0.0,0.10000229937479453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058604296254466,0.0,0.3966401163244713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118139204044468,0.0,0.0,0.08596531953493766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240374422465346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23847052035390304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901489449215127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30053828720401404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062072994934866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29422139685554394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849440400021361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379706700428927,0.0,0.0,0.20430348244780366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037859500146619,0.0,0.14114474719474548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961946001220635,0.0,0.12810120160678898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheGreatWitchPaige,2019/02/01,I'm in bed and I cant leave it right now I've had ptsd for a few years now. I'm a 6 year army vet with two tours and I've had some weird stuff I don't wanna talk about. I was in bed this morning and woke up to a neighbors car backfiring. There I sat up screamed and took a breath tears rolling down my face. They're still rolling and I can't get up. I'm so scared I feel like a child. I havent had one this bad in a while. I don't know what to do about the nightmares... I dont wanna keep being afraid of doors slamming or have to hide on the 4th of July. I have a therapist it just seems like I got better thentraughed I feel stuck metaphorically and now literally.,-0.08897091722595007,1.6619719597315452,1.6678926174496629,100.7969619686801,84.43624161073825,5.0471588366890385,17.987024608501123,6.079149491110277,-0.6128714988814319,518,12,135,4,15,169,89,149,0.131,0.797,0.07200000000000001,-0.784,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,2,9,0,14,2,2,0,0,17,28,9,0,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,4,1,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,5,0,2,9,3,13,3,19,18,2,18,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,3,9,80,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377440191807384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466066492165068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579556948314094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257846219643151,0.1572395656900363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499322546552078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603416799653168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956350946489343,0.0,0.0,0.12096126674712156,0.0,0.0,0.2330542411790754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150595963981884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491455337385595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572852553671433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879642950725902,0.0,0.0,0.2203586112682139,0.0,0.0,0.2003708777479476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757722356575265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251961972472305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690813469323352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25555319700819673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445393256079215,0.0,0.0,0.21500582995026413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834745147880045 ptsd,jeffreyaskswhy,2019/02/01,"How can we help What can people do to understand/help people with PTSD? This is coming from someone without PTSD, but I just am curious, I am tired of our military members or family members/close friends suffering. What can be done to change the culture in America? Just a normal citizen asking, no survey, no fakeness. ",4.029885057471262,6.88813520689655,5.4731034482758645,73.0405747126437,76.24137931034483,9.383908045977012,32.08045977011494,9.725611199111238,4.118508045977012,254,13,39,8,6,85,46,58,0.203,0.6679999999999999,0.13,-0.7193,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,0,10,11,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,7,9,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118945029189308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23977396255136524,0.1952456770825272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23194968512517286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213672858759197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511530070170306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038479721770075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207657917890308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314272043040849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.529901819093539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204646959071808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260509867820202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23595882620298164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21849008912822093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EthericElder,2019/02/01,"Finally Light at the End of the Tunnel? I just officially received my diagnosis of major depressive disorder, severe anxiety disorder, and PTSD, and due to the PTSD diagnosis, I am now eligible to get my medical cannabis card. I have been on countless meds over the years: the current cocktail is Prozac, Xanax, and hydroxyzine. However, talking with my doctor as well as the counselor who has worked with me, we have determined that medical cannabis would be a beneficial treatment to try. How many of you folks use cannabis medicinally for PTSD and, in your personal experience, how has it worked out in coping with PTSD. The frustrating thing to me is that SSRIs, benzos, and all the other pharmaceutical crap KINDA works, but not that much, and then ceases to work and have to increase the dose, or else switch medications (my SSRI before Prozac was Zoloft). I have heard that using medical cannabis for PTSD is a far more effective option, so I would love to hear feedback from you all. Thanks.",10.898806818181818,9.480690357954547,10.086590909090912,61.93113636363636,57.35227272727274,14.02727272727273,42.45454545454545,12.815532586354998,5.569706818181818,797,36,130,23,8,255,114,176,0.065,0.815,0.12,0.9372,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,3,0,5,6,6,2,0,11,0,15,12,1,5,2,27,22,15,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,1,8,12,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,1,0,3,3,15,3,24,16,6,16,0,1,0,1,11,7,1,3,7,94,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821626380184127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139163861352932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250563781729558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24618519823658674,0.1099310358632612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972102844732205,0.0,0.0951267588166216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050602788480912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765421686915788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611338668743498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210504519935326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693497252008547,0.0,0.0,0.1088893033435722,0.0,0.0,0.11929999364187464,0.4327869804085996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895321412062674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377974254043916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6277390239706234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133428287873516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632608164531137,0.0,0.09888181547742664,0.0,0.0,0.07135346554875238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291926471385718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552259593131132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656776893112176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127612708288173,0.0,0.0,0.15259134514371514,0.0,0.0,0.06916370507887756 ptsd,lovelypenguin23,2019/02/02,"I’m telling my friends tomorrow After a few rough weeks, I (24F) told my 3 best friends I am ready to tell them about my experiences. They all know I have PTSD, but I want them to know why. I have been sexually assaulted (in different ways) by a friend, mutual friend, and my ex’s roommate. I was also raped by a stranger while walking home. What advice do you have for me, going into tomorrow? ",4.787307692307691,5.294300551282053,5.773487179487183,81.45484615384619,69.12820512820512,9.82974358974359,30.98461538461539,9.888512548439397,2.7821661538461537,305,12,64,7,5,101,58,78,0.127,0.659,0.214,0.5423,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,1,2,7,2,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,1,7,13,4,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,15,5,9,10,3,10,0,0,0,1,12,2,0,0,5,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970086699476281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122557115686165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157479872666285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063709246768594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972109748697596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6230463054324251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457827801573275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222891892358308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22159659253517086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356685633017188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524279583847907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264475679764767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891342008386,0.16002677475025145,0.16171750235391116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191955315915834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Formal_Stuff,2019/02/02,"[TW] Need some support Hey Reddit, I really need some support right now. Here are some things that have happened in the last 2 years: &#x200B; * I got drugged and gang raped by strangers * A university lecturer locked me in his office with him and threatened me * My ex-boyfriend tried to murder me * That same ex who I was in an absuive relationship for 5 years with has been harrassing / stalking me continuously since we broke up 4 years ago * My dad died * A guy on my university course spiked my drink with ketamine and sexually assulted me Most of the time, I can handle it. But right now, I feel really overwhelemed. I have a mountain of work to do, and I am worried about letting my teachers down when they have been so supportive and kind to me. I feel like a massive idiot for not being more on top of my work. Even though it feels like i'm working flat out most of the time. My family mostly pretend that nothing has happened, and that I don't have ptsd. My boyfriend has been genuinly amazing. But he lives an hour away and I feel like i've already been really whiney about this stuff with him. &#x200B; It's almost impossible to explain to anyone what it's like to try and study or do anything really when the flashbacks are so intense. &#x200B; I don't really know why i'm posting. Just that I desperately feel like I need a little bit more help to keep going. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",3.6315299145299136,6.154310848148151,4.062222222222225,84.4346153846154,75.7037037037037,6.820512820512822,28.162393162393165,7.882392219407189,1.9258632478632485,1139,48,209,18,26,357,150,270,0.109,0.769,0.123,0.2467,0,0,2,0,0,0,60.0,1,0,1,4,12,14,3,0,11,0,22,3,0,0,0,38,42,16,2,3,5,2,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,14,1,1,7,2,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,5,32,10,29,34,10,28,0,1,0,1,14,13,0,8,18,139,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046798234135944514,0.0,0.05286504364404285,0.0,0.05825891734095034,0.0,0.0,0.4576137032199541,0.5131988483066889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03691442832503962,0.0,0.04344453527261635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960121177693105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576368061432159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479129662996772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051717511151131164,0.06122367531513793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03486959525450632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976899390462293,0.0,0.13346984732482284,0.15086268900572586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030003750984691626,0.0,0.04222376827406436,0.0,0.0,0.052273844811945004,0.0933701990086688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035386356421270616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199094279920142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04692527022875469,0.0,0.05497628474393918,0.02901391562442797,0.0430337319850078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053984909581982564,0.0,0.12896113673241302,0.05291293573074675,0.04661760955560276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743708815457175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065676735841748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050561559825649215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171275228323728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910427387684332,0.0,0.0,0.056680439496688766,0.0,0.09017068594432504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04367131173494746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060435903214859976,0.0,0.1797282444688698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03507364187833835,0.0,0.05186932549009345,0.0,0.06156860481583741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168661415213631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047637903682618464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153028453709324,0.05361434101480225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5131988483066889,0.10199180954671846 ptsd,curseofsebs,2019/02/02,"Sudden Flood of Good Memories Hi all. I am not a follower of this sub, but I have PTSD and I just had a profound and overwhelming moment that was incredibly positive, so I just wanted to share it with you to show that things can get better and there is the possibility of a brighter future. A bit of background of my experience. I had a pretty rough time at school and with my family, which had a negative effect on me. I ended up working in commissioning at our local hospital and I think I got swine flu and was just not right for a year or so until I had a chest infection that wouldn't quit and started catastrophising my job, all coming together into a huge breakdown. This left me bed ridden with severe anxiety, chronic fatigue, pain and the most bizarre constellation of symptoms, including stammer, ticks, altered gate, hypersensitivity, involuntary movements and a lot more. I was in a wheelchair for a lot of my 20s and on crutches with altered gait for the rest. I barely went out or did anything. I had numerous attempts of doctors and psychologists tried to help, Identify and pin down what was wrong with me, I kept shrugging them off and refusing to believe it was anything to do with my mind, or they just didn't know or want to. It was a very bleak time. Finally, I had one last go at it and I was lucky enough to see a fantastic therapist who used CBT and EMDR to help me process the memories of school. It was rough, but ultimately it changed my life dramatically. I could walk and talk, losing all my anxiety and bizarre symptoms. I still have the fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, but it was a whole world of difference. I did have another breakdown a while later, but managed to see the therapist again, and this time sort the family stuff out, which has left me so much happier and able to have a relationship with them as an adult. Anyways, to today. It's been a year and a bit since I last saw my therapist. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. I still get overwhelmed with my conditions, but now I know it's okay to have feelings, and I am free of the weight that ground me down all my life. Tonight, I had a bath and sang along to two albums that were so tied to the bad times, but albums I do so enjoy (Out of Bounds by No Fun At All & Americana by The Offspring). I sang along with every word and I was suddenly inundated with all these happy memories and good times that had become so buried by all the bad and traumatic ones. A whole, overwhelming flood of good times and friends from a childhood and adolescence that had only been pain and discomfort before. I absolutely sobbed my heart out, and not for the first time in the bath, but this time it was pure joy. It was indescribable and such a gift to have the positive memories back and to be able to cope with the processed negative ones alongside them. I think I just wanted to share this because it was so profoundly positive and I wanted to give hope to anyone in the dark and cold because I know reading this would have buoyed me a little when I was adrift. I have so much love for all of you suffering with PTSD or family, friends or partners effected and trying to help. I send you all positive vibes and truly hope things get better and you can have a moment like this because it can get better and things can help. Apologies for the long and rambling post, I just wanted to share some good that has come after struggling with PTSD. TLDR: I had a big happy cry in the bath and remembered some good times from my past, which was overshadowed by the bad times for so long while getting my 00's punk on, and things can get better. And I love you! ",6.435001548040872,6.480339107193236,6.69885720183013,77.835254050707,65.5444287729196,10.358540025456671,32.525405070693864,10.097256963172876,3.0555890536310164,2893,108,564,61,41,934,292,709,0.117,0.672,0.212,0.9982,3,0,1,0,0,0,68.0,1,5,4,11,26,44,0,5,46,1,59,19,2,3,11,129,93,69,0,10,22,0,4,1,3,2,14,2,5,2,39,64,1,3,9,7,1,9,8,17,0,5,36,10,70,28,90,53,23,83,0,8,3,2,31,31,1,15,43,419,109,7,0.12076797196840135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542602358571857,0.0,0.0,0.06331787428116216,0.09238716799935158,0.0,0.0,0.04222188699775891,0.0,0.09938175083189994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046431557940837226,0.15125431816808405,0.11042855217622184,0.06668936839071188,0.05138232458183722,0.06803207425013556,0.0,0.21361891420181492,0.131847346758985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387825054047283,0.10403091432373636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048211699318725584,0.0,0.06632897319010223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308841327721147,0.0,0.06180556834339863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348228866541209,0.06239279917859108,0.0,0.0,0.05462077237114905,0.05087611253164942,0.0,0.0,0.059067125071021666,0.17077394384632275,0.0,0.030531957649384805,0.0,0.0,0.06614770509977491,0.0,0.05136258763098757,0.0,0.0,0.09330503556487964,0.0,0.1892888425177948,0.05792582160446678,0.03431761078432433,0.2532361127236857,0.048294589773663785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855975183167706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155531412883483,0.16189645186165347,0.0,0.0,0.11994984581396655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059921788687431365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955637855777044,0.0984420158407474,0.0,0.0,0.13121475490598505,0.0,0.12795298520178566,0.029500565438934687,0.06052061739847819,0.0,0.10687585484558633,0.0,0.06755423469089136,0.0,0.10267261106398834,0.10899780979791228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097061230459936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887783551377266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227532549582041,0.04592474234760454,0.12850563694950545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764334721235233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680738713365728,0.05783116689744094,0.061432222180752775,0.0,0.0,0.2117569447599513,0.0,0.0,0.06422580190595,0.06040032674837675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482980287112262,0.0684032849655259,0.051567594098013335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222363512633122,0.09623643777677553,0.0,0.0,0.06821671654387756,0.0,0.04995025719702447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274009607428746,0.0,0.0964454584163144,0.0,0.0,0.06312645291965477,0.0691252172098367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552416410575554,0.0,0.048534360629364316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103313854689104,0.16046574861705942,0.07738324004037167,0.0,0.0,0.35210387822539463,0.0,0.057236958198864214,0.0,0.0,0.0819935255486635,0.0,0.05898638017023323,0.0,0.0,0.05215237622403512,0.0,0.04982311235956318,0.17808019714305814,0.0,0.0,0.07353142738821906,0.0,0.05597655996862231,0.0,0.13483312782980236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439602609663002,0.0,0.0,0.042895051141980715,0.06602040943679723,0.0,0.07777061441415624 ptsd,Full_Metal_Handjob,2019/02/02,Anyone have experience with Ketamine therapy? I’ve been reading a lot about Ketamine therapy lately and it’s being touted as a wonder drug for PTSD and major depression. I was just wondering if any of you had experience with it. Insurance doesn’t cover it and the cost is pretty high so I don’t want to waste my money if it’s not as great as they say. Any thoughts?,3.5578538812785365,5.367314671232883,5.481027397260277,77.43651826484022,73.5205479452055,8.702283105022829,27.235159817351605,9.2995712137729,2.550225570776256,293,11,54,7,6,101,55,73,0.153,0.782,0.064,-0.7633,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,14,12,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,4,1,5,1,9,7,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,5,1,38,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592237470855784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326921413412268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416012863175103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103094821914354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728790870855592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101328564534546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013752281364697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150006855359481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203797559216668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390473886153647,0.0,0.0,0.22279662375976916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064766289644175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156965667045758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359264673682448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151312001612621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124185090418375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133866475550305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sparksparkboom,2019/02/02,"Anyone else just stop wanting to eat? Just got diagnosed yesterday. The panic attacks, insomnia, and flashbacks started about 2 weeks ago and ever since then i just haven't felt the desire to eat food anymore and i'm down to like one and a half meals a day.",4.131,5.939602699999997,4.625,84.1675,72.0,7.4,28.5,8.07648339933343,1.966,205,8,38,3,4,65,39,50,0.204,0.748,0.048,-0.7997,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,4,0,1,6,0,0,1,12,6,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,1,1,5,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,22,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958388826731974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329053575925467,0.1574316910521606,0.23069509149228554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561431929673927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452045774530981,0.0,0.0,0.2285247983991125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607739303414274,0.1880858173164104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366310395889115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618147243486835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722549992617842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007482557901394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999801842804724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256899430109044,0.0,0.0,0.26416765831372396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624827117355788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936392423825196,0.0,0.0,0.18823736600018556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280063290691807,0.0,0.18060355718959226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lexipedia7,2019/02/02,"Family with a very negative view of medication. I fought my PTSD without medication for years pre and post diagnoses but after starting a full time Master's Degree this year along with full time work and a few other personal life stressors my anxiety just got the better of me and I was finding it difficult to function. I ended up screwing up my degree and am having to take a leave of absence and I am recommending the degree from the start part time in September. This means it's going to take 3 years longer than it should but I really think its the best thing for me. I've been agonising over telling my aunt about the leave of absence. I had a bit of a breakdown three years ago, got arrested, lost my job and registration as a nurse and basically just completely screwed my life. My dad and his wife kicked me out of the house, I didn't make life at home difficult and helped out as much as I could but my dad's wife was just waiting for a reason to get rid of me and my brother. I was very fortunate to have my aunt who took me in, looked after me, provided for me and got me back into education. The only problem with her is that she doesn't believe in mental health problems and always states that ""they weren't a thing 20 years ago"" etc. She was always getting at me about the PTSD saying I need to learn to get over things and draw a line in the sand. She even asked me if I was in therapy for attention. My housemate is on sertraline my aunt was asking how he is getting on and she basically said she couldn't understand why he was on it and I told her he had really bad anxiety and she said ""anxiety? What even is that? We didn't have any of those things 20 years ago. He needs to just get on with it. A man his age should know how. He's going to be destroying his brain and he'll be on it for the rest of his life. I just don't understand that."" The thing is I finally had the nerve to go to the docs about my issues and started on propranolol and sertraline and I was trying to figure out how to tell my aunt about it along with the leave of absence. I don't really know what to do. I'm supposed to graduate and get a job relevant to my degree this summer and I don't really see a way around telling her but it's going to cause a complete blow out and things have been really good with her lately. She won't understand it. It's difficult for me to get a good job with the conviction and the degree was a way around that. I have my own house but I go home at the weekends and work at my aunt and uncles business (I'm trying to get another job) and I think she'll panic thinking I'm going to be relying on them forever. It might not be so bad if I get another job. Does anyone have any advice in regards to this? I would really appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to read my post! 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This girl and I have been very close friends for a few years, and she has PTSD. She didn't tell me any details about her trauma, all I know is that it's from sexual assault. February is a hard month for her, because she's reminded of it more than usual as it's the anniversary month. I really, really want to help her, but it's hard because we're far (she's an online friend). She's been venting online the past two days, and saying some concerning things clearly related to trauma, but whenever I offer to listen to her she doesn't even reply to me - she barely ever does, because she says that she feels like a burden, even if I told her over and over that she isn't, because ""I already have enough problems"" so she doesn't want to overwhelm me with hers. She can't afford therapy and never had any treatment, she's severely burnt out from work, and since we recently confessed to each other but don't know if we actually want to start a ldr, she's been stressed out by doubting her feelings too. It's a very hard time for her. I also deal with trauma, but I deal with it completely differently (I have access to therapy and a few other conditions so it's a whole different situation), and since it was an ongoing trauma, I have no anniversaries. I don't know how any of this works. Is there a way to support her? Or is it better to let her process her feelings alone? Thank you.",6.309932432432432,5.682271614864867,6.9331081081081125,78.30614864864866,65.95945945945945,10.372972972972974,32.013513513513516,9.827888789773867,2.8350581081081083,1162,40,233,22,16,384,144,296,0.145,0.736,0.119,-0.8754,3,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,1,0,3,12,21,1,3,12,1,22,0,0,2,4,45,38,21,0,7,7,0,6,1,3,0,0,3,0,1,18,18,0,0,7,0,0,0,9,11,0,1,7,9,44,10,33,30,8,19,1,1,0,0,42,6,0,6,12,166,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.09765592547374967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364450635699436,0.11043204112925124,0.08002761520647803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415736097638326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440120719278877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850563242611703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492368370986567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453822008974994,0.20633986382732772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910807216573332,0.0,0.0,0.08757376141465494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340122120309893,0.0,0.13219334491817974,0.09052093575842086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179836847667671,0.07149152197443663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23194634834842315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689348127569749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707621332642423,0.0,0.0,0.09939416650297853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649910126962817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233049338055478,0.0,0.04889016894139391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975317696246782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718176601003443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553013447802924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584140092319313,0.0,0.0,0.095755476281842,0.233957838881823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282174882764143,0.0,0.09880911730863133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916268710120102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305297870852578,0.0,0.16556133597395825,0.11248522340566423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083154124515581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463224240267765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271212464536402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746741859634076,0.0921329365007446,0.2288823153954776,0.0,0.0664834507616016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058352841158224165,0.0,0.0,0.09562317167137266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977558920941188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021527041803293,0.16513991133405595,0.17707533656863866,0.07943256805080214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172691608472513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570734854550588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444314576367331 ptsd,lanahbanana,2019/02/02,"Loss of memories Can someone relate? I have severe PTSD and depression, and it almost feels like I lost my memory. I look at old pictures ( a year ago), and I barely remember when, where, and what I was doing in those photos. As if those pictures represent someone’s else memories and not mine. My boyfriend was showing me a picture once and asked me if I remember this day, and I couldn’t. I tried to remember, but even when he tried to remind me, I just couldn’t remember at all. Is this normal? ",4.290014727540502,5.5228184432989735,5.507069219440354,80.26072164948455,70.75257731958762,9.25419734904271,29.32106038291605,9.606745405546679,2.7483060382916062,387,15,74,9,7,129,63,97,0.08800000000000001,0.894,0.018000000000000002,-0.6209,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,22,12,13,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,2,15,1,7,7,1,10,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,3,7,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130075397677905,0.0,0.15961864082775662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901987830066946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280146585540764,0.0,0.13729319362375558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331603869925167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528388925988304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059872518000694,0.11387722259748875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787604036963597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385800605319953,0.0,0.17400672710288848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561806670148992,0.0,0.0,0.16726617508955074,0.16975852687076876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863330655227858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7222881191776064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007952364342425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701225480816869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164477531420185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026500241194518 ptsd,Rosandito,2019/02/02,"Is it possible to have post-operative PTSD 3 months after surgery? I began to have random panic attacks 3 months after my jaw surgery. They kind of came out of nowhere, but I’m now mostly triggered by fluorescent lights. Though the surgery was very successful, could my unconscious self be having some issues because of this? Can anybody relate? ",6.212459016393439,8.667098114754097,5.804065573770496,75.17986885245901,67.85245901639344,8.158688524590165,33.511475409836066,8.841846274778883,3.2099219672131145,279,13,43,5,5,86,50,61,0.065,0.838,0.098,0.6224,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,1,1,1,0,8,1,1,1,0,8,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,4,2,9,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,6,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28441780868193955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524012790671274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859401527056119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996093717804528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26094121098995504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26034267785615073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991046559583713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933280624474505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818440935326869,0.23943654873922102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29224352395079783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608106829202622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456295320714982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628105415849946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,UppityMorlock,2019/02/03,"Just a sick, surreal feeling of dread and terror like I've been on death row, and am now headed to the gallows. Reminds me of some real bad times in the past. I dunno if this is a premonition that I'll suffer like that again, or a flashback. I'm just so sick of this feeling. It is so very tough. The problem is that I've had intuitions and premonitions before. As well as flashbacks. And I don't quite know how to define this one.",1.348938826466913,3.4713787752809004,3.2486891385767787,89.38429463171038,81.47191011235954,5.7533083645443215,22.24843945068665,6.937597516519254,0.6424671660424477,337,11,71,4,9,113,61,89,0.278,0.625,0.097,-0.9676,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,2,6,0,7,3,1,1,0,16,11,11,1,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,2,2,3,3,9,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,6,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484288516249264,0.0,0.0,0.25317991666525275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008847324914811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053562014726466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635171616691216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907206227118603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016170548506248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840303151385325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28470030167106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31646452951751675,0.0,0.3386593616255827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349474020902744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24549709531157804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26751921796608896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,matchstick462,2019/02/03,"Regaining Independence My partner was diagnosed with Complex PTSD a couple of years ago. It has been a long journey and he has vastly improved where previously he was in a state of catatonia to now being able to do some things for himself. Lately, he has expressed that he would like to be more independent and that he feels that he is dependent on me emotionally and financially. I do look after all of the things around the house and I am the breadwinner (he is doctor says he is not well enough for work yet) which does place an extra stress on me. Does Anyone have any suggestions in how to help my partner regain his independence / interdependence? Are there things that I can do / not do in order to stop enabling the total dependence on me?",6.487617905675457,7.494920287769787,6.902398081534772,73.08406874500402,65.54676258992805,10.206554756195043,31.27178257394085,10.25414643259724,3.2153686650679454,596,22,106,14,9,194,91,139,0.048,0.8909999999999999,0.061,0.4303,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,8,0,20,2,0,6,2,21,22,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,1,2,1,0,2,9,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,3,10,2,19,16,6,21,0,0,1,0,16,10,0,3,9,84,19,2,0.18700441730336234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576813273854507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716941642099894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075783664778606,0.0,0.0,0.16647357863880755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20691683086530702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980554715085304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140694516563544,0.3272976515654045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035479935983745,0.0,0.19322555250610585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455505224262684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253451190345062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577798987440133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094912805727545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136091233644517,0.0,0.0,0.16549302462764678,0.15703661226882265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537981422070255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21859815655504028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487134184473457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634406636911988,0.21421292819902804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727122762125932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681394294833913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614144300870853,0.0,0.0,0.13284257263346036,0.0,0.0,0.12042471356270695 ptsd,Crochetcreature,2019/02/03,"I can’t stand feeling safe Note: I’m not suicidal and I’m not actually putting myself in harm or anything. I’m 19 and for 18 years of my life I lived in constant fear. At any moment my life could have been pulled out from under me. The only thing I ever aspired to have was to feel safe, live in a house with a backyard and have a dog. And I have all that now but I still feel this urge. It’s like, I got addicted to that rush of having my life in danger. Everything feels so painfully dull and empty I can’t stand it. It’s like, was that it? What do I do now? I can’t even sit in a stupid classroom(I’m in college). The whole things seems so god damn pointless. Is the fear of getting a bad grade on a test the closest I’ll ever come to how it was before? Is this it? Oh boo fucking hoo my life is ruined cuz I got a bad grade on a paper, time to go home to my house with electricity and food and without bedbugs or rats or literal shit smeared all over the floor. It’s like once you go through some horrible shit it all breaks and you don’t even want a normal life anymore. I don’t think I could stand the dull ness of it. For fucks sake a sick part of me got excited when my mom was having money troubles because we might lose the house and that’s a challenge. A rush. I need this pressure to live. It feels like I’m wilting without it. There is a part of me that wants to be a social worker, someone who can help people who are in crisis. I think I might be good at it because I know what it’s like and I would do my god dam best to help and make a difference unlike the social workers that terrorized me as a kid. Maybe that’s why I went through all that so I could go out and help others. But then I ask myself, do I want to spend the rest of my life doing an impossible job: fixing the world? I’ve already been miserable do I really want to spend the rest of my life being that way too? There is another part of me that wants to live in the happy cushy world. I want to like feeling safe you know? I don’t even think anyone would hire me for a job like that cuz of, Well, the ptsd. But you guys get the point. I need pressure. And help because I KNOW this is not a good way to live or think. Do I try to ignore this feeling, or do I use it to help others? 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Hey guys! I’ve been recently diagnosed with PTSD and I’m wondering if any of you have a helpful workbook or articles about PTSD and emotional dysregulation? Any kind of accompanying books or websites that helped you through therapy and episodes would be great! ",7.686603773584906,11.140019924528305,7.691169811320754,58.80052830188683,66.73584905660377,12.541886792452832,42.67547169811321,11.602472056035307,6.729018113207547,268,17,38,11,5,86,40,53,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.194,0.8763,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,6,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,4,1,22,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25134795971606705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875735470123655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157623045193688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374855827328406,0.0,0.18298635827179807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477422702435895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192446340474808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6480827174582764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824729947386733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134103142770436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041352616224564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312804231337976,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BowlingBallGalaxies,2019/02/03,"Anyone else's PTSD manifest after childbirth? Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what my PTSD stems from exactly. I had a kind of traumatic childhood and was in an abusive relationship/raped by said abuser a few years before having kids with my now husband. But I had my first child and got PPD pretty badly, struggled through it without seeking help, my father died when I was pregnant with my second and already worried about having PPD again I sought therapy for a few months after having my second. PTSD amd anxiety was confirmed during therapy but the trigger really wasn't ever found since I moved and didn't continue therapy. It's been 5 years since my last (and only) go at therapy and while it did get better for a little while, it's been getting worse and worse in the last year or two. While I intend on getting back into therapy, I've been curious about how and why everything seemed to come up and surface after I had kids. I feel like these should be some of the happiest times in my life and its just... hard instead. Has anyone else's PTSD surfaced following having children? 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I hate this time of the year. So many triggers. So little control...",0.2528378378378377,2.295166648648649,1.0931756756756776,103.70030405405407,85.21621621621622,3.7,17.35810810810811,3.1291,-1.1932648648648647,134,3,33,0,4,41,27,37,0.075,0.626,0.299,0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,2,5,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,6,6,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,2,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.54312666175171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902327517997371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998503862733496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25548197169598696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593556939106057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623523390290371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534936570927465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508909683860213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075698233648733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676458117077661,0.0,0.0,0.16663950678521028 ptsd,Weezerismyjam,2019/02/03,"Why I have ptsd.. When I was in middle school, I was bullied a lot. Physically. I've been assaulted a few times from women when I was a teenager. I remember in 5th grade I got off the bus and two women jumped me, broke my nose and left me bloody.. a few months later another woman assaulted me at school, and would throw me against the locker(she was much older than me). I also got in multiple fights with people and I saw some fucked up shit like a cat getting ripped to shreds by my own dog.. After that I would see dead animals on the side of the road and break down in tears. I was a bully in school too. always built with rage. One time a kid jumped on my back and bit my shoulder and In response I body slammed him on the concrete because he freaked me out. I put him in the hospital and his dad threatened to kill me (I was 13, He was in his 40's). I was going to be charged with assault even though I was defending myself unless I wrote my bully a letter saying that I'm sorry. The reason I was in the wrong is because I'm a huge dude and he was half my size. It was fucking stupid. I also had my nose broken again in high school when I got drunk at a party and this guy jumped me on the side of the road, he bloodied up my face pretty good... a few months later I was assaulted by a couple claiming to be part of the neighborhood watch, they had their 5 year old kid with them and they pinned me down in the woods, wouldn't let me go for an hour. It was completely dark and I was terrified. They told me I was going to murder their child and I had to be stopped, when in reality all I was doing was fucking around at the lake throwing leaves at my buddy. I grew up around drugs, and meth heads which is why all the teenagers around me were so fucked up, they had fucked up parents who didn't give a shit and were abusive. I left town when I was 18 and moved to Seattle, got a job at McDonald's and started therapy. I had a suicide attempt that same year and that put me in the hospital for a few weeks. I left my job at McDonald's a few weeks later, got a job at amazon and started making something of myself. But I struggle around people, I always have. My coping mechanism is painting, I'm an artist outside of work and it's something I care deeply about. I'm thinking of leaving Amazon to become an artist because that's what I want to do. I don't care if it's hard, I've had a lifetime of hardship so I know what hard is. Anyways this is more of a rant than an explanation. I had a very abusive childhood and it's made me have thick skin, It's why I am the man I am.. ",2.8969528261793434,3.7527094106814016,4.182541436464091,89.87434764130897,73.67771639042357,7.042527270151581,25.341124805213198,7.2200825789825185,0.9426438022382766,2002,62,449,20,39,660,240,543,0.212,0.7490000000000001,0.039,-0.9984,4,0,4,0,1,2,55.0,0,0,7,2,20,24,16,1,41,0,50,16,9,3,2,50,82,34,4,5,3,2,4,1,0,3,1,1,0,8,17,30,1,1,4,3,0,12,3,20,0,3,39,10,76,4,69,36,15,88,0,1,3,5,32,49,7,3,27,308,93,9,0.0,0.17167714411341692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587265633690935,0.12056443165687496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596763672938256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257974933528756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570774076788953,0.0,0.1324901732964639,0.0800126941899696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909402720820201,0.08047296343501298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773033514655987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595994153235558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801619033556579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401622791396847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047850963652390735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348832438175475,0.03785088646918173,0.06949834976074601,0.1235209402912401,0.060765618671053186,0.28971486279126124,0.0,0.0,0.07173452487217599,0.0,0.0,0.12979765820093864,0.0,0.0743521497994343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654487844193983,0.0,0.0,0.07134630316125057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567922455678154,0.0,0.08015254732469225,0.0,0.0398153122175576,0.0,0.0,0.1534231184197096,0.23614362328328664,0.07408259050128227,0.0,0.03539424315833547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159236793651161,0.0,0.06855168103269041,0.048359342762478406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565398347271433,0.077000344892097,0.05325732985433969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602158051672843,0.0,0.04909237602537199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044449817767069,0.0784537025097084,0.0,0.10045210262385874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370526555239383,0.0,0.0,0.08468738007541259,0.14565971800228947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448821001732017,0.0,0.0,0.08206902019930115,0.0,0.0,0.0576132479287088,0.0,0.293283399622408,0.057731365970153714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873286273693434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115474205013406,0.0,0.08109916889815917,0.10255758359583343,0.0,0.0,0.06056944660374309,0.0,0.07573797285297597,0.0,0.07924592747340561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285015680209053,0.0,0.0,0.04642150368334877,0.0711794097575517,0.0,0.08448956891148048,0.0,0.0,0.0692267967771789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077078868528444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977686622345396,0.042731477892603606,0.0,0.11622620679499188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611810067957208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274272349680426,0.0,0.0,0.1029294081532918,0.07921008937458691,0.0,0.0933077721118825 ptsd,Feellikeaghost1,2019/02/03,"Just need some advice here Hey, Just feel like i need some advice explaining my ptsd to a friend. I have just recently been diagnosed with ptsd and i don't know how to tell friends about it. We are really close and she helps me out a lot. But i'm lost and just feel numb to everything and everyone. Don't know how i should tell her. Thanks for hearing me out.",1.1439189189189207,3.4075708918918965,2.2093918918918938,95.69760135135138,83.32432432432431,6.943243243243244,18.70945945945946,8.07648339933343,0.5951135135135144,282,7,65,6,8,89,49,74,0.061,0.753,0.18600000000000005,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,2,0,27,17,7,0,3,5,0,2,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,10,4,8,14,3,4,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,3,2,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659233933577121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003732114703445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890893618718912,0.16827274155973646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893410292674467,0.13375912887313987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28931114854415485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102494035922406,0.0,0.12549817957239118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579646854763256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914724743221977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043866868584992,0.15917860623017965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27766145426644584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377301791541787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994610734604065,0.0,0.1848697732390185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272993886019729,0.17237877984008354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sarcastronaut77,2019/02/03,"Disclosing trauma for the first time Hi, 18F here and pretty sure I'm suffering from ptsd. I was sexually abused as a young child and from the ages of 13?14? I've been having ptsd symptoms, I developed an eating disorder and ocd at 16 and having just recovered from them, ptsd symptoms are resurfacing worse than ever before. I had a bit of a breakdown a few nights ago and messaged an old therapist - we have a session organised in two days time to discuss what is happening and what has happened when I was younger. I'm absolutely terrified, having never told anyone bar my girlfriend about what has happened to me. What if my therapist thinks I'm lying or judges me? Any advice for disclosing trauma for the first time? ",6.270666666666667,7.444738288888887,6.6051851851851815,74.42333333333336,66.1111111111111,10.148148148148149,32.77777777777778,10.25414643259724,3.5474444444444453,579,24,99,14,9,187,89,135,0.184,0.778,0.038,-0.9681,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,1,0,1,2,5,4,0,0,10,0,12,4,0,0,3,14,20,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,3,5,0,10,1,15,15,2,16,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,2,14,68,14,1,0.0,0.1636375784798584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495933884789693,0.12242604156147747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391942831775604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656961250314218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752130298302567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078017695843893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906942232922001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828584381906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413208471789797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492825872003716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23495232152681514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36639023059821707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651882409063554,0.0,0.0,0.1296067305816007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492304624721222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405073603535797,0.0,0.0,0.4843290424561841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016689130266065,0.2870980135993699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32071234196709125,0.0,0.08849520990538604,0.0,0.0,0.241598877967378,0.0,0.0,0.13196987227433155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491324715792086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074572770643387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lifesucks1994,2019/02/03,"Witnessed a rape So basically I was living at a homeless shelter for all men. Imagine 50 bunk beds on one floor, with one worker sitting on his phone not caring who is smoking crack or shooting up. The bathrooms/showers are upstairs. Yes if another dude is in the shower you share. So im upstairs taking a piss and then before I know it 6 guys are up there, 5 of them pushing on one. There were stalls. Im at the urinal. I look back and dont like what i see. I hear the kid screaming. I saw them trying to undress. Its unreal. I still hear the screams. I didnt do anything about it and i feel like a piece of trash for not saying anything but i didnt want it to happen to me. He got raped. I didnt do anything. I have the nightmares... Its getting worse and this happened last year. Is this normal? This kid is like an angel in my mind and i just want to keep him safe when he comes in the dreams.. Any advice please... I dont know how.to.cope. i feel so crazy because it was years ago. Ive gotten guns pulled on me and everything else but this was different",-0.16589041095890522,2.1351757671232896,1.6433013698630177,96.28303424657535,92.6986301369863,4.015890410958904,19.628767123287677,5.6839178017228535,-0.18307013698630129,819,27,178,6,30,267,133,219,0.155,0.8109999999999999,0.034,-0.9712,3,0,0,2,0,0,32.0,0,1,2,1,11,11,3,0,12,1,19,4,2,0,1,27,39,15,0,4,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,2,4,12,8,0,2,5,1,0,3,7,5,0,3,10,10,24,6,21,29,2,24,1,0,3,2,17,12,1,2,11,114,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843019514743548,0.1165032412213363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937573798119529,0.13781401212292754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244628306643898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106023554313656,0.0,0.08011746025434135,0.0,0.1118357870225005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399989176534188,0.0,0.0,0.11321382666849927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373145806126438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080659331256104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109791464307863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811926446246407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290817575285785,0.0938923902421024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866585234590808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511520255694462,0.0,0.0,0.13013466136353852,0.2324431897663433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962584493177486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28393019347861703,0.0,0.0,0.1168194949611994,0.0,0.0,0.14445909223621642,0.1071315905540313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262765826509087,0.0,0.11605358004410195,0.0,0.11036665502284453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270509786820575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287718105618616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671776138885921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426878541985902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451704423519767,0.0,0.0,0.1047313239192375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049587950186576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988177108975476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923117565340415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550396107042291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393664662122634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927100790035132 ptsd,anonymous_homosapien,2019/02/03,"Anybody else dream about your friends turning into your abuser? Hey everybody. Just wondering if anyone else has this problem, and if so how do you deal with it? Little background, I (21 f) was in an abusive relationship in highschool and have since been diagnosed with ptsd. Since then, having guy friends has been ... Difficult in some ways. One of which is why I'm posting this. I've had 3 male friends now that as I get closer to, I begin having dreams that I can't tell them apart from my abuser. Or dreams that they are hurting me and acting like him. And it's totally distressing. I've lost friends because I can't Handel it when it seems like they are even remote acting like my abuser after the parallel is made. I'm just not sure what to do. I don't feel safe, I'm not sure how to keep normal guy friends.... Any and all advice is appreciated ",3.8612805158912953,5.450607251497004,4.5409580838323365,85.38657300783052,72.29341317365271,7.29415016121603,26.618608935974212,7.882392219407189,1.5173080608014742,669,23,132,9,13,214,107,167,0.182,0.6609999999999999,0.157,-0.7159,0,0,0,0,3,0,25.0,0,3,3,1,9,16,0,1,2,0,19,1,0,3,4,30,31,14,0,4,7,0,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,3,11,8,0,2,3,3,0,2,5,5,0,1,6,1,16,11,14,25,3,16,0,2,0,0,19,7,0,6,8,85,27,1,0.0,0.5468301650083691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274891473155667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846299267196093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067703279168753,0.11822140343419148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703351473098341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895267806647845,0.0,0.11710922070989188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19277193238380247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620801966672902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058340067761646436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457151224847507,0.0,0.06028177658868133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22849053247725434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351767774102802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255587684222868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910789080198524,0.1156420089582771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259519207964222,0.0,0.0,0.10917623089635717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304881902733308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818510792814694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050304190369427,0.0,0.0,0.11040397266897603,0.13487413907051693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387594454008688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503847020885072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908886041995929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174903323273681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084802318473236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550132527608646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158401600233408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041133478673677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512570265057082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PixelatedFoodie,2019/02/03,"Can PTSD surface years after an event? Hey, Just wanted some advice. This has been happening for the past month. About 4 or 5 years ago I was a victim of police brutality and was assaulted, robbed, and thrown in a jail cell by police over fake charges. It was all very distressing from being thrown in a pitch black van in handcuffs and not being told whats happening, and also being told ""Better hope somebody finds ya!"" before throwing me into a cell after I explained I cant call anyone to bail me out since the cop who arrested me took my phone. I mentioned I am diabetic and needed my meds... had to scream from my cell for my medication, I could hear them right around the corner but no one came to my aid and was never given insulin, I rushed home after i was released 6 hours later to take it. Its giving me a lot of anxiety just writing this. While it was very distressing at the time, I thought I had gotten over it maybe a month after. For some reason now ive been having nightmares of it. I wake up drenched in sweat and just full of anxiety, sometimes it feels like my heart is going to jump out my chest. It feels like the anxiety is constant, and im not getting any good sleep. No matter what time I sleep i seem to keep waking up at 4am with the anxiety, nausea, and thoughts of the situation. Im just wondering if its normal for this to happen for an event that happened years ago? Also, I am not anti-police for anyone who might interpret this wrong. I understand some abuse their power when they shouldnt, but theres plenty out there who do their job well. ",6.435509049773753,5.918015801282053,6.771493212669686,79.20291855203622,65.66666666666666,9.520663650075416,29.570889894419302,8.841846274778883,2.1560797134238308,1238,35,243,17,17,402,176,312,0.15,0.795,0.054000000000000006,-0.9813,2,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,0,1,4,2,13,14,3,2,15,0,26,10,7,1,2,54,53,17,0,7,11,0,2,2,0,2,3,2,1,0,19,16,0,1,11,0,0,6,8,8,1,1,18,5,32,6,42,29,6,48,0,0,1,0,21,19,0,10,25,171,51,1,0.0,0.11824512732485365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752212391551547,0.17693103267348295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596179511580781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786653079859324,0.0,0.3053828958566606,0.0,0.0,0.13956312764126289,0.0,0.0,0.08884199180752926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492133386293678,0.0,0.0,0.08826383041252497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190561968499368,0.11414311360197893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784692873197113,0.0,0.07968113251521221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092243160010593,0.14259240679970406,0.0,0.0,0.09121419378832256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214069599096028,0.0957359962942718,0.05671789485024741,0.08370640546053501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530066045556991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124803757099985,0.11826192703920728,0.0,0.0,0.10010622220742442,0.09912261644519224,0.0982816058017168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155994194355227,0.0,0.09903479969429907,0.08870566030266995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751319688913967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484527659757206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026119700878852,0.0,0.1108538455333932,0.10053667986583784,0.0,0.1058706380286835,0.0,0.0,0.15931672293340365,0.0,0.0,0.07399946338785741,0.07697090139134027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977815260034658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762617451237106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526914115769122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665932691902033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260967379419622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522753516009215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085297833679902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255450687545374,0.11217790789620727,0.19974152494446848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870345531882864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503619406740933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845802297193998,0.11638683629266207,0.0,0.0,0.1907238483371196,0.1108800156073554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389395489349272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468874046514742,0.05886385249805885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973100679896033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082274211504194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091141998182748,0.0,0.1928012511638532 ptsd,obliviouswander,2019/02/03,"Medsications I have a moderate case of depression but recently have been diagnosed with ptsd and I’m not sure if this really applies to the subreddit but the medications my psychiatrist prescribed to me gave me horrible chest pains When I brought this up with my doctor he then said I must have anxiety, I don’t think that’s the case because I am not really an anxious person and was quite calm when the pain would come. After a good while of me thinking I had anxiety I went cold turkey on the meds and the depression worsened. When I told this to my psychiatrist he said he would no longer see me. I have a hard time with my depression and I think that my ptsd is not exactly helping is there anything I can do now that the doctor won’t help me? (small town only one physiatrist)",4.795525846702315,6.12943551633987,5.799251336898397,78.25844919786098,69.65359477124184,10.26951871657754,30.248960190136657,10.436869588844218,3.26027320261438,626,25,121,18,11,207,90,153,0.245,0.679,0.076,-0.9822,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,11,0,17,7,1,0,3,22,29,12,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,9,5,21,3,11,16,0,16,0,3,1,0,10,4,0,1,9,85,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134728187267773,0.15762378131354055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481736554711165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505327746071302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018862032640586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605185957250613,0.14161515861151336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856199442625708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702713257087073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498718918586252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704162422758616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498106274965487,0.14055697766692027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454589820669504,0.1061152150297858,0.296929337005799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182803803775538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261950251445781,0.0,0.0,0.14840224313345118,0.0,0.0,0.17876685394339684,0.0,0.1377643196699348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654408652762984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118353382461388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150086612441014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682063764593081,0.0,0.0,0.08135827625967762,0.0,0.0,0.13332232438470829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934127431218756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982294224404013,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,flamespond,2019/02/03,"4 year anniversary It’s been 4 years since I had the worst panic attack of my life and I feel like I’ve barely recovered since then. I’ve had countless hours of therapy, a couple EMDR sessions, I’ve meditated and done yoga, and still I have flashbacks and the occasional nightmare and I have to stop myself from triggering myself because that happens so easily. I feel like my trauma has even gotten worse in the last year than it was before. And it’s all over an incredible stupid trigger that any normal person wouldn’t even care about. I just feel like I’m never going to get over this. ",5.170891304347826,6.3761623826086975,6.02320652173913,77.48263586956524,68.65217391304347,8.532608695652174,26.54891304347826,8.841846274778883,2.03658695652174,474,14,85,8,8,156,78,115,0.179,0.708,0.112,-0.8475,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,2,1,5,0,9,1,0,2,2,17,18,8,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,6,3,10,4,10,11,2,13,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,12,55,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160999831179884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942262224022168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040733871751885,0.0,0.14527581286132848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406720798257075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890580177517413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471264798660513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255266972483029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589735868429313,0.3659014795819384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919763325276872,0.0,0.09702789515119964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097302141125726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813136961797714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916501430559644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058928879078425,0.2502252666975472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167492498815322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727587788366574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031095013969694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907193408688446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28245371442362605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634253103805904,0.14273513221104306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524081443599053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739850519038634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298271142174604 ptsd,livj_,2019/02/04,"Everything's great but I'm not happy Everything in my life is going well but I'm not happy. I have the best family, friends, and boyfriend in the world. I'm about to graduate from a program and it's like everything is falling into place. I go through phases where I'm happy then go downhill but overall I feel like I'm always pretending. No one gets what I've been through and I cant explain it all to anyone. Which isn't their fault but I wish someone could get in my head just so they understand. I'm upset with myself because it's been over two years since what caused my ptsd and I still can't get over it. I want to be strong but I don't even want to leave the house. I've been having a lot of sleep paralysis and seeing my ex when he's not there. My ex boyfriend has threatened me before and I'm sure that's part of it of course. I've taken meds before and went to therapy for a bit but nothing helps. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry if format or anything is wrong I'm new. Just need someone to talk to who understands. 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I have been dating my current boyfriend for two months. He knows about my sexual assault and PTSD. He always triple checks that I’m comfortable with any intimacy that we have. My PTSD comes from an experience where I gave a guy a blowjob while blackout drunk. Last night was the first time I have my boyfriend a blowjob (after he made sure that I was absolutely okay with it). I also gave him one this morning. At the time, I was really happy that I was doing something for him since he does so much for me. But now...I’m having intrusive flashbacks, dissociation/floaty feeling, and negative self-talk. Also, being close to him right now (physical presence “close”) is making me really anxious. I’m scared of him when I have no reason to be scared. I want to tell him this but it’s so hard to think up how to tell him and how to get the strength to tell him. I don’t want to be scared of him. Please, if anyone has advice how to deal with this crippling anxiety, I would greatly appreciate it. 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I got a tentative diagnosis of PTSD at the end of last year by my therapist, and have been going to therapy on and off for a while now. I have nightmares sometimes, and panic attacks pretty often, but I also started passing out and ‘losing time’ and I’m not sure if it’s related to PTSD or if it’s a different thing, so I’m wondering if anyone here has had any related symptoms. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to post it, but honestly you guys seem like a good community (this is more or less a throwaway, but I’ve been lurking for a while on another account). And I know that it says no medical advice, and I don’t know if this would really fall into it- I’m seeing a doctor regularly, and I don’t want advice about what to do more than just wanting to know if this is something other people experience. Anyways, when I black out it doesn’t feel at all like a panic attack, my vision goes dark while when I have a panic attack my vision goes bright and everything looks white. Also, during panic attacks I feel over sensitive/ every sense seems alarmingly heightened, but when I pass out it just feels like I completely lose control, everything goes black and I can feel myself falling and then I wake up. Ive checked with my doctor to see if it could be caused by heart problems as they run in the family, but all results came back completely normal. Honestly I didn’t even think of it being related to PTSD until a friend suggested it. Along with passing out, there has also been days where I look at the time and realize that somehow four or five hours passed by without me recalling any of it. I don’t use any substances, and honestly it’s a fairly scary experience and I don’t know if any of you have felt anything like that that ended up being related to PTSD. Thanks in advance! Sorry that this is kind of a messy post. 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(Tw sexual assault) So I was diagnosed with PTSD after I was assaulted in 2012. In 2015 I was raped by my fiancé at the time. I’ve told maybe 2 people about it since my ex and I broke up. My PTSD flashbacks/panic attacks aren’t about the 2012 assault anymore but about the 2015 rape. And it affects me a lot. I’m just not sure how to bring it up at this point to my therapist. I’ve been seeing her for years and I’ve never brought it up to her despite it being 3 years ago. I see her tomorrow (2/5/19) and I wanna tell her because I had a really emotional night related to it and idk how to just bring it up since it was so long ago. The first one I was able to talk about because it was brought up in my initial assessment if I had a history of abuse or assault. The rape in 2015 happened after that initial assessment so idk. I spent a long time trying to forgive him for what happened. Then we broke up. And I spent a long time just trying to move on from all of it. Now I think I’m ready to actually grieve and heal but idk how to tell her that. Idk. Ways I can tell her tomorrow? Thanks 💕",1.046557820674728,2.8943044730290453,3.038430452823384,91.94147393108429,81.03319502074689,6.514955800108244,22.511455890312103,7.586124646067393,0.8480440555655777,882,29,200,14,23,297,115,241,0.209,0.7440000000000001,0.047,-0.9909,1,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,1,0,0,1,15,15,8,0,11,0,12,5,0,5,3,29,28,19,1,2,8,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,2,0,2,6,3,12,0,2,14,2,27,3,40,13,2,42,0,3,2,3,15,15,0,3,20,133,41,0,0.12416816076017576,0.1471189663729047,0.12117021342940695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22013516527156107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314145049399645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125920836239947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513835166244044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260280694523278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967246827766344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056173741112712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196029889771504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296547447858159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556332998285307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474360681873775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319711043585232,0.0,0.0,0.09576614030254943,0.0,0.0,0.11652340749153532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413955922835331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185325593658346,0.08608256844163151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737904661476295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902918704960055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954530329043775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978918960397856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054263713983724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702702204664304,0.0,0.0,0.0998016642126946,0.32558533631285275,0.1143173599094516,0.0,0.2883376098054372,0.0,0.07956194372453475,0.0,0.0,0.2172103592194696,0.0,0.0,0.11864799871597753,0.0,0.16860406108804835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855890645927873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599204490329808 ptsd,Kagenet,2019/02/04,"Combat PTSD So I was recently discharge from the military because I have PTSD and I don't know how to kinda treat it. Any advice? Thank you guys",0.14758620689654833,2.414591344827585,2.134068965517244,90.09282758620691,101.06896551724138,5.078620689655172,19.593103448275865,6.742157984588678,0.7375186206896553,115,4,22,2,5,38,26,29,0.08199999999999999,0.7509999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.3626,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036024455234357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112796962614795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939359886840754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076317169181175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074697126584035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7263594254041392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067686640294221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860413959084329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mollAcado,2019/02/04,Is it possible to have ptsd from watching someone you love go through a traumatic event? I don’t want to sound selfish and say that I have ptsd from someone else who went through trauma because that person is the one who went through it and has had ptsd from it. My boyfriend was hospitalized with a life threatening illness and watching him go through what happened to him has haunted me ever since it happened 11 months ago. I have vivid and weird dreams about things happening to him and I worry like no other since this happened. Is it possible to have ptsd from a loved one almost dying in front of you? ,8.091752873563216,7.455432715517241,6.903448275862073,80.00304597701152,62.36206896551725,9.802298850574713,38.298850574712645,8.841846274778883,3.224774712643677,489,22,92,6,6,147,70,116,0.193,0.6990000000000001,0.109,-0.885,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,0,12,4,0,0,1,9,23,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,13,6,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,3,0,2,4,5,11,3,17,19,0,10,0,0,3,2,11,1,0,1,5,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060222084369767,0.0,0.12494042435543998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605942066154299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949290079143566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423040298991547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286277563449305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182079960146765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44133936083904174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812965247278104,0.06095695014345553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252219223170632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959125376548694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690965112272854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089454782946399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281321765830216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5834038469977632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922313823415584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206424201862468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114366192462274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289250131857458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359333990567828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313284728235145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671130214193066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,risingsun1999,2019/02/04,"Memory/concentration problems? Has anyone noticed that when their PTSD has been worse, they struggle to concentrate or have issues with short-term memory? I had an absolutely awful nightmare the other night, and I feel like my short-term memory/concentration has been awful since then...I'll be on my phone and forget what I'm doing, and like right now I'm trying to fill out a study guide and am really struggling to focus. Does anyone else deal with this? I've been sick recently so that might be part of it, but I feel like this happens often. (I am in therapy and on meds, just fyi.)",6.229652509652508,6.965139738738742,6.646537966537968,75.65351351351353,66.02702702702703,9.946460746460748,26.66795366795367,9.957137785484203,2.447125096525097,465,12,84,10,7,151,77,111,0.145,0.794,0.061,-0.7414,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,5,6,0,2,3,2,14,1,0,0,0,17,19,9,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,2,8,3,10,12,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,7,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528701070125862,0.18527366403504056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641969958024626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823868438426275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510537060057125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828582270260325,0.25835876406629593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990043247597285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873134836953806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650217104177927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085264823556506,0.0,0.0,0.19182372894808056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968934109917033,0.0,0.0,0.20586721935288746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581277040562095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730223795879061,0.2113714200921014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583930124828005,0.0,0.1785400612639622,0.0,0.0,0.15442113042742958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495779532945581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37806914944292697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067858904421992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276637221904772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184273221690375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stellaluna_shade,2019/02/04,"how do you get through this? I dont know if this belongs here or if there's a more general r/mentalhealth where this should go. I just got home from driving my mom home from the doctor and I'm just...ugh. there's a whole thing. I just want to know if it gets better, if it ever goes away. Can PTSD be beaten? I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2014. It was a relief for me then because up until that point I didnt know I what I was experiencing and I was seriously taking steps towards suicide because I thought I was just going insane, that everyone dealt with these symptoms and I was just a wimp about it. Finding out it was PTSD presented a light at the end of the tunnel, I guess, ""Oh. I know what this thing is now. it's got a history of medical treatments that have worked. Entire communities of people struggle with this and help each other through it. I'm not alone"". I spent the next however long fighting. Like, actually fighting. I got medicine, I started trying to find coping mechanisms for the panic attacks. Panic attacks, for me, on a bad day happen a bunch. I'll have one, it'll last about ten or twenty minutes, I'll get some time as like a break and then I'll have another one. it's SO exhausting and I hate it, but the knowledge that what I was experiencing had a name gave me hope that it could lessen. Rewinding the clock a bit, my trauma came about through some childhood nonsense (who doesnt have a little bit of childhood nonsense that induces trauma, amirite?) which really kicked into high gear around the time that I was 16. I was sexually assaulted (I'm a guy), but I didnt want to admit it. To be honest, I dont think I ever thought about it at all. I got super depressed after that. I stopped doing EVERYTHING. The next year in college, I was assaulted, left unconscious inside of a car wrecked in a ditch, raped, dropped out, was homeless, got three jobs, raped again, maintained the three jobs, went back home, went back to school, got diagnosed. FOCUSED, got all A's, got scholarships, took out a small loan, went back to school and graduated in two years with a degree in psychology. I skimmed over all the nonsense there. maybe I'll make a longer post about my story if I ever find the right subreddit. At any rate, I'm posting today because the panic attacks never stopped. I was diagnosed and the medicine they gave me induced more panic attacks. The only reason I'm here right now is that I was determined not to fail a second time. But I'm burnt out. When I went away to college the second time I got a single dorm so that I wouldnt wake anyone up/be embarrassed by someone else seeing my night terrors. I would pretty much go to work, class, then back to my dorm to have panic attacks where no one can see and to study. After graduating, I've opened up more about my PTSD, the assaults, the trauma or whatever it's called to my friends and to professionals (until I lost health insurance). I didnt want my friends to ""fix"" me, I just wanted them to know that I need space sometimes/talk about what some of my struggles are. I dont like how this opening up has affected my friendships. The PTSD is starting to cost me things REAL things. All my relationships have started to fail in ways they never have before. I dont have a handle on this. I've lost so many friends and I dont want to lose any more. what do I do? I dont think the panic attacks are going to stop, and that's fine. I can deal. I just dont want to be alone and I can tell that's where I'm headed. Does anyone have any tips? How do you get through this? How do you not drag the people you love down with you? I know that no one is going to endorse ""going it alone"" but like... I feel like I have to go through this alone. I just dont want to be alone while I do. does that make sense? I dont know if any of this was coherent. I'm in sort of a panicked state right now. I just wanted to get this out.",2.450703303170748,4.292120771573607,3.6139130434782594,89.49340579710146,76.69035532994924,6.446288530861473,24.364452291620694,7.312421594763829,0.961909011991466,3040,102,641,37,69,985,302,788,0.196,0.698,0.105,-0.9975,4,5,0,0,4,1,114.0,0,5,3,10,43,53,15,10,44,0,66,13,2,10,9,114,141,41,1,20,24,1,1,5,3,4,8,0,5,1,54,29,0,3,20,0,4,16,21,38,0,10,41,6,78,15,88,91,18,109,0,6,2,3,26,41,0,15,51,427,132,19,0.0,0.0,0.03969862994237525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066539912790475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065746031754392,0.042657406031441705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056889976093619225,0.0,0.0,0.03621457096484226,0.0,0.27768195895762016,0.07644197351121032,0.12512421443333088,0.033966800777582934,0.0743959844060463,0.0,0.03461639714551909,0.0,0.0,0.035978895622107085,0.08882587845403396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153968433973885,0.04652804156667497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03248033918783212,0.0,0.0,0.026235775290166585,0.04194015804316489,0.035038346455569615,0.12387058378306964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163856183991881,0.07120015155653328,0.0,0.4290987560780504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033983620385346074,0.0,0.03603114806035119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039444191260173,0.0,0.03887228437682928,0.03656131438809125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02056945418921106,0.029062399041451376,0.0,0.0,0.11154464775298292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428974437444096,0.0,0.10627029497558327,0.0,0.16183900544873533,0.0,0.29282564420186163,0.0,0.044814529834310834,0.040280425792966965,0.035973930997168814,0.0,0.0,0.040163905684837166,0.04175027656320808,0.043241828838030905,0.0,0.0,0.027267508426790918,0.04298153924356934,0.1224185933158851,0.04040525155325292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073890980040319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564998740066435,0.033160312849619115,0.0,0.0,0.044199849891407135,0.0,0.0,0.09937301373209144,0.0407728872605013,0.0,0.036001261783214784,0.0,0.04551145235161496,0.08881588123791484,0.0,0.036716044891534697,0.0,0.05430955097316662,0.04124398497087448,0.0408693699929754,0.0,0.0,0.04098166479043811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047644906198389216,0.0,0.0,0.029905096980176318,0.03016432616713006,0.06275114085022875,0.0,0.0865290661860294,0.03817621099038528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026555556137428,0.030939610709482517,0.0,0.2863811917232571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640594222514024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845654144418136,0.0,0.07792199582259668,0.041387037621345935,0.0,0.0,0.23776861523840526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630370020454338,0.02606118673563971,0.04182667720180842,0.0,0.04367599600283114,0.0,0.10422364100864873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234236050109857,0.06483472238872735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03446874231465818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638232028927069,0.0,0.0,0.1020330072691178,0.0,0.0850568899884735,0.0,0.0444982343812174,0.0,0.0,0.042282967454338384,0.030586927641975424,0.03269771689823085,0.035556845793288216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810616544866616,0.05213327718130188,0.0,0.06459208310297694,0.09488529594035694,0.0,0.03856067806464576,0.0,0.04519790824247463,0.02761961887529219,0.0,0.03973926790519597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195689967629007,0.032290555940396794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084617883549334,0.0,0.04541870321471248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059232269641923525,0.0,0.0,0.02889850036938645,0.0,0.0,0.05239425223986634 ptsd,11_29_77,2019/02/04,"Informal diagnosis today by my therapist, will follow up w/ doctor It all makes sense now. All of it. My whole life to this point. On one hand, I'm happy to have a term for what I've been battling for years, yet on the other hand, it's so scary because I don't want it to beat me. I'll just check the sub for answers to the 100 questions I have, instead of annoying anyone with questions that have probably already been asked/answered. &#x200B;",2.8137359550561776,4.860871988764046,3.9959410112359572,86.22851825842697,76.30337078651685,6.6971910112359545,26.85533707865169,7.6454224807358475,1.577234831460674,353,14,69,5,8,115,66,89,0.103,0.7879999999999999,0.109,0.3788,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,4,0,7,4,2,1,2,10,11,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,5,1,14,8,4,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,5,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24011742873496386,0.0,0.0,0.2357601007413173,0.26439726635318384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214490789033674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264164705386336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271393278124732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23163000272670506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369118192856238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524389352493952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474455075069344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056941260153609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460024157978004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875041456439089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526402895439267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625112595160608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834099618930686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24293293446737885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26439726635318384,0.140121673946557 ptsd,Kokiri_Sword,2019/02/04,"Just got diagnosed The other day my therapist told me I have PTSD. This terrified me at first, but after a while I realized that it makes a lot of sense. Whenever I had a flashback I always just thought I was thinking about it too much now it's pretty relieving to hear that I was never in control of those ""episodes"". Since getting diagnosed however, I haven't had a flash back (it's been about 5 days since then and I usually get them every other day), I have however been very anxious over the fear of having one again. Is this normal?",3.298888888888889,5.206472452830191,4.588238993710693,83.14470649895179,74.47169811320755,8.484696016771489,27.815513626834374,9.150863307647796,2.47018784067086,424,17,82,10,9,140,73,106,0.096,0.8290000000000001,0.075,-0.2936,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,8,2,0,1,6,0,11,2,0,2,1,12,19,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,11,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,9,1,13,1,10,10,2,15,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,12,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839567813764515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201476847561714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713477275444375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002686004126585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345049478911597,0.0,0.0,0.3620288193346215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026168494167588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068547810181175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169848041348488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635373263952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263720382415945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100554340402252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162085670597195,0.0,0.0,0.1190453496923956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311026389943477,0.0,0.13754913035099778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473829230332208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084984487641685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143896526781345,0.0,0.0,0.20847344483417093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950543756670017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706999024355266,0.0,0.11427500506724968,0.0,0.14158443556554826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041439688088328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964196387451088,0.14715166783879438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lady_Bernkastel,2019/02/04,"I've been trying to type a post here for the past hour, and now I'm just sitting here crying. Everything I try to write stops making sense halfway through composition. I can't even explain what the fuck is happening to me. This is hell. ",3.285,5.200533617021278,4.056329787234045,86.90875,74.53191489361703,7.253191489361702,26.643617021276608,8.07648339933343,1.6125787234042557,188,7,38,3,4,60,39,47,0.257,0.743,0.0,-0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,8,0,6,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,23,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495720906884073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019475556861725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286013914202062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942080836223168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814188982518223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134026487459102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242791065316968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037964320892983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30478629393746365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660631897883233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321286275126109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,janaoq1,2019/02/04,"Do you guys ever just get annoyed? Like, we all have the darker moments of flashbacks, nightmares, dissociation and/or other symptoms. But do you guys ever get annoyed at them, before the full blow? It's not always, but I feel like ""ugh not this again"", or ""I just shouldn't be going through this"" It's weird to explain, I'm just really annoyed today.",4.795000000000002,6.457114560606063,5.291333333333334,80.63700000000003,70.06060606060606,6.492121212121212,28.35151515151515,6.742157984588678,1.5053733333333337,275,10,48,2,5,88,48,66,0.182,0.7490000000000001,0.069,-0.797,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,2,1,0,6,7,3,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,3,15,11,3,0,1,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,6,2,4,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,7,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131223168599345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263248536570782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4811786315291255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448478446815434,0.19001235692812474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277921574071804,0.0,0.15115953398045076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5267134782695386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25988357709016763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039018385646604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27644952133699674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25211288694231865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,grossguts444,2019/02/04,"i feel like everything is happening again hey so i don’t think i have ptsd but i wasn’t sure where else to post this?? about two years ago i was emotionally abused by a significant other who i trusted with all my heart and he was my whole world. over the course of the past two months i’ve been emotionally (and kinda physically?? i’m not sure?) abused by a kinda significant other and just realized it about a week ago. the similarities between the two are striking, from the manipulation techniques to everything they said near the beginning of the relationship and even the advice they gave. the thing which i don’t understand though is that starting last night i started feeling as if i ‘went back in time’. like my mind went back to two years ago when the first relationship was happening (it’s probably triggered by the most recent one?) and it feels so strange. it’s exactly the same feelings and fear and anxiety and i feel as if i’m being split in two. i feel like i’m simultaneously that scared sympathetic girl who would give him as many chances as he asked for but i also feel like ‘now me’, like the present me who’s angry and bitter and rough. i’ve been fluctuating between the two ‘me’s’ throughout the whole day. it also feels like i’m fluctuating in and out of the ‘past’ too. it feels like the guy from the first relationship is going to text me at any time and i know it’s irrational but i don’t know what to do. thank you so much if you read up to here. i really want to know what’s happening right now and WHY i’m feeling this way but honestly any comment would help. i legitimately feel like i’m going insane. ",2.8790579710144932,5.0898439658385115,4.2438260869565205,83.75371014492755,76.73291925465837,7.895817805383023,24.39792960662525,8.745826893841286,1.7333089855072463,1295,44,266,29,30,427,154,322,0.112,0.718,0.16899999999999998,0.9437,0,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,0,2,2,2,19,16,1,2,21,0,18,1,1,2,4,55,56,31,0,6,9,0,12,8,0,2,0,1,0,2,20,15,0,0,17,1,0,4,5,3,0,9,10,14,28,13,33,43,6,44,0,0,0,0,22,11,0,6,35,173,48,1,0.0,0.1665093957570106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866392845728576,0.18686190294456184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123847096307252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556770152864562,0.0,0.05375392903497979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568999634261509,0.0,0.0,0.10806170270541617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045316289296868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869891610614969,0.15808144163992194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641057541641369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630258351888524,0.0,0.0,0.0790697138163652,0.3908191997562073,0.3011918042575369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953785142925538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740634162184211,0.07986851224895537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957520439349381,0.18641016469114427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326652631638345,0.047098371845576116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585042866584105,0.05727684101758624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746305722643045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123953205211175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094946274494965,0.0,0.05608630957948217,0.0,0.051654201608919134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594065555009511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047614619351195285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341552712347773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729619510443119,0.0,0.0757595222220951,0.0,0.08213815856166265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028584051292973,0.0,0.045014727579809566,0.0,0.0693800129427067,0.2263208212796725,0.0,0.06000748488510237,0.06683984181287238,0.0,0.07034935028417404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947044123450527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245130256582402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469225210164746,0.0,0.0,0.046682156464450016,0.0450241444099265,0.06903679910495633,0.0,0.08194630182062458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118428689650896,0.07315024324256228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041445194119730334,0.05577453528122628,0.056363808835782576,0.0,0.0,0.13027610207498655,0.06340488053862033,0.15690080217586974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998310732959817,0.0,0.0,0.0904990634252296 ptsd,sympathyforthemartyr,2019/02/04,"Got triggered yesterday by the stupidest thing My SO and I were sitting on the sofa together, when out of nowhere we heard ""bang"" and our window broke behind the curtains. I immediately felt my chest tighten, my breathing became labored, my heart started racing... I thought for sure that somebody had shot our window. My SO went to check it out, and saw a massive hawk flying away in a haphazard fashion. Relief washed over me knowing that it was a bird's miscalculation that caused the sound and resulting damage, but then I felt so stupid for overreacting. Logically, I know that it was a completely reasonable reaction based on my past trauma, but that side of my brain seemingly shuts down whenever I'm triggered, which is, IMO, the most frustrating part of PTSD. ",8.241551094890509,8.823504569343068,7.884370437956207,69.0370666058394,61.700729927007295,11.22956204379562,38.29288321167883,10.9516,4.465526277372263,614,29,100,15,8,195,97,137,0.14300000000000002,0.831,0.026,-0.9555,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,9,0,5,5,4,5,1,23,17,11,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,10,7,0,0,8,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,11,5,16,2,16,6,2,17,0,2,1,0,4,10,0,2,5,69,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072070218368896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503733383406258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303998111053876,0.0,0.0,0.23515583422433656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306925614670212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937912766256853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657757295010917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465194883130351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428759881785851,0.21410293341265674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621741289969834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23059966626013434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417827782228146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874824045406594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138351219939933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490032638311479,0.0,0.0,0.17805517678020746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791203618833803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jrkyodai,2019/02/04,How to stop having so many nightmares? I keep having nightmares about my traumatic expierence... does anyone have any advice on how to reduce them?,7.051199999999998,9.585110320000002,6.277000000000001,72.32350000000002,65.8,8.200000000000001,28.5,8.841846274778883,2.7454000000000005,118,4,16,2,2,36,21,25,0.222,0.778,0.0,-0.7399,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289809078470911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985317056838755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069555645106458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841675496279651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901989944433615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450721043921593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670195407063248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,4q420,2019/02/04,"Flashbacks on flashbacks Within the past year, a lot of light has been shed on the state of my mental health. For a decade, I had the Bipolar II diagnosis forced on me until I began doing some research of my own. Turns out I have CPTSD from a childhood of neglect, sex trafficking, physical/emotional abuse, and the like. Only recently have I been able to identify my flashbacks as actual flashbacks, before I was under the impression that I was simply remembering things I didn’t like to remember; I now realize that my days are full of flashbacks, sometimes one right after another. Makes sense why I’m a ~ pot head ~. Not only do I use pot to dissociate, I use it as a sleep aid to prevent night terrors. What I’m wondering is if this is common — to live your whole life in constant flashbacks? Can anyone relate? How do you cope? TL;DR CPTSD causes back to back flashbacks - all day, everyday. Can anyone else relate? I’m loosing my mind over here ",5.747333333333334,6.791421511111111,6.4522222222222245,75.52000000000002,67.22222222222223,9.333333333333334,31.66666666666667,9.516144504307137,3.027333333333334,752,30,131,15,12,247,121,180,0.085,0.8690000000000001,0.046,-0.8677,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,1,10,0,17,6,2,5,1,19,26,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,1,18,3,25,19,6,27,0,1,0,1,2,10,0,4,18,91,24,1,0.14798737796120506,0.175340843808904,0.1444143334542225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517766904950772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069524310967974,0.15163055706048506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227586317872958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592635885956932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202380216554878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992178209687555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087923218931493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236244649610052,0.16646588164983414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518777441477718,0.15730366257098527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452786156070988,0.1445983154812989,0.0,0.13067556599419353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581357666390042,0.0,0.0,0.098782723929927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491364699821294,0.0,0.14942506528150787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388761292766767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002800772499571,0.2251021390122918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127069738482215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611968240638673,0.0,0.3352817016296309,0.1263804121895734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480942526757252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636330083108806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098316238168816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096777157644865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556271596201223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353559064580728,0.1652226225597399,0.0,0.0,0.1604859986800276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952990194502413 ptsd,Jakeap38,2019/02/04,"Parents had sex in bed next to me when I was 10... I’m sorry if this post isn’t worthy of this sub but I need to post it somewhere. Just to start off, I want to give some backstory. I am now 14. When I was seven, my parents who were together for 8 years split up(never married) but there were no harsh feelings. They split up because they were shouting at eachother a lot and they disagreed on how to parent me. When I was six, I was diagnosed with high functioning autism (I’m like any normal person but have a difficult time socially and have anxiety). That’s the backstory. Here’s where it gets weird. It was 2014, I was ten, it was the summer and the world cup. My parents decided to take me to a hotel with them as a holiday. It was fine the first day but on the second day there was a match. We watched it in our hotel room but I got tired and fell asleep halfway through. I can remember this perfectly. The match was nearly over when I woke up. I heard moaning and squeaking next to me so I slowly turned on my bed to see what was going on. At the time I had no idea what was happening but a few years later I understood. I watched for what could be 5 seconds or 5 minutes. I was really confused. I got up (I used to sleep walk so I fake sleepwalked to the toilet) and thankfully they stopped. I heard them talking and saying (i’m paraphrasing btw) “never again” or some shit. It stayed in my head for 2 years until I understood. One day, when I was twelve, I confronted my mother about it and she just said (again, paraphrasing) “sex is a natural thing” and “it was only a one time thing”. Only until I started crying and screaming at her why she didn’t even apologise to me. We never spoke of it again. I had forgotten about it after getting kind of closure but recently I had a dream that they did it again and it’s really bugging me. My questions are: Am I in the wrong and do I not deserve an automatic apology? What can I do to forget about it? I really don’t want to talk to them about it again. Thanks so much to you guys who read all of this :) (please don’t repost this anywhere else, I will be deleting this post after 48 hours because i’m paranoid they’ll find it even though they don’t use reddit)",1.6473059866962316,3.72386018847007,3.2948614190687384,89.69643847006655,80.1529933481153,6.672062084257206,23.332039911308204,7.7669595915474945,1.140573835920177,1719,59,364,29,44,569,217,451,0.133,0.774,0.093,-0.9537,4,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,3,1,10,2,28,14,2,1,19,0,43,8,4,3,4,55,74,35,0,6,13,5,1,1,0,2,2,7,3,2,32,16,0,1,8,5,0,3,10,8,0,8,33,11,61,6,52,36,6,64,0,0,3,2,37,21,1,8,37,271,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394492313908016,0.0,0.07193415360178047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146419588533092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507682850978616,0.0,0.10328963749032072,0.18192840821862624,0.0,0.0,0.09544040906621794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855159470650191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421437914161858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047545358925371935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594346200334069,0.07998349441901502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982555836677366,0.09020397613734177,0.05344050129176014,0.0,0.15041181645217613,0.0,0.0,0.09310637435377077,0.08315210726952962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650386763652903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993498753881541,0.0,0.0,0.09260248984329142,0.0,0.0,0.1061505805334067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791976401129472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045939241381196975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799425670784133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912427313537163,0.06972346962470348,0.1450464114048097,0.0,0.20000800563049967,0.0,0.09213130671537427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274369112579783,0.14303100924916168,0.0,0.0,0.4176452315187259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210503663633101,0.0,0.10321879968121027,0.0,0.0,0.2701697302335265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053372591623342,0.0,0.09405735614595216,0.0,0.1807177476809836,0.0,0.09284516680941547,0.0,0.10651982335059856,0.0,0.0894458792873926,0.07477794881816513,0.0,0.0,0.07493125773885985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652240410993708,0.0,0.0,0.09409981849640567,0.09585369029873396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526102448809098,0.13311253943769452,0.10022550447722724,0.0,0.07861488704271342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070029373579016,0.15115857442459554,0.0,0.1731438978719768,0.0,0.0,0.12494124518380365,0.0,0.0923858739285746,0.0,0.16449228832445162,0.10807584763447543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227971589337394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624267578815238,0.0,0.0,0.11092491333700373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484917284464268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280913196326877,0.0,0.1816604008149277 ptsd,caroljcruz19,2019/02/04,"Help I don’t know if I have PTSD three days ago my boyfriend had a seizure while we were at my apartment. We were alone and it was a very violent seizure, he stopped breathing for a little and I thought he was actually gonna die. I called 911 And he has a appointment for the neurologist in two weeks (it’s the soonest one) but I think I might be traumatized from the event. I have barley ate, I only sleep from being so tired from not eating and by smoking myself to sleep. I already have anxiety and depression which was going on before this and I could force myself to eat if i smoked weed. Now I can’t even if I’ve been smoking all day I don’t even feel hungry even if I have barley eaten anything for days! I keep having flashbacks of the event at random times of the day and start to tear up and sometimes if I’m alone I’ll cry forever about it. We got in a fight about it last night because he doesn’t understand why I was “acting strange all day” he doesnt remember what happened luckily BUT I DO and I know if he saw what I saw he would understand but he didn’t and it was horrible. He wants me to be able to get over it but I can’t. I usually am really good at quickly getting over traumatic events and can push it under the rug until I forget about it but I’m honestly broken. I feel an overwhelming dark cloud over me and life feels dull and meaningless. ",2.1446830985915497,3.9339749753521134,3.6319492957746498,89.25671267605635,77.41549295774648,7.2200563380281695,24.38816901408451,8.109356740369918,1.325906084507042,1079,37,233,19,25,356,156,284,0.203,0.748,0.049,-0.9925,0,2,1,0,1,0,15.0,3,0,0,0,10,7,2,1,12,0,31,9,3,0,2,48,55,27,1,9,12,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,12,16,4,2,10,0,0,3,8,5,0,3,16,5,32,2,29,32,2,36,0,3,2,0,15,13,0,8,20,153,44,0,0.1205943236867034,0.0,0.11768266397789358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068995917031372,0.0,0.0,0.2497986999886345,0.1330788349561027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225432753914886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923885309185497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351318040336988,0.0,0.10261688726574973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314028773781822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962847546144046,0.0,0.1324672018966543,0.38886681129221184,0.0,0.1038677142827641,0.0,0.12515786859851386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24679619907482145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23895424032874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292834052998813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601111355829253,0.0,0.06853653324843346,0.10114879714947292,0.09645029715338126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664116216728176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083183314795325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718977586721318,0.0,0.0,0.1325509729683746,0.0983004693146361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517933721777067,0.0,0.12086719359965455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793152006864514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316960349644432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171783473573799,0.09171741735208652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096831095786744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725581174784298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660986027859742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413628309300632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927086971502182,0.0,0.08535728300102627,0.0,0.0,0.10082225445844632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772719732330699,0.0,0.0957384224905698,0.07031951993557835,0.1386054349361978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178031312013297,0.2510858878902149,0.0,0.0,0.13281761010318366,0.09950294670080627,0.07112965660160596,0.0,0.09673349232400373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881761988010344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856667475268558,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,UncomfyPerson,2019/02/04,"New to Reddit and this diagnosis // I have questions *Hello, before i start this weird post that i'm pretty sure nobody will end up reading let me get a couple things situated. Hi, i'm Uncomfy and i'm new to Reddit. I made this account because specific people in my life say that i have too many issues and i'm uncomfortable to be around. So i made this account specifically for asking questions about things that relate to mental health, and occasionally things i like to indulge in to keep myself preoccupied from the outside world. Hopefully this will cause my issue of being an uncomfortable person.Before i start i must specify that i am not making anything i say up or am doing this for attention. I have no idea how Reddit works, so i apologize if i don't do things that people may find mandatory. (I would appreciate They/them pronouns if you end up responding to this post please.)* &#x200B; **TW// Slurs, cutting, depressive thoughts** &#x200B; Okay, lets get this thing started. Im a 16 year old that has recently been diagnosed with PTSD. My whole life i can only remember my mom being an unreliable black blur. You can't approach her and get a read on her emotions, she'll completely switch up on a word, or even a pen dropping could send her into a rage. I can't approach her without preparing myself first. My Dad tells me i remember a happier time, when she wasn't like this, that it wasn't my whole life. But i honestly can't remember anything other than fear and anger. It started fairly simple. When i was 8 years old my mom was trying to help me study for a spelling bee. She would yell and hold me down in the chair until i correctly spelled a word several times in a row. If i messed up any word she would call me retarded, which is a word i grew up with and was called a lot. But whatever, she was being a mom. That was fair, she was parenting fine, im just being paranoid. When i was 7 i stole from a bookstore, a turtwig pencil to be exact. I still remember it because of its figurine of turtwig standing on a pokeball. I understand that it was wrong and im sorry that i did it, i still heavily regret it. I remember i was caught in the parking lot of the school. I had to go back inside and apologize to the librarian that was running the store. I was bawling as i gave my apology, the librarian accepted my apology and said i could have the pencil free of charge. When i got home my mom took me into her room, made me show her the pencil and asked if it was worth it. Then she hit me various times with my dad's belt. i remember this specifically because of the scars it left on my back. After the belt she told me to go outside and pick the biggest branch i could and if i didn't pick one big enough she'd find one herself and beat me several more times than she already would have. I remember crying in my backyard not wanting to return, and looking into the forest/cornfield behind me and thinking i could hide in there. I dont remember much after that, it hurt. 10 years old. Birthday party argument. She pulled my hair, slapped me at home. I cried. 11,12,13 years old. It all got increasingly worse. Slapping, hitting, belts on back, belts on legs, sticks on head, sticks on back, glass. I didn't think i did anything wrong to initiate these things but came out of all of them feeling like i caused it. I still feel this way. 14 and 15 were the same. All throughout the year, months, weeks, days. More and more and more belts, sticks, glass, pulling hair, yelling,, yelling, so much yelling. In my face, i couldn't get away. Placed in corners so many times, i couldn't get away, i was trapped. I remember the things she said about my appearance, my personality, my art, the things i liked to watch and read. Retarded, you're so fat, obese whale, failure, you're the worst child i ever had, i hate you so fucking much, i wish you never existed. I heard those things multiple times every day, (i still do lmao). I remember the first time i truly wanted myself dead was 14. I was so broken inside, school wasn't helping either (but i won't get into that because its a whole other can of worms). I remember every day i walked home from school i was stop at the church, go to its kitchen area and cry. I would cry and cry and bang my head on the hard tables. I would take their best knives and cut as far into my skin as i could go and thoroughly wash the knives afterwards. Then i'd finish walking home. I will never forget what happened next for the next of my life. Its probably why i can't recount the rest of everything so well. But i do know that this will always stick with me. I don't know how it happened, but me and my mom got into an argument. She grabbed a pillow, told me she just wanted me to shut up and threw me against my bed. She got on top of me and put the pillow on my face. She held it there applying more pressure as time went on. I was freaking out, i didn't know what to do. I tried to throw her off of me, didn't work, i was too weak. Tried clawing the pillow off, nothing was working. I thought i was gonna die. I honest to god can't remember what happened next. All i know is that i woke up on my bed, by door was closed and the pillow was beside me. I genuinely thought i had a nightmare. I doubted myself so much that i didn't know until that night that it was real. How do i know? Did she apologize or approach me about it? No. When i went to go brush my teeth that night i saw in the mirror scratches on my face and neck that weren't there before. I've never been able to forget it. I have nightmares and panic attacks of the exact moment. I get flashbacks of her hitting me in corners where i cant get away. I fucking hate it, i don't know what's wrong with me. I know im exaggerating, i know she was only parenting. Im sorry. Im sorry im really getting off track here. I need to finish this before i regret what im doing. After that moment my mother kept putting her hands on me and yelling at me. All the time. But slowly i started taking care of my other siblings, even my mom. She was becoming so inept, forgetting things, snapping, changing emotions, not able to parent. So i had to step up at do the job. I realized this on my 15th birthday. Where nothing went right (as expected, they never do haha). After that i did everything, cooked, cleaned, disciplined, i became the parent. My siblings didnt take me seriously (They were 17, 13, and 11) but it didn't matter as things were being taken care of. I tried to explain all of this chaos to my dad which didn't take me seriously and said i was exaggerating (which i still probably am) and to forget about it. Conditions in the house became worse than they were. Nobody took my mom screaming about her screaming she was gonna kill herself and leaving seriously anymore on the account of they happened so often. My brothers became rowdy and often fought and argued frequently they resort to trying to suffocate people with grocery bags to pulling knifes on each other to try to end things. But it always results in me having to stop it. It always makes me want to pull my hair out. We we'rent a family. We didn't feel like it, we never did. I had an older sister that would always run away and would snap at me when i would say anything to her. I had to become her therapist. I had to become the family's therapist, always being the middle man in situations and fights. Giving as much advice i could give to them about their frequent problems, which i couldnt blame. I was snapping, everything was getting to me. Frequent panic attacks, flashbacks, stress of being family/mom's therapist while afterwards being hit and called names. I couldnt take it anymore. My dad gave me a doctor. I couldnt open up to any of them and gave the most minimum details without going into family life (i couldnt because my dad is a respected gov. official and known throughout the entire state). They diagnosed me with depression. That started the influx of meds. After that mess they put me with another doctor because the previous one wasnt even listening to me but putting me on a new med every time like i was an experiment to them. After this doctor i was given a therapist. Flash forward to a month ago. Im diagnosed with PTSD. &#x200B; ***I skipped A LOT of other issues/things. Involving internal hate, friend debacle, school, more family issues and dynamics, ect, ect, This basically scratched the surface of my issue. If i don't regret doing this maybe i'll follow up venting about all of those other issues. (im making this account/making this post at 6am because of not being able to sleep for 23 hours lmao).*** &#x200B; Here are my questions. **Am i crazy?** i gave the rundown of my life for these questions. I feel so alone and scared constantly and i always feel like there's something wrong with what my mom has done, but then i immediately flip on myself and think im exaggerating, its a constant battle. Im so scared, i don't want to offend people that are older and went through so much for me to be popping in the subreddit to be just an entitled kid with a tiny issue. **Should i say i have PTSD?** As i said before, i dont want to pop in here being the most bratty entitled kid or whatever. But i dont know if ive been misdiagnosed. I think im shaming this safe safe by putting myself in it. **Ways to cope.** I haven't been coping well, i know it sounds edgy but cutting is mostly how i handle my pain. Cutting and hitting myself. Is there any smart ways that y'all cope to get out of a panic attack or a flashback ect? **im sorry.** I feel apologetic. I feel as if i have more questions but can't pinpoint them. Im sorry i had to waste your time if your even reading this. Im sorry if im a misdiagnosed snowflake, i probably am. But regardless, thank you for taking the time to read this. I know its been a messy read with tons of grammar mistakes and cringe like wording but i truly appreciate it. I hope you have a good rest of your night/morning and have a wonderful week. <3",2.0367512145798905,4.405445281597576,3.54046625070902,86.86474361883154,80.51162790697674,6.407540506547632,23.75393721176848,7.607813458561782,1.2560718508471234,7829,279,1539,126,205,2576,618,1978,0.135,0.78,0.085,-0.9989,6,2,1,0,7,1,308.0,3,10,14,8,66,85,20,10,85,2,169,36,15,15,18,283,306,123,3,50,41,20,16,8,1,20,18,18,15,5,116,83,4,9,53,9,6,39,50,54,2,5,105,39,289,32,214,147,40,240,1,6,4,2,133,94,2,35,108,1070,405,22,0.06625247269829786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02158038318115758,0.0195762732005276,0.0,0.0,0.022872527005033585,0.024370417031556662,0.0,0.11025472931982933,0.09571270198482,0.10733867469725092,0.04505395332893678,0.023157164761225237,0.0,0.0,0.043803100230822525,0.0,0.0,0.07269351993890404,0.019659582347126427,0.04129141236433447,0.07537175221181709,0.0829951719974514,0.06792541597854845,0.0,0.09423608232188077,0.0731706509028472,0.0939599575684396,0.0,0.02317596088137361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765118209547932,0.025258392968912868,0.045032540941170776,0.04537302636312143,0.02336211045013945,0.0,0.02315481903937451,0.047730257576489285,0.0,0.10579441687364433,0.02443570029949873,0.12129205047105192,0.042727363960086716,0.0,0.03804210510289647,0.06724486518517805,0.022919868914787787,0.0,0.0,0.067812213164351,0.0,0.02259976064585625,0.07764740457973551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968340963103361,0.058680026034962376,0.022818838233211645,0.0,0.05834551116703238,0.01997638486041831,0.05582056569403285,0.0,0.059543450477129424,0.021602543717240547,0.08327591325451003,0.02485081702313485,0.07816489534076708,0.04733077973353398,0.0,0.0,0.04036903985433385,0.03756954628805386,0.0,0.0,0.01706216535344686,0.04083289562096946,0.12691866922126852,0.042370272535288175,0.07530561404655031,0.018523143590685187,0.07065087292718815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811579040660488,0.0,0.01978306740860993,0.0654106004977807,0.04532943388485988,0.02347442679099864,0.0,0.0,0.029605090604987918,0.0,0.08860884268377274,0.043869102905496414,0.021748446687829888,0.02548215275552625,0.023641547429920175,0.024930325799228343,0.4055295571414889,0.1383007371284572,0.02191511874293929,0.01962941395049597,0.02443284830673035,0.0,0.14564250537255313,0.0,0.0,0.02338393416187465,0.023994501812939825,0.04516509471757833,0.09359216157039882,0.08631363098327674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018545130318313417,0.0,0.0,0.05632548307724874,0.0,0.0626896915849026,0.04422403998499557,0.04477973905286515,0.022186504587672868,0.0,0.049061041077979976,0.0,0.02225563657733424,0.0,0.0,0.2327822858826416,0.0352547277482148,0.0,0.09740638108092063,0.016375123007918168,0.08516331880052239,0.06398705097730455,0.0704602563325552,0.062173457561768036,0.0,0.04238068959539106,0.0,0.09269443364183158,0.0,0.04489439012783685,0.033591993958543134,0.023499100699209952,0.0777330018187625,0.0980873739732324,0.0,0.0,0.0612414968062969,0.03856606912210205,0.023073244283238762,0.024241773259525614,0.0,0.0,0.06345155496998664,0.02246752764268221,0.07143137113941626,0.02113155626013054,0.0774455951784656,0.11100339019589367,0.12369655335461326,0.0,0.1325408031166451,0.02513660614760897,0.014147676834016562,0.0,0.0218054413439028,0.0,0.3002045456779318,0.01885974989566189,0.08402836426622727,0.07024883395896955,0.04422018867220417,0.08940138589517976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049897624088316994,0.0,0.0,0.04964703678845138,0.02210010648057977,0.0,0.0,0.017001463428703217,0.0,0.14832843803182785,0.0937876823509216,0.0,0.08818218379778088,0.03692668917675078,0.025297327877386932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02081405715077922,0.0,0.09962722849431928,0.0,0.019302527111417632,0.02033212518672115,0.0,0.10256563628214788,0.17606079585480322,0.05660254579662865,0.0,0.05259706284943446,0.1545293984745982,0.0,0.0,0.042204717900377865,0.04907262327494838,0.08996216007123739,0.0,0.0,0.02299038686595676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815484987966807,0.0525881290291427,0.03542915820735098,0.0,0.0397126197052511,0.08188894126192385,0.019927517232430657,0.07396851975544798,0.025395691314604358,0.04257667963743835,0.02394932683334416,0.04823258918750237,0.0,0.045011286524438116,0.14119156718569778,0.09658223787757908,0.10733867469725092,0.07110736707510322 ptsd,Seizensha,2019/02/04,"I'm... honestly just a wreck at this point Heya. i'm Zenny. i'm 18M and i'm a hot mess. a total. mess. Since I was 5 until i was 9-10ish (my memory is still quite messy about the details) i was sexually abused by my eldest biological brother. who was a solid 10 years older than me. My family knows about everything (since I was 15/16. when my PTSD finally surfaced despite the abuse ending.) We disowned him and basically pretend he doesn't even exist. but I digress. Since that time I've been struggling with the physical symptoms of it. the flashbacks. the intense irritability. little energy/trouble sleeping. it even got so bad that when I left for college after graduating. I ended up dropping out a few weeks in due to a near suicide attempt which landed me in the Behavioral Science Unit at the hospital. Which is an entire story on its own. I've been off and on antidepressants and sleeping meds. and found a set which work. yayyyyy. But now. I face a sort of crossroads. i still want to be successful and happy with my life. but considering the poor house life and financial struggles. Leaving would screw my elderly parents who cant work and my elder brother. (not the same one) who's schizophrenic and just won his SSI case. I'd love to get a job but considering all the stress and sadness i have pent up in me. I'm sure it'd probably backfire. I've always hated showing off my weaknesses to those around me. especially family. I always end up blowing up randomly on them and I know they don't deserve it but I'm barely keeping the lid on the cracking pressure cooker and I don't know what to do anymore....",1.6799999999999995,4.38020946815287,3.6683152866242033,82.74432006369429,86.48407643312102,6.452101910828026,25.684394904458603,7.7348632917899725,1.915991337579618,1279,56,234,26,40,431,190,314,0.174,0.7290000000000001,0.097,-0.9775,2,0,0,0,2,1,47.0,1,0,2,6,13,17,2,4,22,0,18,10,3,0,3,38,35,21,1,2,8,3,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,16,17,0,1,4,2,1,0,5,11,0,1,10,1,30,6,34,22,5,41,0,1,0,2,13,23,1,2,16,153,46,7,0.0,0.2739846111128465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241232775708011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146652374512714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292744879458708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653893597537573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30721839703077114,0.0,0.0,0.15273352472608642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391294758666078,0.0,0.2179948980090847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665745635999967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267727613332793,0.0,0.0,0.06040734462989464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247289664026036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308099829549815,0.0,0.11415207292611668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341142892100358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147362757973789,0.10276950260607867,0.0,0.0,0.19062728863413472,0.0,0.0,0.12242623691414023,0.12562285470240306,0.0,0.16333345316497352,0.0,0.11588289337424153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435271576686643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842917271080834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834796893540583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283837441681597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929947794095406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465929108533115,0.0,0.13515508436463086,0.0,0.0,0.12297745915476252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28692934297086065,0.0,0.23140955265179197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467060077230216,0.0,0.13244378104096452,0.2417449235396061,0.0,0.12647090987682055,0.0,0.10897168433019001,0.12017477638392232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741969585075043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819642424239987,0.0,0.09274441345788456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834733197515908,0.0,0.0,0.08213403715035106,0.0,0.0,0.07445631096644707 ptsd,weedislif,2019/02/05,"just had a ptsd attack because my friend raised his arm to high. we where playing on my ps4 and he dramatically raised his arm and went to push one of the buttons on my controller. (for fun) I got scared and collapsed in a heap on my bed and cried for a few minutes. I hate feeling this way",3.811,4.374149433333333,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,71.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,28.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.9053333333333335,226,8,51,1,4,72,44,60,0.212,0.6920000000000001,0.096,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,1,3,6,2,1,4,0,1,2,2,1,0,8,5,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,3,1,9,3,9,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279858106534467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574657962206566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233558634543172,0.0,0.0,0.31668685149657066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577444927872268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227418616682776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23058191381775095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28463911478801657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046075095016142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536129262976132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370102932563271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288641181940586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288411722457897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672593842703606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SparrowE343,2019/02/05,"My head is on fire, my brain is filled with acid I never thought I had a problem with PTSD, I’ve seen things, repeatedly, death, people injured ETC over the course of nearly 10 years and until about a year or so ago I though I had no issues. But I start dating a girl, and she’s wonderful, she makes me happy, she’s beautiful, she’s supportive and loving, the best possible thing that ever happened to a mutt like me. She tells me I have PTSD, she tells me that’s why I fly off the handle, why I’m irritable and why I blow up and get angry for no reason, and I realize that she has to live with the things I’ve seen just like I do. I come to terms with the fact that I have PTSD now, but it’s destroying our relationship and at this point I’m just wondering if I should spare her the mess that I’ve become. I can’t control my temper, I can’t communicate effectively, when I’m angry it’s like I’m not in control. It might cost me the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m wondering if it should, for her sake. ",2.585074884792625,3.531938921658984,4.381402649769587,87.80638968894009,74.52995391705069,7.8213133640553,22.77908986175116,8.278499904357787,1.0046776497695853,794,20,182,13,16,270,112,217,0.135,0.72,0.145,0.2799,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,5,9,12,2,0,11,0,13,4,2,5,4,39,32,17,1,5,8,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,15,13,0,2,7,0,1,2,6,4,0,0,5,4,34,8,20,24,4,23,0,0,2,1,15,8,0,7,16,121,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808591094250872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220592882252718,0.0,0.0,0.23224392219416026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352370960446818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531650110034308,0.0,0.0,0.24821021457418066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340571282024013,0.0,0.20018129970922785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781086094589032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956975769223384,0.11779061836168014,0.0,0.0,0.11356039961132322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549145613084623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217625480271586,0.0,0.09770733412591424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986733198563463,0.0,0.07386075996271707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738379430896027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534128654489136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671184321189486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460146790785901,0.1247429819171854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058785767942754,0.3880371750921329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376820870300385,0.0,0.11879834022165205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831972718832632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556605255387024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934286404589862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29404785690969376,0.0,0.10871457298773612,0.08784496023393806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29953740334694895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599906143798278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251192354828554 ptsd,dooalicious,2019/02/05,Bad day I have had a bad day and my body won't come off of high alert. I am exhausted. ,-1.6014285714285703,-0.41910138095238203,1.4288095238095266,103.52035714285715,86.61904761904762,6.104761904761905,15.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,-0.6946380952380955,65,1,20,1,2,23,18,21,0.385,0.526,0.08900000000000001,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.607968235069567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40440086000300907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136149705018196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695914137834023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846610507359311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dmmontro,2019/02/05,"Hurt My smile has faded My humor is gone I don’t have joy in anything But keep trudging along. Loss is my life Failure my mantra I don’t want to wake up I don’t want to feel I don’t want responsibility I don’t think anyone truly cares. My life is in shambles Trauma relived I cant just get over it I wish that it was easy My past wont let go Its grip is deepening Nothing I did wrong But this pain is seething I look to the sky And stare at the ground I just want it to end I want to live and be happy Loved and appreciated All I have is abandonment And the solitude it created I look to my friends I listen to family Statements like Just be happy And you need to cheer up They stab me to the core What’s left is rotten Damage and baggage Anderson and sorrow Pain and anxiety Flashbacks so real I feel what I felt As the time it happened I see the sights, smell the smells I am locked up inside My personal hell I don’t want to do this Face it daily But my responsibilities I don’t take lightly I promise you this I will keep on trying But don’t give me shit If you see me crying It’s the only release I have Because words tend to fail me. ",-1.4266666666666659,0.3463423495934954,1.2680162601626035,95.70828455284556,107.21138211382114,3.9752845528455283,16.035772357723573,5.953557352011769,-0.4366237398373979,902,26,204,11,45,307,132,246,0.184,0.61,0.206,-0.2373,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,3,1,2,4,23,2,0,8,0,29,8,3,0,1,36,57,15,0,9,8,0,4,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,14,9,0,3,5,0,0,2,10,13,0,0,4,15,40,10,21,48,1,17,1,6,6,1,9,11,2,1,5,130,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997107635668404,0.0,0.0,0.09137562240258013,0.0,0.10753983281473192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966229842398766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323861406370874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354761569257535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157451208795069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231949944975954,0.0,0.1321531002880017,0.0,0.12547484222282454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096429013805436,0.0,0.06827574917816734,0.12536171115634695,0.07426937230336426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556131891229444,0.2782260143930625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989736968202734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23231164442296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198595504001033,0.13363080338033034,0.18460857614285647,0.06384443519432903,0.0,0.1153942585960146,0.0,0.21947928405558054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794525800482265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689876027861744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253925323052699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938925552790273,0.2781089002280813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475038666974553,0.0,0.11410614396435778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874428559329908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827265252561528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414279793745146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982563095498176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837355010044025,0.0,0.0,0.07620149953249472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872423715203279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624764076238891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027740577055165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287982921939815,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dinosaur_apocalypse,2019/02/05,"I forgot how utterly exhausting being triggered is. I’ve got my PTSD under control for the most part. I’m not super easily triggered. If I feel something coming on, I’m able to ground myself. I’ve been doing martial arts for a few years ago. I started by infrequently going to Aikido and Taihojutsu/Judo classes. I was doing them with a FWB, we’ll call Nick. When we stopped sleeping together, we remained close friends and classmates. When we started getting into ground grappling in Taihojutsu, I told Nick about how I was diagnosed with PTSD and I was afraid of getting triggered. He’s been extremely helpful, understanding, and cautious with me. A couple of months ago we took up BJJ and cardio kickboxing together. So now I go to BJJ 3-5 times a week and kickboxing 2-3 times a week, on top of weekly Aikido and infrequent Taihojutsu. I’ve been able to power through/ground myself from every trigger in BJJ. Even so much as working with a guy who looks EXACTLY like my abusive ex. It’s really uncanny. The only person in these classes who knows about my history is Nick. So yesterday, during the street self-defense portion of our kickboxing class, we worked on “What if somebody came up to you and tried to choke you from the front?” Immediately I was thrown off. Nick could tell I wasn’t okay. He kept asking if I was okay, if I wanted to do something else. I powered through thinking, “No I should learn this. So it never happens again.” But still. Damn. I was shook. I was able to distract myself during BJJ. But I’m still so tired and foggy brained. 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I had a very bad and malicious stalker with a similar mentality as the man in the show, and it's weird to think that people are watching this feeling like lonely or anything, any type of sympathy towards this guy. so far I have only seen him actually try to help her and not scare her or do the types of things I experienced necessarily but seeing the mentality and action really, really messes with me. Unfortunately, I really like the show and I have a dark part of me that's interested in these sorts of things. I feel like I want to keep watching it because I'm curious what happens to the characters but I also know it's not really good for me. I've never had this happen before. Have any of you?",5.355312664214399,5.939290595375724,7.1182028376248025,72.04060430898582,67.90173410404624,10.915186547556493,30.756174461376766,10.832165505486646,3.4458138728323693,695,26,132,20,11,243,100,173,0.092,0.742,0.166,0.8983,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,2,10,0,1,11,0,12,0,0,1,1,29,26,15,0,2,9,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,13,7,0,1,7,4,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,9,20,5,19,20,2,8,0,1,5,0,9,5,0,5,5,94,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.14917881691909132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224987781788806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079133340042768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689007832915808,0.15663311646441386,0.1257987727014014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763984958376415,0.09318797612020832,0.0,0.13008089144803806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770305401149354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23188660503438704,0.2184203491217434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761378219483972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821988712272872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136507918571587,0.2703644168011093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246536601753167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587765104210414,0.0,0.0,0.16802642513778446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405330325640524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081134901124752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790256950867825,0.14764254986308167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626432771804852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554303404051232,0.0,0.10598063132867873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917290859028203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304928054833622,0.0,0.12181739263127547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311972839744105,0.09795275836106536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037885204993996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613354734711005,0.09016653482353247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hatter120,2019/02/05,I thought I was ready I had a bad car accident and its caused PTSD also of with a tbi so I have a really hard time concentrating. I tried to drive for the first time in 4 months by myself . (I've driven short distances with someone in the car) and the second intent around a turn I started having a panic attack and where I am theres no where to pull over so I had to basically try and control the car till I could fine a place. It was terrifying and I'm scared to try again because I have the worst luck and blew my tire on my way back. I sat there while my boyfriend changed my tire in so much of a panic it lasted for over 3 hours where he kept trying to tell me it's ok and it was an honest mistake but I was so upset it felt like my heart was going to explode and i couldnt breathe let alone see through the tears. I have PTSD from other things but this has been the most debilitating experience I've had. ,2.371408934707901,3.551796072164951,3.8086391752577313,90.79220274914093,75.3917525773196,6.616632302405499,22.21168384879725,7.03164865440522,0.4078657044673544,714,18,165,7,15,236,116,194,0.155,0.769,0.076,-0.9172,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,13,13,1,4,15,1,18,4,2,3,0,24,28,17,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,11,0,2,2,0,0,7,2,8,0,2,14,3,21,5,23,11,3,31,0,0,1,0,2,12,0,2,12,115,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396473743598484,0.0,0.11116030184122867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374175403016527,0.0,0.1581354859314611,0.0,0.10688439316772616,0.11606133650159067,0.08473467408226587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427939253412022,0.14704628378686066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590319744095393,0.1109822382404846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359711820874666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346426191079214,0.0,0.0,0.11823551166336925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899836159541498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451899628458807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471871002760125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688952761384424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330564374722173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213954148696833,0.0,0.06790963247589178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095052205057876,0.0,0.1021828798789784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261791229418682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452280963227976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32497312235439196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890486031687765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391658177988505,0.0,0.11076704841027367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777642312455765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983867316847598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149436950428195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234712836360856,0.0,0.0,0.1103525106977528,0.16210702817285505,0.3195260031168791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774944718899229,0.1511948762588964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033376688496344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lylolo,2019/02/05,"Not sure where to go from here First time poster. I recognise that I am suffering PTSD from a miscarriage and subsequent surgical evac of that pregnancy, which isn’t helped by the fact I work in maternity. My work are fairly supportive and I had what was deemed the appropriate time off after my miscarriage, but I find myself extremely affected by similar cases in work. I’m also terrified of the prospect of becoming pregnant again and keep running worse case scenarios in my head. I have had bad flashbacks, and when I needed another General Anaesthetic later on last year, again bad flashbacks. I also have ptsd from personal examinations and just don’t know how I’m going to cope with future ones (smears, pregnancy exams etc) I’m finding it difficult speaking to anyone about or where to even start looking to start to help with all this. ",8.126470588235293,8.745160470588239,8.084444444444442,67.38000000000002,61.941176470588246,12.551633986928106,37.26143790849673,12.06081838636515,5.0053084967320265,684,31,111,22,9,221,104,153,0.172,0.779,0.048,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,12,6,0,0,4,0,9,1,1,2,3,23,21,11,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,4,0,2,3,2,12,2,23,18,2,23,0,1,1,0,4,7,0,1,13,77,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544686751993634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683300864653414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124827733937014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656881463277327,0.0,0.17571638498087822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774415198320865,0.10508580464602768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29083389285839417,0.1353326390633157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084341338707646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328522755769345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21328631496173064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141417752177198,0.0,0.0,0.08743865958498448,0.12968990088812735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360616114485796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179726044417334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078120782287281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389223035214536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719649845816248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22522735953682196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805478101077025,0.14995237164869912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554807793960354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34748588836043504,0.0,0.16213920035878115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245689494714556 ptsd,AtThePlaza,2019/02/06,"(TW: rape/sexual abuse mention) advice needed from women about nerves seeing gyno I have PTSD from rape and sexual abuse. I have been in therapy for two years, which has helped a lot of my symptoms, but lately I have been triggered and having a lot of physical pain as a consequence. On Friday, I’m going to get my very first Pap smear done and I am nervous. What others consider “not painful” can still be painful for me because of the sexual trauma. I also know that telling her of my sexual history is necessary but also this gives me anxiety. Any advice women have for surviving the gyno after being raped - and how their bodies responded - would be helpful.",6.284573170731707,7.276137731707318,7.0989329268292725,71.5513262195122,65.99186991869918,10.377642276422764,30.00914634146341,10.411451182825502,3.3791146341463416,523,18,85,13,8,174,86,123,0.223,0.688,0.08800000000000001,-0.9608,0,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,5,7,2,1,5,0,16,10,1,2,0,14,23,10,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,2,3,1,12,0,15,16,2,8,0,0,1,2,10,2,0,2,5,68,17,0,0.0,0.3601949446713542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29706912092434945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431118321179837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336654819981736,0.0,0.11628108676147933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265898670139934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883991612107144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555078359375776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929279331638066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941475277874874,0.14581413487566255,0.08638621928722186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376742542246465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835363044704508,0.0,0.17146483664637802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584532690782997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270753063452794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852224213508573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776821622829013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112588591107673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138896516382895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579882415829217,0.0,0.0,0.1328564166926825,0.0,0.1738274934584597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848383252463446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541753961004545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797783440041718,0.0,0.0,0.09788428152976314 ptsd,aslklairufsadc,2019/02/06,"[TW: Suicidal Thoughts/Rape] Asking for help as the SO of a trauma victim Hi, I'm using a throwaway that I just kind of found on my system b/c there's a nonzero chance people will recognize my account, and I don't really want that. This is also kind of a rant, I'm half venting, and half asking for help. TW below, nothing graphic, but Rape/Suicidal Thoughts/Shitty Therapists are mentioned. My SO was raped before we met. I met her very, very soon after, so I guess I've never known her pre-trauma. She's had a really, really difficult life before this nightmare happened, and the trauma was really just a horrific layer of icing on top of a cake that really didn't need it. We've tried therapy before. It gives her tremendous anxiety, and every time she goes she comes back worse for wear. I can't keep telling her therapy is something that will help when every time she goes, it hurts her deeply. Her first therapist actually fucking blamed her for it. Said it was because ""She got involved boys"", and that it was par for the course. Fuck them, it still pisses me off to think about it. She struggles with intimacy, and gets so upset with herself for not wanting to have sex (which is something I totally understand, and really, truly do not have problems with). She also struggles with self-image/anxiety/self-worth on a really deep level. They've confided in me recently that they really just want to die, and I'm terrified. She's mentioned it before, sometimes with intent behind her words. She says she would never act on it, swore on it even, but I'm still this nervous wreck. We've been together for almost two years, and I've sort of watched every step of the way as she struggled with her trauma. She's just so important to me, she's a wonderful, kind person who truly cares about others. We connect on so many levels, my life has only been improved since I met her. Right now, we're long distance for a variety of reasons, and I try to talk to her every day, even though sometimes life gets in the way. I'm so afraid of losing her, and I just don't know what to do to help. I tell her I love her every day, because, well, I do. I just wish I could take some of the burden off of her shoulders. She struggles with enough already. But at the same time, I know I can't. In multiple ways, it's not possible for me to carry this burden for her. What should I say to her? Is there anything I can do to help? Thank you for reading this far. ",4.303824744773942,5.3607403037190124,5.32126883811376,82.26634175984445,70.54958677685951,8.338745746232378,27.251823043266892,8.671277953709913,1.95941803597472,1913,63,372,32,34,630,223,484,0.201,0.688,0.111,-0.995,0,0,2,0,0,1,80.0,2,1,2,3,29,28,5,7,17,0,30,11,3,3,3,62,67,27,2,9,12,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,2,28,21,0,1,8,1,1,3,10,21,1,4,14,4,63,7,59,48,4,44,0,2,1,5,62,19,3,5,18,251,91,1,0.0,0.0,0.06711365926478921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688673867271085,0.0,0.0758939956209416,0.10999734163975464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261204407581868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659527365463402,0.0,0.12858911134362006,0.0,0.0,0.05288308378300766,0.0,0.08384817906551703,0.0,0.2340869784545503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011983956949919,0.0,0.0,0.05924284906846099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491057047110071,0.0,0.0,0.08870728717478077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137671993052266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106209166235675,0.0,0.09084936797098192,0.0,0.2897259795797872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584992652726098,0.0,0.07540731652542983,0.0,0.12716120522005994,0.07186331999177505,0.06597444093975488,0.0,0.0,0.055004978306368565,0.0,0.0757624907906762,0.0,0.0608167624641852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304893483996541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362416058762195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112963329562821,0.0,0.21485311283047426,0.07559295935624696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573166908019453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060862967309662015,0.0,0.07694069317267785,0.0,0.0,0.062071364426883525,0.0,0.0,0.0697262036013664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099516812724559,0.10608574380557242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599066126772067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052305847681785096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767934299625034,0.060050943676501885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753253177316823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580758286546186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687927711584741,0.0,0.3524679031292771,0.07071129069127116,0.06790618591893463,0.0,0.0,0.058732756773920085,0.06541997518341801,0.10938394468085433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434928957129397,0.0,0.0,0.05689069575694269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058914165758272,0.13603880537192306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984626586123486,0.0,0.0,0.28759073756929354,0.0,0.15045553685256816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170960919054522,0.055278064603987334,0.12022329418246007,0.06331800633068142,0.15729849113269875,0.15970420080987854,0.0,0.04406770468126337,0.0675702629104527,0.0,0.1203082971041466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338628022732176,0.0,0.06718236094023552,0.07159632590075639,0.0,0.05939879262403349,0.0,0.11349176905061975,0.12169434414770867,0.16376918085083478,0.0,0.0,0.061836229189343686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908688976990623,0.0,0.0745826426958858,0.0,0.0,0.0700867444729248,0.048855189961710385,0.0,0.0,0.044288304122384235 ptsd,ReapCrew,2019/02/06,First time I went to a new Doctor today to discuss experiencing night terrors for the first time. He heard I have ptsd and immediately suggested medication. I haven't been on meds for over 10 years and am petrified of side effects. Anyone on meds? Can you share how it's working for you?,3.766363636363636,6.097911090909093,5.219999999999999,77.23000000000002,74.45454545454545,8.036363636363637,27.363636363636363,8.841846274778883,2.2891090909090903,230,9,43,5,5,77,43,55,0.134,0.826,0.04,-0.7399,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,4,1,2,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,2,0,4,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,3,2,5,1,9,4,0,13,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,8,27,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656100080440644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438166091228474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052402489815487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5291921374109432,0.2399701167352635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23006336276396155,0.0,0.2235426465644777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784531211531199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27780271567420706,0.0,0.2257939120795057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082177071944906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734187072822797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533985367669974 ptsd,Newyork3er1,2019/02/06,"being an army wife with PTSD This is the first time I feel confident in talking about this, so here goes A few years ago I was drugged beaten and raped by my ex husband and his friends... just so my ex could make a buck$. I’ve been through a lot since then but I was diagnosed with PTSD. I met my husband and things have been ok until he re-enlisted into the army. We moved far away from my family, friends, and doctors that have worked with me on “recovery”. I’ve tried to find doctors in our new state but because I never served, military doctors don’t take me seriously. Unfortunately they are the only doctors my insurance covers 🙄 I’m so angry and foggy and the flashbacks and nightmares have been constant due to the fact that I ran out of medicine and because no one around here takes my disorder seriously, since I’ve never seen war. My new doctor won’t write me a script until I see a psychologist... I know it’s a long shot but is there anyone else out there who has experienced people not taking their PTSD seriously.???",5.989884488448844,6.1646970148514875,6.45519801980198,78.76401815181518,66.47524752475248,9.505610561056104,31.684818481848183,9.2995712137729,2.6167610561056107,815,30,160,14,12,265,129,202,0.12,0.815,0.065,-0.8855,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,2,3,10,9,3,0,12,1,16,8,0,1,3,31,27,17,1,1,5,5,1,0,2,1,7,0,0,0,7,16,0,0,3,0,1,2,6,6,0,2,8,4,23,3,20,16,2,26,0,0,2,1,17,9,0,1,14,106,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065218693643857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939440470404115,0.11634188348460192,0.0,0.10108052422572177,0.0,0.0,0.10668074409694353,0.0,0.0,0.13843387534725207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270350844878095,0.0,0.09065770005456213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152473825806596,0.0,0.0,0.1301342111389563,0.5810986498873824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167797731115635,0.0,0.09485359268714083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704160468052837,0.0,0.057412559560650826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377951166296154,0.09658265792899913,0.0,0.0,0.17545160297918966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240222762903275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048514498121827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653323684073596,0.0,0.0,0.07579321991914076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206820386894211,0.0,0.0,0.17514823574911434,0.21932797764951187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694209722244535,0.08635728621196077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787188976378887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981896065435265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048191863772152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785379891628265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561186780459125,0.0912644351983644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543529844791147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620992047838417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770906704248825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826632582821075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312027095339431 ptsd,ThatVikingGuy,2019/02/06,"How do I know the difference between PTSD and irrational paranoia? My question is how can I tell the difference between PTSD symptoms and paranoia in the sense of the mental illness on its own. I don’t exactly feel safe in my own house, but safe enough knowing that I know my exit points, choke point at the top of the stairs and have a weapon at hand if need be, but outside on my own I feel insanely vulnerable. Just going outside to the shop down the street has me on edge, anyone who looks at me long enough has me thinking that they have malicious thoughts, making them the ‘enemy’, even though I know they aren’t and it’s all in my head, I can’t feel but to get the fight or flight response from simply being looked at. If I’m walking down the street alone and see someone walking toward me I instinctively get on edge and create an exit/action plan. Just to clarify because I’m more than aware that this post does sound crazy enough as it is, I have absolutely no need or desire to take ‘preemptive action’ against any of these people, rationally I know that I’m not under threat and I will never take any action against the imaginary threat except avoid them or come back later when the area is less busy. When I hear a car stop outside my house or hear a neighbours door open/close I immediately go into sentry mode and watch out my window until they leave or I have deemed the area clear, I also can not go to sleep until I’ve checked twice that all of my locks are locked and all doors are secured. I understand that people with PTSD rarely feel safe and are on edge a lot of the time, but am I taking this to an extreme where it’s become it’s own mental illness aside from the PTSD? ",8.601404549950544,6.349315866468843,8.053305637982195,77.33993867457964,62.44213649851632,10.885776458951533,34.33610286844708,9.029198982220553,2.7100023343224526,1345,40,271,16,15,425,174,337,0.112,0.785,0.103,0.4307,1,2,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,5,2,11,9,4,1,22,0,22,6,3,3,6,61,54,30,0,5,16,0,5,0,1,1,3,3,3,0,15,14,0,6,13,1,2,9,7,5,0,1,1,12,34,4,41,50,13,48,0,0,4,0,12,28,0,9,10,184,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109777326537923,0.0,0.07806119187104935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276056342923065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825337630188605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505847847555941,0.0,0.05950406343007353,0.10780604278411256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408507586058543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039699083997348,0.0,0.0,0.08542191561026939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025813982039994,0.0,0.06447255759845838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742454379524266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019976724299513,0.0,0.1664273889110033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017924185051877,0.0,0.22003420357977815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225264912882167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682281415370027,0.0,0.0,0.10335821981670397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638455617519827,0.1639409042722,0.0,0.0,0.08298719997071127,0.0,0.0,0.0651575281602862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967421702094271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475781121018072,0.07528527033963188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353453196752791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455193513454,0.0,0.09348640425373987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564181427515958,0.0,0.1093490553273933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778503364712179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768363389068,0.0,0.08270729578031856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160895490495458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014574266676497,0.22017879692873996,0.0,0.08531818582745487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254655792877055,0.09590441331036267,0.07749392875284848,0.056919006247037066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161872005425296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,okhi2u,2019/02/06,"Free Internal Family Systems (IFS) training for Veterans and active-duty military Apparently you can get free courses from this website as a Veteran, or active-duty military. (Even in person ones!!) I don’t qualify, but wanted to share for others that do. You can find the courses at this website: https://www.pesi.com/ Just type in “IFS” as your search, they have loads of other courses on many other trauma/therapy topics might be worth digging and see if you find something that you can get for free if you qualify. From the FAQ from that site: [-] Do you have military discounts? PESI, Inc. is proud to offer free tuition on live webcasts and most live in-person seminars for veterans and active-duty military personnel. We can honor the military discount for registrations placed via fax, mail, or phone. Please note that we will ask you to state your branch of service and MOS. Here are instructions on how to register for the discount: https://www.pesi.com/events/discounts/military",8.729129244249728,10.46896206626506,7.99545454545455,64.6177272727273,60.86746987951807,11.337568455640746,36.17524644030668,11.20814326018867,4.741031325301204,797,35,112,22,11,249,100,166,0.0,0.8320000000000001,0.168,0.9839,1,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,2,9,1,2,4,7,0,0,5,0,14,0,0,1,0,21,19,15,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,2,0,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,13,11,23,16,1,10,1,0,1,0,18,8,0,8,0,82,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060099835470997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455479130807057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773895269140213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028162157701757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302615083727316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891697471167109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223413847512088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337706885337183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932390767660472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848255513867118,0.23023279674850344,0.24189278227067915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756010578448304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696464712962462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25200469333392483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997601208835904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,freckleddeerborn,2019/02/06,"PTSD from mental and physical abuse, looking for kind words or just to feel understood I'm without a vehicle currently, making it difficult to go to group meetings or find a compatible therapist... and I feel like my brain is very ill. Trying my best to make sense, but I'm feeling out of it right now. A lot of what I remember from growing up, is that my dad was angry, sometimes he took it out on the kids, usually with harsh words but now and then with physical violence. I'm now 26. When I was 22, I fell for a 20 year old guy after months of him working really hard to get me involved. I was in a relationship that was fairly new, so I ended up cheating for the only time. I got with the 20 year old. The (now) ex, had severe trauma from being cheated on, and I was crummy enough to do that to him again... Now I'm in a steady healthy relationship with neither of those guys, but my PTSD causes obsessive thoughts of me feeling like I cheated on my boyfriend. I feel so much guilt, like I'm putting on a big show, lying. I would never do that again. I don't know how to let go of the shame and feelings of needing to make sure I've covered all of my bases in lying. In the mornings when I leave his apartment and he's already gone, I pace around for 20 mins checking (for what, idek) and get panicky when I think I left my phone at his place. Mind you, there is nothing for me to hide. Back to the 20 year old that got me to cheat. He had red flags that seemed minor because I was so naive. One night while at my parents, I told my mom, ""he reminds me so much of dad"". My mom gave me a weird scared look that I thought was strange because my parents are still together, and they act like the abuse as a child wasn't ever real (which also messes with my brain, because sometimes I beat myself up like I'm making up this pain). She said, ""I hope he doesn't have his anger..."" and sounded so sad. I reassured her. SO this guy and I end up dating for 2+ years off and on. He played some weird gaslighting games and tried cheating and played on my emotions, saying he suffers from sex addiction, he's getting help. Idk it just got weirder and weirder and I am not going into full detail... but he was doing things like seeking out orgies on Craigslist and getting bjs in the cemetery from 50 yr old men. I try, finally, to confront this guy and leave him and he doesn't let me leave, instead I spend the night in the ER getting my face fixed. And still he manipulated me into getting back with him. He CONTINUED to lie and cheat, we had so many traumatic nights where we would fight and I would be awake for 72 hours. Near the end of it all, he would flat out ignore me for days. And then finally answer me, just to tell my I'm a psychopath, he will never want me, and to go kill myself. Alright, so now that I'm in this great healthy relationship... my brain keeps telling me it's still happening. I have to live with this sickening paranoia if I want to be in the actual relationship of my dreams. I know logically the man I'm with would never hurt me. Yet I'm obsessed with catching him. I always feel like I can't go have fun because the one time I'm not paying attention he will know, and use the chance to cheat. I have had nightmares, where I wake up in a panic attack from dreams where my new boyfriend is doing those same things that my ex did. One night, my boyfriend tried comforting me by saying ""it was just a dream, it wasn't real"". Not helpful. I know it takes time to heal... I just feel incredibly alone and helpless. I feel like it's such a serious situation I went through, that people don't understand and judge me. Everyone victim-blames because I stayed. Not to mention, when I was with him, I had only my cousin on my side. I lost all of my friends, broke contact with my family... nobody knows the extent and I'm sick of people having the ""it wasn't that bad"" attitude on my bad days... 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I live in a house with 2 rooms and one room with curtains and the other is not but when I am in the room that doesn't have curtains or the bathroom I feel afraid for some reason. keep in mind my bathroom does not have any windows or something like that but for some reason, I still feel afraid. So the moment I wake up I stay in the room that has curtains and one more thing that I find really hard to get a shower now because I am afraid of the bathroom so the last time I got a shower was 2 weeks ago. Last time I took a shower I did it really fast so I wasn't that clean and when I was taking the shower I was putting pressure on my teeth so when I finished the shower I came out of the shower my teeth hurt. &#x200B; I appreciate Any advice \^\^",2.2873714285714293,3.6380610228571433,3.512428571428572,92.14407142857144,75.91428571428571,5.685714285714287,20.5,5.773587663045528,-0.08774285714285668,649,14,143,3,14,211,89,175,0.078,0.88,0.042,-0.7115,6,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,4,14,0,12,3,3,2,0,26,22,16,0,2,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,15,0,10,8,0,1,6,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,8,4,21,1,16,14,3,30,0,1,0,0,2,11,0,5,15,98,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641479963889592,0.1328176656675004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234368924737827,0.18206315450210198,0.20378277482289528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095330428639502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007336703385564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913366352612821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136871549958746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622392455124995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727977522209375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694439140097436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828141195081642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198349134618155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422068674866894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288684166302118,0.16039902540412368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317820570953606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24426732900246545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732006985258045,0.0,0.1323050366000558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128833443823828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306105720485695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387514217436464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062326742150242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919733539131044,0.3081059810101102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534854782629828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970174337352155,0.11965660353747085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126555583383592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954220125499967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473732761560548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664696647006243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893023879682753,0.1201867700114162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206315450210198,0.0 ptsd,Taye_Carrol,2019/02/06,"The Only Way Out is Through: Using Virtual Reality for PTSD in Veterans In 1997, virtual reality, then a newly developed technology, was hypothesized to be an effective method of delivering exposure therapy. In virtual reality exposure therapy, the person is immersed in a computer-created virtual environment. While initially developed for advanced game play, it was quickly realized that the technology could also be used therapeutically. The first study with ten veterans demonstrated that this therapy was effective in symptom improvement in all participants. This success was considered so significant that after the September 11 terrorist attacks on New York’s World Trade Center, burn victims suffering from PTSD were treated using virtual reality exposure techniques. The outcomes for this treatment situation was also extremely successful. To date, virtual reality exposure therapy for PTSD has primarily been used with Vietnam War veterans so the virtual setting includes such imagery as helicopters and jungles. Research has shown that this type of therapy helps to reduce PTSD symptoms in these veterans. A few subsequent studies conducted with small numbers of Iraq and Afghanistan War vets found that virtual reality based therapy was also helpful in reducing symptoms in these former soldiers. [This article](https://medium.com/swlh/the-only-way-out-is-through-using-virtual-reality-for-ptsd-in-veterans-a0a3a0b1b3db?source=friends_link&sk=67afc5dbc04e6a71afec35e744d68eb1) discussed an amazing personal experience working on an inpatient PTSD unit at the VA Hospital in New Orleans. A more complete discussion of virtual reality exposure therapy is also presented. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; # ",14.033809523809525,16.22385888888889,13.063587301587305,31.32585714285716,49.39682539682539,18.466031746031746,59.65714285714286,15.817742638202086,11.461817142857145,1448,108,132,74,15,472,143,252,0.078,0.7979999999999999,0.124,0.8795,0,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,0,0,0,7,8,10,4,0,15,0,16,3,0,6,1,17,21,11,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,13,6,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,5,0,2,9,0,0,5,32,9,3,30,0,1,0,0,7,17,0,1,10,93,13,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207866373757817,0.0,0.2991400993238937,0.2516069012605293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852219184880592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236797962681922,0.0,0.0,0.055108241844631096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751650448912197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058709855510841624,0.0,0.07567877369121664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252763280545068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332325029565878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249414237015245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053423953643545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840963122649813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758332597479999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522004276869766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5525266129759979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384504842051925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957248665233202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050248647675088944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516069012605293,0.0 ptsd,hoIIie,2019/02/06,"DAE imagine themselves hurting themselves or others at that very moment and become afraid it’ll happen? Sometimes if I’m in a car I’ll have random thoughts of: what if I jump out? Or if I’m cutting vegetables with a knife: what if I stab myself with this knife? Sometimes it can be as simple as if I’m doing paperwork: what if I get a nasty papercut right now? Or as crazy as: what if I suddenly strangle this person next to me? I’ll have these thoughts in my mind and this has never happened to me, but I’m afraid I’ll actually do the action without wanting to. Like someone or something else in my mind will force me to. I’ve also been watching Ted Bundy and You on Netflix and I wonder if I’m capable of doing such things, and what if it actually happens. I know I would never, but these thoughts scare me. ",2.7034025974025973,4.459819448484853,4.167640692640696,86.1743181818182,75.72727272727272,6.411255411255411,27.54329004329004,7.1686216300943375,1.4433290043290044,639,26,127,7,14,212,91,165,0.11,0.868,0.022,-0.9006,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,1,3,4,0,12,1,0,0,2,37,27,25,0,11,16,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,16,8,1,0,6,1,0,3,3,5,0,0,4,1,15,1,19,19,0,16,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,15,7,90,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.3069777738445811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257819177023672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371052729619108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313926469026236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217567866892399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172636664028177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837839842106184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644051984243074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768422149076292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176289555166541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426180141779777,0.0,0.16727592456713655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733646182477138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432176939629625,0.0,0.0,0.15747117587319576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326829916215482,0.12108679397679205,0.3111206428544329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449412881652682,0.0,0.0,0.3746036180792252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297777940977244,0.09277162370318286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516185255785245,0.17057044626264828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173178172292203,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blitake,2019/02/07,"Nightmares keep me from sleeping I gave birth to my stillborn daughter at 40 weeks and 3 days, 11/25/18. Almost every time I finally get sleep I relive the nightmare of her being set on my stomach lifeless. I wake up gasping for air and feeling like the room is closing in around me. It makes me mad because I had so many good memories while I was pregnant, but my brain takes me back to that moment over and over. I want to sleep, but my body won’t let me. I can’t take sleeping meds. They make me feel groggy and makes it even harder to function. Any suggestions? I just returned to work a couple weeks ago and I’m worried my sleep deprivation could be affecting my work. 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This may sound weird, but I can tell when someone is toxic regardless of race. &#x200B;",3.937857142857141,7.2717499285714275,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,85.42857142857143,5.6571428571428575,24.857142857142854,7.1686216300943375,1.6579000000000002,130,5,20,2,4,38,27,28,0.189,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30081140719857136,0.3373501856381686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941249757557832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924034379841238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24295541400781775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504993569866426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.649067970676381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352345430820404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266038770047504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373501856381686,0.0 ptsd,postpunkfaery,2019/02/07,"I can't tell my partner what my nightmares are about Tw sexual assault mention I just got home from drinking at the student association with my partner and realized on my way home that I had a nightmare last night. It was trauma related and I got panicky in bed. They calmed me down but I can't tell them why I'm panicking at times like these. I can only tell them it was a bad dream. I did tell them, two years ago, that I got traumatized by several events that were all similar and told them what exactly (rape) but I was drunk and idk if they know it's related to those dreams. I really wanna tell them because I really trust them but I also don't trust anyone when I'm having an episode like that. Does anyone know how I should tell them? It's important for me that they know because touch is often hard for me, even from them. 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I was the gamer, nerd, “one of the guys” I can no longer be that girl. I only have one male friend, and I only trust him because he’s gay. I know I’ll only be a friend, and he’s safe. My other friends are all girls I’ve met this year. This year, I thought I was ready to date again. It had been 5 years. I had one failed relationship two years ago that increased my repressed memories and fucked me up, but I thought I could move past that. Oh boy was I wrong. What I thought was stupid paranoia about guys pushing boundaries with no regard wasn’t stupid at all. It was real, and I was too afraid to stop it like I was in the past. I am no longer friends with any of my straight male friends. I can’t do it for my own mental health. I had my first major panic at the beginning of this school year. A guy who looked just like the man who assaulted me was coming on to me. I couldn’t bring myself to speak for days. I normally can’t shut up. Eventually, I broke down at a Panera and was forced into a mental hospital. It was the lowest point I thought I would go through. I love my job more than anything. I’m terrified of my boss and male customers. My boss is the sweetest man, who only wants the best for me. I’m so afraid of him. I feel gross for being afraid; I shouldn’t be, but I can’t stop myself either. I just wish everything could be over. I wish I could move on but this year has proved I may never be able to, because my fears are real.",0.6852457501847731,2.6265187256097597,2.0650221729490035,97.96053954175908,82.78048780487805,5.195269770879527,19.085735402808574,6.273863323946077,-0.2782247967479674,1194,30,285,10,33,383,155,328,0.194,0.659,0.147,-0.9625,2,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,0,0,0,3,7,28,4,6,13,0,42,4,0,3,4,49,63,10,0,10,6,0,2,2,6,3,1,1,0,14,18,11,0,5,8,0,0,7,11,15,0,5,21,4,49,13,32,28,8,38,0,2,1,3,32,14,1,1,19,183,67,5,0.08430192563342645,0.09988399672271686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472857058690201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573282002669385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360485762519766,0.0,0.0,0.0693733018067294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027793428079046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846966993678508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261864433056497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192468372450986,0.0,0.0,0.05436776790925898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757651349397792,0.0,0.0,0.0948631036680398,0.08525117317941942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170717487813387,0.0,0.0,0.3907887517465023,0.07793577182497077,0.0,0.0,0.04791072707611485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33388864122783873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960900481256709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365665319065638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633013364231132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237132521949803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079238554956574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760857792510929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991302602795075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919921109053935,0.0,0.0,0.0650188420973626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259798812715702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713754996805804,0.3205770661723961,0.0,0.09891014586624897,0.0,0.0,0.16095145395764254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969256851402068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919080948222695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050871901535368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531804940603753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409603692397918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677052493458768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235073179496806,0.0,0.0,0.07280979667681146,0.0,0.0,0.04972345992617312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938861081030928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988566922957745,0.09217092174215663,0.0,0.32572605696434964 ptsd,yawaworhtymsisihtih,2019/02/07,"What was something you were surprised to find out about PTSD in general after you were first diagnosed? 22F, recently diagnosed with PTSD. I’ve been getting help for anxiety/depression for years, so it’s not much of a shocker, but I feel like I have this weird movie-ish concept in my head that PTSD is just for WWI vets returning to suburbia after wartime (Lol). Real humans of reddit, what were you surprised to learn about PTSD once you started learning more?",6.155686274509804,7.705327647058827,5.760882352941178,78.99230392156866,66.64705882352939,9.431372549019608,34.166666666666664,9.725611199111238,3.446725490196078,370,17,64,8,6,114,64,85,0.024,0.852,0.124,0.753,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,7,3,1,0,0,11,10,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,7,3,16,5,2,10,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,8,43,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425280180621591,0.3359182265291545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367185768672622,0.11821922420803113,0.0,0.0,0.1512460792048134,0.1407575358263537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645667420954027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169830621991443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091801773499392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084536017736264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164712761048868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762312154406464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7737508853115895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835291292831274,0.0,0.0,0.16339192215104306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739488943080868,0.0,0.0,0.1171278722875093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656394614777763 ptsd,sadsickandtired,2019/02/07,"My PTSD is back in full force after 7 years of minimal episodes. I'm hardly functioning and First of all, I am waiting to hear back from a therapist that can take me so I have professional help pending right now. So I am going through a lot of things right now. One of them being a court battle with my ex for custody of our kids. He is THE major trigger for me and over the last 6 months over the various court appearances I have had to relive the trauma that I went through in order to convince the courts he should not have joint custody. I never thought I would feel like this again and I see that my emotions and mental state are spiraling out of control. It's to the point that I never want to leave my house, I don't clean anything, I am isolating, I cry every second I am alone, I am surprised that I am able to still wake up, shower, and make it to work every day. It's been months of slowly falling deeper and deeper into this hole and today I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Is this a thing in PTSD where symptoms reappear after so many years? ",5.208374455732943,5.460523320754716,5.7426415094339625,82.93646589259798,68.15094339622641,8.221190130624093,29.515239477503627,7.882392219407189,1.8256555878084173,832,28,166,9,13,269,126,212,0.078,0.87,0.053,-0.621,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,1,3,10,5,1,0,10,0,20,2,1,3,3,26,33,10,0,3,1,1,3,1,0,2,1,1,2,1,13,10,0,2,3,0,0,4,4,2,0,3,4,5,24,3,30,26,5,37,0,0,1,0,8,13,0,2,19,124,37,2,0.1366188703799519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149594761809914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242568964053246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101029566851784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322968006945736,0.0,0.0,0.15006941398444404,0.0881078691979158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367784078021188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23021458123734576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381572116037149,0.0976005482971787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162079413534048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764365242003007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223836731795296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397939607526565,0.0,0.09157274901349054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763983361780926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113626136373901,0.0,0.1446596575247474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667450791819479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614847805999733,0.0,0.0,0.09119415684153244,0.13851009138566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767968824174587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809575783445115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107377902464433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621789815217476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257648229361123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291489916304526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31940029702338496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23334353766330665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886755158804574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910400636321886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419993167559609,0.10272038809752188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862503840963876,0.18152701377209507,0.0,0.0,0.10846012260577384,0.0,0.0,0.12949871469497468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805813494229725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664706156810768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946016475949812,0.0,0.0,0.097050125731034,0.0,0.0,0.17595614659815295 ptsd,starspade94,2019/02/07,"Needing advice on how to talk and approach my mother about me moving in with an online friend? I am nervous as I am moving to move away from my abuser and my mother still enabling him I am 24 years old and want to a start over in my life, I feel depressed and stuck in the place I live. (its so expensive and hard to find a job) I am planning to move in with an online friend and her dad that I have known for 7 years. One of the main reasons i am doing is because i have a half brother who is 35 years old and getting out of jail this year and he always been abusive to me and suspect he has some behavioral issues, i have have developed PTSD from him. I do not trust him nor my mother words that he has changed for real this time, this is the 8th time he was arrested for the same crime (drug dealing and this a possession of a gun). He is trying to behave good in jail so he can get out early. But when he gets out, he will realize he is free again and act however he wants since he doesn't have the restrictions of jail anymore. I do not want to be miserable living with him and being cautious to come home. I do not want to take any chance this time. This is something i have been talking for a while my friend. I spoke with her father as well and he told me how they will help me with finding a job( job opportunities seem to be easier there than here)/ and budget/financial concerns adjust to living with them and that state.They also told me to take a visit to them and try to see how i like it for a few weeks and if i don't like it, i can just come back here since they do not want me to feel trapped. I really am set on doing this, especially if it means i can escape living with my brother when he gets out. I am very nervous to speak to my mother about this, because i know she will disapprove and has told me do not trust those people when i hinted it at her before. She also thinks it to far since i have to go on airplane which is hours away. I understand her concern and im nervous about it too, but this is my other option to escape from the upcoming hell my life will be. My mother wants me to help support him and her when he comes back, she tells me he is sick and full of wrinkles. I don't want to sound harsh but he had so many chances to turn around and improve himself but never did, at that point i don't think he deserves my support especially after ruining my life. Considering his record he is probably going to live with my mom for the rest of his life I will take my precautions and if i notice anything uneasy or if i don't feel comfortable then i will think of another alternative, because i know i am not going to feel happy nor be successful if her son is there, i don't want to be surrounded by such sadness and toxicity. I do feel guilty for leaving my mother and get anxious for her (like forbid she gets sick or something and i will be states away). How can i feel less anxious and tell her of my decision that can put her a bit at ease? i am so incredibly nervous of the whole thing in general",4.155455625990491,4.417318854199685,5.260823692551508,85.44207547543583,70.44215530903328,8.275134706814582,27.026980982567352,8.158263871857827,1.4985546434231374,2371,71,516,31,40,786,257,631,0.124,0.7859999999999999,0.09,-0.9808,4,1,3,1,1,0,43.0,0,0,4,4,30,27,1,5,20,0,68,7,0,5,1,105,116,58,0,14,18,12,7,3,3,7,7,3,1,0,26,43,0,2,22,0,2,14,15,10,1,2,10,11,89,18,84,92,9,67,1,4,1,0,72,26,1,10,28,372,115,4,0.0,0.15228407890430234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279779619360264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278340096806153,0.05347259100302403,0.0,0.0,0.04370155610176231,0.06738614884126883,0.0,0.14519949908855365,0.06373237532095552,0.0,0.0,0.0528835935325827,0.05720836535303681,0.0,0.0,0.18113373563842514,0.09882971940718244,0.0,0.11752376304089855,0.0,0.05468372100912732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015937469390572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798253017032835,0.16607260010618088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625310808256688,0.05535027675303676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452555170908577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949621081820372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747181298974027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895004970386674,0.0,0.20145095300033655,0.0,0.10956771627805034,0.05390138749196622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840996061757686,0.057567700479707135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861492787453576,0.0,0.06446178454172471,0.0,0.06328685228454382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941588153320033,0.06707466244313462,0.1913155779707358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063535660090378,0.0,0.0,0.06804603603999852,0.0,0.0,0.1815655585068059,0.09418807166878047,0.0,0.2837303586894453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515335948946051,0.0,0.07000206716445256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752649314458195,0.0,0.27320879917387186,0.0,0.047650758963088034,0.04956416846087846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316470933681106,0.13486799801598615,0.0,0.04354678255428392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044552395139940096,0.0,0.0671419446012966,0.0,0.06075001897133511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928719552053286,0.0,0.07512088889993879,0.06460282207043523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314622064888353,0.04116900608193322,0.06607384174694762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05120989131112278,0.058503307640415274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947892302220407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894675422824667,0.0,0.0,0.04548621551574935,0.0,0.0513211165858716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585149190301475,0.0,0.0,0.1449550348063873,0.10330554164731927,0.11233870625825222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04269398231934898,0.12353285522564154,0.0,0.0,0.11241813444490584,0.0,0.0,0.18422031139585093,0.0,0.08726174053329584,0.06990051004463352,0.0,0.06690083381285858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302432691104492,0.3032354148107541,0.0,0.05154850675586541,0.0,0.05778083219444102,0.0,0.0,0.07174818583080615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655350012262942 ptsd,sniperbullet1997,2019/02/07,"has anyone taken olanzapine/zyprexa or valproate/valproic acid for anxiety? how that work out for social situations does it make you calm/relaxed around people and confident? ",7.627738095238098,11.478358678571427,7.014285714285716,61.39738095238097,69.35714285714286,9.447619047619048,37.904761904761905,9.725611199111238,5.170176190476192,145,8,17,4,3,45,27,28,0.06,0.8140000000000001,0.126,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,11,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025995016792675,0.0,0.0,0.2765821756885081,0.0,0.0,0.35212898710306817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346154000740848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640369147651851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742289467078783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446218762002707,0.0,0.4032198540777409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879697115986141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kylekk112,2019/02/07,How to cope after being robbed (NSFW triggering) I have lived in a semi rough area my entire life. A few times throughout my life I’ve had guns pulled on me and I’ve been hit and robbed before. The other day 2 men were able to force their way into my car at gunpoint. They were pushing my head in between the glass and gun leaving my neck all sore and bruised from it. They took all my money and were going to take the car but they couldn’t drive stick. Before they left they decided to throw punches and pistol whips. I had to walk home because they took the keys to my car and my phone was almost dead. I don’t know what to do from here. I had a spare key at home that I used to get my car but I’m really worried these people might know where I live and try to take the car again or try to break in my house. I’ve been too paranoid to leave my house and I’m always checking the windows and doors to make sure they are locked and no one is outside. I feel like this event ripped my sense of security away. I’m nothing but paranoid now.,2.1168949771689505,3.568456146118727,3.0024885844748894,95.20638127853884,76.57990867579909,5.597260273972603,20.38584474885845,5.82211442006289,-0.1985415525114158,812,18,186,4,18,257,130,219,0.097,0.861,0.042,-0.875,0,0,0,4,0,0,14.0,0,0,8,0,7,3,0,0,9,0,17,5,2,4,3,30,32,16,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,4,1,6,12,0,1,4,0,2,13,3,0,0,1,11,2,28,3,25,17,3,32,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,3,7,111,34,0,0.14467882663941573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487494606616608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038437374314873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593052016347149,0.0,0.0,0.08819486985906896,0.0,0.2462220507420919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330587420172506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315396186123105,0.10335858265939504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558871552073756,0.0,0.08222431130404824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484822159745365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902493190196246,0.0,0.0,0.33387988198157714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902339888566264,0.0,0.0,0.3063879748754156,0.15719396846825864,0.0,0.2043818678332862,0.07068276668620567,0.0,0.2555081091231668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657424023131056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348137165903128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882323617005174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803811724833143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030208162861744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268496105829488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635808190406656,0.0,0.2175609442614116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436338728974707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32148699964160066,0.1964548526411198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124956053754467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483931834130673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692837132969594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aybarafaile,2019/02/07,"I Hate Male Attention I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, and lately, I’m struggling with leaving the house due to getting a lot of male attention when I’m out. Last night was my first referee practice for roller derby, and a man i don’t know followed me to my car. This happens a lot. Men follow me and hit on me almost daily, and each time, it feels like nails on a chalkboard to my nerves. My heart races and I start to sweat. I always decline their advances. All in all, I just want to be out in public without being constantly in fear. What would you do?",3.0014186507936493,4.553570669642858,4.013333333333332,88.45388888888891,74.44642857142857,6.7634920634920634,25.83730158730159,7.3871296695380915,1.2081218253968258,433,15,89,5,9,140,78,112,0.103,0.862,0.035,-0.8074,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,2,2,4,1,2,5,0,7,3,2,0,2,23,19,6,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,10,0,0,4,1,0,4,2,3,0,1,2,1,14,1,17,13,5,20,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,3,10,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497022373342105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032076760098674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22120014692444728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775883494921496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303362544357049,0.1034988059483699,0.14623254322241375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411155063399078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694351475327872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100912494940768,0.0,0.0,0.2020917153350596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24256189716495785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361879537080097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124937835474906,0.16685191319321052,0.2309023405090473,0.216740069503674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000253939802677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480449164365423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209028187098726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23927487373077636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488258370476595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398930838199628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935799002673142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073308877872235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731650884690674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540785839124595,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BestWesterChester,2019/02/07,"Looking for Feedback My partner suffers from PTSD. This morning, I didn't do a simple task that I usually do for them before leaving for work. On their way out the door I was told that I made it hard for them to have a good day at work (actually it was yelled at me and accompanied by a door slam, but I'm kind of used to that). I've been in a state for the past half hour, and wanted to get this off my chest. They called me after and apologized, but also said they can never trust me to do that simple thing again. I welcome any and all feedback. This hurts me, and they're hurting, and I'm not sure what to do next.",3.0338846480067865,3.62120560305344,4.228651399491096,90.67027141645464,73.12213740458014,7.04359626802375,24.47921967769296,6.937597516519254,0.6658644614079732,478,13,111,4,9,157,83,131,0.139,0.795,0.066,-0.8336,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,5,2,2,8,0,0,6,0,10,1,1,2,3,16,19,9,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,11,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,7,4,16,5,20,12,1,16,0,3,1,0,11,6,0,0,8,77,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.18580520792938932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522646742775461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948011337598073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201835878784132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442206688920746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279375107035423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947735870642176,0.0,0.0,0.15970044058227512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056308859002836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875079411344172,0.0,0.40765926389553453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982747264916659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160857523537432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989000290316308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801632881060652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685001460261402,0.0,0.20249503771249205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176056817959324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257013432243172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111621724771185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945194243139467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649484742165734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193758554920472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444647982491264,0.20970126633556108,0.0,0.11230422721642418,0.15113250682378654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772303274174092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KimAndNumbers,2019/02/07,"Mirtazepine and what happened today To try and make a long story short, I went to the psych unit for a week back in November, went to partial hospitalization/intensive outpatient for a month, and was referred to a new psychiatrist clinic afterward. They diagnosed me with (nothing new with the current diagnosis of) PTSD, BPD, 3 types of anxiety disorders, insomnia, depression... finally took out the bipolar 2 diagnosis after 13 years of being misdiagnosed (3 clinicians have confirmed). However, they changed my medications AGAIN. Surprise, surprise. This was 3 weeks ago. I was put on Mirtazapine which he said would ""help"" with my marijuana usage (which i normally use only to regulate my anxiety and fibro). I was really weary begging this as i read all of the negative side effects, and I've had quite the opposite. Severe nausea, my PTSD symptoms have worsened, i refuse to even smoke since starting it. My second visit with him, i asked him why he said it would ""help"" with marijuana use and he said the long term effects of marijuana use has had some studies that have had shown signs of dementia. Then said he wanted me to up my dose of mirtazapine to 30mg from 15mg and THEN said i need to see a social worker because i have been hospitalized more than 10 times, more than 2 lethal suicide attempts, and basically kicked me out the door with no follow up care in hand. No other visit. Gave me a piece of paper with numbers to call (even though one of those numbers i have been on a waiting list for this counseling place with DBT therapy, psych services, 9 yards for over 5yrs).... said he would put in a referral. Said to call him... he woukd put in 60 day scripts. But said he normally isnt allowed to up my dose without a followup visit but go ahead and do it. Even though im not doing well. And i dont trust his word on this dementia shit. Thoughts???? I have no one to turn to besides my partner and using my CBT skills and my therapist and going through EMDR....trying not to break. TLDR; Got prescribed a new med from a new psych after being hospitalized, then being told I'm a liability and they aren't able to provide the help i need and marijuana causes dementia. Upped meds without follow-up care.",5.356666666666668,6.881227758454107,6.294898550724643,74.5106086956522,68.5169082125604,9.577971014492757,32.399033816425124,9.888512548439397,3.3670459903381644,1748,77,309,42,30,579,220,414,0.087,0.875,0.038,-0.9412,3,0,1,0,0,1,70.0,0,0,3,7,8,8,1,0,20,0,27,10,2,9,1,56,62,23,2,8,6,0,1,0,1,3,8,8,2,1,13,25,0,2,4,2,0,12,11,2,1,3,24,10,34,6,62,32,6,58,0,1,1,0,36,17,1,1,28,198,47,8,0.07139878775309819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329071738678113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923975440808828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674822842127327,0.0,0.0,0.05490126059798239,0.0,0.043524038314700086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992427374197241,0.0,0.14581229031789542,0.0,0.145591645188088,0.07334622272368709,0.07553045030137258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046046311426410885,0.0,0.061495671270074916,0.0724682666367195,0.0,0.0,0.0818291964659304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367884749620692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147467779874998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821388203834513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811551529315903,0.0,0.057104132969542164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631377122119471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435713072271468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712294286683842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637136074533947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476592452458661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586159149783425,0.07192676712780723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698983120035427,0.0,0.0,0.10588259285633532,0.0,0.2758295765037984,0.0,0.0,0.13991130520001882,0.06850906248505206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967633327933,0.05430199543882828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459653674465838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692272415974874,0.21532650650809945,0.0,0.07594139942592187,0.07141810927906428,0.0,0.04573989170508309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433327784885998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056895589807006576,0.0,0.0,0.08066030730405828,0.07328982960040553,0.05906181504407727,0.0,0.0,0.07278207265292322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053642945918668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809868530970904,0.0,0.0,0.07421067858303411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165073626172108,0.08289949564243229,0.0,0.0,0.1402978929119463,0.056682662153976014,0.041633207312673004,0.0,0.06767770234881347,0.06822460142591512,0.07932668029579375,0.0969501802896716,0.07766137839734492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466625135885453,0.0,0.0,0.042112854895580636,0.0,0.11454360165409705,0.0,0.06419608483973402,0.13237478312193407,0.06442630057614787,0.0,0.0,0.1376517670446081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215895086551134,0.0,0.0,0.04597847841178649 ptsd,gravitylow,2019/02/07,"Small victories and small dark ages Hi, I'm 21 year old female currently finishing up college. As a child I went through a lot of trauma, some physical but mostly emotional and neglect. For about 20 years of my life I've completely repressed everything and have ignored what had happened to me and was left wondering why I was suffering from depression and anxiety. It wasn't until this year that I realized everything stemmed from my childhood. It was such a cathartic revelation realizing the path of recovery that I needed to go on. The downside is that I had to place my 1.5 relationship on pause which of course, isn't going well. Today I felt better, I checked out two books on overcoming CPTSD and childhood abuse. I'm determined to recover and put this all in my past. It's just a bit tricky when there's so much darkness and so much hope looming over my head at once. Thanks for listening.",6.401699838622919,7.428025544378697,6.670457235072623,74.60303926842391,65.74556213017753,11.11586874663798,36.073695535233995,11.022393298168332,4.288297041420118,723,35,129,21,11,233,116,169,0.215,0.6970000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.972,1,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,6,0,9,2,1,0,1,24,21,14,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,10,9,0,3,4,1,1,4,2,6,1,1,8,2,13,4,24,13,7,29,0,3,0,0,4,12,0,5,13,85,23,2,0.0,0.19493958012527776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258639887379658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145512245875436,0.1796227043967841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250518914591845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170830972862875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507261838758735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957355347783451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797333292766658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701087914297396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549216705666718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688538906930795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341410143404098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876089062344416,0.0,0.11621147133434293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987639888199702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24189501925870002,0.12199593039207415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264517141082672,0.17521767299552604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706124046155606,0.0,0.0,0.17189745091601485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539676504505388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664222759837794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147590206209496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595394940968052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072061196835716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793104109526503,0.15251973333634805,0.14846154157125566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842433353843468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31785322405932204 ptsd,MsRisingSun,2019/02/07,"What is this I think I have ptsd. I’m afraid at night. Every noise elicits such fear in me that I have a panic attack. My body is so tense, just waiting to be beaten, rapped, or kidnapped in my sleep. All I can do is hold my breath and wait for morning :/ ",0.8038888888888921,2.474656055555556,2.170148148148151,98.7396666666667,81.03703703703705,4.32,18.20740740740741,3.1291,-0.8940548148148149,193,4,46,0,5,62,44,54,0.294,0.706,0.0,-0.951,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,3,1,0,8,3,3,1,1,9,12,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,0,5,11,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,31,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683280906128222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596286218664376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727849860943951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643243144424918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30383041707942354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798670894242379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784625852705796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239976430210589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074547858311735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,snakepasta,2019/02/08,"Anniversary Hi. I’ve been using Reddit for a long time now but I’ve never really interacted with it so this is my first time- I hope I’ve gotten everything right. Anyways, next week is the anniversary of when my high school was shot up. It’s going to be one year. It’s been a really really rough year for me. I used to be perfect in academics and a social teenager but now my grades aren’t great and I’ve isolated myself. I lost a really good friend in the shooting and it hasn’t been the same since. I also lost my mother when I was young, so I think those losses have kind of compounded together to create one big ball of gross sadness. I was also diagnosed with depression recently and ptsd about six months ago because of the shooting. This part is kind of triggering. I have never had to be scared for my life until a year ago. I have never had to worry about telling my dad goodbye forever until a year ago. There’s a part of me gone but I’m not sure what that part is. Sometimes I’m walking to school and I smell gunpowder, sometimes I’m in Walmart and I imagine a person shooting up the place. It’s so hard to return to school everyday, where it happened. I see the building everyday with locks on the doors and the windows boarded up. I can’t help but think of the horror that ensued within those concrete walls. Lately, I’ve been pushing everyone away. I don’t know why. I don’t want to. All my loved ones have good intentions and want to help but I don’t want them to... even though I do? I feel like a burden all the time to my father because he is a single parent and doesn’t make enough money to pay for the amount of therapy and support I need. My dad always tells me I’m not a burden but I can’t help but think I am. I just don’t know who to talk to anymore. There aren’t really any support groups for school shooting survivors. The school admin seems to have moved on. It all just feels so isolating. I’m just a kid. I don’t know why I have to deal with this. I wish I could reverse time and do something. Thanks for listening to me vent. I hope whatever you’re going through gets better too, you deserve it. ",1.467981184846174,3.6761822105263167,3.1295987795575897,89.92147165013986,81.5858123569794,6.264307144673277,21.83925756420036,7.471455274886353,0.8689494940249176,1674,53,348,26,45,553,199,437,0.105,0.723,0.172,0.9864,4,0,1,5,1,0,42.0,0,1,1,6,23,25,0,1,24,0,38,3,0,5,8,59,76,29,0,8,12,5,4,1,1,0,2,1,2,2,17,15,0,0,10,1,2,6,16,9,0,5,13,7,43,16,51,59,10,53,0,5,1,1,25,16,0,3,32,230,60,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028664196476828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201033654620172,0.06347531569133097,0.0,0.0,0.0518764850875638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756543224738682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167236420461283,0.0,0.0,0.09300537989431304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746797321576843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090744633688103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864659019113128,0.06570424631757334,0.0774277724426375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882290235519297,0.0,0.050385590214768884,0.0,0.0,0.07289368380613064,0.0685601305214428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714407906661551,0.05449809190112609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488806854071326,0.0,0.0,0.058937680344544476,0.0,0.039855817089832976,0.0,0.08670916258055912,0.12796864797742172,0.0,0.08410459394073998,0.0,0.0,0.06745866350304461,0.0,0.06833646720740998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339688695745432,0.08059939829492202,0.0,0.15153663737784304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887838871778082,0.1257728906092809,0.0,0.0860529174693202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388242335330525,0.037269047384141406,0.0,0.0,0.06750991445750087,0.0,0.0,0.16654839991288134,0.0,0.06885028265872994,0.0,0.050920897752161534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060890040379267214,0.08107899043189352,0.0,0.05656443630985601,0.17650731978863618,0.0,0.08113007109975585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550782775694521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470557771118849,0.24782799365555036,0.0,0.0,0.06660920835598608,0.07970169482634827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917320160654556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443509477221004,0.0,0.07532233483126055,0.0,0.0,0.06514706004206107,0.0,0.0,0.07637469485112305,0.3860229779675151,0.060789349394130485,0.0694470915249348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631038244395488,0.0,0.0,0.07776305437970317,0.0,0.058727998246010785,0.15089583238412332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731348587928328,0.07189780556064558,0.0,0.0,0.061315075122848416,0.1333530825857119,0.0702330724240783,0.08723866211314882,0.0,0.0,0.14664123874707394,0.07494972510535715,0.0,0.17792982509281782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177166957782374,0.0,0.0,0.1349847883947857,0.0,0.06119130714201264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767087780193546,0.0,0.08772410217713096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747122374922298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965004175729892 ptsd,nerdner,2019/02/08,"[NSFW] Pelvic physical therapy? Hi, all. I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago after being raped and have been picking up the pieces ever since. Today I met with a gynaecologist to talk about pain I experience randomly and with intercourse. She has referred me to receive pelvic physical therapy and it's sort of freaking me out. I 100% plan on making and attending the appointment and will of course ask the doctor about what to expect and will share my concerns and hesitations with her. To clarify: I'm not looking for medical advice, just some support. I am just wondering if there is anyone who reads this sub who has had any experiences with this type of PT?",5.2505785123966975,7.508685504132234,6.195115702479343,72.19812809917359,69.99173553719008,10.129256198347107,31.10826446280992,10.355215969177356,3.7939877685950414,530,23,88,16,10,175,89,121,0.107,0.8540000000000001,0.039,-0.8609,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,4,0,11,5,0,2,2,27,18,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,1,10,2,19,11,3,10,0,0,1,1,10,3,0,5,5,66,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905725585715747,0.17287461672034024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262117247229901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636342836363946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231859080648352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794251568756724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996125656751536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640793223654802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815365087162459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376877575047274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301782330054709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646344381221806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075164146431669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279694649744849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507407686752296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132363575776126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221307861646508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567507347364332,0.0,0.0,0.4460477087000673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848573904221223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114922822446588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255873240343797 ptsd,hrasdg4,2019/02/08,"Childhood PTSD - and no one to talk to without being judged Hello everyone, I would like to share my traumatic childhood experience with you guys in hopes of getting judged by those I talk to about it. First things first, this is a throwaway account, and I apologize for my bad English , as it is not my first language, and I'm not the best writer out there. A little bit of background first, I was born in 1985 in Indonesia (the country with the most Muslim citizens) to parents of Chinese descent, and I'm currently studying for my masters degree in Australia. In May 1998, when I was still 13 years old, a massive race and hate fuelled riot broke out in my country. I was living in Jakarta (Indonesia's capital city) at the time, and my big family from my mom's side all live not far from each other (family from dad's side live in a different state/province in a different island). My family were merchants, and they live off opening different kinds of shops in the city - one of my uncles owns a car workshop and spareparts store, my dad owns an electronics store, my other uncle owns a restaurant, and so on. I lived in a riverside home near the local river in an area called Glodok (which is sort of a shopping district in and of itself), and I went to a primary school not far from my house, which was a few houses down my uncle's car workshop (I'll refer to him as Uncle A from now on). I vividly remember I was in school when the riots broke out. I saw one of the shops near my house's area was burning,and I immediately started getting worried. I remember the teacher telling the students ""Finish whatever work you can, and go home immediately."" After I finished my work, I went home and as soon as I get home, my parents locked all the doors and windows. From my house, I can see one of my classmate's house across the river, his house was looted and his family car was burning. I also heard the masses shouting ""Kill the Chinese! Burn them alive! Loot their houses! They have no place in our Muslim country!"" When I asked my parents what was going on, they only replied with ""You wouldn't understand - this is a political issue."" As the day goes on, I saw lots of people taking various items from the houses they looted, I saw a guy carrying a fridge on his back, and I even noticed some stuff from my uncle's car workshop getting taken. The next day was even worse, the masses started burning the cars on my street, including my uncle's car. Many people died during the raid, and unfortunately my aunt were among the victims. She was raped before she was beaten to death and burned alive as I found out years later. I remembered having to carry a machete with me all the time, and taking turns with my dad watching the house entrance in case someone tries to get in. Schools were canceled until the situation died down, and it was a very traumatic experience overall. Thankfully nothing else happened to my family, and when I returned to school some of my classmates weren't there - either dead or fled to another country. Lately I got triggers from this traumatic event approaching my home country's presidential election, because one of the candidates is the mastermind who orchestrated the May 1998 riots. There has been a string of hate crimes towards the Chinese descents in Indonesia which I won't go into. I'm really worried about the safety of my family, and everytime I try to talk about this to a friend they judge me as being Islamophobic with the political situation in the West nowadays. I really don't know who to talk to about this without getting judged, and I hope this subreddit can give me some advice and input. Thank you very much.",9.16796038350217,7.548217989869759,8.866584207670043,69.95439150687412,60.852387843704776,11.589743125904489,38.95988603473228,10.341088651717358,4.002551700434154,2905,120,510,51,32,939,301,691,0.117,0.8370000000000001,0.045,-0.9947,7,0,0,0,0,0,85.0,1,4,7,10,19,18,6,0,52,0,37,1,0,1,3,68,76,39,5,4,8,8,0,1,1,5,0,2,7,3,21,37,0,0,7,3,7,13,12,9,0,9,28,8,79,9,103,41,19,101,0,2,6,1,44,54,0,11,35,365,100,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007872435072184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409828203926178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373775159998998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790974378181951,0.0,0.0,0.039406369139078704,0.04278974444640904,0.03124016282270042,0.0,0.04360807475544563,0.0,0.05378136925551872,0.0,0.055949288014553636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052329699488654915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610113960220464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637418139456477,0.16062902553269706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042810932980548194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769733295067114,0.0,0.0,0.048969437110792456,0.0,0.1002602987174649,0.28987100019858386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436529618101185,0.0,0.056190530850684726,0.039593897308910934,0.0,0.16064905708461474,0.04916152741931619,0.08737586020232914,0.0,0.04098752048049531,0.0,0.0,0.10148669208853583,0.04531823070948465,0.0,0.0,0.10119311921528294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570284416724097,0.10180119108524384,0.0,0.5321973774492921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348935368769588,0.0,0.0,0.05669806069634939,0.053366662640289435,0.02816443224955047,0.0,0.05780971286101581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025037070110364816,0.051363725351800615,0.2262635838196445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356901848109327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051957191624004286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002076479771666,0.0,0.0,0.0376730050559057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450258111635565,0.0,0.0,0.04917361416210148,0.058345921882081986,0.053775910189220295,0.0,0.17363406457557873,0.038976235772073965,0.0,0.0,0.17071373995969702,0.0,0.0,0.07105749725672028,0.0,0.053543008510899034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990589664330408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566126304860212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416118802938246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074619029344346,0.04083783486754583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520927359296496,0.0,0.0,0.043422066290292036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725468658660602,0.0,0.040926532564162565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866643177600653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706388516075417,0.1647640540795011,0.04479280679914078,0.09436411616446193,0.0,0.0,0.03404673892398597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059765969594777424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695877389878263,0.05574285383691016,0.0,0.05335073232536302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845695490037369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501438603761536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988020363416872,0.0,0.07461796880886751,0.10408918910926654,0.05222585233094516,0.03640494298499243,0.0,0.0,0.06600376286494976 ptsd,Arequin,2019/02/08,"I don't know what to do anymore I'm so sick of the therapy, the adjusting to meds, the hurting my girlfriend with my meltdowns, watching her feel helpless while my shame compounds on itself, watching my friends slowly get sick of my shit and put me into the too hard basket... The list goes on How do you get through days where you desperately want to die? I'm not gonna kill myself because I fucking refuse but how do I stop feeling so shaky and nauseous and useless? Why can't I stop crying? Why does my throat hurt so fucking much? Why can't shit that happened in the past just fucking stay there and why does it have to completely rule how my life operates now? Fucking why man?",5.8823888888888884,6.0088341555555616,5.763101851851853,83.80020833333336,66.7037037037037,8.231481481481481,34.65277777777778,7.6454224807358475,2.3771666666666667,541,24,107,5,8,169,86,135,0.274,0.659,0.067,-0.9842,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,2,0,0,11,14,7,2,6,0,7,10,3,3,0,21,21,12,2,1,3,0,3,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,3,4,0,0,1,4,13,0,0,0,5,16,1,12,20,1,13,0,4,2,4,7,5,6,1,6,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147609145830485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466810662443232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842729854761872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454832318758145,0.07899521791588507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712415686714226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438175261245265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386815316996305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463463307529048,0.4529561183406821,0.12799080670168805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831654437433318,0.0,0.10972600994863342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262253837073569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551583791353627,0.0,0.06731670517088079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651754418291259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605757313119832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004344741548917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169295307514107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231351927928602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514662252395485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305568873673708,0.0,0.2048124378434271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400767510834226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224713655626994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5526359762454276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,quivering_crevices,2019/02/08,What did you need to hear first time you opened up about childhood trauma? My best friend suffered from a lot of trauma in his early childhood. He is now 20 years old and just opened up to me about everything that happened to him. He has never opened up to anybody including a therapist. What is something someone said that actually helped? ,5.280000000000001,7.330353507936508,4.870031746031747,82.5888571428572,69.47619047619048,7.5796825396825405,30.06031746031745,8.238735603445708,2.23346603174603,273,11,48,4,5,83,47,63,0.126,0.772,0.102,-0.1926,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,2,6,2,12,6,2,16,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,9,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.261087715607396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28077454089387216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404543952032271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22757572306521345,0.0,0.0,0.20670649507436686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365913251692165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015454192790996,0.0,0.17933141510904002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22745927317516765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838304302300006,0.20634908610354816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28074604093459504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544988913261693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22669208493736856,0.20597109708424646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106432089915266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600906881269866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722917849825162 ptsd,mama_madness,2019/02/08,"Nightmares I don’t even have nightmares about my specific abuse but the nightmares pull the exact same emotions (fight or flight, literally seeing people I know being attacked and being forced to take drastic protection methods to save them, etc). I have had a significant relapse since I was struck by my ex (separated 5 years, unrelated to abuse) last Thursday. I’m taking prazosin and it’s doing nothing. I know I am over medicating because I can’t make it through the nights. My work performance is declining due to my “attitude problem” aka the face I make when I’m trying not to break under stress (Employer is a narcissist, so that’s great and helps a ton /s) and the significant ups and downs. I jump at the sight of my shadow or if anyone moves to quickly. I can’t listen to unfamiliar music or sounds that are unpredictable. I usually sit in quiet darkness or with white noise. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t handle it anymore. There is so much more to my store and I swear to god I am doing my best to fix this (CBT, Medication therapy) when does it end? When do I get to stop fighting every single day of my life? When? ",3.6032948810382126,5.6886397260274,5.015765440999762,79.63167988464312,74.11415525114155,7.898197548666188,27.964671953857252,8.6894789155246,2.310967123287672,896,36,165,18,19,299,137,219,0.133,0.7509999999999999,0.116,-0.2784,1,0,1,0,5,0,27.0,0,0,1,3,10,8,3,1,9,0,21,4,1,2,1,24,33,18,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,7,0,3,2,0,1,3,6,5,0,0,2,6,25,3,23,29,7,25,0,0,3,0,6,6,0,5,14,115,33,2,0.0,0.3709729236525575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525579413324347,0.10946358354567916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809852397350853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543158699982518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428984215627426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096196826079958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699818972586553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609797427273371,0.13865706603428715,0.0,0.17459492492957518,0.10339997194962858,0.0,0.13190034815078688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179105080544027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725972171257477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493234104534327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914906639918412,0.0,0.0,0.17207186030225208,0.1276093584585726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105760801761272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20899703176167544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315415839180308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663881538476972,0.11508245587392073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691181639192924,0.0,0.15021419909490671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853224053168324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497974586798453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475029061675733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949999492218034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088302934351992,0.17932779681603814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354126290250665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902886870974186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628735203826048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724179969377274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397045563666727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081323637636867 ptsd,ItsTooPeopleyOutside,2019/02/08,"Feeling the need to reach out to abuser during a bad moment of PTSD... Does anyone else randomly have an overwhelming urge to reach out to the person(s) who abused you? Every few months, I'll have a really bad episode of PTSD. I can't sleep, constant high anxiety, panic attacks, high alert all day long, can't leave the house, etc. Sometimes, in those really bad days, I get the urge to reach out to him via Facebook or something. I know it sounds crazy... I'll start to fall back into my old way of thinking: maybe I just overreacted, maybe he didn't mean it, he's going to be upset at me that I haven't talked to him/I blocked him, I should tell him I'm sorry for running away, It was all my fault anyway.... The next day, after I survive the night managing to not message him, I feel like shit. I start to second guess myself all over again. I start to tell myself I must have wanted it *because* I thought about reaching out. No one would ever *want* to reach out to someone who did what he did to you! It makes me feel absolutely crazy...I just needed to vent it off my chest. Even if I am the only one who goes through this, I at least know I won't be judged here. Thanks for reading.",1.9491814409656705,3.8465958174273887,3.077293474160694,92.51115711052437,78.37759336099585,5.87559411542814,21.327989437947945,6.7829847944221076,0.3245253112033195,916,25,199,9,22,294,141,241,0.173,0.76,0.067,-0.9839,0,0,1,0,2,0,47.0,0,2,0,1,9,11,2,3,10,0,17,3,3,1,5,34,38,2,0,8,5,0,3,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,1,8,1,0,3,7,9,0,3,5,4,28,2,36,27,6,35,0,1,0,0,16,14,1,4,18,125,41,2,0.0,0.2600930084404464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396535855913409,0.0,0.0,0.07674606674457106,0.11246109834039597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486674348895828,0.10312222299977522,0.08439792008753792,0.2749326196185527,0.06690808676451394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861052027919368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212356485248078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605086798751808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168958672170936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241033344497575,0.07249480504465182,0.0992833276792847,0.09247671778065067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664923924214812,0.07841187392739121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573445637434615,0.0,0.0623785869141226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209119473747273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319328856206956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664718564836072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064138636671208,0.0,0.0,0.11621896624670885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362271857482925,0.0,0.0,0.0971332888295332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326500571902714,0.0,0.2205353992153466,0.11955976210286727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760861166139662,0.0,0.0,0.1627698619889014,0.0,0.0,0.1167299750298761,0.1030014156413594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151736399455182,0.0,0.14875112045774944,0.08347668927311483,0.0,0.12877857438490534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583735257169604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566048681029073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978873370275632,0.0,0.14062889204697454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126660684011983,0.0,0.0,0.10983829800987016,0.0,0.09299847108140656,0.08449786467439786,0.10855448853639728,0.1228662494921688,0.23306402194866974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822015180098383,0.19186846245021968,0.10105136947622878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032915541369286,0.0,0.08713641068919252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294774408974468,0.0871216102233149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796966673064562,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ahzidahl1997,2019/02/08,"Not letting PTSD affect relationships? I have PTSD from a couple different sexual assaults, and with that came severe trust issues. I find myself questioning whether my new boyfriend hates me, is cheating on me, or was using me whenever he doesn’t text me for a couple hours- how do I get over this bump? It’s affecting my mood badly. ",4.0960215053763465,6.752040967741934,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,74.80645161290323,8.004301075268819,26.46236559139785,8.841846274778883,2.443862365591398,268,10,45,6,6,86,53,62,0.254,0.698,0.048,-0.9211,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,2,0,6,0,0,4,0,12,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,10,1,5,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039853539467895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334135083742301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516219653013586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322048890263215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652570719159134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662353948712673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148705641253745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009779976637512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300682314208694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868594504526197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710203624217604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771179254089089,0.0,0.22861665449449295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191058792825137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23055266248187295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762598641855442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AramintaDerwent,2019/02/08,"Struggling So I have had PTSD since I was twelve. The short story is that I found my brother after he committed suicide. I'm 25 now, married and have two babies. Obviously mental health issues run in my family. I have been living with generalized anxiety that leads me into periods of depression. For a long time my nightmares became less fiquent and I was thriving for one of the first times in my life, suddenly there has been a huge set back and I feel like I've lost control. My nightmares are back, anxiety through the roof, I'm so angery all the time. It is really starting to take its toll on every part of my life. I'm constantly trying to fight with my husband. The littlest things will set me off and I with blow up and then cry for hours. I struggle having the kids for a whole day by myself and feel like I'm on the edge every moment of the day. I can't seem to shake it this time it's been since before Christmas. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted and I know my husband is hitting that point also. I just can't seem to regain control of myself. I'm lost and don't know what to do.",2.5993243243243254,4.60282041891892,4.047108108108109,85.81714864864865,76.7927927927928,6.962522522522522,24.613513513513517,7.908726449838941,1.3909200000000004,871,30,174,14,20,288,126,222,0.133,0.8170000000000001,0.049,-0.9557,0,0,0,0,1,1,19.0,0,0,0,6,8,10,1,3,11,0,20,4,0,3,3,28,38,13,1,0,1,3,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,10,13,0,2,7,0,0,3,3,8,0,3,9,2,23,2,27,27,4,34,0,3,0,0,6,10,0,2,21,116,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836967578348398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820199255339734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917154646163453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467098491854457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329282494435977,0.2759284876318507,0.0,0.0,0.13511881778306836,0.15866032667578306,0.0,0.10594684992792223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383677567224277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727955968721745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596125740573815,0.0,0.12439336307419865,0.175754277314111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463077875618168,0.0,0.13487222814170605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307520477977214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211383760792719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838868408077006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520426571291969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376876962177573,0.12019126286235696,0.0,0.1086185634308214,0.10885845552668197,0.0,0.0,0.2685561332827616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239634127570758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335359291350708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320597842263573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628258286389412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379009482183444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880225294094835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396423354924166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350743802647275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870658925616271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571899210589644,0.0,0.1345510915026343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248691677701792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172123434532358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28690846533260184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835145465485243,0.0,0.12016121418104315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733434993891055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rollingwththehomies,2019/02/08,"Flashbacks I am sitting in bed crying because of flashbacks. They aren’t my normal flashbacks. This is something I feel like I can’t talk about with people. It has gave me a nightmare two nights ago. I have been doing extremely well, but I feel like I am taking steps back. I feel completely disgusting and I need to shower but it won’t help. 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Having ptsd just kinda makes me feel like I’m locked in the trunk while my brain’s driving, if that makes sense. Lately my mind’s been so fuzzy I’ve had trouble getting out of bed and taking my medication. I stopped going to therapy and quit in the middle of EMDR and I am having the hardest time trying to get back on track. The more I freak out thinking about, the more my vision is clouded. I start to think “Why did I stop? Can I even go back to therapy? What if they don’t want to help me anymore? Why can’t I get it right? I have a husband, what’s going to happen to us if I can’t get better?” and then I think about the fact that my family has to see me this way, it makes me more depressed, I get back in bed, and the cycle repeat itself. 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Tomorrow, I see a doctor for the first time in months. It is to set up all my health care in this country because I moved here several months ago. My PTSD is from a medical trauma, and if I didn't have loads of health issues that very much need sorting out, I would not go. My therapist, and husband, have helped me get this far, but I can't stand the idea of going. It's like... I'm walking into hell, and subjecting myself to the cycle of the system all over again. I'm terrified. I'm in tears writing this now. I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight. I'm too messed up. Plus, I'll just have awful nightmares. I can't win. 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We were driving along the m25 and a BMW pulled out in front of us making my partner break hard. He lost control of the car and we spun. Hit another car and went off the side of the road. I was in a critical condition. I was taken to hospital and put in a coma. I had such bad trauma to my face that 6 days later I had a 10 hour surgery. Since about July I have been suffering with panic attacks. Getting in a car is hard work. Some days leaving the house is hard. ",1.6415550239234449,3.6774012894736856,3.2535725677830962,90.19485645933014,79.96491228070175,6.601594896331737,25.27591706539075,7.686295010490155,1.3411333333333335,433,17,92,7,11,143,76,114,0.232,0.768,0.0,-0.9735,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,3,0,0,3,3,6,1,1,11,0,11,2,1,2,0,12,17,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,10,0,6,0,0,10,3,12,0,15,6,1,25,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,1,5,57,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182653597566397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896779126718213,0.0,0.14800118616648722,0.16070835938927247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361274248596886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158767755008072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482605548751546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298387595876674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056010201944808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172586550066345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954883739506065,0.22208999559661435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380294729675044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010890391063575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284783764773321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258276239749359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349026494214785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921708515360308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315234007015777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784260024923519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140123895379321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ducktheoryrelativity,2019/02/09,Police dealing with mental illness. I was recently arrested for old traffic tickets I had forgotten about. Not only is it a misdemeanor but I wasn't fighting them. Are police always bullies or was my crime on top of my illness a reason for that? ,3.3410869565217425,6.164288326086957,5.184956521739132,74.27526086956524,78.78260869565217,7.1582608695652175,33.11304347826087,8.238735603445708,3.385848695652175,197,11,29,4,5,67,37,46,0.265,0.6409999999999999,0.094,-0.831,0,0,0,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,6,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268117225703729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049231947051205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958144728090505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121405183894065,0.0,0.0,0.29871527900592104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038275616182688,0.3878077915190042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,especiallygirlgiants,2019/02/09,"(tw - sexual abuse) Nightmares I was sexually abused over the course of a few years when I was younger. I keep having nightmares about sexual abuse, but it’s not congruent with my actual experience, it’s sometimes more horrific and violent and it’s me now not my younger self. I’m afraid to go to sleep and have found myself forcing myself to stay awake later and later. I wake up from these nightmares into a panic attack. It’s been exhausting. And I’ve found that I’m more fearful when I’m awake. Fearful that these nightmares will come true. I guess I’m just asking if anyone knows any ways to stop the nightmares, and has any advice on ways to cope with being fearful to fall asleep and being fearful when I’m awake. I’m so tired and I feel like such a baby. ",3.311268466632704,5.288168960264905,4.25655629139073,85.23346408558332,74.62913907284769,7.030259806418747,24.198166072338253,7.882392219407189,1.3186817116658172,607,19,117,9,13,196,86,151,0.31,0.6509999999999999,0.039,-0.9947,0,0,0,0,3,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,2,6,5,0,9,5,3,0,1,25,24,14,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,12,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,9,0,0,5,1,11,2,15,16,3,18,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,9,70,19,0,0.0,0.4589421621969154,0.12599807515458367,0.0,0.0,0.12617014452488934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560589649748307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028053982959977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070553664203824,0.14688748866396806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122154612147343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629970654502892,0.0,0.5811632071682833,0.06528466192871124,0.09224011871222268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831369005612044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337929797963187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223524857853026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476376365899672,0.0,0.0,0.07095848653213581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307929755121612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148918644456724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346955959207643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292087172532135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276985028901864,0.0,0.0,0.13761991336947574,0.0,0.10794631566885828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839924095536608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497170305711432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314613049580606 ptsd,infinitestrength,2019/02/09,"TW- flashbacks and death. Just had my first major flashback in a while I had been holding my PTSD from my mom's death in for a while, but I've been doing trauma work with my therapist. Yesterday was a hard session, but today I've been really bad. Really foggy. Then I was driving and had a really bad flashback. I immediately pulled over and I got out and started screaming for my dad (I was calling him and he didn't answer). When he finally answered I was just not making any sense and I felt horrible. Foggy vision, couldn't feel my body, felt like I was back watching my mom die. I wanted to call an ambulance because I thought I was dying. I took my anxiety medication and my friend picked me up and took me home. I'm finally feeling better (super mentally exhausted) Just looking for support and seeing if anyone has gone through this before. I'm doing EMDR and my therapist told me I need to keep pushing through it but that was a scary event.",3.0831688804554105,5.2672830537634425,4.7275964579380165,80.65551233396587,75.98924731182795,7.6022770398481985,27.60784313725491,8.4952907291091,2.267966856419988,752,31,137,15,17,253,110,186,0.198,0.7090000000000001,0.094,-0.9727,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,4,6,10,0,0,6,0,18,3,1,2,0,34,38,18,4,4,8,3,5,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,3,12,0,2,7,0,0,6,3,5,0,1,22,9,27,5,14,15,1,23,0,0,3,0,10,5,0,1,13,92,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695105296853002,0.0,0.09781465193836753,0.0,0.0,0.08940460607897102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831856040810806,0.21352010683114314,0.07794394415792177,0.0,0.10880178067135704,0.0,0.0,0.11308420959634335,0.0,0.14202668799064525,0.0,0.0,0.26112432242387235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654026901690105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930249406465252,0.0,0.2455365785051203,0.2801347802284262,0.0,0.10875998778995392,0.0,0.0,0.09878644161859967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226351974010768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453990704659675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825676113412926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365028500537065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246727988057137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737250492823837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534937689359222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880826636383502,0.1288555759417402,0.0,0.0,0.29950260926998545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480860720250284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946470955340269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24573645067624186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189005539156397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050191085732076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509713073451352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969170099683177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150873918699922,0.0,0.0,0.12119893412626498,0.12217833476959253,0.28412043452872177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541676134411378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308560309086727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ruckinfok,2019/02/09,"I'm just so tired of being paralyzed by fear. My life is a mess and it's making things worse again. I keep replaying crap in my head from my friend's suicide again even though I thought I had moved past it. Kind of just venting here, but I just hate how frozen I can get. It's like I'm watching a video on repeat in my mind and it just kills me every time. Idk what to do anymore. Crap keeps happening and I feel like I can't deal with anything. A couple months ago I was fine but then everything just started to happen and I couldn't control anything. Now I'm worried about money and my dog and a new job. It's just too much. I just want to be normal.",0.1028571428571432,2.2372497857142903,1.72964285714286,98.24660714285716,86.85714285714286,4.642857142857143,18.75,5.985473137389443,-0.34164285714285736,510,14,119,4,16,165,91,140,0.213,0.715,0.071,-0.96,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,17,11,4,1,4,0,9,5,3,3,0,27,23,12,2,3,9,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,3,2,1,1,1,2,6,0,0,3,2,16,5,12,17,1,15,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,13,74,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958110152652148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561605959894873,0.0,0.0,0.2591566199290404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766077045494597,0.0,0.17422938112061392,0.0,0.0,0.16233703501911853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400256773085456,0.0,0.13266903881713082,0.0,0.14151723911140238,0.0,0.0,0.17718921157218573,0.07961782598914903,0.11249131884710624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216552205859887,0.0,0.08226771381828335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27848732902018675,0.0,0.0,0.15546172613258866,0.1616020641010427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562573418796353,0.2799200024912253,0.1742090460809423,0.1639730755674133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122049697975167,0.15385655336423745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051075137715223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899234686044675,0.0,0.1256851516809855,0.1673578330232723,0.11575313499592794,0.0,0.0,0.15207836832813074,0.0,0.0,0.15427992367732885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150315876907999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145284462526743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223853628777402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461116019258096,0.0,0.15470621319414452,0.12500772226291915,0.0918177131927826,0.18098010457966346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287552610328634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991092216696995,0.16046785028617244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theblackkeysweb,2019/02/09,"What to do when your panick attack is real. Hi, I'm transgender and Im dealing with panick attacks related to feeling unsafe in the idea of being abandoned by my family again after already being abandoned before by my father at 18, leading to my PTSD. I don't know how to deal with the aftermath of my panick attacks or how to make them stop. It is very hard for me to separate reality from my panick attacks since the concern of being abandoned is very real, due to the fact that my mom isn't accepting. I know for most people they have flashbacks of past events, which I used to have, but ever since it seems history is repeating itself for me, I panick about the very real reality of having no one. I can't tell myself it isn't real cause it is. I can't tell myself I'm safe, cause I'm not. All the things I would normally tell myself are useless and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. 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I was dissociating in my nightmare. I feel so fucked up now. Does this happen to anyone else? I hate PTSD.",1.38826666666667,3.9329323600000015,3.0,88.39666666666666,85.4,4.133333333333334,24.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.4953333333333338,198,8,38,1,6,65,34,50,0.319,0.6809999999999999,0.0,-0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,4,9,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,7,0,8,6,1,6,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,1,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400411946847735,0.2989407576775035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24360591301317835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25531956983792525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437265412681763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752171394523889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697257576284077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5160016312765026,0.0,0.0,0.2880508228784147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480423910796569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34104972664518635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519854119816521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OnlyLongComments,2019/02/09,"Could I have PTSD? Before I'll start I want to mention that I don't intend to insult anyone that suffers from ptsd. So after I've read a lot about ptsd I realised that I suffer from some of the symptoms of ptsd. However the 'problem' is that I can't tell if my traumatic experience was 'enough' to let me suffer from ptsd. I should also mention that I suffered from chronic depression for a long time and that I still suffer from anxiety. So it could be that the symptoms are from these illnesses rather than ptsd. As I already said I'm not sure if my traumatic experience is 'enough' to trigger ptsd. The main reason why I think that is because whenever I read stories from people that suffer from ptsd they had to experience really awful things that can't be compared to what I experienced. So I kinda feel like I'm a bad person if I just diagnose myself for what I experienced while other people had to live through way worse things. So here's what I think might have been a trigger for my possible ptsd: Some years ago I was playing soccer in a good team where only the best of the country could play. I had chances to eventually become a professional player. At the time I was only 11 years old however the pressure from the coaches and the soccer club in general was almost unreal. We had a list of foods which we should and shouldn't eat. I wasn't allowed to go to skiing holidays with my family because the risk of getting injured was too high. We had about 6 times training per week and whenever someone misbehaved the punishment was getting screamed at and doing push ups. And with 'misbehaved' I mean not looking at the coach or not having your hands behind your back while he was talking. For us 11 year old kids this was quite extreme. Everyone was somehow friends but behind the back there was always this envy and fear that the teammates could take your place in the start formation and stuff like that. All this pressure from the teammates, parents who wanted their kids to be stars and also from school was simply too much for some of my former teammates. Crying kids before, after or during the training became a normal thing. Then after I played there for about two years I suddenly got the message that they don't want me to play there anymore. It was a huge shock and the message came out of nowhere. I didn't really know what to feel/do when I got the message. Everything I worked for since I was 4 years old was suddenly gone. My whole world collapsed that day. I locked myself in my room for some weeks or even months (I can't really remember). Shortly after that, my parents divorced and my grandmother died. I somehow couldn't shed one single tear even though I was really close to my grandmother. I was just so numb. Some time later I became really depressed and got suicidal thoughts. I had nightmares about this topic for a long time. It was just too much for my 12 year old self. My anxiety got stronger and stronger and I wouldn't talk with anyone if I wasn't asked something or spoke directly to. My whole life felt like a film. It felt like my body wasn't even my body. I had trouble focusing on things and my thoughts were a mess in general. Before all that happened I was a extroverted and a joyful person. I was quite cheeky and had a lot confidence. Now I am very anxious, introverted and people always tell me that I look really exhausted and depressed. It's like I'm a whole different person after all that happened. Now after 5 years I can't remember a lot of the things that happened back then. It seems like my brain has deleted most memories. So my question is: Could I have ptsd and should I seek professional help? 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After the event I tried to pretend like it never happened and moved on with my life. Over the next couple years my mental health quickly deteriorated, and I eventually told a friend of mine what had happened. It's been five years since I told that friend and soon after confided in my family, but there's always the nagging thought in the back of my head that by not reporting him I could have allowed him to hurt others. It feels like that fear has been growing in intensity of late. Being it seven years since the trauma, I don't think there's much anyone could do about it. So I'm left here just ruminating on the terrible things that could and might have happened. And all of the people I may have allowed him the opportunity to hurt. I recently started seeing a second therapist to focus on processing the trauma, so hopefully that will help me with this and with the other symptoms. But I thought I might as well reach out to you all to see if you had any thoughts or things that helped you cope with or get past these thoughts. Thanks all.",6.6543623481781395,6.624748828947375,6.5692982456140365,79.20188259109314,65.09649122807018,9.646963562753037,30.25775978407557,9.265573868473778,2.3555448043184892,935,29,183,15,13,296,129,228,0.135,0.742,0.123,-0.7402,2,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,3,0,1,13,18,3,2,13,0,21,5,1,3,4,42,40,16,0,5,9,0,1,2,2,4,3,0,0,1,18,12,0,0,7,1,0,2,5,10,1,3,13,3,24,8,31,19,4,28,0,2,2,1,13,10,0,7,18,141,42,2,0.0,0.13331322215990418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936224384734475,0.0,0.0,0.07651483069335041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867389828866156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651796323114168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695049367684309,0.12449696418241392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607019916181024,0.12661193413378086,0.05689153899703541,0.08038154990429286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385937483658476,0.0,0.0587850370283621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984929419190272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547401624679995,0.1195993908740814,0.0,0.0,0.1508343881898858,0.0,0.0,0.11175391059392424,0.0,0.0,0.2409017009968805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183592568989363,0.0,0.1269231020513441,0.0,0.12224911077509472,0.0,0.07947347421990103,0.10993940109422133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338980081868336,0.23872367863334534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958684585535492,0.0827123060927015,0.0,0.08677938033625035,0.0,0.11966218690142988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740938309657556,0.07800452146779037,0.09824474983942516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109611006439148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932158545436444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614902050302853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963950004353416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169473467653122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358974083404952,0.0,0.13063990585556295,0.14950144206229532,0.0720957966244667,0.0,0.3573009746345348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502797907862764,0.0,0.0763910704617101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116551873767857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737010742523688 ptsd,ChickenWingDings,2019/02/09,"Seeking Advice On How To Stop Replaying An Event Does anyone have advice on how to break the thought cycle of replaying an incident over and over? As if the past wasn't bad enough, a new incident happened yesterday where I was the victim of an extreme road rage. I was already dealing with issues from a different past traumatic experience in the days prior to yesterday, but now I can't stop replaying the road rage incident over and over in my head. I did file it with police right after it happened, but I haven't slept. I've been petrified of the person finding me from my license plate number (he took a photo). I don't want to eat, I don't want to do my errands, I don't even want to pet my dog or talk to people face to face. All I've been able to do is replay the incident over and over and cry non-stop. I don't know how to get it to stop. I can't see my therapist until at least Monday and don't know how to manage myself until then. Any advice at all is greatly appreciated.",4.4056233421750655,4.810080665024637,5.962068965517242,80.13021220159152,69.935960591133,9.201818870784386,28.423266388783627,9.265573868473778,2.2817543766578248,777,26,158,15,13,266,103,203,0.127,0.809,0.064,-0.8927,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,3,0,13,0,19,5,4,4,2,27,31,17,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,3,4,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,9,1,17,1,35,22,4,35,0,0,1,0,4,16,0,2,17,108,20,1,0.13524368547884566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964756925950008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924476997318914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197034382920267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456552945912414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292282824231972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855883794428704,0.08722098870291065,0.13943030119838873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130086617427134,0.0,0.0,0.11835266055365125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838805386795294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974288001560534,0.0,0.08932717874520175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229427562690302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361027838171801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706592436854301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910664069257945,0.0,0.0,0.23919108883962575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879903910550093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115927022731428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865278522248065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061919419221574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25821080186309825,0.09376094274294168,0.11808956956799728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549736843999125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777170726765342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522791074867052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087037514481416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702834274708746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736837940393956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026071082754114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393106892154635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lunamoon1,2019/02/09,"It was my first time going out with friends since I was r*ped and nearly killed and i had an amazing time [tw; rape] my trauma happened quite recently as i was raped and nearly killed by two of my ex’s friends however i managed to go out and have a lovely time with my best friend and some other friends. my paranoia was really high that i would see them(they live local and have them around town before which has led me to have panic attacks public) but they’re on bail at the moment and reminded myself that they were not allowed to speak to me. i had a really lovely time and it was nice to see friends as i rarely go out anymore. just sharing my little victory as it’s a massive thing for me especially after being diagnosed. i’m going to hopefully start trauma therapy soon so hopefully from now i can start managing my symptoms a little better. trying to stay positive after everything! ✌️ ",6.590628571428571,6.565484662857145,7.148142857142857,74.98335714285717,65.22857142857143,10.2,32.92857142857143,9.888512548439397,3.1896285714285733,716,27,129,14,10,236,108,175,0.096,0.6659999999999999,0.237,0.9843,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,4,5,22,5,1,6,0,15,6,0,2,0,23,29,13,2,3,3,1,0,0,5,1,2,1,0,0,8,14,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,8,0,2,8,3,21,14,26,19,2,32,0,0,2,4,13,13,0,3,13,94,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955987444030218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732104278396552,0.0,0.13715067629618638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025848916638457,0.0,0.12651684279920442,0.10662262436102292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236253592293528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083486088925821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254548681050044,0.0,0.0,0.4657091248309286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27406065514726524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660791180993608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737479664077775,0.0,0.2394800554093729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667563035838367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165901522666966,0.10645379491656262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761429831587992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144733878568985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282269142971872,0.0,0.0,0.154463447288761,0.0,0.11903521967415034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921361990487809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972576688267007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066133777189907,0.12849742590143548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253045953134581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137867119121855,0.0,0.08009252973471813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811903781787252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185010121670967,0.0,0.11776640057940775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564003692177592,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Awkward-Octopus,2019/02/09,"Nightmares are back I'm sorry this is so long I used to have frequently recurring trauma nightmares. I did a lot of work with my therapist to get over them. We did one-on-one trauma therapy, and then I went through group therapy as well. In a one-on-one session with my therapist, well after I was finished with group therapy and was still having some nightmares, she told me that she used to have a recurring nightmare, too, where a monster would show up, but one day she was absolutely sick of it and told the monster ""Go away"" basically. She said that it had worked, after a few tries, and she no longer saw the monster. So I tried it. Whenever my abuser showed up in a dream, I would tell him off in different ways - fuck you, I hate you, you're not welcome, etc., etc. He never *stopped* showing up in dreams, but I stopped being afraid, at least for a while. About 8 months ago some things happened, and as a result I cannot see my therapist until I get those things fixed. I thought I was fine, honestly. We had cut back on sessions a bit because I seemed good, and a few times she had mentioned the possibility of graduating me (although I do remember at my last session, she had decided she wanted to try EMDR therapy). A few nights ago, I had a very abuser-centric dream. It started off with me just being annoyed, but then every time I tried to tell him off - I was suddenly powerless. My mouth would fill up with goop and I couldn't speak. I tried and tried to spit it out and speak but I just.. couldn't. I could talk to other people in the dream fine, but as soon as I tried talking to or about him .. nothing. The dream left me feeling really gross, and then it happened again the next night.. and I just don't know what to do at this point. I'm absolutely terrified to go to sleep tonight. And I know, nothing that I have described is very ""nightmare""ish, but it's the tone of them, I guess.. the way they leave me feeling. I hate it.",3.3796545768566517,4.8402250310880826,4.284994818652852,87.2582348877375,73.30051813471503,7.63371329879102,27.37443868739205,8.238735603445708,1.6840786873920548,1506,56,316,24,30,486,181,386,0.152,0.767,0.08199999999999999,-0.987,3,0,0,0,2,0,70.0,2,2,3,2,16,16,5,1,20,0,31,5,3,3,1,56,59,31,0,7,11,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,18,20,0,2,8,8,0,4,7,9,2,1,18,7,56,7,50,33,10,61,0,0,2,1,32,22,1,6,33,226,74,6,0.0,0.09651875942803158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444217124571161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653592146194213,0.1252779933455304,0.0,0.04965827854378985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893504634791996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504051569973131,0.0,0.0,0.05253603864130688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511010796572095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817025931781016,0.0,0.0,0.06863497123344107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237893701734955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531000218678183,0.08512072178561299,0.0,0.09259308983237542,0.06832618471486472,0.0,0.0,0.0897392146802613,0.0,0.14407257327404618,0.0,0.0,0.16085307010807326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953840795346914,0.06640213441218086,0.0,0.08625614745587476,0.08850834389884672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209101538873439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069255799590184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502192860525376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282826263055663,0.0,0.08663541127464383,0.15289251974354984,0.0,0.15632934072239302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656016095495976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056475265692833926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700760983723548,0.09183579421537158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052186432390090375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228019324316747,0.0,0.0774887036592071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491440491162549,0.07415964579511711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152050164798275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911896713230912,0.057658990017139276,0.0,0.06505539569166027,0.13621120914205145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095161087858684,0.14240218205095925,0.0,0.3726340809897347,0.2837498360781389,0.10823902900829004,0.0,0.0,0.06467146741976375,0.09500191091899653,0.0,0.0,0.15568023521396812,0.0,0.3871498912875901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071345721100434,0.0,0.13442881986833505,0.04804820415693446,0.129320965427677,0.0,0.0,0.1464876507709344,0.0755157851497272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861013338861555,0.0,0.0,0.17360410149391864,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tinysunflowers,2019/02/09,"Do you guys have any tips for possibly self soothing after nightmares? I've been having a really hard time with nightmares the past couple of weeks. I was recently put on prazosin but I haven't noticed a difference. I am very uncomfortable with taking a sleep aid. I don't want to be groggy if I actually need to wake up in the night. You know? I have started to accept the fact that I might be struggling nightly for a while. I'm constantly waking up sweaty, crying and nauseous and honestly it sucks a lot. What do yall do to possibly help get back to sleep afterwards?? I am so exhausted. Even when I do sleep I don't feel very rested, but having some bad sleep has to be better than having no sleep I'm guessing. ",3.2036480186480176,5.030162132867137,4.653304195804196,82.92559731934732,74.52447552447552,7.843589743589742,25.90268065268065,8.59863814320734,1.904529603729604,567,20,110,11,12,189,92,143,0.198,0.695,0.107,-0.933,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,1,4,7,1,1,8,0,21,8,7,0,1,17,32,8,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,2,13,3,17,26,3,18,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,5,13,76,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.1251158457063447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718815832840184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985866636322988,0.10705117560467482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339257702027628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385509909946638,0.0,0.0,0.14186349138043652,0.14083421834133833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395363960823733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468243000080149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482754342748674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698517227739514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123932761132804,0.12694945759624834,0.0,0.0,0.11485224398735575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593740847165125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046164031964952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900075961389052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601204956486612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506713919449414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406354542138701,0.0,0.0,0.14596954503988793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239230244018635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890782111665701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288878836722141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213551508637887,0.0,0.12659330415019154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337524670584892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6415200356011025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907486989916827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403440798217447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639902749892117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476110676808566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115756884817514,0.0756224140386859,0.0,0.10284346301439466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,heiferly,2019/02/10,"Has anyone tried trigger desensitization with beta blockers? For PTSD, for phobias, or for panic disorder ... Regardless, I'd love to hear about your experience with it. ",6.620000000000001,10.310975444444443,7.58666666666667,56.700000000000045,72.33333333333334,9.525925925925927,34.925925925925924,9.725611199111238,4.80017037037037,135,7,17,4,3,45,24,27,0.249,0.635,0.116,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464722747004781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039891117684553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448071536226008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972867981529977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181399509653306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413576219703502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120470808688946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23932055374222774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,faderogue,2019/02/10,"anyone experience brain zaps while taking abilify? i was recently prescribed 2mg abilify and i noticed that since starting it i’ve been getting brain zaps. i’ve had the occasional brain zap here and there lately which i attributed to lingering discontinuation symptoms from cymbalta, which i stopped taking a couple months ago, but since starting abilify they have become more frequent. i can’t find anything on google or on here about it so i decided to ask— has anyone else experienced anything like this? is this a known side effect? should i report it somewhere?",6.785075757575758,9.307001787878793,6.876654040404045,67.80164772727275,66.47474747474747,9.798484848484847,35.607323232323225,10.125756701596842,4.306726262626263,463,23,68,12,8,148,71,99,0.016,0.937,0.047,0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,8,4,3,2,0,11,13,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,8,1,6,9,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,10,43,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573406450397008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299099433120065,0.16845113919844926,0.27058066709835665,0.0,0.15369537631917013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815710996886037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505870952399644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819096968646133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733829354180355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081847996754153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026211061297085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589420903738759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545466687402007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031940078966175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312255584885731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717483569090645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162328935788668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719930731944217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327317361753802,0.0,0.0,0.13744895280317238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087851530281606,0.24722242064867914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,flbreglass,2019/02/10,"PSA for Upcoming College Students Hey everyone! If you’re gonna start college, i just want to warn you that some colleges make you take a sexual violence program called “Not Anymore”. It can be state law (it is in CT) for all freshman to take it. Its pretty triggering and it sucks big D. I do support the awareness, but for those who have been through it, its pretty torturous. They have a little mute button etc, but i know everyone has different reactions than just sound/ visuals. Just wanted to have a warning out there for those who are in the same situation. Wish everyone the best:) 💜",3.05337837837838,5.7912942702702725,4.069752252252254,82.35976351351354,79.27027027027026,8.024324324324324,29.069819819819823,8.841846274778883,2.859527927927928,468,22,84,12,12,151,80,111,0.117,0.774,0.109,-0.2481,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,1,4,4,2,0,6,0,10,0,0,2,1,19,21,4,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,6,2,12,18,5,7,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,2,1,60,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877241533880584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997567336704662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436488859454107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988714054529143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228647773729847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5456522365835514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046093669561236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077703203641969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270576557369362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38730130401282464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395725415745376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347281146244391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160027636554092,0.0,0.0,0.28623350793711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245423985133861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888888975412032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sargentodiaz,2019/02/10,"Zap the Brain to Cure PTSD **MeRT or magnetic e-resonance therapy, is being studied on Navy SEALS to see if it will cure their PTSD.** **This indicates the FDA has yet to approve it. But, a search of the internet shows a number of companies claiming to use it to cure PTSD.** [https://americanmilitarynews.com/2019/02/zap-how-electric-therapy-is-curing-navy-seals-of-ptsd-and-could-remake-brain-science/](https://americanmilitarynews.com/2019/02/zap-how-electric-therapy-is-curing-navy-seals-of-ptsd-and-could-remake-brain-science/)",21.118034188034194,27.59949644444444,9.84851851851852,31.852179487179512,75.2962962962963,6.846723646723647,22.672364672364672,7.321109707123232,2.1863749287749297,464,10,42,7,13,109,40,54,0.0,0.975,0.025,0.0772,2,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,4,1,1,1,0,4,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,8,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707315965125363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244501379095772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.82153080625497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200746932878844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074167380160398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139800298690505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,medievalfurby,2019/02/10,"Mental illness or abuse? So basically my life story: From ages 3-11 I was raped, beaten bloody, starved, and practically psychologically and physically tortured by my family. I've been diagnosed with ptsd, panic disorder, gad, mdd, ednos, unspecified sleep disorder, and am being tested for bpd. Now that we're all caught up; one big abuser was my father. I still live with him, along with my brother, my father's girlfriend, and her two sons. Now, I had repressed all of my trauma tightly until I was 12, when I admitted I was raped (long story). I went to court and shit, yada yada yada, and my mental health crashed. I began to remember everything I pushed back, everything I hid from. I never really trusted my dad, I think, but only my subconscious looked into that until my memories came flooding back. I'm terrified of him, everything about him. His voice, his breathing, the sound of his steps in his steel toed boots hes always wearing and his chain wallet clinking, his smell... it immediately puts me on edge. A reminder: I live with him. If he gets even the slightest bit angry I get flashbacks and panic attacks. But he gets angry at me that i dont trust him. Gets angry that I cant ""move on"" and saying I'm just ""hiding in the past"" and ""getting joy from my misery."" We have family therapy, and my parents will sit there with the therapists ranting about how us kids cant see past our own noses, how selfish we are, how disrespectful and lazy and worthless we are, for a good hour and a half. All the therapists do is nod. My dad always makes me feel guilty about my mental illness, punishes me for showing symptoms or not trusting him, I'm always the bad guy... and I actually believe him. My best friends say hes wrong but hes not. It's my mind and i should be able to control it right? Idk. Is he mentally abusive or is my mental illness making me overreact?",4.210706304868314,5.913660170391065,5.514305666400642,78.30051675977657,71.59776536312847,8.242777334397447,28.42817238627295,8.841846274778883,2.375341260973664,1463,56,266,28,28,489,203,358,0.281,0.67,0.048,-0.9982,1,0,0,0,2,0,69.0,5,0,0,3,17,22,7,3,9,0,24,14,5,6,4,55,43,30,0,2,10,7,2,0,2,2,7,4,0,2,7,27,0,3,4,1,0,7,6,15,0,3,10,10,62,7,32,29,6,32,0,1,2,2,39,9,1,4,15,178,69,2,0.08670552958665807,0.3081956231012079,0.0846120894535689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643783935376895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864005712148864,0.0,0.13334240047840662,0.07239549551246914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976874403137322,0.09099210399512214,0.0,0.09465998177335183,0.0,0.10920257924344097,0.0,0.0,0.09916802723049656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724762415226436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800428739339843,0.0,0.0,0.19874409744222332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161823492647444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057268184552662575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23377601756299854,0.0,0.16347651339956093,0.0,0.0438409209686817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669884770762864,0.0,0.2265003028513385,0.0,0.0,0.0727244845013007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858521061147342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216392341726426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538748114395754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061242679734200965,0.0,0.0,0.15312514228791968,0.0767316652202951,0.07281080750715581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575322855713115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368939023257484,0.0,0.0875478679144549,0.0,0.0,0.09215425615945697,0.0,0.0,0.06687264964357834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05875391080466246,0.06594346235145418,0.0,0.2034605144399272,0.09627622969835432,0.0,0.16554047785127438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013541241650187,0.08716300546255701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554578247518673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982204627888398,0.07404604851604109,0.0,0.13790343446488795,0.0,0.0,0.06909308127780793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900198012876409,0.0,0.0,0.08676814728317757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924314793000362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012024419487467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991553295441752,0.20134360535643814,0.0,0.0555574023432922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469870359996108,0.0,0.10429607632247102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803768945923613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947988853409455,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LLAP1963,2019/02/10,"Weighted blankets? Hi, I have nightmares at least 4 nights a week, that can lead to flashbacks that last most of the day, then I’m depressed and numb for a few days after. I’ve been reading about weighted blankets for nightmares and trauma. Does anyone have experience with them and how much weight have you used? I’ve seen the weight range from 1-15 lbs. ",4.971911764705883,6.494217073529412,4.11694117647059,89.76923529411766,69.44117647058823,6.028235294117647,28.30588235294117,5.6839178017228535,0.945978823529412,283,10,55,1,5,83,52,68,0.135,0.865,0.0,-0.8343,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,5,5,0,3,0,8,8,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,6,3,0,9,6,4,9,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,7,32,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220554822848392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515180536467905,0.0,0.1503471285718294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275747036147946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075187658252072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228861586849453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832070903611092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381148891928882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460591024333671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507626466970285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002043761207944,0.8502617453775186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gig_103,2019/02/10,"I just had my first nightmare related directly to my trauma (TW:R*pe) I still feel off and sort of numb. It's a hard dream to explain, but it's the only dream I can recall having a direct relation to my trauma. I can't really remember it, but I remember seeing his face as clear as day; for the longest time when I thought of his face all I could do was draw up a fuzzy haze, but I saw him 100% clear in that dream. I remember reporting him for the rape of someone else (just in the dream, he only abused me) and then I found him hanging in his room. I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense, I can't really piece it all together in a coherent way. I don't have anyone I could really talk to about this until my therapist gets back from holiday, that's in two weeks. ",3.969074074074072,3.968569734567904,5.732938271604941,82.81422222222223,70.79012345679013,9.93679012345679,26.69382716049382,9.888512548439397,2.202467160493826,595,17,132,14,10,206,96,162,0.13,0.7509999999999999,0.119,-0.4111,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,8,0,12,4,2,1,4,23,21,11,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,7,5,0,1,4,4,0,2,5,4,24,0,21,14,3,19,0,0,2,1,9,8,0,2,9,90,32,1,0.0,0.1966416638397668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286205053172725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604675072429525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276170207737757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650194697897699,0.0,0.0,0.10703384617867913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864265708523152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391700917230355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116994353389178,0.0,0.18197231309367387,0.0,0.0,0.08670998497263936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867225106142248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078308265343698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524480787688541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189647366748637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5640187725057377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225280416609989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062180446645486,0.0,0.0,0.18578449205353434,0.0,0.0,0.13254005051837794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339656869949568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926984288212246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175785755787733,0.0967756627922594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212391824427225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173547796179952,0.13312730010730564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hiddenpunkess292,2019/02/10,I don’t know how to talk about it I’m finally starting therapy 8 years after experiencing trauma. I’ve had one session so far and I only have 5 left. I have no idea how to begin talking about it all. I have so much anxiety just thinking about diving back into the whole story but I know I really need to. How do I open up? How do I try to remember the things that are a blur? I really need advice. ,-0.057764705882352274,2.0933272823529414,3.4120588235294136,85.73926470588238,87.94117647058823,6.6941176470588255,19.088235294117645,7.908726449838941,0.9739647058823532,309,9,66,7,10,113,57,85,0.07400000000000001,0.91,0.016,-0.4938,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,4,1,18,16,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,9,0,10,15,3,11,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,6,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291864835868266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668451938656909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754322244821726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386867932385993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459702048732836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394922364382287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23673707974341285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017351520252213,0.32312392493543124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764725267177678,0.1657144335502568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791705970767357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24682580764941806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422298414274144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502619140916536,0.0,0.0,0.2491751067198809,0.0,0.1447557965324161,0.13961449900483355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479323557031781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432653321493324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403133981346067 ptsd,sciencefox03,2019/02/10,Night terrors Ive been suffering from night terrors for several months now. While I don’t usually remember them (typical for night terrors) I tend to have what I refer to as “snapshots” that are just a second or two image or scene from the dream that I can’t ever seem to describe but I remember the feeling of terror. These snapshots sometimes get stuck in my head in that I can’t stop lingering on them or I’ll be doing something totally normal like washing dishes and it’ll pop into my head and I can’t focus. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this?,4.788482142857141,6.077710883928571,6.095000000000002,76.3,69.625,9.171428571428573,31.857142857142854,9.516144504307137,3.1446392857142857,457,20,81,10,8,154,76,112,0.15,0.7879999999999999,0.063,-0.8635,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,4,3,0,12,4,2,0,2,20,19,9,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,1,1,6,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,2,2,12,1,13,15,1,13,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,6,10,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679809229412284,0.1858056488331069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148743346344454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403363820903707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169163813432674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474337375894247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372217095838124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859422648384709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447449400133271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5105297337407435,0.17767602615953293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108488112215503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508635951404996,0.0,0.20486411516358144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139605435146271,0.17935123766265307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160949328420836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771441545783694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997218835774239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665696474014047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tie_Guy_,2019/02/10,"I never really talked to anyone about this (TW- Victim blaming(?)) I was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago, from my bullying as well as PTSD from being groomed and tricked by a pedophile online and doing other things I'm not comfortable discussing right now. Either way, for the second PTSD thing I used to talk about it a lot. I'm not sure why, I think it may have been my form of accepting what happened. And it got to the point where my family started to blame me for what happened. I was standing in the kitchen with my brother talking to him about it and out of no where he gets irritated with me and tells me it was my fault I didn't see what he was doing and got in the car with him in the first place. And deep down I guess I agree. I was 14 or 15 at the time and I should've known better. Was it really my fault? I'm still not sure. I'm at that point where I don't trust people like I used to. I don't really know I guess.",2.4399999999999977,3.5171890606060607,3.7418383838383846,91.74609090909092,75.06060606060606,7.098181818181819,21.785858585858588,7.554174236665415,0.5506258585858586,726,17,168,9,15,238,106,198,0.163,0.7859999999999999,0.051,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,2,0,9,0,15,2,0,2,3,31,32,11,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,14,13,1,0,4,0,0,1,8,4,1,2,10,1,25,8,30,20,3,26,0,0,1,0,10,15,0,5,9,118,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510133611903185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079188778661257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483892517841905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179174862471718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240798828180904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044760488488356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678395834133989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770066367065526,0.0,0.2860817348371434,0.0,0.2296461577669479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136039459769912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343657797946232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039108914027146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001458416713045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001940813923942,0.0,0.13566224880484504,0.0,0.2454943549081885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553518123835133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495495168914521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088844079898473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347107248044243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919062193258136,0.0,0.10369580637794812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244758107283465,0.0,0.0,0.3130977701889633,0.1134918091017512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252886213740454,0.08320057375316799,0.0,0.0,0.07571470172038489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22429185555771708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306633023305713,0.0,0.0,0.11674784934903246,0.0,0.1171665227335499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361706923900361 ptsd,omegakittyxenia,2019/02/11,Bladder incontinence I’m experiencing bladder incontinence and I think it’s a physical symptom of my ptsd. Does anyone else experience this? Is there anything I can do to stop it? I wear depends sometimes if I’m having a rough time and I feel like it’s going to happen. ,2.030054945054946,4.866437500000004,4.780219780219781,74.02192307692309,87.46153846153847,6.817582417582417,28.582417582417587,7.957251820313856,2.644557142857143,218,11,37,5,7,77,38,52,0.049,0.888,0.063,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,1,0,7,10,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,3,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051167364685059,0.3005711491120489,0.2414015791886273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567120559042938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24505580017667114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286952023906182,0.0,0.0,0.1483262818492423,0.2095688855807604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667172366751547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25940792493706466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331570986230585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34290977596531363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901300791309769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452532519808429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30490237078551674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796646458840824,0.0,0.0,0.17105440693195606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,prodromal96,2019/02/11,"I feel like no one knows how much I suffer. Do you guys hit yourself/curl up in a ball/screech when you have intrusive thoughts? It’s like I can’t even control these impulses. Sometimes I start hyperventilating. And it can be something so small, just remember something my ex boyfriend said, or remembering the scene at a party. I can control these impulses when I’m around other people, but I’m so nervous to be in a relationship because I don’t know if I can really control them at home while in bed. Would medication help with this? I just feel like such a mess.",4.7131818181818215,6.1013297272727325,5.54159090909091,79.82238636363638,69.9090909090909,8.772727272727273,31.931818181818183,9.188382445141503,2.7493636363636367,450,20,88,9,8,147,76,110,0.102,0.779,0.119,0.2018,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,3,10,6,0,1,5,0,10,1,0,4,0,20,20,10,0,2,5,1,2,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,6,3,0,3,7,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,3,12,3,9,14,1,12,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,2,7,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663003144625206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040788594480186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5542209480342157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879178390099536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656829746923366,0.2353428673496423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163092367059246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040405868573873,0.0,0.16522117763906485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104458142952248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414122449650101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593163019314738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108345325596954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161420285152053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419167564151494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551975430782633,0.0,0.0,0.17684077145519214,0.3731768152193821,0.0,0.15668035919052667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536091635280785,0.16290596893199116,0.0,0.1165851387342826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307642051836425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700782047166568,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pretty_bee34,2019/02/11,"First post, a bit shaken up Hey everyone, first time posting here. Diagnosed with PTSD 2 years ago. So last night around 1am, I was in bed getting ready to sleep and I heard keys jangling outside my door, and I just assumed it was my neighbours. I live in private student accommodation, so we have 24 hour security, I generally feel very safe. But then, after hearing these keys, my door began to open and a security guard walked in. I jumped out of bed to speak with him, apparently he'd had a noise complaint, my TV was on but it wasn't loud enough to be heard from where the complaint was, so he apologised for disturbing me and left. After he was gone I just broke down, it scared me so much This morning I found out he filed a report himself because he's new to the job, and had thought that my flat was one with a communal living space, ie. A flat he would be allowed to enter without knocking. He had no idea he was walking into a studio flat, essentially my bedroom. I know that this guy made an honest mistake, I'm not upset about that. It just upset me so much to have someone walk into my space like that with no warning. I don't necessarily want to go into my PTSD diagnosis on this post, but I'm so shaken up by this event. I really don't feel like being in my apartment at all, and I can't sleep because I feel like someone could just walk in. I'm so on edge and I'm so tired. I feel like I'm overreacting, but when I think about it I start shaking. I just don't feel like anyone understands, so I guess that's why I'm here, I wanted to get it off my chest to people who would understand. Sorry for any mistakes, I'm on mobile and I'm pretty sleep deprived. ",4.3128889477869095,4.706616107871724,5.5586761197985695,82.97874039226083,70.13702623906705,8.218870924993372,28.710442618605885,8.150884317080207,1.7611877551020414,1307,45,276,17,22,438,176,343,0.135,0.753,0.112,-0.8089,3,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,0,2,21,18,0,5,10,0,24,6,4,2,1,58,56,23,0,7,11,0,5,5,1,2,2,5,6,1,17,20,0,4,13,1,0,9,9,9,0,3,18,10,36,9,44,31,5,54,0,2,0,0,19,26,0,2,21,171,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058786263894572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949469380094951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145566973296237,0.0,0.0,0.09097337000550924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459171793706812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156820709691953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159273563416528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372366841177172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559261010899616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976497198601582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583590688652827,0.2920265860735957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738505007407648,0.0,0.11204926828030977,0.0,0.0,0.10678317161116152,0.0,0.058078594695665474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257702895880348,0.1011870631630718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517885438670653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063944658856064,0.0,0.0,0.11536337411677505,0.0,0.0,0.1014107101012498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616255937283128,0.08330087392987512,0.0,0.0,0.11103291275389164,0.0,0.0,0.2496315075936861,0.0,0.18047645125718015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966974171913712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024711767367846,0.0,0.0,0.09869856441737616,0.0,0.0959011380034952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924857120830198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708477073708639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936177221767498,0.1039669444272549,0.0,0.0,0.2389161228035022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654674049841901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231294629658967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30680018453893665,0.0,0.17317546858474067,0.0,0.0,0.11439661363051185,0.0723326787739608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548110040042557,0.0,0.08112976792212173,0.05958951677243715,0.11745573487202697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127728793009881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431986618746319,0.12055207057619778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221322032520476,0.0,0.0,0.09851033358368527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518984467665302,0.0,0.0,0.06580889360537674 ptsd,dkimball50,2019/02/11,"Any links to the verbiage used here? I’ve seen some terms like “brain zaps” and a few others I’m not familiar with, is there a glossary of some sort for this reddit? Also, can someone explain the difference between PTSD and C-PTSD?",3.244333333333333,5.34994626666667,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,75.22222222222223,6.277777777777778,26.805555555555557,7.1686216300943375,1.3402222222222218,182,7,35,2,4,57,39,45,0.0,0.928,0.07200000000000001,0.466,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,10,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,22,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455329481187548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879192176910166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34274865143617056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207825280174397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000006289369874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7178066942009371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014676021623606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651766024571359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,neverfreeneverme9,2019/02/11,"Anyone have PTSD from living/having lived in a country with terrorism or experienced a terrorist attack? I lived in Istanbul, Turkey for three years. My husband (Turkish) and I recently moved back to the states and while I’m happy to be back home, I’ve been experiencing so many PTSD symptoms that I’m finally seeking help. I have an appointment with a trauma counselor in 10 days. Let me explain a little... I lived in Istanbul from 2015-2018. Within the first month of moving, there was a terror attack in Ankara. Months later, one in Istanbul. And over the next year-year and a half there were many attacks including a coup. The coup of July 2016 itself was the most terrifying event for me as we lived right next to the Bosporus Bridge. I still have videos of the gunfire I recorded. While I was already extremely on edge from the other attacks, this one in particular changed me. In addition to the rapid gunfire and the people being run on in tanks on the streets, there were multiple sonic booms from low-flying jets. One was so close to our home that it felt and sounded like an explosion. My husband and I were so scared that night that we had to take Xanax to be able to fall asleep at 5 am. The next attack that stands out to me was the Besiktas Stadium car bombing. We live near there so we heard and felt that one. I was already feeling like I’m living in a war zone. After all of these attacks and incidents in Turkey, I had trouble sleeping, I felt easily triggered by noises... any kind of noises but the ones that triggered me the most were airplanes flying over our apartment. My heart rate would go up at any noise. I was extremely vigilant while using the metro or other public transport. I was scared of driving in traffic for fear that a bomb would go off. I hated being in crowded areas as I felt very unsafe. I always felt on edge. Now that we live in the states I feel safer but it seems to have manifested into insomnia. I have trouble sleeping and staying asleep due to noises. Any sound that I perceive to be unexpected I become jumpy, irritable, scared, sweaty, and an increased heart rate. I also hate thinking about those situations I experienced as they make me cry and feel awful. While I could go on and on, I wanted to ask if anyone else has experienced trauma from living in a country with frequent terrorism and/or experienced a terrorist attack themselves. I feel really alone in how I feel. Any comments would be appreciated. ",4.714553732998656,6.6622183434125315,5.371911738952775,78.83659155916177,70.74946004319655,8.029163504757458,28.712217617185217,8.685302888712808,2.3514279259821373,1955,75,344,35,37,631,224,463,0.204,0.7490000000000001,0.048,-0.9978,0,1,0,2,0,0,56.0,7,0,1,1,15,25,10,7,31,1,33,9,6,5,1,57,60,31,1,6,5,2,10,2,0,3,3,4,2,0,18,25,0,0,14,1,0,11,0,21,0,8,21,19,43,4,68,28,4,77,0,0,0,0,17,38,0,6,26,240,61,0,0.06119711305741635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338175304384422,0.1350650720429526,0.048939309202107886,0.050920900462284036,0.0,0.0,0.16646454166987434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855808887069949,0.0627036742675589,0.0,0.0,0.057211039705665885,0.4873438556343048,0.0,0.09411360493760246,0.0,0.0,0.06758740335892892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473843116713271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886091512193615,0.0,0.06722215509852376,0.039467075211186524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051122335317438566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886376599977176,0.15471549564668766,0.04371922979597962,0.2937941276199746,0.06703844606314532,0.0,0.052054233104078654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433918891566066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514546480531308,0.0,0.12083895893349872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450377472512992,0.041019134902606745,0.0,0.12277138820839005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372737598381961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257819433247139,0.0,0.05979563650854585,0.06133558434198711,0.43230537610227504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04084954816919621,0.12408853474702973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769390357582976,0.13008569256879765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525147200801907,0.057429344998254674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734373800719846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042426372758876375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307230057715936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03920443766621917,0.0,0.06042476626946925,0.0,0.0,0.05226200017568867,0.0,0.0,0.1838069582794921,0.0,0.0,0.05571155332464616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878811913506044,0.1224826177611687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522797998421978,0.0488720935391863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360723242274458,0.04601261294448674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039212639016070236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285465694216106,0.0,0.05049402735252219,0.03609564284379026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041801985511306,0.0,0.0,0.11822680314843212 ptsd,_slothattack_,2019/02/11,"Nightmares and marijuana I'm looking for advice on how people use marijuana to treat nightmares and sleep problems. I have a medical card so accessing it isn't an issue. I've noticed in the past that I hardly dream after I smoke, but I often feel like I still didn't sleep great and I honestly don't like being high every night. I use it pretty infrequently, but I'd rather use this than take the Ativan I am prescribed. I'm just curious how long before bed and what type of marijuana helps people. I honestly don't know a ton about it, so just looking for some help to stop the nightmares. ",4.92378205128205,5.946813803418803,6.149647435897435,77.02139423076926,69.08547008547009,8.926923076923078,29.15491452991453,9.188382445141503,2.483804273504273,473,17,88,9,8,159,75,117,0.07200000000000001,0.675,0.253,0.9713,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,6,0,7,3,2,5,0,20,17,10,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,9,6,10,15,2,9,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,2,8,55,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604617252037895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459142076808784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431669246959025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591785543537174,0.1213925744689036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734001186043756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522170665987279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277907644554432,0.17953231238657322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773548061693528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338489022793917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603097290718172,0.0,0.0,0.15037594954773364,0.28538398807823234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117891017315198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594606325851166,0.0,0.0,0.19345774350885786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221012846523505,0.23560555108639986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728721376143368,0.0,0.16259275875404156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400901700945844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570022349644556,0.14206270922480144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776047449687894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402751083782587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,afterchampagne,2019/02/11,"where do I even start? I’m 19 and a sophomore in college and I just came out as a lesbian. I’ve been loosely diagnosed with several things by several counselors and therapists, none of whom were ever reliable or supportive. Some of whom should honestly be fired for malpractice. But 9/10 of them agreed I have PTSD from an emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive childhood. I know I have a whole mess of issues. Narcissistic & alcoholic mother, distant and homophobic father, financial struggles, a chronic autoimmune disorder, going to a catholic college as a lesbian, been sexually assaulted several times, am the victim of sexual abuse as a child, never being able to process grief, etc. The list never ends. I guess my question is: where do I even start? Every therapist I see thinks a different thing is more than important everything else. I just want to start somewhere that isn’t right in the middle or a place I don’t feel comfortable starting at. I’ve had to walk out of therapists’ offices before bc they were unwilling to talk to me about some of my traumas bc they didn’t matter or weren’t important enough to them. And they all treat me with a weird “zoo animal” kind of fascination, sometimes prying and pushing me to the point where I feel physically sick or unsafe. I’ve almost always felt more suicidal walking out of therapist’s offices than into them. I thought they were supposed to be helpful, but I’ve yet to find anyone who doesn’t treat me like a baby, a freak, a science experiment, or a hopeless cause. I just want to do something, *anything.* But since I can barely afford to eat, I don’t know how I’ll ever afford therapy. My chronic illness leaves me very fatigued and in bed most days, so working a full time job while going to school would be next to impossible. At this point, I feel trapped and hopeless. My life feels like one never-ending bad day, even when I have “good days.” I guess I’m just posting this because I don’t want to give up hope on myself even though all the signs point towards my situation being hopeless.",7.100811970638058,7.600460955844159,7.396962168266515,71.84426312817618,64.11688311688312,10.643704121964994,36.479390175042354,10.472087959537523,3.9987955957086383,1648,76,282,38,23,537,213,385,0.152,0.75,0.099,-0.9774,5,1,2,0,1,3,49.0,0,0,7,1,20,23,2,1,21,0,30,11,0,2,6,61,57,25,2,6,12,2,6,2,0,2,8,0,1,1,8,16,2,0,11,0,0,6,10,13,0,1,11,7,37,10,47,39,12,48,0,5,1,2,17,22,0,13,21,194,45,5,0.08160320972164495,0.1933729193290948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872090140716539,0.08171382697700524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790040758524309,0.08841704363994139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705886160650615,0.0,0.06715248855683127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813527154922634,0.04974455923270578,0.0,0.06943832111272635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333233257844308,0.0,0.08382897502278391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788195821607076,0.0,0.0,0.08282554013339953,0.0,0.08525798580128703,0.0935243481115441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835004558088833,0.06816901062726896,0.09179262744509896,0.14455244539501225,0.08431792955541571,0.09100914967394373,0.21559260161178448,0.14762955013030535,0.0687542237080617,0.0,0.07333970309247652,0.07982359753604823,0.0,0.0,0.16504413894949074,0.05829734933023543,0.07835187842494175,0.0,0.07458385531879061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828123453004053,0.09275396926303366,0.06844490067645405,0.0,0.0,0.17979027107120782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469691135458248,0.0,0.0,0.0810503999073295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517254976991623,0.08097859406690971,0.0,0.0,0.08497718548485565,0.0896939799094291,0.0,0.0,0.08640601652189897,0.0,0.0,0.0576387603200171,0.07973441266531735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888122780469141,0.0,0.0867859393071994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529644681505358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525798580128703,0.0,0.23142422902594856,0.0,0.07815331770271165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538978528613183,0.0,0.09141427066012417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968869522992199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258680482574839,0.06502719294497232,0.0,0.0,0.27656519866584633,0.0,0.06750301834604616,0.0917254267675878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282213761583827,0.08070766100337652,0.0,0.2310366874015829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853093927574434,0.0,0.08926066669859381,0.0926023553503366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558956889961245,0.0,0.0,0.0933203821069472,0.3789904642146784,0.10842709307865836,0.05228804179643815,0.08017473922939013,0.06478383335200727,0.0951669756486406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733119419983802,0.14439506208025846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110706943559158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059408108566894616,0.0,0.0,0.05796857887579005,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Satans_StepMom,2019/02/11,"Just found out I’m pregnant As the title says I just found out I’m pregnant, with my second child and I have some mixed emotions. On the one hand I’m happy, I won’t lie and say I love babies because they are so much work but I love my daughter to pieces and I love she gets to have a sibling. I think it would be so beneficial for her. However having CPTSD and being in the process of working on it it feels kind of worrying. The first time I didn’t know I had PTSD, I entered therapy when my daughter was about 6 months old and she’s now 3. Things in my life are far more stable than they were then which is great. My husband is by far the most understanding and supportive person I know. I think my fear comes from remembering how hard the infant stage was on my mental health. But I try to remind myself I didn’t know all the things I do know and I was not in a healthy frame of mind then that I have vastly improved on. Of course there’s always room for more improvement. I think the great fear is going from no kids to one is not the same as going from one kid to two. All the other parents say it’s hell and it’s freaking me out! I keep trying to tell myself people do this everyday and I got this but yet the monster of anxiety is ever present.",1.3697727272727285,3.268634189393944,2.9208242424242457,92.93023636363638,80.21212121212122,5.739151515151516,20.78727272727273,6.742157984588678,0.23745018181818225,982,27,219,10,25,322,145,264,0.108,0.7190000000000001,0.173,0.9713,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,3,11,12,1,2,13,0,24,6,1,1,3,43,48,20,0,1,7,4,3,0,0,2,2,3,1,5,12,14,0,1,12,0,0,4,6,4,0,6,10,6,35,8,32,34,9,31,1,0,0,3,21,14,1,2,12,158,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547219787127256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777516650317642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994394541920661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883765271717962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906614558330148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037881665437208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582269768996273,0.058015582128494135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759709663089937,0.0,0.25161119967279416,0.0,0.0,0.059946491231731784,0.0,0.13041785199461522,0.0,0.09176741208510024,0.2530007246798141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214200161121608,0.10278377741003668,0.0,0.0,0.12196239381280775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198546426117718,0.0,0.11948321012607843,0.2522306331379381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104368333016428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31066979681292284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115630116848706,0.0,0.11585387370840045,0.0,0.0915837269994565,0.0,0.08434650691042693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039947898126392,0.0,0.23325073440586155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740429232945918,0.0,0.0,0.07954570752329794,0.10018583524870968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412397332523576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997713550988815,0.0,0.0,0.2737356281947545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020467339984934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028710963233554,0.0,0.13121426369572406,0.0,0.15245523927108687,0.2205607204827373,0.0,0.0,0.06690534455578309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580075703298754,0.0,0.11208351663941522,0.11944754356812713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706299411048814,0.11652321729414553,0.0,0.08150742874110076,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kknives,2019/02/11,"Help With An Art Project? I'm working on an art show for a community association that I'm in, and here is my idea: I'm going to collect used/worn shoes. Inside of each pair will be a little note with an individual's personal story of mental illness. The idea is to get visitors to my exhibition to ""walk in one's shoes"" for a day. I'm hoping to reduce the stigma surrounding mental illnesses of all types from all walks of life. If you're willing to participate, just reply here with your own story (e.g., your personal struggles, triumphs, diagnoses). Of course, you can be completely anonymous, or you can even DM me with your story if that makes you feel more comfortable. Any help I can get would be greatly appreciated. :)",5.060869565217395,6.51196175362319,6.465913043478262,73.28452173913044,69.14492753623188,9.577971014492757,30.46666666666667,9.888512548439397,3.092722318840581,574,23,104,14,10,195,87,138,0.057,0.794,0.149,0.9264,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,6,0,2,4,5,0,1,8,0,11,6,2,1,2,18,21,4,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,3,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,10,4,21,15,5,9,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,4,1,66,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337290901437486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618431816436825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682331037426034,0.0,0.0,0.1995961280555868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988580711286649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943240647609927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054835499113932,0.0,0.1117610165709194,0.0,0.0,0.21680788136705995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26362138309972605,0.0,0.0,0.19531832781053388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44398897851790864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389000707664593,0.0,0.19709547283062012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312657423533088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963549225073618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332554748419408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434152801064305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055818103176207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316391328037345,0.0,0.0,0.13969488003165864,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thestufficantpost,2019/02/11,"You're doing great. I was diagnosed with Cptsd a while ago and I'm not gonna swamp you with methods of how to better control your triggers or your anxiety or trust issues. What I am going to say is that you're doing great. I don't know what you went through our what you're going through but I want to tell you I understand you. I'm really proud that were in this together and if there's something we all can relate to, it's that if you're going through hell.. Then keep going. Don't give up the good fight. Please ",1.1546371976647194,3.2223072660550507,2.5644537114261894,94.32589658048374,81.8440366972477,5.798498748957464,20.00083402835696,6.980632752743323,0.2483137614678901,408,11,91,5,11,132,70,109,0.044,0.754,0.203,0.9459,0,0,2,0,1,0,9.0,2,6,0,3,2,8,2,0,2,0,9,1,0,3,1,19,22,10,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,2,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,3,1,13,6,12,18,1,10,1,0,0,0,12,2,1,4,3,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802994614510142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559840132996378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798884101733608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281274017050019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644400926980147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511725345760064,0.4623815615209478,0.17060003094410925,0.0,0.44849255049919823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122939690572896,0.0,0.18078889314734664,0.0,0.0,0.1117818537014324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326919013330224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303015383892083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174972121382344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658520233522738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777782322091012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174379454260772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199690155419814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885513633912798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cptsdthroaway,2019/02/11,"can someone tell me what this is? **TRIGGER WARNING** i had a flashback where i experienced something physically happening to me that must’ve happened when i was a child... and in the present i could feel it in my hand and then in my mouth. without getting into too much detail. is there a term for this kind of physical sensation regarding flashbacks so i can learn about them? thank you. ",2.252916666666668,5.160882902777779,3.1152222222222257,85.55200000000005,88.02777777777777,6.213333333333335,29.422222222222214,7.554174236665415,2.3256455555555564,307,16,55,6,10,97,58,72,0.0,0.91,0.09,0.7236,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,7,2,2,1,0,8,12,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,11,2,9,9,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,45,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554341330356795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176372627926794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714764280973524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658173594190525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33315272533153306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23518173490444705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710714706228598,0.24629394629219745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27962860936176465,0.2945440179161385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083963475232198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,peaceinquiet,2019/02/11,"Invited to my abusive big brother’s wedding, family pushing me to attend | TW: sexual abuse The primary source of my C-PTSD is my older brother. In 2013, I came out to my family about the abuse. While initially supportive, my mom ultimately has taken the side of my brother. Despite admitting to sexually abusing me, he tried to minimize the situation by likening it to “playing doctor”. This is essentially a blatant lie as he was plenty old enough to know what sex was and groomed me for it as well. As far as I know, my brother hasn’t disclosed to his fiancée. Because of this, my mother has made it her life’s mission to get me to bond with him and will not respect my wishes. It would be so easy to cut her out of my life, it is never that simple. Not only has she provided some support through my grad school career, she has pledged to help me with my own wedding. Also, I love my mom. Our relationship sucks sometimes, but I’m bonded to her and I don’t want to lose her. I’m stressed because I have the constant reminders/triggers of my brother (literally in the mail— he got my address from my mom and has sent me invites/save the dates) and this enormous pressure from my mom to be at his wedding and invite him to mine. I need some support/advice/encouragement. TL;DR, my mom’s sole mission in life is to pretend like my brother never abused me. Extra pressure put on by his impending wedding. ",5.175819140308192,5.968043864963509,6.324038929440391,76.83480940794811,68.37956204379563,8.716626115166262,35.29521492295215,8.841846274778883,3.1340606650446063,1105,55,202,18,18,371,150,274,0.106,0.8109999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.7722,0,0,0,0,3,0,36.0,1,0,0,1,5,13,2,3,8,0,18,6,0,1,3,27,36,14,0,4,3,12,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,10,11,0,0,3,2,0,5,6,6,1,0,7,0,45,7,42,25,5,23,0,1,0,2,36,11,1,2,8,143,55,5,0.0,0.5461278545930167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372126969850343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239170202606684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543645249204844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962053091799193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435648051037362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525298605738304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380988731938715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048163483913040116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372972437396758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179046570653514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132624772444128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953415149805985,0.04503752012145605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313277589470002,0.0,0.0,0.08320164340798115,0.0872288100654679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398368080543265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835489816002037,0.14219935888760427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673390802200907,0.0,0.0,0.07011175808932614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776073292816137,0.09267259157184136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897347755323742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329735454925617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362114965427738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117450759065568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055989790087853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31383541707826096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258837757484699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437380838455528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288646364083613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600957883941957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654864305200113,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,christmastree0320,2019/02/11,"I have a question. TW: being around males, being triggered. Hi, I am new to this community and I have a question that I have been to afraid to ask to my counselor. I have c-ptsd and one of my triggers is males. I can't be around them, close to them, and sometimes can't even have a conversation with them. However, there are some men that I can be around them for the most part with no problems. How come I'm ok around some people but not the majority of them? I understand if you can't answer this but it's worth a shot.",1.4772477064220162,3.2779758532110117,3.0591651376146807,92.5439770642202,79.45871559633028,6.194862385321102,21.90917431192661,7.1686216300943375,0.4729845871559633,404,12,93,5,10,133,65,109,0.038,0.92,0.042,0.0946,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,5,0,7,3,0,1,6,1,17,0,0,3,0,26,21,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,11,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,1,0,16,1,14,16,5,7,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,6,1,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6835062010404436,0.17944771093309814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653482716134784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126781427694502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538689071587908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007055754667207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786357583842766,0.0,0.13307423731403945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836706076254132,0.22437974356512874,0.0,0.43005675182904496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984385199482945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998271340374772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MyTakotsubo,2019/02/11,First responders? Any first responders or military folks in here? Not to take away from anyone else’s traumas but so far all I’ve seen on this sub is stuff related to abuse or childhood stuff. Any suggestions for another place to subscribe?,3.8438636363636363,6.8954356590909125,3.9329090909090887,82.53936363636366,78.77272727272728,8.974545454545455,29.25454545454545,9.3871,3.3611327272727283,195,9,34,6,5,60,37,44,0.174,0.826,0.0,-0.857,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,2,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,2,3,21,3,0,0.0,0.28514812321142363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273202765120891,0.2523577515231711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682782403671099,0.2465892591142211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22611225519742265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010443397036791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40941826535146775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514432188785325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5510066339613391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094978114800225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Eighthungrytacos,2019/02/12,"How to reintegrate and create supports for yourself? I went through something mildly-traumatic about a year ago. My house was broken into by armed people while I was inside. It's been a year and I've seen social workers many times (no therapists/psychiatrists) but I still feel completely removed from the actual world. I've noticed that when I'm connected to old friends, I feel like a different person. I try to enjoy things, focus on self-care and being in the moment. However, I go to university in a different city and it's been difficult to find friends since. It's like a constant cycle of getting triggered, losing the rest of the day to dealing with it and then playing catch up with missed schoolwork. I have no energy to put in the extra effort to work on social skills and re-engage like most people do. I know I'm only 19 and this is a battle for the foreseeable future, but I hate that it seems like everyone else is finding their way through relationships and getting support from friends/family. My family is toxic and until I get better I just cant get what I need from them either. Any advice? Does seeing a psychiatrist benefit in anyway over a social worker? I can't afford a therapist/psychologist so I'm using the free resources in my community atm. 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Just want it to calm down I (a vic of child abuse) was awakened by my mother today and it was so triggering 😢 I don’t understand why she has to do this. I’m 19 now and she has moved out of the house. My ptsd is from her. But my dad still gave her the key and she woke me up. She used to abuse me after waking me up. Ugh I need better ways to untrigger. ,-2.213275862068965,-0.4174737931034471,0.8007183908045974,102.23487068965521,97.27586206896551,4.279310344827587,11.847701149425287,5.985473137389443,-1.2933747126436783,288,4,77,3,12,100,60,87,0.096,0.83,0.07400000000000001,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,8,1,1,2,0,11,15,5,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,16,2,13,10,0,12,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,6,53,19,0,0.0,0.5319166659720067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985240468724194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476353966348518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201079584465844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25900638063571235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385743713597688,0.0,0.16644046456497572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623915320367746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926074363605865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255395685260716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336795069354926,0.0,0.1938686154396797,0.0,0.0,0.13239727029518927,0.17817255727852127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025478052402116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yogaandBIGGIE,2019/02/12,"Daily Klonopin - Thoughts? I’m so nervous about meds, I’ve always tried to be as natural as possible but I am in a constant state of panic. I am a sexual assault victim, when I came forward there was retaliation and stalking against another victim, he always made bail, after 2 years at the sentencing he was put on suicide watch. It has been a really intense time for me. I also believe I was assaulted as a child... I tried emdr therapy but I couldn’t do it anymore I panicked and stopped going. I finally sought help from an psych APRN. She referred me to the medical marijuana program and prescribed me klonopin originally just at night and an antidepressant. The antidepressant was horrible, I felt like I was in a bubble and even more sad. Like this really sad film over my life. She decided that my anxiety is too high and that I should try the klonopin during the day to in the am to see if that helps. So I’m doing am and pm, the goal is to just do medical marijuana and be on no meds. I’m just terrified I’m getting sucked into something that’s hard to get off of. I work a high stress job, I wake up at 4:30 every morning now and exercise, I meditate, I also have a chronic disease I manage, and have been formally diagnosed with PTSD. Most people wouldn’t know any of the above about me because I’m super private but I feel that has also been to my detriment. Anyway, any input is appreciated. Thanks :( ",3.3477173913043465,5.3801349311594215,5.2268840579710165,78.07119565217394,74.68840579710145,8.513043478260869,29.97826086956522,9.188382445141503,2.896713043478261,1115,51,206,27,24,382,161,276,0.231,0.6709999999999999,0.098,-0.9924,1,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,3,16,14,5,3,17,0,27,7,1,2,0,33,44,23,1,4,7,0,3,2,0,2,6,0,0,1,8,13,0,1,6,2,0,4,3,10,0,0,12,5,27,4,32,27,2,30,0,2,2,0,7,15,1,2,14,142,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30007132296787875,0.20814763179881732,0.0,0.0,0.1701128603996495,0.1311538026702269,0.09568331643007316,0.0,0.124042455612634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624558207669731,0.0,0.0,0.14091858488216974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305439898923833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516345476946814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066411006732818,0.0,0.0,0.12695019547255118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261196628772449,0.0,0.10538249584903367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324252660317899,0.0,0.12009322566043687,0.13701538720678932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069480396122807,0.0,0.07108395858229233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204413605352538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676725217131173,0.26430075529012115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411930340966212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873887127010363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834535672977765,0.12221229414801325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183505770872081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277863985798097,0.2520031889918857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173759895113978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675053252594228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671242000241981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100516149089226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620794345144086,0.12573660794481606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025464558059085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966991874848773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629013752870334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045697034911136,0.14327491222372296,0.0,0.0,0.1368135851229688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515380065311955,0.14303608199800652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929691124564168,0.07293321686564272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254756562632544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105731134472304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054527992462271 ptsd,juniperberryy,2019/02/12,"extreme night terrors i haven't been to therapy for months at this point, so reddit is my go to place for now. i have dealt with night terrors before, so bad that when i woke up i would have panick attacks. but now it's.. even worse. and it's every single night. i have a nightmare in the first hour or two of my sleep, and it's such terrible nightmares (often related to my traumas). i'm scared to go to sleep again, and i'm scared to close my eyes. when i do pass out, i don't sleep for long until i have another nightmare, and so it repeats. at some point i just give up on sleeping, or i'm so anxious to sleep that i force myself to stay awake. is there any help to this, or anyone that has gone through the same thing? it's terrifying, and as i said i've gone through this before but it's never been this bad, and just don't know what to do..",2.6322435897435916,3.4584613611111124,3.773333333333337,92.67115384615386,74.2777777777778,6.649572649572653,23.84615384615385,6.67199483983844,0.49507692307692297,655,18,153,5,13,213,94,180,0.207,0.774,0.019,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,15,9,1,4,3,0,15,6,6,0,1,22,26,19,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,15,9,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,9,0,2,6,2,16,0,26,19,3,32,0,0,1,0,3,11,0,5,15,107,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367510347739443,0.12902384903884215,0.0,0.13900629857217622,0.0,0.08603621703950087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399819261042671,0.0,0.0,0.20547556842200085,0.0,0.0,0.20940517556459168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127033795512628,0.0,0.1036710713600128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466236948065792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803637672607675,0.1398590929805654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247474983196308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117495087215514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676225436799141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889132269556223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821367852656064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490021167845256,0.0,0.0,0.3464093677005037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855627266692274,0.0,0.23263538313571175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170443693977168,0.0,0.2463798572295392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6156713983974337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115004360808566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407131587120021,0.0,0.08174590808883146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019749394360488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539379275172327,0.08740793442433856,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Drajel,2019/02/12,"Today . . . Just today Today on my drive into work I just felt like driving past and continuing until I run out of gas then abandon my car grab my bag and start walking away. Nowhere in particular, just away. There was no real reason behind it. I just wanted to leave. I made it about 2 miles before I realized I was actually doing it. I turned around and came into work and am continuing a life that I don’t want today. Anyone ever feel that way? ",0.8090530303030299,3.349888465909089,3.360909090909089,84.0280303030303,90.47727272727272,5.206060606060606,17.56060606060606,6.816661863887847,0.3617015151515153,347,9,65,5,12,120,62,88,0.077,0.877,0.046,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,1,23,13,6,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,4,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,5,3,11,1,13,8,0,27,0,1,0,0,0,9,0,0,12,47,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.16261537167383708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651768109388408,0.0,0.0,0.14834380748163473,0.0,0.0,0.3131251620534723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179729365972513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905903247442874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073427998566216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425755354685648,0.0,0.15999932221541482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644636423211635,0.0,0.0,0.117701869692556,0.08141127079624606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576776043246436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590755322714355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896713672377488,0.0,0.17133237768977594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117947757393461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6318161613717761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125509688905575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965756918533956,0.13227007489740786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24262997380231566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheMiyo,2019/02/12,"Wife is dissociated from reality, has been for 6 months My wife has PTSD. She was diagnosed \~8 years ago, went through CBT, seemed to 'recover', but we appear to be dealing with a relapse now. I believe it's been happening since September 2018. &#x200B; She spends every moment of the day she can on the internet talking with a new group of friends she found on Twitter (none of whom know her in real life). She's built up this persona of herself that is effectively what she would be like if she were healthy, and interacts with people through this persona. She is so removed from reality that she's just completely unaware of her own emotions, body sensations, or literally anything going on around her. &#x200B; I have no idea how to help her. She sees a therapist, but I have no idea if she's told him she's having a relapse (this is a new therapist, she's only been seeing him for about 8 months). She won't make an appointment with her doctor for some anti-anxiety medication, the mere mention of it sends her into a panic attack that lasts hours. She doesn't leave the house unless she 100% cannot avoid it. Groceries are the exact same groceries every few days, she only buys enough to last for 2-3 days, and gets the exact same things. Self-care is going down the drain, her sleep is disturbed, and she can't even verbalize what is going on around her or inside her at any given moment. I have compassion for her wanting to escape feeling bad all the time, but by doing this she's making it worse because she's never coming down from panic attacks, she's just dissociated constantly. &#x200B; I don't even know where to start. I'm the only one that works, we have a child, and I'm going through my own trauma therapy right now, and it's all I can do to hold life together as is. Help?",7.012577288493439,6.630110203438394,7.228125471271301,75.95666867742428,64.44412607449857,10.098084753430856,33.55466747096969,9.549672527348893,2.9854550143266483,1427,53,268,24,19,463,188,349,0.112,0.797,0.091,-0.8976,0,1,0,0,0,0,57.0,2,0,0,2,12,10,2,4,17,0,33,7,2,4,5,50,57,16,0,4,10,2,1,1,1,2,5,0,0,1,17,15,0,2,8,0,2,9,9,8,0,1,9,3,44,2,44,44,10,43,0,0,2,0,50,14,0,7,21,190,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756862434055099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775350082680785,0.311246463132039,0.05806288124242313,0.0,0.06531721382743826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026234497931529,0.15201667033694388,0.0,0.19426934927361028,0.0,0.0,0.07129064101324449,0.05204824805106648,0.0,0.0,0.09619659606735534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484046985653116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735492777048333,0.08952170067678676,0.09226791677193416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651935297200378,0.088025386043047,0.0,0.0866612213339789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739238599110323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604357775433786,0.0,0.08822272385855684,0.0,0.11278838710955195,0.0,0.1438765141480202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317184841880105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361726775996157,0.06596614109018634,0.0,0.044608719549919414,0.0,0.1940988793302763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550327207285744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445989083922782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840843511349487,0.09851969249689292,0.0,0.19277241253132968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384774108007322,0.13919591513659754,0.0,0.090407510899795,0.0,0.0,0.12061606498343624,0.04171347130845608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139866756180868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601366881241343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630264954998975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585208134287437,0.16492548455506573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785724558757869,0.1948112241675953,0.0,0.2003554280916364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919332533725346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980732129688433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718373215311968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729160043154504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607725229332107,0.07772882493942578,0.08907234376309048,0.0,0.0,0.07062910793188255,0.0,0.08544394641630604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060434020324317814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862704593842381,0.0,0.0,0.0976420832960006,0.19827082594256065,0.05672419580213772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978709663160105,0.0,0.0,0.08158643167543224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036068348932237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915023300250063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215931990611445,0.0,0.08701184216697477,0.06065312506601174,0.0,0.311246463132039,0.05498339175432184 ptsd,roomymommy,2019/02/12,"CPTSD I don’t know what I like to do So I was wondering if anyone can relate. I am in therapy, and I was talking to my therapist about losing days and feeling like I’m in a slow hell when I recognize that I’m dissociated, but have a hard time doing anything about it. She suggested that I be less hard on myself, and plan to do life-giving things on those days. Then she asked me what I like to do. And I realized I have no idea. I came up with some things that felt right, but I honestly am not sure if I like them because the excitement isn’t there. I have CPTSD and have had it all my life basically. Can anyone relate to not even knowing what your own interests are? I am feeling pretty down about it because I feel like this is just another thing that’s been stolen. Anyway would love to hear your thoughts. ",3.494021956087824,4.501098556886227,4.746482035928143,85.8197629740519,72.41317365269461,8.440918163672654,25.89271457085828,8.841846274778883,1.6934235528942114,637,20,138,12,12,211,97,167,0.097,0.695,0.208,0.9675,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,1,2,9,12,1,0,3,0,23,2,0,0,2,28,37,12,0,3,7,0,6,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,15,7,0,0,10,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,7,7,25,10,16,28,4,14,1,1,0,1,10,7,1,4,11,105,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748324524038831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002725881333828,0.0,0.12359038278181443,0.0,0.14040375164110622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310413356251806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177291500563402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371524986998293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919651799492807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22781584957272036,0.21458599297601166,0.1442022306890018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26907453381632473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927067614441155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695418524782707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507673130905925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216180082414834,0.3668667682304104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801985584057305,0.0,0.0,0.13554883992825956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527932802733368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825812868784736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154864382241375,0.0,0.0,0.12071391695241447,0.0,0.0,0.17175092083418422,0.17437766473579466,0.2993309605980551,0.0,0.0,0.11923100594063325,0.0875747362560446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628704441984631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668791293584724,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PossibleRow,2019/02/12,"Hyper-vigilance and hyper-active peripheral vision Whenever I'm in a class or something. I'm always... focusing on one person with my peripheral vision. I'm focusing on them so much, I can't even see what's directly in front of me. It pisses me off, and I'm sure it pisses them off too. I don't even want to be looking at them through my peripheral vision, but I almost can't stop and I'm kind of afraid they'll ""catch me"" looking at them. Or... it'll annoy them bad enough to spark something. Do you guys have any thoughts? ",1.5253186066270177,3.742735074766358,3.863449447748515,84.68892098555652,81.42990654205606,6.881563296516568,22.811384876805445,8.00094639256281,1.3585962616822431,411,14,83,8,11,142,63,107,0.128,0.7709999999999999,0.102,-0.6904,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,6,0,4,7,3,1,1,0,8,2,2,0,1,12,18,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,1,3,15,2,14,14,2,11,0,0,3,0,9,8,2,3,1,53,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23677348542003546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19674780585081628,0.0,0.0,0.16079612216288214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742834623680908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24431911712879215,0.0,0.3123499021087349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341256070035417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24622937307900294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971218709823881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382013335633725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160226646188389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646160559844107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884223966770638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640660836757762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19768526350789772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228541179430094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877172394084788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946608299966234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Psycho-semantic,2019/02/12,"Has anyone figured out how to deal with the idea that you are just kinda going to be diminished forever, but still found a way to move on live their life? The combination of psychological problems I have and symptoms lends me to believe I have permanent brain damage. It falls in line with a lot of the research I have done and my experience is similar to a store I heard of someone who had a rare neurological disorder and lots about 10-15 iq points. The description of their struggle to do things they used to is basically my experience and it's kind of making it difficult for me to move on. I hate it. I hate that I am damaged beyond repair, I hate that I am partially responsible for putting myself in this situation. I hate my daily existence and I cant stand the idea that after all these years this is as good as I have gotten and the improvement has seemed to plateau. I know I need to let go of the thought, but its overwhelmingly disheartening. ",7.220108108108107,6.8185130918918935,7.953648648648647,70.98939189189191,64.02702702702703,11.724324324324325,35.25675675675676,11.20814326018867,3.902794594594595,762,31,146,20,10,256,114,185,0.228,0.72,0.052000000000000005,-0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,3,0,5,13,4,2,11,0,18,4,1,3,1,28,33,11,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,14,9,0,0,7,0,1,6,1,11,0,0,6,1,24,2,30,25,3,18,0,4,0,0,7,7,0,4,3,111,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921583003557368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849455527415367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713346789662304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588100917984294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105532639745792,0.0,0.0,0.13487814912644305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578532718698253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451295690611693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981105332032668,0.11054839751026473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5205046706254969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975744967932364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725042461074113,0.07243436433765138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477541811365168,0.0930949205109758,0.0,0.0,0.1163826681931175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241049370731588,0.0,0.0,0.08797816864141125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801671379876527,0.0,0.0977287466728458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459451525251075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611572490482548,0.0,0.13249637508110199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998664987356553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814980867654765,0.0,0.0,0.1116745312703708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525642216262393,0.0,0.0,0.13778698732414812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369916699622525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756270568061099,0.0,0.0,0.10463524515128976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383371739342504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461747243878976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487550121114235 ptsd,lbunit,2019/02/12,"I qm so tired mind if I vent? I'm so tires of PTSD ruining, running, and controlling my life. I'm tired of being afraid to go outside for weeks after I'm triggered. I'm tired of explaining what PTSD is. I'm tired of explaining that not only members of the military have PTSD. I'm tired of people asking what trauma I suffered to get PTSD. I shouldn't have to justify anything to anyone nor should I have to share something so personal. I'm tired of being angry, always on the verge of tears, my thoughts racing a million miles a minute, dissociation, sleeplessness, memory loss, stomach issues, losing time, thinking everyone has ulterior motives, and feeling out of control. I'm tired of people treating me like I am a bad person, incompetent, and less than because I have this condition. And last but not least I'm tired of people telling me to talk if I need to and then telling me to buck up or that's the way life is. This is why I can't trust anyone. Sorry for the rant I just had to get it out before I go insane. ",5.05527851458886,5.621094596059116,6.194581280788177,78.46321712769989,68.55665024630542,9.004774535809018,30.886320575975752,9.057496981413335,2.570325805229254,805,31,154,14,13,270,111,203,0.232,0.7390000000000001,0.029,-0.9881,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,5,4,11,0,1,7,0,15,12,1,4,0,27,35,14,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,11,0,0,2,7,7,0,2,6,0,1,3,5,7,0,1,2,1,16,4,28,29,2,15,0,4,0,0,9,6,0,3,6,93,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434587721752696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814375446847957,0.0,0.06363711113375316,0.0,0.07229437231013794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456844624659082,0.047140472560629115,0.0,0.06580328223952743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734673669469575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389341789068248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910105357977423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080487619274196,0.0,0.08789837542793401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071383699602153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303537067770701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924283745620192,0.037780190943133424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865139988900256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808261775712952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057340215389739324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881397556593275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083546132592716,0.13504550220035555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36158483461955937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059533450495072464,0.0,0.08656611394670581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215600903229657,0.13518201501140148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049550805908707744,0.0,0.061392453076451824,0.04509253145913119,0.7999290875269955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138202532415269,0.06203054357833891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977951431191019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FlynnKasse,2019/02/12,"Parents married 27 years divorcing on Valentine’s Day And my dad just sent an email at midnight to a lot off people to update them and bcc’d me. Last thing I needed to read before bed and it’s messed up my brain and now it’s 2 am and I’m overwhelmed. Also I was kicked out of the house by my mom, and she threatened me with calling the cops, so I’m not even in the same state rn. ",2.340522088353413,3.100305240963859,3.737530120481928,92.90501004016066,74.90361445783131,6.015261044176707,23.471887550200805,5.46131890053228,0.2027526104417672,297,8,69,1,6,98,64,83,0.07,0.915,0.015,-0.6369,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,13,6,8,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,12,4,2,13,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,1,5,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242694574809591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386355837275308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130661473292057,0.28636275400353484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086196332317206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852293715794347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32359254701769125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285977532610069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23842185686890274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284504148279861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079442742807939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113977798382009,0.0,0.0,0.19442325109706132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28051800591418674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631327942606876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059552695024556 ptsd,manami333,2019/02/13,"(TW: self-harm) I had a major anxiety attack and started hurting myself again because I cracked from stress Thanks to general anxiety disorder, major depression, and severe PTSD I can't work. I applied for SSI out of desperation because I didn't want to leave my best friend alone to pay the bills. But I got denied. Valentine's Day is also extremely triggering because it reminds me that I have no family or a partner to share it with. Plus my birthday is in five days and no one is going to do anything for me. I have no money to celebrate by myself either. I wish I could drink away my worries or get high but I'm 4 years sober and weed is illegal here so that blows. My roommate drives himself and me everywhere for important things and his vehicle needs repairs with money neither of us have. I feel so useless and worthless, I wish I could help him. Im worried about bills and expenses like my cats meds & my own meds. I just fucking lost it and started crying and sobbing like a banshee. In a manic state, I grabbed a razor and cut up my arm. When the pain started, I felt relief. Like I deserved to be hurt since I was so useless and unwanted. Now I'm here feeling numb and hopeless. I am utterly alone and my brain is scarred from years of abuse, trauma, and instability. I try so hard to keep my head above water and to help with bills. I even tried selling pics of my feet and boobs to help but I've been called ugly so thats a no go. I have nothing going for me and no reason to live. Nothing to look forward to. I just can't anymore",3.46511521972133,4.905961581993573,4.792367363344052,83.7838993837085,73.05144694533763,7.49844587352626,30.00013397642015,8.07648339933343,2.1089323687031083,1216,53,239,18,24,404,178,311,0.29100000000000004,0.585,0.123,-0.9956,2,2,1,0,1,2,33.0,1,0,0,3,15,24,3,1,8,0,20,10,5,2,0,45,42,31,0,7,8,0,5,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,7,23,2,1,4,1,8,5,9,16,0,2,7,6,43,8,34,32,6,22,0,9,1,2,11,7,3,2,14,160,50,2,0.0,0.12125369239865028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119824285845003,0.0,0.08183959199372591,0.0,0.11088308589963383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565764465553144,0.0,0.10149171060565997,0.0,0.0,0.08421538258329213,0.0,0.0,0.11642414993479575,0.09614983795262454,0.0,0.0,0.18715272556165266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107397325868973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424295600592503,0.10449845116265434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341699232023876,0.0,0.11241339193167836,0.1319989752666995,0.0,0.08814349444646076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728811435485445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002521942177031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759322631617024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647507646618084,0.0,0.10349024737183364,0.0,0.09826044513736516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906601766691572,0.09460975144947484,0.05346733566255442,0.0,0.174482982882933,0.0,0.08184897771365794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091674668767581,0.0,0.10502822315127733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578483753221924,0.10812562374825399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21910970478195188,0.0,0.11054250723474708,0.0,0.0,0.09096263915222114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836107336114108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999140490484558,0.0,0.09036625203166067,0.0,0.0859380723963507,0.0,0.11171392098338104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273487016608477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758822657160816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196391975043679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934681832506227,0.0,0.10889475471324164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962754374487693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522041884386557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676076225192163,0.11561271227825105,0.0,0.08465497910368898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173059044993665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172277334936956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421900069058214,0.0,0.0,0.06798876201204115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896145048024658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230999087158174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036155252799956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23536709867114344,0.0,0.0,0.07450321944921924,0.20785823635492404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318045212889041 ptsd,Depressed_Human23,2019/02/13,"Don't know how to help myself **Possible Triggers Warning** &#x200B; I was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago, but because of insurance issues have stopped getting treatment for it. I was physically abused by my father as a child, and later got into a relationship with someone who was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. I haven't been able to get into a serious relationship since that one ended, and anytime anyone bigger than me (I'm a 5ft 1 F) makes a sudden movement towards me or slightly raises their voice, I get extremely startled or even go into full anxiety attacks. Please can someone help me find a mechanism to cope? I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about this without them discrediting me, so I'm all alone in my treatment.",4.8884042553191485,7.202185021276598,6.1485283687943255,71.90875,71.12765957446808,8.67163120567376,34.445035460992905,9.2995712137729,3.7048482269503533,612,32,97,14,12,205,98,141,0.193,0.75,0.057,-0.962,0,1,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,1,7,0,10,1,0,3,1,20,20,9,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,5,2,15,1,20,15,2,15,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,7,68,19,0,0.1501187125735114,0.3557322536121442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307118105160345,0.0,0.0,0.1554777127912418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265356235446396,0.18241066708871956,0.0,0.0,0.11484040422575092,0.0,0.0,0.20993298853064274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707817073933663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151097383329793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523673332880392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886334621888272,0.13296062174559412,0.0,0.0,0.09915199385150676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590453163979373,0.10724483825765363,0.0,0.0,0.13720578366240507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352924941948717,0.0,0.08531592384261537,0.0,0.12006364805041522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124281734274613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668493386077814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250131848690273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334042017435267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020540633372599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017243247426292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647852666023946,0.0,0.16923629267559426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548074161131333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322342633888192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241797503247805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25439019601980184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550596558243926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065973477082202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447090819221143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241066708871956,0.09667152906201644 ptsd,Jessicajf7,2019/02/13,Acting a certain age Ive seen that people i know who have a traumatic childhood tend to act or call themselves a certain age. Example my daughter says she acts like a 3 year old. And she did have a very traumatic experience at 3. When I think I'm acting like a child I go to acting like a 10 year old. Just a observation. Does anyone else had any experience with acting a certain age? Thanks,1.3815471167369928,3.826897759493672,3.6662447257383977,84.41163150492268,84.0632911392405,6.549085794655415,23.967651195499297,7.793537801064563,1.5074545710267229,309,12,61,6,9,106,50,79,0.094,0.695,0.211,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,9,0,5,0,0,0,3,9,12,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,7,7,4,9,0,17,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,12,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121841849571133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548544469481212,0.2278431277073937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22706342085353204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945964471647453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576060989232396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350387375627892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637732117343245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220808442377792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259145099032145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666773265045757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416253639961516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683660568395254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472732722999967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424849567978952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347755944014207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863964504242951 ptsd,boshiier,2019/02/13,Eugh Once i start crying i cannot stop. Its like everything is pouring out of me at once and i can't stop the flow. Im so sad. So fucking sad. ,-2.572727272727274,-0.8623991818181801,0.9294545454545472,100.15418181818184,101.42424242424242,3.852121212121212,15.690909090909093,5.6839178017228535,-0.7805709090909092,109,3,28,1,5,39,26,33,0.34700000000000003,0.5529999999999999,0.099,-0.8864,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,5,0,6,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315679491262735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25828356820925313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656832757454373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104256694609923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040204516712754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6121123838368087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034129451481516,0.0,0.0,0.4805343139992482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dexter2907,2019/02/13,"I don't know what to do with myself anymore. So a year and a bit ago a I started my first intimate relationship, and about a month ago it ended. In that time I made her cry alot. So much. I'm a child sex and physical abuse survivor with high functioning autism and I am just so angry all the time. I'm in therapy but I think I need to find someone new because they're not helping. They just tell me to go to a calm safe place in my head when I get triggered but at that point it's too late. I don't trust people. I don't care to know people, their interests and I'm very intolerant of things I don't like such as other people's tastes in music. I throw massive tantrums and my poor girlfriend bore the brunt of it until she had enough. I'm so lonely and so angry and so over life and I can't stop taking it out on the people who actually care about me for some reason. Now I'm 25. I live with my parents on the disability benefit smoking pot all day to dull the constant psychosis audio track in my head of my abuse. I just don't know where to go from here. I have no interests. Every attempt at starting life like studying or finding a job has always blown up in my face for the past ten years. Every. Single. Time. I get taken advantage of by Co workers. I get fired for not connecting with my team because of my super awesome combination of cptsd and autism making me a super immature target for everyone to just fuck around with. So now, no friends, no partner, no clue who I am, what sexuality I am, what I want to do with my lifem no motivation to try anything and just drowning myself in any drug I can get my hands in to numb myself into oblivion. 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I’d love to hear how you all cope with it. *TW below. I finally opened up to my therapist about my sexual abuse as a kid. I thought I was dealing with it well until I said it out loud. My nightmares, dissociation episodes and anxiety have absolutely skyrocketed and to top it all off, my therapist has discharged me from DBT as it’s no longer the “correct treatment” for me. I don’t see her anymore as she isn’t specialised for PTSD, only for EDs/self harm/BPD. I really wish I’d never said anything now. How do you guys avoid it/handle the aftermath? ",5.096550179211473,6.566917346774198,6.246236559139785,74.81991039426524,69.08064516129032,9.704659498207887,33.939068100358426,9.994966539143718,3.540579928315413,517,25,96,13,9,173,83,124,0.118,0.78,0.102,-0.4466,0,1,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,5,4,1,1,4,0,6,2,0,2,4,16,15,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,5,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,4,5,17,2,21,11,2,13,0,0,1,2,12,8,1,0,5,63,22,0,0.0,0.2087342043080179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347705762132496,0.0,0.174714608999139,0.0,0.0,0.14497398410124182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218816080909514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36324978679454056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929870678911457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286754487985636,0.09204224255126467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744373026232928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855787934154095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900149285396345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358741812053963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398622606713365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653883929189098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593484340925064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285985755693465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33515853284925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038573161997567,0.0,0.18378510640901846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090969576435134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398603481156616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839917237757947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258832159883464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LesbianPearl,2019/02/13,"How to help a friend who just dealt with something that is one of my triggers? Warning: Mention of child abuse and a knife &#x200B; My friend called me at like 3am this morning saying their mother and him fought with a knife. His mother ended up giving him scratches. I immediately started feeling myself freaking out and going back to my own shit, but I really pushed myself through, by doing some deep breathing for a few minutes, to help him and make sure he was safe. Some of the things he told me reminded me of *me*. I low key was freaked, but I managed to push myself with the help of my girlfriend. I'm worried about something like this happening again, and just tips please?",4.743307692307695,6.482936715384617,4.547692307692311,85.61230769230772,70.30769230769229,6.430769230769231,29.153846153846153,6.742157984588678,1.4737538461538462,543,21,100,4,10,166,86,130,0.123,0.6679999999999999,0.209,0.9154,0,0,2,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,8,11,2,0,6,0,4,2,2,3,1,21,13,8,0,0,4,2,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,5,9,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,1,4,3,20,6,19,9,4,12,0,1,0,0,23,5,1,2,6,71,25,1,0.0,0.2240420563792682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048801491418296,0.22976640743197235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539939911437236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308317481959186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747860679412965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095610151648639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921826599651249,0.0,0.0,0.1813934321400013,0.1074648409049634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721265262551455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802313748996003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476073940145635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621979068451664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813303639303786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207565266380704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211366132041047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037284790931893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940993170106794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29114316412920993,0.0,0.0,0.1338396677365482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782161424708098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562373772320626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806846681496811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920312107082832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22976640743197235,0.0 ptsd,okaycrazycalmdown,2019/02/13,"Not believing myself Sometimes I just can’t believe that the things I am claiming happened to me. But they DID. And I know they did. All the physical stuff I completely remember. I know there was sexual abuse but I don’t explicitly remember it. It makes me doubt myself so much, because it’s no longer happening. Does anyone else feel this way? Like there is no way this stuff happened and you’re just a crazy person who is making it all up way after the fact?? 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Potential Trigger Warning and a bit NSFW? I feel disgusting. It happened a bit over three years ago but ever since, my sex drive has been so high and I hate it. It doesn't help that I'm 17 and I feel like I shouldn't be like this even though I know teenage hormones are a bit out of wack at my age. I haven't had sex yet and honestly penetration scares me because of what he did to me, I want it so bad, but I don't. If that makes sense? I dont masturbate because it doesn't feel good, I've never actually had an orgasm either. That might be because I'm also a trans guy so I'm also pretty uncomfortable wiyh my genitals. I dunno. I just feel gross for desperately wanting sex and pleasure despite being so uncomfortable with it. I hope I'm not alone with this, I feel gross.",1.1795238095238112,3.428562666666668,3.4321428571428565,87.07952380952383,83.04761904761905,6.352380952380952,22.42857142857143,7.594959193182576,1.0232714285714284,640,22,135,11,18,219,102,168,0.224,0.63,0.145,-0.9434,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,2,1,5,0,17,4,1,2,2,30,33,15,0,5,6,0,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,5,5,18,6,10,23,4,12,0,0,0,4,3,4,0,4,9,85,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.14262795746029447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955918826601334,0.0,0.0,0.15137437049482716,0.0,0.2337630869186027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021962357640044,0.14975491784518066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203482647637012,0.2672874936612341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786961274950196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129468592353822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209525542074486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653519069148722,0.13220719697227776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695063584484922,0.1044144500753574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258939294325452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471821483061734,0.12924597920360295,0.0,0.0,0.1442995851436551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796582495642324,0.15442268813075802,0.0,0.14516668479680656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032395722026366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280966366703762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975608016842437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155049272215737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272513762770765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869401412173142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632845819668894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090241872066787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359831798098918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241413973845696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412018992190536 ptsd,ferf_goffllett,2019/02/13,"Brand new (possible) diagnoses, so many questions, here are 3. I was diagnosed with depression a few years back. Now, my new therapist suspects PTSD. My insurance is shitty, so I dont get to see her for another 6 weeks, and she kind of dropped that bomb on me at the end of a session, so now I have so many [basic] questions! I hope it's ok if I ask them here. Of course the next time I see her I will ask her, but I just need something now. I have been trying to educate myself online, but information is so generic and watered down, I can't find good answers. Any answers or links to resources would be super appreciated. Sorry for the formatting, I am on mobile. 1. Does the traumatic event have to be violent? I was always under the impression that only veterans and victims of violent crimes had PTSD. Or can you have PTSD because your childhood, while not necessarily violent, was traumatic in other ways? Could a childhood of emotional abuse cause PTSD? 2. I have very common PTSD symptoms/reactions, but I do not remember any violent or necessarily traumatic events. Is it still possible to have PTSD without any recollection of the traumatic event(s). 3. Sometimes I have flashbacks and night terrors about memories/events that I dont really remember. Is it possible to have PTSD over traumatic events you dont remember? Why wouldn't I remember them? I guess that's it for now. Thanks in advance. 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I was in second period and it was thundering and lightning outside. Class had just begun then we all hear a loud burst of thunder and we see there’s a flash of lightning from the window. The next thing we know, the power goes out. I was in the complete dark, which was slightly alarming but I was too concerned yet. around 15-30 seconds later the generator kicks on and everyone can see again. Then a few seconds after the power turned back on, the speaker from the office tells everyone to go to the hallway and get into their tornado positions. Everyone was lined up against the lockers in their tornado positions. I heard the teachers saying there was a tornado forming outside. We stayed in our tornado positions for around 30 minutes. the scariest 30 minutes of my life. I acted like I was fine, but I wasn’t. After 45 minutes in the hallway we got to go back to our class. It’s been around 4 years since this and I still think about it. I close my eyes and all I see are tornados. When it is windy outside all I can think about is that day. It’s taken me years to look at a picture of a tornado and not jump or scream/gasp. Whenever people say the word tornado I start to breathe heavy and I can’t think straight. When we do tornado drills in schools all I can think about is that day. I get why we do the drills but I feel like it takes me back to that day and that is painful. yesterday my power went out for times, I jumped and screamed. every time the lights turn off all I can think about is that day. I just feel like I might die, even though it is winter right now. I know it is not logical to think these thoughts but I can not help it. It really hurts because I used to love tornadoes. I wanted to become a meteorologist to study them and weather in general but now I just can’t. I have felt so sad because the one thing I loved is what hurt me the most. I also sorta feel like I don’t deserve to label myself with PTS(D?). What happened to me happened to almost a thousand other people in my school. They are fine. We didn’t get hit by a tornado. We all lived. I feel like the only one who was impacted from that day. thanks for reading my story, it feels really good to share, and sorry this post is so long. I have wanted to tell someone about this but never really had anywhere that I felt I could go. I want to reach out for help and one day I will. I know it only gets worse by keeping my thoughts inside so this is my first step towards reaching out. 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What are some therapeutic things that you do in times like these? I feel so defeated. I feel like I’ve tried everything to improve, but it’s not getting any better. I see a therapist once a week, I’ve sat in on local support groups, I’m on medication, I’ve cut out alcohol, and started to eat better. But the past few weeks have been especially difficult. I’ve had nightmares every night for the past few weeks. They’re so vivid that when I wake up it takes me awhile to realize that it was a nightmare and not reality. Last night I self harmed for the first time in a long time. I feel like everything I worked so hard to improve on is gone and I’m right back where I started. I don’t feel suicidal. I’m just afraid that if this continues I’ll get to that point, and I really don’t want to be admitted to a hospital again. What are some therapeutic things that you do in times like these?",2.621836734693876,4.1633407244897995,4.1181122448979615,87.35635204081633,75.42857142857143,8.369387755102041,25.005102040816325,9.017664075816787,1.7363632653061232,746,25,166,17,16,248,104,196,0.151,0.736,0.113,-0.8896,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,5,9,13,1,1,8,0,14,4,1,0,0,22,34,12,1,2,6,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,18,6,2,0,7,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,7,14,7,19,28,4,35,0,1,2,0,5,13,0,3,25,97,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660749499253452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692630219093478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829057384855452,0.10672966396946444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261040399350309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079826919513352,0.10678251413620264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769921401929357,0.0,0.2297641643953848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25853137574247714,0.18263834172382215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872902905883856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003519780437852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145073030508048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025001968988234,0.10419553701088977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497979938165685,0.0,0.0,0.11312229838069135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877160085324765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399127428757004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361308922625578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440494322104335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083721904342767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081888833780778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916300552183604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186105219937633,0.0,0.1333507622275567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809522986429569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982128119278708,0.14505582856864074,0.0,0.0,0.09610950794167383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841624599690634,0.1698442957126873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981462934254629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678570174527869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539529382390263,0.0,0.3076037657778805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305910610226546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kaejo9,2019/02/13,"My GF is a child rape survivor, I love her so much. But her family is not allowing us to get married(different religion) and they are marrying her to someone else She doesn't know, but after being with her, I realised that she suffers from PTSD and I dont know how this will play in her life as we are going to breakup.",4.882846153846156,5.083711092307695,5.996730769230767,81.01201923076924,68.84615384615384,9.576923076923078,30.09615384615385,9.516144504307137,2.4600000000000004,251,9,53,5,4,84,51,65,0.102,0.789,0.109,-0.1406,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,8,3,0,2,0,11,13,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,14,2,8,11,1,3,0,1,0,2,13,1,0,0,1,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116212787364671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34956193139662145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491604048843093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28117574470410445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583007003402688,0.0,0.16950969600077734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327835011015676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067192740832172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691939383500767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925757135923787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486534028442026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527172118093827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587735793949918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Just-no96,2019/02/13,"Does anyone else get dizzy when triggered? I've found that whenever I get triggered I get dizzy. Sometimes the room just kind of spins for a second, and then it stops, other times it's so bad it makes me throw up and/or feel like I'm going to pass out. I haven't actually passed out yet, but I've certainly felt like I was going to. Does anyone else experience this or know if there's a way to stop it?",2.3446428571428584,3.923027035714288,3.5590476190476217,90.91928571428572,76.26190476190476,6.704761904761906,20.333333333333336,7.447530270364453,0.3697333333333335,317,7,71,4,7,103,60,84,0.123,0.779,0.099,0.1814,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,1,17,13,7,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,2,4,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,3,2,5,4,8,10,0,16,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,8,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.1818855838126764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606504690438197,0.3819484082378843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562429732832975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262148127582524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114027180700841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232100634972748,0.0,0.0,0.09424222421135038,0.13315400114120599,0.17895952781852142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043623301161712,0.0,0.0,0.29213654987544585,0.0,0.2118546086742207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409205363576432,0.10243272155965104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182117303736907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244139205773267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434025060851367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116536283870919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868301672124277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794431514085524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HoneyHopScotch,2019/02/14,"How do I deal w my partners ptsd related anger and isolation? I have been w my boyfriend for 2 years. We plan to get married, buy a house - the whole package. He has two kids that live with us full time (mom has been mia for years) and they are a delight. He is rated at 80% disabled from the VA with the majority of that rating from PTSD. Additionally, he had a horrible first marriage that ended 5 years ago and his ex wife completely abandoned them - which I believe he also has some trauma from that he hasn’t completely worked through out. He is normally wonderful but when something stressful happens he completely turns. It’s like he snaps. I could say the smallest, most insignificant thing that sets him off during these stressful times and then all of that negativity is turned towards me. He will yell (I have asked countless times not to be yelled at), not admit fault, and then isolate and give me the silent treatment (even though we live together) for days. Eventually he will come around but it is after days and days of what I consider to be emotional abuse. Guys - I have never done one intentionally mean or disrespectful thing to my boyfriend ever yet he treats me like this seemingly on a whim. He has recently sought counseling because he knows something is wrong. He has been seeing a counselor for the past month on a weekly basis. But on this Tuesday I come home from work, excited about an idea I had, and when I told him he completely snapped - yelled, screamed, accused me of meaning something that I completely didn’t mean. It’s now Thursday and he still is “punishing” me. He has said “I know what I did was not okay and I’m trying to work through it” but no apology, still the silent treatment, sleeping on the couch, etc. I know this is a mental illness caused by experiences out of his control. I know this is not him. I know he is trying to get help. But how tf do I support him in getting healthier when his ptsd causes such destruction and heartache? Tl;dr: how do I support my boyfriend in recovering from ptsd when the symptoms of it are incredibly hurtful?",5.168610160568568,6.762153847328245,5.3084039659559545,81.14106870229006,69.05089058524173,8.575905940159691,32.12678775116259,9.035553425615538,2.7469805913836978,1654,73,310,31,29,520,208,393,0.16899999999999998,0.757,0.07400000000000001,-0.9918,0,1,3,0,1,0,47.0,3,0,2,6,18,18,3,2,17,1,38,3,1,7,3,58,65,28,0,2,10,3,0,2,1,2,2,6,2,3,22,21,0,2,12,0,1,2,9,11,0,3,11,7,39,7,41,49,7,48,0,2,1,0,46,14,0,5,33,208,61,3,0.0,0.0914023488105614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838299526459805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169157232203041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686740071910771,0.07211869254314326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04702591831566046,0.0,0.0,0.08691422743892614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849510349325294,0.0,0.13290446672210124,0.4044170881001747,0.0,0.08652291529310305,0.061592750860400024,0.0,0.0,0.1492533894179931,0.07953148797061167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894451152147727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677597443410454,0.0683261807354149,0.0,0.08603531531003579,0.050952507315567566,0.069780648099913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546107625222148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561816132193754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209127730675499,0.07400300650846693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638412320972553,0.06821767951881194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051707614363348885,0.0,0.0773811492051848,0.0,0.0,0.08901315962253492,0.08258363629214324,0.0870855414414411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211980055592397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537676551531529,0.0,0.13623812232860122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25209542874589524,0.0,0.0,0.07774243213143582,0.0,0.0,0.0903494517182837,0.06157514905839925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949776820745046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755841813459591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227438399657781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364213196756082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607061612530867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761698295119006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338106667251759,0.061347551073080174,0.0,0.0,0.06147332514138405,0.07022848048194412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719914108921762,0.0,0.0,0.1781663416566309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321368414296645,0.0,0.1767350746208132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508289813851965,0.0,0.08018156045085595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250133282855814,0.0,0.07579302734080329,0.0,0.1349488615106378,0.0,0.0,0.07371385234467033,0.0,0.10475064896381196,0.16781979697695734,0.07535792078108508,0.0,0.09279404670002986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061879805545845226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612788355837828,0.0,0.0,0.08365875806181264,0.1684840053171809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434422946305192,0.0,0.14903351714085508 ptsd,daedalia_planum,2019/02/14,"Spending the 14th missing my girlfriend, murdered two years ago, seeking some support Hey everyone. Title basically says it. I got home from classes and it really just hit me right in the chest. I want to ask if any of my friends are free but at the same time I want to be alone. Is that weird? I just kinda want the company of someone without any expectations. My best friend is busy right now, which makes me a kinda sad. My friends never seems to realize that days like this are going to be difficult for me. Idk if it’s because they haven’t been through trauma or what. I just wish someone would take the time to reach out without me asking. It would mean a lot more. I feel like if I ask right now I’ll be burdening them and I won’t be any fun. Anyways I’m sad. And I don’t really know what to do right now.",1.3910461430081045,3.5448344730538928,2.8675237759774603,92.00064459316664,81.51497005988024,6.085100387460374,23.595984501585068,7.285733465282438,0.8944402254314898,635,23,138,9,17,207,102,167,0.14400000000000002,0.65,0.206,0.9017,0,1,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,7,17,1,0,7,0,15,1,1,1,1,33,34,8,1,10,10,0,1,2,4,3,0,1,1,0,10,4,0,0,5,0,2,1,6,8,0,1,2,2,19,10,16,24,5,17,0,3,0,0,11,7,0,9,11,89,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131120339117756,0.0,0.0,0.1321578435149565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603224957375905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35787370668901136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778537992773665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339110895265431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229314115286347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192978289289008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451972462443502,0.0911593455923298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957564301894894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251951620657908,0.0,0.10205548130352614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799584369127998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012706929262122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246804007946436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848319436951866,0.0,0.0,0.08517574751942954,0.0,0.0,0.1389966739293132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984150160301648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349102665557358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358878010975494,0.0,0.10147473433318642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616464349227752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21623459152930055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480195430887136,0.0,0.0,0.09594129870509052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881224141063756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464922979651667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257900147644163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673672908861404,0.2460087669225489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129049694181126,0.0,0.0,0.08217191120687245 ptsd,firebreather209,2019/02/14,"Anyone else? I got diagnosed with PTSD about a year and a half ago, and while some days are better than others, there are still some bad days. I haven't been able to afford to see my psychiatrist in some time, but my question is this - does it ever get better? Some days this just feels like a death sentence. ",4.803360655737702,5.489277491803278,4.672254098360657,88.7267418032787,69.1639344262295,7.411475409836067,21.807377049180328,7.1686216300943375,0.4257836065573768,241,4,51,2,4,74,47,61,0.113,0.726,0.161,0.3094,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,12,9,4,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,4,3,6,7,4,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,10,35,8,0,0.21941242733625727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944958782452735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534182707865517,0.22481396076705645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832002119625624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881049232342784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245085922839769,0.0,0.0,0.22269899515098948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200929375621434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329092865170574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984711021241741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094151586700704,0.15674828192969814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463393736921887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754841618474953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071938290467004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25648138601542114,0.0,0.2457921335095634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484329716426647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522304789732182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794115084777216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129440948554514 ptsd,yashunnyqueen,2019/02/14,"triggers/anniversary time ruining my relationship/friendships I have been feeling terrible lately and I realized it’s because it’s been the 2 year mark of when I got out of an abusive “relationship” which only lasted 3 months but felt like a lifetime. I’m super set off, I noticed when I kept apologizing to friends and just trying to act annoying so the people in my life would dump me. I keep carrying the blame for what happened to me, I keep hearing the abusers voice telling me “no one will love you ever again after what I’ve done to you” and what’s my luck, after getting out of the abuse I met someone who’s really great but sadly after going out a few times I also pushed them away. For some reason they talked to me still and didn’t judge me, I always wondered why. I went and got intense counselling/therapy and did my own healing for over a year, at that point we still spoke, I still couldn’t get why. We started going out again for a few months but recently agreed on putting things on hold which was fine. But then the anniversary dates came up and I was triggered a lot, so I took the whole break thing out of proportion and I apologized to them cause in my ptsd mindset, silence equals punishment. I know it’s irrational and I know I’m cared about but I guess it’s hard to accept. I’m very shocked that even after that they still talk to me as normal. I’m waiting for my therapist to return my voicemail to make an appointment cause I can’t deal with this alone anymore, I’ve been crying a lot and not knowing how to cope healthily. I feel bad for hiding my symptoms but in the start I was handling it fairly well, regulating my feelings and was stable. I’m worried that things are irreparable because of my apologizing and taking constant blame :( has anyone experienced similar? What kind of therapy and work is necessary to push past this? I know I’m pushing this person away but I don’t actually want to, and I realize I’m doing it too. I feel so bad and embarrassed about it ",3.9764196010834776,5.669010913486009,4.877348764672085,82.67428958384635,72.18066157760813,8.02262168595584,28.962406632192398,8.654491914285503,2.2469037018796687,1591,64,305,29,31,517,212,393,0.19,0.688,0.123,-0.9818,0,1,0,0,2,0,30.0,2,2,4,2,23,21,3,1,16,0,20,4,0,6,1,67,62,31,0,4,9,0,6,1,1,2,3,3,0,1,24,24,0,5,14,0,0,10,6,10,1,1,19,10,49,11,49,40,8,58,0,2,0,1,23,17,0,6,30,210,73,1,0.0,0.3102466495730805,0.08517517868100008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039839933352566,0.0,0.0697998241433732,0.07262607411991319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656083662817235,0.06102998876744002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640096588218946,0.0,0.1457545678353179,0.10641326538022336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982798549650458,0.08899037736642344,0.17932644500720812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943214294542524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587578331026833,0.0,0.08998447705679727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932035307059029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057649301459293735,0.07895206399602801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765307204283707,0.0,0.08380493626316536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743428204396038,0.0,0.09120306041963436,0.0,0.09920936981352163,0.0,0.13961565818085156,0.09622932011978312,0.09615156975651662,0.0,0.07718367119947236,0.0,0.07818802125589408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983737779764266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551614826459276,0.0,0.0908913450007922,0.1918728285933861,0.07114692814799893,0.09845851878473068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061650246707668374,0.04264184538855115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840900645420094,0.07877590961288915,0.0,0.058261780254620726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933619825550927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551836770230556,0.0,0.09937176231008968,0.0,0.0,0.05914491514526218,0.06638231279835151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332107072983823,0.06051073065582259,0.07621175649845986,0.0,0.0,0.08251022248667178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202863079689144,0.08774307090856426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591543688205699,0.08974099885733706,0.08618098882629349,0.18741758942370215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739542218414578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235580770452786,0.0,0.2788158304781924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907199899168787,0.06562561556884297,0.14030881586141375,0.07628879631796393,0.0,0.19963040661543047,0.10134176849469127,0.17395994468777184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017903142709302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969741252065457,0.0592591224487829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201724517486488,0.05148150972940276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847749516058464,0.08091179880961462,0.15751785188462478,0.0974478506534824,0.0,0.0,0.09465420285101496,0.0635427363331591,0.08863966688297803,0.0,0.062003019654540865,0.0,0.0,0.11241420177134183 ptsd,MJ520,2019/02/14,"i might have to vent stressing out - like it's accumulating - i can't get yet back to center/balance. i know how i am - if i can't calm/peace, it builds up - then BAM - and i don't wanna go there.",-1.2474418604651163,0.5862191395348866,1.7593488372093056,97.7664651162791,90.16279069767441,4.370232558139535,15.576744186046513,5.6839178017228535,-0.9719637209302324,145,3,38,1,5,51,33,43,0.07400000000000001,0.853,0.07400000000000001,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,9,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,5,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37675491453665577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559878986342436,0.0,0.2784599331046525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692734321120177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393734671770191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5197782967977255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5612563406581494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,USSNerdinator,2019/02/14,"*rant* psychiatrist won't take me seriously As background, I have complex post traumatic stress disorder (only diagnosed as PTSD by a different physician)and before that was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression by my PCP in my teens. So basically I had shit health insurance which left me with a doctor who doesn't listen when my symptoms get worse and always tells me to ""think positive"". Thank goodness I've got better health insurance; now it's just the process of finding a new doctor and getting in to see them. But in the meantime I've got someone who 1. Didn't listen or care when I said I was going to end up losing my job due to panic attacks at work (along with some other chronic health issues) and having to leave. 2. Doesn't seem concerned that I've not been able to work since and though some of my physical symptoms (non-ptsd related) have improved, my mental health isn't good. I've been experiencing more dissociation (something I had to look up myself as this guy only cares that I'm not suicidal, nothing about educating his patients or actually trying to come up with an effective treatment plan), as well as more frequent panic attacks. I don't sleep well (it takes me quite some time to fall asleep) and I experience nightmares fairly often which leave me feeling exhausted more often than not. I'm hypervigilant a lot (this was worse when I lived in the city. I got to the point where I couldn't drive because I kept being triggered so badly). I can't deal with loud sounds or people raising their voices without my anxiety getting really bad and having to remove myself from the situation or have a straight up panic attack and possibly dissociate if bad enough. People or situations that remind me of the abuse/abusers will trigger panic attacks. It had gotten to where I wasn't leaving my house unless I absolutely had to. I've been working with a therapist and while I've eliminated some toxic individuals in my life who were partly to blame for the c-ptsd, I'm not really better. If anything I'm worse. I've developed some level of agoraphobia. Going to the grocery store by myself is an exhausting ordeal in and of itself, nevermind anywhere else outside of doctors appointments. But no, this man won't listen to me or acknowledge how much this is affecting my life and limiting me. Thank goodness I've gotten to where I can drive some places again. But the therapy, working on grounding techniques, and prescribed anti-depressents and anti-anxiety meds just aren't cutting it. Oh, and if I mention to said doctor that I have been needing to take the anti-anxiety meds more often due to panic attacks, he just warns me that they can be addictive so try not to take them. Like Jesus H. Christ, are you going to give me anything else, advice, anything? or do you expect me to just hermit and never function normally again? I just want to be able to go places without fearing a complete breakdown or having to run to my car to have a panic attack (assuming I make it that far) until I feel safe enough to either go back in or drive home. This is debilitating. I can't even begin to bring up potentially getting a service dog to help with this and I'm scared to death that I'll be out in public by myself and dissociate and not be able to respond to people around me (I tend to just shut down/almost black out). Has anyone else dealt with similar?",7.261332318233727,7.523679898278563,7.7466573615869425,70.28314046440808,63.78873239436621,10.350987607325637,34.79765681174132,10.094168925368589,3.602510941927843,2721,112,459,55,37,899,304,639,0.156,0.7659999999999999,0.078,-0.9946,2,0,1,0,2,0,71.0,0,2,4,11,29,38,8,9,21,0,46,21,3,6,1,96,93,49,2,8,31,0,2,1,0,3,18,8,1,2,26,31,0,3,9,0,1,14,22,25,2,0,22,14,56,13,85,62,16,62,2,2,3,0,25,30,1,24,18,319,82,10,0.15650158413770426,0.061809595291586174,0.05090765683115976,0.05686994240384505,0.0,0.05097717891269892,0.0,0.0,0.05223790996897324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340728502769374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963104466889427,0.0,0.0,0.036476515490720327,0.05345145581688147,0.1287874689461578,0.04643986338173275,0.0,0.356086290517786,0.0,0.04011335264520805,0.13067228567944647,0.031800637698385974,0.0,0.0443904404049513,0.0,0.0,0.0922752888023095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637586354147227,0.0,0.0,0.044937419045778165,0.05469631113371391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378208709482473,0.08986305672919133,0.10589720904486934,0.0,0.05450361525322915,0.11957624938879848,0.2135813372064984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073699170239614,0.0,0.046204650471605616,0.10780531461647276,0.0,0.03445594010712024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051029526528736116,0.0,0.05870259739508185,0.052754602190987626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047679870878869705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902082446303032,0.050043526694583465,0.1482390947431318,0.13126610360733929,0.12516861352671438,0.0,0.0,0.05165372448011155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180515412583168,0.0,0.0,0.03496657097856447,0.0,0.052327949749773416,0.0,0.0,0.06019393859666889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054448997817233766,0.05176789122202844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571258055697524,0.0566798096943569,0.0,0.07369446478544138,0.02548625626977371,0.0,0.04606458867851019,0.0,0.04380730491483654,0.05836174703174326,0.0,0.04435068342808863,0.0,0.0,0.034822007555544904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158919861468976,0.0,0.05257226241512535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03834889054809229,0.03868131387124519,0.04023455656787436,0.05038340172776412,0.0,0.0,0.05111277467412048,0.05005583028373087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793510046454652,0.0,0.3672417776711276,0.0,0.05649198821769776,0.0,0.10849849305393387,0.0,0.1090072305064583,0.0,0.049314860930853625,0.05881067377338205,0.04996175219011187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829419768996578,0.0,0.0,0.05548623296373915,0.0,0.0,0.06683928150047078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992458966780759,0.0,0.05222846254797912,0.0,0.04157050007644875,0.04749105480351128,0.0,0.0,0.05354887570971941,0.04315324254715186,0.1172762251534069,0.05220486923670003,0.0,0.04420109479101346,0.040160855148273694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975734528869407,0.0,0.0,0.05706244393722752,0.0,0.0,0.1084433795369294,0.1568929525454585,0.0,0.04559642754096717,0.0960570880153648,0.05965773356992207,0.060570133847472736,0.0,0.03342663195281361,0.05125400393778352,0.0,0.030419110754365455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083620173047565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030769563046881724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380914614964526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057462822446216,0.0,0.1519133562361597,0.0,0.15948848454070558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MFBriggs_,2019/02/14,"PTSD in the military. [Trigger warning] The opening line from this conversation from Philip Ingram, a former colonel, I believe, is raw, really, really raw. But I feel that folk can relate to something like this, particularly with armed forces. I've put in a trigger warning as I feel some of the anecdotes may be linked to it. &#x200B; [https://youtu.be/eYPYUbUzbP4?t=52](https://youtu.be/eYPYUbUzbP4?t=52) &#x200B;",10.021505376344088,14.149272870967753,5.949677419354843,70.81118279569894,62.225806451612904,8.004301075268819,34.526881720430104,8.841846274778883,3.5953139784946253,346,15,43,6,6,92,46,62,0.04,0.911,0.048,0.1179,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,4,1,1,2,0,10,6,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,9,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4455999511232521,0.499725817021815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316745485911752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207945372355364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046041160116473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403704190464269,0.2067149050024743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26346363544287743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583039892459715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.499725817021815,0.0 ptsd,Wandersii2,2019/02/14,"Prazosin insomnia, frustrated I was a civilian of war at age 13 and thirteen years later I haven't had normal sleep since, often waking up my spouse with full capacity screaming and kicking. I finally went into a psychiatrist for help and was prescribed prazosin. Took my first dose a few hours ago. Ican't sleep and I'm totally wired. When I stand I feel like I may faint and I get nauseous. It's frustrating because I was so looking forward to some rest and I just don't know how to deal with the nightmares and insomnia anymore. It's like being trapped in time. Like living with real breathing demons. I just want to sleep! I'm sure I'll find the right solution but for now I'm frustrated and not looking forward to tomorrow's inevitable exhaustion. ",4.062797202797203,6.467971643356647,4.708391608391609,80.89797202797206,73.82517482517483,7.756643356643357,31.97902097902098,8.617729084823388,2.885039160839161,607,30,106,12,13,194,95,143,0.13699999999999998,0.779,0.084,-0.8805,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,4,0,5,0,8,10,5,1,2,28,19,12,1,2,4,1,1,3,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,12,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,6,0,1,6,4,12,4,14,11,5,22,1,0,2,0,3,8,0,3,16,64,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860133515854674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744005995239348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906766226108433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844581409526981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904670715892048,0.12782012154780756,0.0,0.19599755906393768,0.16352917520055302,0.1521888293433088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347805046188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199259646957289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619966001605109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832947420290143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26223308011891266,0.0,0.15798919027458735,0.0,0.3004946241856171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753031149330323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364955349406716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279626942106758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800405351123808,0.0,0.5371461195491805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862950472569588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432939519977112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878614002305184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553135261462906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658601625271416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521828738491775 ptsd,RainbowGanjaGoddess,2019/02/15,"Still battling ptsd Not trying to make this long. I just wanted to say that ptsd is real and it sucks and that more people should educate themselves on mental health so they can help people like us get better. I feel like PTSD is still massively stigmatized and I have trouble finding specialists around me that specialize in ptsd that can actually help me overcome my ptsd that accept my insurance. I've been battling it for years now and I need some help but have no idea where to get it. My anxiety disorder is crippling me. I'm terrified to seek help because I don't want to be hospitalized forever. I don't trust the organizations designed to help people like me. I'm terrified that hospitals still practice MK ultra in secret and that mentally ill or undesirable minorities are who they test on. I fear in patient hospitals. I fear they do not actually cure people like me and that they test on us like lab rats. After seeing the ""three identical strangers"" documentary, how the hell am I supposed to trust the gov. to actually help people with ptsd? I think I would rather take my chances with a shaman and some ayawascha to help cure myself of my ptsd but I am not sure if that would make my condition worse or not. I have a lot of fear and it's crippling me from living my life to the fullest. If anyone sees or reads this and has any suggestions for me on what to do please tell me. Thank you.",4.875222222222224,6.4198158925925926,5.364629629629628,80.64583333333336,69.7037037037037,9.103703703703703,29.055555555555557,9.516144504307137,2.5996444444444444,1121,42,214,25,20,359,140,270,0.208,0.648,0.14400000000000002,-0.9773,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,1,4,1,10,20,4,3,7,0,21,3,0,3,1,45,37,18,0,9,13,0,1,5,0,3,3,1,0,0,17,12,0,0,6,1,0,0,7,8,0,1,1,4,36,12,27,32,4,16,1,0,2,0,19,9,2,8,12,143,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.2225831481025128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051703056071582994,0.0,0.05816279689703323,0.0,0.0,0.053161994056953335,0.0,0.0,0.06768288329880294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634722614222865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724242007381442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713704932941417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256664905503843,0.0384430887987053,0.05431589855407702,0.0,0.0,0.06949010831211712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944514908040243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081641109907332,0.0,0.0,0.3567294818276077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582869675850174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053702288256545085,0.1857222635057326,0.0,0.0671359464197165,0.06728422110118441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463804826493601,0.0,0.0,0.1015013267476172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324086001495935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056375334937390824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635483938695209,0.0,0.0,0.08345818753979467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6221255978454382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605064671329542,0.08653886691877084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046216479538909,0.0,0.0,0.12117224730914695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215314088474047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716574429831017,0.0,0.0571651520066481,0.0,0.06645363399823287,0.06999827523958793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871700011125025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051619428072436316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829096303102532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968901255107657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748113869285278,0.10801916333127078,0.0,0.0,0.04896087355724337 ptsd,GeekBill,2019/02/15,"ER help? My (M67) wife (F57) has severe PTSD due to childhood abuse, and recently it has resulted in extreme panic attacks at bedtime. She has taken Clonazepam and hydroxyzine, but still is unable to rest until she crashes at 4 or 6 AM. She has recently asked to be taken to an ER in the midst of them, and I am skeptical that they would really do anything for relief. She will finally see her psych/pharmacology person next week (monthly visits) and we hope she will get some help there, but until then, my question is, can/will a Texas ER be able to do anything for hey if I do take her in? Thanks in advance!",5.870420168067228,5.928761252100845,6.707226890756306,77.25394957983195,66.73109243697479,9.489075630252099,32.12605042016807,9.23628265651192,2.7569798319327727,475,18,90,8,7,158,82,119,0.087,0.777,0.136,0.8574,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,1,0,2,1,2,6,2,1,3,0,16,0,0,1,0,14,24,11,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,1,14,3,16,17,2,20,0,0,1,0,18,6,0,5,12,64,16,0,0.19074113459665945,0.22599705427589603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139274031502149,0.0,0.17831721268738476,0.2169955768879495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894758959763812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965437027674688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25569952373916643,0.0,0.0,0.18944898479570949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224775385848174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285536055454007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379362397587726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654780150126974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229661791058498,0.0,0.21367372390761785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219365502850993,0.0,0.37666771846453206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199598893559166,0.0,0.0,0.21548318978880254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232611647926025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341359518959748,0.0,0.0,0.17560880985697058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300103284556266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549702938696187,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bekahboo96,2019/02/15,"Advice I have recently been suspecting that I may have PTSD but I feel like I haven't ""earned"" (I don't like using that way to classify trauma but I cant think of another word) In 2017, after the suicide of a friend of mine, my ex boyfriend emotionally abused me into a relationship with him again. In December, he sexually assaulted me (not rape.) I didn't consent but at the time I felt like since he was my boyfriend it was okay. I've come to realize that it wasn't okay and I was violated. I have been having horrible nightmares of the incident, of him committing the act in another way, of him being in my life, of everyone dismissing that he was abusive because they liked him (which happened irl.) When I see someone with a patchy beard like him, curly hair like him or a car like him, my heart stops. I cry all the time when I even think of a physical relationship. I have panic attacks even seeing someone with a similar side profile. If I hear his name or see his photo I just relive memories. Everyone says I'm overreacting, is this true? What can I do to quell the nightmares? Those are the worst.",3.1856415231627433,5.209296926267285,4.688173659956345,81.79286199369392,75.12903225806451,8.80805238903711,28.010914382731023,9.414487439383343,2.64533732718894,871,36,172,23,19,291,123,217,0.224,0.628,0.147,-0.9772,0,0,0,0,1,1,29.0,0,0,1,1,6,18,4,1,13,2,22,4,2,1,3,28,34,9,1,1,8,1,3,7,1,1,1,2,0,0,10,6,0,1,6,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,9,8,34,11,21,23,2,20,0,0,3,1,20,7,0,4,15,116,44,1,0.0,0.2926259755535984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067096249317665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25897569444364515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048533194625934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527708752837824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637390541951754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356456773751104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890728468052152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312520798586955,0.0,0.0,0.23599599173189545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243920081604695,0.08821979199122698,0.1185677650216134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540645771368196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919995645061842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917985636037,0.14633377524142027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722316716768573,0.42230970760107295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488646267634328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435076573311448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192941953202682,0.2651596158241313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820254738634236,0.0,0.0,0.29521164347708473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215048035090693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209261821287448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324142734721044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507573739830592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825214092600073,0.0,0.0,0.1440135939731813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665391094410133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960379199445898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dalexander16,2019/02/15,"Finding out so much about PTSD I am M(42). Was diagnosed almost 2 years ago with PTSD but healing and moving forward is sometimes not the easiest thing to do. When I was younger I was subject to sexual violence by big boy bullies at my school and I believe that I was also raped. This happened at the school showers when I was 13 so living with this for almost 30 years. This event has affected my life and probably has caused problems with relationships with friends and my marriage to my wife (which is really awful). How do you cope? I go to so much therapy. Recently discovered that I wish I had been born female.",3.4521956856702616,5.807560906779663,4.493636363636366,81.95190292758092,75.52542372881356,8.019722650231127,29.371340523882896,8.841846274778883,2.674193220338983,489,22,89,11,11,159,78,118,0.159,0.782,0.06,-0.93,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,8,3,1,0,2,1,14,4,0,3,0,19,17,12,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,7,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,7,0,14,1,14,10,2,15,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,9,66,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818241454260336,0.0,0.33478484633921424,0.0,0.0,0.13368244705041055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883386363842506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717253466152926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966978999971213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278653237789294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915189901062307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500418869078094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782418387023066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807416339923657,0.0,0.0,0.14761048299571988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767081301686272,0.2457722262825588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802330290534609,0.15995511492885262,0.3908157993669174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709070577215524,0.0,0.1650560816866585,0.17947353221826365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33836147181082826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533127187285154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911686855199111,0.0,0.11105754386452027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223244482894086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529861658596047 ptsd,berfumelody,2019/02/15,"Hello everyone 2 Hello everyone, So the thing is Melody woke up, she woke up with sadness and disappointment. All her head is going on ""You can't even success to kill yourself, you are worthless"" She was only 14 years old... She didn't even realise and remember what happened to her. Next day her mom saw the scars on her wrist and got the appointment from psychologist. First diagnose was Bipolar Disorder. It make sense but it didn't fit her at all. She had so many toxic friends from high school. They were seen like friends but they were always bullying me at the same time. Never been happy, never been loved... They were ""joking"" about her disease all the time. Then at the age of 16. She met someone. Friends of her friends... Nice guy, handsome... It was enough to trush a guy in 16, teenage years we say. Second date with him, she was afraid if they are going to make it and she realized she is not ready, she was not ready at all. She said no, he said yes. She cried, he laughed. She saw blood, he saw joy. Three days, feeling sick, feeling worthless, feeling like a bitch cuz it was her fault, it was... Her fault. She always been the worst, she never felt loved from family, from friends, from boys. She was fat, worthless, cheap, slut, ugly, mental... She didn't deserve anything. Those days she wanted to tell someone and she wrote to her best ""male"" friend. He invited her to house to talk, she said ""are you kidding me? I am telling you he raped me and it is not funny."". He said ""you are not innocent anymore. You are not virgin."". She cried, blocked the number. After that she decided to not to tell anyone because she was a slut, whore, a bitch... She didn't tell her parents, she didn't tell anyone, she didn't talk anyone for 6 months. She didn't carry on. They killed her soul. ",1.6963081395348851,4.261126014534888,2.2052790697674425,94.56937209302326,83.91279069767441,5.067906976744187,21.390697674418604,6.508806274219699,0.31922813953488394,1375,44,283,14,40,421,166,344,0.248,0.621,0.13,-0.9955,1,0,0,0,0,0,89.0,1,6,5,3,5,35,5,1,12,1,34,14,4,3,7,39,59,13,2,2,9,2,4,2,6,0,4,5,0,5,11,9,1,1,7,1,1,2,18,17,0,3,37,13,56,18,32,22,8,32,1,5,4,7,89,12,2,1,20,181,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427500064718866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506972281388607,0.17993602291816216,0.0,0.07058881173913822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229008488273919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001977292632825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884484168239708,0.16596108446657082,0.0,0.0,0.08706388378624308,0.0,0.0,0.09831017053499548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863264167170891,0.0,0.11331244675054672,0.0,0.0,0.1639310292789284,0.0,0.0,0.0808648111697979,0.0,0.13011732591742445,0.0612805378505089,0.08236129612479456,0.0,0.0,0.07296357728394948,0.0,0.0,0.3976358758828864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750036990550284,0.0,0.06860530584369239,0.0,0.0,0.16986940093416694,0.07585409026141793,0.09131334518976586,0.0,0.0,0.08803400571135772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063022769496548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897745411583236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980351820346456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381457732574654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483780093223248,0.0,0.1145163029833986,0.08696644686863653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864450609524748,0.0,0.0,0.1004633331718415,0.06846798289654611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847416879885105,0.0,0.09122694427289364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001063548867322,0.0,0.0,0.06523879816178342,0.0,0.0,0.09524743307522024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717089031641933,0.0,0.3263819053429577,0.06821490718005316,0.0,0.08681293192951466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453605440528259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378918288988708,0.3748731533436908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698775894413844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003685451150217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050594679225816334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047773285869436 ptsd,sam_albrow,2019/02/15,"My story Hi my names Sam and I’m 14. I haven’t got diagnosed with PTSD but I’m showing signs. I don’t know whether I have PTSD or as the psychologist I met said “just normal stress” Last Easter I was in Gran Canaria in a holiday bungalow when a man came in. He came through the living area when I was in the bedroom. I got up and at first I thought he was a member of staff, until I saw my iPad, my brothers iPad and my dads phone. He was going through to the dinning area to try and get my dads wallet. I confronted him, he tried to get out of the bungalow, I grabbed his arm and tried to hold him there while shouting in my dad. ( my dad was in the bathroom at the time) he turned around and landed a punch to the chest and pushed me to the ground. He then ran out of the bungalow in which I ran after him. He turned left out of the door and ran over gravel. I ran after him barefoot and kept up with him. He ran around the other bungalows but got out through one of the locking side exits. He got away with my dads wallet and my iPad. He dropped the rest when I was chasing him. In the days just after the event when I was still in Spain I was physically jumpy. I remember a man with the same complexion walking past me and me almost punching him. When looking back on the event I feel angry, about being robbed but more because I didn’t catch him, I also feel guilty about not catching him, I feel like if I ran a bit faster I could have got him. I feel like I should have caught him and beaten or killed him. If I ever see him again I would kill him. No exaggeration. I’m hyper vigilant, when I go any where new I’m scanning for threats, if someone frightens me I am very close to attacking them. But then there’s a part of my brain that just says to me that I’m milking it. I’m fine, I don’t need any help and I’m just making it up for attention. What do you guys think? P.S. sorry if this isn’t what this sub is for and if it isn’t then tell me and I’ll take this down",1.5076513954712991,2.9931058341232206,2.962709320695101,94.69997761979992,78.33649289099526,6.110689836756188,21.674828857293313,6.816661863887847,0.2507849394418113,1530,42,363,15,36,500,194,422,0.121,0.836,0.043,-0.9881,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,1,2,23,10,6,1,25,0,24,5,3,1,1,67,67,40,2,10,17,6,5,2,0,2,1,3,2,3,12,28,1,2,9,2,0,15,8,7,0,2,28,12,64,3,55,35,5,76,0,0,4,0,44,33,0,8,29,237,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700810903955492,0.0,0.0,0.08545850283886798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534134971252402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902618985899741,0.0,0.12157237475570858,0.10040154159445208,0.08217124338148385,0.0,0.06514284565323226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666699223769465,0.0,0.0,0.11929472938845392,0.0,0.2444461798192497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532161000502679,0.0,0.0,0.0689179560146249,0.0,0.0,0.10846394983249223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666392813941807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613308139412551,0.15268625505943684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908978263082716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116632755660709,0.0,0.12146569587963743,0.0,0.4273415179560838,0.0,0.0,0.10581141903935072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162818424848838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364567072035905,0.0,0.058729247774925324,0.0871078120286317,0.0,0.0,0.11610723437667005,0.0,0.0,0.1044159726737088,0.0,0.09436220804201427,0.0,0.08973821624640313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133204953439286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923774620741802,0.0,0.10320919326731352,0.0,0.0,0.10470329630130856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241330420065051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157224865744274,0.10201306445812043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498348424687188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105523110288882,0.0,0.10165142269056872,0.08498194599692888,0.0,0.0,0.08515617503938375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905448853882896,0.0,0.0,0.1196246599432714,0.0,0.0,0.08534112991280399,0.0,0.1224114924269547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034786510167555,0.0,0.0934031911501815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847365598961108,0.0,0.0848374841785683,0.06231282075455932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176593972622036,0.2324730600398732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817337331082586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591258711887491,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Shattered_Me123,2019/02/15,"Getting on disability I'm going to make this brief. I have a long history of trauma and abuse, and all the diagnoses that come with it: clinical depression, panic disorder, PTSD and Complex PTSD. I also have an attachment disorder and some form of disassociative disorder, the later of which I have not been officially diagnosed. I do experience amnesia/time loss and what I would say is severe brain fog. These things make it very difficult to hold down a job. Relationships of any kind are hard as well. I have two cats who are my unofficial ESAs. I have a solid savings account as well, in case I become agoraphobic again and can't leave the house, or can't work for whatever reason. I am no contact with most of my family. I live in the USA. Washington state. I'm 24. ",3.4953131115459897,5.968833267123292,5.449745596868887,74.56506849315069,75.91780821917807,9.924853228962816,27.55185909980431,10.125756701596842,3.3866708414872813,611,25,111,21,14,210,102,146,0.214,0.705,0.08,-0.9676,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,8,0,14,4,1,3,1,21,21,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,9,9,0,1,2,0,1,3,4,5,2,1,1,2,12,4,16,19,4,11,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,3,3,77,21,2,0.0,0.166213089261081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121847189974318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539763706690604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493217982040788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566028569392575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208418726539578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082603193679126,0.28476973803888056,0.0,0.0,0.482331369087717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372242482394331,0.1322468634062102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329237451849557,0.0,0.07972638477985966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566652282017918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618684031459123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392097955657741,0.0,0.0,0.14608374911186034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854004362841472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387296104555535,0.12414654360186116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872807425052885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645925417795617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279679688628176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144234872550392,0.0,0.15061205284333246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155912419266388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848050220559318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319816943721856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703666236494644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157486356457878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522635508114916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212810859266523,0.0,0.0,0.09965342208669864,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Snorumobiru,2019/02/15,"Sensory Processing Disorder keeps destroying me. Have you beaten it? Please share tips. Hi folks. I have sensory processing disorder as a major feature of my autism/ptsd. Certain sounds like loud engines, fireworks, and firearms kick my ass. My mind goes blank, my throat goes lumpy, I panic, and I feel the most pain. Days after exposure I'm still anxious, hypervigilant, depressed, and obsessed with the idea that the sound will come back. I used to get paranoid and psychotic too. I failed out of school after a guy in my apartment complex got a loud-ass motorcycle and revved it every morning. I turned to alcohol to numb the pain and fucked up my life. I moved in with the love of my life but our house was in a big city and the fireworks and subwoofers fucked me up. I tried to kill myself and lost the relationship, my job, and my house. I finally rebuilt my life, again. Yesterday at home I heard a really loud noise that triggered me. I was doing so well and now I feel like shit. If it becomes a regular thing I'll have to move, again. I'm out of money to keep running away. I always have at least 75dB of white noise running when I'm home. I have earplugs and earmuffs. Yesterday was so loud this didn't help. If you've had SPD and gotten better, how?",3.0608803005904486,5.377899296296299,3.7781714081231,86.79278582930758,76.61316872427983,7.189049919484702,26.203077473608875,8.18289091462,1.7424508498837,991,38,194,18,23,314,141,243,0.206,0.718,0.076,-0.9846,1,0,1,1,0,1,37.0,1,1,0,4,11,21,6,2,13,0,12,13,3,3,1,33,30,21,1,2,3,0,2,2,0,1,7,6,2,1,7,18,1,2,4,0,1,5,1,14,1,0,9,9,30,7,26,20,3,29,0,3,1,4,9,12,4,3,14,117,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929203610675044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066599241634826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667424188664518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366575483560258,0.09302702186051373,0.0,0.0,0.1336141539564878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069979787593636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421453177701573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802282084244473,0.0,0.1042008706768832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27730971440550617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193182056674206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234338961069055,0.08642894401190765,0.0,0.13252891527310706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236902119088753,0.0632076475274693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675966213202956,0.0,0.0,0.11979034011165658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109110179796221,0.0,0.2427078767682889,0.0,0.0,0.2791919633958433,0.0,0.13657297079178554,0.0,0.0,0.12005510461763,0.21506717559254146,0.13384769637701627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25635765154921863,0.11821053902529505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320651955802309,0.0,0.10919019395966097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215645425759755,0.0,0.0,0.2571675917495865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574649059360279,0.14194529014512194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328009516593143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142046776605452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750361028509188,0.0,0.0,0.12988845854772485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243936323713685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418539221375932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661568732922826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037448756018267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213824639865805,0.13159272969686495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104488853233245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087765658328946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nimrodg35,2019/02/15,"hard time at work i am only working 3 day and today was different, but before some context, i work at rental car place, i work with 20 years old man, 68 years old man, i work with more but this story accrue when the 20 years went to buy some food, he came back with some food in a paper bag, as he eating he share his food, i did wanted his food so i didn't eat, it pretty much i didn't care much. i saw the old man eating out from the paper bag. as i didn't saw it coming i didn't prepare to an loud noise from blasting the bag full of air, until now i feel this urge to kill him. i moved out from my parents home, i didn't want to ear all the booms that came from gaza (i live in israel) they have some things like a merchant night with small bombs, fireworks, pipe bombs and rocks and what not. &#x200B; so as resembles to those things it triggered me and i still feel it. still found comfort in ""blessing"" him for an one hour. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",2.8520666666666687,3.970792740000004,3.298000000000002,95.1656666666667,74.1,5.7333333333333325,21.333333333333336,5.2151,-0.1940666666666666,748,16,170,2,15,232,112,200,0.08199999999999999,0.871,0.048,-0.7695,3,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,5,7,6,1,0,9,0,9,8,1,1,1,27,21,13,1,2,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,11,13,7,0,3,1,2,6,6,1,0,1,13,8,22,5,26,8,9,34,1,0,2,0,13,11,0,4,18,101,33,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434933854646892,0.38521663267744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094261944791125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744062857701083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812944516740402,0.08080630691218628,0.0,0.0,0.06827163144652612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111326777700425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280517243949972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24329461611302924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801479665359103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38334446268790856,0.08689961072342166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099739802703846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949977047034043,0.0,0.0780507438039499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768451425344836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03872025434369437,0.0,0.06998409538810682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423609809755281,0.11652388488156835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437595700838104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494960765271351,0.0,0.05370560623475363,0.060277410887216325,0.0,0.0,0.08800389984484565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280517243949972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063137883444542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658715602939805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530772050395376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046214543746659786,0.0,0.07512498646532575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349394392087217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347068122326761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884948915900832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38521663267744,0.1531139111628968 ptsd,throw1away1acct12,2019/02/15,"Secondary trauma from girlfriend’s ptsd So my girlfriend has experienced sexual assault, and it has been seriously affecting our relationship. I grew up in a not so good household and lived on my own pretty young, so I feel like I am the one who knows how to do adult things and take care of finances, put things in our google calendar, make sure we wake up on time, etc. Recently i have struggled with that and am feeling burnt out because i work and go to school full time, and also take care of the finances/appointments (she does not work, but she does go to school). I have struggled with depression/suicide my whole life, and I feel like I am definitely feeling secondary trauma from dealing with her ptsd every day (and every night, as she has loud and violent night terrors that keep me up so I usually just don’t sleep). We have been together for over a year and there’s only been a few months where she’s gotten better, and then just went back to her old ways. But recently she also has been unable to have sex which is hard for me because I have really big insecurities around sex (I grew up being told multiple times that I was too ugly to have sex with, by multiple people, so it definitely took a toll on me). I have always tried to be understanding and tell her it’s okay if she can’t, and that we can do what is comfortable for her (so it’s mostly just cuddling), but this is making me feel unattractive and unloved. I don’t know what to do because I am extremely close to having a breakdown because of the burnout, and I know I’m not treating her as well as I can because of it. Should I take a step back and maybe take a break for a while? We live together, so breaking up would be really hard, but in the end, is that the right solution? I’ve read a lot about secondary trauma and I’ve read that it is important to put my mental health first, but I’m worried if I break up with her it will cause her to slip further into her problems and she may start self harming again. Any advice is appreciated. TL;DR Girlfriend has night terrors so I don’t sleep, we don’t have sex anymore, and I’m feeling burnt out from taking care of her, so I am not treating her as well as I can. Is it time to break up? Or is there anything I can do?",4.4952581120943975,5.195476121681416,5.3231681415929195,83.73348377581121,69.86283185840708,8.416047197640117,28.7834808259587,8.548686976883017,1.938482949852508,1765,62,365,27,30,576,196,452,0.13699999999999998,0.7490000000000001,0.114,-0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,7,0,0,5,26,28,2,5,14,1,52,10,3,5,1,72,83,46,0,5,15,0,8,2,3,4,2,1,0,2,21,34,0,1,10,2,1,9,9,14,2,2,9,10,55,14,54,67,7,61,0,0,0,5,34,24,0,6,25,262,76,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785024055658175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742027548097845,0.0662898115076403,0.0,0.0,0.05417668869669246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900883551203647,0.0,0.0,0.06555963310106512,0.07092103982203822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251890824749083,0.0,0.24282309726395354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045950348674875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367923282789056,0.08184055369863119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051379000621664686,0.08213378039489992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943527837947553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056183238792793,0.0,0.08885041477523488,0.0,0.0,0.13424675026404634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416939437587479,0.11382907513904965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776520582545419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905538472845376,0.06682138923548048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273301301267655,0.0,0.0,0.084682915834541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081220871764254,0.0,0.0,0.13134966121009722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627157027520383,0.07784311426438356,0.0,0.14069587161358854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773053055051265,0.0,0.0,0.10635746122808556,0.0,0.08003679567507052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028618615067579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635899050752652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428789084913908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359772735144744,0.0,0.05398481639171791,0.0605907872092646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523147131347191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810505734310431,0.0,0.07623111806571083,0.1862542836266045,0.16017585150001756,0.0,0.0,0.15937828535566473,0.0,0.10207418798815683,0.0,0.15732425507137898,0.08553316991636106,0.0,0.06803568101127151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125569549915209,0.0,0.0,0.08311066444308512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945023694865815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638912564690207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657171191859588,0.0,0.08714340577510843,0.0,0.07508575462002917,0.0,0.2995005401881321,0.0,0.06963297946840248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058552049703414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581923443038767,0.0,0.0,0.07612579011191695,0.08851361661717076,0.05408905967782318,0.0,0.0,0.08293676404997018,0.0,0.0,0.08774258787196429,0.0,0.0,0.06323641956017878,0.0,0.0,0.14326145051424474,0.07385264805829322,0.0,0.08894601188242986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599789924621187,0.08090629819905873,0.0,0.05659356554255865,0.0,0.0,0.05130331176858193 ptsd,Cuppica,2019/02/15,"Crying after (consenting) sex? *trigger warning?* I’m a recovering rape victim (I suffer from PTSD, Anxiety & Depression) I was wondering if anyone else here has consenting sex with their s/o and cries afterwards? The actual act of sex is fine but afterwards I find myself crying but I have no thoughts going on in my head or actual reason to cry. My s/o feels terrible after when they see me crying. I’ve explained that it’s not their fault and everything, but I can’t understand why I end up crying. Sorry if this is a bit weird but I just cannot get my head around it. Anybody else experience this? Thanks. ",1.7424858757062118,4.45579754237288,3.9780000000000046,80.55372316384181,86.28813559322035,7.892429378531076,22.27344632768361,8.648137234880735,2.1936964971751407,482,17,87,14,15,165,84,118,0.29600000000000004,0.638,0.066,-0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,0,4,9,2,0,3,0,7,6,2,2,0,21,17,10,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,2,2,15,2,10,15,1,12,0,2,1,4,4,4,0,4,6,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.2278461327000981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648959132851814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893070867200616,0.0,0.0,0.08162851628096146,0.11961567525547763,0.0,0.10392487037600362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745170877948492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7694117036836988,0.0,0.0,0.10054946162746672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504543333582955,0.0,0.10339850209204048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491991917417566,0.11419579093623652,0.0,0.0,0.05902811502017239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669980572294784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099272384521132,0.0,0.06634700269982266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239621343806943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646480883135195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002991863901595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302802629712197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068278378919845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748007954540936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267987559910294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153223465034413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534123302973626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660140194237826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,harukomariko,2019/02/15,"Service Dog/Companion Dog A little background: So, my brother was in the 101st Airborne in Afghanistan and came back with pretty severe PTSD. He's gotten some help and is mostly functional, but has anxiety attacks, insomnia, major depressive symptoms, and it is still really dangerous trying to wake him up (he can be violent). Recently, he and his fiance adopted a dog from a rescue organization. The dog was supposed to be specifically for him and his PTSD, but his fiance didn't give him a say in which dog and didn't even get a dog that met the criteria for an emotional companion dog. She simply bulldozed and went ahead picked one that met her specific needs: a high energy dog she could run with and show off to her friends. My brother is obviously hurt and resentful of her blatant selfishness. He is also having trouble connecting to--and not feeling more anxious around--this hyper and super anxious dog. They have a tiny one bedroom in the city, which makes it even worse. My question is: Are there any organizations in Northern Virginia (Arlington area) that help Veterans train their dog to help them with PTSD? I feel like it could become HIS dog if maybe someone came in and helped him train and connect with it. Obviously he and his fiance need to talk about what she did and how it's causing him to feel resentful and angry, but at least this might help him feel less so. He has started drinking more again and he's essentially told my Dad and brother that it's the stress of the situation. Any suggestions are appreciated. I love my brother and want him to be happy and healthy. 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These feelings, I can't quite seem to recognize. Hard to pin down and sometimes fleeting. They make me feel alive at random moments of the day. They make me feel safer when I was in no danger before. I am getting more acquainted with them each and everyday, but they still surprise me. I enjoy their presence but can sometimes take them for granted. The sense of calm that comes with them is intoxicating. So much so, that I forget the tranquility I am feeling is coming from them. I don't want these feelings to ever go away. I want them to grow and become even more a part of my everyday. ",2.930333333333333,4.957956200000002,3.6567592592592617,88.8829166666667,75.8888888888889,6.277777777777778,25.324074074074076,7.1686216300943375,1.0511851851851848,537,19,109,6,12,170,88,135,0.084,0.7490000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9283,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,9,2,7,6,1,0,4,0,10,2,0,2,1,26,27,8,0,2,3,0,7,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,7,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,2,8,24,4,16,24,5,18,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,2,9,79,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526041182240257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174433343090394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013054811348654,0.14649035928566992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296590824570981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222050153413617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370608175481345,0.15572313308570673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222773569105016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994335041237796,0.0,0.09783907549014398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542161537455462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760391107970154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298282401041964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655298535786252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642598666016671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310695113896444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690375656237805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672251992899414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405293811265212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748239272801568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943836994017646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030817583552524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,eryoshi,2019/02/15,"Support groups like Al-Anon but for people with family members with PTSD? My mom was just diagnosed with PTSD relating to an illness she’s been struggling with since the end of August. She has been unable to eat due to nausea and has been on a liquid diet since then. Her nausea started as a physiological reaction, most likely due to medications, but at some point morphed into something psychological and is being linked to PTSD from the trauma she has undergone during her illness. I feel awful for being frustrated with her for not sucking up the discomfort and just freaking eating, since it is obvious that that is what she needs to do to live, and now that I know that it is ptsd, I am interested in finding support groups to help me support her in a more compassionate and helpful way. Do such groups exist?",9.786508987701039,8.33291417880795,9.6241816461684,64.48304635761589,59.52980132450332,12.072280037842953,38.789971617786186,10.914260884657429,4.292073982970671,655,26,108,13,7,215,94,151,0.16699999999999998,0.688,0.14400000000000002,-0.7371,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,13,2,2,7,1,16,7,0,0,1,24,24,9,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,11,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,1,13,7,25,18,3,15,0,0,0,0,15,7,1,2,9,84,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264076699805755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674432182473979,0.0,0.0,0.1157465873313846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319655533687428,0.0,0.06607738731173886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944214018071014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751884808191182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718201068845039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769048816383785,0.0,0.1153957206025848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164964476587762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305466500680062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689998795342464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905993240464566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353792960680265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6110469917252194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243076512516315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060636494976634,0.0,0.0,0.09249829029873967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661852695751794,0.0,0.0,0.4448934743937365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373029598928823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,viegietjeereana,2019/02/15,"Convicted Today was the day that I longed for, for so long. Today was the day of the courts decision regarding the persons who traumatized me. Today was the day they received a 16 year sentence. Today I was supposed to get some releaf instead it has made me angry. I should feel glad that they are punished but it feels so little compared to my daily stress, vigilance and inability to trust strangers. Does anyone has tips for dealing with this rage? ",5.97232931726908,7.634166253012053,5.870060240963856,77.61585341365465,67.19277108433735,8.424899598393575,31.90562248995984,8.841846274778883,2.816848995983936,361,15,60,6,6,113,59,83,0.198,0.7240000000000001,0.079,-0.9104,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,3,5,2,1,6,0,8,0,0,1,0,9,12,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,2,8,2,8,6,1,12,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,10,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927758052060895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35771126502289313,0.1906108081167022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179622418511927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696926613818446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659604421732726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853057630821668,0.0,0.3272390912145299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494494396049026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614365607191961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117879110251719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7010066104057501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906143450666913 ptsd,truth14ful,2019/02/15,Look Idk if I have ptsd All I know is one minute I'm reading about men getting screwed over by feminism and the next minute I'm getting the voice in my head for the 1000th time saying the weak need to be punished and all I can think about is wanting to kill people please make it stop i hate this,2.513809523809524,3.877107682539684,2.8097142857142856,97.36028571428574,75.34920634920636,5.674920634920635,23.711111111111112,5.6839178017228535,0.12521206349206349,236,7,55,1,5,72,47,63,0.29100000000000004,0.677,0.032,-0.9571,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,4,0,5,3,1,1,2,11,16,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,5,0,8,15,2,5,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,1,3,30,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751774427641631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600021214845099,0.2702715359452006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913560957390067,0.0,0.14472944785328692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114641308629124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578716796988836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952695750793323,0.0,0.0,0.2800741162348493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784517583871876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257269048918465,0.0,0.0,0.28907756975432314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078403025319233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634197647731248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942529638332325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017113707005428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874308456754153,0.0,0.0,0.15356062751817995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532976779281008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dontbeahater_dear,2019/02/15,"Trauma or PTSD from giving birth? I had an emergency c-section six months ago. I literally shook from shock in my hospital bed for two days afterwards. I had panic attacks. My baby was in NICU for three weeks. Now everything is great. My baby is doing amazing, i am back at work etc etc. But whenever i see a pregnant woman or someone on tv in hospital or giving birth, i get flashbacks and i get so scared. I think i wasnt helped very well after it all happened. Physically i was fine but nobody really checked in on me mentally (except of course my partner and family). The thought of the birth and what happened sometimes just pop into my head and i get fixated on it. I also get very fixated on getting sick or dieing in an accident. I dont really know where to turn with this. It’s not debilitating but i dont know how to best deal with this. 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I am a veteran with PTSD for 12 years now and have several issues realted to that but its never created a GI issue for me. I've somehow developed IBS and have a really hard time keeping food in my body. I have had blood tests galore and just had an upper and lower endoscopy confirming I do not have any hormone or thyroid issue, or autoimmune disease causing this. I am a little lost on how to treat this since PTSD is the only other issue I have. Anyone gone through this before? ",3.645075757575757,5.3871011212121225,5.446351010101013,78.05619318181822,73.14141414141416,8.182323232323233,27.52651515151515,8.841846274778883,2.4107666666666656,397,15,70,8,8,136,70,99,0.101,0.863,0.036000000000000004,-0.6451,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,6,0,11,4,2,2,1,16,14,9,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,7,1,8,10,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,52,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336843663437183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096003073137327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683184754527487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250890432395006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104451076573574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602322208094752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229934737772251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7165255575236998,0.0,0.1220381935782053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376102697335788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987873308661895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589391626007212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442253323836516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814876572476634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795763992271301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510946793774982,0.0,0.11357564845855345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006050126325066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841644126343046 ptsd,Showtowmoto,2019/02/16,"Suddenly Blaming my mom? To keep from having a triggering post, which I am trying hard not to do, I am a victim of child abuse. I'm a grown adult, in my career, living a somewhat decent life, and the flashbacks are coming back in full force. I'm starting to blame my mom, who I still have contact with. She was there during it all and pretending not to know. I'm blaming her as much as the actual abuser. Is this normal, or ok? I feel guilt because I'm feeling this way now. PTSD is a strange thing to deal with and it makes my emotions, thoughts, and feelings feel like they've gone through a blender.",3.5483379247015603,4.788986074380169,4.183911845730027,89.01202938475667,72.55371900826447,6.700091827364558,27.49403122130395,6.937597516519254,1.2134069788797055,469,17,97,4,9,149,84,121,0.195,0.7440000000000001,0.061,-0.9498,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,8,1,9,1,0,2,1,22,24,7,0,1,3,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,7,7,0,1,6,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,3,5,10,2,14,21,4,13,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,6,63,17,1,0.0,0.4213376161682129,0.1735111730853711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672039349485532,0.0,0.10838774155742502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316250598454886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330824091457293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000057038168516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359612423025828,0.12702329923418207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592775677071796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804047193367296,0.0,0.0,0.09771649466428764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558830862348686,0.08686611205833585,0.0,0.15700429595123674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868563112596525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41648407403604987,0.0,0.0,0.130706486994491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742102867309057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028719787002278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784350196863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585067166452132,0.0,0.14199460033488218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812515703934245,0.0,0.0,0.14115661078850245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071732647144524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113263477681165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DitzyLion,2019/02/16,"I just want it to stop At the age of 8 I was sexually assaulted and pretty much beaten up by a boy my age that I barely knew. I’m 15 now and I just want it all to stop. I’m tired of being afraid of my own father and family friends, I’m tired of believing I deserved it, I’m tired of believing someone’s going to actually get the chance to take what the boy couldn’t get to, and I’m so very tired of fearing every little touch or close contact that I get from male friends or family. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to be happy when a male friend put a hand on my shoulder because we were being idiots together, or when my brother-in-law gets close to me or when my father hugs me or kisses my cheek. I just want to be a normal teen not having to be so anxious or worried about letting guard down around people. I want to stop seeing things and having moments where I believe I’m the only real person in the world. I want to stop hyperventilating and crying because some random thing triggered me at school. I want to remember everything that boy had done to me that day and push through it with my therapist. I just want to be happy again. That’s all I want. 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Before my PTSD diagnosis, I suffered for years thinking ""PTSD is for people who get shot at, not someone who had a few bad experiences."" I finally reached a point where I had a breakdown and decided either I get help or take my own life. I decided to get help. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that help was coming, but now that I'm trying it I'm not so sure. I'm about to experience the most stressful, panic attack inducing week of my life (grad school interviews, a conference, spending the 4 day conference and 20+ driving hours with my PTSD triggering/panic attack inducing boss who lives in his own world of disillusion, presenting and justifying my past years work, and knowing that if I fail everything I've worked towards until now will have been a waste and I can no longer financially support myself) and my doc won't prescribe me anything stronger than an anti-histamine (whixh only increases the feeling that I cant breathe) and a blood pressure medication that not only doesn't work, but causes me to pass out as soon as I get up from bed. The interview is on Monday, we leave Tuesday and don't get back until Saturday. I called my psychiatrist and explained everything that was going on and why I didnt like my meds and he told me to hold off until our follow up meeting after I get back. The next week is going to be a constant cycle of every trigger that causes me to break down. I didnt plan it this way. I was supposed to go to the conference by myself and not present my work, and I hadnt heard from my dream grad program in 4 months and assumed it was time to move on. Suddenly grad school was back on the table and my boss was forcing me into work that's not in my contract plus added social pressure and it all happened to fall in the same week. I've been a crying mess. My therapist is a great listener but not much else, and all I'm left with is some medications that keep me from breathing and make me pass out. I don't know how I'm gonna get through the next week.",7.088863636363637,5.838337068181822,7.5500000000000025,76.55500000000005,64.68181818181819,10.636363636363637,34.77272727272727,9.688023934748609,3.088954545454545,1730,65,346,29,22,572,222,440,0.126,0.8,0.07400000000000001,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,0,0,7,13,16,2,4,21,0,29,7,3,9,3,72,71,35,1,2,13,0,3,3,0,4,4,3,1,0,21,28,0,3,14,1,1,12,16,10,0,0,18,6,47,6,52,48,11,69,0,2,0,0,21,22,0,5,36,224,68,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704226586573034,0.0,0.0,0.18536610708620746,0.0,0.18793451469545788,0.06802343573866372,0.0,0.0,0.06932434650384647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318923135538454,0.0,0.0,0.16738275979073686,0.0,0.07017856053013162,0.0,0.0880393361326349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949016530677516,0.05254093802329722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805711943808887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864137196236289,0.0,0.14643864967352296,0.15938515350303875,0.0,0.0,0.1235799292121694,0.11640332255914315,0.0,0.08924560081876866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932684721288922,0.0,0.0,0.2979503097730586,0.0,0.1852034496732436,0.0,0.0,0.08982015549233771,0.0,0.0,0.07204300456426938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382139896266734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023081816577866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241362861304129,0.0,0.0,0.13432013712837385,0.0,0.0,0.08626419149243196,0.08851659796971516,0.0,0.11508830652717768,0.11940530740045675,0.0,0.07193885615854383,0.0720977384198497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438136895508016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049399072610212,0.16414343285315422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502799239068989,0.08658893868372637,0.05988928589448062,0.060408429868498086,0.0,0.0,0.17328698136082746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588314819434584,0.0,0.09558663236841916,0.0,0.0,0.07777163466837766,0.056480532437468485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701479137787905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856996434591797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052191299168659985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490249714106114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304765897645805,0.06902864632989313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766436715299832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332277114514403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092450359779832,0.07678382086435442,0.0,0.061254750499500236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459209929708663,0.10824912311441397,0.05220221729755418,0.0,0.0,0.04750538528199194,0.0,0.0,0.07784737678525848,0.0,0.05531228513371685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466651279171813,0.2613989302961309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351334256276934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965529866961836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492707492976623 ptsd,PapaNurgleLovesU,2019/02/16,"I feel like I am rationally moving forward but emotionally stuck. I really don't know where to talk about this, but I hope people here might have some insight. I've spent 4-5 years in therapy and been trying to recover from a very chaotic and emotionally abusive childhood. I'm grateful to have met some good people and had a therapist who has been trustworthy and empathetic. I know that there are opportunities that I can seize on, and despite there being no guarantee of anything, there's no reason not to try and everybody is nervous about the future. So rationally I have made great strides in realizing where my thoughts of hopelessness, mistrust, and self-loathing are distortions. But emotionally I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I know that if I take up any new task I will have to learn as a beginner, I know that there are career options available to me if I work hard for them, but emotionally I still avoid things and obsess over every possible thing that can go wrong. I've changed career tracks twice in the last 6 months, mainly because I am utterly terrified of being in an underemployed job section or of committing to something that doesn't work out because I'm not good enough to make it work. I hesitate to even do hobbies I like because I get too afraid of what might go wrong. It's not that something might not work, it's that it will end in catastrophe. I know other people feel these kind of fears too but for me it feels like I am ruled by the fear. So cognitively I can see how fortunate I am and that I have opportunities I can take, but emotionally I am afraid of life. I have read enough to know that people who are obsessed with attaining their goals usually do just through sheer work effort and will power. But I feel like I would never be good enough for it. Is this common for people who were traumatized earlier in life? To obsess over when the other shoe will drop and where it will drop and how heavy the shoe might be and if the ceiling's going to come down with it? I don't want to feel like this, I want to push myself forward but I guess I feel stuck on how I might do that. Has anyone felt similarly? What did you do?",7.425687756424098,6.731127030878862,7.457029799179442,75.68332487583676,63.726840855106886,10.979961131505076,33.86320449147053,10.33465798735191,3.2257876484560573,1724,62,337,35,22,556,197,421,0.166,0.685,0.149,-0.8566,3,1,2,0,0,1,33.0,0,1,2,11,22,26,0,9,10,0,51,4,2,6,2,74,86,32,0,7,17,0,9,6,0,11,2,0,0,0,32,17,0,1,19,1,1,8,10,12,0,1,12,10,42,14,46,59,7,40,0,1,1,0,8,19,0,14,21,240,74,11,0.0,0.08257079938363178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047391328727131934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048728599962345964,0.0,0.05734861613482886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744642947156248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372237335215331,0.060031433555628476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919571909015145,0.0617243149171875,0.21602400801266375,0.0,0.046029334195409936,0.0,0.0587165072779819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684038602554068,0.24666014697784386,0.24893137843940635,0.06691296027595485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036409948095067035,0.0,0.1188186445334566,0.17535703082508386,0.0,0.07683304780922923,0.07677096904393603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624282076168188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921751333051622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915619072480242,0.0,0.0,0.07257101107228267,0.2297975429046537,0.05680633849507152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844767367876807,0.20428095769568413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594199980658492,0.04651835991548072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696483487758104,0.0,0.0,0.05562558671720725,0.07406903304909891,0.0,0.0,0.053748928187976205,0.06730666552179228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415700254175653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856457112928504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970847512980312,0.0,0.044644952597454816,0.07165253217076666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553360131055492,0.0,0.07270146836406903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730094244686336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565421746312652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479583669997093,0.05601387364951403,0.0,0.0,0.07969614955486919,0.08091501565356797,0.09259736866372288,0.0,0.0,0.0553257708015207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462934961138257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675326649233517,0.05750123179423588,0.0822094823782782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536743527096356,0.0,0.0,0.049505503805950125,0.15238931035776496,0.0,0.044877827923873057 ptsd,theduderino99,2019/02/16,"Alcohol drugs and the thrill of the fear. I have PTSD when sober but I seek put the thrill of the fear and losing control by doing drugs and alcohol. Any other vets out there do this, logically ot makes no sense.",1.4978571428571428,4.056308309523811,2.5764761904761926,91.55185714285713,84.95238095238095,6.217142857142857,17.923809523809524,7.554174236665415,0.4218609523809533,167,4,35,3,5,53,31,42,0.244,0.659,0.097,-0.8225,0,0,4,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,2,4,0,3,4,0,2,0,8,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.468570000635016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908061038317047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458796316977753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5084631179751059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4933784535995374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452568521465568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633448093751247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25626245307264,0.2203818125905924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ilwrath,2019/02/16,"Could it be PTSD? I watched a man die and and falling off the wagon. It was maybe...5 months ago (I have a post on here about it) one of my regular customers at work had a heart attack and died in front of me at work. I had been a year sober and lasted another 3 months but started drinking a little..and now a little more...but more than that Im having panic attacks dail now and I saw a PSD comic..just a comic this morning that made me nearly break down in tears. I dont sleep anymore and my fiancee says that moment was when i went from the guy I used to be to the guy who is always worrying. Relationship Wise there's no issues and Its not like im a mess. I didnt go through any trauma myself and I feel like thinking i might be something like this is a little disrespectful to people who went through stuff themselves. I mean I wasnt in combat, I didnt have an assault..nothing happened to ME at all....but since then its like worse and worse that I cant keep myself together.",0.9429172445677312,2.9898430097087387,2.727947295423025,92.97639158576052,82.49514563106797,5.088858067498845,20.97457235321313,6.18269132825596,0.12592907998150693,764,23,167,6,21,253,122,206,0.23,0.7240000000000001,0.046,-0.9882,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,1,14,0,20,3,2,2,0,19,32,12,2,1,2,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,0,3,14,9,1,1,3,2,0,5,7,5,0,1,12,4,21,5,21,15,1,31,0,0,2,0,8,12,0,1,16,110,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734665407452446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076378487315173,0.0,0.0,0.08235124042167538,0.12698250221104482,0.0,0.0,0.1200973290397046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755344127997644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668742491501617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25136257699579523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192672585200186,0.11863058257729685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061231120339016114,0.0865129058203692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882315833831963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398134220138553,0.10708714376633588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435024933753983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616146636019944,0.12639553704209064,0.0,0.10763805181124804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871156949023192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366507504305838,0.2427453391277999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458647870426122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191194038149207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846653959328366,0.0,0.0,0.19331958771280114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619742886796325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205958504927563,0.0,0.0,0.14208318357190666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395456205237356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597904007030745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155785135164456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300146393081475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630251377377816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017406170014903,0.0,0.12118611449073033,0.0,0.0,0.09322766364910028,0.0,0.0,0.08571425376906798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862899136837434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775951306094917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459035942635928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451933930754195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632253131441875,0.12298156596317067,0.2468197574938799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798356569069148 ptsd,NeowMeow666,2019/02/16,Does anyone else like this? I hardly remember my dreams. It’s like I am just out for awhile and then wake up. I seldomly remember a dream or even a nightmare. ,0.8212499999999991,3.2852086250000028,2.64875,90.32125,87.75,6.95,20.5,8.07648339933343,1.2410375000000005,124,4,26,3,4,41,27,32,0.0,0.7,0.3,0.8144,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756556347598055,0.3188132404360219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722922763665885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25992858586983697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551376477852865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787321650415583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30402748900931603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7049518766379458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,callmer00h,2019/02/16,"vision changes, tinnitus and/or really bad occipital migraines? Hey guys. Just wanted to see if any of y'all have somatic symptoms for your PTSD? I have history of only emotional and psychological trauma, nothing physical but I have a lot of physical symptoms. I also have a history of a benign idiopathic tumor (IIH or pseudotumor cerebri) and I'm currently in the process of working with my doctors to see if that's coming back or my very physical symptoms are from my PTSD. Has anyone experiences headaches, visual changes, ringing ears and it be because of trauma and emotional health?",7.7852011095700435,9.475485495145634,8.707794729542304,58.83980582524274,62.98058252427184,12.099306518723994,42.86962552011096,11.765960540728905,6.147461581137312,478,29,66,16,7,162,72,103,0.113,0.8140000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.742,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,7,7,1,0,0,14,12,10,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,8,1,12,11,1,4,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,5,2,46,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271369186888058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811242150686398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116309839931607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224645109975307,0.13274235907340862,0.0969132432215463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363612929371752,0.13694791478829632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272362426026946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35766408896765617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555137655686306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741602452500078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898919648614705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515982323607015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525464017719955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091209122938955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716801839188044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184719574251323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25337428909198656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957258899887866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117584114798755,0.09377101728794894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573994349697887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,seafoam-bluu,2019/02/16,"DAE wake up with a ""jolt"" and momentarily being shocked/confused at where you are? I frequently wake up in the middle of the night (or in the morning) with what feels like a jolt and a strong feeling of confusion and shock? I feel like I don't know where I am for a brief moment. My surroundings appear strange, and I am shocked to be my current age. It's a feeling of ""why am I here and not back in time?"". It's hard to describe. I spoke to my therapist about it and it might have to do with parts of me still being stuck at the general age of traumatic events. So waking up here and now I feel like I don't know how I got here. It only lasts momentarily but it's definitely disturbing for that brief amount of time. Does anyone else experience something similar?",2.782557442557444,4.533717155844158,4.2780519480519485,85.49037462537464,75.49350649350649,7.8553446553446555,26.131868131868128,8.617729084823388,1.7696379620379623,598,22,127,12,13,199,86,154,0.114,0.795,0.091,-0.5362,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,11,8,0,2,9,0,12,3,3,1,0,25,23,11,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,7,15,4,24,16,2,28,0,0,0,0,2,12,0,4,16,89,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871959219305518,0.18862134999228292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155338920190882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109787877848336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537830759516164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800747619726626,0.0,0.0,0.465405671908156,0.3945405229151121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723311398012262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649079479400136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023414451506921,0.15005743507337635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26981035354713784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952897671840594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275543593380352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000828780742458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993508861175856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172101768123313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701403654553852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137419877704304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468802480178886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611205464068654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ohm860,2019/02/16,sugar had coffee after visit of parents,4.274285714285714,7.691739285714287,7.368571428571433,54.701428571428615,84.71428571428571,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,1.213971428571429,33,1,2,0,1,12,7,7,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sirR9,2019/02/16,"Can anyone relate? Hi, I was a soldier who hit a friend tonight for talking too much shit in video games. Everyone made me feel bad and I'm sure I should, but I don't. When I was in, that's how we dealt with things, and now I'm losing my mind as I try to sleep. I miss my brothers and dealing with issues this way. After tonight, I feel like I'm so alienated from all of these friends I've known for 20 years. I searched the top posts of the last year and saw no veteran posts within the top 20. I'm not trying to down play any of those posts, but I was hoping I could find a similar situation. My reaction right now is to still put him in his place and knock his lights out, but I know it's wrong. I've been out for 10 years and these feelings are all just flooding back. I still want to knock his lights out but I know in my friends' eyes I'm some brute. Anyone out there? ",1.4060106382978717,2.854848377659575,2.5499468085106405,97.70875,78.52127659574468,5.976595744680853,20.79255319148936,6.6274283507984215,-0.024761702127659824,677,17,167,6,16,216,114,188,0.08800000000000001,0.764,0.14800000000000002,0.8888,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,3,11,12,1,0,6,0,10,3,3,2,3,37,26,14,0,4,6,1,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,8,13,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,5,0,0,6,7,23,7,25,17,4,32,0,2,2,0,14,14,1,2,14,99,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962541308568142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979403896544368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883787206810193,0.11818253834674206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301061164743326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592467417408236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525045437961905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470526391985184,0.10111838649907308,0.0,0.0,0.12936778765007975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280674386500122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058419049737406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773417497867472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555767222922058,0.11537648101161405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915078686936578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583504728037388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339314606452303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291813577259802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040504312951143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788236616987555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066773606230991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422898643427573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087699526366966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452919115346337,0.0,0.15910032380952355,0.14164527531693874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260729325093802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340265388202222,0.0,0.0,0.11376694574445775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403491608847793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219688590783415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348576086641238,0.11235028846702948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475511042126966,0.0,0.27344725950346804 ptsd,sparveriuss,2019/02/16,"Flashbacks in dreams? Hi everyone. So, I haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD, and I have no memories of any traumatic events. But a few times recently I’ve had dreams where my dream-self has flashbacks? Of course they’re rather vague and scattered, as a dream is, but my brain still labels them as “this is you having a flashback.” Does that make any sense at all? Should I hold these things in my dreams as having any sort of possible truth? I know this is a weird question, thanks everyone for reading",3.4314619883040964,5.843992052631577,3.1835087719298265,91.03900584795325,75.84210526315789,7.169590643274852,24.239766081871338,8.167268648758528,1.3712573099415204,395,13,79,7,9,118,67,95,0.075,0.758,0.16699999999999998,0.8711,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,11,2,1,1,2,14,14,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,9,2,11,11,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,51,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447033638690048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446138329321333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240532033138136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917560896738668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187629990013611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042431779752945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626636178279842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470283562228992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25614316210596955,0.0,0.24546800559681475,0.0,0.21918238435723286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163576127501909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22859316822863324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499197996211385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017390979690976,0.0,0.0,0.1455756420659622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777243390151832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,witchydolly,2019/02/16,Childhood abuse making dating hard now I can’t stop being in love with my ex who I am hanging with again after months even tho when we broke up he was horrifically mean to me due to his own mental health issues (he was never mean to me before his month-long breakdown) and I feel like I can’t let go of people even when they’re bad to me now. I always see the inner turmoil and the inner good person just like I did with my dad. I also realized that I’m incapable of judging people as “worth my time/love” or not; I just give it to everyone who acts like they need it. Idk what to do Ughhhh ,2.9226044444444446,3.8008411360000025,4.64746666666667,86.48017777777778,73.64,7.1555555555555586,21.088888888888885,7.3871296695380915,0.5390622222222219,462,9,100,5,9,157,85,125,0.179,0.701,0.12,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,1,0,1,0,11,8,0,1,2,0,9,2,0,1,1,18,19,8,0,1,4,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,4,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,3,3,18,5,15,14,1,19,0,1,1,1,13,4,0,1,15,67,24,0,0.0,0.21077162382274928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225928593413206,0.14801947671495808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853146835513134,0.0,0.0,0.15137205092867165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349905192699332,0.0,0.0,0.16998237527919294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994698246658174,0.12708529224802395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064915784475732,0.10109949617248967,0.14920644429442032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935530223713673,0.0,0.0,0.18908970478941395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856718787968169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190549449768886,0.0,0.26072551974179464,0.0,0.0,0.15742784580487887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605534797239929,0.0,0.11874355498731652,0.0,0.0,0.3875506743281482,0.0,0.0,0.17927218363101022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839816333618556,0.0,0.0,0.13190384596078406,0.13720042627028042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466542986345669,0.15532746955045404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175601317081488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872475518677414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037296125091184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alors_on_chante,2019/02/16,"Back to this after 3 years of being ok Hey all. I was diagnosed with PTSD over 5yrs ago. I did ok for 3 years and boom, here we are. Work has been really stressful. I've thought about switching locations, careers, and quitting work all together. I keep holding on because I love my job on the good days, even the tougher days, but it's gotten consistently worse. I had a nightmare about my boss tonight. I woke up shaking and grabbed my husband. My heart was pounding out of my chest. He tried so hard to stay awake with me, bless his heart. I started disassociating 3 days ago and fortunately had sense enough to call a psychiatrist (I haven't been on meds for over a year). I have an appointment on Tuesday. Does anyone have advice on meds? I'm really horrible at taking meds and definitely know I need to. Do they still prescribe Adivan for this? Should I even mention it when I go? When I used it early in my recovery it was kind of like a rescue inhaler but for panic attacks. Now people are snorting it and abusing it so I'm afraid to even ask for it. Backstory: I'm an alcoholic with 5yrs sober. I'm very honest about this because it's what lead to my trauma. I'm worried I'm going to be treated like a criminal because I've experienced this before. So asking for a certain medication that's become widely abused has me nervous. Is there a substitute for it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much. ",2.811687391362483,5.174271682310471,4.258042519053351,82.80741141863888,77.66425992779783,6.991790346302983,27.22676828453001,8.045849151850463,1.9236694477871368,1124,47,213,20,27,372,161,277,0.155,0.7040000000000001,0.142,-0.7865,1,0,2,0,1,0,34.0,1,0,1,4,17,20,1,5,11,2,22,7,3,3,3,26,43,14,0,3,2,1,2,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,15,11,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,7,0,0,11,6,25,13,35,27,4,35,1,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,20,134,40,6,0.0,0.2545998231941195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099800310434144,0.19047977136709252,0.11482165983019242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730635043195066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751251836455491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088549812358555,0.12222954782882395,0.0,0.08261542923080391,0.0,0.19648494778054584,0.11866004586256025,0.09142430253177987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970918354634487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787149920896392,0.0,0.0,0.1090502638481301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402226593439238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101518263976017,0.0,0.21289112680343344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212229228815308,0.09011633930554387,0.0,0.11845398454246317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624595341339642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546359955455805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661852654174386,0.09549841900601697,0.0,0.11188317617089896,0.05904671529433141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498040489593197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969696176590287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35802789651939354,0.1082354152659702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898143247156976,0.07966607470956748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605876054178874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448600015915934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559267633045496,0.0,0.0,0.11427663484635955,0.0,0.0,0.137658798542225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604723035660832,0.11451771649438812,0.08580245093841225,0.0,0.12307320144452147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807821944757067,0.0,0.0,0.09891715642968683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529608269081286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294532649519339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279445140835056,0.0,0.08865000434499018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643652678881267,0.10911146122341557,0.10949146804258172,0.0763229411015564,0.0,0.0,0.2075652738022151 ptsd,sourk1,2019/02/16,"Does anyone who uses legal hemp(cbd) for ptsd want to participate in an anonymous data survey in regards to the use of hemp(cbd)? A little background I’m the director of Operations for a legal medical marijuana dispensary for about the last 8 years, the doctors I work with have gathered loads of amazing data in regards to mmj over those same years. Last year in a similar capacity a hemp(cbd) company was started and the hemp(cbd) products were added at the dispensary. We have several patients that love the hemp but have also found most medical patients with prescriptions for mj don’t go through the red tape and expenses involved to come to the dispensary to get their hemp since it’s available at several locations nearby without the patient prescription necessary. The doctors would like to do some impersonal studies or data collection in regards to hemp(cbd) and it’s uses, delivery methods, potential benefits, and possible detriments. I’m simply wondering at this point if there would be any interested in participating? We are about two weeks from rolling out the program which will require submitting a request to participate form as well as filling out a brief survey. There’s no specific disqualifications or commitments. It is a long term study and participants will have access to hemp at or near cost in return for participating. Organic hemp flower at about 1$ a gram as an example. You are more then welcome to join the study and use which ever hemp(cbd) you have found that works. This is about helping to further the industry by legitimacy and data. The data gathered will help to steer the more controlled and clinical study that will take place down the road. Allowing future resources to be used in the most appropriate avenue for possible benefits or detriments to the hemp users. Please pm or send me a chat if interested in participating and I will send you the link in a couple of weeks when available. Thank you!",8.198709677419355,9.603195483870973,8.068489736070386,64.8227346041056,61.903225806451616,11.595894428152494,40.719941348973606,11.389717465364855,5.296424046920821,1584,86,240,46,22,509,184,341,0.016,0.8420000000000001,0.142,0.9911,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,2,4,1,4,10,10,0,0,32,0,22,6,0,7,2,46,40,23,0,5,9,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,0,12,16,0,2,4,1,2,6,3,0,1,1,4,1,10,10,58,27,8,46,0,0,1,1,19,25,0,11,16,167,22,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054696950801797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699771423264741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917040765961181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753436525290217,0.0,0.0,0.1269928367507618,0.0,0.12528266198964125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23178367379177495,0.0990850306366911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241960089411124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482934183071875,0.0,0.0,0.05915602820067122,0.0,0.06434907174667631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178630094401227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458896745566145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531661320853528,0.11348242089471836,0.0,0.10020164420343992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219108677169718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281270150431617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829730390827894,0.12428839149598565,0.10703537854557403,0.2552911074282633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235539537656624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558268065217283,0.0,0.0936619015914848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014210330750775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513202840814159,0.0,0.0,0.10424349358022336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060556731370352,0.0,0.0,0.4889555133210253,0.0,0.0,0.06678375982896405,0.0,0.18164649254435866,0.0,0.10180397226753927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914603834308473,0.1227890087767549,0.16486007750954573,0.0,0.0,0.1608653201914338,0.0,0.0,0.21874192574934104 ptsd,Save_steve4077,2019/02/16,"I feel so incredibly... empty (Disorganized rant incoming) There’s no one I can talk to about this. I’m just going through the motions of the things that I think I’m supposed to be doing. Work, school, therapy... but I’m exhausted. I have an overwhelming distrust of literally everyone and I have no idea how to connect with people. I’m so fucking lonely... I fear I’m nearing the end of my rope. Why can’t I just be normal? I’m so tired. I just want peace ",0.1805267558528385,2.579117336956521,2.94608695652174,86.54540133779267,93.02173913043478,6.309030100334447,23.381270903010034,7.61054688173877,1.5464137123745827,353,15,72,8,13,123,61,92,0.255,0.6779999999999999,0.068,-0.9533,0,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,2,2,4,0,7,3,0,1,0,12,18,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,0,1,9,0,10,16,0,4,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,46,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332865555420733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516817203030323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963884935367599,0.1331785795208089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24350105689837434,0.0,0.0,0.1496913728653883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29733677166972283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580675976599229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848079395610705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826023965676532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665661058638736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117039883520096,0.0,0.0,0.3012109611028556,0.0,0.1749855078732052,0.16877054045537318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027296079741229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535504122367313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376697235728504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175203824422588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Copperlaces,2019/02/16,"Does anyone feel like their life is fading away from dissociation and memory loss Since I was 11 I've had strong on/off periods of dissociation and I feel like I lose months of my life living in a fog. Dx with PTSD in 2010, 26 now. When my life gets better I'll tend to get out of this fog but I tend to not remember my recent past at all. I have lots of short term memory loss. Daily journaling helps but I still really hate this fog. :/ I want to feel normal again. I'm in counseling but they don't want me to go over trauma while living in an abusive household (dad's a hoarder, I'm on SSI from multiple sclerosis). Ughhh",0.6876744186046508,3.001971875968998,3.1314418604651166,87.92925581395352,86.05426356589146,6.850852713178295,17.127131782945735,8.021203637495839,0.6572610852713177,488,11,105,11,15,168,87,129,0.193,0.7070000000000001,0.099,-0.9527,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,5,4,9,1,0,3,0,5,4,0,0,1,17,18,7,0,3,4,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,3,13,4,20,16,3,22,0,3,0,0,4,10,0,1,13,56,15,0,0.0,0.2117811064640143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498119060857335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793483699444986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580835683331173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641911500195674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27113334030995795,0.25538792480170835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867715742473286,0.0,0.10158370834761908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764716070093202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980759712401667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787541857920551,0.17464950310628655,0.0,0.3156665081893062,0.0,0.0,0.1999675827555205,0.0,0.15196082039570327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267087627366967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513008981640424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063032179602913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894088317383333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145072777507436,0.0,0.1764870485619478,0.0,0.202480860151578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785797271495565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274430963140552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108543852048132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DeafMakeupLover,2019/02/17,"Tactile flashbacks? Due to my trauma I get tactile flashbacks. Mostly when I’m in the dark in bed. This leads to severe scratching that’s been commented on by my gynecologist. I have a steroid cream that I apply now, but I was wondering if anyone can help me with other advice to stop scratching. It ends up making it hard to walk sometimes Thanks ",3.9090909090909065,6.276088393939396,4.612121212121213,81.58818181818184,74.15151515151516,6.218181818181819,27.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.6272303030303037,278,11,48,3,6,89,52,66,0.118,0.774,0.108,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,8,9,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,7,1,10,7,1,11,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,3,5,34,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322597202594506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308331317794875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923953680238627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247822332690474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957297908560016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127779964687586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203629636975687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729506054613961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32650497439791765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27600174031890456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039374534259641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580096690407301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bluewhale3030,2019/02/17,"Traumatic experience (potential trigger warning) \[Trigger warning: confrontation, potential abuse, self-harm\] &#x200B; Hello, people of this subreddit. First, I want to thank you for sharing your stories and for creating a supportive community where PTSD can be discussed. I have been kind of lurking here for the past few months, trying to work up the courage to put myself out there. This is my story of what happened to me (I wrote this out several weeks after the event, as a means of trying to come to terms with it and get my feelings out, so I'm sorry if it is a bit of a rant): A couple of months ago, I was put in a situation where I was essentially ambushed by people who I thought were my friends. It started with a get-together, which I expected to be a conversation about how everyone was doing. Then, suddenly, it became a confrontation with a particular individual. One of the sharpest memories I have is of her laughter, laughing at me. That laughter had teeth. It said she didn't care about me, that I was nothing, and that's when I knew that this was an ambush. She was like a cat who just wanted to torment her prey. I told her how I felt, this person, who had treated me horribly for months (purposefully ignoring me, belittling me, laughing at me, and hurting my relationships with others) for reasons unknown to me, who had made my anxiety and depression worse than it had been in a long time. It was obvious that she wasn't listening. She smirked, she rolled her eyes, she laughed. She was waiting to pounce. I was told to ""listen to her point of view because she had listened to me."" That was a lie. She didn't listen, and she had no intention to. I don't remember a lot of our ""conversation."" The explanation given by this person for their actions had to do with one or more interactions we had more than a year ago, which were *never* addressed with me; in fact I had no idea that there was any issue. At this point I had spent months agonizing over the decline of our friendship, staying awake at night wondering what I had done to deserve being made an outcast. I was told that was a terrible friend (by this person and others present, all speaking from their side) and essentially that I was wrong to think otherwise. When I came back in (I had left to try to compose myself), intending to apologize, again, for unintentionally hurting this person. However, when I re-entered the room, the five people still remaining cornered me and began to tell me that I was a terrible friend and person, and that I was wrong and twisted and bigoted. I was already visibly distressed at the end of the first confrontation, and this second wave was so unexpected that I felt like I couldn't move. At some point in this ""conversation"" it got to the point where the people involved were laughing and cheering each other on, all making a constant stream of words that tore me apart, made me feel like every piece of who I am was being twisted and ripped from me. I was literally against a wall, cornered, as the people I thought were my friends ripped away at me. The only thing anchoring me, preventing me from internally combusting was my boyfriend and best friend, also completely shocked, who was there right next to me. I felt like I had knives being driven into my body, and twisted. I felt so much pain, and I knew that it didn't matter anything I said or did, because they wouldn't listen. At one point, I started scratching the skin on my hand with my nails. I couldn't block out what they were saying, but I thought maybe I could let out some of the pain I was feeling. Maybe if I physically hurt myself they would stop. They didn't stop. Eventually some other people came back into the room and there was a break in the barrage of awful things. One of the people involved wanted to go get something to eat and come back later, in an hour, to continue. The idea of continuing this made me feel like I might die. I managed to find the words to say ""No"" and tell my boyfriend that I needed to go. When we walked out, I said ""nice talking to you guys."" It was an automatic response, and of course it was a lie. I barely made it ten feet outside before I started hyperventilating and bawling. We walked back to my room and I collapsed on my bed. If my boyfriend hadn't been there to hold me, I think I might have split into tiny pieces. In the weeks and months since this event, I have had persistent nightmares and times when I relive parts of what happened over and over again in my head. Sometimes thoughts or memories will pop out of nowhere and I find myself feeling awful all over again. My memory of what happened, and the order of things, is mixed up. Sometimes, especially in the first couple weeks after it happened, something that reminds me of it, either the people involved, the things said, etc. suddenly makes me feel unsafe. Often when this happens, I start to feel kind of fuzzy and stare off into space/not be all the way ""there"". I'm sorry for the long post. I don't know if I even have the right to be here in this sub. I'm just scared and sad and have lost my sense of self. I lost a big part of my support system at once, friends-wise, and I feel very alone in a lot of ways. I don't know if what I'm going through is normal, or even PTSD, but I know that what happened changed my whole ""me"" in ways I have never experienced before. In any case, thanks for reading, and I appreciate any support anyone might be able to offer.",6.212961798435483,6.570680883253588,6.37148781043518,78.92597022860183,66.00478468899522,9.31434647224121,32.56816283132073,9.150863307647796,2.7013537631958693,4293,167,820,70,63,1372,395,1045,0.1,0.826,0.07400000000000001,-0.9791,1,1,2,0,1,2,161.0,5,3,6,9,38,48,3,2,56,2,93,10,7,14,8,158,179,61,1,16,14,0,15,5,5,6,2,12,5,7,69,61,1,7,31,1,1,14,17,20,0,10,88,31,138,28,140,73,24,146,0,7,3,0,79,65,0,19,64,616,207,3,0.04465085022073144,0.0529039561505066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916056928507667,0.0,0.0,0.04624481483681867,0.04927332353230445,0.03570726878961107,0.0,0.048379177559234335,0.054255670297290295,0.09109232787898036,0.0,0.03415777820410811,0.0,0.0,0.031220912658313917,0.0,0.036743845232660464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04195094359848612,0.13733499074897018,0.0,0.054437487720699326,0.0,0.07598916969465741,0.0,0.04685831256811328,0.0,0.04874716397222123,0.049597028781591064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213735506058597,0.04552451762320788,0.0,0.047234679042077225,0.07692550761737173,0.04681556693846148,0.04825170658346257,0.0,0.035650070628504095,0.09881063299299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845771186758424,0.0,0.046340533069007116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045693322219886014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456889668727861,0.0,0.0,0.03954740022107947,0.0,0.04979750091532889,0.058982930917190673,0.0,0.03762026708634522,0.04266580085605795,0.0,0.043677099342290304,0.0,0.0,0.1806144918363084,0.06379715263870453,0.17148727360105664,0.0,0.08162013636678538,0.11393997116357027,0.0,0.0,0.17248568059657088,0.0,0.06998467903335412,0.0,0.07612832147906642,0.0,0.03571136385431304,0.0,0.0,0.044211361715195664,0.23690759633097264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582465409707101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043972093238573,0.0,0.1433989759564286,0.1008107499580749,0.0,0.04660388697536225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299397889387624,0.07361681868210126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851327941144922,0.04565851953835567,0.0,0.1090707500814378,0.0,0.0,0.07902919473006495,0.0,0.0,0.0974833551076542,0.07592111225630348,0.0,0.21124857045624268,0.059609578483744874,0.0,0.08971556105780218,0.04863786573565949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421024879065365,0.0,0.0,0.1781994132611423,0.047456787457440266,0.03282351250491075,0.033108039669803566,0.06887497665566022,0.0,0.047486685762599394,0.0419017982006101,0.04374835294316326,0.04284369502688165,0.0,0.0,0.04755169823897201,0.12102628673061605,0.033958983637236234,0.09502330550774443,0.0,0.0,0.09670503919092467,0.0426242888847019,0.2476422198136269,0.19493700074581466,0.0,0.0,0.21104742944412666,0.0,0.0427631718764539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438890896393398,0.0897728742388375,0.0,0.0,0.04466293337492911,0.0,0.0,0.045908510615514805,0.0,0.04793830302284837,0.0505807091370359,0.07626316424080784,0.16989273400692725,0.07101629649885283,0.04470329047475237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931611495376316,0.05044275139020683,0.0,0.03693564471174377,0.050189426445390005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874881188618101,0.08832166517517445,0.09996594240631784,0.12641640641159424,0.04759186535063696,0.03565822666413068,0.07466022023451048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200776708191518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03588866206327829,0.0780536223176159,0.08221700770465927,0.0,0.0,0.11865616338962034,0.057220923798266564,0.0,0.14179115010756926,0.05207253967266855,0.0,0.0,0.12799740256817385,0.0,0.09094498902327357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03684162764742959,0.07900868497147727,0.10632529973763877,0.1074486562479126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985107969765746,0.0,0.0,0.04842194238663343,0.032506350749752014,0.0,0.04550303100377901,0.03171868290132966,0.09763739061694597,0.054255670297290295,0.02875368360652213 ptsd,heirloomapplecandle,2019/02/17,"My girlfriend is a CSA survivor and doesn't want to talk about it (NSFW, no abuse details) Before I start, I know I can't make her talk about it, nor would I want to. I'm not a csa survivor but I have been traumatized in other ways and I know she has to make the decision to talk about it on her own because that's how it has been for me too. And because this will become necessary to mention later, we are lesbians. She told me about a month ago and hasn't brought it up since. She said she had never told anyone before me, aside from calling the RAINN hotline a few times. Before we were together she was with her previous partner for 9 years and I don't think she ever told her since she said I was the first person. She has a higher libido than I do and can have as many orgasms as she wants basically, while I max out at two a day at the very most. Sometimes we will be having sex and I just know I'm not going to be able to orgasm, so I'll stop her. Every time this has happened she gets very mad at me, turns away, and won't speak to me for a few hours and sometimes days. I think it was the second or third time this happened I begged her to talk to me about what was happening and why she was getting to angry at me over something I couldn't control and she said it was because her whole life everyone has only wanted her for sex, and when I don't have an orgasm she feels that I don't find her desirable. No matter what I said I couldn't make her believe that we are just physically different when it comes to sex and I literally just get sensitive faster than she does, she couldn't believe anything other than it was that I don't desire her. The last time this happened she was angry at me for two or three days and it was unbearable, she said we should have just stayed friends because we were sexually incompatible (me not being able to have an orgasm doesn't happen frequently). After things went back to normal I asked her if she really meant that and she said no and hugged me and apologized. Even so, I started doing everything I could think of to make sure I had an orgasm when we had sex. Today however, I just couldn't. As with the other times, she went to the bedroom and turned away from me. I asked if she was mad at me and she said no, I asked her to talk about it and she wouldn't. I started crying and it hit me that this almost definitely has something to do with her being a csa survivor so I asked her ""does this have anything to do with what you told me that night?"" and she shrugged. I told her that I knew she didn't want to talk about it but that it was hurting her to not (paternalistic I know, I shouldn't have said that). I don't even know what I'm looking for in posting this. I thought about calling the RAINN hotline myself or an lgbt hotline because everything I can find for partners of csa survivors assumes you are a man if you have a female partner. My girlfriend is suffering and I don't know what to do. I'm crossposting this in other subs because I feel almost desperate for feedback.",3.6806048445936095,4.6191066179775335,4.573136947322343,87.4943413468554,71.90529695024077,7.397183715161244,26.19761418356924,7.604176662624187,1.2207627608346714,2385,75,509,27,44,773,220,623,0.094,0.86,0.046,-0.9816,2,0,2,0,2,0,49.0,7,3,0,2,25,7,2,0,23,0,72,12,5,6,3,102,136,43,0,20,17,0,2,0,6,7,1,9,1,5,42,36,0,2,18,0,0,5,28,4,0,6,38,12,107,3,68,81,5,54,0,2,1,11,88,15,0,10,31,382,149,1,0.11561977478594095,0.06849526341792768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051244977124858385,0.0,0.1157765032062546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040422017411997385,0.0,0.0951452232055634,0.0,0.21617776380505224,0.0,0.1086285843816396,0.0444522350138048,0.0,0.21144222469667603,0.06384647873335339,0.14757586881605994,0.13026389322955867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806071712222985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04979809915178927,0.0,0.0,0.06483870438571651,0.04615649104993695,0.0,0.06350144675799385,0.11184778462741987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039902811833325,0.0,0.0,0.10117964406308984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763657708100478,0.05229235282545578,0.04870732344857607,0.055239824792281615,0.10391159837148847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584608321173001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567437952552076,0.049173060684266016,0.0,0.0,0.044663775596183,0.0,0.09060984044314817,0.0,0.032854691234802884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556054625075939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056931094167045435,0.0,0.06188668010670504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062481351206328,0.047122774008158695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408328331071367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048545745617908316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154354194943761,0.0586101521958571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614330057857202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458654902397023,0.0,0.0,0.05425066316913151,0.056641415443819225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04396702437564903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047736384023704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536589199361376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037034494170704986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399235299337805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564187248471592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890097513013388,0.11435091365328175,0.0,0.12275440752780592,0.061617648110635824,0.0,0.04833165441592708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054485134715959616,0.0,0.0,0.2787923861211307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840632042909558,0.1111267247414134,0.0,0.04589459316293437,0.168547051168203,0.0,0.05479701371582613,0.2761991239614081,0.0,0.0,0.12576111391298975,0.11294371975551085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095398422880771,0.17048884693454622,0.04588679778377308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718068957152332,0.05216443161937525,0.06454267476415293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04106648535726736,0.0,0.0,0.03722767210946327 ptsd,Opposabletongues,2019/02/17,"I called my friend a cunt this morning and I hate myself for it. Ive been working so hard on trying to fix the flaws my PTSD brings up, but I snapped today and lashed out at a lot of people who care about me. The same people who have helped me through so much, taken care of me when I wouldnt take care of myself. I dont even know why Im posting. Im trying so hard to grow the fuck up. ",1.898965517241379,2.2312887241379333,3.356954022988506,96.82094827586208,75.55172413793103,5.8000000000000025,20.24712643678161,3.1291,-0.5617494252873563,297,5,76,0,6,98,58,87,0.138,0.703,0.16,0.6209,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,14,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,2,13,4,13,11,3,10,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,1,2,50,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767277795033073,0.0,0.5293810579114058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028412951632455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431366363246538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371644824375165,0.1600040106527526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31008039770422663,0.1708746222000337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160077716874816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738989741372719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511687666988228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714122126712195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127229213922593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399752689190401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575693237778788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023141007186756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013001639069824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405379864640482,0.0,0.0,0.2350116035854647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561722543087697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599984394614336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Delirium_Dreams,2019/02/17,"Seeing the person who caused my trauma. Coping? Has anyone gone through this? Does anyone have any coping methods/plans to stay calm in dealing with this? For the first time in 3 years I saw the person who caused my trauma. I thought they had left the area I live so I was very surprised and unprepared to see them again. I am so paranoid and panicky and I have been avoiding leaving my house. I feel so incredibly ashamed and weak because it's like he is still in control of me. I am currently in therapy and would normally just wait for my session but I was asked on a date that is happening before my session. I really like this person and click with them which is quite hard for me to do with the whole PTSD thing. I feel so excited and normal when I think about the date but that quickly turns to panic because I keep imagining him showing up at the restaurant or finding out he works at the restraunt. I know if I cancel I will feel even more suffocated by him than I do now so it can't be an option. I'm just trying to make a new and somewhat more normal life for myself so any advice offered to make it through this date and not have an episode if I see him again would be much appreciated. ",3.1223029045643145,4.8728605145228245,4.043109958506226,87.53785995850625,74.56016597510373,6.645726141078839,26.157883817427386,7.365786028017652,1.2476023236514515,948,34,192,11,20,305,139,241,0.096,0.833,0.071,-0.4826,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,4,16,11,0,3,12,0,21,2,0,5,0,44,40,21,0,7,8,0,4,2,0,3,2,0,0,3,13,13,0,4,8,1,0,1,2,6,0,1,7,9,32,5,28,28,5,27,0,0,5,0,16,11,0,5,16,142,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833908716607752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647064887715445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935411641995834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321365348275805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764482918801472,0.0,0.10304854659412108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248809415324114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582574787322205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485043755731587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597683092695348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998646819410217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369783107601076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068467334500356,0.10300896364189367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708974966261924,0.0,0.10848325160991418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973499315565766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764067111352184,0.0,0.0,0.06655427521716807,0.0,0.0,0.12822911436920406,0.13157724854613911,0.0,0.08553764525530957,0.11832825458665858,0.0,0.106934936204125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167252387467462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902361405806543,0.0,0.0,0.11696068507431873,0.0,0.0,0.35596158279881085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420866410741518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172237520424276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156129607027038,0.0,0.0,0.12880646397593234,0.0,0.0,0.07758078936800306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895069011474168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290781982167402,0.09671189846204484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849023982186195,0.0,0.08045452549927394,0.07759701883673684,0.0,0.09614114746355196,0.07061531995013326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222004071127992,0.13172377141425626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992150719594788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520561758032928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816341100450721,0.0,0.0,0.172054211724944,0.0,0.0,0.07798546337025271 ptsd,culturetraveler,2019/02/17,"Dealing with school and PTSD How do I deal with school and PTSD? I don't want to do anything. I feel like I can barely get out of bed sometimes. It's hard to study and complete homework when I have been crying or very upset. This weekend, I've discovered new information dealing with the case that dealt with the abuser. I wanted to understand what happened since the court stuff happened like 5-6 years ago. I read information I never should have read. I also confirmed, written with the document, that my mom never believed me. This weekend, which was supposed to be a break for me, left me crying. How do I go from constant stressing/no sleep to functioning enough to take a test tomorrow in two of my classes? I'm trying so hard to make it. I feel like such a disappointment to everyone who had high hopes for me in terms of college. I don't know if I can keep up with school while I'm dealing with mental health. I don't know if I can ""get better"" with my mental health while still being in school. I feel like school doesn't even matter, but if I were to keep living, without school I'll be nothing and have no one. I swear I'm not suicidal right now. This is just a normal mental breakdown. Yeah",3.2273430962343066,5.0458618912133915,3.980960251046028,87.80533158995821,74.43933054393305,6.453640167364018,25.33912133891213,7.1686216300943375,1.0833328870292886,948,32,189,10,20,302,133,239,0.073,0.8320000000000001,0.095,0.8352,0,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,0,1,8,1,22,3,1,3,2,42,44,16,1,8,8,1,5,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,11,13,0,2,8,4,0,1,9,2,0,2,5,5,25,6,29,35,2,25,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,5,19,123,36,12,0.0,0.100330684277122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750627614836912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771770907145089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968354360263072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540415564635107,0.0,0.0748916314993654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878424616099853,0.09150783970267136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860316549756985,0.0,0.3492010309803835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749596994735125,0.0,0.0559296340972724,0.0,0.0,0.08091434566710982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844863273137247,0.1814839317771493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884824910050882,0.0,0.04812498687958278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976259483452053,0.0,0.15171137581674649,0.0,0.0,0.18001948390581446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946793787430851,0.0,0.08410528332353971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053304603360454,0.0,0.0,0.09307464986383394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200390432108177,0.0,0.0,0.1654793899973369,0.0,0.07477304585568482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652384277019387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25600933174969137,0.0,0.0,0.09917493842248803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306192209477518,0.08178343746968066,0.0,0.0,0.08296737155719465,0.08125171635139053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738063392016101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797027348007507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940368900132766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723153428417614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5141975827335042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004728526545986,0.0,0.08474008328976679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374962619345863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762470222723957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693711465459172,0.09262500457637328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366801632046377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057491434442204815,0.0,0.08271900947904076,0.08815375163902951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986898486823563,0.0998916527713271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816274659547159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453045408405825 ptsd,ManicTypist,2019/02/17,"Lost all motivation; how do I move forward? It'll be one year soon since my hospitalization and lately I've been feeling unbelievably sad. I know this is going to sound stupid, but I went to the hospital on the day Stephen Hawkin died and I feel like I somehow killed him. It's an irrational thought, I am aware, but it doesn't stop me from feeling this way. I typically hang out in r/writing because that's what I love to do the most, but ever since I was put on a mood stabilizer for BP I and PTSD I feel completely flat. This is on top of my diagnoses of GAD & ADD/ADHD. I upped my dosage on dr's orders thinking it would help, but I think I'm just at a point in my life where I can't feel anything. It doesn't help that I lost my dog and my cousin within two weeks of each other, and around the time of my PTSD inducing event. I'm looking for advice on how to move forward. I don't know if I'm grieving and in one of the steps of grief, or if perhaps it's medication induced. I see my therapist this week and next month I see my psych. I'm having a hard time working. People were gossiping about me on the first day, as I approached them I heard them talking about me, so I already feel awkward at the job. I'm just unsure as to get back into writing, and I'm afraid to post to writing because they get a million ""lost my motivation"" posts and it clogs up the stream, but nobody mentions mental illness in their posts, so I don't want to just get told to ""just write"" because I can't. I'm having a hard time enjoying anything. I've also stopped smoking cannabis, which helped me cope with everything since the PTSD inducing incident, maybe not cope, but mask, I'm not sure. Either way, I'm at a standstill in my life and any advice on how to move forward would be most appreciated. I appreciate your time. Have a good day/evening. ",4.387857142857143,4.7200709206349245,5.4117592592592585,84.31541666666666,69.95238095238095,8.416402116402116,30.035714285714285,8.344100000000001,1.9446698412698409,1440,54,311,20,24,476,190,378,0.13,0.741,0.13,0.2822,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,4,8,18,17,2,2,17,0,22,7,0,8,3,64,57,27,4,5,16,1,8,1,0,3,6,2,0,0,16,15,0,2,16,0,0,12,8,11,0,5,10,13,45,5,45,42,5,61,0,6,3,1,19,27,0,6,23,190,61,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211254804003693,0.16605546567766313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376202718372956,0.06794723121758275,0.0,0.09206056008098264,0.0,0.05777975254851329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398394574817241,0.07563770008798637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533356293410943,0.0,0.15538334450290653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908517114799228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643880059962544,0.0,0.0,0.08623864019635888,0.0881812309347495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611920178682362,0.07685655677905916,0.0,0.0,0.07636190789596094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577679920793557,0.06069968424225555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227198483677089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317358983645255,0.0,0.04828810152747371,0.071265398972412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522255857781812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085263496849235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843155846143058,0.0,0.09400222343939356,0.0,0.0933901167288556,0.0,0.0958452807483464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002791179136985,0.041510066303446114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134999006294977,0.0,0.2782510799856805,0.0,0.07668507779973477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535970654780575,0.0,0.0,0.08559424529797269,0.08562568293571497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781900238315205,0.27091604198688124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036224070452577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515023924601048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890468432371259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032027636058664,0.0,0.24412165020574464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979619097605397,0.08541423706912016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354137066013361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085410980490826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207066009220778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007939256222095,0.0,0.0,0.06829240381478703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865200464923064,0.0,0.10888548666975348,0.0,0.06745346527153785,0.19817729068401813,0.0,0.0,0.08118859644323657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299937697584281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05011511258006614,0.13488401606442818,0.13630910339502347,0.0,0.0,0.07876427726601053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061856215983560864,0.0,0.0,0.12071473142974652,0.0,0.0,0.05471527939818269 ptsd,Chimmychimmychubchub,2019/02/17,"Can someone make sense of me? I have PTSD due to childhood trauma, and have been in and out of therapy for about 4.5 years. I graduated from therapy a couple of years ago after extensive EMDR around a parent's psychotic breakdown when I was three. I had life changing benefits and I no longer find myself returning to that trauma or that set of negative cognitions about myself. However, this winter I have been descending into worse depression than ever before. I returned to therapy and it seems I am now dealing with trauma from time spent in foster care after the original event. My PTSD episodes are worse than they ever have been. I am dealing with intense feelings of worthlessness, of being unwanted. I am aware that I'm re-experiencing the time in foster care. My little girl is in my head constantly screaming for mommy and daddy. I can barely function. I mostly can't. This is coming up a lot in my work life. I'm approaching the end of a temporary position, and I really love it. I'm feeling horribly abandoned and unwanted as this job comes to an end. I can't reasonably blame my employer or colleagues. I have applied for permanent jobs with no success. I've seen jobs created for other people in my position when they were being timed out, but no one has offered to do this for me. I have mentioned to my boss that I would like to stay, and his response was something about needing me to do more ambitious projections. I can't tell if the projects are a test, and if I do well I might be able to stay, or if he just wanted me to be able to accomplish some good stuff before I leave. I don't like the idea of being tested. And doing projects for their own sake might be fun if I were in a different mindset, but feeling like it's a test is really stressful. My T wants me to have a conversation with the boss where I specifically say that I want to stay and ask if there's any way it's possible. I really can't do that. All I want to do is hide. And throw up. And sleep. I am now triggered over and over again at work. Where previously work was a situation where the ""little girl"" would not take over, I am now seesawing. The trauma feelings will recede for a time, then I remember I'm at work and have to leave soon, and ""Nobody wants me. Nobody cares about me,"" comes back up and I feel like I'm dying. The other day at work I caught myself seriously considering crawling under my desk which is humorous, but also this is how intense it is. I'm feeling really invalidated that my T and others think I can navigate this situation by having a conversation and advocating for myself. I have grown a lot in this job and have gone way out of my comfort zone in self-advocacy. I have pitched projects and thrown my hat in the ring for jobs, volunteered for things, spoken up about ideas, etc., etc. And I'm just so tired. I feel it has stretched me but not really gotten me where I want to be. It has not changed my belief that I am dispensable and not the kind of person that can receive mentoring or support in the workplace. (Why? I don't know.) I am struggling because I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to commit suicide, but I keep imagining my death like, ""I know it's not my time to go but I wish it were."" I am not in danger of killing myself, but going on day after day with no will to live is exhausting and I'm so mad at myself because it's like I'm watching myself waste my life day after day. I had a therapy appointment this week that triggered all of this. It's been four days and I can't get right. I've tried texting my therapist and it sort of seemed like it became an argument? At any rate, I didn't feel like she understood how desperate I am feeling. She made some self help suggestions and offered an early appointment that I can't use. I don't feel like I can keep contacting her because I feel stupid and ashamed for not being able to cope. I also tried a suicide prevention chat line, but it didn't work for me at all. The counselor just kept rephrasing my statements back to me, and when I pointed that out, they said that was how they do things. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I feel like I don't make any sense and no one can understand what I'm going through. I'm crushed all day long with intense feelings of fear and grief. I wake up in the morning disappointed to be alive. I just want to be accepted and have meaningful work in my life, but I don't seem to have the skills to do that. Or the world works in some different way than I understand and I can't make the leap. I just really don't understand how people can march into someone's office and demand a job, but that seems like how it works at my job? I feel so broken. I hate what happened to me in childhood. I'm so angry that this is my life. I feel cheated out of normal human experiences of fitting in and being able to make a contribution to the world.",4.128942428683517,5.164819920326867,5.395572234311854,81.65011132329647,70.94075587334014,8.862287752957025,28.59085727820461,9.20300075937882,2.3283841867625945,3838,141,772,78,69,1282,348,979,0.145,0.733,0.123,-0.9889,12,0,1,0,0,5,101.0,0,0,5,13,40,47,6,4,37,0,100,11,3,17,7,175,183,72,6,21,33,1,15,11,0,6,7,4,0,5,51,52,0,5,37,1,1,12,31,22,1,4,24,22,117,25,123,142,14,120,1,5,3,1,33,54,0,23,58,550,168,32,0.17372457473510194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849908839040815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946373982535045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860400106703219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043072024237864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038662925815733384,0.04060225657088965,0.0,0.0,0.0667917372966296,0.0,0.07942566622898428,0.0,0.07391340884002097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328428365588055,0.0,0.09188878250658623,0.11223625388188772,0.0,0.04693363712569881,0.0,0.0,0.048055734412542336,0.0,0.19606646295014746,0.08955120416570594,0.03740718041455757,0.0,0.04507467025047453,0.09075260260364046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693420451483356,0.0,0.0968744114235217,0.0,0.07857191188375208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042483992305812616,0.0,0.04887211122093165,0.3294013680955909,0.15513608862821024,0.0,0.0,0.03969527850546197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022690980020422708,0.0,0.07404875947976569,0.036427982745295566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840601692600799,0.0,0.0,0.04287926281027903,0.04457288330480977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029110980122017144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805694952400824,0.0,0.0,0.3016909599951742,0.07720719209330285,0.0480501256268172,0.045226852782197284,0.07160586223821322,0.0,0.0,0.0919746203980474,0.0,0.0,0.15338350597680986,0.23340089313296586,0.08705883148395813,0.07670099113642395,0.03843519546175282,0.03647122228132494,0.0,0.0,0.07384721049510062,0.03919830283966822,0.041095598274710515,0.11596250262911145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214716016352197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03220364272749613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04255329950516496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886013393391875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822514533150162,0.0,0.0,0.060219373078706825,0.037922399447367285,0.0,0.0,0.041056468967408534,0.04896208885420558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153736562221516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693861657091733,0.04465444915368722,0.0,0.0,0.04919901939824418,0.03708995940220683,0.041312963275100166,0.03453818865580332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815232820011588,0.09061630968531853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763685038830182,0.04346250913633255,0.0,0.07359813420774923,0.03343541626147189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887546140808174,0.0,0.0,0.049750228351247566,0.04540366129056073,0.049718268707834586,0.09501324406037286,0.049285147170010514,0.0,0.0,0.03265481497767764,0.0,0.03796073388476665,0.0,0.19866919145640466,0.050426905271970315,0.05770744404266043,0.027828923199843297,0.0,0.0,0.12662524573007555,0.04991771068516667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058973791332275836,0.0,0.0,0.1356400567690729,0.0,0.03751056357606181,0.0,0.0,0.230551324261402,0.1034208609085303,0.034837843736922294,0.0,0.03904981404238682,0.0,0.03918985189234348,0.0,0.0499436718440425,0.0,0.0,0.28456550877792,0.0,0.08852009168035248,0.06170447674513261,0.0,0.0,0.05593646517274427 ptsd,illbeyrbird,2019/02/17,"Can you tell me about your experiences with disassociation? It’s new to me and medical sites don’t have a good descriptions of symptoms. I get in this mood where i’m anxious and I feel high. i’ve got tunnel focus and vision, HIGHLY distracted, and I feel out of touch with my emotions and surroundings. I frequently forget what I am thinking about or what I was going to say in this mood. it’s really frustrating to live in.",2.9947289156626518,5.362705024096389,4.8056475903614455,79.08750753012049,77.07228915662652,8.487349397590362,24.832831325301214,9.188382445141503,2.311627710843373,339,12,64,9,8,115,58,83,0.131,0.8079999999999999,0.061,-0.6827,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,3,5,1,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,13,12,6,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,4,11,1,13,10,0,12,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27439646442403304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732184586415726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375929406211673,0.0,0.0,0.2456248748221938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268999539831563,0.0,0.13803993425338504,0.20372453415042505,0.19426125085012985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.513253054711796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144762420334932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446860327834141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23458459032058684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556014970250613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315580671871585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524556192047676,0.0,0.0,0.21229648868440493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563404799098302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,captainreynolds5,2019/02/17,"Does anyone else get tense when they read or hear ""PTSD""? Almost like you're bracing yourself for a trigger. Which in turn makes PTSD a kind of trigger in and of itself. But not a full trigger, I usually just kinda brace for impact, like a trigger warning. Anyone else ever feel like this? It feels redundant and makes me feel like I can't escape my anxiety. I also don't feel like I can talk about it, especially to people who don't have PTSD because I assume that would make them feel even more awkward about talking about it. It's hard enough trying to explain to someone and have them not pity you, not to mention it always seems to end any conversation when you bring it up. I get that it's not the greatest ice breaker, but I'm talking about trying to talk to your long time friends about it. My experience has been everyone goes silent. No one knows how to deal with someone else's trauma. And that just makes me feel more alone.",5.230253623188408,5.9807290543478295,5.332391304347826,84.14231884057972,68.23913043478261,7.655072463768116,28.920289855072465,7.492282038375204,1.6102007246376813,742,25,145,7,12,233,108,184,0.105,0.813,0.081,-0.6617,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,3,0,13,10,0,1,5,0,9,0,0,9,1,37,28,11,0,1,9,0,7,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,15,5,0,0,10,1,0,1,8,3,0,1,1,8,16,7,21,26,5,12,0,1,0,0,17,4,0,5,12,92,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540499708678068,0.109020006395723,0.0,0.08417823026329578,0.08758667325332592,0.0,0.0,0.07158197953659065,0.0,0.08052537806488774,0.0,0.0,0.14720370747294112,0.21570734924153465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416692639401217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852081825092223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211575572214503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637994559451245,0.0,0.09323116202864873,0.10876410330962684,0.0,0.06952476216545465,0.09521578462961053,0.0,0.10058264691121137,0.0,0.1029667361940007,0.0,0.0,0.3193427164424101,0.2255982431730811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132539861241837,0.0,0.1099904235424946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429435299995646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863827217329982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096144963445977,0.05784941203228435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25712923521098185,0.0,0.0,0.09315383081673537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810536338171348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132846460722278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729756311145334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691380178420515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052907942083456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582685249439428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837682520018575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33842342597574543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613792987190864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293239606014335,0.11449516506828528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593156172207887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477532400051347,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheBossOfDancing,2019/02/17,"My husband thinks it's fun to scare me He does this often and I hate it. I have an anxiety problem and even the smallest thing can make me jump in fear. I feel like I'm so hypervigilant and on edge all the time. Hell jump out and scare me or sneak up on me and grab me or run at me and the latter is the worst. I end up in a state of panic and sometimes I fall over I get so scared or even cry out of panic. I hate it and I've asked him not to but he thinks it's funny. He doesnt understand that it's just so terrifying to see a 6'4"" 210lb man coming at me or grabbing me send me straight into a flashback even though I know it's just him. I've tried talking to him but he forgets or just doesn't get it. I think men think displays of aggression or dominance are funny and I just dont know if it's a fight I want to get into with him. ",0.9421228070175438,1.8857980894736883,3.199473684210528,94.68464912280704,78.63157894736842,6.32982456140351,21.087719298245613,6.742157984588678,0.08918245614035047,647,16,166,6,15,223,99,190,0.207,0.705,0.08900000000000001,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,12,15,5,6,9,0,7,0,0,1,1,43,26,22,0,3,14,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,15,0,0,8,0,0,6,4,13,0,0,0,4,25,2,22,26,2,23,1,0,1,0,15,14,1,8,3,107,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990501076692584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343094334670181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375656713412445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781166736637028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572413030197646,0.0,0.16837688229649897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724649188625864,0.0,0.0,0.2846724815699096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166553597729266,0.07264245039342505,0.1026358726518804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22518053887227266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28368322265423124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579114660509953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018853445576498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589896810501516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33712499647946115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374701027192775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43150777473756585,0.0,0.11448415357965445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209052919113632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547424914190647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544610042384084,0.3682245495338204,0.14115228942626395,0.0,0.08377349661310096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975405946885104,0.0,0.0,0.1495626164544248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847386337657691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AutomaticSquash,2019/02/17,"feeling like an imposter trigger warning for attempted suicide about a year and a half ago i tried to kill myself because of a disagreement with my mom that, to anyone else, would have seemed like a really small thing. even to myself i feel like i overreacted really badly, but after three days of panic attacks and high-key anxiety and spiralling (over such a tiny thing!), i really found no other way to go on. on the morning after my attempt, my psychiatrist asked me what was going on, and i explained something that my mom did to me when i was 15 (i'm now almost 25) that was extremely upsetting and has followed me to this day. my psychiatrist said i had ptsd. but it was one event. it was horrible, i'm still fucked up over it, but my mom didn't hit me or even verbally abuse me. she's done a few terrible things, including one thing in 2016 that was almost as bad as what she did a decade ago. but no actual physical harm. just a lot of emotional distress. to this day, if my mom is even slightly displeased with me, i get incredibly upset and usually start crying. but i still feel like an imposter for saying i have ptsd when others have been through so much worse. i don't know what i'm looking for. reassurance, commiseration? how do i deal with feeling like this?",4.9320208728652775,5.974948596774192,5.943766603415562,78.43197343453511,69.08064516129032,9.383681214421252,29.910815939278933,9.627879704456738,2.736411005692599,1004,38,192,22,17,333,140,248,0.29100000000000004,0.642,0.068,-0.9972,1,0,1,0,2,2,32.0,0,0,0,2,13,17,3,4,11,0,20,1,0,2,0,31,41,19,2,2,8,4,4,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,19,9,0,0,8,0,0,3,4,11,0,4,14,7,29,6,29,25,3,28,0,0,1,1,12,8,1,6,21,142,48,0,0.0,0.113373260479641,0.09337655441845134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964122334710746,0.0,0.19163309987343088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320017192519675,0.0,0.0,0.06690646448354977,0.09804247697716664,0.0,0.0,0.0894542801311487,0.10885759613226677,0.0,0.0,0.15978903180450152,0.0583298105122617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051075024005785,0.18513029059052136,0.09864893210472643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979208607287812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993407789776225,0.10763481771439586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960076931779596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935285687435277,0.2734347950610875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491568292090353,0.0,0.08846094319116009,0.04999242541244588,0.0,0.10876207438211152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109840173305036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586331305634653,0.0,0.052586985721725016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337387874077591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035284760547358,0.0,0.0,0.0813495309429287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44826908967425305,0.0,0.0,0.07034083845240685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967976053963273,0.0,0.0,0.11226789174749907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237055945964504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389832281080595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102009843729464,0.07609401703682192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710970685524479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366440550744334,0.0,0.0,0.06772763898898225,0.0,0.1528312706268511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046658741184291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25428034306575115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496508440390017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538553749818476,0.0,0.0,0.07595176101410073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975130663561012,0.06797318689009135,0.0,0.0,0.061619188780463276 ptsd,pm_me_blurry_cats,2019/02/17,"Had such a good week last week and now going downhill since vday I had such a good week last week, I was sleeping ok, eating ok, had positive one on one and group sessions, I really felt like I was finally getting a grip on things. It's been almost a year since my diagnosis. Then after Valentine's, the nightmares started again much harder than before. I am used to waking up scared once a night, but now it's two or three dreams a night. They aren't memories or flashbacks but feelings. Dreams of powerlessness, loss, not being able to save someone or save myself, not being able to fight back. I didn't have a good Valentine's day but I had to pretend I did for my kids. In reality I felt so isolated and alone but I had to act like I was having so much fun. I'm feeling so tired. I feel spent. I feel like I haven't even slept at all. I don't have any energy to get out of bed, to make breakfast, to take my meds. I don't even know what the dreams were last night but ive been crying for hours. I feel broken. Dammit I was doing better. I just want to stop feeling scared. Thanks for listening. I will get out of bed. I'll have some coffee and do my CPT exercises. I'm glad I found Reddit, found this group. Just having some people that I can relate with helps. ",1.3645181255526104,3.4420464022988533,2.8828544061302708,92.27354774535809,81.1455938697318,5.701208370173888,19.233863837312114,6.8449194561589275,0.11791352785145914,985,24,215,11,26,322,141,261,0.134,0.636,0.229,0.9766,1,1,0,0,1,0,33.0,0,0,1,2,13,18,1,2,9,2,31,7,3,2,1,40,57,16,0,1,12,0,9,3,0,1,2,1,2,1,6,7,2,1,11,5,1,2,7,4,0,4,20,10,29,14,25,34,5,31,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,6,25,136,35,1,0.2077833780939014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403251945713088,0.10760045775858183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706499111497462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988629602585501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840417539449033,0.0,0.0,0.0918837562934691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412014204018675,0.06700154469028992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630713448363464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723896157931134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31518455746871404,0.0742202434136826,0.19950462775508693,0.11380826716529285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278237492799716,0.0,0.0,0.1628373586670926,0.0,0.0590440410702957,0.2614182589943442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963640922535469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231238632415257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709615529781155,0.2540567784368658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226869448927752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934850917102622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540024582638984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274469076091982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924859370636113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064125817707186,0.14079939447251902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202541600156477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655567630221411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802740957537835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188055753345846,0.0,0.10396671838229593,0.0,0.08802709098820742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353507223502062,0.0,0.0,0.08685810400514203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811362068307562,0.0,0.0,0.09564950898580322,0.0,0.0,0.06902102182510622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119408213474616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148708414602696,0.0,0.0,0.08972906252238297,0.0,0.0,0.061278009940738364,0.0,0.3333425852135384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690284152341201 ptsd,beauty_for_ashes613,2019/02/17,"it’s been 9 years, why can’t I just get over it? ***TRIGGER WARNING*** NSFW hi everyone, I’m a 26-year-old female who was raped when I was 17 and developed PTSD. I was a virgin planning on saving myself for marriage, I had never been kissed before, and that night I was raped repeatedly in every way imaginable for about three hours and forced to perform oral sex on my attacker. 9 years later I still have horrible emotional flashbacks where out of nowhere I will feel incredibly disgusting, filthy, and shameful. I’m so angry with myself for not being strong enough to just get over it when I know other people who got over it much sooner and I’m still struggling. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I need to grow up, stop wallowing in self-pity, pray more and try harder spiritually (I’m a Christian), and so I try to stop feeling emotions about it and be strong but that makes it worse. why can’t I just let it go? what’s wrong with me?",2.632941176470588,4.682973684491984,3.907486631016045,86.64005347593586,76.86096256684492,6.752941176470588,23.834224598930483,7.724431198458867,1.1790128342245998,737,24,148,11,17,241,115,187,0.209,0.768,0.023,-0.9834,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,4,12,11,4,2,4,0,15,5,0,2,1,28,28,13,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,11,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,9,2,16,4,22,15,4,26,2,0,0,5,5,10,0,1,13,96,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293110935324255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934766052483787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419772086418004,0.0,0.15706495712339802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807334401708653,0.14525021255858586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371968182955048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883587168926913,0.0,0.08638968178024736,0.0,0.12157472932702434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969731638453065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353965273449096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554385370716619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923181414215246,0.0,0.0,0.10146655836254262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174341211459417,0.1127120481263451,0.11723798450371575,0.0,0.0,0.14264926412043255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950688524034926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107664941516157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768928405825782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857755510315102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24278766124188755,0.2541710841270597,0.0,0.15891182559060293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328617417829572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640698516882736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206569201982184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743272560766976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490919642307366,0.0,0.16619694762817816,0.0,0.29366461464861954 ptsd,iheartstrawberry,2019/02/17,"How to self manage PTSD from childhood? Hi everyone, Long story short, I had a shitty childhood with a very narcissistic mother who broke all my self-esteem and all that jazz. I had some serious talk with my father recently - confronting him about my mother's abusing behaviors. I thought he did not have knowledge about it and simply left for another woman. However, it turned out that he knew about her unstable personality yet left me with her anyway. It really hurts knowing this piece of information. I am trying to survive on my own somehow and tbh, I am quite young and not doing a good job. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I could still hear her yelling screeching voice in my head and all my nightmares involve her somehow. I went for a therapist and some meds for this but it never really goes away. I have been diagnosed with depression with melancholic features, too and eventually ptsd from childhood. I hope to have some tips to self-manage the symptoms and all until I get my shit together and go see a therapist again. Thanks A lot <3 Much love",5.505323129251701,7.404217933673473,5.700897959183674,77.46314965986397,68.64285714285714,8.90013605442177,30.923809523809524,9.3871,2.9670425850340143,849,35,146,18,15,269,124,196,0.128,0.805,0.067,-0.7351,2,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,12,11,2,0,7,0,11,6,3,1,5,38,23,13,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,9,16,0,0,5,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,7,5,25,4,23,15,11,22,0,4,2,1,20,8,1,7,12,108,34,2,0.0,0.15555162077617588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766409128968835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334686750589954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482063479851596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130758424819354,0.13325182299685154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544873687692662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859115426811323,0.0,0.07461246539766983,0.11011588666112568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473660071901386,0.0,0.14796808243214538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303959325213062,0.0,0.0,0.14054363637260014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302804094698133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721509712796596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852837402235049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618336532266978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161407314228723,0.11849011522217262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582837984197247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650980647232847,0.0,0.1012553221845077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463326609825834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069309965062247,0.0,0.0,0.13963808414466344,0.0,0.0,0.16820945873963009,0.0,0.12962840221292074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461739205478958,0.0,0.4108776221590241,0.0,0.1347624809399572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984452550735714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104844615700005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364557021433174,0.0,0.10552215670884067,0.0,0.12086987188107128,0.0,0.30486472031266754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422586898890754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891341056095182,0.14280071441160902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108324127524349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170279481248718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bluelanced,2019/02/17,"“casual stuff” got drunk with a friend and they asked why i don’t do “casual stuff” in regards to relationships/hookups/etc and i’m just like. i don’t know how to trust people like that! i’m not intentionally a prude or something i’m just terrified lmao i realistically know that not everyone is out to get me or whatever but the whole trauma shit makes it impossible to even try to do casual dates with people. i haven’t been on a date in almost two years now. ",1.8067741935483848,4.221051021505383,4.0240967741935485,82.77614516129033,81.79569892473118,8.021075268817205,20.052688172043013,8.841846274778883,1.4478094623655908,367,10,77,10,10,126,61,93,0.136,0.7,0.16399999999999998,-0.4389,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,1,0,4,0,7,3,1,3,0,19,16,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,2,4,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,6,7,11,14,1,8,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,3,6,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702477207693105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261421194554427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417123355446449,0.1431487697897102,0.0,0.0,0.20709574141753612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744581932291694,0.0,0.1132329930254736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733395653205061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23821935976630346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176762092231965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466961364824765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005079483425756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247123885278575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668500987146224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.496210244666901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714611040605302,0.0,0.21171467749197265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955660012040505,0.2419724018607095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395676468154813 ptsd,danndaman,2019/02/17,"What does this mean? I guess I was abused as a kid by my parents. I don’t remember much about the physical abuse of the emotional abuse but I know that it has affected my self confidence a lot and how fucked up it has made me mentally as an adult. It wasn’t until recently when I got blackout drunk (twice) that my friends started complaining that I was screaming and crying about a man trying to hurt me/kill me over and over. And that I was scared and I just wanted to go home. I don’t know what this means. Does it maybe relate to whatever happened during my fucked up childhood? Or is it just alcohol making me paranoid. 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It's ""Is this what it is?"" Hey. So I've been experiencing some things for a while now and I'm just wondering if they seem similar to PTSD. I know the textbook symptoms of PTSD, but I feel like there's more to it. I've been experiencing things like dissociation (like not feeling a close connection to things and people around me), feeling lost/very alone even when physically around people, having a ""blank"" mind but still feeling scared and not knowing why. I feel like there's more, but those are the main ones I can think of that I haven't found a textbook answer to. (And maybe those things are in ""the textbook"", but I've been looking in the wrong places.) Does anyone have any insight into these types of experiences? 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I get startled easily by loud noises (I physically jump) and in quiet places like examination halls, I get sensitive to sounds such as pens clicking or erasers rubbing against paper. When people approach from behind me, I get a shock and my friends always ask me why I get shocked so easily. Yesterday, I was at a party and someone I met for the first time jokingly grabbed my arm. I know I shouldn’t be scared but it gave me quite a shock and I froze. Are there any tips you guys have for coping with this without making myself look like a huge scaredy cat? 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I cant find talking too males so I naturally gravitate towards females. As a male who’s been hurt it’s hard, especially in person... I always have to watch my back.. I am really lonely but to those who have the same problem, I do need some to talk too. Anyways sorry for making this post, I’m just gonna downvote it myself. 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So I was hit by a car going 70mph 4 years ago, from it I haven't felt enjoyment or happiness I fake smiles when I'm with family and my girlfriend when in reality I'm just lost inside my own head I feel very alone most days and have developed and overwhelming fear of death and on top of that the fear of death is getting to the point where I don't go out because of what could happen. If I'm in a car I would imagine the driver swerving into the incoming traffic and I would see the outcome in my head in detail which makes me uneasy obviously, to the point where I will reach for whatever I can hold on to usually the door inconspicuously so the driver wouldn't think I'm strange, same if I'm walking near a road and a car comes up from behind I move in as much as I can and in some cases clench my fist or even jerk my arm back as if I'm going to launch a punch?. I struggle to watch shows or movies now as I'm not paying attention rather just staring through the screen this lasts for about 3 seconds after I notice I'm doing it and as is the same in work as I work I just kind of stare into nothingness. Every so often the memory of the accident would play in my head and it's as if I can't change the thought until a certain point in the memory. It's sad and it's scary and I feel alone I don't really feel like I'm on the same wavelength as other people if that makes sense? I just can't relate to anyone any more and it makes me feel bitter I don't really care about life not that I'm suicidal it's more of a what's the point. Should I consult a doctor as I'm unsure if this is ptsd or something else I just don't know who to talk to or what to do.",4.405933179723501,3.724860814516127,5.878248847926269,84.4695161290323,69.88709677419354,9.236251920122887,26.854070660522275,8.704169506293173,1.587581259600615,1341,34,310,20,21,459,173,372,0.151,0.795,0.054000000000000006,-0.9873,0,2,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,19,16,2,4,24,0,25,6,4,5,2,67,58,38,3,13,19,0,5,1,1,6,2,0,1,0,19,17,0,1,11,2,1,9,12,9,0,1,4,11,31,7,55,46,9,45,0,3,5,0,4,25,0,14,12,207,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688544699424748,0.0,0.0,0.2263980462543761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743259005841548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642320174772534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404286431258151,0.0,0.06662660941800606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143586457136526,0.0,0.11562203339243032,0.09414993169046697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726498708670236,0.0,0.0,0.07048770576766937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118704007447865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130385544734687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218982478970308,0.0,0.09208767510444517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303575145370283,0.2459796602546173,0.22105596174001346,0.07808200100357747,0.1049425320378246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710331942727038,0.0,0.1863484945101725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665122663195272,0.11634899041095975,0.0,0.0,0.3365116346924864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381630140203312,0.12013385702376354,0.08909187357554077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719990347517165,0.05339713178454926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193108958083826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887035586131345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616571500811293,0.0803460791068127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443568141540633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577297440499225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132850427600117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277626752504822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003727675366864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709578399571896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414238843999526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142612514536153,0.0,0.11955348822566185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784901618138584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003328588572892,0.0,0.08676983428787742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203755161131919,0.09018170523161577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913944788344198,0.0,0.0,0.2329249624188936,0.0,0.0,0.07038386697085673 ptsd,katelgregory,2019/02/18,"Hi I’m struggling so badly and don’t know what to do anymore. I got PTSD from my severely emotionally abusive father who is a major narcissist. I’ve had a therapist not believe it or even believe how bad it was. I’ve gone into the hospital in the past and when I mentioned I had PTSD, the adult next to me laughed saying everyone is getting diagnosed with things now a day. (I’ll never forget the hurt from that).. years go by with in and out inpatient stays in the hospital but then I was doing GREAT! ... and then I went to college. My roommate was just like my dad and was so manipulative it was like living with him when I was in elementary school again. When things were the worst. No one listened to me when I would tell the hall director or especially the RA. My life has fallen apart and now I’m struggling more than ever before. I have a panic attack at just the thought of going to an appointment. Everything is such a big deal for me to do. Every step of leaving to go somewhere is pointless to me. Any advice? Any help? Or just encouraging words would be nice. 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I am two semesters post-declaring my sociology major and while I have had to swerve around the topic once or twice before it is becoming more and more difficult. Having been assigned a lengthy reading on sexual violence against women, I completely shutdown two pages in. It seems like no matter how much time passes, I just can't get away from what happened. I think I need to get help and haven't been able to admit that until tonight. Where do I start?",6.584666666666667,7.836728355555558,6.780000000000005,73.17000000000003,65.44444444444444,9.555555555555557,32.77777777777778,9.725611199111238,3.224444444444444,392,16,67,8,6,126,71,90,0.108,0.802,0.09,-0.5598,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,2,0,13,19,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,4,0,8,1,10,15,6,11,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,6,49,12,2,0.22812918899287365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030833444003876,0.0,0.0,0.21433488261249173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519507660425188,0.1941211373242253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23918911431957615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837617112746226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173388841818168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291018662500316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114523984914848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586135455808628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770120279067047,0.16915490302375807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429501409461143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184847023228415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819092399128835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768024572597926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614710141436478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461759728537117,0.0,0.0,0.1330239646680855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456981383567985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chocolateears,2019/02/18,"My nightmares are becoming concerning/does Prazosin help you? Hi all. My nightmares are becoming undeniably out of control. I have slept walked/talked, and even texted in my sleep for years. Last night I had a next level, BAD nightmare and “woke up” in a panic, sent my boyfriend some very concerning texts that I have no memory of sending, and woke up this morning to the aftermath. My text messages I sent included things that I don’t feel and would never say while I was awake. I am scared to go to sleep. I had taken a Xanax before I went to sleep because my nightmares have been so bad lately and I wanted a peaceful night, but then all of that happened. My dr gave me prazosin, but I am terrified it will make me stop dreaming all together. My nightmares are bad (clearly), but my good dreams, which I get once a month if I’m lucky, are so so good, and I am so afraid of never being able to dream again. I remember every detail of my dreams, vividly, and I have 3-5 separate dreams every night. I have tried taking it twice and it made me very lightheaded, and combined with my sleep walking that can be an issue, but I legitimately can not function with my nightmares how they are. TLDR: my nightmares are out of control but I am afraid of taking Prazosin. What has your experience been with it? ",5.111356925240216,6.112917557768927,5.447119756269043,82.30699086008909,68.64143426294821,8.296320599953129,30.302554487930628,8.4952907291091,2.211826154206703,1021,39,196,15,17,325,135,251,0.098,0.7909999999999999,0.111,0.5042,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,1,2,7,10,0,4,7,0,28,7,5,5,6,39,46,22,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,12,14,0,3,2,5,0,6,5,7,0,1,14,3,37,3,22,28,4,28,0,0,1,0,11,7,0,3,15,139,49,0,0.11573169158301096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898933850674818,0.0705489650062784,0.25563312155242884,0.09847914549528496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596058659516509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643969079900009,0.0,0.195017883251231,0.0,0.0,0.11320780153869305,0.0,0.0,0.0585174206126222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046503220270575,0.0,0.06577298736450428,0.19414050409382647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234115265707568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757251334873384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079381797522627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433677514326536,0.13055038902330107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950812485108083,0.07725180280297289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237593207681677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851883036258506,0.0,0.12308196694594732,0.32581905801258443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325047446209556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357862042867085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311014460185912,0.0,0.0,0.09203448627677957,0.11586761283142802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632610865063526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675687628550712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403165816739316,0.0930207498558622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688699340519492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857422175711032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098153191845785,0.06826155020039462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728443756365362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221247319612349,0.0,0.0,0.07452741496690331 ptsd,sodaboy1978,2019/02/18,"I can't do it. Every time I do something or play something to lose my self I'm a selfish pos that doesn't want to talk to wife. Then when she goes off I just freeze. WTF! Do I do ",-2.6785714285714306,-0.9880407619047596,0.06380952380952642,107.07285714285715,99.4761904761905,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.7367428571428571,136,3,38,0,6,46,31,42,0.273,0.644,0.083,-0.8499,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,4,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241897484842548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304650898761658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014045084766427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5924375811266364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092677758248449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22436554611205994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22695041523041015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Zombiebloomers,2019/02/18,"I was triggered. But I was okay! I was diagnosed with PTSD (among many other things) in my early 20s (sexual trauma). I’ll be 35 in less than a week (f). I’ve spent 15 years working on it. It has improved so very much. But I still get vivid intense nightmares three times a week. I’m still triggered by things that remind me of my trauma. But over all, I’m functioning. I started a new job a little over a months ago. It’s in a very busy part of town that has a severe homeless problem. At work yesterday, a homeless drug addicted woman came into my shop and sexually harassed me. I thought she was trying to get a rise out of me so I’d leave her alone and she could steal things. I stood my ground and was proud of myself. Though I did not comfort her. I went on my lunch break sometime later. Ran into the same women on the corner, under a blanket with a homeless guy. She cat called me very aggressive and graphically. She asked if I was offended. I said I was. She told me to take it as a compliment and “smile more”. That I was asking for it. I responded by telling her to never come back into my shop again. (And a loud “fuck you”). I grabbed my lunch and went back into the shop. Told my boss. She backed me up. Told me she was proud of me. It was really shaky. Feeling physically nauseous. But I had a few smokes and worked on my breathing. I never did eat my lunch. But I didn’t have to go home for the day! I was crazy anxious, but I didn’t have to take my emergency ativan! And I made it through my shift with out incident. I’m just proud of myself. Of how fair I have come. If this wussy girl can do it, you can too! Thank you for reading. Take care of yourself!!",0.279404029692472,2.532211947826088,2.1253305054789706,94.81240721102866,87.4927536231884,5.104984093319193,19.429126899964647,6.584502450881947,0.09102827854365493,1282,38,286,15,41,422,178,345,0.083,0.823,0.093,0.8031,1,1,2,0,0,0,54.0,0,3,0,6,12,17,4,1,18,1,26,9,1,5,3,45,56,22,0,4,10,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,4,16,21,4,0,2,4,4,8,5,9,0,1,28,5,57,8,43,26,7,52,0,0,1,1,26,23,1,3,20,200,73,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164119157197517,0.0,0.0,0.09465886900793796,0.0,0.0,0.11059753383456288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063717680074143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965998400772966,0.0,0.0,0.2463342864431096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903989604510196,0.12213412057055405,0.10887489539965152,0.0,0.0,0.18397244018543613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525950220480494,0.0,0.0,0.06886778885716499,0.0,0.0,0.1083849961263084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383723379401824,0.1092681866585413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399393813761855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872143891248876,0.11158199298818043,0.0,0.06068863893360647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573439617873544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711452515285406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596809378024964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307038566766027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702708648391414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010429861206234,0.0,0.1082636978396012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852351369855944,0.0,0.07849960147187816,0.0,0.1647190628378162,0.10313406463394473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156382491921638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217926545424684,0.1248264906220351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681435967501783,0.0,0.06840950136319714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157742799857497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063717680074143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561355242749494,0.0,0.0755832996341605,0.0,0.17055801580707575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408681334558998,0.0,0.09333520055863384,0.09831370634176496,0.0,0.0,0.21283054799986093,0.0,0.10491617424781616,0.08477572878602031,0.062267461645390425,0.0,0.0,0.3061142554299742,0.0,0.0725003191246236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643275689156548,0.0,0.0,0.17131371285320854,0.0,0.0,0.19798238624658812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332232644613084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876633643711258 ptsd,Pixels_N_Stuff,2019/02/18,"How can I help the best way I can? I've been dating a woman for the last year in a long distance relationship. She was up front with me that she wanted things to move very slow, and I'm absolutely okay with moving at her pace. Early on she was open with me that she has PTSD and she has not shared anything more than that other than traumatic events occurred in her past. While we were dating there were many times she would flake on plans, ignore phonecalls, etc. due to serious anxiety flare-ups and just shut down completely. There are so many moving parts to this but I will try my best to get to the point. Initially we had planned many times to meet up and they never saw fruition. When we first started dating she thought she was ready but that was not the case and she wants time to heal before considering meeting me and continuing this. Which I fully support. After the fact, I could tell she wanted this earlier on. I gather that she has been afraid to say anything in fear that I would leave her (she had told me this is fear she had from the start). Is there anything I can do from a distance to help her? Is there anything I should avoid? She has not opened up to me about her trauma, and I dont want to ask that of her. We are still talking as friends. But should I reassure her in any way that I'm here if she wants to talk about anything? Are there any books I can read that would help me to better understand from her perspective? Are there any books that have helped you in the past with healing? And if space is the best thing I can do, I'm fine with that too. I just want to be the best man I can for her. It breaks my heart that she is going through so much pain and I feel like our relationship triggered it.",2.8658256157635487,4.544700820000003,3.1420394088669963,94.03185714285715,75.08571428571429,6.427586206896553,21.783251231527096,7.0983637204850245,0.3459881773399016,1357,34,303,14,29,416,169,350,0.083,0.773,0.14400000000000002,0.9838,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,5,1,1,8,17,20,0,4,12,1,42,4,1,2,2,51,62,20,0,14,10,0,1,1,1,6,3,1,0,2,22,20,0,2,3,3,0,5,5,8,0,1,14,3,56,12,45,40,8,50,0,0,1,0,52,18,0,2,25,220,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489924238652094,0.0,0.06558367393401385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35274489318670754,0.0,0.08014653771740332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295042578576556,0.0,0.3598758999138465,0.0758217484015109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988690244375412,0.0,0.0,0.06844890770861617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047562408212388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561228026145158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294151784193328,0.04334796700464782,0.06124595738595344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292240410749562,0.0,0.0,0.06623524848095333,0.0,0.04479069981926885,0.0,0.04872267533710569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159117314007016,0.2298536547855428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988188087280603,0.0,0.09077632630966898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188364047764101,0.0,0.0,0.0758688827398749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26075211571662466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733541791828461,0.06302185489430318,0.0,0.06612072342946435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122340228502596,0.0,0.0,0.09283788483219993,0.16367911561339749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104312707089786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021448302212344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575379938047754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408516008352768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817641366706136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136111910537913,0.0,0.06846456747366095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728606831673127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781401686149353,0.07493232265955059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391120176941155,0.0,0.0,0.06806051977251577,0.14997060592179692,0.0,0.0,0.08191926169076008,0.0,0.0582054495308431,0.0,0.0,0.08924857749267236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073672299144965,0.3033967725981306,0.1360979188451418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827016743817663,0.0,0.0,0.05520769526588084 ptsd,WittyAverage,2019/02/18,"my best friend has ptsd im not gonna go into detail about my best friend, i just want advice on how to help her bc i wasnt even famillar with PTSD until she was diagnosed and i want to help her as best as i can. every response is appreciated",2.07990566037736,3.0449048679245294,4.271839622641512,88.03530660377363,75.79245283018868,6.809433962264151,20.797169811320764,7.1686216300943375,0.33473962264150936,190,4,44,2,4,66,38,53,0.0,0.5429999999999999,0.457,0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,8,9,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,9,5,9,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322857201880014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6225456409200583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070124437014594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060495395137695,0.0,0.16660390299521732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055458115937251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123798107526875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650809920318643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359239459191284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622933596640079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332635448255572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gloomymagpie,2019/02/18,"How do you stop being so afraid? I’m so afraid of living my life. I’m afraid to be happy. I’m afraid something bad is lurking around every corner. How does it get better?",-0.4291666666666672,1.8126344166666684,1.6402222222222242,96.12700000000002,93.72222222222223,2.8800000000000003,12.755555555555556,3.1291,-1.4939377777777774,133,2,28,0,5,44,27,36,0.179,0.664,0.157,0.1926,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,4,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,4,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203125075368886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004313137006652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182279940942358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148773887756454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30316048180946803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798899864565694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830308013643087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541486676325888,0.0,0.0,0.31772410239417104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770039203523887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008222706971493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,woolsockz,2019/02/18,"Resources for people in relationships with those suffering from PTSD I am in a relationship with a young man with PTSD & what I believe to be complex trauma. He's a trans man who was sexually abused and raped as a child by his neighbor... this neighbor was an adult when my partner was a young elementary-aged girl (pre transition). The neighbor did heinous things to my partner which included creating child pornography of my beloved boyfriend. Typing out this sentence makes my eyes well up with tears. The past two days I have woken up to him having body-thrashing nightmares where he's sleep talking, over and over repeating ""please, no... please, no... God, please, no...."". He told me these nightmares are all of real life events. My heart breaks for him when I witness them, and I do my best to gently wake him up so he can escape this relived nightmare. &#x200B; I am in a desperate search for resources for people in relationships with those suffering from PTSD (specifically sexual trauma, if possible). Books, podcasts, advice... Thankfully, he is heavily involved with therapy, is medicated, is in some 12-Step Programs to better take care of himself. But I want to be able to support him and, of course, myself during these bad periods. I want to be an anchor for him... someone safe. I already believe I am, and he's expressed it. But I don't want to find myself weak or anxious when he's already in that space, himself, and in need of some external fortitude and protection. Thank you so much.",6.3341447368421075,7.856785595588239,6.218157894736841,75.97947368421055,66.20588235294117,9.402786377708976,35.27167182662538,9.682069395223575,3.586614705882353,1190,57,202,25,19,374,158,272,0.109,0.736,0.155,0.8146,0,0,0,0,1,0,65.0,0,1,1,2,7,15,1,0,10,0,19,8,4,1,1,30,31,17,0,5,4,0,0,0,5,0,3,0,3,8,13,14,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,7,1,1,6,1,30,8,42,22,5,26,0,2,1,1,36,15,0,4,10,141,43,3,0.10805968713090568,0.1280330591993204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055946756285004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384931036465934,0.0,0.0,0.23416525171895175,0.13130434758621087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207668849084945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902253250981594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434925266530004,0.11340197489098472,0.09557001188995567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017405283058143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968955864456251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876459637135444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280512495372314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632575272516813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213068025710173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885876632871958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943630354817291,0.08012488878824264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315519857491252,0.149829962146156,0.0,0.0,0.3558512602641313,0.0,0.12182106097375345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789479747915934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299558123118373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480469913088265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813772654462027,0.0,0.09155862223907746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262485239092395,0.0,0.0,0.08124743652844811,0.08685428328762351,0.0,0.19897368326661186,0.12357566972930592,0.0,0.07179005454907753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325566184973813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555861264024233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912092095992851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715863617740096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130434758621087,0.0 ptsd,Limerence-Undead,2019/02/18,"I don't know what to do. Sexual assault trigger warning!! :( When I was 16, I was raped repeatedly by an older boy in my life. I have proof. I'm scared to report him bc I sent him scantly clad pictures while underage and that could be used against me. ",0.036974789915966255,2.3893976274509825,2.2906442577030823,91.61647058823529,92.33333333333334,5.2672268907563025,22.97198879551821,6.868970318607317,0.887092997198879,193,8,41,3,7,65,42,51,0.301,0.6990000000000001,0.0,-0.953,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,7,2,0,2,1,6,11,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,5,6,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,27,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472602398013232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30786171805263496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956735512564558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5608405275264645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838179243997525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,meowactually,2019/02/18,Sex life question How do those of you with PTSD from sexual trauma handle having a sex life? Is it impacted by your trauma? Have you found a way to have a healthy one? Are there certain measures you have to take? ,2.5478571428571435,4.7607673571428615,3.3954761904761916,89.42035714285717,77.80952380952381,6.104761904761905,22.404761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.7767904761904759,167,5,33,2,4,53,32,42,0.142,0.755,0.104,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,7,4,0,1,1,5,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,6,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010703913517069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5167372808854718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478691024164485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275895074714726,0.0,0.4097690633245313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750289249147575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29034746441809045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kira-riaexx,2019/02/18,Tried to expose myself to triggers I picked the wrong day to try to do some exposure. Now I’m close to a panic attack because my intrusive thoughts are just spiralling. UGH.,3.9090909090909065,6.276088393939396,4.433333333333334,82.87000000000003,74.15151515151516,6.824242424242425,29.181818181818183,7.793537801064563,2.1169272727272728,139,6,24,2,3,44,28,33,0.369,0.631,0.0,-0.9278,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261164456492313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283284990114777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24156042454030505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394658406185109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29735906112417965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086037509749262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095229184958837,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Schemp001,2019/02/19,"How do I know I have PTSD vs Normal feelings of three coworkers dying on the job? How do I know I have PTSD vs Normal feelings of three coworkers dying on the job? I work for a medevac service that three weeks ago had a fatal crash with three of my coworkers are believed to be lost at sea. I was on duty when the accident happened. I dont know if I have survivors guilt. I have never been shook to the core like this did to me. I love my job but this was the first time I actually thought about walking away from my almost 20 year career of EMS and 10years as a flightmedic. ",3.031615312791782,4.245643739495797,4.143137254901962,88.90856209150326,73.78991596638657,6.969561157796452,26.66760037348273,7.3871296695380915,1.227184126984127,451,16,97,5,9,147,72,119,0.087,0.863,0.049,-0.4959,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,2,8,0,14,1,0,2,1,19,23,7,3,3,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,4,0,5,7,2,15,2,17,15,0,14,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,2,8,69,18,7,0.0,0.0,0.15549066275850046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124330466938,0.0,0.15955374393155866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970306457778304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951908451450002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307348640829529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18674266052414615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113191155985152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553261180761805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090184928038507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743544026640156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26270358699572266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784437794423273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393598037526328,0.0,0.14380854357801556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289109843106948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122343358235383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725146144363739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264963781522519,0.09291112547976134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781113482635895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599978231845542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260828921978436 ptsd,DystopianAlice,2019/02/19,"Depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts I'm not really sure what's going on with me right now but I just feel bad. I have been dx with PTSD but it's been in remission for a little over a year. A couple of months ago I guess I fell into a kind of depressive episode, I had a lot of stuff going on and it sort of got overwhelming. I was suicidal at one point but not bad enough that I felt I was going to go through with it, more like a wish if that makes sense. Things in my life improved and a lot of those feelings went away I think? But I'm still just so tired all the time I can sleep entire days away. I struggle to find motivation for basic tasks and have fallen out of all my hobbies. I worry constantly about dumb stuff like what other people think of me and convince myself that they must be mad at me or not like me anymore. I worry about embarrassing or dumb stuff I did 20 years ago. I've also been having intrusive thoughts related to my PTSD, not really flashbacks, but just remembering and thinking about things when I don't want to. Most of all I feel like since I've been doing so well for so long that I need to hide all of this. I don't want people to think I'm weak or broken or crazy for having all of this come up out of nowhere. I've never felt exactly like this before but it's like I can't allow myself to be sick in this way again even though it's happening anyway and I'm scared that if I admit it or reach out for help it will change the way people see me now.",2.980418113626893,4.004046575079876,4.231768301152936,88.96147103764412,73.66453674121406,7.6160022225309065,22.554382553132378,8.04050195162591,0.8848467564939573,1170,28,261,17,23,385,156,313,0.249,0.626,0.125,-0.9935,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,19,22,3,4,9,0,21,6,1,3,9,69,52,25,1,7,20,0,5,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,25,14,0,0,15,0,0,8,8,12,1,1,14,6,31,10,45,34,10,43,0,3,1,0,3,18,2,12,21,182,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659703418407835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486489373099696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161618690034152,0.0,0.09284217997631672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591112627070907,0.0,0.15633134274643354,0.0,0.0,0.07966054681214373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903359586918936,0.08064212341344211,0.0,0.10116592526284668,0.0,0.0,0.10358461721195833,0.0,0.06037474659391965,0.0,0.16126310466745472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673062750967353,0.0,0.06183266047420245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200559013565614,0.06687947880833747,0.17977259182165167,0.0,0.08556357070337868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281712437992226,0.0,0.0748734795622332,0.0,0.10312887088517936,0.0,0.08278455444597717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274900944635349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748693450250932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612393691392314,0.2744170716204221,0.09382809194809164,0.0,0.08284744907224563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917840242827375,0.0,0.0,0.06248958419123731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472361000403885,0.0,0.0,0.06941527469170718,0.07220263524539176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343680433898727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470519341830875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849763038797075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188648093565029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199459537748676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604897945833357,0.07994777926194667,0.0,0.0,0.09372621329671507,0.0,0.07460004309790093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744034225981125,0.0,0.09368387408898353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476207059058641,0.0,0.0,0.09786804701452337,0.3215046796495233,0.10240099996777284,0.0,0.08823222236996899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438897406340242,0.2399420915997401,0.09197750557888572,0.1486417156033993,0.054588397279375284,0.10759812573108317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043459786048583,0.14861646821688912,0.0,0.0,0.08417226558341967,0.08678321605829863,0.0,0.0,0.1076540852692612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014372379833974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057161135792575 ptsd,mithril_mind,2019/02/19,"The man who gave me PTSD just got engaged I found out yesterday that he got engaged to a woman he’s been dating for less than a year. He and I were together for more than two before I finally was in such a rocky place myself from the building trauma that I had to leave him. I was absolutely numb yet simultaneously melting down from panic attacks and disassociation’s and nightmares every single day. I’ve been in therapy for a year next week, and it has helped so much I can’t even believe it. I don’t even recognize the woman that I was a year ago, 18 months ago. It’s absolutely incredible, and I am so grateful to have found this therapist and have these resources. But hearing that he was engaged just rocked me to my core. So many things that I thought were settled came flying up to the surface. I know it’s kind of stupid but I ended up calling in sick to work today because I just couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the screaming, the holes in the wall, the meltdowns, having to scan him every time he walked in the room to see where he was at and what his mood was and if I needed to keep the boat from rocking. I was so upset yesterday, and I think all of my friends thought it was because I was upset that he had moved on. And of course that is a small part of it. But the anger and the sadness and the fear went so much deeper than that, and it took me a few hours to figure out that it’s probably my PTSD. I feel embarrassed because they all just think that I am still heartbroken and a little in love, when I’m actually just still traumatized. I’m so angry that he has moved on with apparently no consequences, and I am still ponderously reassembling myself day after day, week after week. It’s really hard. I just want to be well. I want to stop thinking about him, and I want to sleep through the night, and I want to not get stuck in fugue states for thirty minutes at a time. I’m just really tired. ",5.426150016594755,5.328724977099238,6.1166611350813165,81.64288416860272,67.67684478371501,9.175749529815246,29.55514990596305,8.841846274778883,2.0689111406128986,1528,49,320,23,23,501,186,393,0.17800000000000002,0.75,0.07200000000000001,-0.9936,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,25,20,3,5,23,0,29,5,1,0,3,58,59,28,0,8,12,0,2,0,1,0,3,2,1,3,26,21,0,3,12,2,0,6,6,12,1,1,26,6,38,7,50,30,10,62,0,1,2,1,23,23,0,1,32,223,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.09304813176560113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690445637150253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847472378569847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437396126500235,0.0,0.08113607667373117,0.10742712863915753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736331020884184,0.10905533386859004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844791530374457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445205835193732,0.0,0.0,0.12595593884150671,0.0,0.1606734689729636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729558886429254,0.04821197322231045,0.0,0.0,0.10445158556847052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090933500277717,0.07366740003733989,0.0,0.04981659278423823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252067985213266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854151340445962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107466710339551,0.0,0.06391129166670369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390083199606672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475172172080725,0.0,0.0992926575201066,0.05240202754390739,0.0,0.0,0.10096219305491816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556604325605428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605736238097589,0.0,0.0,0.09667023153390934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610769437627626,0.20268454366894093,0.14018687336634253,0.07070103426475466,0.0,0.0,0.10140611859551688,0.08947979100792673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187302475902164,0.0,0.10325507577012903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996207621695119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280374313451414,0.0,0.2229187805477594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216767887786965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598183867515505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541915409018008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284406020722927,0.1594342293188866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904137019037838,0.11070903958498586,0.06334649798961997,0.2443864713507614,0.0,0.15139496421676402,0.11119904556016197,0.10959113549464224,0.09038092898264402,0.0,0.10593768419161972,0.0,0.0,0.09314338156451653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22496029359605446,0.0,0.22945276140931326,0.0,0.08573136474048036,0.08839067711528319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941614910158728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420738801005834 ptsd,Tezzlar,2019/02/19,"Numbing So I was severely bullied at a young age, I'm talking being beaten daily by others around me, being emotionally abused by the bullies to being their friends and then they would beat me more. I fell for that trick everytime because no one else wanted to be my friend and I was so incredibly lonely. I'm 18 now, and I'm proud to say I rarely get flashbacks and it's now more of the depression and anxiety that have stemmed from it that I need help controlling. But as I've gotten older, I've become alot more numb to things, like I dont feel things as much, in terms of emotions or hunger or thirst or anything like that. It usually comes and goes abit but at the moment it's been almost a full week of this. I still smile and laugh like I'm supposed to and it comes across as genuine but I dont feel anything. It might be my PTSD resurfacing or it might have something to do with my boyfriends lack of contact over the past week (He's pretty much my safety net). ",4.532659117532212,5.1990476700507635,4.9951269035533015,86.24064818430305,69.76142131979695,7.888949629051153,27.84420148379539,7.882392219407189,1.5328347520499799,769,25,160,9,13,245,116,197,0.121,0.73,0.149,0.8925,0,2,1,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,2,4,6,13,2,0,7,0,16,4,1,1,0,30,28,21,0,4,7,0,2,3,2,3,2,1,0,0,15,12,2,1,2,0,0,3,3,6,0,1,4,3,16,7,24,16,9,23,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,8,16,108,31,1,0.0,0.16468620949164442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391832990326512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633070617795393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287618935831337,0.12373491580988352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472999147233021,0.15350892962961873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394635710547756,0.0,0.0,0.1558945819140844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971609032746468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258019388505765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611239054517825,0.3127010736696789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405599798395056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477420590795446,0.0,0.07261909033610199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316534117744336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371763895563172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29490321449789025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043544660916093,0.10306294564072467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418653093641656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268634483077632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414077670744546,0.0,0.0,0.16247758184029504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053431098100233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702465613628772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700505274482053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100149428906812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171882310868132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468405014802175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308322820028827,0.0,0.08198278409687168,0.0,0.2229866245679622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873797797326724,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bloodmeats,2019/02/19,Accepting that you didn't have a childhood did anyone else repress their sexual/emotional abuse until they got older and now have to gradually accept that they're never going to have a childhood? it's fucking exhausting.,10.420769230769233,10.271969666666667,10.168846153846154,56.88865384615386,57.46153846153847,12.928205128205128,40.01282051282049,12.161744961471696,5.5143743589743615,183,8,24,5,2,60,31,39,0.221,0.657,0.122,-0.6361,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,1,2,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,3,2,3,5,0,7,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,6,19,6,0,0.0,0.4379899972087738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584768407331923,0.3787632466059466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088058542835484,0.4158209203021097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34174732293545834,0.0,0.0,0.21008790103375316,0.0,0.2956531286691364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851067578703008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nertneert,2019/02/19,"Sunshine and Rainbows Partner doesn't get it Sorry, this isn't quick. I need to explain. I've PTSD for a long time (caused by the death of two boyfriends, two children, cancer twice, childhood sexual abuse, physically and mentally abusive marriage - the list is just ridiculous). I had it under control, then I was involved in a car accident. I was stopped for backed up traffic, the person behind me hit me at 75 mph, spun me across the interstate and rolled down the embankment. Woke up hanging from my seatbelt and my friend paralyzed (temporarily, but didn't know that then). It stirred up things I had settled. Went to therapy, got everything settled (again). Fast forward to a year ago - I get with this great guy. Things are going very well and I'm finally happy. I start having paid from the cart accident again and I go to the doctor for a few more months. I find out I have a permanent injury they can't fix, amd the pain is persistent. This affects my 12 year career, changes so much for me, and I have trouble leaving it behind like I could work everything else because it's THERE every damn day. Enter more PTSD: angry, irritable, need quiet time to calm down but I never get any, feel overwhelmed all day every day, and I never get a break from it. Wonderful boyfriend isn't so wonderful anymore. He's one of those people who have had a mostly charmed life and never had to deal with anything especially hard besides the regular punches of life. I need his support, I need him to curb the triggers that he's able to. I need extra help while I get my shit straight again. But, he doesn't do what I tell him I need, then gets angry with me when I'm not able to keep things together (housework, cooking, laundry, my demeanor). I've told him how paralyzing it can be. I don't know if I haven't explained it the right way, or if he just doesn't care. I'm back in therapy, but every time I get a smidge better he's to the point he wants to break up with me and causes a setback. How would you handle this? How do you explain it so a complete outsider understands? How can I explain that the quicker he supports me the quicker we can get back on track without making it sound like it's completely his responsibility?",4.4175768561484885,5.862923236658936,5.0493554234338776,82.8505296548724,70.6937354988399,7.800493039443157,30.63812354988399,8.278499904357787,2.237067807424593,1749,74,334,26,32,562,226,431,0.13699999999999998,0.738,0.124,-0.8377,0,0,0,0,2,0,61.0,1,2,1,4,19,19,3,1,24,0,30,7,1,10,4,65,72,29,1,11,11,0,2,2,2,1,5,2,0,4,24,16,1,4,11,1,1,7,14,6,1,4,12,5,45,13,42,56,7,57,0,1,1,0,32,17,2,6,34,220,69,3,0.1588968792740543,0.1882668189297741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042624809368184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054027663356260434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879150368736115,0.0,0.0,0.06537929637550073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832728380640985,0.0,0.04843103138897563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026568854998565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100297917088488,0.16323086517428842,0.08404591464881964,0.0,0.1666003547792077,0.0,0.08910818069086975,0.06343311427179504,0.0,0.0,0.1537130128813797,0.08190785269649731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131884448713678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636897671562897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081621093189853,0.0,0.14280626936159835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017151823899305,0.0,0.0,0.0870318822133137,0.07261443449840144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138166738319153,0.0,0.33206824477541885,0.0,0.09030475827146488,0.0,0.06354217493081425,0.08759218517745325,0.0,0.07866644610654304,0.0,0.08457434133134749,0.07117019665087455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053252614387467166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061742358468674,0.0,0.0,0.08732556933662924,0.0,0.0,0.08412442612652761,0.0,0.0,0.112233564970259,0.07762898902191102,0.0,0.0,0.07030936898217452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303245038495996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006534068169416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341498653594776,0.0,0.05840374458784245,0.35346006781999395,0.18382660346705607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383631883982845,0.0,0.0845387413052843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055079544552847394,0.06937131302187897,0.0,0.0,0.07510445546211045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857419487332748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678485333511221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155268158265278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889360236340957,0.05623401449396248,0.0,0.0,0.06642245300218934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803142955869861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944143807448913,0.0,0.1817124294502236,0.0,0.15834603912387255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138981072179333,0.0,0.0,0.07591638876126228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521916243116798,0.08270862756185678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555328321424944,0.04686074813601074,0.06306247336340369,0.0,0.0,0.07143368860771404,0.07364949950338043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658546068591422,0.17231688748564364,0.057839410282105014,0.0,0.0,0.05643789203105155,0.0,0.0,0.10232438061366568 ptsd,pricklypointycacti,2019/02/19,"Every time I close my eyes, I see the gun pointed in my face Trigger warning: Domestic violence &#x200B; My goddaughter's father is a violent schizophrenic who refuses medication and enjoys alcohol and recreational drugs such as Xanax, exacerbating his already fragile mental state. He has physically abused my best friend throughout their relationship, even knocking her out a few times while she was pregnant. &#x200B; One day, me and K (my friend) leave the baby with him at my dorm while we go run errands. (Yes, I understand how foolish this was in hindsight, but it was wintertime with a high of 20 degrees and we didn't want to bring a three month old outside). My dorm was stocked with everything he needs, diapers, wipes, formula, and the works. He calls her about two hours later, screaming that the baby won't be quiet and he's going to kill her so K needs to come home. We order a cab - five minute waiting time turns into thirty due to the weather conditions. When we enter, we expect to see a bloodbath. Instead, the baby is unharmed. He starts to beat my friend up. Starts hitting her with the gun. Drags her out in the hallway. &#x200B; Then, he grabs the baby. He has my goddaughter in one hand and the gun in the other. I try to grab the baby from his arms and he points the gun right in my face. I remember taking a few feeble steps back and putting my hands in the air. I felt like I was floating in the room after that. I felt like I was watching everyone from afar, or from the ceiling. I felt so disconnected from reality. Sounds were muffled. From that moment, I felt no fear. My heart wasn't beating fast, I wasn't shaken, I was just... there. I remained calm the entire time. Didn't make any noises. I think that, coupled with my goddaughter miraculously not letting out a single cry or yelp throughout the whole ordeal, saved all of our lives. All he had to do was move his index finger and we all would have died. I forget why he decided to put the gun down, but once he did that, he tossed the baby on the bed (she had a heavy snowsuit on and was not physically injured as a result), but my friend grabbed the baby and ran to a different floor. She was crying in the bathroom. I was still in my withdrawn state, and I recall telling her, ""let's act like nothing happened."" I had to go back in the room and he is still there. He says he wants the sweater he let K wear back, or he's going to beat her up again. Not even ten minutes after he tried to kill me, I had to be the middleman in delivering clothes and returning other belongings to them. I didn't want him to get riled up again. I did what I was told. &#x200B; I have never cried about this incident although it happened a year ago. I have never been able to shed a single tear. ",3.995818036711892,5.645398811918068,4.712257249268422,84.0507960893855,72.0540037243948,7.572386272944933,28.055732907688217,8.192908349453996,1.8748570896515035,2170,82,420,33,42,697,266,537,0.128,0.79,0.08199999999999999,-0.9747,1,0,2,5,2,1,92.0,7,0,2,5,20,16,3,1,39,1,41,15,9,4,5,70,72,31,3,7,10,1,11,3,4,2,6,4,6,0,13,32,1,2,8,0,0,14,12,5,0,6,31,19,66,11,58,33,9,81,0,0,4,0,54,32,0,3,35,281,79,4,0.06908053652427867,0.08184913964834331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123572754770775,0.07382608481177498,0.0,0.0,0.07623208985090177,0.0,0.0,0.29939492985005056,0.3357616524740645,0.04697713370904458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935600550038578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249576115181508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705389514582971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059506765406935114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643629973131029,0.2276451767994731,0.044551231167961385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169469050203564,0.07217445762516407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011149074933872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125408572045886,0.0,0.058203331440814327,0.0660094130303042,0.062085131889312785,0.0,0.0,0.0777348091221781,0.0,0.0,0.2653125933522863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134858046279109,0.0,0.0360917291399365,0.0,0.15704024347334594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217538061288853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186076839108554,0.0,0.07298737962254072,0.06929341061651828,0.0,0.06803041326200461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528547570622471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314631373715708,0.0,0.21191858683685788,0.0,0.10124778225924418,0.0,0.060999379365037076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046111794549113266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695913729071705,0.06961693290088067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055139425186917376,0.07342167781961956,0.0,0.10244468503290532,0.10655833689502893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628463790741836,0.0,0.07248840248519947,0.0735685168535403,0.09362151873437707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060687163623996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138890038758234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416664355798165,0.07825478143622426,0.058994400742095075,0.0,0.054935615333817515,0.0,0.0,0.11009648744527167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779111861490927,0.0,0.11033561140651156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051939966287411474,0.0,0.060379433770119034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04426401845494765,0.0,0.0,0.16112566551306326,0.0,0.0,0.0660094130303042,0.0,0.09380229946894923,0.07513978676298767,0.0674816463896727,0.07191527477774391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223647077101403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233443942305051,0.07712595202117388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050291453334894015,0.0,0.0,0.04907283112942756,0.0,0.3357616524740645,0.04448560062727887 ptsd,throwback712,2019/02/19,"Vet with PTSD character Trigger warning: I'll be mentioning major and possible symptoms of PTSD. Hey guys! I'm writing a story (just for hobby) in which one of the characters is a veteran with PTSD (I don't have PTSD). If you've got the time and feel like it, I would very much appreciate your insight on some questions I have. I've done some research, and it seems to me like this condition is extremely diverse in that everyone experiences it a little differently, and it often overlaps with other diagnoses... So yeah please help me out haha. 1. **Can you have spontaneously appearing intrusive thoughts that aren't flashbacks?** Thoughts that aren't directly related to one's specific traumatic experience, but are somehow negative, fucked-up, maybe violent thoughts or even fantasies? Do you need to be stressed in the moment in order for such thoughts to appear, or can they become a casual occurence? 2. **Do you visualize intrusive thoughts similarly to flashbacks?** So, assuming you DO have intrusive thoughts... Can they be as visual or ""real"" as flashbacks? 3. **Do you think of anything when you dissociate?** Do you have intrusive thoughts WHILE you dissociate? Or any thoughts? What are they about? Do you only dissociate in stressful situations, or spontaneously? 4. **Do you or have you ever had problems recalling a certain aspect, or the entirety, of your traumatic experience? Is this possible in general?** Thanks for reading, and also thanks if you answer any of these!",3.5806059695512817,6.817165183593755,4.80828125,72.28102964743594,88.5703125,8.875641025641025,33.12660256410256,8.914623046629139,4.41743982371795,1181,68,178,40,39,387,142,256,0.115,0.7929999999999999,0.092,-0.9272,1,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,14,3,0,11,11,1,2,9,2,30,2,0,1,2,50,48,22,0,5,11,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,13,9,0,0,15,3,0,2,4,4,0,2,11,1,22,7,27,33,4,18,0,0,0,0,23,10,0,18,7,133,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478526146805403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718910909152276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695626594285239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328183447114588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491746963289388,0.0,0.09770503476610662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570003994683678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061766890332391584,0.08459119807031862,0.0,0.08935920278765659,0.0,0.2744317954188953,0.0,0.0,0.04728484722705794,0.06680834046863597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479383816671642,0.0,0.0,0.09259622362076586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268226460280113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137505992315294,0.09372828891736416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395008241869486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874552572035092,0.06934143907756246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673865580402716,0.07112365511525702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265324069899523,0.0,0.2108520287672481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948284054522126,0.43726401463133147,0.0,0.10476009266490184,0.0,0.09354199477015593,0.1064424641548207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513408035591241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511667531240043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142460998902702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719964555178784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219520357442966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059921717520747535,0.0,0.5939344337495693,0.05453033271280548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716106131654994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643157190696103,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,puffbutt_,2019/02/19,"Sometimes your stress has to do with your location # Joe Rogan Podcast #1247 - Andy Stumpf [https://youtu.be/bz1Masw5QDs](https://youtu.be/bz1Masw5QDs)",24.544375,29.756289687500008,11.3,42.545000000000016,27.125,11.4,41.0,11.20814326018867,5.213324999999998,129,4,11,2,1,28,15,16,0.157,0.843,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6535188238296072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7569102634397071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ptsdThrowaway019,2019/02/19,"I should not be a firefighter. Trauma unrelated. I got into a firefighter course by accident and it's a little late to back out. I got sponsored for it and I went along with it. We've been going over a lot of stuff and apart from getting episodes from the feeling of breathing through an SCBA and becoming borderline narcoleptic in class due to my meds, it's been really enjoyable. I say that without sarcasm. The facilities are great, the flexibility is admirable, and the people are...well, they're well-intentioned and I'm not about to badmouth them for their social skills. I really like this program. But I really shouldn't be a firefighter. Even if I had all of the procedures mastered and all the material memorized, I'd still be a liability. Like I said, the air masks throw me into episodes. And while I'm getting better at keeping it together, it's far from an acceptable level. Sometimes it's just a change in my voice, sometimes it's a complete shutdown where all I can do is blankly stumble around and sob. While the latter hasn't happened in the mask yet, I'm not exactly sure how well I'll hold up in a burning building with people yelling over the radio and with other people's lives on the line. I think I can scrape by in training, but I really don't think I should be on the actual firegrounds. It feels like a waste to learn this and not use it, but I don't really see a better option. Until I can keep my shit together, I don't think I'm going to improve the situation. I'm not saying no forever, but I don't think I'm ready yet.",4.743333333333332,5.701285454545456,6.029350649350652,77.95807359307359,69.45454545454545,9.503030303030306,30.900432900432897,9.725611199111238,2.9256757575757577,1232,50,237,28,21,415,157,308,0.062,0.8140000000000001,0.124,0.9139,0,0,0,0,4,0,35.0,0,0,2,4,11,14,1,0,26,0,22,3,2,2,5,55,47,20,0,4,12,0,2,3,0,3,1,5,0,0,15,19,0,3,9,1,0,4,13,3,1,0,7,8,24,11,38,33,4,34,0,1,1,0,6,21,2,3,12,162,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.11728235997509047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698934332009252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924141663079538,0.0,0.0,0.13273391319939234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125861670280956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713885836935052,0.0,0.12601075851849694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938047481395681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215373998655352,0.08585955613750046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558247987980498,0.0,0.13660680498187014,0.0,0.1922444324097256,0.13250341164196675,0.0,0.0,0.10627841643536022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136503279917131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557291715198794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614766431870624,0.12045605724558113,0.10612477587439632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217623718580944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349745876723546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24996159931913398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849651094438338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432261573984097,0.19115046498866586,0.0,0.0,0.09577117977518823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336726748351533,0.0,0.13509198135537406,0.0,0.1225125706245078,0.0,0.0,0.23773032668748886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597918989805287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758205846642094,0.0,0.0,0.11327210655185865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30803651359927936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380048793245494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161199067591798,0.11141187915509634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585319857584128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sheltieluvr8,2019/02/20,"Campers & Coercion I had to write this again bc I couldn’t crosspost it for some reason. Sorry it’s long but venting is helping. My backstory-I’m very soft spoken, gentle & introverted person by nature but became a loner from having a disability, school bullying and a mentally abusive stepdad. I survived most days by escaping to own imagination, living vicariously through books and having the affection of pets. When my “trauma” occurred, I was in my mid 20s, already in a dark state of mind, contemplating suicide and having thoughts of murder. I didn’t know how else my family and I could be free. Anyway, I decided one day that instead of one of us dying, I still just wanted to be loved and a Prince Charming needed to save me. And right away. So I turned to online dating. I wish I could take that one decision back. A man from out of state (but only a few hours away) contacted and pursued me. I still don’t remember any red flags or anything odd that stood out about him. He told me he graduated from the college near me and had friends here still & sometimes had to come back & forth for work; entirely plausible bc I know several other people that do the same thing. We exchanged texts, a few weeks of friendly banter & flirtation. It eventually got a lot more intense; I had someone to talk to, to trust. Many people knew what my stepdad was like, what my family was going through, including other family & church. And they all looked the other way like it didn’t matter. This guy paid attention to me and took me seriously. I can’t drive bc of my disability and he would eventually drive several hours just to see me. So I fell hard. I had had a “normal” boyfriend before but this was intense lust, passion. Nothing like I’d ever felt. But one weekend when he asked me to stay with him, the first “incident” occurred. He picked me up, we drove a few hours. He said he was tired and wanted to stop at a hotel, even though we should have been almost at his house. It was weird & I knew something was wrong. He wasn’t too tired bc we had sex in the hotel all night. But when I woke up, he was on the couch staring like in a trance. And clutching a backpack. I don’t think he was stoned, it looked like he was having a hallucination. When I touched him he snapped out of it and yelled at me & grabbed me. I got startled, went to the bathroom. Then I heard the door slam and my heart drop. He’d left me there. Abandoned me in a hotel like a prostitute. I wasn’t mad. I felt overwhelming fear, abandonment, rejection. I called someone to get me and felt intense fear until they arrived. I still deal with this. Even if I go out to eat with someone & they step away to the bathroom, I feel overwhelmed, afraid they won’t come back. I let this jerk in again after a bs story and apology. I tried blowing him off at first but I was weak. My stepdad had just beat my little brother so bad that social services was investigating, I hated my mom for not leaving, I had no self esteem, no direction. I thought I needed him. So the next time he promised me he wanted to make it up to me, let me come live with him. I decided to just stay a week to make sure I liked it bc I was anxious from the hotel incident. But again...this time instead of stopping at a hotel he stopped at a bank. Put on sunglasses & grabbed the backpack. Idk if it had drugs, a gun, idk? Idk why he targeted me to begin with bc he didn’t initially know that I had a disability or home problems. Anyway he told me to go inside and empty my account from my debit. He went in with me. My parents had used my money for a bill so it was empty and I think that saved my life. He took me back to the car and thought for a few minutes then took me to a campground. It was still cold outside, I only saw one car there. The camper was rusted and rundown. The inside was trashed and looked like an episode of hoarders. I’m not sure if he’d planned to bring me here in the first place. Or if he’s taken other girls there. There was a small tub filled with acorns bc it was squirrel infested. I still have nightmares from the sounds of squirrels and mice running through the walls while the bugs and ants crawled on my skin in the dirty bedsheets. I love animals & the outdoors. But it’s still hard to do things like hiking, especially seeing a squirrel pop out and I can’t tell someone why I’m freaked. He had sex with me in the camper in the late evening. I’m not calling it rape bc I didn’t try to fight him off. That’s part of my guilt and inability to tell my story, why I don’t feel like a real victim. But I was scared to death, my fight or flight ego mode on I guess. I had no idea why he’d brought me to this place, what he was going to do with me, how to deal, etc. survival mode maybe? Or maybe that’s my excuse. Bc I still enjoyed the sexy part. I disassociated myself during that time while he was there with me; sex was darkly twisted for me, I still thought it meant love and he was my prince. During the day and night though I was alone in there. No food or water. I was so hungry I tried to eat a can of soup out of one of the many trash bags but it was several years old and I puked. I still can’t eat soup. I had access to a cell & told my mom I was ok and having a nice time. I didn’t want my stepdad to know how stupid I was, to need their help. I was also still suicidal and at the same time fearing for my life. I wanted mom to think I was happy if something did happen to me. Thankfully my survival instincts truly kicked in after almost a week and I told her the truth. I didn’t know where I was but she found me thanks to cell maps/technology. She got me while he was gone during the day. I came home & my stepdad hugged me sincerely for the first time in a decade. He died soon after. And I died inside. Staring at the wall. Mom pushing me to brush my teeth, shower. I did eventually wake up from the “death” that I felt. But then I felt the pain. And got addicted to porn, one night stands,etc. I couldn’t handle real relationships. I turned to dom/sub type relationships because I felt so ostracized from society, no longer like a human, but I made a good pet for cruel masters. I’ve been going to church for a while now & im finally past dealing or not dealing with things those ways. But I still feel crippled by fear, abandonment, shame. Not just by what happened but how I’ve wrecked my life afterwards dealing with it. I’m done with how I did deal with things but I can’t find the courage to actually stand up on my own two legs and conquer what feels like the Great Wall of China. Mines not a story of overcoming...yet anyway. But I hope other people learn lessons from it anyway. I won’t tell young women to know their self worth and yada yada yada bc I cant seem to get that through my thick skull yet. How about a lesson to others not to drive people to the point of weakness through cruelty and bullying that they feel it’s too late? That’s one theme I’d like to drive home. Your actions can have life threatening consequences on someone else. And you never know what secrets and hurts and pain someone else is carrying. And if you know of things going on that shouldn’t be, don’t look the other way bc you feel you can’t make a difference. Just being an ear can do something. 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Hello all! Does anyone have good resources to read or personal experiences on C-PTSD versus PTSD? I have C-PTSD from childhood, but trying to determine whether my separate adult traumatic experiences reflect PTSD better. Thanks! ",6.00225,9.753044725000002,6.115000000000002,65.47000000000003,76.75,9.2,35.5,9.3871,4.8881000000000006,199,11,25,6,5,63,32,40,0.104,0.6779999999999999,0.218,0.6751,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,14,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457883333069596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575746431586815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591554827312562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348563934621717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943841558759274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556895720299618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8330729235058459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782156785059133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403266316847698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209640127413691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,onisshi1807,2019/02/20,"I'm not sure but i think i might have ptsd (TW: blood) I have recently decided to see a psychologist but i am not sure. When i was 8, my mom was robbed at knifepoint by a couple of druggies on a motorcycle right before my eyes. She took 2 knife wounds. I was unharmed but my mind somehow blocked out all memory of ever seeing a knife. What i do remember is us running to a nearby establishment to ask for help. Blood fell in thick dark drops - i can still see them in my mind. And as the drops fell, a waiter at the establishment mopped them up silently, and the drops turned to streaks of dark red on the tiled flooring. This is probably what i see in my minds eye the most. Whenever i hear the sound of a specific type of motorcycle engine running, my mind goes blank. My first instinct is to run and run and run and my heart beats like crazy. And sometimes, i think about that memory and i can't stop crying. I don't even know why - my mom is alive and well, and i wasn't even harmed. I am typing this while sobbing. Is this ptsd? 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I've been suffering from PTSD since 1976. Some days are good, but most really suck. Without going into detail I'll just say my PTSD is combat related, although we were not in a ""declared"" war at the time. Not Vietnam, BTW. It took the VA and social security until 2014 to finally recognize my problems. I suffer nightmares almost every night and only get about 4 hours of sleep. Writing fiction has become a release for me. My current wife, my first wife passed away, is supportive, but doesn't really understand why I have so many bad days. She doesn't understand why we sit in the back of a restaurant and I always have to face the door. She doesn't like when I drink but she knows it keeps the monsters (memories) at bay - flashbacks are less frequent when I've had a few adult beverages. She also doesn't understand the mood swings and the anger that sometimes wells up. I try to warn her that this is not a good time for a discussion and it pisses her off. There are no support systems for families where I live - the Philippines - so she just puts puts up with my bs. Damn, I'm rambling now. Anyway, I look forward to reading posts here about how people cope with their monsters. Sorry for the rambling, but it's been one of the bad days. BTW, I never physically abuse my wife but I can get loud sometimes and I know that can be just as bad. She loves me and puts up with my shit. I sold all my weapons but there are days when I wish I hadn't. Oh, and I was in counseling for a year. Useless. I take no drugs, like xanax or any of that shit but beer, brandy, and gin are great pacifiers. 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It’s like the harder I try to maintain myself the worse it comes out — I just start balling. Then the heart racing and sweating follows. My chest tightens. The room starts to spin. I hate feeling like I have no control over my own body. ,1.2317953667953638,3.092281986486487,2.4058301158301165,96.64283783783787,80.48648648648648,4.228571428571429,22.73359073359073,3.1291,-0.2255652509652513,273,9,61,0,7,87,48,74,0.22,0.6709999999999999,0.11,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,0,5,0,4,5,5,3,0,13,13,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,3,2,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,2,11,3,8,13,1,12,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,7,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550024168304788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197900308726112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32554935256095224,0.0,0.0,0.4238755814618791,0.0,0.0,0.2075667066702273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910904870881778,0.1349950255776558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731231869392416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239217672781969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769529627205028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26749761252848026,0.0,0.0,0.15798131928033046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829330266910316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256918467829434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,naomi1991,2019/02/21,"I was attacked by a dog around 6 months ago and have been dealing with PTSD since. Ive been having attacks far less often, however last week I was triggered by a dog and have had my worst symptoms yet. Has anyone dealt with disturbing thoughts that seem unrelated to the triggered incident? Some of the symptoms I’ve had: panic & anxiety attacks triggered by nighttime, being alone, when I’m falling asleep. Negative, paranoid and disturbing thoughts around losing control of myself and going crazy. Does anyone have any advice for coping with these? I’ve recently been doing EMDR and I thought it’s possible I may have heightened anxiety because it’s coming back up for me? This may sound stupid but do people get “over” ptsd? 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This was added to the OCD and generalized anxiety I’ve had since childhood. I feel like I’m losing this war and I just don’t want to keep fighting. I am to a place where I daily unravel and sob, wail, scream uncontrollably for hours until I pass out or someone gets me medical attention. I can’t stop reliving my trauma. My psychiatrist identified 5 inciting events and it’s more than I can bear. I want to forget the septic shock and feeling the most unbearable pain while knowing I was in organ failure. I want to forget getting pregnant and learning I was due on my dads birthday. I lost him years ago and he was everything, I was elated. Until the worst happened and I lost the pregnancy. I want to forget them strapping my knees with belts to the stirrups. I want to forget the two doses of fentanyl/versed not working and being lucid during the manual dilation and hearing the sounds of losing my baby. I want to forget when later that year I died and it took 40 minutes of CPR, drugs, intubation and ventilation to bring me back. I came back twice before the third time saved me. I wish I didn’t remember waking up on a ventilator with a tube in my lungs. I wish I could forget the faces of my nurses and doctors, their panic and tears in the eyes of the nurse by my side - Cara - I’ll never forget her name. I lost consciousness while Cara cried over me and told me to hang on. How do I forget these things when I close my eyes?? How the hell do I move on? I have a psychiatrist and counselor who I see regularly. I’ve had inpatient treatment. I don’t want to die and I can’t live like this forever. 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Hi, I’m a 31 yo female from BK, NYC. I have ptsd, BPD, depression and anxiety. Yay. I became a drug addict as well and have been clean for a bit over 2 years now. I am doing SO much better than I was a few years ago. It’s like night and day. And I recently even lost 20 pound. But even though other things are so much better, ny anxiety/stress level is off the chain. I have never have so many panic attacks in my life. I can barely look people in the eyes right now. Idk what happened. I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd for like 3-4 years now, I knew I had it for longer. Im pretty sure that’s what’s effecting me worse now. I’m so fuckinf angry! I get mad in a split second for such stupid things, I have no coping mechanisms either. Stress I can’t deal with it. I freak out. People are starting to notice and idk what to do. I have 3 jobs and I can’t lose them. I need help. I’m trying to get EMDR. Anyone have that? Why do you think? Ugh I just don’t know. I wish I was someone else. Someone who didn’t have any of this. Or I wish I could but my brain off bc I can’t atop thinking thinking thinking fucking ththinking!!!!!! ",-1.401546184738958,0.6072578313252989,1.1821987951807245,98.90614959839355,97.19277108433737,4.051807228915664,14.14558232931727,5.82211442006289,-0.9039550200803212,876,18,209,8,36,297,146,249,0.136,0.763,0.101,-0.7362,1,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,1,5,14,18,4,2,8,1,27,7,2,1,2,27,47,15,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,13,9,0,0,7,0,0,0,7,11,1,1,8,2,28,7,23,38,5,25,0,3,2,1,6,11,1,1,16,129,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217238963140567,0.0,0.0,0.09934292512071248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621116076080671,0.0,0.08573292569941958,0.0,0.0,0.07836165950867892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749533171263744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982328812090378,0.12235096094116665,0.0,0.14114771899787365,0.12510672038374465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947844435634324,0.0,0.0,0.07227561097410387,0.1155388210714078,0.09652536925591806,0.11374826962576155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996513874387894,0.0,0.09361975772766663,0.0,0.09926038820496944,0.0,0.0,0.14804180774408016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360652537344324,0.1171034652158702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910276381026742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511788043201091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105438292771699,0.0,0.11121177039114197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061590512987377374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915806210519488,0.10950307665604833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941102258685485,0.12537719921182106,0.1223371905285324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136209690701991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647680795842301,0.08309817717369355,0.08643497274449201,0.0,0.0,0.10516971362537067,0.0,0.0,0.12759196519916474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148951113741456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538987858384454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401505758482992,0.0,0.0,0.26200669500723184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065519491182024,0.0,0.0,0.09570681316552172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991239120992254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932342901015557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567506617152883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562425747779017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890810489595965,0.2872386593258534,0.1101077981544275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608789170533255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076401583984244,0.0,0.10112536906205992,0.0,0.2577489836612492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420848138407873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650741498691226 ptsd,tajsmum,2019/02/21,"Help with memory loss Hi first post here, phsyciatrist diagnosed me with PTSD following sexual assaults. I've never really done anything to deal with it because my brain kind of blocked it all out so I feel fine unless Im asked to think or talk about it. Anyway the problem I'm facing now is my memory is fucking terrible. I'm finding it hard to tell the difference between dreams and memories and it's just getting worse. Does anyone have any methods on improving memory loss due to ptsd? I'm not interested on dealing with it all either just want to move on. Thanks",3.315187656380313,5.919486623853214,4.837848206839034,78.02681401167641,77.25688073394495,8.734278565471227,27.34028356964136,9.339509955726095,2.9504238532110088,458,19,80,13,11,153,78,109,0.187,0.6970000000000001,0.116,-0.8345,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,7,10,2,0,2,0,4,4,2,0,3,22,15,5,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,1,2,4,4,17,14,3,11,0,2,0,1,7,4,1,1,4,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197663752026572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314589911148295,0.0,0.14493022377371825,0.0,0.16464668759816545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735998406104677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966060910800236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631401400207312,0.0,0.17875620581884666,0.0,0.1840059724699514,0.0,0.0,0.154122171995192,0.1802300051167834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905062382850824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096879019026805,0.14980600073241696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281838338959945,0.09201445964452444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776726117376766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804827747585313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902378142638544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339994202237256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718571184474272,0.0,0.0,0.13583316764900955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867249549101404,0.0,0.0,0.16852127562630775,0.41174536415120383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282579086309595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155709046877205,0.15393501792221495,0.16214592197947572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112849393389702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387904260316956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947943183415796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,becklehere,2019/02/21,"Losing my beat friend Recently I haven't been able to control my anger outbursts. I'm in the middle of rewriting my capstone for the 4th time and I realize I'm obsessing about it too much. Unfortunately, this has caused a rift with my best friend. I'm fully aware it is my fault and that I seriously need to focus on changing my behavior, especially since this has exhausted her over the past couple months. I feel incredibly guilty and we've talked it through and I know now that I need to show I can change. I'm just scared that won't matter anymore. She said she doesn't want to lose this close friendship, I don't either. But she's skeptical, justifiably so. I guess I'm just reaching out as to not lose my mind. I making the change, I'm really trying and haven't felt the eruption of anger, but I'm scared to meet up with her again. I'm scared I'll fail and lose my best friend...",3.3937380952380987,4.86204785,4.370952380952383,86.625,73.27777777777777,7.80952380952381,24.523809523809533,8.418075326091056,1.3528809523809526,703,21,150,12,14,228,105,180,0.189,0.684,0.127,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,9,7,20,3,4,6,0,10,1,0,3,0,29,27,10,0,3,6,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,9,10,0,1,4,1,0,0,6,15,0,0,3,3,23,5,19,23,4,13,0,5,0,0,11,7,0,1,6,86,32,1,0.12159691704052555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059146763790135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25521692500083143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249135292129814,0.3859002451591768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363812820566716,0.0,0.1345446758950159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148305483424817,0.0,0.1167521093018954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818364294139468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339527130777826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682648557136657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5441433875262082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116688634008598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122778222826367,0.0,0.09705749907949006,0.0,0.0893877251453803,0.18032514647321685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160780162931372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789809872317151,0.0,0.1200622860161436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566651351935885,0.0,0.3652191801337619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058622632379208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773499590782077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090414018283421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825563248392522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172101213798836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kcb3122,2019/02/21,"Does anyone else cringe when someone feels bad for you? I tell my friends what is going on it’s always the same thing, they’re searching for the right words to say/noticeably uneasy. I don’t need the right words I just want to be heard & really there aren’t right words for this. I just want to be normal. Like don’t feel bad I just want to feel better & you’re making me feel more like an alien. Don’t get me wrong I have amazing friends, I just don’t feel understood Background : Hi I’m 21 F who has been abused & recently got diagnosed with ptsd like last week, it’s something I’ve had for awhile & I’m honestly relieved to know I’m not crazy. ",2.1557055961070546,3.925292058394163,2.815784671532846,95.20912712895378,77.32116788321167,6.318491484184915,20.905717761557177,7.1686216300943375,0.29554549878345515,520,13,118,6,12,162,84,137,0.11,0.667,0.223,0.9104,1,0,1,0,1,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,6,12,0,0,4,0,12,1,0,1,0,23,31,1,0,5,5,0,5,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,5,6,11,9,11,24,2,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,7,53,17,0,0.0,0.1495031629612055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499221644446163,0.5468657236892139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882282825820158,0.12928675024980632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071075807660572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159632637961862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807046888338933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042133470182183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540754868956807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190030549102465,0.09014331631712776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497335693641996,0.0,0.06592406085564556,0.0,0.07171123976480992,0.0,0.1009180076191172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934545820357213,0.10285388230044937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493613684393584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422640927599838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356118162503996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236300196669402,0.0,0.14365724298551694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749815707334418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083440724077208,0.0,0.1245879409274994,0.0,0.0,0.32327216434422074,0.0,0.1003437334456094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691225927674243,0.0971398509174683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028724755351944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382866340431505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232734404783867,0.0,0.10121432077967832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795847969275524,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DirectMeIntoWords,2019/02/21,"People are pieces of shit. All of them. Yes including you reading this post and even me. I’m done giving people chances. It’s hopeless just like this world. I’ll never believe that shooting up a crowd is the right thing to do but I understand why people do it. Why is everyone so hellbent on making the world shittier with their hate and negativity? Why is it so hard for people to just be good? No one is going to listen to this or change just because I care about living in a safer and better world. I’m over it. I’m done trying. I’m ready to just sit here until I die of starvation. You’re all the same. You’ll all tear someone down the first chance you get. It what humans do and if it dos change it’s definitely not happening in my lifetime. I try to be positive and hopeful but literally 99% of the people I meet are complete pieces of shit who only care about themselves. I’m never leaving my apartment again. I refuse to interact with or take part in this society. There is no good in this world, and if there is it is not in my life. My childhood sucked balls but I still stayed strong and fought and got out of that situation. I went to college thinking I could make the world a better place as a teacher and what do I get? I get to see a student getting stabbed and bleed out in front of me, and I get to see him fucking shudder and he takes his last breath. THERES NO FUCKING GOOD LEFT ANYMORE AND I KNOW THAT NOW. I just wish someone would have told me sooner and maybe I wouldn’t have fought so hard. It would be better to just be fucking dead. And all of you pieces of shit who are about to comment that I should be in therapy and on medication, fuck off. I’m already doing that shit and have been for years. Obviously it’s pointless. Go fuck yourself and get Ebola.",1.6773615051515591,3.914836994475138,2.9593773331342383,91.27131028818876,80.9889502762431,5.681469314618488,22.767209198148432,6.885778809224403,0.6352685381514114,1400,47,295,16,37,452,176,362,0.192,0.6459999999999999,0.161,-0.9493,0,0,0,1,0,1,33.0,0,4,2,5,20,25,13,0,11,1,32,13,5,2,7,58,74,30,2,9,15,0,2,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,25,22,0,1,3,2,0,4,9,14,0,2,8,5,31,11,45,55,9,41,0,1,2,5,22,24,10,5,11,204,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029216289995594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114503449906482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987768387410678,0.0,0.0,0.0921849166508954,0.0,0.21709365050753812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684513511582713,0.0,0.17311279324595247,0.0,0.08578838392117002,0.0,0.0,0.06532788441748699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491789594818706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746379572359113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404239073908023,0.0,0.0,0.0781840388466301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959740551681717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782137230470252,0.2564904328256993,0.07849072801909704,0.09300219417621253,0.2058842115434974,0.06544020275797352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235456479180173,0.0,0.14659215251064742,0.0807818838701301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812673041394606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496700789331375,0.06669551917423229,0.0,0.08663725326701828,0.08889940059671042,0.0,0.05779301114496671,0.0399738975493175,0.0,0.07224996598147157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092330978510773,0.0,0.08220078810374051,0.0,0.0,0.08242664724600211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621171388705568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055444429222909805,0.062229008775509076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860481215711923,0.0,0.28362395269596274,0.0,0.08548615022693347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836246886524985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184373544916372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987519366724429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304024328673685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359547591209191,0.0,0.09197089913148322,0.0,0.0,0.13865434107238006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721093181658793,0.0653428301537317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230393107735508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357012283427528,0.0,0.05435863092752049,0.05242797321649854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781840388466301,0.0,0.111102981967385,0.0,0.0,0.08517916428537126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758494367838713,0.22149378442877354,0.0,0.09409079434980784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624742469913768,0.0,0.0,0.052690423500086285 ptsd,throwthisoutplease99,2019/02/21,"NSFW *TW*r@pe, k!nk. Help. Please I'm a long term sexaual & emotional abuse victim from my early teens. I'm 20 now but the shit still gets me bad. Kink is how I've always expressed and helped myself handle my trauma and PTSD as well as my BPD. I tend to use sex with my fiance or ex s/os as a weird form of validation. My fiance had been avoiding sex and withholding it since before Valentine's day. Last night he wanted to sleep with me, I really didn't *want* to but I knew it was necessary because if not he would continue withholding for a longer period of time. I go between being very sex obsessed to sex repulsed. Last night, I was sex repulsed. I gave in after numerous attempts to turn me on. I really disassociated during vaginal intercourses, tried to just move my body and get it over with. Then he was going so deep i had a pain in my stomach. I tried to suffer through it. We switched positions a few times so he can ""hurry it up"" as he said, but I couldn't stop whining almost because it hurt. and he stopped, stood up and said he couldn't hurt me. I said it's fine I'll try to fight through it because I love being close to him. I cried out a few more times and he decided fuck it we're doing anal. I was anally raped. Many times. I tolerate it because he loves it, he prefers it to anything else and I just wanna make him happy. He was sorta slow at first and used a little lube but then he just thrust as deep as possible, mind you the entire time my stomach is still killing me and I've started to cry at this point. He grumbled ""take it all"" I tried to not squirm but fuck it hurt. It hurt so bad. He knows I hate anal. But, here's where it gets complicated .. I had casually brought up consensual non-consent (essentially, a rape fantasy) to him a few times and the sub reddits related. He has no idea anything about BDSM. Subspace. Aftercare. Ect. A rape scene in my mind I think wouls be nice because it either helps me cope with my trauma or it causes extreme emotional damage, thanks BPD for the self destructive tendencies...but that kind of stuff is previously talked about, planned, safe words, limits drawn, ect. So is he just oblivious to the need for that stuff ? Or l did he disregard my well being for his own pleasure? He didn't get off because I kept squirming away and ran into the bathroom and cried for a few minutes, disguising it as just cleaning up lube. He brought our cat in to check up on me. When I came back into the bedroom after I finished cleaning he passed out. I just sat there and cried. I changed into something that didn't show any skin because I felt gross me Isplit the entire night and I'm doing it so badly today and can't think of anything but the bad stuff about him. I know I love him and care but splitting is causing me to not want to be near him. We were cuddling a few minutes ago and he put his hand in my shirt, I pulled him away and he whined a little but then went back to bed. His touch made me feel gross, like I was used up and thrown away. I feel so on edge and jumpy today now. What do I do? I'm not leaving him, so please go somewhere else with that bs.. how do I talk to him about it? Is it wrong I don't want to do anal? How do I fix this mess? ",1.3899006487320236,3.5442407446808564,2.8556507734881817,92.08107675906186,81.52279635258358,5.752066415642156,22.282901601415414,6.951781913908793,0.5770385337748949,2502,82,541,30,67,815,301,658,0.227,0.6659999999999999,0.107,-0.9986,0,1,1,0,2,0,88.0,3,1,0,4,32,48,11,2,22,0,40,27,12,10,1,108,93,55,1,11,24,1,6,1,0,1,1,3,4,1,32,35,0,13,11,3,1,12,12,33,2,1,30,9,74,15,79,55,11,84,0,8,0,14,54,34,3,6,39,328,106,0,0.0,0.07336450844104764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488792026243895,0.0,0.06200345704873285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152200259189685,0.06708977624126891,0.0,0.042107398285929125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286347221703492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745262876174286,0.09522458074203533,0.2068008580332452,0.26421896135923484,0.0,0.05268895265253723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877863020954958,0.1559709407824786,0.0,0.0,0.07081943764442733,0.0631310794213728,0.1272168112681136,0.06550264406378364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720627496981763,0.03993296923002079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345163061991718,0.13930225627014484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261674161570945,0.0,0.05945245141896865,0.0,0.0,0.05266871380041667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114487200703138,0.12940157849013975,0.0,0.10557087390335504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591448258138508,0.0,0.061132708758608816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245100512117697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26514451589879834,0.06989960349285436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850477697705705,0.06447965375327662,0.06805869993592624,0.10094534947309307,0.0,0.06556383334824459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030250750784143077,0.12411925581653868,0.0,0.05479682849585464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676543583735361,0.058589748888743014,0.04133176176273649,0.06277667667715846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504213194156638,0.0,0.0,0.06581065268732347,0.0,0.04591254099999068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743218306229239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588673708244415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593808219361248,0.058533962469144274,0.06980495750080268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238060770964623,0.0622462219189749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933446269469999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766989346127263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459556561504738,0.0,0.06355949954826996,0.051220468475386687,0.0,0.061964239560407273,0.0,0.0,0.04766867316677437,0.0,0.0,0.0438269563852906,0.0,0.09889802054315196,0.10353498596631454,0.0,0.0,0.21264911579844356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046555774581042375,0.0995371326631524,0.0,0.05700717672782583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935105902211949,0.0,0.0,0.21663462740823955,0.0,0.11738493363459962,0.0,0.0,0.16815716379539722,0.06735065932172334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043575902501,0.0,0.05109009040519364,0.14608695347258416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134617306707993,0.057400017259654997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398585188664062,0.06769927704178137,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Odinsnoose,2019/02/21,"Afraid of reliving the past I'm doing edmr therapy. 18 years ago, age 10 is when my trauma occurred. I'm terrified... I feel like I have to break completely down to rebuild myself. My life from age 10 and on... The stories I tell myself to understand what happened are wrong. My whole ego has developed. My behavior. My judgement. It's wrong though. Why don't I want out? I feel it every day, already. Oh..but that pain. Im terrified of feeling that pain again...the emotional pain...the physical emotional part is too much. The anxiety. The doom. Nausea. The twisting stabbing pain in my chest. Eyes swollen in tears. The dark pain I just can't shake off. But it wouldn't last forever. It'd end, right? I need to be brave...",0.0013791208791218426,2.0978226214285733,1.765714285714289,91.99390109890112,104.92857142857143,5.868131868131869,21.813186813186807,7.1686216300943375,1.3368791208791209,557,23,112,13,26,181,94,140,0.231,0.71,0.059,-0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,2,6,0,11,8,2,0,0,11,20,4,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,0,4,15,2,13,17,3,18,1,1,1,0,1,7,0,0,10,60,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372366515842955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157409420467962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814350164791467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345123691452614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273812525202354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886238551603624,0.11362918031657727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080920639135615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946058073279716,0.09165227196152832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344873843949232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857804260649562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457560668986242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906168701847944,0.0626772928636761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430983579689096,0.09512735068646228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6825619544809853,0.0,0.0,0.1389284033124658,0.12246982053106173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956119482681596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121334028925999,0.0,0.1467137895407487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260468458466532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133557139861348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567031006684118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115764133140454,0.14323412644763148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805356762273213,0.0,0.08261623977876073 ptsd,Onionknight007,2019/02/21,"D&D character with PTSD questions (sorry if this type of post is not allowed) So I myself am suffering from a PTSD from being bullied in my childhood and other things that I might discuss later. I mostly put my time and energy in writing and love D&D and role playing my characters. I try to make them all unique and memorable and always strive to make them feel real as possible. Now I had this interesting character who is suffering from PTSD as she has quite the typical scarring main character background, but instead of being cheery and only being there to make the character feel interesting I thought it would be something to make the background have some impact on her. She is based off of Guts, the main character from berserk, where she has a lot of trust issues, lack of parent figures, trouble with physical contact and the only outlet and place she feels in control is in battle. I’ve discussed some of the triggers she has with my girlfriend who does a lot of research into this kinda stuff and she says that my character seems to be pretty consistent with her traumas and her unhealthy way of dealing with them. The question I have is though, is how it would manifest over the years, as I had the idea that the character at the time of playing would be around 50 years old. She had no real healthy coping mechanism or any good outlet, hasn’t been very open towards others except her wife who she spent time with but she had died in a horrible fashion so that made her close up again. Would triggers, certain traumas and such that you had gained since childhood still remain really bad at your 50th without any good coping mechanism or outlet? She also has gone through some pretty scarring events between her childhood and the age she is now. Again, very sorry if these kind of questions are inappropriate on a sub like this. It didn’t seem a good question to ask on a D&D related sub since this really is about making a character with PTSD feel accurate or at least consistent. I would really appreciate any feedback and please be nice. I’m not as well read in these type of subjects as my girlfriend is.",9.426407728181212,8.319869407594936,8.559920053297802,70.7205196535643,59.9873417721519,11.455029980013325,39.523650899400394,10.426177893888326,4.156949367088608,1716,74,289,31,19,537,192,395,0.113,0.741,0.146,0.9352,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,3,3,17,21,1,0,20,0,38,2,1,11,2,80,56,31,1,8,11,2,4,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,22,25,0,1,14,3,1,2,6,7,1,0,11,5,38,14,56,32,11,43,0,2,0,1,42,22,0,19,18,224,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323068937065257,0.06579094989485305,0.2570105907242292,0.0,0.16130695187309446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038732606570793,0.0739179514214561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601851735484407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868153905663696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151568555920424,0.0,0.0,0.0820601505262525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919298158195587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991672306875798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895558176037095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925820192772843,0.0,0.08252649952497887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233720460987064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038628654341829834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444165371588074,0.07136200028802077,0.0748160987456951,0.26389267986507503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838787038437148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296861563513061,0.0,0.0,0.12026962680124632,0.0,0.0,0.08779571016410849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260928132053844,0.08679297294830858,0.0,0.08913734385918358,0.07572533349878016,0.16088126046145945,0.0,0.0,0.3697052673129825,0.07948522692049363,0.3542972370599937,0.08409860166196763,0.07908944487610738,0.17999349750740182,0.15195904848920785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287808528049052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439611625116899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081181264429578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060870446219080415,0.0,0.17702041254349538,0.0,0.0,0.06314384522077937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051399802590067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525292976999222,0.0,0.07768395565007022,0.06277119807723702,0.13831564380561592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053682014387885765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047884045175887,0.0,0.06276053613961655,0.0,0.0,0.0710916707883558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621877666372706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808383634152,0.0,0.0,0.10183446105040672 ptsd,Bandersnatchking,2019/02/21,"Is There More Than One Kind Of PTSD? Yes, obviously, in my opinion. There are so many that get overlooked. And as crazy as it might sound, I believe you can even get it from too many traumatizing books, especially when you're 13/14, going through puberty and especially malleable. Here are some types that I believe exist, and if you have any questions or you wish to disagree, please do (using cohesive arguments over shallow insults). Because after all I'm no expert. &#x200B; 1. Rape 2. War 3. Prison 4. Failed relationships 5. Books/visual novels ect 6. Dead pets/friends/relatives 7. Traitorous friends Now obviously some of these are (usually) not quites as severe as others, but I'd like to know your thoughts and opinions in the comments below. And if you have any overlooked or unusual causes of PTSD please feel free to speak up.",4.408432671081677,7.232649092715231,4.590304635761587,80.082233995585,74.62913907284769,7.47037527593819,30.596467991169977,8.447377352677275,2.6896698454746133,667,31,113,13,15,208,112,151,0.142,0.74,0.118,0.0237,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,5,0,2,8,8,3,0,1,1,9,1,0,2,3,26,18,16,2,3,6,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,4,0,1,1,3,8,5,19,16,4,10,0,1,0,1,11,5,0,10,5,68,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815499249011293,0.188580341619418,0.21107744396360464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460614876768983,0.0,0.0,0.3497058909481241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942922410767268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250561094472248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847185000497932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199041810491969,0.0,0.1621671935599129,0.0,0.08820156365083327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161293568270574,0.08529175992073684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582101261799715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146891281091615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463861790879786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105164945762955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407175947074662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628320506562825,0.0,0.1738552360893269,0.16507023727365785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666226131051121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753275047062438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320842862774023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403966727099773,0.17092666255825348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846794390846082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188580341619418,0.0 ptsd,TaxFreePwnage,2019/02/21,"When I'm in a situation where other people pass away (hospitals, movie/tv, funerals), I go into full breakdown mode. I posted this over in r/depression but I recognize and understand that I have a problem so big, I need to reach out anywhere I can. Below is my post from [the depression subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/asz73k/i_go_into_a_full_breakdown_i_see_someone_pass_in/). &#x200B; I'm not looking for pity. I feel horrible enough on a regular basis, I don't need to confirm by other people how bad I feel. What I want is help. What I NEED help. I need ideas on how to cope with this in a reasonable way. Help me please. Therapy groups (I'm in the greater Cincinnati, OH area), you tube videos, yoga, I don't care what it is, I'll try any and all of it to make myself feel better and stop these fever dreams that turn into nightmares of my father dying over and over again in my arms, never being able to make good and say my peace. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; OG post: &#x200B; A few years back, my father was diagnosed with a rare 1 / 10 million chance of cancer on the muscle and ventricle sac (a nebulous bubble, like that which surrounds a child in the womb) with stage 4 heart cancer, right after he received a successful triple heart bypass surgery. Doctors said that if they had never done the bypass, that type of cancer was basically undetectable and he would have passed without any warning. &#x200B; As for me, I was so scared of the triple bypass that the fact that he had cancer didn't quite register at first, until the doctor sat us down and really told us what was what. After all, many of my relatives had had cancer, and they ended up OK. Once they said it was in late stage ""6-months to live"" territory, and no possible surgery for heart transplants was viable, that's when I buried my head in the sand and just pretended it didn't happen. I squandered my time ignoring the problem, never visiting my family and pretending life was normal. Denial was my drug of choice. &#x200B; Fast forward to 11 days after my 30th birthday, and I had made it just in time to the hospital (after lying on my couch in the basement trying to convince myself that my father would be fine that day, I didn't need to go visit), I got an urgent call from my younger brother... I needed to be there, right now. I made it just in time to the hospital to hold my father's hand while he passed away. &#x200B; To this day, anytime I see a movie or watch a show where someone passes away and someone else holds their hand or is comforting then when they pass, I break down near uncontrollably, flashing back with near perfect memory to that moment. The look on my mom's face, the shriek in her voice, seeing the shine disappear in my dad's eyes, and the coldness in his fingers even before he passed. It paralyzes me in a way that nothing else really does, and turns me into a giant ball of snot, fear, regret and a boat-load of anger at myself for not doing anything earlier, which only tends to feed back into itself like the monster that it is. I need help, i need help i need help i need help i need help i need help i need help i need help i need hlp.",7.116711716091395,7.066595014876032,6.894499270782696,77.32570612542537,64.14049586776859,9.696159455517744,31.017258142926593,9.247498795725024,2.549267379679144,2524,80,465,39,34,797,291,605,0.135,0.701,0.16399999999999998,0.8567,0,0,1,0,0,0,126.0,2,1,5,5,19,22,1,3,33,1,33,23,11,7,7,81,76,32,2,23,10,7,7,2,0,2,11,4,1,1,35,26,1,4,6,7,0,13,12,11,0,2,24,19,66,11,82,47,8,100,0,3,7,1,43,49,0,3,34,307,101,4,0.041085729793333435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35613096852512144,0.3993892700490019,0.05587941029834829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033810054888858965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580418680107302,0.09477717042097296,0.03430486822535346,0.0,0.0,0.0349609299471399,0.0,0.0,0.036336989205786464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041953123778969086,0.0,0.04188963974465445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949069033723646,0.0,0.07077415773497693,0.04170115089241554,0.042640500925293916,0.0,0.0,0.08410597078982786,0.0359543990139933,0.04204496623928345,0.0,0.0,0.04764640270435176,0.0,0.0686437104732647,0.0,0.03638976170620988,0.04245254178437359,0.0,0.02713673703975049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03873196951284253,0.04623286853030864,0.062322538414688725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03494750077355463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669993412513206,0.034460760851401095,0.032860011368573784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036331975168538415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04216581200129245,0.0,0.0,0.14606036287552893,0.3029278849350248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638078796445498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634649277530558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02902006600241355,0.040144824513298996,0.0,0.036279452132977216,0.0,0.0690033306418726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775262188367771,0.054850087345940914,0.04165448135015645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811911017017999,0.03279423754031225,0.0,0.0,0.4569682206954727,0.0950635430145539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040255291871052416,0.039422865824963634,0.0,0.0,0.04375496133673688,0.0,0.03124754890172085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056967343725741075,0.0,0.0,0.045099793499981215,0.0,0.04631798709764487,0.11804631599194748,0.0,0.0,0.07862698932642127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04369973097765435,0.0,0.0,0.05264114113169467,0.04224297304618095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701739775097862,0.07816387514182634,0.03267302139210332,0.041133982986639867,0.0,0.06548001451583678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046182081712304236,0.0,0.0,0.06962361105131765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0343495098044251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046985112675533285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187225833553842,0.0,0.0,0.03925917550779967,0.0,0.05578902718307795,0.08937895190167791,0.0,0.04277169368094404,0.09884214837779616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0242334279266612,0.06522387985328194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960517737308671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837224727601651,0.0,0.3993892700490019,0.02645786293834244 ptsd,TwentyOnePatrickWays,2019/02/22,Idk a title.. please read though Does anyone get severe flashbacks mixed with anxiety attacks to the point where you can’t breathe and nearly have to call 911? Ive nearly called on my own (im 13) because my parents don’t believe me!,9.012391304347826,6.560019369565223,8.25826086956522,76.8204347826087,61.82608695652174,10.069565217391306,38.21739130434783,7.1686216300943375,2.8769043478260867,185,7,35,1,2,58,41,46,0.188,0.763,0.049,-0.68,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576229049429208,0.0,0.0,0.16979055874404358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762512144902741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802532452968206,0.0,0.0,0.2735833171089653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959078346237186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124998874239338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686729016799425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622952531197484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963108251202506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665515570948281,0.2295503745132836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428931048835888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743258352778928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385766800745973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,delicatedolly,2019/02/22,"I can't stop having nightmares about my abuser (tw maybe?) I haven't seen him in three years, haven't heard from him in two. I try to ignore the feelings that he's left with me. I thought I was doing so much better. I have a man in my life who truly loves and cares about me. So why, laying in bed next to this lovely man, am I having nightmares about my abuser? The nightmares all start the same way: I try to call my boyfriend to tell him I love him. When the phone call is answered, my abuser's voice is on the other line. I feel like something is wrong but I don't know what, I don't know it's him yet. I try to tell my boyfriend I love him. My abuser asks if I really mean it, that he's been waiting for me to come back to him and say that. That's when I realize I'm not speaking to my boyfriend. I panic and try to hang up and get away from my abuser, but I feel like I can't get away from him. I feel dirty for telling him I love him, but it wasn't meant for him! How could I have called the wrong person? I feel like my boyfriend will hate me for telling my abuser I love him, and that he'll leave me, even though I know outside of this dream world he would never do that. The nightmare ends. I've had different variations of this dream over the past few months. I feel lost. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because what if he gets upset that I'm thinking about my abuser after so long (even though I know that's an irrational fear, and he'd never do that). Does anyone have nightmares like this? How do I move on if my subconscious won't?",2.510763052208837,3.312829975903618,3.311024096385541,95.96284136546188,74.5421686746988,6.256224899598394,21.664658634538153,5.985473137389443,-0.05297028112449853,1200,26,290,6,24,380,143,332,0.175,0.687,0.138,-0.946,1,0,1,0,7,0,38.0,0,0,0,2,17,20,1,3,10,0,29,7,0,2,3,43,65,21,0,6,7,0,6,4,0,4,1,4,1,3,20,8,0,3,16,2,0,3,12,8,0,2,9,11,61,12,35,50,4,31,0,1,1,6,41,12,0,3,19,188,81,0,0.0,0.5770406380690002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048648091134910254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504274296690543,0.0,0.13073502044669874,0.053498477279369586,0.0,0.04241195465320454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061532969895341676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131299559152048,0.0,0.07093581492778336,0.0,0.0,0.059932250317682324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554955756361018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726905189914788,0.0,0.0,0.060885092587165776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162233472029913,0.0,0.0,0.09190657012710693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078290628079823,0.21107367252439452,0.14911205814265371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090493760039211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686903907596842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294524938048093,0.0,0.0,0.07366932406311097,0.07559287147978598,0.0,0.049142509787326566,0.13596229804516835,0.0,0.0,0.061571221661948665,0.0,0.0,0.07594875901475479,0.0,0.376762084425732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989691234085901,0.07578700055348334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055533682768284326,0.07394665705215489,0.05114524502157843,0.0,0.10732024966499897,0.0,0.07399324427047482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163065664005333,0.0,0.0,0.06641670962400703,0.0,0.060749748616481386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04457119072481081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532841563521702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356183053740933,0.0,0.0,0.04924517203712661,0.0,0.0,0.05816737706983303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30405579214434697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044580514769489765,0.1367131383604154,0.05523436220497476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889460081959718,0.0,0.06796415324573918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04103682841270508,0.05522498042889951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278014275128592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942371138699882,0.15213753450744052,0.0,0.044803681297316905 ptsd,SalauEsena,2019/02/22,"Married to ptsd When I come home and he's drinking to numb the pain. When I finally get him to smoke a bowl to back down from the dark edge. When he mellows enough pull me aside, ""I have something to tell you and I'm only going to say it once. If you ask me about it later I will deny it."" When he slings a heavy arm on my shoulder and says, through hopeless tears, ""I killed a lot of people. They made me do it."" And then clings to me and cries into my neck. It was over two decades ago when he experienced this. He told me he never saw armed combat. He told me he never fired his gun. And yet I learned not to come up to him quietly while he was asleep, lest he startle awake and try to choke me before realizing who I am. ... he tells me this, cries into my neck. Then pulls back and says, ""What am I doing here? What were we talking about? I can't remember but this doesn't feel right. I.. I need to go."" Wanders off but keeps coming back to me, like I am a port in the storm. His anchor. ""What am I supposed to be doing?"" he asks, as simply as my 6 year old son might. ""You're supposed to be sitting on the couch and resting."" I tell him, and wall away trying not to cry.",0.3092771084337365,2.150465020080325,2.0847614457831334,97.85572048192772,83.53815261044176,4.787212851405623,18.393734939759035,5.6839178017228535,-0.5376398072289152,886,21,214,5,25,291,143,249,0.081,0.872,0.047,-0.6498,0,0,3,1,0,1,46.0,1,2,1,0,12,6,1,1,8,0,17,9,6,1,2,32,33,23,1,2,5,1,2,1,0,2,2,4,2,0,12,16,1,1,4,1,0,7,6,5,0,1,7,8,36,1,32,22,3,39,0,1,1,0,34,12,0,3,20,139,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505059513051462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215788162649836,0.0,0.11134259470613536,0.2733770608407467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084196680230703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30625362205847384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39052791987724267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609316944124698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224509135130593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992143572221813,0.0,0.0,0.1298202200076832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191577657807371,0.0,0.13470217222015726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887364313941025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533576010306464,0.13111204717384284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789724511011931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007516506958577,0.0,0.112135565710654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571874321544432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787251790452258,0.182802052906444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435468844879485,0.12620763707449414,0.0,0.09013102036373556,0.12610135178422865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215884121922161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853004230167534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424697788197398,0.1012055732088244,0.0,0.2827280404327253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123359860071928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952526072572358,0.3107448399099783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22647981499515896,0.0,0.16091892394267376,0.0,0.1157655407637502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076315559686838 ptsd,pj0809,2019/02/22,"Should I go for a diagnosis? TLDR: Sorry for the long post just looking for clarification on if what I have been experiencing through my teenage years is somehow connected to PTSD I'm currently 17 years old and after research I seem to have almost every single symptom of PTSD. The main reason I found this is because anytime I am yelled at by anyone (mainly parents) I instantly go into full panic mode and it feels like my whole body freezes up. This happens even when I know they aren't trying to yell at me but are just raising their voice. The reason I am confused is because I cannot remember a traumatic event in my life that would be substantial enough to cause something like this. The symptoms I experience that may or may not be connected to PTSD include: Fear and avoidance of situations where either being yelled at or being made fun of is a possibility Extreme social anxiety to the point where it is difficult for me to make new friends outside of my group and has caused me to avoid relationships because I am afraid of rejection/being laughed at by the school Paranoia involving being attacked or bad things happening to family members even though I live in a suburb that never has crime Difficulty sleeping with no specific cause, usually at night I just am constantly in my thoughts playing out millions of different scenarios in my head Feelings of isolation, mainly that I am somehow not like everyone else because of all these symptoms and my ADHD diagnosis, this causes me to isolate myself and run away from problems such as walking away from a conversation with my parents if I get yelled at for something And finally the strongest symptom I have is constantly replaying bad moments in my life or imagining bad things that have never happened Unrelated to these symptoms I find that I struggle with addiction/self damaging behavior as just 6 months ago I finally was able to stop smoking weed daily (after a consecutive 4 months straight) due to the fact that it relieved many of these negative feelings. The only reason I was able to stop was because I was caught being high by my parents and immediately had a panic attack that ended up with an ambulance ride to the hospital.",16.303021612635078,9.560507546134666,14.627537406483793,49.70910328345804,53.33915211970075,17.75569409808811,56.85806317539485,14.06817628641468,7.600670656691602,1790,94,279,44,12,584,216,401,0.182,0.723,0.094,-0.9905,5,3,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,0,13,24,2,8,18,0,36,10,3,9,4,65,54,19,0,5,14,3,4,3,1,4,7,5,0,0,21,14,0,4,14,1,0,6,8,16,0,1,10,11,38,8,61,34,9,57,0,1,1,0,11,24,0,13,29,218,59,2,0.14210843453492655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539336122843195,0.0,0.06298527644145921,0.0,0.07115053483294521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054356281725664334,0.0,0.0,0.049682760806250816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166885972319187,0.13351555216916994,0.0,0.17798191044508144,0.21656995672422336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892521735748645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919690156745257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356873278598346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423653392525932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935668104894665,0.0,0.06293294648994646,0.07341800042681462,0.0,0.0938612807537529,0.0,0.059866242591099815,0.0678953495606472,0.0,0.06950465872290919,0.06698359237636878,0.07995574867416974,0.10778144157234006,0.050761147013179686,0.0,0.15567284382760874,0.06494226732678045,0.0,0.0,0.0779072817495131,0.05489631200323538,0.0,0.037122895867581884,0.0,0.08076349823635776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849902900838503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292212605859527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507268169030745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03904953958188247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037538995771696,0.10414050440920876,0.0,0.06274217562077654,0.06288074633588367,0.059667647042766885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723321839757347,0.047429241771071134,0.07203782390882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342959665222935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960278542043347,0.0686246058037688,0.0,0.06667956956083199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745594484163348,0.0,0.0,0.05403993405756219,0.0,0.1667336289540291,0.2366918987274732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716920207042343,0.0801029538767407,0.06805029894245218,0.0,0.0,0.06798928984331395,0.24917573286408426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916670824238094,0.0,0.07628563804676329,0.08049057697218559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191066127828802,0.0,0.06468509079052948,0.07412504495894319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986791726362988,0.07110553177340652,0.07243082643560289,0.0,0.10940201569493534,0.0,0.07953937893647653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880901446567492,0.0,0.07428129541251276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692626895738843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944105293844458,0.0,0.06981040770331677,0.05640911167727864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482411494032904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825618185590752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793294960867367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050474877301718964,0.0,0.0,0.0915131726324495 ptsd,hugostrange1233,2019/02/22,Delusions Do any of you struggle with delusions relating to trauma but also other things? I seem to start having these wild and outlandish delusions when I begin dissasoicating. Any help or advice? It usually just makes me way more sensitive to triggers and ultimately can't function or have a flashback ,7.7142307692307694,10.191765807692311,7.180000000000002,66.74000000000002,64.0,9.046153846153846,38.0,9.516144504307137,4.326484615384616,250,13,33,5,4,78,44,52,0.068,0.8640000000000001,0.068,0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,8,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248985721497335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658865616260167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521997279780494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285636879521145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22193500651652254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026800663483135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353332022671765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34758345623578896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208869536150306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36618308835673335,0.0,0.0,0.2639095560408847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,the-big-gay-purple,2019/02/22,"Not ""feeling it""? Sorry for posting so much. I had a question for you all. I've been trying to reflect on my trauma and be aware of what happened to me. That said, sometimes I forget things and remember them randomly later. Atop that, I have not cried about my situation. I have not stopped and felt any type of sadness about it, and I really wish I could. When I'm exposed to triggers, I feel anxiety and even have panic attacks (nausea, shaking, sweating, crying, etc). But, aside from that, I feel really really numb. Does anyone else relate? I want to feel sadness or anger or *something* so I can process it and decrease my anxiety. I've tried so hard, and I just can't. This has been weighing on me for so long. Anyone have any tips on how to ""feel"" and accept the emotional damage associated with trauma? I need to not be numb anymore :/ Thanks all. Much love to you ❤️",1.3190896358543434,3.8907639117647035,3.1153781512605083,87.14539215686277,86.35294117647058,5.591036414565827,23.38935574229692,7.07126945348624,1.1190532212885156,675,26,129,10,21,224,103,170,0.248,0.645,0.107,-0.976,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,1,0,10,14,2,2,2,0,13,5,1,2,2,38,27,17,0,4,8,0,7,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,9,9,1,1,10,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,5,8,20,3,20,19,5,10,0,3,0,1,6,4,0,4,4,92,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938537433840014,0.0,0.21304704015295406,0.0,0.13809553748530984,0.19472938178185445,0.14267493490721986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841348486069665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117734273087324,0.0,0.3059124274625476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185592653934285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632294197940254,0.15663405377577702,0.0,0.0,0.15529713486676494,0.09197128379051248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520371577642921,0.0,0.1336988893360273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313560005393415,0.0,0.12473789811698012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322915092942738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567579060742964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472503055698385,0.10324983397295304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337626956299425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336006723550353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598842940861732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676154463405611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577396267709671,0.0,0.13245571736028422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651938318808364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719908946406201,0.13771877399719235,0.1558755374727891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641666828477396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128199864442615,0.0,0.0,0.09250947271441534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907904970061404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821314468941171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012709709681885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PFCTayTay,2019/02/22,"Looking for advice I have never been to this subreddit before so hello all! Sorry for the fresh account but I would rather this not be tied to my main reddit account. This is a fairly long story and I really cant think of a TLDR version of it so please bare with me. I have been out of the army for 10 years now, my deployment was in 2007 - 2008 in Baghdad, mostly a motor pool fobbit but had 3 months in a highly active small medevac fob where we were being attacked by mortars and RPGs on a daily basis. So 2 weeks ago I had a fight with my closing manager at my secondary 5 hour a week job, I was doing absolutely nothing wrong but my manager flipped out on me and was saying I was not doing any work and was stealing from the company. I immediately got very defensive and nearly blacked out in anger and was screaming at her. I got sent home with the threat of police if I didnt and dont remember too much after that. The next morning I woke up completely drenched in sweat and terrified and I had no idea of what. The only thing I really remember is being very cold and being curled up in the bathtub/shower with the hot water turned on and being scared. I ended up falling asleep again and feeling perfectly normal when waking up. I did not think much of it, maybe a 24 hour flu or something. Yesterday however I woke up in the morning full of adrenaline and just in GO MODE. I did not shower, brush my teeth, put on deodorant, nothing. When I got to my full-time job I realised there was something wrong and I told my boss I did not feel right. He saw that I was extremely on edge and said it's ok just stay here in the shop and we will find you something to do here ( I'm a golf course groundskeeper) shortly after he came up to me again and asked what I was doing. Apparently I was pacing back and forth and doing circles. He sent me to the fire department next door who immediately called an ambulance because I was nearly in cardiac arrest with my heart beating at 180 BPMs. The fire department guys gave me an IV and some kind of beta blocker and I started to feel more like myself pretty fast, by the time the ambulance got there i was perfectly fine besides being very embarrassed. The next morning I woke up fine and did my normal routine but was able to piece things together what happened the day before. I remembered I actually grabbed my .45 out of my nightstand and went to work with it. No one at my work saw it so I must have kept it in my truck or something, I dont remember. This is what scared me the most, I brought a loaded weapon to work and have no memory of it at all. I can not stop thinking what would have happened if I killed one of my co-workers. I already turned my gun (only one I have) over to the police after explaining what happened and informed my boss about it (maybe not the best thing to do because now this has justifiably became a giant concern to them) fortunately they are being very understanding of the situation and told me to take the rest of the week off with pay until I see the mental health person at the VA clinic on monday morning. One of my NCOs while at the medevac fob accused me of the same thing about not doing my job because I overslept for my night time watch duty shift. That is what I am thinking set off some kind of trigger in my head at work but I'm just speculating right now. Anyway that's my story and was curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. I have never had any anxiety or anything before this so I dont really know what to make of it considering the only combat I saw was 12 years ago.",5.716728518222929,5.712034576815642,6.550191540303272,78.46462756052142,67.05865921787709,9.333014099494546,31.01409949454642,9.04235418022936,2.4865071561585532,2831,100,551,45,42,940,316,716,0.127,0.7979999999999999,0.076,-0.9914,7,0,5,1,1,0,49.0,2,1,2,9,26,23,7,3,40,1,65,11,6,4,7,107,109,47,1,9,23,0,7,1,0,4,4,3,3,2,32,42,1,5,17,3,4,10,18,14,0,4,47,20,80,9,94,51,16,102,0,0,7,0,25,51,0,10,40,406,112,14,0.0618018767304087,0.0,0.06030971666098245,0.0,0.0,0.06039207867291349,0.10956726961928707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819990777302473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405479090666676,0.0,0.047278266539587284,0.0,0.0,0.043213309175109474,0.06332332611820399,0.05085767868795797,0.0,0.0577764121028188,0.07030855678944803,0.0,0.04752182840349863,0.0,0.11302155129172872,0.0,0.15776653552281658,0.0,0.06485725675577199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310662600580431,0.0706848827717677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479809192192347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039857097749416204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729401775503573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051627537764644085,0.0,0.05473811901428231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374665744055302,0.044151273084802836,0.0,0.0,0.05648579569619432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03512343077069941,0.0,0.1977144261207641,0.0,0.0,0.06119357444032277,0.1639535864666045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342655536726771,0.0656925049783798,0.0,0.07323552148996909,0.0,0.06529707592416395,0.06199232137762225,0.0,0.12172479907881174,0.0,0.0,0.06976679627834126,0.0,0.0,0.18398647940673465,0.0,0.06837461989237352,0.12871428857139958,0.03396469519232625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03019327523710392,0.0,0.0,0.05469271611476752,0.051898011253150564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041253232616985484,0.0,0.12417658382503513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062281755787713715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049329668381915374,0.0,0.09086298082385284,0.0,0.09533083459867793,0.0,0.197180991089384,0.05799687473754324,0.12110543482983638,0.1186011350573198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675142044706647,0.1410093364580993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396301495148135,0.0,0.06783990189472026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287472681057092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212795590695285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877559428299085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28003791511878995,0.10555693009610312,0.058787737257986264,0.04914733292171968,0.12374892006341025,0.0,0.04924809423818178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946789884210845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23789052036791286,0.0,0.06918214120552066,0.04374368644229711,0.0658725775932625,0.0,0.05166913625147535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046467319962809235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423368305098365,0.15840058863374756,0.0,0.0,0.07207434263805737,0.0,0.0,0.11810868335429715,0.0,0.0,0.13444539005406486,0.0,0.06433793323660073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397208287486554,0.0,0.0,0.1487212130441885,0.0,0.0,0.05729095889559665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26995501389922144,0.0,0.0,0.08780456009362797,0.13514130076711472,0.0,0.0795967647205238 ptsd,Subsanic,2019/02/22,"What are some tips for avoiding the urge to expose yourself to triggers? It seems more than not my month long attacks seem to come from me getting comfortable again and exposing myself to true crime (my trigger) and once i first expose myself again I do it over and over until I have an attack. I love true crime which sucks. Should I just avoid it completely to not fall into the pattern? Sometimes I can't just ignore it, but the worse times seem to be the ones where I allow myself to indulge. Why do I do this knowing it will trigger me for so long?",5.2389252948885945,5.872443036697247,5.205792922673659,85.47403669724774,68.1743119266055,7.32948885976409,28.415465268676282,6.868970318607317,1.3769832241153344,437,14,85,3,7,136,70,109,0.19,0.7040000000000001,0.106,-0.7867,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,3,2,5,0,9,1,0,4,2,25,17,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,4,0,0,2,3,6,0,2,0,0,15,4,15,14,2,14,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,4,8,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539309052640296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718556753028961,0.20917693285602326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696986369870544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423299673200072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964259216584704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531108483946441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006082452629998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924278670685127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124660458090398,0.1351895806716458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5448648899343757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731529739204712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633282310850035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002200436233665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331238268532706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Samalgam,2019/02/22,"i just got diagnosed ive been crying into my friend for the last half hour because i had to rehash all the terrible memories that have caused me to feel like this. it’s validating that im not just a wimp or trying to get attention- people make me think like that cuz they dont think being so scared could possibly mean i have ptsd i gotta be faking a fear for attention and drama. but yeah it makes sense but ive been so down on myself about it that i didnt think i could have ptsd so it came as a shock to me but not to my friends at all. it did come as a shock to my parents who just thought it was a healthy amount of fear from scary car accidents. id appreciate help from anyone who has been through the recovery process and knows how terrified i am of cars. id love non car related talk cuz thinking about it makes my stomach hurt and makes me want to start crying again",2.045574324324324,3.7294660810810853,3.3345101351351367,91.74987331081086,77.37837837837839,7.219594594594596,22.91385135135135,8.07648339933343,0.9928986486486489,695,21,158,12,16,226,110,185,0.21600000000000005,0.647,0.13699999999999998,-0.9632,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,10,14,0,3,8,1,19,3,1,8,2,38,39,15,0,3,9,1,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0,10,1,0,5,4,9,0,1,10,1,19,5,22,24,3,13,0,1,0,1,9,4,0,1,6,102,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321447679396164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126543242661154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247280272180516,0.0,0.13694759809284174,0.0,0.11483602390389673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128767161724127,0.0,0.29287277153312763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530833198101822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624004550246418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30002492447619883,0.06740628285831621,0.09523773807069916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599221614334495,0.0,0.06964973884740315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662135773254353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935586569048802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128494063024734,0.0,0.14271268175124788,0.0,0.14399925982901451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326449541250751,0.10866663777515696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302584970994918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031880304804275,0.0,0.3559457554032279,0.0,0.0,0.14521526825760958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802660683646304,0.0,0.0,0.09242138516519073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028864769390596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116679399688984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334680340122245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943585419074194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715070676106403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416824185696703,0.0,0.1058344131058862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050973473682827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863055672967344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,faultypancreas,2019/02/22,"just got a ptsd diagnosis hey, everyone. new here. not really surprised with this diagnosis. but after years of just hearing ""you're depressed and anxious,"" i feel like i'm decades behind on being helped. my therapist wants to start emdr therapy next week. any advice? experiences? thanks in advance (:",3.568039215686277,6.647798352941178,4.667058823529416,71.69509803921571,94.88235294117644,7.756862745098039,29.196078431372552,8.167268648758528,3.6001137254901963,240,12,34,7,9,78,48,51,0.097,0.7090000000000001,0.194,0.7826,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,8,2,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,3,7,6,0,9,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308358691797052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064077561186182,0.0,0.0,0.2668664715018978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345983486799613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257226541863332,0.0,0.23107291068936045,0.0,0.0,0.11944221620071482,0.16875884589301404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893032996156436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662422048474934,0.0,0.15833631786281693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540736940828195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281471155941403,0.25122745931826035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761338252907666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133147782590092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720093268723718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748380231938025,0.27014332836048155,0.27427487733201056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933134358749938,0.0,0.1894850629028651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521208474017591 ptsd,KaylCased,2019/02/22,"Memory Erasing Drugs for PTSD Please let me know if I am out of my place here and I'll delete the post. I'm doing research to write a paper for an ethics class, and as someone who does not have a first hand experience with PTSD, I'm hoping to gain an authentic understanding from someone who does - that's why I came here. &#x200B; The essay topic: ""Research shows that there is potential for new treatments for PTSD. The treatment involves direct erasing or modifying of traumatic memories using drugs or other procedures. The effect promoted by some researchers is that the traumatic memories are simply 'erased'. Is this something that we should have available as treatment for suitable patients?"" &#x200B; I am wondering how someone who suffers from PTSD views this potential treatment and how you feel it would change your sense of self or identity, and if it's something you'd be interesting in taking. Any feedback is greatly appreciated! &#x200B; &#x200B;",6.374285714285714,9.27677214285715,5.916095238095237,72.59557142857145,68.64285714285714,8.527619047619046,35.604761904761894,9.21078282632365,3.882580476190476,792,41,115,17,15,244,107,168,0.07400000000000001,0.826,0.1,0.5799,0,0,4,0,0,0,31.0,1,3,0,4,5,4,0,0,9,0,15,3,1,4,0,27,25,13,0,5,6,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,8,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,9,3,18,19,1,7,0,1,1,0,10,3,0,8,2,79,21,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897251281174692,0.4370640247412522,0.0611505661185324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284769139013733,0.0,0.0,0.0951263656700349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738404127162248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085637255888368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796172235530515,0.0,0.0,0.04546765359732565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648826089325722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991401696542171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931359890432614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941920184800348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195212317816244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684797009820808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395015392833707,0.09870819644044372,0.0,0.0,0.08612115521111867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204596168485989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380905890419088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22857380965223398,0.13845388073960535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761073083607883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361277323699647,0.0,0.07766440015612983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114131192016537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975174065186511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387855468555077,0.0,0.4370640247412522,0.0 ptsd,nomind-,2019/02/22,"Do I tell my father he’s one of the big reasons I have ptsd? I had a very off childhood. I was bullied bad in school, my depression and everything started when I was 10 years old, and a lot of my memories are repressed but I have bits and pieces of some of them and almost all of them were negative. My dad was abusive (psychically and verbally )up until last year (i’m 21) but we haven’t talked since. My moms never done anything to try to talk to him about it because she told me it was always punishment and I deserved the consequences and child services never did anything when I was young enough to report it. I still live with my parents because i’m struggling with my mental health and can’t be on my own at the moment but being at home is so fucking scary. I’m on hyper alert all the time and It’s gone down to me knowing the sound of his foot steps, when he’s usually in the kitchen or going up or down stairs, and knowing if he’s gonna walk in the hall way the same time I have. Sometimes if we get home at the same time i’ll wait inside my car until he goes first and i’ll go in about 5 minutes after to make sure he’s not still taking off his shoes and hanging up his keys. I feel like i’m living in a constant state of fear and just hearing his voice sends shivers down my spine and makes me dissociate bad and have flashbacks. Do i muster up the courage to talk to him about it? To tell him how bad he’s potentially fucked me up? He grew up in PR and used to tell me that over there if you had “issues” they weren’t real and to get over it. TIA",3.4813073331502338,3.940156006042301,4.501896457017307,89.58380321340294,72.02114803625378,7.347486954133482,26.22370227959352,7.1686216300943375,0.9969444108761328,1222,37,277,11,22,399,174,331,0.151,0.7959999999999999,0.053,-0.9894,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,3,1,12,13,3,3,13,0,23,7,3,5,5,52,46,32,0,3,10,4,1,1,0,1,1,3,3,1,7,21,1,2,4,0,0,9,7,10,0,2,13,4,41,3,50,30,10,62,0,1,0,2,35,27,2,8,25,183,48,3,0.0,0.12850062240976987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860132496794288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024267376065824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849731194743215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716644553697938,0.1322254811083175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184040167680646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172005796819631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341153802148774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098641335104187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112062293580359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747174038048456,0.0,0.0,0.12204125050087468,0.05483775766967778,0.0774797805170013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225118042348776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052852340893285,0.11332580105918172,0.0,0.12327416706154228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528185965466167,0.12223588924650396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175770308979315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319812200833435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920730456735547,0.08840473760611052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298529747866882,0.0,0.19153428487322147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220397574070256,0.0,0.0,0.14478818776716176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929643544766844,0.0,0.0,0.1270203767328066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729329926729794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380455404733845,0.0,0.07349144706958986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042567621515332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267772842581062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234447481041085,0.0,0.1115090934072364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976155151158344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971452571642415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726408545883892,0.0,0.07676451861408065,0.0,0.1732235036386997,0.0,0.0,0.11337999244945572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221690338442377,0.0,0.08154414358599714,0.2615143978721709,0.2843815409744561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897217404505372,0.0,0.0,0.10363274062184173,0.0,0.07363335715570699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366970182893357,0.11944709982065575,0.08948616375333877,0.0,0.0860859829040787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396820392599811 ptsd,jbezpa_suivyerje,2019/02/22,"I badly hurted someone as a kid, it still haunts me This event had me deeply traumatized as a child and I never talk about it. I decided I needed to in order to finally get over it so here I am. I am not saying I have or had ptsd, I'm just sharing a story and want to discuss it. *If you're uncomfortable with injuries, stop right here Basicly, when I was 12 years old (am now 17) I went on a camping trip with my best friend and his family. That friend and I really liked building stuff and we decided we were going to get some hazel to make bows and arrows. Like all 12 years old boys, we liked to tease each other and my friend went hard on me because I had trouble cutting the rope for my bow. After a while, I ended up taking this teasing way to seriously and I wanted to prove him I was just as strong as him. I was in this mindset when he asked me to cut a piece of string he was holding right over his leg. I chopped the string with unreasonable force and didn't pay attention to where the blade was gonna end up. Not surprisingly, the blade ended up in his thigh near his knee. At that point I completely froze up for a few seconds and then realized I needed to get some help so I ran to his uncle who was probably 100 meters away. I felt so weird I think I barely breathed for the whole run. Adults quickly took care of him as I sat completely silent. His father took him to the hospital which wasn't close since we were camping. He got a bunch of stitches and everyone seemed to think I didn't miss the artery by much. I felt an enormous amount of guilt and basicly could not stop thinking ""I could have killed him"". The very next day my friend was already walking which didn't help since I was trying my best to avoid him. At the time I really thought I could have killed him but I now doubt it. Anyway. In term, he healed perfectly and we still are friends today even though I avoided him for mounts after the event. To this day I still have unconfortable burst of guilt when thinking about it but it is nothing compared to the flashbacks I used to have. I never told my parents about the story and went through the consequences on my own. The worst part of it was being so young and mentally fragile when it happened. I definitely am not saying I had ptsd but reading your stories helped me so I decided to share mine. So anyone with a similar experience willing to share?",3.1320961538461525,4.77564715833334,3.9845833333333367,88.41644230769232,74.29166666666666,7.08974358974359,25.01602564102564,7.793537801064563,1.2087419871794869,1876,61,392,26,39,601,234,480,0.097,0.794,0.109,0.8675,1,2,0,0,0,0,38.0,5,1,0,4,27,35,6,5,24,0,35,5,4,2,5,72,69,38,2,8,11,2,5,3,5,2,1,2,0,4,20,26,0,5,14,1,1,10,10,18,0,1,31,7,70,17,63,32,16,71,0,2,0,0,50,24,0,6,38,279,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155608871591912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801241816502375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756289538950756,0.0,0.0779501774687753,0.0,0.06927393490883206,0.05057588059754538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413738367990306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459033155186294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397853006987402,0.0,0.0,0.19872706741928092,0.0,0.0,0.10701363379109936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22045226647343452,0.0,0.0,0.054798885772732,0.0,0.0,0.07927847298045426,0.0,0.08115759391823839,0.07821385341863897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932255944918938,0.09088623464670112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32050028581026696,0.0,0.1300404158475734,0.0,0.04715202774689875,0.0,0.06635624639909565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733673969070814,0.0,0.07432208781615601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683298638447394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881783233633575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358126775237305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216003779110322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055381081127987834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361116817431473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060990252076205766,0.1230378793194808,0.12797844799038596,0.0,0.08823628898617117,0.0,0.0,0.07960902292753265,0.0,0.17411970790229264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212497576237792,0.08984511813614462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784305818574826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945240103567206,0.0,0.1939678415196393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298939866938887,0.0,0.10630150100936832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170663820576987,0.0,0.13195729202764614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552999219621867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726223122704484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029762464620462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877253226726765,0.13872816480218478,0.0,0.0,0.09497730422939164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238081850586755,0.0666856889734037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264747738180115,0.08151460382302418,0.06586648813058901,0.04837869378557715,0.0,0.07864296433986337,0.07927847298045426,0.1843586609234592,0.056329110671985164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165680344814898,0.0,0.06845641997571922,0.09787210944997612,0.0658553004456437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073357222368654,0.0,0.0926296329978783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685598690992493 ptsd,TinyNerd86,2019/02/22,"What do you do when your best friend & coworker becomes a trigger? Backstory: I moved to a new state and started a new job a little over 2 years ago, and while I get along with people fine, I don't make friends easily because of my trust issues. Still I managed to make good friends with one of my coworkers. For almost a year, we hung out almost everyday and did pretty much everything together (including vacations) and were very close. She even brought me with her when she took a new job. I got badly triggered during the Kavanaugh/Ford media debacle. My friend wanted me to talk to her about what was going on with me and I resisted for a long time. (I lost my last best friend 10 years ago after telling her about my rape, so I generally keep shit to myself now.) Eventually I opened up and told her. Her reaction sucked, but she has lived a pretty privileged and trauma-free life so I didn't expect her to get it. And then we stopped hanging out. Suddenly she was always busy, and found other people to spend all her time with. She was my only friend in this whole state, so it sucks a lot. Worse, we share an office and many job responsibilities. So we still have to communicate and I have to pretend like it doesn't hurt. Lately I've started getting really panicky about simply talking to her. Like heart rate >100bpm panicky. My blood pressure at work this morning was 139/108. Its getting worse. I can't quit this job or I'll lose my insurance and have to take a pay cut that I can't afford. I can't keep going like this. What do I do?? Please help!",3.3869683257918552,5.319939300653598,4.1934640522875855,85.95981900452492,74.29411764705883,7.322071392659629,25.4947209653092,8.139509932561175,1.5302663650075417,1230,42,244,20,26,394,172,306,0.14800000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.163,0.799,5,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,4,2,0,6,13,26,5,1,12,0,20,5,3,4,1,43,42,22,0,2,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,13,26,0,3,1,1,2,6,6,10,0,1,13,0,46,16,32,29,6,44,0,3,0,1,31,10,3,4,29,156,59,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572457342371142,0.0,0.17763068963535436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380144017292489,0.09610111910253363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405671550046877,0.05406771833485912,0.097956785134463,0.0,0.0,0.18616010044976347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858228637877616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971344948532835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972496146183152,0.4111537509507419,0.0,0.185358145506636,0.0,0.10081495467863452,0.07439325362036449,0.07093758522197513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051041372933965,0.059450465388020735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494995411126483,0.0,0.0,0.0925746554367673,0.3520648595703249,0.15767258546467386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229835599446559,0.10005195202495117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264798213558573,0.1299958578007479,0.08889580539997208,0.0783194107458807,0.07849238493184807,0.0,0.09922714537899817,0.09682119449266144,0.07540541426532797,0.0,0.0,0.11840935482014535,0.08992292447834739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426886966168736,0.06520111427557415,0.0,0.0,0.25698688176058804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060102104781524474,0.06745663105015129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298004876161135,0.0,0.0,0.09736060067094417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046963507696687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433817157377596,0.0,0.0,0.05682036127934681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910442600705594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555771658375406,0.0,0.14166406543141727,0.07415308691630057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668768758199155,0.1425795460516411,0.07752343914430215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343766863187093,0.0,0.0,0.08475198249603931,0.09854353531399676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318275806036377,0.05231467632455458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902492744009136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457109943975019,0.0,0.18077579746643607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135023654693265 ptsd,oct-1-en-3-one,2019/02/23,"How do you find a good therapist? What to look for, to avoid, etc? I have had a few before as a kid but they were pretty bad. I want to find a therapist with experience with PTSD and ideally, EMDR or something else useful. So far my local search on Psychology Today finds people who basically just check every box when they make an account. Is there a better way to find someone?",2.759362934362933,4.999260689189189,4.638262548262549,80.63743243243248,77.24324324324324,7.471814671814672,22.73359073359073,8.418075326091056,1.564299613899613,297,9,56,6,7,101,61,74,0.075,0.6940000000000001,0.231,0.923,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,2,5,5,0,1,6,0,5,0,0,3,0,16,9,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,3,9,7,2,6,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,2,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448234067593962,0.0,0.0,0.14759307469601074,0.0,0.0,0.1534023256871782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448951201042168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344246823077324,0.0,0.0,0.14613900671556368,0.0,0.0,0.16966726736546947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6341202006489879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548153204483896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565421670845172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577914333189025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024830904754673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646088671260302,0.0,0.0,0.2027536305510152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696352245263694,0.13353019343087388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027773641236629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164410207509443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980500828351673,0.0,0.0,0.1023052345440457,0.13767644318535366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ejakt,2019/02/23,"Marijuana Post EMDR? I'm in EMDR therapy which is going great. Far less flashbacks, I don't feel on alert as much, and less somatisizing symptoms. I know that you can't smoke for as long as you are in this therapy. It messes up how the information is processed, as I understand it. However, is there harm associated with smoking weed after doing EMDR therapy? I suppose this is a bit of a silver lining question, seeing as how I do not know when this will end (if it ever does), but I would love to have the antidepressant benefits after I make it through this therapy.",5.75745740498034,6.5197660825688075,7.587444298820447,68.39880733944955,67.07339449541284,10.632241153342072,33.002621231979035,10.608840637214634,3.749643774574049,449,19,79,12,7,158,74,109,0.034,0.853,0.112,0.8864,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,12,2,0,3,1,16,21,11,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,9,3,16,19,4,13,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,2,6,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831127778493264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677769318720152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855498702093936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171729432583753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480703959218426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953222525039761,0.0,0.0,0.18491792797364826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435506898399928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148431767091764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513787893515431,0.0,0.11195805676824684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329752264093485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606346411538505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878909174360044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365548784111825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743309891448631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7672347909329795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460813431355718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191473649440237,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,youngbossken,2019/02/23,"Has anyone gotten PTSD from benzo withdrawal depersonalization nightmares? I was on 6mg of Xanax for 4 years for SAD from a old and uneducated psychiatrist who told me it wasn't real and just prescribed me whatever i wanted, and started tapering with 10mg Celexa as well. My psychiatrist retired unexpectedly and I was left with no prescription and in withdrawal. I was found in my apartment after 3 days sweating and seizing. At the hospital I couldn't talk and I do not remember the 3 weeks I was there. I come to realize that it was depersonalization amnesia that I experienced but after I was released I have been way more anxious, self conscious and emotionally numb and detached. At the hospital I had benzo nightmares that seemed 100% real that I was being tortured and this went on for couple of days. The doctors told me they had to restrain me but it only made it worse because what I was experiencing felt real so I would be trying to get out of them but it as all in my head. Now I wonder if my ADHD is actually a depersonalization disorder or just PAWS from benzos. I cannot sleep more then 3-4 hours without waking up even if I took a bar, but before I would sleep like a baby. Has anyone experienced this? I also have developed AvPD ever since I was released and my life took a 360. I can barely go outside or communicate became of shame if I don't take a benzo to relax. I am back on it so I can continue living like before but I have stopped going to school and have my friend managing my business's. I just want to go back to how I was. I am pretty sure I am depressed and I am seeing a psychiatrist in a couple weeks, I just want to see if anyone has experienced this or have found out that there ADHD was actually derealization but that is for another sub. I appreciate you taking your time to read this. Thank you for all the replies.",4.9943801652892565,6.085856955922862,6.813846831955924,72.07240661157026,68.97245179063361,9.444363636363637,29.946997245179066,9.692545771848811,2.8534602534435263,1477,56,273,33,25,515,178,363,0.099,0.8,0.101,-0.4411,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,2,0,16,12,1,1,13,0,39,10,5,2,4,62,65,33,0,10,19,0,1,2,1,2,4,0,0,1,18,18,1,2,8,3,0,7,7,5,1,0,25,7,49,7,40,35,4,40,0,2,2,0,11,14,0,9,20,208,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.18744798770137852,0.0,0.2308497490052105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680545424264545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070933093611917,0.0,0.1085011137816534,0.0,0.20146623865749985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770208847439348,0.0,0.05854684653777306,0.0,0.16345082930615265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273243453889312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125392338390771,0.0,0.12387942080282865,0.0,0.08272158944797181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007345810055542,0.09830395455714308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803530989563588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343541462593548,0.08687628103694954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221622370060747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061211526084306,0.07420248872367356,0.0,0.05017843934291991,0.0,0.1637501413614426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856770043587472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945828877332442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435086715679667,0.0,0.0678379245315502,0.09384339702876654,0.0,0.08480762020452362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087809267967224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078084352971363,0.0,0.0,0.07304493601132975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771013420744733,0.0,0.0,0.11226898391626387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606886782302693,0.3279534623386899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879785749156662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720051926802653,0.1530674769203044,0.08743382833606715,0.10019366715169524,0.0,0.0,0.07944766054624212,0.0,0.19222447654757024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797964285209007,0.0,0.0,0.08029614590175417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051927519343757,0.0,0.14442458202659375,0.0771956266992021,0.0,0.08842337761022884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600337408459415,0.0,0.0,0.1835461700912396,0.2134143410153289,0.06520680923708935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994573217299502,0.07623436553820807,0.15407960583614422,0.0,0.08635408093941402,0.08903270942913963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925819063771483,0.10415440346976752,0.0,0.0,0.09787589709687493,0.13645220879642592,0.0,0.0,0.061848464063730915 ptsd,9december3,2019/02/23,"I need to share this with somebody. Hi all. I am relatively new to reddit, and completely new to this sub. So, who am I. Girl of 25. Grown up in a dysfunctional family, I don't want to add too many details so I'll try to keep this short - father was violent, mother depressed, my older sister is in complete isolation since 18. I escaped that shithole at 23. However sometime I have this memory that torments me. My boyfriend doesn't know. My (few) friends never knew. My therapist doesn't know. This memory that torments me is my mother, 7 years ago, that keeps calling me slut. Why? Because she was constantly having dreams about me and my father having sex. She was rejecting me, and insulting me, everyday. For something in her own head. Something so embarrassing and sad that I cannot tell to anybody. So, nothing. I don't want nothing in particular here. Just to unload this. Thanks for your attention. TL;DR when I was a teen I was mistreated by my mother bc she was obsessed with the idea of me and my father having sexual intercourses. ",2.3584353741496566,5.175640387755101,4.030714285714286,80.71011904761906,83.89795918367345,7.348299319727893,26.023809523809533,8.344100000000001,2.3785789115646248,820,35,144,20,24,273,118,196,0.15,0.795,0.055,-0.9545,1,1,2,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,0,0,9,11,2,2,3,0,19,3,1,0,2,21,28,10,0,3,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,12,8,0,2,5,1,0,1,6,8,0,0,7,0,30,3,21,21,3,17,0,3,0,2,20,7,0,0,9,102,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702868088508614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011093285780776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936597962113667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478110940340125,0.17924036760958864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428586655405874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563620862598797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814633506917456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022460815419796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724058858134385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948555948443699,0.0,0.0,0.1823093465099071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816035145912495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298626559422687,0.12792476172328246,0.3203855198433547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183025094910664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720465046306002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553808598227878,0.16404401890434905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497269576641686,0.15270554896595334,0.0,0.19258121875691486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261096182912657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566210525828173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966671858258182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681116140106042 ptsd,2814-2815,2019/02/23,"New to PTSD mid-30’s male If you were to meet me on the street, or observe me order a coffee, you’d never have picked me for the life I have lived. I meet people who talk about a tough upbringing and are left in shock when I rattle off mine in a quick fire 90 second run down, and then say it’s only the tip of the iceberg. My psychiatrist (NHS) is astounded that despite the horrors I managed to steer away from serious substance/alcohol misuse, homelessness, and maintain a clean criminal record. It’s no wonder that I should have a bit of PTSD right? Well I have skirted around the symptoms never truly applying them to me and live situations, plus having to manage ASD, ADHD and bipolar I’ve had more than enough to be working on. But after a tirade yesterday in the car with the folks, similar to other very brief outbursts with other family followed by complete shame at my behaviour and disappointment at still sweeping up broken pieces from an already fractured, splintered and cracked childhood. So enough is enough and I am here to learn. I’ve been conducted my own home therapy using the publishings from FDA approved MDMA research for diagnosed PTSD sufferers which has allowed me to unlock a lot of things holding me back from being someone who isn’t afraid to say hi to others in the town, offer help and assistance to others without fear of judgment, deepen the relationships with my family, and proposing to the woman of my dreams. The 8th serious relationship partner in my life, and one who’ve I have made an incredibly close bond with whilst I rebuild myself into the role in life that I have always been yearning for. My main issue is those live events. How to catch yourself before you ‘jump off at the deep end’ with things - coined by the folks. I respect that I can’t expect anyone around me to accommodate, and I don’t want to either. When my mum said yesterday that sometimes she is afraid of having certain discussions with me based on how I would react, and opting to keep quiet and let sleeping lions lie, I realised that there is an important line of communication broken and that I am limiting myself in finding a solution to stop these outbursts. I managed to calm myself and make a promise with my folks that if I were to shut up and think every time they say ‘going off at the deep end’, would they return the favour by highlighting my behaviours as soon as they appear instead of keeping quiet and hoping it doesn’t escalate. That was really positive but I can’t rely on this for the rest of my life. What do you experts suggest? When I mean experts I mean those who are living and breathing it, no professionals thank you.",7.875019259259258,7.626128736000005,7.751022222222222,72.4751037037037,62.64,10.447407407407413,34.91851851851852,9.906371001090498,3.431876296296295,2128,82,365,38,27,683,273,500,0.056,0.868,0.076,0.7591,2,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,5,4,3,17,19,0,4,31,0,37,9,2,8,3,69,53,34,0,9,7,1,1,0,1,3,7,6,3,3,28,31,0,5,6,1,1,8,10,11,1,2,8,7,54,8,79,38,11,64,0,3,0,0,32,33,0,7,22,283,82,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077422103705314,0.0,0.0,0.09850507165834012,0.0,0.0,0.10171536920281607,0.0,0.07669544927224314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644496135075456,0.0,0.0,0.164107300603169,0.0,0.0,0.08659971381327612,0.0708754671244089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843256651685042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062921324505186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664179994805502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355381267443004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327611478699444,0.28571852742589715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765985896379395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378529574229282,0.10372042567949152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424459433397889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052384128441949535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178172325221017,0.0,0.09245719037700123,0.0915487410997307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620482707803216,0.0,0.16385547154357186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014640322242033,0.0942532964932442,0.2604185026541488,0.0,0.0,0.3255623402371666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836232072284965,0.0,0.08721646845452358,0.06152629707962772,0.0,0.0,0.2008071758056312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217923974161792,0.0890214080173281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062458915674623035,0.07010183829286999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390126038999995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232364590441433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059048483687035365,0.0,0.0,0.1979189484845147,0.0,0.07871537123168743,0.08767777838783747,0.2198993786078277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036064887651322,0.09223972192116947,0.0,0.07809801560173503,0.0,0.09116160772076316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360960110356338,0.07706088529768013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580320110874108,0.0,0.07408529099053293,0.0,0.08486065779536303,0.1054080363650897,0.0,0.12247149778167647,0.05906083630071179,0.0,0.0,0.05374690825007206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960801210323883,0.0,0.07605250649946806,0.05436611527962653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287473640890394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885163276328714,0.09995785537269117,0.06710315503234791,0.0,0.0,0.13095433028058648,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RazzleberryBlitz,2019/02/23,"A strange and perhaps interesting question Does anyone feel emotionally immature after/during an unmanageable anxiety attack or panic attack? I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 7-8 years old (I'm 25 now & still have it) and I was curious if anyone else feels emotionally immature as well. I recently had a bad anxiety attack with no known cause. During and afterwards I kept asking myself if I'm emotionally immature. I'm curious if anyone else experiences this or if it's just me. I keep meaning to talk to my therapist about it but I keep forgetting. I'm mature in other ways but emotionally I feel like it's that of a teenager. 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Any advice? I’ve been searching for over a year for a way to get a PTSD trained dog. The problem is there’s no one where I live who trains PTSD dogs. The nearest facility only trains dogs for people who live within a hundred miles, and I live 250 away. I’ve tried reaching out to various trainers, with no luck. I’ve asked everyone I can think of. Does anyone know of a facility or trainer that would allow me to adopt (or better yet train with the dog) that wouldn’t mind my living out of state? I live in the USA. ",2.114750000000001,3.6360343083333366,3.3483333333333327,92.43,76.75,6.133333333333334,22.0,6.742157984588678,0.3211499999999998,447,12,101,4,10,145,74,120,0.079,0.82,0.101,0.3695,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,10,0,5,0,0,2,0,16,10,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,1,0,7,2,19,7,1,16,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,3,3,60,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980318365715502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729030386611784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003560618871142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337481095163002,0.0,0.1344159320065706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653092445090838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519868719868907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670642171397365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949295616143524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862575066424687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6316528580506444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445664548131742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29083722080051005,0.10880871904296596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918447871821502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689556927682256,0.5017121649455314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167140405989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713293998732836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113559736159931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163052266497666,0.0,0.0,0.09213030385166823 ptsd,jubash,2019/02/23,"Dumped by email 7 yrs ago, I still think about it multiple times every day Before sharing all the context, I'd like to say that I had professional help for at least one year after the incident and that my goal here is seeking advice about whether contacting my offender or not. Anyway, thank you all for sharing your stories here. It encouraged me to do the same. Seven years ago, in a Monday afternoon, my girlfriend sent me a short email saying that she doesn't want to stay with the anymore. It happened after a few weeks where she was distant and confused. During this period, I offered total support, saying that no matter what was happening, I loved her and want to make things work out. In her message she didn't provide much detail. Tired, hurt, and proud, I reply to the message promptly saying she was rude and inconsiderate, but if she wants to dump me, fine. I promise myself I've crawled enough for someone who never wanted me in the first place. It was 7 years ago and We never talk to each other again. Turns out that our entire relationship last 2 years. From knowing her and being rejected a few times to make out a few times, from quitting her because she won't like to be my girlfriend, to spend holidays with her entire family as his official boyfriend. I told a love her a million times. She showed affection, but never at the same level. The last 8 months of our relationship, when we finally were stable, was the time she moved back to her hometown -- a 3-hour flight and 5 hours drive from me. That time, I've also got a promoted on my job, fulfilling a dream of several years. Even the soccer team I support won an important championship for the first time ever. I've never been happier in my entire life. Her message came only one week after my promotion, and seeing everything on perspective now, it explains a huge part of my failure at the new job. After 6 years in the company, I last only 10 months in the new hole. I suffered lots of harassment by my former manager and peers, but I know I was vulnerable and weak to fight back because losing her was a huge blow. In a few weeks, I start to see an ex-girlfriend again, we saw each other for about 6 months, and I dumped her. I simply couldn't be a good person with her. It happened again four years after she left me. It wasn't with the same intensity, but my then girlfriend just notice I couldn't love her the same way I love the one who dumped me by email in 2012. In one way or another, I guess all my other relationships were doomed since the beginning for the same reason. I'm writing this at Saturday at 4:00 a.m. It's been very common to me to wake up and think about the moments or dialogs I had with my ex-girlfriend. During the last seven years, I did a very good job removing triggers for that. Living in the same neighborhood where we've been together was so painful that I made mine out of my own country. It helped a lot but didn't solve the problem. Two-hour sessions of therapy twice a week, antidepressants, antianxiety medication, weed, professional success, love from family and friends, new relationships, new country, seven years waiting time to fix the wounds… and I'm still ruminating about this every single day, every day and it's always hard to stop. The only thing I never tried was to write back to her. I'm considering doing it on my own sake. I think it's fair to let her know how much damage she caused. At the same time, I know it won't fix the past, and the perspective of having an inconsiderate or pitty answer, already made me feel humiliated. If you read this far, thank you. Any advice is helpful. Especially if you had the same doubt and confronted your past. How's your life after that?",6.034138084916487,6.5442211907433405,6.435523077903862,77.78514232436571,66.40532959326788,9.455170215478773,30.37004335075864,9.398941070191057,2.5875837307152882,2931,101,550,53,44,949,314,713,0.136,0.731,0.133,0.424,4,1,0,0,1,0,91.0,5,7,0,12,27,42,9,2,49,0,35,12,1,10,10,103,80,38,0,10,15,0,2,2,4,2,6,4,0,1,34,33,0,2,11,6,1,5,15,20,0,12,29,9,86,22,82,43,28,119,1,6,3,5,79,33,0,12,80,387,120,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567465553165374,0.14379141762868816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966843599007762,0.04324037287146967,0.044991209701123414,0.0,0.0,0.036769975756899526,0.05669791376477686,0.0,0.0,0.053623671661125465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473124680736727,0.0,0.06592207544907355,0.0,0.046010240255989064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184255288394365,0.0,0.05554557223453234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461351474519004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586955638564858,0.0,0.03571323168034495,0.04891010440295649,0.13667085986798855,0.0,0.048595318917774175,0.0,0.10194621399190304,0.0,0.02733980446323452,0.0,0.0,0.05923188234069837,0.0,0.09198513365455573,0.0,0.0,0.04177494049141574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070398805606472,0.04324533186527257,0.0,0.05956504589336607,0.0,0.14344380218202704,0.0,0.04843678669222316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087274861642777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974644144119962,0.0,0.057883874440964815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097067911084054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188635179830792,0.17629956748658715,0.0,0.0,0.05874804660442656,0.055291022711101236,0.07638356365431517,0.05283249111748848,0.0,0.04774547792400737,0.0,0.0,0.0604913575579271,0.0,0.09193806510719203,0.24400489161360686,0.10232613431078788,0.07218531373920685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544706092656596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947631117276792,0.057468668271229977,0.07949647048203418,0.0,0.2085135445147103,0.20888753499727614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155992666052125,0.0,0.0,0.14655900445132425,0.123369764581725,0.05753510840949425,0.0,0.0,0.05855337155305315,0.10323333076048606,0.0,0.047212508177872314,0.05649244318696491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173842164644255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751091645571204,0.05408539936348847,0.0,0.0,0.055593753996840085,0.0,0.2322070735509808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719969767866802,0.0,0.0,0.08617480153973331,0.0,0.0,0.06108457613005652,0.0,0.044727897252354466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045813985451818966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03827156721588145,0.05763224332657604,0.0863619688180126,0.04520558237914787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271773135248185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346003438733528,0.0,0.09956219531862674,0.0618346344311947,0.0,0.07184443003322039,0.10393909272361693,0.0,0.0,0.28376189181110417,0.06214639258823875,0.0,0.05166693506428528,0.0,0.036710501525879916,0.058813467734446165,0.052819282614217984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922809112357499,0.1275693573160335,0.0858377161881751,0.17348923130369787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03936416238922776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133782107811113 ptsd,clockworks3825,2019/02/23,"Advice on therapy Hi, I’m new to reddit so I apologize if I’m in the wrong thread or anything.. I just had a few questions I was hoping to get some advice on. I have never been diagnosed with PTSD but I have experienced a lot of trauma in my past that is currently surfacing and making it very hard to function or go on in life. I was recently hospitalized but I didn’t find it helpful as I was unable to talk about anything that happened and the only thing taught was DBT, which isn’t bad, just not what I felt I needed. Anyway, through that stay I was set up to see a behavioral health social worker who I was told deals with trauma. My fear is I don’t know much about the behavioral approach and whether or not it would be helpful, as I didn’t find it helpful during my hospital stay. I am scared because I really need and want the right treatment and counseling because I cannot live this way anymore. Do you think that I should be seeing an actual psychologist or do a lot of social workers treat trauma? I just know when I was in the hospital I wasn’t listened to at all. I tried to explain how it is affecting my life, how disconnected from reality I feel, and how awful it was but they just said “well, you must be depressed.” Which I am, but that’s really not nearly the half of it. I just need suggestions on treatment I guess, and what has worked for you if you’ve had experience with counseling. Any advice is welcome, thank you.",4.3090484429065725,5.264127266435988,5.601901384083046,80.63676211072665,70.45328719723183,8.963391003460208,28.636851211072663,9.255337874911486,2.3638773702422142,1136,41,226,23,20,381,150,289,0.124,0.7759999999999999,0.101,-0.8693,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,1,3,14,13,0,2,11,1,34,4,0,5,3,57,59,25,0,10,19,0,3,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,19,10,0,0,9,0,0,2,10,8,1,1,18,8,35,5,31,35,6,25,0,1,2,0,22,13,0,12,6,171,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.10932196067731384,0.0,0.0,0.32841376889635393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618204043216252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110044645167673,0.0,0.0,0.1843769613748284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353766778176373,0.13658094991512326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549467362099275,0.09648848685644833,0.11370480634609037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958367050871283,0.0,0.12606125371995686,0.05664409742328243,0.0,0.10756326066587107,0.0,0.20478086377484714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585293599570109,0.0,0.063667391096382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341010950328295,0.0,0.09906489658684643,0.0,0.10035397538978746,0.0,0.0,0.1190792105094876,0.0,0.0,0.2252675335392397,0.0,0.0,0.11126785301844097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231339584334222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825563152768218,0.0,0.0,0.0989216841943971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048229565222533,0.0,0.0,0.07477873423477464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235256080281961,0.24919927593627364,0.08640194589137044,0.10819614583204644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852014014151913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694222141914868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095329104869893,0.0,0.12549561313982932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435344260319968,0.0,0.1106129134977878,0.0,0.0,0.09567024353680796,0.10656310552663667,0.0,0.11215833303511832,0.0,0.1785416519863136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283943541233937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23881124754223435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004286863740718,0.0,0.10313919214177428,0.12811236677145071,0.0,0.07442560351143912,0.07178222631696173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070463728911958,0.0,0.07605881847786583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243381190406924,0.06607628735743368,0.08892163008871459,0.0,0.0,0.10072551385105928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155681772924904,0.0,0.0,0.07958059826248957,0.12248367913409205,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bettysworld,2019/02/23,"What are your attacks like? I was recently diagnosed with PTSD but I also have bipolar 1 with psychosis. Trying to figure out which one is running the show is difficult. My “flashbacks” changed the course of my life and I had no idea it was happening. For example, I was dog sitting for my sister. I have a crazy strong bond with the dog but he’s not trained well. I had been awake for 3 days (mania). Dog starts barking at the window. I’m sure it was the loud noise in my usually quiet house. Suddenly the dog is right in front of me. He’s trying to bite me. I jump back and he cowers in fear. This happens 3 times. Suddenly the dog is in the living room on the rug. He’s on his side with one leg up in the air. He puts his leg down. Then back up. 3 times. I’m freaking out. My 11 y/o son is there the whole time. He’s laughing but it’s sooo loud. I shout at him to stop. I’m scared of the dog so I get him out to the enclosed porch. Called my sister and tried to explain. Long story short, my whole family is mad at me. I didn’t understand why at the time. I was well into a manic episode so I’m sure I sounded like a lunatic trying to explain to anyone who would listen. Ended up in the psych ward. Doc says it was a PTSD “emotional” flashback. Eventually I realized that the dog never tried to attack. He was licking my hand. It startled me and when I jumped back so did he. He knew something was wrong with me. My son saw the whole thing. It’s like my brain skipped time and repeated one part. Turns out it had happened before but I didn’t realize it. I left my husband of 11 years because I thought he pushed me into the wall. Actually my brain skipped him walking towards me. Suddenly he was right in front of me and it startled me so I fell back into the wall. I actually shoved him back really hard out of pure reflex. It started this whole chain of events. Now I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. What if I’m at the shop and it happens and I attack a stranger? Anyone else ever had something like this happen? What are your attacks like? Sorry so long. TL;DR PTSD flashbacks completely cause brain hops. I don’t even know how to describe it. 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I'm in therapy and discussing it, which is hard in itself because I grew up in a ""don't think, don't talk, don't feel"" household. I'm working 7 days a week and all the extra hours I can because if I'm not constantly distracted, I go into a dark place. My startle response is out of control lately, and has coworkers asking questions about why I'm so stressed or jumpy. I'm just exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. I miss living without fear. I miss feeling safe and rested. I miss who I used to be, and it makes me sad I will never be that person again. I've been self harming again but even that isn't helping anymore. What did I do to deserve this? I'm not perfect but I have good morals. I don't understand why I have to live like this now. And at the same time I feel guilty because I know others have it worse. 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But here goes. I was with this girl for three years and we had a house together, pets, you name it. Well we started fighting a lot and she had self harm issues. Our fights would start out small and next thing you know, we were screaming in the house, but that's not even the tip of the iceberg. She would lock herself in a room and try to cut herself in the middle of these fights, so I would break into the room to stop her (my mind immediately shifting to I'm not fighting with her anymore, I'm going to try and stop her and show her I love her), but she never let up. She would resort to brutally beating me in the face to get me away from her and say the most horrible things to me. She would tell me I was a loser, I was ugly, fat, and all sorts of things that I refuse to remember. I would try to leave and blow off the steam and she would force her way in front of me and threaten me that she was going to kill herself or that we're done if I leave. And we had the cops called on us three times, because we were so loud. I lied when they said was anyone hurt, as I sat there with a developing black eye and her sitting there with her cuts. I lied to my friends and said that I got my black eye from work. I remember one time specifically was at AWA, and all of my friends that were there, surrounded me and wouldn't leave me alone about my black eye, which wasn't the first one. I lied to them again and then I told them I had to pee, and went to the bathroom and cried really hard. Fast forward to the end, a couple of years ago. I had a concussion at work. I fell into a running compactor and hit my head, and my boss saved my life. I completely forgot the previous two months, including my sister getting engaged and everything. They wouldn't let me drive or watch movies or anything until I recovered. It was a nightmare. Well I started getting my memory back and she started a fight with me because my friend was coming to see me and she ""wanted to do her workout."" it escaladed very quickly to the same routine as before only this time I broke a statue that we got together and I threw the flowers I got her on the floor and the cops were called again and said one of us had to leave for the night. She kicked me out and broke up with me and never let me come back. I couldn't drive at the time she made me stay outside until my mom came and got me. I begged her not to do it, because I was in love with her despite everything and she treated me like a criminal and condemned me. She tried to turn all of my friends against me (which failed horribly for the most part) and told everyone that I was the one abusing her. I never touched her like that and I never said anything so horrible to her. I treated her like gold 95% of the time and I cared about her more than anything. I left her a long letter on the porch a week after all of this, explaining how much she meant to me and that I wanted a new start with her and she called the cops to tell me to leave her alone and told everyone that I was a psycho. It keeps coming back to haunt me every so often, how do I cope? 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Loud, flashing lights, lots of people... Advice? I have C-PTSD. Also introverted. My fiancee is an amazing rock and he'll be there. I'm worried about getting overwhelmed by the sights and sounds. Vegas is a bit chaotic. We plan to do chill things like see the mob museum. I tend to get super anxious with the sights and sounds inside casinos... So much going on. I was hoping to spend time by the pool with a book but it's closed for the season. DAMMIT! Is there anyone who is chaos sensitive that has tips or tricks? ",0.9347896440129446,3.5239446796116525,2.0957669902912635,92.2672750809062,92.49514563106796,3.911715210355987,17.546278317152105,5.6839178017228535,-0.2862137216828477,414,11,79,3,15,131,80,103,0.119,0.7909999999999999,0.09,-0.6189,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,2,5,6,1,1,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,18,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,7,5,4,12,15,3,6,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,3,3,49,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638310511025481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591086277690785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30501179011118795,0.0,0.1887832482640144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29475909493900904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821172073822087,0.0,0.3068830171834241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26816093656271506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190345020540695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22953579769464505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984736762159147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717703408999387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156037994888683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215147031749454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936932366768205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743330908273998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741878964286543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,suicidal_thottie,2019/02/24,"Please help me. (long) Okay let me clear this up right out the bat. I have not been diagnosed with PTSD officially. I am still a minor, and I live at home with my parents. They refuse to believe that mental disorders exist and will not permit me to get any kind of mental help because they can't come to terms that their child might not be ""normal."" When I was very young, I was the victim of voilent sexual assault. It scarred me very bad mentally, and I continue to be abused and harassed by the same person. I have told my parents, but they don't believe me. It really hurts to know that they're not on my side, and it also hurts to know that nobody is here to protect me from him. My abuser is a part of my family, so I can't get away from him either. Many things have come out of these assaults. I lost my sense of freedom and my feeling of being in control of myself, and my body no longer feels like a home. I was diagnosed by my regular care doctor with anorexia nervosa, because I gave up on caring enough to maintain a proper body weight. I started to treat my body like it was a game, and that it no longer belonged to me. I also have quite frequent panic attacks. These panic attacks effect my everyday life, and they stop me from being able to function normally. I often do not complete in-class assignments because of a very bad panic attack, which makes me unable to focus or move. They are often a result of someone commenting something about sex or rape (which is very commonplace, because I'm in high school). I have very graphic flashbacks, because the biggest assualt is always in my mind. I feel like I can't talk or breathe because of certain things that my abuser did during the numerous times when I was being assaulted. Sometimes, though rare, there has been occasions in the past where I have passed out because of such a bad panic attack. I hate having panic attacks and I'm so fustrated with myself and my inability to stay calm. I'm about ready to give up because I don't know what to do. I also feel like even if I was allowed to seek professional help, they couldn't help me. I am deathly scared of any kind of pill or medication. It gets so bad to the point that if I am forced to take a pill, in my state of fleeting panic, I will force myself to vomit to get it out of my system. I just really don't know what to do, or how to get my parents to believe or understand me. This might be ranting/venting now that I think about it, but if you guys have any thoughts for me, please help. Also I know I'm just a stupid kid, but I don't know if I'll grow out of this. Even if I do, I just want to be a normal kid again, a happy kid that didn't lose their sense of self or even innocence so long ago. Again, also I am deeply sorry if this triggers anything for anybody. I think I know how it feels, and I would never wish anything like what happened to me on anybody else, not even my worst enemy.",5.479758723828514,5.2561657694915285,6.1176470588235325,82.10956131605188,67.57627118644068,8.771684945164507,30.234297108673978,8.219915518859313,2.0109710867397808,2284,76,464,27,34,747,248,590,0.222,0.653,0.125,-0.9977,4,0,1,0,3,0,67.0,0,1,8,5,34,43,13,7,19,1,53,15,4,9,3,92,93,42,1,13,26,3,6,5,0,5,8,0,2,7,31,23,1,4,17,1,0,5,18,29,0,0,14,6,81,14,74,65,6,51,0,4,0,2,33,24,0,17,24,331,112,4,0.051896995136859636,0.18446835893319974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600355490331992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075100413053937,0.0431824573354676,0.0,0.0,0.10587520895057273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541361017414757,0.0,0.0,0.2952016203082604,0.04875893527569301,0.0,0.17332729280137102,0.2530874123594872,0.0,0.0,0.1754104255770833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729375867709124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582489059088727,0.0,0.0,0.08940933207282166,0.05441301201934565,0.0,0.058206892937054514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534871528149398,0.0,0.0,0.059478452571643935,0.05311877358655066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043353280159879916,0.0,0.0,0.05362346891763016,0.0,0.1371099033427108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048923868300743655,0.0,0.13120340035713382,0.1112256710858474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355701899476307,0.04978432664071181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138618441944341,0.04589234140706653,0.05524531634389042,0.0,0.05123753842955975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392730949264856,0.05483202470484397,0.1041138350892221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111361330638388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808546862052708,0.19964861912480525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306819365643512,0.03665638244164703,0.12677125202695155,0.0,0.04582599750287393,0.09185441518584657,0.0,0.058059462820900284,0.05665170070600078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034641647240625434,0.05261540751329782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05228076275958722,0.15689989438328905,0.11010902125214336,0.05240117091791605,0.0,0.0,0.05515829274727335,0.0,0.0,0.04002616199781253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525441093761845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653396517650695,0.17287641451253566,0.05619938840796195,0.049541554125533925,0.0,0.045314454393087365,0.0,0.11393463257024462,0.04905943499558808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066481012189135,0.0,0.0,0.05519884245545005,0.0,0.0,0.06649308796636201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431975028651424,0.0,0.0,0.05195794563599787,0.052522529726839816,0.0,0.0,0.05413988424182264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04397215556734648,0.039952842314136434,0.051327455193083765,0.05809443718614238,0.036732960270237314,0.0553152917009701,0.04144500735437764,0.043388211728029535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03902008168218397,0.0417128388677711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895611510136969,0.06650699794976064,0.05098853422652816,0.041200417188056594,0.030261555208882438,0.0,0.0,0.04958980285013685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402660218330537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141022804046089,0.030610192336499274,0.0,0.0,0.06319655894480393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967898321258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036866136347692896,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,InspectorLynley,2019/02/24,"Sleepless I have a lot of trouble sleeping because of nightmares. Now, I have them when I try to grab a nap. Anyone else have this problem? ",2.0844444444444434,4.648896703703707,2.7792592592592613,91.1666666666667,81.96296296296295,3.6,31.222222222222214,3.1291,1.0898000000000003,109,6,20,0,3,34,21,27,0.226,0.774,0.0,-0.7027,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926422502732158,0.42882808569286013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551288151014984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34962374129434165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558147927493985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004716817532816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188270234456318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841508460489806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThatVapeBitch,2019/02/24,"How do I stop this anger Okay guys, I need help. My trauma is fairly recent (< 3 years.) I'm in a relationship now with an amazing, kind hearted, loving man. He calls me after a nightmare, keeps me grounded during panic attacks/flashbacks. But I find that I can't treat him fairly. I get so irrationally angry with him over things that I know shouldn't set me off. But they do. I'm constantly picking fights, and I find it hard to show him how I feel, because I'm always so angry. Is there anything I can do to stop this? In so scared if losing him :(",1.5757305194805191,3.6577356964285737,3.2362662337662336,89.99509740259741,80.42857142857143,5.144155844155844,20.89610389610389,6.11248444174946,0.16606071428571445,426,12,88,3,11,141,76,112,0.31,0.5720000000000001,0.118,-0.9737,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,7,11,2,2,3,1,8,2,1,3,0,18,17,9,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,18,5,9,16,0,13,0,1,0,1,13,5,0,1,7,55,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841862552142642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665635041864285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338527250552585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066799161126088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187297840121826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234293143728353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36999219432107255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574916973937616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004144989591636,0.0,0.0,0.18131668593865466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398529662577395,0.13566897399019645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990841414577222,0.0,0.21077547674616745,0.11123745313993907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264413729595016,0.0,0.0,0.1826799889981272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008203603154788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23748070318133696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998522412245062,0.21730909450759028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026444609428108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384422024110009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344700469041082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303433070067778 ptsd,throwawaybunnyrabbit,2019/02/24,"I'm tired of my life being ruined and I'm tired of being useless not sure if this needs a tw but- tw @ panic attacks and passing out I'm so sick of being so fucked up. I went to this cake show with my mom that weve gone to for years- she knows I have PTSD and a slew of other issues but she dosent really understand that my triggers are still triggers when she says/does them. I have a debilitating fear of touch related to my PTSD. even a tap or brush can send me into a panic attack. me and my mom go to this cake show/con every year. it was particularly crowded this year with way more kids ( I HATE little kids because they have no respect for personal space and being around them is almost terrifying bc of that) my mom kept standing super close and people around is would crowd to look at cakes. I would panic and scream at people to move and I feel over trying to scramble away from this lady that kept repeaivly shoving her hands in front of ppl to take pictures. id impulsively snap at people or my mom to move. I ended up having a really bad panic attack/flashback and passing out on the floor (I was sitting thankfully) and like 7 people in this class across the hall just gave me weird looks. I'm sick of not being able to enjoy things. I'm so fucking sick of it. I'm sick of not being able to go to the fucking grocery store with out crying in the bathroom. I'm sick of missing events I love because of my paranoia. my life is fucking ruined. it's been 4 years since I was diagnosed and I havent improved at all. I've had medication and therapists and doctors and I'm still so fucking incapable. I'm getting a service dog soon thank god- but idk at this point I know that nothing will really help. ",2.8334304910581984,4.518758842406879,4.250726212824819,86.02171919770775,75.189111747851,6.647603991700425,24.068866712775417,7.372421405659032,1.0272228238316377,1352,42,273,16,29,448,181,349,0.297,0.636,0.067,-0.9986,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,3,1,12,28,8,5,11,0,25,19,1,2,2,48,60,25,0,4,10,4,3,1,0,3,12,1,0,3,17,24,0,2,4,1,1,10,5,20,0,0,11,7,32,8,50,40,2,49,0,4,2,6,21,26,5,4,11,170,49,3,0.1583745673475608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929462601986348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098694229747075,0.0,0.2702609010791104,0.07439905969749447,0.0,0.06611807421255787,0.09654366627548486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698351276726712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803734260496608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105154029262805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013642930394004,0.0,0.0,0.052302454033472806,0.0,0.06671870181469979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910770950833123,0.04003946993711678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660368387476028,0.04137208738494581,0.0,0.09000791636695557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781810484338822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307756705023433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265095065323834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703852036146538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186464060997786,0.0386869068988104,0.07936646148698362,0.0,0.0,0.1329947489179138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146961519355798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977285737656609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709727583122268,0.0,0.16832710114414776,0.0,0.058716367465680076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598233437784327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716368621511075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959396756213792,0.06914328170802701,0.0,0.0,0.07485757866377507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851313940419759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218820488312454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550453935376169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647813406453076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463307771952986,0.0,0.05953898234363475,0.0,0.0,0.14581002331945278,0.0,0.091942539704615,0.05260851262365048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202826732599506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053762967624679615,0.0,0.0,0.0824367549939572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285517991558792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340740530904108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125047486553834,0.0,0.0,0.2039760577153461 ptsd,Passlock1,2019/02/24,anyone else feel like they can’t love normally bc of trauma? I have a gf of a month and a half and I like her a lot but it’s getting slightly more serious and i’m scared it’s just going to get to the point my relationships normally do where she falls in love and I just can’t let myself believe her or feel that way back because I’m so terrified of hurting or being hurt by others because of my csa and ptsd from that. i feel like i should warn her or something i don’t know i just feel like a bad person for not ever falling in love the way everyone else describes it even with my (now ex) girlfriend of two years. does anyone relate? ,2.834222222222224,3.8718804592592586,4.359444444444447,87.85250000000002,74.03703703703705,7.177777777777778,25.35185185185185,7.554174236665415,1.1391629629629625,502,16,109,6,10,168,82,135,0.191,0.643,0.166,-0.6990000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,9,13,0,1,7,0,8,3,0,0,1,24,21,10,0,3,8,1,4,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,6,0,2,0,4,16,7,13,18,2,14,0,2,0,3,13,4,0,4,9,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888602161755488,0.13839360343349885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385931184713806,0.112776525962951,0.16467296447977536,0.0,0.0,0.15217590639873918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181993234093566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22566474080375706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892114468771338,0.12217715886800636,0.0,0.12906370596891575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731786958216282,0.2894788138723066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113539581053433,0.0,0.07676252097419027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891871693916073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742300956903649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811665602047704,0.0,0.26395051654249746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148303783414079,0.3657136876458304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781035965813277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26467683472905323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793657328313276,0.0,0.0,0.12768335684670387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788780689234544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450129828070766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352270957514975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398230274553168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194226350621627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442212024711133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697966268195544 ptsd,garethh,2019/02/24,"I need some help, family member with PTSD I don't know what to do. My brother, he has had it rough for the past decade, the short of it is, was in a bad car accident (someone blew a stop sign), one person died, he didn't through luck only. After that he got PTSD, he lives another state over so I only heard about the months right after, but it was allot of randomly breaking out into screaming and crying in public, or getting extremely furious over random mundane things. At that point I thought he was working through it, he had a therapist, was doing stuff for it. I was hearing things were getting better. But 2? years later, it seems like he is somewhat ok on the day to day, but also has stopped trying for any more. I visited him for a month and he still routinely completely breaks down, you can tell that small things that irritate him just build up and build up until he just freaks out and screams at the nearest person. I've tried to have serious talks or help, I've asked if there's anything to help on a day to day like, meditation, just simple breathing exorcises, exc, exc and it always ends up with either ""you dont understand"" ""you cant understand"" ""this is its own animal"". I even straight up asked ""do you think you can get better?"" and he said ""no"". I don't want him to be like this for the rest of his life. What can I do?!?!!?",5.868988764044943,5.505845411985022,6.2898277153558055,81.67137078651686,66.79026217228464,9.666816479400751,30.53408239700375,9.21078282632365,2.351646891385767,1043,34,215,17,15,338,153,267,0.132,0.773,0.095,-0.8311,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,5,0,3,9,13,1,0,11,1,27,2,1,0,0,38,44,15,1,3,10,1,1,3,0,0,1,5,0,2,20,11,0,2,6,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,13,6,19,7,38,30,7,43,0,0,0,0,34,22,0,10,19,144,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178530626908532,0.09550176577128804,0.0,0.0,0.07805074892359863,0.12035130675646635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444981939265104,0.0,0.2145977492110236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583210139185536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301783472644733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120339115683296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607464621752787,0.2960808106909489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911804415713262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451512312748778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165633957683068,0.0,0.0,0.07580762352310977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819939622207167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989517028221882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179583260673596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935945686434164,0.0,0.2307932368464975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307718734715344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106878269499533,0.16821939970053934,0.0,0.10134818511498928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322418126702547,0.0,0.0,0.0851040044246141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777432418334175,0.17458270091144285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956546222663216,0.0,0.200433725940274,0.0,0.0,0.1084992137761502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683310234900413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801698819553356,0.10917704680520814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448659917759688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724825219713006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165924379889677,0.19191361906502585,0.0,0.0,0.13138960073243525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225157652001924,0.10031816871860952,0.0,0.0,0.1332623022090964,0.22875368237208066,0.0735430095027592,0.0,0.09111831134124418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584900878909044,0.0,0.0,0.2389690733459376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769710662883874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355736690016377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391115998647507 ptsd,effycode21,2019/02/24,"contacting abusive ex im starting to break down i feel like, all i want is closure/tell him how bad he was to me. who knows is hes a legit narcissistic, or it was the alcohol that took over him. i never want to get back with him but i just want to look him in the face and tell him everything. i just one day up and left without saying anything, he went to work and once he was gone i went to a psychiatric hospital and never went back. He finally got sober literally the day when he got home and saw i was gone. Im so frustrated. this wouldve been the week we met 3 years ago, we were so fucking happy. idk if it was all a lie, or he was just too damaged. Why did me trying to kill myself have to make him ""change"" (who know if he actually changed) i know i probably shouldnt contact him but fuckkk this hurts so bad. I hate the PTSD. theres no excuse for what he did to me",0.4032194848824204,2.288883521276599,2.705117581187011,93.29184210526316,83.46808510638297,6.2983202687569975,20.53303471444569,7.475848149327749,0.5083893617021276,674,20,160,11,19,230,110,188,0.203,0.735,0.063,-0.988,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,2,0,0,1,12,10,4,0,8,0,15,3,1,2,4,32,38,16,1,6,10,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,8,8,1,0,4,0,0,6,5,8,0,1,20,4,24,2,16,17,2,24,0,2,2,1,27,5,1,4,13,99,32,1,0.0,0.14993672896307025,0.1234909807842994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121757018292972,0.135239560444809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413686167509148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946126602185772,0.2113218289002569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677385127509685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632238506428068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373169751959362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398563566829753,0.09040473605217768,0.0,0.13862533832295762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699005926933118,0.066115243643526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242134890225766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471094020193258,0.0,0.12493831934120088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693630465969016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547048246192436,0.0,0.2733835418662929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000478428255522,0.0,0.2086396896001511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749297700025598,0.0,0.0,0.061824153362877415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626706052082066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447066971034578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195200689297763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347677302299854,0.08575108021841876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643836611313526,0.0,0.14792590846654574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006347348562851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957015620295455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110607085609326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059764849224934,0.08591666333949828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392094365486406,0.0,0.10150784693339107,0.0,0.0,0.35192919627828473,0.1141883957362772,0.0,0.0,0.1219861633255628,0.0,0.09212724825489993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149169890690114 ptsd,fishonthesun,2019/02/24,"Am I overreacting? I'm stupid and don't know how to tag/mark things, so potentially NSFW or triggering content I've never posted here so I'm pretty anxious about this. But I need to know if I'm overreacting. Basically, when I was 13 I was in a sexually abusive relationship and I developed PTSD from it. I am 19 now. The person who abused me still lives in my hometown. Last year, a girl he had been dating broke up with him, and she told me that he would still talk about wanting me, that kind of thing. I was in the band in high school, and so was he. Anytime I happened to look up, he was staring at me. When I started a job in fast food, I (stupidly, in hindsight) put it on my facebook. He started showing up there the next day. Recently, he sent me a friend request on facebook. I thought I was okay but the past couple of days have been worse than usual. For context, I have nightmares every night and flashbacks every day. So you can imagine that it getting worse has completely derailed everything for me. I'm pretty much just floating around, dissociated, at this point. I have very little memory of the past couple of days. I told my boyfriend I didn't want to come home from college for spring break because I knew that if I ran into the guy who abused me, even just saw him like at a store or something, I wouldn't be able to handle it. Instead of support, I was told that I'm being irrational. He said that I spend too much time thinking about it and that its ""unfeasible"" that I could run into the abuser. Then when I pointed out that every time I come home from college, I see the abuser at some point, my boyfriend said that I shouldn't act like its anything more than an interaction with any other person. That really set me off. I told him, how can I act like I'm fine when I spend each day and every night involuntarily reliving what happened to me? Then I told him not to talk to me. I feel like I'm completely overreacting, but my heart hurts so much from this. I feel completely alone, nobody in my life actually knows the pain I feel from what happened to me. I literally can't even say the words ""I was abused"" out loud without having a panic attack or flashback and I feel so pathetic. But I feel like I've done something wrong here. Can I please get some advice as to if I overreacted?",4.300565217391302,5.289668176086959,5.253641304347828,83.00002717391308,70.5,8.01086956521739,28.28804347826087,8.278499904357787,1.8036086956521733,1811,64,369,26,32,594,216,460,0.149,0.763,0.08800000000000001,-0.9867,1,1,2,0,5,0,57.0,0,1,0,0,28,18,3,1,17,1,31,4,1,3,1,58,74,33,0,10,14,0,5,5,1,3,2,4,2,4,28,18,1,0,12,2,3,8,8,8,0,0,25,13,62,10,54,43,7,69,0,2,4,0,35,27,0,8,36,245,90,4,0.0648045970390557,0.4606971033909182,0.06323993853461002,0.0,0.0,0.06332630220634446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711801848857797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406934823088018,0.0,0.0,0.07321074875895323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053328661653623086,0.05768983073718816,0.0,0.07372458462731236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03950428086048518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164684431594506,0.2038391611091859,0.0,0.0,0.05174119753763196,0.14341010804115978,0.0,0.20896801969820136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663176024464722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560565031517077,0.0,0.21840267201902475,0.0,0.058242193194164016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383575711609988,0.09259283414654428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836197597427251,0.0,0.05006787091762095,0.0,0.06771545448360287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416673963289772,0.1719194734235058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679375951325039,0.0,0.0684696147910343,0.1300085893480886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937466145086515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430856304789928,0.0,0.0,0.06748401541610533,0.10684473523811548,0.05282439594117843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045773403388306405,0.1583012635332376,0.06495123101163655,0.057223646460742274,0.0,0.054419540057979714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291650600862638,0.04805178756839231,0.049981300313202776,0.0,0.06892042414315994,0.12162944867471258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895666031337201,0.07603423169487995,0.0,0.0,0.12372664133355706,0.0,0.11316974900934085,0.0,0.07113598709362924,0.18378387269640376,0.0,0.062064890318231376,0.13185914572380386,0.0,0.0,0.07575310601379623,0.06514651917405738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151548427976403,0.0,0.06398672149122779,0.06957588477653279,0.0,0.0,0.12328802377508274,0.051535216631524085,0.0,0.06558571195583948,0.05164087356066453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977948973364074,0.0,0.0,0.09173805466334814,0.0,0.10350606981380102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353948875070103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417496069097228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610658942273035,0.04152416908768587,0.0,0.05144761130527673,0.07557616335647566,0.0,0.0,0.3096178480540633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137310811401193,0.053470579443660536,0.07644686072569641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062469318988211474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208284158882258,0.04603532640182238,0.07085365366613182,0.0,0.04173203579097815 ptsd,devils_ivy1,2019/02/24,"How do you deal with your triggers? I am in counselling but I realized today I've never actually asked about this and I don't have an appointment for a few weeks. So in October a coworker and I were cleaning a huge piece of machinery when the catwalk broke and he fell 40' to his death right in front of me. I had to run for help and was first on scene where I had to roll him over and tried to help him by clearing his nose and doing chest compressions but I also knew he was already dead. This whole experience has been really hard for me to deal with and I've mostly been off work since it happened. I'm doing a lot better now but still struggling. I've found that any mention of CPR is a trigger for me. I never noticed how much it gets mentioned online or in shows or even real life until this happened but damn it's kind of everywhere and it's driving me crazy. I don't have a full on panic attack or anything debilitating but it does cause me a lot of distress to the point where I will exclaim something nonsensical or make distressed noises, twitch, have flashbacks and generally make me feel terrible. I don't know what the best course of action is here. Would taking a CPR class be a totally terrible thing to do or would it maybe help? I'm also absolutely terrified of heights now. I was already scared of heights before this happened and now I can't imagine ever doing so much as climbing on a ladder. Is there any hope I'll overcome this fear? ",3.380422374429223,5.145813434931512,4.551575342465753,84.10021689497721,73.89726027397259,7.3324200913242015,27.235159817351605,8.07648339933343,1.7531707762557076,1161,44,228,18,24,381,165,292,0.207,0.711,0.08199999999999999,-0.9927,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,5,18,15,2,6,14,0,29,4,2,7,5,48,44,29,2,3,10,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,14,12,0,0,6,1,0,6,6,11,0,1,10,3,25,4,34,30,11,35,0,1,0,0,16,17,1,9,12,167,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.11706924278196786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26477032235680825,0.19187309461088348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316161422138264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987215703087482,0.0,0.1121517591196346,0.1364783315216387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208199647061478,0.0,0.1258966275698999,0.10609993525533544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323784612417298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24735879053742485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498281478207076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923623024056413,0.10851586684314476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734949911473623,0.0,0.13499479359597133,0.06065827535773233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204278478910037,0.0,0.13153622589736713,0.0,0.0,0.06267714014849715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31825588448587155,0.0,0.10746572633947132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241231491014348,0.0,0.0,0.11915303401201535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492584224012815,0.06593002533633864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473533969818611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398113953699412,0.0,0.0,0.1601561065831807,0.0,0.1205216957108782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637722328817906,0.0,0.18504992624945354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658177356012913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075393076412931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340638690601387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654725940964824,0.07685311562563862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245007405858536,0.0,0.0,0.12010661937234927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992368877895293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235547645176476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580478331590699,0.0,0.0,0.12541422359907206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019929562482673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969989737371433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371348050902574,0.0,0.0,0.08144885282818254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622926874049777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393744824956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733647691750084,0.0,0.0,0.1704404187595029,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BetrothSword,2019/02/24,"It's all a revictimized PTSD invisible person (tw sexual abuse) I have been on my own since 16 when I left a very abusive family. I did things on my own, I was my own advocate and fought for help and developed independence at an early age and adulthood while navigating the system. I managed to complete high school alone and went to College and never finished, I have worked minimum wage jobs. Throughout age 16-23 I was always revictimized because of my health and mental health. Nobody understood me or heard me. I was always unheard and felt invisible. Jumping through hoops and navigating the system while I was in extreme pain physically and emotionally. I never had any breaks. Hospitals suck for mental health and the Canadian Government sucks for mental health for help. I learned to shelter myself and do my own things. I became angry and bitter because that is how I found results. I knew when I was angry people heard me but when I wasnt nobody did. Its sad. I am 25 now. I struggle with PTSD all stemming from my childhood. Mostly from my father who sexually abused me, a teacher assaulted me, being revictimized again and again. Being attacked three years ago in broad day light by a group of men (I am lucky I am alive), and last year fled family pyshcological abuse. I havent worked in a year. I am on social assistance. I have been denied disability and have a lawyer fighting for me to have it and have a Tribunal in the summer. All my life I am always fighting for everything including my own life. My PTSD comes and goes. I go to counseling weekly. Its very helpful. Lately I want to give up on life. I cant do what I want anymore. I was recently revictimized and its not the doctors fault because they are doing they're job but for me its a big deal. I saw a specialist because I have bladder issues. They ran a bunch of tests, very uncomfortable ones. After all the tests and after hearing the results is when I told them I was sexually abused as a child and teenager. This opened another area. My treatment used to be covered by the Government. I need to get pelvic floor physiotherapy because my pelvic floor is completely messed up. I cant afford it and again I am stuck and left cleaning up the mess of my father in what he did to me. At my last appointment the doctor is sending me to another hospital and specialist for a different treatment for pain and pelvic floor dysfunction just to manage my symptoms. I have felt useless. All of this. I am alone. I am in a relationship and letting my loved one know things that are going on that has taken me years to tell my counselor is draining. When I react to something and talk about my feelings sometimes its dismissed when I was asked to express my feelings and open up more. It is frustrating. When I am frustrated with it, it somehow becomes about me and its not okay. Sorry? I am in a loving accepting relationship and the family is wonderful. My relationship issues are around not understanding my trauma and sometimes I am too ""emotional"" and sometimes its hard to get my thoughts out. All I want to say is, ""imagine what its like inside but add physical pain to it, and sometimes I can see my abusers in my head or their voices."" Its not fault. I own up to my mistakes. I have been trying to change and be this super person. I am exhausted. I have been a horrible person. I am not used to having people around. I have gotten upset when I come back and ask for a tea to be made and no response and I break down. I never had that ever. I rely on it and I shouldn't. Obviously I have attachment issues. I am done fighting. I am done trying to communicate my feelings when something comes up for me and its dismissed, I am trying, I am fed up with my life and I am sick of proving myself and not being believed. I have no idea what to do. I feel so low. My soul is sucked from me. I dont know what is wrong with me. It all happened when I never got around filling my Effexor up and went through withdrawal symptoms. I went back on it and felt better. Since I havent felt the same. I was off it for fivr days and it happened two weeks ago. I dont know what I am looking for or asking. I just am tired of fighting off my PTSD and its exhausting because I dont want to feel the physical pain so I just make myself go numb or step out of my own body to protect myself as I am so used to it and that is what I have been doing for years in order to function and now I am taking time for myself I havent been needing to do that as much.",2.7892236062895686,5.0035428463276865,4.288433734939762,83.30800285889322,77.03389830508475,7.1125178680825,26.029882240827718,8.106197680908142,1.7695352937172424,3549,136,679,63,83,1179,334,885,0.17800000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.07,-0.9986,9,2,2,0,13,0,88.0,0,0,4,4,32,40,13,2,30,1,98,28,3,10,14,135,165,72,0,8,16,2,10,1,0,1,21,5,1,5,44,61,2,1,23,0,1,15,22,32,0,4,47,20,133,8,103,110,19,114,1,3,3,2,42,46,3,8,49,525,177,17,0.0,0.3430682737680639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555592004584088,0.0,0.0,0.0999618298970332,0.0,0.0,0.12046400136708504,0.0,0.0,0.03281721354957794,0.1012058074846623,0.0,0.0,0.047859141813151714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288800200780843,0.13534463653918186,0.05490064034741268,0.0,0.07421511488694067,0.0,0.17650641180292584,0.05329736235816847,0.0,0.0543704371594003,0.0,0.04268043374646173,0.0,0.05360395291837576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051050749887378094,0.12471043295866573,0.10119555576876854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224506059441046,0.049752058970302576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041952119471158,0.0,0.0987885730886437,0.0,0.09876973492686583,0.16967466355679667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856790203262263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043652281729416036,0.0,0.0,0.04337133559668442,0.0,0.1364805363455598,0.0,0.12200391528750427,0.0,0.1853416619106749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052912597554011134,0.0,0.0,0.050425808858184165,0.046293638378165684,0.08227869815123914,0.0,0.03859647067019673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534908879087656,0.0,0.04322984554146128,0.0,0.04952680959049679,0.20518473164733905,0.05439047003546398,0.0,0.09703931152286267,0.05098741098876095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054477605082106736,0.0,0.15110698914495438,0.09577758380055153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956429204687875,0.07867370641140461,0.054437322890865635,0.0,0.1048652957393513,0.04934725308716855,0.13634470344468932,0.023576506479385768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04052471250530365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710977334514901,0.045663051610114434,0.032212706255025585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458986685623377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03547531096423294,0.07156564993016641,0.148878716995829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540197603734027,0.0,0.20540040077869226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691228394924968,0.1264115298847079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564489441271826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764912547636855,0.15543365810518373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837683735779425,0.0,0.04883984904382378,0.03845551712379462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983932137777762,0.0,0.0,0.049193131676878714,0.0,0.07430300092712325,0.19091427442443346,0.054021075473963336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050449922031549584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031744220241286,0.036284141471229985,0.03878809273061767,0.04217977163760197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618176056203266,0.0,0.0,0.03831160011660616,0.02813972967257692,0.055465672601686486,0.0,0.046112753858388665,0.0,0.0982923983457496,0.0,0.04714122436594341,0.050238461641251904,0.0,0.12503870529259895,0.0,0.11945414407055092,0.11385568674564962,0.0,0.07741959350051049,0.0,0.0,0.13420743390757267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052333931763122364,0.07026505167521922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276273819497882,0.0,0.15538341107703355 ptsd,darkndarker,2019/02/24,"I’ve become violent towards my boyfriend. I don’t want to be this way. Please help. I’ve had PTSD for a while now from childhood sexual abuse, and later domestic violence from my ex. One of my worst symptoms is my anger. I develop this temper very quickly over the smallest things and I feel I lose control. I start knocking things off of counters and tables, and I throw things at the wall. However, the worst incident is when I shoved my boyfriend. His yelling was very aggressive and triggering, I felt I was having a panic attack. I immediately threw my hands out and pushed his chest, then he got pissed and stormed at me so I put my hand around his throat. This is exactly what my ex did to me. He would push, shove, grab my neck, and pin me down on the ground. He would even take it a step further and squeeze his legs around my stomach forcing me to throw up and not breath. I don’t understand how I’ve experienced this before with someone else that now it seems I’ve become exactly what I hated about them. I have never been abusive and I feel disgusted and ashamed of myself. I love my boyfriend so much he has been everything I never had and has never laid a hand on me. He’s the most patient guy I know and he fully understands my diagnoses, but I can’t believe I actually hurt him... I’m on anti-depressants and I see a counselor for treatment. I’ve been hospitalized before as well. But I’ve just never stooped this low. I don’t want to be like this and I don’t want to hurt ANYONE. Please help. ",2.9637439304881137,4.869872275747512,3.978820598006647,87.1561838742653,75.41196013289036,7.4214669051878355,26.527089189879888,8.263242389622931,1.6989339637107084,1189,45,244,21,26,384,162,301,0.152,0.752,0.096,-0.9514,1,0,0,0,3,0,34.0,0,0,1,2,15,19,8,2,10,0,24,13,10,3,6,46,42,25,0,5,4,2,8,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,14,20,0,1,7,0,0,7,10,16,1,1,11,11,47,3,28,27,4,38,0,4,1,1,18,17,1,2,14,163,61,0,0.0,0.2647689874623038,0.10903459802380712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812581547468678,0.0,0.0,0.1989308544646444,0.0,0.12711161072542498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24679907315808575,0.19015189961330486,0.1258840297570878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531726466855592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623485814869252,0.11340592298664788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333799160042663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379812415197821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041777822847073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129904065880997,0.0,0.10728052091428526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936251971123939,0.0,0.0,0.1106325341942308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031250493452928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978359831266433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23922345592391825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140514484778381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458675335859498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499985313954347,0.0,0.0,0.100842754563157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213608965421641,0.0,0.34469932227241096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571269174753584,0.0,0.0,0.1310937689220411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452970049468257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060906848840048,0.11232181269287804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890361695592693,0.10171688096746134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467040721859432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908469035141426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613263143664194,0.08400877725672272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226899072594023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326345098773682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438168255172616,0.1977077995936024,0.08868789154782017,0.0,0.0,0.10046074773493092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874282693587416,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,coronetheart,2019/02/25,"the numb bubble Disclaimer: I have already started the process of getting a diagnosis and I know this group can’t give me one, just need some validation I guess? So I think I have PTSD and my therapist agrees but part of me feels my traumas are wrong for it? In the last few tears I experienced 2 sudden deaths of family members in a 3 week span, then had to help care for my mother after she nearly died on the operating table. Combined with an entire childhood of watching grandparents die and dealing with a chronically ill parent, I’ve shut down. One of those deaths was a best friend/basically sister I was codependent on since childhood, and I learned of her passing pretty horrifically and went in to shock. My mother said to me the other day that’s like I have no emotions anymore. I don’t trust people. I lose my shit when I get a text just saying “call me” because of how I got notified of one death. I completely lose my sense of reality all the time, sometimes when I’m driving!, and am either stonecold numb or sobbing randomly. I have zero motivation and I’m sick of this. I want to let people in but I struggle to tell my coworkers basic details of my life without being terrified. I’m just so damn over it. I’m quitting my job as soon as I can because it’s high stress and I’m already too stressed and hyper vigilant. ",3.845843329698294,5.593964431297714,5.219225736095964,79.86479643765904,72.62595419847328,7.891239549254818,30.03344238458743,8.563005593585519,2.4077366048709563,1059,46,199,19,21,354,162,262,0.26,0.619,0.121,-0.9934,3,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,5,10,17,2,3,12,0,14,7,1,2,1,31,33,20,5,2,8,4,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,8,11,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,13,0,4,6,5,33,4,33,25,6,28,0,3,1,0,14,12,3,4,14,134,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27361092228484085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294626141985568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114356161062514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010027738505595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265886033247846,0.0,0.12639704773813387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998159581139462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995126115939,0.12780901237677414,0.0,0.0,0.2573253655980696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945107621466027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168691502087084,0.0,0.0626836365839784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577995305718533,0.0,0.1295398213029034,0.11892460981308615,0.0,0.0,0.09915120900888767,0.0,0.136568412364059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309537885900935,0.13098253171817598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302243009368832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813140867891038,0.10105319181326697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267690988295067,0.08756462672465312,0.0605661367748332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277384447188105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192318093946916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252018573838666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376555067900696,0.13424888492285916,0.0,0.1718922413348287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612342562325393,0.0,0.0,0.1449158673009167,0.0,0.0,0.13185878456333686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792513755098248,0.09858698880726836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725480337494094,0.10255037706295328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226108294200456,0.0,0.08774755554984658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840175120069226,0.12960176609346866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835641914835492,0.0,0.0,0.14394028578558904,0.0,0.07943583166340397,0.0,0.0,0.07228868779377051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312151083599845,0.0,0.09944233453552076,0.0,0.0,0.1149226781521195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950395194654576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554320360931849,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AppleSparrow,2019/02/25,"Just having a rough night. Almost two years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety brought on by PTSD. Depression was always the main diagnoses I got since I was fifteen and begged for help. I guess its better than what I thought I had. I thought I had some kind of psychosis like schizophrenia. Maybe every ghost I saw was me haunting myself. I have repressed memories that I began to recover when I was twenty-two. I'm twenty-nine now and the first time I saw someone about my past was two years ago, when I was diagnosed with PTSD. I haven't seen a counselor in over a year now. I know I have to, but its an endeavor for me to make an appointment and find the way to get there. &#x200B; I'm just having a rough night. I'm going on a date on Friday and I'm afraid to start something new. If it gets anywhere there's going to be so many questions that I don't want to answer. Then it will be like I'm keeping secrets. I don't trust anyone and why should anyone trust me when I'm always hiding something? I can hardly function as an adult... I still feel like that little girl sometimes.",2.863481781376521,4.722600963800907,3.7363610383424657,88.99184329602288,75.56108597285069,6.462586330078591,24.753750893069785,7.273561745256523,1.0579447963800903,867,29,175,10,19,277,123,221,0.109,0.831,0.06,-0.7958,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,12,11,0,2,11,0,21,3,0,1,0,28,46,14,1,3,4,0,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,8,8,0,2,8,0,0,3,3,4,0,3,17,7,26,7,21,25,2,31,0,2,3,0,5,6,0,5,24,112,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088014418882696,0.0,0.1134608793027873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856147691644135,0.12276839658438345,0.13768075407759586,0.0,0.0,0.08667976333142363,0.0,0.0,0.15845417720337698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021108627476796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518279807492672,0.3450135292858689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546627500254576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572915680911942,0.08094674745672628,0.0,0.0,0.10356080628365637,0.096379119229518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183967602574182,0.0,0.12879028312269605,0.0,0.09062218709418064,0.0,0.12482074944039867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150107205879573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594748510780107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071272157694276,0.0,0.11799210173452013,0.062270720912105636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660686490839062,0.11356366704104505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563349296874798,0.11487580329430586,0.11383239789730976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943288247353383,0.0,0.21266242373768526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816462507072076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26490030672811976,0.0,0.1269300914377613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372895751523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600489537412504,0.17445896826199414,0.11206380269634486,0.0,0.08019947992144423,0.0,0.09048734462750783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990665640448927,0.06607038941353374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320542614512708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683157272439343,0.08993804927172516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224220141319132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768075407759586,0.2188985309606777 ptsd,terrian1337,2019/02/25,"People Have Started Giving Up On Me Background: I suffer from severe PTSD after my time in the US Navy and I am unable to work because of it. Often I struggle completing tasks or general daily taking care of myself. My wife has just stopped asking for my help and she told me today that I'm not helping anyway. I keep trudging forward through all the crap in my head but I don't think I have ever felt this alone. I feel like I'm loosing her and I have things that I know I should do but I just don't. I saw my therapist today and she asked what I thought about an inpatient hospital to maybe get some movement in my life but to be honest that scares me. I just feel like I am making no progress on my recovery and I feel like I may never get anywhere near healthy again. Things are getting worse and I don't know what to do.",2.6081954887218046,4.161541502923978,3.8028111946533016,89.55328947368423,75.49122807017544,6.289223057644111,25.079782790309103,6.868970318607317,0.9141291562238928,651,22,136,6,14,212,105,171,0.13,0.7190000000000001,0.151,0.777,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,8,9,1,2,3,0,15,3,2,1,3,33,38,10,0,1,8,1,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,8,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,4,5,33,5,18,31,2,18,0,1,1,0,11,8,1,4,13,100,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005984538380773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709006728337221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832212886218829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772255224324207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191187944270104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105911833974934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197785536713801,0.31052316550532977,0.1391148059121279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270933541855,0.13898937673384118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486964653840097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942301923080222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878274541933846,0.0,0.0,0.15925285848175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023383882572283,0.212354270863061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671359007737852,0.0,0.14555905638675812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174623992150838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044681048800856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693658369504451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505775145731475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368173385617593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255218053655764,0.0,0.0,0.12113251122579692,0.0,0.15146796547197205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893743471213856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822565690712551,0.1925137509460418,0.09283811610215564,0.0,0.11502456079137495,0.08448511773261091,0.0,0.2746729843737808,0.13844629937925446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428192885612656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547988968518864,0.0,0.14765283029061468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway271919900,2019/02/25,"Strong urge for everything to be clean and organized I doubt it’s just me, but does anybody else feel their symptoms increase tenfold when they’re surrounded by clutter/general untidiness? Ever since my diagnosis, I’ve noticed I’ve kept my room a lot tidier and insist on the house being as neat as possible. It’s especially frustrating when I can’t control other peoples’ messes, like dang I’m just trying to feel better. ",4.277692307692308,7.17163644871795,5.6099358974359,72.20798076923077,75.53846153846153,9.028205128205126,31.544871794871803,9.516144504307137,3.8408410256410255,345,17,53,10,8,115,64,78,0.073,0.71,0.217,0.9003,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,3,5,7,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,12,7,7,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,4,7,4,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,4,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387831569846345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028154016221831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362690220542375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255410017753369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24422033062859305,0.0,0.0,0.24264852831480235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730289034070683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31153083075676274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319028921134883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295348265140312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073840431548058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871762421320131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043718102706202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22333752889375244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806217445213005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330467558049046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,myskiniscursed,2019/02/25,Helpful coping skills? I’ve been recently diagnosed and have been in trauma therapy for about a month now. I’m trying to find coping skills to help me deal with flashbacks. My therapist suggested grounding but I feel like it hasn’t really been beneficial. What works for you all? Any help or advice would be appreciated!,3.826650246305416,6.986270137931037,4.934532019704439,74.44224137931037,80.3793103448276,8.83152709359606,25.52709359605912,9.23628265651192,3.047612807881774,260,10,42,8,7,85,49,58,0.028,0.6779999999999999,0.294,0.9585,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,8,9,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,4,1,7,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476647675291566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235215865278972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612919816607288,0.0,0.25724263503281714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815005230182866,0.1810620701414661,0.0,0.0,0.2316453046030333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5096390889457773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382104833717313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022983994021225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236417420213745,0.0,0.2502476214613101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898379045496863,0.2942706606859195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207338468328226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845119073832764,0.0,0.0,0.18004096266801953,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PaleStormCloud,2019/02/25,"Homeopathic/natural remedy? Has anyone had any luck using homeopathy to treat their symptoms? If so, which remedy did you use? I’m petrified to go back to pharmaceuticals because the side effects are absolutely awful for me. I need other alternatives besides CBD/supplements (I’ve tried pretty much everything). TIA! 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Just recently, a couple of months ago, the guy I was dating mentally abused me. He repetitively told me how disgusting I was and if I were to cry or be hurt by his abuse he would just yell at me more saying I needed to forgive him because he forgives me for all my mistakes, and I make a lot more than him. The first abuse I suffered never leaves my head and I can never just forget about it for a day, although it doesn’t induce the same amount of anxiety it used to. Although I feel like i was able to get a grasp on the sexual abuse the new hell mental abuse I was trapped in haunts me. I have panic attack and cry myself to sleep because I just can’t forget. I’m unable to find peace with myself and when I start falling I start falling fast. The worst part of it all is that I miss him, and I know it isn’t right for me to miss him but I do. I did some reading and realized it’s normal for people in these types of situations to miss their abuser and knowing that makes me feel a bit better but still. I feel stupid and pathetic. I don’t know how to live on just knowing all these things have happened to me. I want to find peace. 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I don't want to go into too much detail but I was sexually abused by a family member as a child, it wasn't very violent as I didn't realise what was happening so I never fought back. I have flashbacks regularly, it has made me feel unsafe around men, it made me less trusting, I have to stop having sex as I feel like I'm going to vomit suddenly, etc. I know this isn't normal but could I have PTSD?",2.210025773195877,3.702369422680413,4.709884020618556,82.89101159793817,76.42268041237114,8.148969072164949,22.434278350515466,8.841846274778883,1.4895164948453612,362,10,77,8,8,128,64,97,0.08800000000000001,0.7440000000000001,0.168,0.8322,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,3,0,3,0,15,2,0,2,1,15,26,7,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,8,2,12,2,9,17,3,8,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,55,17,0,0.0,0.2323175989576983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454891114998636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077008235882633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565504626445054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867619528926696,0.12950612664189495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179962307111095,0.18484268545155635,0.0,0.1982834939650074,0.14007649332685776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228686364951824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173389061862324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077580569493083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579266512072432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710630678130904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441381735763788,0.0,0.15122563952863555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211251962321008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584039163219114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392803454235008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235659145185663,0.11565050659702583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,freaknpsykotik,2019/02/25,"Ptsd art Hello, I am finally coming together from my past. The nightmares are still full force but thanks to my psychiatrist, my mood stability is soooo much better. I have been diagnosed with Ptsd and bipolar. Though he hasn't told me which type so far. Mine stems from a heavy past of sexual assault which I've put walls around for years. I've come to ask for a huge favor from the reddit community. I am looking for an artist to help me. I'm planning on getting a tattoo but can't find the right art to use. I'm looking for a jackyl and hyde face and I'd like to sneak a survival symbol in somewhere. If anyone is able to draw, my specialty is stick figures, something like this I can pay. I don't have much right now but I promise I can. Thank you so much for your time. My writing is horrid today because I just got off duty and worked a 16 hour shift. Again, thank you so much for taking time and reading this.",2.272846299810247,4.255695784946236,3.4587792536369406,89.75228652751427,77.70967741935483,6.0969006957621765,22.769133459835547,7.048011613610866,0.6836120177103098,720,22,150,8,17,233,118,186,0.059,0.769,0.172,0.9688,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,4,9,10,1,0,10,0,15,3,1,1,0,19,30,13,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,4,1,3,3,1,0,0,3,2,19,8,21,27,5,24,0,0,2,0,9,10,0,1,13,91,23,5,0.13559717213539238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481269554835574,0.0,0.0,0.12071023147042688,0.126765051673852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265877756628591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992467956644175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336099144009608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762827541937322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854007413691075,0.12393335878185095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084392587385205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084494455940864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088792621663697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353590058305126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249185805525573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773494714652984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987180941204195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588856878861437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170116758770307,0.13631261018631924,0.0,0.0,0.13563386665591284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315984882265277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438932778827484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082880768253322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195219816952852,0.0,0.0,0.3745189741429388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322353315857613,0.0,0.1581356030314403,0.0,0.12853026422317232,0.1295689088645195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711242013686425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871635626909142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732013312727291 ptsd,kira3333,2019/02/25,"Drug coma hallucination flashbacks. My brain’s being a dick. NSFW (medical fiasco w/deets). Input is appreciated. Wft brain, you aren’t supposed to remember drug coma shit, but jesus, that shit was like a 2 month long acid nightmare, except the pain was real. Hallucinations were layered onto reality. I wasn’t being taken to my high school commons, I was going back into the OR.I wasn’t being water boarded, the dr. was just trying (and failing) to get me off the ventilator. I was wasn’t being held hostage and having my body mutilated and experimented on, I was...well yeah, guess I was lol. I’m slowly extracting the puzzle pieces and making the connections, but daaaamn, I didn’t think shit would be this intense. And to make shit worse, all my near death hospital shenanigans as a kid are haunting me in top of that. To add even more, the 90’s smooth jazz gets stuck in my head during panic attack time. Wtf 90’s?! Way to further traumatize my childhood with that horrid music. At least that’s a trigger I’ll never face again. But yeah, I got slapped with a gory memory this evening. During the epic medical fiasco, they had to keep my sternum cracked open after open heart surgery for 2 days and yes, I most definitely got sepsis. Good times. Holy fucking hell though, the memory of the smells, sounds, bodily sensations, and terrified confusion enveloped me as I was falling asleep tonight. I remember trying to move my restrained limbs and I felt my chest tubes tugging and heard my nurse freaking out, telling me not to move, then I’d feel a cool, tingling sensation and pass out for a day or 2. My dreams were like a bad batch of lsd. In one darkly amusing dream, I was a head in a jar being displayed on one of a circle of barstools bordering the windows of the space needle in seattle. I was placed on display next to the jarred head of that one shitty redneck comedian guy... eh , you know who I’m talking about. Wft is that? What chemical concoction and memories made that shit happen?! Couldn’t I have been placed with headberg or literally any other comedian ever?! Why that?? And why do I wanna vomit all of the sudden? That shit was random thus hilarious and recalling that makes me sick. I’m soooo scattered and my memory is shit. I’m scared to fall asleep because the nightmare demon pixies are waiting. I gotta take a clonidine and a clonazapam, and hope for the best. Question: anyone else have a delayed reaction and have shit come back in chunks you gotta piece together and try to make sense of? Any coma buddies out there? ",3.9532329950963714,6.277790415448855,4.890117978346363,79.84361217653058,73.86430062630481,7.62909161528378,27.42345972714473,8.499448955792047,2.1974884789046945,2015,78,357,38,43,655,272,479,0.228,0.657,0.115,-0.9974,1,0,2,0,0,0,76.0,0,3,1,3,10,25,11,3,30,5,37,34,20,7,4,70,69,27,1,4,8,0,3,2,0,3,12,2,1,2,15,29,1,5,7,4,0,7,8,18,0,3,26,8,37,7,50,33,8,52,3,1,0,2,11,25,11,9,21,215,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300319830870336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295485250188249,0.07759825522572003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861581611192593,0.0,0.11646927586728445,0.06323458185947364,0.04616663779774262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794779786769229,0.0,0.0,0.08412320845340125,0.0,0.169087994472136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652379857387928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768410578883192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756543900606535,0.0,0.06326589422447698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004295649623836,0.0685055820600018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408221465829375,0.0,0.0,0.03829329830764585,0.0,0.07271635024637638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001470239123228,0.07913559726589149,0.0,0.04304127897924994,0.06352194063777708,0.12114251919811325,0.0,0.08342934837630613,0.07498839525154348,0.0669711728032045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233174266096989,0.0,0.0,0.08974494923970222,0.0,0.08001694594497724,0.0,0.07522077818359113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731570489713158,0.0,0.0,0.04162133052325951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399944448829768,0.0,0.0,0.06702205339213088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166117795576317,0.20221166952116712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258772552042948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604500178994794,0.16098614460924313,0.0,0.0,0.05841059596475065,0.0,0.08054378383753172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539576028608742,0.0,0.08058613120113181,0.08885732782439652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158251459478818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483921836292058,0.0,0.0,0.0862016749870984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715833243637797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582277236245162,0.07664667581889836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6219174779611234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056942412459485274,0.060871981125277023,0.06619470260691304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048527178127698994,0.07440810017466483,0.0,0.08832200672488302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425489101550374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060113986485548374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667599784016093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717923949132352,0.05379913755168887,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PaintingWallflowers,2019/02/25,"5 years later, and I still cant sleep in a bed? After being repeatedly raped (on a bed) I can only get sleep when I'm on a couch. Its beginning to make my current bf upset as I never sleep in the same bed as him when hes over. Any advice?",1.1072222222222228,1.7159350925925914,4.3157407407407415,88.16583333333334,77.7037037037037,6.881481481481483,19.055555555555557,7.1686216300943375,0.15497777777777788,181,3,44,2,4,67,41,54,0.153,0.847,0.0,-0.8205,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,4,0,4,4,3,1,1,4,8,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,9,7,1,15,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,10,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26720081029133497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594746805099985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428602624570424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252223511126373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089252771440584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796220182182346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8209075310986593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183682353203016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608534510861093 ptsd,SavorySausages,2019/02/25,"Success/Panic A strange man knocked on my door after 8pm tonight and my brain flipped out I live alone in a house I recently bought in a nice neighborhood. It’s my first house and I haven’t lived in a nice neighborhood since I lived at home, so my years of ghetto living haven’t suddenly vanished yet. The town I live in, I know one family and they’re not close. So it’s very uncommon for someone to randomly knock on my door because in the ghetto, people don’t do that without a hidden agenda or unless that’s how you’ve set up your place which I very much have not done. Anyways, around 8pm tonight, some rando knocked on my door asking for a man I don’t know and left without incident, but because I have ptsd involving a man, or really ptsd in general, alarm bells went off and I panicked. I left for a short bit because that was my plan before he knocked, but I started freaking out in the car that he was scoping out my house and saw a female alone with no dog in sight (I have no pets) which is an easy target. I rushed home and popped an anti anxiety med and had a single rational thought that I have a couple door knobs and deadbolts to put on a couple doors still. So I flung a chair over to the door that comes from the garage and put that bad boy together like a pro which was not the case when I put the front door one on. By the end of the project, my med had kicked in and suddenly I’m angry at the situation. I’m angry that my brain made this stranger out to be a bad person automatically. I’m angry that, if he was scoping out my house, that he has the audacity to pick mine of all the houses. Like for real, I’m on disability for mental health reasons and can just about afford this place, can finally stop renting, and this fuck is triggering the hell outta me by existing. Then, I get angry that I’m angry. That my doc wants me to get fueled with rage about situations like this, to feel “empowered” and to “take a stand” instead of cowering and being hella submissive. I have a detailed history of anger issues, having gone through anger management under psychiatric care twice, I don’t like being angry of any sort. So, the guy triggered quite a panic in me, but I finally changed an important doorknob and deadbolt. Success and panic in a nutshell. Ptsd is so stupid.",7.5134521687462845,5.8905490370370375,7.740282234105767,76.72899732620323,64.07625272331154,11.046979599920776,35.024856407209356,9.910423181423305,3.156646187363833,1804,65,365,31,22,591,222,459,0.221,0.716,0.063,-0.998,4,2,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,0,4,15,20,6,3,36,0,28,4,2,6,1,58,51,32,0,2,13,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,11,6,21,27,0,1,5,0,2,9,12,12,0,4,13,3,38,8,60,35,5,64,1,0,2,1,13,36,2,6,21,232,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785674179528847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182396531828912,0.0,0.05829881245381975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784116188146982,0.07124407174735299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726077756849524,0.1393668318291473,0.0,0.06484728494456815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319925707961688,0.0,0.0,0.17014637419317133,0.0,0.0,0.07769900311159031,0.0,0.08061782234007374,0.06564633265521748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864511874512744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798711047806703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674975536976692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184199811793339,0.0,0.03853298918875715,0.0,0.0,0.16696399456207686,0.0,0.06482237584039469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045294841465066,0.07963093409698767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545777332356439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100540285565253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288541573514594,0.0,0.0,0.4396682543026359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954121752769308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376370539772618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656001488754723,0.0,0.0,0.14892526475695508,0.0,0.33646472986518183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210972983415441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929952890536226,0.0,0.0767996093283631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056021553514544936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328085084939484,0.0,0.0,0.17882703259936628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283294203992567,0.06654177317319522,0.15924200961254867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672487678903831,0.22982987626201445,0.0,0.0810564510438817,0.0,0.08674124082091432,0.04882071334966728,0.07835438342667739,0.07524607847657709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630399381085007,0.1713216791806833,0.0,0.0,0.06457068149418514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394032308275995,0.0,0.060859703939348475,0.06371319222233728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057298834539019024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050053679090296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575894883307384,0.04494937658465844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064545958251714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692333563643228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907537012262403 ptsd,MedianBoy,2019/02/26,"Witnessed a death. Need help. A few days ago, I watched a pedestrian get killed by a car. I was the ""first responder"" in the sense that I pulled over, called 911, and approached the person. He was very obviously dead, body was ripped open, guts spilling out. Nevertheless I felt for a pulse and there wasn't one. Waited in the middle of the road while for cops/FD to arrive, waving cars by. I think maybe I was in shock that night because it didn't seem to affect me. But that night I got home and completely lost it. And ever since I've keep getting flash backs to the sight of this person's body, and it leads to all kinds of dark places. I'm not a crier, but I will break into hot tears in the middle of the most banal routine thing. Not sure what to do or if I just need time. I don't have a therapist and will probably reach out to find one, but needed to get this out somehow sooner than later as I'm melting down a bit.",3.6464679822795,4.3195008638743495,4.225863874345554,90.93382601691505,71.77486910994764,7.342891663310512,23.069271043093032,7.321109707123232,0.5865800241643169,719,16,163,7,13,228,120,191,0.1,0.883,0.017,-0.9096,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,1,0,16,0,11,3,3,2,4,36,26,13,3,4,8,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,10,11,0,2,4,0,0,5,5,3,0,3,9,4,11,2,27,15,4,31,0,1,2,0,6,15,0,5,10,100,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241169402314454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485995450737747,0.0,0.09105745489908706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307852807730244,0.3318433234523581,0.0,0.0,0.15252831037130568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566165726436791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633434966818333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351180039597628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434231752373658,0.0,0.13652580597046735,0.12705807731443192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341264088968454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946862501197085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001227393631154,0.0,0.14983504323070615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277113203531854,0.16526101781300706,0.15555080503459734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306017383957408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006700339811654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322784303895052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803561486465809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024403789924837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608565221767334,0.15606481023523625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105123384279893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359851529361087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235643283086138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407839244271961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343558589480254,0.09923793968766073,0.0957133017375369,0.0,0.0,0.08710161198203115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324980407349638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LolaFrisbeePirate,2019/02/26,"Does anyone else wake up in the night because it's too quiet? I find it always happens if there's snow, because of the noise dampening effect. But also if there's no traffic or something. The silence wakes me up. It's like my body is like- ""it's too quiet, something must be wrong!"" And it wakes me up. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm lying here at 3am wondering why I'm wide awake. ",1.156463414634146,3.1111040975609785,2.941646341463418,92.22881097560978,81.1951219512195,5.0756097560975615,21.22560975609756,5.985473137389443,0.14221463414634172,304,9,65,2,8,101,57,82,0.091,0.846,0.063,-0.2942,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,4,4,4,2,1,11,9,7,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,6,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,3,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974836404494674,0.19743142508431247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590787539115395,0.24311580620684495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892807147637371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635585244070846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076405490632208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821243190378668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168646311199944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982109225662565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318407102492197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583825980270759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226660825266065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653310664083061,0.0,0.2656094217618931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214103366804968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25731411735460363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594224616889934,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theradiantvoid,2019/02/26,"Abuser Out Of Jail I've been having a really rough time ever since my abuser got out of jail. He was expected to go to prison, but he somehow got out with only serving seven months. My stomach feels sick most of the time and the nightmares are coming back almost every night. It's so overhwleming... I really am amazed at the system and really can't believe it. ",3.4593427230046965,5.383896084507043,4.979929577464791,80.4354342723005,74.07042253521126,7.550234741784037,21.6924882629108,8.344100000000001,1.3960685446009395,286,7,51,5,6,96,53,71,0.146,0.7929999999999999,0.061,-0.6686,0,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,6,2,1,0,1,14,11,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,2,3,1,10,7,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,6,34,5,0,0.0,0.5084587750739206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214860035807915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499045216096972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417459846228053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848323462984244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409010445826932,0.1807837854909992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849262271902016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194460775157324,0.0,0.3432211434231128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126706957015378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135863682732166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318952758298685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123755264642932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749384009459315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502340246694353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheNakedFerret,2019/02/26,PTSD and cbd oil- has anyone any experience with cbd oil for pain and anxiety? My mom has ptsd and suffers a lot from pain in her body. I'm looking for ways to make it easier for her whitout so many side effects.,3.7799242424242436,4.49858865909091,4.879999999999999,86.19833333333334,71.5,8.593939393939394,28.303030303030305,8.841846274778883,1.9154484848484843,167,6,37,3,3,55,35,44,0.223,0.723,0.055,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,2,0,7,5,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,7,5,1,3,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575728329510699,0.0,0.17725986384120954,0.0,0.0,0.16201916570046196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573809840973799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665984409554535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458061984273708,0.0,0.0,0.19699416544028894,0.0,0.0,0.1546702730857024,0.2349206835364785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713795463523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.493118085590785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417203566025236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392304911001608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mashedpotatoes2001,2019/02/26,"Conflicted Recently I was diagnosed with mild ptsd by two separate therapists. Not going too in depth into my personal history, they believe it stems from numerous threats and acts I’ve received over the period of 2 years. I understand why it could happen but I feel like I can’t allow myself to believe the diagnosis. Something just feels shitty about me saying “I have ptsd”, when others who suffered through so much more deal with it as well. I know this sounds crazy, but the best way to put it is I feel like I haven’t “earned” it. Obviously it’s not something anyone wants to earn, but I hate that I’m in a group with veterans of war and all I’ve been through is just dealing with shitty people. Sorry if this is a bit rambling and incoherent, I typed it on a whim and I didn’t edit it.",4.516363636363637,5.608154579617839,5.684643891140709,79.72779965257673,70.0828025477707,9.275969889982633,29.55935147654893,9.573946990214177,2.6785337579617834,627,24,122,14,11,209,105,157,0.182,0.7170000000000001,0.102,-0.9398,1,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,7,8,3,0,6,0,10,1,0,1,2,28,20,11,1,3,8,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,13,9,0,1,5,0,0,4,5,4,1,1,3,5,15,4,20,16,5,15,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,6,85,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873742563866252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35041695863620403,0.16319997862303334,0.0,0.16977854477016932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416347165776224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206515544311433,0.0,0.15784114434927055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23589422765583604,0.2221952387148498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838090658892388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751851961750985,0.0,0.0,0.1535356492530878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546518626587125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195036360572542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431902357447593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781226095422468,0.13578685450232872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635698081665205,0.15633225305979528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535490838721086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366917879994885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23944107278456875,0.0,0.17408266292162972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056111820327111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191237492050186,0.1618932075465702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172485443670232,0.12343798210151767,0.0,0.0,0.1398237320155829,0.0,0.14032515859813013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014446301489643 ptsd,htownaliens,2019/02/26,"Panic attack while dreaming A couple years ago I was involved in an incident that left me with pretty bad ptsd & occasional panic attacks (that were mainly in the months following the incident when something reminded me of it. I still occasionally get panic attacks and sometimes they aren’t related to the incident, the last major panic attack I had was probably very recent after the incident. I was too prideful to admit I needed help/ therapy and lately my anxiety has been getting bad, not even relating to the accident but school, etc. Yesterday there was an incident in my college town that resulted in a student death. I didn’t know the student, but several of my friends did from either back home or here at school so I was pretty upset to hear the news. Later that night I had a dream that I was at the scene of the incident and although they weren’t really similar incidents, I think it subconsciously reminded me of my incident and I had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had, all while dreaming. It was so vivid. I think I knew I was dreaming but I still could not calm down. I woke up later, not immediately after that and was soaked in sweat. It was different than the usual nightmare/ being scared etc. It was like I was reliving my past trauma again for the first time. TL; DR - Had a dream of an event that reminded me of past trauma that I never received help for & relived a similar experience leading to a massive panic attack all while dreaming but it felt the exact same as if I was awake. Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Does this mean I should seek help/ therapy for unresolved trauma? 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I have a small business but need to build the resume. I have left many jobs since graduating five years ago this may. I am 30. Like I said, my business makes money but needing to build more skills, do any of you have any suggestions to what jobs you did or are currently working. What jobs were good for managing stress?",3.8679166666666656,5.824645513888887,3.676111111111112,90.08,73.02777777777777,7.022222222222222,25.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.2827888888888888,295,10,60,4,6,89,54,72,0.049,0.818,0.133,0.7476,5,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,3,1,4,0,1,3,0,9,0,0,1,0,8,13,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,7,3,8,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,37,10,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828055351734982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428506045048033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729978541946294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738520243482293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328898495109424,0.0,0.0,0.1497656571494919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.708763530116119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940033728290436,0.0,0.0,0.08723423215046061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918859556662807,0.1810293974508632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26479642034604683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872429848730972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984918261737253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770470556979942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045371464694708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999207145595462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498525081377987 ptsd,emsworld01,2019/02/26,"I don't know what to do anymore I have been having auditory, visual, and tactile hallucinations along with delusions and other mental issues. My gp doesn't seem to want to do anything but pump me full of meds. I don't know what to do anymore. My anxiety won't allow me to talk about it with anyone because I'm afraid that they will think I'm crazy and not want me around anymore. What can I do? I'm 21 but my parents are my carers and so they make these decisions for me, and usually without ever consulting me. ",3.457115384615385,4.877285096153846,5.0242307692307735,82.19576923076926,73.03846153846153,7.507692307692308,27.42307692307693,8.07648339933343,1.7702346153846156,406,15,80,6,8,137,64,104,0.098,0.902,0.0,-0.7645,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,14,0,0,2,1,23,24,8,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,15,0,13,21,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,60,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541147712527711,0.0,0.6044195155096174,0.1420492903383357,0.0,0.16717759652715206,0.18084922718187327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384017378281235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837635052517981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203893506602345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329513479642485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356061946947673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22565716827111795,0.0,0.2047304263327769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255773478060601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494284724027416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328667368163816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301722295405619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374431124247876,0.0,0.23964978759784014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583222757340016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,inkedandnerdy,2019/02/26,5 year anniversary I just found this sub and figured this would be an appropriate place to share this. Facebook sucks sometimes. It just reminded me it's been five years since I started dating my abusive ex who has caused so much trauma for me. I don't think I would've even remembered the date if it weren't for Facebook. But now I'm in a fog and terrified he's going to get the same reminder and try to contact me. I'm happily married now and just want this to stay in the past. Most days in fine but some days it still hurts so bad. Or something little will happen that will remind me of it and I just can't handle it. I'm tired of feeling broken from this period in my life. I'm tired of feeling he still has control over me. ,2.3265485829959545,4.027612039473688,3.5647368421052654,90.33046558704456,76.63157894736842,6.519028340080973,24.19230769230769,7.321109707123232,0.9246906882591092,578,19,124,7,13,188,94,152,0.193,0.7440000000000001,0.063,-0.9777,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,11,6,1,0,5,0,10,3,0,2,0,26,24,11,0,3,8,1,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,13,5,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,2,12,2,15,17,4,22,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,4,13,80,25,0,0.0,0.20557911292229747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448722885542359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824094896183745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460445387757824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379716200941385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460067921023614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754621474195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024303380945404,0.0,0.0,0.09065099147404612,0.0,0.0986088372005433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534329284049479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185744358999172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255413278799468,0.0,0.17390102550638284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754865750600156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656334258430851,0.0,0.0,0.18127937615443834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655122361341615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352796326708586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357526346248166,0.1716042702636206,0.0,0.12281015721671755,0.1849368964632276,0.2771281068334246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117719364480244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988448239478593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780083210250697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233976531222684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465108157646375,0.0,0.0,0.22346747575022796 ptsd,quietcal,2019/02/26,"Disclosure of diagnosis to employer? What are your experiences with disclosing your PTSD diagnosis to your employer? What went into your choice? Also, if you ultimately chose not to disclose, how has that been? Dealing with a probable (not yet official) PTSD diagnosis due to an emotionally abusive relationship in my past. Could potentially affect my performance at work now that I am dealing with it in therapy. Have been at my job for about 8 months, genuinely like it, not sure how I should handle this (i.e. bring it up to my supervisor or not).",6.157500000000002,8.682906416666674,7.404583333333335,63.34875,68.16666666666666,12.3,34.91666666666667,11.698219412168324,5.347441666666667,440,22,70,18,8,149,67,96,0.07200000000000001,0.902,0.025,-0.6829999999999999,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,0,2,6,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,3,1,16,10,5,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,0,11,2,17,5,0,13,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,6,57,19,4,0.0,0.2454987990815219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569822455984104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654327986657645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272293883042009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23307275786593284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026819205238949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056145986078127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122773459034548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538552174882426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779639358403586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339726403975188,0.0,0.4844127670749006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245587435151892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528408933838826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369519146380001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207700840560152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084448597537312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,eyeBallzandTeeth,2019/02/26,"Loneliness and PTSD Hey, I am just wondering if any fellow people with PTSD suffer from really bad loneliness? I see therapists and such and they arent linking it to depression, more on the trauma side of things. I am wondering what you guys do? I do try and hang with people, but im just not feeling any connection or anything. I dunno what to do to. ",3.228260869565218,5.231008275362324,4.9703623188405786,79.91032608695654,74.94202898550725,9.237681159420287,25.99275362318841,9.725611199111238,2.7066405797101463,277,10,52,8,6,94,48,69,0.213,0.787,0.0,-0.8975,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,17,10,7,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,7,0,8,10,1,3,0,2,1,0,5,2,0,5,0,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915818364879022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764227260741453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900468928033247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846517239361332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840081113072586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122774279027237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315753948411575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29725873295194993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5012152586293036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734218493043115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708391586797627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489205250981633,0.14242959384180592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455551062105267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649884095452105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nikls94,2019/02/26,"Not a PTSD person, but curious what it is So, I've always been on the harsh and furious side of psychological things that are about self destructive things, even though an ex had those and I did everything to prevent her from doing so. Okay, I'm only ignorant if I don't know the backstory of said behavior. Gosh... Am I a bad person? Well enough of talking around the bush, let's get into the actual thing I want to ask. I myself am not effected by anything PTSD-ish (Well in college I was heavy breathing at night, stressed out and such, but it went away once I turned 22, never happened since even if I tried to force it) So do know that there has to be some kind of trigger, and that it is different to each and every person individuall. If I somehow trigger someone, especially someone I know and love, should I just pretend like it was nothing or should I actually... I don't know, help? (Side note: I'm currently at university, studying animal (dog) psychology)",4.382050691244238,5.902557758064518,5.705407066052231,77.82096774193552,70.88172043010752,9.185253456221199,29.952380952380967,9.606745405546679,2.84900583717358,757,31,144,18,14,254,122,186,0.149,0.748,0.103,-0.9054,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,14,11,2,1,7,1,19,2,1,3,1,34,33,16,0,6,9,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,5,13,10,0,2,5,1,0,1,5,5,2,0,7,1,15,6,20,22,3,14,0,0,0,1,12,10,0,6,4,104,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.2555398306939588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894520546928667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077451803866328,0.11655648250888286,0.12240295083669687,0.0,0.12301412540761107,0.0,0.10932204124573418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679518446716096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528687804454392,0.0,0.17295757945758314,0.0,0.11031514088265937,0.0,0.11767247512374016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840612188701845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157819835313774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776038992960951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363446444887219,0.28782534356139955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338859717238835,0.0,0.06396634629836732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817047476139173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098217452338094,0.0,0.0,0.1228700147483756,0.0,0.12563196965020004,0.0,0.0,0.13943740161126847,0.0,0.0995790395526822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342972089770032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061030154972837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454550657428025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658974446468689,0.0,0.0,0.10830760027875463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187507700157266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499811899459353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052374987799513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609545145747953,0.0,0.12863919009362035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889365629832546,0.1424154933653742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722658457454798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23544565608402085,0.1213744877858694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anonymoustradamus,2019/02/26,"Happy Crying I swear being happy and experiencing joy—especially vicarious joy—makes me cry more than anything. I don't get it. I'm happy and it's like my eyes sting from the happiness until they start leaking. It's like what makes me feel good is something hurts... Oh.",2.4679487179487194,5.20927553846154,4.355384615384615,79.27294871794875,82.07692307692307,6.543589743589743,22.128205128205128,7.793537801064563,1.3559897435897432,216,7,39,4,6,73,40,52,0.116,0.531,0.353,0.9451,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,4,8,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,7,3,7,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,20,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541274828943354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114686084791678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470176850266636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785368907616852,0.0,0.0,0.1570938096997971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7975142633521259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050272432332994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300534482446104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250205882089536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418852002150714,0.0,0.0,0.13256806951880618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HarrietOleson1,2019/02/27,"I was diagnosed yesterday Yesterday, my medical doctor officially diagnosed me with PTSD. I have been seeing the same physical for 11 years, and my ex saw him too. The doctor has treated us individually, and he knew that my ex had mental issues, but I never opened up about the physical abuse until after I had the courage to leave him. It’s been 4 years. Not getting any easier. I get triggered so easily, and if I’m out in public, that fight or flight instinct kicks in, and I RUN. I must say it was such a relief for my doctor to say “I can’t believe we didn’t diagnose you until just now. After everything you have been through with this man, of course you have PTSD” Instead of me just feeling like I was crazy, or had no reason to be anxious or have a full blown panic attack, now I’m so happy that there really is something. After being verbally, physically, emotionally, sexually, financially abused for all these years, I guess I couldn’t keep the mask on, and I cracked. Next step is seeing a psychiatrist. But oddly enough, I happy that my doctor officially diagnosed me with this, and now I can start moving forward. ",6.3145330948121625,6.722697855813955,7.489767441860469,70.82148479427548,65.79069767441861,10.70840787119857,31.422182468694096,10.560738912317856,3.3823703041144904,889,32,159,22,13,303,129,215,0.146,0.726,0.129,-0.2732,0,0,1,0,3,0,29.0,2,3,0,0,12,9,2,1,8,0,23,9,0,2,3,32,35,16,0,3,9,2,1,1,0,1,9,2,0,1,9,12,0,1,3,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,12,6,29,6,23,19,4,27,0,0,3,0,15,8,0,5,18,122,38,4,0.0,0.2621902205165433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524175024519543,0.0,0.0,0.12499628641035815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587358348022973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465795876573756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492055393758632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529955068967493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244596674401154,0.0,0.11432488385826707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943974054458543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594495772244771,0.07904413363285566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561390214582225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188689859582764,0.0,0.0,0.2355653038571688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548364519504165,0.0,0.09834551817060004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715607647871995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054055095491158514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146224314008016,0.11150318175236164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175971181916406,0.0,0.0,0.08533551472996223,0.0,0.11767120568710543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981695670422255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25867395420175143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708814136102315,0.1137605143141326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597718388329026,0.0,0.0,0.17633797035248924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517919764548433,0.0,0.0,0.07831443025657228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309117262034734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375342774015108 ptsd,Daperry,2019/02/27,"Any advice on revisiting my trauma from 5 years ago to grief properly? About 5 years ago when I was 16 my grandpa committed suicide and a few weeks later my dad passed away. At this time I was so low I was unable to show my face at school because the first day I went back all eyes were on me and the abnormal attention was too much, along with many other things I’d rather not discuss. Kids are mean. At this time we decided home bound was the option for me. In order to be home bound because of “mental illness,” it was required to be seen by psychologist and psychiatrist consistently on a weekly basis. That’s where I was prescribed all of the different anxiety/depression medications you can think of. I feel as though this time period of my brain constantly being fogged by medication stripped me of my ability to properly grieve. Fast forward to now and I feel as though I have a strong unbalance within me. There’s no doubt in my mind that I need to revisit this time in my life and grief properly for the sake of my sanity. Does anyone have advice on how I should begin to reface the part of my life that gives me suffering and sorrow every day? For some reason I feel like maybe going somewhere beautiful to write my feelings down could be helpful. Therapy isn’t an option for me anymore. While I support it and have seen it work wonders for my loved ones, my experience of therapy hasn’t been helpful for me. I’m an introverted soul that feels like this is something I need to face on my own. Was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience on revisiting grief that could give me words of advice or encouragement? Long story short: years of medication during my traumatic experience has inhibited my ability to grieve properly. What to do now? I would like to revisit this time of my life to work through my issues. How do I do that? Write? ",5.586323529411764,6.651868728291322,6.5064880952380975,74.90830357142858,67.59943977591035,10.431792717086836,30.841386554621852,10.504223727775694,3.3321,1484,57,275,40,24,493,187,357,0.117,0.7879999999999999,0.095,-0.8556,1,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,1,1,0,5,15,17,0,1,12,0,32,12,4,3,3,49,53,18,6,8,5,2,5,3,0,2,7,0,2,1,18,10,0,3,12,1,0,4,4,10,0,2,14,8,43,7,55,31,7,49,1,8,3,1,14,19,0,8,30,195,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656116014645359,0.1606299953635484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161384107013109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985484258051273,0.1267048759462659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512546001853552,0.06966889932226272,0.0,0.11046274021462382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114405173177128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791075878791138,0.0,0.14467987614248592,0.0,0.0,0.11686419583036202,0.0,0.0780371103287064,0.0,0.0,0.09466191762533167,0.0,0.0,0.07928818914847215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633779522091308,0.0,0.0,0.2658843535945096,0.0,0.0,0.22906057624611165,0.1294550610880283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706773378471836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738312653072342,0.05149235297596776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214599305471604,0.0,0.1817664404719307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456705802376064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198889805430971,0.1327936438919696,0.0,0.0,0.0801817072421462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177366616508762,0.0,0.0,0.09185825620078672,0.09102391687492364,0.09869434010102196,0.0,0.2738220567081401,0.09130754264641316,0.0,0.09148423267809162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660438030064983,0.13436346672810742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139562932650373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811532520015878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315602343334528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169610614043293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975140170327553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910609309840064,0.10281636906736456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207227187946046,0.0,0.06019328545532673,0.0580553980815438,0.17803598077613528,0.0,0.2641596656558467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453541606281791,0.0,0.0,0.08399083497972823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651239123984526,0.1319216124233431,0.0,0.0,0.06436249680102979,0.0,0.0,0.17503805642557338 ptsd,-Idiocracy-,2019/02/27,"Parents Divorce Well, i don’t exactly know if i experienced the most extremely traumatizing event compared to witnessing a death and being raped, but because of the fact this is an open community and we care for each other i thought i might get some support. When i was nine... my mom decided to divorce from my dad... in most cases it wouldn’t be too bad... in this case it was different... this entire shit storm caused my diagnosed PTSD. I faced my dad getting destroyed by my mom in every way possible... from my dad having to sleep in his car to my mom who aways said my dad was a demon... from the most horrible things you could imagine... my mom wrote a letter to her lawyer stating that my dad “beat us” “Physically abused us” and “mentally abused us” my mom is delusional, She has mental health issues... Because of this she only sees her own reality instead of the actual reality... now skipping ahead... when i was 12 my mom kicked me out of her house because her new boyfriend who moved in with us almost immediately hated kids... He played her in such a way that my mom started hating us. A couple of weeks later when i moved in with my dad.. My sister still lived at my mom’s. my sister had enough of being isolated from the people and family she had been with her entire life.. so she said “mom i wan’t to go to dad to see my brothers...” my mom took this as a sign of her wanted to move into with my dad’s as well... when they dropped her off there was a giant hassle between my dad and my mom’s boyfriend... her boyfriend pulled out a pickaxe (i know right what the fuck) and threatened my dad. I proceed to calling the police and they show up... we got Youth counseling at the end but that didn’t work as planned... they damage had been dealt and still to this day me and my mom are rivals.. she’s a delusional alcoholic who lost her mind. I’m currently in therapy to get trough this mess... i still see the frames of the fights, abuse, and suffering i had to deal with, with such a young age... anyway... thanks if you made it this far... you guys are awesome❤️",2.811439075630254,4.647253708333338,3.9665798319327727,87.3868235294118,75.6421568627451,7.211876750700281,24.402240896358546,8.052868069273773,1.3073340896358547,1595,52,331,26,35,519,208,408,0.156,0.807,0.037000000000000005,-0.9954,3,0,1,0,6,0,80.0,7,3,3,5,17,18,7,0,21,0,25,9,3,2,2,48,51,22,1,5,4,26,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,20,23,1,0,5,2,0,7,3,12,2,1,20,6,68,6,54,25,7,52,1,3,3,2,70,20,2,8,21,227,88,2,0.0,0.19354055625063307,0.05313466393062436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818974429324397,0.054523110341638786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051156911190734525,0.0,0.04546289246593968,0.09957536657918037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055598824704532916,0.0,0.055514691811020825,0.05593443146751564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347333672732002,0.060247116550020414,0.0,0.0351152950372819,0.05613483906259723,0.0,0.05526489494941875,0.0,0.05688793120236029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822591978615722,0.056260683742326234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587588495571589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051329955660783515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050337501921355436,0.08534253828203653,0.0,0.03094479286948886,0.0,0.04354808050756279,0.0,0.0,0.05391336906584678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751482526237673,0.0,0.05787706140966335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282718351391417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683092447121192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984782434628502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845915195928742,0.0,0.0,0.04807973084781482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059437844682915165,0.0,0.0,0.05152124567891539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097441787495699,0.0577621044188658,0.05497827283924898,0.7652443671327551,0.0,0.17361297170765755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258747475581655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041411147426976866,0.0,0.0,0.06045950575817955,0.0,0.0,0.03774828990538856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613834063674592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636483197645923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649940603877378,0.10358750912407484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016713134033545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589142560883203,0.0,0.0,0.054488624209008865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038539495903514714,0.0,0.1304498477175024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061788422173432875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012960139550915,0.06226752165423367,0.0,0.036173696537395314,0.0,0.0,0.0432266634042219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049517749899945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32747902814279795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03211560880145448,0.08643864236707978,0.04367594539189807,0.0,0.09791292242759997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03963974003435622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,your_godammn_right,2019/02/27,"how do you deal and cope with flashbacks without resorting to anger and suicidal thinking? (Possible Triggers) so i have put this NSFW as i want to be open as possible. i have been battling with a flashback for years, which all happened in response to a relatively mild event that the rest of society wouldn't be affected by. i used to get repetitive stuck images about the event in my head and obsess, which would lead to feeling extremely detached from myself and a sense of brain fog, the residual impacts after the episode had extreme effects on my mood generally causing severe anhedonia and hopelessness, as well as irritability, self aimed wraths, and even suicidal ideation. i saw a psychiatrist and didn't really talk about this event but did talk about other traits, i was diagnosed with OCD and GAD, and cluster b traits. my GP prescribed Zoloft which worked great in addition to seroquel, i stopped seroquel due to weight gain but even after stopping the seroquel, Zoloft was well enough to control the flashbacks alone and these episodes would happen every few months generally. &#x200B; i no longer get images of said event but instead it manifests itself as a change in aura, a sense of atmospheric change. i feel as if somehow i am reliving said event, or in other words reliving the same psychological effects that i had during the event. i don't feel scared or anything in these episodes, i just feel this sense of ''brain fog'' and a sense of being cut of from myself, it's an extremely depressing feeling, and i convince myself that the present is all that exists but it does not change anything. i've had this all night tonight, what can i do? how do i snap out of this when i feel a flashback coming? is there way to electrically shock your brain everytime a flashback happens, could ECT help this? &#x200B;",9.9205,9.027995678787882,8.651931818181819,69.76789772727275,58.87878787878788,11.765151515151516,41.53409090909091,10.820120047756994,4.538318181818182,1474,69,247,29,16,453,177,330,0.116,0.7929999999999999,0.091,-0.6615,0,1,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,2,0,6,15,13,3,2,19,0,25,8,4,10,3,61,44,29,2,6,10,0,7,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,22,19,1,3,9,0,0,3,6,8,2,0,12,10,25,4,44,25,7,31,0,2,1,0,9,9,0,4,18,175,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949338865098464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081707249775216,0.2334566809470801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810506268279428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32171776401751984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868424562847693,0.3048690948155521,0.08275067651969388,0.0,0.0,0.10774400517224762,0.07669933040045047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903782162487068,0.08273982903749831,0.09750299278518162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840663011124359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925984743186624,0.0,0.1268988034707403,0.0,0.08093810879302205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914372329472948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003790067455834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591095878781633,0.0,0.0,0.2548473773686921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858943399308172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438971052392799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667741148290838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014960722102924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659557423040726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657090744635656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061541092921021334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275782780377534,0.0,0.0961768766698854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021575922432342,0.10852503759394656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062770139250634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101569667302157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544252956974855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155396697465679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296849917551513,0.0,0.0,0.056661068045563465,0.07625117473571635,0.0,0.11698013809430745,0.17274624294087687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260232010446144,0.0,0.0699357755065625,0.0,0.0,0.13648229564914527,0.0,0.2334566809470801,0.06186210126056061 ptsd,missjeri,2019/02/27,"Did anyone else develop an obsessive little habit post-trauma? Every time I get triggered, anxious, or stressed, I peel the skin off from around my fingernails (but I don't bite my nails). It's gotten to the point where I have drawn blood multiple times and I carry bandaids around in my purse now because I anticipate doing it. I never had this problem before being diagnosed with PTSD, but now, whenever I feel anxious or sad, I get this incessant need to do it. I have started sitting on my hands just to stop myself. ",8.171224489795918,7.409014489795923,8.068285714285718,72.12671428571429,62.265306122448976,11.105306122448981,36.94693877551021,10.355215969177356,3.82916081632653,412,17,72,8,5,133,72,98,0.172,0.828,0.0,-0.9211,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,8,5,3,1,1,15,14,5,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,15,0,10,10,0,16,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,2,7,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536218738167698,0.0,0.14038180424356894,0.20571076228287646,0.0,0.3574525539321877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238644059439245,0.0,0.17083896395748155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377551240960895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771608188313133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915588046718255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151444207447148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978621220186328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201222495450856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886708773316434,0.15484482462079058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979085749720576,0.0,0.19228045281359968,0.0,0.0,0.19210806771918645,0.2346872998837909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210477615011435,0.0,0.0,0.16785121781108145,0.2299793123212919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341391217737968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,iamediting,2019/02/27,"Are there any advantages to living with PTSD? I’m writing a presentation on PTSD and I need to write advantages to having PTSD, and I can’t seem to think of any or find any online after searching for a couple hours, if anyone knows one and could help me with this, I’ll be thankful!",6.579473684210527,5.748753614035088,6.93228070175439,79.20263157894739,65.49122807017544,9.705263157894738,29.52631578947368,8.841846274778883,2.1039052631578947,224,6,45,3,3,73,42,57,0.0,0.797,0.203,0.8932,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,15,11,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,10,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,28,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060536700026777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917051480541578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589139541344302,0.22022941501393756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191518808193627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334095545750505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960102486451284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938491417009376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575232816081116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758258272176744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348718630811906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6979868762717467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181194789489646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324549658818665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275341549076338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Appex1,2019/02/27,"Shameful events give me PTSD-like symptoms I am 20 now and ever since I was 12 I've been having these PTSD-like symptoms where I would get flashbacks to shameful memories. It's not one particular memory that haunts me. They're basically all memories of a shameful nature that happened in the past few years. It could be where I said something wrong and later thought it to be embarrassing. Or it could be someone who belittled me and made me feel shame. I have a history of childhood bullying and a hard upbringing, and I quickly learned not to react to those events and instead of digesting them in a healthy manner, I would keep them to myself. I get these flashbacks multiple times a day, where I have to roar or smash the wall with my fist(poor neighbors). It makes meditation uneasy for me as they come up during my sessions too. I've tried to observe them as merely thoughts, but the feelings of shame that are associated with these thoughts are simply unbearable. It's funny how my mind is racing, but it's mostly the same thoughts that I think. I'm also quite uneasy to be around as I often come off as insecure and needy. I also keep myself busy with media all day long and can't be productive at all. I also look and feel older than I really am. Could shameful events lead to PTSD?",6.4363440860215055,6.877409838709682,6.559612903225808,77.4810860215054,65.53225806451613,9.516559139784947,33.06559139784946,9.3871,2.9328007526881725,1032,41,190,18,15,330,137,248,0.161,0.815,0.023,-0.9819,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,4,2,14,9,0,8,9,0,21,3,0,5,4,50,42,21,0,5,6,0,4,0,1,2,3,1,1,0,16,15,1,2,9,0,0,3,3,9,0,1,8,6,28,0,28,24,6,28,0,0,1,0,8,10,0,4,15,137,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889182451405878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720628927425743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747580180673936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28845543762569026,0.0,0.0,0.15533195838893546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108933855062945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267576811800174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258371277734967,0.11552533552960167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649392081874284,0.0,0.1078796695622362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408355407597032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766989664530192,0.0,0.0,0.10657482836719297,0.1011290357256502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139517122303363,0.08038650295811517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159776501799248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816050054684866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496197797983107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223210205141103,0.0,0.0,0.12808980708994305,0.0,0.0,0.07714914327505966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455443162154155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961913465602322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203809850715924,0.0927112170666066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503412256179717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771652824458366,0.0,0.3824249389941535,0.07022242852421805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817625826263109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109693185101485,0.13166891277032047,0.0,0.07755156574115701 ptsd,CrazyAlex91,2019/02/27,"Do I have a claim to PTSD? So I know PTSD is a serious thing, and that people have been through some crazy shit. Therefore, before claiming to be a person with a claim to PTSD, I would like to submit my story to this forum and see what you believe. When I was about 5 years old, my biological Mother had me and my Brother in the car, and she had some type of episode. She claimed she was about to crash the car and kill all 3 of us, and me and my Brother had to beg and cry for her not to do it. We were pretty terrified and thought it was going to happen, and had to cry and reason with her not to do it. Eventually she decided not to do it, and we drove home. (She died of overdose about 9 years later). I have often felt an extreme level of emotional numbness in my life, and multiple incidents like this seem influential. But is something like that enough of a reason? Obviously encountering military shells and rape are more intense, but I'm just asking the community if I also have a claim to PTSD. If not, I'll not necessarily claim to be part of the community.",5.733031007751942,5.274120748837213,6.8747093023255825,77.6858624031008,67.09302325581396,9.957364341085274,31.405038759689933,9.516144504307137,2.5888992248062017,831,29,173,15,12,282,115,215,0.109,0.836,0.055,-0.8913,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,3,1,0,0,8,8,3,0,11,0,23,4,1,3,2,42,33,21,2,3,10,3,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,10,18,0,0,7,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,12,2,24,3,29,18,6,12,0,0,1,1,16,3,1,6,8,131,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556699606183063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340994799005325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232934707444836,0.1487281578408665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29000985499190385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700378208210456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849157845301506,0.0,0.1363998700120258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674867716404534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502336346068768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167345106316562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241509603227464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604763393304926,0.0,0.07254831365650853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932413717551924,0.1934777735953544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852051285834305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429521332418144,0.0,0.09151793923893704,0.11526456258130766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429990688540522,0.0,0.0,0.6172425903770418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27145305276121345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519353015080583,0.12017540554430367,0.0,0.0,0.1355046309559174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162644469402243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770045398227462,0.0,0.0,0.1047998509295342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878974054038136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937749143643645,0.0,0.0,0.17001804433365114 ptsd,Eeffa,2019/02/27,"How to support a friend with emotional numbing? My friend is recently going through a period of emotional numbness. She says she feels empty and like she is going through the motions of life without really experiencing feelings. She experienced sexual trauma in the past and was diagnosed with PTSD several years ago. She also isn't sure how she feels about me and that it's like that part of her is locked away. We live far apart so can only talk via text and phone calls. How can I support her more? I feel so useless and I'm not sure if I should just give her some alone time because she doesn't talk much now, or if I should continue checking in. From anyone who has experienced this or has a loved one who has, what has been the best support for you in this time? 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Just bummed. I never saw people explode. I only had one or two semi-close calls. I hated when people couldn't do their job. I did not respect people that malingered and faked being hurt. I did my best. I gave my damndest. I've known people that died prior to the military and I've know people that died within it. I'm a strong guy. Always been. VA dude said I had the PTSD thing. I don't think so. I don't think so. I never saw war. I FUCKING can't stand sympathy for something I don't need and I really don't need it. I see stuff that sucks sometimes and think it could be worse. Tonight though, it's weird. I started crying and crying. I keep thinking of the people I know that aren't here any more. They got shot or killed themselves or drowned. Some were only like 19. I don't know what to say. I don't think I have PTSD. But you guys might get it. I don't even know what I'm asking for. Just sucks. I think about them alot oddly enough. Wasn't even close friends with some of them. Not looking for sympathy. I just feel odd sometimes. I cried in front of my fiance. Wish I had done more. I don't realy know. Ya know? ",-0.8258068234209297,1.3227078381742778,1.0241528354080212,99.64345839096359,97.17427385892117,3.6736284001844166,14.163324112494236,5.46131890053228,-1.0460623328722916,883,18,202,6,36,286,126,241,0.225,0.6970000000000001,0.077,-0.9875,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,4,2,11,15,7,0,5,0,26,1,0,0,3,43,60,13,6,5,9,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,14,7,0,1,14,0,0,2,17,10,0,2,15,7,36,5,13,40,7,13,0,1,4,1,14,3,3,7,8,126,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904994075538807,0.0,0.0,0.06460516230768043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888147942834746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969957819989568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700848153491053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585200596568259,0.0,0.3130683469702408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719581638039144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722084945445963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816328904366084,0.0,0.12549690783016332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048036270583509545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339892820938798,0.08782855845607851,0.04963504230573157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598241844587551,0.0,0.0,0.18813541816047102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379559726866013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170246311773072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094275620590458,0.08444285443838756,0.10510652321478528,0.0,0.3132663285881197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641356967884272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797784255790632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078295844764998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088674598799086,0.21981605006951727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643763564927915,0.14450782194976228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951778805097063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221063803209544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086122685827933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036941895366103,0.0755500403046144,0.0,0.0,0.0757049321587051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313779744877615,0.18792039835146504,0.0,0.06724347136093431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875547765940556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631156394266599,0.3652437521263424,0.09333976939984356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280393190431983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806854810506946,0.0,0.0,0.10924853235300867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681597029980732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThePatheticSaiyan,2019/02/27,"I'm pretty certain the auditory hallucinations I've had are do to my time raised as a Baptist. They'd say something like ""Don't you remember when you did a bad thing?"". And from there on out I've just had a tremendous guilt-complex. I didn't realize this until a friend of mine pointed it out about a month and a half ago. So, I've been tracking my behavior.",2.7492342342342373,4.286684554054059,4.528108108108111,84.56531531531532,75.08108108108108,7.636036036036036,28.54954954954956,8.344100000000001,1.9464576576576584,283,12,60,5,6,96,55,74,0.051,0.7879999999999999,0.161,0.7579,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,9,0,0,0,1,8,10,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,1,7,3,9,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100503343314305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920436539891648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702317248061176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708801380987791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791833770690064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306460610372406,0.0,0.0,0.3558422170480607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962216522769573,0.0,0.0,0.2781514417001579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26927032363090203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323718958926951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395391898781134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,leynet,2019/02/28,"aggressive and paranoid I noticed that my symptoms were creeping up the last few weeks. I had more hyperarousal type stuff, I had more uncontrollable memories, intrusive thoughts.... but I didn't put it together until tonight that probably that is also why I started feeling like everyone was out to get me. I became paranoid and aggressive at work. Everything is okay, but I feel bad for being like that with my coworkers, who are nice. I could apologize, but I don't think this is as big a deal to them as it is to me- I think I came more off as crabby than horrible. I could let it blow over instead of being like ""sorry I was a jerk, it's because of my horrible backstory and also when you turn the ceiling fan on it causes me to have flashbacks"". Probably letting it go instead of drawing attention to it is the smart move. &#x200B; It is hard to deal with this stuff in a professional environment. Things feel hard. I feel such big waves of shame sometimes.",3.316939890710384,5.8365464043715845,4.430737704918034,81.4043579234973,76.75956284153007,8.219672131147544,30.385245901639344,8.998388855275968,2.9724622950819666,764,37,139,19,18,249,110,183,0.175,0.698,0.127,-0.8223,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,1,6,12,3,2,6,1,21,1,0,1,0,21,33,13,0,2,3,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,18,7,0,0,8,0,0,4,2,6,0,0,8,6,22,6,25,19,4,19,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,9,108,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211721843069158,0.0,0.14342918103542118,0.16085115022346674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052830761598674,0.08069509110449284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140271009699782,0.0,0.1359864652738195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138269363263604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729473829467843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649080004537416,0.11897088071357988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26773283418773003,0.09456933557993673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916091939547539,0.0,0.07523224766119517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23716552540627056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790398787583053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707265561370065,0.0,0.19401646512009008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069458190476172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071078561821805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854471169183961,0.0,0.0,0.13307429436462812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309231031082501,0.14818392926602664,0.09369630983730436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30307736126780804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758919670745715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794463443979078,0.16964220254523696,0.0,0.1050916404743497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398691499537675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618392420392976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944861726587047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637119731476616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085115022346674,0.0 ptsd,Seaside_Holly,2019/02/28,"School Flip Out For a year and a half I was able to keep the fact that I have PTSD out of my daughter’s school life (she’s in Gr. 2), until today. I was almost hit by a car in a crosswalk and that began the devilish cycle that is unstoppable once it begins. I had a complete meltdown and was stuck there for over a half hour because I physically couldn’t drive. It was hellish. Embarrassing. The demon is out of the bag now and there’s no hiding it. I’m officially “that crazy lady that tripped out in front of children”",3.173107476635515,4.35247746728972,4.514100467289719,86.52105724299066,73.39252336448598,7.219158878504674,25.524532710280376,7.6454224807358475,1.1825149532710286,407,13,87,5,8,135,68,107,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,10,0,9,1,0,0,1,12,15,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,8,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,7,0,7,0,16,6,0,19,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,7,60,15,2,0.2707336367832205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711006298455869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503671212428495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283859067244215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266618097093308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406404958321319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122717420483412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883224873840771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31647313347816713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5479937884073264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25662383161724633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434358573744274 ptsd,chosbully,2019/02/28,"Night Terrors and Reflex Hitting For  context: I am currently going through EMDR therapy  and I’m on 2mg of Prazosin. Recently, I bumped from 1mg to 2mg due to my body adapting to the 1mg and honestly I thought I was making some progress but I guess not. I had a night terror last night, but this time I had no idea what it was about. Typically, I always have at least some type of clue what it was about, but this time I was just drawing complete blanks.  All I really remember was waking up really thirsty, cold and shaking. My partner told me I elbowed him (have no idea how hard) and just started crying when I woke up. We talked about it and we’re fine but for me it just feels like a “fine for now”. I’m really dreading this ever happening again. I know there’s no real fix for it but any kind of advice for coping or getting some type of handle on it would be some help.",1.6666233344166383,3.6077842486187883,3.4264413389665265,89.46027949301269,79.44198895027623,6.4687682807929825,23.906727331816697,7.5105763829236425,1.0744147546311344,683,24,145,10,17,228,106,181,0.119,0.78,0.102,-0.634,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,12,9,0,4,3,0,12,3,3,2,2,34,26,14,0,1,10,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,10,3,19,5,22,13,6,21,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,6,15,98,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546123594767096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165308280599902,0.0,0.0,0.1075961436746342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574857813630745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589238360047956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379904658478407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312053549544165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000161731166258,0.11303357419627275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266427871181348,0.0,0.08992100659072605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429897909916936,0.0,0.13991487738849132,0.0,0.1417355152619633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605263290587737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572259548854796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476349458158246,0.08695447777239881,0.12897175754530735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729910324865351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561417608257287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454408844252224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800908701710141,0.30408251022129706,0.0,0.15622478559859204,0.0,0.1792342793578737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119900940930243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717256423991086,0.0,0.0,0.18094023924067734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256103119274276,0.1845206261794212,0.0,0.0,0.1511875614267086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239611640474297,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Makememak,2019/02/28,"Well that sucks. So I got an email from my therapist saying she's closing her practice in April, and she wanted to give her clients enough time to come in and ""process"" what that means to them. I've been going to this person for almost 2 years, on and off. She's been a good therapist, and I think I've made some progress. So I sent her an email back wishing her good luck in the future, because, really, I didn't want to go back. I just didn't see the point. So then she sends me another email inviting me in for a free session to, again, process this, and that ""trust me it will make you feel better"" Like huh? No, it won't. It's almost like she's feeling guilty about it and she wanted to explain or something. I'm not about to go in and cry about the fact that she's got other shit to do in her life besides hold my hand, and it's just putting off the inevitable. I mean, what's the point? I'm pretty used to people fucking with me, or ghosting me or whatever, so it's like it's a new thing. So I said no thanks, I've already moved on, and good luck. So yeah, just wanted to put this up somewhere. So I found another therapist. ",1.8361764705882349,3.3299692142857147,2.9333529411764694,95.22708823529413,77.4453781512605,5.936470588235295,22.824369747899162,6.508806274219699,0.3115707563025216,875,26,203,7,20,280,120,238,0.087,0.718,0.195,0.9788,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,1,2,17,16,3,0,10,2,7,4,2,3,1,41,37,20,1,5,7,0,3,3,0,2,1,2,0,1,18,12,0,1,7,0,1,9,6,3,1,0,10,6,29,14,29,25,2,32,0,0,1,1,24,14,3,8,12,125,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403664170570853,0.0,0.12344766305652875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460393550808714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203714351372335,0.0,0.06819288978328147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893698765883133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636323941671826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288029506099495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558818422792565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131263091920156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265604052423434,0.0,0.1034189430101408,0.0,0.10731271280209703,0.19072923653801216,0.2814853909684465,0.17894000632963428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901474433335946,0.16395722764528292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585095738369807,0.07467187751987724,0.0,0.0,0.24371121859429276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889657704844082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804153657279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755427054276302,0.0976776700258204,0.0,0.0,0.2115003421020226,0.0,0.0,0.11380863029777695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249138222508256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166465968049858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064108298361965,0.0889608738891468,0.0,0.0,0.08914326048540352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482953939244032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612043553037181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299180912757612,0.0,0.3896575126066376,0.07431925141044582,0.07167965152787567,0.0,0.0,0.0652303606818287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966168941010796,0.0,0.0,0.26392746478064905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058157991547424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286411611435868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203847418907752 ptsd,BetterThanKevin,2019/02/28,"Need help explaining symptoms to loved ones and employers. I often run into an issue where people think my anxieties and triggers are much more controllable for me than they actually are. For instance, winter weather and rain are a trigger for me, so is interstate driving, and when those things combine, I cannot handle and I just want to stay home and stay safe but others tend to make light of that and just tell me to calm down and everything is going to be fine. I drive 1 hour to work everyday and if the weather is not very good and I am not able to work from home, I am very stiff and tense the whole drive, I am freaking out the entire drive, and I am utterly exhausted by the time I reach the office. Additionally I can't focus, because I instantly start dreading the drive home, frantically checking the weather every 20 minutes or so, get angry that I can't just be normal, and fried from all the anxiety. How do I explain this and other issues in a way where people realize these are not things I am fully in control of (yet) and that my fear and anxiety, while albeit unnecessary at times, are VERY real to me and VERY hard to overcome? Thank you in advanced for your help.",12.174086956521739,7.1752040391304375,11.3729347826087,64.73114130434784,58.60869565217391,14.456521739130435,43.96739130434783,11.45678717892309,4.847869565217392,939,35,175,17,8,307,136,230,0.158,0.75,0.092,-0.9671,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,1,5,11,11,0,3,11,0,19,4,0,6,1,47,31,25,0,4,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,10,20,0,4,4,0,1,8,6,5,0,1,0,2,23,6,26,29,4,29,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,3,9,129,33,3,0.12199970490132815,0.0,0.11905411331468993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799883209649178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436988774752831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736660857846175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279001318349544,0.0,0.10964546817892988,0.0,0.0,0.13728358595092466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373981045881717,0.0,0.06933524377972754,0.10232756423444007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092877724074215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635476611039033,0.0,0.3671269537918544,0.0,0.1201451343586916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546719907971288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010949685994316,0.0,0.08143575036487072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968382056843549,0.09046123533168712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195338078132936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267015741831946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915846836632425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886237331220366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635201905819513,0.260070905695123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680440624518324,0.0,0.0,0.10663311943842388,0.11232093709585744,0.0,0.0,0.1621023658754009,0.07817248476859517,0.0,0.0,0.1422780180472048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026501335451968,0.07195858685416337,0.09683768713183756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620831366169614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763447635527904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,colourfulsoul369,2019/02/28,"Feeling Completely Stuck (Trigger Warning ) So I've been living in a community for a year, and three months ago, an old, married man began making very inappropriate advances towards me. I told my therapist at the time and even though my alarm bells were ringing hard, she told me to confront him on my own. Well, his subversive behavior has only continued and I feel totally let down by my therapist. Now I have told some members of the community, which was really hard to do, but the other issue I have is that, on top of having to go through an external process to address the behavior, I am also feeling now completely triggered all the time, since the last incident. I waa groomed into an abusive relationship beginning age 17, and the methods used were completely the same as how this current guy has been trying. They even used the exact same sentence. The only difference between then and now is that I was silent then, and I have spoken out now. It is quite a major difference. However, I know that even with the actions I am taking, I will continue to see the guy on a regular basis because I live in the same very small community with him. Therefore, even once he has the warning that I will go to the police with the next inciden, I will still feel triggered every time I see him. The first guy destroyed my life. And it will never be the same again. I now hsve major ptsd and chronic health problems. What I'm dealing with now, besides being stressful in its own right, is also dredging all that up. I don't know if anything can help, but I wanted to express how I'm feeling. ",7.045333203048664,7.024277043189372,7.466789134258356,73.06552276724645,64.28239202657808,10.404612077389096,37.307211256595664,10.056822442137396,3.833961735391832,1254,59,221,25,17,412,167,301,0.105,0.85,0.045,-0.9588,2,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,4,19,6,2,2,25,0,29,3,0,9,5,45,53,20,0,3,3,0,7,0,0,4,3,1,1,4,12,14,0,0,7,0,0,4,2,5,1,2,11,10,31,1,30,35,12,47,0,0,2,0,18,15,0,2,28,172,43,0,0.0,0.1169547917313621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750014713203587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578761396483858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122962967778083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017248521679796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104855636219357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176531273793082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206261145716171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607871661431239,0.0,0.08316713573261929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24955281955056316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396237614317595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219793541983387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932142118171881,0.0,0.0,0.17684891207277392,0.0,0.0,0.10492373992804864,0.0,0.0,0.06616299632873639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030272269160581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849648209542144,0.08046153770226623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093730283948868,0.06972154355707894,0.0,0.0,0.1743248552161088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588945651745845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878909927006755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613096577644159,0.0,0.1049788304598137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035791708015498,0.10512255356083224,0.0,0.1501462706268202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445180208460127,0.11538629617989456,0.0,0.0,0.10498986103400873,0.0,0.0,0.0632359280988979,0.0,0.0,0.10597722087251632,0.0,0.08429750003179047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731761891252696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165364084372381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788296523826824,0.0,0.11307156825227868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421737071125259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22921901869291825,0.0,0.0,0.09698172796089917,0.0,0.17267516861161214,0.0,0.0,0.2829638962524495,0.0,0.06701737150474657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050688570219408,0.0,0.16289159458288488,0.05822150785547909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875182808325358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635657769740926 ptsd,Big-Buff-Cheeto-Puff,2019/02/28,"Ghosted by my therapist I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I’ve been seeing the same therapist for over two years and she is easily the best therapist I’ve ever had, the first I’ve felt comfortable sharing many difficult things with. We connected so well and she’s never indicated any problems with me. I missed two of our weekly sessions in January and haven’t been back since. I called in to schedule and the receptionist said she would get back to me and never did. I emailed my therapist and she asked when I was available, I responded, and then never heard back from her. I’ve emailed her again since then, still nothing. I honestly feel crushed. I trust this woman, more than just about anyone else. I’ve told her things I have never been able to say to anyone. I was invested in this process. I don’t want to start over with someone new. Am I really that horrible? Does she just not want to have to be around me anymore? I’m definitely not “all better” and ready to ease out of therapy. It’s stupid, but it feels like I’ve been dumped and I don’t even know why. I don’t even know if I can handle opening up like that again, especially if this is going to be the result. I don’t know where to go from here. ",2.8011700680272122,4.630561416326528,3.938775510204081,87.60312925170071,75.65306122448979,7.7687074829931975,24.319727891156454,8.563005593585519,1.5212993197278912,957,31,202,19,21,311,133,245,0.07200000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.127,0.8479,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,3,18,15,2,0,5,0,24,0,0,1,6,42,44,16,1,6,7,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,10,16,0,0,7,0,1,2,12,6,1,3,13,7,31,9,29,28,4,32,0,1,1,0,21,10,0,2,22,142,41,1,0.10745462785824296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730728317198028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656611691554144,0.1502695484860522,0.11009996464119948,0.0,0.0956574004978939,0.10045557173894296,0.0,0.0,0.2478779281339531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276700251351585,0.09503488613290577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972318919089527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403426896270717,0.10996339174891984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976455329887406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141945536543276,0.0971988627913251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866457699088272,0.07676560761237862,0.10317329387980227,0.0,0.0,0.0914008515629994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614060802972138,0.0,0.12213788260942045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362170131583923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499380685726464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894212697751454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331502533487834,0.10378034917765916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031056134973236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281956679586042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883818613899036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102213957955372,0.08545223298583213,0.0,0.0,0.08562742620545186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777515713964792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910459574808419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605693866399872,0.0,0.08581340461239424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288373171957764,0.4990524200325549,0.14277616010768165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026775017854634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993511529880352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675904712840008,0.0,0.08619362090464718,0.0,0.09661461522657973,0.0,0.09696108814386516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633268460660816,0.11748476705290795,0.0,0.0691972573023467 ptsd,im-opinionated,2019/02/28,"I want to go to the police but I feel guilt and fear. My brother molested me from the ages of 6 to 12, he was 13 to 19. I told my parents when I was 17 because I’d finally had enough of the secret. My form of dealing with my circumstances was over idolizing my brother, I separated him into “big brother” and “abused” like he was two people. Now as an adult I realize he was always just an abuser. His friend nearly raped me and he laughed it off. His buddies stayed at my parents house and his wife told me they said disgusting things about me and my brother never even said a word. When we’d go out to the bar together he’d spend the whole night talking about sex, he even would tell me my childhood best friend sent him dirty messages (which I doubt). My parents believed me for about 12 hours, then after speaking with him a switch flipped and they began ignoring me. I left that summer. I’ve confronted them on it last year. I called them out and told them every time they ever failed me, they acknowledged their failure but have refused to change and now our relationship is very distant. Which I’m okay with. Last year I also outted my brother on Facebook. I had a handful of family and friends who supported me but most of my family ignore it entirely and haven’t spoken to me since. According to the statue of limitations once I turn 26 I won’t be able to file Criminal charges against him and I thought that I could be okay with that but I’m struggling. I want him to held accountable by SOMEONE. I want someone to say “yes what happened was wrong and he will pay the price” but I’m terrified of walking into a police department to say “yes 10 years ago I was molested” it feels stupid, it feels like I’m being dramatic. But honestly I feel like I’ll never be able to let it go until he is held accountable by someone. I just have no idea what the process is gonna be like or what to expect and it scares me. The unknown of if he’d even be found guilty scares me. Because what if he gets away with it entirely..... I’m afraid it would set my journey of healing back so far.",3.5072329952267296,4.897628639618142,4.4707391109785215,86.33100126789978,72.86634844868735,7.815065632458235,28.12954952267303,8.376592526197632,1.8812678400954648,1636,63,337,27,32,531,209,419,0.201,0.6809999999999999,0.118,-0.9931,3,0,0,0,2,0,35.0,2,0,8,3,16,30,6,7,15,4,30,5,1,0,3,63,61,29,0,9,11,9,5,4,3,5,1,5,0,1,20,23,1,6,10,1,5,7,5,17,0,1,20,10,64,13,51,25,5,49,0,1,0,2,59,15,0,5,29,222,84,2,0.1784992030482026,0.2114923672064355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911438673830445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137287409383092,0.07426281810456282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385293854911956,0.06862743452290829,0.0,0.10881145740848076,0.0,0.0,0.1005537381926286,0.09366195053670336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911338218597699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441424433765584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125854451082246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920124202344965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221869629672212,0.0,0.17684556022088982,0.0807313742146667,0.07519663858780543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827316261159553,0.1004306145808255,0.18050912072424705,0.12751986632346315,0.0,0.09776857598359524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785758142682263,0.20686206223293524,0.0,0.04662923315488484,0.0,0.15216781591206305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892312787642736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789287953807258,0.10298205727793587,0.0,0.1007519366218757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550067445555487,0.0,0.0,0.09696995319674573,0.09126376440389948,0.0,0.1744113885326809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376695895175892,0.0,0.0,0.08375470509655382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504791283127867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973033615428088,0.0,0.0,0.061874436123973676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582067130592592,0.0,0.0,0.16979361800504145,0.14194973069733896,0.17870884168899234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738281926606707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22686269323640126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095128200187348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330306167902287,0.0,0.0,0.10127939015392164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173544899025325,0.07800808556748914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929346948910572,0.0,0.0,0.07085421433290508,0.05204216037498662,0.0,0.0,0.25584545689178056,0.0,0.0,0.09707793778998326,0.08718389221473243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364026823179587,0.15792518206906575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964399281464034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680071245311325,0.09758042862943618,0.0,0.17242145165518055 ptsd,thrownaway1298,2019/02/28,"I dont know if Ill ever have a normal relationship after my last partner I know people who have had bad relationships and domestic abuse, but I dont know anybody who went through what happened between me and my ex. It feels isolating and shameful. The level with which she consciously fucked with my head has left me still wondering what even happened, and its been over a year since I last talked to her. When I was with her I didnt live in the real world. I lived in her world. It was a fever dream where nothing made sense and everything was slimy and dysphoric. Up was down. Tears and self harm were expressions of love. Im not going to say Im a victim because I chose to live in that world, and more importantly, victimhood is her manipulative game and not mine. All I want to say is that spending the last several months figuring out what is real and what is narcissistic fantasy has been the most painful thing Ive ever done. Accepting that she fabricated a rape to control me leaves me wondering why I should ever trust the word of a woman again. Thanks for reading this far",4.9482857142857135,6.27720582857143,5.490952380952384,80.63071428571429,69.28571428571428,9.219047619047616,29.23809523809524,9.558583805096642,2.5768952380952377,864,32,168,19,15,278,128,210,0.17600000000000002,0.718,0.106,-0.9554,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,3,1,11,0,22,7,1,3,4,41,37,13,0,4,4,1,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,3,15,14,0,1,9,4,1,2,5,7,0,0,12,3,25,4,21,24,3,28,0,0,0,3,20,14,1,4,12,118,40,1,0.0,0.1332163192432369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387798578950958,0.06853893612766261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610468391168653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150593763311619,0.2635444414560165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426182772241523,0.30510991944674803,0.0,0.0,0.10104874389101252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685018558907494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394374474947396,0.0,0.0,0.06389903210486694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885064861179602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539008031912296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428967834697596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537293489595447,0.2749470047700286,0.0,0.11905174231690675,0.12216025015645425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978447725918122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014763905245175,0.10638810043436334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974402541246065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016179083965222,0.10788379111051212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963807551607933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794782142318119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124647762425798,0.25594981042033593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414248288465529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882461566672372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729354797744387,0.1270188122337743,0.0,0.09300685611065244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979021707606358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037047152074927,0.0,0.1035144433664691,0.0,0.0,0.07469638611392382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631669265089457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104227768798778,0.10145451274999916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438605126998093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240403503753473 ptsd,JayJoyK,2019/02/28,"I’ve had PTSD for almost 6 years, I know for some that’s not long to some, but in the past 6-8 months I started to get flashbacks. Yea so, after an assault, that happened by someone that faked our friendship, I had a the normal amount of waking up from nightmares and during a day out, from time to time, when I saw a man that resembled him, it was horrifying to say the least. About a year later I was walking around the mall with a friend and I saw him and told my friend, “ that guy walking towards our direction, he’s the guy that assaulted me..” she just held my hand and made me feel a lot better. I felt so lucky to have her do that. At that time, she was one of the only real friends I had so it meant so much. Anyway, about a year later than that, so it had been two years later at that point, it just stopped, I didn’t shove it done, I accepted that I survived it and I know even to this day, that if it haunts me, it’s still not as bad as the act itself, I live with it and I know trauma sticks with ya. It came back when I was 19, throughout the day I would uh, kinda see in my head him raping me, or random people getting assaulted, and sometimes it was children, I think bc my love for kids ( in a very non predatory way. ) i have a nurturing instinct so I think that’s part of why it is shown. I’ve always considered that to be one of the worst crimes. I could hear the people screaming sometimes and I’m not schizophrenic, it’s just something that I’m wondering if it happens to others? Now I’m about to be 22, and I see my own assault mostly, thank god it’s rarely random people... but I will start shaking, I know it’s not happening again is what I tell myself in my head, but at the same time, it’s hurting me bc it feels like it is happening again, I’m just aware it isn’t. I can’t move when this happens. Sex is something that I have to stop in the middle of more and more often. I found out what my triggers are with the help of my bf, I’m very lucky that he understands. I’m sorry this was a bit of a long post, I’m just wondering if people have had the experiences of seeing other people in their head, assaulted and or themselves. It sickens me, really. That’s by far the worse thing when it does happen from time to time, I’m just lucky it’s not everyday anymore. I’ve been to every kind of therapy you can think of, even about a year before the incident happened. It’s not worked after seeing around 5 therapists, but does anyone know if hypnotherapy is real? I mean I know there has to be fakes, but I’ve never actually been walked through it while laying down or anything. I may be willing to try it. 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Does anyone else shake or have tremors after being triggered, or even when just existing or at rest? Mine seem to get worse when I’m stressed or when I’ve been triggered recently. My last doctor tried to tell me that I have Tourette’s, but that just doesn’t seem to track. If you have PTSD related tremors I’d love to hear about it, because it would make me feel less alone and afraid.",6.2978823529411745,6.462394788235294,5.0611764705882365,89.0552941176471,65.82352941176471,8.682352941176473,31.117647058823533,8.238735603445708,1.9006941176470589,347,12,73,4,5,101,57,85,0.086,0.847,0.066,0.4587,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,3,0,0,7,2,0,3,0,16,16,10,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,1,8,13,3,9,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,7,6,41,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916093877652653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587195983394659,0.3791189754164261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127773322311772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936045915943134,0.3237982484313519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30909588015115225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219405917748205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354408792749723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933149557753688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851408331550694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508037691410936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697423762878116,0.0,0.12349227560450995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626094738018628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267012057465853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368432115344952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192260503688806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170252641202362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560625249596813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853590273555035,0.13142224556180018,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NotSymmetra,2019/02/28,"I feel like my experience wasnt severe enough to cause the symptoms I have. I feel guilt over it. My mom used to be with a pretty abusive guy who was especially rough with my brother and I in a mentally abusive way. We've been away from him for 6 years now and through some conversations with an old friend who suffers from PTSD and my boyfriend I've realized a lot of the symptoms I've experienced the last few years are similar to those experienced by people with PTSD. I feel guilty for my brain making such a big deal out of everything because I know that people have had it much worse than me and still manage to function better than I do. My guilt turns to sadness which turns into anger and I'm just a whole lotta fucked up recently. 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But no matter what, progress feels so slow. Have you experienced this? Do I just need to be patient? Aaargh. ",5.354761904761904,7.42368447619048,5.8065396825396824,75.87457142857146,69.31746031746032,10.11936507936508,33.234920634920634,10.355215969177356,3.9256882539682536,274,13,47,8,5,88,47,63,0.045,0.701,0.254,0.9172,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,15,5,0,3,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,6,11,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734888647108895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822503690561793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838935642400872,0.18079993519780047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322235127088605,0.0,0.1438308244265035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690115100477243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27336912208362296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364178481994326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5100889113115893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765512814423446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28941828799100056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182426322474015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927275520485875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842447778933188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Alice5221,2019/03/01,"Why am I scared of physical contact? (TW: Online csa, sexual abuse) When I was about 10-14, I went through lots of online csa and I'm currently in therapy for it, but nothing physical happened. Yet I'm terrified of physical contact and the idea of sex, and I have memories that always make me feel very uneasy and scared about when I was at a neighbors house at 7-8 without my parents there. I'm not sure if its because something physical happened and I blocked it out, like I did many things, or if it's common for non contact csa survivors. I'm not sure and just need some feedback and advice. 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However, I’ve noticed some side effects; the worst of which is nasal congestion. I’m breathing through my mouth when I sleep which irritated the sides of my mouth. I’ve been prescribed cream for my mouth but I was wondering if anyone has any ideas how to lessen the nasal congestion? 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He was a vile and twisted creature ; just waiting for his chance to rear hid ugly head on a moments notice to take over and wreck havoc on all of those around him, even those who care about him. I don’t want this burden but it holds a power over me that I’ve not yet been able to control or cleanse from my soul. After I am triggered I feel ugly, twisted and slimy inside. And I worry that I’ll end up alone in a metaphysical cave with no light after having driven all those who loved and cared for me away. #melodramticmuch? I always wanted to be Aragorn and I end up as Gollum. Which is a hell of a kick in the ass of life. 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Advice? Slight, possible TW for mention of court, effects of ptsd etc. Though I knew I had it for a long time, I was officially diagnosed with PTSD last year. I had the classic, textbook symptoms and then some. I had brief points here and there where I was numb for a while, but nothing to the degree I feel now. I believe (and I've spoken to a therapist about this) that my worsening mental health is because I am currently taking my rapist to court, it's past the GJ, and we are sort of in the waiting stages to see what comes next. I had to make a statement going into explicit detail about my abuse that went on for a long time, which was obviously very upsetting to me. Everything effected me harder in the following months after the investigation began and it got so overwhelming that I ended up quitting my job late last year because there would be days where I'd get so upset I would have to go home. I was seeing 2 therapists and though I've been taught some coping mechanisms, it hasn't helped the numbness at all. I've tried medication... again.. the numbness persists. Now, here is the problem: I can handle being numb. It's not pleasant, I'd prefer it otherwise, but I can handle it. What I can't handle is feeling nothing towards my family, but more importantly, my husband. I am, under normal circumstances, a very passionate, affectionate partner... but since this has happened, I feel absolutely nothing for him. I feel like I \*know\* deep in my heart that I love him like I know I love my family, but I can't \*feel\* it if that makes sense. We have had our share of issues during all of this and at it's worst, I came extremely close to having an affair. Simply because it felt like an escape from my life. Luckily, we recovered and that person is not in my life anymore, but... the numbness still remains. I keep thinking I'll find a way to flip a switch inside of me and I'll feel things again, but it's just not happening, and to be perfectly frank it's kind of destroying my life. Like I said, I can handle it... I would be able to endure it indefinitely if I had no one but me, but not being able to feel the love I desperately need and know would normally be there is driving me really crazy. It's a constant, daily struggle and worry of mine now. I guess the advice I'm looking for is... if anyone else has experienced this... how do you cope? Does it ever end? This is the worst it's ever been for me. There's a lot of advice out there for numbness but I guess I'd like to hear from people in relationships that experienced this. I just really need to see a light at the tunnel, honestly. Everything feels utterly hopeless right now. I just want to know that this isn't my life now. Thanks for anyone who takes the time to read this. ",3.4073157936571006,5.29495141864717,4.7521790795644225,82.17154180907718,74.11882998171845,7.900945870757493,26.15090215404181,8.652420539549441,1.9550908035927188,2194,78,423,43,46,728,251,547,0.152,0.722,0.126,-0.927,2,0,0,0,1,2,89.0,4,1,0,5,29,34,3,4,28,0,46,22,1,5,7,90,95,32,0,14,20,1,9,5,1,4,16,2,1,2,38,21,0,2,20,1,0,8,9,18,0,1,20,18,62,16,54,65,9,62,0,2,4,5,21,20,0,10,37,297,100,4,0.14132119319652492,0.08372125246267878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714615160242808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700763247567723,0.09881506416441836,0.07240013149790055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922213151506445,0.0,0.0,0.07961029527911019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808168983106918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086784725259178,0.07408629115916956,0.07635900228589021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455702392005724,0.0,0.0,0.07171901815336297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061835564256497076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902786148813046,0.0,0.12516863081967786,0.0,0.07880524349222617,0.0,0.1278331100372579,0.0,0.0,0.1270103760018954,0.0,0.1332250436815774,0.0,0.28582496602763435,0.050479944328453485,0.06784525379560415,0.0,0.06458250516617058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03691724531401845,0.0,0.08031609084176035,0.0,0.056513734067974684,0.0,0.15568122699817236,0.0,0.1249698644232792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510890994549167,0.07963962782197799,0.08373314718644898,0.047362308438364274,0.0,0.07087833970094777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375130464924763,0.07011973901485666,0.06280638491483519,0.0,0.07358213781152811,0.15533286382463804,0.11519563434356295,0.07970823072179024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24954834529727896,0.17260599146656355,0.0,0.0,0.12506480886032215,0.059337104816536965,0.0,0.0,0.060073112380996226,0.1913218416114396,0.0,0.09433299383572999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118311720095855,0.07120926182136078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640061406331881,0.0,0.0,0.10478787408088627,0.0,0.0,0.07514834610924287,0.0,0.13846476400218605,0.20340224448858496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788144896559608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745353486620317,0.048987160682397085,0.061698107443337084,0.0,0.0,0.06679710330858467,0.07965920571480911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761264802252133,0.16519691224622,0.0,0.0,0.07515624226700877,0.07067971835921832,0.0,0.09053397509766102,0.0,0.0,0.07586303675646483,0.0,0.060343763411975664,0.0672144084787527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892204109160056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845117569254025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05642964371938604,0.0,0.0,0.07386979762485413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344341532481477,0.10625594964428968,0.0,0.0,0.06505478379712698,0.0,0.16408479763117947,0.04694376060995272,0.04527645715032697,0.13884735478869653,0.0,0.12360828634173684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797390680684237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660478473978635,0.041677450626585205,0.05608709259965623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550308096481361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175926579251726,0.0,0.20078104188738968,0.0,0.0,0.09100621502123997 ptsd,onemorenightofjazz,2019/03/01,"Experiences finding a counsellor/therapist Hi r/PTSD. I am new to this thread and wanted to share a recent experience and ask for your support. I experienced a significant trauma 2 years ago which involved a health care provider. I was left physically damaged and required surgical repair. Since then, I have suffered from psychological symptoms, which have been debilitating at times. I have sought support from counsellors paid for by my employer, but they have been terrible. I was forced to see a new one and had my second meeting with her a few days ago. I hadn't discussed my trauma in our first session as I wanted to get to know her a bit first, but before our second session I had suffered a psychological setback and needed someone to talk to. She really pushed for hypnosis. I refused. Then she encouraged me to tell her about my trauma despite my obvious discomfort in giving her details. When I did, she made me repeat myself over again because she wasn't listening. At one point, she suggested I seek out faith healing at a local church, despite my telling her about spiritual abuse I had suffered through an ex-partner. I will never go back to see this counsellor and am left wondering what is the point? &#x200B; TL;DR Counsellor wanted to hypnotize me, suggested ""faith healing"" &#x200B; What are your experiences with counselling? Have you found counselling beneficial? Did you have to see multiple therapists before finding a right match? Is it worth it? &#x200B;",6.862807692307693,9.128869665384617,6.9530769230769245,68.3669230769231,65.80769230769229,9.96923076923077,37.230769230769226,10.241411754978122,4.484600000000001,1203,63,180,31,20,385,146,260,0.142,0.7440000000000001,0.114,-0.9171,1,0,0,0,1,0,44.0,2,4,1,3,6,16,0,1,12,0,23,4,0,1,2,25,43,12,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,8,9,0,2,5,0,2,2,3,9,0,6,14,5,41,7,30,28,2,32,3,4,3,0,32,13,0,1,17,135,49,4,0.0,0.11050699648847444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535241196565675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30316660569451925,0.3399914639634227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719272761946381,0.0,0.0,0.07171711930798481,0.0,0.05685513619509424,0.0,0.1587279197933704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182419368744612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950926561109202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014996330306292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737011793549397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049001207420642,0.15866694931029232,0.0,0.10226324051259124,0.0,0.0,0.04872853401349908,0.08947089529741678,0.0530061944102838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991392245511328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051257499536530235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267130050969026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825217141489602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915683230045584,0.07193381513641225,0.18015708957619828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264012411917253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763362836467974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902497313712396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059749689439158364,0.0,0.09209062121417487,0.0,0.0,0.07965012294149765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296689135242967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771520214641098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902543616107703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116782058838044,0.0,0.0969408722476868,0.0,0.07496506010476803,0.1630401957620497,0.0,0.0,0.21658202215409875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438515734421523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503515252929554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114486338340828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399914639634227,0.06006135352707871 ptsd,Jillz0,2019/03/01,"It happened again I'm being vague on purpose, so I apologize for the lack of details. I feel very vulnerable right now, but I also need support. My trauma happened 2 years ago. Yesterday, it happened again. This time it wasn't *as* bad, and it isn't *exactly* the same, but I am feeling retraumatized. How do I get through this again? How do I keep living my life knowing that life is fucking pain? I still am not over the first trauma and now I am here again. Has anyone been completely retraumatized? What do you even do? I'm at a loss and feel like I have no control over my life and never will. I have had an emegency therapy session, I am leaning on my support system. I'm eating even though I see no point in it. I'm not going to hurt myself. I just feel ao helpless and can't see the point in anything anymore. Life fucking sucks and I'm sick of being subjected to it. I'm so sad and angry and anxious and I don't know what I did in my life to deserve such shit all the time. ",1.1064367816091938,3.2385725172413795,3.11891625615764,89.91889983579641,82.44827586206897,5.640065681444992,24.44499178981937,6.868970318607317,0.9224489326765188,763,30,161,9,21,257,110,203,0.244,0.665,0.091,-0.9892,0,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,1,0,3,18,15,4,0,7,0,22,11,1,3,3,30,48,18,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,11,9,1,2,6,0,0,1,9,12,0,1,4,6,22,3,16,41,3,27,0,4,2,2,2,11,4,0,15,116,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110459014835152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965036301723428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407735359777698,0.1235793771536575,0.08713002661899287,0.0,0.1025431975113426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040439268613006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306509402262836,0.0,0.13976041773193956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750687154432225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460711437634776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25202571195949297,0.08902122222468165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599298008035124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039939098506865,0.06510344539286474,0.0,0.07081858613512768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305759412043086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339730251706552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107588612272094,0.0,0.0,0.1369645071254078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400777179539977,0.060878024047247216,0.0,0.11003268222735306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239654232095228,0.09610671243129312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259354761542694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355929609948802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641603599279707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859565693150036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791010608433687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951349828988558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828113095665497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250209604857866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242843559344753,0.0,0.14532188144057925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281608461412996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024458623131334 ptsd,ImpressiveHour,2019/03/01,"I can’t handle people getting too near me Whenever a person is sitting on the seat right beside me it freaks me out because of childhood abuse of 2 kids who sexually abused as a kid in a bus for 1 year. I shout this down, never talked about this because the abuser was my best friends brother... And at 26, 2 years ago I got hit down.. Drugged and raped by a total stranger. All I remember today is his face... I took pictures where he lived because I thought I had to call a taxi to get home and I had no fucking idea where I was... I was just in pain and bleeding and had marks all over me. He drove me back, to the middle of the city where he found me overly drunk. Keep in mind this guy was all sober... I can remember when he dragged my clothes off that his bed had no blanket. Only a pillow. This man was atleast 25-30 years older than me... I went to the hospital, got all the dna checked, diagnosed with ptsd this months since im still struggeling hard... But I dont want do anything, the police sucks. I dont want more drama... But I still can’t handle people having their hands on me, giving me hugs, just in general beeing nice. I freeze the fuck up and get awkward... What do I do ??",1.9841139734582358,3.6298977704918087,3.0627400468384103,93.79904371584702,77.44262295081967,5.795160031225605,23.504293520686964,6.42735559955562,0.430409679937549,912,29,204,7,21,292,149,244,0.151,0.7809999999999999,0.068,-0.9539,0,0,1,0,3,0,45.0,0,0,1,1,11,11,4,1,14,0,20,11,2,0,6,28,38,10,0,2,4,1,3,0,1,0,4,1,3,5,9,8,1,1,5,2,1,3,7,7,0,0,16,4,31,4,28,21,7,37,0,0,0,4,18,20,3,0,13,130,40,0,0.0,0.4174465168854711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410470321197278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664425451609036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030517707024543,0.0,0.21477353765710705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232474896775892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992078645148167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119200535275928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752808608717716,0.0,0.13619472328194465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128768418633882,0.09073492396021113,0.2171453389704392,0.1840748318500536,0.1126604794005863,0.0,0.0,0.18785721067566372,0.0,0.0,0.11628543684122547,0.0,0.0,0.10520441455324003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780328634387288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257703045524047,0.12685685056973384,0.0,0.0,0.10438730051469997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370289599260972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858232168870556,0.0,0.0937405943269092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057803737675728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931946661988416,0.12496591557445075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283814043585915,0.10254528885254463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728269622690428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26607639437251634,0.10029430246646748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097148728600259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757768608591344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439493794738828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932353426291967,0.0,0.0,0.1113207024346827,0.0,0.1304817017401904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385399452346536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886934197191192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268852075073897 ptsd,noone22k2,2019/03/01,"[F, 22] Delayed onset PTSD due to possible past sexual assault experiences. I'm confused. Please help. These are my past experiences which I think is and is close to sexual assault: ● I was in my teens (high school) when this happened. I was in the living room with my mom, dad, and sister. We were hanging out when suddenly my dad decided he wanted to touch my genital. I moved away because I felt uncomfortable, but he kept on reaching for it and he was eventually able to touch it. I felt violated, but they were laughing, including my mom so I dismissed the feeling. Please, don't misunderstand. My father is a bit emotionally and mentally abusive, but he never tried to abuse me sexually except for instances like I mentioned. ● This happened when I was in college. It was late and there were no seats left, so I had no choice but to stand up in the bus so I could go home. I felt something hard on my rear, which I didn't quite pay attention to due to the bus being so crowded. I thought it was a belt or a bag, but then my friend (who was standing as well) suddenly pulled me closer to her and told me the guy behind me was rubbing his crotch on my back. The shocking thing is I laughed because I thought it was funny. When I arrived home, that's when I realized that what happened wasn't normal. I suddenly felt cold and mad at myself for reacting that way. ● I was still in college and these happened while I was in a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. He had quite a few exes, but he was my first so I relied on him about relationship matters because I admit I was still quite naive. I also told him about the things I mentioned above. Before we did anything sexual, I already told him I will only allow us to go 'til second base and he agreed. When we had our first intimate encounter, he was really respectful of my boundaries. But as time went by, he became really pushy. He would force to undress me when I don't want to. I have self-esteem issues and I want to open up to him little by little, but he doesn't seem to care about my discomfort and only cares about his own pleasure. He also kept on convincing me to give him a blowjob. I told him I don't want to do it, but he just didn't stop on convincing me until I finally gave in. Our entire relationship almost revolved around me giving him blowjobs everytime we meet since then. I felt like he was treating me like an object, so I told him I really wanted to spend quality time with him (sitting in the couch and watching movies, talking about random things, getting to know each other more, stuff like that). He often agreed, but it always led to something sexual. There was also a time when we were making out and he tried to finger me. I didn't want him to do it so I held his hand in order to stop him, but he kept on pushing my hand away. He eventually did what he wanted to do. I complained about it being painful, but he kept on doing it so I just let him because I felt like even if I refused, it won't matter anyway. He also tried to give me oral sex. I'm not comfortable with it, so I refused. I said no twice and held his hand, but he kept on lowering my jeans. I wanted to cry, but I stopped myself because we were at his room and his parents were at the living room so I don't want to make a scene because it would be so embarrassing if they found out what we were doing. When I felt his lips on my genital, I felt cold. I froze. He still kept on touching and kissing me, but I never felt any pleasure from it. It's like I was there but I wasn't. I could remember giving him a blowjob and me hitting my head on the wall and almost gagging because he was being too rough. I also heard him say something like, ""I would've cum into your mouth, but I felt pity on you."" with a smug look on his face. I think this is because we agreed that he wouldn't cum in my mouth because I don't want to. I just felt numb the rest of the day while I was with him. When I arrived home, that's when it sank in. I told him through text that I felt disrespected, and he said sorry. He told me he just got carried away and he won't do it again. But after that event, there were times when he'd try to touch me and I'd push his hand away but like what he did before, he'd disregard my refusal. There were a lot of times when I was aroused by what he was doing even if I don't want it. And I feel like it's my fault because I let him get his way when I could've fought and resisted more. I could've set my boundaries clearer. I'm really confused. I feel light-headed. I want to go into details more but this is already too long. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel. Please help.",2.92934738467698,4.162859027139877,4.2842408556639135,87.72070852518091,74.07306889352819,7.211736780392942,25.440615437412426,7.7129715018208636,1.2070842623044582,3620,118,779,47,73,1198,332,958,0.115,0.7390000000000001,0.146,0.9915,5,0,3,0,1,0,111.0,11,2,2,5,61,39,5,4,24,0,82,16,12,5,2,156,164,85,0,21,30,7,29,9,1,6,2,4,7,1,48,46,0,16,30,0,2,10,23,16,1,4,78,37,159,23,102,69,9,120,0,1,2,3,118,51,0,12,61,534,207,4,0.04205011369942886,0.09964501729669233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421422948727766,0.0,0.09280669221927323,0.1681373036657281,0.03498906316229982,0.0,0.0,0.028595519275452293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034603660672741364,0.03743351633430536,0.0,0.0,0.15802986410284495,0.032333941836245765,0.0,0.2563335901612727,0.0,0.0715630992419923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045907833275812285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574578681947369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342943765604031,0.0,0.04619007537759992,0.02711884461702039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730071812128615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554740702881057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822661599644886,0.0,0.0,0.08504720380391581,0.030040609628881974,0.4844964418783717,0.046063844164404816,0.0,0.0715356104628473,0.0,0.046105779242474255,0.032487813534361684,0.0,0.04393889770702434,0.16135320283347826,0.0716941459819077,0.0,0.03363131727642472,0.0,0.0,0.04163622367189269,0.1487391066870873,0.0,0.037668642390620635,0.0,0.08631109622741999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056370609668744576,0.04442825383489249,0.12653907779169046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388939373968346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932892835118531,0.0,0.047434359826987474,0.0,0.04568757157140161,0.08599818048006695,0.0,0.1848920536822954,0.08429052177613801,0.07426204158078338,0.03721302738408525,0.035311504915763216,0.0,0.0,0.035749502940958404,0.0,0.0,0.05613755483770582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237662431673058,0.0,0.0,0.09849716989083304,0.0,0.04469261612108005,0.0,0.0,0.06486327998456146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041200183340934886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396201263821916,0.04474428572964766,0.0,0.04669167496776452,0.0,0.08028318319129447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847519228946667,0.0,0.04740518505042292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049154332663240895,0.0,0.0,0.1341764159104447,0.0,0.0,0.1077535183622132,0.0,0.0,0.13543825589232594,0.047634581641685436,0.0,0.07999857501460457,0.033439938181766105,0.0,0.04255696001224957,0.0,0.03828084422013859,0.04386743937753769,0.0,0.0,0.034784288586052634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971166957255042,0.0,0.047071659592995786,0.0,0.0,0.10074382535613037,0.10546733379652104,0.0,0.0,0.04813731978428662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03379828856160378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838086811954184,0.053888029898841366,0.0,0.06676618646813308,0.12259879728096824,0.0,0.0,0.2812647996048675,0.0,0.1141970678398224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058110928647239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29762695848962056,0.06675484596584721,0.0,0.0,0.03780810223142564,0.03898087668143234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961358288611733,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,potatonihongo,2019/03/01,"Trouble with intimacy and sex because I don't like myself? My girlfriend and I have a really wonderful relationship, but I can't have sex. I think it makes me really aware of my body, and that just freaks me out and spirals me into this terrible feeling of self-loathing and anxiety. I was wondering if anyone has advice about this? My trauma doesn't have to do with sex.",3.9333333333333336,5.9063101111111145,5.478888888888887,77.155,72.8888888888889,9.244444444444444,28.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,2.9905666666666666,296,12,54,8,6,100,49,72,0.21600000000000005,0.727,0.057,-0.8958,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,9,4,1,1,0,17,14,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,12,1,8,13,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,3,1,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652534829685045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765512868434324,0.0,0.0,0.1898010636688628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547070846274525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301514850657462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725104323389195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261460103476422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811920350453705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477899835821564,0.0,0.0,0.291430971406723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831769440626497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393136965414485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5887423132358715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,guessitwasntaphase,2019/03/02,"Help with flashbacks I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 15, and just given pills for my nightmares and went on my way without any sort of trauma therapy. The flash backs stopped so I thought it went away. Well here I am, 21. My therapist said I’d probably been walking around with PTSD the whole time and that normal people don’t see the world as dark as I do, and they don’t live one day at a time struggling to survive. I got a trauma therapist after I was raped in November. I really thought I was doing better. The nightmares sure hadn’t stopped but the flashbacks were much less frequent. Then all the sudden it’s much more intense and nearly constant. The past couple days it’s felt like I can’t even close my eyes. It’s always there, waiting for me to lose focus at any moment, to stop controlling my thoughts. Please make it stop",3.4236919104991443,5.329549596385547,3.8198278829604138,88.7951807228916,74.12048192771084,6.670567986230638,26.314974182444054,7.447530270364453,1.3149841652323584,667,24,132,8,14,208,108,166,0.132,0.777,0.091,-0.7053,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,9,9,1,1,9,0,13,4,1,2,2,28,25,11,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,10,0,6,4,0,0,3,5,5,1,1,16,4,17,4,20,9,6,30,0,1,2,1,3,9,0,1,18,87,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025757665899644,0.0,0.0,0.16766423822848212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974205329071574,0.0,0.0,0.11582215261998845,0.09479187411630677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902787953875112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321789797086658,0.1382648656943019,0.0,0.1364028938720314,0.0,0.15900604498735332,0.0,0.0,0.12512286118084726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142284106943927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836459130399665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859532777592744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262951301516168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022657884989641,0.0,0.10885524154148248,0.0,0.0,0.1379146596588861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228789515245405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124454654722302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078461118664872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353521905791972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768118828918488,0.08546427242771745,0.0,0.0,0.13532037079603376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291271401053809,0.0,0.28820682227255434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897396178843076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726400218496826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823525959178056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122580652967947,0.0,0.128875166889586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618646463111085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097720578585887,0.28626659824024336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936028635929517,0.14376681714248413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785099799299243,0.0,0.0,0.11084020888787112,0.2285567515425852,0.0,0.13763359928861413,0.0,0.1188339651171798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xenonscreams,2019/03/02,"Multiple traumatic events and PTSD I have PTSD from a traumatic event that happened in 2009. Recently, I had another traumatic event happen. The two events are very different, but cause anxiety over similar things. My psychiatrist mentioned that because of this, my PTSD (which had not been much of an issue for a while) might resurface in this context. I realized yesterday that it had, though with the flashbacks and triggers instantiated to the new event. Does anyone have PTSD from multiple traumatic events? If you have it following one traumatic event, is it more likely to experience similar symptoms following a different traumatic event? In this case, does it make sense to even consider them the ""same"" PTSD? Just curious what people's experiences here are. I know medical advice isn't cool here, but I'm also curious if people with relevant experiences can share how they personally coped and healed.",8.202467532467535,10.339648337662341,8.029740259740263,62.42889610389614,62.376623376623364,13.392207792207792,38.675324675324674,12.563389971838223,6.142423376623375,740,38,108,30,11,237,96,154,0.161,0.787,0.051,-0.9614,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,2,0,7,3,0,0,8,1,13,3,0,4,0,19,20,11,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,13,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,1,9,3,14,15,3,18,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,13,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445636377832075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366741386357684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281917571785828,0.0896027855436352,0.0,0.0,0.08189879109476206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140028998117705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032297034640045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447481695815541,0.0,0.0,0.20499943008054614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736210004830557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437216913362889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071522374870509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225145515029355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437061935899636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057222943308737284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818401193001344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799438262601432,0.0,0.12425455653684807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610273578662171,0.0,0.0,0.11312318726813075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936912897456591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624039521900277,0.10227186421771403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6845832424417242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565000981927424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217410924100523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781480032234653,0.0,0.11507790436667477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441727432159927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664306739874767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anklet73,2019/03/02,"Question for those whose PTSD was caused by someone else’s purposeful actions. Did you seek any type of justice? Did you get any? For those who didn’t receive any justice ...were you able to make peace with them getting away with what they did? I’m in the process of trying to get justice through a different state agency and I’m trying to be hopeful, but I feel like nothing will happen; just like when I went to the police. I’m really torn up I don’t know how I’ll handle it if he gets away with it a second time. Is it possible to really just “move on” ? It’s always on my mind and I’m so sick of reliving what he did and the processes I’ve gone through trying to get something done about it. :(",1.5716071428571432,3.6170899305555584,3.007539682539683,91.82000000000002,80.25,6.058730158730159,23.48015873015873,7.1686216300943375,0.8398408730158731,546,19,117,7,14,178,89,144,0.084,0.794,0.122,0.4231,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,2,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,3,0,18,28,8,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,10,1,9,3,24,16,0,14,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,3,4,72,20,1,0.15890971032635862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222560898300847,0.0,0.0,0.32419215680425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29860180767879824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324404619948096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602682508329908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626198059368578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327486721290135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034952424356114,0.11352512880881205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151188244455078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405233320342213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783319816760788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733262094741467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527051525189084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060734655969678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045350736335384,0.0,0.0,0.16889587344027654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247815287672892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791468217702453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575694754678326,0.0,0.1780152437612089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036032591015067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346436818780224,0.12233645863524815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266153000933856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236677866127657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731089352079574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tomiek,2019/03/02,"Can you get PTSD from hearing/seeing your dog get beat in the past? Someone I know said they get shaking up, anxious, or cry whenever they hear their dog yelp in pain. It also takes them a while for their sounds to get out their head and gets uneasy when people walk around their dog. Is that actual PTSD or...something else entirely?",4.325156249999999,6.050202453125002,3.9676250000000017,89.41487500000002,71.34375,6.995000000000001,23.7375,7.554174236665415,0.9339100000000004,263,7,52,3,5,79,52,64,0.192,0.8079999999999999,0.0,-0.9013,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,7,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,11,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,10,0,8,10,0,10,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,3,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.19217616557204686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748558170584567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224758799766104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531026627272472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631936314204486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164510509994721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.514441375741745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021079335265787,0.0,0.2219554538904968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082280807846572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095483783942247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799284171962027,0.1365271006586441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604034026989712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732639704483592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685892535176086,0.15160703966570307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480675398470134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,coolpizzanerd,2019/03/02,"Snippets of memories So I was gonna links a document describing how I've been feeling recently, but I'm not sure that's advisable considering triggers and what not, but basically, I've gone through a few traumatic events that have permanently scarred me and I used to only really have flashbacks when I was by myself and had time to think, which seems really minor but I'd be crying myself to sleep or choking up in the middle of the day. Recently, snippets of memories of the events have been flooding in like intrusive thoughts (which they basically are) whilst I'm in conversation with people. I have to carry on like normal cos I don't wanna make a scene, but it's getting harder and harder to pretend and I'm becoming too open about what's happening, it makes me uncomfortable. Is this normal? And is there a way to make it stop or at least not feel as shitty? TL/DR: I keep having mini flashbacks whilst I'm conversing with people and have to pretend it isn't happening, how do I make it stop",5.502775574940522,6.523968484536084,6.652680412371132,73.94580888183981,67.76288659793815,10.299127676447265,31.933386201427442,10.389873798559362,3.4768910388580494,802,33,145,21,13,270,109,194,0.14400000000000002,0.797,0.059,-0.9483,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,7,0,18,1,1,9,1,41,38,18,0,3,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,10,0,3,6,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,2,12,3,24,29,2,21,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,13,97,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332573342254127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823350250672507,0.10705146446756507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786164463596867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672425785564865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29357333284871273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754180800881644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219115358200334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432052723391384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32527491677953746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624481647195238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015667168552675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267815987573185,0.0,0.3277952412051839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111338601234325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611243084257815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27755441393499897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644601676695533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636132548070057,0.0,0.1317795455386453,0.09679159253453322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336427007353586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317571622587777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kawisabee,2019/03/02,"My SO jokes about sexual assault and molestation but it’s ok because it doesn’t happen to guys. I guess the dynamic is different because I am a male who was drugged and sexually assaulted about 3 years ago. My SO knew about this since the day it happened but last night we were with a friend and this friend started joking about being assaulted and molested. I was very clearly uncomfortable but my SO continued to joke along with it encouraging it. I don’t blame this friend because she didn’t know and I started panicking as I heard it so it wasn’t exactly easy to bring it up and I had to say I was leaving and haven’t spoken to anyone since last night. I cried and wanted to throw my body away and just cut off various parts of my body in an effort to remove any association with it and I was absolutely mortified with how SO kept joking about something she knew I was very uncomfortable with for years but she said she didn’t know it would offend or trigger me. I don’t know what to do, it’s not the first time she’s done that either. I just don’t want to be in this compromised body anymore I fucking hate it. I can’t explain the dirtiness and shame I feel in my lower body and how disgusted I am looking in the mirror. and seeing the same used flesh and it’s all a joke apparently. ",3.371642036124797,5.0226199463601535,4.719211822660103,83.3648275862069,73.67432950191571,8.343076081007116,26.604816639299397,8.976282227363876,2.0417161466885605,1030,37,210,22,21,342,132,261,0.191,0.65,0.159,-0.8957,3,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,14,22,10,1,10,1,24,7,5,4,3,50,47,27,0,3,9,0,1,0,3,1,1,3,0,2,20,21,0,1,7,5,0,3,10,11,0,1,16,6,30,11,30,28,5,23,0,0,2,1,17,7,1,2,13,149,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104420379420903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010634187669667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682347040883813,0.08236675342511983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067463226150999,0.0,0.0,0.21542479445967516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233858836838372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129395026327945,0.07596964465887253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307331931095243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054774457266468,0.0,0.0,0.1366077059099668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059561957224378986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001984963604828,0.0,0.0,0.2730301771484917,0.10890189388756713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976723079127342,0.11663804863227098,0.20833588675094655,0.0,0.0,0.11630064708372395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942152818750384,0.19204137526721535,0.0,0.12473054766473934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892023494013097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22108995455901384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756321708430812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120524012527679,0.0936773028851314,0.0,0.0,0.09386935905176733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948866244792428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068627331416436,0.0,0.0,0.1667553586557429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868867163459291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173922148972614,0.0,0.19439055439705968,0.13896003926833073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367996676124317,0.0,0.0,0.15171546031353084 ptsd,pondmermaid,2019/03/02,"Numbness, or faking? I've had PTSD since I was 4 years old and it went undiagnosed until I was 19. The first time I told the story of the trauma I was visibly shaking and sweating, but a couple years later I seem to say it so casually. I seem to be completely numb to triggers lately. However, as I've numbed to triggers, I've noticed my post-traumatic OCD coming out severely. I don't think I've had a flashback in a while. (Also, is it normal for people with PTSD to have flashbacks of something that triggered them really badly? Because that's me.) Anyways, I'm just worried that I'm ""faking"" this or that I don't fit criteria anymore, even though I haven't even told the entire story of my trauma yet let alone processed the entirety of it. Help! ",3.4602796420581647,5.138421375838927,5.249815436241615,79.53946588366894,73.49664429530202,7.651230425055928,28.52404921700224,8.344100000000001,2.218650559284116,591,24,108,10,12,202,93,149,0.222,0.736,0.042,-0.9753,1,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,0,1,8,0,12,4,1,3,0,16,21,11,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,9,0,1,8,1,13,1,15,11,0,16,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,10,72,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677575842101123,0.0,0.12953160634383407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606359951836334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135242628010636,0.09873865278428272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952739747757026,0.16982804322464834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922261278013102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396634488028898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777612599969588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085686439264294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271521816765987,0.0,0.0,0.1656307407304495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870142477191299,0.0,0.1844099774636128,0.16996585307404027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229329355884816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512758419445824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37868096667513024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376553877661512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880927712906998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294912499244708,0.0,0.18298600922054248,0.0,0.13398766002090026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469651613956576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037872459489826,0.15913993129999165,0.0,0.09444911272752167,0.0,0.0,0.3095487226085047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501527460936094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449380178308892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086135933722725 ptsd,serenity023,2019/03/02,"Job Search Yesterday, I went in to interview for a job I applied for about a month ago, and I've been feeling pretty down since coming to some realizations. Whether of not I get an offer isn't so much of an issue, I'm just really scared at the possibility of working somewhere I hate, or that is as toxic as my former employer. My boss at my old job sexually harassed and emotionally abused me, and this resurfaced a lot of trauma that I had spent years working through. My co-workers were complacent (possibly out of fear of retaliation if they spoke out, since this organization has a history of sexual harassment being reported and unresolved) and HR was no help. This was my dream job, so I continued to stay as the abuse worsened my health and ability to complete assignments, which resulted in me being fired for ""not being a good fit."" Part of me wishes I never started working there, but another part of me blames myself for not doing a ""better"" job and sticking through what was happening. I've now been unemployed since mid-October, and I feel scared and confused most of the time. I've had 3 other interviews, only 1 of which I genuinely enjoyed and could see myself working there, but I haven't recieved an offer. I dread the thought of reliving the experience at my old job. The majority of the interview yesterday also revolved around why I left my old job, and why I hadn't been working for several months (which was obviously pretty uncomfortable). DAE have experiences with an abusive employer and re-entering the workplace?",9.941774106175515,8.372511644366199,10.214507042253523,60.74002708559048,59.3169014084507,14.090574214517884,43.32502708559045,12.896187039172386,5.803698049837487,1233,61,204,38,13,416,158,284,0.161,0.7759999999999999,0.063,-0.979,11,0,0,0,2,0,35.0,0,0,1,6,9,12,3,5,18,0,21,1,0,2,2,40,35,23,0,3,9,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,17,0,0,3,1,1,2,8,9,0,0,15,5,28,3,38,16,7,29,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,7,15,150,38,21,0.0,0.28996462643292664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231269193953363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523673973810197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554012831851843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262042715512024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214783163339024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027097688742777,0.08553146346899218,0.0,0.0,0.06513223940312482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176264190718804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959504374847225,0.0,0.09179630144266873,0.08249511231367923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04262038184861925,0.0,0.0,0.06842254204895674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213787616038371,0.0,0.0,0.08053995696600794,0.0,0.08671206085072775,0.0,0.0,0.0546790437288844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514472678683818,0.5666649877483477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863316322102288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935346791817233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022725219221387,0.0,0.05996815256831415,0.0,0.06291686649330673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568026082821011,0.0,0.0,0.062042644324491164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667891403939612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393061218105924,0.0,0.16598536283447946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226002856001948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334472083659796,0.0,0.06500595076666713,0.0,0.0,0.0921582847320468,0.0,0.2024429021986767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774030388806116,0.08694975109475782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476267067102669,0.047567943912812334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562228165277739,0.14722030081902096,0.0,0.09380900970338836,0.0,0.0,0.3563322117171862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052532625359914716 ptsd,kindlikeasoul,2019/03/02,"I see him everywhere (tw: molestation) I thought I had gotten over everything that happen, but life is rarely that simple. It's been ten years since my 3rd grade teacher molested me. I though I had moved on until I saw a professor walking down the hall at my university a few days ago. He looks just like him. I keep telling myself it can't be him because my 3rd grade teacher would be ten years older now and this man looks exactly like my teacher did in 2009. I can't get out of my own head and whenever I see him I feel like I'm a helpless eight year old again. I've asked around and I can't avoid this man, he's the Dean of education (I'm a math and English edu major) and there is a required class I need to take to graduate that only he teaches. I just don't know what to do. Any advice on how do deal with this professor would be great. From what I've heard from other students he's a really nice guy and I feel horrible bring terrified of him just because he resembles my molester. So far I've been able to calm myself down when I walk past him in the hallway, but I'm scared I'll lose it when I take his class and have a panic attack. I'm almost a year free from panic attacks and clean from self harm so I just want to be able to cope with this in a healthy way. ",2.7295555555555566,3.741217103703704,4.140925925925926,89.4191666666667,74.25925925925927,7.622222222222224,24.98148148148148,8.07648339933343,1.2092370370370358,998,31,226,15,20,331,145,270,0.175,0.6970000000000001,0.128,-0.957,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,14,19,5,4,12,0,20,2,1,1,1,32,44,17,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,1,4,13,12,0,3,4,0,1,4,4,12,0,3,9,8,33,8,27,29,3,32,0,2,5,0,20,13,0,1,17,133,46,12,0.25560280720311035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488605248157887,0.11328823319733453,0.0,0.1279746448324555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690933694592523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377034467640322,0.11947706044611073,0.2907850932128703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581309885153247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242133257667646,0.13175763537240284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485966087500213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292404593269339,0.0913013482688789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677095857340258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090149864930362,0.0,0.12654348247359096,0.11301435913423825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311611108010273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359575964085272,0.0,0.0,0.07023630912396699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902699109003052,0.18731193090442133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146419828386362,0.14297708029714576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583266651136552,0.0,0.09476312140484812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341060745697456,0.0,0.0,0.09719872639079033,0.0,0.2998948215514776,0.0,0.0,0.12200090076792793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187285168912539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279515001402765,0.0,0.20368234433387156,0.0,0.13332473640687434,0.0,0.0,0.1057186417224708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218150085489527,0.0,0.11170405982264377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556423015535986,0.10146003890432358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538057906438736,0.10144280551323173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815729006342838,0.0,0.0,0.3291996551431722 ptsd,mommastang,2019/03/02,"Ptsd and chronic headache relief My ptsd came from a road rage car incident (I refuse to call his deliberate actions an accident). I sustained a whiplash injury, and my headache developed within hours of the incident. The damage to soft tissue is permanent and I deal with chronic upper body pain. My constant headache has not gone way. It’s been years. There’s the vicious circle of body pain that causes tension, which inflames the headache. Pain, Stress, my anxiety, all the ptsd issues have left me without relief from this mother fucking headache for YEARS. Literally 24/7, years without a break from this headache. Ok, I’m venting. Sorry. Has anyone found something that has relieved them from a chronic tension headache? I’m desperate. Much appreciated! I have tried ",4.788881578947368,8.182283917293237,4.1541306390977475,80.0850305451128,78.24812030075188,6.332518796992482,33.87640977443609,7.6454224807358475,2.9742484962406017,623,34,94,10,16,186,85,133,0.241,0.667,0.093,-0.9633,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,1,14,3,3,10,1,7,10,2,1,1,12,13,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,10,0,0,4,1,11,4,13,9,2,15,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,5,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642492593562247,0.0,0.0,0.09727457381592758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090575788136561,0.0,0.0,0.14205508133618178,0.159113985438841,0.0,0.14291255712394954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033718729383838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342459883294245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525357590109567,0.0,0.12861239365578467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370032540812796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520309810632054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511521662037343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226777240628544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440942348646436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878646602218544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070998700417362,0.0,0.15573126497140785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935925395088096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445202264213064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042543108868584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268209667661891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26876238523901463 ptsd,jilifive,2019/03/02,"Night terrors (tw sexual abuse) I’ve stopped smoking weed; my night terrors have gotten worse. My friends have the emotional intelligence of feral dogs so I’ll be blessing the infinite void of the internet with my shit. My night terrors are not flashbacks to when I was raped as an adult or molested as a child but they are related. It starts with the same nightmare; its me telling someone about what happened. I get questioned to the point where I am not sure about what happened. I start doubting whether or not I was actually abused until I spiral to the point of convincing myself I wasn’t raped, that I must have fabricated everything or misunderstood everything. This stresses me to the point of waking up with a panic attack, convinced for a few minutes that I am some monster who lied about being raped. Even though this is only a few minutes a few days a week, it is utter psychological torture to have to re-validate that I was abused. I do not understand why it manifested this way in my dreams, I’d almost rather have flashes of the rape and be positive as to who the real monsters are. I have a laundry list of symptoms from ptsd but I hate this one the most. Explaining that I have sleep issues is embarrassing. Being afraid to sleep is embarrassing. I can usually fall asleep fine, staying asleep is my issue.",5.227767402376912,7.064049790322581,5.677945670628188,77.6027079796265,69.24193548387098,8.76943972835314,32.407470288624786,9.276330184999452,3.0685693548387096,1060,48,187,22,19,340,141,248,0.268,0.624,0.108,-0.9942,0,0,0,0,3,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,9,24,9,9,18,0,28,11,6,0,2,27,37,14,0,2,11,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,16,4,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,18,0,2,5,0,25,6,28,27,6,21,1,0,0,4,9,6,1,8,12,140,41,0,0.0,0.4162767030653631,0.11428469127102668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172710312173248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323212495859565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552773190523161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173555170367549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735155618447098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050593097903528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048065673382001,0.0,0.061186332476434124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20712400421799887,0.0,0.0,0.11562413030608512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24446958641987865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329705823092648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935831156800567,0.08906916594128182,0.0,0.13740602689743986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321268748578441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689798779405854,0.0,0.1311925555917133,0.0,0.0,0.1332994133617145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021407209317915,0.0,0.0,0.2343937134387516,0.0,0.09922885448816048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578534859371308,0.1248261078026779,0.0,0.0979111097127857,0.13415172063693195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103769375859033,0.12172450002824466,0.0,0.0,0.10236129433071096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506222012654617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219180132828875,0.0,0.0,0.12898263051598902,0.0,0.0,0.09295827644366472,0.0939404066166762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567561671769823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934741812657895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AshleyB7197,2019/03/02,"TW: S*xual Abuse After surviving literally COUNTLESS sexual assaults, I sometimes have thoughts that people only like me for my sexuality and they do not care about my personality- I send nudes and vulgar flirty messages very soon because I feel it’s all I’m worth. Has anyone found good coping mechanisms for this? To remind me I’m worth MORE than my body? I have a list of my phone of random things that I like about myself and that make me who I am, but I’m still having the intrusive thoughts.",3.6793567251462003,6.153457894736838,4.922456140350878,78.57163742690062,75.3157894736842,7.590643274853799,24.239766081871338,8.515128840125781,1.850309941520468,400,13,71,8,9,132,69,95,0.07200000000000001,0.802,0.126,0.2373,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,0,2,0,6,2,2,1,1,12,15,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,15,4,9,12,2,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,48,22,0,0.0,0.3041047965094201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946539316992105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564599543245009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28509577435360034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26168599052610864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297769989315036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28141876021143103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152775338401668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25078607100219924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132517163026906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520449055433367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793845759218074,0.2241090506551653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538471975428284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497215241772426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051611565462987,0.0,0.0,0.4075249942332155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117746288561846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,safetyindarkness,2019/03/03,"Telling the difference between real and fake by hurting yourself? Do you ever have to do something ""drastic"" to keep yourself in the real world? Like sometimes I'm stuck between the real world with my boyfriend and the past with my rapist ex and can't tell which is real til I bash my head against something so I can feel the pain and tell which one is real. Does anyone else feel/do the same?",4.132510822510824,5.794906168831169,3.9734415584415568,89.4325432900433,71.72727272727272,5.652813852813853,29.71645021645022,5.46131890053228,1.1637203463203465,313,13,60,1,6,95,49,77,0.194,0.7759999999999999,0.029,-0.933,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,6,0,7,3,1,0,1,15,11,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,6,1,10,10,1,6,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490775553023274,0.13907462467718965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181222417704092,0.0,0.0,0.11878097059704858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133876073442896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227783805908216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726149059141016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393013431701893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530511543448096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206458362525916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631234773639225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197627692269296,0.0,0.1444296127327027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295726243941831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7724700484890672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089879787594908,0.13424352930048555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35591019645593563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Whynot10182001AMM,2019/03/03,"How is PTSD defined Like, I go into immense anxiety and fear when I hear yelling due to my parents always fighting when I was young, but I’ve never had flashbacks or anything else of that sort. Is it possible that I have PTSD?",4.8053333333333335,5.615451311111113,5.468888888888892,82.57000000000005,69.22222222222223,7.777777777777778,35.0,7.793537801064563,2.616333333333334,179,9,34,2,3,58,37,45,0.121,0.838,0.041,-0.3506,1,0,0,0,3,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,7,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,5,1,3,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992024169108015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219012720206556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174978330584488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079021063562784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29741296648210314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502087841853148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978872986156429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912449223842268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384581526108148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934758326120667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29796052856118066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6179092403429275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,suhayma,2019/03/03,"Partner Understands for First Time in 14 Years Hey, all. I suffer from PTSD stemming from a span of 8 years of physical and emotional abuse by my stepfather when I was a child. This abuse has shaped my whole life as a person. It has been very hard. I have pretty much been on medication and in therapy constantly since graduating from college. I function. I'm a mom. I'm a good mom! I am doing okay. :) Anyway, we were watching the R. Kelly documentary, and there's a part where one of his victims says, ""I either had to find a way to kill me or kill him."" During a commercial break, I turned to my husband and I said to him, ""I used to keep broken scissors under my mattress in my bedroom, because I just got so mad some days that I swore that I was going to kill him if he came up into my room to hurt me or yell at me."" I could see my husband was shocked at this announcement. It took him a few minutes to sputter, ""I...I never knew just how intense it was for you."" I added on to that that the reason I do not like open doors is because I would always keep my door closed, because it would mean it would be one more barrier between me and my stepdad, and it would give me one more second to grab the scissors if I needed to. He was pretty visibly upset by that. But, I can't tell you how validating it was. I don't talk much about my specific abuse and what happened to me, so maybe that is why he never really understood. But now he does, and I am grateful. ",2.769939130434782,3.999878620000004,4.443623188405798,86.43586956521744,74.46666666666667,7.484057971014493,26.04347826086957,8.04050195162591,1.461569565217391,1126,39,241,17,23,380,168,300,0.16899999999999998,0.759,0.07200000000000001,-0.9871,0,0,0,0,3,1,43.0,1,2,0,1,12,12,5,1,12,1,27,2,0,4,3,45,46,20,3,8,10,4,2,1,1,4,2,3,5,3,16,13,0,3,6,0,0,3,5,9,0,5,16,7,44,3,35,24,10,31,0,2,2,0,25,16,0,5,11,177,60,2,0.0,0.36639131545733455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576905784450325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850596616476792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789364035309045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139057476080574,0.0,0.08229930377081024,0.0,0.0,0.06647670850300164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020415192699167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594874689306985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421131961649198,0.08767799645377124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888169999741443,0.05858153756323972,0.08645683956919137,0.0824408011008579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911514334208456,0.0,0.09233753853707607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034700796380477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324072093342772,0.3421212229875992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280695865877854,0.05035864802065911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355559024560836,0.112282035249109,0.0,0.10384012494811934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414471465754855,0.0,0.0,0.15154821176184524,0.07643094574580181,0.15900003916007655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954472796890425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162330475410866,0.0,0.0,0.09000363341621602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097345327384459,0.0,0.0,0.12049253167898633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603433268910322,0.10598123353480317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980506733786818,0.08197167151702582,0.0,0.0,0.08213972892815352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526709177602752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285009956507985,0.09009461496541094,0.0,0.11787854499921185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010554376310279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452332313223294,0.0,0.11211913948660916,0.0,0.10730771368112804,0.0,0.08902619724844214,0.0,0.08505005044064665,0.0,0.08181842735381945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301175861115396,0.11508277764981628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928942886547173,0.0,0.0,0.13275755699462008 ptsd,NationalKoala4,2019/03/03,"How can I date and love myself? I'm currently away from my family. Some people at my work sometimes make assault jokes or seem to think i'm promiscuous. I just want someone to love me. The other day, my apartment had maintenance people check every apartment. When I noticed some things were moved I almost freaked out because I thought someone broke in. I thought I was done with ptsd. When I finally told my ex what happened to me he hugged me but also said I should have known to not be around the people who hurt me. I've tried to get a therapist but they hang up on me or say they don't specialize in ptsd. Sometimes I have flashbacks and I don't think the person i'm seeing understands.",2.747989893318361,4.996885124087591,3.5929927007299263,88.07276810780462,77.32116788321167,6.55115103874228,25.86692869174621,7.61054688173877,1.4272497473329584,550,21,108,8,13,175,89,137,0.08800000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.4221,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,6,9,1,0,4,0,11,3,0,2,0,25,29,10,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,7,1,1,2,3,4,0,0,8,3,23,5,15,19,2,18,0,2,1,3,11,10,0,6,6,71,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778797595253906,0.0,0.0,0.11802600079422115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138453312498827,0.0,0.0,0.13866370266643907,0.0,0.0,0.08996822197204858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951819943143058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510336765433022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434918221198835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913274949480367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616753447748165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710859313493795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051150414903592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799591347302155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664077076021993,0.0,0.09851607804168733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686259476033249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802981728496666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069566277032404,0.1288680729988658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450447449475552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038990266225568,0.11736783225233542,0.0,0.0,0.11760845847933506,0.13435849308348569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501015196791035,0.0,0.2919364397633509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136094246131114,0.09805085147353207,0.18913675076782135,0.0,0.2343366345633037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410265757202996,0.0,0.100202505078502,0.0,0.0,0.15364422251768226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705117502487382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744575850964294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Renaissance_Rob,2019/03/03,"Tech support workplace accommodation Hello. Sorry for the long post but I am hoping someone may have some experience with this. I am employed as a senior phone support advisor for a major tech company and work from home. I am currently on my 2nd medical leave due to PTSD from child hood trauma. I have completed 2 DBT programs and scheduled to start EMDR within the next month. My Dr. is has to send my latest medical and asked me to make a list of accommodations to give me the best chance of success in minimizing suffering. He said he will pretty much put anything I give him and they either say ok or they don’t. Problem is anytime I even think about going back to the same job sends me to a near panic attack. I guess my question is since my main function is to talk to (angered) people on the phone would asking for another position that is not dealing with the public be considered reasonable? This would be in addition to other things like flexible schedule, time off, etc. I am also very worried what may happen if they can’t make the accommodations the Dr sends them. I know they have long term disability but It will only cover 2 years for any mental issue. Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated.",5.297084510660159,6.96003186026201,6.358725918314924,73.46628307218087,68.82532751091703,8.881685075777037,30.50115592088364,9.325443323948027,2.919989776521963,972,39,165,20,17,324,152,229,0.099,0.746,0.155,0.9464,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,5,3,4,14,2,1,12,1,24,4,0,3,0,30,40,11,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,6,4,2,1,1,7,7,0,0,5,0,0,5,3,6,0,0,1,2,23,8,29,31,9,28,0,1,0,0,25,7,0,9,16,115,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841856284470742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690995038587907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648171044631418,0.1270708748571581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972323112877124,0.0,0.2265793739140821,0.1378630845906975,0.0,0.09318219784706773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717401526557176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705800312044868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493428621197197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351510072495202,0.08004018653005666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854016489471665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23249942963701664,0.06887105536751917,0.0,0.0,0.13360461509644694,0.1334966666318324,0.0,0.10716167036720266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155636577281445,0.12036199903742408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648350119361412,0.12025536545504364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659897258906163,0.0,0.0,0.12831523211887286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920386149510307,0.0,0.0,0.2144861704615967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617811019772986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24415811848406305,0.12212389727088505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672706361095038,0.0,0.08908340167609413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887942755740134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216508377691823,0.0,0.14218206543894993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401298968352483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605975492854564,0.1232866122805077,0.0,0.1159557039367876,0.14165636761714756,0.12182232194435873,0.13575262268638966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245962415174572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527272304513884,0.09636953488157933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024377718653664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267790868298912,0.0,0.0,0.13565437580726586,0.0857739060462188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750339200863705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740225387890168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805085581791435,0.07764913243571239,0.0,0.0,0.07066274469042069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998861376051836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822262091636056,0.12306715418373715,0.0,0.17216976209435647,0.0,0.0,0.07803783784577929 ptsd,Alienaura,2019/03/03,"Am I the only one? I've lived with a trauma for 12 years now and the hardest part for me is maybe that I sometimes wish I just hadn't survived. So I didn't have to suffer with nightmares, flashbacks, PTSD and depression right now. Is that just me? I realize it's a very selfish thought but lately I've just felt hopeless, helpless and stuck again. I had to get this off my chest..",2.136043956043956,4.007973410256412,2.976227106227107,93.57115384615385,77.71794871794873,5.482783882783883,25.24542124542125,6.18269132825596,0.6302652014652015,298,11,64,2,7,94,55,78,0.243,0.7090000000000001,0.048,-0.9369,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,4,0,7,1,1,0,0,13,12,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,6,1,9,0,7,6,1,7,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23590113860946185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629774441522353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309627092073302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089599584410609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24184997293347396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751594150659966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855950175853568,0.2083057601977745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29659628389957016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320162865741736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339006457314885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708843085938915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217438142642818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22598801354014106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149600938583944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637624217867626 ptsd,imjustamermaid,2019/03/03,"Post-Traumatic Stress & Hypersensitivity I've struggled with post-traumatic stress for nearly three years due to a specific incident ( I won't go into detail now). I was essentially in shock for a few months and had a lot of panic attacks. There was a lot of hyperventilating and ugly crying going on. After about 6 months the panic attacks decreased and I began to have migraines. Overtime I got to a point where I was having a few migraines a week. Thankfully I have that more under control, but I have noticed I am hypersensitive to bright lights, fragrances, chemicals, etc. I feel as if these things are attacking me and they actually trigger a migraine in many cases. I know that I my perception of the lighting or fumes do not match reality. I thought everyone was out of their minds staying in a room with paint fumes like that. I'm not able to watch TV as it is ""too bright"" for me to look at and gives me an instant headache. I'm able to use a computer with the monitor turned down and blue blocking (e.g. night shift or f.Lux) enabled. I've been researching Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) and I find that my symptoms align with the descriptions. Do you have PTSD and struggle with hypersensitivity, MCS, or migraines? I'm curious how often people struggle with these ailments together and how they relate. If you can relate to this please share your experience.",6.131888449714537,7.728463245059293,6.822101449275363,71.18600241545896,66.74703557312253,9.732894158981116,33.818401405357925,9.994966539143718,3.596986122090469,1103,50,188,26,18,363,155,253,0.139,0.775,0.087,-0.7401,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,3,3,2,8,18,5,7,15,0,18,5,0,5,0,40,33,19,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,9,17,0,2,5,1,0,2,3,13,0,1,9,8,24,5,35,23,6,25,0,0,5,0,8,13,0,8,10,132,33,2,0.2332311650226267,0.0,0.11379998653102745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635293492953226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980011808361639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079429181068772,0.0,0.0,0.1280967415427808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300572004371927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143118654055907,0.0,0.11407241647194435,0.0,0.0,0.05896434242392271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658452974593308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118682928718676,0.13255064589666588,0.0,0.09326813437049834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408887438726389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056972483134429264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979277189245451,0.0,0.0,0.1982847960768485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822989712703895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774849497071373,0.0,0.1861628907659528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943582443065968,0.0,0.0,0.13276761361200692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736465196922638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084656164215738,0.0,0.0,0.12800889059523607,0.11023941896056,0.0,0.2233709850429089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363173754404514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429669476008473,0.0,0.0,0.267165511527568,0.36573578039505344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120824153831435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736396057878826,0.0,0.0,0.0774742112626869,0.0,0.0,0.0925797464270121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684426676480814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071842117720256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354198614707387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509661174522761 ptsd,radtoni,2019/03/03,"How to deal with an anniversary? Hi, I was just wondering how you all deal with traumatic anniversaries. This is the first anniversary of my trauma. Unfortunately, the week of the trauma happens to line up with my birthday week. My family and friends know about the trauma and they’re not bringing it up and we’ve been celebrating my birthday this weekend like everything is fine. However, I keep having flashbacks to this time last year and losing it. I’ve been crying myself to sleep. I’ve been short with people who are just trying to make my birthday special. Normally I can deal, but the anniversary is really triggering a lot of symptoms and I was just wondering if anyone out there had some advice for someone dealing with an anniversary of their trauma for the first time. ",6.566478873239441,8.202247619718314,6.567718309859156,73.2670704225352,65.76056338028171,10.187042253521126,32.50985915492957,10.355215969177356,3.6824090140845085,630,26,103,16,10,200,83,142,0.118,0.818,0.064,-0.7845,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,3,7,9,0,0,9,0,12,2,1,4,1,29,19,9,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,5,0,2,6,0,12,4,20,13,3,14,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,5,10,78,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697443851297304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516696877909963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652132945408971,0.0,0.6202455468439871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517469588834993,0.0,0.14178884695294985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25586955173692505,0.0,0.0,0.11620285662155885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300301873268208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368725056892675,0.0,0.0,0.08265888697411848,0.12260049399290265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348049234859888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826519598733328,0.0,0.127869311985135,0.0,0.0,0.10039678769073243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736538032899238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427218241725288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963535652489301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051404387926615,0.0,0.12743802672355367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563288235818696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754052232212903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211540926536873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412923158407693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32621653049866056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685616110027356 ptsd,alien_anteater,2019/03/03,"Alternatives to Kratom for PTSD I'm sure this post has been made at some point before, but I'm having trouble finding it at the moment. Basically, I have extremely severe C-PTSD that prevents me from functioning normally without kratom. I don't even have PTSD symptoms while I am going through the acute symptoms of withdrawal. I am trying to get through school in spite of having severe ptsd and probably some form of schizotypy. I got medical marijuana, which helps immensely with the ptsd, but it is giving me short term memory problems. Also, it does not give me the same degree of cognitive boost and clarity that kratom brings. Not that it is completely terrible in that regard, but any task involving short term memory is definitely impaired. I am left with the normal mental issues that come with PTSD even though I am not actively experiencing it. Kratom is the thing that makes my brain feel the most like it did before the traumatic experiences. The problem with that is that I do not want to be on it long term or all the time for reasons that I hope are self-evident, and it is also making my hair fall out. I am non-binary transgendered and this causes me extreme dysphoria (note: I already stopped taking my T at this point once I realized I still pass; it's definitely just the kratom now). I have tried numerous pharmaceuticals. Standard pharmaceutical reuptake inhibitors make me suicidal or want to vomit. Standard antipsychotics cause me to hallucinate. Actually, every pharmaceutical I've ever tried has just effected me in a terrifying or harmful way, if it did anything....so I would very much like to steer clear of those. Any recommendations? I already exercise and have tried various herbs, none of which come close to the relief kratom provides. So many, in fact that instead of listing them I will comment if I have tried your recommendation before, because tbh I'm not sure I can even keep track of them all. I am desperate.",7.577670454545455,8.575462789772725,7.746590909090909,68.02113636363636,63.14772727272727,11.4,35.31818181818181,11.20814326018867,4.318467045454545,1570,68,259,44,22,510,194,352,0.145,0.736,0.119,-0.9201,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,2,1,13,12,1,0,13,0,31,7,2,8,7,64,52,18,1,10,16,0,2,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,27,13,0,3,5,1,0,6,8,6,0,0,5,3,33,6,34,44,13,34,0,0,0,0,8,15,0,9,13,180,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.07832609504529113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714666073919522,0.12837419879033388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916455765455432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048928195205010065,0.0,0.2048962810717528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960117949894178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490649498222856,0.0,0.1382806742389801,0.08415528686961354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023957559934982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590408638521308,0.07260339179017487,0.06762588975851687,0.0,0.0,0.07851360274275138,0.0,0.0,0.04058389486469796,0.057340624421274425,0.0,0.0,0.07335985057398442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041934632186707815,0.15399310328823915,0.04561588628126195,0.0,0.06419446065056297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379927367229731,0.0,0.0,0.07972027191071446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377477266922842,0.0,0.07134233954829504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720708116645945,0.0,0.0,0.07842588149580976,0.0,0.0,0.07103112264266144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594774648744265,0.16073054879599258,0.0813751076942578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085754536490332,0.08088724327521334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059003282274677715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728337528602396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547855057908857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175086518816538,0.0,0.07687073407544287,0.0,0.08653817763961237,0.15360363439235952,0.5629459913246457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252476971353992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123146270065942,0.0,0.0,0.08373286683410186,0.18135096897642994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409894166455732,0.06710430592288623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877957990124618,0.0,0.15129575812842747,0.16685007681286765,0.06034854616157735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332384141597131,0.0,0.07885898180694366,0.0,0.046802589403040634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272469968898304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622621376108477,0.09468358473874904,0.06370983475560926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737164092604909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057017249458849034,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MercuryPrincess,2019/03/03,"How do you deal with traumatic images/flashbacks and memories? TW DEATH I think I'm struggling with ptsd. There are a few situations that I struggle with but the most recent and currently most traumatic is seeing my uncle die, twice. First on boxing day and second on NYE. The first time, he'd collapsed outside my cousins house and we were only alerted because of blue lights outside. It was dark. We had a horrible feeling that we'd know who the body on the floor was, and we did. I cant get that fucking horrific image out of my head. They got his heartbeat back but he never regained consciousness. He was taken off life support 2 days later and died again on NYE. I was watching something with my boyfriend last night and a character shouted ""don't let him die"". Before I knew what was happening I realised I was crying uncontrollably and my boyfriend had wetsuits his arms around me and was trying to calm me down and comfort me. All I could hear was mums voice that night screaming ""don't let him die"". Please, please can anybody help me with advice on how to get rid of these flashbacks? I was in a first fire at the age of 11 and even now I'll get flashbacks but they've become easier in the last 13 years. I always struggle on the anniversary though. Please, I'm desperate. ",3.3897676465411024,5.72527122267207,3.7901637035733167,87.01656398521385,75.63967611336031,6.562858651645838,26.93346241858828,7.586124646067393,1.5758862524203487,1020,40,192,14,23,318,148,247,0.206,0.6970000000000001,0.098,-0.9867,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,4,1,1,3,9,9,1,4,11,0,25,5,3,2,2,36,41,17,5,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,8,21,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,5,16,10,30,3,24,20,4,33,0,0,3,1,19,14,1,2,19,128,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527807964123324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964473334197905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590761473880086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284210355561833,0.0,0.0656746830574158,0.11898561683675685,0.0916751460151457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967007597898305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601819031451136,0.0,0.1183426081191106,0.13896122813912826,0.11107077655547196,0.0,0.0,0.4472505913767973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115841409983029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447440726776703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749197954222728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959991908114016,0.16886237065061455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616608153238763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527032414842523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056791046205862,0.0,0.12142596445429832,0.0,0.07221296907320851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431253350351593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920872346213332,0.17563795039774974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22033410615399454,0.07609691138544993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309241391989221,0.0,0.0,0.20220531340313752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193785498589162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547843401718725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593726856188073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637600691075864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585140470933443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210994413094906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829402057340356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378862382691746,0.0,0.0,0.12225719620016312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903268670267396,0.10584977873598804,0.0,0.06282155334837125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314546868153332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937825886750143 ptsd,leviathan-lavendar,2019/03/03,"Therapist recommendation (A story from my past) ¡ trigger warning ! Contains talk of bullying and sexual harassment Some context: My name is Katherine, and I’m a 21 year old college student at Oregon State University, or at least I was for the past two years. Currently, I live at home where I’m taking online courses and attending various medical appointments that were interrupting my school life. The primary appointment has been therapy, though, which I attend every week for an hour. Recently, my therapist has been informing me that I have some really bad ptsd, which has been a hard reality to come to since I live with my dad who is a war veteran and has incomparable ptsd. I’ve always felt like it was an insult to him and others to even consider myself a victim of the mental condition. My therapist has started giving me ptsd treatment, however, and a lot of things have come to light. So, here I am. My therapist has recommended I share some of my stories anonymously with other people as a means to cope. I also want to bring to light for other people that it’s okay to be haunted by a past experience, just because somebody is worse off than you doesn’t mean you don’t need help too. Hooooo... so here I go. I grew up with anxiety my entire life, which in my early years caused me to cry as a response to any confrontation. Of course, as you can imagine, this made me an easy victim. I also have mild ASD (autism spectrum disorder) which made it only easier to mess with me. I experience a plethora of things that moulded me into my current mindset. Girls from my sports team who would rake their cleats down my legs and tell me I’m worthless, boys who would tell me how ugly and disgusting I am, and ‘friends’ who would hit me and force into uncomfortable situations. These were all classic cases of bullying, but it was when the bullying turned into sexual harassment that it really began to hurt me. Boys would spread rumors about me, saying my vagina was disgusting and nobody would ever want to touch me. I was ugly and worthless, and people would talk about it right in front of me. They went as far as playing hangman games in our class free time where the answers were “(boys name) licks Katherine’s vagina”, and a chorus of “ewww”s would ensue. I was hit, harassed, and made a spectacle of in front of my peers for them to laugh at. I became isolated, bullied by even the ‘friends’ I held dear who would regularly start fights and leave me threatening notes in my locker detailing how disgusting I was. And I would cry. I would have massive breakdowns where my anxiety would take over and I became hyper sensitive to all the things they did to me. People spread rumors that I stalked them, took pictures of them in their sleep to save for later. I was lured in when people were nice, then beat down relentlessly later. The worst experience I had occurred on the bus when I was about 12. This older guy, in early high school I think, sat near me and my brother and always looked at me. Then one day he started making rape jokes and threats towards me, telling my brother how I was ‘hot’ and how my brother should fuck me. I was terrified, I barely understood what he was implying, but it scared me enough to send me shaking and crying home. My brother told my mom who called the school. The guy was banned from the bus, but never suspended or reprimanded further. Some days he would still climb in the bus, and nobody cared enough to do anything. I was conditioned into thinking I was nothing but a monster, a disgusting glom of oil and dirt. I was an ogre, bumbling around covered in rotting flesh. The rumors kept going until I would sit all alone whenever I could, and I stopped trying to interact with anybody. To this day, my body is like a giant ball of mucus, a deformed disgusting creature. I have ptsd episodes where I have severe panic attacks where all I can think about is how much of a gross, awful failure I am. I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, and only recently have I developed coping methods beyond self mutilation. Sometimes I lose consciousness all together, and I faint and crumple to the ground. I have a hard time trusting people with my emotions, and struggle to be emotionally involved with people anymore. 1 year ago my ex broke up with me, saying I was disgusting and they never wanted to touch me in any way shape or form. Then when I had a panic attack they began to accuse me of committing domestic abuse because I yelled at them. I lost all my close friends because my ex spread rumors about me. They follow me to this day, and I can’t feel welcome in my own town I worked so hard for. So, since I have to get all this off my chest somehow, I agreed to talk on the internet with some support groups. I want to spread awareness of the lasting affects that bullying can cause, and how much it can interfere with daily life for many years after. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear it. 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The noise, people, space make me feel overwhelmed, dizzy, disoriented and I panic. I may been in a postion where flying alone will be expected of me in the next couple months. Has anyone ever looked into accommodations like having whoever drops you at the aiport, being able to go to the gate? If so, what was the accomodation and did it help? I'm guessing I will need medical documentation, and I have no doubt my psychiatrist will provide this. Thank you in advance for any sharing.",5.616372549019609,8.278465539215691,6.298627450980394,70.09049019607846,70.07843137254902,8.062745098039215,28.98039215686275,8.841846274778883,2.7078745098039216,463,18,72,9,9,151,80,102,0.16,0.7340000000000001,0.107,-0.7171,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,5,7,0,4,6,0,12,1,0,1,1,16,20,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,2,10,3,12,11,0,17,0,1,1,0,6,11,0,6,4,52,13,0,0.21366858299962235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212962129145565,0.0,0.0,0.17778937768899372,0.0,0.0,0.14530196344765808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940204127534365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23642022304768165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327546608039356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803725558719238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143277971311288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23538003338313165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321754724421892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438767683660466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794277959119479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262543831598626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524861829710132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054822443310982,0.0,0.0,0.15843254690943545,0.0,0.0,0.22723896203732225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013880893640598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813089206835228,0.0,0.22323819219491972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23935771331200226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671732394657868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TherapistWow,2019/03/03,Kava Kava as a treatment? I have PTSD with debilitating anxiety. Has anyone ever used kava as an effective treatment?,4.275833333333331,7.690396250000003,7.66,52.01833333333333,86.5,8.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,4.749666666666666,95,5,10,3,3,35,16,20,0.08,0.7559999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822724425379101,0.0,0.0,0.3494048842650141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452011172542336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5841276175086713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43158409712175305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shep435,2019/03/04,"Fuck it all. fuck this. I didnt ask for it. This is not how my life was suppose to go. Cancer taking my right eye wasn't enough. Dad leaving during treatments wasnt enough. Getting drugged, raped, and molested for over 10 years by my step father wasn't enough. Having the entire family take his side wasn't enough. What more do you want from me?... Im just so tired of this shit. i tried to be a good person...i really did. i took the abuse because all i ever wanted was to have a family.. all i feel is hate now. i just fucking hate myself.... why the fuck was i born if this is was my destiny? why did i go to college if i cant escape my trauma long enough to hold a career? what's the point of all this? im just so tired...",-0.638149405772495,1.4363555483870982,1.5993208828522931,98.1263497453311,90.29032258064517,4.295415959252972,14.60950764006791,5.750287758089431,-0.9174516129032262,550,10,130,4,19,184,89,155,0.26,0.7,0.04,-0.9906,0,0,1,0,1,0,32.0,0,1,0,0,8,11,9,0,7,0,19,12,2,1,5,17,35,6,0,4,6,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,10,0,0,12,2,18,1,12,22,10,13,0,0,1,5,5,4,5,2,5,87,27,2,0.0,0.13215544515857525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427388400102301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799312326073183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934979851691372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5762478817564591,0.0,0.0,0.10089338767662298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102980358763514,0.0,0.05639745660705334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41246393645614654,0.058274510294471664,0.0,0.12678033864007238,0.0935535994296828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202432896074104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409624641288968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810366847073465,0.0,0.0,0.07878327590966032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870848203074746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739152980601418,0.0,0.0,0.1054403829778408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145472283958194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525367432610224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449315391525484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677268544477166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25639528504992376,0.0,0.0,0.12392390412437625,0.07572764171057407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315771534375031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129315044865528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182744228348928 ptsd,MentalHealth_Help24,2019/03/04,Gabapentin for PTSD? I was recently prescribed Gabapentin for Anxiety. Does it work for PTSD to? I read online that it might. How well did it work for you?,1.2844827586206904,3.8338657241379335,0.9133793103448262,98.84455172413792,98.65517241379312,5.078620689655172,23.04137931034483,6.742157984588678,0.8464841379310344,122,5,25,2,5,35,20,29,0.058,0.852,0.09,0.2359,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,17,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343969304747626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441610222596891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959824769516778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6522888155571938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27908263626462243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754858841385308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25086091995146514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062410315250671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sheepieweepie,2019/03/04,"I am terrified of annihilation but still wish I never existed. If I don't get enough sleep, which is basically every night now that university has started, all I can think of is how awful the world is, how doomed everything feels and that I wish I could disappear. Yet I'm so fucking fearful of death. I cannot stop that feeling of trying to conceptualise non-perception. Non-existence. Would suicide be a perceived as basically infinite pain. What was not existing like, I can't remember. I'm sure my personality is just a product of my biology and experiences, but why do I feel so hesitant and attached to let it go. Is this the terror management problems that ptsd sufferers experience? Nothing is good.",5.058167832167836,7.386082830769232,6.991398601398604,65.98723776223778,70.69230769230771,11.18881118881119,35.664335664335674,11.022393298168332,4.955153846153847,568,31,94,21,11,198,91,130,0.378,0.565,0.057,-0.9953,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,1,2,4,1,18,3,1,2,3,25,30,11,2,6,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,1,3,11,3,8,25,2,11,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,9,68,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629615988564114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638662508738845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382854921025962,0.0,0.15342101948662182,0.3339696561800403,0.0,0.19209355448233265,0.2589447358342261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781646237900304,0.08918769617105769,0.0,0.09701708573746064,0.14318146921322036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456012763592446,0.0,0.08339913009911612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166025571452805,0.0,0.0,0.16019755603176672,0.0,0.16379858453370302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164496468052452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905532669568106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334415685298878,0.19954809591681585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933784785873181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083092295679678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082774617749635,0.0,0.13632734176876782,0.14271923077262935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867264511241067,0.0,0.16088993040226518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938256280166984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589928197601908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403709317170194,0.0,0.39261072250598106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126580957247834,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JurassicCher,2019/03/04,"Isolated I was diagnosed approximately 5 years ago with PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Chronic Depression and Mild Agoraphobia. Since then, I have added horrible memories on top of it all. I’ve been free from that life for 2 years now, but my question is, is Reddit a good resource for communication in these areas? I’m still waiting for a therapy and psychiatry appointment... it’s been 4 weeks and I still can’t get a call back. (My husband is military, so I have to go through military channels.) Is there a free resource I can share my thoughts and concerns on AND get responses? A place I can communicate with someone at least until I have a constant therapist? ",5.0559504132231385,7.265716454545458,6.390157024793389,70.79978099173556,70.40495867768595,10.790413223140497,36.89338842975207,10.793553405168565,4.810103471074379,525,30,90,18,10,177,84,121,0.08199999999999999,0.787,0.131,0.8290000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,6,0,13,3,0,0,1,12,19,9,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,10,6,14,15,2,19,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,11,62,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431515293290854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590639423237558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598833867135162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231719041198407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246957230986295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908762173745033,0.21104200109318855,0.0,0.0,0.2383028899613181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726703813089668,0.0,0.11816997058563755,0.17439969338103395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686531834112185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723994680503828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430560807476932,0.0,0.23292634829202086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719997484910466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617626714322074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321022857855865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237783178363956,0.24141981396765136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650711822352725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678687118792654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677969417948437 ptsd,cheapsexsadfilm,2019/03/04,"Thought I was coming out of a depression, then the littlest trigger drags me back I was definitely on the way up. I decided to log into last.fm for the first time in years to get back into music exploration like I use to, but I had to use password recovery. My email was my old spam account from high school, and I hadn't logged in in years. I get to my inbox, and I see my ex-boyfriend's name from when he stole all my emails and accounts to try to ruin my life when I finally got the balls to leave him. Oh well, maybe I won't feel like dying next week.",3.2732692307692304,3.886353196581197,4.435117521367523,89.31370192307695,72.58974358974359,7.901282051282053,26.59081196581197,8.07648339933343,1.3476504273504275,432,14,99,6,8,142,77,117,0.116,0.79,0.094,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,3,1,17,15,7,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,4,1,2,2,2,2,1,1,7,2,18,3,20,7,1,25,0,2,1,0,5,9,0,0,15,61,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29729410080752416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652347294413292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665016439937983,0.0,0.2006301094070612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774570677590746,0.13810404052432834,0.0,0.2117667743690216,0.0,0.1644333615119999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199787502618152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461140307766655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424756500747124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757725929822275,0.0,0.20469232554107156,0.0,0.0,0.13654387004657906,0.18888756837874632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19421057159332744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559234710877655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285122956121449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564476895546515,0.1540467652960356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347025635566433,0.1127233400193476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124797299009788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33392361751582983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344418882230534,0.1550653695657649,0.0,0.17381310656547694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489766217942283 ptsd,darlinng,2019/03/04,Maybe I'm not ready I thought I was ready to be with someone I waited a long 8years until I settled down with someone and committed 100% but not from past relationships and past hurts I'm finding it hard to trust :( and without trust it's just painful what should I do?,2.6355555555555554,4.761264777777782,3.044222222222224,92.47300000000004,77.14814814814815,5.801481481481483,27.46666666666667,6.742157984588678,1.0840933333333336,214,9,45,2,5,66,37,54,0.259,0.578,0.163,-0.6261,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,15,8,5,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,5,2,8,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364823133962233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317788861832075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769849294740587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22897544193777794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599376130817507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27531602020420065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939903749744363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777883327268163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43845660477478265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540947791282013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494146933819228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,boonsun,2019/03/04,"Abusers get out of prison very soon I’m a victim of long term (up until I was 12-13) sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuse as a child, my abusers were my grandfather and my siblings. God it feels so upsetting to call them those titles and it’s been a long time since I have. I’m going to apologize in advanced I’m on Mobil, it’s 4 am, I should be sleeping so I’m understandably sleepy and the formatting won’t be the best but I’m just really in need of some advice. Well for starters I’m 17 my birthday is in a couple days and instead of being able to feel excitement I’m only feeling panic and impending doom. My abusers get out of prison in August and September and I’m so insanely panicky and having insane episodes relaying my trauma the more these dates creep sooner and no body around me seems to understand in the slightest way. I recently stopped therapy cold turkey going from a session every week for three years because my family had to move due to the upcoming releases of said abusers. I’ve been having worse night terrors and night sweats, I’m hyper aware of everything, I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin anymore everything just getting worse and I don’t know how to deal with it all. My grandmother is choosing to stay with this monster after everything he has done to me and my sister. I don’t understand why she would give up everything to still be with this monster and I feel like it’s somehow my fault for not giving her enough attention and love so she’s seeking it from this man. My mother, sister, and I have repeatedly told her that we probably wouldn’t stay in contact with her if she chooses to take this route, leaving the home she built from the ground up, raised her children in, she has so many memories and it’s her dream home I don’t understand I’m so hurt that she would give up everything she loves for someone who sexually violated her grandchildren. Everything has been so hard lately and I guess I’m just trying to say that I wish I had some friends who knew what I was going through and who could give me advice on how to deal with everything. It feels like nobody around me seems to understand, my boyfriend always gets angry and upset and slanders my grandmother and abusers whenever I try to talk about it or just tells me that maybe I shouldn’t focus on it. He also has trauma from his childhood but hes dealt with it by suppressing it and I wish I could do the same but it’s my every thought, I could be making dinner and a sound could trigger a memory which snowballs into a panic attack and bombarding visuals from my childhood. I feel so damaged and gross I just wish I didn’t exist sometimes so I don’t have to deal with it all.",3.8350878650113636,5.6255604078947385,4.761432068543453,82.96153610771117,72.74060150375941,8.332295855918868,27.973596782654308,8.973190933345348,2.315324479804162,2155,83,413,45,43,700,251,532,0.199,0.7070000000000001,0.094,-0.9969,0,0,0,0,6,0,31.0,1,0,1,2,25,24,3,5,16,0,44,7,4,4,2,96,94,45,0,14,11,3,9,2,1,6,0,3,2,3,29,39,1,2,20,1,0,5,11,15,1,1,14,13,61,9,65,65,10,52,1,3,0,2,46,21,0,8,25,279,90,1,0.060305154425863525,0.4287104809369272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785899791864987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822601020671087,0.05017871942751589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980650871207099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736874574843447,0.0,0.06860581909418043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03676146240579968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632865390375799,0.0,0.0,0.06698543174322674,0.0,0.0,0.061578305189278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259503493590255,0.06672650634984903,0.0,0.03889183568373146,0.18651589866786136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171311048006797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783518187721681,0.0,0.062311345105824936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161938708754624,0.0,0.3793886900941299,0.0,0.05685033257140301,0.0,0.2134446863140637,0.08616402874275303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046591612716018665,0.0,0.12602781673621555,0.2314007967620013,0.10281842697914204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643292646331518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402157322608762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209819737417721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455791507375734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03314213575641806,0.0,0.06802684090001186,0.06385445116008355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892410464293394,0.0,0.0,0.10673632794869847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885551267953468,0.0,0.04025415885646241,0.06113996131956333,0.06058463318445094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409483541810679,0.0,0.04471550788294065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318460449095424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586478739520306,0.0,0.1415102104947349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501915614576513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038633026126940334,0.0,0.05954406472750193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573640116004048,0.04795707927111086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979909537220768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049885046917345126,0.0,0.06034870608717512,0.0,0.051096361647411256,0.0,0.05964333972598492,0.0,0.0,0.12855454152371346,0.048159774223838284,0.050417809386087205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045341971059180336,0.04847099880885927,0.052709363025481334,0.0,0.068964199732297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787555646301917,0.03516442050692647,0.0,0.0,0.057624159374530415,0.0,0.08188648264172042,0.0,0.0,0.3138989626641105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049758068068026365,0.0,0.04786742460936351,0.04837315732958772,0.0,0.05422157618674707,0.0,0.05441602200260196,0.0,0.20804385431886094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291220874686395,0.08567810292945181,0.0,0.0,0.03883454226810315 ptsd,graysonsirsmith,2019/03/04,"Every-time I stop my obsessive thoughts I choke up, get really fucking tight, and cant breath violently raped at 5, repressed that shit untill 19, 21m now and still numb, I cant breath unless if im engulfed in obsessive thoughts, I can lie awake all night choking and gasping for air and I still wont get a breakthrough",8.003072916666667,6.239823578125005,7.848749999999999,76.78791666666667,63.21875,11.033333333333333,38.52083333333333,9.725611199111238,3.5247458333333324,255,11,51,4,3,82,47,64,0.299,0.604,0.097,-0.9014,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,3,1,0,4,6,3,0,1,12,9,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,1,6,0,6,6,1,10,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,6,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758844216764948,0.3118241989193753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223447394364466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28004689392715704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191175452147664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063237753605285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4766370919181664,0.24949242842145744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473824189881735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cbfjfjfogjfjdks,2019/03/04,"Hit kind of a turning point where things are getting bad again. I just can't stop feeling it One month ago I left my abusive relationship. Before this relationship, I already was diagnosed with PTSD after being raped in December 2016. I hadn't been struggling much with specific symptoms for a little while, mostly just general bad mental health stuff and stress from the abusive relationship. However, I kind of hit a really rough spot this weekend and I think it's going downhill again. While I was in that relationship, I think I had to just ignore and rationalize and completely push down the things he did to me. But now that I'm out of it I think it's really really starting to hit me hard. I haven't been sleeping for the past week and when I do I have terrible nightmares about him. I'm so hyperalert all the time. I can't stop thinking about it and just break down often. I'm so scared constantly, even when I shouldn't be. I feel absolutely devastated. It's like I'm really processing the abuse for the first time. I am planning on going back to therapy ASAP but won't be able to for at least another two weeks. I have been attending a weekly relationship abuse support group and plan on leaning on them for a little bit of support. Is there anything else I can do to help myself in the meantime? I am trying to focus on self-care and healthy habits but it is hard. I really need to be able to keep going to my classes because I just fianlly got back on track. tldr: the reality of the abusive relationship I left a month ago is starting to hit me and my PTSD is coming back quickly. I won't be able to go to a therapist for at least another two weeks. What can I do to take care of and help myself in the meantime? What has helped you? ",3.8582455576964234,5.460747378612719,5.266159280667953,80.13143117105545,72.32369942196532,8.70974095482766,28.132733889959326,9.250403328903447,2.445758424320274,1387,53,269,31,27,465,164,346,0.123,0.794,0.083,-0.8997,1,0,0,0,4,0,29.0,0,1,1,3,23,14,1,3,17,0,34,5,1,0,1,38,64,19,0,2,8,0,5,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,16,14,0,4,6,1,0,7,7,8,0,4,9,5,36,6,46,43,6,58,0,0,0,1,14,20,0,2,31,193,52,1,0.20647481454516134,0.4077314870408105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201831007790274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595003072403336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433789728088345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056637059858770426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587663874555363,0.11493189712429636,0.04195504350559623,0.0,0.05856495319642078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513900699173197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017161141794265,0.0,0.0,0.05928659006704515,0.07216163823428813,0.07437530766720804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985586350087895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057494404427652884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0454582225655751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959991340537314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854245725813545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03595818955538238,0.0,0.15645919375997816,0.0,0.055045590341678365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330725203052245,0.0,0.0,0.07315769088796495,0.0,0.0,0.1383957158873247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061174767370803164,0.0,0.14334116409885472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955699342698106,0.0,0.0,0.033624388313678415,0.1379613380362026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935934988895373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987081805687564,0.0,0.05059424866244807,0.05103281958412058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663755931533398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570119119853449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506181276771701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609053393335879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22045508881236786,0.0,0.0,0.4433533595585011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890576972744426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179942068481038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887464272896884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742929097006896,0.0,0.0,0.11508146019329354,0.07883873415196778,0.07195076888371195,0.07878808799587704,0.0,0.15620344847239795,0.0,0.0715354633689732,0.0517477881434139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870731496363625,0.07991105791062436,0.09144846144921813,0.1764009654305803,0.0,0.0,0.08026474985850537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672761523779343,0.07486176916319602,0.13446392789777015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082885581240855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Schizii,2019/03/04,"I had a PTSD freak out at work and I feel really ashamed Hi. I'm not very open about this stuff, so forgive my awkwardness. I was diagnosed at age 16. I don't remember what happened to me in my childhood. I remember bits and pieces here and there of random things, but most of my childhood is extremely disassociated up until age 14. I have problems validating myself of the abuse that I suffered through because... Well... I can't remember it. There's other shitty shit that happened from 14+ on wards, but I don't feel it pertains to this. I work with kids who have Autism as my job. I really like it, honestly. I accompany them at schools and help work with them throughout the day, managing behaviors, emotional regulation, etc. I was working with a kid in 2nd grade. He was having a pretty not great day, and I was getting a little frustrated but nothing too major. It all fell apart when he tried to cut my hair. I moved away in time, no biggie, it happens, but then he held the blades up an inch from my eyes, pretended to stab and snip, and then pretend to throw them at me. I nearly lost it when he wound his arm back. I started freaking out inside, I felt my adrenaline rush, and all of the sudden the only thing my brain screamed at me was ""WE'RE GOING TO FUCKING *DIE. HE'S GOING TO* ***KILL US*****.""** Barely holding it together, he ran off from me and hid in his break room. He barricaded the door and kept himself in there. The teacher noticed what was happening and came over to support me. I managed to take a break of mine for a few minutes and I completely broke down. One half of my brain was scolding me, saying things like ""He wasn't actually going to hurt you, you know his behaviors, you know how this works. This isn't logical."" While the other side of me was completely whirling in pain, confusion, and complete and utter terror. Going through that cycle of emotions was fucking agony, and what only made it hurt worse was in the midst of it my only thought was my brain going, ""I remember feeling like this before."" It didn't get better. Come nightfall I completely broke down, freaking out and having a depression episode, self-harm tendencies were nagging, ED thoughts were high, and I was just a complete wreck of a human being. Didn't eat, hardly slept, I picked fights with my boyfriend, I was incredibly insecure, etc. I couldn't even go to work the next day because my absolute *terror* of this kid throwing pencils and scissors at me was too strong. I had to be reassigned to a new child. I feel so humiliated, frustrated, confused, and just so angry. It feels so hard to move past from, and I feel like I can't even tell my work what's going on due to an instilled fear from my Mom that if I told anyone about anything regarding my mental health, I would be fired instantly. I need this job so that I can receive mental health assistance to lead a functional life, but it feels so impossible to navigate through life - especially when you're suffering from this disorder, but you can't even remember the fucking things that caused it in the first place. I only get more information when triggers come up, and I'm forced to relive the horrible emotions all over again.",3.793772504091653,5.835673004909985,4.655020458265142,82.61644230769231,73.45171849427169,7.973322422258594,28.77127659574468,8.730908602173464,2.3385852700491,2510,104,475,50,52,811,294,611,0.243,0.695,0.062,-0.9992,2,0,0,0,2,0,102.0,1,4,3,12,27,43,10,8,26,0,38,19,8,6,3,83,83,44,2,5,11,1,12,4,0,1,7,2,2,5,39,32,1,3,20,2,0,19,13,32,1,3,32,15,73,11,76,46,11,83,0,8,1,3,36,37,4,5,29,323,112,15,0.0,0.07037679086693471,0.05796377571201971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153238813706285,0.0,0.04887940524200663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580627611103448,0.0456733136136178,0.0,0.07241680901408915,0.0,0.0505432324242325,0.0,0.0,0.052532609796185965,0.06484711567636398,0.0,0.0,0.19892307930093775,0.0,0.06793536627347181,0.0,0.06101799842745927,0.0,0.10233205143522564,0.3113878057032165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492018213910005,0.0,0.051159318551262864,0.060287611488028435,0.0616456356341615,0.0,0.0680751318317841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060778873651428915,0.0,0.20044390602086345,0.0,0.0,0.13248870453634434,0.11769524519306394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683914367551143,0.210233517280302,0.08486773383046946,0.057031292500262336,0.0,0.0,0.05052381778501059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473718597801185,0.093098843235994,0.0,0.2363003415206917,0.0,0.0,0.06548638716959325,0.0,0.0,0.21010144388623253,0.0,0.10641769110733283,0.0,0.0,0.12627436623296234,0.0,0.0,0.039813155894053265,0.0627571355507228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271733467683404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788648791398446,0.0,0.06571496852015851,0.0,0.0652870576501575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390897742962067,0.1160752416525288,0.059532293576118285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483981723314672,0.0,0.0,0.056203722918727515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197182120328341,0.0,0.0,0.06956609486806922,0.0,0.126261121062753,0.0,0.04404278533021639,0.0,0.05736685558014465,0.06317033348830761,0.0,0.0,0.05699388069004945,0.06762489532569704,0.0,0.0,0.0402495497993144,0.18069909801772333,0.06320354644346704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056702010264722914,0.0,0.0,0.0620581564087757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060429011518806176,0.0,0.056835762125773626,0.06943295879500988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610362296766457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33643117149040874,0.0,0.0,0.04723558889079541,0.0,0.06011383922583776,0.0,0.0,0.0619649570183453,0.0,0.06097108400733056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04204213466979539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799637712473866,0.0,0.06740402553663735,0.0,0.0,0.0446598236798789,0.0,0.051916376902192786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784528423899702,0.0,0.0,0.09431058510552423,0.034635389308389775,0.0,0.0,0.056757232587195124,0.0,0.04032727064039116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144835229387432,0.0,0.0,0.04900948270795443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340583956936209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026966167592425,0.0,0.060531527881472764,0.04219455926454605,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RoundKick8,2019/03/04,"PTSD Recently have been diagnosed with PTSD, I am a 21 year old who just served out a jail sentence and I served 30 days in the hole with no mat while I was there for reasons that were beyond my control and also had an abscess that had to be extracted so that I didn’t die all while being shackled and hand cuffed to the hospital bed it was the worst pain I have ever been through. I can’t stop reliving events that happened even in the middle of the day when I am in class or at work, I have unwanted nightmares about it and I moved across the country to go to college just so I could avoid my hometown and everything that led up to me spending time in jail. When I think back to it it still feels real and like it is happening. I am not able to relate to anyone much anymore, I am not social nor do I try to be, and I always have this feeling of nauseousness. I am feeling very alone right now because no one around me understands what I have been through and why it is affecting me so much. today it is affecting me really bad. just needed to share and get this off my chest. ",7.66135135135135,5.326407027027031,7.685117117117118,79.50470270270273,64.31531531531532,11.22234234234234,35.263063063063065,9.642632912329526,2.9834165765765763,848,29,182,13,10,275,131,222,0.127,0.818,0.055,-0.953,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,18,6,0,1,9,0,28,4,2,5,2,37,38,19,1,3,6,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,16,13,0,3,6,0,1,3,7,4,0,1,9,4,24,2,29,25,4,33,0,0,0,0,3,13,0,1,18,143,40,3,0.14776752681625366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304259342724666,0.0,0.11816963780802105,0.1229544197208902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654568028279966,0.10332249051605497,0.0,0.0,0.13154442740142375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362410697661267,0.12337971263785324,0.0900777128185908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573384625226822,0.11798034620968792,0.0,0.0,0.19059566058799046,0.0,0.0,0.14998092923649395,0.1533593633514875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097599057833399,0.1336641878558672,0.0,0.0,0.13280392499731627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414710442709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720243388173682,0.0,0.08397969079366875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613406719077232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219174957633648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705349570196112,0.2172522691189903,0.10956774877871844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505716222013588,0.0,0.1001311004243457,0.0,0.15723506691777694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34546466256281044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819179594553502,0.0946636614822654,0.15192962821394673,0.14590260592378698,0.0,0.0,0.12619266051303116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506303847857231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800733779455605,0.12354026901024268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946834645926329,0.0,0.0,0.08616443320153012,0.0,0.14006633741840774,0.0,0.0,0.10032445099302842,0.0,0.0,0.15383120671744793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192368509073385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333720918314676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075765194249831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515744252099552 ptsd,WayLessSmart,2019/03/04,"The nightmares are getting worse. I'm having more and more nightmares and flashbacks. I haven't been able to sleep for more than a couple of hours in a week. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm absolutely exhausted and I just want to sleep but its so scary. Sometimes the voices and the sounds are slipping into my waking life now and its distracting. I can't ask anyone for help, because that wouldn't be fair to them. I have no idea what to do anymore. It has been years.",1.3320738636363636,3.7771548020833294,2.3178030303030326,93.9893181818182,84.3125,4.74090909090909,21.227272727272727,6.11248444174946,0.15326249999999986,375,12,78,3,11,118,62,96,0.181,0.77,0.048,-0.918,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,14,5,3,0,0,12,20,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,2,7,0,11,16,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,56,13,0,0.2288816322441153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539781537138382,0.16003935902810654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397342939903272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952411861350822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253253172679892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958120610655495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341453347548745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254023030666077,0.0,0.0,0.2583795032355779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578735930956705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616658656880455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580938556432603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263697867776124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500031681618885,0.0,0.1835950394589988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23324993716164266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473922669861277 ptsd,Throwaway546678,2019/03/05,"DAE lack ambition or direction career and education wise? Feeling kind of ashamed. I don't have a career goal or objective. Any job that is ethical and not stressful for me does it. Clerical work, solitary work or working from home is fine for me. No dreams of being anything or anyone in particular, not right now at least. I do well in college, but it's not my passion. I don't have passions. There are things I enjoy doing, but no job or subject truly excites me anymore. I feel sad and ashamed about this. A major trauma (among many following) happened to me in college. I had dreams and they died. Just gone. I've tried to have ambition like I used to for working and it's not the same. I feel like my brain is always working overtime to help me do basic things. Anything too mentally taxing or chsllenging and I feel like I'm short circuiting. Manual labor and organizing have become cathartic for me. They weren't before but they are now. Perhaps because I focus my energy on my body and not my mind with physical tasks. I don't like to tell anyone I feel like this, but this is how I feel right now. And I don't know if it will change. ",2.0975,4.562623466666668,3.6422500000000007,85.64737500000003,81.0,6.594444444444445,25.375,7.793537801064563,1.6439666666666666,900,36,172,16,24,297,122,225,0.125,0.677,0.198,0.9407,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,3,6,9,18,0,3,3,0,21,4,2,2,0,39,33,21,1,2,17,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,10,0,0,7,2,1,2,12,5,1,0,3,6,28,13,20,28,4,14,0,1,0,2,5,9,0,7,8,120,38,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167422905922427,0.0,0.0,0.08309531934003046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118246012251067,0.17088014552947442,0.0,0.20110858671511336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448761929045454,0.13495238827765396,0.10397710437069142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572869551862599,0.0,0.13640761770443238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926381936818232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126816873058909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693177511341632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37070621926752506,0.2618837615329501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805472222290054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190328293561737,0.0,0.12256937851938067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242515072143464,0.0,0.0,0.12724503620907787,0.06715398760379994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29848623983069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388435780743748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314163964751193,0.0,0.12337993212127295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870403031823545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399714819523383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680192541700946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235898266244364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296091538361366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553537836127563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986603524482212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447892032770692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,areparellena,2019/03/05,"I transferred the fear of a yelling male figure in my childhood over to my wonderful husband. I met with my new therapist recently since my other therapist is on maternity leave. She suspects I may also have PTSD from childhood trauma. I didn't pay it too much attention until a few nights ago when I had to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and it took me a while because I was afraid my husband would wake up and start yelling at me. My husband is a nice guy and thinking about it rationally I know that my husband would never yell at me for getting up. I've reacted this way around my husband before and each time I've nevet gotten yelled at yet I still react in fear. I never made the connection in my head that I've always had to walk around eggshells with my dad growing up. If my dad wasn't in a good mood the simplest things would result in an angry outburst. This realization brings me some peace but it also makes me sad because I loved my dad so much and his behavior affected me long term negatively. Thanks for reading what I had to share.",5.596750539180444,5.8662899906542085,6.103831775700936,80.62093098490297,67.3177570093458,9.014521926671463,32.349388928828176,8.841846274778883,2.5463879223580164,854,34,168,13,13,277,126,214,0.087,0.816,0.097,0.6364,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,3,12,0,13,3,2,7,2,32,28,13,0,4,2,8,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,2,11,10,0,0,6,1,1,4,5,5,0,0,10,4,31,5,31,14,6,41,0,1,0,1,15,18,0,4,18,121,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223110049415715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205410496267178,0.1147354654058546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24550253880600784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811283931715348,0.0,0.11733417181432836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103290071406281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408359133398155,0.0,0.0,0.11565552863451685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653270676547227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151484635937334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757806977527503,0.0,0.0,0.1460055229721571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202824626280134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445104271065308,0.13047478297785225,0.09204259701344203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272992434455986,0.0,0.2126984247122593,0.13317495075485702,0.0,0.2588007111621522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118594569596492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379272419847029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614966775975526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406397253964025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759920005476007,0.0,0.11011907383158406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695051869683338,0.0,0.3202016662526072,0.09160794043368513,0.08835429747816337,0.0,0.0,0.08040472532220456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320078253889702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909262420874366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945060581445107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495357438541985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29385914368245625,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,divine-mistake,2019/03/05,"what’s left to live for? i’ve lost the best relationship of my life because i was bad. why do i have to be bad now? why do i always have to defend myself like someone’s attacking me? why is my brain so irrational? i can’t stop crying long enough to cut myself. can’t stop thinking that i should go back to my abusive ex because he was the only one who could deal with me. can’t stop thinking i should die. my love was so, so good. and i’m so bad. and now i’ve lost him because i can’t get out of the trauma. maybe all the sleeping pills will work and i just won’t wake up. being awake is too painful.",0.23896853146853306,1.9984086893939408,2.2260606060606065,97.18793706293707,83.31818181818181,4.9706293706293705,19.244755244755247,5.873414542411696,-0.3577314685314685,465,12,113,3,13,155,78,132,0.308,0.597,0.095,-0.9843,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,4,9,13,2,0,4,0,20,7,3,0,1,15,28,7,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,5,0,17,4,11,16,3,11,0,2,0,1,7,3,0,0,8,71,20,1,0.0,0.1624383084542574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407623559460844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596838005110994,0.0,0.10541963783095162,0.3434124580089296,0.2507203827071011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387553567697234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304632922356415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094613255896092,0.0,0.15059534164908087,0.0,0.14134166728660172,0.0,0.0,0.14228572591401584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165853105870965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162786873348864,0.0,0.07791575946507638,0.11499101246210572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489570084843098,0.0,0.0968361315562477,0.0669789914941783,0.0,0.12105974532399028,0.12132711468621367,0.0,0.0,0.2993165815630862,0.0,0.12373599059398345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773302641861582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290092237663856,0.10426894811354548,0.14588157610082927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719157922794654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719667006199607,0.0,0.11616240222585453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34385934718797223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756932892416851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37112794130132254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998087291390577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ContinuousGas,2019/03/05,"Do I have ptsd?sorry of this os offensive for some people I just moved countries last year due to my dad having something like cancer and needing better medication,so I was under alot of emotional stress and I was at a point in my life where I was kind of suicidal. I changed schools and was introduced to a subject that I never took in my country(ICT)back home all we used to do was play online games,I was basically computer illeterate.Im usually a straight A student but My first term there I got an F.I was very upset and frustrated though I gave myself a pass since the shit was extremely card to me(making excel spreadsheets with codes and other complicated stuff)well the next term,which was the last term.I studied extremely hard and was at the ICT teacher's desk every single day. Exam day comes and Im feeling extremely anxious,my stomach was in knots,though i kept trying to calm myself.I do the paper and the question before the last confused me and my asshole of a teacher was no help and didnt want to answer anything I ask.I start shaking and feel dizzy and almost about to cry,begging help from the students sitting next to me,and they obviously dont partialy due to them not wanting to risk failing heloing a kid they dont know. Ever since that day everytime i sit an ICT exam i get a panic attack and my hand keeps shaking and get uncontrollable diarrhoea,funnily enough this only happens in ICT. During ICT tests i score full marks but i fuck up in exams due to this,I honestly feel like next time I'll take an ICT exam I will fall unconscious.The feeling is too overwhelming and it just happened to me today.Sorry if this isnt the right sub or if it its offensive because of how stupid it is,but words seriously cant describe the anxiety,panic and freaking out I go through.Its so stupid yet affects me greatly.Even thinking about it makes my stomach turn into knots.I apologize for my bad english its my second language. And yes I have tried taking private lessons though only i groups because one on one turoring is too expensive and it isnt helping because everytime he tries to test me I panic again.",6.466569343065692,6.963240201946473,6.8707484184914875,75.08416642335769,65.4720194647202,9.690355231143554,35.66141119221412,9.592334608150935,3.4705806520681275,1717,79,302,32,25,559,229,411,0.192,0.696,0.112,-0.9901,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,3,5,15,30,8,10,22,1,27,7,4,4,4,58,54,27,1,5,8,1,6,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,13,23,0,2,9,1,1,8,9,22,0,4,17,6,38,8,36,36,7,49,0,2,0,1,14,17,2,8,24,184,51,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000366145940776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154087516171696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396508118419916,0.0,0.08402737053605634,0.10225354843233812,0.0,0.06911357314305865,0.0750475671110972,0.16437337354990672,0.0,0.07648281052236329,0.0,0.0,0.07949316750387769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508304990767208,0.07742523108328825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738990186058274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068165225949234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110495213206834,0.0,0.09287194918430876,0.0,0.0593660958202351,0.08130325394667763,0.0757293117144807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178779965904168,0.06421159168785316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645343198637046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309429622143212,0.0939190846535027,0.0,0.05108191084304268,0.0,0.0718867040168917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896439693795145,0.0,0.0805164580380824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073767223575585,0.0,0.09015879611073342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417558339383767,0.0,0.0,0.0798910933280954,0.0,0.09359808635941763,0.0493966988291156,0.2197970442052203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348618909064943,0.0878234363715876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059996814214575374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553015245967768,0.0,0.06664623221986604,0.0693224022640876,0.0,0.2867710125621688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181249766825275,0.1367183519175302,0.0,0.2109139042947621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062312738287080886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496737428382159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506704017172756,0.0,0.10068821120528096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675858499182506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096520255553037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226239877843682,0.14870234415566946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919541790306022,0.0,0.20123068227943636,0.06361881632176733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029593235692441,0.0,0.10289318229961852,0.09831612499855166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515988861973535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575926423510468,0.2649253016590066,0.0,0.05241081329360758,0.0,0.08519745777223132,0.0,0.0998620115659212,0.18307157168252305,0.09776561226087596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762903569457894,0.098992128666384,0.0741619164419407,0.1060292548982269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057880946559473526 ptsd,honestduane,2019/03/05,"Job Interviews, Reasonable accommodation, Employment Law, and PTSD? Given that a company will just lie and say some other random reason why you didn't get the job, is there any point on being honest about anxiety/ptsd in a job interview or asking in advance for some form of reasonable accommodation?",13.670769230769231,10.651293769230774,13.157692307692304,47.037307692307714,53.61538461538462,17.323076923076922,45.23076923076921,15.247664890283005,7.1145076923076935,244,10,35,9,2,82,43,52,0.0,0.928,0.07200000000000001,0.5661,4,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,3,0,11,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,6,3,3,5,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,0,24,3,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289937615438516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733187234802092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910370290399173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5647056591512551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793156619577867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434682374767936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5850899244922936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084682919406955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711631421514025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gayestbassist,2019/03/05,"Scared of having exposed skin. Every since I was sexually assaulted, I'm scared of wearing shorts or tank tops and even when I'm wearing a sweater lifting up my arms and exposing my sides gives me anxiety. I'm very concerned because of living in a very hot state, I'm a generally self conscious person so I had a hard time last year with not wanting to take my shirt off at the pool, not wanting to wear tank tops but now even wearing t shirts or shorts gives me anxiety. Does anyone else experience this or am I alone? I don't know what to do. I'm male btw.",3.1649122807017567,4.660675140350879,4.462280701754388,85.63096491228073,73.91228070175438,7.522807017543862,28.456140350877188,8.167268648758528,1.8399719298245616,442,18,92,7,9,146,76,114,0.14800000000000002,0.812,0.04,-0.7743,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,1,2,5,0,6,8,8,0,0,14,17,8,0,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,9,0,11,15,0,15,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,3,5,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431762424924687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870574067028357,0.0,0.0,0.1311881904179801,0.1922387505902862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437134434758126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418743127640678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673234437182929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478423375145773,0.0,0.1580778504495281,0.0,0.0,0.18352825518364774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35996419180261124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680705703553346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311098560686106,0.15293525275091646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567180142576132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382245229811904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37568048361010375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572846506532526,0.0,0.0,0.15520111294263442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410668087183995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940266745063802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096121190315216,0.221326145974622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082105867543505 ptsd,cimbelina,2019/03/05,"I feel like there are 3-versions of myself It's so very complicated and I don't mean in a DID way either. My PTSD is due to a single traumatic event at age 9. I cannot remember much about myself and personality before then. My memory is messed up. And then there's just ""me"". But I've discovered recently that I have dissociative amnesia shortly after the trauma that lasted for months. I've always felt confused by my memories because they seemed ""off"". I finally figured out that it's because things are not in a chronological order and because a huge chunk is missing, so my therapist said that I've created false memories to make up for the missing parts which is why my memory always felt off around that time. I feel like my trauma is related to another version of me aka 9 year old me which is in a constant state of distress. When I talk or think about the trauma, it's like I become that person again. And by 3rd person, I mean the dissociated personsa that takes care of shit until I can mentally handle things again. Does anyone else feel this way? ",5.305818815331008,6.415060268292687,6.525592334494776,74.35786585365854,68.26829268292683,9.954703832752612,29.764808362369337,10.125756701596842,3.076261324041812,845,31,153,21,14,285,118,205,0.136,0.792,0.07200000000000001,-0.9217,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,11,13,1,2,9,0,13,1,1,1,0,25,28,13,0,0,5,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,15,7,0,0,11,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,4,6,22,4,25,24,5,34,0,2,0,0,6,12,1,3,21,106,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154902280740405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578037187327474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054162956087583,0.1326766509068773,0.0,0.11527254866864188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368056421688123,0.14301028489799888,0.11018549214800193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202253424454027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993146808271034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331658386182553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817133630022883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964203920638848,0.18501375102223505,0.2486592459791012,0.14184872911444654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555071273758936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978516530657494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643482707283957,0.0,0.0,0.2821026835611743,0.0,0.0,0.13049432613645287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335678165487114,0.0,0.09518921956674478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587678802917236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022382899115962,0.0,0.0,0.3391940633331038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136556110827878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785463872907002,0.0,0.146685648806374,0.0,0.12317356923455755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788180514579785,0.0,0.0,0.13291846555749645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735951610904847,0.10407824977863042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503465599027876,0.17205330459609242,0.08297124018080429,0.0,0.0,0.07550600216168353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684187997255797,0.0,0.2055644776126429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684356561909978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833865876409313 ptsd,muckducktothemind,2019/03/05,"TW: violence/sexual abuse. Is it possible that my anxiety is ptsd related? I (24/f) grew up in a favela and had some life events happen to me Why I want insight: from the age 15-18 I tried to self-diagnose a bunch but then by 18 I felt like it was just a regular “growing up and figuring it out” phase. The one label I have identified with since then is the good ol’ “anxiety”. Everyone has it. So in a sense I have felt “normal”. I have worked through a bunch of things that I attributed to how my parents raised me and I would honestly say that I am a generally happy, positive person. Now, here is what got me started on thinking about this: A few days ago I did coke for the first time ever (I’m not a druggie. All I have done is the somewhat regular weed and occasional alcohol). No big deal. I didn’t trip out or enjoy it. I simply felt nothing from it. I snorted my last dose of it close to 10PM. At around 3AM I tried to sleep. I was at a cheap motel and in the room next us there were some people having a party and talking a little too loud, walking in and out of the room. Sometimes it sounded like they would be walking into my room — a thought which I could easily dismiss but a feeling that I couldn’t shake. I was on full-on alert. I felt as if I was going to be “disturbed”, that something or someone would be making me get up and I was scared. The more I thought of it, the less what I felt seemed cocaine-related, and the more I could think about other times I felt the same way. So, here is my background: I am from a neigbourhood called Piedade, in Rio de Janeiro. Born and raised there until I was 8/9 years old. I moved with my family around Brazil until I was 15, at which point we moved to Canada. Rio is a dangerous (!!!), violent place. My neighbourhood was a favela. Not the worst one but a favela nevertheless. I can recall most nights falling asleep to the sounds of gunshots. I can’t really recall the sound of gunshots nowadays until I hear one. I have been caught up in the line of fire quite a few times. Most of them were on the streets and we would just stay put in corners of the house. Some of them were while I was out on the streets and had to just scoot down in the car or run and hide inside nearby stores. One of my earliest memories is of me being woken up in a hurry by my parents. They just grabbed me and my brother and took us to the bathroom. Our doors and windows were gridded and someone — or in my memory as a child, something scary — was banging on them. I honestly don’t remember much of that anymore. Just the paralyzing fear, attentiveness, confusion. What happened was that someone was getting followed by a gang to be killed. We had a big yard and this guy jumped into our property. My parents, who were outside, heard neighbours yelling to warn them and they ran inside to get us. The gang arrived, our neighbor was an ex cop, and a shootout happened all around us. But like I said, it’s mostly a feeling to me. We left Rio when I was 8/9 and I witnessed a lot less of that type of violence. I continued to witness robberies and assaults. A lot of noisy situations. Looking back at it, robbers tend to make their presences known when they are trying to intimidate people with noise. Anyway, that was until I was 15 and we left to come to Canada. 15 was also just about the age when my dad stopped hitting me. He had some anger bursts for no good reason. In a few instances in Brazil, and once in Canada, I was groped very indiscreetly. Then in Canada, once I was 18/19 I was living alone in a basement. I got out of my shower, heard some loud bangs on my door. I froze. Some people burst through, looked at me, ran away. I was shocked but still managed to call the cops right away. I just couldn’t think properly enough to explain it to them in as much detail as they wanted. So here I am today. I have recurring nightmares quite often. I would say I could go a week having nightmares only. Someone usually dies in my dreams. Most times I am killed in it, other times I am the one killing. Occasionally, in these dreams, someone else will die in front of me. In real life when I hear loud noises my mind freezes. If someone is talking to me after a noisy disturbance I can “go with it” but about 30 seconds to a few minutes later I have to ask them to rewind because I wasn’t “there” anymore. I have really, really, really light sleep. I feel tired all the time. I don’t like spending nights alone at home. Sometimes not even days. If I do, I keep checking on doors, windows and peep behind curtains. If I’m alone I barely sleep or sleep super late until it’s light out. I don’t feel comfortable in loud places (unless there’s rythm/music). Anyway, like I said in the beginning, I am still a generally happy person. My anxiety, other than what I just described above, is not a big part of my life anymore. But also, what I call anxiety I have usually attributed to that “worrying” feeling that I will fail or something will go wrong because of me and my decisions (money, school). So, I guess I am wondering if what I described is something like ptsd or if I am just being dramatic and trying to label myself again. But also, part of me feels as if I have made huge progress with my anxiety and that it shed a light into something hidden deeper — I have made peace with the things I used to blame for my anxiety, yet some feelings of uneasiness linger on. I was wondering if I could have ptsd to any extent (none or mild to moderate maybe?). Please tell me what you think. Personal experiences relating to it and even not relating to it would be appreciated. I’m obviously not going to use your opinions as diagnosis but it would help to have a frame of reference. Thanks for reading this long ass post.",3.3698216220399284,4.996529271126762,4.433677062374247,85.5098293607801,73.63028169014085,7.563829128617861,27.008164370840426,8.245749519724045,1.7431066321002944,4476,165,902,73,91,1459,445,1136,0.126,0.773,0.101,-0.9809,5,3,9,3,2,1,151.0,12,2,12,7,48,33,7,6,64,0,102,13,6,10,5,181,172,82,5,24,41,6,17,6,2,10,6,16,13,5,50,54,2,2,31,5,5,25,17,17,0,7,57,39,144,16,152,91,36,156,0,1,2,1,59,75,1,37,59,661,194,6,0.0,0.0523923634953844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03919753476173241,0.04725673461587671,0.0,0.13739285253910916,0.0,0.10608591541984996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03007048181361497,0.0,0.20296479077365334,0.0,0.13156029697647262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809303352466402,0.041338858395897536,0.0,0.08309053786954672,0.03400173294925884,0.0,0.053911065484865316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135457833812228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0380908106918362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122130705620795,0.0,0.0,0.0570352799686631,0.0455879162987506,0.0,0.04488142207736436,0.09178482025859057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525145794853885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03693935631003556,0.0,0.0,0.045690116586877036,0.0,0.05841255326624584,0.03999867758071995,0.0,0.04225321336863511,0.0,0.04325473238060243,0.04168580085662955,0.04975874387038731,0.1565094219355459,0.0,0.2547434320727911,0.0,0.0,0.037612715697306925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930791210759359,0.0,0.12565357367848864,0.0741777106760929,0.07073205454232119,0.0,0.04871228746805778,0.04378382832124497,0.11730832441413988,0.09414403788417984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967620423132632,0.0,0.029639108430556036,0.0,0.04435532948120655,0.0,0.0,0.051022866211920065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039303938384772065,0.1467655377028637,0.0,0.0,0.036044441345999836,0.04988103348563285,0.0,0.09608829109289428,0.0,0.09369970394780026,0.12961921491218073,0.044319121777679,0.03904624618434289,0.03913248269435359,0.07426575864228915,0.0,0.0,0.07518693874216148,0.0,0.08368230050499016,0.059033141015808525,0.0,0.044423996125738836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446486521080193,0.0,0.0,0.0939957401945488,0.06501220413309723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04702747927938048,0.0829931975669682,0.04332529694380202,0.04242938726449632,0.0,0.04640047224101967,0.09418372614219683,0.14981992057569252,0.033630592948366005,0.0,0.0,0.1473001223835803,0.09576988062503912,0.0,0.09196779982083048,0.11583115076746794,0.09239902667825667,0.048539256695737235,0.04180131106545722,0.049850353868324634,0.04234964279028343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506916858256492,0.044452375600851586,0.0,0.09406484131506762,0.04423103318572924,0.05033097889317998,0.11331146614447025,0.04546456542601556,0.0,0.0,0.05009158278112098,0.03776284150513709,0.08412491733125663,0.07032955360991965,0.04427100002370151,0.04475205642408637,0.0,0.04025537773394038,0.04613013057414534,0.0,0.0,0.036578469068905765,0.04970408387741248,0.17700400543800482,0.0,0.22480003121780265,0.17020999015506086,0.08746757564237591,0.0,0.03129848313070376,0.04713164175813881,0.07062680785811341,0.03696911990895098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108322193648586,0.03864941348584591,0.040710975762481616,0.0,0.0,0.05875436636147657,0.1133351702716382,0.0,0.07020999956723695,0.15470696098209386,0.050823312489014984,0.04191450500078955,0.0,0.049129010332195085,0.1200873751781596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276037161766587,0.07638215247045588,0.09740210988732856,0.03648536116986123,0.05216310264260282,0.03509903705980047,0.035469868196724236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039900830021731136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590738354068316,0.03219200733390068,0.044906608859434316,0.0,0.21988369482303244,0.048346608005939117,0.0,0.028475629290528163 ptsd,MintyMint123,2019/03/05,"I’m alone. I feel alone. I feel like my trauma wasn’t that bad. I feel like I took it horribly. I was a kid. I didn’t even get hurt, didn’t watch someone die, wasn’t touched. I just got sick. I still get nightmares. It’s horrible. I don’t want this. I want to seek help because this has killed me my whole life. But I’m afraid that my pain and trauma wasn’t strong enough. Who would care anyway. ",-1.473005366726298,0.5112897674418662,0.16209302325581554,105.68317531305908,99.0,3.5763864042933813,13.592128801431127,5.369823440869387,-1.3798379248658321,304,6,78,2,13,96,53,86,0.376,0.46,0.16399999999999998,-0.9738,0,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,1,1,1,0,9,3,0,0,0,9,21,2,2,3,2,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,8,5,14,4,1,12,2,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,40,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047437602213724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314794368607005,0.11911191316706528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921978831680034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279075255459586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018968518074276,0.0,0.12905756749454145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963950749164497,0.2791826450329719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041732480336615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627645758806755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097017756848894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917603031208584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617731382300126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801435011572674,0.1909217527366085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791568803757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555884868005755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560439239922699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21709273819917696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304998759200815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181532515496307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880409114031472,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AlexKeris,2019/03/05,Is my ptsd valid (13F) When I was 3-7 my dad was a abusive drunk to my mom at 7 my older sister got it by a truck and is now in a wheelchair. And the rest on my siblings are autistic. But I don’t remember anything if the abuse except what I’m told (and one memory of a verbal argument) when they fight I get “heavy” and a sense of dread... and my anxiety goes through the roof... I don’t even remember my sisters accident. Because I don’t remember does it even count? (Note I am already diagnosed with massive depressive/anxiety and I’m on pills),1.7678761061946917,3.4872001681415945,4.063017699115047,86.05930530973455,78.29203539823007,8.059823008849557,28.1141592920354,8.841846274778883,2.3031210619469022,421,19,90,10,10,146,73,113,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,8,0,9,3,0,0,0,13,14,10,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,14,0,11,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,4,60,17,0,0.0,0.4302385815980399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035632842702805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777862964211456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494086738086633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067748617931154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842799034669367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888465996067902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398377586745399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485777382206866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521037413441176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264125299449302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302997197157466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122342986951638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6170173500852532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348866681002484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rustisstardust,2019/03/05,"I don't know what's going on anymore, self blame (Advice?) I'm not sure if this is the right forum for what I'm going through, but I dunno where else I can go. Over a year ago, I got out of a relationship because he would always guilt me into doing sexual things I knew I didn't want to do. He'd say stuff like 'don't you trust me?' and I felt like it's what I needed to do to be a good partner. But after every time, I'd have to hide in my bathroom for a few minutes and calm myself down from a panic attack. I was and still am full of guilt from the situation and can barely think about it without feeling disgusting. For the most part, I've kind of willed myself to stop thinking about the details but I remain hyper vigilant and paranoid that he's watching me (we still live in the same city). I've always suffered from anxiety and depression but my list of triggers has almost doubled in size, but for the most part, I can function like a normal person. I've found it really hard recently to keep everything straight in my head, and the fact that I still have feelings for him makes it to where I can't even take myself seriously about what happened. Maybe it was my fault after all and I'm just over exaggerating. I can't seem to be mad at him for anything but the few people I've confided in seem to be pretty pissed. It doesn't make sense. 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I already know the legal process but more or less want to hear other people's opinions. Im changing it due to trauma reasons. I have no criminal history and am not running from legal issues. I'm afraid of telling the judge it's for trauma and them belittling me or something similar. ,4.673548387096774,6.660237322580645,5.4234193548387095,78.26512903225809,70.93548387096773,7.540645161290323,33.36774193548387,8.238735603445708,2.89828,262,13,43,4,5,85,50,62,0.219,0.6970000000000001,0.084,-0.9208,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,6,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,27,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031184429320118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206405725199213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5811543178832193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30958660335587834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967037206589346,0.28669666752415623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095805636016502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042992915050608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28241886801037885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114636411597296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400841953213029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620145740115586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,leigh003,2019/03/05,"Intrusive Thoughts: tw/NSFW Has ANYONE who’s been in an abusive relationship also get really intense intrusive thoughts? Namely: “What if I’m the abuser?” I was wondering if this is a PTSD thing, or just a me thing, because I was also sexually assaulted and have thoughts such as: “What if I’m making it all up?” Can’t seem to convince myself that I’m not a shitty human being. 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I am trying so hard to be strong and keep it together without the harmful coping methods I know so well, like the risky sex, drugs, alcohol, you know the BS. But it isn't easy and I have no support system. I have isolated myself in a way that is for the best yet here I am feeling so god damn alone. I don't know my father and my mother was extremely abusive which kind of led me into some of the trouble I got into in the past. I let it go. I don't act out in anger and I am taking better care of myself. She lives here, with me and my grandpa and she is so ill. She has schizophrenia and psychosis. Her room is next to mine and she has no clue who I am or who she is nor the year or state we may be in. She deteriorated from an abusive crazed women to a person I can barely recognize by eye who talks to herself and laughs all day. I just don't understand how my grandpa has got it in his head that I can live like this. I suffer from PSTD from, I don't want to begin the things she did and said to me growing up that I have reoccurring flashbacks of. It just continues and it is worse that I am here around here. I feel like I shouldn't feel this way and that I should ignore how I feel because my grandpa makes it seem like it is so easy and that I won't get anywhere in life if I don't do just that. Which is to drain out the pain I am feel. I want to leave and I feel weak and crazy . Can I have someone who doesn't know who I am tell me I have a right to want to get away. People say I have it good because I don't have to pay rent , that I am not like my grandma and uncle living on the streets cause I am ""spoiled"" but what I have is someone who wants control over me and to not feel alone. He doesn't love either one of us especially not my mother because he would of taken her to a psychiatrist, yet he will let her sit there because he feels ashamed that his daughter is this way. I have been considering leaving to a new state. No contact with family or friends. They all are bringing me down down down. 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But I wasn't in a war, I wasn't raped, I didn't almost die. What I went through doesn't fit any classifications for trauma, but it left me traumatized, I think. Am I really traumatized if my so-called ""trauma"" wasn't even that serious? Am I just exaggerating my symptoms? Are the flashbacks, the anxiety, the buried emotions so obscure and painful I don't even know what they are, all in my head? Is it normal to feel so haunted by these memories all the time? Is it normal to be unable to listen to certain music, do certain things I love, even say a specific name, because of how painful the memories are? I hate that I'm in so much pain but I can't put a name on it. If I could call it PTSD, maybe I'd at least feel somewhat understood and validated. As it is, I just feel like a pathetic, overly sensitive crybaby who can't get over herself.",3.6769696969696986,5.061392353535356,5.231737373737374,81.06427272727272,72.43434343434343,8.916363636363636,29.86666666666667,9.3871,2.67643393939394,778,33,156,18,15,263,114,198,0.222,0.667,0.11,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,0,10,15,3,0,9,0,22,7,1,1,4,31,34,15,2,5,7,0,3,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,13,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,8,11,0,0,8,5,22,4,20,24,6,15,0,0,0,2,11,10,0,6,4,110,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448100830502834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983425139992476,0.0,0.11062935351756972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815538349237981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766711532986188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154625527140631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500865537696842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267134333910335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865486512449233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193636287065948,0.1033123072365515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555487314710083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277643624717612,0.1484157379216049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947610068152815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712359001325124,0.0,0.0,0.07065112079060612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051982752473476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528425211065132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630796730676753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833821318611722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616386403094557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380504755105406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380921746161913,0.14537706435575826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264346440021526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500289807981788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503093711666812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537877104928705,0.16790805983679194,0.0960751499133664,0.09266284489661288,0.0,0.0,0.08432561634398815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405867450141173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,G_aTe,2019/03/06,"Alone and self victimization Ptsd is ruining my life and family. I was in a abusive relationship that lasted 3 years and 3 months. The trauma from that relationship is ruining my life. I don't enjoy my hobbies anymore. Every little fucking thing seems to remind me of him. My family is sick of it, they tell me to just forget him. How can I? I have all of this anger and rage when i have these realistic flashbacks. I stress out everytime I get this because I don't feel I have a control of myself. I feel like im playing a victim card though.. In my head I was always to blame so everything I screw up I feel the need to blame something. I can't live like this. I'm draining my family by my mental health ( I was diagnosed with major depression, extreme anxiety, Ptsd, pychosis, and ocd) Im only 20 and I feel like my life has been rip out of my hands. Im taking therapy and pills but nothing seem enough... Not being to explain to anyone that im losing my mind and common sense is breaking me apart. ",1.7036247334754788,4.013078850746272,3.8761904761904766,84.32000000000002,81.38805970149255,6.813646055437101,23.004264392324096,7.957251820313856,1.422507036247335,783,27,153,15,21,268,117,201,0.19,0.775,0.034,-0.969,0,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,2,5,17,6,1,5,0,17,11,2,2,1,27,29,13,0,1,3,0,5,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,9,11,0,1,7,1,0,0,4,12,0,0,4,5,33,5,19,24,3,13,0,4,0,2,8,7,2,2,8,100,42,0,0.0,0.1298763605043507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352852754748274,0.0,0.0,0.09120881915140563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385550417899923,0.0,0.10870905235188247,0.07664565757899744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682054892124555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229430259148439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944116095302447,0.11125735440778917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326204159210775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235572773567224,0.0,0.09851528074528462,0.0,0.3100070166014832,0.0,0.221699420619018,0.15661857067330373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133769902924447,0.05726953814228211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249705558062267,0.11651607660215085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736138994752664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935120590319251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322738604863192,0.16065768712370038,0.10986345820686526,0.09679243323745262,0.0,0.0,0.12263162800857567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046657195772956,0.0,0.11068033679613076,0.0,0.08749399070468672,0.0,0.0,0.08127845266457592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517896175514002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336747423356551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25626914430908604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235371899509736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995795418266497,0.11435280008103235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438731360064775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556410510188004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241716180658977,0.0,0.0958087176122843,0.0,0.12535479767256166,0.0,0.07282362120808003,0.0,0.1076966037605026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058874325550694 ptsd,Becky-and-Momo,2019/03/06,"Waiting to hear if Momo my fluffy Samoyed will be accepted to be trained as a service dog. Been trying for this for 3 years and really hope this time I’ll get in. Does anyone else have an animal that helps with their PTSD? What do they do that helps you?",3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,3.77615384615385,91.14384615384618,73.61538461538461,7.507692307692308,22.615384615384606,8.07648339933343,0.8951384615384619,200,5,44,3,4,63,45,52,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.194,0.8706,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,11,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,7,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176401403237018,0.3189225228339512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27238561236749703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26001768386060864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262043684227345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508124985004851,0.0,0.4172618635324131,0.0,0.0,0.3091512854001972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638461348614476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994010448804878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814981350065241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113250221027941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044115312818545 ptsd,ShowPan69,2019/03/06,"Constant flashbacks... I can remember it all too well. My parents used to physically hurt me and my siblings, as well as scream and curse at us, and hurl demeaning insults. Sure, the abuse itself was awful, but the fact that my PARENTS did it makes it worse. I can’t concentrate on my schoolwork without flashbacks happening and me falling into deep stages of depression as I remember how much I was abused.",5.35882882882883,7.544439837837842,5.484864864864863,77.70585585585587,69.54054054054055,8.717117117117118,35.306306306306304,9.2995712137729,3.6109171171171166,324,17,54,7,6,102,54,74,0.318,0.629,0.053,-0.9738,2,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,3,3,15,8,9,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,3,1,11,3,9,5,2,7,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,43,16,0,0.0,0.4416676913408602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014142362940321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605317451731375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648182208323236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952727943173826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244123635849552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370132410182992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413913406757669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222721069740694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566414421654108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419627564014252,0.16097541077834665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33516211205650104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966694186319268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994060288493392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LiterallyDeceased,2019/03/06,"Self-Soothing Tips? For approximately 5 years of my childhood (6-11) my best friend's brother decided he would prefer to molest me instead of her. As a result, she became abusive in other ways. Their mother played a role in keeping it quiet and encouraging some behaviors that I honestly cannot allow myself to think about. Long story short, my childhood memories are spotty at best, and what I do remember is fucking awful. I can't remember my primary abuser's name or face, hell I didn't even remember she had a brother until I was 21. Because I have no legal leg to stand on whatsoever, I obviously never pressed charges or made formal accusations. There's the backstory, for the most part. My current problem is that I'm pretty sure he messaged me on a dating app today. I can't confirm if it's him without asking my parents if they remember his name, and I prefer not to talk about this with them. I've been fighting off flashbacks for the past 5 hours. I'm exhausted. I just want to be held and comforted but I have nobody to turn to right now. Does anyone have tips on how to self-soothe? I drove to my safe/happy place and I'm cuddling a blanket and listening to music, but the feelings are coming in waves and i can't stay here all night. I already tried curling up in bed with my dog, but my house isn't a safe place for me to be in that sort of state.",4.036838235294121,5.326893713235293,5.505176470588236,79.81629411764708,71.42647058823529,8.08705882352941,29.40882352941176,8.548686976883017,2.2773391176470588,1078,43,204,18,20,364,168,272,0.091,0.828,0.081,-0.5333,2,0,0,0,3,0,31.0,0,0,3,2,9,15,4,0,10,1,20,5,2,4,4,48,35,17,0,7,10,4,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,8,10,0,3,9,1,0,2,10,6,0,0,7,4,35,9,36,25,6,34,1,0,0,2,24,15,2,7,13,139,43,1,0.0,0.2879988593655585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411720036666788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849802915340201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361907796488005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408677682669802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550875502206126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046918796908702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063563399391066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027290425059158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061451887791912185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389785355065317,0.11235740521915458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293765623357511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968776645547465,0.14023539205183033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802613843127876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755489567777517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499961772408986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373549805627188,0.0,0.0,0.11405262446545752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349505424094091,0.13161086149519108,0.11601917392660482,0.0,0.0,0.2539569940585908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236450694584107,0.0,0.11629284641824668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5507031079462261,0.10379046252456202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25357559959875714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954043452884045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145455602881008,0.0,0.0,0.0976854520007495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787489814023342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520123187573733,0.0,0.0,0.08251447531700082,0.1321954816732747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716846552616472,0.09646904590344092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171556700586548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863351737833439,0.0,0.0,0.07826473371554497 ptsd,whenitcountsaspect,2019/03/06,"How to get better I've heard that invasive thoughts, memories, flashbacks etc. are your subconscious trying to process what happened to you and that it means you still have stuff to work through. &#x200B; If this is true it means there is stuff I still need to accept, or move on from somehow. However, I do not want to accept certain aspects of it as I am worried it will forever taint my worldview. For instance,one thing I will always find hard to accept is the implicit involvement of those around me, by doing nothing to help me at the time. Certain aspects of what happened were probably traumatic for them to be around themselves, perhaps they didn't understand the gravity of the situation as they were groomed by him to a certain extent as well, why is it their responsibility to help me to begin with? Sometimes I consider that I would have never been able to leave the situation if I didn't figure out a way to do it myself. I guess a certain part of healing for me then would be accepting the innate loneliness of the situation as it was then and as it is now. I don't even know how to heal really. ",7.0810563380281675,7.045488619718312,7.342828638497652,74.03283450704228,64.2112676056338,10.668075117370893,36.998826291079816,10.317481424215053,3.828386854460095,888,41,162,19,12,289,123,213,0.077,0.802,0.121,0.8612,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,4,2,11,11,0,0,10,0,25,2,0,2,7,36,38,14,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,18,6,0,0,11,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,8,2,23,11,39,24,3,15,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,5,8,135,41,1,0.1281525521985607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066331895161146,0.13885323676556974,0.15571937791708854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281658827511279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334051821293628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292397129868184,0.0846435520916443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171291110302486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669544192222141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411744842932012,0.0,0.2266497573577684,0.0,0.11479951504336824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179590879766393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042929120955209,0.0,0.0,0.13569504901049553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791913971045358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620588189812052,0.0,0.09502349364014002,0.09883914860977264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296583012796493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877672565599605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817012627204162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209780647204085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43214651415790906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674615097665134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046855874543416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29340802407572986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513886128314455,0.0,0.0,0.10173881166666708,0.07472678376250595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700717078836455,0.0,0.0,0.13341132638119585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558769560484767,0.10172153092491293,0.0,0.0,0.11522453492930992,0.0,0.11563774550481334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329658429008243,0.1301451374305562,0.0,0.1820717924110184,0.0,0.15571937791708854,0.0 ptsd,Nomoreturtless,2019/03/06,years ago I was raped One night a few summers ago I was grabbed and dragged into an alley and orally raped. It's been years and I still have dreams about it and flashbacks and everything feels worse. I thought I was supposed to get better but lately i've only felt pain and horrible fear.,3.3578947368421046,5.4326904035087775,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,74.78947368421052,5.963508771929827,25.43508771929825,6.742157984588678,0.891430877192982,231,8,46,2,5,70,41,57,0.337,0.606,0.058,-0.961,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,1,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,11,9,7,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,6,3,5,1,3,3,1,9,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44689215105227453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293665750518216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22654550904750184,0.0,0.0,0.2836503904782017,0.12745486720362326,0.0,0.2420280616656505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169689588464809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28434750407910325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365519209872473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081009554181725,0.19171164864341705,0.2682217282036328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130453533318726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200116524691584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25688227849203554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32465141758442706 ptsd,1890s_kid,2019/03/06,"How to help my SO(f24)[Canada]? Hi /r/PTSD, first time visitor here. My GF has recently been given a definitive diagnosis of PTSD after several runarounds with different doctors/psychiatrists and I'm looking for pointers on how to help alleviate any pressures or triggers for her, and maybe help her symptoms improve, if possible. She's been the victim of sexual assaults on two different occasions and her dad was physically abusive when she and her siblings were young(he was FOB at the time and has softened since, not that I'm excusing him - his actions affect her to this day). On top of this there is a history of depression in her family, which she seems to have inherited, so her moods can be very dark even when she's not triggered. It's hard to know what's what she's suffering from. She's been trying different anti-depressants since she was 19, when she started having trouble with school. About 2 years ago she admitted to being suicidal after her previous relationship ended(we had met but weren't a couple yet). She was taken in and seen by a panel of psychiatrists/doctors who asked her loads of questions and then released her, not really doing anything or giving her any info - she says it was a horrible experience. Her family doctor has sent her to a few different specialists since, all who do an interview with her before bouncing her back to family doctor saying they're not qualified. The most recent doctor, a CBT specialist, listened to her about how fed up she was with the lack of progress, he looked through her previous files and interviewed some of the professionals she'd previously seen and was able to find that she'd been given a PTSD diagnosis, which is a step in the right direction, but as a CBT specialist he's not qualified for PTSD so he shunted her back to her doctor. So we're back to waiting for her doctor to find someone who's qualified to help her. We've made progress finally but it's been a pain in the arse. She's in college for the third time now, after dropping out twice from different courses. For the first time, yesterday and today, she's had trouble leaving the house to go to her new course. Completing school is very important to her but she's so debilitated she can't get out of the bed/chair to do anything, and I'm in work so I can't give physical comfort/encouragement. She's just sitting, stuck to the spot by panic/sadness. When it's happened before I've asked questions about where the sadness/panic comes from and she says she doesn't know - which makes it hard for me to give her any kind of solace other than that I love her and am there for her. I want to help more but I can't think of anything else that could help and I'm afraid the pattern that's stopped her from sticking out college before will happen again. She's on Wellbutrin for the day and Seroquel for the night. I'm not delighted about the latter because it's so heavy but it does the job so I'm not saying anything... I support her, I try to be there for her, I try to be emotionally present and not fatigued with the constant roadblocks. I try to vet media for content that could trigger her and I keep an eye on her in social situations in case I see her start to fade/get triggered.. I'm fine with it even if it's hard sometimes. Is there anything I'm not doing/could be doing/should stop doing? Thank you.",5.822660455486544,6.720275531055902,6.330993788819875,76.98284679089028,66.98136645962732,9.673706004140787,32.87991718426501,9.784248007369934,3.1789817805383027,2678,113,492,57,42,870,279,644,0.07400000000000001,0.8420000000000001,0.084,0.5718,6,0,0,0,0,0,73.0,0,1,0,6,33,16,2,2,32,0,45,11,1,10,1,78,91,43,1,6,20,1,3,0,1,1,8,5,0,0,26,27,1,4,10,0,1,5,14,10,0,5,26,14,70,5,88,55,6,65,0,3,6,1,93,21,0,9,37,336,96,17,0.05941535567592787,0.07039748080511579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052668127889286986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121343789697715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444688760244625,0.0,0.11109067414708143,0.0,0.0,0.13706022307126842,0.0,0.03621904934665232,0.0,0.15167427459747093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051181067919680134,0.0622958700017635,0.06420689179387312,0.0,0.1423149805072058,0.06574196095728793,0.0,0.07663597820247385,0.0,0.10234871756300633,0.0,0.0,0.3103820038375915,0.0,0.36488480507100535,0.05199477814502079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963390565531848,0.06683427804717673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848656412877053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581196187639471,0.1680345285000734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508661794333746,0.10860911737574633,0.10107734237119148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062084142124603135,0.17098986945066436,0.03376711585803868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508160560399518,0.0,0.1596734649612939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389491629257722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855734319166698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058960572568579075,0.05281109809545431,0.0,0.061871949855212376,0.06530625126740215,0.0,0.0,0.06291228276069874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978786925614637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362467822788779,0.0562202461437625,0.03966021128147984,0.0,0.059690710743059865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057383720752326776,0.0,0.055757286395282914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322212753323586,0.06971111813216868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669818862033734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778134850312193,0.0,0.1331175923999508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038062998263132405,0.0,0.11733099161612302,0.06378985641981097,0.0,0.05074038910725445,0.0,0.1889979023650212,0.0,0.12026302395697885,0.0473463459416831,0.05408950832266632,0.0,0.06712244000518494,0.0,0.14744698858941538,0.06678534918555955,0.0,0.060566472759434366,0.05034243805409687,0.0,0.05876330601020344,0.0,0.08410898911315827,0.0,0.0,0.09934779557718086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499075560701481,0.06742384151722314,0.0,0.06175530428066135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054701676801607084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03807096083022224,0.0,0.0,0.13858228680106796,0.0,0.056318809925590727,0.0,0.0,0.1613565055103114,0.0,0.05804016910653929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980477818241316,0.03504471617644642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043255086565546295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03826154104634255 ptsd,OldDJ,2019/03/06,"Advice about using cbd vape pens or ptsd and anxiety. Long story short after the service ive been disabled stay at home all the time house warrior. But my anxiety panic attacks adrenaline rushed then dumping is killing me. I decided to try the cbd route to see if it helps at all since im never going to be able to work again im not worried about the drug tests. I bought a select 1 gram 18:1 cbd cartridge and a batter, but it doesn't say anywhere the dosage amounts. Does anyone use this or cbd pens in general and can give me a quick rundown on how to best effectively use this? Ive smoked some regular flower before and while it does offer a nice distracting sensation, it doesnt seem to actually help my horrible horrible anxiety racing thoughts and all that crap and sometimes makes it even worse.",6.710705128205127,6.803159942307693,6.903333333333336,76.44166666666669,64.96153846153845,10.266666666666666,34.0,9.994966539143718,3.302876923076924,645,26,119,13,9,208,108,156,0.185,0.701,0.113,-0.8722,1,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,6,8,4,2,9,0,8,2,1,6,4,27,18,14,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,8,6,0,0,4,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,3,2,8,2,13,14,6,16,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,5,8,68,16,5,0.14418451409625166,0.0,0.14070328689173553,0.0,0.0,0.14089543844600091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309022758997881,0.0,0.0,0.10081716471303427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403069993677585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269040180465245,0.0,0.15131275206640446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523536798558481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720826079803489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523251172403543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831492415640595,0.08194338209433108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932876810392024,0.0,0.14462882372523753,0.0,0.0,0.1663695706836497,0.0,0.0,0.3114880348215871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595188021344831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759875775312626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624428277034876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112039859643726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916946100291388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854398115149832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466131275198255,0.0,0.0,0.11489639010274265,0.13126016644159405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192709200220762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260217122967195,0.0,0.0,0.15368150766656144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446639862591206,0.08407514967067194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789182055127904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37358737928272334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496804349134613,0.14642637294761102,0.1469363378917329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,catsandbats13,2019/03/06,"Dating after sexual assault I was hoping to get some advice from other people with ptsd from a sexual assault. I was assaulted over a year ago but only realized what happened a few months ago, and began experiencing symptoms of ptsd and was diagnosed a few weeks ago. I am still uncomfortable and wary around men and don’t like being touched, but I recently realized that I have a crush on one of my college friends. I’m terrified but I really like him and I don’t want to miss my chance with him, but I also don’t want to worsen my ptsd. Anyone have any advice on how to approach this? ",5.817524630541875,6.085225801724138,7.148719211822659,73.32534482758622,66.84482758620689,10.421674876847293,30.364532019704434,10.290406445055957,3.095311822660099,467,16,86,11,7,160,69,116,0.192,0.6659999999999999,0.142,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,3,0,5,0,10,2,0,1,0,19,18,11,0,3,4,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,4,2,13,4,15,13,3,16,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,13,63,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174407573443471,0.4319413797189574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129891662699196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045495150260656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357172905239556,0.0,0.0,0.14459318578722785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485852570139906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548958575632954,0.0,0.08486065191817714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363238745035342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613252315011824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870584965096388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964653340972065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100637639521952,0.12353195855457777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260543292893413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5696003676130537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405397372124862,0.0,0.16037564663077838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297132630781417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882234984078284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160560872707666,0.0,0.13028798792639087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459673615430433 ptsd,notsurehowimalive,2019/03/06,"Living in a fog I have been through it all it seems. Maybe more so than others, but surely not the worst either. I've tried therapy, which seems to only make things worse. Talking about all of the terrible things that have happened only makes me think about them more than I already do. I have flashbacks often of past trauma, night terrors, seizures sometimes. I try to feel something, anything, and often find myself lacking any feeling at all for those memories. My scars run deep, and every new wound just adds a layer of scar tissue, one on top of the other. It feels like that scar tissue is impenetrable, and I can't shake the haze of apathy. There are times when I think about all of the things I've been through and experienced and I break down and cry. Then I feel guilty, why am I crying? These things would not have happened if it weren't for poor decision making on my part. I hate feeling that I am a victim. I hate feeling sorry for myself. But more so than that, I hate feeling like I am trapped in a state of numbness. Why can I not feel something for those things that have happened? I relive the events over and over, but I can't feel anything. Even as they were happening, I felt nothing. I picked myself up and kept moving until the next thing happened, then did it all over again. &#x200B; I have finally found someone that I love, and that genuinely loves me too. Someone good, someone whole, and someone who isn't as fucked up as I am. I want to be healthy, for him and for myself. I find that all of the trauma has made me bitter and cold towards people, even him. I don't want to be this way forever, but I am at a loss on what to do or where to even start. If I could just feel something, deal with those feelings, I may be able to move on. Maybe it hurts too much to feel it. I'm not sure. I have no clue how to fix this. I guess I always thought if I just keep moving forward, these things will never catch up to me. I was so wrong. They haunt me. Each and everyday, I am cursed with living through the events I tried so hard to forget. I don't want to think about it, I want to think about my future. So why is this so hard? &#x200B; Each day feels like a fog that grows thicker and thicker. The lines between reality and memory become blurry. I often times don't know where I am or who is with me. Am I losing my mind? It certainly feels that way. Is it possible to come back from this? Is all there is to life this never ending hell that I am in? It's all too much for me to bare, but undoubtedly I will continue to live with it until I change something. What is it that causes me to be this way? Everyone goes through their own shit, deals with it, moves on. Why can't I move on?",2.6224186267522,4.297030295081966,3.4223065652965907,91.78349073414114,75.73952641165756,6.15824819830522,22.6815949948523,6.800593979768761,0.4798763443414909,2108,59,454,19,46,668,232,549,0.16899999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.117,-0.99,0,1,4,0,0,0,80.0,0,0,4,3,31,28,8,2,16,0,50,7,1,7,14,106,99,40,0,10,18,0,17,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,51,24,0,2,27,0,1,11,15,19,0,1,11,20,66,9,76,79,21,63,1,3,0,3,13,24,3,12,28,341,117,0,0.05723679961883112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316223166256534,0.0,0.04762560242728621,0.12403209694744245,0.13909795283358442,0.03892298647429617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420201838981593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440115658900888,0.0,0.0,0.06321354831203617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879795981062254,0.060548944667931766,0.04930443477902766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045698927094863284,0.0,0.12574387349646102,0.036913000671855385,0.118017254295155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050694815680098,0.0,0.0,0.11341309900537315,0.0,0.04822447228179064,0.05469221486495445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051690392495796,0.12266994325243885,0.05495630356287177,0.06270011626976676,0.10462679583911487,0.0,0.0,0.06275719648785172,0.0,0.05291449894610774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048007511938710896,0.0,0.0,0.06305278771398927,0.0,0.25307156437749395,0.0,0.1025458600105828,0.1695284695571103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061273177791605585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087469737330234,0.0,0.0,0.03145584819888363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04042804426404309,0.0838890274540165,0.0,0.15162342807062382,0.0,0.0,0.06403333816713792,0.0,0.0,0.10331689265970136,0.05415884372725578,0.1146180245898082,0.0,0.1150041167317399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057792851237559575,0.0,0.0,0.3041682992403353,0.08415126694082463,0.0,0.08828909680562669,0.05527965773694068,0.06087198573196124,0.05371285911513223,0.0,0.054920252919290674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03878513672173696,0.08706233059818383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198187630178899,0.054639001715047035,0.03968079007052696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452589158305935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421246541825746,0.0,0.0,0.058752752293818364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939862183064016,0.17625473873440606,0.05660865836420061,0.0640719111274775,0.04051250136639956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789001254209699,0.0,0.0,0.046004771442180965,0.0,0.0,0.06545526860068245,0.0,0.2661791046378765,0.14670012030029098,0.0,0.045439625484793286,0.0667504762877803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658008945695356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350389894781185,0.13629572215110433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065892361652623,0.06390284273047063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832918868818116,0.040659380245210285,0.06257945519985816,0.13909795283358442,0.0 ptsd,madamecopper,2019/03/06,Comfort object really helps me I started sleeping with a stuffed animal at night because that is when most of my flashbacks happen cause I let my mind wander. Whenever I think of what my dad did to me I just hug it an cry into it. It has honestly helped a little bit and helps me bring myself back down if I start panicking. It makes me feel safer when I’m going to sleep! ,2.2188345864661656,4.2197911842105285,3.860075187969926,86.72552631578951,77.94736842105263,6.974436090225563,22.69924812030075,7.957251820313856,1.210709022556391,294,9,59,5,7,98,58,76,0.07200000000000001,0.7190000000000001,0.209,0.888,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,4,3,2,2,0,11,13,4,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,13,3,8,11,2,12,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,6,41,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167607098739862,0.0,0.13287377571868655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379690909249679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239174011734206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943212874641395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021324864830608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238785738478429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275201788910667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383063340355393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228912515549423,0.0,0.0,0.21846531854539875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549807667047882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008969524106745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455206033325027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963851579841854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362590556938866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085635641174059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966772739763844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Academic_Relation,2019/03/06,"Reliving bullying and obsessive thoughts Lately I have been reliving my experiences with bullying, despite being far away from those people. Whatever hurt and humiliation I felt in that moment, I feel as if I relive it constantly. If I try to ignore it it gets worse but obviously when I feel it that also makes me feel terrible. I get obsessive thoughts about what I could've done differently to stand up for myself but it's too late now. How do I make my mind stop reliving these these situations? Usually I write it out but even that's not helping me anymore. Distraction just seems to make it hurt more when those memories inevitably come up again.",3.540464285714286,6.569692308333337,4.862857142857145,75.46500000000002,80.08333333333334,9.428571428571429,28.57142857142857,9.606745405546679,3.602142857142857,527,24,90,18,14,174,81,120,0.268,0.732,0.0,-0.9839,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,4,1,28,18,12,0,2,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,2,7,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,5,4,15,0,13,12,1,18,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,3,10,66,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226230765688093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402241904844805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553893309906066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246882357620633,0.0,0.1787278130599634,0.0,0.13205044152882972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279732816580742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925137223236458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092385222941466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617831367839286,0.0,0.0,0.2508784306701369,0.0,0.15880031789817073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281887718933486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085741766199678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541067896171889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731342037824657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311972887859703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669967329274024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466058794222475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056482663939408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859052676572655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382734293760986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626023405633116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122889402801142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215369740689466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854651979692803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madison_eevee,2019/03/06,"I was finally diagnosed. tw; sexual abuse mention &#x200B; Hi guys. I was able to hear back from the psychologist I saw earlier this month today, and I've finally, finally, finally, been diagnosed with PTSD. I've had symptoms since I was raped in 2017 such as nightmares, flashbacks, and really, really bad anxiety in certain situations, and hearing this news makes me feel relieved and I feel like I'm finally seeing this brought to light. It feels good to hear that what I'm experiencing has a name. I'm really glad a subreddit exists for this, and I look forward to being able to read posts made by others who are similar to me. I just wanted to share. Have a good night, all. ",5.551423611111113,6.9244617812500024,6.826979166666668,71.44788194444446,67.90625,11.31388888888889,32.97222222222222,11.20814326018867,4.228971180555555,540,24,95,18,9,183,84,128,0.111,0.752,0.136,0.0975,0,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,4,0,9,4,0,2,2,17,25,6,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,9,6,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,8,11,9,7,14,16,1,14,0,0,3,1,9,3,0,0,11,54,18,1,0.2246571701257893,0.1330910051933717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170797498525923,0.13649152582774055,0.0,0.0,0.0859310601162567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637374828360456,0.09378967655938444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22802229868139606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039012311242424,0.08024756361324449,0.0,0.6152523717927009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843177551426987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122295948725176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798074374763333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487807272573727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432772077577062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628802317807348,0.07498020277524005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965960491998998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541276773449028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757973400141782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130610483575625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123589827732946,0.0,0.21588170378729166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895113390641927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291936633559586,0.12626203599391467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167524097274013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647436440291777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662543098033804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649152582774055,0.0 ptsd,anonuser670,2019/03/06,"PTSD & Running Hi all, So I was diagnosed with PTSD about 4 years ago after a traumatic incident and was really not doing well. After some real lows, I found running. I was not an athletic or fit person at ALL prior to this, but my anxiety and flashbacks were such that all I wanted to do was get up and run. I would start at a normal pace and gradually run faster and faster until I would just run as fast as I could, and I always felt much better afterwards. This really helped with my PTSD, and I highly recommend running to anyone struggling—for me, it was life-saving. Anyways, I got pretty fit from that and through running and therapy, over time my more intrusive symptoms subsided such that I could resume my normal activities. I gradually started running less and less and now I rarely run at all. I really miss it, but struggle because the act of running reminds me so much of how I felt when my PTSD was bad...I really wish I could get back into running because I loved it and found it so emotionally soothing, but it’s been about 2 years since I have actually run because it reminds me of my PTSD so much. Has anyone else encountered this problem? Any advice on how to get back to running is appreciated!",6.9094402618657895,6.657331629787238,7.779148936170214,71.48692307692309,64.61702127659575,10.805237315875614,34.672667757774136,10.389873798559362,3.6218019639934536,963,39,173,21,13,325,123,235,0.069,0.7909999999999999,0.14,0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,17,7,0,1,4,0,18,3,0,2,4,44,32,26,0,10,7,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,15,0,0,4,0,0,14,2,4,1,0,13,2,27,3,26,14,11,43,0,2,0,1,4,11,0,2,18,131,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.09518470614311386,0.0,0.0,0.09531469521182527,0.08646308537843225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116086905226527,0.10568425663484944,0.0,0.0663303611368817,0.0,0.07461762642366755,0.0,0.0,0.13640409416698182,0.09994098003224852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000406310636488,0.08144160025998314,0.17837794211528668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862659646470189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336326124234115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990007726906624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148192833741807,0.10971906769016454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730687402317567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389455866786602,0.0,0.0,0.15288144926425695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801143245436015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537882492736936,0.10305607998100803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889519584687281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880334144732705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510877370614054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113645138495036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516792989804005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923297151161352,0.0,0.09333234852124817,0.5700936229883552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102156683255547,0.2499457945801604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068587255147475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807824576699765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196970387582606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138112669989134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115451818544807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687620091987543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753145988398323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087699931263827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216587569485742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857885119106134,0.0,0.0,0.12562477622726426 ptsd,chrysalistice,2019/03/07,"sexual assault I want to remain as sensitive and non-triggering as I can for anyone who may be easily upset by this topic. I was r*ped about 3-4 years ago now by my boyfriend at that time. Not going into any detail but, does anyone have any tips, advice or can even just provide comfort/reassurance? Does anyone understand? I almost immediately repressed it after it happened and I forgot about it until 2 years later. Ever since the memories resurfaced I’ve been dealing with heavy flashbacks (visual and physical). I’m having trouble being sexual and affectionate with people now. I’m having trouble getting too close in any intimate relations because of my lack of trust. Halp",5.865000000000002,8.233338614754096,7.061442622950818,66.16511475409837,68.59016393442622,9.142295081967212,31.052459016393442,9.642632912329526,3.6348400000000014,549,23,76,13,10,185,92,122,0.134,0.779,0.087,-0.7178,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,2,1,0,10,0,0,0,1,20,18,9,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,0,7,2,17,12,1,15,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,10,55,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362028213408767,0.18471063459641454,0.0,0.20865607302815445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251036050232929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43709902355769614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702261989190236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482404443687747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646983043352138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762880558420448,0.18848586177325266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886661202687267,0.0,0.1184235257372353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842640970296587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446002595658158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236880521575665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150432892097487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692427890276367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229041552000812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683715488108029 ptsd,mona_monster,2019/03/07,"PTSD & affection Affection - how do you cope with recieving affection? I am married and learning to be real about how difficult this is for me, first recieving affection and also giving because I never think to be affectionate. I don't know if I make sense. This is my first time speaking in a semi public way about this...",4.823,7.016948633333339,6.200000000000002,71.985,71.0,10.133333333333336,32.0,10.355215969177356,4.016399999999999,258,12,42,8,5,87,43,60,0.037000000000000005,0.687,0.276,0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,7,1,16,11,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,7,1,7,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370121652016517,0.0,0.32112379391294754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806683522736297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041953675708108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843113272011738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628807633342775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978336028223576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22858381358644725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464482467471518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33734132105040443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990608220659705,0.0,0.0,0.17281950977666066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352498558488121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThrowWealthAway,2019/03/07,"How do I support and care for someone with PTSD from many different experiences? Hi! I appreciate whoever is reading this right now, it means a lot to me. I still care a lot about my ex. I know a lot of people would say stay away, they’re not your issue anymore but I simply cannot leave them because I care. My ex has been through a lot. Child abuse, job at 15 to pay off the house, texts from her dad all the time after he left about how much he hates her, sexually assaulted twice, sexually abused, physically abused, abortion, etc. Is there any advice out there, I would gladly take any. I had issues with fully understanding her situation, but I really want to be able to know what to do when she gets into a bad headspace and everything. Everyday is so sad for her and I’m not sure how to be there for her. I listen to everything she says and give her validation but I’m not really sure what to do after that. I’ll make sure she’s not in pain, be there in person when she needs me, and everything I could try. But there must be something I can do. I would love any advice or ideas that would cheer her up after having flashbacks or having really bad headspace moments.",3.5879487179487164,5.040614290598288,4.759487179487182,84.09384615384617,72.76068376068376,8.276923076923078,24.538461538461537,8.841846274778883,1.6144974358974356,920,27,191,18,18,303,132,234,0.17800000000000002,0.701,0.121,-0.9645,2,0,1,0,3,0,27.0,0,1,1,0,15,16,2,0,7,0,24,2,0,4,5,44,43,17,0,8,10,3,0,0,0,5,1,3,0,2,6,9,0,0,5,1,1,0,5,6,0,1,2,3,30,10,30,31,7,21,0,1,0,1,26,10,0,6,10,133,36,3,0.09400989094054413,0.33415904446024997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373075479501907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917898487282813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323255060176368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832538715501291,0.0,0.15698866427917285,0.05730755694909497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28754804773403103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505924826157688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822032704754599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484587879108538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25347008455379993,0.09195971242360723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911628790127608,0.09018285366425068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928153043759505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847479213581963,0.0,0.10612572394862044,0.0,0.19624380321094276,0.09329031079434992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333075497975414,0.0,0.0,0.09954290054936374,0.10214202157612967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196953898085473,0.08484759696503782,0.0,0.06275233220158001,0.09531127397786994,0.0,0.10240433117815943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910808675798823,0.06970714293741066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003315215087882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517462142900028,0.08208581063875026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109892531705313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403533135215388,0.0,0.18067543019204432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802839332019074,0.0,0.14952087711330336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056710562771963,0.0,0.0,0.07965427552029604,0.0723734069537499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020203532861527,0.07507642034264525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668131017171917,0.26580962895030946,0.0,0.07068373831200607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481792341494785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382654497731736,0.0,0.0,0.0978676119059798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544946938901919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26712771699448784,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Rosemary_Rabies,2019/03/07,"Medical PTSD getting worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I was involved in a medical procedure that they did not properly sedate me for. I screamed while they held me down and told me if I rescheduled it'd be exactly the same. His nurses laughed every time I screamed. That was in Dec '18. I'm still dealing with the night terrors, random panic attacks, waking nightmares. Every time I go to a doctor appt or the ER for my condition I break down in tears and can't seem to catch my breath. My psychiatrist prescribed me klonopin, lexapro, prazosin and trazodone to help me with my panic attacks and night terrors. I'm not sure why I'm posting here. Are there any others here with medical ptsd? I can't even hear an arm blood pressure cuff without hyperventilating. I just want control of my life back.",3.6746103896103897,5.983368538961043,4.254545454545454,84.1518181818182,74.64935064935065,6.7376623376623375,31.129870129870127,7.7094869923839395,2.2003038961038968,641,31,118,9,14,203,99,154,0.214,0.75,0.035,-0.9773,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,7,11,2,5,6,0,10,9,4,1,2,22,21,7,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,9,1,0,5,3,22,2,16,14,1,16,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,4,7,75,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687308732338952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127533457658706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32412224873694745,0.0,0.10953774753448643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977342037492992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686303411675644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580692618694785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408902072831332,0.0,0.2400459953176169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442593773983361,0.0,0.08095945845430975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055515332969114,0.0,0.09548340319178597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828857457826509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061893541727056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305199537935794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26736542916023576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342763649671442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643082507178114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330404259870715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968407844700353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376334053140287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426049171758914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613125826236871,0.0,0.0,0.1361201743864419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402261108878979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285418908459521,0.0,0.0,0.1373198387612464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517202047237854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ripkeni,2019/03/07,"Agitation I live with ptsd from sexual abuse. One of the many difficult things about my experience with ptsd is the agitation. Who else experiences this? Lots of noises, movements or even certain lighting just drives me to the edge. I feel like Im gonna freak out sometimes and explode in public. Cannabis helps a lot and I do meditate very often, but what else has worked for you guys? Thank you",4.032335907335906,6.5884096081081065,4.478803088803087,81.78067567567571,74.54054054054055,8.012355212355214,26.787644787644787,8.841846274778883,2.219029343629344,317,12,59,7,7,100,62,74,0.125,0.7659999999999999,0.108,0.1053,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,6,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,7,3,10,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,4,1,38,11,1,0.0,0.23164645766170144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266457348608443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291319969588062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824910679570376,0.0,0.0,0.09885533682306784,0.13967182695766373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935848672751323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104571006410567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111835088517041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551593010923763,0.0,0.17263822454557876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324298974140269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821566429117407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248210835754354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570796352520714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933636192953795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999862373380146,0.0,0.0,0.12988763945525092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131558318132974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233304181008286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KindaSmol,2019/03/07,"I just got my official diagnosis, and am now being referred to a CPT focused therapist. (TW: child sexual abuse) My trauma is related to prolonged (over several years) sexual abuse when I was younger by a family member. I ignored this fact, or told myself that it wasn't that bad, for the last 17ish years. Within the last year, I've admitted to myself that I lived through very traumatic events and I started pursuing professional help. My PCP originally diagnosed me with GAD, prescribed medication, and suggested I start seeing a therapist. After several sessions, my therapist has diagnosed me with PTSD and has suggested a therapist that specializes in Cognitive Processing Therapy. She's suggested that I do this in conjunction with our sessions, or at the very least, pick our sessions back up at the end of the 12 week timeframe for the CPT therapist. Until today, I wasn't familiar with this type of therapy. After looking into it. I'm admittedly very nervous going into the first session, especially after the therapist specifically told me that it's an intense therapy that some people can find very difficult. Does anyone have any experience with this type of therapy? Has it been effective at all?",7.936899119837508,9.489586322274883,8.742833446174682,59.22470379146924,62.55450236966824,13.61150981719702,40.189911983750854,12.785403640627713,6.40138835477319,978,53,140,40,14,330,124,211,0.08800000000000001,0.847,0.065,-0.7838,0,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,2,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,13,0,13,3,0,3,2,25,24,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,15,11,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,7,2,20,1,29,16,3,31,0,0,2,0,12,10,0,3,20,104,35,7,0.0,0.21421857380047327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061475139675395224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320982275301074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951206486205252,0.07548027276737268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835083127791528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910970031820337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006761960083622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842860354553488,0.08522112967879777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262401566033675,0.0768942435107894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137643647000169,0.0,0.0723011849206239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059325360718501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473762262940309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982490779032124,0.0,0.07591328123593287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106854828921042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267201807925482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056728306632851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203714242537301,0.0,0.0,0.20425266932099695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797125327182834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135213809839319,0.6297686124540426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568868518035984,0.1727622596585761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983580626245804,0.0,0.0,0.07251347401670873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746440212195805 ptsd,xP_F0X,2019/03/07,"Coworker just really triggered me Combat Vet I just need to share this because I almost did something incredibly bad. I work in the back warehouse of a steel plant that has a ton of employees and in turn alot of people fighting of dumb shit. While me and another co-worker were talking someone else came in with a ski mask on and his hands in his hoody pocket staring at us walking forward not saying a word. So I slowly start moving into position for a fight and he moves one hand from his front hoody to behind him and underneath his clothing. I stick my hand in my pocket and pull back the hammer on my gun. He flings his hands forward and starts laughing asking if he looked cool. I almost fucking killed you bud. I hate living this way. ",4.413371212121213,6.030112736111112,4.9210101010101015,83.0977272727273,70.94444444444444,7.180808080808082,26.97979797979798,7.686295010490155,1.6033138888888891,590,20,108,7,11,188,100,144,0.182,0.73,0.08800000000000001,-0.943,1,0,1,1,3,0,9.0,1,1,0,1,5,11,7,0,8,1,3,6,5,1,0,20,12,10,1,2,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,10,0,0,0,1,0,8,1,8,0,1,3,8,20,3,20,9,2,24,0,0,2,1,18,12,3,4,7,71,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34649318011255004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181418233781366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174292446238292,0.0,0.0,0.2660711948711125,0.14445784630529626,0.1054665480707916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787970970645705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452937863267304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599468648281796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708135939099028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141221439496006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277282180004575,0.0,0.14528655913987945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677688861282497,0.0,0.12828625285870027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172374518162275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994478058178425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108359581063426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758613709239767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759439693445547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465925599597219,0.13319313908835492,0.0,0.0,0.24491765806957885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906054306227306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818744342528398,0.0,0.0,0.20811220997916904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732892295905955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25190968558610705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,b_hills,2019/03/07,"Trauma from being held at the throat? Ok, so I have been seeing a body therapist and it's clear that my body is holding onto trauma as I shake violently and get really anxious. I remember when I was 14 being held down by the throat from my boyfriend and it's not like I forgot it exactly, but I never thought of it for years and years until one day it popped up and I was like, oh yeah that happened. I have always had issues with my throat since then and I feel disgusted that he did that to me, but I'm not sure if it has caused me PTSD.. I would like to get an opinion on this, thanks.",2.128629032258061,3.4832210564516117,3.7105161290322606,90.54577419354843,76.33870967741936,6.895483870967742,21.27096774193549,7.554174236665415,0.568925161290323,457,11,103,6,10,152,80,124,0.17800000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.083,-0.8542,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,11,2,1,4,2,12,5,5,1,4,26,23,14,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,4,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,9,2,15,6,15,11,0,13,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,10,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662393125333506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257031542318845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438380353181112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523692969983998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884649311473312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101862850446658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087615811377108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667154110265154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852637891294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29281843257182977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408853651317636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353812684044816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335410477288037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279890714170717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263204381379343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920487425019697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526639180604402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829747656836915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393760707957155,0.0,0.23196883666953175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860906145802608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419233999258202,0.0,0.0,0.2573133664171075 ptsd,sweetsamurai,2019/03/07,"Coming out of hypervigilance For those that have started the healing process, does anyone else feel exhausted? I feel like I was on high alert mode (hyper vigilance/hyperarousal) for so long I never felt tired. I was gung-ho about everything in my life. Now, that I am in therapy and making active moves to better my situation, I find myself increasingly exhausted by the day. Is this a normal reaction in the PTSD recovery process? ",5.234415584415586,7.930591922077927,6.1701298701298715,70.41805194805197,71.33766233766234,10.114285714285714,30.48051948051948,10.290406445055957,3.9193948051948055,346,15,55,11,7,114,61,77,0.063,0.772,0.165,0.7944,0,0,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,5,5,0,1,1,10,11,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,3,3,9,2,11,8,1,14,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,6,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541795324194888,0.22592948789432205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501535015087615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994221798349428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422050014661318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296204408871756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842004184467125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817221746486488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229840155881071,0.15752606708168898,0.21171568516482106,0.0,0.20153405825717924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23297157349259984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574648468566554,0.10772572494751134,0.0,0.0,0.1951365807963568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471862312119056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435782868989166,0.0,0.0,0.17006408192466954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604431218007664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25775404694253923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24785253353866746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607185033315638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521622842334545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25343363724996043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SewforVictory9,2019/03/07,"Successful medication? Hi, just curious if anyone has had success on a medication. I’ve had bad luck with SSRI. Benzos is help in an emergency but no one likes prescribing them. I’m looking into getting my medical marijuana card. Just curious what has helped others? I’m also doing yoga and acupuncture ",3.7965873015873015,7.0409096111111165,6.4296825396825446,62.70500000000001,82.51851851851849,9.752380952380953,31.78835978835979,9.606745405546679,4.763902645502645,245,13,33,9,7,87,46,54,0.107,0.624,0.269,0.8559,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,2,4,4,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,2,1,24,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050355709767649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840553308384956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21978461528460705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375259097866227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352872729380343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860003940785542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104545598096734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7955243847074588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837029211913785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mahtabalam93,2019/03/07,"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - Types, Symptoms and Risk Factors- How to Prevent PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a stressful anxiety and serious psychiatric disorder and a mental health illness triggered by a frightening event or a terrible condition. Symptoms may include recalling events, nightmares and acute anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.  PTSD can affect anyone of any age who is exposed to a traumatic event.  In this article, we will let you know about the disease, causes, symptoms, complications, and methods of prevention. Read full article:- [https://www.scientificworldinfo.com/2019/03/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-symptoms-how-to-prevent-ptsd.html](https://www.scientificworldinfo.com/2019/03/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-symptoms-how-to-prevent-ptsd.html)",20.968341013824887,26.60848466666667,13.825837173579115,19.601612903225856,35.66666666666667,13.916436251920125,49.84485407066053,12.785403640627713,8.280349923195086,706,34,56,20,7,191,66,93,0.382,0.59,0.028,-0.9889,0,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,1,1,0,0,4,8,0,5,7,0,6,5,0,4,0,16,8,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,2,1,10,4,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,36,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384100183895003,0.0,0.1436344969056019,0.0,0.0,0.0656424439525069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643968771192138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227807183454265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978908485506313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051593493835238285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599773211475406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460804417898093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35964087838848474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5486981739548579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939044970563223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5376909137416954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29272896687805644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452951268401725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440857817034615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway002288,2019/03/07,"Can PTSD be because of manipulation? Hello, I was severely manipulated by my ex to believe things on top of being sexually abused and emotionally. Right now I am suffering from feeling guilty (blaming myself for being manipulated), ashamed, feeling like my life is unclean etc.. mostly due to the manipulation. Is PTSD a possible culprit? I have a supportive boyfriend who does everything and more to reassure me that manipulation wasn't my fault, that I was young.. that I was dependent and would believe anything my ex said. I still feel guilty, like it's all my fault. I am looking to know if anyone else had experiences like this. 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I’ll try to make this as short as possible. My brother has been sick for about 7 years and has gone to every doctor imaginable looking for a cure to his illness. He has gone to at least 500 doctors across the US (no joke) and has had every test you can think of. The thing is, about every test has come back normal. We can’t figure out what’s wrong. His symptoms started as being unable to eat, brain fog, and fatigue. About 2 years into him being sick he started thinking something was wrong with his abdomen. One day he was pushing around in his abdomen area and hurt himself. Ever since then he swears he pushed something out of place in that area. His symptoms have also gotten worse. He now barely eats because he says when he does he feels severely sick. He claims his blood sugar dips into the 40’s sometimes after he eats. He’s so skinny and malnourished it’s probably making it worse. There’s a lot of other symptoms too but eating is the main one. Anyways my brother was in the army right before he got sick but was never the same when he got out. We want to believe “there’s something out of place in his abdomen” but it doesn’t make any sense, and every test says he’s normal/healthy. My family and I think he has PTSD but we’re not sure, and he sure as hell doesn’t think he has it. He hates my parents so much and blames them for every thing wrong with his health. He wants them to help him but as soon as they try, he writes them off as incompetent and says they aren’t doing anything?! I’m so lost and don’t know what to do to help. Or even if he’d accept my help. Does this sound anything like PTSD? Can PTSD cause any sort of symptoms I’ve mentioned above? 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And I knew that things about abuse tend to put me in a bad place, but I decided to stay up and watch all four hours until 2 am, when I had to go to work the next morning. Then at work, I read as much as I could about it when we weren't busy. Then when I got home I ate junk food, rewatched the documentary, fell asleep, woke up, and watched the Oprah special about the victims. And today I've just been searching every website to see if I could find more information about it and rewatching interviews. I managed to leave the house and go to yoga, but towards the end of the practice I couldn't stop worrying that the instructor was going to touch me. And then I went home and watched more interviews about Michael Jackson. I told myself I would work on applying to jobs tonight, but I feel way too distracted. Does anyone have any experience with these kinds of obsessive tendencies? I'm very moved by the victims, and it's really validating to see someone talk about their abuse. However, I don't know if I'm watching this stuff as some kind of emotional self-harm and purposefully triggering myself? What is everyone's thoughts on the documentary? 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I am currently recovering from a massive psychological collapse which took place last summer. I have instinctively pulled back from society, as I can get triggered and re-traumatized fairly easily in social situations. I live in a beautiful, secluded area, and I am living on disability, so I do not need to work. My therapist will do sessions with me online, and I have a worker who visits weekly to help me set goals and build a framework for a future return to society and the working world. Also a close friend visits me when she can. On the one hand, I find comfort in solitude, on the other hand I find my triggers severely limit what I am able to do for myself in life. I am quite often so resistant to the idea of interacting with strangers that I end up putting off things like stocking up on groceries or visiting any area where I might be faced with people. I remember a time when I was quite free and uninhibited in many aspects of my day-to-day life. I did as I pleased. I miss that deeply, and I feel very discouraged and afraid that things will stay this way. I feel as if I have lost myself and my life. This can be a devastating way to live. Any supportive thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. &#x200B; Love and Light, Sabrina",6.280842245989305,7.194232583333335,6.9149554367201445,73.14537433155083,65.96969696969697,10.302673796791446,33.33244206773619,10.328600350310266,3.544661586452764,1118,47,199,27,17,368,154,264,0.084,0.769,0.14800000000000002,0.9549,1,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,8,8,12,0,1,13,0,25,7,3,2,0,39,35,22,0,3,5,0,4,1,1,6,3,0,0,0,12,15,0,2,8,0,1,6,2,5,0,1,5,5,33,8,35,20,1,40,0,3,0,1,13,19,0,8,12,144,45,6,0.2177546217530628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706914617167319,0.0,0.23593704169252355,0.2645956998610495,0.1480806099162368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083719931468733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043371664033255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643298093862236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403693637717937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010327955265953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902377932470652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411834030136105,0.0,0.05688390118770094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003761961204877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297816644532487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290923138777575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874954002547833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307097936701312,0.05319195448887304,0.0,0.2884219806863449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188524463350018,0.0,0.09826602392009537,0.0,0.0,0.11038450425912964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310032422024665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073114643555125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737780836168905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548181842986443,0.0,0.113753616511624,0.11951459209960474,0.1029242510352565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945176954596356,0.0,0.2316088441805836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233367688598127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300037059606005,0.0,0.0,0.12238265920572247,0.0,0.11098670719555402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604872680721018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355268212818027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641494964565564,0.1446664948698996,0.0,0.0,0.08643642312232466,0.06348723554024605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096669849963353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089835184027564,0.0,0.17284348310423792,0.08733481140700139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852795808125789,0.0,0.0,0.07734331780403036,0.0,0.2645956998610495,0.0 ptsd,SnailsandCats,2019/03/08,"My boyfriend & I got in a fight because I got upset when he yelled even though it wasn’t at me Earlier today my boyfriend had to go to the doctor for a work related injury. Nothing too bad but we were at the doctors for about 4 hours. By the time we left, it was rush hour. My boyfriend is a horrible backseat driver, constantly yelling to stop & pay attention for no reason. I usually don’t drive around him because of this but I had to since he couldn’t drive himself. That combined with rush hour & I was stressed. I have ptsd from abuse as a kid/teenager so yelling is a big no no for me. We’ve been dating for a year & a half now & he knows this. So I was feeling pretty shitty, & we were trying to figure out dinner. He called his parents & was frustrated with how the whole thing with his work was playing out. He rose his voice on the phone which caused me to tense up. He said “I wasn’t yelling at you, calm down please” in a bit of a nasty voice. I had a long drive to my house, was tired, & beginning to go into panic territory, so when my boyfriend’s parents wanted to order pizza I asked them not to get my anything. Boyfriend gets pissed and raises his voice over the phone saying all this shit like ‘snail changed her mind for who knows what reason, she hasn’t eaten today so I don’t know why she won’t let us feed her.’ Which, or course, sends me through the roof. I start crying a bit & my boyfriend hangs up the phone. He then angrily says “please just take me home.” I turn towards his house & he says “you know my parents only agreed to pizza because they wanted to eat with you, right?” And I said no I didn’t know that. Boyfriend says “come on you should know by now.” And I once again tell him no, you didn’t tell me this, sorry. My dog is home alone & I need to go to him before the storm starts. He says “whatever. Take me home.” So we sit in silence until we get home. I tell him I’ll be inside in a minute because my things are inside. I sit, cry in my car for a few minutes before he texts ‘still no to pizza?’ In which ask him to come outside. He says they need to know if I’m staying, and feeling bad, I say yes. He says that he knows I don’t want to but I agree. Me lying gets him more upset and I finally say I want to go home. He is clearly not happy with that but says I can go. I head inside to get my stuff only to get roped into staying for dinner by his parents. I lie on the bed for a long time and don’t say anything. I pretty much shut down the rest of the night. Thankfully after we ate I left without much of a word and cried the entire way home. I feel so shitty about this whole thing. I can’t even have a normal argument with someone without freaking out. I don’t know what to do tomorrow. Me & my boyfriend haven’t really spoken since I left. I don’t want to lose him but I’m so scared and anxious right now. I can’t do it. 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NSFW Abuse(?) So I got diagnosed with ptsd in seventh grade, (more in that in my last post) anyway, my mom heard the diagnosis and the reasons for it, but instead of helping me through it, she threatened to send me back to my abuser, told me only vets can get ptsd, wouldn't let me continue my antidepressants, and after I finished my few months with my therapist from the hospital, wouldn't let me go to therapy. Had anyone else has problems like this with their parents/guardians? ",9.188811881188123,8.34967164356436,8.293940594059407,71.57754455445547,60.28712871287129,11.248316831683171,40.001980198019794,10.355215969177356,4.14283603960396,440,20,76,8,5,137,70,101,0.134,0.812,0.055,-0.8686,2,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,14,14,4,0,4,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,1,16,1,15,6,2,12,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,7,57,21,1,0.0,0.33728344877560684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990455508726124,0.2916746384593923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944554691146467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446533630364564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378024708295011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436329159288385,0.0,0.08089131288187464,0.0,0.11383696832611935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540303245694184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602066289145277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910909515362881,0.0,0.0695368766814944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669907867294734,0.1136091079909383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825091308385787,0.0,0.0,0.1580443216277112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363159878822814,0.0,0.0,0.27238755316104524,0.4991401464728838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634237130113112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277057008443688,0.1652599692693398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600559867928388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148174018694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FatBabyCake,2019/03/08,"It took a 3 night festival of loud Carnaval music to finally admit to myself that I have PTSD As I begin to read into triggers and information on PTSD, I realize there is explanation for my emotional freakouts, constant negativity, and inability to live a normal life. I have been on emotional edge since the day my mother called me to tell me she had cancer of the blood and bone marrow. It was coupled with a bad experience with my last work contract. Then I went home and was her sole caretaker while my father worked for money to pay for her treatment. She withered away and died after an 11 month ordeal and no one helped me and the experience has left me traumatized and with serious PTSD. My boyfriend moved me to live with him in another country but it has been an insane struggle. At first the language and culture shock was too much to bear. Now that is better but I still feel as if I am Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. One minute I’m my normal happy self, the next I am freaking out about how dirty my roommate and my apartment is. I have been seeing a therapist since September and honestly it has been life changing. And immensely helpful. But I am still ruled by my triggers. Every little thing just gets to me. It’s such a struggle to have a productive week go by without OCD, depression, and distraction. Then I feel like shit for being unproductive. Any dirt or crumbs in the house, loud persistent noises, and especially when my body is sick are huge triggers for me. Right now I have a bad earache/ear infection and apparently they are having a 3 day carnaval celebration outside my apartment in the street. I am struggling with my diet and with my mood of course. I had an episode today and I feel on edge like I will have another one with this music going until 3am for the second night in a row. But honestly this is the first time I’ve admitted to myself and to my boyfriend what we are dealing with. Trauma and PTSD. I’m not a crazy bitch with OCD, I mean I am, but right now I can’t control the state of crisis that is everything and every day in my life. I’m thinking I’m going to grab some cash and go have a beer and wurst and enjoy the carnaval festival. Perhaps it will help me not be so freaked out about the noise. It seems worse in my apartment. Anyways, I am rambling but I want you to know that I get up everyday hoping to do good for myself and not have a freak out. I don’t win everyday, I haven’t won the past 3, but I get up and try. And at least I’m feeding myself and keeping a journal now. I’m making serious progress with the depression, now I need to figure out how to work on this PTSD and OCD. I feel completely ruled by Mr. Hyde. I fear what sets him off and how he is uncontrollable. Thank you for your support.",4.469598768401808,5.491188197440586,5.448078995477727,81.64116111806024,70.13345521023766,8.609814298085249,29.385596074280766,8.916525866297963,2.2851638025594148,2172,82,430,39,38,715,257,547,0.145,0.698,0.157,0.8914,1,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,3,1,11,19,35,2,6,30,0,45,14,4,8,0,88,80,50,1,6,14,2,5,2,0,2,7,2,1,3,17,46,3,2,13,2,3,7,9,19,0,6,12,8,67,15,70,64,3,71,0,2,1,0,27,30,2,5,34,302,84,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221805627786804,0.1610365408658878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214427772596968,0.0,0.12822852138432844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791220369668527,0.0,0.08529347642447642,0.0,0.0,0.07840850742074941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812308737492053,0.0,0.08051011427616545,0.08297988607424182,0.08612358382874796,0.0,0.08496378314101119,0.0,0.1485645363626569,0.07916442422286281,0.13227372772518234,0.0,0.0796931844894325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275095003861066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293933706368592,0.0,0.06901155211159284,0.1502255975633726,0.0,0.0864071584833561,0.1553040401794888,0.05485692458010495,0.0,0.08411682906617854,0.0,0.13063062422605798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035472119695892,0.0,0.1745601662794181,0.06440561702097289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174160126420099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440690059231374,0.0,0.07702400997194342,0.07626720127046578,0.0,0.0886023348686703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825215768869504,0.0,0.0,0.04220033970420255,0.06259196904046763,0.0,0.0,0.08342972059831001,0.0,0.16271160682734706,0.07502887716631995,0.07696113449451633,0.1356093389744323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125617705312435,0.0,0.0,0.08364397538267694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061290959669286826,0.0816128401563639,0.05644756467841582,0.056936874454164225,0.0,0.0,0.08166425715550414,0.14411952186512636,0.15047067141055728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156099362012053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330224951795522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44880173089103004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680816670768865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115201779272084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061189605702847726,0.06990435314694524,0.08010599129593866,0.0,0.07882114924003204,0.12703863996842002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226450128175642,0.0,0.0,0.24082454750867102,0.0,0.0,0.08713741673944092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711556073560207,0.07069550919299437,0.0,0.08915607463657395,0.05101412787880488,0.04920225701892987,0.0,0.0,0.04477534283849985,0.0,0.07278546431534856,0.0,0.08531361227610865,0.052133595282761666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045291190315852624,0.0,0.061594210067711826,0.0,0.0,0.07118267700279321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402030085574891,0.0,0.16770639669944304,0.0,0.07825290743230165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OptimalStay,2019/03/08,"I gave my lover PTSD She loved me so much. Any sign of discomfort on my face or in my speech would upset her badly. My words and actions affected her to the extent I couldn't realize. Here, we have a norm of 'saving oneself' until marriage, and she broke that norm just for me. I was supposed to be her first and last. I was supposed to fulfill her dreams of having a happy family life. I ruined her dreams. I body shamed her. I mistreated her. She developed PTSD and didnt tell anyone. Months of nightmares and sleepless nights passed by until she started her treatment. I have a lot guilt on my chest. She was the only one who loved me with my unattractive body, and I made her insecure about hers. I'm paralysed and depressed by these thoughts. Everytime I read that PTSD is incurable or how people are having it for years, it makes me more suicidal. I have no one to explain how it feels to give someone PTSD. There seems to be no redemption.",2.700295893719808,5.047882157608697,3.4031884057971027,88.87031400966184,77.96739130434783,6.480193236714977,24.352657004830927,7.594959193182576,1.246764251207729,743,26,145,11,18,234,111,184,0.192,0.695,0.112,-0.9303,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,1,7,14,0,5,5,0,15,8,4,5,0,28,27,14,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,3,0,2,4,9,0,3,7,2,38,5,21,16,4,13,0,3,0,3,25,3,0,4,8,109,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512373710228723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780790403386608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679462073684715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107520580531761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204791234924101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186716415661032,0.0,0.07072793274008812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898253250048535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418640433747686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489057070144417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140215173088215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880194205221264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892164945619385,0.2524957570271945,0.13235859010658033,0.0933715166440652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165151577653028,0.0,0.10282847898361508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131268650026486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189573693243254,0.10638564762756696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969757303996317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6540526538660022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991864841410234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734222192551808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852054340582766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900834644017714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530068858131492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226198004983772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104972614309212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936730316779352,0.0,0.0,0.09007864560480616 ptsd,amanduhhh89,2019/03/08,"How do you do it? How do I feel secure when things in my current situation are so rocky? I am safe. I am ok. But there are serious changes in my life right now and I keep getting comfortable and then having to move. This probably is not going to make sense because my mind is so scrambled. It's very hard for me to function when I don't feel safe or secure , when I say secure I mean knowing that all my ducks are in a row per say ( feeling in control of the ducks at the very least) I just maintained that. Got my own apartment with my boyfriend. Found a new job that I LOVE. And now we have to move again. And I am so anxious. I feel safe here. This was finally home. And now that's being ripped away from me. I don't mean to but I keep going off on my boyfriend because well , my brain hurts and is so loud. No he doesn't deserve it but it's just how I react sometimes. I know he is stressed too but in that moment I just cannot express my feelings that well under so much stress. Are there any suggestions as to how I can communicate , how I can ease the anxiety in the meantime and maybe a way I could explain to my poor bf why I am the way I am. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I am on meds for depression but I don't currently have a therapist due to ins and finance issues. I just want my brain to stfu and calm down and realize I am not in danger I am just making a few adjustments.",0.8357323202805347,2.73712330847458,2.6572413793103458,94.1296610169492,82.01694915254237,5.967270601987143,22.714786674459386,7.0983637204850245,0.6107767387492697,1076,37,249,14,29,357,146,295,0.102,0.775,0.123,-0.1465,3,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,0,1,28,18,1,2,10,1,34,5,2,9,1,57,55,31,0,2,13,0,6,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,13,13,0,9,13,0,2,4,8,6,2,0,4,9,42,12,31,49,5,37,0,2,0,1,11,17,0,1,14,183,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766731156852917,0.0,0.08737100689066972,0.12902578010088633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730487680760828,0.0,0.0,0.13924377886451467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25499421697191066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081996210068373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809720804297248,0.09118809039404333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983696594229299,0.11592163417025968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28874225067584697,0.0,0.0,0.12511243115743054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252263295882545,0.0,0.0,0.05967046839255578,0.0,0.12981734469139986,0.0,0.09134487022973713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231051084382044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114562819973901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226510402733852,0.0,0.0,0.11920648075309108,0.1133366705719904,0.20303174703494306,0.0,0.0,0.1255346202341597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067051874437392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307977392475264,0.0,0.15247329206636787,0.0,0.11474017508607752,0.2488182502354141,0.12686253530716968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532042605377603,0.0,0.0,0.2427761711652772,0.0839581345164198,0.0,0.0,0.11030557492529257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231386404106973,0.0,0.13350640123455765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097535463351456,0.0,0.18165014403673585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837780893113068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295747590057698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616563432415598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260762886650562,0.07587663055239433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847186627963566,0.06736453327279028,0.18131055325123566,0.0,0.0,0.20537858589221175,0.0,0.10305755046923093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Imnotohfuckingkay,2019/03/08,"Recently diagnosed Hi all, As the title says, I was just recently officially diagnosed. I was dissociating for years, but meds (treatment for my bipolar diagnosis) caused me to come out of it and now my ptsd symptoms have taken over :(. I’m constantly anxious or depressed, and have so many fucking panic attacks. I’m incredibly frustrated with being startled by loud sounds that send me into meltdowns. I had no idea that my upbringing was so harmful to my wellbeing. Especially since I don’t remember most of the abuse, besides the emotional from junior high until I graduated high school. I guess I’m looking for support. And, I was wondering if anyone experiences others only hanging out with you because they pity you. I’m currently experiencing it and I’m hurt and frustrated. I do know that I’ve been very transparently vulnerable my whole life, and obviously prone to bullying, but god, I thought it wasn’t so obvious now that I’m an adult. Someone that I thought was interested in forming a friendship with me, and has been inviting me to hang out and go to things, just yesterday was trying to figure out ways to get me to make new friends. Because I’m in a new town, and have two friends - and that’s all I need!! She even suggested group activities to check out, when she knows I have severe anxiety and panic attacks when I even leave the house lately, and feel unsafe everywhere I go. She also said, as I left, that she hoped our hangout was “beneficial.” Goddamn it hurts. I wish I was still dissociating, and not able to feel as strong of emotions or vulnerability. I am in individual counseling as well as DBT, though, which is definitely immensely helping. I’d love to hear some ideas on coping with being startled, or constantly feeling unsafe. It’s hindering me so much that I can’t start EMDR yet, because I can’t figure out a safe space for it :(. ",6.662133473462955,7.570694341040465,7.663867577509197,68.12846558066212,65.12716763005781,11.030793483972676,36.82553862322649,10.927859429317179,4.373993063583816,1486,73,255,41,22,502,193,346,0.199,0.65,0.15,-0.973,2,0,0,0,1,0,48.0,1,2,1,1,17,23,5,4,8,0,25,7,0,2,4,60,57,33,0,4,9,0,3,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,17,25,0,1,13,1,1,6,6,14,1,1,16,10,39,9,42,39,7,42,0,4,1,2,20,17,1,9,18,177,56,3,0.09674262824019077,0.11462419499298783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736504485153167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400784580752805,0.10929163321708424,0.0,0.06764469504368714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011741168498106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692022472782695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938132818609363,0.0,0.08333520805120123,0.0,0.20908882535864134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833242839449145,0.19638346249493455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764487113687847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779518710237806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463285387383727,0.0,0.0,0.14674793888693544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494862291958121,0.08943700091811332,0.05054403035076885,0.0,0.10996213012728616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657291186691796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903597306675196,0.0,0.0648445444623177,0.20442779654924986,0.0,0.09608725850000197,0.0,0.11162800407527873,0.2071299688195064,0.2184213034599883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633443688501673,0.0,0.10912989846721906,0.1024364747735728,0.1051111486480772,0.0,0.06833217934546301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123944246823166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873139990711565,0.0,0.06457645556914703,0.09808184067963213,0.0,0.0,0.10745925091047248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111696310601219,0.07173343301871006,0.0,0.18686926639169946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357712816645327,0.0,0.2270132597523358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130869553700914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104334853911087,0.0,0.1095905389478455,0.0,0.0920243932953744,0.0769336209413745,0.0,0.09790870462149652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929163321708424,0.0,0.08002650179102147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196971496621892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847493019998192,0.0,0.07725878788016374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978238807495606,0.0,0.1005526328323302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427150349020462,0.0,0.0950491410568351,0.15360568113254788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568189422218992,0.0,0.09450349053698648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982280000580982,0.0,0.07678979529837597,0.0,0.0,0.08698324111051375,0.0,0.0,0.10800968955174343,0.11124924808193,0.0,0.1049132535622583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229908075502421 ptsd,Uuainaliante,2019/03/08,"Terrified of what a therapist would say to me about this all I'll leave this as a trigger warning for a few things To keep this part quick and simple, my family life is terrible and quite terrifying, to say the least, and I'm sure this has played a very large part, but that's not quite what I'm wanting to bring up. I don't want to call this PTSD, no, definitely not. I feel as though this can never be on that ""level"" I suppose, in a way. I know things like this can't be on a scale, but that's just what it feels like. I feel like if I were to go to a therapist, I'll have my fears that this all was just me overreacting, confirmed, which isn't a bad thing you know, but just for this, I just don't know how I would react. I'd probably feel dreadful for wasting their time, for one. All of this panicking and crap for what's deemed as something so small. I don't want to call this abuse, or toxic. I can't do that because it doesn't feel like that, speaking from an emotional standpoint. I guess I'll just say it was really bad. Not so long ago, I broke up with a girl who i guess you could say wasn't the best. She kind of treated me like crap, made me feel like everything was my fault. Even looking back and knowing it wasn't, a part of me feels so guilty for something I know wasn't my doing[yet it still feels so]. She disregarded my feelings, then up and left for about three months, putting quite a bit in front of me, which I could understand at first. You can't put everything on hold for one person, and I could understand that even at 13-14.(ive just turned 16 a few months ago) It was online, so it's not like she could've drove near me and do anything, but that really didn't make me any less terrified everytime I saw messages of her being blatantly angry with me, being upset with soemthing I might've done wrong or said. We never called much, which I suppose I'm thankful for, but the times we did, I guess it was okay. I guess I was terrified of what my parents would think, given they weren't (still kind of aren't) the most supportive. My father was upset when I came out, being that he couldn't quite accept that I'm gay. She led me on though, and for a while. She was really upset when I wouldn't just accept her confession and that she wanted to go out, so i guess I kind of forced myself to liking her just a bit. It all kind of felt rushed, but I was truly in love with her, despite the fact that others would probably say it was just puppy love(I imagine for good reason). She kind of made me think my friends were the bad ones, like she was in the right. I gave her three chances, and I accepted her with no hesitation for every one of those. I have flashbacks almost every day, I'm kind of terrified to do much or go anywhere near that reminds me of her. I can't even say her name without breaking down. I've had at least three panic attacks, one being in school to which the teacher had to escort me out and I had to go home. This may be a bit disorganised, and I'm really sorry about that, but my brain is a bit jumbled and I guess this isn't the easiest to think and talk about. This wouldn't be so hard if I didn't hear her, if I didn't see her in my head everytime. The flashbacks aren't just flashbacks to me you know, they literally drag me in to a point at which I'm choking and trying to get out. I tend to panic and not get ""out"" of it for a while, and I more often than not, dissociate from my body in a way so it seems. I would go into depth a bit more, but I've been told that's what I do whenever I panic that way by an old therapist. The memories aren't really in order, and I don't think I can remember specific things because they're going so fast, maybe?... I don't think fast is the right word, but they're kind of just thrown at me all at once. I can phsycially feel her, hear her sometimes, and being shizoafective doesn't help at all. I'm so utterly frustrated at the fact that I'm unable to let go, but I don't think my family would deem it ""normal"" for me to say that there are memories holding me down or anything like that. They wouldn't really understand, unfortunately. I haven't told anyone about this but a friend who has been here from beginning to now with this whole ordeal, given my family's reaction won't be anywhere near supportive. I'm going to a placement centre sometime soon, but I don't know when. I'm terrified that I'm just overreacting, you know. I'm terrified that a part of me just ""wants"" this in a way, like I deserve this. Again, I really apologise for the mess, I'm not the most organised when it comes to my emotions and such. She told me she was sorry and it was heavily implied that she, at the very least, attempted suicide. How am I supposed to handle that?.. Everytime I think about it, I just think about the fact that this is just It's nothing compared to something else so much worse. She could've been here, you know?.. Phsycially been here, but she wasn't. I know comparing isn't a thing of suggestion with something like this, but I have such a habit and compulsion to do exactly that. I feel as though my problems and this is nothing whatsoever. I feel pathetic for even being so distraught over it. I'll probably delete this because I wouldn't want anyone finding this and making connections, if anyone I know happen to find this. I really apologise for this though, I hope I'm not taking up anyone's important time.",4.828211377737102,4.860098952209199,5.6020728638143815,84.37983378867611,68.9458972046889,9.326035287942616,27.823654495780787,9.173290809141736,1.9473855456711031,4234,125,921,75,67,1385,344,1109,0.168,0.735,0.097,-0.9981,1,0,4,0,1,1,143.0,2,6,4,7,62,57,4,9,45,1,100,8,5,10,14,196,204,76,1,27,46,2,14,12,2,12,1,11,1,2,88,42,0,4,45,1,0,17,47,22,0,9,45,28,133,35,126,131,30,99,1,1,3,2,71,46,2,21,42,643,221,1,0.0,0.044259588591551914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622594006510768,0.0,0.03740565511232215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025402693542114985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447798994680793,0.0,0.061479994752854976,0.0,0.0,0.04249672629592082,0.0,0.028723703443281155,0.09356964039655052,0.06831381769318037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039201787300346916,0.0,0.20391002671685574,0.04149300447383572,0.0,0.04170055469882985,0.1144309513076307,0.04272418968016544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0321780408033678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912471335683375,0.0,0.0,0.0240908966326686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038227153316850886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03120532467032055,0.08403873594199605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869054967806176,0.0,0.06294642839975953,0.0,0.06714456393504296,0.0,0.10564496080729346,0.04203478113236413,0.2266538369910925,0.10674573073773667,0.035866675814739554,0.0,0.06828362034217535,0.03177415965821942,0.0,0.0,0.05772078926891331,0.0,0.039032910795505166,0.0,0.16983774290871534,0.03133161722582211,0.0,0.0,0.24690458595702586,0.0,0.03303291949784205,0.0,0.03346275930781545,0.0,0.03833702591005786,0.0,0.08420364147219007,0.0,0.025038281494446698,0.0,0.03747012930336464,0.03710196202782799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033202856807385064,0.0,0.2722965240007394,0.22582275377926986,0.0,0.0,0.039553570958771614,0.04058633690586837,0.03819803730212348,0.02638495428979326,0.21899730200484166,0.0,0.0,0.033058015883759416,0.03136880744306162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742872527757238,0.07069244343351237,0.04986952983819734,0.0,0.037528136944826165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039627771470036266,0.0,0.0,0.059632838767341025,0.0,0.08238071017585502,0.0,0.057620986271044165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036599986914284365,0.07168629545348443,0.0,0.0391978081313735,0.03978187557276605,0.12656363647506186,0.0,0.0,0.1314841968846126,0.041478327382302914,0.1618073792872386,0.0,0.0,0.032616961309038836,0.0,0.0,0.035312566697007504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082508390105502,0.03574370780461267,0.0436660176331675,0.07510422224735698,0.0,0.15892664120416242,0.0,0.0,0.19144465107788586,0.038407180493516296,0.0,0.0,0.04231595404142044,0.06380196339921143,0.03553317681218701,0.2079434702553296,0.0,0.03780527301713491,0.029767113378578517,0.034006605891308585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503087298741566,0.07389013693518619,0.08363176983368252,0.0,0.0,0.059663532064364075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040860327280511685,0.08478006464678588,0.035206662863237946,0.0,0.028086325026953875,0.030024548892015567,0.0,0.03439148223513175,0.0,0.13011616686912533,0.12408507221407182,0.19148470023186104,0.14680446408066852,0.0,0.06534603507551218,0.0,0.0,0.1070829629893449,0.0,0.02536160551762912,0.04063153337072475,0.0,0.11666367498008685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164360480261603,0.13219774649929006,0.11860269982767682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041705544137115684,0.0,0.036008904822654016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806795518592999,0.15921560027211307,0.04084184864705339,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theanxiousknitter,2019/03/08,"Making connections between trauma and triggers. I wanted to start by saying I do see a therapist, and I wanted to explore this with her. Should I wait or are there things I can do on my own? We don't meet for another week and I just can't wait. However, I have some strange triggers that I can't really connect to an experience. (I was recently diagnosed, so this is all new to me.) For the longest time, I thought I was just awkward but I'm starting to see it's probably more than that. The most recent one is Male attention. (Besides my husband!) It doesn't even have to be direct. Theres a rumor going on around work that a coworker had made a comment about my appearance. I am irrationally TERRIFIED about this. I can't calm down while I'm here until I know he's gone for the day. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and I'm particularly jumpy. Hes a nice guy and respectful of the fact I am married. Has not even said a word to me about it. Which is why I am so frustrated with myself. I just CANNOT settle down, partly because I just don't understand why. I am missing large peices of my childhood/teen years. Some of my trauma I only remembered years later. I can't seem to make any connections to why I am so freaked out over a literal rumor. I just want to feel better.",2.0121923076923096,4.127380450000004,4.123692307692308,84.0213076923077,79.11538461538461,7.544615384615384,26.169230769230772,8.488131031819089,2.018495384615385,1007,41,201,22,25,345,145,260,0.146,0.8,0.054000000000000006,-0.9727,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,0,2,17,10,1,1,12,0,29,2,1,5,2,44,56,12,0,4,8,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,11,10,0,2,8,0,0,4,9,6,0,1,7,6,35,4,33,47,7,26,0,1,3,0,13,8,0,6,14,149,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814277763529022,0.15133245612644264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847569699000075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797633747203737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276396093845269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595901279530602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307467758625353,0.0,0.0,0.14648210341944126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906444420096752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117298179709867,0.0,0.0,0.07297269837128093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202057297947205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289982294224798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931468252445563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119273448166447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655939172135714,0.19266989028436626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393854801099155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977951949126378,0.1097621190751934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628486029255897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560173205526462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245530296350586,0.0,0.2849978423109249,0.0,0.16348680745319558,0.0,0.13728168884029188,0.11476932401532733,0.0,0.0,0.23000924561916136,0.1313838138695183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20430135368351587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756703392656158,0.09588001862853368,0.0,0.0,0.11457422627962865,0.08415434868657255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502425598123292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25537162067196434,0.0,0.11576506850675145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906799677396496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506692366911674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587512969079997 ptsd,MyGucciCoffin,2019/03/08,"Just Found Out So yesterday was I guess what you would call a breakthrough for me in thearpy. For the past month or so I have had a few family and friends say they think I have ptsd which I ignored heavily cause of that ""what do they know right?"" However my sister-in-law was one of them and her dad and older brother were combat vets and suffered ptsd badly so when she said it it took me off balance and I guess triggered me. Well then Wednesday I had to follow up with my PCD on bipolar meds and we discussed how I feel like I've had set backs dealing with my depression that still persisted through the medication and even he said it sounded alot like I had ptsd. Well I went to my normal therapist session yesterday and it felt different from the start. He was delving deeper into things I was saying more so then the content itself and finally mentioned ptsd twice which took me off guard again and got me flustered. He caught me lying twice and I guess cornered me for lack of a better words and in a revelation or release I'm not sure which finally drove the nail home that I suffer from PTSD. A huge chunk of the issues lays with my dad and how he was physically and mentally abusive to me, my brothers, and my mother who left when I was 2. I caught alot of the mental. It hurt alot to finally admit it to myself and, that I felt very exposed. Even now I still feel hypervigilant but I know where it comes from now. My biggest worry is now that I know I'm afraid it will hurt to much and well make things worse and lead somewhere I dont wanna go to. Sorry for the length I just felt I had to kinda tell someone or some people to I guess vent about it. The last question is how do you guys cope with it? How do you handle or deal with your triggers now that you are aware of it? I've stayed non violent about it this whole time(alot of temper flares and screaming and yelling but no physical violence) but, I'm afraid some triggers may make.me that way now that I feel kinda vulnerable. Anyway thanks for reading my story/venting/acceptance.",3.541949221949224,5.276290926289931,4.151203931203933,87.26752661752661,73.39803439803441,7.095495495495496,26.338247338247342,7.793537801064563,1.4222684684684683,1625,57,327,22,33,515,209,407,0.14300000000000002,0.809,0.048,-0.9888,2,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,1,5,3,3,30,21,2,2,17,0,24,2,0,10,1,82,58,39,0,4,10,5,6,2,1,3,2,7,1,1,30,29,0,2,13,1,0,10,3,12,3,3,25,13,52,9,41,30,10,51,0,5,0,0,35,14,0,17,26,233,82,3,0.0,0.09373521466497546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083252451973701,0.06605551932588721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996845686623103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078256882837734,0.0,0.0,0.08127019022278624,0.0,0.06814829640729521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312274672505567,0.06813936309746589,0.0,0.0,0.08265558206096385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271910128568914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450594045109693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458009585923378,0.0,0.12000476473619807,0.056517888573309576,0.2278808274409999,0.25999118299241586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674262360196816,0.06112201609784203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496137954613199,0.0,0.06327338445805482,0.0,0.3486047521442811,0.0783336782832461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935615141360985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938284357882594,0.0,0.0,0.08257275386797333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043425868734887,0.06448713556020542,0.0,0.0,0.08595581485054181,0.0,0.0,0.07730060975756016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056162344337083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787600168050733,0.07969738358045182,0.15945331075727015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314673408425582,0.0,0.05815669024738624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751331947085872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360858521868093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552170308743916,0.054846551948551855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623905990385576,0.0,0.08862395327637441,0.0,0.07913377282327096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756152650290928,0.15050794922457236,0.1258266542126599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703164919810707,0.0,0.0,0.08855981435476304,0.05599613835331338,0.08432325367610234,0.12635847199879532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456246671377642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914769306199216,0.07283603559234371,0.0,0.09185555206591056,0.10511747850204926,0.05069200836606392,0.0,0.0,0.046131055591400204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579349441533787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527598552959707,0.0,0.06279571208166942,0.0,0.0,0.21339454846111972,0.07333795392264507,0.0,0.08832612902231844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034244573994058,0.08062225756637327,0.0561991534657272,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,XOSkyXO,2019/03/08,"I’m writing a story with a character with PTSD I’m writing a supernatural story where a character dies to a stabbing and comes back with full memory of the event. Now I don’t want to put any information while writing, Can anyone tell me their experience with PTSD I want to be as accurate as possible.",5.343813559322033,6.410292152542375,7.3625000000000025,68.54849576271188,68.15254237288136,11.323728813559322,33.39406779661017,11.20814326018867,4.1944203389830506,243,11,44,8,4,86,39,59,0.0,0.948,0.052000000000000005,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,8,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,10,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,29,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803265100605793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854148977746905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390141657043687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284227768617613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27520736808206564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593897557792634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29894234465806885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6199453262685171,0.2665717764580097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317726032123404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128114245649842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,67284questionacct,2019/03/08,"Is it possible to have PTSD from a person?... help I remember when it happened, it was caused by a person’s lie and I felt like something in my brain snapped, I felt so much panic I thought I was going to die. I feel silly saying this but this is the truth. Fast forward I obsessed over this issue and would be paranoid day and night scared that I’d find out other lies.. scared to death. I hated remembering that moment for the life of me, I hated so much, so much fear of feeling that way again.. or living that moment again. I was near this person every single day for years.. and every single day I had a ridiculous amount of stress. I found out I had untreated major depression for a while, I’ve finally started to treat it and feel it slow down.. then I noticed that when I am away from that person I feel so much better, my anxiety goes away, I feel happier and more in control. Then when they approach me I swear I feel the stress arriving, anxious and just miserable, I feel that I want to stay away from them. Is it possible that a person is my PTSD..? I’m confused. ",3.5591686046511626,4.8057041581395366,4.633880813953488,85.77361191860467,72.53488372093024,7.421511627906978,25.53052325581395,7.8658589789855275,1.3598430232558143,834,26,169,11,16,273,112,215,0.273,0.633,0.094,-0.9938,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,2,2,10,18,3,9,8,0,13,2,1,2,1,32,31,19,2,2,3,0,9,1,0,1,1,1,0,5,19,9,0,1,14,0,0,3,0,13,0,0,9,10,28,5,25,20,9,34,0,2,0,0,9,11,0,2,21,122,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199092838068881,0.1063131355019023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652474079011709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322922049721937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505355875368194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667291355067434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554802168558523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820719971070274,0.0,0.08105346794515593,0.0,0.09766730076409376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857693889175362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589555417858484,0.3330801921609197,0.0,0.1807132764643409,0.10308866054684654,0.086011293774614,0.0,0.0,0.10318250922809592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348267976323263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321773593504675,0.0,0.0,0.18582063203845856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307735220946338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822234541886894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646993944600428,0.04597549940526538,0.0,0.08309743286637067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767153207475865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831222380029978,0.0,0.0,0.10714044754297468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041326190469064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108491944523022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218103345355635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200100493672328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320779045815472,0.0,0.0,0.07483696809202592,0.18843329702058745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244749297189737,0.0,0.0,0.0666087999469663,0.10030460849906883,0.0,0.0,0.2155964974768722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470975184198199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055506230989285546,0.07469706209352761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685029147489381,0.0,0.0,0.06060125939189932 ptsd,ThinKitten1219,2019/03/08,"Diagnosed with PTS today Okay so this is long but here we go. The doctor explained the difference between PTS and PTSD so I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this but I couldn't find a PTS subreddit. I had a phone appointment with my doctor earlier today with a lot of support and encouragement from my boyfriend to get checked out after years of abuse from my ex-husband. My bf was worried it was full blown PTSD but we found out it's PTS specifically. Divorce related stress from the beginning of the week has caused nightmares and I've had episodes of shaking, sweating, heart racing etc from flashes of fights that pop into my head randomly since separating from my ex. I'm across the country from my family so I don't have many people I'm comfortable talking to except over the phone. I'm trying not to put this on my guy too much so had to vent. He's been amazing, he holds me after the nightmares and through the episodes if I want, reminds me I'm safe now, tells me I'll never get hit again, all the right things but it's hard seeing him so concerned. He offered to cut our time in NY short, said we could fly out tonight but I'd feel selfish for taking him up on that because the whole reason we're out here is so he can take care of some stuff in the east coast office. He'll be back with a late dinner and bourbon soon - I stayed home to try to process this diagnosis, he has enough on his plate with running his businesses so I don't want to pile on even though he says that's why he's here. He and his little sister sat with me during the appointment and she let me know she's there for me to talk to if I wanted when they get back from picking up food. She even offered to stay with me or go get the food so my guy could stay with me but I needed some time alone. She's a couple years older than me but we get along really well so I can't figure out why I'm nervous to talk to her about it. I'm trying to figure out what the next steps for me would be. The doctor said it normally takes about a month to get through it but might be longer since I was abused for so long. He suggested I find a support group out here and there are tons, I'm just hesitant to go. So far we all sat and watched some new episodes of stuff on Hulu today after I found out. They were really understanding when I told them I didn't know what to say at that point and I just needed to veg. Now I'm sitting on his balcony watching life pulse through the city while I smoke some hookah until they get back. What were your first steps after being diagnosed? What advice do you have for someone who's recently been diagnosed? Also, any advice on how to get an appetite back? I have my fav food coming but can't get hungry even though I haven't been eating much the past few days.",3.3951511387163578,4.483730234782608,4.1350248447204985,89.80073188405797,72.73913043478261,7.2153209109730865,24.646997929606627,7.536579438409214,0.95236066252588,2195,63,479,25,42,701,261,575,0.07200000000000001,0.858,0.069,-0.1874,0,1,1,0,4,0,35.0,6,2,4,1,40,16,2,3,26,1,38,15,3,4,4,90,87,42,0,13,18,2,2,0,1,3,7,4,1,2,23,34,5,2,12,0,1,10,10,6,1,1,19,9,61,10,84,56,15,84,0,0,3,0,58,32,0,11,38,313,84,3,0.0,0.15695022732930775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944397680021713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685972725819573,0.0,0.052966397615847184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450406189154309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371593720702155,0.0,0.040374939298931545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752881929748777,0.06803939627253279,0.0,0.05705374789751558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057631053816004,0.07328540452949696,0.0,0.04271471813664697,0.0,0.0,0.2016748890854728,0.0,0.06919924620043502,0.0,0.20337642927679425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777275518606299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843625393655582,0.0738671515118576,0.1312385465512103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243844984611777,0.0,0.03348932624248148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107127604003767,0.056337640500652424,0.2402671270852285,0.14524183405488594,0.0,0.0,0.31143544121553524,0.0,0.1129249892800662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116189745805554,0.0,0.0,0.059331636912572025,0.0,0.06797402690794152,0.0,0.0,0.07848626304157336,0.0,0.0,0.06643696314592686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279970011156141,0.0,0.07471355578070632,0.0,0.0,0.06772759111509226,0.0467822307621595,0.0,0.06638272998177287,0.0,0.11722800127885193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056308812680385074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714972869596572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026260228233594,0.0,0.0,0.052866440350355016,0.0,0.09737755215765254,0.09822165922375256,0.05108286804040422,0.06396811302106074,0.07043940253118489,0.0,0.06489414440177471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322676333667712,0.04591752857941863,0.0,0.06919924620043502,0.0,0.06261146507510201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484534791630097,0.13316464443326873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848609376629788,0.06809841552261674,0.06539696306002396,0.0,0.0,0.11312500836794705,0.1260052421605596,0.10534206409697533,0.0,0.0,0.052779017613789364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957701948736434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561188909499153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117862622000741,0.0,0.0,0.07586952222718388,0.0,0.15164156699721226,0.0,0.15032053892437555,0.06242369072705543,0.0,0.14939661341542548,0.15970640229678626,0.057890442690968935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400217198559656,0.0,0.1301469056968149,0.0,0.07724183155593238,0.0,0.1883430327260061,0.06328834014317042,0.0,0.13490330157026925,0.0,0.0,0.06895074751738701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719757811670077,0.0,0.05312800860097568,0.0,0.0595512992129205,0.0,0.119529716255127,0.07394662762932007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726268867119764,0.0,0.0470499264533948,0.0,0.0,0.08530358610157407 ptsd,Eddsworld_Starboy,2019/03/09,It's nearly been 4 years (trigger warning) It's almost been 4 years since he died. I can't look at hospitals without the memories coming back. Seeing him half dead. His body was all sorts of fucked up. I can't deal with this any longer. I'm going to go insane. Every day it gets worse.,0.059703389830506375,2.4112050338983053,1.8862500000000004,94.67479872881357,91.8813559322034,4.305932203389832,15.84957627118644,5.985473137389443,-0.4917305084745767,223,5,47,2,8,73,49,59,0.287,0.713,0.0,-0.959,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,1,7,13,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,3,2,4,0,7,10,1,10,0,0,2,1,4,3,1,2,4,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554291343248409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346542926457634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961433554121567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28334010409557703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21973172457461065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450766210386933,0.2629797393688547,0.0,0.0,0.2647362510653163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491872908937015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358204522684312,0.13327052533548953,0.0,0.28993949923207835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214205774659575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032684089827637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100758804622502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458912525182909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25995173215014145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285306360621029 ptsd,fugdesis,2019/03/09,"All through recovery, my goal was to re-friend her. Im 17, what happened between me and a friend over the course of a few years, from age 11-14 left me with PTSD, yes, diagnosed. Ill never forget, my therapist told me the goal of therapy was not to make it so we could talk again. I frowned. I knew i missed her, my best friend. What happened was not her fault, she was over medicated, and had a breakdown. The girl who made me happiest in the world also broke me. For months I beat myself up physically and mentally for missing her. Everyone told me she was a horrible person, a crazy lunatic who didn’t deserve friends. Not once was I told it was ok to miss her, before her breakdown of course. I was broken, I couldn’t even say her name, I had nightmares every night, i had 3+ anxiety attacks every day but ALL I wanted was her friendship. Its officially been a few years since we ‘stopped being friends’. Today, we hung out, we’d been talking for a few months via text. I know, shes my abuser, she ruined my highschool years, she broke my sense of trust and relationships. I get it, I know its wrong I know it is. But, I havent been this happy in years. I havent had this much fun in SO long. Never had I smiled so much. I know its wrong to be her friend again, but I don’t feel wrong, this feels right, but everyone tells me its wrong. I want her in my life again. I forgive her, it was never her fault. I missed her, she was my best friend. Yes, I still am triggered by stuff, but she’s different, shes new. I want her in my life again, I am okay with it, she is okay with it. Why am I so okay with this? ",1.3524091833769276,3.180850357357357,2.7380935774484207,94.56436791630342,79.96096096096095,6.098575995350188,21.252445994381482,7.1029339738359605,0.34741797926959217,1231,35,286,15,31,399,152,333,0.151,0.659,0.19,0.9381,1,0,0,0,1,0,59.0,4,0,0,5,11,30,1,0,11,6,35,5,0,3,5,44,57,14,0,5,8,0,2,0,6,0,5,1,0,2,20,12,0,1,8,0,0,0,11,14,0,0,25,3,70,16,28,27,9,33,0,7,0,0,47,12,0,0,21,196,90,3,0.0,0.1026985582949118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931589416317861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630798207490336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986080680306546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375609256392059,0.0,0.1819251902896301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920485958069683,0.0,0.0,0.05589975937279852,0.0,0.0,0.08797574749565948,0.0,0.09055944602065936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724961241056314,0.0,0.1460589140610113,0.16564796114488714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765340660907911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687672684202613,0.0,0.04528536970537306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329709636513858,0.09226971563917506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362647766625663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905425528329437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417526053325888,0.0,0.12244563731693307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767067810476759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820162619445596,0.05785784482196396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731837253312723,0.08735044342007046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837016482362452,0.0,0.12743574045159814,0.0,0.2005528882852066,0.08371358354677813,0.0,0.08134087841984157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923086137400399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568337187478033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132125489893214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093059101167125,0.0,0.07402203529219467,0.0,0.06892935610644631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170044997764967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922069229267529,0.07246619665126318,0.0,0.0,0.0992248980660566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933603916298729,0.07575987756860736,0.0,0.09912317334986602,0.1006391546898229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821600505883873,0.2484719417173307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337374800976736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821288150825878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790725677872196,0.0,0.22326964309867295 ptsd,valueyoghurt,2019/03/09,"After a trigger, does anyone else feel like the current feelings/situation will last forever? My mum went through long periods of depression during my childhood where she would completely shut down and I’d have no interactions with anyone for very long periods. At the worst point, I even thought I might be dead, because nobody had responded to me for so long. Now when my partner doesn’t answer fast enough, or if she cuts me off or walks away while I’m talking, I immediately fly off the rails. I shout, insult her, run around the flat, punch my legs all while feeling absolutely f%#*ing terrified. And I’m a big guy so this probably terrifies her too. I feel ashamed by all of it but I can’t stop it from happening, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes I manage to remain calm if she does it once or twice but it seems whenever she is in the mood to not listen to me, she’ll find a way to do it sooner or later. Anyway, during these intense moments, I have a real sense that **this is 100% forever. This is my life now and it will always be this way.** And of course, if I manage to stay calm for the first or second time she does it, that only makes it more severe when I eventually lose the plot because, by the third time, it seems all the more likely that this feeling will never go away because she will just never listen. This has put a huge strain on the relationship as she has an interrupting/ignoring problem anyway and my bad behaviour around that only makes her more likely to zone out when I’m saying something. 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But like idek ? I’m chillin. Oh look some creme I got earlier with my mother, better try it ! Boom scar, boom scar. Idk what’s so great about not being able to chill. I just wanna be comfortable wearing shorts like winters ending and now that I’m thinking about it I let my leg hairs grow as a whatever thing, buut it’s nicer people not looking at my legs cause their a little hairy rather than the ideas that would conquer on such methodically left marks. Jesus typing me this makes me tired. I got some issues and it doesn’t feel cool to be reminded of a memory that I’m not okay with? I don’t know if if this is a forwards or a backwards type of problem but I’m not even trying to think of it that way. I just don’t know what I’m going to do for summer ",0.9131633986928094,3.0639853882352948,2.669803921568626,92.74300653594773,83.35294117647058,5.424836601307192,18.8562091503268,6.691623216298621,0.028640522875816643,636,16,140,7,18,210,108,170,0.04,0.846,0.114,0.8679,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,9,9,0,0,6,2,11,5,4,2,0,30,29,9,0,6,12,1,2,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,14,4,0,0,7,1,0,3,7,1,0,0,2,7,13,8,17,22,2,14,1,0,2,0,2,7,0,5,8,81,27,2,0.18282568903660532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169446478084826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781234429443847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619292949469577,0.0,0.0,0.12075464333853872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244216167421862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390405229916004,0.0,0.2924448099342262,0.2015659675942384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638794930297366,0.0,0.19082251974898914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014286521690679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864064607901816,0.1869516538593347,0.0,0.26795819034307633,0.1832393704465385,0.0,0.0,0.3070550659287076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203756709667572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674831287691646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493949325940014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146126402356333,0.2342946387137754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013123480224608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482532837248793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511852212190615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298741239663273,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,indigosummer78,2019/03/09,"Those of you who have faced early developmental trauma, did you get to parents or aim for parenrhood? I am just wondering. Well, in my case, I did not yet and probably will never do. ",3.5124761904761925,5.518538914285713,5.48,76.55333333333336,74.14285714285714,9.23809523809524,25.952380952380953,9.725611199111238,2.617380952380953,142,5,27,4,3,49,32,35,0.078,0.8640000000000001,0.058,-0.1779,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,1,6,8,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,1,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280703316193784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33668094895413275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847179310126332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706561103034813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924953453004852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734011190868203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mystery_inc_22,2019/03/09,"Does this sound like PTSD? I've always thought I had something along the lines of PTSD, however I used to associate PTSD with being in the military so I thought I didn't have it. &#x200B; I'll try to make this short. Ever since I was a kid I have always been incredibly withdrawn when around people. I was okay around immediate family and very close friends, but when around people I didn't have a deep connection with (which was pretty much everyone except for a select few) I would completely shut down. I remember my stomach would get extremely tight and simultaneously my brain felt like it was being shut off. I couldn't find words so I wouldn't talk. From ages 3-15 I went through school only talking if I was forced to (usually by teachers), which resulted in me never saying a word for 95% of the time. I would try to communicate with others by body language (nodding head, shrugging shoulders, etc), because I was unable to talk to them. Even when I wanted to, immense fear would wash over me and I would clam up even more. &#x200B; I hated this about myself but for the majority of my school years I couldn't change even though I desperately wanted to. When freshman year started and I was in a new school, I made it my mission to get over this and talk more. I was able to progress slightly for about a year and a half, but halfway through sophomore year I started becoming severely depressed (which lasted throughout the rest of highschool), and I reverted back into my old self. &#x200B; I was told that I was ""just shy as a kid,"" but I know it was something deeper than that. The thing is I don't know why I acted that way. It was probably something to do with my Dad but I never had a clear cause, and reading about PTSD I always thought it was a defining moment that made someone be diagnosed with it. &#x200B; Anyways do this sound like PTSD? &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",5.608531855955678,6.891195083102495,5.535228808864268,81.09695955678674,67.69806094182826,8.213673130193905,31.891523545706374,8.488131031819089,2.4638832354570632,1519,63,278,22,25,474,179,361,0.093,0.85,0.058,-0.9443,1,0,3,0,0,0,73.0,0,0,1,1,20,8,1,1,16,1,36,7,5,6,4,58,55,22,0,11,8,1,2,3,1,6,2,3,0,3,21,19,0,1,8,1,0,2,8,3,0,1,26,5,43,5,48,18,7,41,0,1,0,0,12,17,0,1,24,201,64,5,0.048524775430364285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112950119032552,0.4206125912429014,0.4717033075939077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959201394851727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037312557050317725,0.0,0.02958025271166803,0.0535918020648528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053900086375569034,0.0,0.0541696974870398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984831113155642,0.05133277824971695,0.0,0.05087730381625008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417943179741228,0.049251625623321374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424643579818029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054117951549951734,0.0961504695710971,0.043893437472586526,0.0,0.04636750240727984,0.0,0.0,0.04574483968132802,0.0546038630497639,0.0,0.0,0.04659139411410965,0.0,0.04435076564292453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03749012112658954,0.0,0.05070438475223585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790816962219782,0.04980041898960435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333589508803599,0.03955416849124939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112026258258054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918306315843922,0.03239066440082461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035671293273538414,0.0,0.07485059653882548,0.046865530487660526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091858906833952,0.0,0.0,0.036905278324917634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728193888877927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049367141584347206,0.052317915121562426,0.0,0.2836143287224431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04853790692374088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496911122296288,0.0,0.0,0.03858884906409906,0.0,0.1473289900489462,0.0,0.0,0.05062192363415769,0.05481918420812068,0.0,0.0401401956771906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04111488475329953,0.11207022849698307,0.0,0.0,0.06869217161052064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600950562040924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03223770462066479,0.0,0.047675345486591116,0.11556975426508735,0.028295186779352482,0.0,0.0,0.04636750240727984,0.0,0.06589027453460516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041909825977591485,0.05344318460791105,0.040038021655645316,0.05724233956481689,0.038516708094243415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449829529728696,0.043786062279902886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235304110954333,0.0,0.4717033075939077,0.12499345771959434 ptsd,ankaa_,2019/03/09,"Helping a SO with PTSD Hi everyone, My SO is currently in a really bad place after being robbed by a group of armed men. I'm not sure if this qualifies as the actual disorder, but even so, it's a similar situation. And since I've been lucky enough to not have dealt with anything that could scar me emotionally, I don't fully grasp what she is going through. I've read a lot of articles on dealing with the stress after traumatic events/helping your loved ones do so, but I admit I can't even begin to understand what it must feel like. Obviously all I want is to see her feeling better, so I'd like to ask for some advice... So far, what I've done is give her some space (she likes to stay in closed quarters for a while when things go downhill, to process everything and whatnot) while still making it abundantly clear that I am there for her should she need anything. I don't wanna push it or anything, she needs her space, so I don't wanna pressure her into trying to go out too soon or anything (it just happened last week). But I'm making myself as available as possible too. Does anybody with more experience in situations like this have any advice? Anything I could do, or any way to act to ease things up for her? Is what I'm doing wrong somehow? Really appreciate it!",5.241783596837948,5.754505596837947,6.154740612648222,79.09993700592888,68.1304347826087,9.487055335968382,30.04174901185771,9.516144504307137,2.58489743083004,1008,36,198,20,16,334,147,253,0.069,0.755,0.177,0.9823,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,1,18,12,0,2,8,0,22,2,1,2,5,44,43,22,0,10,10,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,16,9,0,0,5,1,0,5,6,4,0,2,2,3,22,8,35,36,6,30,0,0,1,1,20,12,0,9,15,141,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.10866633154379728,0.0,0.0,0.21762946360965385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145031816104731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581780250203821,0.0,0.10410181145881203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929767007107474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848437102052901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781567333498655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148020252974284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762237715971245,0.0,0.09744743441072938,0.11395473717442205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525928869675154,0.0,0.11505939174484416,0.0,0.1470977390985234,0.0,0.0,0.10640439098499946,0.10007861522526937,0.10892647184068616,0.0,0.0,0.1126087792875616,0.07955197180055468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682177892120023,0.18985668899122926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847078144375224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927770128994344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076911609905176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760954214072156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466996459048932,0.10050215619410206,0.0,0.1486605376712347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513651341774616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545697065544865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634218296642898,0.0,0.0,0.1255359325566281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016793381389025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138504680589334,0.0,0.14267361681501867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873544816118617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211393440030533,0.25033517466717803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186895205731409,0.08892817703346055,0.0,0.12755667613724794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495068728019183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795851183813527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560267611684353,0.0,0.0,0.1159243911429986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568001254898949,0.08838834646550894,0.08932219405097895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174911612476552,0.0,0.0 ptsd,orbzorn,2019/03/09,Here we go again In NYC...dizzy...shortness of breath...dread,-0.3284848484848517,0.18387372727272755,-1.2872727272727251,110.82242424242426,129.9090909090909,1.4666666666666668,12.757575757575758,3.1291,-2.055569696969697,45,1,10,0,3,12,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwawayretailer,2019/03/09,"Not diagnosed with anything. Just made a connection with a childhood trauma and intense anxiety, and wondering if it could be the cause. Any input welcome! Hi there! I’ll get right to it. As a toddler I witnessed one of my parents die suddenly, and I saw the reaction of the other parent and the paramedics responding to the scene. This is my very first memory, after which I have absolutely no memories for a couple years. Nothing about having the event explained to me, staying with grandparents, the funeral. Nothing. I have that one memory then flash forward a few years to normalcy with no-one really talking about what happened. Growing up I was aware of this memory but didn’t view it as good or bad, it was just what happened. However I grew into a fairly anxious child/teen - often worrying about my family and in particular about health problems. Bit of a hypochondriac! Went to therapy as a teen for anxiety, and have just been referred again now in my twenties. At the appointment where I got referred, my doctor asked if anything traumatic had happened to someone close to me before. This question was asked to me 6 months previously at another appointment, and I said no. But this time I said, well I saw one of my parents pass suddenly, and she seemed to think this connected a lot of things. Looking back, I kind of agree - the first time I went to therapy, my anxiety attacks began exactly the day after I saw someone else collapse, just like what I saw as a child. I never drew a parallel until recently. I was also a clingy child, very clingy to my family and my friends, even to this day. I don’t really know what my point is here, I know nothing about trauma or how it can affect people but I feel like I’ve just discovered the root of most of my anxiety. Any input from others in a similar situation, or any advice in general, would be more than welcome! ",5.46693181818182,6.886743965909097,6.4949499999999984,73.57505,68.14772727272728,10.404727272727273,33.682272727272725,10.53366545652748,3.9615055454545463,1484,69,255,42,25,495,181,352,0.138,0.784,0.078,-0.9686,5,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,0,2,21,13,1,0,24,0,19,3,0,5,2,53,44,25,2,5,14,3,1,2,1,1,3,2,0,2,20,15,0,0,10,0,0,6,6,5,1,5,18,9,34,8,49,22,5,42,0,0,6,0,18,13,0,11,26,193,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882753150019962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269360025820641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544765516624087,0.09531775988477648,0.2781564604235816,0.10269240212935707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496077682687148,0.0,0.16996057028695954,0.10341315748996348,0.0,0.06989735743856969,0.07589864602140378,0.0,0.0,0.07735016584835537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992404900077066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933804996578695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257715505251136,0.10058037060149784,0.0,0.11724741666925648,0.0,0.0,0.09226273278407214,0.0943410207741988,0.0,0.0,0.0930411576475003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593622935061375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003933859258302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138698941827807,0.0,0.0459623422465725,0.0649397849336362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464090828860355,0.0,0.0,0.07022998700589424,0.0,0.04749208825262771,0.0,0.0,0.0762435544805767,0.07270193707607481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411507052987885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662364971569112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465953792156664,0.09991376678492098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881940036354302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633405457617687,0.0,0.0,0.07728088947430044,0.0,0.08601284643944297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255641415857224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010855479174269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616662555363057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847908732568097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028048399872689,0.0,0.0,0.0630193975358888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593094902849034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698010427284265,0.0,0.0,0.1018300685148784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164671821699174,0.0,0.08975389878815783,0.0,0.0,0.0776290677454473,0.17293558022374692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827529741055508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217667793934833,0.0,0.0,0.15404046373833308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968885090519204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306288445642345,0.0,0.0,0.20790672692924064,0.0,0.060390671157458185,0.05824577322764464,0.0,0.0,0.10601035900275567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000590321504134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173103202596656,0.16853251511800446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985783971414794,0.0,0.09231450924828057,0.0,0.06457355417272674,0.0,0.0,0.11707469391507218 ptsd,Gruv_3,2019/03/09,"Does anyone have tips/skills that work for them to deal with body hate and body shame? I recently had an intense flashback of abuse from the bad incidences from when I was very young. This has caused the resurfacing of very debilitating body shame and disgust for me. I'm avoiding touching my own body, have been avoiding the shower, also honestly bowel movements have been really shameful and difficult for me just because I have them. I'm wondering if anyone has any tips/skills they use to get through daily tasks with this. Also any kind words or phrases they remember to repeat would be helpful too. This is my first time posting here. Please let me know if this should be posted in another sub!",6.329224806201553,7.842222697674423,5.7333333333333325,79.4866666666667,66.2093023255814,8.834108527131782,31.38759689922481,9.150863307647796,2.7492852713178286,564,22,98,10,9,172,87,129,0.215,0.701,0.084,-0.9684,2,2,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,4,2,6,11,2,5,4,0,16,5,5,2,0,19,23,9,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,9,0,1,4,1,12,2,14,14,1,10,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,4,6,65,17,1,0.0,0.16594999513611627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401428978589574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904932695448907,0.14686671322321973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958685391713448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694551668787695,0.08538020102666685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6223070850622606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438817601302407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439727439877412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256877776857332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913625518295415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317636203580692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382817514452616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388028276912744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585251716547748,0.07697414705922123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432223910392727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374548646345992,0.0,0.0,0.26828043425385584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972699455139878,0.0,0.13829385132341518,0.0,0.15866239589706074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167099716343064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096818109832864,0.0,0.2311308406314337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189074103801542,0.10196645282004264,0.0,0.0,0.09949568342724532,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Goat_Spit,2019/03/09,Waking up in the morning is getting harder and harder I keep waking up every morning in full on fight-or-flight mode. I am just getting worse. My head hurts everyday from just thinking about something that happened to me 3 years ago. I cant take this. I dont want to live like this.,2.6968421052631544,4.6074481578947415,3.5542456140350893,89.88505263157896,76.19298245614034,5.261754385964913,25.43508771929825,5.6839178017228535,0.6666940350877186,223,8,44,1,5,71,44,57,0.138,0.816,0.046,-0.6023,0,0,1,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,6,11,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,9,11,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,4,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25461824498337915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366395922092367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24200953752203486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001389254293302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540027059170176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947880013633566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307493119534895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255309418648328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032947572544507,0.0,0.25363550889308395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112905434160213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596645602509285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840498536761905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941980826704914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927190140304024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849711926738308 ptsd,ReginaAmazonum,2019/03/09,"Rapist's Prison Early Release - Giving another statement? Hey all, First time posting here, and looking to hear about some similar stories or people who KNOW of online resources - I'm not looking for legal advice. So I was a witness (not plaintiff) in a case against my rapist which put him in jail a few years ago. I decided not to join the lawsuit. Now he's trying to get out early and get off the sex offender registry. I don't see him getting off the list, but I would imagine based on the circumstances that him getting out early is plausible. The judge wants to speak to the witnesses and plaintiffs again....about giving another statement or something. I have phone call next week to find out more information (what I'd be asked to say, why, when, etc.) But it's next week and my anxiety's freaking out. I'm having trouble finding information online....**are there any resources that you know of to find out this process?** **And...** Do you think they just want me to speak to find out if I'd feel ""safe"" if he was released, or what? It wouldn't be like fully testifying again, would it? I haven't really heard of this happening before, so any advice you have or ideas on what this is all about would be wonderful. Thank you!",3.0404180602006647,5.488892893162394,3.707740616871053,86.60078595317727,77.33333333333333,6.63366778149387,26.4132292827945,7.7425588080867325,1.6293688591601647,963,38,182,15,23,304,132,234,0.094,0.8440000000000001,0.062,-0.6753,0,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,4,1,1,10,8,3,0,9,0,17,3,0,0,2,49,40,16,0,8,12,0,1,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,13,11,0,1,16,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,3,9,17,3,29,30,6,28,0,0,3,3,24,12,0,8,15,116,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23790601743738846,0.10790617465657942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556095592803666,0.25528874057689505,0.09312300843869864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113800985222321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358314361725997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429979557638017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357609698808383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155027394829564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44503554079157054,0.1035433553159119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543953070663063,0.2335487445238789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764531170857232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719839740267134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741819305343886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379909326262854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947105997091669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044448451100511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589221706735325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843921565524602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658355504625878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237212964138368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798326432199007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680446922851133,0.0,0.0,0.09700293667687553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371359213078688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120724986346554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077999577986241,0.0,0.0,0.07098165932202202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264658325321145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359884871833728,0.0,0.19528869945250696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984226328107774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201083871861222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594201962875049,0.0,0.0,0.07839003769899168 ptsd,chandlermk,2019/03/09,"Anyone else afraid of what you might be repressing? i dont even want to add more detail to this, just yeah ",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454553,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,78.0909090909091,6.218181818181819,15.545454545454547,7.1686216300943375,-0.3907999999999992,84,1,19,1,2,26,21,22,0.173,0.732,0.095,-0.2076,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976173740033692,0.4361184642465208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4988468921988576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35556759038077584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811311956622419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515367605568358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510534909940545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,matthew6978,2019/03/09,"Constant break ups My ex of 2 years broke up with me over 30 times in 2 years. I just watched a YouTube video and the lady said that this was mental abuse and could cause PTSD. Apart from the break ups there was gaslighting, occasional verbal abuse, constant miss trust and I felt like I was walking on egg shells. We broke up 4 months ago after she told me she didn't love me. I went no contact but she tried hoovering me back in using various tactics such as apologising then blaming then guilt trips then a major family problem. I've stayed no contact but I feel like shit. I can't sleep, I feel empty and confused. I feel upset all the time and still miss her which I can't understand. I keep thinking it was all my fault. Any advice please? ",2.6002413127413107,4.800617074324325,2.963938223938225,92.64148648648651,77.58108108108108,5.57992277992278,22.73359073359073,6.5431188927421005,0.42815096525096497,589,18,122,5,14,181,100,148,0.268,0.6509999999999999,0.081,-0.9831,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,5,14,1,3,5,0,8,4,2,2,2,24,22,11,0,2,3,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,7,1,1,6,1,0,3,5,10,0,0,9,6,21,4,13,12,4,29,0,4,1,1,11,9,1,1,16,71,25,0,0.0,0.3778999466064337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558356198449166,0.14136360058338904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844742166285293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262524735291915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382317283667186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446683134562745,0.0,0.12732658167094635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033738570845853,0.0,0.2419037196874955,0.11392787198759464,0.15311953078035928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174733898325104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582135489012694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393102428768542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071173954410028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272901946408381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505397055862004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259456425965695,0.18641594123673472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169577991338942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369721542483678,0.0,0.0,0.159588630244844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997749018750902,0.12735571149083205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218415418035176,0.0,0.0,0.1859805144437616,0.0,0.0,0.15238372551530474,0.0,0.10827201151158987,0.0,0.0,0.16601749642976552,0.0,0.1377338671828226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147833495504589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20539135993403304 ptsd,WesBeans99,2019/03/10,"Couple weeks out of the mental hospital, fighting eith fiance. Triggered. So, I'll try to be calm and obvious TRIGGER WARNING. I'm a few weeks out of the mental hospital, I put myself and my fiance in danger. I have PTSD and major depressive disorder other other options are possible. All of this is due to an accident involving a firearm as a 4-5 year old. This was really put into high gear after a very good friend killed himself when I was 18 or 19. Then I got cancer right before my 21st birthday. Also my parents are toxic and uneducated narcissistic cretins. My mother physically abused me and mentally wore us down. Us being myself and five brothers. I am, hopefully, at the end of a fight with my fiance and I'm being all kinds of a shit and I can't even begin with myself. I.. keep thinking I'm slowing down and then I'm yelling. I don't want to go back to the hospital.. I don't want to lose my freedom again. I just want someone to communicate with me and comfort me, her moreso than anyone. And I'm a monster to her. I'm the one who hurt her. Not this time. But too many others. I don't want to be scary. I m so sorry. And she knows. But. Oh God. That's about all I've got because I've really started crying now. I remembered we just got dinner and are about to watch family Guy and I can't turn off my fight or flight and be hunrgry and go sit down. . I'm just sitting in the bathroom crying. 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I was sexually assaulted by my therapist. It's been a year. It's not the first one sexual assault I've experienced but for whatever reason, this one brought the trauma of other ones so now I react to everything related to them too. I guess I just need some advice at how this can get easier. I am starting EMDR therapy on Monday so I've got that going for me. ",2.7302325581395337,4.897924523255817,5.204825581395351,76.89351744186051,77.02325581395348,8.951162790697676,25.86627906976745,9.516144504307137,2.737516279069768,343,13,63,10,8,121,66,86,0.123,0.8340000000000001,0.043,-0.6956,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,2,0,4,0,6,1,0,4,1,13,14,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,4,4,1,8,0,11,9,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,6,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277400565427762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402709568715015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945610132096615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823768938909272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176237120766603,0.0,0.13245134602864753,0.0,0.18639652572623192,0.0,0.2567379444291614,0.0,0.20609104081637508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280839771994078,0.17974749452953026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737752272672381,0.0,0.2479884845888728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396208365188019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179418234146254,0.0,0.0,0.1649585482512356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26652035099265586,0.27059649045802103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008070674510884 ptsd,ooh_meesh,2019/03/10,"PTSD anniversary and mother’s/sister’s birthday My PTSD stems from some actions I took as a depressed and closed off 12 year old. I did these actions on mother’s day, my mom’s birthday, and my sister’s 16th birthday (all the same day that year). It’ll be the 14 year anniversary this May. Whenever I think about my PTSD in the form of how meaningful that day could’ve been vs. something that ruined a good portion of all our lives, I want to cry. I’m on a ferry right now but I want to cry typing this out. I’ve been told over the years by them and my father that no one thinks about those times anymore. Life has moved on and so have they. I’m the only one who can’t. It’s a reason to support my lifelong hatred for myself. It’s a comfort to have something to back up these feelings about myself. As sad as it makes me, at least I know what I’m capable of: terrible, hurtful things. ",2.5834426229508196,4.136721114754103,3.5472349726775967,91.3601967213115,75.55737704918033,6.191475409836067,24.22185792349727,6.742157984588678,0.6960421857923493,696,22,149,6,15,223,110,183,0.168,0.746,0.086,-0.9612,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,2,0,7,8,0,0,10,0,10,1,0,3,2,24,23,11,0,2,2,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,16,7,0,0,6,0,0,4,2,5,0,2,5,1,18,3,26,15,7,26,0,4,0,0,9,11,0,2,11,98,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751079682974954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661891540761163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070658231778738,0.0,0.3046170964429083,0.2682674894528085,0.0,0.11942534108805808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010930397804875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629917615532935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843552206330193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620243339141687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979377612295742,0.0,0.0,0.12243694829101287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925548335669064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239376995333907,0.0,0.14737078088687375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549752602672406,0.0,0.1879155684455553,0.10545513518444992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4862489389027905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256281179650399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841258826412318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134903484943513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734667639005107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921177580311924,0.17769201572654628,0.0,0.0,0.08085219465398888,0.0,0.0,0.13249300524103055,0.15405337735240832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635673521802501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571630557814271 ptsd,harlotcharlotte,2019/03/10,"Need Some Encouragement Trigger warning\*\*\* &#x200B; &#x200B; I was raped repeatedly by a neighbor when I was 6-7. What made it worse was that he was 11 and so seven years later when it finally clicked for me that all those sexual impulsive memories coming up was rape, I told my mom and her first response was ""oh you were kids. You were experimenting."" He repeatedly threatened me and forced himself on me. It's crazy because he was a kid, but then again child killers exist, so it's not entirely crazy. &#x200B; Anyway, I'm 23 now and I've been in therapy for two years. I was also raped two years ago, which is why I started therapy, but I noticed the childhood abuse left more of a scarring on my psyche. Now, I've had several breakdowns and my insomnia has worsened to the point where I'm not sleeping. Period. My family is cold as hell and my estranged mom called me and when I told her I was struggling with the memories she said, ""It happened a long time ago. You need to get over it and move on."" Woof. Lots of tears on that one. I live with my sister and grandparents and they're all narcissists so there's no love or compassion there. I have one friend who knows, but I don't want to keep burdening her with all my shit, because she's a STEM major and they have a shit ton of stress on their shoulders. I feel so alone. &#x200B; Also, I think some of the reason why this is all coming to the surface is because I've finally felt ok to start a relationship. There's a guy I've been texting and talking to on the phone a lot (we talk for hours) and he's coming back to school next quarter which I'm excited and nervous about. I haven't texted him lately (not ignoring him) bc I've been so shitty, but it makes me feel worse because he hasn't messaged me on his own. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but it all adds to this huge shadow that is getting bigger and bigger and just blocking everything out. &#x200B; I guess what I need is some love and encouragement from you strong, beautiful people. Anything helps! &#x200B; Summary: I'm a survivor and everything has been coming to the surface finally. Need some love <3",3.506630695443647,5.545012223021583,4.321264988009592,84.7124490407674,74.25179856115108,7.511031175059952,27.890287769784173,8.344100000000001,2.0045870503597127,1695,68,327,30,36,544,206,417,0.203,0.677,0.12,-0.99,1,1,0,0,1,0,79.0,1,4,2,2,21,20,6,3,17,1,30,11,4,4,5,67,64,36,0,5,10,3,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,4,20,28,0,3,6,0,0,5,7,11,0,7,21,6,45,9,34,42,15,53,1,0,1,6,46,19,3,8,29,216,65,2,0.0,0.07045560170013289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542322249092764,0.0,0.0,0.06158719483227329,0.0,0.09510733376851,0.0,0.3865779778354949,0.4335345983084493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893414241609344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572446047405957,0.0,0.1449958086875036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607198107352541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489329417449176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688555414723114,0.058167602927897,0.056057753186959984,0.0,0.060133984412661885,0.0,0.05709515849393649,0.19542106240361076,0.0,0.050580396440089055,0.0,0.0,0.04594205535977471,0.0,0.06213539944042443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550675126641704,0.058879114498821876,0.052584181037253236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039857740308170575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856046527643924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285469948932578,0.0,0.0,0.032680084395083325,0.0,0.06707844413173585,0.0,0.06460825503590611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250816312747091,0.0526241312723678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011090291724804,0.16100685396602818,0.05626666216585004,0.03969295516591838,0.0,0.059739992016948025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928799570089925,0.0,0.0632012567369644,0.0,0.17636842503133232,0.0,0.0,0.06324107423329317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770062447276251,0.0,0.0,0.08058924581065298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04122513435878127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621308768081572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061139316866420414,0.0,0.06384252199115999,0.0,0.0,0.056564270755506,0.0,0.0,0.060181157182478975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717785699233016,0.12207872388407262,0.0,0.0,0.0595073540992614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417843037256602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811628030333765,0.062165112035874326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559047995153727,0.0,0.0,0.13600546953612686,0.0,0.0,0.03810239261289837,0.0,0.0,0.03467417544592052,0.0,0.0,0.11364158335454927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617617535204534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035073649459946066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731476115840644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211986271661974,0.0,0.0,0.4335345983084493,0.1148793905221036 ptsd,-tenthousanddays-,2019/03/10,"My wife's mask for the Unmasking Brain Injury project [https://tenthousanddays.blog/2019/03/09/my-wifes-mask-for-the-unmasking-brain-injury-project/](https://tenthousanddays.blog/2019/03/09/my-wifes-mask-for-the-unmasking-brain-injury-project/) This is an amazing project that my wife became involved with.",44.65772727272728,57.14570840909092,17.663636363636368,-11.984545454545412,-12.363636363636346,8.036363636363637,38.27272727272727,8.841846274778883,3.882381818181818,283,6,16,2,2,54,19,22,0.109,0.742,0.14800000000000002,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ivanrancic,2019/03/10,"Not sure if I see objects as others My father is a psychopath. Growing up next to him, I learned that everything is wrong with me. Constant feeling that I lack something. That others see things I cannot, see them differently. Like, real, physical objects. That they see more. Then also that others can think things I cannot. That my mental processes aren't enough. That other don't notice me. That I need to know stuff magically, without learning or studying about it. Anyone else?",3.015681818181818,6.024684659090912,3.620909090909091,83.35136363636364,83.0909090909091,5.4727272727272736,26.181818181818183,6.980632752743323,1.5791909090909084,382,16,63,5,11,120,60,88,0.08800000000000001,0.845,0.068,-0.3944,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,14,15,5,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,5,13,2,7,15,3,5,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,2,4,52,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516601633979911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269269723149163,0.18599450526976055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961647659917373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189655694115558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516414082056625,0.0,0.0,0.1875645466630023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314357142627453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178483527961127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997617634162599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868427536033123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293518463392447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459898756198793,0.0,0.0,0.19305461422863127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666818359872136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661595864510995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5786098415746936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397473327967719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078034677019818,0.0,0.0,0.17108579997826895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411951843044213,0.11631432255460444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498427249002035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984698287229225,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LiquorStoreJen,2019/03/10,"Healthy coping mechanisms? I've had people recommend mediation to me but I've found I'm incapable of doing it, I always need to gogogo and I'm always multitasking and even when I have nothing to do and decide to relax I always have the news and/or reddit open on a second monitor or my phone so zen activities like meditation don't work",2.83792207792208,5.471441666666671,5.429567099567101,72.92863636363641,79.3030303030303,8.61991341991342,24.58008658008658,9.23628265651192,2.6834268398268395,274,10,47,8,7,97,49,66,0.051,0.782,0.16699999999999998,0.7714,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,10,10,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,5,2,6,8,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7670952673325718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296891463267494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33693885895645914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501313781323066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278592390340863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29486287450409004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213043298252532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237182394211364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ChurroLoco,2019/03/11,"Trouble Finding PTSD Counseler I have been out of the Army for over ten years. Despite having served nearly two consecutive years in Iraq I feel I got out as good as can be. I used my benefits to go to college, got good job, got married, and had a kid. However slowly over the past few years the nightmares that I once thought were gone have started coming back. I feel more empty or misunderstood everyday. Even on good days people will look at me with a concerned look and ask me if I’m alright. My wife knows what is going on but it is rough. I have accept d it is time to look for some help, but I’m having the hardest time finding a therapist in Austin, TX. I emailed a few therapists from the Blue across Blue Shield website hoping to find someone in- rework to reduce costs, and I got no response. I message 5 therapists on psychologytoday.com and got no response. I keep browsing for more therapists but so many only have time slots from 9-5 Monday through Thursday. Don’t most people work during that time? How can anybody schedule regular appointments during work hours? I’m just really frustrated. I’m going to keep looking, but this is starting to get even more frustrating. Does anybody have any suggestions? ",4.2658260869565225,6.526279800000005,4.850652173913044,80.76858695652177,72.73913043478261,7.556521739130435,29.76086956521739,8.395991825355821,2.4010608695652174,974,42,172,17,20,311,141,230,0.085,0.81,0.105,0.5472,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,0,9,1,19,0,0,2,0,30,49,14,0,2,7,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,8,0,1,5,3,3,0,2,10,9,15,7,30,37,7,35,0,0,6,0,7,13,0,5,17,106,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699232735953607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209650684990298,0.0,0.0,0.07575053963707794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486036489452711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353283878832752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620953069835874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301340269362398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962242796437193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701177321810353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051469060426068886,0.0,0.1679618981951976,0.2478844955259651,0.39394986935047177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603129497331771,0.0,0.0,0.09784579661714043,0.09701561921338064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977591110527796,0.17512604707248272,0.0,0.0,0.05414025671701984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309049748791122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987688258348906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491330090364838,0.0,0.07492369779961945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404195877697932,0.13659324317496835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151566129362862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311005324582439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346988127827028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945624421619196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575254893718498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820844547944045,0.2297752646410613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623304337163127,0.0,0.0,0.08508374083334362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343750838716604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190317736612002 ptsd,hmmmdying,2019/03/11,"My SO always makes my moments about him. Every time I’m having a bad day it’s, “Hey are we okay?” Or “you know, this is really weighing down on me.” Like I cannot have a moment that’s just me dealing with my problems, because they have to either be an “us” problem or even worse—a problem that is hurting him SO BAD. It’s like he doesn’t realize that his pain is only a reflection of what I deal with. Anyone else have this experience? Is this normal?",1.229243498817965,3.134330340425536,3.4216312056737586,89.13388888888889,80.70212765957447,5.879905437352246,22.14657210401891,6.937597516519254,0.6382260047281325,348,11,74,4,9,119,67,94,0.227,0.698,0.076,-0.9483,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,1,1,0,5,10,0,0,4,1,12,2,0,1,0,15,15,4,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,14,3,7,14,1,6,0,1,0,0,11,2,0,2,6,53,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550053735329035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025592144753054,0.1908726350769744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31108305805071346,0.11355858174216585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120139445293045,0.38410660764402943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556185497470378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304054177366935,0.0,0.1569544941899447,0.0,0.0,0.18222403948432814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994236571734012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237824303233913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202044521011454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434775141705295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825213146966109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167935298688036,0.19822207559018065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.534753350260069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933996550396345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862521399370964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407984181485935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,brinkleycf,2019/03/11,"Dating a man who was abused as a child and has PTSD from war...need advice. Hi all! So I'm new-ish to the Reddit scene. I'm going to give you some background to the story first and then ask for your input. I'm hoping a few of you might be able to steer me in the right direction as far as how to be supportive. &#x200B; I have been seeing/talking to a guy I used to work with since December. He is two years younger than me. Divorced and has 4 children. His mother is currently suffering from terminal cancer. So right off the bat, he has a LOT on his plate. &#x200B; He is also a veteran. He was involved in a very bad accident while at war and was medically discharged from the army about three years ago. I feel that I should also mention that he was horribly abused as a child and it did not stop until he was adopted at age 14. &#x200B; We began talking in early December and hit it off right away. We have a lot in common. I noticed a few things- first, he shakes whenever we touch. More so when he hugs me. I've been doing some research and read that this could be a tension release thing for PTSD? Has anyone heard of this? Second, he does not like to communicate via phone number, only via Instagram messenger. I have his number and rarely use it. Initially, I thought this was weird. And this may have nothing to do with his PTSD, but I felt it was worth a mention. Every once in a while we have a weird encounter. Like, he will call me at 4am and tell me he is on my way to my house because he needs someone to talk to. Or I'll FaceTime him and he's sitting in the dark. Sometimes he has to cancel our plans because he has life stuff going on, but it's SO unbelievable that it almost has to be true. I also think some of this may come from anxiety. Trust me, I get the life stuff. I don't know how he does it sometimes. We talk pretty much all day, so I'm not worried that there's someone else, I'm just looking for advice on how I can get him to open up or how I can be more supportive. I care very much about this man and want him to feel comfortable being with me and around me. I want to ask him more about his past but also don't want to trigger anything. Can anyone help? If you need more information, I'm happy to give it. Just let me know!",2.4161059364829995,3.8670448699360382,3.791011670968469,89.86554567388625,75.78038379530915,6.727886881382562,24.06918415441589,7.3759095455046575,0.8986639658848619,1760,55,384,21,38,579,217,469,0.062,0.812,0.127,0.9872,1,0,0,0,3,0,66.0,6,4,0,4,21,18,1,2,21,0,46,5,0,7,3,71,83,41,1,9,11,1,4,2,0,5,4,1,0,6,24,24,0,1,8,1,1,4,5,7,0,5,14,6,45,11,59,55,15,48,0,1,1,1,61,23,0,13,21,257,69,3,0.07404651851212908,0.1754660325211241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471480181570442,0.06563777094972961,0.0,0.07414689229245876,0.0,0.0,0.2368598964075173,0.0,0.2406881156147496,0.26992387436270865,0.0,0.0,0.056645383987545,0.0,0.0,0.10355009482198102,0.0,0.06093397556321894,0.06591710024935975,0.138446998527175,0.0,0.06956914160448209,0.0,0.06182575003248327,0.09027614082011384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560977429796402,0.0,0.07549536056488082,0.0,0.0,0.06378451917137237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059120119811886425,0.0,0.0,0.04775387872468527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295972146812938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185636477515561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062387385446625185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488028921735118,0.0,0.07109626981637784,0.0,0.0,0.12596786163947096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773724995304808,0.14206433549741798,0.0841646857462634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331769490406452,0.0,0.07882389584557832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496318205250583,0.0,0.0,0.07354490047174778,0.0,0.08543974068711789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138806018102539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571758198376984,0.10460249168165403,0.07235077742181177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218042645796015,0.0,0.0,0.12590340422090435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459407731212732,0.0,0.07855165466707797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886542201606304,0.10980911047342892,0.0,0.07151458899207631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104963155803568,0.0843024521030792,0.0,0.07885712559848178,0.0,0.05631571399238877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068578045803928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533192953076218,0.0,0.0,0.2596692529430274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406655655164142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897059666781642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125204528884234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547874969058428,0.0,0.14646780034614287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061906205059758364,0.0,0.0,0.16953109644409212,0.0,0.16805422343324056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23806314699111664,0.06471992091201663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983864333553984,0.04744601919519803,0.0,0.05878466462225077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233268920639761,0.0,0.0,0.1279048353162688,0.0,0.12219226510252434,0.1310236652927867,0.058774679813191184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390674736660913,0.07519783385260972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26992387436270865,0.09536706042267906 ptsd,cookiefiend37,2019/03/11,"Complex-PTSD from an abusive childhood Hi folks! I'm looking for some support, and maybe some advice? I'm somewhat new to reddit, and while support groups in my are do exist, anonymous internet sharing is more my speed. DAE hate the adrenaline shivers? Like, sorry dear husband, I know you're trying to help, but an extra sweatshirt and blanket are not going to make me stop convulsing right now :p I've been all kinds of triggered for the past two months, since finding out my brother is sick. Panic attacks left and right, but was giving a good week this week and didn't feel like I needed to take my ""as needed"" panic meds. What I didn't realize was exactly how frequently I was having the attacks over the past months, until last night when I came down with a MASSIVE case of withdrawal. Took sick days for today and tomorrow, because the withdrawal symptoms are crazy, bad, out of my mind prolonged panic. My ribs are so. sore. from all the muscle contraction. If anyone had any advice for dealing with Benzo withdrawal, I'd love to hear it. I'm eager to get back on my feet! ",4.6433719512195095,6.441908078048782,5.005899390243903,81.99323932926829,70.65853658536584,7.271341463414633,29.397865853658534,7.8658589789855275,2.0639817073170725,856,34,150,11,16,271,138,205,0.22,0.645,0.135,-0.982,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,5,17,3,3,10,0,15,7,2,3,3,32,35,15,0,3,4,2,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,11,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,7,0,1,9,3,13,10,25,26,7,33,0,0,1,1,10,9,0,4,23,90,16,0,0.0,0.13758381630358904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269432370852197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896592881077588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119416059909777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26420768788248056,0.0,0.08928950457649508,0.0969557755775522,0.07078598516608157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328109286989074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748881226051543,0.11971514707984594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058714018938106335,0.08295651561827011,0.0,0.0,0.10613204253207964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060668173830565414,0.11139337430459716,0.06599396188871562,0.09739637457259803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464496322147152,0.0,0.0,0.1308762542656619,0.0,0.07783313020553131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209216421648685,0.06381679553792598,0.09465371413050327,0.0,0.0,0.12616527398897753,0.0,0.0,0.11346123152383955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751198278721998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480329401373452,0.0,0.07751134218308732,0.0,0.11665866005402588,0.0,0.12898370922728994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724861296577607,0.0,0.18537256661697565,0.0,0.0,0.1722037737647933,0.0,0.11214991224843436,0.0,0.10897123251089028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087271971265101,0.0,0.0,0.22170033240237294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573866228611375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833256230946866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605608591195168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998740413210375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708194597685138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635443575450731,0.0,0.12069367174436325,0.08730817222031081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006866596107136,0.0,0.12901415935009947,0.07883820400824078,0.0,0.11343286539882895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186289737843972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mungadai82,2019/03/11,"I won't back down ""Well I won't back down No I won't back down You can stand me up at the gates of Hell But I won't back down No I'll stand my ground Won't be turned around And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down Gonna stand my ground And I won't back down "" (Credit to Tom Petty) &#x200B; Those lyrics have become my silent mantra to remind myself that I have made it through 30+ years of this and I have kept going. I was dx with complex PTSD when i was 38 (im 43 now) after years of having the dx of Agorophobia with Panic disorder and Bipolar II disorder. I lived through a lot of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse growing up. I am the oldest of 4 kids. My mom got pregnant with me when she was 15, and got married when she was 16. I was born 18 days after the wedding, 2 months premature. Growing up my mom never once let me forget that fact that I was ""an accident"" and that I ruined her life life, and that she had no problem threatening on taking me to an orphanage when i misbehaved. My next sibling was born when i was 8, and was very much planned, as were my second brother (i was 13) and my sister (i was 18!). The treatment, and shows of affection, between me and my two brothers was vastly different then mine. i'm not sure about my sister as I had been thrown out of the house/joined the Army by the time she was born. My brothers were disciplined, but I was beaten. They got yelled at, I got screamed at how i was worthless, unwanted, and hated. They were loved, I was tortured emotionally and psychologically, and bullied. I had a miserable experience. I tried to hang myself at age 16 only to have my mom walk in, laugh at me, and then slap me repeatedly for ""being so stupid that I couldn't kill myself right"". It was a joke to her. I was a joke. I grew up feeling very alone, bullied at home and at school. When I finally left home at 17 and joined the Army i tried so hard to do something, anything, to gain some approval from my parents. No mater what I accomplished, no matter how hard I tried, I received nothing. They didn't come to my basic training graduation, too busy. They didn't come to graduation from Airborne school, too far to drive and they didn't want to waste money flying down. When I'd deploy they'd never respond to the letters I sent. When I got hurt and was in the hospital, they didn't call or visit. Years later I learned that they would go on cruises and to Disney every year with my siblings, yet they could never visit me. After i got out of the army, I got married. They didn't meet my wife until 2 years later when they had a layover at the airport for a Disney trip and we drove to see them. When my son was born I called them and was congratulated, but they never came to see him. They didn't meet their only grandchild until he was 3. They have seen him a total of 3 times since he was born. &#x200B; I attempted suicide again when I was 23. I have the scar on my wrist as a constant reminder. I contemplated a third time when I was 30. I have nightmares almost every night. I can't go to Walmart alone without breaking into a cold sweat, trembling and puking in the parking lot. I isolate myself from the few friends I have out of fear. I am paranoid that people are talking about me, that my wife of 20 years is going to abandon me, and that my son hates me. I cry out of nowhere more days then I care to count. Recently I was hospitalized again for having weeks straight panic attacks to the point I couldn't leave the house. I often feel broken, worthless, and hopeless inside. A lot days I wish I was dead. But I won't back down. I've had a dance with death, and found myself wanting to live. I've endured relentless abuse from my parents, but I refuse to be like them and do nothing but cherish, love, and support my own child. I treat my wife the way I want to be treated and she responds in kind. I am starting to realize that I am loved. I am wanted. I am a good person. I've had some horrible downs in my life, but I strive for the greatest ups. I wake up every day and tell myself that its a new beginning. That is all I can ask for. I take it one day at a time. I endure. For my wife. For my son. and most importantly for me. &#x200B; Thanks for letting me vent. <3 &#x200B;",2.4423641634714315,4.16243382698962,3.705506561925248,89.3638017862153,76.35870818915802,6.301250038966303,24.403644128557623,7.05792874025711,0.8629709591944885,3316,110,702,35,74,1082,361,867,0.193,0.695,0.112,-0.9976,3,2,1,0,2,4,130.0,1,1,18,6,33,40,8,5,37,0,85,12,3,4,8,101,131,64,4,11,10,17,4,1,1,9,6,2,3,3,21,47,0,5,6,5,2,21,27,21,1,4,57,10,145,19,110,55,13,143,1,7,3,3,71,48,1,9,70,497,166,8,0.0,0.1284381216791039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427425147508099,0.1122713231150686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23490608817270506,0.2634395191013701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460262339856614,0.04825018506953313,0.050670412351174816,0.061661211464592,0.0,0.25006232335111384,0.0,0.0,0.05986050272047309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069011194793353,0.061991252600906675,0.05526130708672996,0.0,0.0,0.09337834470713977,0.0,0.058571787559330186,0.0,0.043274912146703516,0.0,0.05953701130936617,0.17477509459136786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662827862584492,0.12423757829571162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193716363120967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699948340035792,0.0,0.0,0.053018762755246925,0.0,0.06099094575478725,0.054811085425931695,0.0,0.0,0.059374304729951574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942835723358725,0.04187538786199693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321420839854832,0.04546104238326977,0.3034452034266405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097106504792865,0.10702409725024932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873560238460764,0.0,0.0,0.06254042251329768,0.05802305556051283,0.0,0.05854614285992545,0.0,0.0,0.04817614327683537,0.05996513210505119,0.05644177130447608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573907996132556,0.058889305616139774,0.1108479386961482,0.11485084060011715,0.026479763121565143,0.0,0.09572056276824936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823869371290826,0.14675495916472625,0.05128608817005425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043789395638133,0.043262545164801165,0.0,0.03984380942181151,0.0,0.16721193037395218,0.05234745067646986,0.0576431439906192,0.0508637599856668,0.0,0.1040142196434274,0.0,0.0,0.057722061343484565,0.03672785097879711,0.08244427052089713,0.0,0.1271858732819202,0.1203671030143918,0.0,0.0,0.03757599605455195,0.04732603011828022,0.0,0.0,0.05123725595471799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051862826094450656,0.06335781086633473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351673101641162,0.0,0.0,0.046287169623611256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970816517741744,0.08638200787260172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04483544497397357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172640814049304,0.0,0.0,0.03836359076515848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059286855731235724,0.06150640237279921,0.0510835933256603,0.0,0.08150448176599907,0.04356453354707611,0.04737387035954575,0.04990079574399529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641964180506987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039631453123497,0.05895488405052447,0.05294628598016348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944263905661598,0.12787609638875008,0.04302205600156953,0.04347659604814342,0.0,0.048733010105233225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062328221640858,0.052247617367438576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038502678725878994,0.0,0.2634395191013701,0.20942115008963733 ptsd,EdgyLikeACircle,2019/03/11,"How to deal with people asking the wrong questions about your PTSD? So ive experienced this a couple of times lately, and I'm wondering whether I should have said something/should say something in the future... I have to see a person at this place for employment advice/support finding a job with my mental health issues. I've told him in the past that I have PTSD, anxiety, and depression (because I have to, I'm on benefits and if I don't do this I may lose them). A couple of appointments ago when I saw him... he asked why I had PTSD, right, which I get why he'd be curious, but it's hard to talk about, you know? So I try and be purposefully evasive, because honestly it gives me anxiety when anyone even mentions it, by simply saying ""it was from a medical procedure"". He wouldn't accept it though, and was staring me directly and unblinkingly in the eyes and demanding I tell him exactly why. Not super forceful, but enough that it was making me more and more anxious and uncomfortable until I eventually just gave in described it to him. He seemed to drop it after that, (and then proceeded to ask me ""so why are you feeling anxious right now?"" Which I just... *facepalm* are you aware how triggers work, asshole?!) I get that he's not a therapist. I get that his job is probably more focussed on helping people overcome physical health issues as they search for jobs, rather than mental, but like... thats not okay, right? I've been sitting on it for a while and honestly I don't wanna go to that place anyway, but I have to, but... yeah. Should I maybe say something? To him, or someone else? (The other person I see there is just as bad honestly though so I dont hold out much hope trying to speak to another person). The damage to me is already done, but if I say something it could maybe stop him doing it to someone else and triggering them too? Idk.. He did it again last time I saw him, just with my anxiety though, staring at me and demanding I tell him ""why I'm anxious"", but you can't always put that shit into words, right?? Ugh idk",3.779187903225804,5.322688407500003,4.841258064516129,83.33522580645163,72.425,8.061290322580644,27.653225806451612,8.654491914285503,2.0477693548387093,1593,59,312,29,31,522,196,400,0.154,0.7809999999999999,0.066,-0.9865,4,0,4,0,0,0,77.0,0,5,3,3,24,16,1,0,13,2,32,5,2,5,1,60,56,40,0,9,19,0,2,1,0,4,3,6,0,3,26,18,0,2,7,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,12,16,50,9,43,36,5,38,0,3,7,0,45,17,1,8,18,218,76,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398205295816804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965097836311742,0.0,0.060058451524195824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568564899644965,0.16564949901647133,0.24462412182872104,0.0,0.05046901772302344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024319929705416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026619057168181,0.08799891798938908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762881008854459,0.15972869346656995,0.0,0.0,0.0744130592040906,0.06216739923889391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386385895177057,0.08459288617731804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059206611007167,0.0,0.0,0.0745798805179052,0.0,0.04767334347964455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03649571398377323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659700142967144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131311581160294,0.06924037566894396,0.04102081242787221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465792817902519,0.0,0.0,0.1534451427725105,0.0,0.0,0.04837985390571301,0.0,0.0,0.07168972450923776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506715978141019,0.21487863501376145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039667519945590014,0.05883526525496769,0.08142070529398926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03526286165409506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074949061516004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048179835514144564,0.0,0.14502638954250666,0.0,0.0,0.07271243578039076,0.14547828419868644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305964154449818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890272602522526,0.10007922988611448,0.1890709420288587,0.1508227355150667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782083484942909,0.0,0.25311907538927714,0.07255951852836269,0.08085665076705638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465608247783388,0.0686584621776362,0.2295975627521999,0.0,0.0,0.11503414056350746,0.06570876780084008,0.0,0.0,0.07409038722268696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231353825187675,0.1667000438212616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603446161144963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819075211419386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801449629451697,0.1261747115212831,0.0,0.0,0.0838050213269874,0.0,0.0,0.2127455869876041,0.0,0.08417594823010141,0.0,0.0,0.06896983067527232,0.0,0.0980091840591663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256502016062542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827470949486973,0.05254694537775402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789160658339084,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Reetuuw,2019/03/11,Anyone else? Does anyone “smell” things that are in pictures? Like what a person would smell like and so on?,1.6853333333333325,4.456478199999999,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,92.0,2.666666666666667,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.727833333333333,84,1,16,0,3,24,17,20,0.0,0.754,0.246,0.6747,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5236385525860671,0.3836611389688583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276776232390909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127991082459408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658679060870553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269492152043966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24876331424367856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659935887550969,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nightmaresandirl,2019/03/11,"Awful nightmares make me worry I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. Usually my nightmares are related to the situation that happened and the way people in my life have been reacting to it. Last night was the second time I had a nightmare about him. My mom and I were arguing and arguing over and over again and at some point he came up to me and cut my throat. That's the simplest way to describe what it was about. I had been having suicidal thoughts, feeling like I was worthless and that I'd never amount to anything beyond what I am now, because of my health. The other dream was about him dragging me into my room by my sides away from everyone I love in the living room. In real life he never hurt me and I was never the victim but he hurt someone I love very badly and it tore the family apart. He still lives with us when my sister is away and she'll be gone for two weeks. I just feel overwhelmed and confused. I'm really jumpy all of the time and I'm worried something is going on. I dont really know what else to say. I just needed to vent. That dream really disturbed me.",3.0800201106083454,4.723451755656113,4.362134238310709,85.65631347410763,74.42986425339366,7.083056812468579,24.494972347913524,7.793537801064563,1.2829123177476114,862,27,171,12,18,284,126,221,0.134,0.765,0.101,-0.8253,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,0,10,14,4,3,11,1,21,6,1,2,4,33,35,14,1,1,3,2,2,1,0,1,3,1,2,0,11,15,0,0,4,2,0,3,4,11,0,2,14,3,28,3,29,19,4,36,0,4,0,2,15,17,0,3,15,126,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289416115547127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23495130266931935,0.0,0.10440002689140412,0.07622092351746852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430081338119738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654152698151926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445172347343648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947747333771926,0.0,0.0,0.1178730270040599,0.0,0.12644414671589524,0.08932590564898492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106096934206127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105691227173969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290766248740507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677077344185185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871664045380756,0.10192121347832038,0.1410463104034942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663356997262336,0.061086384754593125,0.0,0.22081855866095254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063013289727638,0.2257001534599627,0.0,0.08346265253512855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644091802820114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271277809265488,0.2893069398172661,0.0,0.0,0.11733802898030116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668437636649674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819964992324565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231860039395314,0.2403042265156448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943382640479044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054595811279808,0.0,0.0,0.1059427894939732,0.09625899636622902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985409250624934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367693382853138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926479766344457,0.14581925911476748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214222543694025,0.0,0.15040318593935878,0.0,0.13770973920458554,0.10316798223978403,0.0,0.19849587428561494,0.1002965193391025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539607161178977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bellawych,2019/03/11,"EMDR Therapy Hello all, I recently became acquainted with a psychiatrist instead of a therapist for once. She wants to try EMDR therapy and the whole concept sounds very abstract to me. Can anyone tell me about any experience they’ve had with it, or perhaps people they know? I am unfamiliar with it. Thanks in advance. ",4.556315789473687,7.595652614035089,6.1255263157894735,68.06618421052629,75.49122807017544,9.4140350877193,32.30701754385965,9.725611199111238,4.207259649122808,257,13,38,8,6,87,47,57,0.0,0.946,0.054000000000000006,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,9,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147814476694798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631685253530438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466618695034757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385811054035479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685432632274917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748167055134413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489785924119167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039985132139714,0.23215599399680176,0.5767362189578876,0.2927783866950062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120078448626386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080592550308631,0.14873110650311352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815287805315637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,idontwanna92,2019/03/11,Nightmares Does anybody else have recurring nightmares related to their trauma? How long do they last? Will CPT help to make them go away? Is there anything else I can do to make them stop?,3.265285714285717,6.1851497428571465,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,80.14285714285714,5.7857142857142865,25.892857142857146,7.1686216300943375,1.3011428571428572,151,6,28,2,4,44,28,35,0.15,0.782,0.068,-0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,4,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626264640662006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998441755823088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792830923141107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5332039543040782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813756087016788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139139849186588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601431180210788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28243040213313825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260591868525317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26681678962065425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AnxietyVentsOnline,2019/03/11,"Do I Need a Diagnosis? I'm 18, turning 19 in June. I was abused emotionally and sexually (and in a weird way physically) by my first ever boyfriend when I was 16. Drove me to self harm, suicidal ideation, blah blah you know. I have flashbacks, I had recurring nightmares for a while, and randomly sometimes start thinking about it and freaking myself out. I still get triggered by things that remind me of it, and I avoid going to the part of town where he lived, even though he doesn't live there now. I'm 90% sure I have PTSD. &#x200B; I also have anxiety and ADHD. Back when all this was happening, I was in therapy because I thought these were the source of my problems. It didn't help because I was actually just being abused and didn't know it because of gaslighting. This means i don't have an awesome relationship with therapy as an experience. I'm doing a lot better now. My boyfriend and I are able to have sex, and we're working on slowly ironing out sexual triggers one by one. I'm doing great in school, and I have friends and my family life is good. To an onlooker, my life is going fine and there's no reason for me to do therapy. But I still get panic attacks, I still get flashbacks, I still respond to (fairly commonplace) triggers, and I still fall apart if I can't see my friends on a given day. I'm only okay because my life is very safe. I'm lik LONG STORY SHORT: Do I \*need\* a diagnosis? What if something happens and I can't legally use that excuse? Some of the stories I've seen here scare me, and I want to be sure I'm okay.",3.2362379421221834,4.8486381800643095,4.590217363344053,84.31000771704183,73.95176848874598,7.548347266881031,28.838713826366558,8.238735603445708,1.9896946881028943,1218,51,246,20,25,404,168,311,0.151,0.747,0.102,-0.9371,0,2,1,0,2,0,49.0,0,1,0,3,20,19,1,3,12,2,30,4,0,5,4,45,59,24,1,6,4,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,11,18,0,2,6,0,0,4,7,8,0,3,13,2,36,11,28,44,4,35,0,0,2,1,10,12,0,5,18,163,47,3,0.0961670898826492,0.2278845523040595,0.09384520745597516,0.0,0.11557415394112787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690478703494197,0.0,0.10419700170966466,0.11685354021994313,0.0,0.0,0.07356756053932652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109403947873372,0.0,0.0739465560795578,0.0,0.2344902616072222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505197606553712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201981726946008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817503238155007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351745589406434,0.08698863846865583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940698669230094,0.09065777368953863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179967752720077,0.0,0.0,0.14859691018110813,0.0,0.15073000594026922,0.0,0.10930794670353114,0.08066039237689034,0.0,0.1060245560952718,0.0,0.0,0.1700804799730703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445877323308549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057018352256638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037769787485202,0.0,0.0,0.16983460445828066,0.08510484834430826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175782085055038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475415323065193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261335723842608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303306178566623,0.07313940531079126,0.0,0.11283135962025947,0.0,0.10413958692841242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201891736851847,0.11241418182923324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887578500556593,0.0,0.10324746500525682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628003345700377,0.09732622907713803,0.07663271984137182,0.0,0.10032324801059056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403412409058724,0.0951117108800612,0.0,0.06806756118823434,0.0,0.3839958110218893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519118778133067,0.0,0.18127268824727275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299263449773918,0.0,0.06388914137922662,0.06161998813990309,0.09448367754271836,0.07634592739864432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460217871729656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830574890044982,0.0,0.07934792058558515,0.056721841216170125,0.07633295973926492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001078677908128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685354021994313,0.0 ptsd,bugboy_69,2019/03/11,"im terrified of everything I was trafficked at 14. I'm scared to sleep because of the nightmares. I'm scared of seeing him and anyone who looks like him in public so I rarely go out. I'm scared he'll come for me even though I know he doesn't know where I live now. im scared he'll kill me if he ever sees me in public. he doesn't have much time in jail and he said he would. I hope he dies in there. I keep trying to tell myself he loved me, as if that'll make it better. it makes it worse. i know what love is and it's not being forced to be a slave, being told I'd get my legs cut off if I tried to run, being held at gunpoint so I'd stop fighting. It's only been a year since I got out but I'm so exhausted, I can't cope anymore. I don't know how. I don't know what to do and I can't afford therapy and I just want help",-0.8245559210526316,0.6870460729166687,1.8104276315789496,100.08128289473686,85.66666666666666,4.875438596491228,15.313596491228068,5.750287758089431,-0.9850354166666664,634,10,169,4,19,219,107,192,0.13699999999999998,0.7659999999999999,0.097,-0.7425,1,0,0,1,2,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,3,4,3,0,17,5,2,3,1,29,45,15,2,6,6,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,9,8,0,3,5,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,6,4,22,5,19,31,1,18,0,0,3,2,21,10,0,4,6,91,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635754738837898,0.08908878423760751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766860711381751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268473953691145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975335707663086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223257747851652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415381164048089,0.11525060935630516,0.0,0.0,0.11450885630902292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656702660142984,0.0,0.07241064860216083,0.0,0.10190227377611218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540095608175105,0.0,0.0,0.1265479434116951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752516439616661,0.0,0.0,0.11324881528411065,0.1409614740272818,0.0,0.350108966363092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062246614165211864,0.0,0.11250631115842064,0.0,0.10699321147004344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299869345009003,0.0,0.17009576030503762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366179827839563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969018618800866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119710664071424,0.0,0.5102428418287485,0.0,0.2030602573813475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539575567228714,0.0,0.12750308709624608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652136156937976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136289309861136,0.0,0.1457056652099229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518073167620186,0.0,0.07429442089623332,0.0,0.0,0.12174673970582615,0.0,0.17300750927767314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515035157528897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984276775052353,0.09050917019061464,0.0,0.0,0.0820485532531586 ptsd,marsatehisson,2019/03/11,"PTSD and the Police My parents are Mexican but moved to the US in the 80s. We used to take trips to Tijuana regularly because it was about 4 hrs away from our home. My first negative experience with figures of authority involved border agents sending us to secondary revision because my father didn't understand English very well and responded incorrectly to one of the questions. They asked if we brought anything from Mexico and he said no but because we had grocery bags in the back that was enough to cause suspicion. We were let go eventually but I still remember the dread of the event. Recently, I've had to deal with police officers coming to my residence looking for someone claiming to have an arrest warrant. The three times they were here I felt insulted, violated, subhuman. The police have insulted my disability. They've forced their way into my home while claiming to be willing to talk outside. They've threatened to break down doors. I've reached out to friends in activist circles and they've helped me deal with some of the trauma and given me information about organizations to reach out to. I've only been able to sleep sporadically. I'm afraid to open doors or go outside. I haven't been taking my meds. Everytime I feel like I'm making progress, something gets in the way of my recovery. It's not fair. I wish I had super powers so I could protect myself, my family, my community. I'm still that scared child in the back of my parent's car who's unable to stand up for herself or her parents. God, please help me.",4.35491987179487,6.803314951388893,5.282777777777781,76.9169230769231,73.0972222222222,8.45854700854701,31.21581196581197,9.162432508145574,3.1077212606837605,1238,58,214,29,26,404,172,288,0.16,0.7290000000000001,0.111,-0.9639,4,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,7,0,3,4,9,11,3,3,13,0,18,1,1,3,0,37,38,13,0,3,7,4,2,1,1,1,0,1,4,1,5,17,0,1,7,0,0,8,5,7,1,3,14,4,34,4,44,20,2,33,0,0,1,0,34,12,0,5,10,141,39,1,0.11537645957355193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949449955175669,0.0,0.1078614150240817,0.0,0.10839998173015312,0.17743475129646835,0.0,0.21099725661136945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852340589052945,0.0,0.09938660379270667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211871470152028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378961273139859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192147248111936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128603164697637,0.10876665784399968,0.0,0.058337804635112074,0.08242496577265218,0.11077949463560537,0.0,0.0,0.09813915757317156,0.0,0.0,0.0891395664628437,0.0,0.06027943813942389,0.0,0.13114220165440765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466881764152565,0.0,0.2314639923475532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798024690825312,0.0,0.05636711025755625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688716773791199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701468267823723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281572368252609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262691734886093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781820749732819,0.08774899656807282,0.0,0.0,0.3843357134189779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266487057112086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348689070360912,0.0,0.12924803986559347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392033470908755,0.0,0.13069903740021574,0.0,0.10974943399784017,0.0,0.11551196361923442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545978307282025,0.0,0.0977580997859076,0.08882243536353597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427957930657432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349747764350484,0.09273522782260836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727694141024805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011096338545538,0.27756734987640985,0.09964821680787073,0.0,0.0951976623485196,0.0,0.18316092655468533,0.0,0.0,0.1037372933123852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326772345076774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dariask899,2019/03/11,"Need your opinion- Honesty with insurance advocate? I was recently released after 4 weeks from a ritual abuse trauma unit at a hospital. Less than a week out my husband decided to leave me. Because of the hospital stay, I’ve been assigned a counselor to check in on me from the insurance company. It’s a bit of a challenge as I work in the field and am already familiar with the resources and the local crisis staff work alongside me professionally. I want to be honest with her about how bad things are and that I’m not okay...like really not okay. Have any of you ever been assigned one of these people and regretted being honest with them? Can it affect how the insurance company handles claims, etc? I don’t want to muck up anything not broken as everything else is already shit. I can’t handle more bad news but am not sure I have the energy to keep lying about my welfare. I appreciate your input. ",4.853383726100488,6.480918144508671,6.106358381502888,74.98549577590045,69.86705202312139,9.48492663405958,31.22676745220098,9.851270322608157,3.3247282347710096,721,31,125,18,13,242,113,173,0.146,0.753,0.101,-0.8393,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,3,1,3,5,10,1,0,13,1,14,1,1,3,2,27,19,9,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,5,0,1,3,0,17,5,27,14,4,13,1,1,0,0,6,7,1,1,5,92,22,7,0.0,0.21731847117208405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048091718942397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472945863033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093608969863356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062901071638276,0.11180895028204983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024323168346966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532208876220102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455779783883146,0.0,0.16591065721845033,0.0,0.0,0.1648428560479774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302894603281126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942115108543396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600095509071908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428771644745848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715785482671135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750125851333748,0.0,0.1811015921841589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827432451744716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549750473867086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728678099364498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185372276138552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163675192641692,0.0,0.29425118528453137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670586837862404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cyanide240,2019/03/11,"What should i do with my life? (Note: I'm not diagnosed with PTSD nor has I had a traumatic event that may cause it, that I know of, I suffer from an irrational fear or anxiety of socializing with people of my age so I'm looking for some advice, from people that may understand what I'm going for, so thank you in advance)(sorry if my sentences don't make sense I'm still learning English) Ever since first grade I've felt anxious of starting every year of school, as of right now I'm on my last year, and next year I'll start university, so I don't know what to do (to give you a bit of context I'm on my bed feeling like vomiting, because in a few hours I'll have my first day of school). I've talked with my therapist and she helped me a lot, but she hasn't been able to help me a lot with my socializing problem, and I don't know what to do because, in the morning what every year happens will happen again I'll feel like vomiting my insides and I won't be able to go(sorry I'm not asking you to give me the advice of my life that make me change from day to night, I'm looking for someone that is able to understand and not tell me something like: everything will be alright or what is it your so scarred of?. So thank you",6.936860465116278,4.815509391472872,7.476395348837213,79.7543604651163,65.55038759689923,10.925581395348836,34.678294573643406,9.516144504307137,2.8416992248062014,965,34,214,15,12,321,120,258,0.05,0.848,0.102,0.9192,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,5,0,2,9,9,0,1,8,1,21,5,0,3,1,37,51,16,0,3,7,0,3,3,0,6,5,0,1,0,13,10,0,0,9,0,0,1,9,3,0,2,3,5,29,6,35,40,5,27,0,1,2,0,16,6,0,8,23,134,42,4,0.2947864759208241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204128835957868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517028240445464,0.11100827005204662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186185391227236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979939974145774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727682755921818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009423044808926,0.10394833474414003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267419265948292,0.0,0.0,0.09973402261768882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888374810487805,0.16558021333316514,0.0,0.08831169220531372,0.0,0.0,0.11057224697654727,0.09936859971208184,0.1403970115326398,0.09434708185887697,0.0,0.0,0.1671634838843413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852403262532685,0.11168929841520517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378580473966507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172610731833562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096768432856122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620069378337243,0.08009677416743324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881093720979001,0.14401778189486528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650309306015833,0.0,0.0,0.1670779467758316,0.0,0.0,0.13118150782109994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450292047381708,0.09221237942271997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624521688311628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402361522435,0.11486320509230433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391534658348132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988931010204756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128347304036478,0.0,0.0,0.2003317925766662,0.08325720814314751,0.07564701037600599,0.0,0.2199928835127399,0.13910092327628273,0.0,0.0784722868205282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897940101063748,0.0858854577315596,0.18093318747719864,0.0,0.11408993973657447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458874509134845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531104340516685 ptsd,jessay92,2019/03/12,"[TW: DV & Police] Sharing a poem I wrote about PTSD :) Hi! Long time commenter, first time poster. My PTSD has been in high gear lately, so to cope, I wrote a poem about it. I feel like it's such a difficult disorder to properly describe, and sometimes it's easier to convey through art. I'd like to share with y'all, because I think there might be parts we can all relate to. **Here's the poem -** [**An abuser survivor's take: PTSD is...**](https://medium.com/one-survivor-story/poem-an-abuse-survivors-take-ptsd-is-1b7c8c5095d) &#x200B; Some teasers: >PTSD is being wary of stepping outside somedays, because your startle response is so revved up that the sound of someone dumping a bag of trash on the sidewalk can sound like an outright bomb. > >PTSD is constantly feeling like you have to explain yourself in an alien language. > >PTSD is having an anxiety attack anytime you receive a call from “No Caller ID” or “Scam Likely” because cops and DAs *never* reveal their numbers when you’re a suspect. > >PTSD is invigorated exhaustion.",3.406081560283688,6.537392090425531,3.4075531914893635,84.5841666666667,82.88297872340425,5.048226950354612,30.705673758865245,6.6274283507984215,1.9968609929078016,835,43,134,9,24,254,127,188,0.172,0.705,0.122,-0.8718,0,0,0,0,2,0,75.0,1,4,1,1,8,13,2,1,13,0,14,1,0,0,2,17,21,6,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,5,0,1,3,4,11,8,18,15,3,15,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,3,13,75,15,0,0.0,0.1050301425878392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920942132521451,0.10771369859962024,0.0,0.0,0.06781338441032463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084678516937012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621119906750314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051672578957363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579403869438458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015951525339799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896434180509577,0.12665638878269628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540161636632461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365858849346337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999571903043353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165379919911016,0.0,0.0,0.0784482692323318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940386167243015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836869248774337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006832511745719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599418261169244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8289725601525522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510884461446546,0.0,0.08767243285694369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330041314086818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680030590190814,0.0,0.0,0.10337953273611504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771369859962024,0.0 ptsd,lilyholicphilia,2019/03/12,"PTSD Instagram Hey everyone, trust you’re all having a good day/night. Not sure if I’m allowed to do this but I made a PTSD instagram for memes and support images, if anyone would like to contribute or take a look here is the link: https://instagram.com/ptsdbrigade Bless x",3.6490666666666662,6.7552608400000045,4.18,79.93666666666667,80.6,7.333333333333335,22.333333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.6531333333333331,222,7,40,5,6,70,43,50,0.028,0.691,0.28,0.9204,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,2,2,12,9,5,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,6,3,7,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,21,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871899635801714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726516394727285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558096169631849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22454353459118026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079021717816072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481006481114896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25331490237225435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512289171350409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6258803604169821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303795607508073,0.25231472935128896,0.0,0.20128557839112526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017442449843988,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,asbribri,2019/03/12,"We are not a statistic (I hope you don't mind me posting this -- \*\*\*TRIGGER WARNING\*\*\*) Putting this out to the universe in the hopes that the universe responds. . . . . . . . . . . Rape, sexual assault, and PTSD do not know fame, race, or gender. At any given time, over 13 MILLION Americans have PTSD. Meanwhile, over 14,000 military members report sexual assault every year. It’s estimated that 83% of military sexual assaults go unreported, meaning there could be upwards of 82,500 military sexual assaults happening PER YEAR. Since my own military sexual assault in the Marines, 3 months before 9/11, there have been approximately 1.4 MILLION other victims in the military alone. Over the past few weeks, I have had the privilege of joining and chatting with numerous social media groups formed to support PTSD and Military Sexual Trauma (MST) survivors. There are thousands in these groups, yet there are millions more suffering on their own. PTSD, after all, is an invisible condition. We fight the battle ourselves, unable to share what happened. The result is self-imposed isolation and a self-fulfilling prophecy. We feel alone, so we become alone. To show those that there is hope even though the battle wages on, and to help PTSD survivors and their families, I am sharing my story. My story is not unique. There are many like it, but this one is mine. I share this story to let others know they are supported, they are loved, they are not alone, and they too can thrive with PTSD. In my 17+ years of living with PTSD from MST, I have struggled and I have persisted. Some days are much easier than others. One thing I found helpful to me is keeping an active mind. The more occupied my mind, the less space there is for my trauma to rent in my head. In the constant effort to keep my mind stimulated, I have found myself doing some pretty interesting things. Some have led to joy, some have led to pain. After years on this journey, I have decided to write a book about my experience. This book is currently in pre-order sales and will be for the next 24 hours. The journey offers some parallels to The Alchemist and Forrest Gump, though this journey is true. Your support would go a long way to ensure this story gets told and the conversation around PTSD really gets started. [https://publishizer.com/relentless-1/](https://publishizer.com/relentless-1/) . Help me help the masses understand this condition so that the silent suffering of millions can end. Thank you for your time.",6.896293706293704,9.170672801864805,6.148531468531472,74.13510489510492,65.73659673659675,9.022843822843825,31.181818181818183,9.496760409515344,3.1279006993006995,1988,78,312,41,33,606,224,429,0.113,0.742,0.145,0.9737,3,5,0,0,1,0,111.0,4,4,6,2,16,32,10,1,25,0,40,4,1,5,2,58,66,17,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,23,20,0,2,8,4,3,8,5,16,0,7,6,1,37,16,47,54,14,49,0,2,0,2,32,19,0,9,21,224,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28181591546830465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625972278178374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060557182812164524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512890160416616,0.05788475286024476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735114785933803,0.0,0.05431288527228942,0.0,0.0,0.04387086739224074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025046719844133,0.0,0.0,0.04493024983472764,0.0,0.05731447972335449,0.0,0.0,0.06654206411887105,0.06412845672101003,0.0,0.03439577397980983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917306070576636,0.0,0.0,0.07108110916555299,0.0,0.07732100231630495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030958025059305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981386394860559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238443241384475,0.0,0.0,0.20269423105334503,0.06699148734194924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092851090192015,0.0,0.0,0.07477015251679969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956075793596128,0.0,0.03323385918343274,0.0,0.06006782782373515,0.06020049204479719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061395736119443226,0.0,0.0,0.0689672546502938,0.0,0.07409979209067098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747457499217207,0.0,0.05429736388967053,0.0,0.0500066237593196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234596931550435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219177844875666,0.0,0.07238400652857822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493810730789222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514969555622706,0.0692064640424132,0.0,0.0,0.6361460424961312,0.06838449031289115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357892437782095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419310182972364,0.0,0.0,0.056271457484379166,0.0,0.0,0.06934350567888056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814885115878476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111509951984034,0.0,0.0,0.23158384453285946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262880869755894,0.0,0.0,0.09038633690500626,0.0,0.1336695614628636,0.0,0.07933251809092025,0.0,0.0,0.06500135079936191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708170212256634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053995534037594835,0.05456601194677088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048323415775525305,0.0,0.0,0.17522495651137235 ptsd,farroness,2019/03/12,"PTSD and Survivor’s Guilt I’m a first responder. I’ve had PTSD from a young age due to trauma completely unrelated to the service. PTSD only worsened and paired itself with survivors guilt after a particularly gruesome fatal call. It’s only been a few months since that call, but it has haunted me since it was over. Comes with the job, I know, and believe me I love my job more than anything. Been having obscene nightmares recently mostly centered around death. There’s one in particular I had that sticks out to me the most that tipped me off that maybe the nightmares are related to the call. Destroyed a potential relationship with someone I really liked because the sleep medication I was on made me sound like a drunk idiot and I wouldn’t remember the next day spouting off and being fucking stupid. I’m off it now, but the damage is done, and makes me feel even lower. Not sure there’s any saving it. Anyway. Not sure why I’ve decided to write this out here. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers than to the people in your everyday life. I feel like I’m losing the battle right now but I am definitely making an effort to stay in it.",3.6809276018099553,5.97221622171946,4.577418552036203,81.92603733031676,74.56561085972852,7.315927601809955,25.982126696832577,8.238735603445708,1.824369954751132,919,33,168,16,20,297,133,221,0.234,0.6729999999999999,0.093,-0.9873,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,3,8,18,5,2,17,0,14,6,1,3,2,33,26,9,2,1,5,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,13,13,1,0,5,1,0,1,3,11,0,2,8,3,16,7,27,16,4,27,0,2,0,2,9,13,1,2,15,111,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312950983699333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059566754432137,0.10882228905761558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745182680531207,0.0,0.0,0.13772612911988455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744716628814706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053016191005084,0.12816957990706745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883669600970493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509714815969986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074042430460365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361958349355018,0.0873305055102526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039799308483187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301178966739545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426148576777568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718161886182322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863439270148898,0.1791654331961322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675877668266376,0.0,0.0,0.1103291836348939,0.115669390768826,0.16319645648512204,0.0,0.12280963922769975,0.0,0.0,0.12314707735228825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975732878227838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300069392168575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283509814355954,0.1859427943092889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474798383433105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286869779805839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831206943977208,0.0,0.1207003281685642,0.13124335689393013,0.13847761899406594,0.104394951960922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224153527922534,0.0,0.12233139713597545,0.0,0.10357619432409412,0.0,0.12090156610807452,0.0,0.0,0.13029489522156193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304253776840685,0.0,0.0,0.09825438504511792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030539724487863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EFIRE23,2019/03/12,"Can you get PTSD from losing a loved one to suicide *Possible TW* So on Valentine’s Day, my 18 year old brother took his own life while I was out. When I got home that night, I saw that his door was closed but the light was on. Saw that our two dogs, who normally sleep with him, were in the living room. Didn’t think anything of it. Went to bed and had a thought of “well what if he killed himself?” Don’t know why I had that thought cross my mind. *TW* I found him the next morning when I heard his alarm going off (he’s got this alarm with a device that goes under your pillow. When it goes off, the device vibrates. I’m used to his alarms, but when it went off that morning, it sounded like it was hitting wood). I got up and saw that the dogs were whining, still in the living room. I opened his door... and found him. It was a clean scene. Blood on his face and on the carpet. He used a gun, and a hollow point type round. No exit wound. I remember closing the door. Rushing over to him. Checking his neck for a pulse. Nothing. Trying to check his left arm for a pulse. Couldn’t move it. Touching his face, getting his blood on my hands. Turning off his alarm. Seeing that his phone was ringing, my mom was calling him to make sure he was awake. Answering and telling her he was gone. Her anguished wail. I remember seeing a sticky note that had his phone code and just said “to my family, I’m sorry”. I remember leaving the room, in complete shock. Washing his blood off my hands. Calling my dad, who was out of town on a school trip. His pain. Calling 911. Watching as the fire department arrived first. My mom shortly after. Her screams as they let her see him there. The cops showing up shortly after. I can remember later that day, I was at my dads (I lived in a condo, my dad lived in another condo in the same complex). I remember him getting home after he was able to get the next flight back. I remember him going to the door of the spare room and him punching a hole through the door. *TW* This whole thing doesn’t seem real. My overall reaction feels different than my parents. I still cry. But, I’m also not sure how to feel. I feel like I’m staring off into space most of the time. I can hardly sleep, getting the bare minimum. Its like I’m afraid of reliving that moment. It’s like I’m afraid I’ll wake up and find another loved one gone. I still picture the moment I found him. I still feel like I have his blood on my hands. I feel like I’m in some sort of horrible dream. I can still hear my moms anguished wail when I told her. I can still hear my dads scream. *Note* I should note that I do have an appointment with a therapist i used to see a few years ago, and I am not a therapist so it’s pure speculation",0.5097146225783113,2.840091678635549,1.8461346767062388,96.63384951365258,87.33034111310594,4.905265414400172,20.162624936359496,6.402649217227678,0.07448532382968498,2103,66,467,22,67,670,245,557,0.116,0.8109999999999999,0.073,-0.9777,2,0,0,1,0,1,86.0,1,2,1,2,19,26,1,8,35,0,32,20,14,5,3,65,87,26,2,4,7,9,12,6,0,1,4,8,17,0,28,19,0,0,22,2,2,12,7,15,1,4,37,30,82,11,60,46,6,85,0,2,10,2,66,43,0,5,36,284,110,2,0.0625914483670623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055483542425510506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005435864547228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126518212356675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150742886906042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812896025473674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173860077868665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562594276072578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875376696322771,0.08073261227085206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539474163288361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590056470242152,0.0,0.1582405847849147,0.13414602965937614,0.0,0.0,0.05720744986779944,0.053240254006166984,0.0,0.2058848773755656,0.0,0.0,0.16350724202513872,0.0,0.07114432505499033,0.0,0.15018029729029386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606964352350585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109022263517004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556865221384406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924816392356033,0.0,0.034398623114748894,0.0,0.0,0.06627530632902845,0.06800579179091942,0.06400399665569187,0.044210191030695484,0.18347412033581395,0.0,0.22107758254643528,0.0,0.0,0.07002382045030389,0.0,0.0,0.1129824517691487,0.0,0.041780277815576014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319952003450076,0.21991904353427147,0.0,0.06652480405467996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331334308457414,0.058737834231493126,0.061326329976906874,0.060058182808893835,0.0,0.0656791960463218,0.0,0.08482717058587448,0.0,0.06660171408778767,0.0,0.06950039621310662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916915005089856,0.07056245349593147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316605364970594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124277125365328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254234571574056,0.0,0.0595388006945293,0.0,0.0,0.06334588734541363,0.1995091224256412,0.05698090382297598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527330232503098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006600200957237,0.0,0.0,0.2999136691116354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846488551041237,0.0,0.11798339869318285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054707684702573686,0.0,0.0,0.14534699157924152,0.04158297707389921,0.040106072781699184,0.0,0.09938123694163913,0.036497576889928315,0.0,0.0,0.059808811212320234,0.06954140217386508,0.04249548483065837,0.06808152223650847,0.0611427501614596,0.0,0.0,0.16217674489890724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627722901274898,0.11604579942630855,0.05647904667425972,0.06988111683233973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806136812142877 ptsd,louisebelcher21,2019/03/12,"Boundaries and Parents (Semi Rant and Seeking Advice) Hi all, I have PTSD and anxiety and have been working with my Therapist to not only set boundaries but also put myself first (I tend to put others before my needs and burn out). Boy is it hard. I had a rough month last month. Got hired on into a new job, Dad was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery. Fiancé went through issues that triggered his anxiety and on top of all of that I’m working on healing from my trauma and all the spin offs from it (I’m a assault survivor and the anniversary just happened). I’m going through some of the darker parts of what happened in therapy and it’s draining on me. Also add that my mom leans on me for support and I had to talk her down from anxiety in relation to my dad while trying to deal with my own pain and emotions from it. Rough month right? I finally hit a wall, I just needed a break. I had to be strong with all that was going on and it hit me hard. And yesterday I felt that straw break. In the middle of all the craziness that was happening at work yesterday, my mom calls me...my step grandmother has cancer (bone) and I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to hear it at that time. I had shut down. I couldn’t provide the logic my mom wanted to hear. She didn’t even listen to me when I asked her to stop. She just kept going on and on about what cancer it was and what may happen next and how everyone is upset. I actually snapped and yelled stop. I told her I could not process right now and that I need a break. I asked to let me had the night and we can talk about it the next day. Her response was to tell me that “I could just find out about it myself” and hung up on me. I’m angry, hurt and shutting down, please tell me others have felt this way too. ",1.5057969303423846,3.5052052782369176,2.8554081070444717,93.0633719008265,80.2396694214876,5.8014639905549,21.11523022432113,6.868970318607317,0.3586896340023613,1368,39,299,15,35,443,168,363,0.16399999999999998,0.79,0.046,-0.9934,2,0,0,0,1,0,39.0,1,0,0,6,15,7,1,1,14,0,28,7,1,2,5,65,59,29,0,9,8,6,6,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,24,32,0,3,4,0,0,7,6,5,0,1,20,10,45,2,53,30,8,60,0,1,0,0,28,29,0,2,19,212,69,5,0.0,0.0,0.08793594090854366,0.0,0.0,0.08805603069531863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412445753207634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680542454147546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848439826506648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667835031772173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920140375816777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389358986224846,0.0,0.0,0.0581145391907669,0.09290112189594787,0.0,0.09146139595301013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136344213151532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059517874162958576,0.0,0.0,0.086105513134906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730425703169291,0.0987128734566203,0.08236038680855076,0.076648896671088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363752826693686,0.0,0.07207049317548107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187416266009094,0.0,0.16144462091860512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312468634750092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964663513478084,0.0,0.0,0.09405311799098598,0.08942187692036625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345299612318203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214523517544697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31661291551896675,0.21577870253914908,0.0,0.0,0.20044986997504027,0.0,0.08703036267802132,0.19166945715887548,0.08456364964321375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853394646192201,0.09588511543616718,0.0,0.10005828836430848,0.09758210153324087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891549711283856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533565984448512,0.18117413119723366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539096596920903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067469601112238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225759681418757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485661118183574,0.1575230528162511,0.0,0.1030504890716416,0.10462653444253216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052544809411637326,0.0,0.0,0.086105513134906,0.0,0.06117987388631965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630033461748936,0.07152640842266969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353437314846973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968069944984908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cutecemetery,2019/03/12,"My boyfriend has PTSD I’m laying next to my boyfriend as he sleeps and I’m just overcome with how much I fucking love this guy. He had a breakdown yesterday and he ended up getting angry and taking it out on me but I saw through it and knew it wasn’t him talking, it was the PTSD. I walked away and let him cool off and shortly after he came up behind me and we held each other and he apologized over and over again. We’re in this together, we’re a team. I won’t lie, sometimes it’s insanely hard but being in bed next to him and thinking about how we got through yesterday together makes it all worth it. We weren’t together during his deployments in Afghanistan so I don’t even know half of what he’s been through or what he’s had to do. What I do know that I love him, I’m here to support him and whenever he decides he’s ready or wants to talk more about his experiences then I’m all ears, never any pressure to do so, though. I guess I’m just writing this to let anyone out there struggling with this know that your partners love you, and partners of those with PTSD know that you’re not alone, and those struggling on their own right now, there is someone out there willing to take this journey with you.",2.608780952380954,4.292492320000001,3.2600571428571428,92.89326666666668,75.8,6.361904761904763,25.904761904761905,7.07126945348624,0.9584761904761908,960,35,210,10,21,301,128,250,0.044,0.821,0.136,0.9765,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,3,1,1,16,9,1,3,3,1,17,6,2,3,3,49,43,24,0,1,7,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,3,21,25,0,1,7,1,1,3,6,4,0,1,11,4,26,5,36,27,6,29,0,0,1,4,34,16,1,3,10,144,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320022676817072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667201494813177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911769426545002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197457424346456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577161278062686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128850126985969,0.0,0.0,0.08418112022997842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246729212623256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117827706942749,0.06658862813757054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193534188448623,0.0,0.1404032078288021,0.12619793212050226,0.0,0.0,0.11417233255695312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801780636334489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606574656778148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450923506695571,0.0,0.08507547887444769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093692192286117,0.0,0.09829916215637333,0.0,0.2710941854765994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469551695476045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884366880796932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754446287468446,0.0,0.10799002039506284,0.0,0.12605370061148166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664818809095256,0.0,0.0,0.14463149386476476,0.0,0.0,0.19165671376843754,0.2048828519751552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816663633195008,0.12522135383160646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517473846949803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HueningKai,2019/03/12,"I get scared when people are nice to me So after 5 years of suffering with mental illnesses and well, abusive parents, i finally have therapy. Ive only done some intakes so far, but i cant help being scared. Scared because my therapist is a nice person, and i cant help being abosultely terrified due past expierences. I know they're not gonna hurt me but i still get panic attacks before an appointment. I haven't discussed this with my therapist herself because i know the feeling is irrational, im just not sure what to do. Sorry if this post is a bit of a mess, i dont mind explaining things a bit further if asked about it!",4.354444444444447,5.5883158400000035,5.87466666666667,77.6817777777778,70.6,9.395555555555557,31.488888888888887,9.725611199111238,3.1546622222222207,500,22,93,12,9,170,84,125,0.327,0.584,0.08800000000000001,-0.9872,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,1,4,6,0,14,1,0,0,1,18,22,9,0,2,7,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,1,1,15,4,8,18,3,10,0,2,0,0,8,2,0,3,7,62,20,0,0.0,0.1687532932102298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315048275067104,0.16203183855304226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364495957211115,0.0,0.1211953090786164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109878751437241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457527784951503,0.1669239649301121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201562160152683,0.0,0.0,0.15602236040605666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488249766871967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093229706699724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152471580554883,0.0,0.15384613669535455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654885434178756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353341697534874,0.0,0.14381116975739988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083225289721749,0.0,0.1671079792008117,0.15814887949391654,0.0,0.13596316123456414,0.09874129264679052,0.12436219609283886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364061708681417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277843114503483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943592140763524,0.0,0.0,0.11374278253387785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342362297115374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628782547093179,0.33073860162733737,0.09462249985012604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805942403692885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917186379544348 ptsd,leeeturt,2019/03/12,"Flashbacks have started again I was sexually assaulted as a teenager (am now early-mid twenties) and have since done some therapy which really helped with my flashbacks but now they've come back after becoming virtually non-existent for just under a year and I'm just at a loss, has anyone experienced this? What do I do? Any coping strategies? The thought of therapy makes me so anxious but I don't know what other option I've really got",3.5164092140921426,6.4072641097561025,5.087723577235773,74.81405149051494,78.63414634146342,8.52249322493225,28.62330623306233,9.150863307647796,3.2259387533875348,355,16,58,10,9,119,64,82,0.12,0.88,0.0,-0.8448,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,13,16,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,1,5,0,7,12,1,10,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,7,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660724629301458,0.0,0.0,0.2758899291104094,0.0,0.17075863513933492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778387289490764,0.0,0.0,0.2697128511879802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036692347693048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499135570648291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953185615508524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636900854008749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342124707567126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301333619734498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128967865808829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020146030961471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728544361780125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.558555170243582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387696583525066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726445352873136 ptsd,researchaccountanon,2019/03/12,"Ketamine to combat ptsd? Please help. Has anybody tried the non FDA approved ketamine treatment which is supposed to help with PTSD? I’ve been reading up about it, but I am too scared to bring it up to my parents and psychologist because I have had an addiction in the past (Xanax) and I don’t want them to see it as drug seeking behavior. I am genuinely interested in this treatment because from what I’ve read it is extremely effective. I’m looking for real feedback, as well as any information anybody has. I only want to bring it up to my psychiatrist if it’s worth it. So what I’m asking is does it really help? I am 18, but I know it’s not covered by health insurance and I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to pay for it on my own, so I will have to ask my parents for help. ",2.6218461538461533,4.138663300000005,4.476250000000004,84.89144230769233,75.375,7.673076923076922,29.18269230769231,8.384062270229773,2.085846153846154,608,27,128,11,13,207,92,160,0.043,0.754,0.203,0.9742,2,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,5,4,0,1,3,0,16,4,0,1,1,16,28,11,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,14,4,0,0,3,2,2,2,3,1,1,0,2,2,14,3,25,23,1,9,0,0,2,0,10,6,0,1,1,84,28,4,0.15239904280411387,0.0,0.0,0.166137451600077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363657509265443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849450653265745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858020839532264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336542935690635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767345061588942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199305600024874,0.0,0.0,0.4085994638305904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375452834585433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797681327573127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159063394164096,0.0,0.0,0.3384422036463966,0.0,0.14548213066766075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672883844252797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562926512445862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048805682989123,0.17346347510761045,0.09763072922083348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257802807489115,0.0,0.12144230594429176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363429427428914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346894632809144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797778079378256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702504187016287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kea5223,2019/03/12,"Fuck sex abuse, but fuck acting like you're A-OKAY I only realized and recovered memories of the sexual abuse (6th grade teacher) in 2016. Been in therapy for about 2 years and constantly recovering repressed memories. It is so fucking difficult to go to therapy every Tuesday afternoon and go to my night job (bartending) 2 hours later and act like nothing is wrong. It is hard to hide therapy/healing when my regulars ask me, ""What's new with you?"" And I can't tell them I am safely recovering from abuse -- Not because I'm ashamed, but because saying, ""I am coping with childhood sex abuse"" is such a DOWNER. Fuck the fact that because I don't have PROOF, 12 YEARS AFTER I WAS ABUSED, I can't take my pedophile abuser to court. It makes legal sense, I know. But he raped me in his classroom, on my own desk, and there will NEVER be justice. Never. I will never have evidence he abused me. And even if he went to jail for decades, it will never make up what he took from me. I am strong, smart, and determined. I can cope with my torture. But hiding it to not make other people sad and not being able to prosecute my pedophile abuser is what destroys me the most.",4.161262363352424,5.6230933407079675,5.258422696512234,81.04058563248309,71.34513274336283,8.503487766788131,28.78084331077564,9.007467420416297,2.408882665278501,909,35,172,18,17,300,132,226,0.312,0.586,0.102,-0.997,1,0,0,0,8,0,38.0,0,1,1,1,6,17,7,2,4,0,21,7,0,3,6,34,36,16,0,1,8,0,1,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,10,12,0,2,2,0,0,6,10,12,0,0,4,2,25,5,23,27,2,27,0,1,0,7,10,5,4,2,18,111,35,5,0.08281166638016964,0.7849462655728321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774177293122177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144366958575978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948999197350739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054696324628675484,0.0,0.06977240056317706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062322046362101,0.0,0.0,0.09412755679890206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418298720767456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155281024457879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217780083257409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551112613036781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091519442902045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583229105567368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554778491587287,0.07998002342212336,0.0,0.077713139081661,0.0,0.07946002733476586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298200391872355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057411182506803014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585516092241918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062264067078846276,0.0,0.07238104648821496,0.0,0.18940471522802454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200680838473473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767672443890004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905415571935372,0.0,0.10665599612339287 ptsd,HaleysHellhole,2019/03/12,"Dark Rooms I'm lying down in a dark room, trying to think this isn't my tomb. Searching for a night light that isn't here, trying not to think of what happened past years. Slowly it creeps back into my mind. Here to stay to strangle and bind. Its just not something someone should see. It's ingrained in my mind and cannot flee. A small mistake has ended two lives. I can't help to think I had known him since five. To remember him now just brings back the pain. If only the driver could just have stayed in their lane. Over the bridge and the car torn apart. My friends did not make it, no beating heart. In the backseat I was pinned to cold steel. To see what I have seen there is no way to heal. Years have past and my body is whole, but my mind still remembers and it's taken its toll. To close my eyes and feel trapped again. To see my friends in that car that weekend.",1.1263421052631557,3.321530505555561,1.4125146198830407,101.80921052631581,82.83333333333333,4.23391812865497,17.807017543859647,4.9825596385082,-0.8836666666666662,681,15,159,2,19,203,108,180,0.078,0.863,0.059,-0.5382,0,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,11,4,0,0,8,0,15,5,3,1,0,30,28,8,1,4,8,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,12,8,0,0,7,1,0,4,9,2,0,2,5,8,15,2,21,21,1,32,0,0,5,0,6,13,0,1,12,98,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207385083265939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978970599581976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076680141806376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943847439129755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818501101619097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837199340166115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924880741970376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597997723621209,0.09038817196423284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907641631452218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900144772274043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084849637936775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654907334882912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256070373365796,0.1434915895610974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574621850206555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30552110627678736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32237775146890874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155062103622797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425930667970532,0.1038153350409494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874676848106086,0.1076926465065775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592223434481087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831107427500511,0.0,0.1317303995996346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703890790012904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505569739745758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367999331913225 ptsd,EasilyDecayed,2019/03/12,"EMDR with no specific memories? i am fairly positive i was sexually abused by my dad. i do not have any specific memories of it though. i have had some nightmares about it and display many symptoms congruent with victims of CSA, including meeting criteria for PTSD. would EMDR be a waste of time without specific memories? ",4.8042105263157895,7.90511845614035,6.539561403508773,65.09776315789476,74.96491228070175,11.519298245614035,39.324561403508774,10.864195022040775,6.193224561403509,260,17,37,11,6,89,44,57,0.17800000000000002,0.763,0.058,-0.7476,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,9,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,30,7,0,0.0,0.4168219453863731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392340389331883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35666696408783144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112318933892367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656518070504887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456387884341301,0.0,0.2051356728958252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33911977578292074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24990651123354826,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Peach_tree,2019/03/12,"Need some advice. My partner has PTSD and is struggling immensely. Long story short, I love this woman immensely. Been with her 12 years. I had a little work-related stress breakdown a few months ago and that triggered her. I wasn’t there to take care of her for a while. I’m getting better, slowly. She’s been struggling with her PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and flashbacks to the point she doesn’t know if she even wants to continue our relationship. We had our first couples’ counseling session and she admitted that as much as she’d love to say, “Yes, I’d love you to,” when I ask if I can kiss her (trying to respect her boundaries), she can’t get herself out of her stuck place. So what I would like to do is make a little board for her (and say she doesn’t have to use it if she doesn’t want) that has two columns: Today I’m Okay With... and Today I Am Not Okay With... and have little magnets with things on it that she can move around like “hugs,” “kisses (I initiate),” “kisses (you initiate),” “snuggles,” “hand-holding,” “saying I love you,” those kinds of things. I’m thinking of preparing this and showing her and saying she doesn’t have to do this but I thought it would help her feel safe in her boundaries. She can do any of the things on the board at any time, this would just be for me to know how she’s feeling (if she knows that day.) And I want to let her know it’s okay, it’s not her fault and wherever she is (friends, lovers, in-between), I’ll meet her there. Please advise; I am terrified of doing the wrong thing with her. Thank you!",2.7698367548849845,4.469908131832799,3.3791800643086845,92.14034071234234,75.39871382636656,6.4566411080880535,23.537101162503088,7.1686216300943375,0.7119145683898096,1203,36,259,13,26,377,155,311,0.059,0.7509999999999999,0.189,0.9863,0,0,0,0,1,0,55.0,3,4,0,2,8,26,0,3,8,4,33,9,0,4,0,50,62,22,0,11,8,0,2,2,3,3,0,4,0,2,20,20,0,1,9,1,0,1,8,5,0,2,7,7,51,21,35,49,3,26,0,0,1,9,55,12,0,5,15,177,71,2,0.0,0.11874848421820455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793726519395678,0.08884210460282375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631086276122825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922018268953058,0.0936954633523317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863956012314249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218455964127568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108954201759306,0.0,0.06463588003465748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619669067127408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013520476256364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525007612567327,0.0,0.0,0.07743244403846736,0.0,0.10472530674348296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717771379062909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436737475408787,0.2203209052166437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248534100932437,0.0,0.09792830016618198,0.3013508943977134,0.0,0.08869466261164162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618225642976631,0.0,0.06689997880019621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999745861399606,0.1065217421624256,0.0736758201142224,0.07431447120968684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471224840092433,0.11001532996702697,0.09474362285247934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23431186645841426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760255440559724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188070676619373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480570517345295,0.20955077090771665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535561514114948,0.0,0.0,0.09227235307421564,0.0,0.0,0.2663362170038792,0.06421918568130064,0.0,0.0795662809361967,0.058441141319660064,0.0,0.1900003589660007,0.0,0.0,0.06804519220346669,0.0,0.09790381738587653,0.0,0.0,0.08656094344731638,0.0,0.0,0.17734328891671594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296391725444495,0.0,0.0,0.21358774220298332,0.109578687327262,0.0,0.0645406618410643 ptsd,Zjjimm,2019/03/12,My boyfriend triggered me and I don’t know how to tell him. He knows about my trauma and is extremely considerate around me. He loves me dearly and I love him. We’ve recently gotten more intimate and to be blunt it’s freaking me out. He’s so passionate about making me happy and comfortable I don’t want to upset him. He’s really sensitive. ,1.257042483660129,3.88910486764706,3.494901960784315,83.46316993464055,88.55882352941177,7.7281045751634,22.26143790849673,8.515128840125781,2.071524183006536,273,10,52,8,9,93,45,68,0.099,0.58,0.321,0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,3,0,14,11,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,13,6,7,9,1,3,0,0,0,3,10,2,0,0,1,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913667135495447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484173210717175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597514382066323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5908027100456144,0.0,0.21847553291139693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096769926595595,0.0,0.3231696212915213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28607494240470466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305023334439736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,daveyjones86,2019/03/13,"Where do I go to get diagnosed with PTSD? Some people are telling me to go to a general practitioner, others say a therapist. Who specifically would I go to in order to get a real diagnosis? Thank you ",2.5265384615384607,4.985538000000002,5.7612179487179525,71.1233653846154,79.25641025641026,10.053846153846157,27.698717948717945,10.125756701596842,3.628533333333333,158,7,29,6,4,58,29,39,0.0,0.92,0.08,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,7,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28977792501373684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983254099057332,0.0,0.4867710981396524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793073218744145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337358742629503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249631128540294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270421832567486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495408194424143,0.26285134328856896,0.0,0.3314891461717015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028120127628091,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sakura-dream,2019/03/13,"Need some help with physical reactions I'm having a rough night tonight and thought I might try to reach out.. I was raped by my boyfriend about 9 years ago. I struggled with ptsd but until recently I thought I was over it. There have been a few instances recently that my rapist has come up in conversation and I also had a dream about him. I have a very strong physical reaction.. like my vision starts to go black, I can't hear as clearly, and/or experienced nausea. It's very strong and hard to shake. I have talked about this to death and I don't see the point in seeing a therapist it was 9 years ago i just want to move on. Has anyone experienced this and know any tricks to help me deal? Thanks in advance. ",1.9774882629108,4.3861460915493,2.7273521126760585,92.36999530516434,81.04225352112675,6.603568075117372,22.14272300469484,7.793537801064563,0.9281787793427227,563,18,121,10,15,176,92,142,0.162,0.649,0.189,0.5262,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,3,2,6,0,14,2,0,0,1,19,27,9,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,1,0,5,2,5,0,0,7,8,16,4,21,19,2,23,0,0,3,2,7,8,0,2,11,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962827566323768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364542630687767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136470099351706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685385982598992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395867575270505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229289535966372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497787913569967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970627162858333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883558541361435,0.0,0.2240333940211026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184452213445908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164615993528886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728740971887194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776216105542575,0.0,0.12391701258157495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683035620956248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798197193529018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535378528102149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33002074525517977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663452538423219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828806220525445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747096163934319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432434637582194,0.0,0.1538612083313684,0.0,0.19403865295342265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653484758848589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134631896202414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757822258426284,0.09857142763820154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152389938378475 ptsd,Fluffybunnykitten,2019/03/13,"I need some guidance A little background on me I’m bipolar II, have complex ptsd, and ocd. From when I was a kid my parents fought constantly and there was uncertainty they would stay together. Fast forward through my life I ended up with abandonment issues and shutdown when things get hard in relationships. My most recent one I’ve been dealing with tuning out conversations and spacing out. Plus I tend to talk about myself a lot out of nervousness of needing a conversation starter. My boyfriend and I have talked about this and apparently I don’t get it and am not listening. Any advice on how I could be a better active listener and not get stuck in my head so much? It’s really wearing on my relationships and everyone around me. ",5.218732581287323,7.317235518248179,5.718367617783681,76.24765096217654,69.72992700729927,9.069409422694095,32.16257465162575,9.573946990214177,3.2824364963503654,594,27,103,14,11,191,95,137,0.08900000000000001,0.856,0.056,-0.5204,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,8,4,1,1,5,0,10,4,2,1,0,28,21,14,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,16,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,5,3,17,1,20,13,4,21,0,1,0,0,13,13,0,3,8,77,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737074421275536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088458493077273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824629869394913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572164714810995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209809404451228,0.0,0.14192887889762273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832653155939165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744479822167828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985967141192254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786206832160406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924026965318547,0.0,0.18243559317575325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855378492685537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255588995887841,0.0,0.17816470895938186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112730714455058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067587943512474,0.2636172590960397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045645976283538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973842018335402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779483122189307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387919919003213,0.0,0.1755190076336996,0.3817007643652392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947115601116976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28575750241033754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809749565206272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262773684575955,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,opossumdemon,2019/03/13,"New Here! Have a question :) Hey all! Just found this Subreddit today. My finance suffers from suspected PTSD due to childhood sexual abuse along with some other diagnosed mental illnesses (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, OCD, Bipolar Disorder, and one diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder but we’re not as sure about that one), and I had a question regarding his behavior I’m hoping someone might be able to help shed some light on. I’ve been especially concerned lately because there are some days where he seems like a completely different person. Some days he’s relatively cheerful and alert and seems normal and we have normal conversations. But some days he is so out of it that he can barely walk or stand without assistance. His speech can get slurred, he can sometimes fall, his driving skills suffer greatly. It’s like he’s heavily intoxicated, even though I know he couldn’t possibly be. Worst of all, he seems to have no idea he’s even like that. Whenever I ask him if he’s okay he just tells me he’s tired, and when I try to explain how he’s acting he has no idea what I’m talking about. It’s very scary for me and I don’t know what I can do to help other than keep him from falling and be comforting and get him to bed when necessary. I can’t discern any specific causes other than sometimes these days correlate to when he is tired or upset, but not always. Another note is that on the days where he is like this he seems more likely to wet the bed at night, which happens from time to time. Has anyone else watched someone experience this or experience it themselves? Is it potentially a symptom of PTSD or could it be because of any number of things? Any ideas on what I can do to help? I’m going to ask my therapist some questions about it during our next session, but I also wanted to hear from people who have experiences PTSD themselves or are close to people who have. Sorry, I know I just wrote a whole wall of text so I hope this all makes sense. If you have any clarification questions please don’t hesitate to ask, I’ll answer as best I can. ",4.679296335418865,6.489439906801009,5.57378565044284,77.91101080685792,70.58690176322419,8.85054034289429,29.43113675144227,9.370254747372089,2.7136442512391334,1661,66,305,37,31,544,201,397,0.123,0.742,0.135,0.8808,1,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,2,1,0,2,20,17,0,1,7,1,35,7,0,3,4,74,61,30,0,9,17,0,1,5,0,1,7,2,2,3,26,14,0,1,20,0,1,6,9,4,0,2,4,5,26,13,41,50,13,33,0,2,1,0,48,9,0,24,22,191,52,2,0.07217081162212048,0.08551061031376231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057714971979613686,0.060051896752781275,0.0,0.0,0.19631450698250197,0.07567738867478062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046350954113902,0.07394752525879775,0.0,0.0,0.2024098995697422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798931379917918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573881421217751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413930390093515,0.0,0.0,0.07566972287864146,0.0,0.0,0.0576225204878733,0.0,0.0,0.2327210147699456,0.0,0.0,0.07325185461280236,0.0,0.07540313737088225,0.2481420081145237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028945235400459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533628083455073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117907067782665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913156982604966,0.0,0.0,0.07541254066431563,0.0,0.04101633542185757,0.0,0.0,0.07956857459873479,0.0,0.0,0.06382041036967552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134174991295068,0.0,0.14512372120466954,0.0,0.0,0.143363800604472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441618497997314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414873341822902,0.0,0.0,0.11898957191321086,0.0,0.08141181904903838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762950653503117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048174577173302084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273120335904519,0.07656182607228078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970301958943656,0.07675447692013176,0.06772741772250176,0.1414241441509265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780961950086857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000683072522703,0.18905030685138272,0.0,0.07922187867311085,0.0,0.08136174624023199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530914500070414,0.0,0.3233913043317663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628063854186332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230018896857354,0.0,0.14275755619430386,0.080789314899589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680201358473763,0.07501310698560817,0.0,0.058008164600104425,0.06308047041502132,0.0,0.0,0.08379587485810168,0.047947080366119166,0.0,0.07090745598750828,0.0,0.08416676127830279,0.16589946240869974,0.06840949070626501,0.0,0.0,0.04899924367492422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954847792708817,0.042568214575978716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805761338078282,0.0,0.06957008698230553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Wubbalubbaduddub_1,2019/03/13,"I’m constantly in denial about my past. I’m always in denial about my past. I was diagnosed with depression, ptsd, and anxiety about a year ago. I was in a car accident, I’ve been in an abusive relationship and sexual harassed constantly by my partner who even at times encouraged me to kill myself, that I wasn’t enough. I blame myself, telling myself that I asked for it, or that I should of saw it coming. Sometimes I could of got out when I had the chance, I had so many chances. I did leave at one point, but he said if I did go, he’d kill himself in the morning that there was no way I could leave. When I did leave him, I made myself stay to be friends, that it was my fault and my responsibility to watch him and make sure he was ok. That I owed him for what I caused, but I never once thought what he did to me. Because of that I let him constantly talk me down, talk about my body, tell me how worthless I am, I let him treat me like a door mat. I was only there when needed, or to have his anger taken out on, which was a daily thing. Fast forward to today, I found the love of my life, but my past is affecting our relationship. I’m scared to be yelled at, I feel like the smallest things are my fault, and that I owe him for it. Or that my body is too boney and I’m not enough. I’m still so in shock about my past that sometimes I don’t even believe it’s true, it’s so hard to accept.",3.0429797979798003,3.489075545454547,4.305877104377103,90.64103787878788,73.00673400673398,7.690841750841749,24.27760942760943,7.7348632917899725,0.8480546801346804,1075,28,257,13,20,355,145,297,0.17,0.711,0.12,-0.9165,2,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,1,0,0,0,18,20,4,1,9,1,29,5,2,5,3,34,50,20,2,5,8,0,2,2,2,1,2,2,1,1,22,10,0,0,4,0,2,4,5,10,0,1,22,6,55,10,35,20,2,37,0,2,2,1,26,15,0,4,20,181,77,0,0.0,0.11548122561739647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639769335590558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109948709539752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456119312052288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111751626938552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941434496537298,0.0,0.0,0.10981076130810097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652542030638205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012438982116202,0.0,0.08395829487327848,0.0,0.3159782341345316,0.0,0.15563727740187075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394728908882923,0.09892589841651857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014167832882411,0.0,0.12875069557077315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928171822864804,0.06962970176236216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686639511763696,0.0753019594227531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539215154084827,0.0,0.07795243241606557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731035647593156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156632893496147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30960713806107104,0.0,0.19933109656921813,0.06884309041738138,0.09523389035466356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796683481101185,0.09222464859455028,0.06505928556888582,0.09881518621079123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226977483463087,0.07517175743849405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379806714648687,0.06604545737474189,0.0741272550580624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721691517717025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213683659601088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139324922480536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928393223929664,0.0,0.0,0.09271244805773576,0.0,0.09758042968409378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927926545603112,0.0,0.0,0.10388574579326676,0.07783644207631353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186051444954554,0.0,0.0,0.15667889444960728,0.17037909118691386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950410680355326,0.0,0.0,0.0773770857019619,0.056833185455003835,0.0,0.09238633429973224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736394289624401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276488311100002 ptsd,Psy_Ren,2019/03/13,"im leaving this sub i absolutely have real ptsd, but this sub is hypersensitive, and panders to a lot of tweenyboppers who dont actually know what real trauma feels like. peace. ",4.48,6.988797606060608,6.578787878787877,67.48818181818183,72.93939393939394,9.248484848484848,29.181818181818183,9.725611199111238,3.289654545454546,143,6,24,4,3,50,29,33,0.098,0.69,0.212,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.2686775694540493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226789522463935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921263692413904,0.19669229765095647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973983407163674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131146781569368,0.0,0.0,0.2915295140484937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450993063295988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340715438270029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218402938712977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6267604522243783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mrpotatopuree,2019/03/13,"PTSD and PhD Hello all, I'm not sure what to say or even where to start but here goes! Not sure how to reach out. I just started a PhD a few months ago and obviously under a lot of stress from that. I've had really bad anxiety for as long as I can remember and my legs are covered with scars plus a suicide attempt, so during my PhD I thought I'd start reaching out to my doctor and I was quickly put on antidepressants and started counselling. I've always known I've had bad mental health but now I have therapists saying they're not qualified enough to help me and my GP repeatedly recommending I increase my dose and start taking other medication as well! My doctors and therapists all agree that I have post traumatic stress but I didn't know why. Before my diagnosis one therapist said I seem to have repressed something but i wasn't sure what. Then I remembered I was a young teenager growing up in a country during a war though never thought much of it, since I never saw an outrageously traumatic event during it, but now I understand it's because of the war. Now it feels like I'm carrying a huge weight all the time with memories and emotions coming up, bad sleep, and flashbacks (which before I thought were just panic attacks). Also I'm overwhelmed with anger and I reaaaaly want to get into a fight!! which is really frustrating. This is all a bit confusing and especially since I'm in my very early 20s. I'm not really sure what to think of it or what to do. Now I have a deadline in two days, I just left a long term and long distance relationship, and I have a full PhD Infront of me, with all of this happening in the space of a couple months. Just wanted to let a few things off my chest and vent out my confusion. Thank you all for being part of this sub, much love ♥️",4.702373949579833,5.548367280112046,5.6801575630252135,80.83267331932774,69.47619047619048,9.087254901960783,29.44082633053221,9.2995712137729,2.4267498599439774,1417,52,283,28,24,468,188,357,0.22,0.684,0.096,-0.9957,0,0,1,0,1,1,28.0,0,1,0,1,17,25,7,7,19,0,19,10,3,1,13,71,47,31,3,2,15,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,18,25,1,1,11,0,0,4,8,17,1,2,12,6,32,8,42,33,17,49,0,1,1,1,9,18,0,6,27,192,50,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640696726367682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689303814291153,0.07172142698385435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593919838151638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805964163630257,0.0,0.0,0.2159085229631953,0.052543878597098616,0.0,0.1466917697457296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941029857531547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424965226178956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537350310367032,0.0,0.05558886287020768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644916368066765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695815476062936,0.0,0.08906282661774208,0.0,0.05693120845904656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043582953261062665,0.06157796737952765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04503350702800375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622225358262827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162161464446013,0.0,0.0,0.05777491878874407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473707040925297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936514879900694,0.08814057400501198,0.0,0.04211068872375162,0.0,0.0,0.2288404877257433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328019481389576,0.0777946587069946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683273579806673,0.08686462831704027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376005944213677,0.0,0.12672698380477154,0.0,0.13295831836842606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584081924358636,0.0,0.0,0.10113165845263213,0.0,0.09334115242506884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255130813646556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075773863089037,0.08665012297260145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656568238971015,0.0,0.0,0.09254153634373896,0.1952850325413532,0.0,0.0819915058901112,0.13709198634574116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846899932357344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260335022047566,0.0,0.08625758820835837,0.0,0.0,0.06635738305882018,0.0,0.0,0.3050475228234391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747293912243827,0.0,0.0,0.09428371075853,0.0,0.3249523475798295,0.0,0.06480816775969347,0.0,0.0,0.07935708741033065,0.0,0.30023829613201297,0.05726435315980831,0.055230492793786924,0.08468648289586965,0.2052884130772134,0.05026119531528131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842003214965925,0.0897323877048815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112018175261905,0.10168048833204263,0.0,0.0,0.10496270170034597,0.07749996137396035,0.0,0.07777788658893714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,orangejuicechurch,2019/03/13,"Fear So I went to this service today and they told me they are completely confidential. And idk why but I kinda word vomited and told them my whole life story and the trauma that happened to me. They where very understanding. I think I did it because I don’t have anyone else to say all this too so as soon as they said confidential it just came all out. But now I’m sitting by myself feeling intense fear that they will know my abuser or tell people my story and I can’t get the feeling to go away, I sometimes feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m just terrified of it happening again.",2.8454621848739485,4.589937285714289,4.321588235294119,85.27414705882354,75.30252100840336,7.1129411764705885,24.50504201680673,7.908726449838941,1.3047640336134458,463,15,94,7,10,154,77,119,0.195,0.742,0.063,-0.964,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,6,1,9,5,0,2,2,0,6,2,0,0,2,23,24,12,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,6,5,20,1,10,17,3,11,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,2,5,65,27,1,0.0,0.19852593980448105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715874346735475,0.17168047209991322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742396428503172,0.0,0.0,0.10214031422906396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916389234187038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756788168638435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997117018529706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37709317661263203,0.2541633769701209,0.11970172559890364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754086454004277,0.0,0.09522568611172187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963376568324723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920841538624094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183494472896955,0.08185918309585538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745181267487446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918335095779247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616192814556027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938370747135028,0.13324690656176408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657167333017146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464509448184276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736283730099344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882307919654035,0.32021303618060803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443124720539538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825088490216195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532568285962492,0.1511928313701838,0.1870697990730654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CherryBrandy313,2019/03/13,"New to Reddit and looking for people who have PTSD aswell So I have heard about reddit having a lot of different communities and set ups so I guessed no harm in taking a look. I'm 20 years and I have suffered with PTSD for as long as I can remember and last year finally got my doctor to listen and confirm it. When this happend I thought as my mental illness had a name to it people could understand it would make it easier to find friends or speak to others with it. Appears not. From where I'm from its almost never heard of or seen as labeled wrong to have PTSD not coursed by war so I get looked at like an alien a lot. I haven't found anyone who can understand what I mean when I say I get Flash backs, nightmares, stresser triggers or sometimes responses I can't control sometimes. So coming on here and finding a whole sub reddit of people who have what I have was a relief for me. So, I wanted to say hello and I hope I can make friends here. Maybe vent a little and ask for help with episodes , currently still learning how to cope with it all due to life being a bit relentless with the bad luck lately. (Sorry for spelling errors or poor formatting I am Dyslexic and using mobile)",3.84300186741363,5.258559247899161,4.638935574229695,85.3539402427638,72.06722689075629,7.137628384687207,27.08776844070961,7.594959193182576,1.500377404295051,943,33,184,11,18,304,141,238,0.104,0.7829999999999999,0.113,0.2741,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,14,11,1,0,10,0,18,3,0,6,2,49,45,25,1,4,6,0,0,1,2,1,3,6,0,0,14,15,0,1,9,0,1,2,6,5,0,0,8,10,19,6,34,34,5,23,0,1,4,0,15,6,0,11,15,129,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207711335380026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826083707853729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463513350108247,0.0,0.0,0.08606371836254981,0.093453027906324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219354057399222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964138153921608,0.0,0.0,0.1255338452951119,0.08936331874182889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693821342692108,0.0,0.1145603822710686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260879700159755,0.20459556273823395,0.0,0.0,0.12272041620245958,0.1729465617521491,0.0,0.11695279643198915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951696124458175,0.0,0.12329843880906882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502123154402499,0.0,0.0,0.11116716954574743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123413365921383,0.12625671826629642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905621499990399,0.054681093378506296,0.11217864749546114,0.0,0.09905045058909603,0.2819674226006059,0.0,0.0,0.1903099330291258,0.0,0.0,0.14942213768995494,0.0,0.11244410091715433,0.12191956487129114,0.0,0.0,0.11279447086350475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632376295062129,0.10809824186968074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327849240512268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925043841595002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678965155223704,0.0,0.0,0.17801512950768328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22139415091502126,0.12529131383319697,0.0,0.0,0.08938376331314442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415396613921698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885625973838987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330365624440361,0.0,0.09666760320647047,0.0,0.0,0.06601649659223628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496070403530105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950858778709402,0.12237284674334335,0.0,0.14415256675967805 ptsd,CPTSDheal,2019/03/13,"Has anyone else been put on seroquil for PTSD? My psych has me on a super low dose to sort of even me out. I think it’s working? I sleep now, at least. Does anyone have experience with this?",-0.238500000000002,1.9622421500000016,1.6900000000000013,97.195,90.0,4.2,15.5,5.6839178017228535,-0.8604000000000003,146,3,34,1,5,48,35,40,0.052000000000000005,0.8390000000000001,0.11,0.5171,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,8,4,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,23,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382726244903996,0.3211149627169975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742581332381331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618051811352684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699750369348388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065649804727276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663474031013762,0.3150531955239351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136259692536605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008138320882273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281586674229637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hp5log,2019/03/13,"PTSD and constant ringing in the ears I was diagnosed with PTSD and panic disorder back in October. I experienced a tramtic event that put me into a black hole and iIam just now starting to feel better. BUT even on my best days, i still experience constant ringing in my ears. It can be a real low frequency to very loud but it is always there. I've been to the ear, nose and throat doctor to make sure it was nothing serious and everything checked out fine but they diagnosed me with Tinnitus. Does anyone else with PTSD or Panic disorder have this all the time? Did anyone else's tramatic event set off the ringing? I appreciate any feedback! ",3.9978315946348735,6.35217292622951,4.9846348733233965,79.07936661698959,73.8360655737705,8.698658718330849,29.943368107302533,9.339509955726095,3.020547540983608,515,23,92,13,11,168,83,122,0.104,0.78,0.116,0.1742,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,6,8,0,2,7,0,8,8,5,1,2,20,11,9,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,4,11,9,4,14,6,2,20,0,1,1,0,1,8,0,1,10,60,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135819026739,0.0,0.0,0.09100973242695216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871556237491248,0.27425154017938475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290784952982172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044747526272838,0.11836272599023565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28924773408835336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630998334210457,0.0,0.0,0.2716714843160667,0.0,0.0,0.3067640540615073,0.13698179447891454,0.1171164912573218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22359741055283305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839417466083227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027875680824095,0.13091248901690966,0.0,0.0,0.06766902173813052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933329371760729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841454306970834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31404390396638737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693241574193646,0.13453721274742464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232908306048262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472633637034472,0.0,0.10687768365630894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613422122016546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803798650360821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042466755774936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ssriresearch,2019/03/13,"Antidepressant survey Hello! We are conducting a quick anonymous survey regarding your experience using antidepressants. Your participation is so helpful ! https://norwichcla.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9YqjhPexsVTPTjn",18.84625,25.318981125,12.832,11.613000000000026,71.08333333333333,15.253333333333336,46.46666666666666,10.355215969177356,10.419226666666667,193,10,10,8,5,54,22,24,0.0,0.8190000000000001,0.181,0.637,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6667997163113458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569060541010041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5887401770330939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JainaChevalier,2019/03/13,"Anger Hi. My PTSD was caused by 15 years of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse from family. I've left home and I've been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for the past 2-3 years. I've also been avoiding my family for those years. I only show up when I absolutely *have* to, like birthdays and special events. If it hadn't been for therapy, they would never see me again. My question is, how do I deal with all of this anger? I feel like I could destroy the people I'm mad at, and it's such BS that I'm not supposed to hurt people. The person who did all this to me is being protected by my family, and is going to get away with it scot-free. So I'm just supposed to keep all of this fury inside of me so other people aren't hurt? But they're allowed to hurt me? They're allowed to just get away with it?",0.9520433436532514,2.920379450292401,3.1691984864121103,90.25687306501548,81.98245614035088,6.362710698314412,19.415548675610594,7.5105763829236425,0.4939113175094602,630,16,139,10,17,215,98,171,0.145,0.74,0.115,-0.8643,2,1,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,4,1,5,0,15,0,0,4,4,28,25,13,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,11,9,0,3,2,1,0,1,4,8,0,0,6,3,14,3,24,16,3,14,0,3,2,0,6,5,0,2,10,91,25,0,0.0,0.16237230254699914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959239862023497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575108480253139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407798335137026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094168465860171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128423388267486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415374941652493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38757286465247387,0.0,0.06929252802329591,0.09790279710291216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319752629123042,0.0,0.07788409882761871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746425046712735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401187284120362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180918265432032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488964806286516,0.0,0.0,0.13390354990366266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569520089986008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422657900379184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308220487509087,0.28502290068294583,0.11965974556857754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019470699527952,0.0,0.15351834852819185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184093839670236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671941417487756,0.15911626749856514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735066999139178,0.0,0.0,0.2647515698419575 ptsd,LessChange,2019/03/13,Recent rape brought back my childhood abuse memories ***TW*** I seriously can’t cope right now. How do I turn it off without overdosing on drugs? Because right now Xanax is my only fix. ,0.21823529411764755,0.3999531764705893,1.700705882352942,88.92517647058827,134.88235294117646,4.8894117647058835,23.988235294117647,6.2581,1.5705388235294122,144,7,26,3,10,46,30,34,0.275,0.725,0.0,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,10,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,15,5,0,0.0,0.36928021880773787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23965644123786725,0.0,0.18999228828608966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614404373709097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370405130453916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077383860999051,0.0,0.0,0.5323321737545765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33900951208794394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30044057514070144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CourteousNoodle,2019/03/14,"For those of you who are able to work, how stressful would you say your job is on a scale from 1-10? Hi /r/PTSD, I’ve had PTSD for 3 years now. I have make a ton of progress with it but working seems to be an area I really struggle with. I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I may need to work a low-stress job to keep my symptoms in check and have, admittedly, felt some shame about that. My job is most likely a “3” on the scale and that feels comfortable for me. I think I’m just trying to gauge if others share in my experience or if I am making excuses to not push myself harder. Mental illness waters are not very easy to navigate :/ Thank you in advance for any responses! 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I have anxity prior. A buddy of mine warned me that this dude is going to short fuse and go after whoever is in his bath.. so im on edge day 1 Day 2 was time for a good winter party. The guy who was going to blow at any minute was ticking away until he was gone for a couple hours. He had passed out in the car and our dd was driving him to the cabin. An hour or so went by so we found a ride back to see if the coast is clear.. it wasn't. I looked directly into the eyes of something not human, so i ran away. Far as i could to get away from him. We end up safe for the moment. 4am rolls around and we want to go to bed. Back to the cabin we go. By this time the guy is passed out but we could hear him waking up. So we acted asleep. I was in a full panic attack trying to sleep. Every sound in that cabin woke me up that night. Weekend was over and i got home. The first night back i was having night terrors. Wasnt sleeping, i would look out the window to see if he was outside at 3am. It was reacurring for months the souless monster inside him, in my head. I spoke with him about it, but he kind of blew it off. November comes im ready to ride, pay for a season pass i saved for. First day riding, he comes all the thoughts back to me.. Snowboarding is my life i ride 50-60 times a year. This season once. I needed to fix it. So i told him again what happened and whats wrong. They were so hammered they dont remember any of it, and think im lying about it. Its destroying my day to day life, im in a constant panick attack. Im going to a therapist soon. But from a non medical perspective. Is it possible to develp ptsd through watching other people argue and scream at oneanother from the time they wake up to go to bed",0.5858856532193428,2.3578598781725937,2.649623296820732,94.53338765695969,82.1979695431472,5.365642532727757,17.72882714400214,6.339386263674448,-0.3030497461928934,1408,29,326,12,38,474,198,394,0.105,0.86,0.035,-0.9852,0,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,7,0,3,3,18,12,4,2,27,0,28,10,7,0,3,42,56,22,0,7,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,5,3,19,21,0,1,4,3,1,22,4,8,0,3,24,10,38,4,65,29,3,92,0,0,6,0,30,29,0,3,41,212,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680031526849966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990450684951076,0.0,0.1786686029479062,0.22133239405592656,0.2415256144656781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135285846629798,0.0,0.08485836725245341,0.0,0.12539273738377327,0.08688717536304008,0.0,0.25321284839383484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920315163949254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955044804550611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103097653077496,0.1323225504999073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003817191627787,0.0,0.08609935898284565,0.0,0.0,0.041026428672769163,0.0,0.3123956894558341,0.06586361780970326,0.06280416266300322,0.0,0.0,0.1555055451839692,0.06944000270600383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059000607283487,0.0,0.08850415253284273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876766328177354,0.0,0.15466396117797926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241060670198684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177241565118094,0.0,0.06400891284832637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093002526771648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188359411420544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910636494434065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626784515011058,0.0,0.0,0.05822579942223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210731038556193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836272902733664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092132970445444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443982172891658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852590960103585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179232198370008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895429189464553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251496062098567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571647878951425,0.0,0.0,0.06045290768230417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911743710702204,0.0,0.050316087347075836,0.0,0.06234062140456849,0.18315583046448025,0.0,0.0,0.07503465586032322,0.0,0.053313784628931035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631648273998307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279409544755737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055782392644484084,0.08585550788978426,0.0,0.15170389709155085 ptsd,--skeeter--,2019/03/14,"Ptsd triggered by guy at work I am a 28 y/o female and I work with kids in an office environment. Most of my coworkers are female, which I like because I feel more comfortable working with women, and I have had traumatic experiences with male coworkers in the past. One of my coworkers is a male in his mid-50s and ever since I started working there I've gotten a bad vibe from him. About a month ago, I had a dream where he assaulted a kid we work with. Since then, he has cornered me twice and spoken to me in a hostile and confrontational manner. Today, he motioned me into an empty room, closed the door, and stood about 6 inches from my face. He asked if I had done a particular thing, to which I replied yes. He then told me not to do the thing any more. I honestly can't describe it in more detail because thinking about it is triggering me. But it was hostile and confrontational. My workplace is supposed to be ""magical"" because we work with kids. The interaction sounds normal, but I experienced it as a verbal assault. To me that's how it felt. This guy and I have the same position, so it's not like he is my superior and has the authority to tell me what to do. I felt all of his hostile energy and I feel bad vibes any time this guy and I are in close proximity to each other. What should I do to protect myself against this guy's hostile energy that causes my ptsd to be triggered? My gut says quit, die, etc, because people like this have fucked with me in the past. But I like this job and I don't want to quit, and obviously I don't want to die. How can I protect myself? 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I was 15 years old. I’m now an adult with ptsd from childhood abuse. My mother never once in her life told me she loves me and physically and verbally abused me but not my siblings. Before she died she made arrangements for my two younger siblings to live with family but not myself. My name wasn’t even mentioned in any of the documents. It was like I didn’t exist. I was tossed around from house to house until I saved up enough to move out on my own at 18. I recently ran into some family and was triggered. My anxiety is off the charts and nightmares of my mother every time I try to sleep. I need peace in my life. (My dad was never in the picture and is now deceased) ",1.4258333333333333,3.489765950617283,2.9266512345679025,92.11368055555558,80.85185185185185,6.0253086419753075,20.001543209876548,7.1686216300943375,0.3698135802469138,612,16,133,8,16,200,97,162,0.092,0.81,0.098,0.4404,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,11,5,1,2,2,24,19,8,2,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,12,0,32,4,25,7,3,26,0,0,0,2,20,12,0,1,13,92,33,0,0.0,0.350782375188147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066538642183127,0.0,0.11324244386846505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177796670248365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259625147797753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363163211448724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152954424554449,0.0,0.09777233173181324,0.0,0.12472154829232256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790987705182801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341613185675449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413281994577997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911574710775774,0.07231991624269701,0.0,0.1307130855046419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672054707405328,0.14006944034379526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733232289623916,0.0,0.1097622714656461,0.22833951995544025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533244519490388,0.15764697828119706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730389941231142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616163622467745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813677343175435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631740647378207,0.0,0.0,0.282897765169291,0.0,0.1005025634575924,0.0,0.1446036714855998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532638166236396 ptsd,Shocktroop214,2019/03/14,"Tw: suicidal ideations What do you do when you are having an episode and have suicidal ideations? I don’t act on them anymore due to ketamine infusions but I still really want to not live and it’s super painful. Other than a hotline which I won’t call- what can I do to get my brain to stop? I do not wish to go to the hospital at this time, but will if I need. Just trying to ride these nasty waves. Keeps happening to me. 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The other part is angry and frustrated that I have to deal with something that wasn't my fault. Anyone else feel this way? Also, I had a few questions. 1. Can PTSD stunt a person's maturity or growth? (it would explain why I'm 34 and still dress like a teenage skateboarder). 2. Is PTSD linked to sexual addiction? 3. Does PTSD make it harder to make simple or complex decisions? 4. Can PTSD cause any physical health issues?",1.9155538461538484,4.695432740000001,3.2220000000000013,85.66330769230773,86.6,7.0769230769230775,22.69230769230769,8.139509932561175,1.773753846153847,414,15,77,10,13,134,73,100,0.09,0.785,0.125,0.3971,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,4,0,10,3,0,3,0,18,15,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,6,2,8,12,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421716582358304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429287111929232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868670846277753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118923766713778,0.13362563398853491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397218436397187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445219359213048,0.0,0.13236853402754215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141270921179586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894504265600098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594176955379845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919699617738433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862510332519407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361194328980338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371420759258713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410612172301793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824535880453453,0.0,0.0,0.11387339432177322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7622410924933757,0.0,0.14609470674128575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876913188393938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039987964209744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414963014216023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351739910058116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767930096676775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264311217397107,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nirvanabananas,2019/03/14,"Problems with sleep Hi I was wondering if I could ask for some advice about fight or flight and sleep. My major trauma happened to be when I was sleeping/waking up twice I have woke up in the middle of a traumatic experience. My body puts me straight into fight or flight when I get up and I'm away easily enraged. It's breaking my heart cause I'm being horrible to my loved ones and they don't deserve it. I am on mirtrazapine and quetiapine at night and beta blockers during the day which have helped me fall and stay asleep. However I am still very reactive in the morning and it's horrible. I am being horrible. I used to be a morning person now I am angry and horrible to be around. I feel like I've had a piece of me ripped away and I don't know how to stop all this anger. Is there something I should be doing in the morning that can help this? I've tried meditation but I'm a mother of three so that's abit hard in the morning. Thank you for reading even if you don't have advice it's appreciated you took the time x",0.9851056338028172,3.308229535211272,3.10599178403756,88.60152288732394,84.63380281690141,6.179107981220657,21.551056338028168,7.492282038375204,0.8996042253521129,813,27,171,14,24,275,122,213,0.139,0.779,0.08199999999999999,-0.7747,1,0,1,0,2,0,12.0,0,3,1,0,10,9,4,0,10,0,24,6,5,3,1,30,38,18,0,5,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,12,0,2,3,1,0,3,3,6,0,3,5,2,24,3,25,25,4,28,0,0,0,1,13,15,0,6,9,120,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31490033939095363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434360340459542,0.15063077956388812,0.0,0.3027657990409014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897433002740482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552047849429347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864576090361315,0.0,0.0,0.10391274720320932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642200554436372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761185265251773,0.0,0.0,0.08146999544063836,0.11510823260652933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418152827484561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424829247952734,0.0,0.14433697930360884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093473084085325,0.2159983212751868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885504711743833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871787847362907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542223543688176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120555493197696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918294460088894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068874673792373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417553484370514,0.0,0.16197583218426606,0.0,0.0,0.16116930336769514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32248412703752016,0.0,0.0,0.12404243610734512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173855823892087,0.12867519252578505,0.13470830031989414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834289706746553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395369167961616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901658179983196,0.10939377404688096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916087209285802,0.0,0.1329455773319472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473394899191988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,teethsheath,2019/03/14,I'm afraid to fall asleep tonight Because last night the nightmares I had were so severe and so intense that I'm afraid to fall asleep again. They are never about the incidents they are more vague but I don't want to fall asleep to go back there again. I'm trying to calm myself down in ways but I'm still afraid,2.174512820512824,4.173333246153849,2.068846153846156,99.52532051282051,78.07692307692308,4.94871794871795,18.525641025641026,5.46131890053228,-0.6358205128205126,251,5,57,1,6,74,41,65,0.078,0.853,0.068,0.0986,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,8,4,0,3,2,0,5,3,3,0,1,5,11,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,8,9,1,15,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29533701822519165,0.0,0.23413414477143926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828388473566426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130798611531489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29622938953691097,0.0,0.0,0.3604369744768686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339057862941616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067301138842899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260767939126325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22654279443390465,0.3048681360825441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,player2587,2019/03/14,"Good ways to treat ptsd? I've tried many different outlets to help cope with my ptsd and non have seemed to be effective. I've tried counseling, medication, self-medication, and a hypnotism that seemed very unorthodox and didn't work for me. I got into an accident last year where someone was hit and killed standing in the road and ever since I've been terrified of driving in the dark. Every time I do I always am extremely anxious and see things that aren't there like outlines of people walking into the roads. It's also caused me to be extremely depressed and causes nightmares. If anyone knows something that could help please let me know.",7.629928571428572,8.050623183333336,7.124047619047619,74.52000000000002,63.0,10.523809523809526,34.64285714285714,10.290406445055957,3.582285714285714,522,21,90,11,7,163,87,120,0.147,0.7290000000000001,0.123,-0.6365,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,5,0,11,1,0,3,1,20,18,9,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,1,7,3,12,9,0,15,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,3,5,52,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246185725730827,0.12966447694510055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604549124001842,0.0,0.10896116398126644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201642106647823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244189506632426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421763466713613,0.0,0.0,0.16281098343096365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095871497718945,0.13129494758452318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070425585634576,0.12463286437234525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890143825427754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240471309568026,0.0,0.1712820792051928,0.12702365281825806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593484946775193,0.0,0.07613150848758754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579889083538001,0.0,0.0,0.17309391449245307,0.15698406658170702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803409567613943,0.0,0.0,0.17105643645271507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643178901247077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417770762027723,0.28372669595620503,0.16256647271248226,0.0,0.0,0.12890561157629707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320357131947093,0.11996687360535277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035276724449108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090866730839845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115990216918608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857749148340009,0.0,0.12369196833824855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344735028215455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035052046056717 ptsd,TootTootAnxietyTrain,2019/03/14,"Triggering Song (To be clear, I'm not talking about a song coming up on the radio or in public, I feel that's it's own separate sucky thing.) So in times of stress or when I'm feeling very scared, a song from my past plays in my head. It's a very easy to recall jingle/beat, so my mind blares it and I feel very quickly triggered into panic. I try to do guided imagery, guided meditation, and listen to happy upbeat music or light hearted comedy to distract myself. Does this happen to anyone else? What do you do? ",1.97596153846154,4.08215082692308,3.896769230769234,85.64823076923078,79.19230769230771,5.6984615384615385,20.015384615384615,6.742157984588678,0.4341684615384613,402,10,77,4,10,136,72,104,0.129,0.728,0.14300000000000002,0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,4,4,0,4,2,2,2,1,15,12,8,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,8,8,2,15,11,1,11,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,4,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256344882942878,0.208907670694232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563172782469308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842403636052662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032252282448798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092761710703311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029776150612573,0.2170429000810904,0.0,0.0,0.2092482305367324,0.0,0.0,0.2416086321490395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058690737305764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23921900467880264,0.0,0.0,0.1946344648476128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041277695451145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335533732495513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387770253898618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354543352305547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888891472021107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842678069459335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046876324906427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,grabbyflabby,2019/03/14,"Parents with PTSD and how it effects their children. Hi there! This is my first time on reddit, so this post might be all over the place. I am currently 17 years old, and I've had a father who was in the Marines and the US Army. He was forced to retire because of a serious head injury. He was a sergeant. And was stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan. My father is a complicated man. I do not know what happened to him while he was doing his services, but he has very intense PTSD. almost a year ago (Last Fall) He was arrested. Charged with public intoxication and misuse of a firearm. I do not know the situation well, because my mom refused to tell me the details. Since then, I have lost contact with him. A few months ago he went to a rehab center for his drug use (presumably to cope with his PTSD). He deleted all of his social media, kept on moving from state to state within weeks. I love my dad, but he was the main reason I have MY ptsd. He did a lot of things, but one I remember was when my little sister and I were in the airport to meet with him. When he picked us up, we went to those little trains(To travel throughout the airport) and my little sister didn't get on the train on time. I know my dad better than my sister and his girlfriend at the time. I knew he was triggered, he was shaking and his face turned red. I remember feeling terrified (know this was our first time seeing him in YEARS), and I knew he was extremely stressed and anxious. When we retrieved my sister, my dad was silent. He didn't say anything when we got her, he just walked, almost sprinting to the parking lot. I remember my head pounding, I was expecting the worse. And the worse did come. When we all got into the car, there was a stinging silence that made my body cold. Then, my dad, turned from his seat and started screaming at us. SCREAMING. I call it his warvoice, the one he used when he was mad and probably used while he was overseas. I am terrified at the warvoice. It carries the volume of rage and fear. He started with my sister. He began to say things like *You are too disobedient and careless! From now on you RESPECT me and do whatever I say!* I was bawling at this point. this was when I was about 13/14. Surprisingly my sister was not affected at all. But after he was done with her, he turned to me. I will never forget what he said to me. &#x200B; *And you-- you are failing school! You are supposed to be smart! You are a (Last Name)! Act like it!* &#x200B; Look, I love my dad. Because he is my dad and made sacrifices that no normal person could. But... the reason why I was failing school at that time because I was extremely depressed and didn't even take care of myself. So it hurt when he said that, I knew that I disappointed him. It is clear that I was his favorite child, because he and I are a lot alike. I almost understood him, and feared that I would never have a temper like he did. After all that fiasco we went to his house and everything turned to normal. Seemingly. But I was extremely effected. That whole week was hell to me. I never forgot it. Last Summer, I went to therapy. Other things have happened to me in my life, but my relationship with my dad has impacted me the most. I wanted to share this because my PTSD hasn't effected me as much as it used to. And that children of veterans are real. Thank you. ",2.063464317260433,4.380356833080427,3.233223563517768,89.40065544810093,80.06221547799697,5.998061286888772,23.644622109482928,7.198655661688642,0.9637222431091884,2599,91,523,34,67,837,265,659,0.156,0.758,0.086,-0.9955,2,0,1,1,0,0,113.0,9,7,1,9,19,31,4,4,32,0,65,10,4,15,9,109,111,49,0,6,11,17,1,3,1,3,4,7,0,5,32,40,0,3,19,1,0,12,11,18,1,4,54,12,99,13,65,51,13,83,2,6,3,2,104,26,1,9,45,371,131,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278940332316808,0.0,0.17417215819637252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563999575775622,0.1409011589260604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549953296452275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771160643959666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206000405600364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127753071934943,0.0,0.06440136852354371,0.0,0.0,0.059202829963859005,0.0,0.059113243440844634,0.0,0.0,0.04994359628621385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046291348349658167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993704936364739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059332434938928334,0.0,0.0,0.06723699271016725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03829444589639045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210760056023492,0.0,0.0,0.13048452214246867,0.029315819755719064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863346323668806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030291526301416037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274187428395357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254091015898996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900593678566382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689974261954452,0.06206749694043859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745451319553314,0.1417813636084586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04095213605862922,0.08497652876022152,0.17432994616979994,0.0,0.0,0.04868758370000823,0.0,0.0632907013930817,0.14787448913523446,0.10465624846260486,0.10972187141237727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150633694934881,0.0,0.06790406150508031,0.046278119339155835,0.061622281275133535,0.042621083903528346,0.0,0.1341504580804049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136138139483255,0.0,0.0,0.06083899006097646,0.0,0.07857586113774892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437858818279364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050624845609966364,0.060575498418664615,0.0,0.054808699688166165,0.0,0.05552765677514443,0.0,0.06251094494821488,0.0,0.33887053121477845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599255948809933,0.0,0.11922371090157638,0.0,0.0622475256121326,0.19703601018084568,0.0,0.11030221810700082,0.1383211896263058,0.0,0.11735526750032993,0.04620159139800963,0.052781715520795136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796065661938592,0.06517059243062104,0.0,0.05910207791529926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207537605314169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664145113717832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359283670753369,0.0,0.0506760205093179,0.05337908280159012,0.06630380257779,0.0,0.11555560121901545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690395019520359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522571105627929,0.0,0.0,0.20922404733804245,0.20030024655128095,0.0,0.04783857616910204,0.03419739422843068,0.0,0.09301418086762256,0.0,0.052129897786068816,0.21498768751480893,0.05231684256374427,0.06473125172564814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817068645452028,0.04118647098005508,0.0,0.1409011589260604,0.11200932514572327 ptsd,megrose995,2019/03/14,"Obsession As a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, I feel an almost borderline obsession with consuming media that deals with sexual assault - tv (Law and Order SVU), books, movies, etc. Hell, I even wrote my senior thesis on sexual assault for my undergrad degree. Do any of y’all deal with this in any way with regards to your trauma? Or know anything about why this might happen? I feel like sometimes I’m almost driven to trigger myself, and it makes me feel a little crazy. This can’t be a very healthy way for me to cope, especially long-term.",5.988655462184872,7.302177137254906,6.635994397759102,73.43911764705884,66.84313725490196,9.75014005602241,30.257703081232492,9.957137785484203,3.184676190476192,436,16,72,10,7,143,76,102,0.223,0.708,0.07,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,2,8,4,2,4,0,4,0,0,2,0,18,13,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,3,10,1,15,9,1,8,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,4,2,43,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008998822413701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722566098379259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647299224048365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127506708407106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325204152681846,0.13221607008841546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30364892783735403,0.14300762396095004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701726513020047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100129173780125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779714716184394,0.2006315349546859,0.0,0.17715175198959035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362076255269106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235784894183096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798174304903846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651683003017464,0.0,0.31778489276318705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063004076172326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,justlisten13,2019/03/15,Flashbacks I have been “dealing” with my attack for 6 years and recently it has been brought back up and I can’t get away from it. I want a fresh start. I’m thinking of cutting my hair off because it kind of reminds me of the guy. Any tips to just move on? I’m sorry. ,0.13195402298850567,2.0220516206896555,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,84.51724137931033,4.55632183908046,23.459770114942533,5.46131890053228,0.10126666666666664,206,8,49,1,6,68,46,58,0.108,0.826,0.066,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,12,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,1,6,1,11,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960256614208779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32793565243657674,0.2708283449638603,0.22165298953795687,0.0,0.17571970304762705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971818509810536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506031662190808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285421230009165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001768641545112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063731611716129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846204880716229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226817851080785,0.2040308464358732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470440424308995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002232888486118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562901986905225 ptsd,lesbianetc,2019/03/15,"i had a particularly rough day in therapy I work with a therapist who specializes in working with trauma. He’s a great dude and has really helped me with having been sexually abused as a child. Sometimes he has some methods where I’m not sure where we’re going, but end up being really profound. Today was a day like that. I usually cry in therapy, but today I CRIED. He had me walk through my nightmares and “finish” them. So, I always wake up from a nightmare right before the worst thing happens. So, he made me walk through the dream, add whatever was necessary to help me escape, and then escape. It was incredible. I felt really good about it. Here’s where the rough part comes in. As we were talking he said, “Why did you just let it (the sexual abuse) happen?” and without batting an eye, I gave an answer. He just stopped and said, “We need to get you to a point where you’re offended by me saying you let it happen. You did not let it happen. You were a child.” And we just kinda left that at that. It really hit me just how much guilt I’ve been carrying around for years and how I’ve been blaming myself instead of a man who was 11 years older than me. I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I was diagnosed with PTSD less than a month ago. I had never talked about sexual abuse in therapy. This is the first time I’ve opened up about it with a professional. I guess I’m pretty proud of myself for how far I’ve come. My therapist thinks I’m making a lot of progress. I don’t know. It was a difficult session, but I feel better. Wednesday, I was pretty sure I was going to kill myself. Now, I think I’ll stay around a little longer. 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I really want I be involved though and volunteer. I had an interview today with an organization that I thought I could do outreach and education with, but they really need volunteers to answer the hotline and go with survivors to the hospital. I’m afraid of getting triggered by this, but I really want to give back and help others. Are there any other survivors who are involved in activism that can give some advice? How do you know if you’re ready for that and what do you do if you do get triggered badly? Also, I’m hoping that helping others will maybe reduce the helpless feeling I have, but idk if that will actually happen, so just looking to hear from others who are further ahead in this process than me. 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I had an “episode” at work three weeks ago where I couldn’t control my thoughts, everything from noises, to lights, and interacting with customers cause me to freak out. I couldn’t hear anything. It sounds like I was listening through a cup. Ever since then when falling asleep and waking up I get this tingling through my whole body. I easily get startled when sleeping and wake up feeling startled. I was wondering if anyone experiences this too. I should also mention I have bipolar 2. 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Researchers recruited over 250 military veterans who were treated at the Indianapolis VA Medical Center and followed them as part of a 10-year study. More: [http://www.mentaldaily.com/article/2019/03/researchers-develop-new-blood-test-that-may-help-diagnose-ptsd/](http://www.mentaldaily.com/article/2019/03/researchers-develop-new-blood-test-that-may-help-diagnose-ptsd/)",28.184583333333336,29.923536069444445,17.697777777777787,10.925000000000038,21.63888888888889,18.48888888888889,58.72222222222222,16.32212239822248,9.761272222222221,575,25,48,16,3,146,55,72,0.076,0.8859999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.4215,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,6,0,4,5,2,1,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,11,2,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,29,4,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992192693206132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27947354410090364,0.0,0.0,0.15778696392660088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27684105004961895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869262684105108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5318677601314947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490881233122678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185416386323684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6437367343938212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393339965151289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770573393314471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865789752171269 ptsd,myfavoritebandis,2019/03/15,"“Screwy in the head” I grew up in an abusive household. Regularly hit, screamed at, doors slammed on me, verbally abused... etc. my boss has a disabled vet friend who also has ptsd. He said something like “He has like... Really really bad ptsd” then he went on about how he’s a veteran and that is a more valid reason to have ptsd than other things. He knows about my ptsd. I’ve told him this. He then referred to his friend as “screwy in the head”. Yep. All of us trauma survivors are fucked up. Yep. And half of us are invalid and just being dramatic. Yep. Of course. How silly of me to even tell him about my illness. 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A few years ago I was stabbed multiple times breaking up a bar fight in which a friend's boyfriend was slapping her around and stabbed me several times while stopping him. For a while after that, anytime adrenaline would flood my body I'd automatically go into a fight or flight response, one time even slamming a 10 year old in a grocery store against some shelves after hearing him run up behind me. (I apologized profusely to the kid and his parent, who understood thankfully, but I felt and still feel awful about it) About two days ago I was walking to the store and a security guard was pretending to draw his gun on his security guard buddy behind me and I snapped. I almost took the guy out and realized what was happening before tackling him. I screamed at him about what an idiot his is and how all three of us almost got into a situation where none of us would walk away unharmed. &#x200B; That night I broke up with my girlfriend who launched into me about what an idiot I am for doing that, and I've been on the edge of rage or tears ever since. I can't think, I'm snapping at work, my heart is beating a hundred miles an hour all the time. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is PTSD, I don't know what this is, but I feel like I'm losing my mind and anyone around me right now. Does anyone have any experience with something like this? I'm not trying to claim that my trauma is the same as those who have experienced combat PTSD, and I certainly apologize if I'm coming off that way, I'm just kind of lost and scared right now.",6.9131540185718885,6.0143649855907775,7.060898174831895,78.77526016650657,64.85014409221901,10.131860390650017,33.398815241754725,9.2995712137729,2.731011015049631,1378,49,278,21,18,445,178,347,0.173,0.725,0.102,-0.9857,1,0,1,1,2,0,36.0,2,0,0,4,14,21,5,1,22,1,26,4,2,2,4,59,52,23,0,4,11,1,4,4,2,2,1,3,0,2,20,21,1,5,11,2,2,6,7,11,0,3,12,8,38,10,41,38,6,50,0,3,0,0,25,21,0,8,25,187,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557338692434477,0.0,0.1759228301327521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903542781503391,0.21347611671071448,0.059735803684022426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284281362558545,0.0,0.0,0.15639661314829145,0.0,0.0,0.08253077035712424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474736174855233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757303749698937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566839812398908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665104251387006,0.0,0.0,0.0891581263942137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687142400428654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801903734404265,0.07945842592055083,0.0,0.08393712061058822,0.0,0.08592666449137859,0.0,0.0,0.1332471799524282,0.1255091710035655,0.08434242225989451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786677425640351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992282635162538,0.0,0.07025554413289467,0.0,0.0,0.08697772750513866,0.07767869147268862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900470176761757,0.1040935962657856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865070107582916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147427993684892,0.1448275589513511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166132163902556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827310965747107,0.09589029118193823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886957227227821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243408582041785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217575953107986,0.0,0.05952424320260341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753852352479966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5134149755956909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003375740260808,0.0,0.0,0.08794550691614827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923684127374198,0.0,0.07266409167986533,0.09873847100949926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762532519421435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015100647857309,0.07344012985692489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087342500882405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257164956326897,0.0,0.0,0.20488630028299698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759607227395832,0.059639182978805376,0.0,0.08580920253616924,0.0,0.21132703941142247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972516104990252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395026997611394,0.0,0.0,0.12480135653752247,0.0,0.21347611671071448,0.1131351743295196 ptsd,MagikarpIsBest,2019/03/15,"I would be happier never interacting with people ever again. How do I combat this? Long story short, I was in an abusive relationship for years, and was very fragile/vulnerable before that happened in the first place. Now I have zero desire to socialize. I only go out to get groceries at late hours. The rest of the time, I work. I play video games for fun, sometimes, but only light and/or stress-free ones. But I can't keep doing this. I mean, I can.. but I shouldn't? It's not healthy? I guess what I mean is that in order to get better, I need to keep moving forward. However, again, I have NO desire to interact with others. But I think it's something I need to do. But how? I have nothing to say, talk about, and I'd rather not. It's draining, and I don't want to talk about myself. But I know I need to start interacting with others again to get healthier. This is so frustrating. What in the world should I do?",1.3444565217391329,3.671742793478263,3.068652173913044,89.44808695652176,83.02173913043478,5.853913043478261,20.069565217391304,7.1686216300943375,0.5122073913043477,710,20,147,10,20,235,103,184,0.084,0.809,0.107,0.461,1,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,3,11,4,1,0,5,0,18,0,0,2,2,36,35,12,0,10,9,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,2,4,3,0,3,7,1,0,3,2,2,23,3,24,29,1,26,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,1,14,108,35,1,0.0,0.17777354220448094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767347518742495,0.0,0.0,0.13269869241937138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572028674839176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762443332088655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23517001746350302,0.0,0.08527151437038932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528660503820325,0.0,0.13268038170620824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775973938372422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667259074831829,0.0,0.0,0.08245837410035754,0.0,0.1692522997620155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278118412130144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268763361475508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946938228878665,0.0,0.3337595474412036,0.11572053831375337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439679748030398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167137421040848,0.2282252311596808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040192402870697,0.0,0.15676046252701611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108742248687058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193182845053059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294746741126858,0.0,0.11550856212516812,0.14839396156801934,0.0,0.1061994886385031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187096751875178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411938555906074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613993973240052,0.0,0.0,0.0874898637339904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379918486302807,0.08849781638471384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109231322899268,0.0,0.0,0.10658451699506942,0.0,0.0,0.0966212086600145 ptsd,anxious_shit,2019/03/15,"I'm angry. TW: sexual assault argument I'm panicking right now. Full-blown panic attack, literally can't breathe. All because of a graphic video someone shared comparing rape victims to animals in the meat industry. For reference, here's the video-- WATCH AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. It is so triggering: [https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1318403484921842](https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1318403484921842) Now this is the argument we had. I hate confrontation. Hate hate hate it. But I couldn't not say anything. I'm just feeling really frustrated right now because I feel like she isn't listening to me. I didn't edit out her name because it is only a first name, and Ariana is a really common name anyway (I spelled it wrong in the text). Am I in the wrong? Am I being too sensitive? I'm just, idk. [https://imgur.com/a/htW7cXB](https://imgur.com/a/htW7cXB)",6.455073529411763,10.414703772058829,4.5884705882353,74.27711764705887,81.13235294117645,8.60235294117647,27.388235294117646,8.841846274778883,3.3974747058823542,707,28,99,20,20,202,89,136,0.361,0.599,0.04,-0.9944,0,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,1,1,0,1,9,15,10,1,8,0,12,2,1,1,1,16,23,3,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,13,0,1,2,5,12,2,9,19,2,12,0,0,1,1,10,7,0,0,6,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370520443265944,0.0,0.0,0.1894685658141903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045721915963525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841994342478592,0.11897952073315385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166278170400634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6577133900525883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813652963114975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666469993183144,0.0,0.19540424547438964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213385515980362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844564171179088,0.0,0.13244297860012827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111272902912436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641808281641787,0.0,0.0 ptsd,safestwordthrowaway,2019/03/15,"Am I alone? I have PTSD from a very messed up young adult-hood. There's a variety of traumas, but that's not too important right now. I need to know, does anyone else get auditory hallucinations? Not just during flashbacks, but during the course of an average day? ",3.2578,5.818245180000003,4.3580000000000005,81.62900000000002,77.2,8.0,24.0,8.841846274778883,1.9318000000000004,209,7,40,5,5,68,42,50,0.172,0.828,0.0,-0.7072,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575129265529703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24136500261736896,0.35368813603990995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261911170990994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020782560801114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883621047672304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803476238606269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189707497539112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25595414743361483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035088525606368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947905309182193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28481805291435075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Restlessh8rt,2019/03/15,"Having a hard day due to my customer service responsibilities at work I work at an after school program at an elementary school. Our policies state that only adults over the age of 18 listed by the parents can pick up from program. Students 4th grade and up can walk home. We cannot release any student to Uber Driver’s. Yesterday evening, a student was not picked up from program. I informed the parent who then told me that all she could do was send an Uber Driver to get her. I told her this was fine, but she also much be present as I cannot release her student alone to the driver. Mom flipped her lid and started verbally attacking me. I told her that if she did not get her daughter that my only other option was to call the local authorities, which only made her attitude worse stating that I am prejudice and that how dare I treat her like a criminal. She finally hung up after threatening to fight me my stating “Get my hair down” to someone else she was with. My supervisor was well aware of this whole situation. After being threatened I did call the police who then tried to mediate the situation, which of course, failed. My supervisor then called the mother where she continued her threats and stated she was coming to her her daughter. I then had to call the police again and was on the phone with dispatch when she arrived. I stayed on the line in case things escalated and you can’t never predict anyone’s behavior. The mom came in, said nothing and left. I’m lucky because nothing escalated yesterday but now I’m having bad anxiety and other PTSD symptoms. Part of my PTSD is from dealing with these bullying and manipulating type personalities trying to get their way by putting me down and making threats.... it’s just going to be a very hard and exhausting day of staying hyper vigilant. 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Mornings were very chaotic in my home growing up, and as an adult I still find myself living it over and over every time I wake up and it sucks. I trying grounding techniques and it does help but the thoughts are almost too much. Any advice? My head hurts.",4.756666666666668,6.677036730158732,3.933523809523809,89.30314285714289,70.5873015873016,5.04,26.885714285714286,3.1291,0.5931485714285714,266,9,48,0,5,78,49,63,0.146,0.8059999999999999,0.048,-0.7654,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,3,0,3,2,2,0,0,10,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,6,0,8,3,1,13,0,1,0,0,2,8,1,1,4,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242017211575588,0.0,0.0,0.22974651745194685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602401181519274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042664049447053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40156111502366815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330930934717275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969989598521688,0.1951577242670264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354670213862766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537857834345397,0.0,0.23014251962897234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456154545598687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20259575532462887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866149615869214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832274915318178,0.19181835652729204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152426755384189,0.0,0.0,0.3642923272703741,0.13378568866846827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577164808820387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189308320948505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwawayhitach,2019/03/15,"I’m disrupting my partner’s sleep Lots of screaming and panic attacks from nightmares. He refuses to just let me be when I leave the room because that’s even more worrying to him. What can help? Ear plugs? ",2.998750000000001,5.494853375000003,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,77.75,7.0,30.0,8.07648339933343,2.3080000000000003,165,8,31,3,4,52,37,40,0.285,0.6559999999999999,0.059,-0.8538,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824076941554197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049077798063266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201725183794388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253075078120723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559236483448491,0.0,0.3437258499455256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857741457997281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39438777941308745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363826836376534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413664128972202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Aileks,2019/03/15,"Really having a rough time lately. This year has just been constant stress so far. I knew that it would be, it's my last term in school, until the past couple weeks there were ongoing housing issues, I got pretty sick unexpectedly, etc. But I mostly had things under control -- it was a lot of stress but I knew there was an end in sight. Then one more thing happened and everything fell apart. It hit all my triggers and I've just been a wreck. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't stop crying for more than a short period. I know everything will be okay and that things won't feel this way for long, but right now it does and I don't know what to do. Friends have tried to help, but this reaction is so disproportionate to the actual situation I know it doesn't make sense. I've never really felt like a support group for PTSD would help me, but right now this seemed like the right place to reach out. Thanks for listening. 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I didn’t realize until I started seeing a therapist that the relationships I’ve entered into are all toxic in some way. I get really attached to people that don’t care about me. Example: I’ve recently been seeing a man that only wants to hang out after 2am. He had initiated an actual date with me and didn’t show up saying he left his cell phone at home, and he’s terrible with time. I feel so compelled to believe this kind of behavior because I just want to be loved not unlike my relationship with my parents. I just want affection and attention, but because of my childhood I feel that I have to try waaay too hard to make anyone want to be around me (friends included) and this behavior comes out naturally. I feel like I can’t control it. Needless to say, I am very lonely. I don’t know how to stop this cycle, I feel helpless. Any advice? 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I’ll have you know that it’s exhausting trying to stay afloat when all I have is arm floaties and the ocean has huge waves crashing over me one after another. Even those of you (generalization, not speaking about anyone in this sub in particular) with ptsd that say this shit to people like me that just don’t want to fight for once, stfu. Everyone’s journey is different, even people with the exact same trauma stemming from the exact same thing at the same time. People are different and react differently. People cope differently and I’m just so sick and tired of hearing from well wishers that everything will be okay so long as I don’t give up. Like hold on here, are you trying to tell me how to recover? I’m sorry, are you me? Are you inside my mind? Are you with me in my darkest hour(s)? Let’s be real here, are you even aware of what’s really going on with me rn or are you sure that I’m even telling you what’s *really* going on? Instead of brushing you away because I’m sick of well wishing comments like “don’t stop trying and I’ll be by your side. If you stop trying, I’ll love you from a distance.” Or “you’re acting like you were [at an event that is unrelated to my trauma but triggered the shit out of me anyways] and always make yourself into a victim.” Or “When [similar trauma] happened to me as a kid, my mom wouldn’t let me lose my shit, you shouldn’t let it get to you this bad.” Heyy 🖕🏼 Since I was 12 years old, almost 20 years ago, I’ve been battling mental health and literally for my life with suicide attempts and ideations. Ptsd is unlike anything I’ve experienced and even though people may have similar experiences or even have some form of ptsd themselves, doesn’t mean they get to dictate how I heal. If I want to not progress, if I want to not practice personal hygiene, if I want to do my damnest to destroy my body, even if it’s not the wisest choice, that’s my choice and not anyone else’s. I know damn well how my “My life is falling apart” journey goes, it’s happened several times over 18 years, it’s basically the same way with a few variations. Trust in the system. Let me have my temper tantrum, and I’ll eventually come out of whatever I’m going through. If people can’t handle the system, honestly at this point with so few people left, they can leave. I’d rather be alone than surrounded by well wishers that say well meaning things that come out as really fucked up. Or people that hold beliefs that are so ass backwards. Or people that forget it even happened and say things like “Why did you have to pick [her birthday month which also has the trauma anniversary] of all months?!” Well to be fair, if it was my choice, it wouldn’t have happened at all, but you’re right, it should’ve been a different month because how dare it inconvenience you and your plans.",4.465013134851136,5.542961278458847,5.083729859894923,84.04009566549914,70.1908931698774,7.9516812609457075,27.234719789842377,8.238735603445708,1.671377197898424,2274,74,455,32,40,731,250,571,0.172,0.748,0.08,-0.9967,5,1,0,0,1,1,67.0,0,19,2,4,34,34,11,0,16,1,50,16,6,8,6,92,81,43,1,16,23,1,0,5,0,5,8,6,0,2,34,26,0,5,5,0,0,10,13,18,6,1,6,8,54,16,67,61,11,59,1,1,0,3,37,28,6,16,22,299,88,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050697610812772895,0.0,0.057269926050636986,0.059234076911767825,0.0,0.04573674071907025,0.04758865745339859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997121691988928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998051016892659,0.058600371334723615,0.04706447116775244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373414140379563,0.0,0.047753264134383744,0.06972791102980114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352786204919378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853237494328436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29876942022553865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777691049358635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022003205123621,0.0,0.0,0.054649788053595424,0.0514008403236793,0.05594514046284648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052873451175954586,0.059761335768272736,0.054864160430884976,0.09751127484382466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230019778532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079284556934485,0.06445999015157076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632299236262313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05083523195406975,0.0,0.0,0.0628628934249505,0.0,0.0,0.060558492480492936,0.062139708722802875,0.2339324110221449,0.08079336541431797,0.13970658595878474,0.0,0.0,0.050613473266506635,0.0,0.06398366509454773,0.0,0.0,0.051618372927028214,0.0,0.03817637035680157,0.0,0.0,0.1245985778071064,0.0,0.0,0.057636486272463525,0.0,0.057748019145763524,0.06698304633538467,0.1369512814094582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001380182461553,0.060908038246266026,0.03875504963012273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568500736818326,0.049938196685928284,0.0,0.0,0.054065303155982035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674194148738241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509747093185687,0.10991674564745922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884199614718965,0.0,0.18192676448788828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646111315621443,0.17612152671183873,0.04731014336118099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640222081323889,0.0,0.06095948751230981,0.0,0.09563081273491268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255920166971934,0.0,0.05390315909754357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997735495142912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139882654911216,0.0,0.056191241515201364,0.0,0.06669869542879371,0.06573424916761632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941494231498674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493423464698126,0.04539666414169692,0.0,0.0,0.308537010729634,0.0,0.051607244278107374,0.0,0.06576843617785377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049008925143344 ptsd,WhalingBanshee,2019/03/15,"Can anyone relate? (flashbacks?) I've tried googling this, but I can't really find anything useful. I keep getting these images in my head, and it feels very similar to when you're trying to remember a dream you've had. The images are accompanied by a really disgusting feeling, and sometimes sensation of touching this disgusting thing. Is this what flashbacks are like? The twist however, is that the images I'm getting are really specific and weird (in lack of a better word) I can't think of any sort of situation in real life where they would belong, traumatic or not. So are they still flashbacks if they are fictional? Thank you for any insight you might have!",5.285901639344259,7.5104061147540975,5.804065573770496,75.17986885245901,69.81967213114754,9.47016393442623,30.2327868852459,9.888512548439397,3.3654957377049186,534,22,88,14,10,172,82,122,0.156,0.7070000000000001,0.138,-0.6719,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,3,1,4,6,2,0,6,0,14,2,1,1,0,21,23,8,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,9,3,11,20,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,3,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715753318078334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961927275241176,0.0,0.1643177124786934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659867646725702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192606374702346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250177703323228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086466870755374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492690105457684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774826917366896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410382466746189,0.0975524256551494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182645785058107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727690859512065,0.38375589398459176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22619588037999425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444607231236688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974863258322479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946284879538344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838363751443244,0.0,0.0,0.13265697436008927,0.12794539119290754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27113606760679204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724573996680074,0.0,0.16475499340598254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184529093734602,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wolfbladderr,2019/03/15,"My father has PTSD and often expresses his feelings with aggression, but the next minute he’ll be the sweetest person in the world. I told a few friends some things he’s done and I feel guilty for painting him in a bad light He is stressful to live with because the unpredictability of his nature makes it impossible to know what his moods will be, all I can do is try to calm him down. He is literally Jekyll and Hyde. The smallest things will set him off, and then when he gets angry, he doesn’t stop being angry. No, often, it escalates into hitting and screaming. He has gotten much better, but I have told three close friends about him in the past few days after I’ve had too much to drink and I feel guilty. Like, about how abusive he can and has been but half the time he is so sweet and undeserving of what I say about him. My closest friends would never want to meet him and I feel like I just make him seem alot worse than he actually is. I feel like I screwed up and I wish I would’ve never told anyone anything.",4.921523525018671,5.3376681650485445,5.139514563106797,86.43853248693054,68.80582524271844,7.891859596713965,27.011202389843174,7.61054688173877,1.2437487677371175,806,23,172,8,13,254,119,206,0.219,0.633,0.14800000000000002,-0.9588,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,10,15,2,1,10,0,22,2,0,3,3,39,40,17,0,3,4,1,5,3,3,4,0,2,0,1,6,14,1,1,7,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,7,9,24,9,22,25,7,21,0,0,0,1,31,10,1,5,13,116,30,0,0.0,0.16037382514135834,0.1320871883480533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464353049842968,0.0,0.11138582894631774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301597103985495,0.08251129756740014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197107096514542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729293170166501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851540415942168,0.0,0.13259660425554498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421983798497322,0.19339562003054808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137253664057155,0.0,0.07071752596307959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743876996848079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983831986231881,0.0,0.1195211561422668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807013465931628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900335014689974,0.0,0.20878860989839645,0.0,0.14395183258824815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921189169525782,0.0,0.11818697407902927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582230314236983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763991906855556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322232628942252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131630408777098,0.1550489693231393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984801311696616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892672854533794,0.0,0.0,0.3880131950740664,0.0,0.09189732254684174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798360270841045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565184523294145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793855258841514,0.19230495696240388,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shieldedsunshine,2019/03/15,"Please tell me it gets better. Today was so hard. People kept coming up behind me and it made me shake and want to puke every time. I had to go to my boss and ask her to address a coworker that grabs me every time she talks to me. The jets flying overhead remind me of my abuser. I’ve had a constant sick feeling since diagnosis. I can’t sit still. I’m constantly shaking my leg or tapping my fingers. My hands shake if anyone talks too loud too close. Someone please tell me it gets better....",1.7034999999999982,3.877894350000002,3.2960000000000003,89.24300000000002,80.5,5.2,21.0,6.2581,0.2862999999999998,385,11,77,3,10,127,68,100,0.159,0.746,0.095,-0.7886,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,3,3,0,4,4,3,2,0,12,14,6,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,3,0,0,5,6,16,2,8,9,0,14,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,6,44,20,1,0.0,0.20593155707033192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152911851417098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624850437932068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30743436860459195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971838322453454,0.0,0.3756448398590351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29287791470463204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788147957097905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161280646517425,0.0,0.09877789186335308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569593725151604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445933426670287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204951189696738,0.0,0.0,0.3815733455609538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437740271303535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726516540977588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138801607169428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793971792520125,0.30382801492421724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269522273329235,0.0,0.16474765982651682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251521626579303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Laatikkopilvia,2019/03/16,I’m so sick of having ptsd. I wish it would just stop ,-3.325384615384614,-1.808547769230767,-0.34730769230769104,109.12980769230772,103.6153846153846,2.6,6.5,3.1291,-2.8066615384615385,41,0,12,0,2,14,12,13,0.35100000000000003,0.485,0.16399999999999998,-0.4754,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5924950769096997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237597017631895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828668000012504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600605399868806,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rockdude14,2019/03/16,"I'm so tired... I've been having nightmares pretty much every night for two years. I've probably tried half a dozen medications with no help. My dog got attacked at the dog park the other day and I've just been feeling that fight flight response non stop since then. I'm just so so wound up and so tired at the same time. I just want a break. I don't know the point of this post.",1.0558750000000003,3.069414837500002,2.0275,98.3375,81.875,5.0,17.5,5.985473137389443,-0.6077500000000002,297,6,70,2,8,93,57,80,0.165,0.731,0.104,-0.722,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,2,0,6,0,4,4,0,0,0,11,10,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,3,1,3,0,6,7,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,38,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563406976932948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531654057004592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898467573823942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393152636547114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021367615183545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103117596951612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383320125051543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269921009873808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564043526473415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145305796525332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300577181920013,0.0,0.2157998904552559,0.2292374082739808,0.2429393901259975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863918819145724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838251047560844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138932244729315,0.5179578643444454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298146986054326,0.0,0.22011062653573546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290303169526005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510246785246447 ptsd,Its_Jacob_Bitch,2019/03/16,"Is it normal to have trouble sleeping at night? Every night I dread going to bed, I just can't sleep. I have to turn on the light and check the room every couple minutes to make sure it's empty. I don't know why I do this. I can't even sleep unless I have a wall of pillows protecting my back. It makes me feel un normal.",1.1574761904761883,2.578613414285712,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,79.14285714285714,5.238095238095238,18.80952380952381,5.46131890053228,-0.3841904761904762,249,5,57,1,6,84,48,70,0.118,0.846,0.036000000000000004,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,8,3,3,2,1,10,14,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,9,1,8,14,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479398659836151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288138912040133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270750716568632,0.0,0.32420214196947195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097280684155005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093425025018504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105735251014819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568502900573758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36109931643577015,0.3770124677545951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5776017846385748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132999444178804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927049373850368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360654690332725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lotuscakes,2019/03/16,"i can’t have sex and it makes me feel... empty inadequate as a human being last january while i was in a very vulnerable state i was sexually taken advantage of by someone i trusted very much and a few other people who didn’t really have any regard for my well being, it took me a while to process that what happened wasn’t okay. i developed ptsd and it got really intense at one point (i had flashbacks combined with panic attacks and intrusive thoughts every night for two weeks) i’m since better, but still not okay. i can’t talk about the situation without breaking down and it’s been very hard for me. i’m a girl and this situation happened with different men. i’m also gay even thought i tried really hard not to be. but nonetheless i find myself in panic whenever i think about having sex or being intimate with someone. i don’t even know how to talk about it. my friend asked me out on a date a few weeks ago (i’ve been dealing with an intense depressive episode mixed with bad side effects from a new medication so i postponed). she’s very sweet and i want to go out with her and i know i’m jumping the gun but thinking about having sex terrifies me. it’s not even sex just anything sexual or vulnerable. god even kissing someone sober scares me. i’m 19, i want to date i want to be happy but i feel like i’m not even a person. it scares me to the point where if i think about it for too long i’ll get a panic attack. i don’t know what to do :( i just feel so broken. i think about my relationship i had before all this happened and i had no fear and i always felt safe. i don’t know if i’ll ever feel like that again. i’m terrified but mostly ashamed. i’m ashamed that what happened to me affected me so so much. i’m ashamed at how weak and vulnerable i am. i don’t know what to do. i feel so very alone i don’t have any friends or anyone who’d even begin to understand. i feel just stupid and broken. ",1.3877896725440806,3.508225105793453,3.4097172544080614,88.29412248110835,81.31738035264485,6.589647355163728,23.02323677581864,7.7348632917899725,1.1147874559193958,1505,52,320,26,40,509,177,397,0.241,0.634,0.125,-0.9956,1,1,0,1,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,3,29,29,3,9,14,2,30,8,0,5,2,70,73,33,0,5,18,0,9,2,2,0,2,0,0,4,20,20,0,1,21,0,0,3,15,15,1,2,15,10,45,14,40,52,6,32,0,1,0,6,15,12,0,6,17,208,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894228277028851,0.0,0.0,0.08055078759370743,0.0,0.06219613234419096,0.06471450283775526,0.0,0.0,0.10577847167353006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054381645010269895,0.0,0.06400167636427932,0.0,0.07270853338749413,0.17695913826060172,0.0,0.0,0.06493834692358935,0.0,0.0,0.06618025706336271,0.0,0.0,0.06878510640831269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018195622458069,0.06698694742138764,0.0,0.0,0.08125765897873342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082154111804715,0.07035136666043015,0.06552825768648278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751778424483206,0.2359503376690251,0.11112404513710324,0.07467558795297025,0.0,0.0710843614689522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017656439725725,0.0,0.04063389618577835,0.0,0.04420096447543413,0.0,0.06220326526683656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275102459792582,0.0827922587530224,0.13934111088225992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137137877298919,0.06339648864854197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759932533279499,0.0,0.0,0.06882786644152485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191499319369837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834949140762419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434621560025915,0.0,0.0,0.07511496726890292,0.0,0.07298597385591626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270192317826801,0.0,0.0,0.273754383026696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391895263779895,0.06790957644284393,0.0,0.0,0.1470438294225099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091407180203516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947275104545582,0.0,0.0,0.0835005627770805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557314163102528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433575920480404,0.17484329187253506,0.0,0.0,0.19769390362423972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062110709106004074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502417860606774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993386932158368,0.0,0.12348831815290287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086410182250883,0.052803689230713324,0.0,0.07597425446732667,0.08096585780527421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208599854606653,0.13762000828963475,0.0,0.124771810161428,0.0,0.06992849530712937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497171338273799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throw_Away-One23,2019/03/16,"Wondering about a diagnosis I've been seeing a therapist recently, and she said I may have PTSD. It was never something I considered, but she's the professional. My dad was an alcoholic (unbeknownst to me at the time) and he died of liver failure when I was eleven. I hadn't seen him in a month up to that point, he stayed at our lakehouse when he wanted to be alone and distance himself from everything. My mom woke me up that morning, told me he'd died, and drove us up to the lakehouse. I was in such a shock, I didn't know what to do or feel. My last memory of him was seeing his body hoisted up on a stretcher by EMTs. I walked into the house and saw the dried blood on the chairs, couch, and floor. He'd been bleeding internally and had started to cough it up, among other ways which I won't go into. A year later my mom gets diagnosed with cancer, and she died when I was 15 after a long struggle with the disease. She started to get dementia towards the end, and couldn't remember my name. My dad was gone a lot because of his job, and presumably his alcoholism too, so my mom was everything to me. She wasn't the best mom by any means, I vividly remember her selling prescription pills to people in our house, smoking weed in front of me and my older sister. Her and my dad never slept in the same bed. Looking back on it, it was a pretty strange environment. Not abusive by any means, just...odd. My sister started drinking heavily after my mom died and she'd been accepted to college. She got a few DUIs, the last one resulted in her having a horrible car accident, and she almost died. We'd moved in with my grandparents since my mom had passed, my dad's family wanted nothing to do with us after he died and they gathered up the belongings they felt belonged to them. My sister put a lot of stress on my grandparents and me. Many times I'd have to pick her up from bars where she'd been kicked out, she was a violent sort of drunk and took it out on me quite a few times. I knew she was just self medicating, she'd been through the same things I had. Thankfully she's recovered since and is doing much better. During all of this, though, I was in the background. I was always the quiet kid, never spoke up or really opened up to anyone. I suppose looking back that by that point, I felt like I had no real foundation, no support system. Somehow I managed to not touch any alcohol or drugs but my problems would lie elsewhere. Since my dad died, I've had this sort of nervousness, or fear if you will. One example is the year after he died, my friend convinced me to play with him on the little league baseball team. I thought it might cheer me up, so I did, but I found that I couldn't bring myself to swing the bat. I'd played baseball for years leading up to that, I had no issues before. This time, I just couldn't swing. The whole year, I didn't get a single hit. I just felt so numb, inadequate, almost defeated, but I was far too young to articulate the things I was feeling. My mom was still alive and fairly healthy at this point, I often wonder why she didn't take me aside and try to encourage me. I feel like it would've helped me immensely just to feel like someone was in my corner. After that year, I never played sports or committed to any sort of extracurricular activity again. My philosophy during these times was just to push through, once I got older and on my own, I'd be okay. I did fairly well in high school, got into one of the best colleges in the region studying computer science. From the moment I arrived on campus, I had that fear. I changed my major from everything to computer science, to criminal justice, to nursing. I wasn't good enough for any of it. I kept good grades and scholarships but I just kept pushing the feelings down. My grandpa died in my sophomore year, and shortly after that, things started to really head south for me. I stopped going to class, instead I'd just drive around town, or stay in my room and not come out. Everything I'd pushed down started to come out. I found myself crying while talking about things that had nothing to do with emotion or anything remotely sad. I decided to drop out of school, I didn't care anymore. That was two years ago. Since then I've worked in a factory, waited tables, done all sorts of things to scrape by. I feel like an utter disappointment to my grandma and sister, they're all I have left. I've had moments of sheer panic because I feel inadequate, like I'm all alone. I've abandoned good relationships and friendships for the same reason. I started seeing a therapist recently, I'd always assumed I just had depression with some anxiety but she told me to consider the trauma itself, and the effect it could possibly have had on me. She gave me a book to read, which I'm going to pick up sometime this week, Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. Hopefully reading a similar account will help me feel less alone. So this all leaves me wondering, to the point of this post, could I really have had PTSD for almost 12 years and never realized it? I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm tired of feeling inadequate, I'm tired of feeling alone and numb. I don't want to give up. I just want a normal, stable life. I'm tired of being afraid, so I'm taking a step to get help and open up, which is so hard for me to do. I just discovered this sub and thought I'd try to reach out. Regardless of what diagnosis I may actually have once my therapist gets to that point, I'm trying to hang in there. All of you guys are such an inspiration! Thanks for reading, sorry for the essay lol.",4.703630979942972,5.495144889990987,5.555360929008362,81.92597049935421,69.44183949504058,8.807939950771331,29.05321326737016,8.994212911058018,2.233175166329539,4389,156,876,78,74,1438,429,1109,0.183,0.721,0.097,-0.9989,3,4,6,0,0,0,138.0,5,2,3,10,40,46,1,7,53,2,85,25,5,6,14,173,172,57,9,15,28,17,15,5,1,7,17,3,3,4,44,52,6,5,36,12,3,22,24,18,1,5,71,26,143,28,154,79,24,156,0,5,8,0,81,73,0,28,60,594,187,20,0.0,0.046803623401667084,0.03854842904805828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0350162988051398,0.12664744989117754,0.11866718042453335,0.16364937939572688,0.0,0.0,0.065737955789578,0.0,0.0,0.13431418363432893,0.0,0.030219059284613436,0.0,0.03917554762753903,0.027620842459474042,0.0,0.032506928020771715,0.03516531480734941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074947560254133,0.0,0.04816032409682258,0.0,0.03361344538087123,0.0,0.08291020083399102,0.03493646776046163,0.0,0.043878016425299086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040275104801567374,0.0,0.04178806823245165,0.06805525995565953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630785522047716,0.0,0.04339128942957321,0.0,0.0,0.03402316942081845,0.040093880796679186,0.368973232671218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04042444461178718,0.0,0.03869709738759587,0.04580998724345271,0.0,0.0,0.044434635220853634,0.034987206272374116,0.04081631114234517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420080476972512,0.0,0.03723913933874089,0.08890186865705291,0.19973488921936475,0.08466109503340064,0.11378486160328925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866242020664207,0.030519285982527924,0.0,0.10319129228713604,0.03789409016601978,0.06734999701290108,0.09939766228300216,0.09478050489695763,0.0,0.0,0.03911336834444063,0.0,0.0,0.0353861939178208,0.0,0.040540632665907635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794324349807466,0.04173622158528152,0.0,0.03923457748870425,0.0,0.09116042322720297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04123001253145085,0.03919981798334323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043418729692270654,0.06439909734670682,0.0,0.041827104549698006,0.04291923373544488,0.0,0.02790155768156868,0.09649384814296316,0.03959156157095011,0.0,0.034958185899747266,0.06634376399986272,0.0,0.0,0.06716668099774413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0400490100191556,0.0,0.1290883621903306,0.0,0.03979429012383166,0.0,0.04190557009571769,0.0,0.32385132739572725,0.03153026289733411,0.041984565420628256,0.029038647197371124,0.0,0.15233258076292588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03870374891756408,0.07580681344394485,0.0,0.0,0.0841370641603804,0.08030309769831398,0.0,0.0,0.04634729656022075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02738583755800762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671163985338785,0.04453277220636266,0.037832168661873215,0.04018791796018127,0.0,0.03779825100736799,0.09235186813929966,0.039710601090080636,0.0,0.04201543044184152,0.11853860840276195,0.04496212853159751,0.075918323320875,0.04061481972477054,0.07800727358621776,0.04241055763038449,0.08949653803220993,0.0,0.03757561872366552,0.0,0.0,0.07995662938579279,0.09443436837040407,0.0,0.041209388445555314,0.0,0.0,0.13070644473303186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03347006859987635,0.03041070777087866,0.03906866570910894,0.044219455989901804,0.16775907629614084,0.08420813507848529,0.031546491669003,0.03302559095014005,0.045249613287083684,0.041296254978176086,0.0,0.0,0.04482660530711029,0.0372303367997183,0.0,0.059401445929810615,0.03175035565999517,0.0,0.07273659941183787,0.0,0.13759522549591507,0.13121746438430792,0.0,0.038810690909961816,0.06272063635887816,0.11517019301327855,0.13620583339234113,0.0,0.07549205090509435,0.04388837502792257,0.08045816090586043,0.0,0.038587889594397684,0.0,0.09503251660778042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931976360166294,0.031354991504683315,0.03168626575383455,0.0,0.035517203496538814,0.0,0.03564457293314431,0.04410277283796876,0.0,0.0,0.12851528623268246,0.02875805722970158,0.0,0.0,0.05612243005371216,0.0,0.0,0.20350486834697165 ptsd,bufotoxins,2019/03/16,"does anybody have a service dog? anybody here have a service animal for their ptsd? not an emotional support or therapy animal, but a service animal thats trained to do specific tasks to assist with your ptsd. if so, how long have your had your animal? what tasks does it perform? whats the biggest challenge in having a service animal? whats the best part? thanks!",2.9760294117647064,5.880643073529412,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,81.5,8.105882352941178,29.088235294117645,8.841846274778883,3.1847294117647067,291,14,48,8,8,96,44,68,0.04,0.7859999999999999,0.173,0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,1,3,3,4,0,0,7,0,6,0,0,1,0,6,8,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,5,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,36,9,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599767450068264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335793737372944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786622566121492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192327431399456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682668232884945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5791648755556158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28112041269282456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280759685508145,0.28330018422648817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Entropyexempt,2019/03/16,"I want to quit I want out of my shell-shocked body that flinches at every weird noise or touch, out of my death-obsessed mind, away from my memories. No joy can rip me away from my demons, from the sense that at any moment the most deathly nightmare can suddenly come back. If the people that where suppose to love me and protect me could inflict such devastation beyond what I could ever imagine, what else is lurking around the corner? What other horrors? 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Need advice on how to cope. Ahhhhhhh. So I’m 26 and last Friday I found out I have thyroid cancer. It was a major bomb drop of course and I was shocked. Everything considered I think I responded well to the news and processed things in a completely normal way with good days and bad days. It was major and overwhelming but overall fine. I was unsure if I was ready to go to work but I decided to try it and see how it went. I’m a nurse and work on a labour and delivery unit. Anywayyyy.. Second day back. My 35 week pregnant patient has a massive hemorrhagic stroke in front of our eyes a couple hours into my shift with her baby still inside. They did an emergency c section and transferred her to another hospital for brain surgery. It was the most disturbing and horrific thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Her husband was right beside us. She was in hospital overnight for high blood pressure which is probably what caused the stroke. I found out this morning she’s had a lot of swelling post op and they don’t know if she will make it. To put things into perspective. A mom hasn’t died at our hospital in 30 years. My soul is crushed. I am absolutely destroyed. I keep playing it over in my mind. I can’t stand the thought of her not recovering. She’s in ICU in an induced coma. If she dies I feel like I will never get over it and ever be able to return to the career that I loved so much. I absolutely could not go back to the area in the hospital where it happened which makes me so sad because I loved my job soooo much. I know this will never happen again but just being there would be such a reminder and bring back all the awful memories. What I’m asking is how do you move forward from a traumatic situation? How do you cope and move on with your life when it causes you so much pain? I plan to see a therapist about this but in the short term how do you get by? I’ve gone from being a perfectly well adjusted, happy young adult to a compete shattered mess. I feel like broken pieces of the person I used to be and it a happened in the span of a week. 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He always played a role that seemed more like he was trying to befriend me than help me, which made me uncomfortable. I had a pretty traumatic incident (or at least it seemed traumatic to 13 year old me) Huly 2nd of 2018 where I was physically cornered by family members because I did something they didnt feel necessary (I hid behind a shed because I had a panic attack and self harmed because of built up anxiety, breaking my 1 1/2 year clean streak). Anyway, I finally found it in myself about a month after this incident to ask my therapist if he thought I had PTSD. He looked at me all confused and said ""I already diagnosed you with that 6 months ago when we met."" I was confused. I replied with ""Um... I dont think you did. You diagnosed me with anxiety, panic disorder, vender dysphoria, and depression, but never PTSD"" he then pulls up my diagnosis sheet and sure as shit there it is. One of the first things he diagnosed me with. I was relieved and angry at the same time. I felt validated for all these months I've struggled with locking myself in school bathrooms because I was having flashbacks or dissociating really hard, but why the fuck wasnt I told about this sooner?? I could have been looking for resources specifically based around PTSD and help for that instead of just generalized anxiety. I could have told my school that I had that and put that on my 504 plan instead of just generalized anxiety. I ended up discontinuing our sessions after we were in an LGBT group therapy and he called me que*r multiple times just to spite the fact I didnt like it(which I know people use it in a positive term, but that was 1. Something that was continuously shouted at me during the incident in July and 2. I'd been called that by my Dad and bullies for the last 3 years as a slur, so I wasnt comfortable with that.) On a bright note I now have a GREAT therapist, who's very open and down to business with me. Ibe told him more in the 2-3 months I've seen him than I ever told the last guy. So that's a good positive to look at I guess.",5.362790242165239,6.109225389423077,6.190042735042738,78.12532763532765,67.94230769230771,9.816809116809116,31.513176638176642,9.906371001090498,2.9871762108262105,1686,67,327,38,27,556,210,416,0.13699999999999998,0.7490000000000001,0.114,-0.2771,0,0,2,0,0,0,47.0,3,3,1,2,18,20,4,5,19,0,31,6,1,2,6,57,55,23,0,3,10,1,3,2,0,0,4,2,1,2,23,22,0,0,9,1,0,2,7,11,1,3,33,10,55,9,52,20,7,50,0,1,5,1,33,21,2,8,28,223,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949182067344857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651006413459998,0.0,0.06523034117040813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398857126977027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697875513376359,0.07328809201790297,0.08918483845035488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191153760957758,0.0,0.06670777890098989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600986992900216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518294587751627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752089937577388,0.31827427449488044,0.0,0.0,0.08984666443124409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187754072735133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943408490071203,0.0,0.0,0.051778698600952716,0.07091213635016952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390317312980832,0.0,0.03963851571264829,0.0,0.0752708259458527,0.08587712841943773,0.0,0.06668215514487974,0.0,0.08595530826200135,0.0,0.07247427104750408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575342300993951,0.0,0.08642999718869253,0.08636016438024932,0.07762268633963805,0.0,0.0,0.07022589839483931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509209931171024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616691885212407,0.12780364221967475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659899441179681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974944143726864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417858617363461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502943428991549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046252029096257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226163496598828,0.0,0.10624401883682327,0.0,0.0,0.18395765007518436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434873980153257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975519068046835,0.0,0.0,0.2749162395192452,0.07880792842051255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022139870161218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457093545407953,0.0,0.0,0.15867844234055162,0.0,0.14273446060490375,0.08178235649224781,0.0,0.08047062675327989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070353081727495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195474802742972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388570399445987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896507190379809,0.27306548841425105,0.052081692328262326,0.05023190473830805,0.0,0.062236320843480686,0.09142469847361998,0.0,0.0,0.29963646888903256,0.0,0.05322458664653647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770750857667372,0.0,0.06468351111961466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073866612904678,0.0,0.0,0.07556931178698498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145008503082133 ptsd,zula8989,2019/03/16,"A favour... I just wanna start off by saying that I HATE MYSELF so much right now for doing this. None of you could imagine, but I REALLY need to reach out to some of you, so here I am, slowly regretting it, but doing it anyway. I'm only 18 years old, I'm a university student studying Mechatronic Engineering. I've suffered from depression. Or at least I think that I have. I've been so lonely for as long as I can remember. And I still get this feeling of emptiness from time to time. But being the little boy that I am, I've always looked up to superheroes. Especially to how they went through the most horrible things, but instead of hurting others, or themselves, they chose to help people out. I figured that it does make things a bit easier. And it was true. Even the tiniest of gestures. Seeing somebody happy made ME happy. Now I don't know what I'm doing here. I think this may even be a huge mistake. But at least I'll go down trying, right? So I thought long and hard and came up with an idea. I want to do what I can to make sure that NOBODY feels this way, because it's dark, and lonely out there and because nobody should go through any of it. So I went online and built a website. I called it Alleviate. Which is a word that means to make problems less severe. It's just a community. It came to mind that people may not be able to afford therapists. So I thought that one approach could be to have all of us help each other out under one platform. You can follow a certain topic ranging from ADHD, postpartum depression, anxiety, and many more. There is a full disclaimer that the site doesn't offer a cure, or any of that, It's just a place for ranting and helping each other feel even just a LITTLE better. Here's a link to the website: [https://alleviate.mn.co](https://alleviate.mn.co/) I promise, all I want to do is help and all I ask from you is for any of you to just check it out, and if you want to join, you can sign up. I want a place for us and ONLY us. And while there is this subreddit and many more, it still doesn't feel like ours. And if I see that this idea helps people and actually benefits them, I'll turn it into a real thing from scratch. All I ask for you to do is check it out and if you feel like you could maybe benefit from it, please sign up. The number of members that I get there would be an indicator of whether this should be built or not. All I want to do is help. I'm not making any money from this whatsoever. Its ALL free and I'm not planning or going to allow any advertising or anything. It's just something that I wanted to do that was ""good"". I'm just an 18 year old kid in his first year of university. If you hate on me after this, I understand. I feel like a dipshit for posting something like this here, because I'm the type that hates the people that do this and here I am doing it. I deserve whatever comes my way. Thanks anyway though.",2.904583333333332,4.551787392123288,4.2080821917808215,86.56288812785391,74.90753424657535,6.784474885844749,23.81050228310503,7.492282038375204,0.9599344748858448,2263,68,471,28,48,745,241,584,0.124,0.732,0.14300000000000002,0.7125,1,4,2,0,0,0,87.0,4,11,3,3,34,29,3,0,27,0,46,0,0,7,9,120,100,46,0,21,27,0,8,4,0,5,0,2,0,2,54,32,0,0,19,0,4,10,8,12,0,3,10,13,54,18,72,76,19,59,0,7,3,0,32,29,0,14,21,348,108,2,0.06715374571103233,0.0,0.06553236876968932,0.0,0.08070575239409956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587729600598545,0.0,0.0,0.22833424941782365,0.0,0.05137243166105477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055261810850220965,0.0,0.12555937430098965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280890026073735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939203089014744,0.07331449764879562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857148260984497,0.15361199026287325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057847005731041574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085040480071436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567884555912925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058766695412830874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306324710023149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372970945474786,0.14392394806174302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571209417962972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017012093074675,0.0,0.11449506373877062,0.05632537581452876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429728220564428,0.060156565817178966,0.1989012630201835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700704412593882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718894736904646,0.15161680985146814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036905942420611605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123171235077005,0.13461139024891355,0.0,0.11885790349824832,0.05639223329422863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354249790142172,0.17930258687798184,0.136166715907635,0.06746496364363684,0.07315011587446328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678061397871332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493657299066221,0.04979365154270824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409331192955982,0.0,0.09101023209278923,0.10214689935383324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622380732358929,0.0,0.14032274264368289,0.07371464689935311,0.0,0.0,0.06431472538131462,0.0,0.0,0.06425706533399943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643566444509199,0.043020409072421835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607210305023741,0.11469786383077768,0.0,0.053403353943403536,0.0,0.0,0.10702568181385208,0.0,0.0,0.0758646180997017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339646856705627,0.0,0.0,0.04753176685270098,0.0,0.10725813614172017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632916106007119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061826146660441235,0.0,0.07797067464500702,0.13384189411717445,0.086058817404445,0.06597821420289914,0.10662514589674636,0.07831577832044118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559298525015106,0.07304399165008592,0.0,0.0699094175892268,0.24233306300324015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376541146835403,0.10660703519169136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450439011743132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770409421802648,0.0,0.0,0.12973443154759945 ptsd,siorez,2019/03/16,"Think I have PTSD? Hi people, I'm a 22yo gal that... In theory never had anything too serious happen. However, I think I have PTSD from when I was hospitalizedfor a few days for depression when I was 16 and got mistreated by doctors (over- medicated without consulting), a roommate and the situation just generally was not suitable for me at all (I'm autistic, but we had no idea back then)... I was flinching for any mention of the words ' mental health', 'psychiatry' etc for a long time afterwards. Nightmares, flashbacks... It's kinda okay in day to day life now, no more visible reactions except feeling EXTREMELY uncomfortable. However, a friend plans on going for a longer inpatient stay in summer and has asked me to visit. And now it's all back, the flinching, the nightmares, the depression... And I'm scared. I can't really get therapy (moving +waiting lists...) and it's like I'm drowning.... My boyfriend gets a lot of it. But I also have a history of codependency and am scared of that... Any advice? ",3.745483483483482,6.333637605405407,5.384819819819821,74.7619744744745,75.64864864864866,9.084084084084084,30.277777777777786,9.586721724236666,3.456903903903904,787,37,135,23,18,266,116,185,0.12,0.8109999999999999,0.069,-0.8592,2,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,0,1,9,8,0,2,13,1,12,4,0,0,3,26,26,13,1,0,6,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,4,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,7,1,12,3,21,19,6,25,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,2,16,93,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144964831733393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863456466199045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176468318245816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220785075685344,0.0,0.13868619929455786,0.0,0.0,0.2281422997703884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870183107913269,0.0,0.2555453866936214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184138897994326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544824184547954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500966307762398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461399497435044,0.0,0.15501235857700615,0.0,0.08431010065327631,0.0,0.1186481701892304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311844455790502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576879474858534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674678551444491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478321785518316,0.07247578093697754,0.0,0.0,0.13128411147363825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612093288693638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944591334383825,0.14950080285737286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576714072824319,0.0,0.0,0.114415819924406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028464509306936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34682385940645194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503610637703336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29704626448347954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667503832921602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812019285461515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964990007332426,0.0,0.0,0.190111974801594,0.0,0.0,0.08650343871593752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300304928776422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pinkpretties,2019/03/16,"Fears manifesting in my nightmares I’m beginning to lose it. I used to have nightmares about one particular event in my life. But now it’s any and everything I’m afraid of. I think my ptsd is morphing. And there is a lot more trauma under there than just the one event. My dreams are showing me how deeply my abandonment issues lie. And when you begin a new beautiful relationship, that’s not exactly a fun thing to discover. I’m on prazosin for the nightmares but it has almost made things worse. I don’t know how to address my fears of being randomly left or cheated on, but I can’t keep ignoring it. It keeps finding me. ",2.6881707317073165,5.023250764227644,4.140833333333333,83.63125000000002,77.9430894308943,8.002439024390245,26.51016260162601,8.841846274778883,2.2567674796747967,496,20,97,12,12,164,82,123,0.199,0.767,0.034,-0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,8,9,1,3,5,0,8,1,0,4,1,24,19,10,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,8,3,0,4,3,2,0,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,13,1,14,17,2,13,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,4,7,67,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443583843420306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204404527916358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745098374270734,0.0,0.0,0.4369963786666617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747026395722765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266577565572594,0.0,0.34517910633400595,0.0,0.0,0.10671219811487996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109691281056046,0.0,0.13714986929059544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217229502928846,0.0,0.16507862436671344,0.0,0.183730835199696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753313377054398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26315279547347176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22697741087792814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846873504094188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579993317124279,0.12441797946428415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770280672327498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787849622806566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hoeberry,2019/03/16,"I just don't want to live with these memories... Last year I was finally in a really, really good plae and had all of this treatment that was working amazingly, I'd worked really hard to rebuild my life and be moving forwards and have a plae (therapist's offie) to put all of the things that happened all of these years ago and feel like I was really happy and I would soon understanding the meaning of everything, with only maybe a few things left to disuss in therapy and then I ould lose that hapter. Everything just kept getting better and better. I don't even know how to transition to this but... That was up until Otober last year, and then from November to February I was involved in an ongoing, inespable trauma almost idential muh more signifiant to me now than the original thing that had happened to me. Now, I keep replaying everything that happened then, desperately trying to understand it and getting progressively more violent while this happens. It's like I'm simultaneously trying to avoid it and think about it. I feel like I got left behind in my initial trauma and then time just kept progressing without me when that happened, and now this has happened it's the same thing where I'm just stuk in the moments before it happened onstantly trying to understand why anything ould have happened after that that wasn't aording to my plan that I'd now onvined myself would keep going and just what the fuk happened and until I understand all of these things in my life now I don't give a SHIT about and I also everytime I remember... I just want to kill myself so that I don't have to live with the memories. I am so beyond fuking tempted to just drink soooooooooo muh vodka!! And this is something that I have NEVER done. &#x200B; I don't know what I want with this just like... Somebody to enourage me and tell me they're proud of me for everything that I did to ome this far and that if I used to think that my life was worth living then I'll feel like that again and everything will go bak to being amazing just like... I really need somebody to are about me :( <3 thanks...",6.937840182153318,7.0333189002493794,7.040986663775346,75.63545375691206,64.48628428927681,10.564935487368537,33.145505800715604,10.276239652853533,3.3196218367125674,1673,63,306,36,23,538,177,401,0.085,0.82,0.094,0.6892,0,1,3,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,0,9,27,21,3,1,12,0,29,5,1,3,5,69,68,34,1,7,12,0,4,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,39,23,1,5,13,2,1,5,8,7,0,0,14,4,37,14,50,49,8,45,0,1,0,0,3,13,1,2,35,226,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600958469028671,0.0,0.06788652666074935,0.0,0.0,0.05421533922456336,0.0,0.0734554507160289,0.08237789306583643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578920206529859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768823480539345,0.0,0.0,0.1199176777387722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937744186049748,0.0,0.06641292539601447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477771216521695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046471994684515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028370021956135,0.14529748658100688,0.0,0.07426570079670176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083978963632198,0.06503478433895192,0.07705849842324973,0.05686291716421491,0.05422155687518436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5395550878857698,0.07216864175127707,0.060730670137198586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051796003033073,0.07500471086614538,0.0,0.07451630872879886,0.11052333989857492,0.0,0.0,0.14731812257525467,0.0,0.14365605126749825,0.19872618373533565,0.0,0.17959169476521078,0.0,0.0,0.07584484712714518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681088156746103,0.07384822416842897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205496017275065,0.0,0.05026885736724115,0.052287396236770166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156086925779718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815232577293477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715487221167948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679809733533086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695902110302686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521916164976951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592554927203883,0.06241618462896155,0.07752906505868769,0.07871478795234878,0.22519869088689384,0.08688011992024725,0.0,0.0,0.0395315925627395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808430601966162,0.0,0.0,0.28230639308752353,0.0,0.058552791251776835,0.0,0.0,0.11996108362848427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117410665897958,0.0,0.0,0.06535160178125621,0.0,0.09871059269384352,0.0,0.0,0.09631871669514357,0.0,0.08237789306583643,0.1309725523843693 ptsd,Naynayshanay,2019/03/16,"Picking up old hobbies Hi I’m new to the sub, never posted before. I’m 20 and after 3 years of struggling and wondering what’s wrong with me I finally went to therapy and was diagnosed this month. When my therapist did the evaluation and was asking me questions it was so surreal because it felt like she was inside my head and knew exactly what was going on. Especially with the nightmares for some reason I’d assumed had nothing to do with my mental health. Anyway, the real reason I’m posting is because I had such a hard day today I got the bright idea to go to the store and pick up some perler beads again. After 4 ish years of never touching them I just NEEDED something to work on and something I could make. So I got home and made a kitten only to discover my boyfriend and I have no iron 😂😂😂 so even though I laid in bed in the dark for the last few hours, disregarding everyone in the house: after the discovery my sweet boyfriend just left to the store to go get me one. So here’s some pictures of what I used to make, and the kitten I made today. I didn’t really know where to put this but I wanted to tell someone about it and this seemed like a good place given my situation right now. I hope you guys like it 😂🤷🏼‍♀️ https://imgur.com/a/8hIVmx0/",2.0918287937743187,4.26848998054475,3.662779766536968,87.11208404669262,79.1556420233463,6.602272373540857,22.731361867704287,7.699297019823105,1.0932323424124508,1003,32,202,16,25,332,149,257,0.034,0.884,0.08199999999999999,0.9287,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,1,16,9,0,1,15,0,13,3,1,9,3,46,38,18,0,4,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,10,14,0,1,10,0,2,5,4,2,0,1,17,5,25,7,31,20,4,37,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,8,22,129,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632785589588974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386648839494199,0.0,0.09678100366409674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908089831744836,0.0,0.0,0.07335034474599292,0.0,0.0,0.11543969921332392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512159003912815,0.0,0.0,0.10867967226314043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920444664298452,0.12459228619438227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942239317500954,0.0,0.1939164591378624,0.09539640470861828,0.1819302224210068,0.0,0.0,0.11261657358137678,0.0,0.0,0.10188516304752236,0.0,0.11672600276842884,0.12089610532323805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408653417871055,0.11296556317474275,0.11200710137880453,0.13123613414817206,0.0,0.12839415932924378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250636002683338,0.09271006297710582,0.0,0.0,0.12357455388295735,0.0,0.0,0.16669707073827242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523960589134572,0.15183939650432007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146191899655176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078303204030952,0.0,0.0,0.08433384182166155,0.1754405106638422,0.10984698828715636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091328099001877,0.0,0.11934685468803335,0.0,0.0770704927201704,0.08650139310721881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882996743012547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178553975885572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433614692142476,0.1274104085746212,0.0,0.0,0.1294565277928478,0.0728622276417101,0.23387920946875365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971299674346114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354103061428023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784408842018738,0.0,0.0,0.0963681882383175,0.17511913978779994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890161686997948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994103230482898,0.0,0.1300670882863855,0.132056323216231,0.0,0.0,0.11174509416106114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561695802000094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823143183003928,0.0,0.0,0.06708447059360015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543446018675748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233418973354813,0.08280120084637138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435251887896147,0.0,0.14648457771869816 ptsd,isopodsarenice,2019/03/16,"I can’t stop the nightmares and my tinnitus is deafening I was abused as a kid, my father beat me all the time, shout at me more than any normal parent. Slammed doors, punished me harshly, I witnessed him beating my mum from a young age, he also killed her in the car once. I also had an accident when I was young, I was severely burnt by a pot of boiling water when I was 5 and I still relive those events almost every day and mornings in particular. I keep watching up at 5am sweating and feeling worthless as if I lost everything even though I had nothing to begin with. People look at me and think I’m a pussy, or a wimp. I hate my life. I also witnessed a 13 y/o boy fall of a roof and die, that has stuck with me really bad. I hate myself and my ex girlfriend broke up with me heartlessly because I wasn’t good enough. Honestly fuck this world. ",3.705838095238097,4.446589445714288,5.0666428571428614,84.71177380952379,71.68571428571428,7.890476190476193,28.29761904761905,8.07648339933343,1.7585904761904758,663,24,138,9,12,222,116,175,0.309,0.653,0.039,-0.9942,1,0,0,0,1,1,18.0,0,0,0,3,8,13,6,0,11,0,10,5,1,0,1,19,21,17,2,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,3,10,2,2,2,0,0,2,2,11,0,0,9,4,29,2,18,12,3,21,0,3,2,1,10,8,1,3,11,91,32,0,0.0,0.2038033778068429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224287670907498,0.0,0.0,0.41266830617788747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697250051400848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362092207840502,0.10485552200703252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109320322301984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785189210040376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777320103838099,0.0,0.1136107904640702,0.0,0.1449255984633832,0.0,0.15459123510629832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869732771316423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902020414747764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427358287719033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339647952510933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289013263610934,0.19030325753559024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149554432517755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444483372104092,0.0,0.18776891650940966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853299359951993,0.16504795481388787,0.0,0.0,0.18318472618538564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099642575315195,0.0,0.0,0.1192498741068123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019382407954932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943220104361993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736717571890464,0.14380781872255438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021687601337367,0.16899866565001495,0.0,0.1003002445231032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,akgam3rgirl,2019/03/16,"Can anyone relate to this? Trigger warning (it's triggering to me so I don't know if it will be for others too) A couple years ago my boyfriend and I decided to move states because he needed knee surgery (nothing too serious) and we were having financial problems. He ended up moving before me and I followed a few months later. He had the surgery while we were long distance in different states. Being apart from him during such a hard time in our relationship and with him having surgery and recovering was really stressful for me. Now we are married and doing well, but I keep having flashbacks to his surgery and panic attacks because my body is reliving it. It sounds like the dumbest thing, but I can't even talk to him about his surgery because I have such bad anxiety surrounding it. He knows about this, and he knows to not talk about anything regarding surgery, hospitals, anesthesia, etc. I avoid all conversations, videos, etc about this topic because I can't stop thinking about that time two years ago and how helpless I was and I couldn't be there for him. I can't even handle him being sick or going to the dentist or even talking about these things because it brings up such bad memories for me. I have a history of depression, anxiety, and OCD and now I think PTSD might be added to the mix. I have talked to a therapist in the past, and I just started seeing a new one so I'm going to bring this up in therapy. Does anyone else out there have a similar experience? I feel like this is such a minor thing to be so traumatic, but I just don't want to be alone and I don't know what to do until I am able to work this out with a professional. 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Can anyone relate? I've always had issues with very particular things because of abusive situations, but I got really bad after my husband assaulted me. Now I dissociate really bad (like a lot) and I spend most of my time scared. Scared of being attacked or hurt emotionally even. And it's enough that I have full meltdowns that leave me in bed for the rest of the day/night on anxiety meds. I was only diagnosed a couple of weeks ago. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have similar issues, and if so what are other symptoms of PTSD that may not be in the diagnostic manual?",4.6799099099099095,6.696893747747751,6.44162162162162,70.84639639639641,70.98198198198199,9.618018018018018,26.74774774774775,9.994966539143718,2.995601801801802,470,16,79,13,9,162,81,111,0.293,0.7070000000000001,0.0,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,2,5,0,10,2,0,0,0,11,11,7,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,3,0,9,1,12,5,5,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,5,7,58,16,0,0.0,0.17479911796852576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077658738367598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122756913395971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112860170321789,0.0,0.0,0.3094695590998856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678368577175323,0.0,0.0,0.2463630462977404,0.08993301758879496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323931847317028,0.0,0.09514474979248204,0.0,0.0,0.1497400092093106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910463918274673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659515755265595,0.0,0.15243809491375224,0.0,0.09744228078323676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799334789686115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793408999170236,0.0,0.0,0.3079663197218259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621314016051374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207578524434517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542486822570262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387275197752266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248555003022184,0.0,0.13844706331459616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220333636314736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449097296368764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902319934009826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29540685853614324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583008365275845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533403268793259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801248437370552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860260240204774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172783447375285,0.0,0.0,0.11833979728350047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Snowwhite9202,2019/03/17,"27yr old F army vet My brain has been off this week. I have a tough time saying the things I have flashbacks of durning the day. Today it’s been this oddly removed thought of the things I know that most people don’t. I know belt nooses cinch too tight to loosen and you have to cut the strap to drop the body. I know the heat of blood when it pours out too fast and sprays on you. I know how to keep calm when your water boarded with self talk of keeping your heart rate low breathing calm and steady as to reserve your energy and oxygen. I know when someone bigger than you is mounted to remain calm and to try psych warefare to appeal to what little human is in them. Also know that when that fails to claw to get their dna under my nails Incase I die. I know the game of light and sound deprivation and that it’s intent is to drive me mad and to keep my baring I engaged my other senses as much as possible (touch, smell, hot, cold etc) I know things other people would never know. I know how to thrive in pure chaos. I have never had to live my entire life I have functioned under survival. Tonight nothing in the world is wrong with my current situation and I have everything to be grateful for but thanks to my ptsd I am pulled away from my hard earned award back into the worst moments of my life on repeat.",3.8965037593984975,4.964186469924815,4.15421052631579,90.21447368421049,71.5187969924812,6.351879699248119,22.646616541353374,6.05967700443912,0.28335639097744325,1035,23,217,5,19,322,156,266,0.096,0.8340000000000001,0.07,-0.6059,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,6,2,4,10,14,2,0,10,0,18,8,5,3,3,37,34,20,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,15,13,1,4,11,1,0,3,3,8,0,0,4,9,34,6,42,28,4,36,0,3,0,0,13,15,0,1,17,145,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230823199456824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844899555036183,0.08875748983856899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821518402842405,0.0,0.12885652322837385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444191579607268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979669188617505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287334322410934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037398078375883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030669391471179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034013780673762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678347977851954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30779480419496,0.0,0.0,0.6343655515117027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630613069719061,0.0,0.11568980930198118,0.10192559314882274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485332286353553,0.0,0.1780513475060551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075688155674812,0.0,0.12112292775144795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600473534737066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012843443949634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492988896852054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179347783830537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041723290388393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974661398194948,0.0,0.0,0.09780230180375278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927771587132872,0.0,0.1062711722061053,0.0,0.0,0.23005695399772216,0.0,0.0,0.09163743701614482,0.06730736115624658,0.0,0.10941284249388003,0.0,0.0,0.07836846138123275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925898827199264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199718542096804,0.12620308427279606,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shallowhearted134,2019/03/17,"I feel so alone I know so many people with disorders of all kinds, most of my friends have anxiety/depression/bipolar or something similar. So I can relate to them with that. I understand them. They understand me. But no one will ever understand the flashbacks. No one will ever understand jumping when the floor creaks. No one will understand that feeling of grime that seems to constantly coat my being, the feeling that I contaminate others when we touch, the feeling that I will never truly be clean again. No one understand what it's like to fear every moment, what it's like to have to constantly glance back, check the surroundings, survey the area, because you never know who could be lurking, he could be right there. No one will ever understand those night terrors where I wake up, a sweat soaked mess, the layer of filth somehow thickening by the moment, trying desperately to recall why exactly my heart is pounding and my breath short, why he seems to chase me even in my subconscious. I would never in a million years wish this pain upon anyone, but I can't help but wonder if it'd be easier if I weren't so Goddamn alone.",6.954010207801678,7.679148928909953,6.846161137440755,74.88778344877873,64.45023696682463,10.283776886620489,32.344513306598614,10.214889679676881,3.3452301130149475,908,34,156,20,13,288,124,211,0.14800000000000002,0.763,0.08900000000000001,-0.7839,0,2,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,3,0,15,8,0,2,10,0,20,5,4,0,8,40,37,13,0,6,6,0,5,2,1,6,1,0,1,0,14,4,0,0,16,0,1,1,10,4,0,6,1,6,22,4,18,22,2,27,0,0,1,0,10,10,0,8,18,121,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982665520642356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407811819911402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046693242440592,0.0,0.055864026314760735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980645852094101,0.0,0.1463371339935338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502950924810026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060528583203275824,0.24868592265744785,0.077212218214868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312256869585043,0.18534750862380636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708022725016559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108596043487246,0.061425605983449115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543089333394147,0.10072793751163807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954316604736746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291046069757793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203955230601004,0.0,0.0,0.08599967615421787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31049447493726384,0.0,0.09751339860935064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353292585475917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782616463833515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668546121887205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055037984160696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062218806349751875,0.0,0.0,0.6678168459029649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538504652189054,0.0,0.10538361453995117,0.0,0.09938168629593652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509974690090893,0.0,0.0,0.05901435223765032 ptsd,fracure84,2019/03/17,"for those with PTSD. this post saved my life - MDMA works great!! google: mdma ptsd then visit this thread: [https://www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/comments/76voek/how\_i\_found\_a\_therapist\_advice\_for\_those\_searching/](https://www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/comments/76voek/how_i_found_a_therapist_advice_for_those_searching/) &#x200B; It works, i pledge. GL ",40.22615384615385,52.233620076923074,12.761076923076926,12.833923076923128,21.30769230769231,3.6184615384615375,12.892307692307696,5.6839178017228535,-0.9047907692307692,326,2,21,1,5,58,22,26,0.0,0.677,0.32299999999999995,0.8889,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28608051466325063,0.3208299699399457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910981993435295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649488309122084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252871397081323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6172827713942246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384439505650016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208299699399457,0.0 ptsd,T2DR,2019/03/17,"Is this really possible? My brain is a freaking mess, won't let go of anything until it can make sense of crap. I'd like to think I'm just going through some cliché mid-life crisis, but my brain has picked up on all this past stuff and interwoven it with the present. I guess my question is, is it possible for me to have functioned pretty normally for the last couple decades (minus some short-term depression, minimal anxiety) and then just completely crash in to this? From everything I think I know professionally, and everything I read, this is something people typically struggle with either ongoing or at least somewhat closer to their trauma even if it's a few years out. My problem is my crash is happening so long later, I can't wrap my brain around this really being about that, or figuring out why I can't manage it better this much later in my life. I've never really claimed my own experiences, or at least thought about them more as chronic stress, just shitty moments, etc. and moved on. Now I can't pull myself out at all, the things I've told myself/did over previous years just no longer work and I'm terrified of where I've been over the last 6 months. Nothing really new to add to the past, just normal life stresses, but once I crashed I'm just stuck cycling through mostly things that happened over 1/2 my life ago. 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His parents are friends with my parents. He had always be at the back of my mind, for years after the incident. When he showed up to the event that was hosted at his parents house, (I should note that he has moved out a long time ago and so I was not expecting him t show up) I locked myself in the bathroom and bawled my eyes out. How would he react to seeing me? Would he even recognize me? What will my parents think of us being in the same room again since the incident? What will his parents think? So I stayed in the bathroom, constantly psyching myself up to get out, but then failing to open the door. My mom knocked on the door and said, “is it because of ___”?!? as if it shouldn’t affect me anymore. (Cue eye roll). I said yes. We left the house.... ANYWAYS... after that event, I decided that I had better meet up with ____ to see him in a different way. Holy cow, he is nothing like he was 11 years ago. I see him in a completely different way. It seemingly didn’t affect him at all, he never thought of me, which was a disappointment, but I think he was sorry once he realized how much i was hurt by the incident. Yay me for being so brave!",2.26126703841388,4.138940843866173,3.564149628252789,89.47266806071875,77.36431226765801,6.713816604708798,25.334727385377946,7.6454224807358475,1.2723418835192066,1033,38,217,15,24,337,140,269,0.063,0.847,0.09,0.823,8,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,3,0,0,2,12,9,1,0,18,2,25,2,2,5,2,38,38,17,0,6,4,6,0,1,1,6,0,2,3,0,13,13,0,0,7,3,0,2,4,4,0,1,15,7,36,5,37,14,3,44,0,3,5,0,32,19,0,2,21,155,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633430656121244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745382025501705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104233581937874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081744642223075,0.0,0.06406959687746515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092954748445433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019812364326646,0.11357862086926092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196197881790332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941930578987482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120204282502506,0.0,0.05491179407189811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840601865328301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294192188546542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425486820065376,0.11251455527984422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419433134176428,0.0,0.0,0.05134784341771382,0.0,0.0,0.09301253345643756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612371007529264,0.12309494757410645,0.0,0.11170747838686933,0.07726253735594146,0.0,0.08106163921291783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008488225318897,0.0,0.0,0.11193088676836052,0.0712202723442237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5835202461831447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285936761285465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995336735746055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512596011898106,0.09568150064805163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694199406233365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765380622099005,0.0,0.11202543524074077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203659321242426,0.0,0.08343976006748945,0.1225723950499318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642554101319284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685117498484134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932380696176856,0.0,0.0,0.13536531493620405 ptsd,bigtitsRmarvelous,2019/03/17,"Can someone please reassure that I’m not going to get killed? Long story short... I met my friend Timothy four years ago on this gaming chat site. We became great friends.. no odd behavior was shown by him.. we would text for hours about games, our scores and how we can work our way up the leaderboards.. well, that normality went on for about two years. On the third year, Timothy started exhibited odd behavior. He insinuated he was into illegal porn and stuff like that, but I took it as a joke because he would always joke around all the time. (By now he has my phone number) That went on for the rest of the year. On the fourth year, he would joke around about raping minors every day of the week. He did it for about six months.. then some idiot leaks my first and last name to him and state, so then that makes me paranoid. By then, I block him and I haven’t spoken to him in a year. It’s been a year.. blocked Timothy on all social media, I removed all my online shit, I’m totally ghosted. He never said he would hurt me... and he probably understands why I left.. I think. Maybe not. Anyways. I’ve been having paranoia all year that he’s going to come after me and kill me for leaving the friendship. He never said that though. Is this a form of PTSD? Will he really track me down with my first and last and kill me? His toxic behavior makes me paranoid enough to believe that even though I know he won’t... but I need reassurance. Please help me. I’m tired of being paranoid. ",1.9396814562002265,4.247695146757682,2.9589317406143363,91.24401763367466,80.46757679180887,6.090967007963598,20.346871444823663,7.3011,0.4972358134243455,1150,31,241,16,30,366,160,293,0.191,0.711,0.098,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,2,52.0,5,0,0,3,14,17,6,0,12,0,18,4,1,3,7,44,38,19,4,6,4,0,0,1,2,6,1,2,0,0,14,17,0,2,3,6,0,7,7,7,1,6,11,2,32,10,36,20,9,51,0,1,0,2,37,15,1,1,28,154,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391479528843859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876884895032299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854380925485385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770689472492905,0.0,0.0,0.10665501818061007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154550027203884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105108231783112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978142325378022,0.0,0.06252532817953414,0.0,0.07975933068086663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104397162564074,0.0,0.0,0.14627586141098556,0.0,0.04945854623877849,0.0,0.1076005822976923,0.0,0.0,0.1043684774781068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345194236322478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932259390209971,0.0,0.10134082174691944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141983322828005,0.0,0.052025398716270696,0.15432919111987678,0.0,0.10023654799521048,0.10285378054627113,0.0,0.0,0.046248528769819004,0.0,0.0,0.083775530639517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263792218997233,0.0,0.0951036988281506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556068592926435,0.0,0.0,0.07019288507862775,0.14602294093519833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275158363783988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078274469981357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206486231122973,0.0,0.11065829876167098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064481186855775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009615297034098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717224423382954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649902828584347,0.08020933253049464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700436189971186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108368756641858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065749842519251,0.18601572946563208,0.0,0.05519991261109896,0.10880347168056298,0.0,0.0,0.10517627880961987,0.0,0.0,0.09247393260910412,0.09854958539334106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514065687033784,0.07593453891242784,0.0,0.08511518813611432,0.1755107744970609,0.08542042257160486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689172347640976,0.0,0.0,0.2689891501814403,0.0,0.0,0.4876891604840358 ptsd,booktattoo,2019/03/18,"I missed a thing because of my PTSD, and now people are (probably) mad (trigger warning: brief mention of suicidal thoughts) I’m part of an honorary volunteer group at my university. We were putting on a reception for some alums, and I had the opportunity to help, so I took it. I’d had a really intense therapy session that morning, but I thought I was alright. But on the walk from my apartment to the event, I got triggered. It all just hit me again. The painful memories and panicked feeling flooded me. It was so bad that I contemplated suicide and bashed my head into a brick wall. I was inconsolable until I could get home and pop a Vistaril. I emailed the people in charge that night and explained (not oversharing but providing the necessary information) what happened and why I was absent. It was Friday. I get that they don’t answer on weekends, but they haven’t responded all day on Monday. I think I’ve burned bridges. I hate being like this. ",4.429180633147112,6.553152178770951,5.214837988826815,78.92937057728119,71.90502793296089,8.572216014897581,34.279702048417136,9.21078282632365,3.39008573556797,756,40,135,17,15,245,118,179,0.18,0.7440000000000001,0.076,-0.9758,0,0,0,0,1,1,26.0,1,0,2,1,5,8,2,0,12,1,13,2,1,2,2,28,27,14,2,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,11,9,0,0,7,1,0,4,3,5,0,0,12,1,23,3,15,12,4,21,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,1,9,95,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455107382158478,0.11283546497120266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778758036234368,0.0,0.0,0.1193744229899058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935923066079432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341460282185224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804167179540986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636836422011619,0.0,0.0,0.18274828981118285,0.18996637679962025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240688734683812,0.0,0.1856707590900005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043068896448898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370415428989622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695983979051349,0.0,0.0,0.2004456582961905,0.0,0.2566505747155042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956950120094236,0.0,0.2163724222766304,0.18607699272442474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858003411720115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049395144284822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167839998478827,0.0,0.12297245821169585,0.11860484039942427,0.0,0.2938980291169035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565331716415444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670242896424626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Zenseaking,2019/03/18,"Last night It's raining. The attackers surround me. I'm not sure how many. Everytime I look there seems to be more. They rush towards me. I fight them off at first but it's not long before I'm overpowered. They force me to the ground, punching me, kicking me. I'm not sure if I see the knife but I feel it. It stabs into my side. I'm going to die here. I thrash my body wildly, trying to escape, trying to survive. Suddenly an opening. My right leg is free. It has a clear path to an attackers head. This is my best and only chance. I kick with all my strength. I scream with rage. My leg impacts something hard. It's dark. Where am I? My leg! Is it broken? I scream with pain. Wait, I'm in a bed. My daughter's room! She was sick. I was cuddling her to help her go to sleep. Where is she?! It's too dark I can't see her! Did I just kick my daughter with all my strength? No no no no no! Fuck! Where is she?! I scream with terror. My wife runs in. ""What happened? Is she ok? She's shaking. Stop screaming."" She's alive. Is she ok? I hold her. She's scared out of her wits but she isn't hurt. My leg! It hurts so bad. I think something is broken. I must have kicked a wall or some furniture. ""I don't think you should sleep near her anymore"" I sob with sadness. ",-2.2526229961304587,-0.9196647089552192,-0.049220563847427456,104.25505527915978,114.0,2.880707573244887,14.664455500276395,5.033348758259628,-1.1966478164731895,950,26,233,6,54,309,140,268,0.315,0.5589999999999999,0.126,-0.9966,1,0,2,0,1,0,59.0,0,1,3,5,9,26,5,3,8,2,20,12,8,1,6,35,37,8,1,3,9,3,2,0,0,2,2,4,2,0,11,10,0,3,4,0,1,5,11,18,0,1,3,9,54,9,23,31,5,29,0,4,3,2,24,18,2,4,6,145,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450018929218499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33267193983862553,0.0,0.0,0.12207996746214855,0.0,0.0,0.12441467964126887,0.0,0.1534392853644284,0.0,0.0,0.1624073133530838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517437971582811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392860795386727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243668895415208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516959136044482,0.0,0.0,0.16619001131352873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292937876127072,0.0,0.13097621889468392,0.0,0.15005453229895965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980020627586869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31304351617814696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918137184082007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939201710134982,0.12278030488561788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482348713446305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720899492572106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119995354987763,0.15557867207531334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486328230161822,0.0,0.0,0.14638258545725188,0.0,0.2330222634584105,0.1331048828374714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926329192748406,0.0,0.0,0.22512053864798132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223883245136015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27560402531717143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737204082489972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853516353756245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway9889220,2019/03/18,"Whenever I think about someone for more than a few seconds I break down I cannot stand to think about this person without breaking into tears, but they’re not a bad person or anything, they’re my family. But I can’t handle thinking about them for more than a few seconds not in depth without tearing up and having a breakdown. Is this a trigger? Is this related to ptsd? I’ve been assessed I just don’t know if it’s normal.. I don’t know what to do. I can’t avoid them they’re family I jus can’t handle it. ",0.6798286604361365,2.9166996542056083,2.6650700934579445,91.83691978193147,85.16822429906544,5.061993769470405,22.00077881619938,6.42735559955562,0.4691376947040502,401,14,84,4,12,134,60,107,0.032,0.906,0.062,0.3956,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,11,0,0,1,0,19,16,5,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,10,2,0,2,1,0,11,0,16,15,4,8,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,0,63,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856724042462813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838973736336925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425403503441981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479982090627557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210672786513873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940188771844973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26374675243231793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117365083701554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43371943358994536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349941771839341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,and_iran,2019/03/18,"You were all so kind and helpful in my last post. I have one last request: I want to talk about the nightmares. It's very hard to find information on nightmares because there are so many different kinds, stemming from different things from the subconscious of many different people. Most of the results are ""dream interpretation"" sites which, I would be cool with even reading if I could find what plagues me on them. Tell me about your nightmares. Is there a general theme? Continuous characters? Do you know the people? How often do you dream of your abuser if you have one? Are the dreams recurring? Are they specifically dreams of past traumatic events or variations on them? Has your therapist given you any insight on them? I want to hear all of it. It makes me feel very alone sometimes. You don't have to read this part, you can just answer, but this is what I want to share about my own nightmares: My trauma stems from my childhood with my mother, and her various shitty boyfriends and ex husbands. She is prevalent in a lot of my dreams and nightmares, even though I haven't had contact with her in over 3 years now (not though her lack of trying). It's generally mundane and just frustrating, every day stuff with the dreams of her (arguments and etc). Only once have I had a nightmare I can remember that was of an actual previous event where she strangled me. My other nightmares, the more regular ones, are way worse and I have no idea where they come from. I have at least one a week, sometimes more, never less. They are always extremely vivid and I routinely will wake up having a panic attack. It's a dream where I'm being chased and/or hunted. Sometimes by people in masks, sometimes in a weird alien apocalypse setting, sometimes other horrifying looking creatures I'd draw if I was any good at it. It's mostly people though. These dreams almost never contain people I know, no houses or places I'm familiar with. I am always somewhere I don't know, with people I may know only in the dream. I watch a lot of them die in front of me in extremely brutal fashions while I'm hidden somewhere not doing anything to help them, just being terrified. The fact that all of the dreams I have like this are different but have the same overarching theme just make me really curious, but also confused. I have no idea where any of this is coming from. What does this mean? Does anyone have similar themes in their nightmares? Let's just chat about them please so I feel less insane.",5.249696505211529,6.972651002145928,5.200854690374005,81.48924034334766,69.0214592274678,8.244169221336604,28.12115266707541,8.759644201051973,2.1712558675659106,1981,69,358,34,35,616,225,466,0.156,0.736,0.108,-0.9878,4,1,0,0,1,0,58.0,0,10,10,0,27,13,3,2,20,1,45,1,1,4,6,75,65,25,1,9,15,3,3,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,23,16,0,1,16,13,0,3,10,7,0,4,6,8,60,6,52,51,18,44,0,0,3,0,39,23,0,13,16,269,83,2,0.0,0.08998768938032813,0.07411571598861996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605241215364181,0.07866073420194643,0.0,0.060736754796146514,0.12639206788164142,0.0,0.0,0.15494470929138998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053105627535187716,0.0,0.06249993331366084,0.0,0.0,0.08640347385262613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629808517267955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084746753537116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063946282160726,0.0,0.0,0.048981117811112494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788235474048325,0.3174040778862789,0.0,0.0,0.1329277664939734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470372294156515,0.1003278025374418,0.0,0.06399069474766676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680465683281368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883285888221752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370280267898346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803579712837986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560055995344565,0.0,0.10181464263179152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763547833410476,0.0,0.17147538886538075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817934793261754,0.16695934531843587,0.12381789159090087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766346739919275,0.0,0.03710506923484147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377841706726484,0.0,0.0,0.12913902785819995,0.0,0.0,0.10139370706846766,0.15400166105366342,0.0,0.08273122602572545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715380958910675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088369494451755,0.20586127559507506,0.11552597172602927,0.0,0.0891103257259894,0.0,0.08224586270512832,0.07250235232506705,0.31592275099397554,0.0,0.07935101947156972,0.08336969861405119,0.0,0.0,0.07273858720108341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194002368833906,0.0,0.0486551681312127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603593140579763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37557978408675374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694395962523857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104529810281355,0.06638317463579524,0.0,0.0,0.08818317551956588,0.05045744567660453,0.0,0.22385987308733687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051564697100290005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533251523084274,0.13439087582287385,0.06028514527244418,0.060922074682299675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773989871037706,0.053952316464912366,0.0,0.0,0.0489089613934131 ptsd,inarose010501,2019/03/18,"I need help, but don’t know where to turn My trauma comes from having watched my daughter almost die multiple times in her 3 years of life. She’s medically complex and I manage her care. I have sought out help twice. The first person did more talking than I did, accused my husband of not doing enough to help, and wanted me to see a specific doctor to be prescribed a list of meds and supplements. I only talked to her once for 45 minutes. The second person told me “why can’t you just be grateful she is still alive and not focus on the negative?” I only talked to them once as well. I now also have a 2 month old and some days I feel like I can’t do anything beyond feeding them and changing their diapers. I know I need help, but I don’t even know where to start and we can’t afford anymore medical bills. I don’t know where to go.",2.239670542635661,4.010203005813956,3.6320000000000014,89.44633333333334,77.0813953488372,6.214573643410852,23.09457364341085,7.03164865440522,0.7332731782945743,655,20,137,7,15,215,106,172,0.091,0.742,0.16699999999999998,0.9125,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,3,1,10,4,0,0,6,0,16,5,0,0,0,26,31,11,1,3,5,2,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,6,0,1,2,9,1,1,3,3,3,28,3,19,26,3,18,0,0,2,0,22,7,0,2,10,96,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338462753075267,0.0,0.0,0.10652324083481053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210263722248805,0.0,0.0,0.1096155938998752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581041953218426,0.0,0.14091223613322387,0.1147435053426638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590560075959805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824478689783082,0.0,0.0,0.13634000253709247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763540448397138,0.0,0.08798002715154359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735197644734774,0.09516100902521467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330330770542033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570293853468746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35713550169014324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928218771429393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408596881386172,0.06507677664968216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479596849795915,0.2683781588318901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632221202514074,0.0,0.0,0.19753824937409106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977525649331113,0.2837159589807666,0.0,0.20261538421259387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326172993001769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614639200262073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428252119335656,0.0,0.10637693655781924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211931398111865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767236017286434,0.0,0.0,0.12728219026716073,0.0,0.0,0.1448877697338374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856720739267739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976644955340195,0.0,0.1201959480415176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577904912729291 ptsd,Bluevegan,2019/03/18,"""Dramatics"" and my work day I've suffered from PTSD for about 8 years. It relates to suicide and sucks so bad- I would never wish this on my worst enemy. 8 1/2 years ago my dad killed himself and I have a lot of blame issues. I've been in therapy for years and it doesn't stop the bad times. Today, oh today- I wish I could go back in time. I'm in HR and we were having a meeting- it was announcing that an employee (insert trigger words) and I panicked. I walked out of the meeting, paced the halls, sweated and fought that horrible mind playing fight or flight. Long story short, my boss accused me of ""dramatics"" and I told me I could have handled it differently. My heart was broken. I'm broken and you just made me crumble. We ended up having a talk with our other boss and they never realized that phrase in itself was a trigger, but I have to be prepared for things like this and proceeded to question my employment. In the next breath it was ""you're not going anywhere."" The lack of support was heartbreaking. I just needed to vent. 3 years I have given my life and soul to my job and feel like I'm nothing but a body. 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Some days I'm fine; there are even weeks where I don't have an episode. Then, all the sudden, I'm 4 again, locked in a closet crying in the dark, begging to be let out. I'm 6, I thought I was safe while you were babysitting me, you said we were just watching baseball so why are you taking off my clothes? I'm 12 and having a panic attack because my mom is driving too fast and saying she's going to crash into the next bridge pylon she sees. I'm 13 again and why is he stopping the truck, next thing I know I'm hurled onto the side of the road I'm bleeding and he won't stop beating me and all I can hear is my mom screaming ""you're going to kill her"" like some broken record... It's these times I disassociate hard. At times I'm barely aware of whats happening around me. Other times I am fully aware but almost like I'm trapped in my own mind and can't talk or even move. It seems to be worsening, including the nightmares. Do these times ever stop, or just lessen after a while?",1.8672300469483567,3.3963408169014144,3.207159624413148,93.14529342723007,77.45070422535211,5.484507042253521,20.753521126760567,5.82211442006289,-0.0781098591549294,786,19,176,4,18,256,131,213,0.125,0.8,0.076,-0.8814,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,3,0,2,13,9,2,1,11,0,20,1,0,0,4,30,40,13,1,0,5,2,1,2,0,2,1,4,1,0,8,10,0,4,3,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,5,7,21,5,16,30,5,37,0,0,2,0,15,12,0,6,23,105,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371826784471895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195635026768042,0.0,0.15585383335770195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351208266916432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116268893517508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048474103616882,0.08835171356683909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097041612568954,0.2478432090878331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157526361239555,0.0,0.15571707275063648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114597004214968,0.0,0.12272237810821132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440554426163047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156685190559235,0.0,0.07528995311911188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008868586303044,0.0,0.1338596012266053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832788843538776,0.3208983960871752,0.0,0.1456061006228889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291395668179074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073642918382244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303154925156655,0.10894549091792463,0.0,0.0,0.10916884975420137,0.12471689820855207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436068091337531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300467358120473,0.11011297686959808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910147009083224,0.0,0.0,0.1087602931852114,0.31953614466919555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989070753724124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472369177180183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ExistentialistCow,2019/03/18,"Recommendations for free PTSD hotlines? Hey guys! I couldn’t find a FAQ, so if I just accidentally skipped over it I apologize, I desperately need to call a hotline tonight because I’ve been very anxious and having a lot of PTSD related relationship issues. I live in the USA and need good hotlines to call as my health insurance doesn’t kick in until June and cannot see a therapist until it kicks in. ",6.088701298701298,7.019135272727276,6.966649350649352,72.54425974025976,66.40259740259741,10.315844155844157,34.88051948051948,10.355215969177356,3.6888410389610384,324,15,60,8,5,108,57,77,0.103,0.79,0.107,0.0863,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,8,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,6,3,11,6,1,8,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,4,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23283892019065314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563912068087926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42091057377408014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837537499139814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287030518959634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040754209121726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907897564166445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151190888873141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199365908904866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522229963910166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056470947317515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818492285446906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212786258479024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423824972964393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393026966407619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005743269505755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,diabloflores,2019/03/18,"Help I don’t really want to go into too much detail, because it’s rough. But I was sexually assaulted by a male doctor while in the ER for a rape kit back when I was 18. I’m 25 now, and I still absolutely hate going to the doctors because of that experience. As a result of a lot of suppressed trauma, I have developed nervous laugh. Its really bad. I have a gynaecologist appointment next Wednesday, which I’m already anxious about. I requested a female doctor so that’s somewhat comforting. But I really don’t know what to do besides flake & wait another 3 years for an examination to be done... or potentially laugh hysterically while being examined. This has actually been a problem for a while - I laugh until I finally break down and cry because I am so uncomfortably sad and overwhelmed. I know it sounds crazy to those who don’t understand this type of history which is basically why im asking if anyone has any tips on how to ease up and train myself to NOT laugh (besides therapy, lol). I really appreciate anyone reading this or offering any bit of help. 🙏🏼 ",6.029834896810505,6.760163863414638,7.9434146341463485,66.19898686679177,66.46341463414635,11.575984990619135,34.30581613508443,11.362043627235082,4.337615384615384,852,38,149,27,13,302,133,205,0.172,0.688,0.14,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,9,14,3,2,11,1,16,4,0,2,0,24,27,18,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,13,5,0,2,5,1,0,2,4,9,1,0,4,2,14,5,24,21,4,20,0,2,0,1,7,5,0,5,12,102,27,5,0.0,0.0,0.13534632265717628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305339228378828,0.0,0.0,0.1502759852699191,0.0,0.18863472555982455,0.14543381091061008,0.0,0.15668588321096874,0.0,0.19395755146973048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966111179728285,0.0,0.0,0.10664790147356186,0.1158045399639225,0.2536415721256635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141902910752547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234995574850174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258806589003344,0.0,0.14193314899663062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567033315848473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519336039762403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576471406967686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693260815003122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859286831281968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498144108646568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244630049563052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791353762819835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195679072170316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750371647885865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271239329473686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873254272965874,0.0,0.3554062992975691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107620140579989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586098311994648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443863966379804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180591029706419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515067379716244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893150390747986 ptsd,JupiterRabbit,2019/03/18,"Suicidal intrusive thoughts Hey, just to open this I am okay and have no plans of harming myself. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD from abuse I experienced in my childhood, I’m 25 now. I left my abuser’s how about 11 years ago mid- March. I am on Prozac and have therapy monthly. Yesterday I was taking a bath and was overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts of drowning myself. It scared me so bad I ended up crying in bed for a hour until my husband came home (i texted him immediately for him to come home) and feeling so emotionally drained for the rest of the day. I was just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and what helped them not have intrusive thoughts like these. If you need anymore info let me know!! Also I’m okay and I have no plans of harming myself. My next therapy session is this weekend. ",3.123333333333335,5.491010292993631,4.0499617834394925,84.66865817409767,76.64331210191081,7.243991507430997,27.66411889596603,8.238735603445708,2.0226699787685773,644,27,123,12,15,207,101,157,0.196,0.7509999999999999,0.053,-0.9808,0,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,1,1,2,8,8,0,2,4,2,13,2,0,1,0,26,25,13,2,3,5,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,6,12,0,0,7,2,0,2,3,5,0,0,8,2,22,3,19,16,1,22,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,3,14,83,28,1,0.0,0.3527812287164209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319672711187843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905399023344945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476423920117862,0.10409573055287068,0.15253837345807528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430305597835843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027148930795902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824123691093245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635304201683821,0.096011015752814,0.0,0.0,0.1511033495214218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243646080997668,0.1674625175517965,0.13185762897241166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527485535856598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978669020258972,0.0,0.2986642821692945,0.0,0.14661029354596064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181691767052272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175136573099375,0.1522331201308428,0.0,0.07273201482566788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882931361118836,0.0,0.0,0.11038772678811716,0.0,0.0,0.1583285312665598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740250174481072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904822709746632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284331737468338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193425615154512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404993747645341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545665092636727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144683285494432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586957735234468 ptsd,Dianara19825,2019/03/18,"My Journey (trigger warning) I settle down under my weighted comforter, with my ice water next to my bed, each night. I have to have water with me at all times. This was drilled into my head, while in the Navy. Invariably:m, The first thought to coalesce in my weary brain is this: ""I hope I'm too tired to dream."" followed promptly by the thought: ""I hope HE isn't in my dreams, again. Living through the actual event, in person, the first time was horrendous enough."" These are the thoughts I have almost every night, as I steel myself against whatever horrors my brain can cook up, while I'm unconscious. ""It's just a dream."", ""This too shall pass."", ""Think happy thoughts at bedtime."", & ""It's all mind-over-matter"" are the idioms spewed by those who mean well, but have no grasp of what it means to have an INCURABLE & life-long mental illness brought on by trauma/ or tragedy, that causes paranoia, jealousy, distrust, night terrors, anxiety, agoraphobia, sleep paralysis, insomnia, etc. Go to therapy... Take a pill... Meditate... REPEAT... Do any Vets find these methods helpful? SOME DO, but a lot of us don't... ""You have PTSD? You served in the military?"" -Yes, BUT, not all PTSD stems from having served in the military... ""Did you even serve in combat theater?"" -Yes, however, I was not on the front lines. ""If you never saw battle; how can you have PTSD?"" -I was stalked and harrassed for 3 years by a fellow shipmate, then I was raped by him. ""OH."" I was processed out of the United States Navy, 13 years ago, on a medical discharge. ***Honorable Discharge: but cannot reenlist*** I felt like a failure. Like a loser. Like I was weak and inadequate. I felt as though I had let my family down, disgraced them even... I had mental instability that I had not yet found a clear, succinct reason for. I had anger, bitterness, resentment, distrust, anxiety, depression, and so much more. I was overwhelmed and undiagnosed. Over the course of the next 7 years; I was misdiagnosed: -bipolar (manic-depressive) -borderline personality disorder -acute generalized depression -chronic depression -obsessive compulsive disorder -panic disorder -generalized anxiety disorder I was prescribed a few different medications to treat these misdiagnosed conditions. SURPRISE! Nothing worked. Well... Paxil worked, but I felt lifeless... Zombie-ish, even. I myself had never even considered PTSD as a diagnosis, because: 1) I, like so many people, thought PTSD was something WAR vets got. 2) I'm neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist; so, I blindly figured my case was cut and dry amd that if I was diagnosed with something -- it was what I actually suffered from. Never in a million years would I have guessed that so many mental illnesses, developmental disorders, (and learning disabled even) had various overlapping symptoms, that made it quite difficult for even the most knowledgeable Mental Health physicians to properly diagnose. Then I saw an article on Facebook about victims (I prefer the term SURVIVORS) of sexual assault/ trauma having PTSD. This was my AH HAH moment, and I felt giddy with anticipation of possibly being properly diagnosed; once and for all. I repeatedly mentioned to my Dr. ALL of the symptoms I had been experiencing, and also made a point to express concern that I might have PTSD, while trying to remain respectful of my Doctor's advice and years of study and experience in the field. It took a couple years BUT I was tentatively diagnosed with PTSD and my meds were replaced with an antipsychotic and a sleeping pill. This latest change in medicine seemed to work on my most worrisome symptoms -- HOWEVER, one of the meds made my face, arms, and hands constantly tingle while the drug was still in my system. Which, btw, made it difficult if not impossible to fall asleep. I once again went back to the Dr., my antipsychotic was changed, and I was also given an antihistamine that was supposed to help me fall asleep faster. The hope was to get me to fall asleep, stay asleep, and NOT have night terrors. While falling asleep was easier now, staying asleep was NOT, because the dreams persisted. I've since then added an indica/sativa marijuana blend to my medicine regime, to help with sleep. Some nights, I forget to smoke, and I have terrible night terrors. Other nights; I smoke and feel okay. On those nights, I sleep deeper and less fitfully; HOWEVER, I still have weird dreams. Smoking MJ has reduced the incidences of me waking up screaming and/ or crying, and shaking. There are still nights where I end up waking up from the vivid horrors in my dreams, and stay up, with all the lights on. I'm a work in progress. 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Met with the social worker today, from council on aging but I was not aware we would be updating a care plan We spoke for 90 minutes. I totally understand that questions regarding my PTSD, bipolar disorder and all my other physical disorders need to be discussed in detail from time to time. This worker helps me to retain my low income housing and other benefits as I am disabled. I should add that this was first time meeting her face to face as my prior worker went on medical leave. Ok, I am rambling a bit here. Tonight I am stuck on thinking of the intrusive questions that need to be asked and the resulting answers. I know this helps me to retain much needed services. Logically I know this has to be done at times. I was unable to eat dinner as I was physically ill this evening just remembering old and more recent trauma. About an hour ago I did eat two bananas and I have been drinking water. I am still just a bundle of anxiety. After this post I am going to put on some music I like, probably Paolo Nutini, and relax and do some deep breathing while letting all this cluttered bullshit in my mind/body/spirit go, just release it and enjoy the music. Thanks for reading, have a good one. 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I feel horrible, like I suck as a person now and because of the dp I lose control of my facial expressions and make douche expressions because my biggest fear is doing so due to OCD. I feel like now I am the most guarded sucky person who is not laid back and chill at all and just suck. I've been thinking about how things were several years ago before things got hard and I hate the person I am right now. This feels like a crisis honestly. Does anyone have any tips?",4.16749758454106,5.863235991304354,4.887246376811596,82.78207729468602,71.69565217391305,7.893719806763285,28.42995169082125,8.515128840125781,2.1637922705314017,469,18,87,8,9,151,77,115,0.25,0.67,0.08,-0.9693,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,3,1,6,0,11,1,1,4,1,21,21,8,0,1,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,5,10,4,9,17,3,12,0,1,0,0,6,3,2,2,12,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669745222693906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253929860916732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157148915056594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725207402141694,0.0,0.2017630956013692,0.0,0.14082033128011215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856118057366887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482195947828552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622296009607575,0.3347081258629184,0.2364530683888204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235796913260792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824709260793598,0.1633877286612444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425510775468036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514167636371312,0.0,0.14069420974129832,0.0,0.0,0.11046627596115152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797952538346874,0.0,0.4335000864057145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835217629001155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634020253532369,0.0,0.0,0.14132808788428206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695729904648986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189252950141942,0.0,0.21988923295378804,0.10603970905070273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657053543983276 ptsd,dingdongbtchh,2019/03/19,"Anybody with “atypical” trauma? I’ve struggled with horrible migraines for over a decade. The pain/lack of control/unpredictability feels unparalleled. It’s not what most people think of when they think of trauma, but I’ve still been diagnosed with PTSD by multiple people. It’s been really hard for me to talk about my experience because I know it’s hard for people to wrap their minds around how it could feel so bad. A lot of the triggers for my panic are things that other people love. People around me are *thrilled* about the mall, but I can’t go because the smells could give me a migraine. And I can’t explain to anyone how that fear feels. I think I’m asking people here if they relate to this, if they have any advice or kind words for me. I just want to know people hear me! And know what terror at what should be mundane things is like!",4.1557902097902115,5.886377418181822,4.449696969696972,85.76685314685317,71.78787878787878,7.016317016317017,23.6013986013986,7.61054688173877,1.0040629370629368,674,18,131,8,13,211,98,165,0.17800000000000002,0.738,0.084,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,0,11,11,0,4,7,0,12,4,0,3,0,35,29,11,0,6,7,0,5,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,13,7,0,0,10,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,7,16,4,24,23,2,7,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,5,3,89,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043043979454293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380863565363908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617351717800918,0.0,0.0,0.21942262362687748,0.115214426663111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290173739824633,0.1502540888079435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382261342682032,0.19679706402718247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508781115691853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055410780748554,0.0,0.13868126428649027,0.1869442389287691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822474403732272,0.07004114294058374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080085311776984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389024415295308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833734755554774,0.20319137556035294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602097078879482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477575307924154,0.11123051695302401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244390642005889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113794172353074,0.1445976733746057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5980823223227829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406304418845592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895183921846788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842104366415906,0.0,0.0,0.12883906575154722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905707339987466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375272315124428,0.23690506650956614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269119415901579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,emmett_crab,2019/03/19,"Triggered and alone I was contacted by my abuser today over social media. I have not been able to take a normal breath since. I’ve taken my medication, tried to exercise, and attempted to sleep. Everything feels like it’s crushing me and I’m alone. Can someone help me? ",2.0687394957983187,4.9258039411764765,3.6788795518207316,81.66352941176471,88.01960784313727,6.835854341736696,22.97198879551821,7.957251820313856,1.902387114845939,215,8,37,5,7,71,41,51,0.18600000000000005,0.718,0.096,-0.5994,0,2,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,1,0,7,8,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,6,1,5,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.2476995832478523,0.29348350201311063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130841319180792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226164136618408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524435182984556,0.17695663176498266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602780936790942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101350458567026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495312708043853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426929999816693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489965491948925,0.0,0.2478784689245302,0.2524985315771234,0.20987505307037574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623926000889812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23479024216690386,0.0,0.0,0.16817175759761932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Leipfert920,2019/03/19,"Harassment Years after my original trauma, years of hard work, progress, setbacks and struggle, I am now being harassed. It's completely unrelated to my original trauma but I know this feeling all too well. Hyper vigilence, fear, flashbacks, anxiety, extreme startle response. I'm right back where I started. Every time I think I've gotten away from those harassing me they find a new way to make contact. I'm at a loss. I'm exhausted. I just want to feel safe again. I've done nothing wrong. I don't deserve this. But here we are. The cops won't do anything because I don't have evidence enough. I'm so broken. ",2.405529556650244,5.2121771637931085,3.8155665024630565,82.46465517241381,83.39655172413794,6.762561576354681,29.837438423645324,7.957251820313856,2.6058024630541885,485,25,84,10,14,159,87,116,0.281,0.579,0.14,-0.9611,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,1,3,9,13,3,3,3,0,9,1,0,3,1,16,21,4,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,11,1,0,2,3,12,2,8,17,2,16,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,11,50,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382871370381624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623209756291708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012065623042996,0.16467270460687713,0.0,0.13054747790178073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453843651694602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191558876987384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128034131062094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043562227969207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24098497988927234,0.21656736349330305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573465629700007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184166448828446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176945081106516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295075793665188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683314863228866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548840749040406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288800907799932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158068192927368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238822946187536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722248395076594,0.0,0.0,0.1248760552119022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631472645324074,0.16998702302496452,0.0,0.0,0.1925519159412533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590808040016102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234145909880162,0.0,0.2758188176850731 ptsd,pjmcm,2019/03/19,"Concurrence with BPD Hey guys, I was just diagnosed with PTSD after seeking treatment for what I thought was BPD. The symptoms of complex PTSD certainly overlap with the symptoms of BPD, but there are some things I've been experiencing that a PTSD diagnosis doesn't exactly explain. I know many people with PTSD also have BPD, so I was just wondering how you all received your diagnoses? Were they diagnosed at the same time? Did the PTSD diagnosis come first, and if so does that mean I should talk to my psychiatrist about my more BPD related concerns?",6.813657142857143,8.469818880000002,6.6194285714285765,73.04900000000002,65.2,10.514285714285714,36.285714285714285,10.608840637214634,4.203771428571431,448,22,76,12,7,141,70,100,0.0,0.976,0.024,0.3049,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,1,8,1,0,0,5,0,10,5,0,1,3,23,16,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,1,10,1,11,8,4,7,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,3,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099196233489497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6377803387988427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724201019473588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083850470475964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886290409594346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614699626278732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028112102075301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565972800520543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267997338212186,0.0,0.11032140858833574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021339778831875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5919426820910747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105331953638589,0.0,0.08140340229338691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672845882772427,0.0,0.0,0.08040340159168732,0.059056003368677584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983164680188877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,van_illa_bean,2019/03/19,"support hi, in 2016 I was admitted into the hospital and diagnosed with PTSD and depression. After I moved back home with my mom to work on my mental health. now I feel judged by my mom and my sister for leaning on my mom for help and I feel really lost and alone at the moment. ",3.7086842105263145,4.610746842105264,5.286798245614037,82.5396710526316,71.80701754385964,9.208771929824564,24.77631578947368,9.516144504307137,1.9886526315789468,218,6,45,5,4,74,39,57,0.13699999999999998,0.754,0.109,-0.4131,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,6,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,9,1,12,4,0,10,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187678736225592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498802991354701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788302317841652,0.19783818008979726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971133060627509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718925655632067,0.0,0.0,0.13064976553723584,0.0,0.19551915370950188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277657419398827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643200823177048,0.0,0.0,0.6848585935795088,0.0,0.20716752406182865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784930215691745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248697858029475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211912101633444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190299347908544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cleverdevil76,2019/03/19,"The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel A. van der Kolk - anyone read it? So, I just recently began therapy. I'm 43 now and I've been reaching out for help since I was in my late 20's. Generally, the ""help"" that's on offer isn't helpful at all. From a regular MD to Clinical psychologists, to most therapists. My experience thus far has been that, unless you're some kind of psychologist yourself, you're fucked. It's been almost 20 years of seeking help (not having a clue what was wrong with me along the way). Either the terror was so bad, or the hurt was so bad or the need to die was so bad, that I was always, passively, advocating for myself. Reading everything and anything that suggested >> inner peace this way. For the most part, I hate the medical profession. From psychiatry to clinicians to MD's. In regards to PTSD, that is. My heart goes out to all the misdiagnoses.......oh my god, the misdiagnoses.... So, my wife found me this counsellor that might have a clue about a thing or two. I think she found him because we stopped taking the referral method - one doctor refers you to another refers you to another etc She opted to go a private method instead. Like, we might pay real money to take care of this shit. In my second session I suggested I have (not accurate) a proclivity for reading and he suggested I might read ""The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel A. van der Kolk"". Sunday will be my 3rd appointment and I've got the book and I'm trying to digest it as fast as I can. I'm just wondering if anyone else has read it? Is this a big, well known book in ptsd circles (LOL@that there are ptsd circles). What were your thoughts? At the moment, I guess I'm just trying to build a reference vocabulary for my next appointment, but I'm also really stoked about getting to the ""treatment"" part of the book. 43 years old - male - violence related trauma? - Alberta, Canada (first began seeking help in B.C.) 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Am I the only one who keeps circling back to the thought of who would I be if my trauma didn't happen? Would I be a better person and less of a burden to the people I love? Or how would things be different if I hadn't told anyone? I feel so guilty seeing my mom cry when I walk out of my room because someone hurt her little girl and she didn't know about it for years, I hate seeing her beat herself up about it because she thinks she's a bad mom and I don't know how to help. I feel guilty that it happened and she got this trainwreck of a daughter but I almost feel even more guilty that I spoke up cause if I would've kept it to myself she wouldn't be in so much pain emotionally..",1.937941176470588,3.0922050980392166,3.341977124183007,93.81139705882354,76.45098039215686,5.6228758169934645,19.939542483660126,5.46131890053228,-0.2934614379084972,552,11,128,2,12,181,88,153,0.18600000000000005,0.772,0.043,-0.9663,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,10,8,1,0,7,0,14,2,0,3,1,29,33,14,0,7,5,3,3,0,0,4,1,1,1,2,10,5,0,2,8,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,8,6,26,2,15,17,3,11,0,1,2,1,20,6,0,6,4,93,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432927773516574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078177205401563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083006992924443,0.12034578350805365,0.1757253716028006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747471896895773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806521571584672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832431783488535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058924501623866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621312342193012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519907960139508,0.13037736164694874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863528716846445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152770443033473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25491425819390995,0.0,0.0,0.14230238314275687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966099129388812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429831777378214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811283019543726,0.0,0.0,0.1584244407150739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446003011531594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008646939469118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33761575628853746,0.0,0.0,0.10595499854489826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976688588136199,0.10962032358149572,0.15336862859052902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992429602134516,0.12585215934631908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22971210964171854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212418318573025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575615663778744,0.092355181318209,0.0,0.1144262142959203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772611529446155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630706294304447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40955434006688574,0.0,0.0,0.09281750404481283 ptsd,Searching4humanity,2019/03/19,"Any ideas on how to keep my PTSD from ruining my(27F) marriage with my (28M) partner? I have began to notice that over the years, whenever my partner or (ANYONE) shows signs of intense anger or frustration....something in my head \*clicks\* and it isn't a good thing. I can go from OK to FLIPPING OUT mode as my mind begins to spiral. Here is an example: I wake up and my patner is sitting by the bed, looking HOPELESSLY DEJECTED. I ask whats wrong and he tells me he knocked over the water pipe onto himself and most of that last of the cannabis. My brain clicks as I stare at him moping. I start to feel nervous, agitated, upset, angry...but also sympathetic. I ask him if he is ok? He answers YES in a frustrated way and He stares at the ground and continues to feel sorry for himself. It is clear he is just upset and I should leave him alone, but I can't get over it because I am triggered. I tell him that it is going to be ok, and that at least he has some cannabis left (I gave up my bit so he could have it all) He says: ""No, most of it is gone...."" As he speaks, horrible emotions surface in me. (Hopelessness, fear, anger, resentment, irritability) It all feels unassociated from the current situation. (After 15 more minutes of this dejected attitude that is steadily driving me insane): I tell him in a calm/upset way that he needs to essentially ""stop being so dramatic/get over it"" because he is acting like someone died and it is interally freaking me out for some reason. He then gets more upset because he says that is rude and I am not understanding his POV, his emotions and that he always helps me when I am upset. My mental health sunshine level went from SUNNY DAY...to THUNDERSTORM. I seriously was concidering his emotions, its just that mine had suddenly bombarded me in a way that felt uncontrollable. I cried for 30 mins, put myself down for being a piece of shit who can't even comfort their partner without feeling like something horrible just happened to them. I felt like I want to run away from my partner, or myself and I even have an urge to hit myself. A lot of feelings that I don't usually feel are felt and I eventually calm myself down with some meditating music. I can't have a healthy marriage or realationships if I keep reacting like this. Any ideas? TLTR: Partners frustrated mood triggers dissassociated emotions like (anger, hostility, resentment, fear, and hopelessness) over a minor situation.",4.7777964519140985,6.47448982352941,5.8234821039526965,76.66909803921571,70.15468409586057,8.731553065670713,31.414939309056955,9.23628265651192,2.9268588982259574,1915,84,344,40,35,634,232,459,0.221,0.6890000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9968,1,1,2,0,0,3,85.0,0,0,2,0,11,38,10,8,16,4,33,6,4,5,3,66,62,30,1,6,12,0,9,5,5,1,1,3,1,5,26,18,1,3,14,1,0,8,8,25,0,0,9,18,57,12,57,47,13,52,1,4,6,0,45,26,1,12,19,236,83,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072589586531274,0.0,0.07005269588109019,0.07288918483389639,0.0,0.0,0.11914031994634801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125108902810503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378602930379602,0.0,0.08230191760520603,0.0,0.0,0.1601981711748109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563515689010628,0.0,0.0,0.0977891856334446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994048104302476,0.0,0.09622312338208347,0.056493952656084485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091368172620512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941472533775429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571630824140428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714591543931267,0.265755387429851,0.06258057089455901,0.25232563772590993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373002081325712,0.0,0.09956878684716663,0.07347368290949675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746329323719409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990159892184893,0.09311338445766644,0.0,0.0,0.05871560161936156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977766725864044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557236037432935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140468019214527,0.0,0.09275443746223062,0.09517630790606382,0.0,0.0,0.21398164418557808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356089520400096,0.0,0.0,0.07447333229519269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827894557025168,0.0,0.08844977493699689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495336979910975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973176766144612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239826148698457,0.08806094768097128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006611374987462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932409814224986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991886723076307,0.0,0.19692935060035693,0.0,0.0,0.07422214418679415,0.1348756086505874,0.0,0.09805963882476823,0.062002852450789264,0.0,0.0,0.07323648489218917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22969552917294025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581967230350619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119339739964093,0.0,0.0,0.09647765712030852,0.0,0.05166801763232853,0.20859545239577806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120492715797217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444207765558481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577549142462186,0.0,0.05641072872352619 ptsd,ElectricalAnalysis8,2019/03/19,"I’m reopening a wound that has never healed. Thank you to this sub for existing. I’m in the beginning steps of legally pursuing my abuser from ages 14 to 17. I wrote something that explains pretty accurately how I’m feeling right now. “I’m reopening a wound that has never healed”. I didn’t allow myself to think about the trauma for the past 4 years because I couldn’t function if I thought about it. Now here I am finally angry enough about the suffering I’ve experienced and the lack of consequences for my abuser that I’m ready to hold him accountable. And in only the 3 days since I spoke to a lawyer and had to recount the abuse I’ve cried myself to sleep every night and have had flashbacks that I never allowed myself to learn to cope with. All these thoughts about the abuse have piled up and now that my gate is down, they’re all flooding back in. I’m struggling with it so much but I came to this sub and reading everyone’s experience has helped me come to terms with the fact I have PTSD. When I was first diagnosed over a year ago I shrugged it off thinking of people who have survived so much worse than me. But now that I’m not shutting my feelings down, I’m realizing just how bad it’s gotten. I read symptoms and stories on this sub last night and cried over how much I understood those symptoms and feelings. But as much as it hurt, I was relieved to hear others understood how I’ve been feeling (also not relieved because these feelings suck and I would never wish these feelings upon anyone). Anyways, thank you all for sharing your stories here. ",6.822962253305228,6.559031644951142,6.635351599923358,79.65513125119755,64.79804560260587,9.438513125119755,34.019735581529034,8.841846274778883,2.7297121670818165,1253,49,240,17,17,395,159,307,0.152,0.765,0.083,-0.9635,1,0,1,0,4,0,21.0,0,3,0,2,21,11,1,1,13,0,17,8,1,6,8,57,49,24,0,5,7,0,6,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,21,15,0,1,15,2,1,3,8,6,0,1,14,9,28,5,41,33,10,39,0,2,0,0,11,13,1,1,23,167,49,5,0.0,0.4639770330753706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678152057512878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828976241916588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845322863898458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527825679503848,0.08174154181173969,0.11935659390420242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119703289115992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433128491039882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507481972144668,0.06313672979940753,0.0,0.0,0.09936538297939868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115579504594484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248409559659332,0.0935466510229444,0.0,0.0957639675779711,0.0,0.0,0.29700393227996674,0.0,0.0,0.10724352470033753,0.0,0.08327280480809622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033924226271004,0.0,0.06561960882820303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480286077445053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980071826712654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878679980721061,0.0,0.30202285090850084,0.0,0.0,0.18374308297788625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445657007878154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345563419401344,0.06787081178204164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959843696619194,0.0,0.0,0.11443864455351617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585090438972894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360517637075353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098303083103538,0.0,0.09796966080373676,0.0,0.0,0.0753674018150474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023452484515102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350900720531007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18026441725179665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125459400324532,0.0,0.15544167660187475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257897178705907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997674033157718,0.06954461186111363,0.0,0.0,0.1260874401508658 ptsd,Prensianda,2019/03/19,"Fiance is a navy vet and gets night terrors due to ptsd Hey Guys My fiance is a navy vet and every now and then something triggers him and he gets really bad night terrors ( screaming,trashing etc.) Does anyone have any tips on how i can make it easier for him when he gets one? I read that you shouldn't try to wake a person that's having a night terror and that it's extremely hard to do so. He's usually unresponsive during the episode and they last anywhere from a couple of seconds to a few minutes. Some he remembers, most he doesn't. I'm just trying to find something that would make it easier for him. ❤",2.120860215053764,4.286297000000005,3.5706451612903223,87.86763440860216,79.0,6.391397849462368,22.43010752688172,7.492282038375204,0.9560397849462374,484,15,97,7,12,159,80,124,0.131,0.823,0.046,-0.8882,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,3,7,0,9,1,1,4,0,17,15,10,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,8,0,10,13,4,10,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,2,9,59,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973967613010515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311844665423607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701850964634014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482793120365705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408781411264766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963744951038628,0.0,0.0,0.14835405028286078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609329060165955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759818416098529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434577388608002,0.0,0.0,0.15773209070505062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435277878090555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506803881590266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957143017827127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931560577422545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374528598778314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058267876443317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612652904554374,0.0,0.11280063902919515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994630460606752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27110824790373056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909200225446334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392600964273607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508138411802866,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sanfordclark,2019/03/19,"Sleep is the best. Don’t have to feel anything, don’t have to worry about the shitty things going on. Being dead without the commitment. Sleep sleep sleep. I would honestly sleep all day if I could.",1.8297368421052655,4.599201447368422,2.27926315789474,92.2578421052632,87.15789473684212,5.145263157894737,18.12631578947369,6.742157984588678,0.19782526315789487,157,4,30,2,5,48,27,38,0.269,0.581,0.149,-0.6988,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,8,5,5,0,2,7,10,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,5,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,22,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696491798621422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741990719642865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259013102591098,0.0,0.0,0.1151762182826176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030081708844497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149720269935453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8935983122387722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864771644540648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215504865634335,0.0,0.0,0.18136751102714266,0.0,0.12686569959425906,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,heccin_anon,2019/03/19,"Sexual trauma and porn relapse Anon account because I hate the queue of posts I've made on subs regarding my life on my main account. I (18F) relapsed tonight. I hate myself. I want to cut everything down there to shreds. I don't want to ever have to think about sex, dating, or marriage ever again. I want to be unusable. I hate it. I hate everything about it. I was getting close to someone again but I'm scared that he'll just manipulate me too. I want to die. I hate this part of myself. I can be happy for others. Not for anyone else. I hate it. I hate it more than anything. I hate it more than what my ex did to me because it just means I'm weak and pathetic for letting his abuse get to me. He's happy and moved on and I'm in a cycle of self destruction and hatred. I start therapy for PTSD on Thursday. I don't even know if I deserve it. I don't know what to do anymore.",-0.008695014662755796,2.164242607526884,2.362111436950148,93.18589442815252,87.9784946236559,5.317302052785924,20.82013685239492,6.7829847944221076,0.42403010752688175,679,23,151,9,22,231,101,186,0.313,0.618,0.069,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,1,1,24.0,0,0,0,0,11,15,10,1,2,0,11,4,0,2,2,24,35,8,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,4,0,2,1,4,13,0,0,3,0,28,2,27,28,4,17,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,2,8,102,40,0,0.0,0.11684300952418016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779988282694532,0.06895411346385742,0.10104303274645993,0.08115199260828128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202299479858692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234711618415963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238043243708226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513447821666714,0.17840637656785224,0.0,0.0,0.1772581529340434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304485226747497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995564966476607,0.0,0.7788975703379291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839278411040894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008408297122969,0.0696549056031177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331218504554824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742097610280583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481246153126472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679076422069457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444620142640904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152760130980764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873112286430903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287726925129803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835564270447279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980041972825644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277519451175373,0.0,0.0,0.06318870487986393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326634452907386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawayofffmychest,2019/03/19,"Anyone awake? This is a terrible night. My anxiety is through the roof, my heart is pounding and I’m getting chest pains. I keep getting spikes of terror-Adrenaline out of nowhere. Every time I close my eyes I hear something and it sets me off all over again. A plane just flew by my house and my mind started racing thinking it was something bad coming. My dog barked downstairs and I nearly had a heart attack thinking someone’s breaking in. I have school tomorrow and as of right now I only have a 2.5 hour window for sleeping. I’m so fucked, but the more I think about that the worse my anxiety gets. Even as I’m typing this I keep hearing little noises downstairs and I just feel frozen in fear ",2.577893639207506,5.038431299270076,3.127158498435872,90.07184306569343,79.07299270072993,5.374139728884256,25.114181438998962,6.5431188927421005,0.9254050052137646,556,21,106,5,14,173,91,137,0.175,0.825,0.0,-0.9657,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,1,7,0,7,7,5,0,1,20,25,10,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,5,9,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,4,17,0,15,22,2,20,0,0,1,1,2,9,1,0,7,66,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313509861651767,0.0,0.0,0.10572978267668874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202358651907462,0.0,0.0,0.12625431441652604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302543152996655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987300076328877,0.0,0.12740122964403675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015366686322134,0.07645648919326288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397915189686322,0.23700347859382384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408500763834795,0.3583699521816953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891172185882198,0.1744764257402501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688053884863081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155248095234988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267933403763084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190065697305052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500227425062465,0.16089845851894125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913280065933685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530329326653238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131953819617014,0.0,0.12812002691195887,0.2328182080888287,0.0,0.0,0.1070274540253274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906684329168238,0.0,0.0,0.08817196286458316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409625054247228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pinocho_2010,2019/03/19,"I am a college student and I think I have PTSD after a police raid in my apartment. Help Long story, but read if you can. I came to school last august for the start of my sophomore semester. I chose random roommates and got paired with 2 other individuals who I did not know prior. I moved in, got to know them, and they were really nice. About a day or 2 after we moved in to our university apartment, I noticed alot of traffic coming in and out of the apartment. I knew they were selling drugs. We spoke about it and I was completely fine with it. I didnt mind because it didnt effect me directly, and being a college athlete, i spent most of my time away from the dorm and would only come home at night mostly to sleep and eat. Lots of time passed, Halloween, thansgiving break christmas, and January, feburary. We grew very close and I met lots of different people over that time, and there were no problems. The day before spring break, about 3-4 weeks ago, I had come home at around 10pm on a Thursday night from studying for a computer science exam at 8am the next morning. I watched a little TV with them like we usually do and then I went to bed. I woke up at 6am to loud yelling and screeming coming from just outside my bedroom door. I hear ""COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!! POLICE!! COME OUT OR WE ARE COMING IN!! I had only underwear on at the time so I said ""one sec"" as loudly as i could and I put on a pair of shorts. I opened my room door slowly and stuck my hands out. I had no shirt on, just shorts and i remember it was absolutely freezing and I was shaking. During this time they continued to yell at me to walk forward and I couldnt see anything because they had assault rifles aimed at me (6-7 officers) with bright flashlights, and that is all I could see. My roomates followed closely behind me. I reached the living roo. where all the cops were and they yelled at me to get on the ground or to turn around, I was scared of making any sudden movements, and i was absolutely freezing and shaking. They handcuffed me and put me on the couch and did the same with my roommates. They made the handcuffs extra tight. The main guy who was in charge of everything took me into the kicthen and explained what was going on and his confusing with me being there, saying he didnt expect to see me there and was unaware of my presence, he also mentioned that i wasnt on the search warrant. I explained to him the living situation and he asked me if I knew anything about the drugs. I said I knew nothing and he told me to go sit on the couch. They searched our rooms and the entire apartment and made a huge mess. After the longest hour of my life, I was taken to my room where I was told that i would be let free because my room was clean, and I didnt know anything. They asked me more questions, like if I ever help set up a drug exchange or anything like that. I answered truthfully and they told me I was allowed to shower once they finished searching the bathroom. I showered and went to my 8am class to take my exam, which I promptly failed and continied with my week. I was depressed. My roomates were taken away and I was left to care for their cat while not being able to get in contact with them. I was alone in that apartment for a couple days until spring break when i got to go home. Over the break I had to relocate and visit the apartment many time to move my stuff to another dorm. I didnt like going back to that place. Since I have been in and out of depression, have had a difficult time sleeping. Every sound, people walking outside my door at night, the sound of doors opening and closing and the sound of approaching noises keep me up at night. Once when I was at home during my spring break I got a wrong number phone call, and I looked out the window of my house while I was on the phone and i saw a state police car. My heart immediately began racing and my stomach felt sick, no one was there, and after I calmed down I remembered that a state police officer actually lived in .y neighborhood and occasionally parked infront of our house. But I just got a flash back to the yellow letters that read state police on the officers backs during the raid. It got a little better when I finally got in contact with my roomates and figured out the situation with their belongings and cat. But things have gotten worse since then. And now its 2am and im on the PTSD section of resdit posting about it for help. I have team lift at 6am and practice at 6pm later today after classes. I dont know what to do. And my new roommate is a long time friend and teammate but he fucking snores so damn loud I want to strangle him. Do I have PTSD? What can I do? At times I dont even feel like playing the sport I have been playing for 12+ years and am going to college for. I dont feel like pkaying video games that i used to love to play for hours. Homework and focusing in class as well as studying is hard. I miss my girlfriend alot, but I dont feel like myself. I feel like who i used to be is lost and i am afraid of spiraling into something worse. I have talked to her and she has been there for me through this situation and is being cautious of my emotions and feelings too to help in any way she can. She has experience with anciety and depression and I think she wants me to maybe seel out help. I am going to speak to her about it when we see each other again. She goes to my school too and I see her often. anything will help. 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ptsd,Terryr29,2019/03/19,(I’m 15) I’m not sure if i have ptsd I cut my hand open real bad a few years ago and really fucked it up I cut the tendon on my thumb and the artery in my wrist I had to get surgery for that luckily its all fixed but I still have flashes about it when i sleep or zone out i’m not sure what this means I also don’t really like talking about it 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ptsd,throwaway728190562,2019/03/19,Writing down my trauma My therapist (who I just started seeing) gave me a homework assignment to write down a traumatic event I told her about. I have my appointment wednesday and I haven’t done it yet. Just the thought of writing it is giving me horrible anxiety. Is there anything I can do to get myself to write this?,3.3426775956284125,5.8686767377049245,4.430737704918034,81.4043579234973,76.70491803278688,8.001092896174864,31.478142076502728,8.841846274778883,3.0799486338797815,255,13,45,6,6,83,44,61,0.188,0.773,0.039,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,14,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,12,0,7,10,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,4,38,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787756293492065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29988158240961976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729219325328601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039121754098806,0.34957901022506555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29039069048782445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579340278433183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423112614920704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28930392421301754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482130896881627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,candacelaine,2019/03/19,"Having a hard time with partner's parents Hi everyone. I'm having a tough week and wanted to reach out. &#x200B; I was diagnosed with PTSD just over a year ago, resulting from an abusive long-term relationship that ended in 2012. I've come really far in my healing process, but lately I'm struggling. &#x200B; The abusive boyfriend's parents were also abusive toward me. Now I'm in a healthy relationship, and I get along great with my partner's parents. But they'd always lived out-of-state before, and I knew ahead of time when I'd see them and for how long. Now that they've moved close to us, I am massively triggered if they drop by unexpectedly, or even with a few hours notice. I end up running to hide in the bedroom before they even show up. My heart races, I get angry, and I just freeze up for hours. And even though I know it's trigger stuff, I don't feel like I can just stop it. &#x200B; No one but my boyfriend sees any of this, and I tell him it's PTSD and not me hating his family. I don't ask him to cancel or anything, but I feel like it makes me look like a selfish jerk that I can't just go with the flow. &#x200B; And all of this just makes me so PISSED at my abuser but that's a whole other story. &#x200B; Do any of you deal with this? With just not being able to function if someone drops by? How do you handle it?",3.5932608695652126,4.679834268115943,4.328231884057973,88.61060869565218,72.26086956521739,6.824347826086957,26.118840579710145,6.961326702584282,0.9953310144927544,1062,34,225,9,20,340,146,276,0.228,0.72,0.051,-0.9949,3,0,0,0,1,0,51.0,1,2,4,1,17,10,3,1,11,0,13,4,2,7,1,51,32,24,0,3,17,3,4,3,2,0,2,0,1,2,14,20,0,1,4,1,0,5,6,6,0,1,3,7,33,4,34,27,3,36,0,0,3,0,21,13,1,4,19,146,47,0,0.06939657388771428,0.32889436898080954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151587560179004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055496415065713525,0.05774350871820402,0.3759557940687804,0.42162216553551796,0.09438409990712752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710746733828461,0.0,0.06487642873614365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810274615852467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977900361167428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154482048489963,0.0,0.07043606170962559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229295329402214,0.0,0.0,0.13750734767447784,0.0,0.0,0.0663114002745506,0.0,0.0,0.06542091372442424,0.0,0.07017798578273643,0.09915385250294836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251369123674091,0.0,0.03943967218506084,0.0,0.0,0.07650996770263238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216569932713632,0.06851474949704965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223527418841729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668329280821942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038138542131491926,0.0,0.07828235804733796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171098193557654,0.0,0.061278446147023616,0.12282756821560185,0.058275644091931006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264550388655377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375757552170205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900845932855748,0.0,0.0,0.047024914463763744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23117004831444385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224176243367516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044457222233302014,0.0,0.0,0.14901189882525984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060016916759724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058799491854666125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801864314301015,0.0,0.07254836663903493,0.07944247411659552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065566435567241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818178149902851,0.0,0.08093140061278051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347553381214537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093189728220472,0.0,0.055665745635916135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774787964511048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42162216553551796,0.044689118327639415 ptsd,EstExecutorThrowaway,2019/03/20,"Death This is the only time I haven’t posted here triggered probably. I really want to die. I have no positive family memories and I estranged myself but I know I’ll feel super guilty when they’re dead. My grandparents are about to die. My dog who loved me died three months ago. I hadn’t seen him in five years. He was 10. Some girl lied and gave me genital herpes recently. I met a girl I like but she’s using me. I’m almost 30 and a loser. I make a lot of money but everyone at work considers me the babbling engineer. I pissed off a coworker unintentionally because he didn’t show up to a meeting and he went immediately to my boss and it was embarrassing. They all lost a lot of faith in me. I hurt a lot of people. I have ruined my body. I don’t want to deal with the consequences of my actions because I had no guidance or support my whole life. I don’t feel responsible, yet I bear the burden. I know others are less fortunate in life and society. I want to be dead. I really don’t enjoy anything in life. There is one single girl on the opposite side of the planet who likes me and that is it. Pretty sure having herpes is a dealbreaker. It would have been for me. “Fake it till you make it” didn’t work. I can’t even really fathom faking it anymore. I really really really just don’t want to be alive anymore.",0.8945839780978453,3.227536970479708,3.625258897750272,84.64164028091895,85.19926199261994,7.334412569932152,20.181049875014878,8.360895534625662,1.3686811331984283,1033,31,212,26,31,363,150,271,0.235,0.593,0.172,-0.9786,1,0,0,0,0,4,27.0,0,1,1,5,7,17,1,1,14,0,26,6,2,5,2,34,45,13,6,5,5,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,11,8,0,0,4,1,1,2,11,9,0,3,12,3,39,8,24,30,8,20,1,4,1,1,17,9,1,6,10,144,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015327960613652,0.0,0.11469526135310115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22718579767633096,0.0,0.0,0.09425665778331868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396450376432758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272281150580426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808570708743872,0.0,0.0,0.35662329889465194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565258751929796,0.0,0.0,0.10944787528024046,0.0,0.0,0.10797811502071587,0.0,0.11582972767226005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261743536111284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589637333234593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427089609020562,0.11191691342590153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503393675554353,0.2921334274281606,0.10337681889535964,0.0,0.15291267433153727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142473253187887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761526603245705,0.08711282880429587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940761173019019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969765498863407,0.11652835444113327,0.12349348901414965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402635288186287,0.0,0.11309442846041175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997863081126315,0.10795259129519663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678919313910392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892578138717796,0.0,0.0,0.270234630556923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061797243997896,0.0,0.12787981577427374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667729634175826,0.0,0.0,0.08136592729034202,0.0,0.0,0.07376000248609642 ptsd,mavka17,2019/03/20,"It's so hard for me to flirt with guys. I'm 17 and am scared Ill never allow myself to date (Sorry if this isn't written well, my mind always goes into tangent mode when I talk about my PTSD) At the age of 13 I was diagnosed with PTSD. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by my father almost my whole life. He kidnapped me twice and dragged me across almost the entire country (all the way to fucking Hawaii) hiding me from my mom. My mom found me and I am now living full-time with her, but my father has never had any punishment for the shit he put me through, which has been a fucking nightmare. I have to have visitation with him and get texts from him almost everyday, causing me major anxiety. Honestly, the verbal abuse has never stopped, as he still screams at me over the phone or in public for something stupid. But I digress. Because of all the moving around I did at a young age, my social skills were in the gutter when I was 13 and finally back with my mom. Even though I was in a safe environment now, I was still doing my ""chameleon"" defense mechanism. It's basically where I would stay quiet the first day of school, observe, and then the next day just copy what I'd observed the previous day. I know it sounds bad, but it's what I did to have temporary friends in the new schools I went to. But trying to use this tactic long-term went sour pretty quick, causing me to be friendless most of high school. It's only been this year where I've been able to be confident in myself around others enough to have my own personality. Yeah, for most of high school I was devoid of a personality, as I'd killed it to try and be likable. My inability to have a good social life has also led me to be completely inept when it comes to the opposite sex. I've had many boys that I've liked, but I always feel so horrible for even considering that they may like me back. This has led me to not be able to ask guys out or really flirt, as I don't feel I'm good enough, I guess. I feel like there's always someone prettier, nicer, and funnier than me and that they probably wouldn't want to be with me instead. I don't know how to shake this, and I want to SO BAD, as there's a guy I really like and am wanting to ask to go out with me. IDK what I'm looking for here, I guess advice, or just some kind words. It just feels nice to be able to talk in a community where there are other people who understand. Thanks! ",4.918717948717948,5.01720915789474,5.761149797570852,83.08692037786777,68.75708502024291,8.93484480431849,27.80269905533064,8.745826893841286,1.8101902294197028,1900,56,404,29,30,625,236,494,0.131,0.73,0.138,0.8324,0,0,1,0,2,0,56.0,0,0,2,2,33,27,7,2,20,1,42,8,1,7,5,77,71,35,1,6,13,5,5,4,1,3,4,3,0,6,23,25,0,3,8,0,0,10,8,12,1,2,18,10,57,15,68,43,10,61,0,0,1,3,30,21,3,13,32,277,80,4,0.21500496104842184,0.16983048064731426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003345318753679,0.0,0.0,0.21529641108771744,0.0,0.0,0.05731312989042334,0.1789013512806083,0.0,0.0,0.04873691544906589,0.0,0.054826068902528426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759999935461291,0.1340004100293172,0.0,0.0,0.11021702905468213,0.11968010780813967,0.04368834288373963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472462138926714,0.0,0.061735912034301475,0.0751428703395681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866041295959367,0.0,0.0,0.07274183654842431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061721410095846,0.0,0.14810506614126592,0.0,0.09467249934160077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495062464311062,0.051199862377671684,0.0,0.07850914182302554,0.0,0.060961036677484114,0.0,0.07858061408182712,0.05537076652104825,0.13251241463032015,0.03744373938176245,0.0,0.04073075805169661,0.12022397365742127,0.0,0.0,0.1579014696456518,0.2128887144697603,0.0,0.0,0.06420073794039327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144303062610107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792903779216307,0.07463152702570602,0.07877406915114495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124290829373672,0.14005408486424728,0.0,0.06328443989308198,0.0634242082387661,0.06018333896584245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266042804668874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222481034342612,0.0,0.07236457321139605,0.2518112118213605,0.0,0.07617208248987763,0.0,0.0,0.1658250805959525,0.0692177103870932,0.07622007175103296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054506987123976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049685789447233716,0.12515602590635572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729124470216692,0.07727057091339894,0.0,0.16755286252277632,0.07204645687412675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182512237619593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717524913093952,0.2901286655307266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356650093729775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611365438377613,0.06072433525961918,0.05517377440236153,0.0,0.08022681705942762,0.0,0.0763888937190904,0.11446882641766673,0.059917924907114124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152085622983645,0.0,0.06598256043528664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041376086342059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731617017038126,0.0,0.0,0.07460924900287044,0.0,0.061898418020771076,0.0,0.0,0.1268154966128155,0.056886976807688235,0.0,0.0,0.06443842701343935,0.13287450195627776,0.0,0.08001512024691622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050911118511701145,0.0,0.0,0.046152048566879184 ptsd,janethepremed,2019/03/20,"I literally forgot my entire life Last night my boyfriend and I were talking about when we first met. He told me I used to be very mentally ill and I was so much better now. He brought it up because he said he was proud of me and never stopped loving me. I was stunned. “What?” I asked. “I was?” He explained calmly and softly that yes, I used to have panic attacks, go unconscious, have convulsions. He said I was sad 80% of the time. My eyes went wide. I literally felt like he was telling me a story about someone else. I knew he was talking about me, and I vaguely remembered all of that, but I had a big fat empty hole in my memory trying to remember. It literally took me like 20 minutes to have it sink in. That that was me. That was my past. It actually happened. I have been so happy the past few months, healthy, confident, the like. But it was in part because I literally forgot my past. Not just the trauma itself but who I used to be. What I used to do. Now that I remember, I’m having a hard time staying healthy. I just can’t stop thinking about it. My mind is reeling. I’m scrambling for a way to forget again. ",0.8030364372469663,3.10674856140351,2.8387719298245635,90.32896761133604,85.31578947368422,5.7883940620782734,23.242914979757085,7.1686216300943375,0.9327943319838059,864,33,184,13,26,290,119,228,0.086,0.752,0.162,0.969,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,0,3,12,12,1,1,8,1,23,5,2,4,2,31,46,11,0,0,6,0,3,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,16,6,1,4,7,0,0,4,3,4,0,1,24,6,34,8,19,20,4,28,0,1,1,1,20,6,0,0,19,123,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.11501461363475818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018343449634142,0.13408306226693664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369304288937804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423782344601358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845712494875612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316433395570455,0.0,0.0,0.10025187818623968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669827026767093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422343996678653,0.1254644399234552,0.10557964415070753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960718436868669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832481882089871,0.1727417111881445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637348753662394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877542251914742,0.0,0.11900526588760604,0.0,0.09407493624236037,0.0,0.08664085334626435,0.0,0.0909010994901544,0.0,0.0,0.11060387130416573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828362240763886,0.0,0.12763117775911587,0.33753286718133074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005381022371996,0.0,0.2242241967474971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986261706136987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256233569062053,0.0,0.19707291202214405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946322738329308,0.10301506341457976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552009655276319,0.0,0.0,0.13745053252518974,0.0,0.0,0.1126205306125475,0.1309470871199652,0.08001938097843936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071736966134143,0.0,0.09724705902700297,0.0,0.09355198960082987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925764316191566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,coffeebecausekids,2019/03/20,"MTHFR Anyone else have this DNA gene mutation?? I’m wondering if my heightened startle reflex is because of the gene mutation or because of PTSD..... also have insomnia and avoidance symptoms so it’s hard to say and maybe it doesn’t even matter. ",3.5846666666666667,6.521738133333336,4.7022222222222245,77.38000000000002,78.77777777777777,7.1555555555555586,31.222222222222214,8.238735603445708,3.0520222222222224,196,10,30,4,5,64,38,45,0.153,0.8240000000000001,0.024,-0.713,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,6,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426036724376235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212230239141014,0.3108368691887276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36986123237636576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25342544661549954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003720269948006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27175858005527315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047744244409588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546215313417561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412508001529582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31531601959527983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32899018736986546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ninovd1,2019/03/20,"I get flashbacks because of internet I won't tell what I watched but I saw something that was so emotional and shocking between a son and a mother, that after 2 weeks, it's still stuck in my thoughts. What do I do to get rid of these thoughts?",2.9063999999999983,4.410841439999999,3.6810000000000014,90.93550000000002,74.6,6.6000000000000005,32.5,7.1686216300943375,1.9016,192,10,41,2,4,61,38,50,0.14,0.802,0.058,-0.5819,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,2,6,0,6,4,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705274828649831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40052303943820977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720565259507619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741147541173741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843524350786492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31121482542834084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5653486246730116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856123248248613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,123sadme,2019/03/20,"I feel like a ruined person It’s been 5 years of unrelenting PTSD and I thought it would be easier by now but it’s just evolved. I hate my fucking life. I’m a miserable person. I don’t have any friends anymore because I pushed everybody away, I can’t trust anybody new, I can’t be a normal person in a relationship. I struggle with if I was this awful before my trauma or did it make me into the fuckin shell of a person I am today? I’m mad because I lash out at anybody trying to care, while also being mad because their trying is so minimal effort. Like how hard is it to just listen to me without telling me about a friend who was raped and whose fucking life is still in shambles 20 years later? How is it so hard to do a little research or ask me about it instead of taking it personally? The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because my moms brother did last year. And I got real close to just doing it two weeks ago, but didn’t because I was watching my coworkers puppy and didn’t want her to be upset that her puppy ate part of my dead body or something. I can’t afford therapy, I cant handle drinking or doing drugs.. all I do is try to get outside of myself as much as I possibly can and even then it’s still unbearable Fuck this ",3.5772413793103475,4.326408045977015,5.346226053639846,82.55887931034484,71.98850574712644,7.485823754789273,27.526819923371647,7.594959193182576,1.5738061302681996,984,34,198,11,18,338,146,261,0.217,0.693,0.09,-0.9914,1,0,3,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,17,20,9,3,9,1,32,11,1,4,1,31,49,21,2,4,11,2,3,2,2,1,3,1,0,5,15,9,2,0,3,1,0,1,9,14,0,1,11,5,32,6,25,33,3,24,0,2,1,5,18,8,4,5,17,145,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226264114789663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323454357290587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707795041085714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322163152210218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730286051989047,0.0,0.09778870692817118,0.0,0.0,0.31723789002075553,0.0,0.08856633495669544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561192421440793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611879805399392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019609876419294,0.12070237455855885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874534933504893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526271166216351,0.07435638542422694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160827387632567,0.28866710919258315,0.05437868361163442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324408927194489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647451743532428,0.102759680884724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151515966524263,0.0,0.0,0.08484093138757921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470327528427448,0.1016986670548638,0.10431776522221282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947571497139222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189988182791275,0.0,0.0,0.07651243498636608,0.0,0.0,0.10052329269482048,0.0,0.0,0.1019785134154544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791592468160857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271094193289975,0.0,0.0,0.4544030622490472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733710647892845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166658899174387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846839533330356,0.0,0.10701389539784792,0.0,0.11174539266154553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012760668201432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624045028454654,0.0,0.0,0.10880937402910903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825690430600067,0.0,0.09097248050667142,0.0,0.11902713210120965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262968620911891,0.0,0.0,0.0986578099180605,0.0,0.0,0.2119950617392925,0.0,0.10167324165568256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613904120441509,0.0,0.08348850867510331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033158187003803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393704933248872,0.0,0.0,0.20107668372482249 ptsd,ThinkingkofPizza,2019/03/20,"I can’t be a supportive friend (TW: SA) A friend of mine recently had sex for the first time and I can tell she wants to talk about it with me. My anxiety is keeping me in a constant state of being too busy or distracted to give her the chance. The topic of virginity and first times makes me feel sick and panicky because I was sexually assaulted at a young age during the prime time of sex education in school. So I remember learning about the concept of virginity and connecting the dots in class that what happened to me wasn’t okay and this whole ‘virginity’ thing was something, by textbook definition, I no longer had. I feel like it was stolen from me. So when it gets brought up by friends who go into detail about ‘loosing’ theirs I start to panic. It all comes flooding back to my head. It makes me want to run. I want to be there for her. But I physically shut down. I feel like a terrible friend. What can I do? ",4.216822194199247,5.32759836612022,5.181967213114755,82.9829886506936,70.80327868852459,8.909457755359396,29.37746952501051,9.265573868473778,2.3510112652374944,723,28,151,15,13,237,112,183,0.128,0.738,0.134,-0.1779,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,9,12,1,2,11,1,14,7,1,2,1,22,31,10,0,3,2,0,3,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,1,5,0,0,4,3,4,0,2,7,3,24,8,28,21,2,25,0,0,0,5,12,8,0,1,14,106,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605149571264138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664935432029155,0.0,0.09247603627899167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067770632073047,0.0,0.16393580069048136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301150319233293,0.2167516558509332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580750226390555,0.0,0.0,0.4688178745732948,0.0,0.07925795241773148,0.14552623233627393,0.08621565412272543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414943996850007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556898583011444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348395695498844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482277168007165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252431819487268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798942837342466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978726986308302,0.0,0.1718486171578077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353036547181992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678749127334595,0.0,0.0,0.10737534624630694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214945523665473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193219613645903,0.13259409850403425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078396459662646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653756962085833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684330347963345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693696916477855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ptsdsuckss,2019/03/20,"Sent this to a friend who didn’t believe me about my ptsd Hey so I was thinking about our conversation about our PTSD and I realized, all my life since ____ kissed me, people have been downplaying what I’ve been through. I have had very traumatizing experiences. Ending up in the hospital as a result of self-harm, and being rejected by a guy. I was very objectified and was rejected a lot when I was on [dating site]. I already feared men since _____, and now I’m scared to get close to a man in a romantic sense because I have flashbacks several times a day about how I felt when I was rejected and objectified in the past. My flashbacks haven’t been as intense since taking my medications, but the paranoia is still there. I feel very threatened when I am around men now. Then I sense that they are uncomfortable because they know I am uncomfortable, and so my anxiety around them increases even more. Plus, my relationship with my mom hasn’t been strong in the sense that I feel like she is always peering over my shoulder, and for good reasons. For instance, she read my diary when I was 14 and she found out other things about my personal life that led me to blaming myself and feeling guilty. when I was really young, I was exposed to things that gave me the impression that men sexualized women and it has made it difficult for me to trust men. Just thought I’d let you know, cause I know that you said “nothing traumatic happened in my life.”",6.210255754475702,6.74834739130435,6.389590792838877,78.16921994884912,66.02898550724638,10.117306052855925,32.53964194373401,10.056822442137396,3.0885629156010235,1144,45,221,25,17,366,149,276,0.14400000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.106,-0.8779,0,3,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,2,3,1,21,13,0,2,12,0,27,6,1,6,1,37,45,23,0,0,2,1,4,1,1,0,4,1,0,8,14,16,0,0,12,1,0,3,3,6,0,0,21,5,45,7,32,22,4,31,0,3,0,1,27,13,0,1,16,159,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464336331728036,0.0,0.10152382400101227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933389065552184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723323693661514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487548618970804,0.0,0.0,0.13746583121230976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253400150170527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868769721664676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080664869851872,0.0,0.0,0.08058782752694431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193512256491764,0.0,0.13729751037270105,0.18507891974806392,0.08716545369330958,0.11715072999195485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377994705174073,0.09426622965413073,0.0,0.06374627547062925,0.0,0.0,0.1023379431311879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081114102782314,0.10789487860336787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011639433572616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247656174583288,0.25854221939770977,0.05960893878357992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037303064636547,0.0,0.11545077937983265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291433337869664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289907240742275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707388058727515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647433546229115,0.08458781289941675,0.1065362412510766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852511823504373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220450973085562,0.0,0.07816406217387932,0.12544873840522308,0.0,0.13099531121515526,0.0,0.0,0.1160614277158693,0.0,0.12215537636554677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728520835444626,0.1378389200335159,0.0,0.3027889580263949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743900398439267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917378988979732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621188076204046,0.0781804136600332,0.0,0.09686396192958213,0.07114622452252413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020182302060858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mountainconquerer,2019/03/21,"intense fear, am i safe? is it possible to shake hands with someone and for them to implant anything into your hand? &#x200B; also, is it normal for a woman to shake a mans hand upon meeting for coffee? &#x200B; just curious. (i went through a traumatic experience a couple years ago, and I've gone through so much intense fear since then right up until this very week from the victimizers... so i'm just on guard about a lot, thus why i'm asking these two questions..",5.7263295880149805,6.847069516853933,5.972528089887643,78.6623127340824,67.31460674157304,8.18052434456929,32.810861423220985,8.344100000000001,2.5989535580524343,373,16,66,5,6,119,65,89,0.139,0.71,0.152,-0.212,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,0,6,6,1,4,6,0,3,3,3,1,0,12,8,7,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,5,0,1,2,3,4,1,16,6,2,14,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,5,44,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384180507711808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297665755428005,0.0,0.3516370986775391,0.3943495415312768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353367898875185,0.0,0.1516997445793061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954772102938588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873035948749895,0.0,0.3651958002049699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795542312336498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928649150247572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589893077659253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293407806741346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817785779150864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857696204514985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423071246219345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749011882302406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585133747076655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388903770262212,0.0,0.0,0.13016251910426987,0.0,0.0,0.15042512185940182,0.1464226627845054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943495415312768,0.10449600830140053 ptsd,beyondbroken1,2019/03/21,"Loss of self I've had C-PTSD for a long time. The saga of therapy I spend the better part of a decade on proved less than helpful. I've gone through a long term movement from agonized rage, to deep sorrow, to numbness, to emptiness, to a state of near constant void. Over time the constant state of being painfully overwhelmed and un-grounded has caused me to enter in a state similar to ego death; I'm profoundly disconnected from my identity. Its akin a more extreme level of dissociation expect, unlike dissociation, I feel more aware of it. It is like I know who I am, or was, but no longer feel connected to that person, or any sense of person. I assume this is an artifact of long term PTSD related damage. It seems clear that my sense of disconnection from the self isn't *real,* in as far as I'm sure there's been no actually change in who I am. Yet the feeling is profoundly distressing, I mean really existentially upsetting. Its really distracting and makes it hard to get on day to day. Has anyone else experience this? What did you do to cope? I've found some interesting information in neuroscience journals and Buddhist philosophy, but I'm really at a loss. Frankly I'm afraid of it getting worse, or becoming another permanent aspect of long term PTSD damage. 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A few weeks ago, my therapist and I were brainstorming about how to approach my difficulty with connection of my physical sense of body and my cognitive thought, and I told him I felt like I needed to anchor a feeling that had as strong as an impact on me as my trauma. He brought up the idea of using EMDR as a way to reconnect that feeling of being in my body, and the strong positivity of the feeling. He's never used EMDR in that way before, but we figured it was worth a shot. We tried it yesterday, and I was really surprised at how well it worked. I closed my eyes and went back to the memory, and initially, I was seeing it from a visual/cognitive narrative, but I started to shift more towards how my body felt; I'm so used to a huge vocabulary for negative body sensations that it was hard to verbalize the positive, so I stopped trying and really dove into the feelings I remembered. Once I stopped trying to verbalize it, I started feeling echoes of these strong positive feelings, and slowly building them up was such a strange experience, but good kind of strange. When I came back to reality, my therapist was visibly excited, which fueled my excitement as well. Using EMDR this way was very strange, but surprisingly effective. Has anyone else ever had a therapist utilize EMDR in a very different way?",8.996923076923078,7.666570597069597,9.716483516483516,62.8035164835165,60.97802197802198,13.967765567765568,41.146520146520146,12.896187039172386,5.582939926739926,1155,55,197,38,13,396,138,273,0.087,0.6990000000000001,0.214,0.9885,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,1,6,14,13,0,0,16,0,15,5,5,8,2,47,38,25,0,1,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,16,0,2,14,0,1,4,4,1,2,0,19,11,30,12,38,18,3,32,0,0,2,0,7,11,0,1,14,146,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377735138264103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608354118432047,0.09683659292333953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453446062985458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042099025157717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199169101785258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809418327184016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874276242744258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895092005775038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548964333829542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848976950024737,0.0,0.0,0.28672236475856394,0.0,0.1814887096931886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792704460860367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466233448728741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669020825217053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098417549502526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617277838027607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007791626709406,0.07289188509967214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064999198934983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052294502074567,0.0,0.0,0.1816364454915013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706132815433082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753121787236961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378923113014374,0.0,0.0,0.15802906829451285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32919994254941026,0.0,0.06055814760784485,0.0,0.07503032831113071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030828915510597,0.0,0.19249811795705654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32650494301632066,0.0,0.15596118182586116,0.0,0.3000703364459527,0.07581016585548138,0.0,0.16995155621767424,0.0876116528434502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880435533812526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TakeAFuckingBreath,2019/03/21,"Is pathological lying normal for PTSD? My daughter is 18 and away from home for the first time, going to college 200 miles away. She was sexually assaulted at 14 and is recovering. She has PTSD, anxiety, insomnia, depression. She's been seeing a therapist for 3 years and on anti-depressants and anti-anxieties, with mixed success. I am supportive through it all, of course. She's my only child (bit like ""Gilmore Girls"") and I want her to thrive, but also just be okay in her own skin and in her own time. About a year ago, she started inventing wild stories. I believed the first: she was attacked by a mugger on a city street. He grabbed her, said vile things and she got away. She was alone and, afterward, rang me in hysterics and I rushed to rescue her. I was horrified, she was terrified, but police had no camera footage. They didn't outright accuse her of lying, but their investigation just went nowhere. Two weeks later, a near car accident when a child ran in front of her car. Then she hit a dog with her car. Then someone was outside her window, peering in. Then someone was threatening her in anonymous phone calls. Then another dog. Then someone grabbed her in a mall bathroom. Then a man tried to get into her car at an intersection, but the doors were locked and she sped off. Always no evidence, no damage to the car, no bruises. I've begun reacting with no reaction (""Oh, gosh, that's scary. Glad you're okay."") because I dont want to encourage it...? Can I confront her, gently with love, and say, ""Sweetheart, I don't think that really happened."" She's so terribly fragile and I don't want her to think she hasn't got me in her corner. I can't confer with her counselor because she's an adult. Her grades are good and she likes school, but these ""events"" give her the permission to cocoon in her room, away from everyone. My deepest, darkest fear is that she genuinely believes these things have happened. What do I do then? What do I do now? ",3.4250237191650896,5.694046432795703,4.188349146110061,84.52164136622396,75.26344086021507,7.6022770398481985,27.60784313725491,8.4952907291091,2.11853137254902,1531,62,291,30,34,489,203,372,0.215,0.6920000000000001,0.093,-0.9956,0,1,0,1,0,0,77.0,0,0,2,3,7,19,4,1,16,2,30,4,1,1,1,34,50,28,0,4,7,1,4,2,1,0,2,3,4,5,11,19,0,0,2,1,0,10,11,8,0,3,16,8,54,11,44,32,4,58,0,2,1,1,52,25,0,0,25,197,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693354415219096,0.0,0.0,0.1132552188868538,0.0,0.08744838868723052,0.09098924297316803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466462639892508,0.16730726075325755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440316560789967,0.4109574936365732,0.0,0.0,0.13331937016535692,0.0,0.0,0.2464034829216173,0.0,0.0,0.11938356214136517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166015069070652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836864590419186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815919290041336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449008460703298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305088636917567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602873164810052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713166741408157,0.10489996337579284,0.06214700136670553,0.0917188853410906,0.1749168352966655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339841503023808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968851267781836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684727979312074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098694036089088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714129369964501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316677531484426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556522017827915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005339795748834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401835776149168,0.08696073530505012,0.0,0.11066959857691293,0.0871390212393816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27795962021492304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739958430775018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409083406872833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126965568614781,0.14529661113775813,0.14013610547578698,0.0,0.0,0.1275275271277994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424251904304184,0.0,0.10682056720367547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349511814420545,0.0,0.08771521106669729,0.0,0.0,0.10136997504682016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140837615726262 ptsd,stuetel,2019/03/21,"(NSFW) I have successfully intended sex with my BF for the first time and it was heavenly! I have been physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused from the age of 8 to 16. 7 months ago I met the most amazing man online. I'm 21 and he's 25. He's very understanding of my situation and he's been very gentle with me. We've had sex around our first month anniversary and it was quite nice even though it was hard for me. Up until that point I had been a virgin apart from the abuse and he was a virgin too so it was fairly awkward but very chill. Since then we've had sex quite a few times a week and it's nice, but he's always the one that has to ""start"" it. Like, if he's in the mood and we start kissing and touching 99,99% of the time I go along and love it and we end up having sex. Sometimes I want to try to start it, starting my kissing him, but then I don't know how to let him know that I want more. I get super shy and if he doesn't make the next move I'll just agree with not going further than that. He moved in with me on new year's Day and we have only grown stronger since then. He's kind of shy about it too, afraid I don't want to have sex when he wants too. So yesterday I asked if we should brush our teeth and go to sleep and he softly muttered that he hoped we could be ""sexy"" and then we'd have to go to the bathroom anyway.. I agreed happily. And I kind of took it as a learning moment. This night I decided to take my chance when we'd go to prepare for bed. I know he loved it when I gently touch him, just softly moving my hands over his back and arms and stomach. And then I grabbed his ass, which he thought I was just joking about until I started to massage it a bit more. He was turned on within a second and I playfully just let my fingers slide over his bulge. I slowly undressed him, knowing very well that he was really tired, so I told him that he could ask me to do anything he wanted me to do and I'd do it. Him being shy blushed and said I'm all his. That gave me some more confidence. So I decided to ride him if he had the energy. And he did have that. He comes rather quickly normally (he always goes on until i finish too though) but now we went really really really slowly this time, making me actually orgasm twice! I am absolutely exhausted but it's time to sleep anyway. I feel so proud of myself for daring to do this. Usually I'd never admit that I'm turned on or whatever, but I trust him and he trusts me and together we are gonna be okay. I wish I had taken action sooner, but this is very promising for the future!! Also, I get no one is probably interested in my sex life at all but when I first met him and realised I was in love with him the first thing that scared me was sex. It is part of a normal and healthy relationship but I'd only known pain and have terrible flashbacks. To think that I now have a normal sex like and even dare to take control is such a win for me. And he seemed to love it too. We've never moaned this loud and stayed entangled this long. It was amazing. I'm so happy!!;",2.454173737501179,3.5330283863987653,4.040581017569316,89.61152793111064,75.02782071097373,7.321818124467716,22.16853294640886,7.817275551320576,0.7379774721635175,2374,58,543,33,49,794,272,647,0.064,0.723,0.213,0.9988,0,0,0,0,2,0,66.0,11,0,0,11,37,36,0,3,22,1,53,29,9,5,4,105,108,69,0,18,20,0,9,2,1,2,4,2,1,1,37,47,0,1,14,2,0,15,7,6,1,8,29,12,76,29,63,68,10,83,1,0,0,18,64,18,1,9,51,355,113,2,0.0,0.16303534732331632,0.0671396364409955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060987740080286686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055019958739186914,0.11449552059784447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566171795589205,0.06124728062342455,0.1286388833578445,0.0,0.0,0.05290355283805268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511263228243126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059265779749727264,0.0,0.0,0.07716592478095581,0.10986364858014999,0.0,0.0,0.044370811216565775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773916169293711,0.060937069738556275,0.0,0.0,0.0908845323483362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034787741492791506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23408763256209325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189113558321568,0.0,0.19550534333971265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323970942930877,0.06163198483941144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833469828883616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432908495992986,0.15124443710194446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070691745673838,0.04859602544483837,0.06722517148529566,0.0,0.0,0.0608865250778356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483815596807387,0.0,0.0918501095102012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933500390989644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983225205763107,0.21937302204662684,0.0,0.0,0.1061268056116191,0.06644822184375608,0.07317040983204841,0.06456487113811582,0.20223046920972135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324237792464367,0.10465218662084133,0.07320888050976296,0.0,0.0,0.07450453992303346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503897527668502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741788771881225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635619631919952,0.0,0.0,0.17630216510661312,0.0,0.0,0.07386628951893258,0.0,0.0,0.06544529679814394,0.0,0.06888158296056428,0.0,0.0,0.0626336459421462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382543201605334,0.07733495912104714,0.1377009337760911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680457304414196,0.0,0.2434877302470225,0.07333247701865203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034592480753201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04570818096108886,0.04408476163423022,0.13519283364155352,0.05462013402975598,0.20059143987711464,0.07907637536239384,0.0,0.0657420934797921,0.0764401978531266,0.046711213274052435,0.1496709835355194,0.0,0.07162403814881471,0.0,0.0,0.07577433883519785,0.2838392436270316,0.2029024124276184,0.0,0.05518783554663112,0.0,0.06186016367062785,0.06377901214871527,0.0,0.0,0.07911750133383624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04430544646110735 ptsd,edgysaltines,2019/03/21,"Fear of abandonment I just started dating again. He seems really nice, but there’s something eating at me. “He’s going to hurt you” “you’re obviously not good enough for him” “see that girl liking his posts? He wants her. She wants him” “There’s no room for you in his life” . It all sounds so stupid and childish when it’s typed out, but my mind and heart are racing. I feel myself starting to dissociate. I start crying with such grief that it’s comparable to a death in the family. It’s like the sadness and fear inside me is growing and nearly making me explode out of my skin. I can’t get hurt again, I can’t take it. I want to run away and just stop trying. I haven’t felt this distraught since I started therapy and I don’t know how to handle it.",1.6563852813852795,3.729477409090908,3.1256883116883145,90.93900865800863,80.10389610389609,5.9248484848484875,19.357575757575766,7.03164865440522,0.224768484848485,587,14,126,7,15,192,100,154,0.321,0.612,0.067,-0.9945,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,10,13,1,3,3,0,6,4,2,2,2,28,22,11,2,3,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,9,9,1,2,4,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,1,5,23,4,17,21,2,21,0,5,1,0,12,8,0,1,11,80,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838264231577702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348127133318975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616042226403378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318633627142534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888456463880914,0.35543560473246555,0.07985534185981905,0.0,0.15163982379034996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251313483339931,0.0,0.08975659446618058,0.13246616273365006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715059601689116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33813969575898184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679548966749058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155228992747797,0.15431553818047164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542107046987786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946665277404426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512555354550103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117550795969428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585163595283674,0.1437756805705067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064327254281535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158403946019898,0.0,0.0,0.44714132284963454,0.0,0.0,0.13203851694380347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874547281729204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180609406988268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722569918657444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794577770209127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,voltairebear,2019/03/21,"Whose insomnia was the catalyst for getting diagnosed/going to therapy? I have been dealing with insufferable insomnia for the past year or so. I am a teacher and went through trauma sensitivity training about 6 months ago. We watched a documentary about ACEs and the entire thing just seemed like it was about me as a kid. I score an 8 on the ACEs survey. I sort of put that on a back burner for a while but recently read Childhood Disrupted and am currently reading The Body Keeps the Score. I was previously diagnosed with bipolar 2 and generalized anxiety disorder. My spouse has never agreed with bipolar 2 and just going through the past year of insomnia and learning everything I have, I believe I have ptsd from an unstable childhood and the traumatic death of my mother. Just curious, is there anyone else here whose catalyst for coming to terms with PTSD was insomnia? I have an appointment for psychiatric evaluation next week with a new psychiatrist and an appointment with a counselor certified in EMDR. I’m currently on Lamictal for bipolar 2 but the depression and anxiety has become unbearable, affecting my sleep every night. I lay there and the sleep doesn’t come for hours and I wake up feeling exhausted everyday. What medications have helped you the most with this? Has anyone seen an improvement with their sleep on an SSRI?",6.748763365876336,8.860727811715485,7.1155299860530015,67.69696768944678,65.86192468619247,11.838307763830777,36.70874012087401,11.538034831475384,5.201948210134821,1093,56,171,39,18,355,136,239,0.142,0.815,0.043,-0.9782,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,1,2,11,4,0,0,24,0,17,15,5,1,1,37,27,17,1,0,6,2,1,1,0,0,10,0,0,1,7,22,0,1,3,2,0,5,2,3,0,0,7,3,18,1,33,20,2,32,0,1,2,0,10,6,0,4,22,124,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153176207911291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903817011843605,0.0,0.0,0.18192498609850888,0.13329337007128686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003177420004088,0.0,0.0,0.1436750377599487,0.0,0.14656775244159007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450152163017488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412336335376806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411787441105666,0.11204699192269807,0.13203939592489222,0.0,0.0,0.14909529607689098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867414772695806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096070867883969,0.0,0.11691719822224947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577780347926446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796705944928615,0.0,0.14786716816336576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719710276062671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811320634183132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563065610641292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355578041385518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310527672752955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383721364936722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033402376595353,0.12564247894307393,0.1383530126388641,0.12208137761018605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483727252842902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041383033856481,0.1307771578994394,0.0,0.0,0.2602519542678678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844894379649455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184297536195623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905541681706386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877013613235202,0.0,0.08642652887587329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043509709241826,0.0,0.0,0.12059544963817573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675483848805579 ptsd,raychul33,2019/03/21,"abandonment fears are making me disengage from everyone I was diagnosed with PTSD about a few years ago for something that happened with my mom when I was 15. Since then, I’ve had intense abandonment fears from everyone- family, friends, relationships. The anxiety that I feel around abandonment fears drives me insane and is relentless. I don’t know how to turn it off or calm myself down. I push people away and leave before I’m left , and I read into every small thing and overthink like crazy. Anyone else have any tips to help? Any words of advice to help calm down? Anyone been through something similar? ",6.468727272727275,8.292910554545458,5.863409090909091,77.51511363636364,66.18181818181819,9.863636363636363,30.113636363636363,10.125756701596842,3.189909090909091,491,18,83,12,8,150,83,110,0.213,0.644,0.142,-0.8762,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,3,2,0,8,1,0,2,0,17,14,8,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,2,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,4,1,10,4,17,10,1,14,0,3,0,0,5,8,0,1,5,50,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544258210921934,0.13193573526749208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242962482427776,0.0,0.11386051472756414,0.0,0.0,0.20814171017202815,0.15250192178774102,0.0,0.13249720339773494,0.0,0.0,0.13983801882220115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665001106707416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106724077476158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433488903568522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540227145466212,0.28444180518452145,0.0,0.0,0.1403110379176967,0.5024517356843244,0.07525686713599758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499172023722427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316167809077541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952568891021266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179736610954119,0.0,0.0,0.15759774679740424,0.16171271245755134,0.0,0.0,0.0727146342586206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935039170721063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431704033060536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318539472828243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398343117429213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488780843099662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979610338622666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312017173786168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22916523028794694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888122522497136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189279382193686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958466676664112 ptsd,sladeogg,2019/03/21,"26/M Recently diagnosed with PTSD along with a few other fun things. Digging through this sub to see if there's any help I can find here, but any advice you can give right off the bat? I started seeing multiple psychologists and have been struggling with chronic PTSD, alcohol dependency, bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. My psychs want to get me completely sober before I can start looking in to other treatment options (which is understandable) but I keep going on binges in between these long waits between doctors visits. It's ruining everything in my life, my job, my relationship with my girlfriend and family, and after two experiments with suicide, I'm starting to feel like these psychologists aren't really helping me at all. Every time I visit I get the initial consultation where I have to repeat the whole scenario with the diagnosis and they just recommend me to another specialist in another city that I have to schedule 2+ weeks out. What steps have helped improved your lives to better cope with this? Thank you!",9.958770053475938,10.129660304812834,9.497652406417114,60.27589037433157,58.25133689839572,13.25540106951872,42.764171122994654,12.516099999999998,5.928324491978607,875,45,128,27,10,282,131,187,0.151,0.736,0.113,-0.8778,1,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,3,1,1,4,7,0,1,5,0,10,6,0,1,1,28,27,8,1,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,11,14,1,2,3,0,0,4,1,3,0,1,1,4,20,4,28,26,4,24,0,2,3,0,13,10,0,3,11,90,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003220440493152,0.0,0.1312724536172834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706300006606592,0.2576048359034712,0.09396786263851248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045228969111258,0.0,0.0,0.10863690933163583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878937081710876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579695683280776,0.12467417492593988,0.0,0.0,0.42233606629718334,0.12572605659756644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349315078018388,0.0,0.11039550068301646,0.12015546347658487,0.11579719597495712,0.0,0.062108685970380835,0.08775281050277745,0.0,0.0,0.11226827630329196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835164837927854,0.11783380236938786,0.06980953320889664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469996193135584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189403637687088,0.10918072250506544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676146119998973,0.060010608420072366,0.0,0.1084648904082576,0.10870444310593157,0.10314983076980216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871733225707108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869076389145467,0.0,0.12128399994381793,0.13187801169786367,0.0,0.10489977566656647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957659826934248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26082813646330144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128413024996118,0.0,0.13436072926373732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308927121044103,0.0,0.0,0.08160561553493957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716256371529943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999121067156113,0.1278747829673592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245082132573027,0.0,0.09853022358640293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714004995932752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,silentseaswedrown,2019/03/21,"PTSD and ADHD I’m curious and just wondered—has anyone with PTSD been diagnosed with ADHD? Has anyone with PTSD wrongly been diagnosed with ADHD? I’m seriously wondering if I also have ADHD along with PTSD, because I look at all the diagnosis markers and I can see that I experience almost all of them. I know that PTSD can manifest like ADHD at times. My girlfriend says I think about diagnosis too much, but it’s something I’m seriously thinking about. Any advice would be appreciated. ",4.814333333333334,7.309896599999997,6.628611111111113,67.57625000000003,71.8888888888889,9.388888888888893,31.25,9.827888789773867,3.7123333333333335,394,18,62,11,8,136,55,90,0.04,0.8640000000000001,0.096,0.7013,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,2,20,17,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,8,1,11,13,3,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,3,2,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6361040733471964,0.10344326935971823,0.0,0.0,0.10600155416531112,0.0,0.0,0.08465465093128735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198710963258237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803683129160228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453008976582437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21488740164360046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354949353025047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058176820382841686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171690016036295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889410789069549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781785299273321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6187120262199153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841825767460031,0.0,0.0,0.08435516693049204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149470499209223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565913872184482,0.0,0.0,0.061726685049318525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479854856185455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519852735960267,0.11573916881209527,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PlayfulBalance,2019/03/21,"Coping It's been six years since my dad died of heart attack He was a great dad I still miss him. Still I can't forget he is gone. It's been traumatic and uneventful since he left us. I never tell anything to my family. I'm single. I feel I wish I could turnback and change the events. Sometimes I feel I was not a good daughter. I couldn't get myself a job and he has to work to support us. He was 55 that time. For years I have been trying to forget it doesn't help. My regret is that the ambulance arrived late and it was night time. The feeling of helplessness and that night was traumatic event that still follows me around. Has someone faced this kinda situation. How do you cope ",1.0785000000000018,3.455218921428571,2.488214285714289,92.80803571428574,84.78571428571428,5.5,19.464285714285715,6.9077264865688965,0.28242857142857103,539,15,114,7,16,174,83,140,0.161,0.725,0.114,-0.8316,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,1,0,1,5,7,1,0,6,0,18,2,2,1,1,19,28,6,1,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,9,3,19,3,8,17,1,17,0,3,0,0,14,2,0,1,13,73,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226783850415018,0.13271091095673526,0.0,0.16959759910494102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770461981167394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902654889894045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547192930644858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053734857667846,0.0,0.2261347516155717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788703429645641,0.0,0.0,0.1250394446991674,0.0,0.16435887835361918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665799414846134,0.09992375406995628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479367832310844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816633113144294,0.0,0.16197354233284214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497804397424714,0.0,0.0,0.2797989650259343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466375097658949,0.16756977239297705,0.0,0.0,0.12631319577283245,0.0,0.14744182568888595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571613395032771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691718006221663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303006295603091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385701010884566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121408824023688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586446451175742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143219368695367,0.0,0.0,0.10853046512474238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920025215927589 ptsd,AutoModerator,2019/03/21,"Survey thread - Surveys posted outside this thread will be removed If you have a survey you would like to share with us, you may do so here, please use the following format. Failure to do so will result in your survey being removed. Surveys not posted in here will result in a ban, the length of which will be decided at mods' pleasure. **Who I am**: (Student, Researcher) **Affiliation**: (university, company) **Target group**: (PTSD sufferers, military vets) **Compensation**: (raffle, payment) **Link**: (how to access survey) **Background**: (why are you doing this survey? Bachelor thesis, making a website) **Link to results**: (Optional, for when the survey is completed) ",2.4176064382139124,2.160151401869157,3.6551479750778846,74.15090472481829,142.45794392523362,5.30103842159917,25.402128764278288,6.286939319323684,2.5339181723779864,508,24,65,11,36,164,76,107,0.08800000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.094,-0.0828,0,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,1,5,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,16,0,0,6,0,16,19,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,11,10,0,10,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,2,52,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087029252466586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384300697777092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653346583243436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32319433400261804,0.0,0.0,0.5639626779886988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34417143343402384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541615142468789,0.2542918925615046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26567613644890403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091537246463906,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madijeanne3,2019/03/21,"PTSD from boyfriend of 5 years almost dying... It’s kind of hard for me to find anyone to talk to besides my therapist about this, because I don’t know if it’s the same feelings as when someone goes through this and their loved one actually does pass. A brief summary of what happened: The day after Thanksgiving I ended up convincing my boyfriend to go to the urgent care for a pain in his side that he’d been feeling for a few weeks but had gotten to the point where he was having pain with every breath he took. We went to urgent care and when we got in the room and the nurse and doctor came in, they basically all panicked and called for him to go in an ambulance to the hospital. We went to the ER and he had a CT scan and was diagnosed with a double pulmonary embolism at age 24 and the doctors said if he hadn’t come in he could have died within the next few days. He ended up being in the hospital for a week and was on blood thinners (still is) and had 3 surgeries to remove the clots, put in a stent, and put in a filter. He recovered really well and is almost back to normal. He’s not able to workout because he’s still on blood thinners, but his lungs are okay now. I was at the hospital the whole time. Experiencing the trauma of watching my strong, able-bodied man become so sick and weak really scared me. I really thought he might die at some points, because of some possibility of internal bleeding and him possibly not being able to breathe on his own during the surgeries. This is the man I want to marry, and who I want my future to be with, and the idea of him being so fragile really shook me. Normally I am the fragile one. I feel so guilty for beings so emotional and distraught when he actually did live and is relatively fine now. I didn’t really allow myself to cry except for one night when I went home for a bit to see my family. Now I find myself crying hysterically when I just think about how much I love him... I feel like I should be happy now because he’s okay, but this is worse than when he was actually in the hospital. It’s almost like my love for him triggers my trauma, which makes me feel sick... Not to mention I ended up having some of my own physical and anxiety responses at the same time as all these feelings surfacing. It’s just so much to deal with all at once and I just feel so alone like no one else can understand what I’m going through.",5.250008567144999,5.33345782608696,6.2235296637395585,80.10763975155281,68.04761904761905,9.477803955165275,29.07753266224031,9.314750747691287,2.283285200257013,1882,60,384,34,29,627,224,483,0.14300000000000002,0.737,0.119,-0.9683,0,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,3,0,2,1,27,24,0,3,31,2,34,17,5,4,3,77,68,40,3,8,12,0,10,3,0,2,9,1,2,2,14,29,0,0,14,1,0,15,7,8,2,4,21,15,45,16,72,37,17,70,0,0,3,3,38,27,0,9,31,269,59,2,0.14629727584185984,0.0,0.21414755637885494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21974338373686644,0.07575992841113438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595850779288488,0.0,0.0,0.05114722842486046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562467873652402,0.0,0.17836292294195302,0.08078692358705948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985936727853417,0.08125164655014969,0.0,0.0,0.07469293782528137,0.08366255476205213,0.1491598229230975,0.0,0.0,0.06301107454583517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840323522102254,0.0,0.16070068792144113,0.09434964004633964,0.07541303375056613,0.0,0.07424432772301205,0.2277502124441396,0.0,0.0,0.14974146097051164,0.06401286598457796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061106300754729725,0.08228237212354847,0.1943639445957984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163088232326752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689580257697924,0.0,0.25890304442430484,0.052257401546501284,0.0,0.0,0.13371305972083916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471616992446062,0.0,0.05850364800061219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468509893639178,0.07786808526022508,0.06552681172041458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337404801007287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257590852992075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617304997897216,0.040200578399195684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072101888232394,0.0,0.06459158742935274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805850491141805,0.0,0.04882728382070303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759914525070892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754533092407037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777944062821131,0.06864504146416434,0.1433402684722305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790091207250711,0.1982696406274043,0.0,0.15567061622062073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829821312906262,0.16492819694207694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550684328535317,0.14706916979979354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343044526503523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695811055323394,0.0,0.07323454744191095,0.0,0.058289993836903524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061978603534101735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683319346720453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879410433968558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493120655697484,0.0,0.046870693567186865,0.0,0.058071847727073925,0.08530711803491595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812708282175924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615031180095923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628992372324468,0.0,0.11735085016469625,0.0,0.06576941028917171,0.20342856059263711,0.0,0.08166784195025864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454471130439662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471053245487788 ptsd,smallestfrye,2019/03/21,"how do I cope with the need to control my environment?????? hi everybody, I’ve been lurking for quite a while but today my friend confronted me with something and I’m kinda concerned. I was diagnosed with ptsd due to a traumatic hospital stay I experienced and even though it’s already been a year i am just now understanding what that means for my daily life. recently my dissociation has been really bad - and I’ve realized it’s kicked up a lot of feelings about how I felt so out of control. because of this I have found that I often do small things to keep the environment around me in a particular order - and I like to do things in a certain way or I feel like I’m spiraling out of control. I did not think it was a big problem though until my friend strongly suggested that I might be too controlling for my own good and that apparently I have a “need to control literally everything” around me. ahaha now I’m crying alone in my house freaking out and feeling like such a douche bag for letting it affect my relationships and feel out of control of my ability to control my own control issues (if that makes sense ahah). am I alone in this? is it going to go away? why did her comment hurt me so bad? some coping skills or advice would be appreciated because I feel like I’m drowning teehee ¡",4.7542599912165135,6.008664928853757,6.075856389986825,76.53620004391746,69.67193675889328,9.258585858585857,31.446859903381643,9.586721724236666,2.9824011418533165,1029,44,194,23,18,347,137,253,0.156,0.7020000000000001,0.141,-0.7343,1,2,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,11,16,15,1,0,11,0,21,2,0,12,1,56,41,19,1,5,6,0,6,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,15,16,0,9,11,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,9,7,29,9,34,27,4,27,0,1,0,0,7,14,0,8,12,140,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985748250886725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692780345840075,0.09018190898160612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549924718557014,0.0,0.0,0.07678021099613519,0.0,0.13646838305052614,0.09963355850345272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.733262528538341,0.0,0.0,0.08976743107521698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294578769767767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053976400678098134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344617895303295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660469113756613,0.17514595931743748,0.07846563104909661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896036069758203,0.12627593864653486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288863109395014,0.06854427017746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429584965569483,0.08748475152266204,0.0,0.0,0.08529620476373452,0.0,0.07263798645520449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356595735912402,0.05772244127791161,0.15970034495360874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947685222401774,0.0,0.0,0.054549857771706664,0.0,0.0,0.08901886997651211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669379095868024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119118443894385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819661357551483,0.09552827384073947,0.0,0.0,0.0869210688565767,0.0,0.0,0.05235300253148616,0.0,0.08069030267447934,0.08773850371803765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291334389132873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710444032666351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085845094241898,0.05236395448782258,0.16058227662933108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774625997201224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507515374533547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064866867884372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374110762886929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058052738670018415,0.0,0.0,0.05262608429872248 ptsd,onlylostphysics,2019/03/21,"How do I forgive my parents? This is my first time talking about my PTSD or asking for support on the internet, so please be gentle. I am recently dealing with a bad flare-up of my PTSD. Specifically, I am dealing with something I previously felt resolved about - forgiving my parents for not catching the signs surrounding my abuse when I was young. I was sexually abused by a close family friend from 6 to 13 years of age. During this time multiple people came to my parents and said they thought something might be off. Nothing concrete, no evidence, just ""this seems weird"". My parents generally dismissed these warnings. At age 13 I got really sick of trying to explain my depression without citing the actual cause and came forward about the abuse. At that point my parents were truly and extremely supportive. They believed me immediately, apologized profusely for their lapse in judgment, and helped me seek legal action and therapy. At the time I felt accepting of the fact that they had done their best and failed. I suppose in some ways I felt like I needed the stability of a non-combative relationship with my parents more than I needed to vent my anger. Recently, (over a decade later) after the birth of my own daughter, and due to some events which have re-triggered my PTSD, I have been revisiting my feelings around my parents a lot. For the first time in my life I am living completely without my parents logistical or financial support. It feels like the lack of dependence has freed up some space to feel truly angry at their failure to protect me. In many ways I know that this is a feeling that will pass. Right now I am struggling with how to interact with my parents. We normally have a very close relationship and speak several times a week Etc. Recently I find that I am avoiding contact. I have the urge to explain my lack of interaction, but it somehow feels like it would be destructive to bring it up again after so many years. I spent a long time trying to get my mom to stop beating herself up over this, so turning around and saying ""nevermind I'm pissed at you after all"" seems like it would be a cruel thing to do. Of course I will be discussing this with my therapist, but I thought I'd try crowdsourcing some support since the number of people I feel I can talk to about this in person is fairly limited. Thanks in advance for any words of kindness or gentle advice. ",7.391474646429802,7.747189468609867,7.3713004484304925,72.76689548120044,63.506726457399104,10.538668506381512,36.88478785788203,10.302915286807345,3.911531148671955,1917,88,330,41,26,615,228,446,0.12,0.7509999999999999,0.129,-0.6228,9,1,2,0,3,0,46.0,1,1,6,8,16,27,4,2,22,0,32,3,1,4,2,78,65,20,0,7,9,11,9,4,1,5,2,3,0,1,20,22,0,4,21,0,1,8,4,10,0,2,16,12,58,17,68,39,12,65,0,2,0,0,42,27,1,13,34,240,78,2,0.0,0.2114805334062229,0.058059908931216965,0.0,0.0,0.05813919849145462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404595956958858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592882904291137,0.05562110735685681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049677013103320684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703207455302658,0.06243780653018467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609607485347866,0.0,0.061119197090688984,0.0,0.0,0.062380848795090586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226763623873971,0.051244166543372716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088547914181761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663542188660421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608791569660871,0.0,0.1804990205542058,0.08500848740214209,0.1713776375738162,0.0,0.05437863640553445,0.10121522359168282,0.0,0.0,0.04596677500352229,0.0,0.031084416048272126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758471026935674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039879186217224624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195635037228262,0.032697668284997726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202407044944348,0.11626775303592445,0.0,0.052536415739945184,0.052652446282817206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050581716015967663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206400329102228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311628368655019,0.0,0.06968147059307157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823166103098568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829384472837936,0.057088405333380124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5945734525839015,0.0,0.0,0.08249463201941375,0.05194996606183471,0.0,0.06530918637955327,0.05624333376994995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864434113945746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03811492060826894,0.0,0.17623656704953836,0.12775374636784495,0.0,0.050809604884145584,0.05659470580267505,0.04731392935714649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832658537336504,0.0,0.0672140027999039,0.0,0.04921604112882277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916064787755601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049741658747604375,0.0,0.06219856067919299,0.0,0.0,0.27006326183427465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564191349301816,0.0,0.054776296234443266,0.06803932441047635,0.06907991202186654,0.03952676786304408,0.0,0.0,0.0944669996944498,0.20815699367479526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118246087651552,0.06471500394074134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909076518629599,0.0,0.09445095409887752,0.04772442741426425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470482279060824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452907831483354,0.0,0.0,0.07662746845373476 ptsd,bobabutch,2019/03/22,"PTSD and dissociating while smoking weed? [Tw for drugs (just marijuana)] I'm 17 and recently got high with a friend. This was not my first time smoking, but I felt like I was dissociating. The first time (and only one before this week) was before my trauma, and I felt exactly the same as this time, but with hallucinations and paranoia. What's the point of smoking weed if I feel exactly the same for hours at a time on a daily basis anyways? I just kinda assumed that's what feeling high is supposed to be like, and I don't really know why people enjoy it so much. Does this happen to any of you and is it normal? Would a person with good mental health feel like this while high?",4.819295190713099,5.687515141791046,5.8912935323383095,79.34367330016586,69.22388059701493,8.343615257048093,26.08291873963516,8.515128840125781,1.6591983416252072,535,15,105,8,9,178,80,134,0.044,0.7929999999999999,0.162,0.9478,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,2,4,7,0,0,8,0,8,2,0,0,2,30,17,14,0,3,6,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,6,5,9,6,12,9,3,17,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,3,14,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812828599766653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455756862343792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627705018653854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734105841023236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188857699465701,0.1030872531046408,0.2770993884014176,0.0,0.0,0.2454813558340222,0.0,0.0,0.11148506964429936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103117690286115,0.11540911316872975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760315225817034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338311705705046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573795310403537,0.0,0.0,0.14210547391971146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930297101939046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149164603569087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541947885302164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607638746950153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138240803013388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778075459863653,0.10974591174040248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003877578164293,0.1259963437499985,0.0,0.0,0.1364092212666643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867783959928287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244165113115282,0.0,0.1424778799461457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365676902502484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574797478408835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020742681096456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250588802646632,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Diabeato,2019/03/22,Warning for movie “Us” Ptsd is a topic in the movie and it definitely hit a few triggers for me just by explaining them. Be safe fam,1.0377777777777766,3.3422631481481524,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,84.18518518518519,6.562962962962962,23.814814814814817,7.793537801064563,1.3201703703703702,103,4,22,2,3,35,24,27,0.08,0.733,0.187,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6969198764347482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7171489983470488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kkisaok,2019/03/22,"Thankful to this sub Hey everyone, thanks for being a part of this sub. I'm so thankful I have found a place where people understand there are many reasons for ptsd and are supportive of one another. Where we can discuss the wide range of symptoms and how to cope. I pray for all of you all the time! Personally I suffer from panic attacks, other anxiety, and depression, stemming from abuse. I'm happy with my life as a whole, but still have painful daily symptoms. Last night I had a nightmare of my abuser and have been unsettled all day. But I can come here, I can vent, I can even try to help each of you with techniques or coping skills I've learned over the years. Y'all give me hope, I feel the love, and thank you all again. You're all beautiful. We don't deserve this pain, but we do deserve the love we can give and receive! ",3.613426573426577,5.209303666666671,4.092121212121214,88.33048951048954,72.93939393939394,7.258741258741258,27.237762237762237,7.882392219407189,1.5335174825174818,655,24,134,9,13,206,101,165,0.151,0.6409999999999999,0.208,0.923,0,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,4,4,0,1,9,15,1,1,9,0,15,7,0,2,5,31,31,13,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,14,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,3,2,19,9,18,27,8,14,1,2,0,2,17,5,0,3,7,93,23,1,0.0,0.3020917849749567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367649548472849,0.09752374812104556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502972475412196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098148682875672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822156531161155,0.0,0.10980047305989467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420097559971451,0.0,0.0,0.12181497260171495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445897221271969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397779590679312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244585621929586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570747028661592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544881900242729,0.0,0.0,0.12661886713966194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391523590644544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004464559582122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301158305567249,0.0,0.0,0.1292472253626383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196336714032446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638542759290559,0.0,0.2713006934055183,0.14957322242429258,0.0,0.13805110255908448,0.0,0.08838029996025963,0.11131278414308853,0.1331920581405067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902019685819426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310732214234399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180767305344217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466560735456294,0.0,0.2650062173881207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694749583970849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433605916513794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655223562238099,0.0,0.0,0.1327137573950838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423296360479268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820945373214423 ptsd,Corab4444,2019/03/22,"Therapy Appointment Scheduled I scheduled a therapy appointment today for next Saturday at 10am. I am so excited to get back into therapy. I feel like my C-ptsd makes me feel like my life is falling apart all the time. Yay me.",2.2381818181818147,4.8909410000000015,4.737454545454547,76.77118181818186,82.18181818181819,9.883636363636363,31.52727272727273,9.888512548439397,4.244314545454545,180,10,32,7,5,63,33,44,0.035,0.716,0.25,0.8725,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,4,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,9,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647878040578415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189426027594104,0.3093420578901616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311479032909087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292370010367226,0.2115465589938944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451859460370092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302552463332668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530824541863738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7427761135553164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262456545132534,0.0,0.20522117752812036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ineedcoffeeasap,2019/03/22,"Recently diagnosed with PTSD Hi, this is my first post. I’m not sure where to start but I will just wing it.  I (f/30) had a nightmare a couple weeks ago regarding to something that had happened a couple years ago, I’m going to spare y’all with details.  I told my boyfriend (m/25) next morning about my nightmare, he said it seems like I’m experiencing PTSD.  So I called my dr, set up an appointment and met up with my dr the following week.  She confirms I have PTSD, prescribed me to Prazosin for night terrors.  I’m going to see therapist for PTSD in a couple weeks.  Have anyone tried this medicine and how do you cope PTSD? And most importantly, how do my boyfriend help/what can he do?  I think he feels helpless because I do not like to talk about my traumatic experiences and I feel like it might put a strain on our relationship or I might be overthinking.  I do love him deeply although I don’t show it enough, I don’t want to lose him.  He tries to support me, assures me I’m safe. Mind you, I live in protected building with security key to enter into building with front/back door cameras.  I’m kind of in denial, I’m not sure how to process this..5 days later I’m still digesting with the new diagnosis of PTSD.  I already have anxiety and was diagnosed it earlier this year.  I’m on Buspar for anxiety, it’s been helpful.  I hope I’m doing the first post right lol Thanks in advance! :D ",2.0693216855087364,4.3578764100719445,3.4778263103802693,87.81217625899285,79.86330935251799,6.849126413155191,26.115621788283658,7.957251820313856,1.6300211716341215,1094,45,225,20,28,358,155,278,0.08900000000000001,0.716,0.195,0.9884,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,1,3,0,4,9,17,0,2,9,1,21,6,0,3,3,35,49,12,0,2,6,0,2,3,0,3,5,1,1,0,10,12,1,3,4,1,0,6,5,4,0,2,7,5,32,13,32,38,2,37,0,2,1,1,20,11,0,6,20,126,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544375253505582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675562440882028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134147929209187,0.0,0.0,0.06130698484115681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741950730390843,0.0,0.053448120991985926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952975455401689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29104443768237515,0.0,0.056545507256440614,0.0,0.0,0.17798406734563926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059553386712102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857665916620934,0.0,0.0,0.08866596913970383,0.06263767995085336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149158912838864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996596501833736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753398379675581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753836725305873,0.0,0.0,0.0870847314262183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913038724517802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850615025327894,0.0,0.0774218973998763,0.0,0.0,0.09809003662887583,0.0,0.0,0.07913344888344988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602648738087185,0.0885304914134351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468063367389787,0.09324729088049924,0.08228051931780866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794391366335712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6149502414753322,0.08814130932591249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657213744054082,0.09413410968785127,0.0,0.07487712971780816,0.08340252079091423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986857115435023,0.07981939441748791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749934593970419,0.0,0.0,0.062059434299443036,0.0,0.07002032213104606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994967483731074,0.1652722719924565,0.0,0.0,0.07047281689559759,0.0,0.08072276586207636,0.0,0.10180172715671094,0.0,0.05618096988851396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378075410366373,0.0,0.119056162225808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171516823650813,0.0,0.2109916904699863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129244147526898 ptsd,vinesalm,2019/03/22,"Just diagnosed with PTSD Hi, this is my first post. I’m not sure where to start but I will just wing it. I (f/30) had a nightmare a couple weeks ago regarding to something that had happened a couple years ago, I’m going to spare y’all with details. I told my boyfriend (m/25) next morning about my nightmare, he said it seems like I’m experiencing PTSD. So I called my dr, set up an appointment and met up with my dr the following week. She confirms I have PTSD, prescribed me to Prazosin for night terrors. I’m going to see therapist for PTSD in a couple weeks. Have anyone tried this medicine and how do you cope PTSD? And most importantly, how do my boyfriend help/what can he do? I think he feels helpless because I do not like to talk about my traumatic experiences and I feel like it might put a strain on our relationship or I might be overthinking. I do love him deeply although I don’t show it enough, I don’t want to lose him. He tries to support me, assures me I’m safe. Mind you, I live in protected building with security key to enter into building with front/back door cameras. I’m kind of in denial, I’m not sure how to process this..5 days later I’m still digesting with the new diagnosis of PTSD. I already have anxiety and was diagnosed it earlier this year. I’m on Buspar for anxiety, it’s been helpful. I hope I’m doing the first post right lol Thanks in advance! :D ",2.5972661870503586,4.59256143165468,3.857591366906476,87.21150935251802,76.76978417266187,7.181812949640287,26.947338129496398,8.109356740369918,1.701206446043165,1090,44,226,19,25,356,154,278,0.08900000000000001,0.716,0.195,0.9884,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,1,3,0,4,10,17,0,2,9,1,21,6,0,3,3,36,49,12,0,2,7,0,2,3,0,3,5,1,1,0,10,12,1,3,4,1,0,6,5,4,0,2,7,5,32,13,32,38,2,36,0,2,1,1,20,11,0,6,19,127,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602955227456328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712025417778952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346534742742322,0.0,0.0,0.061538024140995115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767358203622963,0.0,0.05364954365995199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898671531695327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921412572907475,0.0,0.05675860262296986,0.0,0.0,0.178654811705494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909369489402545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608980855717424,0.0,0.0,0.08900011252454973,0.06287373406045989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497210277573553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000352239595127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782617558169662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798131811982608,0.0,0.0,0.08741291581544326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164795694424774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899043391290366,0.0,0.07771366678004996,0.0,0.0,0.0984596952157818,0.0,0.0,0.07943166835503522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672754011584508,0.08886412424179056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499975806673128,0.0935986992698152,0.08259059872593437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857682106086522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6172677208554382,0.08847347549663924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448886011065437,0.0,0.07515930897794834,0.0837168285334693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013187534068442,0.08012019891876153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775372154903904,0.0,0.0,0.062293309253268515,0.0,0.07028419820065743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987170824333866,0.16589511113717642,0.0,0.0,0.07073839822071702,0.0,0.08102697477651091,0.0,0.10218537348715036,0.0,0.056392691472619084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409648724268838,0.0,0.11950483300016353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519100601609983,0.0,0.21178682617212835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334997764387925 ptsd,charlie175,2019/03/22,"Is anyone childlike? [Many children trapped in adult bodies](https://www.reddit.com/r/nevergrewup/comments/8x30t4/many_children_trapped_in_adult_bodies/) Not everyone is like this or wants to identify like this, but some do. In the post it says ""I don't know why, but this thread helped me resolve a lot of my issues"". That person could have thought ""I am a child"" by themselves. But they didn't. They only benefited when it was suggested to them. This strikes me as similar to [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXfQuXUQ8X8&t=87) at 1:27 and 4:45, where an unrecognised transgender child needed 14 medications, 17 doses per day for psychological issues. After transitioning all the problems went away.",9.105462885738119,13.147927302752302,6.0286738949124254,69.48919933277732,64.96330275229357,9.468223519599666,32.84487072560467,9.800150414767053,4.019414678899082,592,25,80,15,11,164,88,109,0.116,0.853,0.032,-0.7947,0,2,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,3,1,2,5,0,0,5,0,9,2,0,0,1,16,14,7,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,5,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,1,8,4,12,9,3,10,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,3,5,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401926600906009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550054060483994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827780141350996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699526384453312,0.0,0.0,0.14296673266849744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118269205788992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485889608625424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627574153970849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218307847765818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166055309068572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884663488496812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475103968910004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233215771062254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437460328751216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859936496055736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935644180883082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231034765609588,0.0,0.0,0.21212000517047105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762906484402031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599096987512813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075395360138173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550169649190309,0.20003377916623585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Maruu3,2019/03/22,"My PTSD is bringing us down. I was finally given a PTSD diagnosis after keeping things to myself for so long. I realized it’s the reason my sex drive is so low, why I’m hyper vigilant, and why I have recurring nightmares. But how do you explain it to someone who doesn’t understand why I still can’t be touched in certain ways at times and why I cry randomly? They of all people should know what it’s like to be hurt in this way by someone else. But they don’t understand. ",4.813539518900342,5.039820680412376,6.164484536082476,79.66088487972509,69.0,9.765635738831616,32.66151202749141,9.725611199111238,3.0012625429553266,374,16,76,8,6,127,70,97,0.098,0.836,0.067,-0.6048,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,2,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,2,2,16,19,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,1,12,2,11,14,1,15,0,2,0,1,6,5,0,1,7,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759193961225806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378640337011996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543863226550593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714459740404632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235041105334287,0.0,0.0,0.08801532298632292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824215282841866,0.0,0.0,0.1417294354205813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102919661641346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744181168026097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646628771243543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27139245381625465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278975535678524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639783882288156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933858895302079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333447654514579,0.1926430759886072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542423257499765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5780488967144947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hasty_pudding,2019/03/22,"thanks well-meaning brother, no sleep tonight Hi r/ptsd, this weirdly isn't a throwaway because I don't roll like that, I just generally browse anonymously. I am self-diagnosing at best here, but everything is terrible and I can't really talk to anyone so maybe this is a place I can connect. &#x200B; My brother tonight brought up a thing that I thought I was over, but apparently that's not the case since my brain has been buzzing in the bad kind of nicotine-withdrawal way (quit 12 years now!) and my leg won't stop bouncing and I can't imagine trying to lay down in bed any time soon because it'll all just be reliving this shit until god knows when. &#x200B; So, background: I'm in my late 30s, whatever, middle-class white guy, nothing to write home about. Four and a half years ago I was hospitalized for some shit. Not important. What's important is that in my post-surgery stay in the ICU, there was a particularly bad encounter that I thought I was done thinking about. Well, the whole hospital stay was horrific but we'll focus on this since it's what's currently relevant. &#x200B; I realize I'm not giving any details, but I really don't want to. Suffice it to say that the nurses were not just insensitive to my situation but actively hostile, and the doctors didn't want to deal with anything besides giving the nurses orders to ""get it done."" Yeah, as my brother described to me in way too much detail half an hour ago, ""I've never heard any kind of pain like the screams from your room that night. We were all cringing..."" Thanks, man. &#x200B; I don't even know what I'm hoping for by posting this here. I just know I can't go to bed or I get to loop back over the whole experience another 20-30 times in between listening to podcasts and reading books before falling asleep eventually at 4am. I'd rather try and type out this rambling thing here and hope I'm not just shouting into the void. &#x200B; Thanks for reading.",5.222201591511936,6.379936909814327,5.495769230769234,81.48673076923079,68.49602122015915,8.664721485411139,33.06763925729443,8.950670267944501,2.7586572944297085,1553,70,298,27,26,493,209,377,0.16399999999999998,0.746,0.08900000000000001,-0.9842,2,0,0,0,0,0,70.0,2,1,0,2,21,20,3,0,16,1,28,8,6,0,3,48,53,19,0,5,17,3,0,2,0,3,2,5,4,2,22,12,0,1,8,3,0,3,16,9,1,3,15,6,28,11,41,34,7,46,0,0,1,0,17,18,2,4,21,183,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040433173987515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36792702457500587,0.4126181623150452,0.13855270324547667,0.07121434502636499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047487444303182455,0.0,0.05588790190302373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222210986786383,0.1134116532183727,0.0828001793039671,0.0,0.057790294329515664,0.0,0.07127214801732723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581511741107143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001693640594951,0.0,0.06893185586298714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951343705906525,0.0,0.13900036284598413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04485693095238005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103723361734228,0.06643347825993985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096511632110597,0.13029968212004386,0.038597413489013306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724609879266706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812384806531924,0.13490897795658455,0.06688216809719137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144514100481653,0.11197220962766566,0.0,0.07661058966896256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635925382814649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822931083865419,0.07397887324516576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992502105785463,0.0,0.05237990083143346,0.0,0.0,0.06373322042284342,0.0,0.06516585865371217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226588756689789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095626758313184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008676363403862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938849441313083,0.0,0.0,0.07223550171971035,0.1358658911909743,0.0,0.08701562127900665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400838952908577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084970494465441,0.0,0.1394266540295088,0.1123592631802194,0.07633881875965776,0.067963614037185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447757840942619,0.0,0.05677961898249523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458715635565611,0.0,0.18757982591083786,0.0,0.0,0.09023884105920647,0.043516912230995256,0.0,0.10783316005376843,0.07920306028506245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221906585843492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011554238473134,0.10781484416270486,0.0,0.0,0.1221267037977813,0.0,0.0,0.15164837725944075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126181623150452,0.08746950889742446 ptsd,theprosshplayer,2019/03/23,"I’m wondering if anyone has trouble relating their ptsd to their ptsd symptoms? (Possible trigger warning) Does anyone have problems identifying with their own ptsd? I’m sorry if this is vague, I’ll give an example. When I was 18 I went through a heat exhaustion episode in public. People were surrounding me and looking at me until the hospital arrived. This occurred late at night and as a result I have a very difficult time being in public during the night as it triggers my ptsd. However, during the moment I’ll have hot flashes, my throat will feel dry, and I will begin to become nauseas and panic. Unfortunately i don’t think “oh this is a ptsd trigger!” I tend to think “I’m going to die I need to get out of here” does anyone have any advice on how to change my way of thinking during these episodes? It’s ruining my life right now and could use some insight. Thank you ahead of time.",3.718391472868216,5.856202738372094,4.8668837209302325,80.59284496124032,73.94186046511628,7.609922480620155,28.327131782945727,8.447377352677275,2.2770522480620152,709,29,127,13,15,233,110,172,0.151,0.835,0.015,-0.9653,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,3,1,4,7,0,1,8,0,14,4,1,6,0,25,32,12,1,5,2,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,3,3,17,1,21,25,2,22,0,1,1,0,7,8,0,4,11,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475115989949343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985637324962176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463291938233929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969212194887828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422528596221975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375823670685188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187371839683725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552743075115448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059376096525656924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135228707808781,0.11264948073135107,0.06673813038323216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246606598441854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294422614856747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861155831430307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707279860981124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204000522228637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777871082104914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141112154393558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238459196660576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236457531711493,0.6863464688612047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028451106610356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314531826377528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205465122535168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811369421999326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257330556495335,0.0,0.0,0.136948662779181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142174832942877,0.0,0.09689198323415336,0.0,0.09321040552402043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885871341885964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273477403004523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,random_stranger7,2019/03/23,"Deleting the memory? If you had given the option would you delete it from your memory? Is it one of the reasons of why you became who you’re today? (Shaped your personality in a way) (I know it’s not actually possible but I do wonder that about myself)",1.38826666666667,3.9329323600000015,4.416,78.24466666666667,85.4,7.333333333333335,18.333333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.3305333333333338,198,5,37,5,6,71,39,50,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,7,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,8,0,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,1,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.32845024540945833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497371715218533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22807303952878374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938857365800728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794395860258821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460568390278861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190352964793078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26715886765931546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30370806324716626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650030048294756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909438567698815,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Vista101,2019/03/23,I need jail to be incarcerated. I'm tired of freedom.it causes to much anxiety ptsd and depression for me. I need help being locked up in jail I can seem to get a cop to arrest me.,2.3799122807017525,3.6806999736842165,4.876315789473686,82.66254385964915,75.57894736842105,8.224561403508767,23.192982456140356,8.841846274778883,1.4681298245614034,141,4,31,3,3,50,29,38,0.258,0.6759999999999999,0.065,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,8,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,8,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25004178768224145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357682512001815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815181645620852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076729592210568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908279645060608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402746951425317,0.4847149821176962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820738757593081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29755485887136274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756696477920178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wrigglegrrl,2019/03/23,"Recovery isn't a straight line? I had EMDR a year ago and felt incredible afterwards. My symptoms massively reduced and I felt able to get on with my life. A few nights ago I felt like I wanted to get my story down and I wrote every night since until I was 'finished' at least up until a point that I was satisfied with. I wrote just about the trauma, the lead up and the day or so after and didn't really speak about the development of PTSD symptoms as such which happened a few weeks later. It was tonight that I finished and I had a major dissociative episode afterwards. I could barely move and any attempt to ground myself I found myself just slipping back. I hadn't had anything like this since EMDR finished and I'm now sat worrying about if this is going to be a regular thing again. The past couple of days I feel like I've been reliving - though I'd say not flashbacks like I used to get - the times around the trauma and found it difficult to stop thinking about the city I was in at the time. This seemed like it would be a good idea to get things out but now I'm worried I've pushed myself too far. I know recovery isn't a straight line, we go back and then we move forward again. Has anybody else experienced a brief resurfacing of symptoms that had reduced or ceased, only to then move forward, and not backward?",4.331052631578949,5.581115893536122,4.928573143886332,84.38146087652594,70.67300380228139,7.970302181308786,28.290774464678808,8.371475516178862,1.8919855513308,1052,38,209,16,19,337,138,263,0.064,0.884,0.053,-0.4102,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,2,18,9,0,0,19,0,19,4,0,2,0,43,42,22,0,4,8,0,4,5,0,1,4,2,0,0,12,17,0,1,10,0,0,10,6,3,0,0,19,7,25,6,30,19,4,55,0,0,0,0,6,17,0,4,37,139,37,1,0.1077166644958283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909686476478408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325102561897999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864163682543849,0.09589066866033813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656549320887956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600299161515614,0.11918644046093115,0.0,0.13893667484498434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998345128576968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907559356193804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446478209272452,0.07695280663862697,0.31027467043414897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362115255849013,0.0,0.0,0.22511004543078533,0.0,0.12243572552897328,0.09034762759656892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525349067391348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159900289832495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059198261772764875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608346569362846,0.2631246064688735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434573022013456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021695854047315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192337724787843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282774465591096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018270650514282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591501649315562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690060535188591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856606150374205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806120580201293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820867596849288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005595475146673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358765751561195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312433110475886,0.06902048920064513,0.10583107595977356,0.0,0.12562090660397424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303261321394804,0.0,0.0,0.06353407956218304,0.0,0.0864038108895118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187830029736721,0.0,0.07651882791575036,0.0,0.0,0.06936600030574303 ptsd,Oldsilvernail,2019/03/23,"Do I have ptsd? 3 months ago my dad had as stroke. It hit me very hard at the time it happened. My mom called me to their house and my dad was just laying on the floor pretty much motionless. I thought he died because I didn’t know what happened by then he lifted his head and greeted me. My family is like that. So we go to the hospital long story short he’s alive but lost a lot of mobility on his left side. He is making progress. He was in rehab at the hospital for 2 months and came home in January. I felt fine about the whole situation because he was doing better and getting better. Still is too. Then a month ago I had a health scare. Which I think was more of just me scaring myself. I had a blood test done and a ct scan of my abdomen and everything came back totally normal. After that I just get anxious on and off and didn’t know why. My wife finally suggested I may have ptsd from my dad and then the “health scare” I had. I’ve always had anxiety but it was more situational like having to talk in front of class, flying on a plane, riding rollercoasters. Now it just seems totally random off and on. My heart races liked crazy, I get nauseous sometimes, loose stools a lot. I think a lot of it has to do with googling symptoms which just makes it’s worse. I don’t know what to do from here. Also I’m 22 year old male if that helps",1.4907740474287259,3.5125310323741066,2.9421023181454835,92.30800026645352,80.40287769784172,6.276791899813483,20.727950972555288,7.3871296695380915,0.5029076472155607,1049,29,233,15,27,342,155,278,0.116,0.777,0.107,-0.5642,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,1,0,1,4,13,10,0,3,14,0,26,9,4,2,2,40,47,19,1,2,8,5,3,3,0,1,5,0,1,1,13,14,0,0,8,0,0,5,3,4,0,0,18,4,30,6,30,27,9,38,0,1,1,0,20,16,0,7,20,150,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792663661393986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086238361455382,0.0841365653563899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773534201351478,0.11423223482931925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775191916159284,0.0,0.1232786814645562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885767013859605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325068391945404,0.2312994039098265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494238537278466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347671707231923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087649016998592,0.0,0.0953231125962822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708716301327083,0.11076757377376606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848672147064385,0.0,0.0574665210011189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788329900800723,0.0,0.09058002432599613,0.0,0.10377413014796846,0.21496303943665115,0.0,0.11982288009410755,0.06777588560422215,0.0,0.10142753598339056,0.0,0.0,0.11667422289981988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671203467925516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098627686503427,0.0,0.0,0.14820042752939575,0.0,0.0,0.08948442820794912,0.0,0.0,0.11037999718200753,0.2578954780839604,0.0,0.0,0.13499135514550606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842577112594516,0.24212934458661275,0.0,0.0743318531413813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907215584139598,0.0,0.0,0.10610417334102773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287126654248926,0.0,0.0,0.2363982541336875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30370409827485684,0.0,0.0,0.09205215746090208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22731711453676626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000062538099953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075132322549876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509818206846536,0.0,0.08127316531188279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958202763188656,0.0,0.08027476450735238,0.05896151990236356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834312432396892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912414115762803,0.1128923400404263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304578516862233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511535250208157 ptsd,0suomynona,2019/03/23,"PTSD (sexual assault) Hi. So.. this is my last hope before I just give up. I’ll try to make this short.. I’ve been sexually assaulted (1 of the 5 was penetration) by 5 different men in my life. “1” happened regularly from my ages 6 to 9 (moms boyfriend). “2” and “3” were a few separate occasions sprinkled over my late elementary years (uncle and cousin). “4” drugged me and I woke up during penetration (friends friend, the only situation where I was penetrated). And “5” was violent sexual assault with no penetration (dads drug dealer). *sigh*.. I’ve tried going through court and got trashed every single time. Authorities don’t believe me, flat out said it wasn’t important to them. I even had a therapist tell me that what my problem was is that I self medicate with marijuana so my brain isn’t developed right I guess? I don’t know what calming down to go to bed has to do with being hyper vigilant and having panic attacks every 5 minutes that I’m outside of my home because no one has ever believed a word I said and if my brain is underdeveloped it’s totally because of the 2 years I’ve been lightly smoking and definitely not because I was being sexually stimulated for a very long time before the age of 16 but *shrug* what do I know I’m not a psychologist. (For the record, I agreed to a psychiatric evaluation and I also agreed to stop smoking for a month and try actual medication again to see if that works, which they never even tried.) I guess I should also tag on that I got in a horrible highway accident 2 years ago, my friend fell asleep at the wheel doing over 80 so I have PTSD from that too I am like an old cat that has never even been outside. Good luck on that car ride 👍🏼 Anyway.. I’m trying to get help.. I’ve been with my significant other for a very long time now and I feel horrible because I know if that person didn’t exist I would not care so much about living and having a future. But I can’t work. I have tried I can’t even get a job because of how horrible my anxiety is during the interview. And even jobs I’ve gotten I mess up way too much I can’t keep a job longer than 2 days.. so my significant other spends every second they’re awake working and every penny they have goes to feeding us and paying bills.. every night we cry together because we don’t know how long we’re going to have a place to live we don’t know how much longer we are going to be able to live like this .. this isn’t even living.. this is surviving on the absolute minimum.. and I feel horrible because my love has so much potential to do so many great things but I can’t get anyone to help me so just my existence is taking that opportunity away from them.. I’ve been trying to get government assistance with PTSD from sexual assault.. I have every single symptom.. every one.. I’m a hermit and I am happy that way but I know there’s so many people being fraudulent .. I am not but I am too scared to talk to anybody because every time I’ve tried I immediately get shut down. I am a very sweet soft spoken person that never lashes out and I cry a lot and get scared very easily. So it’s hard for me to fight back I just kind of say “okay I’m sorry..” I know it’s pathetic but I shut down. As soon as I think they’re not listening with an open mind I’m no longer interested in talking.. I’m a very hurt person and it makes it that much worse every time I have to talk about it and it hurts that much more every time it gets rejected.. I just need someone to listen.. I need someone to help.. my other half needs it.. I can’t keep holding them back like this it’s tearing what little happiness I have left apart.. so if you’re reading this.. and you think there’s any way at all that you could help, I am desperate.. I live in southwest MI I am willing to travel long distances to see a professional.. if any one knows someone that could help me, you will be helping save two lives and we will be eternally grateful to you and I promise we will pay it forward every opportunity we have. Thank you for your support.. -Anonymous",1.6766140166140175,3.943026756756762,3.816312741312746,84.96132882882884,81.18673218673219,6.972013572013572,22.958289458289453,8.07648339933343,1.3886628524628524,3156,108,641,63,84,1078,332,814,0.117,0.745,0.138,0.9482,4,1,2,0,1,0,98.0,8,6,5,6,41,41,7,3,28,1,71,11,3,6,6,104,128,53,0,14,20,3,4,3,3,6,6,5,2,5,44,40,1,4,12,2,4,9,24,15,1,6,20,13,88,25,76,94,13,76,0,3,2,1,50,31,0,10,38,411,132,12,0.044764075399118114,0.0,0.04368328029403218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968065193156178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159562984771951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088221259390639,0.0,0.034244395155662966,0.0,0.0,0.0313000823356584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092559811824367,0.04205732238072536,0.06884162172089746,0.0,0.21830211902540853,0.0,0.07618186226941466,0.10086756783787967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999430250279909,0.0,0.0,0.04563995823863565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148094344045848,0.0,0.09834246973376984,0.028869125392870395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046768931244299365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382423161924326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739749772640584,0.04049166899018431,0.4148723060074768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452681230635336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375384083380554,0.0,0.16371167278873056,0.04294178006958112,0.10176182255136483,0.03754598262760806,0.07160384074557151,0.049352551158596304,0.09862535159722632,0.0,0.03958472403981088,0.09530438129392198,0.04009981899713773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002649692289974,0.0,0.0449020174649297,0.04446082727574404,0.0,0.0,0.09584173709476927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326431287043694,0.0795767339995216,0.0,0.046614896046667964,0.1968093212611801,0.03648869603183688,0.050495826836087866,0.0,0.04863629889905874,0.0,0.031618190285382465,0.06560839835766785,0.044865363494478464,0.23716499215980355,0.1584591923396644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03805681612584539,0.04040132575389365,0.0,0.059760735855306925,0.09076749291050032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019019309005732,0.0,0.0,0.04519895534964512,0.05242714408704301,0.035730257909385485,0.0,0.19744047623328573,0.09957598411471874,0.10357444369653826,0.0,0.0,0.042008052360442055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697236700338398,0.0,0.0909998879814584,0.03404509648752123,0.0,0.05252099752201804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03103377355901718,0.11725879202289435,0.046768931244299365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042833174636521566,0.15698042596925502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477618919365707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03822827580409428,0.08516177314936497,0.03559818945580539,0.08963329726121899,0.0,0.0713423449374355,0.0,0.046698693323366965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050316696289845635,0.0,0.0,0.11378536746227255,0.0,0.0,0.05010971752048091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037424771436274366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079774228462585,0.0,0.0465270141980318,0.03365701374221655,0.10793900451831588,0.03912577495531965,0.04121274638430562,0.0,0.051974541729186086,0.029739262624818363,0.05736602404322226,0.0,0.0,0.15661375409030584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24313495043935865,0.0,0.04372799719038484,0.0,0.053845671049908166,0.0,0.0,0.1846752513874927,0.0,0.10659491836685404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977663400843686,0.0,0.04561841713365264,0.031799114819466484,0.0,0.0,0.08647979072750958 ptsd,serendenne,2019/03/23,"Crippling fear of abandonment Hi guys! I’m 19 years old and was diagnosed with PTSD a year ago after a suicide attempt, my two traumatic experiences are my father and my first boyfriend. ANYWAY I have actual friends and an actual loving boyfriend for the first time in my life but every so often I have a mental breakdown and am literally incapacitated by my crippling fear of abandonment. I was so convinced a few days ago that my boyfriend was going to leave me (there was literally no trigger to this, it just happened out of nowhere) that I ended up having a huge panic attack and sobbing and not being able to move or function for a couple days. I really just want to be normal and I want to be able to accept that I deserve love and good things. Does anyone have any tips for overcoming this? When I’m not actually going through it it seems ridiculous but in the moment there is no way I can rationalize. ",5.526206896551724,6.759449839080464,6.408678160919544,74.94163793103449,67.85057471264368,9.018390804597699,31.16666666666667,9.2995712137729,2.8436528735632187,728,29,129,14,12,241,106,174,0.215,0.65,0.136,-0.9466,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,3,9,14,2,3,9,0,15,4,0,1,0,26,25,14,1,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,9,10,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,8,0,3,4,0,15,6,20,18,1,23,0,3,0,2,6,5,1,3,14,96,24,0,0.2647027779360941,0.0,0.38746759114628654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23464304138864386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000348302078617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254316848953026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505688118180343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644429452949326,0.0,0.17071139345433187,0.0,0.0,0.13433387382771664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582159238620915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722404665219335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151175347417898,0.0,0.0,0.1294650546511542,0.0,0.2978642169309271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515604768896488,0.0,0.0,0.10225435480489768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043668877899366,0.1110100656972799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104868333409825,0.1170378961672696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014101088521286,0.0,0.0,0.0934837001237118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389045917737731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337907070088584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066858088711942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967626032804258,0.0,0.0,0.13888051882195718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528583825420395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471169110930938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478768882393405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048773374597545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477093803136562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879283818594806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771751592489443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292880756128007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561285566392004,0.10505437211276687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704599103693676 ptsd,wikitoinia,2019/03/23,"TRIGGERWARNING:I had this very heavy flashback/dissociation(?) I suffer from c-ptsd, and have a lot of heavy things past me that keeps blinking back. I dont remember, because I really wasn’t «in myself» But I remember beeing really scared. I live at a place where some people care for me and some other girls. Its the only place I’ve got after the, I dont know the english word, but where children taken away from their parents, and there arent any new family, so you live with other taken away kids. Anyhow, someone came into my room. And then I «woke up» and just started crying, because my face hurted and there was a lot of blood. And I said: «my face hurts, and I dont remember, I dont want to see it» So now, half my face is just (not deaply, but) cutted in really small squares but like a web..? I don’t know what to do. I can’t show up at school? And it looks awful i dont want to go out so people can see me.",1.2499883040935702,3.1206926421052685,3.2456140350877227,90.59374269005852,80.47368421052632,6.116959064327485,18.450292397660817,7.1686216300943375,0.16278362573099425,702,15,155,9,18,237,109,190,0.098,0.857,0.045,-0.9095,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,1,0,11,7,1,1,7,1,15,4,4,0,0,34,31,17,0,2,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,8,13,0,1,5,1,0,2,10,5,0,1,8,5,21,2,18,23,4,23,0,3,4,0,7,14,0,5,8,100,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972986803176265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926770670401556,0.07884597147790194,0.0,0.12501334381710238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727701644011933,0.10454509221544787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263400497930873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6008732724100787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666441031932634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827513615929698,0.0,0.08200960761823209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195397110197026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114115476054004,0.0,0.0,0.11270523371498192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500952551310899,0.0,0.18108719444177296,0.0,0.0861067272134775,0.0,0.0,0.17434956143035188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903256630586137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798534199268205,0.0,0.0,0.1138571502172058,0.0,0.097884841942781,0.14217492056223088,0.0,0.21426234459671945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986231467877186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706685188102074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484692541821743,0.0,0.09753783494475833,0.0,0.1026591794711173,0.10377469200339348,0.1634202203111711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688075240204626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257745691690856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812219102556304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460520969483515,0.12096002604617788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WinPeaks,2019/03/23,"I just want to be normal? I, the other day, had a girl sleeping in my bed. I had fallen asleep turned away from her. At some point she put her arm around me and I started screaming and crying and reaching for my pistol (I keep it unloaded because I know this is a thing, but I can't sleep if I don't have it near me). I don't remember this happening, but the girl's recount, and the fact that police showed up to my house make it all the more real to me despite my amnesia of the incident. I don't want this to be a thing anymote. Every girl I've been attached to for any long period of time has gotten acclimated to how I am. But I know that such an acclimation is too much to ask. And I don't want to always be this broken. I'm crying now just thinking of how I'm fucking doomed to repeat this cycle over and over again. I don't want to be scared anymore. I just want to be normal. 1. Is there somewhere I could go to deal with my issues? 2. If so, do I have to go into detail for whh I am this way now? 3. Please help me! I'm not suicidal or anytjing, so it's not so urgent of an issue. However, I am really done with this shit. I don't want to live THIS. Not any more...",0.01487379807692335,1.819652710937504,2.677343750000002,93.40443509615385,84.390625,5.657211538461539,18.830528846153847,6.8449194561589275,0.06002692307692304,898,23,212,11,26,313,132,256,0.132,0.7859999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9629,2,0,0,1,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,0,15,5,2,1,10,0,27,6,5,3,2,43,49,17,1,11,12,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,17,10,0,1,4,1,0,4,10,5,0,0,5,1,32,0,33,38,5,24,1,1,0,1,9,10,2,4,9,153,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045743528997096,0.0,0.0,0.17093100836627492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246390306311028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188026753567376,0.1174921771144038,0.0,0.11807883152463505,0.0,0.0,0.07661228079538131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034383788536247,0.0,0.2761032623591873,0.08105205944091574,0.12956873372635205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861246096970955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588932686988796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618749589047225,0.0,0.0,0.14285166554242226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111368412504578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423946650596181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501580030208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623508339276315,0.0,0.11170858289728516,0.0,0.0,0.13813893379436215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097617714568296,0.11122127620504428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838911925605724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238795771101492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462759572751285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795695299759494,0.11880654749296092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634133089097516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304933701424313,0.0805126905165097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236893190655575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258258301669189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900689417175484,0.0,0.0,0.25153798101672786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895569607141747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374715821504253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669900593934216,0.08052953332262258,0.0,0.0,0.07328398495535618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670182177751233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444769647663739,0.09975752690800843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BewBewsBoutique,2019/03/23,"I disclosed Wednesday evening I had a guy I’ve been seeing the last month or so come over to my place. We’d slept together before, and I’d already felt relatively safe, but this time I got triggered. I don’t know why, maybe it was the stress, but when he bit my leg (something I usually enjoy) I triggered, and I started flailing and kicking, then rolled over on my side and covered my face. He was gentle and checked on me and I apologized, and he pulled me in to cuddle. After I calmed down a bit, I said something about how we should talk about it, he said that we didn’t have to. I don’t disclose. I was in denial of my rapes and abuse for years, and when it all came out I told my boyfriend at the time. We’d been together for years, we lived together, I completely believed that he was going to be supportive. Instead he verbally abused me for hours, told me I was a slut and a liar and other horrible things. I have struggled with disclosure ever since, and have missed out on potential relationships because my fear of disclosing makes me disconnected and withdrawn. Disclosure is a huge barrier for me. But I disclosed. I had to work myself up to it, and he was patient. He already knew I had ptsd, so I said “my ptsd comes from sexual assault and domestic violence.” I talked a little about it and explained my reaction. I had to work myself up to it, but I did it. I was still very activated so I put on music and told him we should talk about other things to distract me, so he let me show him all my gemstones I recently got. He literally listened to me talk about rocks. I managed to pull myself back and finish having sex with him, and he was gentle even though I knew it wasn’t his preference. I kept apologizing to him about everything that happened and he told me it was okay, and to stop apologizing. This is a huge event for me. Disclosure to a sexual partner has never been successful for me. Most of the time it doesn’t happen. Potential relationships have been impaired by my avoidance. Disclosure itself carries trauma for me. I’ve been talking in therapy about how to disclose for years. So this is a big deal for me. And I’m proud of me. I hope that this means I’ll start being able to have this discussion with more serious romantic partners and I’ll stop ruining relationships. 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Hello everyone, &#x200B; Does anyone suffer from chronic fatigue that is almost 100% to be caused by PTSD? Since high school(5/6 years ago), where I was bullied for \~1.5 years I have PTSD and at the same time I developped chronic fatigue. I still suffer from the bullying(I dream of it on \~1/3 of my dreams), so I guess my brain is more focusing on it than normal regeneration. I don't know for 100% sure that it is from PTSD, can anyone confirm if it is common? &#x200B; (I also do EMDR and Ericksonian Hypnosis for treatment, hope it will work).",7.867320872274142,7.982815934579445,7.465934579439256,73.29865264797509,62.55140186915888,9.750155763239873,35.59034267912773,9.2995712137729,3.2614062305295946,463,19,79,7,6,146,70,107,0.152,0.7859999999999999,0.062,-0.887,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,12,7,1,2,1,12,15,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,9,2,14,12,2,11,0,5,0,0,1,5,0,4,6,53,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142083665474198,0.0,0.12901406203715804,0.0,0.0,0.10303283261253504,0.0,0.27919490189868396,0.31310797972025395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017502749303224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382739547653245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647071367039082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274823918976205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311158111204995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419311397089847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612591438180513,0.0,0.12796660869553006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080677234497328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262352702589926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6024255199835079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303923651041103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657729442830936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289132223448412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142962268993422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512729824584949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937966276664094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31310797972025395,0.16593671655371972 ptsd,procrochetnator,2019/03/23,"i have so much work to do and i cannot focus. fuck this TW: child sexual abuse, police loooooooong story short: i was sexually exploited by multiple men online from the age of 12 to the age of 17. the most siginificant period was age 13 to 17 where i was consistently in contact with the same guy and was mentally abused/coerced into sending him videos/pictures/voice clips etc while also being forced to allow him to have passwords to all my social media/email accounts, even shared my school's grading system with him. he would sometimes invite friends to watch/listen to me, and he has 1000s of pics/videos from that time. i was able to shut it out to some extent for my senior year of high school and some of my freshman year of college, but im having trouble recently. &#x200B; a couple of months ago i submitted a cyber tip to the center for missing and exploited children, then was contacted by a detective about two weeks later. since then, i have shared identifying documents, emails, chat names, etc with the detective as well as made a sworn testimony to be used in prosecution/justification for a search warrant. this guy works at a gamestop as a manager so i know he has access to some adolescents more than some people might and i know how he rolls online so i couldnt avoid testimony anymore...i was also killing myself by searching his information compulsively and personally notifying his girlfriends if i could contact them. &#x200B; i was told that the case would take around a month or more...it's been a couple weeks and i haven't heard back from the detective who said he would contact me that day or within the week with numbers for the other departments that will now be working on my case. i sent him an email to see what's up, but i can't get this shit out of my head. i have three midterm projects i need to complete this week that i've only barely started because iw as on vacation and now that im back im so depressed and living in such a fog. i dont know why i try. i cant even really focus my vision let alone my mind for fucking coding. how am i supposed to be normal?? &#x200B; do any of you have any tips for getting out of this fog just long enough to focus on a task? i can sink back in a bit if i need to but i really just feel stuck right now and i need to get good grades in these courses or i'll lose my scholarship/ all sorts of opportunities which i cannot afford because im a 1st gen student. my grades so far are ok but this has really been taking a toll on my ability to focus. ",5.294532185628743,5.899211069860287,6.037294785429142,79.66366672904192,68.04191616766467,9.05691117764471,29.628305888223554,9.103633062298675,2.341607235528942,2010,70,393,35,32,659,259,501,0.091,0.841,0.068,-0.9521,1,2,0,0,2,1,56.0,0,1,1,5,24,16,4,1,25,1,42,4,2,5,2,63,66,36,1,11,11,0,1,0,2,5,0,2,0,6,18,20,0,1,5,1,2,3,7,9,1,2,16,4,48,7,70,38,15,57,0,3,1,2,39,24,3,12,29,263,66,15,0.07663337673598497,0.09079802024964416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793086468308407,0.0,0.0,0.07936906688129218,0.0,0.1225673673777815,0.0,0.2490966950290593,0.27935382202589065,0.10422664810186323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821995251438362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677900924178255,0.0,0.09342999034593903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366379952513406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803486374966741,0.0,0.0,0.06118551560906589,0.16958674753649308,0.0,0.049422188273630964,0.0,0.06600421509071693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981374679896577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791827635611312,0.17093294435782608,0.1012312451750578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874813785304995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920675676891179,0.14169264387727362,0.12011332925570793,0.0,0.0,0.06427644056021138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517581825019049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864795326084417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096736998591109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311087889133421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478347717900092,0.0,0.12634709915447045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836281978266936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766867564642103,0.06781812689961557,0.0,0.085733146508956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251235398512113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722841938730415,0.08129590244477372,0.07737786478329801,0.0,0.1223360603712051,0.0,0.056334349450287674,0.17046803349522618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508443839476228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058283136239927175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053127934386739635,0.0669133086787268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727991034049534,0.0,0.0756662144073299,0.0,0.0,0.06544448501487446,0.07289589014261587,0.0,0.0,0.15511413703508084,0.061066879501847075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866305996827386,0.06339192114347121,0.0,0.0,0.07811807691364157,0.0,0.0,0.07579236910225841,0.0,0.054241498483555584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523752432810523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446855382440438,0.0,0.0,0.07322647552244613,0.0,0.052029032456770784,0.0,0.07485967380590355,0.0,0.0,0.06618663259326757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245882689454321,0.0,0.06890260898421371,0.0,0.06914970294497062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673700328887269,0.0,0.0,0.16331445634275465,0.0,0.27935382202589065,0.09869876418804864 ptsd,scatteredz,2019/03/23,"Partner with ptsd started lying about drug abuse My partner was diagnosed with ptsd a year ago, went through therapy that made things a little better but after his sessions were over he was no longer eligible for another therapy, he had to wait 3 months to apply for a new one which is now supposed to start in a month. He’s suffered from insomnia for the whole time but didn’t want to take any medication. Then he started experimenting with drugs, to alleviate the anxiety and chest pains, first mdma but then he switched to cocaine and now he’s hooked. I found out about it through reddit actually, that’s funny.... Yesterday he told me he has spent all his savings on drugs and more, he’s now indebted. The way he put it was that it also means he cannot come see me (we live 3 hours apart) because he cannot afford to buy a ticket (approx. 200 euros). His family doesn’t know. He has one friend who knows probably way more than I do about his drug consumption. Otherwise none of his friends know because before this he was very anti-drug and says he actually hates taking them. After yesterday I feel like I tend to be the first person to be thrown overboard when shit hits the fan. I feel really shitty about how he’s treated me. None of my friends know either. What are your thoughts please? Is this some kind of a pattern to kick the closest person next to you? We’ve been together for 3 years so things have not always been like this. They’ve just been getting worse and worse.",3.8352083333333336,5.783813215277783,4.454583333333336,84.49875000000002,73.09722222222223,7.716666666666668,26.23611111111111,8.472884824447931,1.7886569444444445,1178,41,229,21,24,375,172,288,0.152,0.7829999999999999,0.065,-0.9836,2,0,6,0,1,0,31.0,1,2,1,3,12,13,2,0,12,0,22,10,2,2,1,33,48,14,0,1,6,0,2,2,5,0,8,1,0,4,14,11,0,1,9,1,3,3,8,4,0,4,16,4,19,9,35,29,8,36,0,1,1,0,35,7,1,1,26,134,33,1,0.0,0.106399159575051,0.17526508229727325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960291305486898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181359706118473,0.07472138629275253,0.0,0.0,0.06106756365872579,0.09416387655620824,0.06869729899837172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094833612515026,0.0,0.0764137919035386,0.0,0.0,0.07942143231802815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735536201761123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114583254075567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5207015812662023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784232788706485,0.08465611935504808,0.0,0.0908118765437266,0.0641536467020379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276887975788095,0.0,0.0984618457809216,0.20813942233728489,0.0,0.04691716570996785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865961174794801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884356124904876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935136227969382,0.19740849162158508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774418389331952,0.09000390506652382,0.07929567405258636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497160512545124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781930151075828,0.0,0.09046476997570722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335614337659458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867300873768382,0.09550407613697401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170257322526708,0.0,0.09555428914715018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568210361465541,0.0,0.09857421529149166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968203560837069,0.0,0.20994445389152105,0.09027451883253527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752863568108831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141313063728433,0.0,0.0,0.07155954104509127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217914054969696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068421878166456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503791939855586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538988110333328,0.0,0.11931920579945747,0.0,0.0,0.07129173460915553,0.0523635174120847,0.0,0.0,0.08580842878302566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409499221403569,0.0529667866815076,0.14255925084904167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324615983665005,0.0,0.10025928814567207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302919513792226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565742878348355 ptsd,Peachcats,2019/03/23,"PTSD - attention span & reading Hey all, I was wondering if anyone else really struggles with reading? I can’t seem to get through a magazine article never mind a whole book. Reading used to be a joy and now I can’t stand being in the silence, with just words reverberating around my head. How do you combat this? I would love to be able to read a whole book this year. Thanks. ",2.1622972972972967,4.678890027027029,3.485067567567569,86.55165540540544,81.16216216216216,6.943243243243244,24.114864864864863,8.07648339933343,1.5613297297297302,298,11,59,6,8,97,56,74,0.069,0.782,0.149,0.7945,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,8,2,1,2,2,16,14,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,9,9,3,7,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,3,3,39,8,6,0.16364817804101428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731273253595234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144266110959402,0.16767689744998018,0.0,0.14568157388503858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670705387771148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549941869696652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795024317058851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769886993346582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523800896985136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621556349539484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129596273292707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6547698542484441,0.0,0.10483721330416207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897915509281154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108060751730308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066525551404295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413394828192681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654146931388668,0.0,0.0,0.1774694683215758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625097038473015,0.0,0.0,0.10538406124213877 ptsd,Halformalady,2019/03/23,"Mother Called me a b***h My grandmother died and nobody in my family called to tell me. My parents abandoned me after my brother committed suicide when I was 17 and he was 15. I texted my aunt to ask her why she didn’t tell me. I found out about it through obituaries when it was too late. Got a voicemail in my blocked messages from my mother that began “hi sweetie” and it was the first time I’d heard her voice in three years. It went on to say “stop harassing my sister, you fucking bitch. Bye” I wasn’t harassing anyone. The fact that she began with “hi sweetie” made me think for a split second that she wanted to make an effort in our relationship (or complete lack thereof.) I’m just heartbroken and needed to vent. I feel discarded like garbage and the trauma that this woman and the whole family have caused is immeasurable. ",4.557153209109728,6.0611490993788815,5.1070962732919245,82.3437914078675,70.42857142857143,8.099585921325051,27.702380952380953,8.59863814320734,2.0043536231884054,659,23,125,11,12,211,104,161,0.21,0.73,0.06,-0.9804,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,1,0,2,5,7,4,0,8,0,8,1,0,3,2,24,23,9,2,3,2,6,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,9,8,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,3,13,4,25,1,17,10,2,17,0,1,0,1,27,6,2,1,12,83,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399402669553093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578063845143515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621497552025308,0.0,0.0,0.18216788548141755,0.0,0.0,0.18592828211856316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404168248789154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343439537777487,0.0,0.08966393122234413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083774115084578,0.0,0.1944343956789536,0.0,0.16393974238847125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182787836941613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003720225341964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663501701765916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779497237130855,0.1183698847422158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148876202250073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969051983234244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903872346656288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102080647459272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825673807435805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939714389293796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30999039122439365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136266071180312,0.0,0.0,0.10340318915304972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459447593933352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643877042123141,0.16001373362553312,0.1979838377718391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141954129182878 ptsd,LooksLikeTreble617,2019/03/23,"Relapsing. Cw: self harm — while I personally don’t consider it self harm (I view it more as OCD/addictive) some do consider it self harm. I have trichotillomania that comes and goes in waves based on my stress flareups. For years it was so bad I barely had hair. I have mostly a full head now but have some bare spots, and have been in a pulling funk. I need to wear a hat to avoid pulling. I’m 7 months out of an abusive relationship and just had a major setback earlier seeing my ex on Facebook. I must have pulled for an hour, but I know it was related to flashbacks. I don’t know if I’m necessarily asking for advice, I just need to get it off my chest. I know I should be angry with him, but I’m angry with myself for allowing myself to pull when I knew I wanted to stop. (Yes, I frequent r/trichotillomania often but decided I should post here knowing tonight’s flare up traces back to my PTSD, thanks for reading.)",2.6820608108108104,4.524040540540543,4.163699324324327,85.80500844594594,76.02702702702703,7.435810810810811,24.53547297297297,8.278499904357787,1.4138716216216218,720,24,152,13,16,239,111,185,0.175,0.804,0.021,-0.9795,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,6,1,17,4,4,1,1,33,33,12,0,7,7,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,7,7,0,2,6,1,0,5,2,6,0,0,6,3,23,1,23,23,6,24,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,5,10,98,30,1,0.0,0.19839287631168934,0.0,0.18253786319022824,0.0,0.16362361059048444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653683997909834,0.0,0.0,0.12875352721928027,0.13980812357622802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423753749653187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748218962225032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184508671605464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648978770175158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680897350841647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365160841036605,0.0,0.0,0.2483141034083495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620499142828572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603643524247022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573220427481813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674885672360948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977139167338374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343059505527344,0.0,0.5240394980488758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999005855299246,0.19180568254244204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415925222930127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876236993507223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782796619264873 ptsd,blackKat007,2019/03/24,"Nightmares, unrelated in topic, but started after trauma I was sexually assaulted by an abusive ""boyfriend"". Most of my nightmares don't related to this (though some do). Most of them involve a loss of control to a violent person (who I sometimes know in real life but not always). Usually the person has a weapon or authority (like a cop) or somehow has more power. They usually come if I'm sleeping somewhere new or with someone new. How do you all deal with nightmares?",5.14111295681063,7.293073476744188,6.352591362126247,71.39988372093025,70.04651162790698,8.635215946843855,36.70431893687708,9.23628265651192,3.940915614617941,373,21,58,8,7,125,64,86,0.258,0.727,0.015,-0.9793,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,3,3,6,3,0,6,0,6,2,1,2,1,19,10,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,11,9,5,9,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,8,7,46,8,0,0.0,0.2455085791445089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724143447533699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849205852755667,0.0,0.0,0.2324023208755435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21362320403146276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387655335493944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635772370727376,0.10123176725211017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002471561995221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618535138630744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358490110129403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073584725844628,0.0,0.17556736826346225,0.0,0.204934830045092,0.0,0.14666347555544812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035816222848688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564225014628712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Wiccan-Whatever,2019/03/24,I think I have ptsd but I also don’t think I do???? All my symptoms match up but my “trauma” I feel like isn’t nearly as bad as other people’s. I feel like I don’t deserve to have it???? ,-3.3522923588039863,-1.883859186046509,0.5266445182724233,102.2279069767442,105.97674418604653,2.4571428571428573,10.794019933554818,3.1291,-1.982332890365449,137,2,36,0,7,50,26,43,0.214,0.638,0.14800000000000002,-0.6007,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,10,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,9,2,5,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538385218486561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650302096464478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209914758694294,0.4535260038895358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31014814536195084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005720808272905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710438693158804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32991813984121304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067764129860457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PixiePiichi,2019/03/24,"My Partners Friend Reminds Me Of My Attacker TW: R*pe mention Hi, I have never posted here so please tell me if i’m doing this wrong. I’m literally crying on a bus right now and my friends are busy and I don’t know where to go. I was really brutally drugged and r*ped by someone I thought was a friend 4 years ago and developed C-PTSD from my attack. I have been in treatment since it happened and most of it is under control, but a huge new trigger has came up and I don’t know how to handle it. My partner recently made a new friend and the resemblance is uncanny. I felt my stomach sink when i first met him. He looks and acts just like the man who hurt me. I told my partner I did not like him (which is true, he is not a great person to begin with and he gives me a horrible feeling. ) and they did not really acknowledge it. Anyways, fast forward to now, i’m having panic attacks on my way home because they are hanging out at my house (we live together) and I can’t handle seeing his face. I just really don’t know what to do because I don’t want to have to deal with anymore. Is it fair to bring all this up to my partner and ask if they can not be friends with him anymore? What should I do? 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I feel so alone and hurt. I feel like I can’t trust anyone. I feel hopeless. I don’t know if I can do this. 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I've done years of therapy, multiple types of therapy and multiple therapists. And I felt really good. But now I'm sitting on my couch, fixated on the idea of my abusive ex and what he might be up to. Wondering why it's been over a year since he reached out even though he used to harass me once a month to try to get me to talk to him again. It's like I miss it. And I absolutely hate myself for it. I'm in a healthy, long-term relationship now and this feels so unfair to my partner. I want to be able to leave to the past in the past but it's like even after all these years he still has a hold on me. I just want to be free. ",1.9045818181818177,2.64813964,3.888181818181817,91.47409090909092,75.93333333333334,8.121212121212123,22.96969696969697,8.575989854853784,1.0279333333333334,526,14,132,10,11,180,89,150,0.093,0.78,0.126,0.6065,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,2,0,7,0,8,0,0,1,1,20,20,9,0,3,3,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,14,6,25,12,1,24,0,1,0,0,9,8,0,2,18,81,22,1,0.1500414727473131,0.17777461024237695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300271260606308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153726310352918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535445199071713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820195534953786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586547686287075,0.0,0.1440633434824126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839047677705821,0.0,0.0,0.12584766867098812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813489115592354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937855962088452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588722553609997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199080540904195,0.0,0.0,0.13278198185157533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591702917275731,0.0,0.0,0.119761672067757,0.0,0.0,0.11125385087353472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597892716519542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864631265676641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612040947341544,0.0,0.0,0.16108839027695704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411585674237492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982331395247582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059765232431645,0.0,0.0,0.3431710006611273,0.1742097143051322,0.0,0.0,0.14741498517206833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186831101448664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958765819092466,0.0,0.0,0.17699669613375554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353890916962639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271357685374466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864871565854077 ptsd,GodlessCommie69,2019/03/24,"Hey y’all, my girlfriend appears to be suffering from ptsd. Help (slightly NSFW) She and I have been dating for almost a year, and I’ve known this for some time but she sometimes doesn’t believe that, reason being she got it from a long distance “relationship” (I don’t even wanna call it that because it wasn’t) with some 20 year old guy when she was 12. I was wondering if anyone else had anything to say to reassure her about what happened being totally reasonable to have ptsd over ",4.62534954407295,6.1408079787234096,5.213100303951368,81.60500000000002,70.27659574468085,7.924620060790273,29.386018237082077,8.418075326091056,2.2051507598784195,386,15,71,6,7,124,69,94,0.023,0.921,0.056,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,2,1,15,16,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,1,10,1,12,7,3,9,0,1,0,0,14,1,0,6,7,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912840842546803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356921949190384,0.19572783030723234,0.1571974138799188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644715235474777,0.0,0.0,0.21521991801285864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505802590137808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957699271696266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617030341449842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278025499173795,0.0,0.0,0.18914492159794014,0.16892290049270642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804012475104104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905123775037212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004487506149968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465963326094858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928113183659411,0.0,0.20508951127100167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191085857048844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892874802831625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138829535765332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071586158177943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24602785439826566 ptsd,Lugash,2019/03/24,"Ketamine Infusion Therapy Howdy, new here. Is this community familiar with ketamine as treatment for PTSD? I did a search, but didn't see anything. I don't want to spam or intrude, but if y'all are interested I could post some general information. I'm a patient, btw, not a provider. :)",3.865283018867924,6.369574773584912,5.464754716981133,74.76279245283024,74.84905660377359,9.52301886792453,37.01509433962264,9.888512548439397,4.411093584905659,225,14,40,7,5,76,44,53,0.09,0.7879999999999999,0.122,0.3944,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,9,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150687417895656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30568991422944386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697774741441983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666828736277508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44755362423007344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30509719451336026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378443153134094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582618310439964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,atStringPlease,2019/03/24,"I guess we're never ""fixed"" It's crazy how you can have so many good days in a row, and maybe even (stupidly) let yourself think you're better and that THAT life is behind you now, then bam, it hits at 9 am on a Sunday morning. You're left sobbing in the corner with your dogs looking at you confused, yet protective, because they've seen this before.",8.646291079812206,5.723100014084507,7.932957746478872,80.34009389671363,62.94366197183098,10.030046948356807,34.93427230046949,6.42735559955562,2.1907990610328643,275,8,57,1,3,86,59,71,0.07,0.8140000000000001,0.116,0.4963,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,1,5,5,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,1,8,10,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,2,7,7,0,13,0,1,2,0,4,7,1,2,6,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280498951162347,0.0,0.2551770838562565,0.0,0.0,0.265220832388282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339877004269185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806891388894787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515263888810763,0.0,0.0,0.3303533001841853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258221459258225,0.30664916897521144,0.21181518417869752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518249473939209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30403279021893714,0.3012712908859097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231287113206802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215196756425826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jjtaylor1998,2019/03/24,"Four year anniversary is almost a week away im doing really well in my recovery i used to be soo bad and last year i totally forgot when it was the four year anniversary of being assaulted (well the r word but i can't even use that rn) but i remembered just last night out of the blue for no reason. and then i cried about it which is so weird bc i haven't done that in so so long it's so weird like why does an arbitrary day carry so much weight? it isn't even the right day since it happened at 4am, so it'd technically happened then. on the first year anniversary it was my senior prom and i got to the house to take pictures and before we could i cried so much and dissociated and they all left to go. i ended up getting my shit together, my mom took me to the prom instead and despite only a little makeup im glad i went. but that's still a bad memory that i have to bring up too &#x200B; oh and i've been having this problem where i can't stop peeing and i went to the doctor and they did all these tests and don't know why so they want me to go to the gyno in case it's an infection from being sexually active (can have sex w people from tinder but can't go to the gyno??? i don't understand my brain either) and my apt is tomorrow morning and it's gonna trigger me even more &#x200B; i'm in a lot of pain right now, but i know i'll be okay. just need some support right now. i'm considering cancelling the apt tomorrow but the peeing is interfering with my social life and work and i need it taken care of fml fml fml",1.8991883372734435,3.2888131550151978,3.974988179669033,88.26703703703707,77.0243161094225,7.305685016323316,21.60767758640099,8.045849151850463,0.8672261848474614,1204,31,271,20,27,413,169,329,0.123,0.7959999999999999,0.081,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,3,2,23,15,2,0,18,1,27,12,4,4,3,49,54,32,0,5,9,1,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,17,18,1,2,5,0,0,7,8,8,2,3,11,2,30,7,29,36,9,46,0,0,1,1,6,16,1,3,24,178,47,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516236856236916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593761436303606,0.2309523202003816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928714460237347,0.0,0.15869808239648828,0.0,0.0,0.08086654793369195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608886660557476,0.0,0.0,0.09689303360802937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587655338000407,0.0,0.20877977528350208,0.12257755023789105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727086105359332,0.08316449635888573,0.09725231230691636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417151413764347,0.0,0.0,0.18830628217615547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083548551884527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049651105321242235,0.0,0.16202926239977758,0.0,0.07600700806460732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807570141495468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096559524176808,0.0,0.0,0.20530507462822745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044559028714781,0.1549300475885636,0.0,0.0,0.10325422558794906,0.0,0.06712500388208534,0.04642859015339101,0.09524857911081444,0.0,0.08410169751136515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079412221667191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111302140274498,0.0,0.0,0.13972118174188292,0.14093234010619698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918254499458643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722772939647766,0.10112239310597604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588429482593923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093426878032876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088092291948145,0.09771031290831296,0.0,0.0,0.1076544817211714,0.24347438660411774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755056910614328,0.07861273114434468,0.0,0.0,0.0968747320975903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589391244442327,0.07945229961840891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784294158774414,0.0,0.0,0.07145339937909596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558576613354476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893327272715206,0.0,0.16415694175376588,0.0,0.0,0.0560532475535404,0.0,0.0762301781143909,0.1157252566113776,0.17089314150807253,0.1761940981341224,0.17150598714373044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918555319440578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309523202003816,0.2447939508201273 ptsd,OverworkedAdmin145,2019/03/24,"hi...new here. Diagnosed with PTSD recently, realizing I can no longer work as a first responder. Struggling with identity and purpose. Before anyone worries, I will spare the fine details of what brought me to this point, im not sure I even remember them all anymore. And yes i am seeing a psychiatrist and now a therapist too. Just needing to vent. I entered EMT school at 17. 22 now, paramedic, and the warning signs ive pushed off for years have caved in collapsing onto my life all at once. I cant pinpoint a specific event or memory that broke me. Theres too many of them. I re-live a different one every night, wake up to respond to “phantom tones” until i realize that im at home, and lately the nightmares have decided to creep into the daylight as i have begun having flashbacks (i think thats what they are). A child could be playing outside and scream happily but i wont understand that. Ill hear the scream and my heart races, i sweat, my hair stands up, im suddenly aware of everything around me, “its happening again, not again please not another one” as i rush out the door expecting to find the same sort of scene as the dozens that haunt me. I used to be so well-tempered. Now i lash out at people wildly and it makes no sense why. Ive lost interest in all my hobbies i once had. I have based my entire identity and purpose around my work. Ive given so much.. sleepless nights during 48 hour shifts, constant Tears that i held in until alone because I had to be strong for others in the most tragic of moments, ive been assaulted countless times by patients i was helping. Despite how much the field took from me i woke up every day with the feeling that some sort of God or higher power had given me this mission. That it was much more than myself and so with motivation i woke every day ready to “save the world” one person at a time”. It felt good to feel like life had a meaning. To be unable to do it anymore has me so lost. Who am I now? The things i used to identify by i havent done for years nor have any interest in, my true personality is masked by symptoms causing me to act differently. What sort of life am I supposed to live now when i want for nothing else? I dont just feel lost, i feel utterly broken. Im not sure what to do but take my meds go to therapy and find hobbies as my doc has instructed..it all feels fucking pointless. I feel like i turned my back on the world. And yet ironically feel like its turned its back on me. Idk anymore",4.081792207792205,5.127673652525253,5.063088023088024,83.9527272727273,71.06060606060606,8.323809523809524,28.890331890331893,8.676224119757912,2.083039249639249,1938,73,395,33,35,635,259,495,0.112,0.772,0.115,0.6898,3,1,0,1,0,0,56.0,0,0,3,9,26,23,2,1,22,1,38,11,4,6,7,74,72,30,0,4,10,0,9,3,0,2,6,3,2,3,24,21,0,1,18,1,0,7,11,10,0,5,19,13,58,13,66,46,11,63,0,5,1,1,11,25,1,7,33,266,82,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955806962853597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223742228971228,0.08054813209172693,0.0,0.0,0.22854209095540215,0.053711438826196674,0.0,0.0,0.13676481141733154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813331716209932,0.0,0.04682623829037163,0.0,0.06536464331098274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891105320064114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830106606677655,0.0,0.061331217593428876,0.0,0.0,0.09907975614098924,0.0,0.0,0.07796648595622391,0.0,0.16051245888468316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860929973568692,0.09002762161887076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416979836364996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073615432739182,0.0,0.19416203776752786,0.0,0.06903714629549873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718828656168786,0.16463180779214764,0.07375527668184312,0.0,0.14041661784294482,0.06533953547939217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101502934574981,0.0,0.0,0.0436562262695957,0.06442950301043651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792801568109534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657706259814417,0.09102716981181344,0.05148805506257366,0.0,0.07705257572095313,0.0,0.07564815359151576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318972632295992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665164151964211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277195137346048,0.11258505447629498,0.0,0.06782981607684402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515607721853163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127518633463838,0.07787923032578546,0.0,0.08367499626574737,0.08532510905488082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940549784014156,0.05695799052518737,0.0,0.07418924103221829,0.0,0.14417297119982725,0.0,0.07370689414845749,0.0,0.0,0.16361277833203752,0.15615725428742835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325444873230326,0.1341453006849612,0.0,0.08432075233646394,0.07261582145322493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979363542815395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584639949653996,0.0,0.0870174006228513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774175632595216,0.06121229897627178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030462055115611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479608726133306,0.07984109594549416,0.05775597058503708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784563613170747,0.08918913978147729,0.051033047391999084,0.04922050456700255,0.0,0.0,0.08958389717055383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534525237425827,0.0,0.1671072056548828,0.0,0.07996802446298308,0.0,0.13268848762475913,0.0,0.0,0.0453079873740087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906668779856792,0.0,0.06931437016787295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184572910255776,0.07801023958076718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989337970328849 ptsd,NumberOneSayoriLover,2019/03/25,"I’m not sure if I have PTSD My parents are abusive, my dad hits me and yells at me and my mom just yells. It’s hard for me to sleep or look in the mirror any time without feeling anxious or disgusted, I’ve tried to cope by cutting but I’m trying to stop myself from doing that by listening to music. I can’t even do that without hearing someone screaming at me, even when I’m alone I still hear it, even when I’m not listening to music I still hear it rattling in my brain. (I’m sorry if this is jumbled, I’m not a very good writer).",2.7110344827586204,3.2450561379310368,4.5098275862069,88.55543103448278,73.82758620689657,6.834482758620689,27.431034482758626,6.6274283507984215,1.1053482758620692,416,15,93,3,8,142,71,116,0.17600000000000002,0.7879999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.8991,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,2,0,6,2,2,0,1,16,20,9,0,2,11,3,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,11,13,2,15,19,0,10,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,4,6,60,19,0,0.0,0.18515231149472364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184676883754145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626776201919866,0.0,0.0,0.1765386314679426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444703710088824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096410966029488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790139175929501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107038580417713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998564903100394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283769918895548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312259646268913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830194742871664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351738767029942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266921035261344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563810952790782,0.0,0.1324055728329218,0.0,0.0,0.17492950106247326,0.0,0.0,0.2495920370069853,0.13064724605659175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728096705327698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112126755101807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21219175479198546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893766391956654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30127401426322736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anonymousw17,2019/03/25,Does anyone else have nightmares related to their trauma? Just wondering if it’s normal.. if you can relate to this please comment. I just want to know if anyone else experiences this.. thank you :),5.396476190476188,7.870479314285718,5.48,76.55333333333336,70.14285714285714,8.095238095238095,25.952380952380953,8.841846274778883,2.2513809523809525,156,5,25,3,3,49,26,35,0.068,0.703,0.229,0.6833,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,6,3,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35511866670099684,0.5203789196297309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222282927361708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42426517954787774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484000620601776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955766755479102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24880529498876894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27874763550688497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23379196562699844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977919432793274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753848967774281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,eternalyouth1818,2019/03/25,"lots of fear, please read is it possible to implant something in someone’s hand by shaking their hand? i’ve just been through a lot and am on guard... i met this woman last week for coffee... we talked for 90 minutes and had great conversation, then she is adamant about not meeting up again.",3.4305357142857105,5.601865267857144,3.3172857142857133,91.2277142857143,74.89285714285714,5.908571428571428,29.057142857142853,6.742157984588678,1.3187114285714283,229,10,46,2,5,69,51,56,0.077,0.722,0.201,0.836,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,5,2,2,0,0,8,6,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,4,1,10,3,2,8,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,4,30,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233107943854935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31676731168227645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342011887420627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4885322056252392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153870942172166,0.0,0.3239060365259285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28739412138335263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24344222749483224,0.22119017824374754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23093401444808914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23046786095129784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nightterrorgirl,2019/03/25,"Should I try for a diagnosis so I can get help? F/24/UK &#x200B; Hi guys, It's been almost 2 years since I was with him and I had a 6 month break before getting into another relationship, but it wasn't enough to make it go away. I used to think it was ""normal"" what I was experiencing - that I was going through the motions of a break-up, but recently I've been starting to think something else is going on. &#x200B; I first noticed something strange, when my boyfriend and I were having a tickle fight. I flinched backwards to avoid being tickled and I hit my head against the wall a little bit. I remember in that moment, instantly seeing a past scene of when my boyfriend had punched me in the head. I didn't remember him punching me initially, but instead the moment after this when I was standing against the wall feeling the lump on my head. &#x200B; Things started happening similar to this. I used to argue with my ex boyfriend all the time and yes I felt numb sometimes, but I would argue back now and again. However, when my boyfriend had our first argument I noticed something strange - I felt very panicky, my hands were covered in sweat, my heart was racing and I couldn't speak - it wasn't that I was scared of him - I knew logically I had nothing to be afraid of, but I felt terrified and it was as if I went back to that moment with my ex boyfriend before things would escalate. Memories start flooding back when this happens, but they're not life like - as if I'm there, just memories. &#x200B; I started having nightmares after this, they weren't exact memories of the past - sometimes my boyfriend played the part of my ex and sometimes my boyfriend's mother played the part of my ex's mother. I would wake up sweating and my heart pounding sometimes and be off for the rest of the day. &#x200B; I also had forgotten some things which you'd think a person would never forget. It wasn't until I read a diary entry I'd written 6 months prior to an event that I instantly remembered the time he dragged me across the floor picked me up and slapped me because I was being too emotional about my dad dying - I still feel like this was my fault and I deserved to be slapped - he told me he done it to ""snap me out of it"" &#x200B; 3 months after the break up I developed a panic disorder which I thought was to do with my fear of death, but I'm starting to think maybe it is to do with him. &#x200B; Whenever I talk about it I get shaky - I don't even feel scared or traumatised, but my body is acting as if there's a threat it's strange. &#x200B; A big part of me believes that it's just anxiety and all in my head - after all, my ex bf had PTSD and what I'm going through looks nothing like his. He would have flashbacks where he would completely zone out and that doesn't happen to me. I also don't really avoid talking about it - I can talk about it, but it does set my panic off most times. &#x200B; I will be starting CBT soon for the panic attacks, but how do I go about dealing with this? My guidance counsellor at uni asked me about my past relationships and this came up, I told her about the memories and the tickle fight instance, but she didn't question further. Does this mean I don't need support for it? I'm not sure what to do, I weirdly feel ashamed to be asking for help because I feel like it's not as bad as what other people have been through. &#x200B; All I know is that I'm going through something which takes control over me and I want control back. It's really getting in the way of having a normal relationship. &#x200B; &#x200B;",5.226703052728958,5.979907365957445,5.350578168362628,83.99902173913047,68.2482269503546,8.116250385445575,32.06367560900401,8.112205042999317,2.230855072463769,2843,118,558,35,46,894,272,705,0.162,0.792,0.046,-0.9979,1,2,4,0,3,0,113.0,1,1,1,4,32,29,6,11,32,1,65,14,11,7,7,102,122,48,2,15,20,8,9,4,1,8,3,1,0,2,46,28,0,4,21,3,0,10,15,21,0,2,39,13,92,8,83,65,12,87,0,0,2,0,46,28,0,9,48,392,138,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03336522465332402,0.0,0.0,0.05329207611175666,0.0,0.4332272223734514,0.4858502051244222,0.0,0.03493898566406611,0.02548975289299436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229951203103125,0.0379063758043134,0.031305290981272,0.10248427040058183,0.02782085634901064,0.0406231957425485,0.0,0.05670582982553823,0.03754029480470645,0.0,0.0,0.03637687312275938,0.03701107256787093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038109269374628836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034935446494096065,0.0,0.07474255580878611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02148868067770341,0.034351516347213784,0.0,0.0,0.034580959270839304,0.0,0.0381876727689607,0.0,0.058317213959973524,0.03409798744184084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027834632621156173,0.03748058008697182,0.0,0.034428526554156735,0.0,0.022007583821756417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03749432837155749,0.08423811149051022,0.04760771167024101,0.09597744184936187,0.0,0.0,0.05668404801272101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963341952731471,0.0,0.11361933970438733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03299209563482655,0.08839445078754392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678396789880212,0.0,0.0,0.07896885746459463,0.04466746455779516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01831183228372712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023534942101752845,0.06511398840560477,0.03339545124772071,0.0,0.0,0.02798045654598986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022241397208666663,0.0,0.033474476418736916,0.03629531087872374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978725634719665,0.0,0.0,0.024706400542563702,0.02569848256776241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529316393667656,0.06394298790350962,0.07587021293221223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728172529644648,0.0,0.10824712622208307,0.09542329577923084,0.023099932580519702,0.02909378911603021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389493643052572,0.0,0.03732609020934871,0.0,0.03332907452002526,0.0,0.04269136426504327,0.0,0.03289953715702392,0.10731981666315717,0.11323538984456599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671838085582177,0.0,0.02655177197605248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02756269599913709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260563296560957,0.13181755598742206,0.0,0.14150464976660898,0.0,0.02660944107195354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03781120654843863,0.031403759998279296,0.0,0.025052536612355486,0.08034420056716017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664090972038493,0.08540059012100835,0.0,0.026452403878984825,0.05828758068670281,0.0,0.0,0.06367748594794888,0.0,0.022622131951003425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755566326018174,0.0,0.027492537111086082,0.01965303328853692,0.026447910832990668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03088802725092898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201767768646634,0.0,0.4858502051244222,0.0214570246786556 ptsd,literaltreehugger,2019/03/25,"How do you cope with crowded trains? I have PTSD related to sexual trauma. I have to ride a packed train during rush hour a few times every week. I'm looking for any little tricks from anyone else about how to cope. I have plenty of coping skills generally speaking, but I can't sing or do yoga on the train. I've gotten pretty good at countering the intrusive thought that someone is going to grope me, but the physical response is another matter, and I have a panic attack 2/3 times I have to stand on a packed train.",6.0947058823529385,6.2087541568627485,6.7733333333333325,76.78000000000003,66.25490196078431,9.545098039215684,28.764705882352942,9.2995712137729,2.3847529411764707,412,12,76,7,6,136,72,102,0.113,0.797,0.09,-0.319,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,2,1,7,0,10,0,0,2,0,10,15,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,2,8,1,13,13,1,12,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,4,46,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667149326781403,0.25706812913827204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714192338644348,0.2511919650713207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789010878598318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047969280496567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655505597461865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932817709021367,0.20562577144979802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414299228489866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457113740084705,0.0,0.0,0.20586984653392604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876385135499622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494124542887753,0.0,0.0,0.2865750113454271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772043883885694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462700038754427,0.2859056349106193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664988160721825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,downwiththeillness14,2019/03/25,"How do I get through my boyfriend’s upcoming graduation? My boyfriend graduates from college in a little over a month. He informed me that we are going to have about 20 people over at our apartment (all his family that I’ve never met). I’m really not great in crowds or large groups of people that I don’t know, but I obviously have/want to be there for his graduation. I tried to see if we could just meet at the restaurant and then just all head over to the graduation, without the unnecessary step of having all these people come to our tiny one bedroom apartment for an hour or two to do nothing in between lunch and the ceremony. But his mom insists, and I’m just having so much anxiety over it. She says people can just come in and out from by the pool so it’ll be fine but we still are just going to have to try to entertain people for an hour or two? So I guess I need some interesting ways to get a few moments of solitude when I need it. I thought about a “smoke break” but we’ll be outside anyway and I don’t want that to be my first impression on his whole family. My only idea is to go to the bathroom and cry it out real quick when I need to. Really dreading this whole thing. 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Warning: This post is going to have mentions of sexual assault, not in detail but I thought I’d better be safe :) I’ve been talking to this guy almost every day for over a month now. We get along really well and we met up last week, we’re meeting up this week again. He’s a really cool guy, but I feel as though I should mention to him that I was recently diagnosed with ptsd, after being sexually assaulted in June of last year. I think it’s important he knows as I’ve found I can’t share a room with a man the first couple of times I’m there as I get physically sick, vomit shake uncontrollably etc.. after a while I can get used to it and trust, and I’m okay. I’m also okay with having sex as long as they ask before initiating and aren’t too pushy, it doesn’t freak me out really at all. This is probably because of the circumstances of my assault rather than anything else. I don’t know how to tell this to him and make it clear that i don’t think he’s a rapist, or that he’d do anything to me, that it’s my body reacting to something that’s happened to me. I also don’t know how to even bring it up. Does anyone have any advice on this? 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I’m a 22 year old female. My mom has always had significant health issues and will likely die of her diseases, although when is not clear. This is something that causes me a lot of grief and distress but I have gotten good at compartmentalizing. A few months ago, we learned she had a heart murmur, most likely due to a heart condition that would require surgery. At the time I worked a stressful job and had been backstabbed by my company. (80 hour work weeks, lying boss.) he wouldn’t give me time off to care for her so I quit. Then we learned it was a mitral valve prolapse, and she definitely needed surgery. My mom has a personality disorder and has emotionally abused me at times throughout my life, especially when she’s stressed. So during this time she ostracized and bullied me, and banned me from going to the hospital for her surgery. In this time she kicked me out for 2 weeks. I stayed with two shitty people who did shitty things. I also got a horrible stomach virus (we all did) and got to a point where I thought I may need to get IV fluids. I have health anxiety so this was really hard for me. I ended up coming back after those 2 weeks. I got updates from my dad while she was hospitalized, there were a couple times it was touch and go and they thought it might be time to say goodbye, but she pulled through. Every night I was scared to sleep for fear that she would be dead when I woke up. Gradually I began eating and sleeping less, until one day, a couple weeks or so after her surgery, I didn’t eat or sleep for 3 days. Two doses of Ativan in the ER made no effect. I had a psychotic episode (I’m assuming?) that I don’t remember in which I physically fought the nurses and cussed out my friend. They gave me haloperidol and knocked me out. I was put in psych for 3 days in a terrible psych hospital where I received no therapy. The MD met with me once and said I have PTSD, but he thinks it’s from an experience I had as a teenager. Backstory on that: my freshman year of high school, I pissed a girl off and she and her friends cornered me and tried to beat me up. I don’t remember much of it, the adrenaline was in overdrive. The only mark on my body was a bleeding cut above my eye from being thrown onto a table. It was about 6 months after that that I began having constant panic attacks. Anxiety and depression deeply colored the next 4 years, as did benzo addiction. However, I never felt fear when I recalled the event. I had no flashbacks or nightmares. I didn’t avoid any reminders of the event. Basically, I didn’t fit any PTSD criteria, except the anxiety and hyper vigilance. Now, I fit the criteria for it. I avoid reminders of that time period from the time my mom kicked me out until I got out of the psych ward. I won’t watch tv because that’s all I did (unless I’m with someone) My house gives me anxiety because it reminds me of being there alone and afraid. I am terrified to sleep alone- I’ve only slept alone in my bed a handful of times since then and it’s always so scary to me that I cry if I have to do it. I feel empty and like my life will never get better, I can’t see a future. When I’m alone I am very afraid. I have a loss of identity. I feel disconnected to most people. I have panic attacks almost daily. I struggle to feel emotion, and when I do, I’m either sobbing or wanting to die or hurt myself, I imagine stabbing myself or slitting my wrists to satisfy the urge. All the psychiatrists I’ve called are booked out 6 months. I have a doctor appointment this week. Any thoughts? ",3.1434560378345178,4.995187993065192,4.289297651258497,85.36258202405587,74.75589459084604,7.279879948159432,25.689297651258503,8.089982424148904,1.5404447420477023,2857,100,572,46,61,933,329,721,0.248,0.7020000000000001,0.049,-0.9995,2,6,1,0,1,3,82.0,3,0,2,8,19,34,5,14,40,0,58,24,13,5,6,94,98,55,4,8,15,4,8,4,2,9,9,2,1,2,31,36,2,4,16,2,0,6,15,25,1,3,42,15,99,9,79,43,11,95,0,5,4,0,40,31,2,14,61,383,130,13,0.0,0.06737104172482357,0.0,0.0619869333313578,0.0,0.0,0.05040388663083584,0.0,0.05693812417853416,0.2355635817529096,0.0,0.045471758079123216,0.09462589091438843,0.0,0.0,0.11600238373264507,0.0,0.1739941787392549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293752974919146,0.0,0.043722634682106534,0.0,0.06932393196062872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028897457379716,0.0,0.06315980389001306,0.0,0.0,0.058061485586042176,0.0,0.05797362616077691,0.1168239150260256,0.0,0.048980756454671655,0.0,0.06144659065345291,0.0,0.0,0.12583133214628625,0.06245918922913024,0.11001201234873599,0.0,0.04897433574724167,0.0,0.11802557744682955,0.0,0.0651676851212717,0.05819969016421205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163660912160755,0.0,0.12792204730819268,0.050362009654303125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790788379535773,0.0,0.0,0.055621013933955625,0.0,0.1279689705070091,0.11500261370807915,0.040621542745494135,0.054595521326349775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786140644262494,0.0,0.0594150995417802,0.10909259344259284,0.064630885803901,0.0476923477736522,0.18190789191150064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093632872097864,0.0,0.0,0.12088126627344604,0.0,0.1347612269743283,0.0,0.06007681716707279,0.0,0.0,0.05599667669230378,0.06561001297042435,0.06087092595352162,0.0,0.0,0.059348159238295964,0.05642581452074584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032527698210562,0.11111773998586284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048341228083804255,0.0,0.05380329672899359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603205843101574,0.0,0.19978491014962044,0.1361578337015222,0.0,0.08359882290211053,0.0843234905032746,0.08770948835780595,0.0,0.060472367676704164,0.05336023995799809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966610289830977,0.060555158427661876,0.0385305164604912,0.08649077573889283,0.0,0.13342837256827367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884057988228556,0.049648872283183626,0.0,0.0,0.05375206774535656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940256040806487,0.057161056527566936,0.0,0.060478721766719125,0.0,0.0,0.03642664218704584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882496182508196,0.0,0.05408787595658593,0.04521818614996756,0.05692782670625685,0.0575464143907994,0.04531089197332843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703604497797696,0.0,0.2276084421515985,0.0,0.0481781798990943,0.04377441132133175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060630961469684,0.0,0.0,0.19540240882424895,0.059443511314009864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502556178514153,0.0,0.03777595248211437,0.0364342624375649,0.0,0.13542395765637316,0.3315613328636945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860491789259075,0.0,0.1110899597506142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046916318061057234,0.03353811825019735,0.0,0.22805250716223385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279103764765698,0.0,0.0,0.08078491155264828,0.0,0.0,0.10984994841329056 ptsd,ricechexwithwater,2019/03/25,"Veteran Dad I’m sure this will be long and convoluted as it’s a very complicated and emotional subject, but please bear with me. My dad is an Army vet. Fourteen years ago, he did a one year tour in Iraq. He came back with severe PTSD, which is sadly pretty normal. He potentially already had PTSD from childhood abuse, plus a family history of mental illness, so the odds were stacked against him. In the fourteen years since, he’s become an alcoholic along with many other vices and struggles. Nine years ago, a few years after retiring from the military, he was unfairly let go from a job he liked and that just crushed him again, and he’s never recovered from that either. He spent several years unemployed, then held down a factory job for a few years, but after leaving that he hasn’t been able to hold a job. He’s using a temp agency and he’ll take on a new job (usually manufacturing, which he’s honestly getting too old for) then suddenly leave after a couple weeks for any number of reasons, without seeking out a new job first. He’s had half a dozen different jobs in the last couple months. My mom works, but she can’t keep up with the bills on her own and it’s frustrating that he seems to take any reason to leave a perfectly good job, and in an irresponsible way. As I mentioned, he drinks. The severity has fluctuated a lot over the years, but as far as I know he hasn’t been sober for any significant amount of time in years. He usually drinks nightly or almost nightly. It’s destroyed his relationship with my younger sisters. It makes them incredibly uncomfortable, and he’s incoherent while drinking and forgets any conversation he has anyway. For his birthday this last year my mom gave him his presents in the evening, and the next morning he saw them in the kitchen and was like “Oh hey, what’s this?” It was devastatingly sad. He has a family history of mental illness, and I know he struggles with severe depression and anxiety because of the PTSD. He drinks because of the flashbacks. He now seems to have grandiose delusions and has delusional parasitosis (he believes he has a parasite in his body despite absolutely no medical evidence and many doctors visits, a relatively rare condition). He’s religious and believes God speaks to him and that he has some kind of special relationship with special revelations. He’s even attributed his drinking to some kind of message from God. He once accused us of being manipulated by Satan when we tried to have an intervention about his alcohol abuse. It’s incredibly hard to maintain a relationship with him as he doesn’t make much sense and tends to alienate people with strange statements. He’s been on some medications but won’t consistently see a psychiatrist or therapist. He says they don’t understand his struggles. I get that most people wouldn’t understand what he’s going through, but many specialists are trained to help vets with PTSD. We even live near a post where he can get medical care and surely there are resources for him. He just refuses to try. He’s destroying his body and mind with his vices, and destroying his relationships with my family. Please understand that I’m coming at this with the utmost love and compassion for my father. I have PTSD from my own difficulties, it’s not that I don’t understand. We’re just at the end of our rope with him. We’ve considered having him admitted to a psychiatric hospital, where he could get the intensive care he probably needs, but he won’t agree to that and having him admitted without his consent is difficult. What can we do to help him? How can we convince him to get help? Maybe this is party just to get this pain off my chest, but any advice would be dearly welcome. Tl;dr: Veteran father has severe PTSD, delusions, alcoholism. He won’t seek or accept help. What can we do?",6.424589280904929,7.5738534585091415,6.756763324056617,73.56396983571237,65.75105485232068,10.608025855103687,34.115001346619984,10.628707181202255,3.824091516294103,3063,135,543,81,47,991,327,711,0.141,0.721,0.138,-0.7747,11,0,8,0,2,0,77.0,7,0,3,3,19,30,4,3,41,0,51,20,3,8,4,108,90,47,0,5,19,7,1,2,0,7,10,2,1,0,29,48,9,4,14,5,2,5,15,12,0,5,15,5,49,18,88,63,12,71,1,3,2,1,103,22,0,11,44,333,78,10,0.047030485510436405,0.1114468696959296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595764613041405,0.08337937549576876,0.15078385838008748,0.0470942376991453,0.0,0.051899310247873885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599117144558197,0.0,0.0359781926873842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036163540338905294,0.0,0.05733869489195517,0.05194147624868901,0.0,0.1059745040051876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448053427615582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053790346359640924,0.095901428790881,0.0,0.0,0.04051259890345825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03755001577464768,0.10407667536633393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04050728825569338,0.0,0.0,0.049136847429824285,0.0,0.0481376947722371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23035985553697974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290296606895024,0.04165505077458387,0.0,0.0,0.0931895763737116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330084683996516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040004106949642536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742892540498573,0.0,0.05345701746708981,0.03944693989988244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04213007728856525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126094172310234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32669349962301664,0.04180285644195483,0.0,0.09795002682604306,0.0516934497661662,0.0766722455325786,0.0,0.14939548046857568,0.0,0.048091857847302535,0.0,0.04595343923763215,0.0,0.041528780344152735,0.04162049971366583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03998363695489565,0.04244684936591697,0.0,0.06278642855184273,0.1430445917429814,0.04724844402213176,0.0,0.0,0.14213479888123526,0.0947913354125496,0.0,0.047487383481179334,0.11016307243499164,0.03753928483742603,0.0,0.03457281824718958,0.034872509084870516,0.03627280976311285,0.0908446719429686,0.05001745488957439,0.08826984943816557,0.04607989028266241,0.0,0.0,0.04935058316399568,0.05008593215961348,0.03186907414040345,0.0,0.050043752478880994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521003392511826,0.0,0.0,0.1032507002014458,0.0,0.0,0.04504220469204138,0.0478469115288572,0.05070681785208647,0.0,0.3298567247572204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671034404205868,0.0,0.2019725630813797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03740052974336668,0.0,0.0,0.037477207894332135,0.08562957533439222,0.0,0.265655309656588,0.0,0.038904103613860284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749942460604698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865135202130503,0.0,0.0707221441754188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546060185519707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02742385431028132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386122499887603,0.0,0.0,0.1958415761420755,0.05657188335810731,0.04061923926289111,0.10359487074560043,0.03880507597700447,0.0,0.037330610309275265,0.03772501864131756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067141949054297,0.0,0.034238753581976734,0.0,0.0,0.03340910753606418,0.0,0.0,0.30286090713684494 ptsd,Astarinasya,2019/03/25,"[NSFW][Possible Trigger] Need help in developing a character with PTSD Well, the title says it all. I know that this is a sensitive topic and a major mistake of PTSD portrayal (minor ones can be used as a plot device) means disaster for the novel that I will write. The main character is a former soldier who has been diagnosed already with PTSD because of war from the southern part of the country. Overprotective for his family, he tends to look at any threats that might arise and hurt him and his loved ones. However, a terrorist attack at the airport made it worse, as his parents died and her sister is fighting back for her survival at the hospital. He only trusts few people, especially from the government. Now here lies my problem, the main character will be forced to go back to the world where his own person was destroyed, in order to know the truth and give revenge to those who are responsible. Of course, violence due to war made him traumatized but he will use violence as a tool for the objective of vengeance to succeed. Is this plot realistic at all - that the main character must use the act that traumatized him? Or not? Tell me why. I also had to add that he will go to different places while the plot progresses and making his PTSD worse (but I read that travelling reduces PTSD symptoms showing up). Additionally, does people with PTSD tend to be more violent and brutal when it comes to self-defense? Are they really cold to the people that they interact with? I am asking these questions as aside from making my main character a badass one, I want the reader to be sympathetic at him and paint him as an anti-hero, while immersing himself/herself on the perspective of someone who has PTSD. If you can add what are the things that I do not know about this disorder, do it, as I'm currently researching it for my novel writing. Thanks and have a good day, everyone.",7.142876190476192,7.6905189257142865,7.261428571428571,72.68690476190478,64.02857142857144,11.123809523809523,34.66666666666667,10.914260884657429,3.935895238095238,1504,63,264,39,21,485,193,350,0.179,0.736,0.085,-0.9884,4,0,0,0,2,0,43.0,0,1,2,3,9,18,8,0,29,0,28,3,0,8,4,47,52,23,3,6,6,2,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,1,24,17,0,0,5,5,0,5,2,11,1,3,5,3,26,7,47,37,11,28,0,1,1,1,36,12,0,4,10,192,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946435315439084,0.06858603759132946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058322969299808174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017846152439839,0.0975697816843789,0.0,0.13189559377409255,0.0,0.0522813940375596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387873584316536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531116699819859,0.0,0.0,0.0870494133806888,0.08901026739961389,0.08960590704350067,0.0982938309464556,0.0,0.07505330849735785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195189160558704,0.0,0.0,0.08085137107774355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227336077230431,0.09748416490943712,0.07193540112371967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748630240724415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918129360294962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140218685540296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202078749799201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740603309978028,0.16230535558230005,0.11449726986341037,0.0,0.0,0.09342295282686368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098284380886612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359347355149833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434923754922108,0.06522795518274067,0.0,0.0,0.09523160252729768,0.09287486383093924,0.0,0.17837543138708956,0.07488646941814499,0.08960590704350067,0.0,0.0,0.0966868664182987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206528057717817,0.7017808017678633,0.0,0.09607614538668642,0.0,0.08578795666061069,0.0,0.054943093381596544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682035695584262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947133624090693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726681922412451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891424113897972,0.0,0.0,0.07496216955093732,0.07896065664253518,0.0,0.0,0.05697828732459095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221961529582096,0.0,0.0,0.05058627016461383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711280793632551,0.0,0.07738934476735376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480320958362552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OpalMagnus,2019/03/25,"How I feel in control with PTSD? So I’ve heard part of healing from PTSD includes regaining control of your life. Now, my problem is I feel very unsafe in this world and my family doesn’t make me feel any better. I explain to them that I feel like I could be sexually assaulted at any moment if I’m not on my toes. And they just agree with me and tell me “that’s what being a woman is”. So how do I feel like I have control in a world that feels so unsafe? Sure I can try to take control of things unrelated to the trauma, but how do I ride this fine between protecting myself and not being hyper-vigilant 24/7. ",5.368830146231723,4.698863858267721,6.5376827896512975,80.50503937007876,67.8976377952756,9.461867266591675,29.95388076490439,8.841846274778883,2.1563597300337465,478,15,101,7,7,162,79,127,0.05,0.851,0.099,0.5993,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,5,8,8,1,0,3,0,11,3,1,8,1,29,22,12,0,3,5,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,6,0,5,7,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,7,19,5,15,17,1,10,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472402884277928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266241876281302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6423192442197635,0.11431136204798548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349700204116028,0.0,0.4343530364054604,0.20456451514243626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112676814415787,0.13989342272366487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556856392501753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504155464393074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699647200707404,0.3347213106733519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493811637481118,0.0,0.10764768617093852,0.0,0.1251388247288881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511725652522894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972045345531266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181320699284996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway6146587,2019/03/25,"How to deliver bad news to my wife who cannot handle stress well (likely due to probable PTSD) My wife and I have been involved in a legal conflict for while now. My wife also has a very hard time dealing with stress. She has been diagnosed with probable PTSD and has been in therapy a few times with different therapists (at my recommendation), but each time it only lasts for a few weeks before it goes wrong. Each time she ends up worse than she got in and no longer has any trust in therapists (she is continuously stressed and depressed for months after such attempts before she stabilizes). She is also unemployed due to disability and limited in the activities she can do, which adds to the problem. She is reasonably stable right now, though she still gets stressed and depressed on days (sometimes including angry outbursts) where are several tasks for her to do (and she doesn't allow me to take over because it makes her feel irrelevant). Unfortunately she is also quite isolated, and she has no people she would trust to discuss her issue/the legal issue with. She also doesn't fully speak up with her doctors because of earlier bad experiences (in her youth) and because she is worried they might contact CPS about her mental health (if that were to happen I'm afraid she might commit suicide). The legal conflict was devastatingly stressful for her so I have taken control of the situation and basically made sure she hasn't had to deal with it at all. It has dragged on for years at this point. Originally we expected it would go in our favor, but there is now a surprising turn where at this point our lawyer essentially recommends us not to let this go to court and to make a choice: either spend thousands to delay the issue (with a tiny chance it might resolve it) or give in to our opponents (whose guts she hates with a fire that puts the fires of hell to shame) and spend tens of thousands. Obviously I cannot make this decision without informing her, but I know doing so will devastate her and make her extremely miserable for months if not longer (especially if it further drags out). There is not going to be any good solution, but does anyone have a recommendation how I can soften the blow? Especially perspectives from people with similar mental health issues would be incredibly valuable.",11.019503546099294,8.780926423167852,10.201004728132386,63.78250000000001,57.817966903073284,13.655319148936169,40.99408983451536,12.161744961471696,4.9311267139479895,1859,74,317,45,18,596,218,423,0.205,0.6940000000000001,0.101,-0.9954,3,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,5,0,1,5,20,26,2,8,16,0,43,5,1,11,4,73,62,31,1,8,13,3,4,1,0,7,4,1,0,0,18,27,0,5,6,0,2,4,11,16,1,3,9,5,44,10,60,43,6,51,1,3,0,0,47,24,1,7,24,236,62,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24289833583898074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327577362409317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053094985875011935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680383655196414,0.13886642295986745,0.0,0.12922889012718605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516670651108854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897130264773023,0.156569733496328,0.13080409856954756,0.07707165477293088,0.0,0.07933511858454492,0.0,0.07772191182180033,0.06645056477035241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725519779360148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427825694976455,0.0,0.0,0.0383946331014669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03967250611163326,0.07284304181030261,0.1294655347797155,0.0636900374861062,0.06073154811882945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714839728602247,0.0,0.068022163661148,0.07496934087342401,0.0,0.16142909166189265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23776685336761805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173147222255237,0.0618965400675912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764790467511823,0.0,0.03709763387335677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185081350595215,0.20274677824109288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304770715057026,0.24166268522558546,0.0,0.0,0.12121997115950722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775141093028485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052864814280161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356480104126002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373990672012415,0.07265881213728104,0.17752612512024196,0.07633488395799694,0.0,0.08076541072616514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807304512043152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484742570571743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578407690611085,0.0,0.0,0.08535326681051758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510090458045365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060641181818745685,0.0,0.4349120744330132,0.0,0.0,0.08305973347732525,0.0,0.07156712216158166,0.0,0.057093098033234965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683742069705264,0.1763310095722984,0.0,0.0,0.0746050048504971,0.0,0.17711146298986175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259464759982661,0.0,0.0,0.09133954068128414,0.0,0.0,0.06265370013236388,0.0,0.0,0.06090986671026239,0.0,0.06827400072012726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073197897237757,0.0,0.0,0.07711490623161217,0.07738347737802334,0.16182451541866916,0.0830221706267016,0.0,0.04889916068921553 ptsd,isapink99,2019/03/25,yikes hooked up w my ex and right before i was abt to cum i started disasociating and curled up into a ball and started whispering nononono. my body is so dumb i hate everything ,1.1791428571428604,3.827837200000001,3.3228571428571456,83.70714285714288,91.28571428571428,6.2285714285714295,24.142857142857146,7.554174236665415,1.5613999999999997,142,6,28,3,5,48,28,35,0.227,0.773,0.0,-0.8489,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344399148872236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43656816230591583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532303728986149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880361420141081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356458066355125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.556377867668881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rockiestyle18,2019/03/25,"Will I be normal again? I’m pretty new to this thread so sorry if this post doesn’t make sense. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and have been through ups and downs. But right before I got with him, I was sexually assaulted by a friends uncle. I blamed it on myself, and thought I could deal with it but I brought that trauma into my relationship. Now almost 2 years later, during my relationship my boyfriend has somewhat emotionally cheated on me in the past year and has said inappropriate things to other girls on social media and things like that. It pretty much devastated me. Now I feel like I have trauma from being cheated on as well as my sexual assault. My bf is extremely supportive in fixing things and has even gone to therapy himself. But we’re still struggling with our relationship especially sexually because whenever we do have sex I cry pretty hysterically after. Sometimes I can’t pinpoint why but sometimes I feel like deep down I feel like I have to have sex in order to keep him around. Which kind’ve relates back to my assault. But I also feel like I put up this barrier now and when we have sex I feel very emotional and hurt that I’m not normal again yet. Even though it’s been almost half a year since the cheating.",4.5924787071412965,6.435094908713694,5.367630487005896,79.17131469753221,70.86721991701245,8.061236077746234,28.036907621751475,8.6894789155246,2.172107053941909,1007,37,185,18,19,327,136,241,0.202,0.6659999999999999,0.133,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,0,0,0,16,18,6,1,4,0,21,3,0,1,0,39,36,20,0,4,7,0,5,5,2,1,0,1,0,1,15,16,0,2,6,0,0,3,3,10,1,1,9,6,32,8,30,23,2,37,0,1,0,3,15,15,0,5,22,135,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970380445212208,0.0,0.0,0.07907321790471453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880229589005108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603157576556807,0.0,0.06027550516516227,0.0,0.0841384454390445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894655342405628,0.0,0.10861355022765913,0.0,0.1019395428237544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245033728445107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061682697027532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499800732777715,0.28255569934647834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763933970285841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908228636484854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585163616522672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788788423362273,0.0,0.10296689450302247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415355607015647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660022643628337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268718232109851,0.0,0.0,0.0954976129687622,0.0,0.0,0.19376015934624427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439085646321274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469841079157013,0.3017853931027645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940035022624663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184759862124318,0.0,0.0844418238713199,0.09405623583051832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179343819185013,0.0,0.0,0.10079432805390222,0.0,0.0,0.19558701947363014,0.1106865494742732,0.0,0.0,0.07896461484415929,0.0,0.0,0.10336943020710007,0.0,0.0,0.11220631631520436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307634966446667,0.0,0.19707173738337028,0.0,0.09714776817962734,0.07849860049137933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158523879533286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890377807689988,0.0,0.089222598902049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546984260015153 ptsd,domino682,2019/03/25,Smart watch? Does anyone have any experience with wearing a smart watch to help you realize when you've been triggered? Like something that beeps and displays something on the screen to make you aware?,6.607619047619046,9.382441,4.46857142857143,83.80476190476192,67.57142857142857,6.9523809523809526,31.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.2528095238095247,165,7,27,2,3,46,29,35,0.0,0.722,0.278,0.879,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,2,0,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,4,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735892894530135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813093322725493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520702321813627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935431288011885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696645389920282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655171654762504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685496561844581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6194464133028046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,safudah,2019/03/25,I think i have ptsd. I thought maybe I was just really depressed after my asthma attack put me in the hospital but I haven't left my house in months and I've been having nightmares almost every night so I've barely been sleeping. I literally don't talk to anyone anymore. Someone mentioned to me that PTSD could be what's wrong and I'm going to a doctor on Wednesday so I'll ask. I honestly thought only soldiers got PTSD but I was very misinformed about that. Does anyone have any advice as to what I need to tell the doctor,1.7377987421383665,4.2581560188679255,3.3285849056603776,86.93143081761008,83.15094339622641,5.420125786163523,22.040880503144656,6.816661863887847,0.7906125786163529,422,14,79,5,12,139,70,106,0.122,0.8340000000000001,0.044,-0.787,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,11,4,1,0,0,11,19,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,7,0,13,1,11,10,0,10,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,49,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840182093045556,0.0,0.0,0.1520719884141269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327417355541957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506103895858774,0.21237665306239173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197432761545775,0.17276964270524695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125274434447715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080207199997415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108828306533677,0.13289907048148308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795376129056976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630901929915513,0.0,0.12146121438978245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523311974598932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500299051540668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525699360040718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121809307840788,0.0,0.0,0.11260680831918865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425160717838847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155010323562118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325701240357081,0.15266740257798214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728932922455458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197580214139067,0.0,0.12867567594000434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220642396860972,0.13273768810532344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973096816099794,0.0,0.2411294812492759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530545885641198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660417687009106,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Jeff_B2000,2019/03/25,"I think I have PTSD.... and I hate it. I think I have PTSD... and I can't live with it. I'm an 18 years old dude who lives with his parents. Two/three years ago, I got into a little fight with my dad, and I wasn't even trying to harm/hurt him! I was just yelling and defending myself! I don't know what he was thinking, but he got so angry and so mad, that/so he suddenly grabbed a knife and stabbed me in my thigh, but it doesn't/didn't stop there! he let me bleed and didn't help me at all, he didn't even call an ambulance or 911 either! I was the one who did, it was like he didn't care at all. And it's been haunting me since then. ""Fun fact: He's been bullying and abusing me since the day I was born (Physically and mentally)"" So please help me... I'm really sick of this shit.",0.21971491228070408,1.7867709239766114,2.2412828947368446,98.0292927631579,82.4502923976608,5.912426900584795,18.874634502923968,6.9077264865688965,-0.1407400584795324,592,14,152,7,16,198,97,171,0.266,0.6629999999999999,0.071,-0.9907,1,0,0,0,2,0,36.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,6,0,17,4,2,0,3,27,27,17,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,9,14,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,14,2,23,3,9,12,3,14,0,0,0,0,17,5,1,1,10,89,32,0,0.0,0.18556662585757067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388323370506145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992440812311093,0.0,0.15968240834577554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100560227216226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068893192477903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25052331724924976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462777213295534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099553819659041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676627235208543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607311338772973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015243525986275,0.0,0.07651560505148708,0.15697230169773105,0.2765929869711212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783402729060705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434416196403198,0.0,0.1061283564729036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739056666247188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191944561645833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36615593658594187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033345052879744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076604509448572,0.2591119251472721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093959471846195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30106331918229745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633328758811593,0.0,0.15299295119834214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171361221678166 ptsd,Momifier,2019/03/25,"Sharing Thoughts I had Rapid On-set Psychosis back in November of 2017. I would have severe psychotic episodes almost everyday for 2 and a half months. My delusions destroyed my relationship, my thought process even to this day, and ripped through my self esteem. Some people don't realize just how scarring this stuff is they think; oh, you recovered that's good now you're normal again and stuff. In all honesty though you never recover from mental scars this deep you can only move on, and try your best to rationalize thoughts. &#x200B; with that said I'd like to share some experiences I've had post brain injury. I was sitting at a table at work with some guys I didn't know too well just chatting, when one of them for seemingly no reason said something about Paris. (we were talking about skiing so it was very out of place(theres no skiing in paris)) just the smallest thing but it kinda triggered some memories. I just had this overwhelming feeling to fucking run and just go, I was screaming internally. I struggled to make any response to him, he might have been thrown off at my darting glance towards him as he spoke the word Paris. I won't get into why Paris is a bit of a soft spot for me especially talk about going to Paris as it is very much TMI. But it is completely irrational and that's a fact. I have not been diagnosed with PTSD, I am in touch with plenty of doctors however though I don't like to share much with them. I am sure I don't have PTSD aswell but I can get pretty close to the feeling of it I think. Much of what I feel however is impossible to explain as it is mostly deep in my mind. At times the feelings can be absuredly euphoric feelings, I can only describe as this looming gray. Thought I'd share Thanks!",4.792908011869437,6.326288860534126,4.828624332344216,84.45309673590508,69.89020771513353,7.884581602373887,30.393946587537087,8.364918446050245,2.177906445103857,1394,57,268,21,25,433,191,337,0.07400000000000001,0.805,0.121,0.9523,2,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,1,4,3,2,19,16,2,2,9,0,33,4,1,4,4,59,57,18,0,2,9,0,7,2,0,3,2,4,0,2,18,15,0,0,16,3,0,4,9,5,1,2,17,13,34,11,48,36,11,32,0,1,2,1,26,17,1,9,11,183,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366070019887652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121642810317786,0.12578858421769962,0.07039740359060495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960077700268782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863824489636408,0.0,0.11301743591213187,0.0,0.0,0.11556297265164775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853914166520076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676207663954349,0.0,0.0,0.10507099963626017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059574884283658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837423012590027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012627889195373,0.0,0.0,0.2617150554587191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570291685001403,0.10817024462510916,0.0,0.11766602735099953,0.08682797748733971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102501444844721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689208977846445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114965058678352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910065291054568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432418785950308,0.1098187566978828,0.10452606651622157,0.0,0.08262897418728732,0.11002577376856837,0.2282981563634404,0.0,0.07984129358342205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142798620721452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014808395856223,0.1574638171381439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176799229508424,0.0,0.10815675672850722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914390178063906,0.10531743571517772,0.0,0.0,0.2420195528808975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064361848674322,0.0,0.11114213931929487,0.0,0.0,0.19694316153967892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424105974069774,0.10799432612499994,0.1169485557297854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969504078031424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822197067414413,0.23701212039422484,0.0,0.0,0.09756672655805984,0.0,0.0,0.16641150927344472,0.0,0.09530765117375486,0.0,0.0,0.06877433602654164,0.1326633502594899,0.20341648198950885,0.3287344516969544,0.06036356205861959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028353809686602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083029871911018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307724773738786,0.0,0.09341103518228784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753640645574971,0.0,0.0,0.07353790292417936,0.0,0.12578858421769962,0.0 ptsd,PurpleDynamica,2019/03/25,"Help. Last May, I [17] was talking with my mom [43] and she confessed that her dad used to rape her since she was an 8 year old until she got married. Anyway he did not care and tried to rape her again. She has been telling me little by little but I don’t know what to do. Also she’s depressed not only because of that thing that happened to her but also by the loss of her little sister. When she just told me about it I got stressed and talked with my dad [48] about it, bad idea to do that. I’m angry with my grandparent and I don’t talk to him like I used to do before. What should I do? How can I help her?",-0.17729323308270395,1.6863286766917334,1.6007142857142895,100.50678571428571,85.54135338345864,4.100751879699248,16.26691729323308,4.65589566412798,-1.0908857142857142,466,9,115,1,14,152,77,133,0.189,0.752,0.059,-0.9634,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,2,1,2,0,14,2,0,3,0,20,23,11,0,1,5,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,7,0,25,2,17,14,0,9,1,2,0,2,26,3,0,1,7,82,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540648817296534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263327484383258,0.09683360243057096,0.0,0.13516981321758764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619583571889567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681743729547935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540940189939822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047069985788888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294787007812135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793225310516317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872999110348419,0.12948410764058946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760617980299724,0.4776288704028626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860434245809257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668655464949095,0.0,0.0,0.12081272880724901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140252003855227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819623578267252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38303330070970737,0.1388420691004082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553300889414892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151788165488999,0.0,0.10784885292424096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743911261479999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022943153091056 ptsd,scbirch,2019/03/25,"I think I might be forgetting something important, but I don’t know what. TW: mention of assault, surgery and bleeding, and miscarriage. This is gonna be a weird one, and my thoughts are a bit tangled in my head but hopefully I can explain it well enough. I am terrified of rape. Terrified. Way beyond what is a healthy dose of fear. I think about how afraid I am all the time. I get crazy anxious when someone is even just near me and walking the same direction. It’s worse with older men who leer, I know that much. That just instantly makes me afraid and uncomfortable. In fact in work once I got a burn, I’m so friendly with the first aider in real life, and he took me to the first aid room and I felt this wave of fear grab me, and he said he was leaving the door open so I felt safe, it’s standard practice, but I was relieved instantly, and annoyed I’d even been afraid. I’ve not been raped. I have been groped, assaulted etc. But not raped. And it’s never been violent when it’s happened. Last year my baby passed in the womb and I needed surgery. Surgery went very, very wrong. I was in so much pain and completely fetal, and blood was pouring out of me. This triggered PTSD. And is particularly worse when I see bleeding from myself ie periods. My fear of rape/assault has only got worse since the PTSD started. I recently went to a specialist miscarriage grief therapist, and it’s shaken loose some feelings and fears. She’s under the impression there’s more trauma in my life I’ve suppressed, and maybe that’s why I’ve kind of fractured and got PTSD from that surgery. I don’t know. I just feel like there’s something important I’m forgetting. The therapist specialises in pregnancy etc so can’t help with this. I feel like I would remember something happening if it’s really bad, and part of me’s just imagining it all or whatever. No clue what I hope to get from saying this. Advice, maybe? For someone to tell me to grow up and get over it? No clue. Just feeling a little lost and a little scared.",2.0144150899185718,4.49912168513854,2.991050319254878,90.06244215335953,81.51889168765744,6.715693281002871,25.10157577177669,7.9007802657071995,1.5286333430964794,1587,63,323,30,43,504,197,397,0.235,0.638,0.126,-0.9954,0,0,3,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,0,4,20,32,7,8,16,0,25,12,3,3,4,74,60,35,1,5,13,0,7,2,1,3,6,2,2,1,22,26,0,2,15,0,0,6,8,22,1,3,19,10,37,10,35,36,12,38,0,2,1,4,13,18,0,6,15,199,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985546935050572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923199128949368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823247138296837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921666260782869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568146944349549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443821510719984,0.1822779614587494,0.10795007993200564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678291790219311,0.1652795862075882,0.11676102932984835,0.15692730595692062,0.0,0.0,0.13902133835777253,0.0,0.0,0.06313637765362194,0.0,0.1280853897591661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960759421043184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452878464298324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838679088290877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477494040721533,0.0,0.0,0.16233204818915256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509841151233287,0.13473290217181544,0.0666123993359766,0.0,0.08652928087895334,0.0,0.0,0.11544197226084135,0.0798481595027243,0.16380906058360434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892066214095536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454848260310826,0.0,0.16419668939360604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669160546115792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201466506820061,0.060594064641600484,0.06302721075129368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702873095618853,0.05537533114786298,0.06215145536250213,0.08695544003540487,0.0,0.0,0.08849438768263636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286577596893898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301482114315496,0.05235168274426665,0.0,0.08068826852123008,0.0,0.09257240203994632,0.0,0.07773407463280857,0.06498672382260208,0.08181559825754132,0.0,0.06511995888248527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675993162254137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848154196164394,0.1887352736530596,0.0,0.0,0.05784156943645186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142655203077976,0.0,0.0,0.1897655605970765,0.0,0.10472526884902188,0.0,0.06487625211967063,0.04765136906996925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907935074874642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485449391956525,0.0,0.06486523263024972,0.0,0.0,0.07347575478803108,0.15150981760130527,0.07373924866058294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059492858479008176,0.0,0.2498378305870953,0.05805127519593194,0.08934757867703627,0.0,0.0526247576272784 ptsd,anitasnackita,2019/03/25,"Venting I have PTSD from a sexual assault by a close friend. My current boyfriend was the first person I could talk to about it. But in order to preserve his mental health he told me a couple months after I told him (before I was going to therapy) that he couldn’t be with me if I wasn’t seeking help. Looking back this is understandable, but it kind of just gave me the mindset that I needed to be fixed in order to be with him. I’ve become super paranoid that he doesn’t actually care about me and is just manipulating me to fit into his life. Tried explaining this to him today and he was upset, saying he felt like he was backed into a corner. He couldn’t sit back and do nothing and just watch me waste away, but saying something then broke trust. We’re stuck. Don’t know what to do.. I was assaulted almost 2 years ago and this is the most angry I’ve felt at the guy that raped me. He’s caused me so much pain that I can’t trust someone that’s actually looking out for me. 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If I could I would lay in bed day in and day out, but instead I go to school, go to work, and try to make my friends and family happy before anything else. I've had people say they don't believe me when I tell them what happened to me because I'm ""fine"" and ""functioning."" But I can't go a day without looking over my shoulder or wanting to cry because I smell his cologne, or a night without imagining him at the foot of my bed talking to me like he's actually there. Because i go through day to day activities like normal or so everyone thinks, I don't feel supposedly deserving of the title PTSD I was given a few years ago. Anyone else ever feel this way? 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I went through lots of therapy that helped a lot and my life has completely turned around. My boyfriend has been a constant support for me, however we were apart for a few months and it has left me feeling like he will leave again, even if it's irrational. I hadn't had a PTSD episode in months, and at their worst, I had visual and auditory hallucinations, I was completely convinced that I was back in that basement. Last weekend after a drunk argument with my boyfriend I became terrified he was going to ask me to leave and he was going to break up with me. That started the cycle in my brain which eventually pushed me too far down the rabbit hole. Tunnel vision, heart beating out of my chest. I thought I was back being hurt again, something I hadn't felt in months. The next morning, I woke up feeling nothing. I was completely numb. I've felt this way in the past, but something always kicks me out of it fast and I usually feel a flood of emotions that end with optimism, a goal for progress and love for the man I'm with who helped me through it all. This time is different. I don't feel angry, or sad, or happy, or depressed, or motivated. I feel nothing. I'm completely numb. It's been a couple days, and I've slowed down a little at work. I get things done but the spark isn't there. I feel drained of all my energy. I DO NOT feel depressed, this is more an absence of any feeling whatsoever. I get to see my boyfriend again next weekend but I've lost all my sex drive as well and I don't want him to take it personally. I just don't feel anything. Any advice? Anybody have similar stories/experiences? 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I don’t know what else to do so I thought I’d write here. I can’t sleep. I can’t remember the last time I slept properly, without nightmares. I’ve had massive anxiety all day long. I’ve had it -once again- for the past few weeks, but I’ve kinda just pushed it aside... You know, happy thoughts and everything’s dandy, right? Well today (yesterday if you wanna nitpick) something triggered it good and I can’t stop shaking, crying, feeling like I need to run away. Drenched in cold sweat. The goddamn fear. It’s killing me. I’m terrified, nonstop, for no reason. I don’t know what I’m afraid of, but it’s the kind of fear that can drive you insane. It squeezes my throat and my heart, I keep heaving and retching and hyperventilating. I jump at every sudden move or sound. My mind’s a mess. My thoughts run in a circle and I hate myself for being like this. I want to hurt myself just because the physical pain is so much easier to handle. I called the psych center, they gave me sedatives that ease the physical symptoms (by making me feel heavy and sleepy; yet I can’t sleep) but do nothing to the fear and self-hate. I’m wait-listed for intensive psychotherapy (trauma therapy) and all I can do is wait. I’ve had PTSD diagnosis for years, but now that things have really gotten out of hand, I still need to wait. It’s just... I don’t know how long I can take this. I have my past haunting me every moment and this constant lack of sleep combined with the senseless dread... I have a weak heart and it’s not taking it too well. My relationship is strained, too... My SO tries to understand and tries to help, but I can tell it’s getting on his nerves. Plus the fact that I apparently can’t have sex right now. I want to, but when he touches me I just freeze and start crying. I can’t control it and it makes me feel even worse and cry even more. He says it’s okay, but I feel so damn guilty for pushing him away like that. I don’t want him to think I don’t want him. I long for intimacy, but this thing is getting in the way. It’s getting in the way of everything. I exist, but I do not really live. I just struggle to keep myself from falling to pieces. I feel like I’m drowning but I don’t know how to get out of the water. 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I can't even type it out still bc it just- ruins my day/night/gives me nightmares. Suffice to say something awful happened to a friend of mine aged 15 and I read too many details on it in the news afterwards whilst raw with grief and never gotten over it. As a young highly sensitive girl with a far too vivid imagination...yeah not ideal. It's Affected my relationships/body image etc etc. But I feel- this didn't even happen to me or my family. I wasn't there. It was 7 years ago.What even is this?? Why do I feel like this? Transference, from what I've read is repeated exposure like in healthcare professionals. Am. I going to be laughed out of the room by a therapist or something? Struggling to find resources for this kind of thing and I feel kind of.. .. unentitled to these feelings.idk. apologies if wrong place to post , thanks friends. x",1.1770656871218677,3.826289792134837,2.327191011235957,90.57154710458084,92.08988764044943,5.65980985306828,21.452895419187552,7.1686216300943375,0.950351080380294,725,26,143,13,26,230,116,178,0.114,0.782,0.104,-0.4003,0,0,3,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,0,1,6,1,12,0,0,3,1,23,21,9,1,2,6,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,14,7,0,0,4,2,0,1,6,4,0,0,5,5,15,9,25,14,2,21,0,2,1,0,5,10,0,3,11,94,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612590682068633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551436390338635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448584391076126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922050714603283,0.3461039455153042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349759890381178,0.0,0.19871656279324,0.09358828858427563,0.0,0.0,0.11973400944462205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242457833497268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445180048884026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34753551806290095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384114467902733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728381118388689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800251312196853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281608178025225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010372865383114,0.0,0.0,0.12293707226738107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686984178449788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546428499771414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26207611624204424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417853111032016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025566211270008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092377022746036,0.0,0.0,0.13695236850489384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060959972892472,0.0,0.15210412369990975,0.08703231102255858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820947662492247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323078557162294,0.0,0.08436138378989552 ptsd,alexandraa1988,2019/03/26,"Symptoms years after abuse Can you have ptsd years after a trauma? Is it ptsd if I'm terrified and having nightmares about becoming like my dad and my body is shaking for hours after meeting him again. Can't stand anything which reminds me om the abuse or him it gives me anxiety, my stomich hurts and I want to cry. I have repressed the abuse so I don't remember anything but my body shakes like I'm having a epileptic seizure..",2.525238095238098,5.108520095238095,3.0809523809523824,89.59738095238096,80.1904761904762,5.6380952380952385,27.190476190476193,6.937597516519254,1.3926761904761906,344,15,65,4,9,107,56,84,0.233,0.698,0.069,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,3,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,3,4,0,9,3,2,0,0,9,13,7,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,12,2,6,13,0,10,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,9,42,15,0,0.0,0.5834366372470225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556653415823135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701462179385385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181279565882612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36464473605027603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029991519631464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745789842138988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616446864505419,0.0,0.17571510169751728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603808770456577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837413963178632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859384502016389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060414970160592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968139348426627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140136066104606 ptsd,taxidermies,2019/03/26,"Do you hallucinate? I have c-ptsd, for years I have felt like I have auditory hallucinations. I feel like it used to be worse because I would have more vague visual hallucinations but I was in a more constant-panic state at that time. Now it’s like, I can hear arguing mostly, particularly my mom screaming and It scares the shit out of me and makes me feel deeply disturbed. This especially happens if there is white noise, like if I have my space heater on the constant fan noise is going and suddenly I have to turn it off and check if around even though this will be so late at night and nothing is actually happening. Another thing that happens to me is that when I am dissociating sometimes the floor looks like it’s waving slightly, if that makes sense, imagine the floor is actually water and that’s what it can look like to me sometimes. I’d imagine these things might be because of my c-ptsd? Have any of you experienced this? It’s not something I got to ask in therapy, I was mostly trying to focus on my symptoms that make it hard to function in public with my therapist. 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I finished Cognitive Therapy in January, and I was doing really well. I was barely using my anxiety meds, I was doing well with work, and I was able to overcome most of my triggers without avoidance or running away. Then about a month ago, I saw my psychiatrist for the first time in a long time (we were corresponding via email as needed, just to maintain my scripts). She upped my anti-depressants in an effort to eventually get me completely off my anxiety meds (my antidepressant also work as an anti-anxiolytic in higher doses). Since then, I feel like I’ve been on the road to a full backslide. My depression symptoms are heightened, my anxiety is crazy high, and my thoughts towards myself are so negative and destructive. I was supposed to do training for a promotion I got at work today, but I had to have my husband call me out of work because I was so panicked and distraught that I could barely talk. I don’t know what to do. When my PTSD was first diagnosed, I ended up having to leave a job I really loved because of it. I don’t want that to happen again. Does anyone have any tips or coping mechanisms to avoid letting your symptoms ruin all your hard work? ",7.8913636363636375,7.25066225974026,8.263820346320347,70.10144480519482,62.766233766233775,11.336363636363638,38.29761904761904,10.686352973137794,4.19498528138528,966,44,168,21,12,320,141,231,0.14800000000000002,0.792,0.06,-0.9622,1,2,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,2,0,9,9,10,1,3,10,0,25,5,0,2,1,25,36,16,0,3,5,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,8,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,6,2,2,14,3,35,4,33,20,3,30,0,2,1,1,11,15,0,3,15,131,39,7,0.11812599473210272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471156701533063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446531530951613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803297271307901,0.0,0.2710981879349784,0.0,0.0,0.08259644208286733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109832605207743,0.0,0.0,0.14401701996569272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206198478994494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385285803551073,0.0,0.0,0.094313994793911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034834923420888,0.11989539812042935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337285402709416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462456967985287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059728052225563176,0.08438923423930396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009558215488684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171595677688802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447614900224588,0.0,0.0,0.11696330652721752,0.10445842702450994,0.0,0.10581768897001463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480659900161732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722182263161153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491895744311768,0.0,0.0,0.12507837237412614,0.0,0.1207918328945777,0.0,0.057710394251638764,0.0,0.0,0.10453778812963717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661332219247464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624227010961584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428704200743734,0.0,0.0,0.08758892832480977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448722793632042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808296649901527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513490740287013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771504352274324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24555627632444965,0.0,0.0949452000325108,0.0,0.0,0.1350873697586812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377884501563663,0.1377604349447501,0.0,0.1119696308960071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020229323834121,0.0,0.0,0.06967377223198447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241891125164053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386924358579485,0.0,0.42998565519388976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,flowerhatjelly,2019/03/26,"I'm so fucking pent up I have a super high sex drive. But more often than not I get all panicky when I start having sex or dissociate during. I ended up with a sweet boyfriend who has almost no sex drive. I masturbate twice a day most days. I wish I could just go out and fuck without my body going into fight/flight/freeze. I honestly can't tell horny from scared anymore. I don't feel comfortable saying any of this aloud, but I'm so frustrated by it. I'm furious about a lot of things trauma has ruined for me.",1.8213207547169823,3.81794132075472,3.4609811320754718,89.12883018867926,79.18867924528301,6.504150943396226,20.97735849056604,7.554174236665415,0.7163766037735857,404,11,85,6,10,134,81,106,0.242,0.667,0.091,-0.961,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,4,1,4,0,7,6,1,0,1,18,18,7,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,7,0,1,0,3,11,4,13,17,4,14,0,1,0,5,3,5,2,5,5,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271169278397885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542382214351392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249340548526723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25193419750683105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810889110798444,0.0,0.0,0.29254669732091904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088587528205365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146816860221216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193634119503563,0.11849859009151985,0.0,0.2578021042863955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23963666429534825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928253058701096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803679989292668,0.22707585289568244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053691462674705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824147921930216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068213780731066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608197042254643,0.21863624132871973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SirPotatoGallivanter,2019/03/27,"How can I accept my diagnosis? TRIGGER WARNING! I’m terribly sorry if my question makes no sense. I was recently diagnosed with ptsd. I just find it very hard to accept it. With the traumas I have endured I would just tell myself it didn’t happen or that I’m overreacting and that people have had worse. Since this seems like a safe place I’ll say what are my traumas. When I was a little boy my babysitter’s daughter groomed me to preform stuff on her. (sorry i would just feel really nasty going into more detail about this) The other thing is I’ve seen people die when I was younger. They were executed for belonging to a rival drug group. (I find it really weird that I feel more comfortable talking about witnessing the violence than I do the other thing) My head also tends to spin. (which am doing right now rambling on) Back to my main point is that I feel like I can’t have ptsd. I’m not a soldier,never killed, I just feel fake for being diagnosed with it. I’m an 18 year old boy and from the suburbs. The only reason I saw the violence was because I would spend my summers in our parents former home in their home country and just saw some fucked shit go down (Wrong place wrong time) 18 years old and being diagnosed with ptsd. I just can’t. People see and experience things way worse than what I’ve gone through everyday. I’m sorry for ranting I just can’t wrap my head around this.",3.1298225030084232,5.091400458483758,4.16179151624549,85.7815801744886,75.10108303249099,7.071540312876053,24.538056558363408,7.9370924344782425,1.3662468110709989,1105,36,217,17,24,358,154,277,0.198,0.733,0.069,-0.9891,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,2,0,16,16,3,0,12,0,25,8,3,4,0,40,46,11,2,4,10,2,5,2,0,3,4,1,2,2,21,11,0,1,11,0,1,3,6,10,0,0,11,10,32,6,25,30,4,29,0,0,4,1,13,12,2,5,15,141,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592657470386859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452016930269274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300597180923707,0.0,0.05787689899317033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890980738977266,0.09853674238184112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010474095803097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928733184719395,0.0,0.0,0.19202588397072556,0.06782791627465534,0.0,0.0,0.173553945492345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877740734789305,0.0,0.0,0.10791757315888917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395854644573551,0.0,0.08505105434992594,0.0,0.19487959401658267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047287610468527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504131974775664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276955348065948,0.09515869558589382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337576727695546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925523051536168,0.0,0.0,0.07220908782444438,0.0,0.0,0.10542392646359948,0.0,0.0,0.19746636476137205,0.0,0.19839226273967872,0.0,0.0897526411900262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329528929279864,0.0,0.10635885795630473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164694245660256,0.09761810631135072,0.09374561277879767,0.0,0.0,0.08108154212242351,0.0,0.07550317238042335,0.0,0.0,0.07565796814641608,0.08643332904237465,0.0,0.0,0.09745851325511508,0.07853854642216976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31884565179194946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868801054142983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631228244379744,0.08298512301128813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922945577465244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055362531320616484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833863212183083,0.0,0.07536202092826022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351181985478916,0.2023361933117224,0.2076124241326802,0.0,0.12228147267299208 ptsd,Chosen_loved,2019/03/27,How did you get past your trauma? Looking for tips. Rape and horrible psych ward stay. ,1.2541666666666664,3.640947750000002,1.2399999999999984,95.67166666666668,102.75,4.633333333333333,17.833333333333332,6.42735559955562,0.19048333333333334,68,2,13,1,3,20,16,16,0.458,0.542,0.0,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003678897844625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4827814428747431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5488187364448487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6127798982744863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mackdad42,2019/03/27,"A poem about my experience. Hi everyone, I've been working with my therapist on dealing with the aftermath of a traumatic event. Long story short, my father attempted suicide after battling with severe depression. He went missing one morning, and I went looking for him. I found him in his office at work with a gun pointed at his chest. I stood a foot behind him for 30 minutes, begging and pleading, and crying for him to put the gun down. Unfortunately, he shot himself through the chest while I was behind him. I developed PTSD as a consequence. I mentioned to my therapist that I like writing, and she suggested I write poetry about the experience. So I thought I would share this poem with you all. This week has been particularly hard for me, and I think writing this poem has helped a lot. &#x200B; **The World was a Different Place.** *A demon laughed* *at me while I* *begged my Father not to fire.* *The lights were off.* *Alone in the dark,* *I battled the night.* *The world was a Different place there.* *The womb of reality burst* *when the gun fired and an* *ungodly scream* *came through me* *and my Father swayed,* *a tortured tranquility in him* *before he fell to the ground.* *The pitch black pistol* *falling into the chair beside his body,* *aimed down to the hell* *that possessed him.* *The world was a Different place there.* *Grabbing the gun,* *sliding it to the other room,* *screaming for help.* *All in seconds,* *desperately racing to beat the clock* *of my Father’s mortal life.* *The world was a Different place there.* *The memory fades* *Blood leaked across the floor* *oozing into the carpet, through my jacket* *on my shirt, my jeans, and hands.* *Cradling my Father, I whispered to him,* *“I’m here. It’s gonna be okay. I’m here.”* *A ghost looked back at me.* *The world was a different place there.* *The memory fades.* *My phone buzzed- a text from the stranger who let me in.* *“Can you leave?”* *“No- he shot himself.”* *The phone rang. I answered.* *“You have to come outside. The police won’t come in till you come out.”* *My mission incomplete.* *My breath quickened, I looked to my Father again,* *trying to hear his final words.* *The world was a Different place there.* *The memory fades.* *I could not leave him,* *And yet- my legs carried me to my feet* *and out the door to a different place.* *I walked down stairs.* *I entered the garage.* *Police lights everywhere.* *A voice screamed, “He has blood on his hands!”* *My arms raised, guns drawn on me.* *I heard my own voice screaming.* *“Help him please, he shot himself, dear God help him!”* *I felt myself walk through the garage doors.* *Patted down, handcuffed, pushed against a wall.* *The handcuffs grated sharply against my skin* *But no one there to feel them.* *I could not breathe; the spirit had left me* *an empty husk alone in the desolate place* *where God could not be.* *The world was a different place there.* *The memory fades.* *Police asked where his office was.* *I could not say, could not remember.* *My heart fell.* *I could not remember. I could not remember.* *Why could I not remember?* *Why could I not remember* *when it was my Father dying?* *The world was a different place there.* *The memory fades.* *Sitting on a curb, the wind howling, the skies grey.* *The blood, dried and caked on my hands.* *Staring wordlessly at it.* *A deafening silence* *interrupted by police officers speaking to me.* *I heard and I responded* *but I did not comprehend.* *Jacket-less, I shivered as the rain began pouring.* *The memory fades.* *I came back to myself.* *The blood cried out the horror,* *the anguish, the heartbreak, the injustice.* *It cried these things to me and many more.* *I could not contain it, the story could not be held.* *I begged the police to let me clean it off.* *I heard an apology, but the blood remained.* *Rain will wash the blood away instead.* *Images and sounds and faces came and went.* *But no one witnessed them.* *Pictures, fingerprints, DNA, taken.* *Questions and questions and questions* *with no one there to answer them.* *The world was a Different place there.* *The memory fades.* *My mom, my brother, my step-father waiting.* *Mom sobbing as we embraced.* *The bullet pierced my heart again* *My father was not the only one shot that day.* *In the car, headed to the trauma center.* *The car stopped, and the dam broke.* *Blood, tears, and terror erupted from within.* *I could not contain it, the story could not be held.* *I understand now, truth at a bitter price,* *that fear is a sacred thing* *and always has been and always will be.* *The world was a Different place there.*",-0.3623880736517435,-2.7650586051032757,0.6960204131227208,94.58281218805496,165.42770352369382,3.6860701000093465,17.356123002149733,5.479190571086079,0.20540063108701773,3460,122,644,55,325,1067,339,823,0.098,0.875,0.027000000000000003,-0.9941,11,2,0,6,0,1,374.0,1,4,3,4,28,25,5,3,94,1,51,28,26,0,3,106,84,35,4,14,20,11,10,1,0,5,2,15,5,0,20,40,0,7,16,0,1,20,21,18,0,6,37,34,107,7,86,22,5,118,3,5,6,1,73,68,2,5,30,442,127,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557275269999395,0.0,0.0,0.06874914960944338,0.0447611198327187,0.05019813651871271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03862078529964204,0.0,0.038813624130099394,0.06353216702178739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03515314337998833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588789352447045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174845315423903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067589003690078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287915407287869,0.0,0.13613661451334602,0.026642575383665074,0.04259046320947326,0.035581635245647815,0.0,0.04287493625277576,0.4747803181654971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0394750204783586,0.0,0.08082137713945696,0.0,0.0464870545140361,0.02088839486448512,0.0,0.039665630911381485,0.04525485720144952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045296055803176964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03700709446384588,0.0,0.042397637512966886,0.0,0.046561194871837054,0.09790893026510462,0.11076122443506216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748607509553584,0.04488519281989238,0.08448785479821665,0.029179616864368468,0.02018276936875244,0.0,0.0,0.03655948110387517,0.1040740612199704,0.0,0.0,0.03512165951329859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188349559165231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967673332309728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038768154092067804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996910438962346,0.03141934635252036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5179421652714513,0.04534774989423312,0.039052831223389255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829106961998717,0.04152958549793696,0.13883539716962354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23399004459456804,0.0,0.0,0.0328526560188939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667036840187285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034538361680108966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518820392496409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959319430157219,0.05489120543513331,0.026470816126804884,0.0,0.032796809399111435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0280478762230014,0.0,0.0,0.04300685029959194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03313768733314209,0.0,0.0,0.1148888487145867,0.07455461758468486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015069848810645,0.0,0.0,0.029346587476484005,0.0,0.05019813651871271,0.0 ptsd,kaycar11,2019/03/27,"People don’t get it. I just told my sister that I was diagnosed with PTSD yesterday and went on to tell her the events that I think caused it. She didn’t really say anything and then just randomly brought up how she’s craving chocolate...So I went really? That’s all you have to say? And she goes you don’t talk about anything else and it’s hard to listen to after awhile. I told her she just doesn’t understand and she said she doesn’t and the conversation ended there. It’s so frustrating and the perceived criticism I got from that interaction makes me want to cry. I know I have emotional instability and hypervigilance, but it hurts still. My trauma literally is the only thing I talk about...I feel like if I were to be put into a social situation I’d have nothing to offer conversation-wise. And I know there’s this inner critic making me feel this shame. I have been out of the abusive relationship for 9 months now and feel so stuck and frozen in my mind. Sorry for venting. I just needed to get it out somewhere. ",2.865690463783224,5.110287059405941,4.328593017196456,82.964739447629,76.92079207920791,7.618968212610736,23.0078165711308,8.532816995589336,1.529976237623762,814,25,161,17,19,270,115,202,0.171,0.8,0.029,-0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,0,12,5,1,1,6,0,14,1,0,4,1,38,36,17,0,3,6,1,4,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,13,15,0,0,8,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,12,8,28,1,21,23,1,19,0,1,0,0,25,7,0,2,9,108,41,0,0.0,0.16827039822300466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337406091882608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589359315306966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560022284826748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414724326071254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863943104873928,0.15975331010890634,0.12578750755338095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542863717752087,0.10145906904833453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839910745614932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358631478818673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722196508264527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203527640612466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610088289436033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938376592658507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189598817162734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339964775589248,0.0,0.1133589561705058,0.0,0.0,0.1053059813480042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627195673247025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080125592806261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845874008533104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601370256180684,0.14276925958823825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196321237771848,0.0,0.0,0.15247625937162576,0.0,0.0,0.1350934792343828,0.2258799031624123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963635593760986,0.0,0.14477143746672486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897968849053618,0.0,0.0,0.11341730254783555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283004862584685,0.12413168187997088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435173339581206,0.09100063903378154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714122656584553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147847759636319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376703653569201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633078028472253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,idkidk122,2019/03/27,Why did I dream about enjoying sex with my rapist? Long story short. I was drugged and raped. I don’t remember much of it but I usually always have repetitive dreams of me being trapped in either a scary basement or a scary attic with the guy and I find myself being nice to him in the dream so that he doesn’t hurt me. Usually every time I see a crack in an exit door so I try to run for it but he always catches me every time. It makes me sick just talking about it. Anyways this dream I had last night was like no other. I had a dream about me having sex with my rapist but I was actually enjoying it. Idk why I dreamt this but i remember feeling aroused. I woke up hating myself. I’m not sure why I would have that dream but it’s making me so sick. ,0.37515723270440304,2.557067050314469,2.475125786163524,93.05029874213841,86.04402515723271,5.545911949685537,18.89622641509434,6.937597516519254,0.20709056603773626,587,16,130,8,18,197,89,159,0.271,0.5720000000000001,0.156,-0.9809,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,7,0,14,9,1,2,1,22,21,11,0,1,9,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,11,5,0,0,4,6,0,2,4,5,0,0,7,2,25,5,15,11,2,16,0,1,1,6,5,6,0,1,9,89,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.15667257484965913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26717910569237663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618576249408267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705387589880365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117835189158132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467387934170141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896866048489042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585088082081505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187092667526824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308687882808889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784360868603103,0.0,0.0,0.14208073149124434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433528568229787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802192044949596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066427437293198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36374123148198856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793669342052102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131544586836276,0.0,0.0,0.12904313084827146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723471882941975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900216989451517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35364388019212045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346112533320072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404933794283745,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,meowthofteamrocket,2019/03/27,"Targeted Advertisements knowing about my trauma (trigger warning: childhood sexual abuse) I googled a few things a long the lines of ""therapists who specialize in child sexual abuse trauma"" and now my Facebook is cluttered with advertisements that say things like ""Are you a survivor of childhood sexual abuse? Our lawyers can help!"" How messed up is that? I feel like I've been exploited. Not to mention that when I look up those things, I do it when I can feel safe and be able cope with any of the emotions that they bring up but these ads just pop up whenever which is not good for my mental health. ",5.917499999999998,7.54613375675676,5.341970720720724,81.47619932432436,67.28828828828829,9.153603603603603,30.992117117117118,9.516144504307137,2.8158009009009017,481,19,88,10,8,146,75,111,0.157,0.78,0.062,-0.8739,0,0,0,0,3,0,13.0,1,1,1,0,6,8,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,2,0,14,14,6,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,12,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,4,11,5,13,12,1,12,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,8,61,23,1,0.1860437532533746,0.6612942765167552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651613192443334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927418160544736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188138623268456,0.13290969449751042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604467344284334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977558099102236,0.0,0.0,0.1247012061717285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022447813235758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178316081327325,0.0,0.0,0.1646428671737423,0.15622989641625645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748834532164085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794945983656382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160111368481972,0.3707976086881053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kassefinns,2019/03/27,"Is ptsd possible for me? I have lived a life of crime, seen a thousand things I wish I hadn’t. Been close to death violence and fear most of my life. I recently changed my life and now I’m trying to do the right thing. But I have big issues with my nerves, get spooked super easy, I get severe anxiety when simple discussions get a little heated. Could I have gotten ptsd from the type I’ve lived? I feel so shitty, like if I died it wouldn’t really matter because I don’t matter and I don’t even feel sorry for it. I’m just numb with a bad feeling at all time",2.517077497665732,3.603307075630251,4.043977591036416,89.61948646125119,74.88235294117648,7.3056956115779625,21.625583566760035,7.793537801064563,0.7083605975723621,438,10,98,6,9,146,77,119,0.277,0.597,0.127,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,6,0,11,4,0,0,1,19,22,7,2,4,3,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,4,15,2,10,16,2,9,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,5,59,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721919012262636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885371223868634,0.10137505224658999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592355034123808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327771696997335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725933417467076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983970704279222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871339478905796,0.2522591183901421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26065495637372754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357419215453945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523882267125628,0.08124587265900722,0.1666764789501885,0.29369222896046904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874784770978464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887920454550833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653616003710936,0.0,0.16420137496413986,0.0,0.0,0.14201945356237414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787187916827972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615944744391105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22096491345666672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969709781063642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290691274001445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123701126961645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Leperosy,2019/03/27,"Nightmares Sick of the nightmares. Every single night. On a shitload of meds so I don't wake up 1,000 times. Nightmares every fucking night for 3 years straight. Sweating so much and waking up feeling like my brain is melting. I just want them to go away. Will they ever go away?",1.5223113207547172,4.251060735849059,1.6880896226415096,94.7596816037736,92.58490566037734,2.6500000000000004,23.60613207547169,3.1291,-0.03277169811320757,221,9,40,0,8,66,43,53,0.062,0.804,0.135,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,3,6,4,0,1,5,8,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,9,7,2,13,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,6,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430772690117365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26322694883726283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329149240038545,0.39733755120377023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922582801817773,0.1684531129527571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217990124511532,0.0,0.0,0.26801724333251553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519829097929768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26191682687724904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333760617214414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442558205391051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374948731159404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390789231521762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184525678780106 ptsd,Christia68,2019/03/27,IPTSD I just was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety and panic attacks because of the treatment that the narc has dealt to me. I’m super startled by just about anything that I come in contact with. I can be going down the hallway and either him or the kids will suddenly be right there and I absolutely jump out of my skin! I’m afraid when it’s time for him to come home from work because I don’t know what kind of mood he is in and I start feeling anxiety and panic. I was prescribed Propanalol to take before I get to the full blown attack. It kinda helps me but I guess I’m so conditioned to having an attack that it feels like it doesn’t work. ,3.316315789473684,4.565594954887216,4.324819548872181,87.74452255639099,73.13533834586467,7.124511278195487,26.08195488721805,7.554174236665415,1.2487600000000003,511,17,107,6,10,166,86,133,0.128,0.807,0.065,-0.7342,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,3,4,6,0,11,2,1,0,0,21,24,10,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,8,11,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,7,0,0,2,3,14,3,18,19,2,14,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,5,72,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24681666051833065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275150861300636,0.0,0.0,0.5505697796080761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966767107325309,0.0,0.1372702945396811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779234759553772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373504006617146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313511907110628,0.11524608004926888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428233955598363,0.0,0.09168110977072302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177710686763642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812849463721096,0.0,0.16181576504494036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798855579648178,0.08865651446710326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881214678094088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785453694407658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857287607871626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776525075782992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418217498952107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129155292584735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406620557928004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348838056664469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yelbesed,2019/03/27,"Peter Levine explains how trauma may heal itself by simply allowing body healing in meditation. Peter Levine on trauma self healing. It is six one hour programs. &#x200B; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9zJjxp-Rgs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9zJjxp-Rgs) ",19.550172413793106,26.751492896551728,8.803017241379315,44.86245689655177,51.06896551724138,7.037931034482759,34.836206896551715,8.07648339933343,4.225475862068966,230,8,15,3,4,53,25,29,0.181,0.8190000000000001,0.0,-0.7149,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860277150033295,0.4329174964827256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957452081129378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508626548274115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24142360039479396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716762820023493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329174964827256,0.0 ptsd,kittyditties,2019/03/27,"Just received my diagnosis letter After 6 months of tests and trials, I finally spoke to a private psychiatrist last Tuesday (UK based, the NHS failed me). At the end of the consultation he verbally diagnosed me with complex PTSD. I was relieved. I had an answer! I can start to move on! However, today I received the letter from the psychiatrist which has written, in black and white, ‘Diagnosis: Complex PTSD’. I already knew this but seeing it written down along with a 4 page letter detailing my abuse and my personality profile has made me feel sick. I feel shaky, obsessed and suddenly, completely alone. I’m taking a big step today of going to a department store with my Dad. He, along with my family and husband know the diagnosis and have been brilliant but now I feel terrified. I was feeling excited. A step forward but now I feel like crying and just staying in bed but I know that will just mean a day of hallucinations and flashbacks. I don’t know what to do. Where do I go from here? I’m so tired of being scared and tired of thinking about the past. I don’t even know who I am anymore. ",3.6311483253588506,5.929111540669863,5.0732057416267935,78.28244019138758,74.74162679425838,8.036363636363637,29.181818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.6250612440191383,868,38,157,19,19,290,122,209,0.196,0.737,0.067,-0.9861,1,1,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,3,14,0,15,4,0,1,0,39,38,14,0,0,7,2,5,1,0,1,4,1,1,1,6,15,0,0,15,0,1,9,2,4,0,0,9,9,23,3,25,27,1,31,0,1,3,0,13,8,0,1,16,105,29,3,0.0,0.16792240690073154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467856315316958,0.15639841867409734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055433684726812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859725534256638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556796083288003,0.0914016934112806,0.0,0.0,0.14384913978966807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552737290378604,0.0,0.0,0.09360883803752536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360687601059432,0.0,0.35830520056030585,0.1012492467862636,0.0,0.15525415706749726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109256479432593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115561174367817,0.11552579311955945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924027694275871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341047852997336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438141256603075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312452436630342,0.15063255290320113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352937228661812,0.0,0.1237498771022758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313407563906218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189268022881274,0.0,0.1129374556810042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031455481317866,0.15106130354105773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656048665627636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081244531082444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257869044436316,0.26867978820636296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,devyn_nicole,2019/03/27,Needing support in AZ I recently was admitted to the hospital for suicidal thoughts due to inaccurately being prescribed lithium. There the dr went over trauma I’ve been through. I’m really needing a PTSD support group in ARIZONA. MUCH LOVE ❤️ ,4.3790909090909125,7.563600545454545,5.8101818181818174,69.08027272727276,77.63636363636364,8.974545454545455,40.61818181818182,9.3871,5.2065872727272735,200,14,29,6,5,67,37,44,0.14,0.634,0.225,0.5319,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,12,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,3,7,7,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,16,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399911209909861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547197332443067,0.3943328031204337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31083062827769725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034660017216688,0.0,0.2625507241765923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29085870176965084,0.6034953995797366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110016719965968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464981158978505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,W1ndchill1836,2019/03/27,"Has anyone else worked in Greek refugee camps? Hi there, Just wondering if anyone else here has volunteered for aid work in the Greek Refugee camp called Moria, or any other place like it. I did go to Moria in early 2017 and, while I've gotten therapy and help, the few weeks I spent there have stuck with me nonetheless, albeit not as strongly as last year. It at least seems like there really isn't an online or IRL community of aid workers from that area/situation, despite my counselor telling me how many people she treated per week who were involved in aid work from this part of the world (according to her estimate, close to a 3rd of her clients). Are there others like me? Is there some support group out there or something I can do?",8.316534954407295,7.292254716312063,7.32954407294833,78.39000000000003,62.12056737588652,10.610334346504557,34.32725430597771,9.606745405546679,2.9470701114488347,589,20,113,9,7,180,103,141,0.026,0.88,0.093,0.8633,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,5,9,6,0,0,5,0,10,0,0,1,0,15,17,10,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,10,6,18,12,4,16,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,7,9,71,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033667800902695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474645890290226,0.3626262642903099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18069265658703207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956493649615444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005686156288034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861039905478275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424339321044638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593564317550725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940639971338276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162694763540988,0.0,0.12267954980828953,0.0,0.18488217100489784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336304403662845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109480581410693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362299740068373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008084560810584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546680247663402,0.0,0.20236549902963544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838881089214385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190207864574288,0.3864799285573672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395436409293645 ptsd,Msarkari,2019/03/28,"Advice on how to help my (31F) partner (37M) who deals with ptsd. Hey all. I recently started dating this man. He is absolutely incredible. He’s gentle and sweet, he’s so smart and he makes me laugh. He suffers from ptsd pretty badly however. I have no experience with this at all. I want to make our relationship work and last but I’m at a loss on how to be supportive of him. He’s made it known he has it, he doesn’t sleep, he rarely goes to work at this point and he stays home with his dogs almost all day. I love being around him and doing anything he wants to do at all. I have never pressured him to talk to me about any of it and I won’t do that. I want him to know I’m here for him though. He’s not an angry man, just a very sad man. He works in the police force and spent some time in the military also. So basically, I’m looking for any advice on how to nurture this relationship properly and make sure he’s comfortable with me. Also, anything I should be aware of. Thank you for taking the time to read this.",0.9955592469545992,2.914309534883724,3.1116943521594687,90.98844961240309,81.55813953488372,6.327796234772979,19.540420819490585,7.447530270364453,0.38564673311184894,790,20,180,12,21,268,120,215,0.058,0.757,0.18600000000000005,0.9781,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,0,4,12,14,0,1,6,0,13,2,1,7,6,37,31,17,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,10,13,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,5,0,0,2,2,20,9,32,24,5,20,0,3,1,1,34,11,0,2,8,108,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587105456994163,0.0,0.0,0.13255439475588018,0.0,0.0,0.21172040553230448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003901589387875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21786661587901973,0.1178417740443214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052755715720908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537089412498766,0.136472764852132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948810562507848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872814121975946,0.0,0.13278287190312835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274981273050753,0.10790325523550884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111616217479114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194735641106949,0.1252563820230577,0.2650839288048568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209572506429733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513711875230654,0.0,0.0,0.1346729177179338,0.0,0.0,0.309478474384874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241077639006515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070429709105624,0.2842423209775408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247055345611594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369567366346196,0.1410940877534621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021752891205334,0.12476182740811015,0.0,0.09952949102710364,0.10639797362854916,0.0,0.1218730723669041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005772005089147,0.0,0.15437780023940165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922320035092377,0.2342345324882724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891116289373775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BusySalamander,2019/03/28,"I don’t know what to do anymore I am in my thirties and was recently diagnosed with ptsd, ocd and depression. None of these were surprising to me, but it is the first time I have been diagnosed with ptsd and ocd. Previously, I was diagnosed with just about everything: adhd, schizophrenia, anxiety... I have known for some time that I have ptsd. I was sexually and psychologically abused as a child and as an adult. I have never “gotten anywhere” in life despite being considered exceptionally intelligent, being placed in the gifted program at school, and earning an academic scholarship to a well-regarded private college. I don’t have any problems with addiction, other than a smoking habit which I have been able to kick. I recently relapsed but smoke only four or five cigarettes a day. I take medication and I am in psychoanalysis via an association, which costs me nearly nothing. I can’t afford emdr. I recently broke up with a controlling man who liked to break promises and who told me multiple times that if he were me he would kill himself. I am no longer a legal resident of the country where I live and I earn very little money giving lessons. I do have health insurance which allows me to pay for doctors visits and medication at a low cost. If I were to return to the USA I would not have insurance, a car or a place to live, except perhaps with the people who abused me in childhood. I have no idea how to go on living like this or why. I am a shadow of who I used to be and now, in my mid thirties I fear I am too old to get better or “course correct” my life. I feel like a prisoner. I had a job in this country previously and had to stop because of my residency problems. After that I worked illegally as a nanny and my employers withheld money they owed me, threatened to denounce me to immigration and allowed their children to yell at me and hit me. I will not go back to that, but there are very few other jobs, if any, available to people in my situation. I am exhausted and I don’t know who I am anymore. More and more I don’t care what happens to me. I want an interesting and prosperous life and a peaceful mind. I don’t think that is really possible for me anymore, if it ever was. Thanks for reading.",5.7521079315974895,6.315301909512763,7.035091518432587,73.05625848586408,67.02784222737819,10.28309701813182,33.82839219730171,10.25414643259724,3.5309911661081035,1757,77,325,42,27,599,214,431,0.134,0.755,0.111,-0.9075,6,0,2,0,3,0,46.0,0,0,2,7,9,17,1,1,23,0,44,12,0,5,3,65,62,34,1,9,16,0,1,3,0,3,12,1,0,4,22,25,0,3,7,1,7,4,12,8,0,3,13,2,57,9,55,42,5,42,0,3,0,0,17,20,0,9,20,252,79,15,0.08912606884753807,0.21119963516340612,0.0,0.09716057054567856,0.10711221493467912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121756615890812,0.0,0.06818119871958858,0.0,0.2651673342229369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853244551984823,0.0,0.05433042433119629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788247651424866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086996713117727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996246475597233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747894119095034,0.0,0.07676415250067654,0.2713832513737215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912243080603564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061963183633605,0.0,0.0,0.08010076379807261,0.0,0.0,0.10029160597556347,0.045064818348049776,0.06367168139291181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581058863164251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656469243000375,0.08549784649394827,0.10130479767423696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881388833851544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473684346206096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061248326648488,0.0,0.0,0.1768877419063057,0.0,0.09860479005410992,0.0,0.09796271318108554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888571345940326,0.13062748592183385,0.08932773524363885,0.2360998549729557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957027565179115,0.0,0.0,0.08999192254976486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873951874308111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551886680258218,0.0,0.09352281663697457,0.0,0.0,0.06778439153302991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357758824051855,0.0,0.18623554485779992,0.0,0.0,0.100476251187679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056322229715715,0.3125508150879245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915018762752981,0.0,0.05709644190715656,0.0,0.2640037222136477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020033988743288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001814356205332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451338435772717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701171189722427,0.0,0.0,0.08205530972982215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057108386164572485,0.0,0.0,0.1559103824335774,0.0,0.0,0.08516377819759413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697630751176701,0.0,0.14707668167248544,0.052568864583096966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013503950450836,0.0,0.08042241446169056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488483960736458,0.0,0.0,0.1266252043149035,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lisdelam,2019/03/28,"My dad’s flash backs and confusion over what is real or not after coma (trigger warning regarding coma flashbacks) Hi all, this is my first time posting to this group so I hope I don’t break any rules with this and that it is ok to post this here. I’am very concerned with how my Dad is feeling at the moment and how to discuss it in a way that doesn’t make him feel like he can’t talk but also won’t trigger him. About 3 years ago he got chronic pneumonia which advanced into sepsis, within a week he was in an induced coma (he was an incredibly fit person prior to this and very independent) He was in the coma for a few week and experience very vivid dreams which weren’t very nice for him and were very very real for him. We all worked together and 3 years on he is making amazing progress, though he will never physically be the same (He now has Addison’s) I’m so proud of him. He has had occasional moments where new flash backs with occur or he will forget who he is but in general we have talked, curled up the watch a movie and take a time out (this is what he likes to do) but yesterday he had another flash back and has been sobbing all day, I don’t know what I can do to help. I love this man so much, he is my best friend and I wish I could do more, I don’t want to push boundaries, I also know he isn’t ready for therapy as it would open it all back up and stress can make him very very ill. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Be it the person or a family member, do you have any suggestions? I’m concerned the stress will put him back into adrenal crisis. Thank you for taking the time to read and apologies if this isn’t the place to post, I’m honestly not sure where else I could discuss this and would appreciate any suggestions.",5.1964285714285685,5.012700166666669,5.9440476190476215,82.98000000000002,68.16666666666666,9.19047619047619,28.531746031746028,8.841846274778883,1.9175912698412687,1380,41,295,21,21,453,177,360,0.078,0.728,0.194,0.9943,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,2,0,6,19,17,0,3,16,1,45,7,0,9,6,63,63,29,0,8,9,2,2,2,1,6,6,0,0,3,22,22,0,0,5,2,0,3,12,4,0,1,9,5,25,13,34,44,9,49,0,1,2,1,44,18,1,6,25,192,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641911085604189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788267348977692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587530673888258,0.09039769331335264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060279364006854776,0.0,0.0709426929965567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33144714525308355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047106697209603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766180430432906,0.0,0.0,0.05559769777774176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201658935865883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432898162944544,0.08127020885751403,0.0,0.08717976006552383,0.06158775415370945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733293638985537,0.0,0.0,0.06660488910391955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689492432368768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778410113281322,0.0,0.0,0.08562502688202901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475646572604413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423476300791448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780702284939353,0.0,0.1726356073751731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337356245542625,0.0,0.06648972491975802,0.08326122634778879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505488139307466,0.09007009631648569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476932848030013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866638945409472,0.0,0.0,0.08623236764362575,0.1962495181858234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750432409898835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125099831190141,0.0,0.12963693583894906,0.13858311881573182,0.0,0.07936969987428914,0.0985875484351062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469994237690846,0.0,0.15080755044108102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.569051880800296,0.050848324361100414,0.06842872186522854,0.13830338087592858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913613944579944,0.0,0.0,0.06276120659326744,0.0,0.0,0.12248085463434415,0.0,0.0,0.1110315883218697 ptsd,CandythepotatoDatz,2019/03/28,"What do I do? I am sure I have PTSD, fr, I've been struggling with too many triggers for the past couple of years. One thing that made it like this was my parents telling me that I was lying, they PRIED into my private life. They pried into every nook and cranny. And I was suffocated, I couldn't breathe, my panic attacks were getting worse, I was binge eating then purging, I loathed myself to such a degree, I cut myself, I burned myself out. I even started drinking alot recently, nothing is helping, and I don't feel like asking my parents to go to a psychiatrist is an option, considering what happened 3 years ago. I was 12 then, I had 2 suicide attempts and I was just done with everything, I was bullied, ignored, pushed away and everything was just shit.",4.412226345083488,5.904575714285716,5.114335188620903,82.197439703154,70.76870748299321,6.978107606679036,31.050711193568336,7.348242739294969,1.99627074829932,598,26,110,6,11,193,96,147,0.221,0.713,0.065,-0.9744,2,0,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,2,1,6,9,3,2,5,0,20,5,2,2,1,20,27,7,1,1,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,10,2,1,1,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,13,1,26,3,11,13,1,14,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,2,10,82,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372785181990888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515795661652258,0.18445833079565213,0.15233642354225085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940548110390092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592611964495332,0.0,0.1588360526089804,0.0,0.16591030407696908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709233184314752,0.0,0.13661044184104826,0.0,0.29144301843901843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198315510368276,0.11583327133445022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471176722294471,0.0,0.09214823497489576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338039004345546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867942105226652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114524695208864,0.15842740644409725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534213485623647,0.0,0.164385111333421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557827099664084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098706613824912,0.0,0.0,0.1902370495902611,0.36007587877984826,0.0,0.15478154167100844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953367534761686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009427383040972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643498768294168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476394556296042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950455127339867,0.0,0.17735549118405153,0.0,0.1528155891213086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171802405908585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771900469642846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523511532403284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882645054215654 ptsd,EyeOfSolace,2019/03/28,I’m going through a extremely hard time I need someone to talk to if someone’s available to private message as I don’t want to text it out here ,11.694516129032259,5.2467907096774224,11.345161290322585,68.93774193548388,61.25806451612904,13.690322580645162,53.58064516129032,8.841846274778883,5.329490322580645,116,7,24,1,1,39,25,31,0.065,0.885,0.05,-0.101,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,7,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435555719609236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693965060342021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30576215002799084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6987881446776845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314419876119796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24045234702093515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432225488501359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lumpydukeofspacenuts,2019/03/29,"Does anyone else dissociate seemingly with no trigger? I say ""no trigger"" but I guess stress is a trigger, too, now that I think of it. When I'm stressed or having an episode (I'm also bipolar) i dissociate real hard. I have been having a hard time with it today. When it happens i feel locked in my head at the same time. And my thoughts become so loud. And I lose time. I haven't lost time today or this week, but I had a terrible episode of dissociation a few months ago and had to go to the hospital. All my psychiatrists say it's borderline personality disorder, but all my therapists have said PTSD. It's funny how quick pdocs are to diagnose without knowing my background, smh.",3.1641478696741885,5.314327413533839,4.791146616541358,80.45308583959901,75.61654135338345,8.042355889724309,29.12844611528822,8.841846274778883,2.5074566416040103,538,24,104,12,12,181,83,133,0.203,0.7509999999999999,0.046,-0.9612,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,2,7,0,10,3,1,4,2,25,22,13,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,6,7,14,0,10,16,4,16,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,4,13,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341942342864396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036404632121912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052411877127207,0.1542168877554574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662282014449573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276607298440495,0.0,0.0,0.17249929630903366,0.0,0.13171368718461665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573310160111614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610317100195688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553919247135654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580546065931684,0.0,0.13309688225592822,0.0,0.26965760237097625,0.0,0.15446829106118748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271722139714828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168383944902099,0.16430115586352784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201368973838664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314208954246054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593996824551492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131511523227572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317096769662427,0.2393856794736514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702007842615718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34482098457793936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475553079208378,0.0,0.09644173519932386,0.0,0.11948937245833167,0.3510580220600997,0.0,0.2853347346712167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073130090102092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508778025686767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,brendelman11,2019/03/29,"I keep thinking about what happened. It’s been 3 years since my incident. I never talked to a therapist about it. I keep inconsistently thinking about it or having flashbacks. Particularly, when I am about to go to bed but also sometimes in the middle of the day. Still having sleepless nights here and there. Does this happen to anyone else? And what are your opinions on going to a therapist? ",3.676250000000003,6.636068569444448,4.472777777777782,79.02500000000003,78.58333333333334,6.377777777777778,25.66666666666667,7.6454224807358475,1.7735499999999995,315,12,52,5,8,101,52,72,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,9,0,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,10,13,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,12,12,0,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,6,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493365829328108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442109552072187,0.2113218709865508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301064528382614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048595854513014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722908214658203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344270132644544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647626740516177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666391896122267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906847890852235,0.0,0.0,0.19354649908996086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060758804104367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398109177331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470713026579129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577152288583802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4789315394665533,0.0,0.2643063054913634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281470096674106 ptsd,Widowednthewindycity,2019/03/29,"(RANT) Why is finding a psychiatrist so hard? I was recently diagnosed with Chronic PTSD after childhood abuse and my husband dying in bed right next to me. I moved recently and am looking for a new psychiatrist. And I can’t find one who takes my insurance, is taking new patients, isn’t offering treatments I’ve never heard of, and has an appointment before July. The anniversary of my husband’s death is soon and I always get super bad around that time. And I want to talk to someone who is actually impowered to help me. I don’t want to have another full self harm crisis before I can talk to someone. Psychologist in the past have always done nothing for me. I’m at a lose at this point I need help urgently but can’t get it. ",4.173496503496505,5.7715980979021,5.73594405594406,77.09314685314689,71.51748251748252,9.116083916083916,30.48251748251749,9.573946990214177,3.0137048951048966,580,25,107,14,11,197,92,143,0.112,0.826,0.062,-0.7866,1,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,6,0,15,2,0,0,1,15,25,8,2,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,3,3,14,1,17,22,1,20,0,1,1,0,11,8,0,0,11,69,19,0,0.0,0.16685679850648025,0.1374266988522112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343584544571569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766923949287014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536576061369326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758454405629926,0.0,0.0,0.2396665674745531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293629644913453,0.14615604487083644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411476973565027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574263937668438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715244174163386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615320351985296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878654877803672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825909253739822,0.15754923194404655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967666312182107,0.0,0.10442133076802172,0.108614354560533,0.27202291393436656,0.1497709610882232,0.0,0.0,0.13512716833569027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542792358263236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344351708156443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312690003706665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461906081044236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780990655170471,0.0,0.0,0.12026536723448075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691312605062926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386442795011772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117685421370806,0.2263825880062183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211727337710598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612665904786678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270743350939653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,frankyfriday,2019/03/29,"I’m broken, but fixable. I’ve been struggling with what I now know is PTSD for 7 years. Until today, I was of the mindset that life was supposed to feel this way. That everyone on earth felt this way and just kept it to themselves. That my daily, world shattering anxieties and emotions were normal... They’re not. I can’t describe the rush of emotions I’m feeling right now. I feel hope for the first time in years. I’d forgotten that feeling entirely. Hope that I can feel something other than constant fear and dark thoughts. I feel validated in my struggles that I suppressed for so long. Struggles that I wouldn’t even acknowledge, until today. Struggles that I made myself accept and move on from. But I also feel sad for my past self. Sad that I let myself accept such misery for years. Sad for the joy I could’ve had but didn’t. The time I could’ve spent happy but wasn’t. The opportunities I could’ve seized but didn’t. Sad for the perpetual turmoil and isolation I forced myself into. Sad for the girl that wanted to flourish all these years but was buried too deeply under darkness and misery. But there’s nowhere to look but up, from this point forward. Now I can finally start the journey of healing. My therapist wants me to write out the experience that triggered my ptsd in a story. I’m nervous to dig into that part of myself again, but knowing there’s a light at the end of the tunnel is something I never thought I’d get to know... I have no idea what to expect as I start the process of dealing with my traumas and it scares the shit out of me, but it beats living as I have the last 7 years. I’m broken but fixable. I wish I could put into words what I feel more eloquently, but just being able to share this discovery with you anonymous strangers has made me feel more peace and happiness than I’ve felt in years. Cheers to new beginnings I hope.",3.4961940757668977,5.4276800626703015,4.010203041223523,87.39745627142483,73.98637602179836,6.588344906390088,26.007647007119626,7.359569317364363,1.2545412498901285,1481,52,290,17,31,466,177,367,0.201,0.648,0.151,-0.9669,0,1,2,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,3,13,26,1,8,17,0,21,3,1,3,2,70,56,26,0,10,15,0,11,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,24,16,0,2,20,0,1,5,8,15,0,1,17,13,38,11,50,35,4,52,0,5,1,0,6,18,1,3,29,191,62,0,0.0833564341006574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666011023444557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637674439304096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007869234707636,0.0,0.26621331941840043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593682338903905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752953778787587,0.07382905911274568,0.0,0.0,0.055056138570230916,0.0,0.0,0.07965064494468449,0.0,0.08153858739610463,0.0,0.09379916283138162,0.3793276589570981,0.0,0.1600704975421823,0.09131289912696038,0.0,0.07090294026336509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043550296407650936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746894821348733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483752419207311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940992679196117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374315486679236,0.06794661922709236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523760143911939,0.05887711454791832,0.0,0.0,0.07360525847154757,0.07376782110507332,0.06999841079016716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577477468406013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859469767696225,0.0,0.0,0.06428962073958702,0.08050616348123298,0.0,0.0,0.08167160717190375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026689510580786,0.0795731483261963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879877340568278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487842152782966,0.08379623947274613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118593927014337,0.0,0.0,0.08345433218225963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695894012976164,0.0,0.08556418174017975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834371079519086,0.0,0.0,0.11800022617931415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34856897417684496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678324468746027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235139534375928,0.09721161411755888,0.0,0.15802430583082225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833156904661006,0.13232891493292814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585578545029197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220728636766755 ptsd,LittleDragonMom,2019/03/29,"I was officially diagnosed with ptsd but I feel like I don't deserve it? About a month ago I was finally officially diagnosed with PTSD. I was already diagnosed with atypical depression, borderline personality disorder, autism (not yet specified as to what degree or where on the spectrum I am) and anxiety disorder. My psychiatrist told me that a lot of mental illnesses kind of overlap as they often have similar symptoms so it's difficult to tell what my original problem was or what problem should be addressed first. I finally have the official diagnoses though so I'm kind of relieved that it's not just in my head. I'm still not sure what to do with it exactly. I've been trying different kind of meds for a very long time but nothing has helped me feel any better yet. I've gotten worse as the years went by and I'm still sitting here in this hole unable to climb out. I never really expected to have PTSD as I don't have all of the typical symptoms. I do have flashbacks of past trauma but I can repress them almost perfectly, or at least I think I can. I a able to tell reality from memories though, which I'm told most PTSD sufferers can't. I can't say if this assumption is correct because I know practically nothing about PTSD. I also don't think that what I went through is bad enough for me to develop PTSD. I'm not a war soldier. I haven't seen people die violently. I never had to kill enemies. So I don't get why I would develop PTSD when so many other people have been through way worse shit than I have. I feel like I haven't 'earned' the right to get PTSD. If that makes any sense. Are there any books or informational websites I can consult to better understand this disorder? I'd like to read about other people's experiences and how they cope with it. I'd also appreciate any personal tips you might have. Anything that might help me feel better is welcome because I haven't been well for far too long. Thank you.",3.9205813260703053,5.794984042216361,5.368038130904758,78.35192782364456,72.69393139841691,9.428581155843053,29.90390671546515,9.857291076455118,3.129392305728147,1548,67,293,43,31,520,186,379,0.18,0.6779999999999999,0.141,-0.9561,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,3,7,24,27,4,1,10,0,41,9,2,3,7,54,64,26,3,7,14,0,4,3,0,4,7,1,1,2,21,9,0,1,9,2,0,3,15,12,1,1,14,6,39,15,42,45,5,32,0,2,1,0,17,9,1,12,21,198,60,4,0.06416646400533459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056879698757833184,0.0,0.06425344487482068,0.0,0.07080928863009286,0.10262779616472227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454158354174273,0.0,0.0490871693327456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280353253932886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357631720946232,0.07823056177213092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025006894099198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526648142375392,0.2605104410878334,0.06659465905936679,0.06704029774988772,0.22062098061554555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630111009453142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276711437631799,0.0,0.0,0.12977796875047307,0.09168106941295354,0.0,0.14058244977172413,0.0,0.05457996150348426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704865813930366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585330409478701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601885650352932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099068536932772,0.2004584941801251,0.03526421051932594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940454794191479,0.0,0.0,0.1135706028877096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054552033082868136,0.0,0.0,0.04283161298431962,0.06505472317664382,0.0,0.0,0.07127447621608521,0.0,0.0646647036039765,0.13614095633487208,0.0,0.0,0.05121705938528272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897826555588676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313890558444553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061254150479833874,0.1334548404900335,0.11205536270712736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279728036570675,0.6000573011691863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418382836178163,0.0,0.04110667991803208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547978096609529,0.0,0.05102774763032453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586595320461112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248684208372157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060476132946118616,0.1333870500036069,0.0,0.0,0.11216863558409608,0.05907585901978951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822305584127199,0.12608645018861753,0.0,0.037415981174545115,0.0,0.0,0.1226276123010035,0.0,0.04356481706230346,0.0,0.0,0.06679955198144771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294405286014293,0.0,0.050932352424380815,0.0,0.0,0.0576933572233298,0.11896590997847825,0.057900253309789186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078221743163845,0.045582015003598084,0.0,0.0,0.04132109903927508 ptsd,TheUncensoredTroll,2019/03/29,"Is it safe to try and unravel blocked out memories alone? I know I have some moments during my previous abusive relationship that I don’t remember and have blocked out I am assuming on purpose but I feel like I need to remember them in order to understand what is happening/happened to me but I am too scared and/or embarrassed to do it with anyone else. I ignored it for years telling myself it didn’t happen, you let it happen, your over exaggerating etc. But recently I had a full blown flashback in the middle of trying to be intimate with my fiancé and I’ve never been so scared in my life and I’m sure he was scared too. I’m not sure what triggered it as we weren’t doing anything we haven’t done a ton of times, we’ve been together for 4 years. Since that day I’ve had this looming sense of doom, if that make sense. Like any moment now my world is going to collapse and I am going to be right back where I was all those years ago, alone and scared and ready to kill my self just to escape. So my question is, is it safe to try and uncover this alone? I don’t know what it is, I don’t know what will happen but I just got, I think at least, my ptsd under control (not many nightmares, no more full blown night terrors, no constant fear) and I’m scared if I do this without proper help I will screw something up and be back at square one again. Thank you for any help and support guys!! 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Its a bit strange and a little masochistic to think about, but a small part of me doesn’t want to be healing, even though I’m doing a pretty good job of moving forward. My father was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive from the time that I was 9 years old until I was 14. (The cops were called several times, but they never removed him from the house because my father was very clever to hide his abuse, as well as my mother having Alzheimers and being unable to recall episodes she was present for, not to mention she’s stuck in denial) Now, at age 16, I see my twin brother being verbally and emotionally abused. Even my mother has been becoming more manipulative. Its IMMENSELY triggering, especially considering that nobody in my family realizes what’s actually happening is abuse. Ive completely stopped speaking with my father and distanced myself from my mother as much as possible. Its really helping me heal, but a small part of me wants to remain upset about this. Whenever I don’t reflect blood-curdling hatred towards my father when thinking about his actions, my mind says, “What? You’re not upset? Well, I guess your father was right, you are just being a spoiled brat who just THINKS her life is miserable.” Im not sure what it is, but there’s this notion in my head that says if I stay upset, then maybe someone will help me out of this shithole. Its the only thing holding me back from recovery. Anyone else have this issue, or is it just me?",6.521502797761791,7.537221374100722,6.732613908872902,74.30133493205437,65.4748201438849,9.343245403677058,32.71063149480416,9.444778638647367,3.101987370103917,1194,48,202,22,18,384,173,278,0.193,0.733,0.07400000000000001,-0.9901,1,0,0,0,3,0,34.0,0,2,1,0,15,9,0,4,10,0,25,5,1,2,2,34,35,19,0,3,12,9,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,18,7,0,2,5,0,0,4,6,4,2,0,9,4,34,5,31,21,5,28,0,1,1,0,26,11,0,3,14,149,52,1,0.0,0.5150816720016522,0.10605797075106198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759929930746204,0.11135756957799366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356976231851426,0.0,0.06625154864358551,0.1200307487568042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865261386463427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097649045086347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395102677088308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078987919925627,0.2445052812249315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143566894080442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245573291350098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911573192428671,0.0,0.0,0.11972549433794274,0.0,0.0961071484591937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153910391912476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569452978003186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254044553700448,0.0,0.0,0.11739522798722225,0.11343578898312573,0.10785013168607413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676532251967183,0.0,0.10892793254546916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918569365293243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973785512866154,0.0,0.0,0.11551178404250255,0.07989378740362252,0.0,0.08382227132963789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404349426646965,0.0,0.0,0.08265757111614841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353840662489369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225226440807196,0.0,0.11056868289634432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696244828740572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281384845194553,0.0,0.1728566037477895,0.0,0.0,0.08660549621911523,0.0,0.0,0.12277974378945668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920859200818854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584056922295426,0.0,0.09086303243796966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024315145614372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722035026763325,0.20891714378345244,0.10677952962040548,0.0,0.1267467158961875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967404589703172,0.12820693863292054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543637043674394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998765548893689 ptsd,chiefdissident,2019/03/29,"Minimum time one can hope for recovery? A loved one has Ptsd from an emotionally abusive relationship. She started therapy after 2 months. Her nightmares are frequent. What minimum duration can I hope for her to sleep peacefully again? Is 6 months too less? 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I was curious if anyone in this community has tried LENS neurofeedback and if so what results you’ve had.,4.822948717948716,8.149201038461541,5.943846153846152,67.8844871794872,77.07692307692307,9.620512820512822,27.89743589743589,9.725611199111238,3.6556051282051287,121,5,19,4,3,40,20,26,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7174388899703786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6966214460939822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Moxman73,2019/03/29,"Nightmares I tend to have nightmares that fall into one of three categories, I'm not sure what it means. The first category is the traumatic event. Ok I understand why I would have nightmares about that. The second category is random. It is bad dreams about people I love dying and stuff like that. But it's never the same thing. The third category always seems to relate to a job I had for 13 years. I haven't worked there since 2015. I have a lot of nightmares about the job. Any ideas why?",2.018948863636364,4.634633072916671,2.9323863636363647,89.5830681818182,82.85416666666666,5.990909090909091,19.14393939393939,7.348242739294969,0.4877416666666661,389,10,78,6,11,123,62,96,0.094,0.7879999999999999,0.119,0.3481,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,8,1,9,1,0,0,2,14,15,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,1,0,5,1,0,7,4,10,13,2,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,5,55,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235662548703326,0.0,0.0,0.14086193687165915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295279805388925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497805783724305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761927200556811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338352388267769,0.0,0.0,0.4111079066067401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011978778251944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610256271112346,0.18695145118447645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22563559848632306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975872237993366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403630598608832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360442124920994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857198605097514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713479029961284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371251256292425,0.0,0.0,0.1952264909814091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761425401566765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563948449030676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738222908755061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507999949234857,0.0,0.0,0.14714593026215522,0.0,0.0,0.13339102181219564 ptsd,rhorains,2019/03/29,"Just torture Life has become torture. I've turned into a shell of what I used to be, which was never much to begin with. I remember growing up fairly happy. I would play with friends and enjoy hobbies as if tomorrow would never come. Now it's as if I'm always living in tomorrow, never the present. I lost my mother at 14 years old to a fatal asthma attack. From there I started pushing everyone away because I just couldn't be happy and carefree like everyone else was. Their problems seemed so small and I couldn't stand what normal people considered a ""bad day"". It began to sicken me, and I became envious and angry at everyone. I discovered marijuana shortly after my mom passed and it was a godsend. I could escape to a place where I felt content with everything and everyone. When I was 19 I met the woman of my dreams and we moved in together. I continued to experiment with drugs and eventually it led to me trying methamphetamine. I was actually sold meth instead of cocaine by someone I thought I could trust at the time. Ending up doing too much and almost lost my life. Nothing has been the same since then. I was able to quit meth but the near death experience changed me forever. My body was completely numb that night and I was barely able to dial 911. This was my first panic attack of many and became the PTSD event I'll never forget. Talking to the responder as the ambulance arrived calmed me down enough that I decided to turn away the ambulance when they arrived, but this night is as fresh in my memory as if it just happened yesterday. Ever since then I get panic attacks from any unfamiliar body sensation. Like, heart palpitating, limb-numbing, im-about-to-die panic attacks. Some days are okay, some no so okay, and some just miserable. Something as natural as bad gas will send me into a panic because I think my heart is about to stop, the cyclical thinking takes over and I'm done for. I found alcohol at a young age and became a severe drinker for about 5 years (21-26). Alcohol made everything okay. I started drinking all day every day. The girl I mentioned earlier was a heavy drinker as well. We got married. Last year she was driving drunk and got into a fatal accident. We had been togther for 7 years. I've also lost a sister to heroin and my closest friend to a heart attack. All of these instant deaths just reaffirm my belief that I'm going to die instantly at some point, so I'm constantly anxious and plagued with apprehension about when this will happen. I gave up drinking last year after my wife passed. It has been hard but I'm doing a little better with the alcohol dependancy out of the picture. I'm currently clean and sober but have been taking kratom occasionally. I go to therapy and I like it, it helps, but it's no cure for my problem. I barely eat or sleep these days. I can hardly breathe. I have no friends. I had to move back home with my dad and stepmom but I don't get along with either of them too well. I'm just a weirdo and no one understands me. I feel like I'm going to die any moment and it's tormenting me. I'm always on the verge of the next panic attack. I don't know what to do. I want it to be over but I also fear death. I feel so hopeless.",3.3853809523809524,5.359876268253974,4.7495238095238115,81.79047619047621,74.4126984126984,7.587301587301588,27.063492063492063,8.401726058763845,2.0252063492063495,2539,97,474,46,54,843,298,630,0.21600000000000005,0.6679999999999999,0.116,-0.998,1,0,13,0,0,1,69.0,3,0,3,6,29,48,9,9,29,3,43,19,7,4,7,100,89,53,7,13,18,5,5,4,3,4,8,0,2,2,23,40,7,1,13,5,1,13,12,29,2,2,31,5,65,19,79,47,11,93,1,5,0,0,24,30,0,11,53,321,88,0,0.11222517030028044,0.0,0.054757788768817366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799018657960019,0.0561886485817338,0.0,0.0,0.08974642814329699,0.09338033186078397,0.0,0.0,0.07631696416925914,0.0,0.0,0.06339124940729893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830169977045564,0.10543924172381508,0.04314711435728329,0.09370332955223908,0.06841142217867972,0.0619719417564121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049627021624434206,0.0,0.12465686484996985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935967482557568,0.04833602355900247,0.058832977943313984,0.06063777018622181,0.0,0.08960266663955495,0.0,0.0,0.1809398767174614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647200870232186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057422656482041486,0.0,0.10993794232572306,0.06507278420741648,0.0574171831308333,0.046874864683280205,0.0,0.04969909534537065,0.05797930029959141,0.0,0.0,0.050757045774428564,0.047277273104946116,0.21447191905187046,0.1008607467451376,0.1097777508755017,0.0,0.06314225852118427,0.05674441809289772,0.040086842043084825,0.053876881372557285,0.0,0.0,0.04772933626358186,0.0,0.061524553349591615,0.13005733228113775,0.0,0.058633019558807786,0.0,0.09567022576757077,0.0,0.08975672065354702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924034746722143,0.11946578060321075,0.10053170931913988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948105072344002,0.037611083023607966,0.0,0.056285498046131616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060611220930107276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030838009327639426,0.09147849228867876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926795667566999,0.10965509899281077,0.05623955162548745,0.049548440717790014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837605455604468,0.0,0.0,0.053095084814611775,0.0,0.056889354123748286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571838154889775,0.0,0.11927759556620154,0.08249841296429967,0.0,0.17310993959574122,0.0,0.05967637089057338,0.10531571998528501,0.054978419617233945,0.05384153881634986,0.0,0.058880718962262914,0.0,0.03802333990285287,0.0,0.0,0.329180142709102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038901401309739285,0.0,0.05862570852694308,0.0,0.05304453015724802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073843316370606,0.0655926092561763,0.0,0.0,0.05968264134180545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635646204803647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510827900793751,0.0,0.06339124940729893,0.0,0.0928338205753027,0.0,0.056153108988061584,0.0,0.047544011305492434,0.04319820946145368,0.0,0.0,0.07943355315832004,0.0,0.0,0.04691263374075751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437936147104125,0.04510117043673443,0.0,0.0,0.06416963137947193,0.0,0.0,0.07190935767465258,0.0,0.044547124772627435,0.03271969964650321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03809676199011923,0.12206875901780788,0.0,0.05841518005789725,0.0,0.04846325733480073,0.0,0.0,0.03309665654850321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090390580108673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972154108388227,0.0,0.0,0.1806733255666026 ptsd,SorryIforgotYourName,2019/03/29,"I just need help right now My abuser contacted me after 7 years. I'm panicking and trying to breathe and texting the crisis text line and listening to a familiar comforting audiobook. Please, any and all suggestions and distractions are welcome.",6.360714285714287,9.520646738095241,6.48595238095238,67.2632142857143,69.71428571428572,11.81904761904762,36.69047619047619,11.20814326018867,5.783219047619048,201,11,28,8,4,64,36,42,0.236,0.563,0.201,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,17,3,0,0.0,0.4973539808081076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854552235677773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813602514198245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112511147499857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607769326004594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584778066150833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28499350909658844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703154933048172 ptsd,hairyhorseman,2019/03/30,"I’ve turned the corner into anger. I lost my memory. I wake up every day not remembering who I was the day before. Precious memories about the people I love are gone, because my brain had to limit my memory function to protect me from pain. I’m angry now. Angry at the person that did this to me. Angry that I’ll never get it back. Angry because I’ve made so many strides in my progress, but this is one thing that’s been taken from me permanently and it’s something that’s so important most people don’t even think about having it. I used to have synesthesia relating to memories. Now that’s gone too. It’s been two years and now I’ve crossed the line into anger. I don’t know if it’s a step forward, really. I think it is. People that are dealing with a similar type of memory block, what’s helping you cope? ",1.6397625797306894,3.8738991987951783,3.714620836286322,85.82261871013469,81.10843373493975,6.797448618001418,21.81289865343728,7.928766900206844,1.1976588235294114,641,20,128,12,17,218,97,166,0.142,0.77,0.087,-0.8462,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,3,10,6,2,0,7,0,13,4,2,2,1,18,26,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,17,5,0,3,4,0,0,5,4,4,0,2,10,0,15,2,16,16,1,19,0,1,0,1,6,7,0,2,9,85,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457938902847688,0.0,0.23116186396042995,0.0,0.16133916941158913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116609408873881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24455798657443426,0.1954735565122467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252317550235023,0.0,0.15974967667477538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906034445126873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708766724070886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420148405024472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697533092837184,0.0,0.17112515095019426,0.17940803424355362,0.0,0.19222885184879251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623441171312182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848068123752154,0.0,0.2017521871467566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943429394266216,0.1655550332464143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146527566496645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21478454451364534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459665403941092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596457445035825,0.2429813710472805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623487253483072,0.1852157071660727,0.0,0.0,0.16375711163914175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209885827785455 ptsd,bearsBscary,2019/03/30,"After two complete depressions in the last 4 years and having to rebuild myself again, having to start over with a new therapist is causing me anxiety and fear Feeling like I lost 2 out of the last 4 years to depression, but left myself in a great place when I started to feel myself again. I just started opening up to my therapist about my past and how I can see my PTSD creep a little back into my life again. And now I have to start all over and open back up eventually, maybe. It really hurt to open those scars back up and boom, next session I have to start all over with someone completely new. This is by far not the first time I had to change therapists, but I feel by far the most frustrating and anger inducing. So pissed off about the unfortunate events. Thanks for the place to vent, I have a lot going on with quitting cigarettes and alchohol in December and my drinking anxiety has been taking all my complaining attention, so I am very grateful to have this here to vent, because I know this has been heavy on my mind",12.118635394456293,7.126992064676621,10.930959488272922,67.83626865671643,58.70149253731344,14.868798862828715,43.63965884861408,12.031772070788634,4.895431556503199,819,30,160,17,7,261,114,201,0.175,0.747,0.078,-0.966,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,15,12,3,1,10,0,15,3,1,3,3,35,29,15,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,17,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,9,0,2,4,5,22,3,36,25,5,49,0,4,1,0,1,23,1,2,26,120,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711131876753548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25799205863888003,0.0,0.06817606810713575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114889547694437,0.11831092249934512,0.0,0.23452230539706626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265367990390014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955972562565293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585006363806334,0.169647605154165,0.07989786460486904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513026848982664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356072928600955,0.0,0.0,0.12330298593785965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972605350511828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146383622075455,0.1823275623278796,0.0,0.0,0.12151349298942188,0.0,0.07899525314528784,0.05463892767572383,0.11209214425976154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208557256040392,0.09508159058536277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235739298492453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292559401789902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160297702354294,0.1189421355865443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676306140103907,0.0,0.0,0.2336960799863375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073390534972562,0.0,0.0,0.11895463334486145,0.0,0.0,0.07164698159558283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912127081663856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476089371110456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958013996529029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408907330505894,0.0,0.0,0.1029664033284626,0.0,0.3895613927251419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521426979602307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092505351006082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922789577856966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404140778479724 ptsd,greenpeace4444,2019/03/30,"Found this to be very helpful for my Anxiety I've been using hemp oil to mange my anxiety and just recently tried hemp smokes it seems to be working, soon as I feel feel it coming I light one up its been very helpful so far. [https://hempflowerjoints.com/](https://hempflowerjoints.com/)",5.825624999999999,9.532550312500003,4.000833333333337,80.62750000000003,77.125,6.533333333333335,22.583333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.3096833333333335,237,7,39,4,6,67,35,48,0.067,0.8109999999999999,0.122,0.584,2,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,10,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,4,0,6,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,23,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114465414586325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316510010545028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27194833764985604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948571960096544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360503177201886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222733488160492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655263241600044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448149141623035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825792111586016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322607705258296,0.0,0.44377477324970055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577715961950565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,realsheeps,2019/03/30,"Touching weirdness (cross-posted from r/OCD) So touching is a big part of my OCD/PTSD/own special brand of weirdness. I cannot stand and get really uncomfortable when people touch me in most capacities. However, I grew up with the habit of touching others (on the shoulder, arm, face, etc.) as a way to get my point across because I have trouble talking, especially when discussing emotional things. I understand that it's not okay to touch people without permission and I understand that it can greatly upset some people, because it greatly upsets me. The hypocrisy in my own brain is weird. I feel badly about it because obviously if it upsets me to be touched, I should give other people the same respect and not touch them. But it's really hard to get out of the habit of touching other people. I really want to work on this, do you guys have any advice?",5.889664772727272,7.191186318750006,6.3077272727272735,75.74636363636365,67.0625,8.818181818181818,32.67045454545455,9.095868883498916,2.9883125,681,29,116,12,11,220,96,160,0.159,0.784,0.057,-0.9297,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,1,4,13,0,3,7,1,9,4,4,0,1,19,17,9,0,3,5,0,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,0,10,16,5,22,15,6,14,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,2,83,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419189484998687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876268381535892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126258440376855,0.2655960859373464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212685051755016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336635901073748,0.0,0.0,0.16197197784525627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734336209963237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276330473123891,0.13931968851950702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32023740254444194,0.0,0.14380243121875114,0.0,0.0,0.13009927122996262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727201342884534,0.0,0.5034276244279318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729110472569822,0.0,0.13909203073348905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976833916571166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791178548329949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673191364548632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648563238356517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30238309507595673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566154751113662,0.11527833577282848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999838543267476,0.0,0.10573056532337403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aouzisi,2019/03/30,Psychogenic seizures? Have any of you experienced psychogenic seizures as one of your symptoms? I used to categorize these as panic attacks or flashbacks but they literally meet every single symptom for psychogenic seizures. There’s not a lot on the internet about the relationship between rape trauma and psychogenic seizures but all the stuff I’ve read has said it’s possible. :( any personal insights on this?,8.920000000000002,11.422915705882357,7.066941176470588,68.61923529411766,61.05882352941178,9.55764705882353,44.48235294117647,9.888512548439397,5.136125882352943,340,21,47,7,5,100,53,68,0.241,0.759,0.0,-0.9625,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,2,4,2,1,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,10,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,2,4,0,10,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,0,34,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216315386822021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26903224740425324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924616052229585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104841474053795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024622378410916,0.0,0.0,0.27746050162147884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064868325000976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26659775719426737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365458483373637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538930092477668,0.0,0.0,0.22494839599239855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707151438852902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4915903850806963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424439304966646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ahomslice,2019/03/30,Denial I got my official diagnosis this week. I went into a full fledged denial phase filled with anxiety. But I am slowly accepting that I need help managing this,4.2940000000000005,7.1118124000000025,6.0100000000000025,69.78500000000001,75.0,10.666666666666668,30.0,10.504223727775694,4.327,132,6,21,5,3,45,25,30,0.059,0.759,0.183,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,2,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962737791763669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142973535787218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472090345648026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840954737359417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155138040531936,0.0,0.0,0.4801974872574117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ptsdfreakoutaccount,2019/03/30,"Anyone else not recognize themselves/feel separate from the person in the mirror? I don't look in the mirror often (or take pictures or anything). I'm really fussy with skincare but I only typically ever look at one bit of my face at a time, never the whole. I do dissociate a lot, that's my bag, and I really enjoy not being present, but this didn't feel like that. So I took a shower, did my skincare, put my earrings in, and caught a glimpse of the mirror. I spotted a person and stared, moving my face around. It was definitely me, but I was looking at the person in the mirror, knowing that's me, but not hating that face as much. Thinkin that if I saw that face at the store I would just think it's a normal person, that it's a normal face. Not feeling like that could possibly be me. It really fucked with my head. I didn't like that feeling. Anyone else know what I'm talking about or can someone give me a technical name for this feeling?",3.184834205933683,4.656162178010477,4.759246073298431,83.62061431064575,73.81675392670157,7.1875741710296674,25.298778359511342,7.793537801064563,1.3972594066317623,740,24,146,10,15,249,96,191,0.106,0.83,0.064,-0.6924,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,16,0,12,7,6,0,2,35,31,13,0,5,13,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,16,6,0,0,7,0,1,4,8,2,0,1,8,9,20,4,17,19,4,17,0,0,5,1,7,9,1,6,7,105,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122262113214978,0.2509038554031852,0.10075582286885547,0.10899554173783553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367029464239205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775656790310483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456203210082013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075194026911987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095409862484913,0.17493908354178075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131917123250227,0.0,0.11745343128407025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088191415207135,0.12565643856803158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345771533769583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945067707193013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084505799695355,0.0,0.0,0.10409218319512202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013193476921694,0.09000582249728233,0.0,0.09443152865566046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399259670312069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296697740188001,0.093119414108527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276316274111223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803014869372598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308374039193384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353102431620357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037410948553091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205793854826104,0.09841081288448653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845315625112896,0.0,0.0,0.07139442742545753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360328277556597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669735772166206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697625345969731,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,outofregsundershirt,2019/03/30,"whining and crying in my sleep I have a long history of trauma and abuse that stretched about twenty years, and have PTSD. Ever since I was a kid, I've been told by friends/family/partners that I ""cry"" in my sleep sometimes, basically making soft animal whining noises like I'm being hurt. The funny thing is, on a regular night I wake up and vividly remember at least one dream. On mornings when I've been told I was crying, I remember NOTHING. Consistantly, my whole life. I've never had anything but a complete blank wall when I try to remember what I was dreaming about. I'm sure it has something to do with the abuse and PTSD, but I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or has dealt with something similar?",6.444565217391304,6.514686753623196,7.041847826086958,75.30016304347829,65.52173913043478,10.088405797101453,33.91666666666667,9.827888789773867,3.27260579710145,564,23,103,11,8,186,88,138,0.146,0.7929999999999999,0.061,-0.8847,0,0,2,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,6,0,14,4,3,1,3,19,21,11,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,8,2,11,2,14,12,2,15,0,3,1,0,3,8,0,3,8,66,16,0,0.0,0.30521876915228785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586388674112484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758982067850762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090061398303295,0.0,0.1059931244454522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350465140780112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244490593591505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165088414076039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788527400674222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097670729374152,0.06292618267651892,0.0,0.0,0.11398577392768347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597637822554928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934009254632972,0.0,0.0,0.1208720122524835,0.0,0.12358905470924406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727961233631858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011254415121568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377228918874003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065463987673509,0.0,0.257790167643287,0.0,0.0,0.19831624392027072,0.12738853526169186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213944214918454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557036840279357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461517846630443,0.0,0.08744814701343805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438029052396861,0.0,0.0,0.1396803446340159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294430660355223 ptsd,YubYub2201,2019/03/30,"Worsening flashbacks due to anniversary, any tips? I keep having flashbacks to my time at a psych unit because its a year since discharge. Anyone know what I could do to help? ",4.509583333333332,7.149736625000003,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,73.375,6.7666666666666675,29.416666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.0972166666666667,140,6,24,2,3,42,27,32,0.105,0.8109999999999999,0.084,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,14,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059380189829357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145708664580481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742464300693596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591974946290626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30154921274188434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998794938570018,0.0,0.0,0.24724567036369535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721504841103943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623322402963197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28971193971665016 ptsd,Disvoid,2019/03/30,"Got officially diagnosed today Got a long road ahead, wish me luck....",2.765000000000001,5.7273121666666675,4.449999999999998,73.84500000000001,94.0,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.0623666666666667,54,2,9,2,2,18,11,12,0.0,0.787,0.213,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39529314064766463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.622972595126335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34465935502059325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691620174577883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478591436397715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NunchiDreamer,2019/03/30,"I'm really struggling today I feel so much fear. It's paralyzing. I've tried my breathing exercises, journaling, listening to music. It's still strong. I know where it's coming from, but it's a situation that I can't control. I can't make someone love me or treat me kindly. I can't control anything. Except myself of course, but I can't get out of this feeling. I'm stuck in this situation and I don't know what to do but keep telling myself I'll get through it. I don't know how. But I'm trying. I'm really trying so hard. My chest hurts. I feel I've made such great improvements over these past few years, only to have it come crashing down when I finally trusted someone again. I gave so much more of myself than I've ever given to anyone and it's all thrown in the trash. On top of the million other things going on. I just can't believe this is happening again. I thought I made a good decision this time. I thought I thought through everything. I thought I spent plenty of time deciding if I'm making a good choice. And now here I am. Except this time it feels even more devastating and I don't know what to do.",1.1940259740259762,3.4729035021645065,3.1850285714285715,88.68497142857143,83.24242424242425,6.293402597402598,23.09281385281385,7.554174236665415,1.1043002943722948,883,32,185,15,25,297,119,231,0.108,0.74,0.152,0.8725,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,4,15,11,0,2,5,0,13,4,2,7,2,40,47,15,0,1,9,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,19,7,0,3,14,1,1,3,8,3,0,1,10,6,27,8,23,37,6,25,0,1,0,1,4,9,0,2,13,119,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808067907086807,0.0,0.09510139066216836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302038818326601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910063047246232,0.0,0.0,0.25923533512523483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763305897904427,0.10453652442336853,0.0,0.0,0.10386372723837836,0.0,0.0,0.1300444529293675,0.2337355989637409,0.0,0.0,0.1265974626416095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207574630794036,0.0,0.06567911075168319,0.1938634108118276,0.0,0.1274124850422142,0.0,0.0,0.10219508295356036,0.0,0.1035248932066276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371633894634147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027208238723062,0.0,0.1203447361050135,0.2540493258471672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430328711400312,0.21870365171173026,0.15428308536284738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990936391488098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789353833072272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032131022906692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806973085741082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25980319812857,0.0,0.0,0.19583825745530106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229156401114373,0.0,0.0,0.1208152082243668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101022336697156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677725396959845,0.0,0.0,0.3669875995131863,0.2021632836802236,0.0,0.10954353845489244,0.0,0.0,0.2353862225116584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442104331556519 ptsd,pheonixkit,2019/03/30,"Why do people think its even remotely okay to to touch people I have really really bad touch based trauma and i have horrible panic attacks from being touched, and today during a saturday session for math one of the proctors touched me and announced no one can use phones <even though he didnt mention this at the start> and i told him ""dont touch me"" and he just laughed it off like it wasnt a big deal and i had to leave the room to try to calm down and i literally couldnt go back to that section of the session because of how stressful it was for me. I cant understand why people cant just use their words, i didnt have headphones in so he could have just said ""hey please dont use phones during this session"" and i would have been fine, but for some reason he decided it would be a good idea to touch me, specifically my back, which is the worst trigger are for me. I just dont get it...",8.132337837837838,5.390311767567573,7.907668918918923,79.55663851351355,63.75675675675675,11.195945945945946,36.097972972972975,9.188382445141503,2.893391891891892,707,24,154,9,8,227,102,185,0.116,0.809,0.075,-0.8194,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,10,12,1,2,8,1,26,0,0,6,0,29,35,12,0,4,5,0,6,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,10,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,10,6,0,2,8,7,17,6,19,21,3,12,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,5,105,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529130553181626,0.0,0.2067090637984767,0.11222840632025903,0.08193630815365391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731704547805364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385728708695635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725895918584457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775557177889006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022472279558753,0.0,0.07638943761123644,0.1127384091823448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173478827945566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232290134381656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566691420496767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821621007775052,0.0,0.0,0.15770352231901097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27955307202928864,0.0,0.0,0.1475440137716348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221553912641674,0.1381979231652827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785659285086054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513750601939858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396849284777853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612578282867325,0.13205910839228135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740686042707475,0.12843642691597326,0.0,0.09125692554456584,0.0,0.0,0.13992763318306506,0.0,0.348266438029255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425718486432023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096485787628806,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,versavera,2019/03/30,"Does this sound like PTSD to you? TW: CAR ACCIDENTS Hi - I apologize for being so ignorant about this topic it's just that I haven't been able to reach my therapist since my accident and I have a lot of questions. Basically a while ago I was crossing the street and then a month or so later I woke up in the hospital with a broken pelvis among other things( to be honest I have literally zero memory of crossing the street it's just what I've been told I was doing.) I suffered a TBI so I have no memory of the actual event itself happening which is lucky for me considering what seeing it did to my boyfriend, but I haven't been able to go back to school ever since then and I had to go through a lot of therapy to get to the point where I could even walk without a walker and remember things. I got hit within the second week of my sophomore year of college and I missed the whole thing so I'm going back for summer classes. Even though I didn't really experience it; since then I've been worried about crossing the street, worried about getting hit by a car, worried about driving a car, worried about going back to school and I get hit by a car and I die this time, even worried about getting in my boyfriend's car later or my friend's cars... and then there is the even more acute fear of death and fear of going back to Pittsburgh. It's just not particularly severe and though I know that my boyfriend is probably suffering with PTSD, I feel it hard to justify the concept I might be suffering with PTSD myself. Does this sound like PTSD to any of you??? ",3.3991373801916964,5.017260325878597,4.485771246006394,85.20132140575083,73.53674121405751,7.81950159744409,25.619041533546323,8.488131031819089,1.6550852140575074,1234,41,251,22,25,403,144,313,0.18600000000000005,0.769,0.045,-0.9933,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,0,26,12,0,2,20,0,23,1,1,0,1,32,44,24,2,1,8,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,20,13,0,1,4,0,0,16,6,7,0,2,12,5,31,5,43,24,4,45,0,4,1,0,7,10,0,7,21,183,51,4,0.1718260920754549,0.0,0.0838387398269389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615673161587222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058423817389535934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26424731722866324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859457645294385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891641778664707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036617109083172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22697902657073699,0.07771326875583498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403944444592734,0.0,0.1933521240820264,0.043440217474876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637620625222304,0.0,0.17954408249801482,0.0,0.24413181965081696,0.0,0.06871251122248784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597262287897066,0.0,0.07696121420779982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721556328207655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394554931691088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460803989233517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911401651199427,0.0,0.0,0.06857497368904411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121559805622114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262879447813173,0.0,0.4017110132197472,0.0,0.09624227368651367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503809722104075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732273341333658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389717853760686,0.06846157449250119,0.0,0.0,0.09705728784632063,0.0,0.2132044784499877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824905554034692,0.09975166819724644,0.17123043084663528,0.0,0.16881826305541398,0.0,0.05009658803901357,0.0,0.0,0.08209359721175252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891426333641452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959188477693697,0.0,0.08281711056617193,0.0,0.0,0.4362443428490423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532518487843742 ptsd,SHIBBIDIWWHOO,2019/03/30,"A moment of honesty I still think about Afghanistan and the friends I lost there every single day. It's been 9 years and I still see there faces. I dont know if I've gotten any better or if that is even an option for me at this point. There are no doctors willing to meet with me. I keep everyone at a distance ,because I know one day I might lose this fight .I dont want the people I love to have to carry the burden of my mistakes.....I never know what to say after that part......",2.076470588235296,3.2651418921568687,3.380539215686277,93.53492647058826,76.15686274509805,5.492156862745098,21.573529411764707,5.148860815047168,-0.10202352941176507,371,9,84,1,8,121,72,102,0.138,0.733,0.129,0.2681,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,1,0,6,0,8,3,1,0,1,15,18,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,2,12,3,12,13,2,11,0,2,1,1,5,3,0,5,8,60,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636196963690804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327235230410428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434008527301747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396732569934949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019162998470374,0.0,0.0,0.4355524101627508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273041263511927,0.0,0.15655888343130364,0.17755615948700382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435617960930912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651627366522204,0.0,0.0,0.30636058240048475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788175487431065,0.202841266301524,0.0,0.16770714731597355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197122531395076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331356841271736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591444574870778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012217633006506,0.0,0.12882214969223066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565717877006834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776918063564612,0.0,0.0,0.14807213536967184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29678748100663666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906406616150672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959971365186276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966009145129165 ptsd,bachoffm8,2019/03/31,"How to make a solid, breathable weighted blanket at home for ~$25 I was responding to a comment here last week and someone expressed interest in my making a tutorial for a weighted blanket since I’ve been making them for myself and others! It is time consuming and tedious, but it’s a great option for those of use who can’t afford the $100+ weighted blankets that are on the market but would benefit from one! [Here is the album tutorial! ](https://imgur.com/gallery/v7jtdNY) If anyone physically can’t make one themselves or don’t have the time but need one, I’d be happy to make one for you for $35 and however much shipping would be as well. This method is definitely not perfect and I actually really want to modify it to be more efficient to make, so I can post updates if you’d like. Hope this helps! ❤️",5.950000000000002,6.695439318471338,6.917713375796177,73.42943630573252,66.64331210191082,9.846878980891722,32.89745222929936,9.888512548439397,3.269148280254777,651,27,117,14,10,218,102,157,0.023,0.731,0.245,0.9898,2,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,1,1,5,8,0,0,9,0,17,3,0,8,1,27,27,14,0,7,7,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,2,3,8,8,18,19,2,9,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,5,6,83,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.13327644855802026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549566299031062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505732330864886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538548141734453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915426222371831,0.0,0.13699478108180416,0.13564872233444086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132597613784784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672312053058274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469849277159721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039754835586162,0.10126783394128176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701841011850733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080006643633815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749275273164824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297536104484328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571864239716725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927470647808045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795601992631677,0.0,0.0,0.08055483873813701,0.0,0.1095513636229336,0.4989307377072877,0.12279635932322455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194036393874303,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,luagin,2019/03/31,"NSFW :I hate the word ""trigger"" but know I have to address my personal triggers. TW: sexual abuse I hate how people have taken the word ""triggered"" and used it for anything they don't agree with, are angered by, upset by, etc. It makes me not want to try to address my triggers because I feel like if I try to say this is a trigger, I'm grouped in with those easily offended. I got diagnosed recently but have been struggling for a while. 90% of the time when I try to have sex with my husband it ends in a panic attack. I've also learned that while hearing about most sexual assault or seeing it on TV shows (I've always loved crime shows) I'm perfectly fine. It's when I hear about people who's stories mirror mine. Basically, I had a bf who wouldn't let me say no to sex and if I tried I was manipulated to believe I had to. When I confronted him he told me ""I can't help it, my dick has a brain of its own"". Apparently if he's horny he's not to be held accountable for his actions. After sex I was basically tossed aside and he turned away. It's more complicated but that's besides the point. First time I really realized I need to actually start to identify and avoid my triggers was the latest Shane Dawson video. While mine had nothing to do with human trafficking, a lot of what she said really resonated with me. I'm pretty sure my ex had tried to get me pregnant (we were in high school) and told me he was disappointed that I wasnt pregnant when I had a scare (I was 17 at the time..). I couldn't help but imagine what would have happened if he had succeeded. It's like a double edged sword because it's validating knowing that what I went through wasn't normal and how I'm feeling isnt just regretting a normal bad relationship BUT after watching the video I had a dissociation episode and kept having flashbacks and panic attacks for a few days. Some of my triggers have been really stupid things my husband has graciously helped with. One was just the act of turning over to sleep after sex. Full on flashback followed by panic attack. Now every time we have sex he asks me what I need from him and what's ok. I feel awful he has to cater to these things because of someone else. I also have trauma from my childhood which has been newly fresh and harder to pinpoint triggers because weird things will trigger a memory and cause an emotional flashback. So now I don't know if I meet any new friends how to even introduce something because I feel like if I say ""hey, that's a trigger for me"" it'll be taken as I just don't like that thing. This is really drawn out, sorry about that. But has anyone else had trouble dealing with figuring out and addressing triggers? How do you do it? 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NSFW Tw* [sexual assault] Recurrent smells tastes and feelings. Unending. It's clear to me that I am blinded to of and from myself but that seems to be of little concern to doctors or anyone else and I've lost hope. So depression, yes. I feel abandoned and abused. Continuously. Everyday is traumatic or in fear of more. Every time I lie down it begins again and I don't even make the decision to lie down. But it becomes total blackness. The the tastes and feelings of begin again. It also happens when I sit or any other time. I feel kept from reaching out or contacting others, even reporting it. It’s not only interoception of, but that happens as well. There is no reprieve. There isn’t a single moment where my body, if not my mind is over focused on the awareness that it *will* happen again, even if the situation is safe. It’s become so bad that I can’t talk about it or at all. But I keep trying. I’m working on developing my treatment plan and finding a therapist, but anyone with real resources or coping skills would be awesome. I’ve been trying so hard for so long and I’m exhausted physically from constant fight or flight responses, emotionally, mentally I’m not a part of anything anymore. Just a hollow formless response, continuing to try to make it back to some part of life instead of like like absence and what feels to me, not only like derealization, depersonalization, and possibly an abduction, but is hopelessly ignored every time I talk with any professionals or have. And I make a point of mentioning it every time because nobody seems to ask about it. I’m kept from appointments, making phone calls, hearing my voice and it’s articulations, and interactively. I’ve tried calling crisis lines and feel kept from hearing or feeling present, even when I know I have. I know I’ve called again today, in tears, gasping, but could hear none of it. At all. I feel worse than forgotten, I feel I know I am and have been abandoned. Even if a part of my blinded soul feels and know that it could be untrue. The days look and feel, and artificially so, extremely short, uselessly almost present. Just like me. Only for use by someone else, no matter how unwanted it is. I know in another life I’ve written similar and made progress. And in yet another, still kept from progress. I need more than the tiniest amounts of motivation I try to continue to want to exist until the next task and goal I set for myself. Unable to remember them cognitively anyway. Guidance, coping skills, research on helpful medications (ideally non-sedative, as I’m exhausted all the time anyways), suggested routines, social advice, seeking therapy and topics to touch on would be amazing responses.",4.132280816326535,6.8417153040000045,5.239991836734696,75.66905714285716,74.96000000000002,8.001632653061224,30.40408163265306,8.841846274778883,2.999502448979592,2172,101,359,49,49,714,251,500,0.159,0.728,0.114,-0.984,1,0,0,0,3,1,77.0,0,0,1,10,32,23,2,1,16,1,25,11,1,8,5,107,74,53,0,12,25,0,13,4,0,3,8,4,0,0,25,25,2,9,22,0,0,0,10,14,1,0,9,24,32,9,60,56,13,51,1,6,4,0,18,19,0,17,34,247,57,7,0.0,0.08244058069506248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359849781230025,0.0,0.0,0.06967403057442073,0.0,0.0,0.055642870368249935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463317999437562,0.14592078912646364,0.0,0.0,0.06900437745480957,0.0973035045643398,0.07129263726371668,0.05725817421540835,0.0,0.0650476379392387,0.0,0.0,0.05350250345591459,0.05809615298587303,0.0424151464826871,0.1536906501109959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728737415916181,0.0,0.0,0.21314599560218625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519094978363601,0.0,0.11110747619980116,0.0,0.0,0.04487315790913196,0.0,0.05992890379591545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121778334685415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624984182931287,0.07826781057404136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978371702847544,0.0,0.1758717243571555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829652005855768,0.3869975220101032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359459601986249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845873279971125,0.0,0.06232975490246605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23526417621054946,0.0,0.04663781412560674,0.0,0.0,0.06910835350792507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184564482052845,0.0,0.0,0.1911959496251976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829241628687113,0.1359725302656582,0.06973715044500567,0.0,0.06157585537530105,0.0584294337930474,0.0,0.07595447474962648,0.0,0.0,0.06583800564883728,0.1857799916213174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009423945667459,0.07011998414663813,0.0,0.07025567394685693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159247464005833,0.0,0.0,0.0739988128376513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875551856102946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260441420777073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577531777803508,0.07844067048284788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079196944937791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882024968723178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668551273803472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821051131108,0.0,0.0709277537751976,0.05895466399251259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556644770353236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185107338469577,0.0,0.0,0.07957046434706537,0.08078740822693985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286244740698686,0.0,0.06595343102083198,0.0,0.0,0.23620028481597025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060094530808463414,0.0,0.0,0.04103991675324183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256051707345094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065485886278607,0.0,0.07090767066010907,0.09885486181143097,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Herondale36,2019/03/31,"I feel dumb asking this So, during my early childhood my parents were always fighting. It would be so loud and they would sometimes drag me into their arguments. I always hated it and stayed away from them while hugging one of my cats. Now years later, every time I hear someone raise their voice I want to run away and hide. I can’t stand it. I know I can’t be diagnosed through here, but could this be some form of ptsd? I’m too scared to actually bring this up with my psychiatrist ",2.6942708333333343,4.883544052083336,3.442916666666669,89.37708333333337,77.22916666666666,5.933333333333334,22.125,6.937597516519254,0.5780500000000006,383,11,77,4,9,121,69,96,0.158,0.81,0.032,-0.8735,1,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,0,4,0,5,5,3,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,0,13,17,7,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,1,4,16,1,11,10,2,15,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,1,7,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.20207461255511008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446047549637579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358648550996674,0.0,0.3891061782899803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533195141915338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017602086245896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744689999385898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047029706513397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044429667155876,0.0,0.0,0.2333877472053155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380260099915268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403188815998312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22993146653396015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420587353861261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731746441867252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754533533929744,0.0,0.20480174370714005,0.0,0.0,0.22071361518726296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074666960898002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213776705163285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941992342830999,0.0,0.0,0.13334903794984998 ptsd,dataposer2000,2019/03/31,"I watched “dirt” the Motley Crue Netflix biopic and lost my shit during the scene when Nikki six fought with his dysfunctional mother. It brought me back to a hazy onslaught of painful memories of my own mother and her screaming, yelling and violence. Instead of leaving and becoming famous, I left (or she left me?... can’t remember details of this final departure) and moved in with my best friends older sister who needed a roommate. I was 15, her sister was a stripper, and I received $450 a month in ssi benefits from my fathers death which my mother agreed to pay to her sister for my rent. I don’t like to walk down memory lane ever but for some reason this scene had me afraid, anxious, and balling in empathy. ",9.63688888888889,7.6231344296296335,8.918333333333333,71.19750000000002,60.25925925925926,11.666666666666668,41.018518518518526,10.125756701596842,4.156629629629629,568,25,100,9,6,180,93,135,0.14400000000000002,0.785,0.071,-0.7906,1,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,2,1,6,0,5,2,1,1,1,16,9,10,1,1,2,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,5,9,0,0,2,2,2,4,2,6,0,1,6,3,19,4,17,3,3,16,0,1,1,0,16,6,1,2,7,69,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469949522300985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811657049177378,0.0,0.0,0.24146482261901944,0.0,0.0,0.2294436039940348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776758170272654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395036010087163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891660849252246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23150255375050294,0.475094430835613,0.0,0.0,0.10681385913178387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386655760684712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451211265376199,0.23237406025635776,0.0,0.1621148420992546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326427103774915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247928606970373,0.0,0.0,0.2476704678621509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22442535326410096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shockinglyalive,2019/04/01,"I can’t even go see a movie. My PTSD is so random that I went to see the new movie “Us” tonight and a scene triggered me so badly that when I got home I had a panic attack. No amount of therapy is helping me with this, no amount of medication, no amount of support. I feel so hopeless and dark.",-0.10857142857142676,1.9111883015873048,2.154920634920636,95.64285714285715,86.61904761904762,4.8698412698412685,20.11111111111111,6.18269132825596,-0.06575555555555558,225,7,53,2,7,76,43,63,0.295,0.636,0.069,-0.9431,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,11,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,3,9,1,5,8,3,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740407426345457,0.0,0.0,0.20112838468045646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910185255483786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217983737098088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690013693639191,0.0,0.1926572334785461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145971356126793,0.0,0.2416266605903745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266565741029714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326476226734961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826259032131981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815809344174121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38390730615574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27335272503849445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27547226692085275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897542341655112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330222150642726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xSlumberWolfx,2019/04/01,"Fear of the future So, today was the hardest day since I read my statement in court in front of my ex husband. So today I got email notifying me that what I thought I had for time in being safe was much shorter than I had anticipated. Here I thought I would have at least 5 or 10 years to be safe and truly build a new life only to find out that he could be out in 3 to 6 due to statutory release. I've been in full panic mode, crying, hyperventilating, shaking. Luckily, I do have a wonderful support system around me but it doesn't always help with the future planning. I wonder if I should run to another country or do I stay and try not to fear him trying to take my life again. I feel that either decision he has the control I hate feeling like this... Thanks for letting me rant. 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I just found out the hard way that theaters are now a trigger for panic. It could have also been the movie, Us. But im shocked because i *love* the movie theater, but the other day i went in and it just felt like the ceiling was gonna come down with the speakers and everything. Half of the movie i just kept looking down, but damn was i sweaty. My sister kept asking if i was good cus my leg was shaking like mf. I just felt suffocated, and wanna know if others have a similar problem. 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I am pretty good nowadays at setting boundaries and sticking to them. So one of my friends has started playfully hitting me lately. I really do not think she means it to be mean spirited. It seems to be something that a lot of women do... she's never mad when she does it. It's more so when she's laughing or shocked or perhaps if I make a joke and she's all like ""omg you didn't!"" The part that freaks me out the most is that this has happened like 15 times and I don't say a single word when it happens. No ""please don't hit me"" no ""why'd you do that"" no ""you don't have to touch me to get your point across."" I just don't say anything about it. Does this say something about myself that I would still allow myself to be abused if it were to happen? I'd always like to think I'd never let anyone abuse me again, but if I let my friend playfully hit me, why the hell wouldn't I let it escalate? I don't even know if I should say something to her, because I'm sure she'd feel horrible if I made it seem like what she's doing is similar to the abuse I had experienced or something like that. 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I've been sexually assaulted twice in my life. I've been diagnosed with PTSD by a therapist and I have so many supportive people in my life, but my roommate swears that the latter assault isn't real/a big deal because I drunkly consented to go home with the man (even though I was blackout.) The guy and his friend referred to me as a ""foreign bitch"" after he had finished, and my roommate jokingly calls me that. This has caused me to seriously doubt myself about if what happened is a big deal, or if I'm just making a big deal out of it (which I know is so dumb.) Does anyone have any tips on how to get through the day without crying? Or even just small tips on how to make living with this easier? Thanks.",3.882781818181819,5.117677060000002,4.989515151515153,83.57809090909093,71.73333333333333,8.121212121212123,27.63636363636364,8.575989854853784,1.9384,589,21,118,10,11,194,98,150,0.127,0.758,0.115,-0.469,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,5,1,8,0,10,4,0,6,0,24,19,15,0,2,8,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,7,7,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,7,0,1,4,0,13,4,21,15,0,13,0,0,0,0,10,9,2,5,3,78,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670030893768086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971113935250992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564740894491087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602168399493322,0.0,0.0,0.16118394411594836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235201309582526,0.1011902973607837,0.4852843512503463,0.0,0.15925456834712176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730801602876366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726762936419688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212238780290984,0.0,0.08197602419035806,0.0,0.08917233327833138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553599319528029,0.13874996010520838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738781267330848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623050348241211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221652303867705,0.0,0.0,0.13854937731126687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946968601934826,0.15907633974555144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877769007299808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36682547571679897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859145158780534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805314768237468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445640472060733,0.0,0.18217799331273327,0.0,0.0,0.15415768454700102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512501523791102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thetrumanshow94,2019/04/01,"Veteran with ptsd. Hi! I'm in desperate need of help/answers. My fiance of 6 years has PTSD from the Military. For the past two years it has spiralled down hill. His stance is, he only smokes weed. It's his medicine. Our state is illegal. The past year our fights have grown in frequency and intensity. But the past few months have been Detremental to us and our two kids. Our fights are fierce. He packs his stuff and leaves. When he does return he has smoked and returned to ""normal"" He then gets upset that I am still angry about earlier. Last year I had a depression breakdown and finally sought a psychiatrist. Instead of MDD I was diagnosed BP II And ADD. The switch to mood stabilizers and ADD meds has changed me 360° He's never seen me so easy going and happy. I've been trying endlessly to convince him to get the right help and properly medicated. His defense is ""he's tried all of them, they don't work"" So on top of not wanting to get the needed help, and staying miserable he of course blames me for his misery. That I bitch and he can't stand me. A year ago I would of agreed, BUT like I said I'm a whole different person. In reality, he does nothing but complain. He snaps at everything and everyone. Blames us for his woes. Is constantly paranoid I'm cheating because I work at a bar..And God forbid he hasn't smoked, we all tip toe around him. He doesn't see it but then makes it me that does everything wrong... In my stablish mind I know he's blaming me but he only does so because he's so sick he's making me the target. I'm at my wit's end. My fiance is a shell of a man he once was. I hardly see him laugh. He stays in his phone away from the world. He sees no happiness, and feels no joy. Its breaking me because I know he loves me. Advice, tips anything help me...",0.6030901904419679,3.029767388429754,2.3432560785722854,92.31788807042759,88.61432506887053,5.9113426757695535,20.563480656366032,7.34059242885,0.7271809078931599,1394,46,299,25,46,457,192,363,0.14400000000000002,0.742,0.114,-0.8984,1,0,3,0,2,0,52.0,7,0,2,3,9,20,5,2,16,0,23,5,1,2,3,40,45,25,0,5,6,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,9,18,0,2,3,0,0,2,8,12,0,2,7,7,43,7,33,37,4,43,0,3,4,1,53,15,1,0,22,161,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924666732498003,0.08095857831272728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515684888688305,0.08130310712063675,0.0,0.0,0.08580758787572565,0.0,0.0,0.1670218513808189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661508240379607,0.0,0.0,0.09869533787944658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866243777878115,0.09269807772666867,0.0,0.09542046308297993,0.0,0.0,0.3196941670040083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089131563298682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726977612910045,0.164163118930889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617921717150851,0.0,0.0,0.1000476050136587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431485440133389,0.0,0.05190497181396907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444507186619506,0.08181378527260975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448664280119165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038521339996308,0.07444617997500975,0.0,0.09670533536754924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04461924891063488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242893540725825,0.0,0.12192703441749247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014470960721095,0.09200541642958353,0.0,0.0,0.09221731469127313,0.0,0.07289877414514233,0.0,0.0,0.13544014888200034,0.07043936446798292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948405727217565,0.08763364564873825,0.0,0.0,0.09726352199209708,0.0,0.13892123621875488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26155459928055314,0.0,0.07974587643044348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351988086144344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799536322599153,0.08687579141409807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183346746517396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469136176435625,0.07293629548026076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455105611693606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240142170525268,0.0,0.17843237510826615,0.0,0.2197176086730572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386882945568367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196673864591954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329787274953769,0.0,0.0,0.06487824675429564,0.09985507186091616,0.0,0.294067787417599 ptsd,_Forgotten_Password_,2019/04/01,"Grabbing me for April Fools All I was doing was walking to my next class when my “friend” came behind me and grabbed me. Not the usual thing I can shake off where people just grab your shoulders - they wrapped their arms completely around me and jerked me back. I made a noise that sounds vaguely like a reaction to being punched in the stomach and started violently thrashing to get free (well at least I’m making progress on the whole freeze/flop thing I guess). She didn’t even notice I was deathly pale and enjoying a fun flashback and just yelled “April Fools!” I then had to stave off a panic attack for the whole lesson. This girl knows I don’t like being grabbed. She even knows that I was “attacked” - she doesn’t know about the PTSD, thank god, I don’t think I could cope with that. But for some reason this magical day of the year makes it okay to invade a person’s personal space who has clearly expressed many times that they don’t like being touched. I have my hands full enough watching out for my attackers, I don’t want to have to watch out for you too. Sorry for the bad formatting, I’m on mobile and just need to get this off my chest to people that might understand.",5.346350574712645,6.0590711637931065,4.7851034482758665,88.3035747126437,67.96551724137932,7.738390804597701,27.535632183908053,7.554174236665415,1.3208111494252872,938,28,192,9,15,282,142,232,0.128,0.733,0.139,0.1759,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,3,2,12,20,5,2,12,1,21,5,5,4,2,34,39,9,1,3,5,0,6,3,1,1,0,2,0,3,12,11,0,0,7,0,1,3,7,10,1,0,8,10,30,11,29,26,7,27,0,0,2,0,14,13,0,3,14,130,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165665081156274,0.0,0.4468976914543674,0.0,0.100686632263047,0.10933144458195752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976323591273255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137290627736232,0.0,0.0,0.10454686112980308,0.0,0.0,0.08444702316782783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529851474640536,0.0,0.17297245640511802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116578272241104,0.0,0.1368240116802433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442478294358546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588757564541414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919155450924168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390087632364925,0.1748101536372096,0.13275505358038406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890920651253685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709213935950636,0.0,0.0,0.13925874070969252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907880398358875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363270740562945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155796263718227,0.22866772701132426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306467247526465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463060800106225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657930986126835,0.09268171319606347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055418033498072,0.0,0.0,0.17398464038625658,0.08390261040988349,0.0,0.0,0.07635357346924668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631566886178914,0.0,0.0,0.14421456745315858,0.0,0.07723322721981749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773295397197504,0.0,0.0,0.29238505363042144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843226202356476 ptsd,michael12655,2019/04/01,"PTSD's A BITCH &#x200B; To those with PTSD: I know what you’re going through. Your life was taken away from you by something you couldn’t control. You struggle everyday, and feel detached from the world you once knew. Everything you thought you knew about yourself is gone. All you can dp is rebuild. All you can do is get through it. IT WILL GET BETTER. I have felt true loneliness during this time. I have felt true helplessness. Don’t ever give up on yourself. You are strong. You are worthy. You are whole. ",1.6997496318114889,4.478760278350516,1.5884315169366732,96.01487113402064,90.5463917525773,4.420913107511046,22.392488954344625,6.18269132825596,0.4238695139911632,405,15,79,4,14,119,66,97,0.131,0.727,0.142,0.29600000000000004,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,12,0,3,2,7,1,1,2,0,15,1,0,1,5,16,28,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,8,3,15,4,11,18,3,9,0,1,0,0,13,4,1,0,3,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144812221192585,0.23713217509051335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335260532400602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259691098965085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188806094202134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652700131642365,0.0,0.0,0.1753908733437789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867518700656118,0.0,0.3747548409828741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039187065149889,0.18720847660564702,0.11090990956584844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072509487129893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784228848367944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783150536835834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562466725100906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023826273023527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20401621862702024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549296306236614,0.11379524506292613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788128124750936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23713217509051335,0.0 ptsd,googoth,2019/04/01,"Question regarding something about a parent I have this very early memory when I was probably five years old. My mother once tied my ankle to the bed, I suppose because I couldn't sit still? I'm not sure, but I wanted to know if this is a... normal thing? I find it very distressing to think about and it doesn't help that she also used to hit me a lot. ",5.438150684931507,4.72809880821918,6.39873287671233,81.69207191780822,67.76712328767124,9.491780821917807,27.839041095890412,8.841846274778883,1.882290410958904,275,7,58,4,4,92,56,73,0.129,0.871,0.0,-0.8279,1,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,14,11,5,0,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,10,1,6,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918871368029114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627068952005415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930904832243006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083276366014912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186970082272104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039960678537405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23509908404277755,0.0,0.0,0.25178612248557514,0.2555378648239585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664349798278212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587056166718961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687978063867933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472447093572467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162358953760228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261491024774033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594114603878437,0.15374963704955125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723890370922066,0.0,0.3959661258931726,0.1415281431078534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451929556140215 ptsd,djarjb,2019/04/01,"Advice on starting a relationship I am diagnosed with PTSD, depression and alcholism. I am currently in early days of a realationiship we haven't put a label on it. I am wondering when or if I should tell them about my diagnosis. It is definitely present in my life and I don't want to blindside them later down the line ",4.293709677419354,6.18605579032258,6.375032258064518,71.44254838709679,71.74193548387099,10.121290322580649,31.754838709677426,10.355215969177356,3.7265058064516134,257,12,47,8,5,90,47,62,0.087,0.865,0.048,-0.3009,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,0,0,9,10,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,10,0,9,9,0,13,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,3,7,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30962924029873506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204346715129698,0.0,0.272908687568138,0.321603441831019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380564825698807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703891723993849,0.3185290556559525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401861090242512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242731944093408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27694720502332576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689061720825653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34361817447009285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,justanotheranon8,2019/04/01,"Trying to get into the discord but since I am on other discords, it won't let me. Anyone know how to get on?",-1.1412499999999994,0.8352707083333364,2.2800000000000007,92.965,91.91666666666666,3.2,16.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.9090666666666664,83,2,18,0,3,30,21,24,0.081,0.919,0.0,-0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464359109275904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177129466017012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722908831316478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066396034282256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098481636795889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336383612072142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pretzelkoala,2019/04/01,"What are your nightmares like? I have read that nightmares are a symptom of PTSD and I'm curious how others experience them. I have a lot of trouble around sleep and often procrastinate sleep because my nightmares are very intense and negative. But they are never the literal subject of my trauma. Is it more common to have flashback-like nightmares? What are yours like? (You don't have to recount them if that is upsetting, just their nature)",4.64725,7.552801225000002,4.682500000000001,79.30250000000002,74.25,7.0,31.25,8.07648339933343,2.6745,358,17,57,6,8,111,54,80,0.151,0.747,0.102,-0.736,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,4,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,12,3,2,1,1,11,13,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,11,2,6,13,2,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,4,50,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25151692875796106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223131473700387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763744088344843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27606562275259805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402019918201844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21790917028991105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33026944827182764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826124443744419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5654800604685084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936630706798249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331217781145039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,q4clockwork,2019/04/01,"Fear of being alone I have been doing better lately, but my boyfriend has a new job and has odd hours. I spend the days I am off and he isn't home for 6+ hours sometimes and with my pets and some new hobbies I have been less depressed and freaked out being alone. But he is starting to do the closing shifts at his work and doesnt get home till after 11 PM sometimes. Between my stress over if hes ok all night (he is a bus rider) and my panic and running to hide in my room with the door locked past 8 pm, I just get all paranoid. Little creaks and noises from my cats outside my room make me really scared where my heart cant stop beating. Anyone else with PTSD or panic disorders have this problem? I listen to music to block out any sudden noises and try to draw or something but my heart just won't stop beating all crazy. 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It took about a month to actually hit me, and now I’m starting to have flashbacks of everything that happened when he passed and the funeral. I am on Zoloft and vistaril but it’s not really helping anything. How can I try and overcome (?) this, it’s starting to affect my work, school, and home life. **i was “diagnosed” with a form of ptsd by my GP. She couldn’t actually diagnose me, because that’s not her profession, but with everything I had told her, she said it is most likely ptsd, of some sort. (Had this issue a few months ago, also.) ",1.807768361581921,4.061943872881358,3.745000000000001,85.72704802259891,80.61016949152544,7.662146892655366,25.08757062146893,8.59863814320734,1.946506214689265,459,18,94,11,12,155,79,118,0.055,0.945,0.0,-0.6196,0,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,0,9,4,0,2,0,18,19,10,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,8,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,7,1,15,1,12,10,4,13,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,3,9,66,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.2991943577777647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588983120034345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259271938713268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615156690792198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787704964305075,0.0,0.09344931553860332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205304534231094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111894106197028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755495339192909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556131782208752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027527232526122,0.0,0.15377084994440046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000375923410026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108279232613199,0.07489388189761588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734337297040622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447227290733693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5375930723999188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820691595168926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458219360653239,0.0,0.0,0.15514622106475975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701087149033527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464832435824888,0.17032022451574338,0.10407958843233124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160310129694084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mrgrinchisameansong,2019/04/02,Life healing center Has anyone been to life healing center in New Mexico for their PTSD? How was it?,1.5682456140350889,4.28478757894737,3.027368421052632,84.63824561403509,94.26315789473685,4.63859649122807,16.859649122807017,6.42735559955562,0.3302491228070177,80,2,13,1,3,26,16,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196923416436776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6458828563114498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415769286520999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5344548238153749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vafurous,2019/04/02,"saw a picture of him and lost it. thought i would be better after 5 years [suicide ment] 5 years since my boyfriends death by suicide. i’m married, have a good job, and have been in therapy since everything happened. i thought i would be better. i’m not better at all. i threw things, scared my spouse and one of my cats. i was just trying to look for my birth certificate. it was so, so fucking stupid of me to throw everything together in the move. i can’t escape it. i don’t want to escape it. i want to at least look at a photo and not immediately lose control of everything i’ve gained. i don’t know if i’ll ever reach that point. i want to. i don’t want to forget; just move forward. but i can’t grasp how to do that even now. if i didn’t have my spouse, i don’t think i could survive this. sometimes i think it should have been me",0.7300564971751413,2.716554237288136,2.4450000000000003,95.04738700564974,82.89830508474577,5.515254237288136,21.132768361581928,6.691623216298621,0.22873785310734496,648,20,150,7,18,213,91,177,0.081,0.795,0.124,-0.0743,1,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,8,8,9,2,1,4,0,22,1,0,2,2,30,40,10,3,10,7,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,6,0,0,5,9,5,0,1,10,3,24,4,19,24,2,17,0,2,3,1,3,7,1,2,7,98,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503828161437485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811389900350502,0.10543729888644346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722284145128542,0.11945371731936433,0.0,0.0,0.3560547391939687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208518220188755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076370293265213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677815594024715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310468544549534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257543839897038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179035598017566,0.14773874671084175,0.1441565397730368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807127949609064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948569064635692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248371770670441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221275907446198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184789282252833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060840616929248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888993006654979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101944745478146,0.0,0.0877332438861078,0.16923443737169938,0.0,0.20967806809043152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965848520371338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115641263387143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761995083834987,0.0,0.0,0.1700816115681461 ptsd,AristotelesRocks,2019/04/02,"Multiple diagnoses, people don’t see PTSD is most important to me I’ve been dealing with PTSD for at least 8 years now, but the things that gave me PTSD started 10 years before that. I’ve also been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, dysthymia and anxiety, and I feel like PTSD is the one diagnosis that is mostly overlooked by the people in my life. Maybe it’s because the events happened so long ago, and the nightmares and flashbacks have been so constant, it’s nothing new anymore, and people have moved on with their lives, while I feel like I’m still stuck. I have been seeing a trauma therapist and been getting EMDR for the past 1,5 years, although this is intertwined with therapy for my other diagnoses so the trauma isn’t always the most pressing matter. I booked some really progress when I started EMDR and my friends were supportive, but now I’ve been in therapy so long again and told people I had processed a lot of my trauma, it’s not really on the table anymore. Everyone cares more about my recent autism diagnosis (I self diagnosed myself as an adult and this was finally confirmed after a long process of testing) and my recurring depression. I feel like no one close to me realizes that PTSD is a really serious and “bad” thing, but I also don’t want to keep bringing up what happened all the time and saying it was bad. This is the one diagnosis I feel most alone in. I live alone, and have no partner, and I experience the moments my PTSD is worse alone as well. In my dreams, when I’m confused in the mornings, when I watch tv, when I get random flashbacks. I just don’t want to keep reminding people, but I don’t really know what I expect of or want from them either. Lately my nightmares have gotten worse again. I feel like I can handle my other diagnoses, but they might be more serious in people’s eyes because things like autism and ADHD can’t be “cured”. While to me those diagnoses are just part of who I am, and I can accept that. But the PTSD is what’s been making my life truly miserable. ",8.750564102564105,6.986247953846156,8.59333333333333,72.04333333333334,61.769230769230774,11.846153846153848,36.53846153846154,10.62613485830676,3.7411538461538463,1602,58,295,31,18,520,177,390,0.154,0.725,0.122,-0.9488,0,3,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,3,1,19,20,0,2,19,0,37,9,1,1,1,58,66,38,0,4,11,0,6,5,2,1,8,1,0,3,22,21,0,2,8,3,0,2,9,10,1,3,15,11,40,10,32,48,12,44,0,2,4,0,12,11,0,10,36,212,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515588638557452,0.0,0.05589413977728069,0.0,0.0,0.1959167930049913,0.0,0.10084955632918652,0.05246651723562567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823663211784647,0.0,0.12506653242425353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052959923577378,0.07687505472142643,0.0,0.05365486012584034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428841465657717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813967248153245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500657200118062,0.0543088747858809,0.3839948345084845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060251417045018664,0.0,0.0616795436857572,0.0,0.0,0.15941161969391465,0.1801850087327506,0.0,0.06907328334515099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871586360691637,0.0,0.06588690080573331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151803162621016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209173430063858,0.0,0.0,0.03465318479084264,0.0,0.07112838791594342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907472338730138,0.15402657675970066,0.0,0.11135681645655186,0.1674041342787915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053606805747169334,0.0,0.0,0.04208946628259448,0.0,0.06334686770509748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689101567847232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701711055094511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089857067661982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060502634077422124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818238136120078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828203771803781,0.06019279503281332,0.2622849161020695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5159525537860855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157768506479686,0.0,0.06225885662182885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014358586377672,0.0,0.0,0.10049277937392613,0.0,0.06577974818897847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926080691341412,0.0,0.05035552228527526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155366581487027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442169674785109,0.07321130472557978,0.12567211634212425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036767671547946086,0.0,0.0,0.060251417045018664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157379289457464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056693699919029374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851614374100429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121815375391771 ptsd,winter_soldier183,2019/04/02,"I wish my family would understand I’m expected to just “get over it” and I hate that. I’m not allowed to bring the event (happened with a “friend”) up at home, because it’s selfish to still be upset about it. The police can’t do anything. A court case seems futile. I can’t get therapy for it. I’ll get in trouble if I’m caught having insomnia or crying. I had two bad panic attacks last week while driving, which I have never experienced before. My friends do not care. Caffeine, boxing, weight lifting, and video games are the only things that help completely. My event probably wasn’t as bad as a lot of other people’s, so I feel guilty for even venting on here. I’m just really frustrated, even though it happened all the way in December and everyone says I should have gotten over it by now.",3.891666666666669,5.382249286624209,5.070461783439495,82.01274150743102,72.05732484076431,8.290658174097665,27.733014861995755,8.841846274778883,2.1922148619957533,626,23,120,12,12,207,108,157,0.239,0.711,0.05,-0.9851,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,10,12,3,2,7,0,13,2,0,1,2,21,31,10,0,5,6,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,11,4,1,0,3,2,0,3,6,9,0,1,4,4,10,3,18,24,2,19,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,4,8,80,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878293371994992,0.0,0.0,0.17803687550341818,0.0,0.0,0.26133536815955205,0.09539855353494532,0.0,0.13316663161212272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955817630352492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408315504058166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719035876617181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20672836048648247,0.0,0.0,0.1495387042091689,0.0,0.0,0.14753056979683174,0.0,0.07912911667156773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24181695553370125,0.0,0.2452882169597532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767779209720564,0.0,0.0,0.15450747257009342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489601891226706,0.0,0.15697832109294632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756518671844436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304736488163782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069941914686698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902231547240825,0.0,0.1836144226609105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084946723001506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872923552111374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025539165184057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244519585135684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246814724516485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497796602343228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789668982025657,0.0,0.10396903704900162,0.0,0.1537565971133688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287392351724555,0.16291793108617786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421929842638392,0.12553171003428207,0.190570056582878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996276059212707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111703201420839,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Fenki7,2019/04/02,"Didn’t realize I had PTSD I recently tried a new doctor who said I have PTSD. I also have depression and anxiety. He prescribed me Zoloft. I was previously taking 3 other medications that I quit cold turkey. What should I expect?",2.1982170542635617,5.094290255813952,4.7677906976744175,73.64455426356591,88.30232558139534,8.448062015503877,23.44573643410853,8.841846274778883,2.853266666666667,183,7,30,6,6,64,35,43,0.14800000000000002,0.852,0.0,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,8,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,21,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102660524967642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011417122758902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22646232928371154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691213101123092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648756064483639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539406721249447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6147052002665802,0.0,0.0,0.2796597849551051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25961292228402955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501078613572985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976916030617373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785130822985166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwaway5468432,2019/04/02,"Leftover symptoms of PTSD years after being cured in therapy First time posting so trigger warnings might be unneeded, adding them to be sure. TW: Violence, Racism (sadly) and Sexism (also sadly), Ridicule &#x200B; I'm a 21 year old white man and have been treated for acute PTSD 3 years due to several violent encounters on the street. At the time these encounters made me radically racist, and very sexist as well, (policewomen didn't intervene and just walked past), large parts of my day and of my energy where expended in revenge fantasies. The good news was that I managed to get therapy after I realized my behavior was not healthy, picked up some healthy hobbies to channel my anger and was cured, or so I thought. &#x200B; Last week a colleague of mine was pestering me, no big deal, I can take this when its from friends. But it was different. The moment he touched me, normally this is not a problem, I got extremely angry. I got physical with him, and considered doing something that would definitely have landed me in jail. Of course the fucknut also just had to say I was ""triggered"", (I was, but we're not speaking English, the word ""triggered"" is just known because of memes surrounding PTSD and only used mockingly.) After this, my symptoms have come back, albeit in a milder form. &#x200B; I hate what my PTSD has made me, I used to be a sweet, albeit dorky guy. While the racism and sexism is not as bad as it was before, some days I still feel filled to the brim with hatred for these people. But worst of all are the violent fantasies. They are very, very, extreme and sometimes I'm left ruminating for almost 30 minutes. &#x200B; Anyone else here has experience with non-combat PTSD caused by violence? Tips for not ruminating on revenge so much? How do you handle it when people ridicule your condition? What should I do to prevent my condition from slipping further back?",6.7229701718908,8.030787773255819,6.3994388270980815,75.82099089989892,65.16279069767441,9.587259858442874,35.305358948432755,9.761364909221204,3.594247876643073,1510,70,254,31,23,471,203,344,0.185,0.76,0.056,-0.995,1,0,1,0,0,0,71.0,0,2,2,1,17,18,7,0,14,0,32,2,0,10,2,54,46,26,0,5,12,0,2,0,1,3,2,2,0,2,13,14,0,1,4,3,0,3,7,12,1,1,16,6,30,6,39,23,7,42,0,2,1,0,12,15,0,5,23,174,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651512398531209,0.0,0.0,0.1222125687296852,0.0,0.33116750527073685,0.3713935599079996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342872842696698,0.0782926570273061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751152191722987,0.06380044777279904,0.046579768175051633,0.0,0.06502059621766709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849570451809743,0.0,0.06582177946839521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855824940003524,0.07877694694702679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983380041861475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383204034207507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474515254490686,0.0,0.0,0.03863597270484915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499562054126072,0.0,0.0,0.059035369574186224,0.0,0.03992187812320733,0.0,0.0,0.06409037803228816,0.12222658459797495,0.0,0.0,0.07565944225652123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544058045902978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062285607112226526,0.0,0.0,0.08302136645213211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460490152886046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810605732792686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617127708074954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486708970068924,0.0,0.0,0.08018106193083395,0.0,0.0,0.058114422671322885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274625621931049,0.0729434651746761,0.105948287404966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318113733149778,0.0,0.0,0.07311552828448564,0.4466050311261636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076552695706953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632329537037695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882533992748715,0.07557297114447564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102235797766588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201697620321397,0.15884170395758082,0.057451971774749575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476652046364494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066223091677675,0.08911237192589241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199008117486,0.0,0.18914257951947944,0.0,0.0,0.06129273175900689,0.0,0.06870315497748322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428056871184834,0.0,0.3713935599079996,0.14761958782252688 ptsd,Slumdunder,2019/04/02,"EMDR? Have any of you participated in EMDR therapy? Thoughts? Did it help? I was diagnosed with PTSD almost a year ago and EMDR was recommended but I'm not sure about it.",0.4454545454545453,2.6954491515151524,3.7186363636363673,78.19795454545455,102.93939393939394,7.048484848484849,20.651515151515152,7.793537801064563,1.8779333333333343,134,5,25,4,6,48,28,33,0.073,0.802,0.125,-0.2853,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069884367574113,0.0,0.3467856727297323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355069077843157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515036771248902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321284646927032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40482513285425736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32639894232396205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960427835237759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27493639769569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301629361949285 ptsd,avant-garde-history,2019/04/02,"A poem I wrote in therapy. Spontaneous writing has been really helpful to me. Anyone else? **vile** I hope you burn In a Hell of your own mind Like what you did to me My emotions? Empty and shattered. Fight or flight? Anxiety consumes Shredded future trust All that’s left is dust. ",-0.20125786163522008,0.12142560377358612,1.5955471698113222,89.91659119496856,132.58490566037736,4.432201257861634,20.51446540880503,6.079149491110277,0.9723771069182394,219,9,39,4,15,71,47,53,0.22,0.599,0.181,-0.3709,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,8,3,5,3,2,4,1,0,0,0,7,3,1,2,2,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24588195277991795,0.0,0.0,0.22474116806210254,0.3293281294360988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26850137984988115,0.3615491394442517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543801262618376,0.0,0.0,0.31923808211758553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492188457389273,0.0,0.0,0.15702736203122775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245379967864672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590697870618951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675665985653945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,zer0hash,2019/04/02,"It’s getting harder I’m an alcoholic and severely depressed and have been fighting anxiety for about the last decade or so. I’m 47 days sober for the first time in almost 20 years and fucking miserable. I’m tired of being told all the tools to help with sobriety because they’re the same tools I use in CBT and EMDR. So on top of having to deal with al the cravings I don’t get a sense of enjoyment out of anything in life. I just don’t know how to be happy anymore. I’ve got a wife and six kids and they’ve put up with this for so long they’re just angry and resentful. It was easier being drunk al the time because they felt sorry for me and just helped. Now there’s this anger and I can’t fix what I’ve fucked up. I don’t think we talk about what PTSD does to our family enough. I’ve missed the birth of three of my children, deployed five times, missed birthdays and anniversaries and all I can think about is wanting to go back. I feel like a duck out of waste and that life is just trivial. What’s the purpose? I’m tired of listening to someone bitch about cell service or tell me about what they read on facebook. I feel like my life would be better had I not come back at all. WTF is wrong with me right? More importantly I know there isn’t anything wrong with me, but why doesn’t that make anything better? Anyways just needed somewhere to dump this and figured y’all would understand. Much love ",3.3262787039949657,4.652460899653981,3.864669707455175,90.75210994023277,73.22145328719724,7.053853413022964,24.90106951871658,7.520522993642371,0.9908117647058821,1116,34,241,13,22,351,157,289,0.154,0.755,0.091,-0.8914,0,0,1,0,2,0,20.0,2,1,2,4,20,20,7,1,12,0,21,10,0,3,3,52,49,20,0,4,9,1,3,2,0,2,6,1,0,2,11,22,2,0,9,2,0,3,7,13,0,4,6,4,21,7,39,37,7,27,0,4,0,3,18,12,3,3,14,147,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266245697019028,0.11493328863001545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780462762645982,0.0,0.11382863838022045,0.0,0.0,0.2833568063712647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765139355777296,0.0,0.139934843234655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302309965373844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988708268869106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402212226263764,0.11833077056232802,0.09885786627342172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004427402153316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859604785130175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820220219207337,0.0,0.1160701093091149,0.16399442603079387,0.11020459316208307,0.0,0.0,0.09762985441662043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222027140380526,0.11993322370797367,0.0,0.0652308129191389,0.0,0.09179821317780723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218299772333875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386614805486115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615764629658316,0.0935591460467275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432126552340161,0.11214917479249288,0.0,0.0,0.10157465414506636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035913569888034,0.0,0.07661500713629503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843748172279986,0.08510621145433679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416899110270988,0.1153832920044858,0.0,0.0,0.114808762158289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801953010184852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966613272693822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725077416756528,0.0,0.0,0.12848424004432485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225396891004507,0.10032077030218464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708983343490906,0.0,0.0,0.200783402606064,0.26384016720325304,0.0,0.10967501264764057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948763530417447,0.0,0.0991310822346796,0.0,0.0,0.06769886223984059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356902323867163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306957228371813,0.2509827973679237,0.0,0.07391307674853616 ptsd,ErnieBert36,2019/04/02,"When do the nightmares end? Long time listener, first time caller. On mobile. Etc. I have had pretty much nightly vivid nightmares for weeks. Since my trauma about 2 years ago, this is normal. I’ll have solid weeks of vivid, painful dreams and then have a small break before they start again. When can I look forward to this ending? It’s hard to go to sleep and stay asleep knowing what is waiting for me. ",2.3606349206349218,5.10032520779221,1.9986147186147207,95.97189033189034,82.63636363636363,3.9417027417027413,18.94516594516595,5.033348758259628,-0.4786669552669558,319,8,62,1,9,93,62,77,0.08900000000000001,0.813,0.098,0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,8,3,2,0,0,5,14,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,5,5,0,8,13,2,22,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,17,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007066552923127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245588917966604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37982549887440015,0.0,0.2391353227029764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823858043217645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186000226990333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920784793942697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178397936196548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975522503492706,0.18005905546072773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576235977876315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012189336885664,0.2100863759523856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815832530968586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181425385770524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737069441302894,0.0,0.21457515963342125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176779751251268,0.2285435186398651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25006041166122017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439900746496601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807964821038524 ptsd,dissociated101,2019/04/02,"Help me understand my friend's PTSD & support her Hi, so my friend has been going through a lot - depression, anxiety and PTSD. She had also just gotten out of a relationship where her boyfriend cheated on her, which has increased her PTSD symptoms. She can't fall asleep at night because she would imagine her boyfriend fucking someone else, and would also wake up during the middle of the night because the sounds of her boyfriend fucking someone else would wake her up (apparently she was downstairs at a sleepover, and somehow her boyfriend was upstairs fucking a girl and she heard all of it in the middle of the night??) I've never heard of something like this and I don't know how to support her. She doesn't have money for therapy and is on medication of anxiety right now. ",8.064155172413795,8.073182475862067,7.022198275862071,76.99950431034483,62.17241379310346,9.45689655172414,39.5043103448276,8.841846274778883,3.5152931034482755,629,31,110,8,8,191,84,145,0.068,0.823,0.109,0.7301,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,9,0,14,8,3,1,2,19,25,10,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,3,2,3,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,0,1,3,4,5,0,0,7,3,19,5,18,15,3,20,0,1,0,3,23,12,3,2,6,80,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062793230667464,0.0,0.13591370454004947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192183120076856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293357587393422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804090420217392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957730292164445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382857677800255,0.3479005395850163,0.0,0.0,0.07129018939306589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407948901089189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893829844659212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612834299730693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664422319830842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263671539204588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674671728264453,0.0,0.0,0.3531495722531644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398963783378996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346751367408299,0.0,0.10712469387499927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125690543707401,0.09656949722571644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28469463910265297,0.0,0.13037972673483986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345106236416286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058699975920265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673259807469369,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,5orry,2019/04/02,"I've lost control Please forgive me for the following rant. I am in pain and I have nowhere else to go. PTSD has become so, so painfully unpredictable. I have lost control over when and where I will get my dissociative flashbacks, and this has destroyed my ability to function in every single aspect of my life. Working has become nearly impossible, and my interpersonal relationships have suffered greatly due to my difficulty in actually pushing myself out of the house. Even when I do accomplish the rare act of miraculously forcing myself into going out with my friends, I find that they always end up having to take on the role of a caregiver because I'm constantly slipping into a flashback—I don't want to do that to the ones I care about. I hate the feeling of dragging my loved ones down the PTSD rabbit hole with me. Something that would really help is if I could at least be able to predict my episodes, but lately it feels like they've been happening without any specific trigger. I am so, so fucking tired.",7.5958297258297245,7.987649650793653,7.7183164983165025,70.32878787878789,63.074074074074076,10.25897065897066,38.34583934583935,10.018931242160765,4.027852910052912,820,40,136,16,11,266,123,189,0.125,0.773,0.102,-0.6833,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,6,10,14,3,0,9,0,18,6,0,3,0,23,34,12,0,4,3,0,2,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,5,10,0,2,4,0,0,5,2,8,0,2,3,2,23,6,30,27,2,25,0,3,0,2,7,14,1,1,7,103,28,2,0.1336522361125091,0.0,0.13042530287896725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120936710301227,0.0,0.0,0.09088810368696967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147316261897974,0.2952167885267341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136267362171304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443058641087633,0.2998046949609767,0.10671043515440594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164929339164524,0.0,0.11837621111029815,0.0,0.0,0.08827604144805289,0.0,0.11260777329846552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351571727577044,0.09548118418375601,0.0,0.0,0.12215572249242256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325938608181816,0.12355933864257401,0.06982777707616952,0.0,0.15191529159945755,0.0,0.0,0.14735206214788354,0.0,0.0,0.1181882310010037,0.0,0.0,0.13195391305319532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895842765979901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542167359811214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076554381655224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440252693246584,0.06529573152936033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917944077095861,0.0,0.12062636122322695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811324282737874,0.0,0.28443080481400296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467100202382907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124646236164408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562104481477127,0.0,0.0,0.14349248363176592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028920210168824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048984833059484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361358437314465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883155166919124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288359862212909,0.0,0.09730041968035616,0.0,0.0,0.09494271386433796,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PM_ME_YER_SHIBA_INUS,2019/04/02,"""Home is a sanctuary, to decompress and feel safe at the end of the day."" Just read this in an askreddit post, tried to write four replies, and deleted all of them. I'm at a loss for words. I've never once felt that way about the place I lived, in my entire life. I don't remember the last time I felt like that in a house. I'm not sure I've *ever* felt that safe in a house, even as a kid. The maximum safety that I've ever felt in my home is ""the dogs aren't barking, so nobody unknown's in here right now"". I got my dog in 2015. What's your home mean to you? What level of safety do you feel there? Sometimes it feels like this garbage lives in the cold, tiny, alienating details more than it does in the grand paradigm shifts of worldview, the hypervigilance, and the flashbacks.",2.461376015289062,3.905253236024848,3.385341614906832,92.84970855231724,75.64596273291926,6.692976588628763,22.943621595795516,7.321109707123232,0.6036580028666991,605,17,138,7,13,193,97,161,0.027000000000000003,0.848,0.125,0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,1,1,9,7,0,0,16,0,5,1,0,0,5,23,16,5,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,10,3,0,2,9,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,8,11,6,22,11,2,24,0,1,0,0,6,14,0,0,10,80,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717501108751491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182902722089544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972261909234636,0.0,0.0,0.08928009087415363,0.2445423368484205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050416704492081,0.0965671847181086,0.5191467813750484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081097110833397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067667950194012,0.0,0.0,0.311941586343382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018354168532957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547625884697153,0.13207680700241034,0.0,0.23871939935535405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724236335088478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425328275744214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395418721921865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122638092735249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945778759475385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352089727795393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312397122393748,0.11543648523212667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368895323406085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273983809010762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882010950847558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177318204082104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729355397327148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ghoulgummybears,2019/04/02,I feel so worried. I feel so alone and so scared. People talk to me and I wait for the backlash. Like everything is going to have a Consequence. I’m tired from lack of sleep and always feeling like something bad is going to happen. Little things trigger me. I have a meeting with a lawyer at the end of the week to see where I stand and if I can do anything. But I’m so damn scared that I will have to face him down the road. ,0.33999999999999986,2.471174111111111,1.948888888888892,97.12000000000003,85.66666666666667,4.488888888888889,19.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.3681999999999994,330,9,75,2,10,107,57,90,0.241,0.6920000000000001,0.067,-0.9506,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,2,7,0,8,3,2,1,0,13,18,10,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,4,10,2,12,17,1,10,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,1,4,51,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189367406394009,0.0,0.0,0.1758937776606448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173956317960915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650218505215426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722918311420145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899840941786828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32065606945138003,0.15101737038064436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402761136037725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869318652496169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654937948124275,0.21186875206431272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655151242906178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423277409453758,0.0,0.1684508094211297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115431005755078,0.0,0.0,0.1627386859511018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699076258769511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404384132630188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429622104616108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956465763070405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467724983847425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,grumpygaysloth,2019/04/02,"I dont know who I was (this was longer than I intended) I was looking through some old pictures of me as a child (ages 5 to 16) and I could not tell you who that child was. It feels like I am looking at a different person. That it can't be me. It doesn't feel like me. I couldn't tell you what I was doing, where I was, or literally anything about the photo (any of them). I do have diagnosed PTSD, and disclosed to my therapist 2 of my previous traumas (for the first time ever-to anyone) about one year ago. She thinks there is more that I cannot remember because I have continued nightmares (I cry in my sleep, say ""no"" multiple times-most nights. I wake up breathing heavily and sometimes sweaty. But i do not remember the dreams), flashbacks (I feel unsafe, and kind of a familiarity, like my brain is trying to warn me of something but I can't remember exactly what), and I have a very difficult time with intimacy and sex (those are among a slew of other issues I have tbh). I have tried EMDR but due to how much I do not remember, it was unsuccessful. I have also come to realize in the past 6 months that my mother was emotionally abusive and neglectful when I waa growing up (locked me in my bedroom, called me fat, made fun of me, refused me medical attention, etc etc). And I am already aware of 2 instances of sexual assault or abuse/rape (disclosed one year ago). I am not sure how much of this is ""normal"" or how to feel about it at all, actually. I don't know much about PTSD, and there aren't any support groups or anything near me. I feel like no one can understand me. Like I am a freak. I feel alone. I reported the 2 assault/rape instances but one was by an ex gf and bc she is a female and I am a female, they didn't consider it rape. The other was by a pediatrician, and the police told me it was my word against his, and he is very well known and respected in my city. Maybe I don't feel like I have closure? Maybe there is something I haven't remembered? I have no idea. But I just want to feel normal for once.",3.7992685025817536,4.447201373493979,5.260236660929434,83.74787650602411,71.40963855421687,8.916523235800344,28.79733218588641,9.140100540675403,2.182203098106712,1570,58,340,31,28,530,192,415,0.117,0.797,0.087,-0.9251,1,1,2,0,1,0,67.0,0,2,2,1,15,18,2,0,17,0,49,9,5,5,3,68,68,29,0,5,14,2,8,6,1,0,3,1,1,3,20,16,1,2,21,1,0,2,18,6,1,5,14,11,62,12,40,51,8,28,0,1,2,2,23,11,0,5,21,242,82,1,0.0,0.09417650545003907,0.0775657112522958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409169810192509,0.0,0.0,0.08232229446368157,0.08771346719289108,0.0635639759001013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810479640433457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055577629067211816,0.0,0.13081845641050055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048453203995083294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887313380408062,0.08116288057509008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846912796808917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346215510401756,0.0,0.08731033429567485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806754116226647,0.0,0.08304471166212751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315560836729124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940971578491436,0.0,0.0,0.17729315376751426,0.0,0.07189856356655648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32151927591931617,0.2271358639449651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760974097246547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972867847387114,0.0,0.08296149352691047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277120084559207,0.0873655485688797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329935869505521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334944476048115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752104515219503,0.0,0.0,0.159706355435434,0.0,0.0,0.08007258644410807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344401906896345,0.0,0.1752914486497369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459111215387636,0.15575648020200453,0.0,0.0,0.08340594001405842,0.08464873128998082,0.21544386433895665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587724749797807,0.0,0.06940307246937974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582698477212886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502039900531417,0.0,0.0,0.06320951324735438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954221555723262,0.0,0.0,0.12238258399548138,0.07861251205923939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901984233738077,0.07491349518893388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389464592530261,0.0,0.0,0.09228799369234196,0.0,0.05093065844275351,0.0,0.0,0.09269646682620512,0.0,0.0,0.07595114466335325,0.0,0.10792994043820106,0.0,0.0,0.08274649307427806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116658939666986,0.0468822018379149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146639224822908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237122657423042 ptsd,beeeeeeee123,2019/04/02,"Struggling to find the use of exposure therapy. I’m in a PTSD treatment program. I have a therapist that does EMDR with me twice/week and an Occupational therapist that does exposure therapy with me once/week. I also have a kinesiologist who works on physical health everyday and we do 3-4 educational classes/week plus 2 group meetings/week. I’m finding EMDR therapy really is helping. I’ve created a container, a calm place and started other folders for stuff that’s stressful and other motivational folders for things I have trouble doing (like going to this program). We’ve come up with my First trauma, my Worst trauma and my Latest trauma that we are going to process. We did a practice one on a minor event that happened just to practice- I chose when on the 15th birthday my bf at the time didn’t even call me and blew me off the whole weekend. It’s never something that’s been earth shattering but it makes me sad. So we started processing it and the first time she did it I had the biggest rush of a wave of sadness flood over me that I just hurt into tears- and then I had to laugh because it felt like she brain Ninja’d me. I felt like the gates opened and just a flood of emotion. We did it a few more times and by the end I left so relaxed and free and my calf muscles had completely relaxed in the most amazing way... I didn’t even realize they were tense. I think this is how it’s supposed to go??? It seems surreal now, even though it was only a week ago but what a cool therapy. Physical health directly correlates with mental health I believe, so working out every day with my trainer and feeling stronger physically helps fill me up my tank before the stress of the days agenda and more intense mental therapies. It’s nice doing group educational classes/meetings because it’s reassuring to hear from other people in the similar situations reacting similar. The exposure therapy. Basically my OT takes me to someplace where it’s disturbing enough that it triggers my anxiety. We started with the local coffee shop last week. Now here are her rules: -sit at the table with no distractions. No books, phone, making convo etc -no using calming techniques such as scents, headphones, closing eyes and deep breathing -no safety behaviours such as fiddling or hats, sunglasses, hoods -be present and acknowledge the anxiety and think about how it feels Do this for 45ish minutes while my OT sits beside me, watching me, occasionally asking how I’m feeling. First one last week was at the coffee shop and honestly- it was super annoying. She made me take off my hat, sit there and just think about anxious I am. I got to about a 7/10 just from sitting there being watched not allowed to do anything. Today was the second and we started out at the mall and there was nothing going on so we went to the hospital ER entrance. Again, sit there and think about how anxious I am. With her sitting beside me watching. All above rules apply. I got to a 8 when this (for lack of better terms/description) homeless/addicted looking male kept hovering around, asked me for cigarettes. Otherwise it was an easy 4-5/10 on the anxiety scale. It’s just fucking annoying. Of course I’m going to be anxious just sitting there in silence with a stranger observing me while I’m not allowed to even so much as fiddle with my fucking keys. How is this helpful????? I understand the theory- basically to make my brain remember no matter how anxious I get it will pass, I won’t die and eventually my system wears out and exhausts itself and gets too tired to be anxious. But the things that are causing me the anxiety aren’t able to be produced- my triggers aren’t going to recall on demand. She’s asked me what my triggers are and it’s not like it’s a solid object or place- it’s conflict with people and intense, random, traumatic events that I deal with everyday at work nonstop, could be 10 bad calls one day and only 1 the next... you can’t reproduce that, you literally have to jump right in. She asked me what would be similar to that and honestly nothing touches it- I function with high anxiety on a regular basis, I can do anything running at up to an 8/10 anxiety, which is a lot- heart palps, excessive sweating, mind racing, trouble concentrating, disassociating. This is me most times when I go out and socialize with my spouses friends and family or anyone who isn’t super close friends/family that I trust completely. The only thing that has taken me to a 9-10 is after a really bad call at work (which happens a lot being a paramedic or a dispatcher), a truly traumatic event in my personal life (sisters death/ex suicide attempt), or having to deal with my family (incredibly abusive, manipulative, possibly narcissistic people who I chose to go NC with after my sisters death). I guess I’m just frustrated with the exposure therapy because I never feel better after, I always feel wiped and it’s not the “triggers” that are making me nervous it’s the therapist- And not her personally, because I enjoy her when she’s teaching but anyone sitting there observing you doing nothing but being anxious is going to make you anxious so I just don’t understand how it’s going to help me. Any advice you guys have or related experiences would be awesome to hear from you- also thanks for listening and letting me vent. ",6.229108537734412,7.3405053039117405,6.918414789824016,72.36654106258169,66.17151454363089,9.893978906416221,35.46714385580985,10.018931242160765,3.8063903042460714,4256,203,716,96,66,1404,425,997,0.14400000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.122,-0.9352,4,0,2,0,0,1,125.0,8,6,1,14,52,47,5,6,56,1,66,15,7,26,3,158,132,72,3,4,25,3,8,4,2,4,6,3,1,4,62,70,0,3,20,7,3,17,20,23,1,7,24,18,98,25,104,92,14,117,0,3,5,2,58,44,2,13,50,514,160,10,0.044177074662337085,0.052342609586161916,0.0,0.04815953216307795,0.0,0.04316932607378752,0.039160311196003175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065678129346699,0.03675886507072968,0.0,0.0,0.03004192566682913,0.0,0.20277204719230293,0.34935263904850666,0.0,0.06177927554410832,0.0,0.07270793663279135,0.03932696253320436,0.16519840537025732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377202413082012,0.10771973870951283,0.0,0.03759143674235383,0.049772435101721656,0.0,0.07814206505388813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863245111789712,0.13532919756989545,0.0,0.0,0.04538202481349729,0.0,0.03805463811608402,0.09263764455888443,0.0,0.0,0.035271799396594264,0.0,0.0,0.0854716754370179,0.09108924833606123,0.0,0.0,0.04584882883890789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731931148212769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969326292343892,0.03912777570037801,0.04564672740262639,0.04926911593080628,0.11671416468223828,0.0,0.037221090744625686,0.0,0.0,0.04321365593577861,0.12493864299807413,0.0,0.1116862816092581,0.0,0.08483383913255309,0.0,0.08075409181237636,0.11273099141974463,0.0,0.0,0.03413109829814978,0.08168198733086665,0.04616139633911074,0.0,0.25106849591691266,0.0,0.0706648845200883,0.0,0.04866602830800063,0.043742249425498064,0.07813128245375024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087449365876129,0.09958154767288713,0.05235004617919086,0.11844384773358715,0.04667550487046525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729247211802255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202042417083132,0.0,0.0,0.04799852088100518,0.04517405193062128,0.03120357430531985,0.08633074883913562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03709761643579915,0.0,0.0,0.07511553818155832,0.0,0.04180141620248203,0.14744270188858352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904020140156925,0.0,0.044606251940596336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03247523295617647,0.0,0.06814416681971934,0.0,0.046982820081380466,0.0,0.0,0.12716728380241438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980658730863451,0.10079596792779902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188046347525636,0.07714743521189632,0.09231128082220263,0.0,0.0,0.04980301395434476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164063620762199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566019304946809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004401378640056,0.03772698038220081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040217149597703165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965688286733701,0.0,0.04503296426805665,0.0,0.03400967037165898,0.0,0.0,0.12507504329663047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120937953390437,0.04618347030833245,0.050572181215864584,0.048322549451235916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643132448260056,0.0,0.0,0.04067231497191385,0.35364234462631017,0.15387896589211644,0.08804785625519705,0.11322754260613105,0.04340375155648689,0.0,0.10304002999292963,0.05077504861414345,0.04187470129013812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197978542341824,0.0,0.07630961688651401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03506570559339652,0.2480532920184297,0.0,0.0,0.0409525908031583,0.0,0.04932212620621077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128645746002405,0.0,0.0,0.0627642526758623,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MelodicSass,2019/04/02,"Recovery and Self Discovery I am a 22 year old who has a lot of mental issues. I am going through therapy and taking medication to try to help. It is a long road ahead but I am ready for the change. I want to be free from the pain. I know I can't be happy all the time, but I just don't like feeling numb or so depressed and scared. I am nervous and excited to change.",1.0047857142857168,2.48378005,3.4696428571428584,90.54250000000002,79.75,7.071428571428572,22.67857142857143,7.957251820313856,0.965732142857143,284,9,67,5,7,99,56,80,0.257,0.568,0.175,-0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,0,2,6,0,10,3,0,0,1,13,15,8,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,8,5,9,13,2,7,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695093906976379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113347685172224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220595986490084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611836104792876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23623068196148594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874371133081074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316196809387874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195766749306518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841555918703699,0.0,0.0,0.19638616064260875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886626302932556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355415911252666,0.22363626760761876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328605283388428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361312449655559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22217378310418487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315038200912765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668510765436968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537770348203361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293993463574407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066446676209824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089012950186785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429047973247028 ptsd,horrorpretzel,2019/04/03,"His death hurts a lot I’ve had a Labrador mix since I was 6 or 7 years old. My siblings don’t live with me and my parents work all day so he’s all I had for several years. It’s been around 5 months since he died and I still feel horrible even though everyone thinks I’m over it. The first month of his death was so horrible... I remember crying for hours every single day, not being able to focus in class, and generally not having an appetite. I’ve improved since then but it still feels surreal. I have 2 new puppies I’ve adopted but I still feel like I’m coming home to my old sweet boy. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because my dogs aren’t sleeping with my side and start crying. I also freak out when I don’t think my dogs are breathing (which happens super often). I think about him everyday and I still struggle to contain my sadness. God, I remember having to bury his rigid lifeless corpse. I’ll be having a dandy day and then these flashbacks would randomly pop up. I know this isn’t as bad as what others have experienced but I feel shattered.",3.207761969904241,4.722785190697678,4.160957592339262,87.75637482900137,73.83720930232559,7.105335157318741,26.13543091655267,7.724431198458867,1.347820793433653,836,29,173,11,17,270,134,215,0.199,0.7240000000000001,0.077,-0.9783,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,13,9,0,2,5,0,19,3,3,0,2,36,32,19,3,1,6,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,11,0,2,10,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,5,6,26,3,18,24,4,30,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,4,23,106,34,3,0.11630793597444945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301141437786734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353872173163776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711226835293407,0.07090023823879221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001889882335227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555176125360086,0.22502699036413956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070927488653868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682029478485491,0.0,0.09799445237861924,0.11113721709068293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23523514836456064,0.08309041269957114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893147092393004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028507236693484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666634295182025,0.0,0.11453988848525648,0.0,0.12451005099859662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639197998962555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056822182576344374,0.0,0.10270203832560587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888084795432683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856717697047416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233092932474613,0.0,0.10914711899636086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24409122740891265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914619878338926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26350843716392064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139486191336264,0.0,0.28863337959333496,0.0,0.2327838643496691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503152266495265,0.0,0.08232335571637646,0.0,0.3715346716411241,0.0,0.0,0.1215903078407965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357628719142272,0.114271956567251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467356261023105,0.0,0.0,0.08262182067854207,0.0,0.0,0.14979699492415036 ptsd,w8s_b4_d8s,2019/04/03,"Overcomjng fears? Long story short I have PTSD from a cooking related accident, I've gotten myself back into the kitchen in the past few years and can do almost anything that doesn't involve visible flames at this point. I'm moving to a new city in a few months and started looking at apartments. I found an incredible place that is perfect for me.... Except it has a gas stove. How do I start to overcome my fear at least enough to cook? Any advice would be appreciated. ",4.571238095238094,6.332010600000004,5.157619047619047,80.985,70.77777777777777,7.365079365079365,29.523809523809533,7.957251820313856,2.040714285714286,374,15,68,5,7,120,73,90,0.103,0.82,0.077,-0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,7,0,9,3,0,1,1,9,15,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,6,1,12,11,4,19,0,0,1,0,1,10,0,1,8,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648056114208602,0.0,0.0,0.2115870904067709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436916957858703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738824406218582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247716606007892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833006779591824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755439790574605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23168026924299726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699443638834432,0.17743933842295498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865817226819954,0.22457916352852603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040754957980686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171039079097675,0.0,0.0,0.2207642184561069,0.0,0.19974742374592275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24699916611296305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29911939186421865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010192758191804,0.0,0.0,0.13607069839077846 ptsd,FyeFlourite,2019/04/03,"No idea how this works [abuse/rape] My father sexually abused me more then once, from an early age on most likely. If I put all the clues together he must have raped me as well. I have no idea what to do with this information now. It just feels like a story.",1.5547169811320742,3.4851195660377385,3.0156981132075447,92.32128301886793,79.75471698113208,6.504150943396226,16.260377358490565,7.554174236665415,-0.111359245283019,199,3,46,3,5,65,47,53,0.205,0.718,0.077,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,2,11,5,4,0,2,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,5,3,5,4,3,6,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,6,32,9,1,0.0,0.34631304386399964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778940693923534,0.20881033979114244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6599143091089831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28559394197116666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31127678450344204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938297964487307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628016798371497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278887425793444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,queensammii,2019/04/03,"Emotional Flashbacks I recently discovered the term and have been researching bits and pieces about it when I'm able to. So many things clicked into place. Long-asked questions have been answered, countless unexplained feelings have been validated and identified. The relief of being able to name and pinpoint these events is palpable. All is not lost, afterall. ",8.259491525423726,11.39002986440678,6.412000000000003,70.10884745762712,63.91525423728814,10.82169491525424,38.918644067796606,10.793553405168565,5.294570169491525,298,16,41,9,5,87,47,59,0.0,0.8590000000000001,0.141,0.7623,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,11,12,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,1,1,5,7,4,6,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,29,4,1,0.5279211637548056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24676751199603605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881765902187987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969201264890584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346640132528698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23359680860640056,0.0,0.0,0.28814415638641755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676145997721279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27578262691588423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956962619197617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26062923016206313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753636816366948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,microwavednachos,2019/04/03,"Advice for going on a flight for the first time in years? Hi all! I’m flying for the first time since I was 17, about 5 years ago, and I’m extremely nervous over the 10,000 different made up scenarios I’ve gone over in my head lol This will also be my first time flying alone, or even being at an airport on my own. Anyone have any advice on how I can make sure I get to the right gate? Is my social anxiety going to make tsa suspicious of me? Is it weird to take a comfort object like a stuffed animal with me to grip onto for dear life? Thank you to anyone that has a suggestion on how to keep my cool!",2.9756423611111096,3.7089182656250017,4.522291666666668,87.97131944444445,73.375,7.876388888888887,22.034722222222214,8.167268648758528,0.8920180555555559,470,10,105,7,9,158,86,128,0.077,0.782,0.142,0.8674,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,3,5,8,0,1,9,2,9,2,1,5,2,11,21,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,3,3,2,11,6,24,15,2,24,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,1,10,67,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33687815406147353,0.15279660986175045,0.0,0.0,0.17852451023447505,0.0,0.13784513344836224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721828186285453,0.0,0.1318634455798748,0.0,0.0,0.24105180920569755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800911475272976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384950822423626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398563951414432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005680307030632,0.0,0.1959249753005455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690251238351842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321138372383875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175082944460143,0.08421182918735648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631017345901784,0.2301181406314424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472040064714654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258718313882754,0.0,0.0,0.1757106637315662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624577537067718,0.0,0.1296016407883303,0.0,0.0,0.15869618123903045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015329829257007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200271755459575 ptsd,HobnobA,2019/04/03,"Hospital related ptsd Has anyone got ptsd as a result of hospitals/chronic pain/conditions? I used to see a private therapist who confirmed I probably have hospital related ptsd. Unfortunately I can not longer afford therapy and I have to go through more and more hospital tests. I was wondering if there’s any support out there? ",6.2146551724137975,8.91891184482759,7.4477931034482765,62.32651724137932,68.48275862068965,12.915862068965518,40.910344827586215,11.979248473330829,6.670726896551724,269,17,39,12,5,91,43,58,0.047,0.894,0.059,0.168,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,8,11,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,6,9,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,27,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177457124821685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457751144089006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848484267390832,0.0,0.16674170318253284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183901834488265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477832173849727,0.0,0.7311111616328192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661327657851854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23658233910838736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238416768146166,0.2420630938178299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006108090712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260892968941763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Governorimpressive,2019/04/03,"Do I have ptsd? I get flashbacks, cant sleep, cant even look at some people without wanting to break down, I get episodes of severe chest pain. I've had these issues for years and always brushed it off for some other reason. I thought I got the chest pain because of my caffeine consumption and I haven't even touched it for a couple months, I thought I was an insomniac and that's why i couldn't sleep, I thought I got those flashbacks because I was weak and couldn't get over stuff that happened years ago. A big part of me feels like I haven't been through enough to call it ptsd and that it's disrespectful to people have have seen really terrible things. I don't know anymore, sorry for the word vommityness I'm a bit shitfaced.",3.47091836734694,5.223313863945581,3.7167517006802733,90.23390306122452,73.62585034013605,6.53265306122449,27.215986394557824,7.1686216300943375,1.1902068027210886,586,22,122,6,12,181,84,147,0.118,0.8540000000000001,0.028,-0.9148,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,0,15,7,4,1,0,18,30,5,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,10,5,16,1,16,18,5,10,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,2,5,76,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290085696082327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536415008267455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749906585293867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690340014502527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136496062883148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157254156225255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340859194615766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432578481606258,0.0,0.1831480703398721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010332298864169,0.09904836210463387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730963041340512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177491953748474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260374440019887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470986499227073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619593260020878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773518066093835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642728854588308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066550328025004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29505714230262675,0.0,0.0,0.15013954922675404,0.0,0.19223864424957454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32413830483383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881984783797163,0.1425506498348411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662993405194975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774912259924424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552022692558996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871590955186704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921098995116561,0.0,0.0,0.3302070844436091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817766991659137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510598518319085,0.0,0.0,0.13364929985362542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785662931905239 ptsd,Guinevere_roundtable,2019/04/03,"Scared Just had a very dissociative period that ended up in me in the ER, and got officially diagnosed with PTSD. I’m now going through therapy to work through my issues about dealing with parental abuse, especially of my dad. I just moved in with my loving, gentle husband and I walk around scared of him. It’s been really hard, and I feel lost. Any advice ",3.907843137254904,6.145578411764706,4.968235294117652,79.62872549019609,73.70588235294117,8.650980392156864,26.03921568627451,9.2995712137729,2.3705215686274514,284,10,53,7,6,93,53,68,0.185,0.726,0.09,-0.7346,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,8,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,4,2,8,1,14,4,0,11,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,34,10,1,0.0,0.25104398098295005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070473665642346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440861408214643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886187431685307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843969671962013,0.0,0.21505444913685207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876634095337069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713324757038327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041668386943907,0.0,0.16946035042847218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898034884335038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114840111938133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312928117906525,0.0,0.19123060296044544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251956510413721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352684415271541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476771983008099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357362011089106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242590845906545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24230404456073384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748237663775108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425167214773036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,UtahIsMyCity,2019/04/03,"How long can untreated ptsd last and can it get worse? I was diagnosed around 8 years ago. I've never gotten help for it. There was a point in my life where I would just knock people out for small stuff and wouldn't really remember it, like them walking up behind me and slapping my shoulder. I'm not in that place anymore but I still have that anger. I still wake up and get panicked and swinging. I've hit my SO on many occasions, she's understanding but I don't want to take advantage of that. I only sleep a few hours a night if that. I feel like it gets worse when I'm stressed. I haven't really told anyone about what I've been through. I feel like it would put a weight on them. What do you guys think, is it ptsd or something else? It's impossible to find a doctor anywhere near me unless I drive like 4 hours. 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Suppose I am a Perpetrator ( I am not. Just suppose I am. I am experimenting with an idea right now), and my victim has developed PTSD. And suppose that now I am looking for information and advices on how I should try to fix things with the person. What would you advise me to do? And where do you think I could get proper information as to what I should do in my situation as a repentant perpetrator? ",3.771926910299001,5.58381446511628,5.940963455149504,74.35104651162794,72.95348837209302,9.100332225913624,28.564784053156142,9.606745405546679,2.768008637873755,348,14,67,9,7,122,48,86,0.147,0.853,0.0,-0.905,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,0,5,1,1,0,5,0,15,0,0,1,0,18,18,7,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,14,0,11,13,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0,2,60,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791424490827893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280752877701417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794290958148357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924491993639016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224739867503667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398814262081056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24942622417472385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33391982164720035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439510332495193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210924320132548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897789971638282,0.1830386087836849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394355725951856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058475959723051,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawaysalad421,2019/04/04,"Need advice on dating a girl with ptsd Crossposting here from r/mentalhealth Without getting too into her past experiences, she was emotionally abused and made to do sexual favors, and then stalked by the human garbage. This happened about 4-5 years ago and she sill has trust issues and emotional issues because of it. I am new to relationships, I've only had one long term relationship before this for two years and it ended abruptly and suddenly. Because of that I also am insecure with relationships and I was not sure if she actually liked me for a while. She does but she has a hard time showing it, and I've accepted that because I really like her. She has a hard time expressing herself to me which is fine but a little frustrating because I don't have much of a filter and I say what I feel to her. She refuses to get help. She won't see a therapist and she won't take medication because she doesn't want to depend on it her whole life. She saw a therapist initially but it made the anxiety and depression worse leading to a suicide attempt, so she won't try again. I keep telling her she needs to talk to someone if not me, or try meds but she won't budge. Also, occasionally she will get very defensive with me about seemingly very random things, which does tend to lead to fights because it makes me upset and then she gets upset because of that. What should I do when this happens? She also never apologizes for doing it, which is also a little frustrating because it makes me feel bad, like I did something to upset her(enter, insecurity). All of this being said, I have a few questions. How do I help her get help? What can I do? Will she ever open up to me? I see glimpses of her true self every now and then but I want to know everything about her, and it's frustrating that I can't. If anyone would like to share experiences of dating someone with ptsd I'd love to hear them. Or if you suffer from ptsd I'd love to hear firsthand about these questions or the troubles we are having. I really want to make this work and I do really like her. Besides all of this, she really Is my dream girl and I find her incredibly attractive. Ps. Please excuse or point out any blatant typos or errors, I'm on mobile. 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My husband has PTSD. It all started in 2011, when he watched his buddy (more like a son to him) get murdered in a drive by. His buddy was shot 20+ times, mostly in his face. The bullets barely missed my husband. He still suffers from survivor's guilt. We have been together for 6 years. Before we married, I educated myself on PTSD, and how to work together to help him with his ""otherside"". He's had a handful of minor setbacks over the years, but I am so proud of his progress! He went from self medicating with pain pills and alcohol, to occasionally using cbd products, to calm his mind. The downfall- last summer, we came up on a terrible car accident, where the car was crushed, out of control grass fire, and the woman had passed away. He ran over and pulled her out of the car, and carried her body to safety. He's been mentally declining ever since. His paranoia is at an all time high, negative thoughts have come back, and he claims he's seen her ghost. In January, his ""otherside"" had convinced him that I was against him, planning to leave him, get him committed. I became his enemy. It broke my heart, but I went above and beyond to reassure him that I am in this for the long haul, and that our wedding vows are a promise I would never break, no matter what his ""otherside"" thinks. Lately, hes been deep in delusional thoughts, sees dark and evil spirits, vivid hallucinations, doubts, mistrust, extremely selfish behavior, etc. He doesn't trust therapists. He has pushed away everyone that loves and cares for him, including me. It's such a devastating situation and feeling. I'm starting to feel like I'm in a losing battle with his ""otherside"". I feel like I've exhausted all of my options and ideas. I feel helpless. I'm begging for any advice! Please help me get my husband back. 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ptsd,retiredmedic99,2019/04/04,"Blog New site I created to help Ptsdsocialsupport.com 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ptsd,MikeMyersResplendent,2019/04/04,shitpost I'm so jumpy today that my bagel popping up from my toaster startled me.,1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,85.25,3.2,33.0,3.1291,1.456975,66,4,11,0,2,21,15,16,0.249,0.7509999999999999,0.0,-0.5133,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Piscesthefishy,2019/04/04,"i think I have ptsd I don't like to self diagnose but I was diagnosed with bipolar depression. When I was around 10 years old my mom tired to smother me with a pillow but then she stopped but she continued to call me names and say dark things about me. I always think about what happen to me or could have happen to me. always as in everyday. I barely sleep in fear of being murdered by my family while I sleep. but when I do sleep theyre away from the house. my school counselor wanted to put me through a PTSD test or something. but I wasn't at that school long enough to obtain it. I barely socialize with people , because I feel like if I get close to them I could end up being murdered like those people on the news. I've had a hard life so far dealing with everything mentally and emotionally. I can't maintain friendships or relationships. i have a mental breakdown everyday. I'm constantly suicidal. I get 'triggered' when my family tries to harm me , that I become stiff as in not defending my self while I get punched by my dad. I'm 19 now and i've thought of the incident where my mom tried to smother me with a pillow everyday for 9-10 years. I know this isn't a doctor's office but I feel like someone with PTSD or someone with expierence with it can help me better understand what's happening to me. thank you. -jake. 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My boyfriend is a major source of support for me, he's amazing and he would never ever even think about hurting me. However, my past involves a lot of sexual abuse and sometimes I panic during sex, or even if we message about sexual stuff (I haven't told him I panic about that because I feel ridiculous, why would my brain perceive talking about sex with the love of my life as something dangerous!? I hate my brain so much) I'm staying with him soon and I know it's so silly but I'm getting anxiety because I'm really worried about panicking when we're getting into it... Especially if I have a flashback and perceive him as a threat. Last time this happened I couldn't get the picture of the pain in his eyes out of my head for days, it really hurt him, and now I'm terrified of this happening again because not only does it ruin the moment, but I can see it hurts him, and he is the last person in the world I would ever want to hurt 😥 So I guess what I'm asking is... any advice on suppressing a panic attack?",6.068319327731093,6.175813815126053,7.054285714285713,74.7657142857143,66.31092436974791,9.99327731092437,34.64705882352941,9.784248007369934,3.3965596638655464,960,42,175,19,14,323,133,238,0.28600000000000003,0.6779999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9969,1,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,1,0,0,1,16,22,7,5,12,0,11,10,4,0,3,36,33,18,0,7,6,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,11,13,0,2,5,0,0,1,4,18,0,0,2,3,27,4,29,27,3,25,0,5,2,3,18,9,0,5,14,117,38,1,0.0,0.2086478491932509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086040676111028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059876487106448835,0.0,0.06735741024009427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231413241328807,0.3005060876601985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102195688487028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965840922827087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056784461034311035,0.0,0.0,0.08936810214719111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705246342032786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631135524132337,0.15929111593766418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612902984838082,0.0,0.0,0.044520329854406425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800624583960827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699613962241843,0.0,0.15572326415872087,0.0,0.0,0.08693037320689365,0.09036389915886284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377034032826132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838954714707373,0.14354372775867788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219176611007188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485629588632095,0.07946785629235083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647263057949195,0.0,0.06790898445078414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669653974131979,0.09369057514819812,0.5165339262423094,0.0,0.0,0.0840529408980663,0.0,0.07688118033760298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029248232069424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281316647444425,0.0,0.0,0.09453190789018008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016382642469426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778458918003674,0.08708292733127736,0.0,0.0,0.09384875033027294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079528822815034,0.0,0.09991720837184356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077062562791657,0.0,0.0,0.1006919535582419,0.0,0.0,0.05641838318004928,0.0,0.0,0.051342206685938384,0.0,0.0,0.08413480040508095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193370964541751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945072344171994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410087886208325,0.0894182541880268,0.0,0.18764291316260487,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CoconutSharkFren,2019/04/04,"Question ****I am self diagnosed. I cannot and wont tell a therapist**** I think I had ptsd 2ish years ago. It improved but... Now I think its getting worse I been doing stuff that been triggering me but was ignoring it because it was easy to But.... Now I realized I been getting deeply uncomfortable super fast. Its not a big deal like 2 years ago, but its ruining things. Is that possible? To improve than not. Is it not ptsd and just some other thing going on with me? ",-0.8090890269151139,0.4536903478260896,1.3816149068323007,92.96007246376814,118.34782608695652,5.23064182194617,19.598343685300208,6.655083550727371,0.8835821946169773,360,14,74,8,21,119,59,92,0.14400000000000002,0.7,0.156,0.5062,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,12,1,0,1,0,18,17,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,13,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,6,0,10,2,5,10,1,10,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,2,8,55,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34857108236430145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198534458971782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026993460632415,0.0,0.19955803300708028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20544433118567226,0.0,0.11173968578966187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605516926806716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165158995010956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596600973566602,0.0,0.220251531258713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051102147313425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507481944802166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184840798533052,0.0,0.0,0.2282828202668833,0.2612418510595057,0.25196331358378843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036542070237148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532246219855209 ptsd,AduItFemaleHuman,2019/04/04,Self-harm Compulsions In the past couple weeks my mind keeps pushing me to hurt myself. Usually it's choking or annoying my cat until she claws the bejeezus out of my hand. My regular grounding techniques don't help get rid of my intrusive thoughts nearly as much as the former two. I can't afford any prescriptions or medical visits and am worried that if I *do* seek help it will be used against me in my coming custody battle. I don't know what to do.,4.1375922953451045,5.853970752808992,5.1460995184590725,80.81314606741573,71.80898876404495,8.231781701444623,30.69181380417336,8.841846274778883,2.679480256821829,363,16,66,7,7,119,67,89,0.195,0.772,0.034,-0.9219,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,0,8,2,1,1,0,11,14,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,1,1,13,0,12,11,1,13,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,3,5,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726349467334636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118756244328852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27215373956493233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850568496024156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329728062611383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633088253372661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862350358770447,0.0,0.0,0.13517501030230758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477821721449192,0.0,0.0,0.24835284084674905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081134394719486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23479982396409854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25659338940408394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526740478287025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402704275521713,0.0,0.0,0.2124333396463285,0.27089385180611664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729694212950355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24978769473381665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lamborghini2408,2019/04/04,"Abortion, smear test. Not sure if ptsd I'm not sure if I have PTSD, definitely not medically diagnosed but thought this community may understand this most. I had an abortion last year but it didnt work, had another and it didnt work so had to have surgery. My bff left me to deal with it all when the day I found out the second one didnt work. I was a complete mess. Occasionally I would get random things bringing back really strong emotions (like someone speaking in the background of a phone call because that happened when I had phone counselling a the time.) I have a smear test today and thought I was fine but I keep having flashbacks of the surgery and getting really worked up about having it and how I'm going to explain why I'm so worked up when. I go for it. Not really sure what will come of this post or what I'm after, reddit was really helpful and supportive throughout the procedures and aftermath last year though. ",2.6935998836871167,5.2624602209944715,3.6412852573422505,85.92380052340799,79.3867403314917,6.904448967723175,26.100901424832802,8.032893268588372,1.7807281767955794,744,30,143,14,19,238,102,181,0.075,0.8079999999999999,0.118,0.8994,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,6,9,8,0,0,11,0,18,2,0,1,4,34,36,19,0,3,10,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,12,9,0,1,5,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,13,1,12,7,14,20,2,23,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,6,14,95,24,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975596278546214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515119660349604,0.0,0.07543295511892703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635605951599935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659416160741476,0.1297428190608177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980439034875718,0.12757422667131127,0.0,0.12559715771842364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391949039878528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567847952086945,0.0,0.0,0.12930185609399872,0.0,0.1406526886244998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942606421672424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294273229063899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998900479931746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173511333052047,0.0,0.0,0.13444779256866135,0.0,0.0,0.0604548765210733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465866695023348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385187154485088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185121709308032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892993124587578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170932966455726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484755781319396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042278035617278,0.34988065934477064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220975491627926,0.0,0.12157746694810348,0.1964772055095844,0.07215589316336829,0.0,0.1172944717794238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882146037141326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165935947165233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45043410338235995,0.0,0.0,0.08790390901223398,0.0,0.0,0.15937365340023804 ptsd,CaJaSt87,2019/04/04,"How do I get passed it? So I recently had oral cancer. (History:physically and mentally abusive childhood, abandonment, bullied, depression, self harm). After my surgery, a hole appeared in the floor of my mouth. A surgeon came into my 6 bed bay at 2am and using local anaesthetic stitched up the floor of my mouth by a flashlight that her assistant was holding, she stabbed me through the lip (which wasn't numbed) a couple of times and the next day I found out she hadn't done it properly and still had a hole. The surgeon wanted me to go under General and get it sorted but I was too scared and so let it heal naturally which took 3 weeks on NG tube which made me sick. I have bad veins also and was stabbed numerous times every day by people trying to find veins for canulars or to take bloods. 2 doctors gave me a nose bleed because they were trying to very forcefully shove a large NG tube that was the wrong size up my nose. My dietician restricted my water and I had severe dehydration headaches all weekend while she was off and no one would up my water intake because her word is law or whatever. Anyway long story short, it was a lash up and lots of horrible things happened to me along with just trying to deal with getting cancer and going through treatment. So since then I have nightmares every night, I can't sleep, I grind my teeth all day getting angry at how (I've tried) but can't get any help for what happened to me and psychological help. So it didn't really click until I went for an eye test and they did the glaucoma air pressure test and I completely broke down. I was so embarrassed because the lady doing it clearly didn't get it, it's only a burst of air to the eye, it doesn't hurt. Which I get. But to me, it was another test, another thing being done to me in a kind of medical setting and I just couldn't handle it and lost my shit. How am I supposed to move on and break the loop of bad thoughts when I can't get the help I need?",6.066169326856348,5.718201188295168,6.569693499884341,79.77821825121445,66.3791348600509,9.89354614850798,32.367453157529496,9.457814108942452,2.726303816793893,1549,57,312,27,22,506,207,393,0.221,0.762,0.017,-0.9981,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,1,15,15,1,3,22,0,33,26,13,5,3,54,58,35,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,11,0,1,1,21,23,2,3,3,1,0,8,10,14,0,1,27,5,42,1,45,27,3,49,0,5,3,0,13,21,1,5,18,207,63,4,0.0,0.1194371527534323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061352736456562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855069117197664,0.21140515306732474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833552214355202,0.1843489318052068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529378675857252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569186931427653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153854574573316,0.0,0.1950321857464624,0.10392527764402608,0.08682298907493254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317793975544508,0.0,0.20631652915567705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986471007324497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213372122173864,0.0,0.0,0.1105272124506364,0.0,0.0,0.4213305977257735,0.0,0.11457933234697028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828262654518515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270191025497797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791357674190197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497264165556168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307969326686996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920903737427895,0.0,0.0,0.11004029964967456,0.08570059917607663,0.0,0.0953838979706808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015501869896934,0.10158748503444083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713950307641004,0.0,0.07474544966276889,0.0,0.0,0.10720700215776796,0.09459843528699582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830791186155398,0.07666655976526722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988532566433593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457810827624111,0.0,0.09953253588122853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092314680256527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516134574469728,0.11388068192775128,0.10347463395844196,0.08338673627606961,0.0,0.10087755650368198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050280876696793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579263159186124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394040203330426,0.0,0.0,0.08002771667162185,0.1175601283474926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199779357517008,0.2737592507002694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706294394462173,0.0,0.08317448125226805,0.05945725715319545,0.0,0.080859495226427,0.0,0.0,0.09344701920820456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160880679785447,0.11021417665237354,0.0,0.0 ptsd,XXI-X-MCMXCVIII,2019/04/04,"I had a bad experience 2/3 days ago.. Does PTSD tend to develop fast? Hi guys. I'll try not to rant. I had a bad experience involving severe dehydration and an ambluance ride to the hospital, and a bunch of other stuff that makes me sick to speak about. I really thought I was going to die. This was only Tuesday morning, it's now Thursday night. I've been vomiting, no appetite, crying when I think of what I went through on Tuesday morning. I'm agitated, walking around constantly. Anything to keep my mind off what happened. I know a lot of posts like this are looked down upon, but: is this PTSD? Or just general shock? Is it too early to tell? Thanks guys.",2.1286160714285742,4.6662365937500025,3.831964285714288,83.87375000000002,81.5,7.4071428571428575,26.330357142857146,8.418075326091056,2.142279464285714,516,22,100,12,14,172,94,128,0.162,0.7829999999999999,0.055,-0.8955,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,8,2,0,1,0,15,20,5,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,10,3,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,7,2,9,2,17,13,2,21,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,2,12,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462571879561967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426141514852227,0.1452411906520699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724526871997025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763109540715286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921644026808636,0.10522049935434176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932755701494942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277671267620612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191908266620952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272388441240123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230951987708216,0.1442760864276598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501831237473398,0.0,0.0,0.08966488756966569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970855072200257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370078346869532,0.0,0.0,0.13870725704723794,0.0,0.0,0.10890621698624832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647385082666473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310849172315594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240855759997638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625593717852915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814353820228424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452029916259227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843169962955968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677170420834768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260333565356426,0.1502098070276634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454216422662584,0.0,0.12952564129064892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077050546030938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124491355048658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pau_Bau,2019/04/04,"Seeking for advice First time writing here. I have coped with my thing pretty well, for almost a year, everything was fine. But recently, there was fireworks outside my home, and it triggered me, I think. I get nightmares again. Everything, once again, all bad things. With only single fireworks. What can I do? How can I get back to normal English is not my native, sorry ",3.21436567164179,6.204246761194033,3.350876865671644,85.95527052238809,81.38805970149255,5.141044776119403,24.792910447761198,6.6274283507984215,1.1784343283582095,291,11,48,3,8,89,53,67,0.052000000000000005,0.826,0.123,0.4257,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,1,12,10,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,9,2,5,8,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434035870365426,0.0,0.0,0.2298885836824783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653083425121432,0.1916875228433556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126586918115436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195278402145208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398894111823013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23028483073170986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493708850323973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444924171009397,0.0,0.17460394264014906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335627300141955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22667996632487256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25699308112893965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050420202161793,0.14710391517332816,0.0,0.0,0.13386841648823666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641763575163613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784030572755924 ptsd,moonura,2019/04/05,"Diagnosed with high functioning PTSD at 16 years old. (TW: r*pe) Long story short, about 6 months ago I was sexually assaulted and abused repeatedly by my ex-boyfriend who - ending up cheating on me anyways. About 3 weeks ago I came out to my school about what happened. I didn’t name him. They then proceeded to call my parents, and I told them. They didn’t believe me and simply revictimized me. I made another post about that story. It’s quite a lot. I then began seeing a therapist at a shelter. She’s designated for sexual assault victims and I was terribly nervous and exhausted with everything when I had first met her. During my first actual session, she diagnosed me with PTSD. My second session consisted of taking a survey from the DSM. I answered high on every question except one: “Feeling anger towards others.” I get horrible nightmares. My anxiety is through the roof. Even before my ex hurt me, my parents royally fucked me up with their abuse. For the past week I’ve been having episodes every day. During school I go to my AP psych teacher’s prep period, and I sit in his room and cry. I just have to exhaust myself I guess; to stop the thinking, the images of him. Just seeing him in school makes me panic. I also can’t do that much anymore with the school unless they involve the police and my parents. My parents would beat my ass, and make my life hell until I was 18. I guess I’m just scared, people of reddit. I zone out all the time and I feel like I’m not myself. ",3.118682410633632,5.426822522648084,4.384823848238483,82.55812104787717,76.38675958188153,7.178681120144535,26.30907213834044,8.167268648758528,1.913493586269196,1172,45,214,21,27,385,174,287,0.224,0.763,0.013,-0.9962,5,0,0,0,2,0,40.0,0,0,5,4,11,15,7,3,12,0,13,7,1,3,1,39,34,16,0,1,6,5,2,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,6,18,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,14,0,4,12,4,53,1,36,21,3,42,1,1,2,2,24,15,3,4,24,147,59,7,0.0,0.2241910888314912,0.09232420112926387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772936763040264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565834440025118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920521035149507,0.07237520636318467,0.0,0.09382616173553653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805048238962516,0.10659132690816156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660580673426432,0.10820686441793692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392294138782314,0.061014624388485525,0.0,0.0,0.19205117334927016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379500666070379,0.0,0.0,0.062487989873470824,0.0,0.1594234014602797,0.0,0.08502797572652006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567375138338476,0.06758829658093089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609478008532948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746398881528256,0.04942901103455522,0.0,0.0537681631809378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084437509275292,0.0,0.0836619411202319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999180465284952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128030395790072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682474712526994,0.04622091049459417,0.0,0.0,0.0837255023310745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043272214660058,0.0,0.08952080424750528,0.1263037519069264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551556328697323,0.0,0.06954809756396209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992756548855256,0.0,0.06410913515186438,0.0,0.0,0.11100263318354338,0.42020595647933867,0.0,0.09031447202685088,0.06558958788299056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906087442458554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221184433693166,0.0,0.1059831177247285,0.1006277336440657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471956442513793,0.3829952148674541,0.15078137353015938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909690165304185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113378128270538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984770401645516,0.0,0.06062127553269154,0.0,0.0,0.05516694882999215,0.0,0.0,0.09040242966494676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517783860320338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720712942260564,0.0,0.0,0.06092474083907114 ptsd,i_c_u_seeing_me,2019/04/05,"Is there a PTSD al-anon type sub reddit? Hey gang, not sure if this is the right place to post or not. My gf and I have been together for 5 years, she has PTSD and overall it's been rocky, but on the healing direction of the spectrum. Triggers and extreme emotions can be a real bitch to navigate, as I'm sure you're aware. I was wondering if there was a spousal type group like al-anon for PTSD? I could use a lot of advice to say the least, venting or whatever other cathartic release would be icing on the cake too though...",5.450555555555557,4.877114796296297,5.852222222222222,85.165,67.70370370370371,9.051851851851852,31.88888888888889,8.344100000000001,2.1371000000000007,410,15,89,5,6,132,77,108,0.091,0.877,0.031,-0.7379,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,9,0,13,1,0,2,2,19,16,10,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,5,3,10,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,6,2,56,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842018505650181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050340861252912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203923766300173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209249450438177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602575531939079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694433874659892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053268947365936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6610458132383075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21455640200848444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609795712528206,0.0,0.1499042568736119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553215726296407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852021350646884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628050971003979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442224243452028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390632358335866,0.0,0.0,0.12138902719277353 ptsd,nevadarae92,2019/04/05,sexual assault ptsd and fear of driving I was sexually assaulted and never received help or support and for some reason i have a phobia of driving. I went to a counsellor and expressed my fears surrounding driving and my anxiety symptoms and she said it didn’t add up until i finally told her about my assault. She didn’t go too into but does anyone else understand the correlation? I just don’t want to be scared of driving anymore ,5.564430894308941,7.202903573170737,6.864390243902438,70.19016260162603,68.14634146341464,9.856910569105693,36.83739837398374,10.125756701596842,4.305920325203251,351,19,56,9,6,119,59,82,0.234,0.727,0.039,-0.9236,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,3,3,3,0,6,1,0,1,1,16,13,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,0,0,2,0,0,7,4,6,0,0,6,1,11,1,10,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,3,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270587581410112,0.0,0.2109295238876364,0.1487165209467745,0.21792417509422216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861248599040688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767368313067022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786666674538415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23298950545658675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208755942935738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256040401374068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403823649582674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486211011261357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186788725655446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231516461545412,0.0,0.2129379722827516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24135602659147146,0.0,0.22106445623274498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032326708755323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141589659521532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254489993307834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716407401554226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aussianon,2019/04/05,"Weed for PTSD? I have PTSD that feels like it's only getting worse and the only person that's taking it seriously is my boyfriend. My family and therapist are either dismissive or not taking the problems as serious as they are. I have tried anti-depressants but they either don't work or make me feel worse, I have tried essential oils (Mums suggestion), I have tried anxiety medications like Valium but I'm not in control of when I have it (medications like that are under control of my mum - locked box). I have even tried getting my hands on CBD oil since everything I read seemed like it would be beneficial but I live in Australia and from what I've been told it's so hard to be prescribed that someone in my situation is unlikely to ever get it. So that brings me to Marijuana. I have an addictive personality but not with everything, for example, I used to smoke cigarettes and never got addicted but I have to be careful with alcohol. PTSD is one among many of my mental illnesses and I've read that weed can be a depressant, can cause psychosis and other negative symptoms. However I've also read that it can be good for PTSD, my flashbacks and episodes are frequent and intense at the moment and I'm lost as to what to do. I don't want to rely on weed, I just need some help and a break from these constant breakdowns. Is weed a good reliever for PTSD or are the negative symptoms too much of a risk? If you smoke weed for PTSD or something else, how much do you smoke and what strain and how does it help you? If you don't think weed is the answer do you know of anything I haven't tried that could help me? 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I’ve always struggled with anxiety, ever since I was around 6 years old. However, I went through a severely traumatic event from August of last year to January of this year. I want to vent so badly of what has happened but my s/o just gets angry when I mention it because he was involved in the entire thing. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have to live with the emotional and physical scars from the events for the rest of my life, but I don’t know what to do to progress in my life. This is extremely muddled and I apologize for it. I just want someone to talk to. ",3.2295144724556484,4.492696302521012,4.539775910364148,86.06486461251171,73.36974789915966,8.314098972922503,28.348272642390288,8.841846274778883,2.123066479925304,456,18,96,9,9,151,77,119,0.121,0.7929999999999999,0.086,-0.631,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,6,0,7,2,0,0,2,16,14,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,11,0,23,11,2,16,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,11,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462747552070276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054889362163946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868275359931948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523150283923825,0.1279339419103191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807832035423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23607391136829836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898381509650548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964767401957093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558609722906969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115338286160688,0.17107090812900366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29647277725664056,0.0,0.0,0.18531780614004392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022177699160767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370917651182337,0.0,0.17360546280961656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778209716106741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940021312440744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868441950147856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394273629256491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24757185870178075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455028152331155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40544546512851903 ptsd,sojayn,2019/04/05,"The more research I find about human networks and connection and health and neuroscience and psychology - the less hope I have. Solutions or opinions welcome, thanks. I get daily dopamine and distraction from learning new things. It's always been my survival tool from childhood. Today, listening to a ted talk, I physically felt hope flee. We all know humans are social. There is more and more evidence that interaction is vital. I grew up isolated on a farm at the end of a dirt road. No extended family and my parents had no social group or community connection. I have tried to create that in my life. Interest groups, therapy groups, recovery groups, meditation groups- I even lived in an intentional community for a year with 24 other people. I nurse. And today, i have not one person who would just drop round or text or call. My partner is away and it's days and days of silence and my dog. Mostly Im okay with it. Today, the scientists are telling me this will slow kill me - and i get that. Anyone have any thoughts (besides I need a new hobby 🥺) ",3.6134615384615394,6.3424266923076935,4.732499999999998,78.49875,76.94871794871796,8.207692307692309,27.698717948717945,8.982922981607832,2.7354564102564103,835,35,145,21,20,273,128,195,0.092,0.799,0.109,0.3072,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,0,0,1,4,9,1,1,10,1,13,2,0,1,1,34,23,16,1,4,6,1,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,4,10,15,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,4,3,19,7,16,17,6,21,0,0,1,0,20,7,0,8,11,97,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443405388231585,0.0,0.0,0.1016962463330084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045658739337326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050316618634448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270294326607606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288928981307776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245315763769194,0.0,0.0,0.09877356543077592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097843522364562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358738346997446,0.0,0.13668211725884022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562629767891749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896015197829294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970653693526213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153508518976034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654502286543461,0.0,0.0821864398601555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562859432569367,0.0,0.0,0.13205164769073785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088628766858924,0.0,0.2888644577225734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133607863615236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605287120275375,0.0,0.0,0.1036762018342446,0.13057759116839102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304886143325128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019921883865115,0.13070958752324596,0.137681645583874,0.1710186119403778,0.0,0.09935155930775952,0.0,0.0,0.11872263063968153,0.0,0.0,0.42525568947383396,0.0,0.0,0.10153175598663927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623301867894837,0.0,0.0,0.09630256770630874 ptsd,ConsciousDentist,2019/04/05,"looking for other members of this community who deal with trauma related to pelvic medical procedures Hi reddit, &#x200B; I'm scared to post this but am reaching out in case there are others in the community who hold this kind of trauma and are looking for ways to deal with it. I believe there's an issue that is not spoken about enough whatsoever in the medical community that has haunted my life and the lives of many others - VCUG-related PTSD and trauma in children. VCUG stands for voiding urethrocystogram, and I'm a victim of its side effects. A few deeper Google searches on the topic led me to clarity about my own situation and led me to the stories of others. In a world where we are waking up to the rampant sexual abuse at the hands of those in power, this is a widely practiced and accepted procedure done in children that leaves many, especially girls, with symptoms mirroring those of violent rape. I am one of them. I'm just now starting to learn about it and what happened to me, but I can't believe this continues to happen in the medical community. Moreover i feel like these complaints arent heard because they're often performed on children who can't advocate for themselves, and it's considered ""standard"" and ""necessary"". I'd file a lawsuit for my specific situation (bringing students into the room without consent, overall damages and PTSD from the procedure) but my statute of limitations ended long ago. I still think there's a story to be told. Would anyone be willing to share their stories about going through experiences like this? 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I haven’t been diagnosed with Ptsd but I know I have it, I still remember the day my mother was murdered and I was covered in her blood taking her to the hospital. It’s been about 3 years, I feel detached from everything, I hardly like to go out, and I feel like I care about myself more than the people around me. I want help but I can’t seem to talk about my feelings to anybody I guess I care to much about what other people think. I may have anxiety / depression I don’t even know. Is there any way to get through these feelings / emotions on your own with time or do I need to see a psychiatrist?",1.8376190476190464,3.874123158730161,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,79.3174603174603,6.422222222222223,23.198412698412696,7.492282038375204,0.9035365079365074,482,16,104,7,12,156,81,126,0.116,0.731,0.152,0.5619,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,8,6,1,0,4,0,12,2,1,0,0,22,29,5,1,2,3,1,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,6,23,4,20,24,3,10,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,4,6,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887097416203765,0.0,0.1337226240082755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556103426591488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564434382652079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127324685634042,0.0,0.15055622510216604,0.17741978320075735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966280936352151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545470327161055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571002640214359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353539443314373,0.12487818446689868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132653832455176,0.0,0.09934368729230343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256349468825276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565877567461547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171657213300537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213260117970374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707983091439659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284991721386967,0.12961305369339698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423706194445165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204333530427623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801595729052207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929411695799435,0.15913266691748534,0.18235602587145386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395966566828967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142892941846887,0.1404987770156151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200570530025747,0.0,0.0,0.10192812603611907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310241892487876,0.13874924762791385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256639699432908 ptsd,Grayfoxy1138,2019/04/05,"Struggles with extremes from hyper arousal and not wanting to be touched. Hello all, every month I go weeks having an insatiable sexual appetite to a week or more of wanting little to no physical contact. Any other rape/sexual assault survivors experience this? ",8.811060606060604,10.779338590909095,8.634545454545453,59.28015151515154,60.81818181818182,10.412121212121212,44.21212121212121,10.504223727775694,5.750221212121213,214,13,25,5,3,69,40,44,0.17800000000000002,0.8220000000000001,0.0,-0.8032,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,7,5,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,4,2,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247878093849633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785056971444949,0.0,0.0,0.32334488677750844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786125040265186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313015853892711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638447606292945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34556643390767344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389938200738928,0.0,0.530300380322141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pinkholla,2019/04/05,"Starting EMDR on my journey for disclosure after keeping my secret for 15years!!! I was sexually abused for many years as a school age child. I never told anyone except my husband and never really talked about it. I told my husband and finally started talking about it in therapy. Next week, I’m starting “eye movement desensitization and reprocessing” (but she uses vibrations in your hands). Anyone have EMDR? Did it work? I’m so excited to begin this journey, let go of my anxiety, and find some peace!!!",5.180666666666667,7.767218344444442,6.628611111111113,67.57625000000003,71.1111111111111,8.944444444444445,33.47222222222222,9.516144504307137,3.894555555555556,401,20,59,10,8,136,65,90,0.054000000000000006,0.8590000000000001,0.087,0.6303,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,1,2,13,15,7,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,2,10,1,13,10,1,19,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,1,12,41,14,2,0.0,0.22194461732035647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329996400376555,0.0,0.0,0.26195823588801315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205200872913346,0.1712078949259074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645877553305734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649940911254366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154829588783653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991397581504355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889468283487267,0.0,0.1992178858875608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200025553039734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957873580598952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977600587782405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30112286291457696,0.0,0.0,0.21421775672390675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35798626540233297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617851006249596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025751460933753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637183497412048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062850812980368 ptsd,JDnotsalinger,2019/04/05,"This week I’ve become very aware of the insane amount of space my trauma takes up on a day to day basis. I’ll be writing emails and imagine running into the guy who sexually assaulted me. I’ll be processing an incoming order and imagine fighting with my little brother about how he and I recovered different types of abuse, and he should stop acting like k should be over it by now. I spend the whole fucking day like this. And the I shame myself for not having any hobbies or real interests anymore: How the fuck could I? I’m not bored enough. I’m busy literally fighting inner battles, all the time. I tried to pause today and see what would happen if I stopped playing out some defense scenario in my head. I just started tearing up. It’s always there. It’s always lying under the surface, waiting to be felt. ",4.440485232067509,6.029678512658229,5.3779113924050685,79.95690928270044,70.83544303797468,7.2919831223628675,30.25527426160337,7.793537801064563,2.163238818565401,647,27,114,8,12,212,110,158,0.202,0.727,0.07,-0.9741,1,0,0,0,6,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,14,7,1,9,0,9,3,1,2,1,31,19,10,0,5,5,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,4,3,1,1,2,2,10,0,0,1,2,12,4,18,10,5,25,0,0,1,2,9,12,2,3,12,74,19,1,0.0,0.2060601578902068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894214713491046,0.0,0.0,0.11826777448003405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724763798795645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207482141144772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885651881321984,0.0,0.0,0.33648125446822724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170356093880305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970009386469582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698512382450836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32156217160854084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220262601262992,0.15379195387729092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848637692884792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993160903917875,0.17430794531474747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795269320902084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858728194089845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309752691735235,0.0,0.0,0.2908004975256188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076200556266515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141090125819813,0.0,0.16485054199002572,0.0,0.0,0.11807648022985275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349761648002676,0.0,0.0,0.1395036633841822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416924746181224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354381944751415,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,that-weird-dude,2019/04/05,Tuesday is a trauma anniversary and I found out that the person who sexually abused me has a parole hearing next month and might get out of jail I'm already having a hard time just because of the anniversary. And I got an email Wednesday letting me know about the parole hearing. I didn't even know he was eligible for that yet. I might write a victim impact statement but I don't know if I can. It's so overwhelming. I'd have to write about how I'm still messed up from the abuse basically. And I'd have to write at least a full page apparently. And that's hard. I keep crying just thinking about it. But I don't want him released. And I just don't know what to do. ,1.8985618729096991,3.9088096811594255,3.428260869565218,89.39081939799334,79.0,6.275139353400222,22.93422519509476,7.321109707123232,0.8015589743589739,528,17,113,7,13,174,81,138,0.17800000000000002,0.8220000000000001,0.0,-0.9627,1,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,1,1,10,0,15,0,0,1,0,29,29,11,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,7,8,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,4,12,0,14,22,3,12,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,3,7,77,19,0,0.0,0.4023336797349432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736139045182326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349904026026707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650027365212826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214104466003166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861599136908112,0.0,0.0,0.08870538074838177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579215500428718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041870815981311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827188864454853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091224277192536,0.0,0.0,0.37323642950870056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361612924424485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602289949499969,0.0,0.0,0.1355203483459652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056771564427326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824925493933205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559010129401244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879103617550967,0.0,0.0,0.09900269291792807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014328249592527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jordan889,2019/04/05,"Nightmares and screaming awake. I am seeing health care professionals for PTSD and Bipolar I disorder. I have previously had a suicide attempt in early '17 which led to me ""blacking out"" for 4 days (still have no idea how I woke up in a hospital). Prior to the attempt, my stress and depression were high. I started using marijuana to help me cope, after the attempt. It helped for a short while, but I ended up using too much & too often, and got another manic episode->psych hospital. After the mania was treated, I was instructed to stay away from weed. Now, however, I will have nightmares which result in me screaming my s.o. awake, at night. Usually there will be an antagonizing force in my dream. This antagonist usually causes a sound or vibration that feels real, & scares me awake. I have guessed in the past that the sound may be a memory of when I was blacked out. This is because I have heard that semi-conscious people may still hear/remember sounds. I also get nightmares about death/dying quite often. These nightmares do not scare me awake so much, as the antagonizing ones do. Any thoughts on this matter? Cheers.",5.252221587664192,7.503282611650487,5.51840662478584,77.08121930325531,69.97087378640775,8.342204454597374,30.078812107367217,9.007467420416297,2.7585948600799544,902,37,152,18,17,286,131,206,0.151,0.778,0.071,-0.955,1,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,0,4,13,9,0,3,12,0,20,2,0,6,0,25,32,12,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,6,0,0,10,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,6,0,1,9,10,20,3,25,17,2,32,0,1,3,0,3,14,0,6,16,111,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063379076518033,0.0,0.2997917224650403,0.0,0.09407878642539816,0.14506593518330507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299789111237524,0.0,0.0,0.08433332806493155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105111166825268,0.1421175815202584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892205511727979,0.0,0.119155639517963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855441585989696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225318807536108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995097418649125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227912410555756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064647872891337,0.0,0.15240171133290795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705339407655854,0.15592394541093646,0.0,0.18545837537029386,0.14616822179460548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561737399107311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339778077359527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982664124005666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374559674483816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206517378211596,0.0959104352565914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171694313233867,0.0,0.0,0.14714606455378507,0.0,0.15746596423768666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567169873560701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770133170385615,0.0,0.11024239998018494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979207226589638,0.14745648860320898,0.22096368171203265,0.0,0.15847279077603554,0.0,0.0,0.15132607875310675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982982572668194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389699058871298,0.30473313830722243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheLiDl,2019/04/05,"Can PTSD be caused by mental abuse? Is it possible that mental abuse as a child can cause PTSD? If so what arr the general side effects of this form of PTSD? I'm trying to learn more about my mental health. All help aporeciated 😊",0.9361594202898544,3.4759210217391328,2.2782608695652202,92.38376811594203,88.78260869565219,5.67536231884058,16.36231884057971,7.1686216300943375,0.09534492753623257,181,4,38,3,6,58,39,46,0.173,0.775,0.052000000000000005,-0.8042,0,0,0,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,3,1,7,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,22,5,1,0.0,0.4029393318362215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493559625762306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807446323254336,0.0,0.0,0.11397426791293437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5140811598280931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169461863723228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5963031919963078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544603900269765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nyeh_its_okeh,2019/04/05,"A question I've had for years So I have this memory of something happening to me when I was little. And I have no idea if that actually happened and is a legitimate memory or if I only dreamt it? Maybe I suppressed it so much that it feels like it was only a dream. But it's kind of impossible that I would dream about such a thing when I was so little. And I didn't really think about it for years, but then one day I just remembered and started recollecting memories. I cannot get myself to talk about it with my therapist. And I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit to post this to, but well I do show signs of ptsd. ",4.375057251908398,4.385675007633592,6.01915076335878,81.07391698473285,69.91603053435114,10.21412213740458,27.06202290076336,10.125756701596842,2.300686259541984,490,14,109,12,8,169,77,131,0.034,0.903,0.064,0.3588,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,5,0,12,0,0,0,1,25,19,18,0,4,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,1,14,4,13,13,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,5,8,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.17747336189108862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728745423516315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919560748701648,0.12992392105202522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950166116354694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32164407103080983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530270360063424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938372438884785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884973035030833,0.3645516929239676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827071740650137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369121570328388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323598367671305,0.27663205184581025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741757660651421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258968160765565,0.0,0.2037296827510232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165069533018925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601684523107727,0.15531115293050093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000805425447416,0.0,0.0,0.12872451611842206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140498846129612,0.0,0.0,0.14617566783829627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115851628677906,0.12082258664328288,0.1165313259071635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635178829633312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291912094097577,0.0,0.0,0.2342293449994669 ptsd,winedrunkduck,2019/04/05,"After a week of the worst flashbacks and night terrors I’ve had in years I am doing not just good but great this morning I have been exhausted. I’m afraid to sleep each night lately because I’ll wake up in a sweat on full alert. Even my hamsters noises have started sounding terrifying and that honestly is wild because they and my actual fear don’t actually sound the same at all and I know it’s all in my head (not that that makes it less valid or terrifying) I’ve had attacks at work and had to hide in the bathroom to ride it out. (Time off as much as I need isn’t an option) Anyway, exhausted me woke my ass up this morning. I showered, even did my makeup and hair instead of letting it air dry. I cleaned (half of) my room too!! I’ve made such a mess of my house just from not having energy or focus to put things away, but this morning I did!! And I played with my hamster a little and said sorry to him for being annoyed at him for drinking water and spooking me since it’s not his fault. He doesn’t know any of this is even happening but honestly he’s the sweetest and has helped me emotionally a lot, he deserves love not me being scared of sleeping in the same room lol I’m having coffee, heading to work, and I think I’ll finish up tonight!! I’m pulling my shit together on my own which a few years ago wouldn’t have been possible! 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TW TW I've gone through kinda intense sexual trauma, and never ended up metabolising it because I've always refused to talk about it, which I guess is a me problem. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar to the following. When I'm around people, it doesn't matter where or how many people, I am completely sex and touch repulsed. I hate thinking about it, if anyone touches me without asking I flip my shit, and I don't even let my family touch me. When I get intrusive thoughts about sex I have to leave the room some times. However there are certain times, only when I am completely alone, where completely shift from that and resort to touching myself, fantasising etc. After I'm done with those episodes, I feel super gross and awful about myself. I have to curl up and try not to think about it, and when it comes up in my head later, I cringe even worse than I normally do. I just don't understand, Its like I will become two completely different people and it really gets to me a lot obviously. 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It was spousal abuse. I have been alone for about three years, I have no family members nearby not on the continent and I have no friends. I hesitated to write anything on a forum for very long partially because I have zero energy to do anything and mostly because I have no hope of achieving anything by doing so. I am extremely poor and life keeps hitting me with things that makes me feel the world conspired against me. Nothing good happens and I wake up everyday with the awful feeling of ""why did I wake up"". I blamed myself for too long. I think that God hates me. I either sit alone in bed and cry or sit alone in bed and waste my time on youtube. I have nothing to live for. I never told my parents about my problems. I forget all the time, very very badly. I barely remember anything. I can't sleep and sometimes all I want is to fall asleep but I stay in bed all night, turning from side to side and asking why. Sometimes I can't even cry and it's harder than you might think. I am extremely shy and can't socialize. I miss human affection but lost any hope in having a relationship. I can't eat. I can't get aid because the new administration makes it hard to seek assistance and in case I do I will jeopardize my legal status. most the time I just want to die but there's nothing to do. I am always sad and lost any hope in happiness. I spend long day not talking to anyone at all. I feel rejected and hated that I even hate myself. I am very very tired words can't describe it enough. Does anyone have any advice? thank you ",2.581611917494272,4.687178268907567,3.833572701807995,86.84614209320091,77.23529411764707,6.904303539597657,24.54367201426025,7.898369717300924,1.3684498599439774,1410,49,283,23,33,460,184,357,0.209,0.695,0.096,-0.9903,1,4,0,0,1,1,34.0,0,2,0,3,9,17,3,0,9,1,32,9,4,3,5,56,61,22,1,7,9,1,4,0,1,2,4,1,3,1,10,17,1,1,6,0,2,1,13,10,0,2,10,5,50,7,41,48,10,38,0,5,0,0,13,20,0,10,14,187,60,3,0.0,0.09398667825587388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503015964617228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246469083750871,0.0,0.0,0.06600442071514764,0.0,0.0,0.21577378920607904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109312076595463,0.0,0.26110954348601123,0.0,0.07415779179083291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623272655955831,0.14506661738796425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426869384559387,0.051157803828802965,0.0,0.0,0.08051279795428455,0.08232640975604523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941749091888648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116886792169903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196351530318897,0.0,0.1047862986830589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478017198624047,0.0,0.1203267016856502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128598821553384,0.0,0.04144382884105268,0.0,0.0,0.06653370989538797,0.06344312805464215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014648069477238,0.08444251039666036,0.07105925953450266,0.2349498559084203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363616752034193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050734810777713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602930999914624,0.0,0.0,0.07004507398393618,0.2105993210635617,0.0,0.0,0.17318434004709987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589957125288338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991118786235353,0.0,0.08415086370374693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588181848494659,0.061180020756863324,0.07661219176868495,0.0,0.07444076232445586,0.0,0.2283422756700068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808057947055611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707458868969385,0.0749873857881777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590292797582247,0.09272621098848598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851649326474404,0.08985930696925791,0.0,0.07545585855476201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961421773004788,0.0,0.06561812779785259,0.0,0.0793818860193637,0.08086143883603909,0.0,0.0,0.1569081129627893,0.0,0.0,0.0845494677861507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375810770708917,0.0,0.07303143292644401,0.09071459186975406,0.0,0.052699738653996006,0.10165599977498196,0.0,0.0,0.13876443431540406,0.091171957135005,0.0,0.07579805347977,0.0,0.0,0.08628238480025166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272555075343373,0.09357540713601024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315622442668133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108244083125176 ptsd,mmxcv,2019/04/06,"Too many triggers in the past 48 hours. I just need someone to tell me I’m okay. What helps you slow down? Hi everyone, I haven’t been here in awhile but recent events have left me very on edge and stressed with triggers coming back up and I really need to vent. I won’t go into detail as it could be triggering for others but there is a chance my mom’s stalker from over 20 years ago has found her and I’m terrified. If anyone really wants to know the full story there is a post on my profile from a couple days ago, but tw: assault, r*pe, stalking - I wouldn’t advise reading it, those are not even my triggers and it’s still terrifying to talk about. All of the comments on my post are stressing that me and my family are in immediate danger and that I need to call the police, get a gun, that I’m not safe, etc. It’s scared the shit out of me and I regret even posting it. I’m well-aware of how scary the situation is. Now I just need comfort. I live with my mom and my brother, her boyfriend (who is basically a stepdad to me) stays with us on the weekends. I’ve been on edge all week, deadbolting the doors and sleeping with a baseball bat by my bed because I’m scared shitless. I was breathing a little bit of a sigh of relief with my stepdad staying with us for the weekend because my brother works night shift and at night it’s just me and my mom alone in the house which terrifies me (I’m a female). So having him here at night for a couple days felt like I could finally breathe a little bit knowing I’m not the only one here to protect my mom if something happens. This morning I wake up to screaming and slamming doors - they got into a huge fight and he ended up leaving and now they’ve “broken up” (they go through this cycle every few months and get right back together). Some of my trauma involves my biological dad’s anger and abuse and I grew up constantly with slamming doors and screaming and walking on eggshells, and my soon-to-be ex’s wife abuse, dealing with the same thing on top of the constant gaslighting, insults, screaming, and never knowing what was going to push her over the edge. I’m already on edge and hearing others screaming and arguing takes me right back to listening to my dad scream at my mom when I was a kid, when I would listen to make sure she was safe while simultaneously try to distract my brother so that he wouldn’t overhear what they were saying. It also took me right back to my relationship with my ex which was an absolute nightmare and another story altogether. My dad’s abuse and one particular event with him are what lead to me being diagnosed with PTSD 2 years ago, but my ex’s abuse has added another layer entirely to it. Any run-in with anger is just another reminder of her and our relationship. On top of that, I’m still scared for my own physical safety because everything else going on, he left the house in a storm of anger and now it’s going to be me and my mom alone at night for the next week. My mom is really angry about his behavior and I’m doing my best to listen and support her the way that she did during my relationship with my ex, but hearing his screaming this morning pushed me over the edge. I feel so overstimulated and it was such an exhausting week, I was looking forward to at the very least feeling physically safe for a couple days and now even that is gone. I just took a Xanax to try and calm down and I’m about to smoke (CBD, can’t smoke THC). I’m so frustrated with myself, I was looking forward to the weekend to have a couple days off work and there was a lot I wanted to get done - I wanted to go out and enjoy myself and I have errands, laundry etc to do but now I feel like I can’t move and I’m wasting my days off shutting down and doing nothing. I have no idea what’s going to happen with my mom’s stalker having possibly found her and I’m taking steps to protect us that I haven’t mentioned here but I need someone to tell me that right now it’s okay and in this moment I’m safe. That I’m not a failure for shutting down and letting these emotions take me over. That it’s okay to break down. Because I feel so weak and overwhelmed right now. Thank you to anyone who reads this. I could use any kind, encouraging words right now. :(",3.3939860139860123,4.798475904428905,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,73.17249417249417,7.064801864801866,26.86946386946387,7.576466943178032,1.38890303030303,3338,119,685,40,66,1089,328,858,0.187,0.72,0.093,-0.9986,0,2,3,1,5,0,75.0,4,2,3,6,45,47,10,7,41,3,51,9,5,8,4,127,116,63,0,17,18,19,5,2,0,4,4,12,4,1,42,63,0,6,11,5,0,20,13,27,1,2,21,19,96,19,112,84,14,135,0,2,2,0,71,59,1,4,55,455,138,7,0.0,0.22155267197146936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431656994136316,0.0,0.0,0.09683266656632557,0.05158705170573615,0.03738397553216837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357983443391316,0.14705655479945695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537390702085595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378383191726582,0.0,0.11398741925484053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049058639036394486,0.0,0.1020723705269964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773444547125371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040268849901566206,0.0,0.10103492534978503,0.0,0.11197227454852232,0.2069009706619032,0.0,0.15074141810298547,0.04819464131680985,0.0,0.04744774963242194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783894421935455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905155515705795,0.05258466890891951,0.041404428071403,0.0,0.10427168578759646,0.09262888989980844,0.0,0.03938680251788832,0.04466925949058597,0.04201365744000445,0.0,0.04406940223201837,0.0,0.09454780458493196,0.03339643823390445,0.04488495100362724,0.05120962408744563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025124874441259,0.0,0.0,0.07327095062982733,0.0,0.18597385376191225,0.0,0.03738826288888342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267735659841048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537570700246092,0.0,0.031333877828494484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046036891463603416,0.1078807252309734,0.0,0.05277226090880283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868034926013613,0.07707364471315882,0.0,0.0,0.0494988747681313,0.10158263636397374,0.047802507307798815,0.0,0.045676954755005605,0.0937065938067362,0.04127891736244665,0.0,0.07851228769550038,0.0,0.0,0.03974307051720563,0.0,0.0,0.031204333166018387,0.0473946488256293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380010513915823,0.03731342514294757,0.049685216519848696,0.0,0.17331347186291995,0.03605456997068068,0.0,0.049716518760160255,0.17547752620510929,0.0,0.04485550704058967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335465992295268,0.03555359612833532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04462579824098409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270080581124947,0.13431360829023034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464535024410593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352034278068358,0.0,0.08984297668038382,0.0,0.0461575371737682,0.15056802785610274,0.0,0.2395327642768573,0.0,0.03717550488586732,0.1404072706172743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798565836982361,0.0,0.05254617207670395,0.046781281347778425,0.0,0.07921804542494944,0.03598852542547865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965327453530183,0.0746652610697697,0.0,0.10709825437438256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304853267432594,0.04405898516439173,0.0,0.10544495362924353,0.03757388649243895,0.08171878740184782,0.04303883646868751,0.0,0.0,0.03105697564713445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387643145141423,0.06347699613490773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869453512660765,0.04037484864624523,0.0,0.07714320099091325,0.08271869694670861,0.037106006130595184,0.11249412437013462,0.0,0.0420316353932776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806550387423503,0.0,0.0,0.033208097558021905,0.0,0.0,0.06020774149596572 ptsd,onethecamden,2019/04/06,"Maybe you guys can shed some light? I’m seeing a psychiatrist for nearly a year, I have pretty bad depression and anxiety, I feel like I have many of symptoms of Bipolar but docs haven’t seen me manic so are hesitant to diagnose. I know little about PTSD so please forgive me if I say anything annoying. but 9 years ago I got seriously ill, ventilated etc. I was convinced I was going to die but I was so ill I didn’t care. When they took me off the ventilator and woke me up I was .....different. I was Angry I discharged myself from hospital only to readmitted a day later. The following months I convalesced, I only worked half days. I became either flippant and a joker or if stressed I would literally lose my shit with people, literally shaking with temper when it’s unnecessary. Nowadays I’m out of work cause I can’t- I don’t trust myself to be with other people cause if I get upset I flip and become very emotional. I’ve done tons of drugs over the years more often than not to quieten my mind and I’ve engaged in seriously dangerous, promiscuous behaviour. I don’t have flashbacks about being ill but I do think of it often enough. I really am lost these days, almost afraid to interact in case I get annoyed and threatening. Does this sound like ptsd?",2.623496216897859,5.216496299180331,4.560983606557379,79.07764817150066,79.86065573770493,7.852206809583857,24.958385876418664,8.730908602173464,2.270910970996217,1003,38,181,25,26,341,152,244,0.269,0.609,0.123,-0.9912,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,4,9,22,5,4,7,0,21,8,1,2,0,32,37,19,1,4,10,0,1,2,0,1,7,2,0,1,5,10,0,0,4,0,0,4,6,15,0,1,12,6,35,7,26,22,6,23,0,3,2,0,6,8,1,8,13,123,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204163854235756,0.0,0.12656644467151887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669191299452116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401240575691956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553463710787664,0.0,0.13959346835135247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886823817514442,0.25968518968220683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445431681324702,0.0,0.10886392281280152,0.1282883757926616,0.13117816869860913,0.13205598785332048,0.0,0.0,0.11060921229743287,0.1293460807115514,0.0,0.0,0.14657819950998238,0.0,0.0,0.14217748614384196,0.0,0.13059993590675498,0.1409639584014418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390916523401695,0.09029669165510754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207245614955745,0.0,0.07183325364321197,0.0,0.1010897156742366,0.0,0.0,0.12515103045609882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946344679689077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350053231334772,0.12668110514891914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140379718510207,0.13797519314868198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814480278215035,0.12698087639395056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762302964455802,0.0,0.100887370716921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225835308217465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525290893414625,0.0,0.0,0.13874387475836605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858926647049365,0.0,0.0,0.29549823887315235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097194383291755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051446439561383,0.0,0.0,0.10072053803489177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974276380432792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447851711657408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137291484580305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098888271226454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042961760333594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428920270444804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403429050232506,0.0,0.0,0.08978745950833879,0.0,0.0,0.24418291994349775 ptsd,GardenOfLife68,2019/04/06,"Much better day after terrible week I had a terrible meltdown last week after re experiencing some trauma ten years after it happened, after an event in my work community was similar to my own past personal trauma. I felt for three days like I could not get out of it. Then yesterday, a massage by a massage therapist with training in ptsd and trauma, plus talking with a small intimate group of friends really helped. And today was sunny and warm and I feel whole again. Just a reminder to myself that a flashback is hard but when it’s over, it’s over. A dozen years of therapy has not prevented all flashbacks but it has meant that they are rarer and in between them, I’m happy and whole. Thank you therapy. Thank you, to myself. Thinking of all you out there who are struggling today. Hang in there.",5.248696172248806,6.737912171052631,5.9464593301435436,77.04112440191388,68.73684210526315,8.948325358851674,30.265550239234447,9.339509955726095,2.814084210526316,638,25,112,13,11,208,96,152,0.1,0.77,0.13,0.7807,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,2,2,5,13,0,1,8,0,9,0,0,0,2,25,18,11,0,1,5,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,3,5,5,13,7,25,12,7,29,1,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,20,89,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422538616982498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842122024165448,0.0,0.0,0.20746275199067074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132779622181051,0.0,0.15443591375492208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426803754331504,0.0,0.08403459629705827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422342324945974,0.1712219278462124,0.14408505090231294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078106569290358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110970963438795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858048285004772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823919151306092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354424532695227,0.0,0.14044318602841588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801857657646248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304108532186336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814956178739626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928069127923528,0.0,0.29616795332820056,0.3678793354380409,0.18675282527356799,0.0,0.10306264094260592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049234985983486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580394616413511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591542104838613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170966888786088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715712872891848 ptsd,throwaway028558,2019/04/06,"(trigger warning: eating disorders, sexual assault) I used to suffer badly with bulimia, i am now recovered from that but i suffer with anxiety, depression, ptsd due to sexual assault i experienced a year ago. lately i have become more sensitive to things that wouldn’t normally trigger me, for example talk about calories, health, bulimia, etc. I just want to know if it’s normal to experience ptsd for an eating disorder because i always thought you get ptsd from being abused/ assaulted Sorry if I haven’t wrote this well, I’m really trying to rush through this (using a throwaway account because i have friends/family added on my usual account).",7.303157894736843,9.098001552631585,8.081535087719299,62.50282894736844,64.17543859649122,11.664912280701756,38.81140350877193,11.45678717892309,5.513477192982457,523,28,72,17,8,175,80,114,0.265,0.698,0.037000000000000005,-0.982,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,4,8,3,0,3,0,6,3,0,4,0,17,14,3,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,2,0,2,0,2,1,2,7,1,0,2,1,12,1,15,10,2,8,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,50,18,0,0.0,0.1694890607944761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680384905350053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902779716118632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943169788985377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943950809576907,0.17440205491520322,0.15798581063224645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320744872458868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32789190912227706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29274862023203513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953687161012697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992886514368785,0.13485337870428654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473692821522868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205384809111766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861570516963508,0.0,0.1613649194826364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803142823779537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5016480644847148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164052112176252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013106507271346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497695198768484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503505575825484,0.0,0.0,0.11356451676473707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971205299509595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470959204735731,0.157547694194575,0.0,0.08437370148227305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861776557368476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921185329691888 ptsd,louiselaffy,2019/04/06,"Trauma Recovery Coach app While looking for extra help besides therapy and medication while dealing with problems associated with daily living and PTSD I came across an app for veterans called Trauma Recovery Coach. You don’t need to be a be a veteran to find it helpful. It’s simple but effective for me. It gives you a place to break down problems and places to type out solutions. It suggests helpful activities. When searching for extra help after the PTSD diagnosis I have found the most helpful information on veterans websites. I am grateful these resources exist for me to read even though I am not a veteran, I am a survivor of domestic violence with a brain injury. I am very much struggling making it through every day at this point. Brain injury plus trauma plus ptsd can sometimes result in poor decision making, so before making decisions or planning my day or week, I go through the options on the app and have found that I am becoming a little bit more productive and calm. I hope this helps someone else. I read everything that people post on here but rarely reply because I don’t know enough about PTSD recovery yet to be helpful and the last thing I would want to do would be to harm anyone going through this with bad advice. I wasn’t diagnosed with PTSD until February 25th, two months after the attack and brain injury. I knew something was very wrong but i couldn’t figure out the steps to take to start the process of fixing things until I understood that the problem was PTSD, not just post concussion syndrome. I am new to learning about PTSD and PTSD treatments. Any stories about what has helped you cope or not helped you are appreciated. I also want to thank everyone that posts here. You teach me so much. Not just about coping, but reading about your struggles too. Gratitude ",7.1977197525535885,8.221824030211483,6.920284851100565,73.52125881168179,63.98489425981872,9.809293626816286,34.49302258667818,9.842372674337009,3.5141366997554315,1458,62,240,29,21,459,181,331,0.17,0.6890000000000001,0.141,-0.9369,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,0,6,0,2,17,15,1,2,17,0,24,5,3,5,0,59,44,26,0,10,13,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,16,18,0,0,12,5,1,4,8,12,0,1,8,1,28,3,47,29,8,36,0,0,1,0,20,13,0,6,15,173,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468351153642858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293490938578717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04501384251691611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628402671307821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530464994972337,0.0,0.0,0.05526879856515824,0.040350936621110695,0.07310550824594501,0.056325783915153776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226614622607057,0.0,0.0,0.22168147629334686,0.06759095333312863,0.07570771748032902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537864894652912,0.06824258080285206,0.0,0.0671849981602556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055296166450626565,0.0,0.0,0.06839556896258367,0.0,0.043720175320690516,0.0,0.05577086953971106,0.06325071557543979,0.05949043989819725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049964991845622,0.0,0.0,0.14515548858887506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634988264418511,0.0752385706662043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39931290451345614,0.0,0.0,0.06574507042020555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03637821054650127,0.053956528412672115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634326581641961,0.05845006367084386,0.0,0.05558585965871864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255400409454166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666829764451175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283501154433578,0.0,0.09731966174216193,0.04908163349564288,0.0,0.06393008433211872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045890230862964836,0.0,0.1383162152635747,0.0,0.06257424290585087,0.0,0.19018519520492166,0.0,0.0,0.1900146885707232,0.6190131728579311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986342062482125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608552858002637,0.05095898189550608,0.06546705336659575,0.0,0.046852092340800636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839961408594828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049769265985364484,0.0,0.0,0.060942071465333564,0.07569802370224835,0.0,0.08795202587606149,0.0,0.06503476704105933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466142064308432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923312184039148,0.07808526987035923,0.0,0.05309642429407999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404391106535206,0.07237218919522181,0.0,0.0 ptsd,forgetfulthrowaway77,2019/04/06,"My friend died & I barely remember them. As the title says, I was informed a few days ago that an old friend of mine died. I met this person immediately after enduring some fresh trauma. I was working through PTSD and as a coping mechanism started to have episodes of depersonalization on a frequent basis. I managed to go through the next several years this way until my PTSD came back worse than ever and I withdrew and lost contact with a lot of people. Upon hearing that this friend died, I'm crushed. I knew them for years. We spend a good amount of time together...and yet I can only remember about 50% of it. My brain was trying to forget things to protect itself I suppose but as a result I've forgotten more than I realized. I'm so angry. I want to reminisce but everything is so foggy. I'm heartbroken that they're gone and I have so little to remember them by. I'm scared I'll never remember anything again. I'm taking solace in the last email we exchanged- I told them how much I cared about them and they responded in kind. Thanks for listening. This is hard. PTSD sucks.",2.2076342812006287,4.8548208436019005,3.7212144549763053,84.04226402053716,82.27014218009478,6.739415481832544,24.43147709320695,7.9370924344782425,1.7028339652448654,862,33,160,17,24,284,129,211,0.17600000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0.115,-0.9245,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,6,2,10,11,1,1,10,0,8,1,1,2,2,26,28,15,3,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,10,9,0,1,7,0,2,3,1,4,0,0,9,4,26,7,30,19,6,26,0,1,0,0,21,5,1,2,17,105,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855324562526556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046211926478413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149063067978216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548958906223031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411224380969968,0.0,0.12715886118189554,0.11335413597480395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170109026276186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34615794043941306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056753620503127,0.0,0.0,0.09992028343253503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576892581778782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318544054213464,0.09325145298828696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959431407451827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530652116666266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577554995333646,0.0,0.09062551262447807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143030603842524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213647290193351,0.0945201896842522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172916691720357,0.0,0.0857478988981874,0.0,0.11823985219301662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666338624851365,0.0,0.0,0.08455644232502628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707734019883868,0.0970769881493342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898859954617154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5037753615470437,0.0,0.0,0.0884137971146142,0.1113093148825148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256003313940403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869288500994877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359257675681674,0.0,0.0,0.10235844724299076,0.0,0.0,0.07386221524870612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482921786742829,0.0,0.0,0.10623605134579148,0.0,0.07548306707531006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557610189724551,0.0882485095450919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093944747376362,0.0,0.11330063519527815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319092794290803 ptsd,OhOhOhOrileys,2019/04/06,"How to Help my S/O Hey all, My s/o was recently diagnosed with ptsd after a past abusive relationship. While I've noticed some of the night terrors, anxiety, and episodes of strong irritability, I can't get a full understanding of what my s/o is going through because they are not open to talking about their past or current struggles. Also, they are terrified of therapists and have put off scheduling a meeting for some time. I wanted to learn what has helped others living with ptsd. What can I do to help as their s/o, and what has helped some of you in the past? Thanks!",4.662321428571432,5.920214874999999,5.462857142857144,80.83214285714288,69.89285714285714,8.814285714285715,30.964285714285715,9.188382445141503,2.6224964285714294,454,19,89,9,8,148,74,112,0.155,0.748,0.096,-0.7959,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,4,1,3,4,0,2,5,0,10,1,0,1,1,16,15,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,11,2,18,14,5,16,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,4,10,62,16,1,0.0,0.1940450295059253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096975217022094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528641639987334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983491481185187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622683708547126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855649879274033,0.0,0.0930763561148193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390961801479514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461515929900595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369050369422807,0.0,0.0,0.1864574193731141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690215248234434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828853339884668,0.16463778229504045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170675050956898,0.17583164098482118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121180868742242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163507978845795,0.0,0.1507808002160792,0.0,0.19015386452806327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549774943565044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704941759452752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659795928366728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Quakertackersmacker,2019/04/06,"Media suggestions I’m in an emotionally bad place tonight. I just need Something to distract me. I just want to zone out and watch something and not have to think for tonight. What do you like to watch on YouTube? Or maybe a good movie or show on Netflix/Hulu? I just want something I can get involved in. I tried watching that unsolved show on YouTube but my poor paranoid brain can’t take any more of it. ",2.527749999999997,4.906868275000001,2.4700000000000024,95.165,78.75,5.0,28.75,5.985473137389443,0.9740000000000002,322,15,67,2,8,96,58,80,0.136,0.789,0.075,-0.782,0,0,3,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,14,11,5,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,8,2,12,11,1,9,0,0,3,0,3,7,0,2,3,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162863122271513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107286940344486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28174213542837745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283896138720475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318593447849218,0.0,0.0,0.21168631466370788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233012525562974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535519615469432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713829133486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636858061236681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828887174834336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897600942380633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171639902280818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135102753511947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977232610495261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,buttercup_ppg,2019/04/07,"my therapist makes me feel insecure sometimes she can be the nicest person and I feel like she understands me but she also judges me, and makes me feel down. the thing is that I usually wake up feeling lost, not being able to move my own body or to even respond, it usually happens after a nightmare, although I am awake and aware of my surroundings, my body is still asleep and it doesn’t let me respond, while I keep thinking and reliving the nightmare or the thought. this became more and more rare as I went to therapy. one day that I felt sick(headache, i felt numb and dizzy) at school, it happened, somehow I ended up in “academic orientation” waiting for my mom, my [at the time] boyfriend had called my mom so she could pick me up, the school workers recommended my mom to take me to urgency, where they said I was totally fine, I was just in a “state of shock”. later on, feeling better, I had a meeting with my therapist that suggested that I did that so my boyfriend stayed with me and I could ruin his plans, I tried to explain that I didn’t know that his plans of going out, where on that day, neither whom he was going out with, but it didn’t matter cause she didn’t believe me, and she keeps repeating that every time making me feel like a bad person. she often asks me how am I with my friends, and it doesn’t even matter what I answer she always interrupts me saying loudly “LIE! you don’t have any friends” that really makes me feel bad about myself. I should be going twice a week but I haven’t been to therapy on awhile, so I am very scared of what she is going to say about it and about my recent break up, I am afraid that if I say that it’s okay and it’s not the end of the world she wouldn’t believe me or say I just didn’t love him. Idk what to do.",5.222412610473555,5.0201957340720265,5.725366046695688,84.63265004616808,68.11357340720221,9.092256958184937,29.10183353119641,8.704169506293173,1.9258958184936024,1384,43,297,20,21,447,169,361,0.095,0.802,0.103,-0.369,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,1,5,17,17,0,3,13,1,33,6,4,7,1,63,66,27,0,5,11,3,9,2,2,2,1,6,0,2,26,18,0,3,15,0,0,6,12,9,0,2,17,15,65,8,38,41,5,42,0,2,0,1,37,18,0,6,17,219,91,4,0.08685843192134741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946065662641443,0.07227317344246853,0.0,0.0,0.059066712209060825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120090882002595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504632515039995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571941776978974,0.0,0.07681922455883113,0.0,0.19296027406558824,0.0,0.0,0.08869217034656933,0.0,0.0,0.08922753583945711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386987803085298,0.0,0.0,0.11203300594095933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386157946770854,0.0,0.0,0.11473835020533725,0.0,0.07318197506718596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074276308831122,0.12410336223949185,0.16679543173109654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342132180815535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974545940570034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361724898734194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440753039114016,0.0,0.0,0.0477351226397373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881863147838646,0.0,0.08486928489581333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481623889830618,0.0,0.07839312598861108,0.0,0.2319147110971073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30518263707540866,0.0,0.09231676714330672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885752138379149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516828649356422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564373562607677,0.0,0.08576222284302644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262225913797247,0.2762932452241572,0.08696044292922964,0.17581074050954065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590521013456598,0.0,0.0,0.09257953154605164,0.06936525593199855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530673113962641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866037337892614,0.20169866814747964,0.0577048826555177,0.055655375985435455,0.0,0.068955892764555,0.1012957003006885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058971173737381775,0.0,0.0,0.09042269085724776,0.0,0.0,0.1913245829890653,0.07166730288598464,0.0,0.0,0.06967259486745703,0.0,0.0,0.08051863658848127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AnxiousCurator,2019/04/07,"I just got diagnosed with C-PTSD I know it seems silly to tag this as a ""success"" but it is for me. It's taken almost 8 years to get to this point and it's nice to have some sort of clarity. I usually get gas-lighted or swept under the rug when it comes to my mental health so I wanted to tell someone who would understand. Thanks guys",0.1437500000000007,2.2261803194444454,2.5061111111111143,93.12500000000004,86.08333333333334,5.822222222222222,18.722222222222214,7.1686216300943375,0.2861888888888884,261,7,59,4,8,89,57,72,0.0,0.8320000000000001,0.168,0.8936,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,14,13,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,4,11,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,5,3,37,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434621202638908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943715639791588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467744121022987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25405343640712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944553043170203,0.0,0.0,0.2407394416990297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584385226218281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361928654866154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24502041682483586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298388394534867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28420893056219554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213387347024204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20600541373491085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250855809844196,0.22384377867037733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25310955062044266,0.0,0.0,0.26777614536741223,0.0,0.1434058725442252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271438193386734,0.0,0.0,0.15656938555334085 ptsd,106436,2019/04/07,"Nightmares that not only remind of me of the traumatic, but makes the traumatic (tw: sexual abuse) I have PTSD from past sexual abuse. It’s happened three times, all with three different men and different circumstances. Not the things I plan on getting into today. The thing I came here to say is that I have nightmares. But from what I know they aren’t your typical trauma ones. I’ve only have two that contain my real assaulters, but more than I can count of friends and family that my brain has twisted into some crazy narrative. They are scary and I often wake up in a panicked frenzy. This has effected me greatly and despite knowing they’re dreams, I can’t be around those people anymore. I get flashbacks and panic attacks. It’s sad because sometimes it’s someone I really love, but it’s hard to forget something like that, even if it is a dream. Has anyone else experienced this? Is there anyway to help deal with these nightmares?",4.953498376623376,6.935253846590912,5.202629870129872,80.15340909090912,70.19318181818181,7.983116883116884,29.048701298701296,8.634040054169528,2.39654512987013,751,29,129,13,14,237,115,176,0.245,0.66,0.095,-0.9851,3,0,1,0,2,0,21.0,0,1,2,2,6,9,2,1,6,0,14,3,2,2,1,28,22,10,0,1,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,17,11,0,1,3,2,0,1,4,5,0,4,1,3,17,4,17,20,3,10,0,1,0,1,9,6,0,3,4,95,34,0,0.0,0.358300364421978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995220424406094,0.10572427089607647,0.15492478156284664,0.0,0.13460224011244054,0.0,0.17201461878789215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217161204851004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687919434032121,0.0,0.17293532564555894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588308995183964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159487635442522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631024775743346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998677943015392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254021618501891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168186402534897,0.0,0.15799408227158215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667012384232488,0.0,0.0,0.13370782999390354,0.0,0.13544769886139166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134781715608528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661938279646722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386988109316174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646611733347164,0.0,0.10092881160439343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245869542547266,0.22999255817478625,0.0,0.17740350041904113,0.0,0.0,0.1443398504751531,0.104824742871144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674757638627028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210149414933315,0.09686416326763203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202422595913678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811334790948198,0.1164030355419875,0.14954309243240732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090438256859752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816736638757207,0.0,0.14332224597648427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770282618177882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,imruiningeverything,2019/04/07,"I was diagnosed in preschool yet never got any real help I was severely traumatized from witnessing my “father” attack my mother constantly. She got away when I was three but the damage was done. This wasn’t slapping or hitting. This was intense beatings that resulted in blood and vomit coming from her. By the time we were away and I was in preschool, I was not ok. I was exhibiting extreme signs of PTSD and by the end of preschool I had a therapist going there once a week to talk to me and observe. More bad things happened that I get flashes of but the main time I ALWAYS go back to was when my mom was unconscious and I could smell blood and vomit. I was not able to understand death but I live through the INTENSE feeling she wasn’t going to wake up constantly. I literally was in therapy from preschool into early adulthood and doctors have always mentioned the PTSD but never ever offered any sort of counseling or therapy for it. Always meds for the insomnia. Meds for the anxiety. Meds for the depression. I have tried countless times to get help for this and it results in a prescription. I have gone to the ER and ended up in mental hospitals and it results in a prescription. I feel like I get blown off or maybe because of how I look or that I’m a woman, I get labeled as not in immediate danger or some shit. It is effecting me now more than ever. I am TORTURING my boyfriend and ruining his life because of the demon inside me. I am two different people. I feel this so strong at this point in my life. And the real me has to deal with the embarrassment, shame, guilt, everything the demon me does. I need help. I tried in the last two years, I called a crisis center during a bad anxiety episode. I told them I need REAL HELP NOT MEDS for this. I was out the next day after an episode I had there. They told me they can’t help me, to find somewhere else, they didn’t even give me any resources. I am mentally crippled. I no longer leave the house. My boyfriend takes care of me and I treat him bad. I’m abusing him. It doesn’t matter that I’m sick, it’s still abuse. I ruined his life today. I am ruining everything. I just want help. I don’t understand why I’m begging for it and it’s not coming. I don’t know if anyone on here can relate but I truly do not believe I’m the only person with PTSD who gets cast aside while seeking help. I really need help. I cannot ask enough. Please God, anybody, please help me. Tell me what I have to say to be heard. I won’t keep living like this. I refuse. One way or another, I will not keep this going. Whether I go to a real fucking loony bin, or a grave, this is not going to continue. I want to be admitted into a hospital or facility that will treat this. I have been unsuccessful. I’m 30 years old. I started being vocal about the flashbacks and shrieking taking over my life in my teens. It’s embarrassing when I start yelling over nothing. I need help. I refused to seriously date anyone until my mid twenties because I’m ashamed of what is inside of me. I fell in love and now I torture him. This isn’t normal. I live in Massachusetts in the cape. If anyone reading this can please tell me if I can get real help in this area, please please please tell me.",1.895642180317104,4.186042513931891,3.4613284548269085,87.67986959377052,80.51702786377709,6.577690214841918,24.029364855990238,7.740228189696982,1.3201401444788443,2528,92,509,43,66,834,282,646,0.173,0.68,0.147,-0.9789,1,0,0,0,2,0,69.0,1,0,4,3,18,29,6,5,31,1,51,16,4,5,4,88,105,41,2,11,26,3,3,2,0,3,10,3,0,2,31,24,0,4,9,1,0,10,21,21,1,4,27,8,91,8,71,70,5,77,2,6,1,2,48,31,2,13,37,346,122,2,0.052669875606388326,0.12481037990355022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147666740083694,0.0,0.0,0.10745196461801304,0.05522895694435151,0.08058462135019588,0.0,0.0,0.11048400497877717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923922378139683,0.05991958717238824,0.09897016383696898,0.040499883223916,0.13193143832748128,0.09632120191663028,0.0,0.0,0.05934091348220635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378183183924492,0.0,0.05370044844391125,0.0,0.0,0.09074086825079217,0.0,0.11383484842879618,0.0,0.04205260988491676,0.0,0.0,0.0339677124960268,0.05430032902370942,0.04536448668185751,0.053458815048312534,0.0,0.055028809797096914,0.0,0.0539098494968629,0.046091763079178685,0.05389956933555993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043998922618315416,0.0,0.09329975307987264,0.05442206104662568,0.0,0.03478795609659208,0.09528583578652784,0.0,0.0,0.09467257604367492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989441497784065,0.037627369657142584,0.0,0.0,0.048139312108989175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048692451287037496,0.16510701681233927,0.0505257440127152,0.17960102450922089,0.0,0.08424982201426616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046575797053793784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883385812419707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060773964856908724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363081094712004,0.0,0.0,0.028945986197026118,0.042932978373859725,0.0,0.0557697933374895,0.0,0.0,0.14880916309626435,0.051463681526203134,0.0,0.13952539535188307,0.0,0.04422943026222733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047536619104003065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291396935906286,0.0,0.2340174329007498,0.0,0.10615769304857624,0.0,0.0,0.06168632173998065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562161815382657,0.08124451012496528,0.0,0.05601501023410501,0.0,0.051605295220804766,0.05053816615873007,0.0,0.05526817442217502,0.05609169856201997,0.035690470817983294,0.0400578137941515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03651465998965903,0.045989303807690375,0.0,0.34689424169409444,0.04979005685633762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470479809354892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052684128822740935,0.2997492467164976,0.033741671002696566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188519909621216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950196755117116,0.054064870423507334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456001808912731,0.0,0.04206223069571365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920238321821664,0.042334050912986414,0.13810737839617002,0.0,0.12046518596215965,0.06115378510932455,0.0349915249920644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213668407801412,0.0,0.04992488354794937,0.10065664651967277,0.0,0.07151877639060257,0.0,0.10290163047037676,0.1096623960183569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213211452413954,0.041806895675439534,0.04224859721352341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475263704596756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678353460816209 ptsd,throwsoveryfaraway86,2019/04/07,"Previous fugue episodes - tracker suggestion? My husband has depression, anxiety, ptsd. He had a short dissociative fugue episode 3 months ago which lasted about an hour. A few days ago he had an episode where he ended up driving his car and was about 1000 miles away when he started to come back to himself. Hope I’m describing this correctly- it’s kind of new to us. He was completely confused and scared about where he was. Our family and friends were all terrified as he seemingly disappeared during regular daily activities. His psychiatrist wants him wearing a tracker along with a car tracker and alert bracelet. Any suggestions for a personal tracker? Considering an Apple watch with a cellular plan. Also, if something like this happened to you, do you have advice? He’s been doing CBT but his doctor wants him to consider EMDR. ",5.479591836734697,8.420674612244904,5.602959183673471,73.59382653061226,71.58503401360544,9.642176870748301,34.98979591836735,9.957137785484203,4.353865306122448,676,36,105,20,14,213,105,147,0.08199999999999999,0.867,0.05,-0.5745,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,2,2,0,1,8,7,0,2,9,0,11,2,1,0,2,17,19,9,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,7,1,11,4,16,12,2,22,0,1,1,0,24,6,0,4,12,64,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545509059364407,0.33646478743340186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177049270398252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905988007842212,0.0,0.14518452414425925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830866361841866,0.14593246639975732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348243072555133,0.19898530190956012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239521865030573,0.0,0.16346100041426972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425234529247185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809262147938686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891181434591175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662693404397145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782569226226704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849870239339114,0.18689937601683404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976312173074086,0.0,0.15469959232586122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271905715885508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148407406658304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832949278703772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571239219526512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184777334323816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900072632498957,0.0,0.0,0.1727725633083018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461052806118688,0.0,0.0,0.13433035441607866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22828723045255625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387947799774305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,meraki1003,2019/04/07,"I think my mum is the biggest trigger of my PTSD Hi! I've come to the realisation that my mum's actions are actually one of the biggest triggers of my PTSD. As I'm 17 and I'm still living at home it's difficult to avoid the conversations and things that get to me the most. I've discussed with her how I difficult I find these things but I don't believe she understands it all. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do. It doesn't feel like I have many options anymore.",1.2796000000000018,3.34870776,3.414000000000001,88.397,81.4,6.4,25.0,7.554174236665415,1.2221000000000002,376,15,82,6,10,128,64,100,0.08900000000000001,0.911,0.0,-0.7233,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,8,0,0,3,1,16,15,5,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,0,1,13,1,10,15,2,7,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,2,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.2111046774962793,0.0,0.0,0.21139297276492372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711028760187198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453899813508315,0.15126139206122888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24372729377146515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634720090608506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893098710691784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938180988086978,0.1545445872016078,0.0,0.0,0.19771964359567884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130223203209753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699437066225244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568681108742234,0.0,0.1910213657884068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932238363329531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658928141550898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057511245249513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727596198958306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874370882008657,0.13861408670976902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22520481605042406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Im_Your_Turbo_Lover,2019/04/07,"Private disciplinary schools (TW: physical restraint, corporal punishment) Did anyone here get sent to a private disciplinary school (mine also had some intellectually disabled kids) as a child? (I live in the US). They were allowed to physically restrain us if they deemed us a threat to ourselves or others, but most of the time they took it too far and put excessive pressure on us as a form of corporal punishment. I remember being 8 years old and having a 160lb woman sit on top of me while I cried in a puddle of my own tears and snot, and she taunted me after she got off me like it wasn't a big deal. I could barely fucking move and it makes me so angry. This is just one time of many. Another time, I walked in to school with my fists balled, got called out by the teacher, and 30 minutes later (after I had calmed down) he took me in another room and slammed me against a corner while he gave me a 'lecture' about not balling my fists in his room. I wasn't much older and this guy was probably 3-400 lbs. But I don't feel like I was abused. I mean growing up, we were told this was allowed and I'm pretty sure it still is done there. I feel so bad for those kids because instead of getting their emotions validated they are being punished for acting out.",6.169011428571429,5.850037684000004,6.572685714285715,79.74520000000003,66.16,9.542857142857144,33.457142857142856,9.04235418022936,2.705194285714285,991,39,198,15,14,322,154,250,0.133,0.7709999999999999,0.095,-0.9343,2,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,5,0,5,1,10,11,5,1,12,0,19,1,0,3,1,31,34,20,0,2,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,9,13,0,1,4,2,0,8,4,7,0,1,18,2,35,4,32,13,5,39,0,0,0,1,25,18,1,4,14,138,44,4,0.0,0.13536222569907114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136207816379817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239592717874996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988310389799096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953902132471576,0.06964299114395395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665742008892455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121572860968716,0.0,0.12549330770254855,0.0,0.11778208508813465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169128028473418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851080075579893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553190624778685,0.08161700185398822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561811583380196,0.11937710785231727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274511192762227,0.0,0.0,0.11312099809568366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162915263038747,0.0,0.10088086194416758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625975261271557,0.11582699669881133,0.0,0.12444683230307747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142487712056232,0.08398358140336294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198814250207612,0.0,0.07741570164121497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622873670733895,0.12317596252461648,0.0,0.0,0.11484827363194736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941787088187284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468676095920972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123659697598012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767502356572674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998523942474981,0.0,0.0,0.10916646287621794,0.2538618890726109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496930377127557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357035074943939 ptsd,monsterafruit,2019/04/07,"PTSD-related podcasts or other audio When I'm having a rough time I get some sort of solace from listening to podcasts and radio talk programs. I'm really interested in theory of trauma, self-help and spirituality related to trauma and hearing other trauma survivors stories. I haven't found that many podcasts that cover these issues. Sometimes listening to people talking about spiritual, psychological or medical issues related to trauma, pain, hardships and stuff like that sort of like puts me back on the right tracks and keeps me focused on healing, self-care and going forward. &#x200B; I really like Tara Brach and her talks. These talks for example cover topics related to trauma: [https://www.tarabrach.com/fear/](https://www.tarabrach.com/fear/) There are many more. The foundation of her thinking is closely related to mindfulness and buddhism. I'm sure there are lots of other good spiritual audio online, but do you know more that's related to trauma somehow? &#x200B; The Mental Illness Happy Hour has some episodes related to trauma: [https://mentalpod.com/?s=trauma](https://mentalpod.com/?s=trauma) I've listened to only couple of episodes and it seems like the quality of the episodes depend a lot on the guest. I don't always like the host but he's ok mostly :) &#x200B; I think Sounds True's Healing Trauma Summit ( [https://www.soundstrue.com/store/healing-trauma-summit/free-access-c](https://www.soundstrue.com/store/healing-trauma-summit/free-access-c) ) has some really good content but it's really expensive in my opinion. There seems to be some free access for limited amount of time but I don't know how it works. I'm not sure if it's worth it to pay hundreds of dollars for these talks. I did and I don't regret it because I got some sparks of hope from these talks. They have many of the big names in trauma research like Peter Levine and Pat Ogden and all of the talkers are researchers and professionals, but I feel like maybe you can get more bang for your buck by reading books like The Body Keeps The Score by Van Der Kolk. &#x200B; Do you have more suggestions? Any good ted talks or lectures in addition to podcasts?",9.326239316239317,11.97635884615385,7.627136752136757,64.42480769230772,60.25356125356125,9.046723646723649,32.01851851851852,9.466822959209583,3.2470433048433054,1789,65,247,32,26,534,177,351,0.08800000000000001,0.742,0.17,0.9862,0,0,0,0,0,0,112.0,0,4,1,2,8,30,0,0,13,1,18,6,1,2,4,58,41,24,0,3,10,0,2,8,1,0,5,7,0,0,18,15,0,3,8,3,6,3,5,11,0,0,3,9,20,20,40,37,14,18,0,1,0,0,23,11,0,20,14,152,38,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995648122046016,0.3122911926507414,0.35022439074043543,0.04900064647273252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055406724309702685,0.0,0.04392475446795384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003812823798108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972874896998329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621663817981227,0.03643374969822258,0.05147692119421838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900583889552734,0.0,0.0,0.07529271884185439,0.0,0.04095116519927078,0.1813118159957531,0.057629878037887924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670510147578613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121250726138506,0.0,0.04829771212096411,0.0,0.0,0.07156800603669293,0.07096078382073727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504157798866741,0.0,0.12809361697066535,0.0,0.0,0.07920034081204498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816239245451301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251910785824377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916085052576634,0.07239007816887655,0.0,0.0,0.07258898089646157,0.0726156418720629,0.0,0.07275616104157348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480194184933635,0.07667281386267875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995465513132278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422977230220134,0.07243632327514725,0.0,0.0,0.07207563994788774,0.0,0.1846440349132771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153555030705389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119440820359698,0.1503405388723266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126536545780421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248704162961536,0.0,0.0,0.13582411940576994,0.0,0.0,0.4054119742559024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923413307081272,0.0,0.0,0.08403303000976063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052457728492460325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35022439074043543,0.0 ptsd,zeelizardglue,2019/04/07,"Coworker doesn’t understand that sometimes I need a minute. Most of my coworkers know I have “something” up with me so they’re usually understanding when I need a moment. These are few and far between but they happen. Today I really needed one when I walked by someone at work that smelled like the person who traumatized me and I couldn’t stop crying or hyperventilating. It’s the first time I’ve been confronted with something like that and I felt like I was back in that place. I took a break to try and calm my breathing when we got a support message (I work in a hotel, we get support messages from guests and customer service). I didn’t acknowledge the message immediately and my coworker came to find me and tell me to do it instead of just clearing the message herself. She found me while I was crying and listening to one of those breathe along videos. I just needed a minute to breathe but instead she told me to get over whatever it is “this time” and answer the message. These kinds of incidents don’t happen often. I acknowledge when they do and try to keep them brief so I don’t burden my coworkers but that comment just got to me because sometimes they happen. I can’t imagine looking at someone who is clearly distressed and telling them to get over it. This was the worst flashback or episode or whatever you want to call it I’ve had to date and I’m barely keeping myself together today. I wish I could be better. I wish I could just get over it. But I can’t. 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My boyfriend has some bad experiences too. Problem is that he said he's not pleased about our sex life. He doesn't want to suggest things he would want to do because he's afraid of me having flashbacks or getting upset. I can't do certain things because of the trauma and apparently these are things he would want to do. I have tried sometimes to do those because some of those i enjoy myself too but i almost every time i get flashbacks. He said that he can see disgust in my face at some point. This makes me feel really bad, i want to be enough for him and that disgust- thing made me most upset. Because i want to do some things, i like them but i get flashbacks. Why is that? How could we talk about this more and does anyone have experiences of same kind of situation or some advice? 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To cut the story short my oldest sister died last in a medically induced coma month at 26, my middle sister adopted her two littles, one newborn my dad adopted the oldest boy. I dont want to ask them for help. They have enough financial issues and case workers and things on their plate. My reasources event aren't available til Thursday. I just need a few things. Even 1$ helps please pm me. https://www.paypal.me/robbieblum https://cash.me/app/PLGMXJB",6.871438356164386,8.390361760273976,5.379342465753428,82.49956164383562,64.95890410958904,7.4838356164383555,30.35342465753425,7.554174236665415,1.8512569863013704,651,23,114,6,10,189,104,146,0.122,0.755,0.123,0.0688,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,3,2,4,4,1,1,6,0,5,3,0,1,0,13,13,9,1,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,3,0,3,0,1,18,1,18,13,4,26,0,0,0,0,16,9,0,0,16,64,20,2,0.0,0.1784604719493533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394770521130087,0.0,0.2816193691979283,0.0,0.0,0.11581774335786887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974608510641858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713765806602533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632013186976818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652591540227955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563107341460905,0.0,0.19896662658823014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761581689711015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869291043808381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028729146266364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720850139518014,0.2989348904720485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455513584274394,0.0,0.0,0.32729887779839195,0.0,0.10638759972155258,0.0,0.15096114893771173,0.13300051872106025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173414535541135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404474349797886,0.0,0.0,0.11168307277402874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412847941634205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533590164824688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132197021917644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001309208140236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471341850917564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883977830816465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lizzyb91,2019/04/07,Easy suicidality What can help?,5.561999999999998,8.856965199999998,7.600000000000001,49.48000000000002,97.0,10.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,3.809000000000001,26,1,4,1,1,9,5,5,0.0,0.349,0.6509999999999999,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224840120787014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.852649082050842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lesbiangel,2019/04/07,"new to the community, (un)fortunately possible triggers will be censored hey all I never really considered myself to have childhood ptsd until I started reading more about it and realizing I meet a lot of the criteria, like reoccurring flashbacks and being unable to be productive due to said trauma replays if I’m not using the right terminology or anything I apologize, and would appreciate corrections most significantly though, I fit the criteria of attempting to recreate my traumatic event, for some reason. for me this meant seducing and sleeping with older women (between 2-8 years older) as a minor. thankfully, I’ve settled down into a serious relationship with my current girlfriend who understands the situation I’ve always considered myself a trauma survivor, but the title of having ptsd is new to me, as I initially thought it was only for combat survivors I’m glad to have found a new community of support, although it could have been with sweeter circumstances if you read all of this, then thank you for listening ",15.778983050847454,11.233492971751414,14.915000000000004,40.67216101694916,51.485875706214685,18.127683615819205,56.05367231638418,15.4700424275458,8.530224858757059,844,47,110,28,6,285,118,177,0.065,0.816,0.118,0.8567,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,2,8,0,0,11,0,13,2,1,3,4,30,26,14,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,6,8,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,2,14,5,26,14,6,18,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,6,15,89,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071509165893522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927527254990295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542706316503455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224585670474182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674836890215854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133556006687365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116085459551115,0.4551681339248842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194773393319005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710028645898498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672697991201088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142737429010264,0.0,0.10063866931757294,0.16151916558002208,0.0,0.16866055116490716,0.0,0.13415772465187098,0.14943271011733633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658064205767704,0.1572078111534573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119219620427608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782688174920946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892627598433777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434441058316425,0.1247153738214854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635407684548603,0.0,0.13567908784161087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159532572134244,0.0,0.0,0.1011636169679589 ptsd,Furicist,2019/04/08,"Do I have PTSD? Was in a terrorist attack nearly 2 years ago Hi there I was working as a stage hand on the night of the Ariana Grande concert the night the bombing happened. I was taking down the barriers nearby (but not in the lobby area) when the explosion happened. I was not directly injured. I was using a rattle gun (very loud) to undo alloy barriers bent down behind a barrier that rattles so hard when I use the gun on it that its all I can hear so I couldn't hear a thing. My friends said they felt the blast as it went off, I was just working really hard and fast and didnt feel it or hear it as what I was doing was already an assault on my senses. We were told to get out but couldn't leave the area, I figured out something bad was happening when I started seeing people crying and screaming, people covered in blood, including the showsec guys (they do the crowd management while we build and dismantle the stage) who were wearing yellow and had blood on their yellow tops. At this point I went to a police officer and he told me to get out. As I left, I ran in to a police road block where police with guns were screaming at a man in a car, police were diving for cover and shouting for us to run. I U-turned the car and bundled a guy in to the car and sped off and the guy I got in the car navigated us out through side streets. In reality, I wasn't right in the blast, I wasnt injured. But since then, I've had some difficulties. I have a past (about 9 years ago) of anxiety and depression which I have been managing well and I just dont feel depressed or anxious in that way however, since this happened, I've been getting very uncomfortable in crowds or busy places. When I'm at work I get anxious in large groups of people (I am an instructor as my other job) and I feel afraid and uncomfortable. My heart starts racing and my breathing gets really shallow. I just want to be away from them because I feel too exposed. If I see ANY bags left unattended I just have to walk away. It is quite often. It has got to the point where I avoid collecting my groups until slightly after the start time so I feel comfortable enough to go there. &#x200B; When I hear bangs that sound like gunfire or explosions, I get really, really stressed, really quickly. heart rate, sweating, rapid shallow breathing, totally not cool about it. No one else around me who wasn't involved seems to even notice the noises. It is usually someone hammering something on a building site or someone dropping something flat as it slaps the ground, unexpected fireworks, stuff like that. The thing is, I'm not a timid person. I race, I used to be a boxer. I jump off cliffs for fun, I jump of big jumps in skate parks. I do rope access and deal with danger just fine. But this is different, it's panic and I just dont experience this problem in any other part of my life. Once it started to affect my work, I noticed I might not be in control of it. I'm worried I might have a little bit of PTSD, but I dont know. I dont think it's severe, I don't know much about it either. &#x200B; I suppose I'm looking for some people to give me a bit of guidance on whether they think this is a problem or not, whether it is diagnosable and what I should do. Thanks",4.083925083612041,5.136251024615387,5.006715719063546,84.33476254180606,71.06153846153846,7.9906354515050175,28.438127090301,8.321376580360154,1.8837010033444823,2546,93,515,38,46,831,296,650,0.14,0.7829999999999999,0.077,-0.9909,3,1,3,4,0,0,78.0,4,0,5,7,27,25,3,5,42,1,53,13,9,5,2,90,105,49,0,8,27,0,9,2,1,3,4,11,0,5,36,27,0,6,12,1,0,13,18,15,1,1,30,26,67,10,80,67,10,98,0,2,5,0,33,56,0,13,27,351,103,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595568713323683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595188613919968,0.0,0.0,0.12951016010936914,0.14524142206510082,0.08128415683171034,0.0,0.045719869036405056,0.13503430894219154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053203297047522136,0.0,0.06799102936357937,0.1123018971442192,0.0,0.049901068641077066,0.036432035982977784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304952529048317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703124736770379,0.0,0.0,0.06564876991557918,0.0,0.06161483146540006,0.10295058065657713,0.060659961712268014,0.0,0.062441441927713386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801753606550126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992577854552173,0.0,0.0,0.061752961348050535,0.0,0.03947405274434618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058461392011129126,0.0,0.0,0.15109426291373454,0.0,0.0573835309457241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617409645561766,0.0,0.18734768642387695,0.057331792605678125,0.033965683864509016,0.0,0.09559865801425203,0.0,0.0,0.1775294917129687,0.21139907896934795,0.0,0.1070749513664284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26943686061792144,0.1416430295104235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930729105660493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569028560953362,0.0,0.0,0.06328223933687807,0.12986914827798876,0.0,0.0422136093350379,0.058396074588083824,0.05989997878233956,0.0,0.0,0.05018733662235986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680190727496454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04393396678414048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217033582654756,0.0,0.0,0.1360851246219131,0.0,0.06364750666608,0.04049814032269735,0.0,0.0,0.07012105535673115,0.0,0.06471939861764409,0.05705221498698325,0.16573340616752927,0.05218427317603665,0.062441441927713386,0.0,0.11299401005531355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437358586089005,0.13972358559639195,0.0,0.0,0.06356716664198944,0.0,0.0,0.19143414133682013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051038768689180114,0.056849961834602926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524953360871936,0.054407582447911336,0.0,0.06751715447109577,0.0,0.09887603513937072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127695495835584,0.13802946976217334,0.0,0.0,0.16920718644680244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684603175085205,0.0,0.06841633846745834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493565307419824,0.0,0.0,0.05502335079232472,0.0,0.0,0.0794100866004697,0.07658967531688643,0.0,0.0,0.034849305478848194,0.0,0.0,0.11421555675056776,0.0,0.0,0.06500688451292252,0.0,0.0,0.14377926766634916,0.15485266163263792,0.06582242699746517,0.09862435320373973,0.03525079712981335,0.04743847555710078,0.0,0.0,0.05373568637948665,0.11080504127550908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403779487640886,0.06069400317453241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524142206510082,0.07697307716848588 ptsd,HumanNumber57,2019/04/08,"EMDR Therapy... and protectors? I had an EMDR session today, and during it I met one of what my therapists called a ""protector"" - I cant quite remember what she called him but she did mention that there was 2 types, and he (Jerald) was the organized sort. &#x200B; I'm feeling really weirded out to be quite honest, and am unsure if this is anywhere near normal. I'm feeling weirded out about the whole process... I had to stop today because I was feeling deeply uncomfortable. &#x200B; Idk I guess I'm just looking for some sort of validation that I'm not a crazy? I can't find any mention of protectors online other than with DID, and I absolutely don't have that (no blackouts, no wild personality changes I don't remember) &#x200B; I don't know anyone else who's done EMDR or that has PTSD either, which is making me feel real isolated and I'm kinda alone in talking about this all in my personal life since it all sounds so absolutely insane. Any advice would be helpful, or even someone just willing to have some mutual support through the process would be greatly appreciated.",6.56340659340659,7.503805507389162,7.182758620689657,71.3784880636605,65.35467980295567,9.792951875710498,35.812428950359994,9.851270322608157,3.735498219022357,870,41,145,18,13,287,125,203,0.11,0.7709999999999999,0.119,0.4292,0,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,6,0,25,1,0,1,2,39,40,11,0,4,8,0,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,13,9,0,1,8,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,9,6,16,3,17,25,6,8,0,0,1,0,14,5,0,9,3,102,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248986969159073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862653793423227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409201173088741,0.3823307963385009,0.1426472603076999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333621434504148,0.10746441561389186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393533897587174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141933186648768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109516747527421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073311119738284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761578892910765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927383756813392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212677592243684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586061562284494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563321883400125,0.11553979071085925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703004634542868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057640625407672876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408154250538465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880748026474828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000981797912588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276248563886838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107103019534404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315853641988475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260191569040313,0.0,0.0,0.2231106902117818,0.0,0.11937913552928353,0.06719035259870285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762263247035964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675980703054258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886651913623472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087686384669284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901930724908864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430050211643854,0.0,0.0,0.11994216765404048,0.12177655291323428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883250765901989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170974566326656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901089878132584,0.0,0.3823307963385009,0.0 ptsd,A-V-A-Weyland,2019/04/08,"How to tell someone about your experiences without sounding like a desensitized psychopath? Let me start of by saying that I hate being pitied or being a burden to people. But, I want to stop lying about why I do certain things without having it devolve into a long conversation where the person is trying to be supportive. One of my issues is that I don’t sleep anywhere near what a normal person should be sleeping, and while it doesn’t show it certainly keeps getting brought up in conversation and I don’t know what to tell people without involving them in my life’s issues or blatant lying to them. I have already limited my time in social media, and this has somewhat helped: but how do I tell someone I can’t sleep more than a few hours because when I wake up I’m filled with a feeling I’m impending doom, angst and above all: guilt? I’ve only recently started picking up my life again after spending these these last almost two dozens months waiting for cancer to take my life. And while I would never take my own life, my diagnoses of cancer certainly felt like good news at the time. Righteous. Sadly (albeit now I begin to see that it was luckily) I seem to not have to look forward to cancer taking my life for the upcoming few years. And this realization has put me on the path of hyper productivity, but the guilt is still there and I don’t think it will ever go away. And while this productivity does come from the feeling like I have to repay a certain influence in my life, the same influence that helped me get an early diagnosis on the cancer; I can’t find the right words to tell someone why I’m working as hard as I do. Without making things awkward. I don’t know whether it would help talking more about what I went through in this post. Somehow while I’m writing this it feels like I’m blaming the person I’ve lost and cherished the most for my own issues. TL;DR? How to tell someone I can’t sleep more than a few hours because the feeling of impending doom is keeping me from staying in bed?",6.064904580152671,6.4952398702290095,6.4695324427480925,77.84490935114506,66.32824427480915,8.687404580152673,32.405534351145036,8.472884824447931,2.5214496183206108,1611,63,295,21,24,522,191,393,0.175,0.752,0.073,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,2,3,14,21,1,3,21,0,31,16,5,7,8,66,67,25,0,5,11,0,6,4,0,4,11,2,1,3,23,12,0,5,10,1,1,7,14,10,0,3,5,10,36,11,54,53,12,51,2,5,2,0,21,18,0,7,30,212,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601475459595723,0.0,0.0837706166387991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132168406542858,0.0,0.0,0.09255032110103656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539133902886625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704893211389663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643097347533794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866661640645391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425635785454854,0.0,0.0,0.1535332535982811,0.10846288484762016,0.07288728273955702,0.0,0.06938205770822202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932161932137374,0.0,0.04314245502976237,0.06367126006384974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800210901931894,0.07494723802931474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264634325395515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495157663996023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23769675372911106,0.0,0.1349478844586074,0.0,0.0,0.08343833747339499,0.06187829141340701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762501212314364,0.3217127173965979,0.14834678623759678,0.0,0.0,0.06717960044510571,0.06374683701146215,0.0,0.08286675409700435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067175085001476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059211623413676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854790028162842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437749760431492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051439835706844884,0.057734384364251184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525544032963237,0.19884990401536895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270257049279169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631237851749867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495379603453686,0.0,0.0,0.06482830705635274,0.0,0.06036815179731456,0.0,0.0,0.06049191791209376,0.06910729924945774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038666995749861,0.07738257357603644,0.2572794643129612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074615994942711,0.08091193411785466,0.060623303275694276,0.06346570759868715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614387035066072,0.0,0.0,0.17122879666311913,0.06101507135826225,0.3317515241361685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086492307166806,0.04864124974317865,0.0,0.0,0.08852962304172306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051539164700980716,0.0,0.0741548492363338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477477727234425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037104757508927,0.1369972786661322,0.0,0.0,0.2927052666388443,0.0,0.05526473255246359,0.0,0.0,0.107851203658827,0.0,0.0,0.0488847439888258 ptsd,whimsicalangler,2019/04/08,"How the hell do you accept long term therapy? Mobile, sorry for errors. I was diagnosed with PTSD 3 years ago. I think it's more likely c-ptsd, but I guess it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of what I'm asking. I cannot accept that I might live with PTSD forever. I don't know why. I would like to. Recently I ended my long term therapy sessions and I can't decide if this was a good choice. At the moment I'm leaning toward mixed. On one hand, I think I got what I could get of that particular therapist. He seemed highly uncomfortable discussing how my PTSD impacted my sex life, which is directly related to my trauma. Other than this avoidance, he was pretty good. Knowledgable. On the other hand, I am currently in the middle of a downward spiral and that probably impaired my decision making. I think not being in therapy is making it worse. But I am also too afraid to contact anyone at the moment and, like I mentioned, I can't accept that I might not ever be ""normal"". I feel ashamed of having been in therapy for 3 years as an adult, plus most of my adolescence. I'm in mental hell right now. I don't know what responses I'm looking for, so I appreciate anything.",2.860659340659339,4.912565871794875,4.791611721611723,80.55576923076923,76.1794871794872,7.875946275946276,24.390720390720396,8.704169506293173,1.9426156288156289,930,31,173,20,21,318,132,234,0.133,0.6920000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.9158,1,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,0,0,7,15,2,3,9,0,22,5,2,4,1,38,40,12,0,4,5,0,3,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,15,6,0,1,13,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,4,28,9,26,29,4,28,2,0,1,1,8,14,2,6,17,118,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423802134587886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501662857628707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433491345764405,0.0,0.08748464804226479,0.0,0.09938615383868793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488044356458174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079031229252012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941597257287711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961641147733296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375388432260123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554295306525402,0.0,0.0,0.17833674297564714,0.08502637865257588,0.0,0.11711322189330785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232309167046436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685116117842115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509039156339932,0.15581411453527694,0.0,0.09387429601794467,0.18816324862695213,0.08927421317108633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192643585823722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071361813025996,0.2255577056368851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416191434040337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203888182801615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815620153498604,0.11462091565723015,0.0,0.4970860780846232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810535681749255,0.0,0.1049689910727053,0.0,0.0,0.09078875713674768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967812687516531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900612513815564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863022031945486,0.1234349168800194,0.0,0.20435881223564625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095928871398748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833968592605124,0.07552007125047727,0.0,0.0,0.13692121084808365 ptsd,Luciano1994,2019/04/08,"What does dissociation from your body mean? I’ve been trying to help a friend who has PTSD and I read that those who have PTSD often dissociate from their body and feelings, but I have a hard time grasping what this really is. Maybe if I understand it more, I could provide better help. Do you feel separated from your body? She often says things that are alien to me. Like how “everything is swirling” or that emotions and feelings comes uncontrollably or how she hates her feelings and how she wants to “step out of her body...” Thanks!",4.837499999999999,6.821580350000001,4.5070000000000014,85.01350000000002,70.5,7.8000000000000025,25.5,8.472884824447931,1.5414999999999992,425,13,83,7,8,129,67,100,0.078,0.7490000000000001,0.174,0.8956,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,1,5,6,1,1,2,0,9,4,4,3,0,24,19,11,0,3,4,0,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,7,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,6,14,4,8,17,1,4,0,0,0,0,15,1,0,5,2,58,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974110856203475,0.0,0.6517868413662725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636602146879505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712519630844205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837507145513266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501378650040754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184133023475578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966965764657278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133373305808584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141122503188454,0.1448323957039404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665510626972896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166848642697049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737632374303689,0.15979546384847662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429606516697633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467361704205674,0.0,0.09397751651516847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166589227157961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350584023752463,0.0,0.0,0.09745861778955342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855398926834659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995972752632102,0.0,0.0,0.15271620116390294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652538012044543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LurkerLion,2019/04/08,"Filed for disability I should've filed a while ago :( but it took a bit to come to terms with it. I've been living off kindness of family and friends and it's gotta end. I've tried and failed jobs. The longest job I've ever had was only a year. I hope I don't have to be on it forever. But for now I really need to get my shit fixed. I stopped trying to get jobs because I'm scared of failing one again. Just thinking about it right now is setting off my anxiety. I was gonna leave this out but I feel like I have to justify myself. I think the last couple jobs just retraumatized me. One of them the manager was the spitting image of my abuser. I had flashbacks and panic attacks daily. It didn't help they were a mean cunt too, who called my PTSD 'bullshit'. I'd try and compose myself in the bathroom at work, but it would take up to an hour sometimes. So then I started getting in trouble for that and told I can't just stay in there all day. I'd have tons of sick days. They were lenient enough to not fire me for them but part of me wished they did. Finally one day I was doing my best to stay together, before I realized that the problem that day was because it was an anniversary, but I just had it. I had been called back and yelled at about whether I wanted the job still or to just sign a resignation letter. I just said ""ok"" and walked out. My SO wasn't happy with that decision :( Then the latest job I was only there for a couple months. It started out okay, but then I just got worse and worse. I had tons of sick days because my flashbacks were causing extreme fatigue and muscle pain afterwards. Once I finally got back I had the worst one to date. I felt off all day and then anxious, and then nausea. I had a flashback out of nowhere. I puked and dropped to the ground, and this scared a customer outside the place to come back in. A cop stayed with me until my (very pissed) manager came in at like 2am to take over so I could leave. It was humiliating... It's been like a year since then and I only just started feeling okay enough to even go near the place. I'm only 23, I feel like such a piece of shit. And while I know it's really hard to get disability, and I guess even harder for mental health problems. I just sorta wish someone in my life would kindly say something to me like ""hey, it's okay to do this"". Because I feel like it's not? Like I'm acting or not worth it. This was dumb sorry",2.157086890533108,3.708786770916337,3.4805919180421188,91.39695883134131,76.70916334661355,6.3745778789603476,23.30696262568773,7.07126945348624,0.6507289318914817,1877,57,417,20,42,613,221,502,0.21600000000000005,0.675,0.108,-0.9964,6,0,1,0,1,0,57.0,0,0,5,4,28,35,6,3,25,4,37,10,4,1,3,78,75,39,0,10,22,0,7,7,1,4,6,3,0,0,25,27,0,1,11,0,1,7,7,18,0,4,32,10,54,17,59,37,12,76,0,4,0,0,15,24,5,5,47,278,79,11,0.0,0.07699487933774289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057603995276572076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049712237092225546,0.07341291350128164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392816828008339,0.0,0.14990501388239386,0.0,0.1584534731800003,0.0,0.055296213906673886,0.0,0.0681962254748613,0.0,0.07094520488072044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271093818400126,0.07432386820367039,0.0,0.0667560053318674,0.0,0.1119551467974185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188407609092199,0.14380612185102928,0.0,0.25145407877438875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057556136245857724,0.1342907545617376,0.0,0.08584204243697251,0.05878134041935568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061260706578662484,0.0,0.13143053958027245,0.13927278109980015,0.062394397789972376,0.14237260304589947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050206128733509714,0.0,0.13580488895346166,0.0,0.036931648424617165,0.0,0.10394656093872237,0.0,0.07158670549762408,0.0,0.0,0.06917619623992438,0.05821249580491963,0.0,0.0,0.0690744737845444,0.0,0.0,0.043557103078390086,0.0,0.0,0.06454332677803974,0.06399570579372423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869168713439599,0.0,0.0,0.13534073262311305,0.0357132590458304,0.05297026564713191,0.0,0.13761639094534056,0.0,0.0,0.045899802427496125,0.2222337570571988,0.0,0.057381664291975214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078613540561429,0.0,0.0,0.0654881330652514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186924880651614,0.0,0.0,0.048184478155729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920535881661757,0.17613813827096228,0.19769166904213464,0.0691470777821235,0.07624419322538341,0.0,0.07037085093101912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578795525504406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243609602835304,0.07596229124161406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326025093470746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554955957540355,0.06181423615092607,0.05167752638750616,0.13011973797618046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340935835258186,0.05375506322725585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506035016044646,0.05002751080401956,0.0642703915537512,0.07274376278743093,0.1379870712827385,0.20779145058863294,0.051895946147995926,0.05432915670740815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771908304198344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327766851514612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062094565847111836,0.07219911395757755,0.13235869234993394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361823352586328,0.038328980846639264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494557485530316,0.0,0.0,0.047308797598561776,0.0,0.13244757619526304,0.0923248974345984,0.0,0.0,0.08369454993125719 ptsd,Shl33,2019/04/08,"My therapist suggested EMDR treatment. I have looked into it a bit online but I’d like to know first-hand maybe what it is, and offers? ",1.7355555555555533,4.21335218518519,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,82.7037037037037,6.562962962962962,20.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.0820222222222209,107,3,20,2,3,36,25,27,0.0,0.871,0.129,0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46473067647020705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620819179417047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23394177327740434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079650151436278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574627333878093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276512722263783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4942455521716009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,megamose,2019/04/08,So tired of this It’s one of those mornings where it seems like I will never be ok. My reaction to minor things is scary. I woke up late this morning and being rushed made me want to die. I’m tired of feeling that way. Waking up late shouldn’t make me feel dying. Driving to work shouldn’t make me want to crash my car into a ditch. Anyone have any words of encouragement or have felt this way and got better? ,1.725088235294116,3.688769905882353,2.713750000000001,94.530625,79.35294117647058,5.191176470588236,17.683823529411768,5.985473137389443,-0.459088235294117,322,6,71,2,8,102,61,85,0.188,0.685,0.128,-0.8305,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,1,8,3,1,3,1,17,20,4,2,4,1,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,3,7,4,11,11,0,12,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,42,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697640025114726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055937401802686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513918313314555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875729742666648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888230755039524,0.0,0.1792810426335339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933750852115218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212579041513653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122224587190024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667953158714336,0.24927487986946226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440104255772714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652670029384722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998340721935545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404885937410468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292156879090921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026527677683927,0.29642021739187424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359348092076959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MereOfDeath,2019/04/08,"How to expand your support network I have PTSD which over the years has also turned into panic disorder and agoraphobia. As of right now I can't leave the house without my husband without having days of panic attacks and anxiety. When I'm with my husband there are days I just am not comfortable going out, but I can usually get out of the house for at least a few hours. My husband will soon be out of the country for work for some time. I'm terrified I'm going to be house bound the entire time he's gone. Luckily there's amazon and grocery delivery so I won't go without, but some days I'm even terrified to walk to my mailbox. I'm trying to expand my list of safe people to include my friend/neighbor. So far I've been able to spend an hour or two at her house without my husband there and I only have a couple hours of panic after, but I would love to be able to go with her to a movie or to lunch and not suffer for days. I'm seeing a fabulous therapist (via tele-health because agoraphobia) who is also helping me with this, but he doesn't have the first-hand experience so I was hoping for some insight from those that have been there. Has anyone else successfully expanded their list of ""safe"" people? If so, how did you do it?",4.765861553784863,5.223490015936253,5.901033366533866,80.69625124501995,69.15936254980079,8.665438247011952,29.23331673306773,8.660442795831766,2.1338065737051792,978,34,194,15,16,327,137,251,0.098,0.742,0.16,0.9576,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,1,2,17,12,1,3,11,0,24,2,0,2,0,37,41,22,0,3,14,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,12,1,3,1,0,1,6,9,5,0,1,5,1,21,7,40,30,5,30,0,1,1,1,14,9,0,7,15,139,27,2,0.19548729199766404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633111678291864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477362165298251,0.0,0.0,0.06834462993535129,0.10014991613549004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119750805456063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059583619377165775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815148518384823,0.0,0.2521462621566586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202268642702146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165227404131184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455875633994823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561204132203664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314069535424183,0.0,0.0,0.07551649843510036,0.0,0.05106702081417454,0.0,0.2221998660973689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389692499781153,0.0,0.0,0.06551550556538617,0.0,0.0,0.0970814950003671,0.2887734070521563,0.4511321766781352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349640804441973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821745668067286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433844727948771,0.0,0.3440433256038257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355262741256239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425709156191652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347253962079422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788903094856106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091833116486503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348790659550118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399021203099664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636151957177593,0.1063170190522182,0.09548133943360976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765081694942057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768855470109305,0.0,0.07115853840835508,0.0,0.0,0.06943428171536363,0.0,0.0,0.06294370337193278 ptsd,monathemantis,2019/04/08,"Will this ever go away? Somebody grabbed my hand today. I went to take blood donations, and I made sure to tell the rest of the crew (never worked with them previously) to try to avoid touching me. One of them missed on that bit, and grabbed my hand at one point. I can't stop crying. It's been years but this has yet to have faded away. Why does some people's touch make me feel that way again? Why does it throw me back into this loop? Will this ever end? I'm in the bathroom spiraling out and I feel the worst. I can't with this anymore. I can still feel where she touched me, and it rings in my head. I just want this to stop, I feel helpless and scared and alone in this. I need to be comforted but touch makes it so much worse. I feel trapped. My skin is like an electric fence, but it doesn't hurt anyone but me to the touch. I feel violated and ruined. I feel like there's no fixing me, no matter what I try.",0.9416940789473642,2.8919901979166696,1.994802631578949,98.75940789473688,81.91666666666666,5.083771929824562,17.917763157894736,6.05967700443912,-0.5464937499999998,706,15,169,5,19,222,109,192,0.199,0.674,0.127,-0.9713,0,3,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,1,10,12,1,2,6,0,11,5,5,3,4,38,28,12,0,2,5,0,17,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,15,11,0,4,7,0,1,3,6,8,0,2,3,18,26,4,21,22,5,28,0,4,0,0,4,11,0,1,15,109,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748579773436434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164929649329124,0.09281974850520328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494402439148772,0.10207420457077257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492527972396044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145816282688655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323354873672031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757438940779055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240154418248484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698458980235744,0.0948344420305684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544314640578502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362366601892211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421083471608569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970690130209256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560836639482847,0.1772192294285475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758427657469212,0.09843017560965243,0.10238262541274123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799055271028883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203001532151753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548876798101516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290284703181546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601187951578893,0.22196477538477585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511242202637984,0.0,0.09980917997233753,0.0,0.11602667853964795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582857951146054,0.0,0.0,0.18025292002903304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829758586324218,0.10536834385546506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230577453525404,0.23956693573587926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664135492882332,0.0,0.13528047498862994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548467849625334 ptsd,zeroechozero,2019/04/08,"Can you have PTSD even if you don't remember seeing or experiencing anything traumatic? I'm not trying to self-diagnose myself or anything, but I do have a few symptoms associated with it. I just can't think of anything that I've been through that was traumatic. I've been startled by my mom yelling on the phone whenever something bad has happened. Like the time my sister got into a fight with her ex husband. Or the time that same sister got into a fight with my other sister. My mom always sounds like someone is getting murdered, and it really scares me, until I find out that it's not as bad as it sounded. Another thing is that I used to look up creepy images online. Despite being an adult, some of them would cause me to have trouble sleeping. Then again, there's a subreddit dedicated to this sort of stuff, so I doubt that's it. The last thing is that my mom claims my dad had abused me when I was young. But it had to be when I was really young because I don't remember any of it, and he was out of my life by age 5 or 6. Though I guess it could be because I've pushed those memories away? I have no idea.",4.328289473684208,4.921037355263159,5.450280701754386,83.05963157894739,70.18421052631578,8.536140350877194,28.796491228070174,8.648137234880735,1.9934575438596494,879,31,183,14,15,292,130,228,0.206,0.752,0.042,-0.992,0,0,1,0,4,0,22.0,0,2,1,0,9,11,3,3,9,0,26,3,1,2,0,33,36,17,1,3,10,9,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,21,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,10,6,25,2,26,21,3,19,0,0,2,0,18,7,0,9,13,131,46,0,0.0,0.15052597340886548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057105098489312,0.0,0.0,0.08639405142061858,0.1332163640689048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136383442494945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936170903018695,0.0,0.2121523139642964,0.1548892828691217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050884383347522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143403204448252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894664976823542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391114518505602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611561185918097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637507350888837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321685548944227,0.0,0.13995292441326573,0.0,0.11234429691238616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434168384718395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355754651273487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973470052944954,0.12413423888176503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668468517900767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463760289696351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850725048031346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627748549775264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28783142254627464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271928755979609,0.0,0.1012373557791691,0.0,0.1325342539426193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713541840010242,0.0,0.10764368845593347,0.09780442317423252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543460605258196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320470162240763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880433709316234,0.08140445328497528,0.12481975973861295,0.0,0.14816037008274172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862543118731443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972493971084778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024817738368826,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,trippingout3019,2019/04/08,"Roommate joked about what caused my PTSD My college roommate who I also considered to be one of my best friends continuously made jokes that triggered my PTSD, even after I told her to stop. She even told me that my current boyfriend looks like my abuser, and I nearly broke up with him because of it. On the one year anniversary she saw me in bed crying for a good two hours and later that day she still made some pretty graphic jokes about the situation. I’ve since cut her out, but I still have to live with her until the end of the semester. Some of our mutual friends think I’m in the wrong for cutting her out, but what she said was too much to let slide. ",6.660162337662334,5.926855946969702,6.335497835497836,83.2268181818182,65.28787878787878,9.361038961038963,30.97835497835498,8.418075326091056,2.004580952380953,523,16,110,6,7,163,85,132,0.107,0.759,0.134,0.4497,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,8,12,2,0,6,0,4,0,0,4,0,16,13,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,4,0,3,7,3,22,8,23,4,4,20,0,1,2,0,16,7,0,2,13,79,29,1,0.0,0.18562366086154453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528579022027092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550217501763172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441136265769454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093919752556465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720903085707106,0.1010366469435861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875962670370415,0.0,0.0,0.2069529079081484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420796160305601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140405673088082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428450945082925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020165906149875,0.0,0.07653912257689342,0.0,0.13833899973375624,0.0,0.13156003161659294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964824247797219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516757907788107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21232195130647905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938570375528988,0.0,0.0,0.3662684767865395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902529760924352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959578236777242,0.17609921357923436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502274330636537,0.13097983978015126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038528426018292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994022649633268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530399744900534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712897409007151,0.0,0.10088780504643052 ptsd,rubatosisX12,2019/04/08,"What to do with comments like, “People have been through even worse than you”, etc. ? Most people I talk to (which isn’t many anyway) don’t make comments like this, but some do at times. Like, “others who’ve gone through what you’ve been through, and even worse”. I know there is a time for this, for ~perspective, but it doesn’t help me. I know that other people have experienced worse, other people haven’t survived experiences like I had, and then I end up feeling even weaker because it’s like I should be okay. If I didn’t go through the worst situation then I should be okay. I know that not real. I know it doesn’t work that way. But then I start to think that the person I’m talking to thinks this too. That because I’m alive, my experience wasn’t bad enough to warrant the PTSD affecting me this much. For those who relate, what do you do to combat the extra shame that can come during these discussions? It takes me a long time to become rational about it again. ",4.647427884615382,5.5315492395833346,4.674166666666668,87.85673076923081,69.625,7.574358974358977,25.18589743589744,7.61054688173877,1.0267070512820524,762,20,160,8,13,236,103,192,0.152,0.7,0.147,-0.7278,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,2,8,10,0,1,6,2,22,0,0,2,0,23,37,9,0,3,5,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,25,4,0,0,7,0,0,3,8,3,0,0,6,2,17,7,19,27,7,16,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,3,15,113,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703094733649744,0.1562834396474484,0.1415726776447835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042191172332083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353580031788366,0.13245163147618913,0.14296259902411573,0.2539992855159252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25078333350203125,0.0,0.0,0.0648152936887396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072851732837598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592116983685613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817933038734905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131289245953345,0.0,0.0,0.1134416272877176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556594317110511,0.12996168854025014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942323323570265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554754226808937,0.1119281078782368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498439626533741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590508333502555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440877697931611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073155122091246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638081204851373,0.2060640116373824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427434779649588,0.0,0.0,0.22424093998358136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174902296373313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933217993383989,0.0,0.3919010867735751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wishiwasborninirelan,2019/04/08,"Does anyone with PTSD live alone? CW; sexual violence Tonight I've been really terrified about being home alone even though I'm exhausted. When I was a freshman in college I got raped and it was really violent. Now I'm sometimes terrified of being in my house at night. I have dreams about people following me home, I sometimes throw up, get really jumpy, feel frozen, and see things out of the corners of my eye that I think is someone even though its a shadow. Tonight I already got sick twice. I live in an apartment, on the third floor and my doors are locked and I can usually hear my neighbors. Does anyone have any advice? Being raped, followed, or murdered is literally my worst nightmare. I panic about it. I'm terrified that I'll experience domestic violence. PS - I'm currently a training to be a therapist, so I know this is not normal or good",4.067936507936508,6.250535864197531,5.166067019400355,78.63444444444445,73.07407407407408,9.073015873015876,29.47266313932981,9.606745405546679,3.0891255731922387,678,29,121,18,14,223,102,162,0.325,0.66,0.014,-0.9959,2,2,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,4,1,7,0,14,5,1,0,0,13,28,10,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,4,0,7,6,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,7,0,2,5,4,16,1,15,19,1,20,0,0,2,2,2,10,0,2,7,76,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849704292749745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935793426728728,0.1564027230400396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963813486824367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820200487812173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480579841149524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722282864242007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138639263234311,0.0,0.0,0.0716630123528489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404814334422763,0.0,0.0,0.11887650888753662,0.22670906486047565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597401573893558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843337531570202,0.0,0.0,0.16353754122163172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789117300545535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503006032001455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330041261485645,0.13886543545903687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628977034995826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825782680647162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567493774226535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27238785187780656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294056392303095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200874794032275,0.0,0.28034944563403336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455960503353725,0.09415920080697134,0.09081494463274882,0.27849826667473804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609571495467614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,squeakers4269,2019/04/09,"Advice appreciated I want to leave my abusive boyfriend for good this time. I want to know, how did you get over the pain? Did you ever regret it? How did you end it? How long did it take you to heal from missing them? Any advice is appreciated.",0.9165986394557812,3.3756860000000017,2.7664285714285732,89.77440476190479,86.95918367346941,4.899319727891157,18.37074829931973,6.42735559955562,-0.13239047619047686,190,5,41,2,6,63,33,49,0.23,0.58,0.19,-0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,3,1,8,11,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,8,1,6,7,0,5,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,28,12,0,0.0,0.31779140092685304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5241939872132009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239567571590887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375592419500264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24261619319232125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013148109474474,0.0,0.0,0.22496635979572724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474041744263711,0.0,0.0,0.2840013910352296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23736219684534804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854001059211645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016646078564383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639856200279653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164007950690058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,piercetheissues,2019/04/09,"Nonstop nightmares I’ve had 6 nightmares in the last 2 days, every time I finally fall asleep. I’m sitting here after the last one desperately searching for some help. Anyone have any tips or recommendations for sleep?",4.941923076923079,8.000846205128205,5.156089743589742,75.46182692307694,74.12820512820512,6.976923076923077,30.262820512820515,8.07648339933343,2.5564820512820514,178,8,28,3,4,56,33,39,0.07,0.858,0.07200000000000001,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376979434159977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24440521731899265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225423204635328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945009857163254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38290198258834907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342880690204673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5698405255112033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368561117465453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497906047015704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381851924596706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,savanna___,2019/04/09,"when tv is a trigger i’ve been watching the act since it came out on hulu. dee dee reminds me so much of my foster mom is makes me sick to my stomach. the sweet talk, lie after lie. i’ve never been able to watch shameless because it’s too close to home.",2.3153636363636347,3.1079510363636373,3.717954545454546,92.8969318181818,75.0,5.5,24.65909090909091,3.1291,0.16345454545454574,197,6,45,0,4,65,43,55,0.101,0.847,0.053,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,2,1,2,1,6,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,4,1,7,3,1,8,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,25,6,0,0.3542471353066625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594576567990656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051643502771729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553387602585095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364627135912841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148899634261295,0.0,0.0,0.26041240464819465,0.0,0.2732172293916647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930368910145597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284730428716503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheAbnormal99,2019/04/09,"Anxiety attack talking about colors? To start off my question, I was diagnosed after I had an extremely bad trip on LSD. Today at work ,(everyone is aware of the incident, but doesn’t know about my mental issues caused by it) one of my coworkers got talking about how he is colorblind. Somehow that led into a discussion on how everyone sees colors differently. He kept trying to “blow my mind” with different weird facts about the brain, colors, and various other things. After the whole discussion I had a few moments where absolutely nothing seemed real, and my coworkers could tell I was distressed but I think I managed to play it off pretty well. Basically, is it normal to be triggered by such innocent topics? I felt silly panicking over this, but it took a while to calm myself down",7.297731157731158,8.282416006993008,7.852820512820518,67.06162393162394,63.75524475524475,11.390520590520591,34.770007770007766,11.20814326018867,4.4251886557886575,631,27,98,18,9,209,99,143,0.101,0.784,0.115,0.4962,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,1,1,7,0,10,2,1,5,1,24,19,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,5,1,0,3,1,4,1,1,8,5,13,4,24,9,3,18,0,0,4,0,8,9,0,3,6,78,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606961008169973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748090800729536,0.0,0.0,0.1375990001465538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396847335732186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929239267963958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157736655658805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726595858240834,0.0,0.34435655231198337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149420811626306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582314106297672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180358774205891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720057383172804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056837724485936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607708450533334,0.0,0.16639846173739786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146652643226808,0.15812761281553792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167102765432302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765826823123758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846108770972142,0.0,0.0,0.18757559456220094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132224365027614,0.15002542328444618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664449433015682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649159207976373,0.14404024864039056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948411342018144,0.10559556169983153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620872808751973,0.0,0.1830960479205527,0.11188666152442776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817271291700654,0.0,0.0,0.18399048503920434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199745176548788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MissTinkerBelle,2019/04/09,"Uncomfortable with PDA? Hi, I'm wanting to ask for some advice if that's okay! I'm not formally diagnosed with PTSD, but I'm getting EMDR for what happened. So the background situation is that I grew up with my stepdad and my mum since I was 12. When I was 17, he (who was 32 at the time) made sexual advances and since then, I'd been abused until I was 21. I finally left the situation when I was 21 and I just turned 23. He told me that he only loves me and not my mum, and he's always been very good with children. We were extremely close and I wasn't really close to my mum. My mum had been abused as a child, and I suspect she has borderline personality disorder because of the way that she treat me (it's very toxic and a lot of emotional blackmailing, and blaming me for what happened, then she'll say ""Oh but I really love you,no matter what"", then she'll revert back to ""but why did you betray me? I don't care that he did, but you're my daughter, how could you do that to me??""). So whilst the abuse was going on, in hindsight, I think she knew deep down but didn't want to confront anyone. She'd be very lovey dovey with my stepdad, and put her head on him when we're watching something. Say things like ""You mean nothing to him without me. I'm the one that he'll be with forever"". It's just a lot of public displays of affection, and I felt very uncomfortable, very left out and very hurt but I obviously couldn't say anything. Now, I'm in a relationship (long distance so I don't see him as much as I'd like) and my housemate recently got a girlfriend (it's his first relationship) and there's been a lot of just them cuddling, kissing, putting his hand around her waist, her stroking his cheek or something. And it's making me extremely uncomfortable. It *hurts* me, to see/hear any of this. But I can't say anything because it's his first relationship, he's having a hard time with everything else that's going on and he feels that his relationship is the only good thing going on right now. And I understand, that it's not even about them. This happens with any couple that I see around me, and I don't think it'll be a tonne better even if my boyfriend did live in the same city (we see each other once a month or so) because it's not about him either. I'm happy with him, I'm happy for my housemate, but everytime I see or hear them together, it hurts inside. It happens with other couples, but not as strongly because she's around a lot now so they're sort of ""in my face' a lot. I'm happy for them, I really am, but it also really hurts. Even though I know, it's not about *them* at all. It feels less painful when I'm also being cute with my boyfriend, but not a whole lot. I just feel kind of uncomfortable and it feels like a competition of ""who's a better couple?"". Sorry that this is so long, I'm just having a lot of trouble processing this. I'd tried to visualise it in the EMDR way, but, it still hurts. Maybe I need to do a proper session on just that but in the mean time I'm just asking for some advice :( Thanks",2.37965955097534,3.9425273508772003,3.9424840510366863,88.27299733161577,76.12918660287082,7.1197276407802725,23.85992516255675,7.882392219407189,1.0917000613421668,2367,74,516,36,52,788,235,627,0.127,0.75,0.122,0.3145,0,0,2,0,3,0,94.0,2,3,5,6,36,28,1,0,26,1,40,12,5,4,2,109,91,59,0,7,34,5,8,3,1,4,3,5,0,3,43,39,1,0,13,0,0,7,15,8,0,3,22,18,76,20,64,58,16,58,0,5,5,4,65,25,0,15,27,341,119,1,0.0,0.19832524186746844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090452195961712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923910717224638,0.046426234531579104,0.0,0.0,0.07588555762561193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039013434311464826,0.0,0.0918297045332079,0.1490091804359068,0.10432231649705556,0.0,0.0,0.04290321121365268,0.0,0.13604940858172668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869297738091748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688711913362944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04454807916365818,0.18520961486946136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056631146825010005,0.0,0.0,0.06394635134389451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046609889214495895,0.0627623044042258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055698752400396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014529923068802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128473035056842,0.03986023808733543,0.05357232471954529,0.06112112298299679,0.0,0.09491906123071904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029150788641339718,0.0,0.09512941859740084,0.09359705263348947,0.044624670750361785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735871803829091,0.1781856919415837,0.04998171051339997,0.0,0.05726216757425906,0.0,0.12577092024966893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986505973327506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810231312971999,0.030663687416884536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124370996235488,0.0,0.0,0.08177642832240332,0.0,0.0492683519880318,0.09875432954290388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320467199015607,0.10071503656077947,0.05279494752175869,0.0372438563849991,0.0,0.05605396911920065,0.1215550743628052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453534833968945,0.0,0.04101603188210695,0.0413715750393124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353718194866978,0.0,0.0,0.05942026986679767,0.037808400566311226,0.08486981735062278,0.05937022930842225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048718382814127034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522182562823678,0.11217955638896507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429758233846381,0.0,0.055091216865264345,0.2396134740137981,0.0,0.047648958585150634,0.0,0.17748293580160382,0.0,0.0,0.22230851168334145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230904711105516,0.12543271320647315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590803497214687,0.0,0.062458371575086075,0.0,0.0,0.04455827088878942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136889918105531,0.0,0.0,0.0741359563494162,0.07150286656500215,0.05481868783039258,0.0,0.09760422260156856,0.0,0.0,0.05331488663578837,0.0,0.03788140761127028,0.06068936276204814,0.0,0.05808496919063299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762222429332525,0.06581913379458547,0.08857556775824668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034666146507983,0.0622935608713621,0.0,0.05378476533255022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Matt2005USAF,2019/04/09,"Survey for Arizona State University Research Paper Hello everyone. I am a military veteran that is attending college at Arizona State University for my bachelors in electrical engineering. In my English class I am currently writing a 2-part project on a problem/solution to a problem in my community (Denver). I chose to write about the local VA hospital that went over budget and cut the PTSD care facility in order to complete the project. I see this as a problem, especially knowing veterans that suffer from PTSD. I know of people that are leaving the state to get the care that they feel they need because the VA is unable to give them the care they deserve. Denver is also looking into making medical grade magic mushrooms and medical grade MDMA legal for treatment of depression and symptoms of PTSD. This survey is only asking for some bits of information as well as your opinion on new experimental treatments that are on the rise. Please do me a favor and help me complete this project. I appreciate anybody and everybody taking the time to read this. Thanks! [https://forms.gle/2tYFZuvyQCbhdDk37](https://forms.gle/2tYFZuvyQCbhdDk37)",9.264627594627594,11.407795470899472,9.309629629629633,54.211794871794865,59.8994708994709,10.894749694749697,40.46438746438746,10.891193690592663,5.299375742775744,940,49,120,24,13,308,113,189,0.07200000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.134,0.8902,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,4,0,3,11,1,0,15,0,9,3,0,2,0,19,25,9,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,3,16,6,29,24,2,21,0,2,2,0,12,11,0,2,3,87,26,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365934696362693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117986771141474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901688673973789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415145810636595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396477405941687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27181418579876426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164397146692352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386018881695865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554120810188609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772258956386695,0.12434604986187585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688346456745635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424746577527204,0.0,0.0,0.13725188294871615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885054833364204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652425945554043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26116277035689905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611370143258363,0.0,0.12519055704620394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858401907256996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403689157757673,0.0,0.0898641637146589,0.0,0.0,0.14228696518101164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720946868386749,0.4545665280592058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965792859721986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329262977080908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472777369774047,0.0974602520484737,0.0,0.0,0.11933930564927553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558412670835317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165465099593625,0.1201616813393262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Juxocyde,2019/04/09,"Can't post on r/Veterans But I get to watch what others post, specifically about a Vet who just shot himself at a VA, and have no way of providing my support to the witnesses. What is plenty contradictory is the amount of replies stating we are all here for each other, and to speak out when needed. Yet anytime I try and post, something went wrong. Got no way of reaching mods through mobile since it looks like my messages to and from the mods are no longer there.",6.768791208791207,6.415994010989014,6.549758241758244,80.5202417582418,64.93406593406593,9.477802197802195,33.58461538461537,8.841846274778883,2.5674905494505493,369,14,74,5,5,116,69,91,0.126,0.8009999999999999,0.073,-0.6249,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,12,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,3,6,2,14,10,3,12,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,3,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225826588534895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871556522456111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432331431354235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650576514635806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351218464391652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6723380286408995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193571847475203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014894057476674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26554677768375423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887443941335222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714855006898975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692553224887454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558483848309684,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GHOSTLYHUMAN,2019/04/09,"PTSD after a car accident? I'm sure this gets posted a lot and I'm certain that this is nothing as extreme in comparison to the typical situations on here, but here it goes: I own a business that requires I drive anywhere from 50 to 150 miles a day. I spend quite a bit of time on the road. Well around a year and a half ago I had a car cross over a double yellow right into me head on. I have a decent sized truck, they were in a small compact car. My truck was repaired from the accident and returned to me. Flash forward about two months later, I'm driving home from work and the wheel comes off my truck. Turns out when they were putting everything back together from the accident they didn't attach a part tightly enough (the carrier bolt on upper control arm for you car people). They fixed it, but ever since then I haven't been able the drive the same. I've taken my truck into the shop once a month for every small noise and rattle for the last year and a half. I've had the suspension rebuilt twice. Had my truck checked by a dozen mechanics, all telling me it looks pristine. But once I get on the highway I always am going at least 10-15 under the speed limit, white knuckle driving. I don't fear other cars on the road, or even my truck specifically, just whatever car I'm driving. I've driven at least 40,000 miles a year for the last decade, but now I feel like I can't trust whatever car I drive.",4.016538461538467,4.971115094405597,4.7163706293706325,86.71840209790211,71.13286713286713,7.678041958041959,26.88741258741259,7.908726449838941,1.4431627972027965,1111,36,232,14,20,357,163,286,0.053,0.9,0.048,-0.5205,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,4,6,11,6,0,1,31,0,14,2,2,1,4,28,27,14,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,4,1,1,3,20,4,1,1,5,10,5,25,5,33,17,10,65,0,0,3,0,6,26,0,2,21,146,33,2,0.1457065148320072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916003397053807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123949264576946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970968977552916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120393159794046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907377654006935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125513260791237,0.0,0.0,0.16342224606052966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396864806742364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055377962800387,0.0,0.09623777885567117,0.13179988452095334,0.12276402301642078,0.0,0.13095162032069546,0.0,0.0,0.16396033800842225,0.07367359188998049,0.1040927633095242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225128037020136,0.0,0.08280837018698166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953692054818613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146155514559555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375405135551257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118484322657016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235677533540253,0.0,0.0,0.12387446839589375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326031000353415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398093307077471,0.0,0.0,0.31034536589974954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778595656684768,0.0,0.10101455122334936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954656420824887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703231185639149,0.14647529181560584,0.0,0.1549768138932628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443256753966285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052993475861483,0.1637802275348332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732666586339382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735391623778228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496264053929667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584868474582167,0.14233409300620334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100765548294074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060760781539174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814906551282191 ptsd,sandyloam333,2019/04/09,"feeling like a husk of a husk i've been technically homeless since late january. we were evicted because the homeowner wanted to renovations and didnt give us much notice to have time too for a place (last time it took 5 months to find one, our city and country is in a housing crisis). i stated in motels then a hostel with my mom and younger brother (16, im 23) and now we are in a temp house with the salvation army which is nicer, but the neighbours stomp around upstairs, yell and are generally loud while saying us making average noise eg. talking, my brother sings but not loud at all. the walls are just thin. the neighbour came to our door a few times and was aggressive about us making average living sounds, saying he'll get us kicked out. he can't though, the police have him on a file etc and hes been talked to by his landlord and sa. my mum is emotionally abusive and has been for years, ever since we were evicted my health has rapidly declined and i had to ask my siblings if i could stay with them for a bit because i wanted to die so bad. wasnt able to stay long and am back with my mum and brother. thinking back to early-mid january i was happier and even thought about getting a part time job. i could relax and do stuff. now i feel kind of empty and losing stability. i dont know... i just feel dissolved and guilt is killing me. i can barely deal with things. my mum yells at me or gets angry regularly. a lot of things to explain. its just not good i dont feel good she commented that i age regress ... what do you think is the cause of that?? she doesnt take responsibility for the things she does ive tried for months to get into my own place but havent been successful yet... thank you for reading",3.104209551255664,4.704195599423635,4.069727254013998,87.95769092219022,74.27377521613832,6.9167970358172095,25.64934129271305,7.5804360353943165,1.1881231782626591,1351,46,284,17,28,436,198,347,0.13699999999999998,0.816,0.046,-0.9895,3,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,9,2,1,2,16,12,2,1,19,0,36,1,0,3,2,59,60,25,2,5,10,7,5,1,2,1,1,7,2,0,10,28,0,0,10,4,0,2,9,5,0,1,14,12,41,7,38,43,8,37,0,1,0,0,38,13,0,3,20,188,51,3,0.08897592718414314,0.10542192426192656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920743918589747,0.08318048104989087,0.0,0.0,0.1368339916967786,0.07429118267179817,0.10847779873351053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971386679219832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017647572411982,0.0,0.09140278676526332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208007563889918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173027400699957,0.0,0.0,0.0923429649298806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786343347703605,0.0,0.20855824800337594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008594224976852,0.0,0.0,0.09923167853447483,0.05876776075317175,0.08048382010602287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799556088471403,0.06356442015858274,0.0,0.0,0.08132238551147533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859449984309941,0.08535381692936324,0.0,0.14925757257557354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457724989481284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053325476676888,0.0,0.0,0.09610926970463704,0.0,0.08829487851947207,0.0,0.09843868054890154,0.09265473617771723,0.04889884265888462,0.07252725611388396,0.10036872138231118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346914367449154,0.0,0.07856737381815139,0.07874089564882354,0.0,0.0995413033583101,0.0,0.07564415148269217,0.0,0.0,0.11878424460962628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420753055145687,0.14203947239704495,0.0,0.0654075441817401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129968282762164,0.0,0.0,0.06029239097507001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963522584996196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592181269335267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900000533366845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151445705810212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472036128371694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896729995089644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018561493217716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689882405171184,0.14303095984478925,0.0,0.08191707945833672,0.0,0.0,0.17733495725467913,0.11402436289824733,0.08741839670296342,0.0706369474766987,0.20753031466610505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885552895051884,0.0604088140247805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281083403422504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496061427998056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729757991622615 ptsd,Eloise623,2019/04/09,"PTSD from relationship? I recently had a horrible breakup and am still reeling from it. The relationship was full of turmoil and chaos and what I’ve now come to realize as like...emotional torture. In the end I was cheated on and discarded and feel absolutely ruined. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, choosing instead to lay there numbly under the covers. I cry myself to sleep and at night my ex infiltrates my dreams. In the day time I’m plagued by what I can only describe as intrusive or obsessive thoughts. I don’t want to think of things but they keep popping into my head. My heart constantly feels heavy like it’s sinking. I feel like I will never ever trust or date again. I can’t even look people in the eye anymore, which is something my psychiatrist pointed out. I was put on prozac which I started Saturday morning and it’s only been a few days so obviously I don’t notice a difference. Could I be traumatized by the mental abuse and subsequent breakup? I feel like I’m dying. No advice from my therapist seems to help and I’ve been doing all the “homework” she gives me I’m desperate 😭 Thanks guys",3.097402795980777,5.488800426605509,4.426461336828307,81.81668195718656,76.8440366972477,7.822105723023154,28.72957623416339,8.704169506293173,2.5257411096548714,895,40,166,20,21,295,138,218,0.173,0.738,0.08900000000000001,-0.9424,0,0,1,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,2,2,11,0,17,5,4,0,4,32,35,15,1,2,3,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,8,13,0,1,9,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,7,6,24,5,26,25,3,30,0,1,2,0,8,13,0,3,18,111,32,1,0.0,0.1610499664932844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282521778507572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480196989505944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708812842853886,0.0,0.1468876109454439,0.0,0.1085257719454848,0.0,0.1493082201940002,0.17532192317869955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106962581045215,0.14201363669970993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289834404583508,0.12039000377177593,0.0,0.0,0.08977777598394504,0.1229527597990141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749128796312193,0.19421098236208048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101567339185977,0.1303925104079358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345880127111544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949918954839755,0.0,0.0,0.16107284771887873,0.0911082665711844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081718665887822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26562611833474004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414352343536377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698133858489492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483443479220417,0.0,0.0,0.1275572506717345,0.0,0.0,0.15475253975287911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675554627195933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423390542345404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849391203854205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889010495816291,0.13664307397956446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342104294947104,0.2918670986952537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374183569322555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360240655466857,0.0,0.0,0.10464239970281072,0.0,0.0,0.09620905267872733,0.0,0.10855060050954612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514230786771405,0.0,0.15782044811345192,0.09030312914479956,0.08709582922502633,0.0,0.10790998270953324,0.07925948624376351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801726184152489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sugarxxfree,2019/04/09,"Repressed memories coming back and I dont know what's real or fake. I'm tired of my broken ass brain I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2014 after leaving an abusive relationship but to be honest I've had so much traumatic shit happen to me in my life I couldn't tell you the real culprit of my trauma. I was sexually abused by 2 of my cousins over the years, grew up watching my parents do drugs, beat the shit out of each other and beat me, was abused in a group home, abused by a doctor, found kiddy porn on my ex fiance's computer, watched my ex kill live animals to fuck with me, lost a baby... etc my life feels like a fucking horror movie looking back.. and now I'm having even more repressed memories or what I'm assuming is repressed memories resurface and I'm not even sure if they're real.. I just dont feel like so much different terrible events could happen to one person.. I feel insane. I know I have a lot of my life blocked out, childhood and parts of my life as an adult as well...and a lot of it I still remember that j wish I didn't. My PTSD symptoms died down a lot over the last couple years but my depression is resurfacing with a vengeance, I'm off my medication and dont have a therapist so now my PTSD symptoms are reviving. I haven't talked to literally anyone about it and have no way to see a professional anytime soon so its freaking me out. I refuse to bring these things up to friends and family because it's just too heavy and every time I do I break down and it's not pretty. I just dont want my mental health to ruin my life again. I've been trying not to think about it too hard but I can only ignore it for so long. I'm starting to have night terrors again and I'm becoming reclusive again. Certain things are bringing me intense anxiety all over again that I've gotten past before. I was at my girlfriend's house and she was doing dishes... and just the act of her doing dishes triggered me and that hasn't happened in years. I had to go to the bathroom and calm down. I didn't have the heart to tell her anything. I didn't want her to feel like she did something wrong because she didn't and she doesnt know it's a trigger or even why. She doesnt know a lot of details. I dont even want to talk to her about all this stuff because her mental health is extremely vulnerable at the moment and I dont want to burden her with all this. But she really is my only form of support at the moment. I guess that's why I'm posting here. Maybe some random person will care enough to read this and give me some solid wise words. Maybe I just need to vent. I dont know what is even inspiring me to post this. But here it is and thanks for reading my long ass rant.",2.7343299723532297,4.1064673667262985,4.077831761261994,88.4547343063913,74.79606440071557,7.013839648723371,24.51134330785493,7.604176662624187,1.0593788908765658,2114,66,454,27,44,697,246,559,0.233,0.6809999999999999,0.086,-0.9983,2,0,2,0,3,0,47.0,0,1,0,3,32,32,5,4,23,0,47,25,6,2,5,92,91,35,2,9,17,4,5,3,2,1,14,0,1,3,25,28,2,6,14,2,0,6,20,19,0,1,16,9,65,13,65,71,17,55,0,3,4,5,30,20,6,13,28,304,90,5,0.0,0.2733462611249095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04412194115438317,0.0,0.0,0.04032836277772275,0.0,0.04746238960431643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869848536482171,0.0,0.10547616484828687,0.06369855146503943,0.0490779823793527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643854307986928,0.0,0.0,0.05880447128763432,0.0,0.0,0.04968272087375585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046049550091384006,0.06381733771284515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967620814838886,0.05853987155922686,0.05985852653869547,0.060259088321877485,0.0,0.0590337751121407,0.0,0.0,0.4731704576909256,0.0,0.06688578695988086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059594670416444916,0.06432392621945282,0.19047209331726545,0.0,0.048594472412033816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543717492681976,0.0,0.1166507659369951,0.12361112296540926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323869830167186,0.044560293141901935,0.10664096619691396,0.0,0.055328023306646185,0.03277856949994636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635365574384157,0.0,0.15300794685592856,0.0,0.05166631929256143,0.0,0.0,0.12261366801649234,0.0,0.06834627422063659,0.0,0.0,0.05785367688040737,0.0,0.0,0.06655029846159498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380988932448617,0.0,0.1584859590132788,0.04701359424801068,0.0,0.06107049952212354,0.0,0.0,0.20369113322607996,0.08453266230610132,0.0,0.05092891737167556,0.10208279527205452,0.04843326894448812,0.0,0.06296010870335915,0.19613610858009886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588648072984865,0.0,0.0,0.05810244821281212,0.11624757695192588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847969138137711,0.04276598346997781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412496865056071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039082713967469936,0.08773031247826267,0.0,0.0,0.06404231302452502,0.06245742950577994,0.05505821703860296,0.0,0.1007208235187188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047522715518716,0.0586771723982532,0.0,0.0,0.20226028480050634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153831087241942,0.19694356173327865,0.036948688161278206,0.0,0.0,0.06192238184744464,0.0653356040535114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596026197625354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184070603734142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044401761355061166,0.0,0.0,0.040823331740954115,0.0,0.04606008532355922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660251598152197,0.0,0.06544998052001341,0.05435889694526108,0.11989478413638904,0.0,0.0927154820318533,0.10082263870341857,0.05310026246669288,0.0,0.06696621918059935,0.07663467201230402,0.036956417620905416,0.0,0.0,0.033631308182105975,0.06629001594898001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03915818167869303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607507015107748,0.045780481683300615,0.0,0.0,0.05185760244497244,0.0,0.10408714147035568,0.0,0.06632449200191415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305959330150904,0.0,0.11142425556585003 ptsd,Bananasyrupx,2019/04/09,I got a question. So I’ve been diagnosed with c-ptsd for a while. I’ve got the textbook symptoms as well as some other weird stuff. But I don’t remember my trauma and I wondered if that’s normal? And I still get so confused as to how someone can be diagnosed with c-ptsd if they can’t even remember what happened. People think I’m some attention seeking whore because I can’t remember what happened. How is this possible? What if I’m just crazy?,1.4941758241758234,3.8857268241758263,3.3897692307692324,86.96773076923077,82.95604395604394,6.716923076923077,27.78131868131868,7.908726449838941,2.0425639560439564,355,17,70,7,10,119,59,91,0.174,0.802,0.025,-0.9124,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,3,0,7,4,0,2,0,22,16,14,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,7,1,7,12,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,2,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887430054741476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292547958799659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713014657464054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474167928739136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594488666196716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28686203646741065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589194497567506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244756277010898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285369901121415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379201200895688,0.0,0.1816987065718986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5512156177495704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742970730153786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295314081452914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567772646979647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858566489149254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392982950018187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583534139265306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589664347442416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MitchSorenstein69,2019/04/09,"NSFW: Diagnosed with PTSD. Root trauma from five years ago. I had a group of friends since 2004, and remained friends with them up until 2014 when I finally cut communications with them. They were a very toxic group of racist, sexist, and narcissistic people. The abuse all started in 2009 when I first entered college. I was on and off about them, but taking advice from other friends that no friends group always have easy times, I kept forgiving them. 1. The ""leader"" is a cynical person who believes he can do no wrong and talks behind everyone's backs. He often shot down people when they were excited about a movie or an activity. For example, if I was excited about a new movie from a franchise coming out, he would go like ""You're not even a fan of this franchise, why are you so excited?"". On days where he was actually nice, he'd make this sinister condescending ""laugh"" like ""Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha."" I later found out he told everyone that I was clinically insane. 2. There's the leader's favorite, who was nice during one on one hangouts, but whenever the leader wass around, he berated me together with him. He would often write Facebook statuses tagging me, trying to shame me on social media over things he puts out of context, or things he completely made up. Whenever I confronted him about this, he'd seem apologetic and say it was a joke, only for him to do it again the next day. He would drop n-bombs in public, without any concern that people are listening to him. 3. There's the white supremecist (with only Asians being exempt), who does this thing where he calls you out over something innocuous you wrote on social media, and keeps egging you on until you get angry. He also attacked people that comment on my statuses. He would join in with the n-bombs with the leader's favorite. 4. There's the condescending smart guy, who's now a doctor, but he would be generally very verbally abuse and make statements like ""go kill yourself no one loves you"" 5. There's the quiet guy, who makes absolutely no contribution to the group, yet everyone treated him with respect. He knew my relationship with the rest of the group, so one day when he found out I was dating someone he liked, he gave me the silent treatment and manipulated the situation where he got the rest of the group to bag on me. That was what made me finally leave. 6. The last was someone I considered my best friend, and had a fairly normal life. He was the only one I kept in more recent contact, but I noticed some of his personality traits were very similar to the group. He would do the same mocking laugh the leader did, the same type of criticism that the leader's favorite and the white supremecist did. And at a recent party, I found out he was trying to hit on girlfriends of my friends, and made a lot of people uncomfortable. After realizing all this, I realized he is just as bad as that old group and I cut him off. Over 5 years have passed since then, and I still think about this. I feel like I wasted so much of my potential and energy during college and feel this is part of why I'm struggling so much in the present. I think hanging out with the ""best friend"" in recent years triggered it even more, and I've been stuck in a rut for nearly a year since then. I don't know how to find peace with this.",5.277177606604504,6.363950841521393,5.8040216710279005,79.58737478347403,68.31854199683042,8.975948107470607,28.620535878819148,9.22739947703685,2.340321903217484,2595,88,492,49,43,838,282,631,0.14,0.6890000000000001,0.171,0.9816,0,0,1,0,2,0,90.0,0,6,6,3,33,43,7,2,42,4,41,5,0,10,2,93,75,40,1,8,10,0,2,5,8,6,4,3,0,4,28,37,0,3,15,2,2,7,7,12,0,7,33,7,53,31,83,31,15,82,0,0,2,1,85,37,0,8,42,325,81,6,0.0,0.1547041565705163,0.0637087662190042,0.0,0.0,0.06379577014563408,0.0578712349509822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052208410329636606,0.05432237007495402,0.0,0.0,0.04439605522906197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581175128378405,0.0,0.07427113997025958,0.0,0.050200153867027114,0.05451026831625327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355386609257153,0.1370252104312273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666633090928606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623726768584187,0.06845010585768715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631031929528172,0.0,0.0,0.06626292540491792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668219887136039,0.057131364695169676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624028563801116,0.0,0.0,0.1871479152824808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602013974261385,0.04663963438997352,0.0,0.14303310598324318,0.05966932945369693,0.05553140830143221,0.0,0.21474497825101488,0.3530733346838733,0.0,0.03410873064612853,0.0,0.07420596758424282,0.0,0.05221439781693357,0.0,0.0,0.12928487626757312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058028329245457436,0.0722282065844071,0.0,0.035878941993232036,0.05321600826406312,0.0,0.06912741429883988,0.0,0.0,0.04611274335628621,0.1594748259455151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550299302802919,0.058922283309943674,0.18532280549786845,0.1307347819596395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598400927348016,0.0,0.0,0.06305268326605812,0.06943136396390022,0.0,0.06396546247096238,0.0,0.07432743284865186,0.06850565085838313,0.0,0.22119411020812352,0.14895660846169875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069731931572885,0.0,0.22630207842187225,0.11400873008049545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631469974872178,0.06562948124578673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338325629653305,0.07009168383809583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051917271656212106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943303417019378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201334016295074,0.07338310262565946,0.0,0.13309972143234042,0.11063157842853592,0.0502596012282102,0.0,0.0,0.04620907620533881,0.0,0.05213670472186236,0.0,0.0,0.06825008227559748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908621343680602,0.05247362956324568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011740766745675,0.08366401492936218,0.0,0.0,0.038068222665743855,0.0,0.0,0.062382638427493586,0.0,0.08864849212872884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160094669477845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178191599529435,0.0,0.0,0.06293243370409463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782596487766184,0.07137892543503115,0.0,0.16816566073007724 ptsd,Buttercup_Bride,2019/04/09,"Triggered by CoWorker (nsfw) I’m getting better about when people stand close to me but are behind my back. But I’ve got a coworker who I think never learned manners and a kid and he hovers so close I can smell his Carmex and know which flavor it is. He’s accidentally startled me once and I warned him about triggering me. He didn’t listen and I’m honestly not going to feel responsible if I ever accidentally elbow him or something. It doesn’t help that something’s a bit off about him.",2.993115693012601,5.215856536082477,4.792714776632302,79.8976174112257,76.42268041237114,7.197709049255441,25.21076746849943,8.167268648758528,1.7344671248568164,392,14,73,7,9,133,67,97,0.111,0.763,0.127,0.3716,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,3,0,5,1,1,2,2,20,14,11,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,4,12,2,8,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,4,48,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359878740098591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714289356552215,0.3350563327547535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776094647754025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517833332704786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034307089329008,0.0,0.1744188730520224,0.0,0.24545671246670414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570922654185114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686647269076848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367009197700741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268394780317852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276646486881653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725346648875132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664972608059586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Autobahn_V8s,2019/04/09,"PTSD, Divorce, and Family I will keep this short. Former Marine, S/C PTSD with extreme flat feeling and emotionless. Had pretty much everything thrown at me. Here are a few examples. 1. Never had a father figure in my life, I have been always missing that, finally got around to start a relationship with my dad (I'm 39yrs old), and turns out all he wanted was for me to buy him a car... so i told him to pack sand. Next, my 2 oldest children said they want nothing to do with me, and haven't talked to them in almost a year now, they don't take my calls or anything (I am not a druggy, alcoholic, never been arrested, hold a masters degree and a 120k a year job)... 3rd, my wife and i are getting a divorce at the moment after 10 yrs. I've been pretty much knocked down to the ground, so deep that i feel nothing. The only thing i have in this world is my passion for cars and even then i'm criticized left and right for having that passion. I think of ""quitting"" daily. I hide behind the occasional laughter. This sucks.",3.1737007389162564,4.6624780541871935,4.4714254926108365,85.60250769704435,73.8768472906404,7.045443349753692,25.002770935960587,7.6454224807358475,1.2517194581280786,787,25,158,10,16,260,130,203,0.045,0.848,0.107,0.9012,1,0,2,0,2,0,39.0,0,0,3,2,6,4,1,0,14,0,17,4,0,0,3,27,34,12,0,2,2,3,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,7,13,1,2,4,0,1,2,5,2,0,0,9,4,23,2,23,24,4,30,0,1,0,2,17,14,1,2,14,106,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569902652897131,0.14709804383773467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223166508141675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088529042123401,0.1307711787014821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000021646725611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702534790074707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202327267794473,0.0,0.13848322336469193,0.0,0.14855301045430935,0.0,0.0,0.16092058098694215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674862004248377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174884817724456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577450623288588,0.13057050522240005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596061009348772,0.0,0.10375904796005296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597520981686572,0.0,0.22659499851078466,0.0,0.15622866260200785,0.0,0.0,0.28190694159792307,0.0,0.15414570020329588,0.0,0.0,0.11172324435299716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988980152745856,0.0,0.0,0.34343394103032543,0.0,0.0,0.15624507821500974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577144592930932,0.0,0.1254508707419897,0.13973450764911835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397580810003744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104497022615906,0.11807178342055065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975931117225172,0.09412689319429607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403682084681385,0.0,0.0,0.15978383640158114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328957213741727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919616994059651 ptsd,pinkhidespider,2019/04/09,"Do you feel unappealing? So this is something that relates my lack of self esteem when it comes to a certain subject..needing acceptance from a sexual partner. Ever since I started to get back into having a sex life after 6 years, I have had a problem getting partners who can even get to doing the deed and it makes me very insecure..i am not asking for medical advice..i just wonder if anyone doubts their ability to have anyone finding you attractive or are you thinking they are just using you so it doesnt matter if they can't perform? It brings up horrible feelings that make me feel like I'm worthless after all of my assaults..ugh..am I alone on this feeling?",6.0566860465116275,6.613013767441863,6.889447674418607,74.38905523255815,66.36434108527132,8.93062015503876,34.7296511627907,8.841846274778883,3.1527279069767453,532,24,90,8,8,177,96,129,0.133,0.759,0.109,-0.4901,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,3,1,8,7,0,1,5,0,13,3,0,3,3,27,30,7,0,4,6,0,4,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,9,3,0,0,8,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,4,14,4,13,29,2,12,0,1,0,1,12,3,0,5,8,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043890198992558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759752314334073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449013748120274,0.0,0.0,0.1517454673356542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999450816969647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034394757000878,0.1785090786799679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39913252000561744,0.14098269769486085,0.0,0.0,0.18036897471550667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093125144097835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939000683670866,0.09641238174478696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634575003898648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880346594724616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463281840953382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883169629676533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058729839645135,0.0,0.0,0.16324511728761368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192516534272593,0.0,0.0,0.13968120262144634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264501606734324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044198070770938,0.0,0.16282958841812228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401130874769175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708316016764165 ptsd,glorianahallelujah,2019/04/10,"How to Talk to My Roommate About Triggers? I share a dorm with a very nice girl who has a habit of staying up late in our room to write papers. She knows a little bit about my background but she doesn’t know I have PTSD, and one of my triggers is the sound of typing on laptop keyboards. It makes me shake and I want to vomit/cry. I don’t want to put any burden on her and I want her to feel comfortable in our room, but at the same time it is depriving me of my ability to sleep and my grades are suffering (I’m usually a 4.0 student). I hate telling people about stuff like this because they always treat me differently after but between the typing and my nightmares, I haven’t slept properly in weeks. Does anyone have any advice?",3.582123245881636,4.784524503355705,4.422928615009154,87.47830994508848,72.42281879194631,7.297376449054301,25.625991458206226,7.686295010490155,1.2321489932885907,577,18,120,7,11,186,93,149,0.12,0.7390000000000001,0.141,-0.3101,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,1,0,4,10,1,1,8,0,9,2,2,4,0,21,19,9,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,1,2,23,5,24,18,2,18,0,2,0,0,13,10,0,0,6,80,28,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402721570744396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669995820572916,0.0,0.0,0.2561324179815489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167993458332625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480005245832295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056001191648517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068641520241732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675762321447188,0.0,0.0,0.1648028693817431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522184989470696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859301351959412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699497106064,0.0,0.21243673109868685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200518506849888,0.18874928400043156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257071739251181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761264936393973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055956940629504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201397001752154,0.18931679442720206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845916813980212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072743499384904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558496617483391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136702518903253,0.1646027454940259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981275103530176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074113583927545,0.1553863326050119,0.3332336431807762,0.0,0.15106148220412666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IrishEyesMesmerize29,2019/04/10,"Anyone tried Holy Basil or Ashwagandha? Hoping it will help take the edge off, wondering if anyone else has experience with it. I'm currently in counseling to confront my past traumas (traumatic delivery of my daughter), I'm hoping to put them behind me so I can start living life to the fullest again. My doctor recommended Holy Basil and Ashwagandha to help take the edge off the anxiety I have as a result. Anyone else have experience with these? Just wondering how they helped if at all.",5.831075441412523,7.968074483146068,6.604526484751204,70.35696629213484,68.21348314606742,10.478972712680578,30.69181380417336,10.608840637214634,3.803300481540931,395,16,65,12,7,130,60,89,0.069,0.794,0.13699999999999998,0.7622,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,5,0,5,2,0,2,1,14,14,7,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,13,13,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,7,4,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755516750618456,0.0,0.0,0.3497641491812455,0.3416883934732676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066481836335712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785787089713604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262062122131853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335285670343555,0.0,0.0,0.331219648928927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777295349389262,0.0,0.0,0.14723392526004847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917160290789215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761912824981925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801898969398912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507345220221497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320509235498807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616434848422904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,00187071a,2019/04/10,"DAE have a weird relationship with triggers? For some reason I find myself drawn towards things that trigger me. For example, I know for a fact game of thrones triggers me because there’s rape scenes and the treatment of women overall makes me feel triggered. But I’m watching it right now. I like the story of it, and I’m definitely hooked now, but initially I was completely fucked up over it. And it still sometimes makes me feel bad. Same goes for Jessica Jones, the Netflix show. I have this weird need to watch things that trigger me like I should overcome it or something.",4.761944444444445,6.940728342592598,4.3862962962962975,84.98833333333333,71.12962962962962,7.022222222222222,31.44444444444445,7.793537801064563,2.185011111111111,463,21,84,6,9,140,71,108,0.155,0.785,0.06,-0.9134,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,5,0,4,2,0,8,1,24,13,6,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,12,2,12,11,2,7,0,0,2,2,3,4,1,2,5,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288629409996307,0.15542515096657136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26732741952855604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578373455112136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330346705528826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23571232838551945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012286552787445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491274084420863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403841037787962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890543549800812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262147923859965,0.0,0.2737384951574225,0.0,0.21773991254208666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628559130070067,0.2521682891374641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036164964447972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387766937843727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dyingly,2019/04/10,"feeling lost and confused after reporting abuse to police i have recently reported some sexual abuse i suffered as a child / young teen to the police and there's an ongoing investigation. the police have taken my phone for evidence and they've had it for over a month. at the moment i just feel so lost. they're not great at keeping in touch and there's not many updates. i feel alone and lost and confused. i don't know what's happening and i am so stressed about it all. **does anyone generally know how long a police investiagtion into abuse (UK) takes? and how to cope with it all? and what happens in the end? how long will he get? was it worth it?** ***i feel like i've made a big mistake***",0.09226885644769213,2.3208337591240884,2.053768248175185,90.505275243309,101.91970802919708,5.2030413625304135,18.847019464720194,6.816661863887847,0.5703822384428232,543,18,110,10,24,179,83,137,0.248,0.7120000000000001,0.04,-0.9845,0,1,0,0,3,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,0,3,9,0,7,0,0,4,2,32,23,15,0,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,6,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,7,5,8,2,15,15,3,16,0,4,0,0,3,7,0,3,10,68,15,2,0.0,0.5214229458253954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193008447713882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257141074883194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837235119709212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299267794160588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966902894877454,0.10479776839848293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664122803217463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172995144565774,0.0,0.0,0.2594409142650069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038780188473545,0.0,0.0,0.16123767274632228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166696777717155,0.0,0.0,0.2596380215569486,0.0,0.0,0.4803994057133423,0.0,0.0,0.13880480771019854,0.0,0.14872404644377082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708924343659205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484199951808446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803675259019038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102951533516903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,huntressbathory,2019/04/10,"Question about dealing with PTSD after SA.. and possible trigger warning. What are some good strategies to dealing with my inner demons after being assaulted? I cannot for the life of me watch shows that show violent rape scenes.. one of those being Game of Thrones. I hate the show for the rape scenes, but I am interested in the story, and I wish I could get over it. So if you have any strategies about that, please feel free to share them. Thank you.",4.2648338870431886,6.199147709302328,4.020033222591362,88.12313953488373,71.90697674418605,6.774750830564784,26.239202657807308,7.447530270364453,1.2653342192691035,357,12,69,4,7,108,63,86,0.139,0.645,0.217,0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,0,3,10,5,0,4,0,7,3,0,1,0,12,12,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,2,10,6,15,9,1,5,1,0,1,2,8,3,0,3,2,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117016148299602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096846205758306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190000641092064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727119473303644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150711031767476,0.0,0.0,0.21112083925966516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485096694658711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778889781974516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170563944783218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762999428599819,0.0,0.28376309945796063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942333369962127,0.0,0.28197071441897603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317390302751716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28945193010407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TooManyHappy,2019/04/10,"Advice on family members who are triggers Incredibly brief background: I have Asperger's and experienced emotional trauma from my childhood and upbringing. I'm in a bit of a difficult situation at the moment. I have recently begun talking to my family again over email after avoiding contact for a year as I needed to distance myself from them. I have a great deal of trauma attached to my birth name which I no longer use and they put very little effort into understanding this and not using it when talking to or about me. I also have trauma associated with my upbringing and my family's behaviour to me as a child. The conversations were over email and it felt as if they had begun to be more understanding of this. Recently my Mother came to visit me and after about an hour into her being here, I noticed I had begun to feel extremely nauseous, very anxious and uncomfortable, to the point where I really struggled to focus and maintain socialising for the rest of the day and for the rest of her visit. I had a really hard time falling asleep because these feelings did not subside and instead had gotten worse, leaving me up overthinking to the point of crying and feeling like I needed to throw up as if I had something stuck in my throat. Even though they have not purposefully me any wrongdoing and that I still love them as family, I feel as if I would be putting myself through more than it is worth and more than I can deal with if I continued keeping in contact with them. I feel great deals of guilt when considering cutting them out of my life but I honestly don't know if there is a better option at this point other than doing this and seeing a therapist. People say that you are meant to remove from your life things that are triggering for past trauma, but what do you do when this trigger is a person, especially a family member or members? I am really stuck here, sometimes I feel as if I am being over sensitive and nasty about this, but other times I feel justified and this is the right thing to do for myself. I can't tell if I am being unreasonable/unfair or not and would really appreciate a second opinion on this.",11.18184582309582,7.870123245700247,11.00138667076167,61.4950529791155,58.55773955773957,14.10620393120393,40.91661547911548,12.161744961471696,4.925398157248159,1719,63,294,40,16,575,194,407,0.096,0.8320000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.4109,0,1,1,3,0,0,24.0,0,3,7,2,16,15,1,3,20,0,36,5,2,5,0,68,60,43,0,11,17,1,9,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,22,25,0,2,12,0,1,9,7,9,0,1,13,12,53,6,64,40,6,52,0,0,1,1,32,21,0,12,23,250,75,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704849346944807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123769264412047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060577836349558274,0.0,0.0,0.1006356784337656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054302683319391185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878451736663596,0.09725290121702032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018844307325791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978508136272952,0.05744959255239743,0.2755144413894327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020364148545567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883687056388255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198861258767451,0.0,0.3152926583598261,0.06363917075293586,0.08553130849316444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642326651038186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979868567058776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772640891423918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917889583956801,0.0,0.0,0.04895634680259918,0.0,0.0,0.09432345214135177,0.0,0.0,0.1258404696657689,0.04352026259160873,0.08928212467113877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803986844613963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210421485571722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141880940000687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503747538445289,0.061757244878960074,0.07778171008216328,0.0,0.0,0.25262977127693365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791011365357144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282691542880552,0.0,0.17591261494193164,0.0,0.0,0.07607431257575502,0.0,0.0708404377343601,0.0,0.0,0.0709856740135339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013028316916894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857856812925907,0.08810295285587043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711398512807227,0.0,0.0,0.09312634407726827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319916163492002,0.07786033691325553,0.0,0.0,0.10342939748970464,0.11836233327847845,0.0,0.08752119913700815,0.0,0.10388718325831764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547201170261812,0.0,0.15387400710976626,0.0,0.14700158459726914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907807022744402,0.12656054972530725,0.0,0.0,0.05736496082118915 ptsd,stupidthrowawaynya,2019/04/10,"relapsing really bad and can’t handle school due to my abuser. for context, my abuser and i still go to the same school. i’ve managed to cut him out of my life but it still affects me a lot. i have different 504 codes where i can skip classes i have with him but it’s been so fucking hard to handle. every time i see him i just get almost like miniature flash backs(can still function but it’s all i can think about) and i just can’t concentrate on anything. i fucking hate this! school is supposed to be a safe environment, it’s supposed to be a place for learning. i’m a senior for christ sake, this should be my fun year but i’m stuck because this fucking sickness. i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to see him. i know there’s only 6 weeks of school left but this is just consuming me. i wish i got him turned into the cops or at the very least expelled. why am i such a coward? how can i deal with this? i’ve been to a php program and the hospital and i’m in iop but i still don’t know how to deal with this fucking trauma. i just want someone to save me i hate this",-0.4171551724137928,1.7392133189655183,1.7205172413793122,96.97620689655173,90.3793103448276,4.579310344827586,19.206896551724146,6.129581340695534,-0.151020689655172,838,26,194,8,29,279,116,232,0.156,0.75,0.094,-0.9364,1,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,15,13,7,0,10,0,20,6,0,3,1,39,43,15,0,4,11,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,10,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,4,3,31,4,25,35,4,18,1,0,2,4,7,8,4,3,10,128,43,10,0.0,0.2674239080770778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300564230990025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286812749828037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422726128769528,0.06879393702973546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326922842252881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790701529906365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508323742852604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173218806671354,0.058960859560217314,0.0,0.06413677012283052,0.0,0.09025858536471132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109382117987784,0.22283728515269416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606261974210256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226147505579387,0.0,0.07971117463073739,0.05513411163561355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594330000283348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582953695144675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790701529906365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722963068581723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568516869627152,0.1798579255974465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561969670352496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36049713569592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231143084261846,0.0,0.0,0.06580529640896407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275129289427518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311526738536542,0.133126851276136,0.0,0.09052360057188956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183197691463723,0.0,0.12977499512439794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726734161410566 ptsd,prosaicdaze,2019/04/10,"How do you know for sure if you have ptsd? Since I’ve gone no contact with my (now 5 years sober) alcoholic mother I’ve been having terrible nightmares that have me waking up so upset, often ruining my mornings and rendering me incapable of being functional until later in the day. They’re always about my mom being black out drunk, memories that are warped and twisted, me fighting for my life or trying to escape from someone trying to capture me or shoot me. They’re always about or revolve around my mom and my past. It’s terrifying and I never thought I had ptsd (I always minimize things bc I hate to seem dramatic or like I’m looking for attention) but I seem to have all the symptoms and it’s becoming debilitating. Every day I wake up feeling guilty & ashamed for trying to reclaim my life and find out who I am without my mothers validation or love but it’s so difficult and exhausting. Life seems futile at the moment and it’s hard to feel motivated to do anything. I’m currently on a mood stabilizer but am seeing my psychiatrist next week to tell her about this and perhaps go on another med, but I really don’t want to seem dramatic or like I am making a mountain out of a molehill. I see a therapist and do group therapy centred around DBT skills weekly. I know people have it way worse than me and I don’t feel worthy of help or care most of the time. Are flashbacks also considered nightmares or are they a separate thing altogether? How do you know for sure if you even have ptsd? Thanks. Xox",4.2860604274134095,5.989814369491526,5.65217391304348,77.3839793662491,71.40677966101696,8.927044952100221,29.77523949889462,9.43228470229965,2.865792925571112,1209,50,220,28,23,406,165,295,0.141,0.735,0.124,-0.2948,1,0,1,1,2,1,23.0,0,4,1,2,13,16,2,2,9,0,22,10,2,4,4,56,46,31,0,3,15,4,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,11,17,2,0,14,1,0,2,5,8,0,0,4,8,33,7,37,40,2,28,0,1,4,1,17,11,0,16,16,149,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879875822966883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141355200238215,0.2541301529619299,0.11030585148526297,0.0,0.0,0.10675158987264187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377697471745688,0.1812563578855696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243580401480488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379714855085018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131181589908775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724134995836965,0.0,0.08577524057703301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442724781897915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304807454878967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057858220185813575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911974294004642,0.1005115215911383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823785474156764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784836531011732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157239919108436,0.09947372044626976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549069656360404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188313427022864,0.0,0.06795573677618293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308258566806192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384659527708764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851841772969619,0.0,0.10827094571509163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971845474971998,0.07057888150020024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35701436247400026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521899423389102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225106816965298,0.3707183871352404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421428278927788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625918416811447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190032246660502,0.10581454476994698,0.0,0.0,0.08898219963239498,0.09372851605764664,0.1164230762018694,0.11820364077721295,0.13526965315441075,0.0,0.0,0.08082192760790749,0.05936340919149706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073570688597884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060047322768416976,0.0808081996820925,0.16332392179620034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813654412489056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037481584693479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555918710424367 ptsd,Some_Guy_Named_Tim,2019/04/10,"PTSD I'm 18 and I recently received a PTSD diagnosis. People with PTSD, what caused it? How have you coped? Does it ever get better?",-0.17115384615384602,1.802590346153849,2.3226153846153856,87.67238461538462,107.07692307692308,5.156923076923079,16.73846153846154,6.742157984588678,0.464055384615385,103,3,20,2,5,35,22,26,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.5329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173156366476595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459317416146756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950225349565954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655276333433168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507763419214374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659711636614981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8395441798480413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363805369060132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Fatassmatilda,2019/04/10,"Ptsd and adult bed wetting? Help I'm a 22 yr old female and I have PTSD which causes me to have horrible terrifying night terrors so my dl psychiatrist put me on minipress to stop the nightmares and it worked. But Everytime I go to my primary doctor he lectures me on how I'm on too many meds (I am also bipolar, borderline and have paralyzing anxiety) so I thought I'd tell my psychiatrist to stop the minipress about a week ago so he said ok but he did ask me what I'd do if the terrors came back. Well I said I'm in therapy now so I should be able to handle it and also I wanted to please my primary. Well the night terrors cause me to be stuck in the nightmare and it's impossible to wake up and now I started to wet the bed. I'm so embarrassed this never happened to me before. I see my psychiatrist in a few days and I'm scared to tell him I need to go back on minipress and I was wrong and now I'm bed wetting. Should I be scared to tell him? I hate to seem like I'm going back n forth. Going off the med was a mistake I just need support I was hoping someone could tell me it's ok or something so I can gather the courage to tell my psychiatrist cuz this bed wetting is so embarrassing",0.5178796400449919,2.6745355629921264,3.0927390326209228,89.04639763779528,85.1023622047244,6.148256467941509,23.63835770528684,7.447530270364453,1.0979239595050618,939,37,206,16,28,326,120,254,0.185,0.708,0.107,-0.9746,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,21,18,1,7,12,2,17,3,1,4,1,33,44,25,0,9,5,0,4,1,0,2,2,2,4,1,8,11,0,2,2,0,0,6,1,10,2,0,9,7,31,8,25,29,1,31,0,0,1,0,16,9,0,4,17,130,39,3,0.10476227169643633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286543286512056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755670165214773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014285110082649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793858216902,0.0,0.0,0.24166716103634864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914497710776062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982012983309785,0.0,0.2152394222562361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836441493659717,0.0,0.0,0.06756299847770253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072286242388492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381552530103337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264093087844323,0.0,0.0,0.10343105430013046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021994242421026,0.0,0.0,0.1040525739754604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051181554204136316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621250041145193,0.0,0.0,0.2327345337823177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535979404996578,0.0807991223214807,0.0,0.0,0.1966245903923866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993038123446153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499751480293392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449229788215008,0.10531501858851997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930582140427314,0.0,0.2097706197883909,0.0,0.08348196692501933,0.09537163755667999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876473284196912,0.08065111497343068,0.0,0.0,0.07415127511519087,0.0,0.0,0.17517190016444514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888298443202892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578342152336261,0.0,0.1198047878073856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316954166766605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061791502143423674,0.0,0.08403397519206607,0.0,0.1883877273962782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626818150763964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454109824312345,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wonder-maker,2019/04/10,"I keep waking up to make sure my kids are still breathing Since our child died in a household accident nearly 10 years ago, I will wake up in a panic and won't be able to go back to sleep until I check to make sure they are all still breathing. As the years have passed, I do it less and less, but I just did it last night again and I really wish that would stop.",8.598461538461539,4.319146538461542,8.014102564102565,83.9142307692308,64.38461538461539,11.425641025641026,31.128205128205128,7.793537801064563,1.7407897435897437,282,4,69,2,3,89,57,78,0.118,0.789,0.093,-0.2525,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,9,5,5,2,3,14,14,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,9,2,11,9,3,18,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,11,47,12,0,0.21488621665417226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904836655715304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652342364724993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301796672872792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212478897937215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100074278747994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516094705443214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868764364709571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165615753840865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521226754218173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766161286471365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775609898922293,0.0,0.21504140490992504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34321682039972795,0.17965449909072773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050554322452852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471085441941289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264900292437167,0.0,0.0,0.2767593564078574 ptsd,Mock-devil,2019/04/10,"I’m in hell Yeah and scared shitless will ruin me cops and doctors don’t talk to me It’s been two years of agony I’ve been poinsned and crushed craned into car I mite literally accedently hurt someone again and it’s annoying and I’m antagonized but can’t be me I commune with god and he just says no I hate him Like for example Are germs alive? Does bacterial dedicate? Is everything suffering? Does the son like overtake the father? Why’s no one love me? Is my mother suffering from my smoking? Has god ever made a mistake? I have like powers and shit and am tormented by spits. Once it was like someone dropped a toaster in the bathtub with me in it. I play around with my body like I’ve lived in individual parts of my head screaming. I’ve even felt orange juice screamed and been called Christ I’ve witnessed horror beyond belief for example A talking head resting on a pike and a man puking in a bathtub with like grinders on his back I can feel it happening to me Never sine a deal with your heart intact",1.6649669966996683,4.26149595049505,3.055866336633663,88.1445585808581,84.54455445544555,6.138943894389437,25.2483498349835,7.492282038375204,1.4663260726072616,810,34,160,14,24,263,127,202,0.242,0.5920000000000001,0.166,-0.9572,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,7,20,4,1,10,1,15,8,6,1,2,26,23,11,0,1,2,3,2,6,0,1,1,3,1,1,5,17,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,12,0,2,6,5,19,8,23,15,2,17,3,4,0,1,14,10,2,0,11,95,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217123836960135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416552737661932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649185226950232,0.0,0.0,0.15160614565876668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530677425769703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196701591892695,0.2598570672690362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806411865841658,0.13430109951115862,0.0,0.0,0.13343673748850088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507172279948207,0.0,0.14255605889127745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129298186451946,0.0,0.0,0.1465850073794439,0.30474947561796084,0.0,0.0,0.1759396095329638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589419625307018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352144654119765,0.0,0.1311031791928118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400145278703435,0.1404874566760749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145104825807804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811745215111705,0.10060822646641007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078031882477614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807060819548193,0.14864601379990486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524040059652174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515990793426148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23867176217514166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503521955375956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397256278065894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956108690161664 ptsd,xepre,2019/04/10,"Ptsd? TW death of pets. Is it possible to have ptsd after the loss of a pet? Has anyone else experienced this? I watched my dog rapidly deteriorate from happy and healthy to unable to walk, disturbed breathing and unable to toilet within 48 hrs. I stayed up all night with him the second night as he could not sleep and I didn’t either. I also held him as he passed the next day. He was euthanised and it was the most traumatic experience I have ever had. This was over 12 months ago and I have nightmares every night that he is sick and cannot walk and I can’t help him. Every time I think of those 2 days I break down in tears and I feel absolutely heartbroken, guilty and awful. Intrusive images of him pop into my head every few days and since I am doing a nursing degree, when we talk about death, dying, end of life, etc. again those images come back to me and I break down. Does this sound like normal grief or ptsd? I cannot physically talk about it because my throat seizes up whenever I think about it and I can’t speak. Hoping you guys can help me work it out. Thanks.",1.948396464646464,4.242314689814819,3.0983501683501693,90.33621212121214,80.3425925925926,5.779124579124581,18.614478114478114,6.980632752743323,0.13886851851851878,847,19,176,10,22,272,131,216,0.158,0.755,0.086,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,0,2,8,7,0,1,6,1,19,6,4,0,2,30,26,17,4,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,1,11,17,0,1,3,0,0,4,6,3,0,1,6,5,26,4,27,19,5,32,0,2,1,0,16,9,0,3,17,114,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283741232543452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179602920536424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900610560582913,0.13042654588081412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788032803329448,0.0,0.07759652694993092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965150073776804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163296588868087,0.0,0.0,0.24628003171784904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210985935326638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139481229809528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633682460716576,0.0,0.11274366380753602,0.0,0.14196515245674124,0.0,0.11514365130569587,0.3217490950875591,0.0,0.0,0.12451681214965887,0.0,0.0,0.06436307896513697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603991346653765,0.0,0.13550558326297438,0.0,0.0,0.13063916633546488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706433998600325,0.0,0.0,0.12643050089740795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991068948083504,0.062188846344761066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160392150736433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537736753929352,0.3583670903410793,0.12471994540183196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435035383781456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463955149392627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529794339491906,0.0,0.1273847581631615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567721865584811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462630805287732,0.0,0.11719413443231755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312820967760466,0.0,0.0,0.07422547213774443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926706954199846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gratefulg5,2019/04/10,"My 3 immediate family members died this past year. Hi guys. I recently lost my grandmother, mother, and aunt all within a year. (Aug 2017 - Sept. 2018) Back to back. When my mother was ill i had to make the decision to take her off life support by myself.. my aunt and grandmother were put on hospice so I had prepared for them. My mother went to the hospital with what we thought was the stomach flu and ended up only living 28 days after that. It came out of no where. We were all extremely close and I still cant level out. I am a 20 year old female. The only immediate family I have left is my father. My other grandparents passed away when I was younger. I have socially isolated myself the past 4 years due to being in a controlling relationship.. Prior to their deaths I was going to therapy for childhood trauma & bad psychosis. I have not been since because of insurance issues, etc. I should mention several family memebers had suffered from schizophrenia. I suffer from auditory hallucinations & apophenia or paranoia so to speak. (3 years ago I had a very weird situation happen with some people and they fucked my mind up to the point where It brought out the hallucinations. I did NOT have them before.) That is enough to drive me mad in itself at times. It's made me think that anyone who goes out of their way to befriend me is out to get me. And that ""I need not complain about anything because its insignificant. This is life right?"" I have experienced lots of friends and distant relatives deaths before and even grew up with family owning funeral home. I was never sheltered from anything. When I was a kid, an adult I was staying the weekend with died while I was there and I never got any explanation for it, I spent majority of my childhood thinking it was somehow my fault. I am not a religious person. I's hard to find comfort in anything at this point. It has manifested into a constant fear that If i get close to someone they will eventually die. My brain loops that it's a possibility the decisions I make could cause a butterfly effect that could result in that. I'm really tired of being isolated. I have things I want to achieve but I find myself seeking validation and lowering my standards more than ever now and i want to have the confidence in myself to not need that. I NEED to have a normal social life again for my sanity. And not feel guilty about it. I dont know exactly what I'm looking for, I will take any advice. Just putting this out here is a big step for me! What has helped you get back to forming new relationships based on who you are as a person, not your past?",3.856060437265008,5.9537639241517,5.087686023302236,79.33841108480716,73.43113772455091,8.173439168175276,27.220025066146768,8.907891778443368,2.3115175323771053,2070,78,380,44,43,685,259,501,0.098,0.863,0.039,-0.9618,2,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,2,3,6,4,21,14,2,1,23,0,44,9,2,7,6,75,75,22,6,10,11,6,2,0,1,3,6,1,1,5,30,28,0,1,10,1,1,10,12,11,0,0,25,5,67,3,66,43,10,79,0,3,1,1,35,32,1,5,35,284,97,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590888566151274,0.06885943922232407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833446585100034,0.0,0.10565136442468992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431629805284751,0.0,0.19177430888460145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298377151978569,0.17919547321320134,0.06486031465018728,0.094707122775232,0.0,0.13220146493136894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671758555630271,0.0,0.08884626597107148,0.0,0.07979969218809391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394546645797626,0.08712574528083221,0.12404377047236947,0.0,0.0,0.050097760208693484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418615593001016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104144732861967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880222885000717,0.08026514486942976,0.08663474804871464,0.0513075080602346,0.07026682990614665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29292259199150944,0.08741261970044087,0.03927780186396994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419978878430325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001607793894364,0.0718147490454892,0.1217552070661928,0.0,0.04414785099306229,0.0,0.06212851956677254,0.0,0.0,0.07691631332261338,0.06869297167428229,0.0,0.06958683677430504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206787615557545,0.0,0.07792028588438482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107868732341214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04269139629795167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440053539984033,0.0,0.16460497090858753,0.0,0.0,0.06859366621738612,0.0,0.06523239949417779,0.0,0.08479788898498003,0.06604153131184888,0.0,0.07350355475968909,0.10370522050916074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843557419821175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279823017970036,0.1198246124754314,0.07502470639932131,0.0,0.0,0.07611079803425433,0.0,0.0,0.08151304712374252,0.0,0.0,0.11815966413273378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246565352108214,0.0538541616683162,0.13565594766453115,0.0,0.0,0.1468671362228341,0.08757355362456305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561815392004248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049764379721815015,0.0,0.0767005265790815,0.1668004509434717,0.0,0.06633907222205923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775731667749807,0.0,0.06425845102266466,0.08731659691515545,0.0,0.15837180917672744,0.06581878248599787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827975136911256,0.06203607462478052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815137547418321,0.0,0.0,0.11681275278361432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883488990513945,0.0,0.05160774451897504,0.09954958030537504,0.0,0.061669965055040576,0.04529636298886687,0.08928277807999159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409488569248899,0.09163642606353058,0.06165949016622827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201098130432126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501197940594534 ptsd,femmetastic,2019/04/10,"How do I get this stupid intrusive memory out of my head I should preface this with I don’t have a formal diagnosis, and I know self diagnosis is annoying as hell and I’m sorry. But my mom was really abusive to me growing up which might’ve given me some kind of CPTSD type thing, and then I had a horrible miscarriage almost a year ago (found out I was pregnant a year ago today actually) that I think might’ve given me regular PTSD? Oh and my mom was super insensitive about the miscarriage recently (you can look in my post history if you’d like) and that kind of twisted the knife I guess. The night it happened (at least I think, it was a missed miscarriage so I didn’t bleed or expel anything, but I went to the doctor the next day and my pregnancy hormone levels had gone down) I went from feeling completely fine to being violently ill within minutes. I was basically projectile vomiting and completely terrified. And I have...it’s not a flashback because I don’t literally think I’m there...but this really distressing, intrusive, vivid recurring memory of half sitting half lying on the bathroom floor while it was happening. Specifically the feeling of the tiles on my skin. Like...cold and hard. The most random thing ever but I can just FEEL it and it’s freaking me out. It’s been popping up over and over and over again. For days. I try to replace it with happy thoughts or better memories and that hasn’t been working too well. Again I’m really sorry I don’t have a formal diagnosis but one of my friends who has bad PTSD said it sounds like it. I know someone suggested EMDR and I’m looking for a therapist but am in the process of moving from Canada to the US so can’t really start until I move in late June. Is there any way I can banish this awful feeling sooner?",2.812266981291085,5.1731257879656205,4.642461655149166,80.06102266981294,77.65329512893983,8.346570032024273,26.31055115455925,9.088552180705676,2.500255958199899,1416,56,264,37,34,480,185,349,0.171,0.7440000000000001,0.084,-0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,2,0,3,11,18,4,1,19,1,29,6,2,1,1,48,58,29,0,2,10,2,6,2,1,1,4,2,0,1,20,19,0,0,11,0,0,6,7,8,1,3,19,11,35,10,37,36,3,47,1,1,3,0,10,18,1,8,22,180,55,4,0.0,0.11899894519604184,0.09800998431929102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805897576436938,0.0,0.10057105464335246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829918290806221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264937337944878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385895474024509,0.06122418897611751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882651620135833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060818471052128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954441644591522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279938624914917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908491261662888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031316330530604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012169491545908,0.0775957623812478,0.0,0.052473095214026745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064037657503112,0.0,0.17762851856870984,0.106914829350088,0.08996995199677807,0.0,0.10307519320504936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917500699705768,0.110392799950361,0.0,0.11329495319678935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720227169220396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868005856225207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309113597609106,0.0,0.2352563056295147,0.0,0.2134928296765596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681366626966544,0.09425135945418817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805729433997686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618888107456453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348060704861829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573647006972086,0.0,0.09916735713722888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553659884045576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477551524398357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850981733795119,0.0,0.0,0.2248573181944576,0.071088346283862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661267161238778,0.1334489829475523,0.1930639049686156,0.0,0.07973409990801228,0.0,0.0,0.09520055120146632,0.0,0.0,0.06818871121752915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081083059103916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972055675405816,0.0,0.0,0.09030304590158596,0.18620833570014994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311781070565572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935357839563344 ptsd,leharris-,2019/04/10,"Alcohol and ptsd Sorry if this is difficult to read or triggers anyone. Whenever I drink it’s almost like I can get my head around things, like the abuse/molesting/grooming. I can’t remember huge chucks of my childhood or exactly what happened even through I know it’s happened. When I’m drinking I feel at peace and as though I can let the memories wash over me, and I can truly remember things and my brains feels like I can work through these horrible memories but as soon as I’m sober my brain gets all restricted again but still have huge amounts of anxiety and always so hyper vigilant. I’m so tired. Why does my brain stop me, why can’t I move past this. Why am I now becoming an alcoholic. Just fucking why.",3.5188297872340435,5.492441113475177,4.391081560283691,84.50875,74.0354609929078,8.955319148936171,29.48049645390071,9.516144504307137,2.8271177304964543,571,25,113,15,12,184,91,141,0.126,0.76,0.114,-0.5591,0,0,4,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,11,5,1,0,3,0,10,11,4,1,2,23,21,17,0,1,6,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,6,4,2,5,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,17,3,11,20,2,14,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,4,11,70,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26209801235941604,0.12279138722608045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203395862189296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380791378753553,0.0,0.0,0.08574236490203127,0.0,0.0,0.10916239280284327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354298579773547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106707082811857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073101061915357,0.0,0.0,0.2402519510203142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080992763424972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240059334195969,0.08760344069893385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336498691451835,0.12813317263552093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687405271141946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258487942393359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739158246747086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539253691873462,0.0,0.17972538130394206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033114155842665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705959307594048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433422530287096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265834676067718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27782080987157504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726883011690988,0.0,0.0,0.0979286132937906,0.10252012676683764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629334185482026,0.0,0.12047859970181594,0.0,0.0,0.1409395855762006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426005446712829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927257886794833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RealOffDuty,2019/04/10,"PTSD IS REAL. Most everyone here already knows this. This is to the people who dis-believe in it and I hope to reach the ignorant or misinformed. The insomnia is real. No one chooses to stay up all night and go to bed at 4AM, be tired as hell in the morning ,and feel like ran over garbage. The triggers are real. Certain movies, noises and visuals can cause anger, fear, anxiety, depression, and sadness to the point of crying (even for non-cryers). This is due to the feeling of re-living the event(s). The trust issues and suspicions about people are real and don't take it personally. Ever hear ""I like to keep most things to my self""? That's an auto-response, nothing personal. The nightmares are real. Sometimes nightmares of re-living the event and then waking up feeling a chaos of bad emotions; often ruining your entire day/days. Anxiety is real and is often because of [insert event(s)]. Creating it for people who didn't have it prior. Avoiding talking about it and avoiding things that remind you of it doesn't make the problem invalid, and aren't just ""faking it"". It's a logical, natural coping mechanism to avoid thinking about it. An aversion to being physically touched is real. Ever hear ""don't touch me"", or the person is uncomfortable with being touched? Well the [insert event] is *likely* related to that. Again, don't take it personally. Point being: no one fakes anything I listed above for the sake of feeling pity or ""just playing the victim"". It's a real problem just like anything else and it doesn't *only* apply to veterans and law enforcement. Hope I could shed some insight.",3.8533255406195215,6.504214288135593,4.897241379310348,78.07000000000005,75.61016949152544,7.052016364699006,29.155464640561075,8.104835398774808,2.4807767387492703,1265,56,203,22,29,413,160,295,0.196,0.6859999999999999,0.118,-0.9825,0,3,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,2,0,0,14,27,3,4,21,0,26,3,1,3,4,60,42,18,0,5,6,0,7,4,0,0,2,2,1,5,22,14,0,5,9,1,0,2,9,17,1,2,2,9,8,10,33,35,4,20,1,4,0,0,12,8,1,10,13,146,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595276485047956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917018245654475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281924929181887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650343010606457,0.04748058630589908,0.0,0.0,0.08775455376381662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001375316011318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062188257620289074,0.0,0.08555772417740119,0.10046429276355047,0.0,0.06708592860952016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506650460675394,0.08761496406599469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144513935612196,0.1409106383568964,0.0,0.0744265514327206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764710218811414,0.15753265491840698,0.055644122070328976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044266276661595716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755737741439571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472327294830746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129617917259856,0.0,0.06923157692603232,0.0,0.0,0.042805915057834334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221108481012255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199170377547603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309381931965747,0.0,0.07473687139364339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555959308552902,0.059238312455602626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199587292454726,0.2720396837006971,0.0,0.0,0.14726110418280372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905905662589006,0.09104840816443607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7092404843288138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125551318005356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703449629318639,0.0,0.0,0.08301961625537768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171261005011239,0.06260445835566343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349236238551672,0.049908309965483615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952227722762407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003182298238941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pencilbend,2019/04/10,"I think I might get help I have been doing research to try and ""self help"" for eight years now. I had a tough deployment in 10'-11'. I have finally found myself in a situation where I might be able to get some professional help without hurting my unit. I'm so tired of not being able to be around my kids for long or be in public with them. God, I hope this ends soon.",2.5658333333333303,3.912799355263161,3.7894736842105283,90.45464912280704,75.1842105263158,7.171929824561403,21.87719298245614,7.793537801064563,0.6591824561403512,285,7,65,4,6,93,54,76,0.067,0.738,0.195,0.8449,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,0,0,12,17,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,11,1,12,8,1,11,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,5,6,46,12,2,0.3891026100519072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319190874502613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231471036630708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131214450632707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331546413829844,0.0,0.0,0.20329005413413595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912109163801803,0.0,0.0,0.1932333437451034,0.0,0.0,0.2082711958360817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217178277543316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127763798894815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029594412050967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186838182293134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466062062323972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360810547420829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320875654295589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875405154655093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528466182162232 ptsd,madcrid,2019/04/10,I can’t sleep Hi i don’t know what’s going on with me. I want to be able to sleep but I can’t. How do I get rid of this cluster fuck of emotions that always hit me whenever I’m triggered. It’s so exhausting and draining and I can’t even rest. I want to let go of this anger sadness sorrow pity evruthing. I want to return back to the old me before any of this happens to me,-1.7635098039215684,0.15201107058823735,1.0548529411764704,100.11600490196079,97.11764705882356,3.774509803921569,17.67156862745098,5.46131890053228,-0.6319607843137254,291,9,72,2,12,100,53,85,0.289,0.667,0.044,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,0,7,4,2,2,0,10,18,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,0,0,12,0,12,15,1,6,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,46,18,0,0.23597182460246036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634746137798811,0.0,0.0,0.16046893254833106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144776744782906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007946425905768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654365417384865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558571646466439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815214944565064,0.12328553897689246,0.0,0.26821645178882025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866910518703732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968394360516433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412971782362709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24761273518682544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722844812642034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175468879090712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Terrapin2112,2019/04/11,"I don't know what to do. Years ago I lived with an abussive person, 7 years ago to be exact. But I'm still affected by what he put me through. I still live in fear. I have flashbacks, panic attacks, and have used drinking (which obviously isn't a healthy coping mechanism). He still berrates me everday in my head. I'm tired of this feeling, I want to be free. I tried meditation which helped but haven't kept up with it in a while. Did the medication route but it landed me in the hospital a few years ago. I need to figure out my insurance (I might not have it at the moment) because I wouldn't mind seeing a therapist, but I'm curious what else I can do in the meen time? I want his voice to leave my brain, it's been there for far too long. I'm not living my life with this fear. Its constant. I feel terrible all the time because of what he put me through. Thanks.",1.5004509803921555,3.4216171888888915,3.027189542483661,92.21794117647059,79.8888888888889,6.457516339869281,23.366013071895427,7.5105763829236425,0.8662973856209146,674,23,152,10,17,221,103,180,0.12,0.8059999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.7923,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,3,10,0,15,6,2,2,3,27,29,6,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,13,5,1,1,4,1,1,2,6,5,0,0,3,4,21,3,22,22,2,27,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,1,15,96,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470668483853701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847359255019776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911496904644068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569195576049826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103459070074356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784979271808197,0.0,0.0,0.10902408407262508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29371932902899583,0.1319792227798992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394057520855845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747788191676482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172470244523561,0.0,0.0,0.13819089822459327,0.0,0.0,0.09218284075341558,0.0,0.0,0.3457272934855413,0.11549695255736425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147476392702068,0.0,0.1384501374045671,0.13177756429479587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677126788578863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312497986391818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395601133842265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262396534149595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399931120319826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312675577224887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015577117681304,0.0,0.1515317878793441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220247820208868,0.15000166887440627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860750020654555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271845322227045,0.0,0.0,0.15395597151894785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25213184894735313 ptsd,switchbratt,2019/04/11,"What do you do for a living What do you all do for a living? Cuz I can barely hold down a part time job as a nanny (where I literally only see 1 MAYBE 2 people a day). It's impossible. I want to DO something with my life but feel completely unable, and COMPLETELY judged when people hear what I do. I'm exhausted and tired of feeling like shit for my life ending up like this. It's not my fault I have these problems. But no one gives a shit. Sorry in a really bad mood.",0.6673000000000009,2.584327130000002,3.2960000000000003,89.24300000000002,82.7,6.4,18.0,7.554174236665415,0.34690000000000065,363,8,81,6,10,127,67,100,0.266,0.624,0.11,-0.9666,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,2,9,2,0,7,0,8,6,2,1,1,13,15,7,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,4,10,2,10,15,2,8,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,6,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703988173285112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36928438552244003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357281838511335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597629532980387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808742902198746,0.12580907298011434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893546037873594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984825435537744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475651925579164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487755991274009,0.17207150337510815,0.0,0.3110069577252043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692061638696568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933295068851447,0.13393538971692626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070398646184647,0.0,0.24417734034252625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685082002883573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281703686251307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403324672029812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615374282470104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355738294601784,0.0,0.1971345432130203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268793626322703,0.20240618936967264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387098276868896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,buartha,2019/04/11,"Feel like I've lost years of progress during career break Over years of education and working I got to the point where I could be around groups of people without that constant feeling of being on edge; I was still jumpier than average, and I had my bad days, but I felt like I'd finally reached the point where I could say I was (at least externally) functioning the same as I might have if all the things that went on when I was younger hadn't happened. Then I had some time off work after my husband and I got married and moved, and now that I've started somewhere else it's like I've lost most of the ground I covered. I'm constantly on edge, I can't deal with people walking behind me at all, I'm getting invasive thoughts, and I'm just going in for the odd seminar or lab to get acquainted with what I'll be doing and who I'll be working with when I start properly. Who knows what it will be like when I'm actually working. I feel like I've already caught people giving me odd looks when I overreact and thinking about that is making me worse. I feel so frustrated with myself for letting this happen. I could have mitigated this if I'd gone out more, volunteered, started work earlier, anything like that. But I didn't and now I'm stuck feeling like it's going to take the same amount of time to get back where I was. I'm not sure I really want anything from posting other than a bit of a rant; I know it's just a matter of therapy/ medication/ exposure, and I'm nowhere near where I am at my worst, but I'm so disappointed in myself and I wanted to get it out.",8.266397515527949,5.628738621118014,8.478136645962735,75.24403726708077,63.409937888198755,11.808695652173913,37.90683229813665,10.125756701596842,3.5357552795031046,1244,48,259,21,14,412,160,322,0.149,0.762,0.09,-0.9639,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,8,18,14,1,0,10,0,25,1,0,1,3,53,68,25,0,7,10,1,6,7,0,2,1,1,0,0,18,18,0,0,10,0,0,7,5,6,0,0,18,8,32,8,41,39,11,51,1,3,1,0,7,21,0,6,28,170,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.09347691563157276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570630037637826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765349940725254,0.0852731290633457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365635572958694,0.07998038660702925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457752771569924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070292411446685,0.0,0.2294408091931389,0.0,0.0,0.0617764229367022,0.09875496007460413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001999112381268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421707168009814,0.20529651228711707,0.09197312031384942,0.10493291876471074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018462928306466,0.09189019518715427,0.10887897196731984,0.0,0.15322352477235485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694130058210855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528701253206807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795144380504177,0.0,0.32758601412297683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043921092562037,0.0,0.2091315153513233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394035917204688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649803098036014,0.0,0.10161771924471397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180927670903364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19922552151619646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110443031801707,0.0,0.09174004039844233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061365325636734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617580296165777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340129816723151,0.0,0.07649776691390345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902806453571318,0.0,0.07202192263985441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954385400573168,0.0,0.06363841095754691,0.061378162920833236,0.0,0.07604631081033289,0.1117114723627522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129984771639782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879799852550578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233783896590972,0.0,0.3486801610044035,0.0,0.09761787349634793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337083429112143 ptsd,mackchopstick,2019/04/11,"nightmares about the trauma or just nightmares in general i've only had a trauma nightmare thingy once and what happened was i woke up at 3 AM because i thought i heard him scream my name even though he wasnt in the house, thought he was going to rip me out of bed. all my other dreams have been random nightmares. each one worse than next, always wake up sweaty. worst one was a dream where i saw a large gash in my leg and then little plant sprouts started to grow from the gash and i had to rip them out but their roots were so deep and it was so painful there was blood everywhere. i have a lot of zombie nightmares. i can't remember the last time i had a good dream",2.8977272727272734,4.3802184565217415,3.06939393939394,95.40136363636368,74.57971014492753,5.887747035573122,23.41501976284585,6.11248444174946,0.2569478260869569,529,15,118,3,11,161,92,138,0.113,0.816,0.071,-0.687,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,8,6,0,0,9,0,15,4,3,1,1,19,23,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,7,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,5,0,2,16,3,15,1,16,7,4,18,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,3,5,78,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846019895203545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806794190458588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959639432699864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872110877211695,0.1899714605180106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028688327671426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26134234464093475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462190605896506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270053420695489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255612547948409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408777203220896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412074981713886,0.3069548398519628,0.17225802204615334,0.24100436617754395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25657225206480616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031280820464625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225280796308836,0.35962005403479325,0.13206980489690173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308155686149884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HeartAegis,2019/04/11,"I wrote my abuser after 4 years of silence. I used the term ""My woman"" because I didn't want him to know her name. I hope the post works this time. I hope that some of you can relate and that it brings a bit of hope, among all the anger that infects us. Dear Tom It's been a long time since I've even thought about wanting to talk to you. For me, I never have to ask why that is; although the question of why you think that is, may be different. I wanted to write a letter to address that specific topic, as well a few other topics that have been on my mind for a long time. I've never felt like I could ever be open with you, there are a lot of reasons for it. I want to address these things in this letter and maybe, for the first time, you could actually get to know a little about me. You may think you know me, but I challenge you to even try to explain who i am, what i love, how i love. I know that you can't tell me these things because it has taken me decades to even understand them myself. I suppose we're all changing, some more than others, as time passes. For me it isn't any different. I wake up in the morning to the sunrise, it shoots through my curtains to greet me. I leave my woman and dog to sleep in and make my coffee, on time, every morning. While waiting, I lean against the counter and gaze out the back window. A field of green grass and trees beyond that, about a quarter mile down. I have a nice plot in amish country. All day long the clop-clop-clop of Amish wagons by the house. My house is small but respectable, it's an atomic-age rancher with updated interior and appliances. Every inch of this house is filled with our things, each of us having our own spaces, so we can share what we want but still have our little worlds. In the back we have about 300 varying herbs, flowers, and crops planted so far; she prefers the sweeter smelling herbs and I prefer the peppers. I have a Rhodesian Ridgeback that's a registered service animal. It's actually surprising just how smart a dog can be. Someone dumped off a broken lawn mower the other day, I had a good time bringing it back to life. Earlier this year, a coworker couldn't figure out how to fix his truck; i managed to do it for him. It's only work when you're not having fun, right? When i'm doing these things, i achieve a peace that i have rarely ever felt in my life. Peace is very important for people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My symptoms began around the age of 9 or 10. The depression was crushing. I also have had disassociative states, where entire days would pass and I wouldn't even notice. I guess the teachers started noticing that a student simply sat and stared for 8 hours without even uttering a word or opening a book. Besides that, was the fight or flight response that I would get from things that didn't make sense. I was so used to getting pounded or screamed at for simple things like asking a question or making a noise, that when I would be called on in school, I would become completely rattled. I never knew when the next attack from you would come, the anxiety kept me on edge and my nerves have been rattled my entire life because of that. I also had the anger to deal with. The only thing I understood about the anger was that it was always at myself, for being a failure. I hated myself, most of the time, for the first 20 years of my life. You never really took any interest in knowing what school was like for me; every now and then you'd ask ""how's school?"", as if that wasn't a rhetorical question. Any answer other than ""good"" would result in a melt down on your part and another attack; probably at some time that night, but I could never really tell. To say the least, because of this environment, my grades were never as good as they could have been. I was too busy wondering why I could never feel happy, talk to others, have fun. The closest thing I could compare to that was playing video games; but now I understand that in those stupid games I found a sense of peace. I was somewhere else in those games. A place away from you. Peace is important for people with PTSD. So you might be wondering what PTSD actually is. Honestly, I don't blame you if you don't know. You probably have seen some of it or have heard of some of it in those who went through the universally despised Vietnam War. There's a lot more awareness now for this disease in this day and age because of the 18 years of war our country has gone through and for our ability to communicate instantly. Or maybe it's the fact that it's come to light that more than 20 of our heroes commit suicide every day due to this disease. It's more than 7000 a year, about twice the number we lost on 9/11 and it has left my generation shattered and feeling lost. Even those who don't die, still suffer. Millions with drug problems, doing time that or for assault when they can't control this horrifying disease and it destroys what little they have left to love. But war PTSD is different from what I have for one main reason: before the years of combat, before the trauma, the victim knew what it was like to be ""normal"", then there was the trauma, and now they're not and will never be ""normal"" again. For me that's very different because I never knew what ""normal"" was. My earliest memories are of you abusing me. I never knew a life without anxiety or depression, so for me this has been a lifelong illness. The affects of the disease can vary from person to person. While most experience nearly all the symptoms, the level of those symptoms can be different. The ones I most commonly experience are extreme anxiety, depression, nightmares, flashbacks, anger. I have nightmares most nights. I know this because I've been told by friends and girlfriends over the past 15 years or so that I act very strange in my sleep. Most of the time I don't remember them, but instead I wake up and vomit. Other times I wake up struggling, even throwing punches. Sometimes I hit my woman, and it hurts her. I feel like a monster when that happens. Every few months I'll have a dream that doesn't involve me being murdered or being powerless to stop those I care about from dying in some way, which is nice. My anxiety is crushing. My hands permanently shake. Writing with a pen or pencil is almost impossible. There are times that ignorant people will say ""What's wrong with you?"". The anxiety has cost me many jobs. There are times when I'm at work, I feel completely surrounded and under attack for no apparent reason; I just have to leave. They usually fire me for this. I just have to get out of the building, away from everyone. Another thing about this is that i absolutely cannot have people touch me. Not even my woman touches me, I have to be the one to initiate contact. You can imagine how hard this is for someone who wants to get laid; thankfully my woman understands it and loves me regardless. There are also little things that my anxiety does to disrupt my life, like obsessingly checking locks to make sure no one is going to just barge into my house or my room and start beating on me or screaming at me. Or the fact that i cannot ever have a person stand behind me. In grocery lines I solved this by standing sideways. When this isn't possible, I leave. My depression has dominated my life. I started hating myself at a very young age. I acted out on this by destroying my own possessions, I felt like i didn't deserve them for my failures. I've had problems with suicidal thoughts for a long, long time. For years, I kept a rope under my bed and a razor in my wallet, just in case. Just in case i'll have to end my life that day. Sometimes I would lie awake in bed, thinking about where and how I'll do it. I think about the fallout. I decided that using a gun was bad, because it would be rude to whoever found my corpse. I guess that puts things in perspective: when I care more about a stranger finding my corpse or cleaning crew having to come, than actually ending my own life. If you want to know what real depression is, maybe that would explain it for you. Since my diagnosis, I have come to understand why I am this way and what i can do about it. I surround myself with peace, but I'm always prepared for war. I have axes, knives, clubs and guns. For someone trying to find peace, I suppose it's ironic that there's always a need to be prepared to defend myself still. I hope that in the future i can feel safe without all these weapons, but I don't think that day will ever come. I'm not writing this letter just to talk about myself though, I wanted to talk about you and I as well. You have always been a sort of mystery to me. When I would sneak into your room when you were gone, I was surprised to see that there isn't much there. A room so clean you can do surgery in it, it doesn't look lived in at all; but instead more like an Ikea display. So that didn't teach me anything. Around the house are generic things.. fake plants and every inch perfectly clean. Every piece of furniture, in it's exact place. The way it's always been. The only real material possessions you have are in the boxes in the basement. I went through them, trying to find out more. I found a lot of things, mostly photos. It occured to me that you never took any of them yourself. They were taken by others and put in a box by you and stored. I always wondered why they weren't put out like in every house I've ever been to. So I failed there too; I could only find a whisper of your past. The same was about my mother. You showed me a picture of her once. I ended up stealing a photo of her, it's the only one I have: a 2 inch square black and white passport photo. I always wondered why you just erased her, why I never heard about her. Growing up, because I lost her so young, I never felt like I had a mother. I had you, but I didn't even know you. You never really were a parent to me, more like a strange man who acted erratic and was completely unpredictable: either shower me in gifts no apparent reason or beat on me for no apparent reason. I do know that you're more learned than you let on, however. When you talk about technical things, I listened. It was the only times you weren't going off on a tangent, completely silent, or putting others down. You might be surprised to find out that unlike my brother, I don't have memory problems. Infact, I'm quite the opposite and likely to be on the autism spectrum because it's so unusual. So when it came to these details, I remembered them; and on numerous occasions people have been very impressed that i can rattle of technical details about random things like air conditioning or cars for example. Beyond that though, when you get right down to it, I never really knew you. We spent time together, which was a part of the bipolar way I was raised; where it actually seemed like you cared. We watched movies or would go hiking, but I didn't learn anything about you. So when it comes to having parents, I can't really say i've had the experience. I suppose the best thing you ever done in that field was reading to me and doing the voices the one year. That was A+ dadding. But before that was the abuse and after that was just endless abuse and neglect. You used to say a lot of things to me that weren't true. It took me a long time to figure out that they weren't true, too. Apparently it's a scientific fact that children believe what they're told without asking questions a lot because it's the difference between the kids who got eaten by lions a hundred thousand years ago and those who didn't. So when it came to the things you'd say to me, like the really negative ones, I always believed you. You also kept me in the house, no after school activities, no friends over, no going out... this changed very slightly as I got to around 15, but not by much. I was often forced to stay in my room, many nights, sleeping on that mattressless bunk bed, wondering why I am such a piece of shit. You would always drop the line ""you're destroying this family"" as you would abuse me. As you would force me to take my clothes off and parade me infront of my siblings, as you would destroy my possessions, hit me, choke me, throw me down stairs; or just spend hours upon hours drilling it into my head that am neither loved nor wanted. But now I understand that statement, as an adult, without a mind of a child. when you said ""you're destroying the family""; what you meant was something different. ""Family"" didn't mean you and me and my siblings... how could bad grades destroy them? Or a spilled glass of water? Or staying up too late one night? No, ""Family"" meant you and your grip on controlling us. The grip you feared to lose because you were afraid of the government stepping in and providing for us. Not out of some altruistic feeling on your part, or some fear of a tyrannical NAZI government; but because it would mean you were a failure. Well, fearing failure is something you taught me well; however since you also taught me I'd never succeed at anything, you really fucked up my head in that sense too. So as I digress, what you really meant was ""you're destroying my ability to control you out of fear"" ... so the more I understand that statement now, the less it hurts me. You'd also say ""I put a roof over your head"". This was very common. It didn't matter what the exact words were in this case, but the theme was important. ""I did my job, so now you owe me"". That's a part of your psyche in general, not just how you raised me. Whenever you give a gift, you have an ulterior motive. If that motive can't be fullfilled, you rage. You disappear. You hurt others. You claim that you're the victim, which is another common part of your psyche. If your ability to put people against one another, or to hurt and put down others is interrupted, then you're the one who was being hurt the whole time. I always thought the duality of your narcissism and playing the victim was ironic. Funny how you can throw a 4 year old down a flight of stairs, or beat on a 9 year old girl over and over again and claim at the same time that they were the one hurting you; and that you're awesome for fighting back to protect the ""family"". You aren't just this way with your kids though, you're always this way. One factor i've always learned about you though is that when you're faced with a challenger, perhaps someone who isn't a child or a subordinate; someone who could kick your ass, you always back down. I grew up thinking you were strong because the mind of a child thinks what they're told. I now know better. Strength isn't hurting people, strength is helping people. Love isn't caging what you care about, it's about putting the pieces back together and making it better so it can be free. These things I never learned from you; I'd say I owe a debt to those who did teach me these things, but love doesn't collect on debt. I could go on for a thousand pages about what you've said. Some of my favorites are when you said you cancelled your life insurance because if you suddenly died, you wanted me to struggle. As though I really hated you so much or felt nothing for you that I would care more about the money than the fact I've become a fucking orphan. There was also the time that you taught me how to properly cut my wrists. The ""zig-zag"" style, you called it. then you gave me a knife. Wow, that's really great parenting, Tom. Words can hurt, but all of that doesn't quite compare to when I was 14, though. I got sick, remember? I mean, really sick. Pneumonia. It was bad. Fever of over 105, I couldn't walk, eat or drink. You did get around you taking me to a hospital, the next day. You threw me a wet, filthy, wash cloth from the sink and went to work instead that night. You always did this sort of thing. Tom, if you think for a second that i believe (or literally anyone else believes) that ""my kid is dying"" isn't a good enough excuse to call out, you're not even a good liar. You abandoned me. I suffered that night, it was bad. my brother was terrified too. he hates that you put him in charge, he wasn't ready for it. Looking back on that, and the other times you abused me, I can honestly say that it was different that time. The other times, I don't think you wanted me to die, but that time I'd have to say that I really think you did. It was attempted murder by intentional negligence. That's a pretty heavy sentence, Tom. Especially for a parent on their own child, and it would have been a quick trial too.. who are your character witnesses? Your traumatized children who ran off in their teens who have nothing but stories of abuse from you? Your brother and his kids who witnessed your abuse first hand, who you threatened to murder; even after they took you in their own home? That's 25 to life in prison, Tom. If you don't think for a second that I didn't consider pressing charges on you, you're even more arrogant than I thought. You might argue that your love for me was in the things you bought me. I had a lot of toys; action figures, video games, a bike and eventually a car that i was allowed to use. One of the things about you though is that you there's always a reason for your ""gifts"". The toys were a way of saying ""sorry I bashed your head the other day"", or maybe ""please don't tip off the school officials about what I've done to you by being happy for a minute"". The car was a way of saying ""please disappear"". If you feel I misjudged you in this way, maybe you can explain why you did this for me and not my brother? Is it because you truly love me, or because you knew you could manipulate him and you got pleasure out that, and I was ""destroying the family"" so I had to go? Hell, the last time you messaged me, some 4 years ago, you wanted to go to a baseball game with me. OK tom, what's the catch? What do you want from me? This isn't an apology for what you did to me and my siblings or my mother. This isn't an apology for calling me a ""bad investment"" the previous time we spoke and I needed you. So what's your angle? I hope you're not so arrogant and self absorbed to think that I have a simple ""grudge"" against you or that I'm being unreasonably emotional. There's always a reason for your ""gifts"". Sometimes you did things for outward appearances. Like when you made my lunch, you used to coach me on what to tell teachers. Lie, after lie, after lie. ""Nice lunch, too bad the fridge has been empty for 15 years"", ""nice lunch, why are you 35% under weight?"", ""nice lunch, why don't you talk to others?"", ""nice lunch, why do you go to the bathroom and cry?"". Those are the truths. Eventually you stuffed enough fried chicken down my throat and forced me to stay in my room that I got fat. Kinda hard to look malnurished and traumatized when you're fat, right? Appearances were very important to you. We had to look good. The rest doesn't matter. Grades were an important part of that, too. Not that you cared enough to help me, or to try to understand why abusing your kids doesn't help them do better in school. You never wondered why your kid couldn't read or write at the age of seven, or why he always got some letters backwards because he's dyslexic. It was just negative re-enforcement followed by occasional showering of gifts. Your only interest in ""raising"" me was holding on to your power to control others at all costs. Your only fear was that I would disrupt that control and ""destroy the family"". Another inspiring and altruistic thing you'd do is lying to people about me. Remember the lies? I do. I was listening. You'd tell teachers that I had all these problems because my mother died when I was young. It was always the same story. You go to play the victim while being the predator at the same time, at the expense of my mother. That's an unbelievable act of psychotic evil that still astonishes me to this day. I tried to explain what it was like to be ""raised"" by you to a professional. She stopped me about a quarter of the way in and her face looked absolutely horrified. she wrote me four prescriptions and shuttled me out. Apparently just talking about it was too much for her to listen to. While it validates that I am in fact, not the bad guy, it at the same time makes the depression worse. How could a mental health professional not even want to listen to this? Either she thought I was lying and a nutcase for making it all up, or that it's all true and she wanted to quit her job because you're just that horrible. The pills didn't help, either. Moving forward, I have some plans. I have learned a lot, from those who care about me. I learned how to be impulsive. How to protect others. How to be forgiving. How to be understanding. How to accept others. I learned how not to destroy a family, but to build one. But by your definition of that ugly, evil phrase; I guess I had to destroy a family in order to build one. I had to disrupt your control of me in order to become something worth living. I'm not going to tell you what I am going to do with myself. You don't deserve that, even if you've changed your mind about wanting to actually know me in my absence. I will tell you how I'm moving forward without you though. On days like this, when the sun shines through the curtains; my woman and my dog snore soundly. I wake up and make my coffee the same time as every day and I look out that window. I think about my garden, the herbs and potatoes and I think the smell of the stew my woman is going to make for me later; because she loves seeing me enjoy something she makes. I think about my father in law coming over with their kids and grand kids and how I'm going to work the hell out of that tiny grill. We'll talk politics or cars and play with the kids. My woman will compare tattoo art and shoot the shit about training PTSD service dogs. Or maybe my father in law will just show me how to loosen that rusted bolt on the mower; because that's what good fathers do. Not because I asked, but because he wants to teach me. I think about this and I'm surrounded by peace and love but I can't escape your words or your actions. They're so numerous, I could write a thousand pages of all the fucked up things you did and said to me and it wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't be enough because as long as I wake up, covered in sweat on days like this; fearing for my life and angry at everything, I cannot escape what you did to me. It's taking years and I've given up on the medications. They were just covering it up, not fixing it. It turns that out I don't need antipsychotics, antidepressants, therapists. My therapy is a civil conversation, my antidepressant is working the dirt and my antipsychotic is having a laugh playing a board game with my family. This is my future now, and it won't be all great. We'll get sick, have problems, and we'll die; eventually. But the past doesn't rule my future, I know that now. It's different for you, though. Because you're not getting any more chances from me. You hurt me again and again for 28 years and showed absolutely no remorse. Never an apology you actually meant. I used to think that hate was the opposite of love, but now I know that nothing is the opposite of love. You've proven to me again and again that you nothing me, so now I can say that I nothing you back. So when you think of me, there won't be a future. I'll always be in your past as you will always be in mine. This letter might be addressed to you, but it's not really for you. It's for me. To close an ugly chapter in my life that was dominated by you. It's an open letter, I have no shame in being abused by you. I will not keep your secrets, not anymore. I guess i'll have to ""destroy the family"".",4.416807924630898,5.4572619490473135,4.963366871428327,84.99782885326904,70.27167630057804,7.9321018738515825,27.152027324320674,8.201373902897227,1.634529951285375,18528,599,3734,257,326,5924,1064,4671,0.17600000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.099,-0.9999,37,0,6,4,12,3,639.0,21,188,22,44,231,228,56,13,264,1,384,79,24,58,52,670,671,287,16,84,126,17,24,19,3,41,31,28,23,31,335,159,12,20,128,28,16,75,122,113,4,29,194,71,613,116,566,378,97,523,4,24,16,17,438,214,8,110,236,2702,948,56,0.0,0.1517574088515003,0.0874933711904579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02270757000428571,0.0,0.012825662137587986,0.0,0.0,0.07169954929800601,0.2131506304160523,0.0,0.0,0.04355041554245204,0.06715309580759837,0.05878988593177331,0.0,0.01270239175132347,0.008955861057962401,0.013123616803901936,0.031620418298503976,0.04560840950976936,0.05987015679864462,0.043713870412510035,0.02406763865171064,0.07879033576020722,0.07486076756047325,0.20300333824920316,0.042437282638423085,0.03269675937135299,0.05772227134249456,0.013441520475822614,0.03398370106680322,0.013983346107874509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231482477350437,0.029298565700538393,0.09141240722793152,0.0,0.040648448741517774,0.07723251333199989,0.05371703478872512,0.0,0.08619358431394245,0.1329430076482822,0.0,0.014069315946002112,0.10738381932802793,0.01320479472747388,0.06619061931903884,0.0,0.0930509514702467,0.1204375250535832,0.014679421279025147,0.0,0.011208629506133634,0.026214675372023884,0.0,0.012547257675367364,0.014853561451695304,0.013106088334850658,0.021399381987213337,0.01440761337323762,0.0340330558680164,0.06617198806041898,0.0,0.11843665747598217,0.06951504298146136,0.09712390531579206,0.012238879387524736,0.01151127401485944,0.037586924899218936,0.13281977700633738,0.08647738945551513,0.04533382872845016,0.009150251966989001,0.06148988229412272,0.0,0.058532770072483725,0.032684199909750064,0.0,0.042130919020771394,0.01979132137253024,0.03552320044370854,0.06022627222352276,0.012286888314239892,0.09463027558539497,0.07520095955789706,0.061463804668964575,0.02824239158814165,0.05643914518979935,0.012682230562506369,0.011326337251019027,0.02726934670427544,0.022947441705523708,0.06322772192179776,0.05258004333364919,0.013614623789902858,0.0,0.0,0.03434053358929759,0.0,0.01284776906736698,0.06360765881276917,0.03784078592919282,0.1034534084041833,0.12340394900447048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03813078372298022,0.011384605406201034,0.0,0.0,0.0985474927875263,0.010440473872973316,0.014448320113066546,0.04068642048339921,0.027832510511786642,0.013097354378232269,0.11760945255110593,0.1188922782895174,0.05134912521476287,0.02261992684042849,0.07934459615094701,0.06453447609175487,0.014329211287991932,0.041945316911275864,0.0762241094810933,0.15027987880922614,0.01211952300308868,0.085496396032158,0.02597121139710027,0.07720595246822717,0.04185598023205779,0.0,0.012903014590238831,0.012907753697372251,0.05435032821791756,0.051730926421916484,0.0,0.010223462736296584,0.027226391449700876,0.03766229650560736,0.028491576120402987,0.1876924584642231,0.0,0.027243544379841268,0.07211833046722524,0.037648243159477526,0.061449545705110825,0.02916466852796895,0.026880312194365714,0.013640421315005456,0.13018853182434306,0.07793031355698518,0.0,0.0,0.056888404861802265,0.08322084342093376,0.04890788595754742,0.07991696156146262,0.0335511401510012,0.026763894456351817,0.0281193339345031,0.0,0.014439433590457847,0.02453362141681667,0.013030645607144484,0.027619027108910142,0.06127906575490119,0.059888868394391614,0.11588291116444616,0.0573929085647015,0.04086961046315404,0.025623531901485336,0.029157298629833482,0.10666922311012683,0.092183458204813,0.0,0.0,0.05803722757270183,0.032814654247432594,0.04873450488700656,0.12222808947106588,0.0,0.07777609946106505,0.020413113357245098,0.011660195130878872,0.013361850122547722,0.0,0.026295071457050203,0.031785473962102816,0.0,0.038452649531608124,0.0,0.0542621544619372,0.039441819903920934,0.03800320815602912,0.014337843043176497,0.02719734165829207,0.040955830302038775,0.040914899198789934,0.02141662437273732,0.014671864195317078,0.02678003195169564,0.0,0.02802040231389913,0.0,0.012071671021933444,0.03993818324158588,0.028890742407839308,0.08235860995160148,0.06717011166818908,0.01179216164599011,0.014647407124759069,0.014871423317234166,0.22124089740806266,0.1477267445313319,0.1132568060792542,0.05084179687144433,0.22405867920046246,0.0,0.0,0.03671663816257421,0.056921969615738637,0.043479974172240206,0.013931752233190486,0.0,0.10667113476333256,0.0616272306665908,0.07743581065689516,0.014106532733985443,0.08454551011255018,0.128429340682151,0.10166632238011844,0.0,0.015597058632587774,0.04606479909497083,0.03562026682570756,0.1733624760693088,0.014300009363843553,0.0,0.07408046389987452,0.0833403288848192,0.05594756899048825,0.0,0.013052751783586341,0.17287432568613226,0.014003865197619654,0.0,0.1319700025955772 ptsd,neanabeana,2019/04/11,"Medication for emotional numbness? My husband has suffered from depression, PTSD, and emotional numbness on and off most of his life. He has decided to see a psychiatrist and possibly try medication before our daughter is born. Any recommendations on what has helped or what to absolutely stay away from??",8.2758,11.113871579999998,8.637,55.40350000000001,63.2,13.0,42.5,12.161744961471696,6.7524000000000015,249,15,34,10,4,82,39,50,0.201,0.743,0.055,-0.857,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,6,5,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,10,5,1,6,0,2,1,0,6,4,0,2,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141362383358188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300847899504725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197673401455526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044386870365708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339983686494402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909807926012026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765509844608212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478232484683834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267588870612292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27746231449296244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914599089799575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529952509760863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611525425857437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,person-a-l,2019/04/11,"Doing EMDR on yourself...? I just couldn't take the pain anymore so I did EMDR on myself and now I'm kind of regretting it, it should be done by a professional. How bad are the consequences? (For clarification: I'm not currently seeing a therapist, she moved to another city, but I am looking for one.)",2.4869540229885025,4.961977120689653,5.066206896551726,75.95781609195404,79.51724137931033,8.694252873563219,26.90804597701149,9.2995712137729,2.8885080459770114,235,10,43,7,6,83,47,58,0.086,0.879,0.035,-0.4128,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,9,13,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,2,5,1,7,8,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,34,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178045595895183,0.0,0.0,0.3005727411159884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25305814783552644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101548506884166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156099429579177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25450986915334217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32212481196231624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053740462866335,0.0,0.3224972238815227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24151457287007705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278775474835391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518978597311464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_ChelseaDagger_,2019/04/11,"Does Prazosin help? Hello everyone! I’ll get straight to it. My doctor put me on Ambien and Prazosin for my nightmares/night terrors and insomnia. Do any of you have the same combination of meds? Do you feel like it works. My nightmares won’t stop. Thanks❤️",1.0060000000000002,3.5726203000000005,2.4235000000000007,88.81925000000004,96.0,5.7,24.25,7.1686216300943375,1.5019999999999998,205,9,39,4,8,66,41,50,0.108,0.747,0.145,0.2387,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,5,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,21,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335335836151154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33617661557030626,0.2874237836358339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313842563812104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607128555597864,0.2346406436339081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159856883577404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201492629163114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046127416172648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648275283239443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082226868302106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301771963328558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27459410655651784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23911133167043686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lavander_Moody,2019/04/11,"Would you expose your childhood abuser? Recently I have come to terms with my flashbacks and repressed memories being real. It was a close family member. I was about 5 and he must have been around 9-10. The only thing I remember clearly is him holding me down in a bed and taking my trousers off, everything else is very blurry. Throughout the life he would also act very disturbing, but at this point I was old enough to tell him to stop being inappropriate. He was doing this like rubbing my thigh or trying to caress my breast. I don't know why I didn't connect the dots, my brain just wouldn't let me tbh. I have broken down badly now and I am using medication atm. But the worst thing ever for me is just a few months ago his second daughter was born. And I feel so scared. I don't want those baby girls to go through anything like that, I wish i could somehow warn his wife or another family member. I obvs have 0 proof and well I come from a post communist country, where you never ever talk about anything like this and your mental health is a no no. I feel bad for not warning anyone, but I feel like even if I did gain the courage to say something no one would believe me.",4.091727318045861,5.2634227838983065,4.924117647058826,84.48508973080759,71.16101694915254,7.417347956131606,25.74675972083749,7.724431198458867,1.3373582253240284,931,28,184,11,17,302,146,236,0.18,0.688,0.132,-0.8583,0,0,1,0,1,0,21.0,0,4,0,1,14,12,0,3,10,0,29,6,3,1,6,45,40,15,0,9,9,2,4,4,0,5,3,1,1,1,8,12,0,3,5,0,1,4,9,6,1,2,8,6,34,6,19,23,4,26,0,0,0,1,17,9,0,4,16,134,42,0,0.0,0.14607265462126626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092847807440493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859103025367284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292751509779767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620379123868106,0.0,0.20290622496579686,0.10974985505756993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587577667166854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890006210533468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762691696596746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239835209659128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843310090697936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298886089922382,0.0,0.0,0.12738643906355254,0.0,0.08142862957078019,0.22303681780153375,0.0,0.0,0.1108006762996795,0.0,0.23244439398798145,0.0,0.1870099152689828,0.0880748824974638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006574945405042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104627007746214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775425325517921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606734241330833,0.08707989472605554,0.2409234418779965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419674321518195,0.1242423590414373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840497097401996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508505043033244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936694784771874,0.0,0.08354115773214406,0.09376385527802797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654424550857626,0.0,0.11807302308826068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032540634020846,0.0,0.0,0.12172913873266855,0.0,0.13965795743617976,0.0,0.0,0.09804124025665173,0.1234298677281456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491087420478628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030718433725196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269503368194336,0.09909187364881766,0.1077565899070356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638102519610018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370247354998156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647872163687297,0.0,0.20344619732098213,0.07271673167557945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084808872465092,0.0,0.11124560477939978,0.0,0.1417717524030721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627345410222043,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,boredgirlx0x0,2019/04/11,how to actually overcome trauma/work on yourself? does anyone have specific tips that work for overcoming childhood trauma (in addition to counseling) that keeps you in fear in life? any advice would be appreciated!,6.629571428571433,10.38504331428572,7.039642857142859,60.17660714285717,73.0,10.357142857142858,34.464285714285715,10.125756701596842,5.184857142857143,176,9,22,6,4,57,29,35,0.162,0.757,0.081,-0.5191,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.32888252100075005,0.0,0.0,0.3293316596738902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291848898161045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356519454764643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949281294283765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792407551700462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29955851202804684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380469154455562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907085759057418,0.0,0.0,0.23940905941642845,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,I_am_Me21,2019/04/11,Currently shaking in bed Something that should be positive for me has quickly reminded me of everything that I have so well crushed down. Do I want to die? Do I want to let this pass? Do I want to finally talk about it? Do I want to finally label it what it is? I have no clue but I am alone and the one person who was able to protect me from it all left. She is gone. I am cold. I am hot. I can’t do this without help. Tonight god damn sucks. I know tomorrow is going to be better and I am going to wake up with the triggers gone but it just so terrible when it is terrible.,-0.5457795698924706,1.5314951209677403,2.193677419354838,94.05884946236559,89.72580645161291,6.2098924731182805,21.976344086021506,7.554174236665415,0.9471866666666666,441,17,104,9,15,153,75,124,0.238,0.649,0.113,-0.9673,1,1,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,1,2,0,22,1,1,1,1,15,32,7,1,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,12,3,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,5,1,1,3,2,16,2,16,25,1,17,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,7,81,28,0,0.20596279738996529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331534296629834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215735690222828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137568663586928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851060817362597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512443543174108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410680834249145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380525215810552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319176705303848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237791820032091,0.21061091473769636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956572187053295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983877032548035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856022386265753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554509480995125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4859287768507027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518528999116546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854078688436194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NextubeGameArena,2019/04/12,"House fire causing me to wake up running. When I was 15, I woke up to my house on fire. It was such an eerie thing to wake up to and with the crackling sounds, hint of smoke outside of my room, not knowing what was happening and then running, it left a big impression on me. Everything was fine though, just lost the house. I am lucky I woke up. Turned out a stereo in another room randomly decided to catch on fire. 15 years later, and I sometimes will wake up in the middle of the night and just start running because my brain thinks my home is on fire. Last night I ran across the room into my tv before I realized what I was doing. Anybody else have a problem like this? Or maybe some advice.",3.1344220779220784,4.595905364285716,3.7864935064935072,90.58396103896106,73.92857142857143,7.090909090909091,25.584415584415584,7.686295010490155,1.1786428571428569,541,18,116,7,11,171,84,140,0.119,0.8190000000000001,0.062,-0.7964,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,9,0,10,4,4,1,0,20,19,8,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,6,7,0,0,4,2,0,5,1,2,0,0,9,5,15,4,23,9,1,33,0,1,0,0,0,20,0,4,9,76,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660143889234422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814431397079855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356327179098143,0.0,0.14456374391550852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965325138931846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452366767652516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192116452953746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268603685691745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023302761541335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041336509033764,0.0,0.0,0.5880902089620234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336701503295007,0.13848289741993014,0.0,0.0,0.18458581214978956,0.0,0.0,0.08299959610983346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545483310891225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067718263156836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188602191082079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256163618957264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802539938099753,0.0,0.12024890571010832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286726310591486,0.10885855192023527,0.16691590874777065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847913647275244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940348921362328 ptsd,Nitenitedragonite,2019/04/12,"My ex is on reddit, he made a sub for a young college girl’s snap nudes. I kept thinking he would come back to tell me how much he loved me. Like I just kept in my mind that while he is away he would be getting better, getting help, and come back and we would be so happy. We would have the family we talked about. No. He will always like underage teens and college girls. He will always like fat girls with large boobs. Girls with butter faces and with nipple piercings. He hadn’t used the account at all in 2 years. He posted for the first time 9 days ago, and every day thereafter. Just saw it. Randomly thought of looking him up. I honestly feel like regressing back to cutting and overdosing to where I pass out. I used to have problems with that and I’ve come a long way since then. I am in dbt and it has helped a lot. Stupid me though coped through the trauma he caused me by thinking he would change and tell me he still loved me. No, he never fucking loved me. God damnit I am so fucking DUMB. And there were so many MUCH MORE SERIOUS INSTANCES where it was obvious he didn’t love me- like when he didn’t contact me when I was going through the anniversary of our miscarriage. That’s kinda obvious, duh. But no, some naked young girl that looks 15 being plastered all over his account is what does it for me. Why am I so fucking stupid. He made this sub just for her. Why is she better than me? :( She is way better than me. He never plastered me on his social media. He never showed how much he loved me. He shows his love for this girl though. He is promoting her snapchat and posting for her. Why didn’t he ever strangle her? Why didn’t he hit her? Why me? Why was I the one he hated. She must be way better. I honestly want to kill myself. I know when I stop feeling this way though, I’ll take this as my final closure. The missed miscarriage anniversary and this 15 year old looking girl he is obsessed with. Fuck I feel so dumb. I am going to delete this.",1.1886021872863992,3.5127083107769472,2.171653565732516,95.64432928913195,83.68671679197995,5.131032125768968,20.095750740487574,6.464625207383525,0.07801704260651654,1532,44,332,15,44,481,185,399,0.125,0.721,0.154,0.9207,1,0,0,0,0,1,50.0,4,0,0,6,25,34,11,1,11,1,35,14,4,7,9,66,74,29,1,8,4,1,3,5,0,8,1,0,0,7,15,24,1,3,7,2,2,6,11,16,0,2,15,8,50,18,36,46,8,50,0,1,4,12,62,12,7,4,31,202,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222208954518828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681283034563195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594887815144185,0.16192285191816402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483209361995673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721078133816155,0.074255161516339,0.1813958338035667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053769118433684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061426594627065616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349382207950552,0.05914084874581011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617195824764803,0.0,0.1064754635959529,0.05014607878725631,0.0,0.07689328503144993,0.0,0.05970635088103441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595701502213213,0.0733461621938343,0.0,0.07978489423501979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472203023714005,0.0,0.06930131184294666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409812479360596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765844191142597,0.0,0.038576379843637834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714644055650439,0.0,0.0,0.062118826021445014,0.17683397868530734,0.0,0.0,0.05967579930065721,0.38011294468732015,0.13283711914587565,0.0,0.07116494811388427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087518249360307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480036735813515,0.0,0.16241210757812796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365601832537658,0.0,0.04756476941919662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344514792535534,0.0,0.0,0.06716546976937318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806458981837157,0.0,0.0,0.07155318866460565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605642790485675,0.05868470819310995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277659566944027,0.056418683309779574,0.122704005820953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995401313025529,0.20689356392707656,0.055725607574500007,0.04093025423667545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124887852158575,0.0,0.0,0.041401803242376016,0.22286456943378066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800309943415069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493163888999506,0.0,0.0,0.09040431579899287 ptsd,ManicMonkey12,2019/04/12,"Ever since I had my bike wreck, I’ve had ptsd like symptoms. Then I began to think that this is similar to my current predicament. That being working on being the person I want to be. I just get stagnant and it torments me day and night. I’m scared and vulnerable when it comes to this. It makes me wonder if all the bullying and stuff made me feel this way and made me feel like I’m not good enough ya know? Does this sound like ptsd?",2.040666666666666,3.847317677777777,3.0886111111111134,92.95625000000004,77.7777777777778,5.833333333333334,21.25,6.6274283507984215,0.2230000000000003,341,9,75,3,8,109,58,90,0.14800000000000002,0.762,0.091,-0.7626,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,3,2,20,20,8,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,10,6,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,11,4,5,12,2,10,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,10,47,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554287484680089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239378217766346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817478417324416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985695004779252,0.0,0.0,0.17383447494337032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943402334521904,0.13729079445770653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040419033296727,0.0,0.0,0.1611883713137467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561507428136578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816629139970838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363683742818291,0.12827917938076372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803444488109704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678009415445841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492876453403647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924020120117073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897022975305813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199958974832344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974476936868726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313881988366154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335056691555227,0.15254061002379993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840701079856813,0.13990664268758626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Aweoaken,2019/04/12,"Advice/insight I had a rough childhood, I won't get into specifics but all of my life the most random things would make me upset. I can't watch Christmas movies or listen to certain music without getting flooded with memories that I suppressed as a child. Recently as an adult I have developed Depersonalization which gets worse the more I think about my past. As time goes on I get flooded with more and more memories that I just want to forget but I can't. I'm not sure if I have PTSD, I'm not sure what I have, but I think I need insight and advice and I think this subreddit is my best bet.",3.096,4.861003266666671,4.135000000000002,86.79,74.66666666666666,6.8000000000000025,26.166666666666664,7.554174236665415,1.3203166666666664,472,17,96,6,10,153,75,120,0.087,0.79,0.123,0.4829,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,5,0,9,1,0,1,4,32,22,11,0,4,9,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,6,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,3,18,4,12,19,6,6,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,5,4,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082402786279531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363683308559792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453468659242572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051986209887447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224687812108364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801203107057035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342945480258467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24910420083971624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041198123972504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016912048383665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415751397789313,0.4096404293008424,0.0,0.0,0.12426117400399428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569276132592844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542220117978632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716859169200448,0.15138116173920269,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cfbuzzkill90,2019/04/12,"What is a good antidepressant? I have PTSD and schizoaffective disorder. I cry pretty much all the time, even when I'm not sad. I'm thinking about talking to my psychiatrist about a new antidepressant. What is working for you guys? I can't function crying nonstop.",3.470625000000002,6.592624812500002,4.24666666666667,78.86500000000002,82.125,7.366666666666666,28.83333333333333,8.344100000000001,2.7278083333333334,213,10,36,5,6,68,38,48,0.113,0.662,0.225,0.6973,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,7,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5858659802473642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056358095200741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613814116503626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367664729209646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640529030957323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603883324276392,0.0,0.0,0.2575590362158125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271307147809664,0.0,0.0,0.3117320230994937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434547678211835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087633654087164,0.0,0.0,0.15550194269870132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414458074857255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Alexut-,2019/04/12,"[TW sexual assault] My therapist made me realise that my cousing assaulted me and i don't know how to feel. You know how sometimes something just happens and you never talk about it with anyone, and it just feels like it never happened, like it's not real. ""Oh yes that happened once its totally fine and normal to have panic attacks when thinking about it"" I never realised that it was a bad thing, until i told her. And i realised how hard it was to talk about it. I realised how horrible it sounded. When i said it out loud, when i heard it, it sounded so traumatic, even though it seemed so mundane and normal to me in my head. I guess i should give some insight: My cousin is like 26 and a psycho. He raped my aunt, who is 7 years younger than him, when she was a teenager (she's like a sister to me so i want to strangle him) When i was 12, he barged into our house (my dumbass grandma let him in cause ""he's a wonderful man""). My aunt was there too, trying to get him to leave. He made a huge scene, started crying because his girlfriend left him or something, telling us how he got into a fight, he was so hurt, he missed us so much. He was doing emotional 180s every second, going from crying to shouting to laughing. After getting tired of his bullshit my aunt went to take a shower and i was left alone with him on a couch. He started rubbing himself on me, putting his hands everywhere while he whispered something completely unrelated into my ear like we were just having a normal conversation. It fucked with me because i didn't know how i should react. Like you have this dude touching you but he's acting like nothing's going on. I was a dumbass so i just froze and tried to act normal too. I was completely red and embarrased to the point where i thought i was being the pervert for percieving this as sexual. I felt so dirty. After that, he told grandma he was going somewhere to pick up a package and needed me to go with him. I tried to say i had homework and that i was busy, but my grandma made me go with him and called me impolite. Again, i thought i was being the rude one. When we got outside, he dragged me by the hand to a small isolated street, we walked for a while, and we stopped at a delivery van. There was another man there. He said that he had a package for me and i had to take it from the van, because it was all the way to the back. I think i made all the excuses in the world and speedwalked the fuck outta there. He was shouting after me, asking me what the fuck i think i'm doing. Luckily, i was close to my house, so he didn't have much time to chase after me. I got to my house, and my aunt hugged me because she was so worried. We didn't talk about it after that When i told my therapist, she made me realised that he was an actual predator, ACTUALLY targeting me. I had other instances of him touching me at family reunions (as alabama as that sounds) And now that i know that it actually happened and it was a bad thing, i don't know how to feel. I don't really talk to my family (emotional neglect and occasional abuse) so that was the first time i had an authority figure validate my experiences. Sorry if this isn't the right sub, I don't know if this is real ptsd or if i'm just being dumb again, sorry, just needed to type it. i hate how he gets away with everything all the time",4.016309508450522,4.80073719139466,5.215742484840668,83.76541736550125,71.00296735905043,8.175409624564573,28.895497355179977,8.389252357687651,1.9607930331570125,2593,96,532,39,46,862,263,674,0.151,0.79,0.059,-0.9962,1,1,3,0,2,0,80.0,8,4,0,1,48,27,11,1,33,1,51,10,4,16,7,107,112,59,0,12,14,6,11,7,1,2,1,12,3,2,42,36,0,2,19,0,0,10,12,17,0,3,49,24,103,10,67,57,7,65,0,3,1,5,78,24,4,9,37,383,145,2,0.0,0.0719599150670348,0.17780300831369514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629021568534692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368494437766564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424666581987946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056778135985390873,0.06909374696413688,0.05706163693582528,0.04670073369330277,0.10142078571834386,0.14809164674565692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620162530438949,0.0,0.0,0.062390596819091315,0.0,0.0,0.1273569867297915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342699881180548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663525787678266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04011426562439771,0.0,0.05117105451681128,0.0,0.05458384580308817,0.059409552474754865,0.1145093097168122,0.0,0.09212687791798492,0.04338841572017173,0.05831421003895579,0.0,0.0,0.05166034983814342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844294497278167,0.09519309945189472,0.05826163257676786,0.1725827942572206,0.0,0.14572369801079998,0.0,0.06690540061685192,0.0,0.21482767076010573,0.0,0.05440577724119771,0.0599622981679511,0.062330654581300174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023680976388304,0.06501705405652387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026706527574425,0.0,0.0,0.06430858707381712,0.13197544078328005,0.06210467849926873,0.0,0.2077011149366764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28734012149898874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929302622796441,0.09006705343158987,0.14052552486675954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380258862423501,0.05827595665098144,0.0,0.0,0.06467977851854709,0.041154962443816855,0.0,0.0,0.07125831894334413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741330593390773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709948515155911,0.06105449266565373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382572850225786,0.038907786058342254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051866544780690346,0.11554397439450988,0.04829815231487064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528999589760729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026811105245948,0.06006752601358885,0.13597358777271407,0.08597574293478395,0.0,0.0,0.050776383260234134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132889065627292,0.19526290749190325,0.0530842345388216,0.0,0.0,0.14103382061316894,0.08069800503582493,0.11674777605099107,0.05967089337519785,0.09643209942532964,0.10624353464728972,0.06980485334388623,0.0,0.17410195546441476,0.0,0.12370329483997408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611116248445993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035822514822464555,0.04820786002487665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630107056697839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658634838500566,0.0,0.06167837340947844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039110735391948766 ptsd,youngpierre24,2019/04/12,"Depression and anxiety went away for a month, then an explosion happened next to my school. Hey guys. I was struggling with mental health issues until I got a therapist and worked my ass off and was finally free of these demons. I was enjoying life so much this last month. Yesterday, there was a gas explosion a block away from my school. The noise was so loud and I think the impact of what happened shocked me. I had trouble sleeping yesterday, was dissociating a lot, and I still feel weird today. I plan on seeing my therapist today, but I’m extremely scared that it’s going to take another long period of time to get over this like my previous anxiety",5.362437275985663,6.898844419354839,6.055913978494626,76.1844265232975,68.51612903225806,10.672401433691755,30.71326164874552,10.746095033038511,3.616708960573477,524,21,95,16,9,171,84,124,0.166,0.769,0.065,-0.8328,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,2,8,0,7,4,2,0,0,11,18,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,9,3,13,4,15,9,2,22,1,1,1,1,2,5,1,1,16,62,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625594651039776,0.227993193786809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28001029681253764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834699760081106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753468115517481,0.0,0.0,0.1632394073111054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778545489386276,0.0,0.0846890521192906,0.0,0.1191814621398358,0.0,0.0,0.147548963795002,0.26354816950281257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839671284622578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553366748418096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146767825214193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525419053475826,0.07280154028519073,0.0,0.0,0.1318741986176676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266878129172325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501727691813855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23788580813173016,0.0,0.1095436799574369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847987952658352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919070419651073,0.3016236727689439,0.11874621380074428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912330985724945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900412452691878,0.0,0.0,0.15578355658315815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204125553295836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460374087665355,0.0,0.0954832387680692,0.0,0.0,0.08689224865285711,0.0,0.28249890509670617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813903987764414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848519891289143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Brittababy2,2019/04/12,"Struggling with upcoming wedding with my PTSD Hi all, I’m new here. I have has PTSD from child abuse growing up. I’m getting married and was staying sober but since my wedding is a month away, everything has been triggering me lately. Even my medicine isn’t working. 😳 I want to up the dose since I know it will Balance me but I’m nervous since it takes some time to adjust. I know drinking it’s not the best solution . But with all these stress my brain is like fried more than ever. Any advice is needed. I have tried prayer, running and almost anything you can think of, I hope someone has been through this, it’s been tough!",2.576666666666668,4.855314838709682,2.9045161290322596,92.64344086021508,78.03225806451613,5.423655913978496,26.46236559139785,6.42735559955562,0.9317655913978502,496,20,100,4,12,152,84,124,0.154,0.769,0.077,-0.8746,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,3,7,0,3,3,0,15,3,1,1,3,22,26,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,4,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,0,13,3,12,21,5,11,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,6,63,19,1,0.0,0.1991683435964685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642631736604357,0.0,0.0,0.16832561275284896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143122328217364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833012358346858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793336749806275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640821550974572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765267980835187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467179736353865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102697705461964,0.15205403666324413,0.0,0.0,0.1510754167177492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782413524708375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695899253505614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847642521105392,0.0,0.1896215813415001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212406863011636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417401854830632,0.0,0.0,0.1246423500352497,0.0,0.16234985230909954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929945433388952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41715658216433177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424286762135622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791698330383135,0.0,0.0,0.1925554021624788,0.17573226393509922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638858632314953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077102493010002,0.0,0.0,0.09801914854875626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412733653058417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914840691520847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237716243328495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HeyMama_,2019/04/12,"Being in Control of Relationships as an Adult: Saves Childhood Relationships? *\[Crossposted to CPTSD\]* I've had an odd few days. My mother, who I'm estranged from, asked my family and myself to come to her home for Easter dinner. My stepfather's children apparently make the trip each year and this year, my sister is having her daughter a week before Easter Sunday. It's a 5 hour drive from my home to her home. My husband I and I have an 18 month old daughter. My husband doesn't hide the fact that it's not his favorite car trip to make. We also aren't quite as comfortable at my mother's home with her three dogs and my 18 month old in a Pack 'n Play. It's a lot of stress to make the trip. But I've been thinking a lot lately about my trauma and about how my mother has played a role in my trauma. It took me becoming a mother on my own before I could really even understand *some* of my mother's struggles, but due to the fact that I don't quite trust her, I can't believe all of what she says in relation to many of her struggles. Still, she is my mother, and what do I do? The Libra in me: the 5 year-old in me is a people pleaser and wants everyone to be happy: I want my mother to be happy that I visited and brought her granddaughter; I want my husband to be happy with the trip; I want to be happy and enjoy being with family. It feels impossible to be able to do this all. But it brings to the front of my mind the age old question: What is my relationship with my mother going to look like as I get older? What am I going to do with the relationship I have with my mother now that I am a 34 year-old adult woman with her own child? These are things that are entirely up to me at this point in life and that I haven't given any thought to. When we're children, our relationships with our parents are dictated by their every move, but as adults ... we have the opportunity to choose the direction our life relationships take. I wonder if going up for Easter extends the olive branch but maintains the message that this relationship is one of control on my side. Ah, the things I think about randomly ...",4.719664243682935,5.082786411214958,5.866053997923159,81.23976289373488,69.23364485981308,8.770647282796817,26.833160263066805,8.735056554316923,1.7851492557978537,1656,47,339,26,27,554,184,428,0.047,0.8440000000000001,0.109,0.9831,2,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,5,0,1,5,9,17,0,3,27,1,34,3,0,6,4,58,60,23,0,6,7,16,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,7,25,22,1,2,8,2,0,16,6,5,1,2,6,3,61,12,60,46,9,50,0,0,1,0,54,15,0,7,20,241,86,0,0.07116795992425018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691299183914712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839665320182363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653243556076681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785994203536937,0.12111738425521595,0.08018192000548087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130489583291107,0.0,0.0,0.1596418371790179,0.05682182500990919,0.0,0.0,0.04589744657271374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047005766328951634,0.0,0.05996207568512332,0.06800403554354154,0.0,0.0,0.13418163766070046,0.0,0.035984658895635915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03718232171119799,0.0,0.12133917507369425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030384668088071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28554906593916185,0.0,0.07008610483155299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028055865269533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005360695622341,0.034769070386478806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059763162227647736,0.0,0.0,0.12100890907453347,0.0,0.0,0.14251549763310772,0.07215314111018599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185935181864359,0.0,0.11361117325918745,0.07564027854360172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733940110052915,0.0,0.04822525148595142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902359733565031,0.0,0.0,0.04933890252963653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727672564596274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972440266793382,0.15139177123356584,0.0,0.0,0.045592017487238685,0.0,0.0,0.5348542856520597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659561820451527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056834824726907734,0.0,0.08152265764179142,0.14880040786712975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053509448901142585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456166051858272,0.09120311016637338,0.0,0.056499410641589365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907022208468631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408835615405432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167906826646333,0.0,0.057086644666066624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717861671593107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331933143198406 ptsd,ottersstolemymom,2019/04/12,"So long Executive Functioning, we hardly knew ye! Going through a numb spell in my PTSD. My body doesn't know what year it is and all my days are bleeding together. I've been in a fog since Christmas - one long stretch of laying in bed devoid of rest or peace. Sleep cycle is an utter joke with nightmares most of the time. I can't remember the last time I didn't wake up in a cold sweat. My work is suffering, my home is a mess, my hygiene sucks, laundry piled up. I've missed so many appointments the last few months because I lack the energy to do anything, even cry. I caught myself this morning feeling frustrated that my little 1st floor apartment doesn't have a high enough spot to hang from, which is not the kinda intrusive bullshit I need in the morning. I want to go back to therapy but in the midst of this fog I lost my health insurance, a whole 'nother wave of self loathing. I'm hanging on by the Grace of Zoloft and CVS pharmacy. They find you coupons and automatically use them, which is enough for me to stay medicated. It's helping me manage my intrusive suicidal thoughts rationally and I feel like it's holding back a flood gate of self harm and destructive behaviors. So, one point for me I guess. Fuck this disease. Fuck my brain chemistry. Fuck my use of negative coping skills over positive coping skills. Fuck my roommate for not helping me clean when he sees me break down weekly about the mess in the apartment. No guarantee I will have energy to respond, if you respond. Thanks for being the void I can scream into.",4.437430830039523,6.140038370370372,4.782113892548676,83.77674571805007,71.02020202020202,8.262860488947442,29.074659639877034,8.841846274778883,2.269313394817744,1224,48,237,23,23,386,185,297,0.226,0.675,0.099,-0.9936,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,3,2,4,8,19,7,0,19,0,18,14,5,2,1,30,41,12,1,4,5,0,3,1,0,1,5,1,4,2,10,8,0,1,7,1,1,5,8,15,0,2,6,6,35,4,36,33,8,40,0,3,1,4,13,20,5,5,14,147,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626267790873626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989725757276398,0.0,0.0713085186571672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993585120451295,0.0,0.13058579727359804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849450787028252,0.07544093757345498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24173846328436044,0.0,0.07726266596545397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829487729984753,0.08356889047768062,0.0,0.0,0.10691549629867228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43257598559497584,0.0,0.0,0.1329622424992905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288641219945634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478904021169327,0.0,0.0,0.12434182233427725,0.0,0.0,0.15681536972000265,0.12359335994543545,0.11733816838561105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428788332294573,0.19070487255941646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057149394233900634,0.11724238405342224,0.0,0.20704316245390986,0.0,0.0,0.12769497523696738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859702490417623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784272356801652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337048212382254,0.0,0.0,0.08673748048805399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585342304850018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058173468458034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674066850123162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251292784474356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093216079765585,0.0,0.2440665007911943,0.0,0.0,0.0967651601982504,0.0,0.11706217740876118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468266117265588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279546148323896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769734742213118,0.13377419181537398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928672252909847,0.13642127226097722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020623445494012,0.0,0.0,0.06899647678174736,0.0,0.09383245296027157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060142176063924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516115698828337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753298019349386 ptsd,TinyLittleStormCloud,2019/04/12,"How to identify emotional flashbacks? The therapist I'm seeing commented that he thinks I'm experiencing recurrent emotional flashbacks. This is not something I discussed in my previous therapy and I wasn't really aware they were a thing. He explained them as periods during which a mixture of particular feelings (despair, intense fear of abandonment, self-hatred/shame, guilt and anger according to him) are present and disproportionate to a person's environment or situation. He also said that usually there is a feeling of being younger than you actually are (or feelings of being physically smaller) and feeling like you have no way to get out. I'm thrown by this because this sounds much closer to my experience of PTSD than the usual way ""flashbacks"" are described - I was aware that heightened emotional responses were an aspect of PTSD but not in this way. He described regular flashbacks as being primarily physical and based in fear and defense. Conversely, he said people describe emotional flashbacks like feeling like you're drowning in a number of different and sometimes conflicting emotions but there isn't necessarily an intrusive visualisation of the traumatic event and there may be no physical symptoms. I'm new to this therapist and just want to know if this sounds right? Has anyone else experienced these kinds of flashbacks? How do you know they're about to happen or are happening? It all made sense when he brought all the different feelings and thoughts I was having together but I don't know if I'd ever be able to recognize it on my own.",9.286654411764708,10.193506121323534,9.13044117647059,59.88073529411767,59.477941176470594,12.829411764705885,43.83823529411765,12.273956033585215,6.140966176470588,1283,73,185,41,16,417,150,272,0.096,0.8170000000000001,0.087,-0.885,3,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,2,0,10,11,2,3,11,0,23,1,0,3,3,45,48,24,1,3,11,0,6,3,0,1,1,4,0,1,14,11,0,3,12,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,10,13,14,4,30,32,4,20,0,2,1,0,19,8,0,6,11,127,28,0,0.09659991661758466,0.0,0.094267583913265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725091841849385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754490775895046,0.098978030224717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888641256206969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018527052423772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069683490342837,0.5433095210073331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738015503020315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449325452271508,0.0,0.21740352514046066,0.29306292206750617,0.13802199946635696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046946941816216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084597447761266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005939479615436,0.15926636360086624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415815194272694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140517679182823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101205364278694,0.0,0.0,0.09329680142144434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697021911881428,0.08434732115799456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258402662405444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061884380167458085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249580097844014,0.18377728372328647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769776267108491,0.0,0.10077478069113158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858235365601178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436733525714159,0.09553978758826333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004043008131381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047042341841994,0.2243198972618773,0.06417669222946805,0.06189732603487216,0.0,0.07668954347896763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127823212416929,0.0,0.05697713363858908,0.23002955236509154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Myeyebrowsare_,2019/04/12,"Cycle of Insomnia I have been in a horrible pattern of insomnia for a few weeks now. I can’t get out of it. My psychiatrist had to take an emergency extended leave so I don’t have a doctor at the moment. My prescription of Klonopin 2mg/daily ran out and I’m pretty sure I just went through a withdrawal from it because I spent the last few days feeling dead. I’m awake more than I’m asleep and I’m uncomfortable in every place I try to sleep. The nightmares are horrific. I keep having the dreams where I’m reliving my traumas over and over again. Basically I feel like I’m back in the operating room or in the hospital post-operation every single night, multiple times a night. It’s horrific. I’m just exhausted and depressed af.",2.750985221674874,5.0646505862068985,4.80652709359606,79.04939655172417,77.6206896551724,9.108374384236452,28.28817733990148,9.606745405546679,3.0586453201970443,585,26,112,18,14,201,92,145,0.214,0.6970000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.967,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,12,0,8,6,2,0,1,13,23,6,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,2,1,1,2,2,3,0,0,5,2,11,2,19,18,4,24,0,1,0,0,0,12,0,1,11,69,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641123096866381,0.0,0.1301032139684177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137642859898489,0.0,0.18382449761514424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845173890685987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596431696771856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158303667294438,0.15247240362955075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150688066899077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189703863556956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397161872555464,0.0,0.22598854284985045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426972830449213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005738578477811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298595344530125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440421972283596,0.21713214715112936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21358129157392264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115256969749412,0.0,0.160470660751833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445109160201125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449030298992688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119839164468026,0.0,0.0,0.19784911280531475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kerrybeary1985,2019/04/12,"Dealing with yourself after a trigger (rape trigger warning) I've been working hard these last few years in identifying my triggers, but I'm still not all together in stopping them from ruining my thoughts and ability to feel much besides anger and numbness for days. Ex boyfriend contacted me. Told me he got a promotion and then shared a bunch of romantic texted messages his girlfriend sent him and how I never treated him so good. You can imagine how that would have hurt anyone, let alone someone with PTSD. I blocked him. Again. Hopefully I can have the strength to make it forever. Then I felt like I'm the reason why my fiance isn't finding success. My ex wouldn't have been where he is today if he were stuck with me and my two kids. This is definitely true about my SO as well. How successful and happy would this man be without me and the burden of these kids? But when I tried to tell him how I was feeling, he said that its ""Just me that thinks this way."" And then deflected my emotions by being rude in a ""playful"" way. So, I numbed up real fast. I woke up today angry. My SO has been wanting sex and I have had zero desire for it. In fact, I dont even want him nor my kids nor my dog to touch me. But I am angry when he distances himself and acts like I'm not there. So I snap and yell at the kids to clean the house. SO finally figures out that I'm not feeling good so he comes and gives me a hug. That makes me feel better for most of the day, but I know I'm still not over my trigger yet. SO still wants sex tonight. I figure I'd try, but I'm dry as a desert and there is not even a tingle of desire there. His attempts to get me ready only bring physical pain. He detects this and refuses to have sex. I feel like I let him down and am angry with my body for betraying me. It would have been better if he would have just had sex. I could have faked it. But no. Instead I do the weird sleep thing I do when I am experiencing sexual trauma. The same sleep thing that happened with my ex husband that lead to him raping me in my sleep. My SO would never touch me while I was unconscious, but he has needs and took care of them on his side of the bed while I was passed out. I woke up when he finished. Just like I did when my ex husband finished raping me. I feel... I dont even know what. I cannot sleep now. I want to abandon everyone. My kids, my SO, my dog. The rest of my family I have already since abandoned. I want to just live in a camper van in total solitude and be out in the wilderness sitting in hot springs and trout fishing and hiking. That's what I want to do. But these people need me and I just dont know how I can keep being these things for them when I am too broken to even just ""be"" for myself.",2.3353186105359995,3.773074992945328,3.5145284103979755,91.81925983436855,75.96649029982363,6.411916264090178,24.142665439766887,6.98899656878771,0.7130822329575954,2119,67,472,21,46,687,248,567,0.157,0.696,0.147,-0.491,0,1,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,1,3,9,45,36,5,0,19,0,54,17,5,13,6,113,98,60,0,20,22,6,11,4,1,6,4,2,2,6,26,29,0,6,17,1,0,7,17,16,1,2,21,14,84,20,56,63,8,64,0,4,0,8,48,21,0,4,37,338,110,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834036287440063,0.0888656165533982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563076621150159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244249247896973,0.0,0.08944942670658518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210455550517244,0.0,0.0,0.06936849569949394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429575436487799,0.0,0.0,0.10386892537505386,0.08302173459375972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831377268929977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058414600824798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127542510359054,0.0,0.0,0.07694879149632168,0.0,0.0,0.07591545690238685,0.0,0.2443069143436608,0.0575298447229036,0.0773203490608261,0.08821544685199736,0.0736019332717782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042073013723901785,0.07725063521704108,0.0,0.13508760014749918,0.06440629816244603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121141862334762,0.08572448536126061,0.07213805493386193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998334358196241,0.0,0.09291951027327457,0.08620782672351612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157776459196184,0.0,0.0,0.132769691831232,0.06564178155012429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469246232319626,0.0,0.15736936352708444,0.0,0.0711084723933294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750729938022556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591979892382277,0.11942228155981904,0.12421766641321387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124583856153412,0.08568840120305052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582858271667535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413394603202137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091659490294103,0.0,0.08279709604368854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660140149451157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661431794740685,0.0,0.3223481298246829,0.0,0.06823185485574533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293139191014488,0.06732574573341321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038578661061366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049941979100887,0.05159965178474492,0.0,0.0639309319568405,0.0,0.0,0.15266391589385864,0.07694879149632168,0.08947054368364199,0.10934764077356672,0.0,0.07866501002642687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849881030842315,0.12784014606761715,0.0,0.0,0.07240513017253747,0.0,0.07266478464218971,0.0,0.0,0.07762696226901201,0.0,0.0586259804330806,0.0,0.0,0.2860270132215053,0.0,0.0,0.05185795555681738 ptsd,throwaways4dayzzzz,2019/04/12,"PTSD and muscle cramps/aches? Lately I've been having a lot of problems with flashbacks and general panic, especially at night when I'm in bed. The past two nights I have gotten intense cramping pain in one of my calves. My leg will still be very sore the next day. Could these cramps be related to PTSD/flashbacks? Is there anything I can do in the moment to ease the pain?",3.8159360730593583,5.689498287671236,4.026232876712331,87.86665525114157,72.97260273972603,6.510502283105023,24.495433789954337,7.1686216300943375,0.9554310502283104,297,9,58,3,6,92,56,73,0.202,0.7490000000000001,0.048,-0.9206,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,0,10,6,1,0,0,7,12,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,4,0,9,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,9,37,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669033477807894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161935042422562,0.0,0.0,0.13080194021475958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287894777906918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243007260920645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570107261793306,0.3806651347148901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743589094250994,0.0,0.4316289627831893,0.2379652408725599,0.0,0.0,0.19361437178351448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407108015119506,0.4741707969577991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197208997820234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812539508455107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734750957919994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ezzi5,2019/04/12,"Meds? What helped you? I’m seeing a doctor tomorrow and I’m hoping I’ll be able to get some meds to deal with some of my current issues. For sleep, I was going to ask if she could prescribe CBD oil as that’s what my psychologist recommended, although I worry that she might get the wrong impression if I specifically ask for that. I’ve also thought about Ambien. My other issues relate to depression, anxiety, and trouble focusing. So I was wondering if anyone’s taken any meds related to any of these issues, and if so, what helped? What didn’t? What were the effects like?",2.964643734643733,5.422186774774778,4.7166257166257175,79.2197542997543,77.64864864864866,8.0003276003276,24.505323505323506,8.841846274778883,2.1836414414414422,456,16,82,11,11,154,70,111,0.132,0.789,0.079,-0.7941,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,7,2,1,1,0,16,19,12,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,6,2,10,3,12,10,2,3,0,1,1,0,8,0,0,9,3,55,20,1,0.1512894539065515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098612162969502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057640331857749,0.0,0.11573601814106665,0.0,0.0,0.10578510382647484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28287043365511483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079231840947513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597278388002614,0.13030538496310434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485116675642058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808499084847488,0.0,0.08598128312192664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281226381748332,0.0,0.0,0.15026456413558228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737206509329736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391238525324711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041454325725611,0.0,0.0,0.1604942025206978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205581072518934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139871334082847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010692720581198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406695918562658,0.0,0.1536417842069561,0.0,0.0,0.1654112680304572,0.0,0.0 ptsd,islaclairr,2019/04/12,"Prazosin Does anyone have odd prazosin side effects? I get really thirsty and get a blocked up nose. I also have night shakes (which may or may not be caused by prazosin) What dosage are you on? And how do you deal with the low blood pressure?",2.410638297872339,4.946326659574472,2.1355744680851068,96.49400000000004,80.27659574468086,4.611063829787233,24.293617021276606,5.6839178017228535,0.3266800000000001,191,7,39,1,5,56,39,47,0.188,0.812,0.0,-0.8042,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,2,2,0,7,2,2,3,0,11,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,6,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,1,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162247141357274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27649340078634915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062148759350738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076703040897302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460428952891998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131910368464802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710836646687474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25332217180781386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dargere,2019/04/12,"BAUD device - any feedback Anyone tried this device for PTSD? http://www.baudtherapy.com/about.html. Seems interesting but I can’t really find any reviews or user feedback. Any information would be super.",9.242758620689653,13.768786379310349,6.203034482758625,60.92041379310348,81.75862068965517,7.8372413793103455,26.4896551724138,8.238735603445708,3.5302772413793098,171,6,17,4,5,48,25,29,0.0,0.7759999999999999,0.224,0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,2,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6778733663906132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23233378329726645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036925166613332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38841065313006296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286330307271226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024898701764592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255923094769925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360379941586953,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Canadianshoveler,2019/04/12,"Self harm during flashback Hey folks, So my flashbacks have been a lot more severe and frequent lately which has really been hard on me and my partner. My PTSD is caused by being sexually and physically abused as a child, and lately I've been having two separate concerning times where I'm overwhelmed in fear and I go in and out of feeling conscious if that makes sense, but it's different because now I can like feel where i used to be grabbed or hit or whatever. Specifically, I feel a hand on the top of my back, or someone grabbing my arm usually. This is new to me, and I've noticed when I've calmed down that I've been like clawing at my skin (my arms and back have cuts on them), and my partner says that sometimes I try to hit something and they just hold my hands or get me to lay down in a less stressful position until I calm down. I was wondering if anyone has any experience or advice to kinda make this easier for myself and my partner. Thanks.",6.861361256544503,6.046389507853409,7.242246073298433,77.15844764397909,64.91623036649214,10.362513089005237,34.28324607329843,9.642632912329526,3.036739895287958,760,29,150,13,10,249,120,191,0.08199999999999999,0.773,0.145,0.9304,1,0,1,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,8,10,1,3,5,0,15,5,5,4,0,33,28,23,0,2,9,0,9,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,7,12,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,5,10,23,5,22,19,3,26,0,1,0,0,9,14,0,10,13,103,30,0,0.0,0.18970785129437454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646067622600088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888240406924987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119548080489129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24623419398352925,0.0,0.09760346462538487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644802672779359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728411970160398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662134308867728,0.0,0.18017176078704494,0.2428739950568184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365249059492715,0.0,0.09099596918205632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342989550242252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612291201077728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644635405450413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612243886872738,0.0,0.0,0.2137534860066667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463823760024695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822898348761231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871636552299913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025725570253022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273283700878065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703289119455358,0.18088223784982152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356633169672862,0.12326289308936365,0.1583559580634792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340902444506607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741063813008048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336324097048106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870629034819666,0.0,0.15640724133928893,0.0,0.0,0.1382863174676786,0.17634196804169278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363583584439105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gav102,2019/04/13,"(NSFW) Location Avoidance- College I’m in a bit of a predicament. I had planned on transferring colleges to go back to my hometown. Unfortunately that’s where my mom died a really bad death. I went to look for apartments and went on street view and I couldn’t stand it. I don’t wanna be in that town. It scares me and the only thing I’ll think about when I’m there is her. The apartments are old, and every bathroom looks the same no matter what and I don’t want to even see it because that’s where my mom was. I’ve never been to therapy for PTSD because I’ve been in college for a bit. Does anyone have any advice from themselves or stuff they learned from therapy? I don’t know if backing out of the transfer would even work for healing and all the jazz. I know that exposure is more important than avoidance.",2.2190853658536582,4.437655847560976,3.229451219512196,90.16539634146343,78.9390243902439,6.051219512195122,25.493902439024392,7.1686216300943375,1.1278853658536585,645,25,132,8,16,206,102,164,0.152,0.813,0.035,-0.9668,0,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,9,4,0,3,9,0,14,1,0,0,2,23,26,9,2,5,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,4,1,0,3,6,4,0,0,6,4,13,0,22,17,5,21,0,0,4,0,4,12,0,2,5,89,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485698353466086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339109631192492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630854857141442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338157710886744,0.12694543180461054,0.18536198383427646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319723741310675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779150547285214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304953332347674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083941314972367,0.0,0.1280986252576224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640673480827335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711228635304134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25534736197630675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561302832285803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726112688130358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595383713545273,0.0,0.0,0.11563179785756972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772435931584088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973994761873418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522166241181852,0.0,0.12115465161795445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404720711917854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34773755012273616,0.0,0.101007333186047,0.09741985161489734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967598861033718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818816148411765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068552048363056,0.0,0.0,0.1080034776286197,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,awkwardnoodl,2019/04/13,"Why, just why So there’s this guy that I’ve been talking to and it’s been going pretty good. We had our first kiss tonight, and then for some reason he told me that he loved me. I bursted into tears because of the situation with my ex. That’s another guy I can’t date because of this awful disorder. I hate having ptsd.",1.7982587064676598,3.577090343283583,3.5590298507462705,89.4351616915423,78.40298507462687,6.257711442786071,23.106965174129357,7.1686216300943375,0.7716189054726371,251,8,54,3,6,84,51,67,0.156,0.675,0.16899999999999998,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,0,8,9,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,8,3,6,5,1,6,0,0,0,2,10,1,0,1,4,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229375537417828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26669255497763306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507032702190109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606627709441514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431908850250438,0.18347479320504745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331882865484436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596759644663088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742791023545594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225445679826596,0.0,0.0,0.2557037990599013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490857870015146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458810450669176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582073275481386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902234685864013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947706916388471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lmaonerd101,2019/04/13,it ruins things i was diagnosed with ptsd from emotional and sexual abuse from my childhood. i am in a relationship that has had its ups and downs. every single day i just shut down and have such a hard time coping and try to isolate my self. it’s ruining all sorts of relationships in my life. therapy just seems to be brining more issues out and i feel like shit. i had a wake up call earlier today but i hope it lasts. i hate ptsd.,2.321249999999999,4.293865897727276,4.120454545454546,85.11318181818183,77.52272727272728,8.036363636363637,22.363636363636363,8.841846274778883,1.558859090909091,341,10,71,8,8,115,66,88,0.17800000000000002,0.745,0.077,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,3,0,7,4,2,0,1,15,11,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,10,2,13,7,3,13,0,2,0,0,4,8,1,3,6,51,16,0,0.0,0.2223903478641433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165970491786508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104908908983672,0.0,0.0,0.1905085856510713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111339521552935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814288557688855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490528353520274,0.13409083176785722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813971660775084,0.18531200788497007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642555216579312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959069867438029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299817215178302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325759987747979,0.09169931255578403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388156853828287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030328414358431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087237262052835,0.19580899010800135,0.0,0.19266835578907845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464796944249465,0.0,0.12469760001204375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944767702276334,0.0,0.17791488541073638,0.0,0.0,0.12743399685679166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,StaccatoSmithereens,2019/04/13,"Finding my dad messed me up I found him after a week after he died, in his apartment in the middle of summer. Not a nice sight, at all. He was the only person in my life who showed me kindess and love and I felt like I betrayed him somehow. I should have checked on him earlier. It's been a year and I have intrusive thoughts about violently ending my life whenever I get anxious. It's like my brain is trying to calm me down by saying that I have a way out by ending my life but all it does is freak me tf out because the thoughts are so gory. I also obsess about how other people's corpses look a week after death, constantly googling dead bodies. I have started grinding my teeth while sleeping which feels gross, and sometimes i dissociate for days in a row, where it's like I'm in a dream 24/7. No one of my friends or family know how I've been feeling. I hide it well. I study, I socialize, and I work, I don't want to die but the intrusive thoughts just go in that direction btw. I try my best to ignore them.",3.378285714285713,4.317255495238097,4.479523809523808,87.88214285714285,72.61904761904762,7.504761904761906,27.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.4382761904761914,794,28,172,10,15,260,129,210,0.19,0.67,0.14,-0.8916,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,2,10,15,1,1,11,0,12,8,4,2,2,29,27,13,4,2,5,1,3,3,1,1,3,1,0,1,10,7,0,1,9,2,1,1,3,6,1,1,8,6,33,9,25,18,3,30,0,0,2,1,14,15,0,2,16,114,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373105418479215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066497063641985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669429328417487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924819137224374,0.0,0.0,0.157971263526181,0.0,0.15876144422539115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368628410888455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171833731493273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29519802864098066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445524184269277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519244775573461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406973179800732,0.0,0.14381859250160833,0.0,0.13655082751385425,0.0,0.12998395657751596,0.0,0.0,0.15593383392428978,0.10987666629790996,0.0,0.0743026242093268,0.0,0.08082531977963403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815886119039568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013566710890337,0.20844044041414414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119426640946539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835658763605035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637006441912896,0.10816259935373934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859550896350068,0.12417858517867672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309683628707284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231992098379145,0.14497253923865658,0.0,0.0,0.14065646055028685,0.0,0.10066207564177253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387137448993254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311230504885507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388339719198977,0.11288540434092173,0.22815614037983406,0.0,0.1278703544590891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353582516357374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158322266353763 ptsd,atomicrae,2019/04/13,"My ex fiancé keeps messing with my emotions I was diagnosed with PTSD in May 2018, and I'm in counseling for it while we work on finding me a psychiatrist who can prescribe me something other than Zoloft. However, I'm still losing my shit.. I left my ex back in March and moved in with my aunt. He almost got our baby taken from me because he was addicted to drugs. He tried a million times over to get me back, and I was working really hard on moving on, so I started blocking him on everything. He passed his next DHR drug test, and seemed like he was doing really well, so I unblocked him Tuesday and offered to help him go get the parts he needed to fix his car after he messaged me on Snapchat. When I took him back home, we started talking about everything. We slept together, and then talked some more. He fed me all kinds of bullshit about how he wants to stay sober for me and the baby and how he doesn't want anyone but me and wants to work on getting our family back together. I was seeing another person at the time, but I wanted to get back with him because we've been together for 5, almost 6 years and I love him so much. Well, I went over to his house Thursday and we slept together again. He was hugging me and kissing me, called me ""babe"" and stuff. I got the feeling he wasn't being honest, so I admit I snooped through his phone because I just had to know the truth and he just lies when being confronted. He had been talking to another woman, was ignoring my calls the day before because he was seeing her, and had her nudes saved to his phone. He got angry with me when I ran out of there crying, he says he was only talking to her because I was still technically in a relationship with my now ex boyfriend, and he only talked to her as a rebound in case I didn't want to get back together. I confessed everything to my ex boyfriend and broke up with him, I felt like it was the right thing to do. Now, my ex fiancé is doing this thing where he tells me to call him but then he won't answer. He won't answer my messages on Facebook. I know he's online because it shows him getting on and off Messager. I called him 20 times in a row last night because he told me to call him when I got off work.. He finally answered and yelled at me the whole time, telling me this is all my fault and I'm doing this to myself, not giving a straight answer on if he still wants to be with me, telling me to call him tomorrow because it was late. I messaged him today, begging him to block me because I can't trust myself to leave him blocked. He answered a couple of times but is now ignoring me and refuses to block me for some reason. He knows I'm driving myself crazy over this, he knows I was getting over him and he drug me back in and now, I'm reattached to him and he knows it. I know I'm being toxic and I know I'm letting him play me like this but I can't stop. I want to stop so fucking badly but I won't let myself. He's stringing me along and I don't know what to do. tl;dr: my ex fiancé keeps bouncing back and forth between telling me to call him and ignoring me. I begged him to block me but he refuses to do so.",3.5252559493237503,4.299054389830513,4.671030303030302,87.26115939051535,72.12788906009244,7.4946207841123105,27.51929464132854,7.635375032292933,1.4297237527820577,2445,85,524,28,45,805,245,649,0.117,0.8109999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9812,1,0,4,0,0,0,60.0,6,0,0,5,36,25,3,0,15,0,44,15,4,3,3,106,100,52,0,9,11,7,3,3,0,4,6,2,1,3,16,42,1,14,20,2,0,9,10,11,2,1,33,7,110,14,81,57,8,86,1,2,2,5,112,31,2,7,48,349,126,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059601926782057224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949475078096556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146593666782195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038228816728949185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363229159424482,0.04564989092834538,0.2999548231711242,0.0,0.046522919964488985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39079260075353495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049492564328634,0.060056012182458665,0.035259731649708484,0.0,0.0,0.05549221111475725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021088251615934,0.0,0.0,0.061500062091446824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741041038355426,0.0,0.05154108659115954,0.0,0.02764444453693706,0.0,0.05249490642369329,0.0598918872440281,0.049970371921955664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054455068024577,0.19995166365106085,0.052447575782401806,0.03107207532716338,0.0,0.17490881177860887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897650475376512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03664633574770596,0.0,0.05484174060690264,0.0,0.0,0.06308560496660076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719221653581188,0.0,0.056933790099872025,0.2403759642661104,0.04456600651463065,0.06167382210028144,0.05789109135534494,0.0594026602565293,0.11181423135509383,0.0,0.08013178399335405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611653964542036,0.0,0.0,0.04934475447346093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162180523106563,0.04019113911509757,0.04053953177613651,0.0,0.0,0.058145635489620935,0.051307153687513145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316296041548184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059205815993518776,0.0,0.0,0.04773858443384298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391011872381168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005018457495438,0.05621322021642382,0.0,0.05869862359930999,0.0,0.04669066790004985,0.0,0.04347837318747328,0.0,0.0,0.08713502413121779,0.04977248528055776,0.0,0.0,0.05612131882687451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042090148976313635,0.0,0.0,0.07739603395216997,0.058274423883436316,0.13098641544606268,0.09141859200352488,0.0,0.0,0.06258780570853968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197214891953051,0.19114736684778916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726449731567043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940209672468364,0.0,0.051823860577881034,0.05224264579868847,0.060744006919251324,0.03711955675177008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257339495034376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831565892214501,0.050682662579033484,0.0,0.0610407456809082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921114657207724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03520778885953582 ptsd,cell_culture,2019/04/13,"It’s only been a few days, but need to vent about what happened *trigger warning* (NSFW) I just need to put this somewhere and let it all out. I know I can’t *technically* have PTSD unless you’re still displaying symptoms 1 month post-trauma, but having a really hard time coping with it all. I know I can’t think about all the ‘what if’s’ but it’s so fucking hard not to.. My life was changed the morning of Wednesday April 10th, 2019. I am not the same person I was prior to the explosion, and it’s so fucking sad/scary/idek how to really describe it.. I was kind of a mess of a person before everything happened. Super fucking anxious and the weirdest ambivert. I avoided eye contact and got spooked easily and idk man people just make me nervous and it gets even worse in social settings. I’ve been on SSRIs for years and have seen multiple therapists and have honestly just been dealing with the highs and lows of mental illness. I’m just a research technician in an academic lab, enjoy my quiet work days and just keep to myself, while helping my bosses and post-docs with whatever’s going on that week. I’ll try to keep it short, but there was a natural gas explosion directly across the street from our vivarium right after my boss and I finished an experiment. As soon as he opened the door, jokingly said ‘Hmm it smells like gas. Best walk briskly so we don’t get blown up!’ I saw the construction workers across the street crowded around where I occasionally park when running late. I have a HORRIBLE sense of smell, so I was taking in the air, trying to remember what natural gas smelled like. Continuing down the sidewalk, I remember saying, ‘good thing you’re here because you know I can’t smell, I wouldn’t have had a clue!’ There were 2 seconds left on the crosswalk; knowing he’s a stickler with the rules I quickly paused as I watched my boss step into the road, speed walking through the white lines of the intersection. As soon as we crossed the street.. BOOM!!! It was almost an out of body experience, the whole thing really. The shock wave from the explosion pushed us down the sidewalk, I felt it go through my body and down the sidewalk in front of me. All of the windows outside the building next to us instantaneously shattered, raining down on us and into our eyes.. I remember looking at my boss as he screamed at me to run. My ears.. it was like a tornado had just ripped through my head.. then then the pounding and ringing started. I turned around to see what was going on.. the amount of fire and smoke and debris everywhere and people screaming was unreal. Meanwhile we had coolers full of tissue from our experiment, glass in our eyes and didn’t know what else was going to happen. After made it down the block and around the corner to our office building we were just screaming ‘WHAT THE FUCK’ at each other out of shock. People starting to come outside the building to see what has happened.. as my boss was dealing with everyone outside, I ran up the stairs to grab saline from my desk on the other side of the building to rinse the glass out of my eyes. All of the employees in the building were trying to go see what happened as I was running by them repeating ‘don’t go outside there was a natural gas explosion.’ I remember the confused look on their faces.. It’s so fucking hard processing it all. Normally I’m by myself in the vivarium, and walking those two blocks between my 2 buildings is a normal, daily routine for me. If we had finished our experiment a minute later, or stayed at the crosswalk, or happened to walk at a slower pace.. it’s so fucking terrifying. I’m so fucking lucky to be physically okay for the most part. I have minor damage to my ears, but mentally I am a wreck.. Begging our colleagues not to call an ambulance to take us to the ER.. waiting in the car while our coworker navigates the streets as they’re being blocked off by police, black smoke filling the sky, power-walking through the hospital to get to occupational health to get medical attention.. it’s all so vivid. I remembered seeing people in the coffee shop I walked past every day.. I broke down... It’s only been 4 days, but it feels like it’s been an eternity. I didn’t sleep the first night. I can barely eat. My body is so weak and sore, it takes so much energy just to put one foot in front of the other. Taking life hour by hour, minute by minute because I now have triggers, and since this is all so new it’s fucking terrifying and sad when it happens... I do have a good support system. My lab and my PI have been incredible during this, including my direct supervisor that I was with when this happened. I live with my boyfriend and our dogs, and his family is close. My family has been doing the best they can although they are a few states away. The occupational health team and particularly the psychologist have been so helpful. But at the end of the day no one knows what it was like. To be so close to death, and come out somewhat unscathed? To have such a strange series of coincidences happen? It’s all so surreal and yes I’m extremely thankful to be alive, but the survivors guilt immediately crept in. I’m a trained BLS instructor, and I just ran.. I understand there was nothing I could do to save anyone, but I still feel so much guilt and shame.. I just needed to get it all out. Advice on moving forward is welcome/appreciated. RIP Mr. Lee, and condolences to the Kaffeinate family. [Brightleaf Explosion - Durham, NC](https://www.wral.com/crews-maneuvering-through-durham-explosion-debris-after-61-year-old-coffee-shop-owner-killed-and-firefighter-duke-employees-inju/18317583/)",4.979798918156163,6.647956969896523,5.432764698965193,79.77885542097836,69.61147695202257,8.438236124176859,30.973294920037628,8.947974472352879,2.6504329350893694,4461,188,813,83,80,1427,454,1063,0.113,0.799,0.087,-0.977,4,1,2,0,1,0,169.0,18,1,4,7,49,44,8,6,80,2,72,31,13,10,10,147,147,80,1,9,27,0,8,5,0,1,9,10,2,4,47,62,1,7,17,3,1,29,12,25,1,5,41,38,91,19,138,99,24,146,0,4,16,8,42,69,8,9,51,554,138,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471241147196789,0.0,0.0,0.04828955455361473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447960172992476,0.0,0.03371947089309504,0.0,0.0,0.12878924429977595,0.0,0.0,0.04530820854240261,0.0,0.0,0.05879403023160922,0.0,0.04103522891453869,0.0,0.10121661234136227,0.0,0.0,0.16069859200027373,0.0,0.0,0.04924228390242835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05101479263386865,0.08308172933406519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038503087083026535,0.0,0.0,0.1555030467579643,0.09943403288207188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049345379664685766,0.040285117945556434,0.0,0.04271231354593866,0.0,0.0,0.031851618881519515,0.0,0.04063095511945825,0.046080274649284735,0.043340787287158435,0.1886900227530652,0.13638440719456182,0.0,0.048767193059006925,0.0344513668611524,0.04630277943834567,0.0,0.0,0.04101946648450499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566598500918784,0.1259757294442497,0.0,0.16444149140335818,0.08089631552962183,0.03856928550477762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838003817951212,0.0,0.12959819066852202,0.0,0.04949192571412105,0.10252010557843916,0.0,0.0,0.0646473083561394,0.0509514983475802,0.0,0.0,0.0949822149207215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572774145093927,0.0,0.05021806695503722,0.15901650294212932,0.0,0.05439898032736009,0.0,0.0523957172855847,0.04931249568021244,0.06812433498334232,0.11779950262535678,0.0,0.04258283819743073,0.0,0.08099233839134448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045630889145774886,0.032190017451284365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04858079218657809,0.097197270542026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849208377978408,0.05125467602001147,0.07090064833346556,0.10727286471647307,0.0,0.046575217648918775,0.051286967037304884,0.04525513011925252,0.09449892319499598,0.04627240539769652,0.0,0.05060316918546747,0.0,0.06535591059388289,0.07335333036844782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522220921262156,0.046035440543210564,0.13373030946107511,0.08421499518061464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237087622424296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563714907359376,0.09695724955304497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268094183683234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731430000404249,0.04118318985381197,0.04587224244523653,0.038349806889626616,0.0,0.0,0.1537137249522446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039891543543448885,0.0,0.04825901117535657,0.04915848282430492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826665163598762,0.0514005639745948,0.0770237916655108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054724232800180385,0.0,0.050123392142193586,0.14503433991753406,0.0,0.0,0.044398349730439116,0.0,0.05599199478854593,0.06407601038910032,0.030900110057766945,0.0,0.0,0.02811990964259193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822316675379128,0.05245406453678935,0.047108020760530916,0.05020307651752416,0.23203102384405996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038682531764371225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384057952600869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035107780478515815,0.0,0.04914456365422565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062109587125166885 ptsd,IlliaMaeMae89,2019/04/13,"Going completely numb after therapy sessions. I finally started treatment for my PTSD and damn is it hard. On my third visit with my current therapist we talked about opening up to more people about the traumas I enduring from childhood and more recently. I am terrified of talking about my traumas to people because of the shame, guilt and causing pain to the people closest to me(my family). As we were talking I started slipping away from reality. I couldn't hear her talking to me, panic started setting in and the world just seemed to slip away. It's as if a part of my brain takes over that I have no control of and I'm taking a backseat to reality. I have no idea how I got home and I've spent the last two days in a constant state of numbness only broken by episodes of hyperarousal, hypervigilance, nightmares, and intrusive thoughts of self harm. I've keep my traumas a secret for so long I dont know how I'll ever be able to talk to my family about them. How can I heal when I'm so terrified of the process? Do any of you experience this after therapy sessions and how do you handle it? This is my first time posting and I want to say a huge thank you to every one in this sub for your posts. I wish that none of us had to experience the things we have but I'm so grateful for a community of people that understands what living with PTSD is like. This is my small attempt to talk about what I'm going through so please forgive the lack of detail.",4.683892733564014,5.732073885813152,5.724392733564018,79.75856141868512,69.65743944636678,8.548166089965397,32.09705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.6683756401384087,1159,51,221,20,20,384,157,289,0.125,0.8,0.075,-0.7728,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,4,4,1,3,16,14,1,3,14,0,16,5,1,6,1,37,38,22,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,1,1,13,15,0,2,7,0,1,3,5,11,0,4,5,3,32,3,52,31,5,37,0,0,0,0,22,13,1,2,18,160,45,2,0.0980806216440292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669818604576745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429994530239535,0.0,0.0,0.05978903660278311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949041096382432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075581597908137,0.0,0.0,0.10283566573184832,0.10599030821800508,0.11000575713831623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325388695301726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494975810044837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871953749858483,0.08263715391761932,0.0,0.0,0.19188333632719246,0.18492336226840414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107442526868123,0.0,0.08342732666590245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148295509822913,0.0,0.07844403296403257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087860971995633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105439888752765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838286051403901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072108342181088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717856304956091,0.0,0.0,0.05390254462570752,0.07994879728607306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791723749171075,0.0,0.08660698583196587,0.08679826373779667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646196757243346,0.07459473244236431,0.10436469662724156,0.1150764768487887,0.0,0.10621175535367808,0.0,0.27198701418400417,0.0,0.0,0.10766306950724404,0.0,0.0,0.18786824709401284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293019961167695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684278133911893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799764699922974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928891429419446,0.10231947896348023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082659064534991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474888423846801,0.4730009306973274,0.0,0.09029945886272113,0.22432747732176386,0.11387916129197068,0.06516040685461567,0.0,0.0,0.07786505787360815,0.057191599224099166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581051567449113,0.10210538613033664,0.11797891148934453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785049182693045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278787446435623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,radiscool299,2019/04/13,"I’m behind because of memory loss help! Ptsd has ruined my life. I was diagnosed at the age of five. I’m now 15 I’m behind in everything. I can’t spell simple things. I don’t know my multiplication division etc. I try and I try and I try and I fail and fail. I’ve been trying for years and I want to give up. I know I’ll never be able to be anything. I won’t graduate anytime soon. Please help.",-2.199181034482759,-0.6288721034482734,1.4501652298850587,94.3504202586207,109.11494252873564,4.933620689655172,14.632902298850574,6.6274283507984215,-0.14493045977011487,305,8,72,6,16,110,55,87,0.153,0.738,0.109,-0.69,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,9,15,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,12,0,10,10,1,8,0,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,42,13,3,0.2166742433213224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830444041143872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208260763106122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991979601415126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24164905655283625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473283866134272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078536777647917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904643560025081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381569952168015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530434258764965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711253399280132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784325311271265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532805954319439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143948739445952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5884303533772208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780008254698466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395311087548164 ptsd,SecretZebra4238,2019/04/13,"Formally diagnosed with PTSD this week Let me say first that I have narcolepsy, so my sleep doctor is also a psychiatrist. I've been seeing her for a year and a half, and it's taken me that long to trust her enough to open up. It also helped that I finally found the right antidepressant, which has stabilized my depression and anxiety enough to start talking about the horrific things that I went through. She already knew about the physical, psychological, and emotional abuse that I experienced growing up. That is another story in itself. I think I first realized on my own that I have PTSD a couple of years ago. Someone sneaking up on me, sudden loud bangs, or someone yelling at me would startle me and trigger flashbacks and it's been that way for at least 15-20 years ( I'm getting ready to turn 32). When I was 18 I went to a very crowded college bar with a friend and somebody started shooting. I couldn't see the person shooting, but the panic that ensued is etched in my mind forever. People were pushing to get out the doors and knocked other people over and trampled them. I tried to grab a girl's hand that had fallen on the floor but I was being pushed so hard toward the door that I couldn't hold on to her. It seemed like everything was in slow motion at the time, but I don't think it was longer than a minute until I was out the door. That experience has always been hard to talk about, but still not as difficult as what I'm about to share. My psychiatrist is the first person I ever actually told, I haven't even opened up to my husband or my mom about this. Telling my psychiatrist that I was sexually abused by my step brother for 4 years is the hardest thing I've ever talked about in my life. I pushed that trauma so deep inside and tried to get my mind to forget. Once I opened up though, the floodgates opened and now I'm trying to cope with all of my emotions. Ever since I opened up on Monday, I have been filled with anxiety and some depression which has led to me missing 3 days of work. I want to open up to my husband soon, and eventually my mother. I'm afraid to open up to my mother because she's dealing with her own depression right now and I know that telling her about my ex step brother will devastate her. She's going to blame and punish herself even though she had no way of knowing. I'm so exhausted, I've barely had any sleep this week. I keep having flashbacks and dreaming about the things that I went through. I think that just getting some sleep would help tremendously.",5.8598181818181825,6.1748797393939405,6.030050505050508,81.21840909090909,66.75757575757576,9.105050505050505,30.641414141414145,8.936278230431713,2.3203656565656567,2001,70,395,31,30,637,229,495,0.13699999999999998,0.81,0.053,-0.9929,0,0,0,2,3,0,42.0,0,0,1,4,30,15,1,3,22,0,35,9,4,2,4,65,66,34,0,5,8,8,4,1,1,3,4,3,3,3,33,30,1,2,9,2,0,14,6,11,0,4,21,10,61,4,71,38,8,79,0,4,2,0,36,35,0,5,29,277,94,3,0.0,0.1861314079503701,0.07665083225943639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962744040004584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667889654008519,0.12562849165693205,0.06535764422492077,0.0,0.0,0.05341485613840685,0.08236369061312432,0.1201769359459562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047881703808259166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691109123828923,0.0,0.05065650915111915,0.08097881523284979,0.20295801800054705,0.07972385405757272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039648783216483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671027613481738,0.0,0.1623207116907637,0.0,0.10375949905734022,0.2131515838632148,0.0,0.0,0.0705932466791428,0.07683432948417443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604472559223207,0.0,0.20043687464663096,0.0,0.08612305801000197,0.06068544758615399,0.0,0.1641508851294506,0.0,0.044640239573908655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072590148424718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529719628050546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069816447488542,0.0,0.0,0.08633508157779746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031993394242827,0.055480279493637034,0.038374242223219,0.0,0.0,0.06951188698649953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862075931512468,0.09199364608628617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365030885848261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215833023667096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890961280554448,0.13716894179791272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363517602146268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415792662564385,0.0,0.062463964023538536,0.0,0.0,0.12518405389856438,0.07150651006470049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649751365870743,0.0,0.2358120717435274,0.0,0.13310574139156411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119236360356254,0.0,0.0627279736427095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940002842951065,0.13730760112034796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565500037289346,0.15098981086346705,0.1543446429478902,0.0,0.04580156112168414,0.0,0.0,0.07505530930499353,0.0,0.15998537807621754,0.08543690479444498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480974698461832,0.04632923144793174,0.12469437814574676,0.12601180910366752,0.0,0.0,0.2184423965199793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057183368434365875,0.0,0.0,0.11159549372753833,0.0,0.0,0.20232753853854052 ptsd,nnonononofuck,2019/04/13,"The scent of autumn finally has bit of happiness too it. It's been a few years (can't even remember) since my traumatic experiences, most of which happened on gloomy days or fall days, beautiful or not. Spring and fall are serious triggers for me, along with their scents. I have to avoid soaps and candles that once reminded me of my favorite season, because they give me flashbacks. Until today I guess. I smelled my parents soap, ""Crisp Fall"", and smiled, picturing a beautiful fall day in my head. Then some anxiety hit, but that little bit of happiness at the beginning is something I haven't associated with fall in a long time.",7.279248768472911,7.910007146551727,7.148719211822659,73.32534482758622,63.74137931034482,11.45615763546798,36.39901477832513,11.20814326018867,4.29384630541872,503,23,89,14,7,160,84,116,0.065,0.7979999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.8909999999999999,1,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,7,1,1,1,0,16,12,8,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,3,13,2,15,10,5,24,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,5,14,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422261590288932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333340739308435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059468888106331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597036654162467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279656572642154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186270898117832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366321922505398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834873162156056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048087705562521,0.0,0.16440597741058272,0.39582466060341787,0.0,0.0,0.19080469760384464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633788958014544,0.0,0.16453088298716936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197995764110225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643906316210206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060795987758532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379263976763488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431281536220566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840982197771558,0.0,0.17622777914740087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972458960448006 ptsd,Jimmyray81,2019/04/13,"PTSD and hypersensitivity I've been getting treatment for PTSD for a long time, something my therapist told me way back is really stuck with me. She said that she thought I was emotionally hypersensitive, like highly sensitive but a step above that. And that may have caused me to be more susceptible to developing PTSD. I went through some bad stuff, but some people go through trauma and get over it so much easier. I've been doing EMDR for 5 years, I'm a lot better, but still not recovered. I wanted to ask the community, has a counselor psychologist ever talk to you about being highly or hypersensitive?",5.5285585585585615,7.756326360360365,6.654234234234233,69.32207207207206,69.18018018018017,9.618018018018018,28.54954954954956,9.994966539143718,3.0819981981981988,490,18,84,13,9,164,81,111,0.08900000000000001,0.826,0.085,-0.0974,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,10,0,0,1,1,17,21,8,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,8,1,10,2,12,10,5,13,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,5,7,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366453425809487,0.0,0.0,0.12639101949981504,0.13724277427414436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453726385016711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885411674587295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848950559971958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868282289070173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175394528184432,0.0,0.09341572857312548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347333605362891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030328309032682,0.0,0.0,0.1454630089201389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397421986531288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083147015733735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395403481205064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5764220999967089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053001603505811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563542964516306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654069259855508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312667542934614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816527085801854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211504400807167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084719833650865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304920757660689,0.09584595071190907,0.0,0.0,0.15706336858696535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695017211491536,0.1304699111680621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237340283824938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584942309556904 ptsd,Playful_cookie,2019/04/13,"Survey about mental health (since the post is archived) My friend and I are working on a project to raise awareness around mental health, but we need your help! Please fill out this anonymous survey that takes less than 5 minutes. [**https://forms.gle/72FWXYaCmMEnE97w6**](https://forms.gle/72FWXYaCmMEnE97w6) &#x200B; **Who I am**: Incoming graduate student **Affiliation**: Carnegie Mellon **Target group**: General **Compensation**: None (keeping it anonymous) **Link**: [**https://forms.gle/72FWXYaCmMEnE97w6**](https://forms.gle/72FWXYaCmMEnE97w6) **Background**: Personal project to discover how we can help people (early ideation stages) **Link to results**: N/A",11.388141025641026,9.464391250000002,5.122500000000001,61.990448717948745,167.75,5.320512820512821,32.05128205128205,5.873414542411696,3.3694743589743594,540,24,53,9,39,135,67,80,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.9089,0,0,0,0,0,0,85.0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,2,0,13,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,8,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,29,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22903367027488586,0.2568537938909345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817591427929167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331417973579748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493810342033164,0.0,0.0,0.2833714823412389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878871509923592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260492096791322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673800638502702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654653453309105,0.184571706282221,0.0,0.23203533861080666,0.0,0.0,0.2024467281501058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174858414282513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893390203658692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538895284100881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568537938909345,0.0 ptsd,snow_banksy,2019/04/13,"therapist told me that what i described to her as my sexual assault also would be kidnapping in a court of law. i don’t know what to think. I know she’s right. TWs for SA & kidnapping & drug use i was 17 and already considered “at risk” (addicted to multiple drugs and extremely unstable). i was dating a 21 year old i met online. he convinced me my parents were emotionally abusive. my parents are and never were. i just believed him and i don’t know why. i was really naive. i took a greyhound bus to his place when i found out (my psychiatrist told me for some reason) that my parents wanted to send me to wilderness therapy (i did end up doing this still). it was really bad. i won’t go into the SA details but he made me change my hair color and take out my facial piercings. he said there are posters of your face everywhere and if you leave the house a cop will pick you up and i’ll be arrested for harboring a minor. he locked me in a cellar when the cops came the first time. i only left once in 5-6 days and it was in his friends car and they were changing my hair color. i think he believed he was helping me but my therapist says a lot of his behavior said sex trafficking too like him giving me drugs and then saying i owed him and planning a trip to NYC right after and it’s just confusing. i feel like it’s my fault for making the choices that got me there. thanks for being a space for this.",1.0781509515570953,3.3845335224913526,3.03945393598616,89.35686256487891,84.01730103806227,6.519074394463669,22.180038927335637,7.756953410329674,1.1327412629757785,1104,38,231,21,32,370,161,289,0.077,0.8440000000000001,0.078,0.5035,4,0,3,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,1,2,9,10,1,2,14,0,21,9,4,5,1,40,45,20,0,3,5,3,3,2,1,3,4,4,0,0,11,16,0,0,8,0,1,6,4,5,0,1,20,9,48,5,28,19,2,34,0,0,2,1,32,15,0,4,15,151,59,0,0.0,0.12088069671264992,0.0,0.11122024383681496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125850335462244,0.08158784036329039,0.0,0.22108398370465707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851850313286019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298902053126479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668725307599427,0.0,0.0,0.21585383502742164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579646268888427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549432354967369,0.0,0.0,0.1147622614081183,0.090362189139466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051585947437139616,0.07288532673539984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678080115904356,0.0,0.11186306889215476,0.07882279799322507,0.0,0.0,0.09786985894765768,0.057982081804834426,0.0,0.0815971972112518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068383936856428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772096550896345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820769143889466,0.0,0.0,0.10802773742642012,0.11084840230828903,0.0,0.0,0.09968667162286894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673639565472639,0.0,0.09653672894955098,0.0681012149390407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868650825013948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070560867670068,0.10865127735710146,0.0,0.07759316883683161,0.0,0.0,0.33985375409060176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659243041614616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071722727570867,0.104896744063069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425434878090545,0.1940946721900081,0.162265736314906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147578359612777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670867817339276,0.0,0.0,0.09392916802568227,0.11667231219052306,0.2369133771195437,0.0,0.13074457259109304,0.0,0.0,0.05949049308639466,0.0,0.0,0.1949748982329774,0.11335142378682544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811520602476706,0.0,0.0,0.06017587077062095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205998375822064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247428674355634,0.0,0.0,0.06569953478570266 ptsd,Sterlow713,2019/04/14,"I found my mother I found my mother overdosed in our house when I was 18 y/o it was very traumatic she didn’t make it through the night. We ended up having her funeral on her Birthday! She would have turned 47! It still plays a major roll in my life to this day. They always say everything gets better with time but I’ll tell you special moments and holidays always seems a lil empty without my mother. I have gotten married since then, had a big nice wedding, now we are starting to have children and I tell you having a family makes me miss my Momma even more. Everything makes me emotional.",1.1467628205128193,3.7729865128205162,2.6926442307692326,88.78204326923078,89.85470085470087,5.318162393162393,20.98771367521368,6.9077264865688965,0.8195303418803417,470,16,88,7,16,153,84,117,0.07,0.792,0.138,0.8496,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,3,2,1,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,11,1,0,3,0,14,22,5,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,1,22,4,9,14,2,15,0,1,0,0,19,5,0,1,10,60,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925717867383072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548741472463026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338126984247422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775973352811674,0.15571323034223475,0.0,0.0,0.11611917163739588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160088243312125,0.0,0.16573563023174356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38552761899801613,0.0,0.0,0.09185214355286876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285820864870452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417801079498535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520585413891029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649833950775777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980915146078432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004851200766734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542975064573574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443742762206805,0.0,0.1404000675419326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073269444526072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251474583951893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122803602803592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505956952865054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947212121996694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488857798886267,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Fluffy_Marshmallo,2019/04/14,Dealing with PTSD I live in Australia I do understand that this Reddit is for 'merica I was given advice from another post I made to try here. So it has been bought to my attention that I could be suffering from PTSD. I was wondering how did y'all for lack of better words deal with it except psychology cause I already do that for my depression. In terms of what I am experiencing I currently have dreams of me murdering my ouncle that touched my cousin and my best friend at the time. I have started having these dreams after I found out he got out of jail. So pls leave some tips/advice if you know any services that I could that is available in Australia pls do comment. Thanks in advance.,4.578666666666667,6.049603051851848,5.233518518518519,81.58583333333334,70.33333333333334,8.65925925925926,28.314814814814817,9.120678840339163,2.3127925925925923,552,20,106,11,10,178,90,135,0.103,0.747,0.151,0.7103,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,3,4,7,1,0,1,0,17,0,0,3,0,20,27,5,1,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,9,2,20,4,22,15,4,14,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,3,5,80,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381155569752585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091452313827986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764884181985158,0.1814100703282671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155731656990226,0.1530082251210725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772305004545538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27625967748754143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567196286891539,0.14900833140219533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896902614996508,0.13366267626614015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836732560558654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950786269060728,0.0,0.0,0.18318655088382246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276594733247129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637008312047616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656902758207687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044654865367206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245331863549527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927909560941694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088018594573712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745854867296884,0.0,0.0,0.1801035550436104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761575995807464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawayds38383u4,2019/04/14,"I can't take this anymore. How am I supposed to heal when I watched someone get tortured to death in front of me and was forced to hold someone back. How the fuck am I supposed to heal. Everyday I see something that reminds me of them and I just feel sick. I try to remember the happy times but knowing they left this world with that horrified, tortured screaming look on their face...just how. People keep telling me to stay in the present. But you weren't there! You didnt see it. It makes all the good memories not matter because they left the world in pain. The last thing they tried to say was help me. They last thing they felt was unbearable pain. I try so hard to see others happy and think look they're happy it's okay but then I remember then getting tortured to death. They were tortured to death okay. The look in their eyes after they died, the horror, their cold bodies... And I can't even fucking cry because my antidepressants took my ability to cry away from me so I'm just sitting here with a screaming expression on my dry fucking face I get flashbacks I get nights where it's non stop watching them die begging my abuser not to kill them listening to my other abuser taunt about murdering them This happened fucking almost a decade ago and it still ruins everything I try to be happy I really but this thing from almost a decade ago still decimated my attempts at happiness",3.143085470085474,5.5445485222222235,3.4940740740740743,88.50794871794872,76.74074074074075,6.3760683760683765,26.31054131054131,7.468242284971852,1.4222336182336188,1111,43,213,15,26,344,137,270,0.277,0.5820000000000001,0.141,-0.9943,0,0,1,0,2,0,22.0,0,2,14,1,16,23,10,0,11,2,11,12,3,4,1,32,36,17,7,0,8,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,16,7,0,3,6,0,0,2,6,15,0,0,8,17,41,8,30,27,1,33,0,1,9,4,21,13,4,2,16,138,57,0,0.0,0.2036519466476853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523629346998321,0.0,0.17211489581514974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523032999890838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807443521164451,0.06608328621327926,0.0,0.10477761165337464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954610221452746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880419757353573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783862768475466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676318736021785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723818491837227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345432687326357,0.0,0.08251678994195827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178040960796949,0.17960239848111414,0.0,0.0,0.07208319194449939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599729881442997,0.457428700035543,0.0769862112380812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760440764727396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638826566475346,0.09508092865676117,0.0,0.04723089891415127,0.14010669029252434,0.0,0.0,0.18675018863046028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165062612335921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736625188542905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064976036306322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289446150772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059580634189391524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505597361497536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470868774487832,0.0,0.0,0.06834369335516173,0.0,0.0,0.20545143251016307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563497715336285,0.06616154248703676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160161856023058,0.13726510836912287,0.07185048290456329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461689938765651,0.0,0.07511617884806085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128604655266366,0.05506749101779725,0.0,0.0,0.05011285942897402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548355832341104,0.2333930566522125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ggboy17,2019/04/14,"vietnam the good ole days of killin chinks in the jungles, if you get ptsd after ‘nam than ur a dumb sensitive libtard snowflake nigger",11.605600000000004,8.651855160000004,9.264,73.17200000000003,57.4,11.6,45.0,8.841846274778883,4.1878,109,5,19,1,1,32,24,25,0.241,0.667,0.092,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,2,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388277368698029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145502661729868,0.0,0.0,0.5049773812486144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7037731590752305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,danixsimili,2019/04/14,"Struggling to cope atm need advice Hello everyone, first post on this subreddit but I really do need help as I'm at a lose. Trigger warning! I survived a bin lorry accident that happened in Glasgow in 2014. Since then well I've been diagnosed with severe Ptsd. I was in my last year of uni when the accident happened and I had to stop my studies. In 2017, I contacted lawyers to claim and it has been ongoing since. Last summer they advised me to go back to university as it would help my case so I followed their advise. I initially felt very good as I felt like my life was back on track but I now realise that I may have made a mistake. I totally ignored anything that revolved around my Ptsd. So I started my application to get student loan but when it asked about my disability I just kept putting it back. I also had to deal with lawyers prepping for court. So I had to travel across the country each time to visit them which was emotionally draining as it was where a lot of my triggers are. I then had the court case on valentines day which was as horrific as you can imagine it being. Because of all of this I've missed quite a lot of uni and my uni is actually threatening to kick me out now due to the payment issue which I am trying to resolve. I have started Emdr treatment but due to everyone happening with university I feel like I cannot really focus on the treatment. A lot of my feelings after the accident is that I lost my pride and everything happening is triggering me I think. I was thinking that the best may be to redo the year next year if my university permits it. I'm worried though as my parents already think I am too old to continue university at 28. I think they are also at the stage where they feel frustrated with my ptsd. I have heard them say numerous times that I should start to get over it... Does anyone have any advice? Sorry for the long post.",3.89976084538376,5.506901037634409,5.1143715239154615,81.2424193548387,72.2258064516129,8.356840934371524,30.569521690767523,8.939507131559953,2.608562736373749,1494,66,287,30,29,495,187,372,0.147,0.759,0.094,-0.9648,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,6,8,20,14,1,1,16,0,33,2,0,5,2,48,63,26,0,6,6,1,5,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,19,11,0,3,11,1,2,5,1,7,1,1,18,7,51,7,52,39,7,55,0,3,0,0,19,17,0,6,32,208,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.08877235059940572,0.0,0.0,0.17778716525946398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038624717318413,0.14549530876451425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618618506357016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636074457822008,0.0,0.0748595074411975,0.0809814493639849,0.08504347550492418,0.0,0.0,0.20984799692597933,0.0,0.05545368879201439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546606176254707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866730024906607,0.09378475830039076,0.0,0.09233133828972123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960734193953417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232756856744107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384902513304332,0.08175682193430728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798955794496665,0.06498807340990043,0.17468847847745342,0.0,0.0,0.07737794874362178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505480564511687,0.0,0.05169962127591416,0.07630024830970776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217733629150452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194883408062035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494771169784434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830330026730576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425389884733887,0.08888544544685582,0.0,0.0,0.08050445664446297,0.0,0.10177073139073624,0.09930310642321902,0.23201506396136226,0.0,0.08607680460157661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349043098963471,0.0,0.0,0.09674626821700576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954563715005172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101000072644736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424577983194506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190127050346667,0.09144869167267272,0.0,0.0967564337607157,0.0,0.0,0.1165537858254041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234197921502125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276876301702874,0.0,0.15050053431460145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183203693091313,0.1931643896386436,0.0,0.0,0.07605392517872447,0.0,0.0951002600078656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23315633645555606,0.08937630781708453,0.0,0.10608918708495052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176179111920008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505872293864145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179180628020945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238315325431222,0.0,0.06462157032401447,0.0,0.0,0.1757426239639452 ptsd,QuietChameleon5,2019/04/14,"Husband to trauma survivor Hello. This will be a lot but I hope this is a community that can help me with advice. I’m married to an amazing woman, but I worry about her often. She has Severe PTSD, anxiety and depression. This comes from over 20 years of abuse in all forms. I knew this getting into the relationship and have always loved her through it. Recently (last 6 months) it seems to have gotten worse. She’s been cutting herself (thighs) and is sick nearly every single day. When it started she was having such severe panic attacks she would just slam her head against a wall or anything she could find. I fell asleep one night and woke up to glass shattering and her using a broken piece of glass to cut her thigh this was the first time she cut. She ended up in hospital for a few days cause I called 911 worried she might kill herself. She got somewhat better but now she’s walled herself off from everyone. Our daughter stays at her grandparents most days and with me being away for work for a month she barely texts or calls. She’s started drawing dark images of cuts on thighs and said she’s been have terrible intrusive thoughts. I can’t get her to talk to me about it and I’m so scared... how can I help? She is on new meds now (changed maybe 2 months ago) she will not go to therapy again cause she feels it won’t really do anything and we will most likely move out of state by the end of the year so she thinks it’s pointless. If you read all this, I appreciate it and any advice you may have. I love my wife and I’m so scared for her and I am willing to do anything to help and support her.",2.4287822497419995,4.5154585913312735,3.2585356037151705,90.87711197110424,77.63777089783281,6.040412796697629,22.84097007223943,7.03164865440522,0.6774776883384934,1267,39,262,14,30,401,189,323,0.203,0.6829999999999999,0.114,-0.9878,1,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,2,2,0,3,13,19,6,3,11,0,30,8,5,4,2,49,53,24,1,4,8,3,1,1,0,8,1,1,0,1,14,19,0,0,6,1,0,4,3,12,0,2,10,2,47,7,41,32,10,44,0,1,0,2,48,15,0,12,24,186,61,2,0.0,0.11908058871600492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642233369651688,0.08909056977462697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362722699083619,0.0,0.0,0.06834604202680508,0.0,0.07688514496352962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248118233892405,0.0,0.0,0.11433760111333507,0.09442664451572984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888745883775556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525126844711386,0.0,0.0,0.20649021035222964,0.10631971212399084,0.08657513918518576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024411985621932,0.0,0.0,0.19444994260038198,0.0,0.08656379036822877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780331016121376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467880057118249,0.0960357042018786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081774970978166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185866801706412,0.08548849545292242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501819254856933,0.0,0.05711863534930053,0.0,0.08038208370513959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314591166041273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202096770146992,0.0,0.0,0.09982296766391384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119258270286972,0.0,0.0,0.08192402497358793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910108837397213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544475121798564,0.18141723766396944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096959287275784,0.0,0.11163708379529096,0.0,0.0,0.10661866741924364,0.0,0.0,0.24066356375634054,0.10681965206770633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706721280011096,0.0,0.09431602400003324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810398750233998,0.0,0.0,0.1179195745684462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748358383144912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053101482504792,0.0,0.06438531875903004,0.0,0.09923539448065896,0.10790348702404852,0.0,0.0,0.09560214517115463,0.0,0.2012437078290264,0.0,0.0,0.0914949003964114,0.0,0.2270814120181213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227423801754974,0.10712369653271037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405054058102156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078116113976112,0.0,0.0,0.11493487380811135,0.0,0.0,0.06439878780885831,0.0,0.07978880436414719,0.05860458396077355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868030288839597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316797581786047,0.2041330096013668,0.10242197587033844,0.07139502804745249,0.0,0.0,0.1294423260853095 ptsd,AwesomeWookie,2019/04/14,"Is it normal to not remember what happened or think that it helped you? I'm sorry, I'm new to this subreddit. I'm not even sure if I belong here. A few years ago, when I was in middle school, my mother had gotten a new boyfriend. Weirdly, I can't remember anything that happened in those five years, except for a few things (him kicking my dogs, drowning me, strangling me, etc). Everything else is blank. And it's not like it was 20+ years ago, it happened around 7 years ago. My mother recently brought him up in a conversation about just how lucky we were to survive him, but I only remember snippets and sometimes more memories come back if she mentions them, but overall, I can't remember the school I went to or what I did in that time or even who my friends were (I can remember friends from elementary school with no problem, but I went to a different MS and can't remember anything). Is this normal for people who were abused as children? My other question is this: Do you think that your abuse helped you in any way? Don't get me wrong, abuse is terrible (I flinch whenever someone tries to high five me and I hate men who are older than me) but whenever I hear people talking about how great their lives have been, I think back on the memories I do have about that time and I think to myself ""I am lucky I experienced that"". In some strange way, I believe that it helped me be who I am. If I could go back in time and change it, I wouldn't. Is this normal? &#x200B; I'm sorry if this whole post just seems weird. I don't really enjoy talking about this, but I just have to ask if what I'm experiencing is ""normal"" or not.",3.237544107268881,4.790696293577984,4.218363914373089,87.21988179251942,73.83180428134555,7.477252411197367,26.644201364384852,8.139509932561175,1.5758737708774395,1276,46,266,20,26,413,153,327,0.142,0.7909999999999999,0.068,-0.9717,1,0,0,0,3,0,50.0,1,4,2,1,17,14,1,0,7,0,32,0,0,2,1,57,55,24,1,12,22,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,30,10,0,0,12,0,0,5,11,6,0,2,12,3,46,8,29,40,6,38,0,0,0,0,31,12,0,14,19,189,76,3,0.0,0.2641590574533991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763154678197084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052200550031144,0.09030280386127826,0.05053783670689525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231245991333065,0.06615753040344456,0.06947598938422803,0.0,0.0,0.17143463528706188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372935961467763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861710920932369,0.06401717081585591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933575823442189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764502995139115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208198354870236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288265416865301,0.09817082735487664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679096849078403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483364226038613,0.0,0.038827356412177765,0.0,0.042235836642471714,0.0,0.0,0.08193431431798759,0.0,0.0,0.19715377293745429,0.0,0.0,0.07337225709633001,0.0,0.0,0.08376020983350399,0.0,0.14943855219405264,0.07851956860275536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03630733708619757,0.0,0.06562291970952387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355087155336707,0.0,0.0,0.2912579579928444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652112344974303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030435467899766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117476019162572,0.0,0.0,0.07111094992086787,0.0,0.0,0.08325160061760188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760911721104632,0.0,0.07337867728815894,0.0,0.5051173266873348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22563710158121494,0.0,0.06765504188134241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296821436499456,0.0,0.07350101808081064,0.16638269954940374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004251639012977,0.0,0.0,0.1194657367012854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937264709288743,0.1904763070920564,0.0,0.0,0.13000382202045524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045609341189259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797811651254135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778446626139748,0.0,0.08297183036434336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125353613822582,0.09030280386127826,0.19142981640676185 ptsd,Mewzeltoebeans,2019/04/14,"I don’t know if anyone cares but my dad died 5 years ago today. At 7:23pm my dad passed away five years ago today. I have been on edge all day. Sneaking off to the walking fridge to cry when I don’t have too many tickets in the window. Sunday’s are always hard because of brunch. Staff and guests are always trying. I needed a moment and my boss told me to deal with it. I’m trying ok. I really am but there is a lot I didn’t get to say to him and a lot he didn’t get to do. He was an amazing scientist. It’s part of what killed him. He wanted to do a lot more work and research into diseases and the blood/brain barrier. But his lab forced him to retire early and he took it personally. He made the test for AIDS/HIV, Hepatitis A,B, and C, West Nile, and Chagas’ disease. I just want to tell him I love him one last time...",0.8556460674157299,2.416439550561801,2.868974719101125,94.30829353932585,80.46067415730337,5.573595505617979,17.866573033707866,6.322622252153567,-0.3342258426966298,632,12,149,5,16,213,114,178,0.123,0.7829999999999999,0.094,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,9,1,14,2,0,2,1,26,26,13,2,4,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,4,10,1,1,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,7,2,18,4,19,19,6,23,0,0,0,1,20,7,0,4,13,88,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26946070333040617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529364382731785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627524738016793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280001861423347,0.0,0.0,0.09265195956293697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967159374963708,0.0,0.0,0.15496437997243714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695435792873964,0.09802125789557772,0.15669546648660335,0.0,0.0,0.15774207722675684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881746013193004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615357742895615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681548990877193,0.0,0.08352996918448398,0.12389249190394007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876505024718209,0.13717730333540604,0.14381702629673518,0.0,0.15409444709593526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269898304026088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299265353453936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459083171912925,0.0,0.0,0.13271218688921088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736896576623824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208688958109165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284634103279294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862684598607956,0.0,0.2881383246653801,0.14523337579124487,0.1688669677635485,0.20638305937673646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792957951490148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065084820435124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575371622331347 ptsd,Dbdjles10,2019/04/14,"How are you sure? My boyfriend died in front of me about 7 months ago. Obviously the whole thing was upsetting and I’ve been in therapy ever since to work though everything, but how do you know if you have PTSD? And even if you do have it, how does it change things? Does it change how you cope with the experience? Could it help me to heal better/ faster? I guess I’m just wondering how this “title” could change anything.",2.021111111111111,4.51034072289157,2.365702811244983,94.52745649263723,81.5301204819277,6.5804551539491305,20.065595716198125,7.793537801064563,0.5961121820615789,332,9,73,6,9,101,58,83,0.051,0.877,0.07200000000000001,0.4234,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,5,0,2,10,3,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,5,3,20,13,11,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,2,7,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,4,4,49,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079019219996614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998412428909082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044641690156774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398541012717002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716342770429228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654491247934442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977247494485958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235451652060326,0.15387213294927807,0.0,0.0,0.15288181173410698,0.1663979494852515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739278463449452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401959036572976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348673073372997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577832508404916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988467716740363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071482849134773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032447269598238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453295400227485,0.0,0.2260239642642953,0.0,0.16712992924505227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991914678922636,0.0,0.0,0.18447451970390588,0.12384041503346475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MassiveCook,2019/04/14,"Has anyone successfully recovered to the point of living a meaningful life? Before my trauma, I was incredibly happy, joyful, and high-functioning. I had dreams of going to grad-school for neuroscience and doing and seeing so many incredible things. It has been almost 5 years since my trauma now and I don't feel like I have grown as a person at all since that day. I have since developed severe chronic psycho-somatic pain in my head that is almost 24/7. I am finally doing EMDR now which I have had some progress with but my rage and frustration at my brain not being at the level it was before really drives me insane. I can't even read a book because it hurts so bad, and I have spent half of the past 5 years unemployed because everything I do feels like torture because of the pain. I used to meditate every day and be such a light to the world, now I am mostly isolated and I can't help but feel the pain I'm in subliminally transfers to the people I'm around because very few people want to stick around at this point. I grew up with ADHD and depression and I spent a lot of time feeling empty and wishing I could feel things, but now that all I feel is pain I would do anything to get back to that emptiness because at least I would be able to relax. &#x200B; My question now is: is there any hope for me? I can't imagine having any healthy relationships when I'm in this much pain and suffering, and my cognitive dysfunction makes me feel like I'm mentally handicapped which might be the most torturous part of all. I also feel so vulnerable and even a slight perceived negative comment or opinion towards me makes me feel so small and weak and triggers me hard. I have been feeling desperate for human support and companionship but I have no idea how I'm supposed to meet people when I am like this and there have been no peers around my age at any of the support groups I've tried going to (I am close to 26). I am working towards bettering myself everyday with healthy habits but I still feel so unbearably stuck and I am struggling to find motivation to keep pushing forward. Any advice or support is appreciated.",7.006715913887717,6.866085961165052,7.320358801181936,74.48432883073029,64.3883495145631,10.466188265090757,33.93246095398902,10.074871250255047,3.310376403545801,1704,66,313,34,23,556,201,412,0.254,0.636,0.109,-0.9975,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,5,25,30,4,1,15,0,44,10,2,6,3,75,77,36,0,6,8,0,12,4,0,3,8,0,0,2,14,26,0,1,18,4,2,7,8,17,0,1,10,14,43,13,43,59,11,46,0,3,1,0,9,22,0,12,23,222,57,7,0.07371474655813298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859080041661954,0.07203319719419153,0.0,0.0,0.14762934120978224,0.0,0.0,0.058949656190134564,0.0,0.07986989709804128,0.08957148554921429,0.2005142217835956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051543064746674284,0.0,0.060660955513882675,0.19686525861169288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668208996344861,0.061548734309020324,0.22467912653148425,0.0,0.12545163994668654,0.0,0.0,0.06519470296532953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229003608925912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058855226903150135,0.0,0.0,0.09507982652233347,0.0,0.0634904031952437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973757897626289,0.0,0.062107853266176426,0.0,0.06625006105215307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099962981411367,0.15798548901009904,0.0,0.08075090170608873,0.0673739428989005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038512912612659864,0.0,0.08378757845197607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847071843127508,0.06603393386428012,0.0,0.07565259667354134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049409440777747365,0.07788367695909422,0.0,0.07321537606160332,0.0,0.0,0.07891316079513301,0.08321497627434286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552105372888216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206690549805723,0.1440532067705284,0.0,0.06509147172759408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266964145944204,0.0,0.0,0.09841033146388337,0.07473518302297473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428712663717336,0.07819969705337526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418882044767409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39218843806960535,0.0,0.0,0.07982588707284594,0.0703690665871709,0.15331357113368474,0.0643648733842404,0.0,0.0,0.13936852441834108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257738655738492,0.0,0.07373469481544279,0.0,0.04722355421910286,0.0,0.0,0.0791420508296507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460325895932562,0.058741109126422025,0.0,0.0,0.08327668154228253,0.0,0.18293280030017997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886869182254498,0.0,0.0,0.07706265828996121,0.0,0.0,0.2509518625047031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794560426718568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298366151633616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500474741499258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366587321289167,0.0,0.06082238594324552,0.04347886740321374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476832060817867,0.0,0.0,0.05366521343271507,0.0,0.0,0.10472968195099246,0.0,0.08957148554921429,0.09493975990107366 ptsd,Ophoe,2019/04/14,"When my s/o shuts me out and I think it’s the trauma So, my s/o is an incredible guy who’s given his whole life since he was 18 to the military. I could write a litany of things I adore about him but I won’t subject the reddit community ;) Anyway he’s been through some shit and I think only recently (a few yrs from retirement) has started to realize he may have some trauma related issues. We don’t know if he has full blown ptsd or just some of the symptoms, but in my mind the label doesn’t matter, what matters is that he (and I) are living things that I feel convinced are tied to the trauma he experienced. He’s hesitant to get help or be diagnosed (not unwilling, just hesitant) because he’s worried he wouldn’t be allowed to keep working and he loves what he does, and of course the whole army mental health stigma thing. You know the drill. And I get it. But we’re already trying to navigate a long distance relationship, and when he’s not doing well he goes through periods where he shuts down and shuts me (and everyone) out suddenly and for indefinite periods of time. That’s happening right now. And the thing is, I know I’m just going to have to wait for him to resurface, there’s really no other choice. I have almost only compassion and love for him, and while I feel upset and hurt on a personal level, I don’t feel like it’s about me — in fact I know it’s not. I just want to be able to be there to support and love on him, and I don’t want him to feel like a burden or a failure (got this from him, not my assumption). He’s been infinitely patient and compassionate with my anxiety issues that would have thrown any guy for a loop, so I want to be able to do the same for him. It hurts when I can’t. But I just don’t know how to handle these situations. Of course my anxiety and emotions go haywire when I just get shut out and don’t know when I’ll next hear from him. So I guess I need insight. He’s not telling me what he needs from me right now, or anything for that matter. I don’t know what helps or hurts. The first week I was pretty persistent trying to get through, but then eventually realized it was no good. This past week (second week) I’ve periodically reached out or tried to call, still to no effect. I’ve tried to stay gentle in my messages and say that I love him and am here etc but just need to hear something from him. But he’s not even opening messages and I have a hunch he’s leaving his phone off now. My best guess is that he’s getting messages from a lot of family and loved ones and can’t bear to answer or have to constantly ignore notifications. Which would mean he’s really not in a good place. He’s such a gentle and loving soul so I know it gives him pain to shut people he loves out, which tells me his overwhelm and/or depression is even more painful. So I have only been able to respond to what I feel in determining how and whether to reach out. Not his needs since I don’t know what they are. And so I don’t know, does being persistent help or make it worse, or does it have no effect at all? I don’t mean eight messages or calls a day. I never sent more than about two a day and now it’s only every few days. I don’t want to leave him isolated but I don’t want to pile on more guilt that will push him deeper into a shutdown. And I’m losing my mind not hearing from him. I miss him badly so it’s pretty hard not to make efforts at contact in hopes of finally getting through. Last time this happened I just let him do his thing and waited for him to reach out, and it was almost a month before I heard from him. I don’t think I can bear to do that again. I don’t really know what to do. And yes, therapy is on the table and will be a discussion, but I just need insight on how best to deal right now. Or is there no definite answer and I’m just gonna have to weather the suckiness of not knowing until he finally makes contact and I can ask him directly? I hate this 😖",2.820480531216848,3.973094615103534,4.306388943459981,87.77324181761033,74.22533495736906,7.684106714863857,24.447782012494606,8.207736516917482,1.2349346823307532,3073,92,681,49,62,1025,307,821,0.135,0.721,0.14400000000000002,0.9492,1,0,1,0,0,0,77.0,1,1,1,10,46,38,2,3,30,1,68,14,1,9,3,165,143,75,0,16,43,0,6,2,0,8,6,5,0,3,42,46,0,4,30,0,0,4,35,19,1,6,11,12,85,19,91,115,17,81,1,7,0,7,90,36,1,23,42,457,127,1,0.15996543769548602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067881859282856,0.0,0.05884194609652125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03626066102717468,0.0,0.08158208132825975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387930842825387,0.0,0.0498486968328298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452148623831149,0.03250448202455178,0.0,0.04537293515588555,0.0,0.11191590518545702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889506473014912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762193646198474,0.0,0.042573128497904386,0.0,0.0,0.10316447370311063,0.05497244740174929,0.045925999029156686,0.054120517338302636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998683251538152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599798622160453,0.0,0.0,0.05946791599475066,0.07043710861859641,0.0,0.044925926837067344,0.05095127696208922,0.0,0.0,0.05026705936664333,0.0,0.1348055528707502,0.07618622710150731,0.0,0.1168228786310552,0.0,0.04535550652846623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671506777318607,0.05115114134871026,0.060608029764868676,0.0894476130867918,0.04264632454863898,0.0,0.11747997618965915,0.10559395536587944,0.09430460550676498,0.0,0.04776587058702937,0.05264425065914504,0.0,0.056678593316400336,0.1802926742167017,0.0,0.1072214609605752,0.0,0.0,0.05296059121855495,0.0,0.0,0.1712463095368938,0.0,0.0,0.11130823775241218,0.0,0.04739487699721191,0.0,0.0,0.3516512843993247,0.04346439400812705,0.0,0.11292020088913028,0.0,0.054525166011208506,0.037662773128114335,0.05210068846110123,0.0,0.04708413739593029,0.04718812618058118,0.0,0.059653469068987226,0.0,0.04533229823683884,0.336875123638302,0.0,0.1067781718137177,0.0,0.0,0.11616617141691983,0.0,0.0,0.05373584564152284,0.0,0.10767966070141972,0.0,0.04256096206974677,0.0,0.0,0.19768724189416945,0.04112506903572756,0.0,0.056708352585824365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03613224017350945,0.16221456491481345,0.1134763360732949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090170358230104,0.03696663099035427,0.046558550013710814,0.055709945161306944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849490583283322,0.0,0.0,0.062330345448520175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247795553686063,0.0,0.05264885711669858,0.057247671563696964,0.0,0.13660960975564287,0.0,0.04240364553266249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054734074343102686,0.08821670873261844,0.05993595141961065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04104973638072501,0.0,0.0,0.03774145337948477,0.05683395750154925,0.042582868393131613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050896100687887,0.0,0.0554217798125896,0.0,0.0,0.09321122887195232,0.0,0.06097813971030686,0.0,0.1771232146948279,0.10249939335399083,0.0,0.0,0.06218475541880756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448080423841709,0.0,0.05208766291376515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725293285729322,0.0,0.12831462515286152,0.0,0.04794271318833421,0.0,0.0,0.11906379899459392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03881891460716056,0.05415088896229806,0.054339482413791176,0.07575657153749954,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,korenic,2019/04/14,"PTSD and marriage- TW My husband and I have been together for almost six years and married for three. We were together for only six months when his mother died. At six months, we were starting to get comfortable and a routine with each other. Exchanged house keys and I love you’s. I was really starting to get to know him when she died and to this day I feel like I never got to know the true person my husband is. Of course he was consumed by her death. She was a single mom and his best friend. I didn’t get a chance to form a relationship with her and I’ll always feel that loss. I supported him through what I thought were the stages of grief after death but his anger and depression never seemed to subside. I never put a time limit on how long he “should be sad”. But his anger and depression got worse. In 2017 he was diagnosed with PTSD. We felt better that there was a reason for his emotions and our household seemed to feel lighter. He tried medication but he didn’t like the way he felt on them. I didn’t know how to handle that so I went along with him off of the meds. He tried medical cannabis for a year but gave that up too. He also isn’t seeing any professional to help him. In January of this year I found out I’m pregnant. He also found out his job will be absorbed this summer. The news was exciting but bittersweet for him. All good news has a twinge of heartache since he can’t share it with his mom. I understand that. The stress of his job stuff has overcome him and looking for work is crippling him. He’s indecisive, angry, so stressed he developed shingles (I’m fine, he’s not contagious), and completely unhappy. His moods are affecting me. They always affect me but I’m starting to feel hopeless. I go through waves of hardcore support when I try to make everything perfect to avoid him being triggered by anything. I will also back off and be there to listen when he’s triggered or down. I let him do nothing or I get him out of the house to do something. I’ve read about enabling a spouses’ PTSD and I don’t know if I’m fully doing that or not doing enough to help with enabling. I went into a panic when I found out about the shingles because while I believed him how stressed he was at work, I didn’t know he was internalizing that badly. I looked and found 8 potential jobs prospects. I found a counselor for him and made an appointment. I planned a weekend trip that we didn’t end up going on. It all felt like the right thing AND like the wrong thing at the same time. I feel joyless myself when I’m home. I’d rather be at work, honestly. I’d rather be around my parents who are states away because this feels like too much at times and I just want someone to baby me. Make me spaghetti and watch my favorite movie with me. I don’t need him to be sunny or constantly happy. I’m a realist and life is allowed to be shitty. I can get through my day coping with the daily annoyances without them making my week completely negative. I can understand him but I feel he’s changing who I am. I just want him to feel content and looking to our future with some positivity. We’re having our first baby. I’m tired of having the same fight about his moods and I’m worried to have that fight around the kid. We fought tonight and it made me sick. I screamed “should I get rid of it!!” in anger and I want punch myself for going there. I’m in love with my kid already and ended up in bed repeating to myself “you’re wanted. You’re wanted.” I can see my priorities on happiness changing and I don’t want to be consumed by his mood swings anymore. My pregnancy is my happiness and I shouldn’t feel like I’m not allowed to see light in our future. I shouldn’t cry so often about how depressed our household feels. I needed to get all this out. I’ll take any advice. I don’t know how to TL;DR this so I’ll just say I’m married and pregnant to a PTSD spouse and it’s getting to me.",2.0223686932536498,4.18427958533502,3.1999287438225497,90.4175370647052,79.31605562579014,6.081278014021377,24.052752557177328,7.194767674117456,0.9422839443742096,3076,109,639,39,77,991,308,791,0.162,0.711,0.127,-0.9905,6,1,1,0,3,1,69.0,10,1,3,12,36,50,7,6,29,0,59,8,0,17,8,152,144,61,5,15,21,8,13,6,1,6,6,3,2,3,27,55,0,2,30,2,1,7,21,23,0,5,34,24,107,24,101,94,12,78,1,7,7,2,88,31,0,11,43,420,134,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225094390293704,0.0,0.0,0.053543176802111264,0.0,0.05900624110877091,0.12828148542613296,0.0889838026872776,0.0,0.0,0.07272381181353807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302856102513066,0.0,0.0,0.04400182564588466,0.09520050925432856,0.0,0.0,0.05023747771123716,0.04111566358767987,0.04464579650695722,0.0651904782452395,0.0,0.0,0.06024316223902682,0.05611419508837282,0.047290484111466906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131298098219382,0.0,0.11212601190189976,0.05778282503527125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873504721240256,0.06896834897563081,0.0,0.13816269268679796,0.05427162945557471,0.11098827809275333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060147334450586176,0.09471832892052284,0.055249521125035984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048056012483662695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703638979732152,0.114598424688699,0.15402075638183266,0.0,0.0,0.04548214549938776,0.0,0.2931392835401828,0.041311325997399034,0.0,0.2234898479974812,0.0,0.0911658838976988,0.04484868171886759,0.08553079820276907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076164601116758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168055893433936,0.0,0.053635466403771634,0.0,0.0,0.1233960048788767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918424113942478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631657219017646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467740796464478,0.0377679329024408,0.15673848279384742,0.0,0.0,0.047319882084034134,0.1347057495412193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651877899843887,0.10119052816927987,0.10707631152883444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059393887579889476,0.10773219878616024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524846250048968,0.0853595965568244,0.0,0.039307112937728386,0.07929568502170872,0.1237196880855944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051306573567934735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04066687271447899,0.0,0.0627363391919963,0.05937287850774457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668854805171385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500175222549819,0.05375281676393622,0.0,0.0,0.053485164515404165,0.0,0.03425469614721776,0.05497677956607983,0.0,0.057407515136603166,0.0,0.045663681017585764,0.0,0.04252204249136931,0.0,0.0,0.12782766213277874,0.09735542426461824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04423151111250245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453055460038083,0.041164353034131636,0.0,0.0,0.11354049852050907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837514999691467,0.0,0.06121115254944419,0.0,0.12135582111972995,0.0,0.0,0.04020330781867158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104710707630044,0.0,0.0,0.04244975876678938,0.09353757603920504,0.06145669756974601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089092751460849,0.0,0.0,0.11132975761883487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892304062687154,0.04244254850644962,0.04289096589436181,0.0,0.0,0.09913573916249097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154384147477823,0.0,0.11678190747465725,0.05430208588142777,0.054491205912435656,0.0,0.058461810559598336,0.0,0.10330012262351702 ptsd,orangecrowest,2019/04/14,"Is it okay, just for now, to heal not for myself? (Just in case, TW: Suicidal Thoughts) I struggle a lot with wanting to die. It's all very passive. But like still there, ya know? At first, I was going through the motions of therapy, medication, etc. to get better for myself, I just want to feel better. That's what I thought, though. I don't know if I ever truly believed that. I've made progress, that's something not even I deny. But my motivation for anything has just been plummeting for months now. I feel momentary horrible anxiety about consequences, but ultimately I feel like I don't have consequences. Maybe, because I don't see a future for myself. Or maybe because I didn't see myself living past eighteen, so I don't know how to see a future for myself. It's all just speculation, really. The trauma I felt, the abuse that was done to me, it destroyed me as a person. I have come to realize that the person I was before my abuse...I can never get her back. She is now a ghost. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't who this person is, I don't know whose body I'm staying in. My trauma...it's been like my birth. I hate it. I hate it so much, but...I can't do anything about it. I don't even know if it's worth going back to who I was before. I think I have different hobbies I want to pursue, and I think I have a different favorite color. My favorite flowers are different, but my least favorite foods will always be the same. My body seems to remember my old self, but my brain does not, cannot. And I don't think I want to push it. I think, just like you do with a kid, I'm going to let it figure out who this new person is. But for the time, I have no hopes for this person. I have no foreseeable consequences...or more so, I just can't feel them beyond that insane instantaneous anxiety. But I don't like putting the people I love through this. Just because I don't see much potential for myself, doesn't mean I don't see futures for anyone else. So is it okay, while I'm trying to figure out this new person that I am, that I just get better for my hamsters? My lovely dog? My parents? My boyfriend? My boyfriend...I want to get better for him the most. I love him so much. But he tells me the same things everyday about what I need to do, and he tries so hard, and I know he is so tired. Is it unhealthy to try and get healthy for these things in my life? At least for now? I want to do it for myself eventually, but how do I get to that point?",1.131718750000001,3.0836364218750028,3.0153187500000023,91.68280625000004,81.265625,6.049125,21.3728125,7.1686216300943375,0.5370694062499997,1896,57,421,25,50,634,189,512,0.116,0.72,0.165,0.9631,5,0,1,0,2,0,92.0,0,2,1,7,35,20,3,1,16,2,50,11,3,4,4,78,102,29,3,10,24,1,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,8,37,10,1,0,25,0,1,7,23,5,0,1,12,12,78,15,51,87,13,39,0,0,6,3,28,9,0,7,27,300,115,1,0.0,0.07968047993431407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595754651580802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289242464401686,0.0,0.06669411916814763,0.04702289744692244,0.06890576831291208,0.11068235481071888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342249210551466,0.0,0.12298527738635236,0.0,0.11444991928117565,0.0757679364433745,0.0,0.2379093169324252,0.0,0.14939960427119475,0.0,0.07507345453645055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057930085121660764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979508120046482,0.21078640950705296,0.0,0.0,0.05885109565415541,0.06882029453366144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617890552900071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500174015672087,0.08883623428924302,0.060831648235346876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360148695842994,0.04804355014805439,0.06457072994827615,0.0,0.0,0.0572029784199056,0.08131919834016879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081269603211644,0.0,0.11465950060121688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024296217886916,0.1327912822447321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679461411546687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587126250065721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876787701011274,0.04750079898521598,0.16427523281170278,0.0,0.05938315105551421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717370780853472,0.18208776998781834,0.06363375711073355,0.0,0.0,0.13512371253153402,0.07325517346515051,0.0,0.06774749272081569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367846114292918,0.0,0.1483098856773986,0.04986516477272928,0.05186749342312779,0.12990130776468867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056776313725523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467337898674782,0.0,0.06419791717522381,0.04662281510340256,0.3523216388323014,0.0,0.0,0.06357316802233234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760501694885906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308219462769401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618135717471049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267948478029573,0.0612220484777337,0.0701566163149767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051772482859510326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167975607192263,0.05370608969433905,0.0,0.0,0.07030450159620916,0.0,0.07356079420507232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877963142478303,0.0,0.07690645473764987,0.0,0.08935607782480366,0.1723648287307539,0.06607297156779378,0.10677828004835603,0.0392141273963791,0.07729420207074815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697539655408114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548845088554635,0.2379954315551145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,qpwoskalzmxn,2019/04/14,"Triggered 2 decades later - why are brains so strange? (sexual assault trigger warning) Welp, the human brain thoroughly confuses me. Through a series of triggerings, heavy therapy, and increasingly corroborating evidence, nearly 20 years later it appears I may have found my trauma. Yet... I’m still constantly questioning if it’s just false memories or me being dramatic. I had plenty of “symptoms” of young trauma and my therapist gently suggested perhaps there’s something to uncover, but I dismissed that as baseless conjecture. Background facts... * knew that I remember 1st grade and 3rd grade vividly, yet had no recollection of 2nd grade (teacher, life events that I know happened that year, etc) * knew that I was given paper bags for “hyperventilating” by my third grade teacher randomly and didn’t understand, and was yelled at and punished by parents upon them finding out * knew that my uncle (mom’s side) was suddenly cast out of the family at some point in my childhood, assumedly due to his alcoholism * knew that when my mom found a suicide hotline card after seeing the school counselor in middle school for anxiety and depression, she panicked and screamed at me yelling “what did you tell them?” and scolding me to not talk to her again, before consequently moving out of the state in the following months and blaming it on me * knew that I was prone to knee-jerk panic reactions from sexual partners touching my butt, and jumpy to touch in general Then how we got from point A to point B... Long story short, was traveling for work, ended up meeting a bunch of people, ended up at a club with dancing, and a wonderful young woman I had met said, “c’mon, just dance with me and this guy.” So... I did! Nothing sexual, just goofy friendly dancing. Harmless! ... until he suddenly got a little too friendly and got up on me and grabbed my ass. I was somewhere lightly past tipsy, but suddenly my whole body shut down - I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t support my own weight, I couldn’t speak; pure and utter dissociation like I hadn’t felt before. This woman and her brother kindly took me back to her place, and comforted me for multiple hours before I returned to my hotel, confused and disturbed as ever. In the proceeding weeks, I started dissociating hard more and more, without prompting - to a point that my vision completely blurred out and started seeing blurry objects as other things. Most often, it was a nondescript man making various brief, photographic motions while laying or standing, and consequently screaming and reeling. This continued until one night, while with my ever supportive significant other, I dissociated staring at her, her face blurred, and... saw my uncle’s face. I hadn’t thought of him in many years, and panicked. This continued similarly for a while. After tying together those background facts to this, I said just enough on the phone with my mother to get a reaction which clearly implied, yes, something happened, and yes, she knew about it. I had already accepted that they were ashamed about my mental health, and that I could never have them be part of my life in that regard - but this is a whole other barrel of monkeys keeping me from seeking help to protect a molester. I feel like I’m going insane. I’m alternating between doubt and telling myself I’m making all of this up for attention, and it just going blank in my head, and feeling angry and perturbed and distressed. I’ve had horrible memory issues despite being cognitively strong since I was pretty young, and my therapist believes it’s likely related. It’s terrifying that the brain could possibly repress something for so long and suffer such damage, and STILL not be able to truly recall details and circumstances. Can anyone here relate, or do I sound like I’m false memory-ing myself to the moon and back? Thanks for reading.",8.339208394698089,9.023778721649485,8.043799337260676,67.6268772091311,61.48895434462445,10.73698085419735,38.32993372606775,10.522638547272203,4.393278910162003,3068,145,467,67,40,979,359,679,0.162,0.732,0.105,-0.9927,1,0,4,0,1,1,108.0,1,1,4,2,26,32,3,8,22,2,35,15,9,6,8,116,81,58,1,6,15,5,8,4,3,1,5,8,0,6,35,46,2,3,22,7,0,14,11,18,0,2,38,22,70,14,82,33,14,102,0,3,5,2,41,37,2,18,53,335,105,9,0.0746856028036788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981619605494955,0.0,0.0,0.08241741986902228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713428172132989,0.0,0.0,0.05222191000709198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485723697778745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065584139408448,0.08414509894536347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295886805095322,0.0,0.2501214982221785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830643358660093,0.0807086040842943,0.0,0.11926075323185352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432660025692273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322985524454041,0.0771701924162672,0.08329418937360519,0.0,0.1351148071347642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040693947487643,0.0,0.07552656965763507,0.05335540956583719,0.07170989095806574,0.0,0.0682612879187855,0.0,0.0,0.16377781710988815,0.11540382292094835,0.0,0.039020144930343725,0.0,0.08489109840744535,0.0,0.17919869766528165,0.0,0.0,0.07395048882938793,0.13208846381260428,0.0,0.06690363036468845,0.0,0.07664897527350496,0.07938730332407368,0.0,0.0,0.050060185254365376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355027449259162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795236539826021,0.0,0.0663839953680732,0.0,0.07777356238982673,0.0410452541036503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550529995183293,0.14595045205745044,0.07485459462114351,0.0,0.13218881652479156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997064396293316,0.07571947887404495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526552138485759,0.0,0.0,0.17494175070097712,0.059613335615683015,0.07937897623143914,0.0,0.0,0.057602141103563334,0.0,0.0,0.07008737888976763,0.0,0.07166285017197628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050608897338365516,0.0,0.0,0.08762746297804054,0.08292952346828725,0.08087722977752157,0.07129585872821838,0.051777593189688186,0.0,0.07803055890959203,0.0,0.2824081406787288,0.08419679544312067,0.0,0.07598210801021836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366496774328595,0.0,0.07470581378847667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460422888841437,0.0,0.1420862221945005,0.0,0.0,0.15117163462271846,0.11902951171388038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061780702418927115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248987754007553,0.0,0.0,0.10572570813826372,0.0,0.119288037748688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816939275033746,0.16950467399435878,0.0,0.07762693791959313,0.0,0.0600294584932441,0.1305570175032229,0.06876046873443603,0.08540949572083202,0.17343148249480855,0.049617795883598916,0.0,0.0,0.059292026163333164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297845275459853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775034644787865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059908285602996686,0.09094694379633993,0.0,0.0,0.06739213992791929,0.16676761670733495,0.0,0.07199425594079516,0.08099335036607241,0.054372008342314496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428523862568796 ptsd,peachybean93,2019/04/15,Am I Worried for nothing? I don’t know if this is a symptom of anything or if I’m just sleep deprived from nightmares recently but I started seeing things in my peripheral. For example I thought this cord next to my bed was a mouse that ran out from under it quickly. I thought I saw a huge bug fly by but I was in a garage and no one else said anything. Idk maybe I’m over reacting but I get worried.,0.2747058823529436,2.508375588235296,2.4402941176470603,92.70632352941179,87.23529411764706,5.282352941176471,27.323529411764717,6.742157984588678,1.243729411764706,315,16,69,4,10,106,60,85,0.139,0.823,0.038,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,5,2,1,1,0,13,16,7,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,7,3,10,0,12,9,0,11,0,1,2,0,1,6,0,3,4,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709319603038496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827347494759772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177501248653708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238612466576792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264213824261796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23969088328563215,0.0,0.0,0.21625520794507805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272121596496532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22253249284894697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438503668960968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959620462703987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255396581883791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952292536308932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342528878164256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973039365353238,0.0,0.0,0.3578481574948784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577623511962133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,qiankgs,2019/04/15,"Dealing with being re-victimized [Trigger warning] For context, I have severe PTSD from a mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive relationship I had with a boy I used to date. He would threaten to kill himself when I would try and break things off, and would send me pictures of his attempts and blame me. This still gives me awful flashbacks and just generally fucked me up. I told my now ex-girlfriend everything, she helped me with my therapy and learning to live day to day with what he had done. She knew everything about what he had done and how much he had hurt me. I recently broke up with my long distance girlfriend of two years over Skype (we are in different countries), and it wasn't pretty. She was, understandably, upset and crying. I told her to call her parents so they could get her and she refused. She began telling me there was no point to her being alive or safe if I wasn't there, and since we would never see each other again it wouldn't even matter. She started using her safety as a threat- saying she wasn't going to be safe if I left her. I went on autopilot, I immediately texted her friends and family to get her even though I knew it wasn't really my place. I made sure she was safe and hung up. It didn't really register with me what she had done until a few days ago, and I've been a mess since. I don't know how she could know all of that and then just throw it back in my face. I don't know what to do, I want to talk it out with someone but I don't know who would even listen. It just fucking hurts so much. I didn't expect being re-victimized, and I feel weak and useless. I feel awful and like everything is my fault. I don't know where to go from here or what to do, I feel like the same scared kid from all those years ago that was flailing and alone. Any help is much appreciated, I'm just really at a loss right now.",4.085305039787799,4.960662530503981,4.838474801061012,86.19919761273209,70.90981432360743,8.1342175066313,25.90583554376657,8.384062270229773,1.4430339522546416,1462,43,313,22,26,472,188,377,0.162,0.763,0.075,-0.9833,4,1,0,0,0,1,43.0,2,0,1,2,23,21,4,2,7,2,41,4,1,6,4,78,71,33,1,12,9,1,3,2,2,6,1,2,0,2,19,30,0,4,12,0,0,5,13,14,0,1,26,6,59,7,39,33,8,42,0,5,1,2,47,15,2,4,23,223,78,1,0.0,0.10537030772388148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766634770065865,0.0,0.0,0.09210710738015083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047705640126596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683834976126678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090809885768068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201051058702774,0.0,0.09768802471748968,0.17206205066350586,0.09168536115598384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291539095514137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27302605174961503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003693830792168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762169608881313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397800201820595,0.0,0.08383751697642841,0.0,0.13490062442146433,0.06353329783431859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870892298004358,0.1644330729514687,0.09292697814787756,0.08531202611052101,0.10108462258072534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192189764931797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040786768172752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983904831370706,0.0,0.2443745043728618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662527251716878,0.0,0.0,0.08689572074390597,0.0,0.07852890576828245,0.07870234263943374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414995208251999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896229047009547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612655828885486,0.0,0.06859012078449804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874886457890383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291539095514137,0.0,0.08406982843247665,0.0,0.0,0.09047618484374803,0.0,0.0,0.10395717315731068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091704677541678,0.0,0.08780997949603192,0.09548007576045596,0.0,0.07594775200922177,0.0,0.07072258447181244,0.08903680965170334,0.0,0.07086757912953542,0.0,0.0,0.10046825650059532,0.0,0.1471315392060383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535210249945679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294678420192869,0.0,0.0710214999006532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381769957388244,0.0,0.0,0.07148046461114821,0.0777308050382169,0.0,0.10170190752288788,0.0,0.05908271025199944,0.0,0.08737559502740258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995736775143316,0.0,0.0603792367440659,0.0,0.08687399618791095,0.09258172616029137,0.0,0.15361801555551904,0.0,0.0,0.05245461180394823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824411913952379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158749950949859,0.0,0.0,0.1145390519073818 ptsd,walktheplanets,2019/04/15,"Does anyone else experience violent thoughts semi-related to their trauma? Tw: violence, death, murder, suicide I see a lot of things online about flashbacks but so far I’ve only had a couple. I found my sister after she hung herself, and I keep imagining strangling someone or breaking their neck. I also imagine terrorist attacks where everyone I love dies. I’m just really scared because I don’t ever want to act on anything I’m imagining and the thoughts stress me out beyond comprehension. I don’t have the diagnosis yet because I’m scared to speak to my doctor in case she thinks I need to be institutionalised and I have my uni finals over the next month, and I need those for my grad job. It’s not even been two months since it happened but I’d really appreciate knowing if this is unusual or not.",3.982521008403364,6.394761542483662,5.330966386554625,76.30720588235295,74.09803921568627,8.292997198879553,29.22922502334267,9.04235418022936,2.8505577964519144,648,28,111,15,14,216,109,153,0.226,0.7070000000000001,0.067,-0.9785,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,0,9,8,3,3,5,0,8,3,1,0,1,27,23,11,4,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,8,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,5,2,20,1,14,17,1,16,0,0,1,1,8,7,0,4,7,72,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238384108890192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827902388421716,0.1586684304457392,0.1274334206397951,0.0,0.0,0.17617123162265189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887977490477599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134538965845186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071623984541644,0.0,0.0,0.15850183605454898,0.13551566445137678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293624464640889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022810296329199,0.14007625752169628,0.0,0.14797169193906085,0.0,0.15147903376930252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963734805990205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979178057771352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369387860962209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367083874805934,0.13764326542275446,0.0,0.0,0.08510489273217603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165316493602744,0.13976372551825966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472094103824158,0.0,0.0,0.22964775292766035,0.0,0.0,0.16469127722637492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777508366210007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840963591586933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100760512668637,0.0,0.12340030592565128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809861132797035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312091172689527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738720189481952,0.0,0.0,0.16938749896608746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287954815962876,0.0992255710529264,0.0,0.24587697831087765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127196156901304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133817217019592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blacklightlunamoth,2019/04/15,"Any and frustrated with myself I had a panic attack today at work and had to go home. Once I was home I was able to get settled down and be okay. I thought I was having an allergic reaction to a wasp sting, but once I got home I was fine. Realized I was having a panic attack about the possibility of an allergic reaction, which mimicked some of the feelings of allergic reaction. Tightness in the chest, coughing, etc. I am just so angry with myself for not figuring it out sooner and for leaving work. I should have know better and it seems like I should know my body better. Pretty sure I need to get some anxiety medication.",3.2257004470938884,5.388262926229512,5.081356184798807,78.38592399403876,75.47540983606558,8.370789865871833,26.66467958271237,9.095868883498916,2.4903016393442625,495,19,90,12,11,169,72,122,0.212,0.634,0.154,-0.8054,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,3,11,3,2,8,1,14,7,2,0,1,25,24,7,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,2,5,0,3,0,3,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,9,2,15,6,16,12,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,2,68,18,2,0.14737130380533794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021754016497024,0.0,0.1127386440380867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353122665815226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26067588442769485,0.0,0.163696296045451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435795958779198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451535921620828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399084742407013,0.0,0.08375450812560248,0.0,0.1178662942779395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434763009152051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198282895772226,0.0,0.0,0.15604493199340708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199817502720039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846108433637814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927395443664796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138912577472753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458169441886521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613900209523166,0.0,0.14992959691010666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416130010529514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889570976878984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699635368706175,0.0,0.0,0.13969076433320024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145761287080864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,skitzzzo,2019/04/15,"Are perpetual nightmares based in reality a symptom? Recently I was diagnosed with “probably” OCD, anxiety and depression, but I was put on meds without actually having a formal diagnosis. Prior to starting the meds, I had been daily smoking weed for about 3 years. I started using it to suppress intrusive thoughts and dreams that mostly stemmed from a situation that caused me to dissociate from reality for about 3 months. Since childhood, and since taking a 2 week tbreak after starting the meds, I have been having recurrent nightmares. They always consist of something from 3 categories: the world ending in a very apocalyptic manner (bombs, people burning alive); me getting chased by a serial killer, followed by the police letting me die to the killer; having a conversation based on things that have happened in real life (usually I find out really disturbing news), and after I wake it can take days for me to realize it never happened; flashbacks to childhood (dad abusing me and my mother, and situations that I would consider molestation, but I have no idea if the latter actually happened); and sexual dreams with no context until I’m fucking some random girl and have immense guilt that I’m cheating on my girlfriend. All of these themes except for fucking random girls are based in reality (though I was “cheated” on and lied to by a girl once), and lately I’ve been able to link these themes to specific incidents that one would probably consider “traumatic” — shootings, abused by cops, held knifepoint at 13, lots of other crime scenes, tornados, questionable activities that an adult and child would participate in, bullying, fights, gang violence at 12-13, seeing remains of someone who was burned alive when I was 14, etc. Had blocked most of this stuff out until recently now that I’ve been trying to understand the dreams",18.188554510623483,10.699301056426332,15.877847439916408,44.35669453152212,50.97492163009405,19.31884360849878,58.64193660745384,15.322241378113626,8.332847161267853,1483,74,216,41,9,477,186,319,0.256,0.7070000000000001,0.038,-0.9981,2,0,1,1,2,0,42.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,6,2,16,0,25,6,1,2,2,45,44,18,1,4,5,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,18,15,0,3,7,3,0,2,4,9,0,1,13,1,19,0,49,27,6,38,0,1,1,2,13,14,2,8,22,154,37,0,0.1036902509379298,0.2457119836122754,0.2023734548337999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627859523317342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932275815481883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065184505074232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687163377453041,0.0,0.08930826119402585,0.10524342203936353,0.10761410989418936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918387854339786,0.0,0.11564203907577145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947710108499854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917199322993448,0.054173876457785465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750788393862965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705367208820025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696711948741274,0.0,0.0,0.10603030681347043,0.0732394907224893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815374334896467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34552948049471605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276456903595783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997231382453703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042673316519327,0.07026319756032771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188576418019298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235912561940276,0.0,0.0,0.10423734163210058,0.116156811679209,0.0,0.0,0.11802220625225568,0.06642662989145774,0.0,0.20476322703225047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262770517548511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715472941626863,0.2331043730108845,0.0,0.0,0.08785641313212537,0.07982582101933673,0.0,0.0,0.22017747991397812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187005296487426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077738730125002,0.15592432858874775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688871952962791,0.0,0.10187514508235652,0.08231847693129259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039887398002331,0.0,0.0,0.1079452080594897,0.0,0.08955508467252282,0.11420016215981905,0.08555531634535507,0.0,0.0,0.08317406480288746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995370170893077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097573774300364,0.0,0.0,0.06677312198561038 ptsd,llenade_ballena,2019/04/15,"PTSD and dating (33F, 30M) Does anyone have any good resources where I can find information about PTSD and dating/romantic relationships? Or any anecdotal experience; things that were difficult, things that helped? I'm in a brand new relationship (less than a month) with a guy who has PTSD from his international human rights work. He is currently in therapy weekly, and will be doing a month-long full-time program for PTSD in the summer. He's been fairly open about his mental health and it's good to see that he's taking treatment seriously. I've done a lot of work in trauma-heavy fields in my career as well, so i relate to a certain extent. I have a couple main concerns: that he's looking at me and our connection as something that will ""make him happy"", and that he is investing too much too soon in our relationship. He told me he loved me last night, which is way too soon for me. I realize I'm being affected by stereotypes and media representations of PTSD, so I feel a bit guilty saying this, but I'm starting to get worried that he is unhealthily fixated on me, and I want to make sure that I'm safe in this relationship.",7.923723536737236,6.9305454155251125,8.28504773765048,71.12316313823162,62.881278538812786,11.616604400166047,33.607721046077216,10.832165505486646,3.459279452054794,902,30,170,20,11,299,133,219,0.045,0.867,0.08900000000000001,0.8385,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,0,2,11,10,0,0,9,0,16,2,0,3,2,24,31,14,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,15,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,4,4,17,8,25,23,6,24,0,0,2,1,25,12,0,2,11,105,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065425234495346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231159137764574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129046111033425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442897577904257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050093916210923,0.10583152649035783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116169872309888,0.0,0.0,0.05229075729417513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452129112521353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540311293730226,0.0,0.0,0.17348259499922938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023991181035248,0.0,0.11008935060810064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992746603416133,0.0,0.0,0.06931825473084596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429868167954806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152081649193973,0.08684425827800021,0.0,0.0,0.08792145999217364,0.09333790651733948,0.0,0.13806334006582655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042200414819786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509297209214704,0.0,0.07602341577295625,0.0,0.0,0.09988081122717743,0.0,0.09704987623621646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6044448645664537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441247464433576,0.0,0.08831757787002187,0.0,0.08224137247011715,0.0,0.0,0.0824099828191454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961548157190597,0.0,0.0,0.07319910554753845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974693261244075,0.0,0.07775673554527011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826638576599065,0.0,0.13741135781923633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881940323361092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099804326103631,0.08208762410715359,0.08295490279981868,0.0,0.09298432913068032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057765788717584,0.10502501312784374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,freedomsearcher_,2019/04/15,"I want to give up Last Tuesday was my birthday but I couldn’t enjoy it and instead kept crying and being sad the whole day although birthdays are usually my fav time of the year, saturday I celebrated my birthday with some friends and we went barhoping. One of them said another word for „being horny“ that my rapist used and bc I wasn’t in a good mood and already drank a bit my inner movie started playing... I looked so sad all the time that my friends kept asking me what was wrong and tried to put up the corners of my mouth. I looked forward to celebrating my birthday for months and couldn’t enjoy it all and worst of all, what do my friends think about me? I’m a mess, I wanted them to have fun and looked like someone shit at me... On the 3rd of may I have to retake an exam and I can’t concentrate on studying... there are so many responsibilities I have and so much to do, yet I can’t even get myself out of bed and didn’t shower for 3 days bc I‘m anxious and sad and I‘m not functioning, how am I supposed to go on, when I‘m ruining everything? Thanks if you‘ve read so far!",5.142245322245323,4.979550549549554,5.740270270270269,84.32354469854471,68.27927927927928,8.632571032571034,30.590436590436592,8.139509932561175,1.9090453222453216,850,30,183,10,13,276,128,222,0.16899999999999998,0.639,0.191,0.7142,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,2,0,11,20,2,0,9,0,18,4,2,2,3,35,40,23,0,5,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,6,17,1,2,1,2,0,4,7,9,0,1,9,4,28,10,26,27,8,28,0,4,3,1,9,12,1,3,15,123,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690464297918537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063065403919358,0.0,0.1730584912909715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320981524886298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672412867903956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826948892761692,0.19758677970144453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117902726486032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767522193831785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35505729759777743,0.0,0.08003424762529585,0.1469515948808692,0.08706009681990423,0.12848656994554422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248684164539334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483976957185895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859172454385323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530827814919362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227295600650692,0.0,0.1126105812315584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380394611174608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399594338586728,0.0,0.0,0.1532291489554832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571657680356656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724496671959026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297954361742245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842703840032887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103464739424254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815648898888356,0.0,0.0,0.17864995276984091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400438885058703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230498335060484,0.16871460295572732,0.0,0.18070814197897572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200652723584942,0.0,0.17102858991505154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748669578952013,0.0,0.09864785260244023 ptsd,LT-Kaia,2019/04/15,"How do PTSD victims/survivors act when facing the same trauma again? ^ title. E.g. if a person experiences X trauma and X Trauma causes PTSD how would said person react differently if they were to experience X trauma again? Would they act differently? I’ve read that they would get something similar to an adrenaline rush as to make sure they can’t experience the trauma again. But I have also read that they just freeze (because I can’t think of a better word). Sorry for my ignorance of this subject. Also sorry if this isn’t the best place to post this.",5.138785714285714,6.920294152380954,6.048750000000003,75.07312500000002,69.3809523809524,8.29761904761905,25.505952380952376,8.841846274778883,2.0327380952380945,446,13,76,8,8,147,65,105,0.17800000000000002,0.726,0.096,-0.7929,2,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,2,9,9,0,0,6,0,9,1,1,5,1,19,13,11,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,2,0,3,3,6,0,0,2,2,8,3,8,8,2,9,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,4,52,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346941132452988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945068007853738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399343731862292,0.1297786449456792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507412859162421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306621866981475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306164450575989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666502621294811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794936463495986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25625351968699506,0.1533109334907375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053531736401906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430598762157743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29355724754878465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958231022060166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129667851198796,0.0,0.32852440137633004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829968999346984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402437112341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127173433803309,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LebaneseGangsta,2019/04/15,"My work is threatening to fire me Hi everyone, To keep a long story short, my supervisors at my work (state bureaucratic job) called me into a meeting on Friday and let me know that they were considering firing me this week once my 6 month probation period is up because, essentially, I don’t socialize enough with my co-workers. I explained to them during the meeting that my PTSD, which I’ve told them about before , saps a lot of my mental energy and I am constantly battling anxiety attacks and flashbacks, etc., throughout the workday, which is very mentally and emotionally draining, and leaves engaging in small talk with others quite difficult for me. I’ve never been rude or disrespectful to anyone at my job, and I’ve never turned in sub-par work as a result of my difficulty socializing (they agreed with this). I simply don’t engage in small talk like some of my other co-workers do. However, my supervisors did not care when I explained all of this, and said that they simply have to fill out the “objective forms” that indicate whether or not I’m qualified for the job, and that my introverted behavior makes them have reservations. I don’t know what to do at this point, but I’m feeling really mistreated, and I am about to head into this work week fully expecting it to be my last. Thank you for reading, I just needed to vent to an understanding community because obviously our society still has problems recognizing the seriousness of our disability.",14.144224709784416,9.028670279850747,13.371094527363189,52.235928689883934,55.15671641791045,17.433499170812606,49.18076285240464,14.712192995108573,6.912575787728027,1177,52,195,37,9,394,156,268,0.079,0.863,0.057,-0.5748,4,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,1,6,5,5,11,3,0,10,0,18,1,1,2,4,40,34,15,0,3,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,16,15,0,1,6,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,5,4,35,5,35,27,6,28,0,0,0,0,21,15,0,4,12,140,51,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626787377886158,0.0,0.0,0.07885061306898349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829086484394125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374857079832789,0.0,0.09595799909185526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514962043542967,0.0,0.11497537447239832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186308220293394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684979590328085,0.0,0.11652038352958995,0.12576709462179458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077554840051564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570193269423988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573339026865245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357170967591879,0.10023414946006902,0.0,0.0,0.12394963911528753,0.09192167679764672,0.0,0.11940594648708475,0.0,0.11531380574368942,0.0,0.05509317172075078,0.0,0.0,0.09979689772384497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587205716573602,0.0,0.0,0.07527409367668382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22728898668573186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001103291214965,0.0,0.0,0.08361668520221986,0.17394860277937907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009516184389266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660302842794046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790457493247088,0.13182076961508374,0.0,0.0,0.11994356991671284,0.11279938279237073,0.0,0.0722426231302612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726901531532143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299073150066117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005736200574359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127868566081104,0.0,0.10382242077864724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077554840051564,0.0,0.0,0.1226601437430274,0.0,0.11739636644673702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304612450800527,0.0,0.0,0.18091276428098974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925824648314646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WorriedWindow,2019/04/15,"PTSD about a word? I think I got PTSD from the word ""comprehend"", I got into a fight with a member from a forum, I was trying to sound cool and intelligent, so I tried to use the word ""comprehend"" but I used it wrongly, I thought it meant something else, I thought the word had other meanings, ambiguous kind of, so the guy pointed out about it and I can't stop but feel embarrassing, I sounded like a low IQ person trying to overcompensate by using big words to sound smart.",5.0587096774193565,5.6832948172043025,5.807688172043015,81.03153225806457,68.56989247311829,8.780645161290323,29.478494623655912,8.841846274778883,2.176062365591398,370,13,74,6,6,121,58,93,0.08800000000000001,0.77,0.14300000000000002,0.6036,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,1,9,1,3,0,0,3,0,23,14,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,7,5,10,4,13,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149887073586538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169856083557053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900923962521258,0.0,0.0,0.1795700090572376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888533737075827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860091533110022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754881215692566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835223178609012,0.0,0.0,0.17143913847721584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239886898051817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961597533007827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162093977212246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620499127474967,0.0,0.2879512994088703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693845172157764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698975970178844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982832742220644,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ccb808,2019/04/15,Yoga & Anxiety I unexpectedly found a decrease in my PTSD-related anxiety since I began practicing yoga. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced a long-lasting sense of calm after a few classes.,9.288333333333334,9.668104500000004,11.424444444444447,45.215,59.55555555555557,14.977777777777774,45.77777777777778,13.816669648895859,7.592377777777778,166,10,21,7,2,61,30,36,0.111,0.8140000000000001,0.075,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,1,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177428036894161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486801455475717,0.0,0.0,0.205051446144345,0.30047547487260456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24497779692395516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32154011831610435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904281813104666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595223727821995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428006249968643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24258443195765975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180236727914269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,spergersnfries,2019/04/16,"I've developed ptsd and do not know how to cope In February my apartment was broken into twice, once while i was gone (cinder block thrown into window) and another time when i was home (door busted down by group, held at gunpoint). I have since moved to another state but am absolutely terrified at night now and every little noise gives me a panic attack. My psychiatrist agrees i likely have developed it. I have been prescribed antidepressants and klonopin but that can only help so much. how am i supposed to cope with this new state of mind?",7.318943894389442,7.82386289108911,7.097772277227726,74.15708745874588,63.65346534653465,10.297689768976898,30.69471947194719,10.125756701596842,3.001018481848185,436,14,76,9,6,138,76,101,0.168,0.78,0.052000000000000005,-0.9299,0,0,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,1,0,11,0,0,2,0,16,15,11,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,6,0,9,1,12,9,1,18,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,7,51,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465394782206515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25246052763676136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869730907740334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128812395851759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487450518703256,0.0,0.2225989961832221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195876662573404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841653627265503,0.22241728637397026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240710475251924,0.0,0.0,0.23586069202428964,0.1631331741749076,0.0,0.0,0.21432704133310476,0.0,0.20825234176504667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23633239952519705,0.0,0.1687764766694995,0.0,0.2603696222797551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594069428948875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357051095984725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940051255758073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throw-away7654321,2019/04/16,"For those who experience dissociation how often do you experience it and what triggers it? Are there different intensities of dissociation? I know how dissociation works and kind of what it's like from others first person accounts but I'm trying to understand it more. Any help would be appreciated. If this subject is upsetting or uncomfortable I apologize and please don't feel the need to talk about your experiences if it's uncomfortable for you to talk about, I don't want to upset anyone. Also sorry if this is the wrong flair!",5.294583333333332,8.129711791666669,6.884583333333335,64.70208333333335,71.70833333333334,10.1,28.375,10.25414643259724,3.608675,436,17,71,14,9,149,64,96,0.165,0.6779999999999999,0.156,-0.2597,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,2,7,5,0,2,2,0,8,0,0,3,0,18,14,11,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,6,2,11,12,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,5,2,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050338060663488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364859972727102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403373093811593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969356895205574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5889827760981587,0.0,0.0,0.1014822664577166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071921374261187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452804971641122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900293545934576,0.11030198862871947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980541201093798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881990340880188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524749825797106,0.0,0.2203133590627808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467234607439907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32263747869067944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362652356440813,0.0,0.0,0.20894054664922185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838076172412525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611532506900105,0.0,0.0,0.1425747755743916,0.21943895177149245,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mrwasdead,2019/04/16,"Medications that can help with dissociation So I have severe PTSD with anxiety being extremely hard to deal with. I've had MDD for a long time, and I've been dealing with it very well. I've been on all sorts of medication for depression and have been having paradoxical effects. With anxiety meds, Atarax, Vistaril, and Buspar do nothing for me. My doctor is too afraid to put me on a benzo for anxiety because of my past with substance abuse that I've stopped for a few months. However, all the times I went to the ER for panic attacks I was given Ativan and that worked like a charm for me. I've been put on Seroquel and Trileptal and had horrible side effects to those. I recently got started on Zyprexa for anxiety and that helps, but the side effects are awful. Basically, are the any medications that help other people with severe PTSD deal with dissociation a little better? It's frightening for me and gives me panic attacks 24/7.",6.027878787878787,7.304881181818183,6.824318181818183,72.25856060606064,66.72727272727272,9.957575757575757,32.84848484848485,10.125756701596842,3.4990848484848485,752,32,130,18,12,249,96,176,0.213,0.705,0.08199999999999999,-0.9704,1,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,5,3,10,2,3,9,1,16,4,0,3,2,24,21,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,16,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,10,1,11,4,27,10,3,18,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,1,9,87,20,2,0.0,0.13485121420742796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739755784687201,0.0,0.34827020137002657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25896016312901354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938007903089455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065940957573603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35201232331967786,0.09802800240929592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164936549028944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091809500798502,0.0,0.0,0.0910276116791174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195516648456043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22886177449724374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560386841828262,0.1140717269770314,0.0,0.10072198416377294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642191697821187,0.3439674934353619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084540740564698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092077930631736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670728786419088,0.0,0.0,0.10864853082967757,0.07890443470778741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660854149267693,0.22882941040472726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237779038853003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257155296801662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055827550894756,0.0,0.0,0.09515376622284336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327319488498513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390863336382556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023326330027253,0.10550690228111703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285809204109246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,A2lnbefz,2019/04/16,I have PTSD from a singular traumatic event (2 months ago). Will I ever recover ?? To make a long story short I took a psychedelic drug (stupidly) in a rather questionable setting with lots of people at a party and got really really stressed. The drug led me to then believe I was going to die. Later on in the night it convinced me that everyone was dead and I cracked why humans lived so the world was ending. I know it sounds so so SO stupid but since then my life has been miserable (had to break up with my gf).I’ve been doing EMDR and stuff which is helping massively to be honest. I’ve had derealization since then. I don’t get that many flashbacks or anything so it might not be as bad as others. Some people here may not even consider it ptsd but acute stress disorder but whatever. I just want to know if I can recover from this derealization and everything. I have never had any trauma experiences and also had a great childhood. Just want some advice thank you :) 🙏🏻,3.465528785982478,5.699946335106387,4.728260325406757,80.86029411764707,75.01063829787235,8.25331664580726,25.420525657071337,9.007467420416297,2.1673331664580733,773,27,145,18,17,255,124,188,0.121,0.718,0.161,0.8524,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,0,12,11,2,3,9,0,21,3,0,2,2,31,31,21,2,4,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,11,1,15,4,18,15,3,25,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,8,13,104,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366542524632186,0.12125229010629344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938749312399226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301898210343768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256299498622227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421036501558295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411066858086078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196198461202347,0.0,0.1567682889169491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172560237687608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115155026961165,0.0,0.0,0.09034567986916847,0.12373051742581576,0.0,0.13070461998285188,0.1229341876809667,0.13380268404540574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146489455365608,0.0,0.0777384785097809,0.0,0.10940003815689772,0.1508067423108056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168458669044198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034771201807265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966158012658511,0.0,0.0,0.1207842992852658,0.12105106030462917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629033004224767,0.0,0.0,0.09130553214436626,0.13867925357661515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451080358490016,0.0,0.0,0.10918105894715774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549758201512427,0.0,0.0,0.12836413475246572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965999455658974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197903801826384,0.0,0.1532313144475114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525687328086856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263011268513265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31337516669110216,0.0,0.15658692693739132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593391583600022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197397105825353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135952663635572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123427839191564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SendNudesItsURGENT,2019/04/16,"For those who have had PTSD since they were children, how do you feel it impacted your social skills? Hi, new to this subreddit. The event that lead to my PTSD happened when I was 4 and I was officially diagnosed when I was 13, though I started exhibiting symptoms not long after the event. I've always really struggled with understanding social interaction to the point that my Mom had me tested for autism multiple times as a kid. However it wasn't until recently that I started to think a big part of why I struggle socially could be do to experiencing the trauma I did at a young age when I was just starting to develop my social skills. I don't know, can anybody relate to any of this? I'm 23 now, and I'm trying to get better and joining communities, but it's just been really hard.",7.402012987012987,6.639768649350652,8.238279220779223,70.28456168831171,63.805194805194795,11.855844155844155,34.83441558441558,11.20814326018867,3.890937662337663,628,24,117,16,8,213,101,154,0.056,0.93,0.014,-0.5921,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,4,8,4,0,2,7,0,17,2,0,2,0,15,28,11,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,10,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,10,3,16,1,17,16,1,21,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,0,17,81,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169720248330701,0.0,0.0,0.0955977522258096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432967607138012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223996679404527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268354906608868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108038009755709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734461195757542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431252017485467,0.0,0.12593013287338609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725790476420356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244069652020607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464306787830482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577095444496395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522321021564507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289149813822598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286559456746357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011552877609274,0.0,0.1388036581529018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628744243351112,0.0,0.0,0.5732056204166498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985051573750961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939249634279519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611420267453787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007660397041303,0.13811701463428802,0.0,0.08197206934940605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544312599384193,0.0,0.0,0.14634648980574425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684963565480836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BraveLilToes,2019/04/16,"Re-diagnosed today I was re-diagnosed today during my first session with the psychiatrist, same practice as my new therapist. I haven't been in treatment for ptsd in years because my anxiety has been horrible. My next appointment for the psychiatrist is next month, and I was hesitant to bring up medical marijuana. I did tell her that I use marijuana before bedtime, but how do I go about asking her for documents so I can get a medical marijuana card? I dont want her to think that's the only reason I started treatment again. She also started me on anti-anxiety meds, antidepressants, and sleep meds. TL;DR .... when and how did you bring up medical marijuana with your psychiatrist? (P.s. I live in PA)",4.4280232558139545,7.017405697674416,6.439709302325583,68.04002906976747,73.41860465116278,10.5015503875969,32.45542635658914,10.504223727775694,4.430849612403101,561,28,91,20,12,195,82,129,0.059,0.941,0.0,-0.5849,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,0,12,4,1,4,0,13,22,10,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,6,0,21,0,15,16,1,21,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,12,66,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747718292952584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475869449402866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373331967015463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954987205642939,0.0,0.1250024699659938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982041307172377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216761994678967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495445408454267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675004016229459,0.0,0.08348758344982574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297168334049477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263491955806566,0.4439638215890661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725548203061772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418785126663657,0.31246310676513445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172531162655264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172014788397466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510393452766695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700772371952744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795546403746526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839850229579206,0.0,0.0,0.17056411849116102,0.0,0.09412863487337357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784911428755192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687584486795633,0.0,0.0,0.08664638930244928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459983536808338 ptsd,0RA0RA,2019/04/16,"Newly diagnosed and seeking advice I grew up mentally and physically abused by my alcoholic mother every night. I moved out at 18 and have been doing well, but I guess I always coped by internalizing my past. I've always had anxiety, but in the past four years, I've been experiencing constant dissociation. Initially a doctor just told me it was derialization disorder, but I could finally afford a neuropsychiatrist recently. I was diagnosed with Chronic PTSD which she says causes my dissociation. She told me that DBT therapy is my best option and I'm still just trying to process everything at the moment. What worked for you? Do you have any advice?",6.574875478927205,8.819156008620691,7.950459770114943,61.018295019157115,66.5,11.362452107279697,31.854406130268195,11.20814326018867,4.459073946360154,531,22,81,18,9,182,82,116,0.07,0.866,0.064,0.2406,1,0,1,0,1,0,12.0,0,2,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,0,11,5,0,1,0,15,15,7,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,2,16,2,10,7,1,16,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,9,58,20,2,0.0,0.1827933019777085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30151586707538586,0.0,0.16487545101647072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567420453950061,0.0,0.0,0.10491381369453873,0.0,0.1180216664399933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190444538894774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848522325655318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671888860935774,0.0,0.12317782260713565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31317630248535755,0.0,0.0,0.17681508316609054,0.15790929258076186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998522874986349,0.0,0.138654435593676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900317557328895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995377339596576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547517167787508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397229076632558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447787388546703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945501651150823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803418378115488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233016250399245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268745360292853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320600327247172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642946950725122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29483702873995715,0.0,0.10474411903838583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871376684727554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231566826285126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934948447911406 ptsd,buddyboyo13,2019/04/16,"College professor humiliated me I got bullied really bad as a kid, and it was mostly humiliation. I tried to kill myself as a kid before, I dropped out of high school in freshman year but decided that I should man up, get my GED and go to college. I did that and now I'm in college, and I'm in this math class where the professor wants everyone to participate. So here is the thing, I'm not doing so well in this class because I'm forced to answer questions out loud in front of people, risking embarrassment, but guess what, my worst nightmare fucking happened yesterday. My professor looks at me ""This problem is super easy, thats why I picked YOU"" &#x200B; Come on, we've all been worried about you, we know you can do it"" ""we believe in you, even George W Bush did, thats why he passed the no child left behind law, all for YOU"" &#x200B; He's saying all of that shit, and my ears end up ringing, and I just don't answer anything. I have no idea if the class laughed at me or not, but I was so fucking humiliated that I just wanted to fucking kill him right there. After class, I just go home and I started crying and punching everything, throwing everything. I can't fucking believe this is happening to me again, why the fuck do people do this to me?? I'm having a mental breakdown right now and I'm crying nonstop and I'm a grown fucking man. How do I stop this? Sorry if my grammar is bad right now, I just feel so bad right now that i can't even walk in a straight line. Also, no, I'm not a drug abuser, I'm a sober guy who doesn't even drink or smoke weed.",5.021521381578951,4.951255859375003,5.9865460526315815,82.13963815789477,68.53125,8.611842105263158,31.217105263157894,8.20500826718156,2.09646875,1225,46,256,15,19,407,160,320,0.24,0.696,0.064,-0.9963,0,0,3,0,1,1,50.0,2,5,0,1,23,19,9,2,12,0,22,10,2,2,3,49,51,25,2,6,14,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,6,18,15,1,1,7,1,0,8,10,16,1,0,6,6,35,3,30,44,5,42,0,0,1,6,19,22,7,7,11,167,53,12,0.0,0.1032590543065032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696941982295978,0.0,0.18885499257110291,0.2117947168157096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171740993272964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830100293773666,0.05312611673945169,0.0,0.07415862981857152,0.196377468367352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507241184401907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146139490892092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537428066963462,0.1010668750997474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718944752433902,0.0,0.0,0.17268618766641888,0.0,0.0,0.08327600747083168,0.15665044331384673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406589548806422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834152232194542,0.045532522825384884,0.0,0.0990592393444232,0.0,0.06970219106301175,0.0,0.09600606656161446,0.08629266566239828,0.15413374307691102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207925493796984,0.08741902579154004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838227102511778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928381621152129,0.0,0.047895618344944914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468923910117504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731844441932208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782717431055771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083832327950315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339122849453641,0.0,0.0,0.09762847012118213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558308217818429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977040959101106,0.0,0.06930555057130221,0.0,0.08820092693526854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945870360220264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755781445123457,0.061685550215523875,0.0,0.0,0.07286169406498141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057898898829009414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059169447452677985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280720870786336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835873759580747,0.0,0.2359192274911281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850553121822291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117947168157096,0.056122044419346304 ptsd,adbpti,2019/04/16,"The only way I think I can cope with it, and I know it's not a good idea I was sexually assaulted nine years ago during college. I lost a lot of friends, became socialphobic after that, made new friends who weren't good people, had constant suicidal thoughts, called suicide hotline and it made me feel worse, missed my classes and exams and ended up dropping out of college. The guy came into my life when I was feeling the most vulnerable. My family was going through financial crisis and I didn't even have the money to fly back and spend time with them during the holiday break. He said he wants to hang out with me and be my company. I know where he works and I always fantasize about going to his work place and humiliating him in front of everyone. For three years I sent him angry, vengeful, random messages nearly every day. I stopped doing that after realizing how insane I might have seemed. Time helped me heal but every once in a while when I'm doimg something, all of a sudden I get flashbacks and I get so resentful. I wish him all the misfortune in life because he pretended to be so kind despite knowing what I was going through, and took advantage of me. I keep getting this temptation to send texts but I know it's not a good idea. I just wish he realizes what a disgusting POS he is and I can only hope he isn't doing this to anyone. Any advice? I have sought counseling but I feel like nothing will make me feel better than to know that he is a rotting miserable failing garbage.",4.417356787048568,5.952560318493153,5.346637608966375,80.37003113325031,70.81506849315069,8.322789539227896,29.368617683686185,8.841846274778883,2.4036178082191784,1191,47,222,22,22,390,168,292,0.159,0.7290000000000001,0.111,-0.8724,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,6,10,17,3,1,13,0,21,3,0,4,2,57,54,21,2,4,6,0,4,1,2,2,3,1,0,1,12,19,0,2,16,2,2,9,5,7,0,2,15,5,36,10,30,35,4,39,0,4,0,0,23,10,0,6,18,145,48,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343405352943297,0.09382842154063926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807453725147933,0.0,0.0,0.07198069625267657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401182129547948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139106073042994,0.0,0.06452434073682271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361450912934258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808328303615533,0.12106263120921315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438476267304623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826360795542513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375046623065024,0.0,0.0,0.06991202003449827,0.0,0.17836406739002478,0.10114289940675973,0.0,0.0,0.0997846655104825,0.0,0.21408098538725756,0.0756182804764815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355677373118765,0.0,0.1659046170342742,0.0,0.18046864249284125,0.26634241981835843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480678250203262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094810367069154,0.0,0.0,0.10513157018864208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389804325138279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408312337473934,0.0,0.11022505688372876,0.2908581868543643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149528031523561,0.051712292667021834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155462804126289,0.08998871772845582,0.0,0.2003130608850984,0.07065478063567991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228866642138276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222926380899194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101564612625864,0.0,0.0,0.1127253335248729,0.0,0.16100530153246154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338211056900854,0.0,0.11058928677290453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068628363249284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636061487686493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148744457413554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849419199163391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315624366280168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782352637906942,0.0,0.084031986651801,0.1234423715550487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760171958120072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062432262811538276,0.08401771348469173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24344139515977226,0.0,0.0,0.1541181226179279,0.0,0.10786879409681646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632609116607436 ptsd,backdoordumbledoor,2019/04/16,"Dilemma I’m currently in a dilemma about seeking help from the doctors. I’m currently at university (1st year). And went through a bit of trauma around October last year it stopped me sleeping properly and had a few other effects too, I used a considerable amount of alcohol to blur it all out and help me sleep and not think about it. I’d like to go to the doctors as I still get the effects and lack of sleep but am worried that if I do have something and it gets put on my record I won’t be able to do the job I’m going for after university Thanks",3.7086842105263145,4.610746842105264,5.183289473684212,83.28177631578949,71.80701754385964,8.50701754385965,31.793859649122812,8.841846274778883,2.50198596491228,436,20,92,8,8,147,75,114,0.095,0.821,0.084,0.2023,3,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,8,0,7,6,3,3,1,20,18,9,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,8,1,1,4,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,2,19,14,5,17,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,9,61,13,3,0.1770746100355321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892389063003398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576339449290448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331961223688907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624867333301005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850283505171152,0.0,0.20127116313836504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23737875706846695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571922739970675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433944101233184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650971007932219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800889142117896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316074736035696,0.0,0.0,0.1363206858880753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141201231097453,0.1480423028658772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302651019656655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134622601513921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293560919800245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414993753754228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982786189719985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280604864874877 ptsd,PatrickDittoSwayze,2019/04/16,"Has anyone else had horrible but unexplainable pain? In 2017/2018 I had horrible “ovarian” pain on my right side that put me in the hospital more than once. I had every test done from ultrasounds to ct scans to a colonoscopy and all showed I was fine. It would always happen around the anniversary of my rape and last at least a month. I started to believe I was just insane and didn’t correlate the two. Well last August I was diagnosed with PTSD and was told that inexplicable pain is a symptom. I’m just curious if anyone else has experienced that and how common it is?",5.12993119266055,6.679871844036697,5.745768348623852,78.13590022935782,69.09174311926606,9.853669724770645,29.22133027522936,10.125756701596842,2.9762192660550464,457,17,86,12,8,148,74,109,0.243,0.695,0.062,-0.9799,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,6,0,14,6,0,1,1,14,18,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,1,10,2,9,2,12,7,3,14,0,0,1,1,1,7,0,1,6,61,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541469257967048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275865043576036,0.333497589299167,0.0,0.14487521666621397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183354926363276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518008438799126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654195202939145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719007424502743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711746951287074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391254427975694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26531351225847305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989941064993066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331531747508666,0.0,0.0,0.5195080818830575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023712683235244,0.16360103608879553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898109858900415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518989028097587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691516400176254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555073129782792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897565246627424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632493922288647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560751351736365,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BluMadchen,2019/04/16,So I have PTSD... I was diagnosed today and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Hoping this sub will help me figure it out.,-1.7814285714285738,0.13193085714285854,1.047142857142859,100.0228571428572,97.57142857142857,4.228571428571429,10.571428571428571,5.985473137389443,-1.3531714285714282,96,1,24,1,4,33,24,28,0.069,0.738,0.193,0.5481,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,8,6,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39772277450081983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813276421852194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26265095652298104,0.0,0.0,0.3891986683530848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580554500693077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31293449132522155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36931702677208456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714310387047671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fuzzysockclub,2019/04/17,Is this a normal reaction to a trigger? A traumatic event in my life was just triggered and I began laughing nervously and uncontrollably. I literally couldn’t stop and the more I wanted to stop the more I laughed,5.607416666666667,7.410505575000002,6.720000000000002,70.63166666666669,68.25,10.333333333333336,35.833333333333336,10.504223727775694,4.320583333333333,173,9,29,5,3,58,29,40,0.279,0.5720000000000001,0.149,-0.5729,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,2,0,11,5,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,2,3,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32923256114427385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.456696164688757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7793901699617551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27492816663257363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,crazyfox567,2019/04/17,Feels Wrong to Say I Have It My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD for an incident that happened 2 years ago and it doesn’t feel right to call it that. I know I check off all the boxes but I didn’t suffer through a war or something major. It feels like I’m cheapening the right to the name by putting myself in that category. I don’t want to call these symptoms depression anymore but it feels wrong to call it PTSD,2.168382352941176,4.2421676470588245,3.26904411764706,90.54944852941178,78.41176470588233,7.0735294117647065,24.742647058823533,8.07648339933343,1.3670294117647064,330,12,71,6,8,106,57,85,0.229,0.72,0.051,-0.962,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,5,0,4,2,0,0,1,13,12,4,1,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,5,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,1,5,8,1,11,11,2,7,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487050579121194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207827763384985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006397728083063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076170043107405,0.16587763379763304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305397247879755,0.11675415998493376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452028165121025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981665033095794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984346183474751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820809824178173,0.16429191723565625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27913602129404896,0.0,0.1299658009805016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258161132549298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986596116034305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897543962120404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639502980746616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573692885373846,0.0,0.10524332316095736 ptsd,deannaandrews,2019/04/17,"Has anyone used CBD oil? I was diagnosed with PTSD and I have been struggling pretty bad for the past three years and I’m getting to the point where I am feeling hopeless because I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’ve gone through Cognitive Progressing Therapy, tried meditation, breathing exercises, meditating, reading. I just don’t know what else to do or where else to turn. I’ve done a lot of research on CBD oil and it seems to be very helpful to a lot of people so I wanted to see what you guys thought? Thank you❤️",3.2783547008547025,5.271236365384618,4.3474358974359015,84.4753418803419,74.76923076923076,7.699145299145299,29.824786324786324,8.515128840125781,2.3053581196581208,418,19,83,8,9,136,74,104,0.09,0.7829999999999999,0.127,0.4316,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,1,4,0,9,3,1,1,0,15,22,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,5,5,7,2,12,16,2,7,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,4,3,46,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734674122203846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206761140645106,0.1110223256029598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184854066992828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637814159995453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30428582384207065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368311473556973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417676642376613,0.13011085833233216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951533235420936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803333842619006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220752258247394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009169239540487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897756921795642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096740425753764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738598850641891,0.1262632439168109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216794830525664,0.0,0.0,0.18528762821904052,0.0,0.0,0.21289556012932634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217529644187555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513085047975638,0.16580067983639976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903976500304491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676771611195594,0.2082769655109991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458770870936946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24730321220561455,0.1981008006854134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729839738022866,0.0,0.15027303248825932,0.10742263974867036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728317956281978 ptsd,earavenclaw,2019/04/17,"Dissociation: watching self from outside Has anyone had doctors/therapists, if you disclose that you dissociate, ask specifically if it’s like watching yourself from the outside? I’m just wondering why - I’ve had this happen frequently of late; never anything open ended or about other forms of dissociation.",8.7468,11.70185668,8.873000000000003,53.71150000000003,62.2,10.6,42.5,10.686352973137794,5.853,254,15,30,7,4,83,41,50,0.0,0.947,0.053,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,7,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,5,5,1,5,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,4,5,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959062996537496,0.0,0.25843588271406714,0.0,0.2935937786987348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781545377318461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777128314133793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542613820196451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342866483950102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242214243993912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327621997139462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646355379542029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833807200747112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405731584209929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThisTimeBetter,2019/04/17,"So do some triggers never ever ‘habituate’ (go away), no matter how much exposure? When I’m triggered by something my anxiety keeps getting worse and worse. Some of my previous therapists have said that the anxiety should begin to diminish but it never reduces, it only increases.",8.648125,9.911792562500004,9.333333333333332,56.64500000000001,60.875,13.06666666666667,43.08333333333333,12.45797560212912,6.562283333333334,225,13,29,8,3,76,42,48,0.16699999999999998,0.813,0.021,-0.6542,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,3,13,9,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,4,7,4,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383388937327055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235429944974531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266656758599287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091870107126236,0.0,0.14241146920206418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227287074669582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842065298188152,0.0,0.3865284204179225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905788276331891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383607708663489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929101899869073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909449010711773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107287305823873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HagenAndJerrys,2019/04/17,"Girlfriend has ptsd and has nightmares So my girlfriend has ptsd, won’t get into the background, and it affects her sleep a lot. Wanted know what I’m supposed to do when she’s having a bad dream? Do I wake her up or wait until she wakes up herself?",3.0461764705882364,4.475699450980393,3.727598039215689,91.04669117647059,74.09803921568627,5.1000000000000005,26.47549019607843,3.1291,0.4722901960784309,196,7,40,0,4,62,40,51,0.079,0.88,0.041,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,7,3,3,1,0,9,12,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28130438246598993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602069678763735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851560069817125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28642741378890835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7876556160517241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337151640670908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987172617356196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,noahyasmine,2019/04/17,"Therapist hesitant about diagnosing me with PTSD because of other doctor claiming I have post concussion syndrome after car accidents. This is my first post ever and because i’ve been a long time lurker I’ve decided to ask for your guys advise because of the great support Reddit gives each other. English is not my first language so bare with me please.. A little bit of background story. Started grown up job which consited of driving a lot. Had 2 car accidents in a short period of time. After the second one I couldnt take anything anymore and felt like I was having a mental meltdown. Worked since i was 14 and couldnt lift a finger after the accident. Felt like I was losing my mind literally. Couldnt talk to people normally without crying and wasnt myself anymore. Childhood things arose during therapy sessions like arguing of my parents and molestations from family member. I thought that I outgrew everything but after the accidents I cant live my normal life without thinking about the past, crying and feeling worthless. My love for people and life dissapeard as if was never there and was feeling quite suicidal without wanting to be actually dead for a long while. Was going to therapy since the beginning. Therapist was thinking about PTSD but after telling her that my normal doctor suspected me from having post concussion syndrome (because of the forgetfulness, headaches dizziness etc) she is waiting for other test i guess to conclude that it really is ptsd. Im really hopeless and want to do just anything to get better. So my question is can anyone relate to this or what do you advise me to tell my therapist because I really wanted to start EMDR and I feel as if it is going to take forever.. Sorry for the long read xx",7.0550134770889485,8.353336666666667,7.570431266846362,67.75745283018867,64.40880503144655,10.08230008984726,36.21203953279425,10.181067101454742,4.19786055705301,1412,67,208,32,21,465,173,318,0.122,0.79,0.08900000000000001,-0.919,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,0,7,8,12,2,0,15,0,27,7,1,1,2,51,52,20,2,11,10,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,13,13,0,1,12,1,0,6,10,5,0,4,13,6,29,7,42,35,4,34,0,3,0,1,16,4,0,6,24,156,42,9,0.0,0.0,0.07732725920739851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571704892155177,0.055406772652854784,0.0,0.13041629509543276,0.0,0.07407913421086476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415212472280312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008174820655155,0.0865100601394834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408385077797978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042739975551656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221193875417894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837406010811225,0.0,0.0716775334331273,0.0,0.0,0.07121621674992153,0.0,0.07470085426094156,0.0,0.12019907373271925,0.0,0.15216653794298116,0.0,0.0,0.1348037910235283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041399870260267986,0.0760146705081862,0.09006835998671217,0.0,0.0,0.08736288782114511,0.08729230126545033,0.0784605144005827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559329544016077,0.0,0.07863393038149008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193976182235736,0.11613865973061402,0.07941975897917294,0.06997077867557794,0.2103759428785084,0.0,0.08864980675672987,0.0,0.06736740614174037,0.07151760966359211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985574697292858,0.0,0.08001027653372282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111512842041525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329164818453712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369538702543969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798715428817086,0.0,0.07564398611824008,0.10987071648599044,0.0,0.0,0.08698223054016356,0.0,0.0,0.2276713721989182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27788357485302617,0.0,0.08876745117386813,0.08428198400604743,0.07926190443556175,0.0,0.15229040484906856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109705611281933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870320839996787,0.11217361206404214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667620291336664,0.08992113592097899,0.0,0.0,0.11915792991154606,0.06369048084908167,0.13851931088030822,0.0,0.1812367456937691,0.2760128474848709,0.05264384117097535,0.10154817543530777,0.0,0.0629080746627761,0.09241149990315883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021423056157634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22915492964627426,0.0,0.057687999241939264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,butterflycari,2019/04/17,"Grief triggering flashbacks \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*trigger warning\*\* guns/ drunk father/ physical abuse suffocation / natural peaceful pet loss / narcissistic mother\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* &#x200B; I have had PTSD since I was about 7 yrs old. It took me into my thirties to realize what it was because I couldn't remember the traumatic event and my mother never told me what happened, she just told me I was crazy. The memory began to surface when I was grieving from miscarriage. I checked the story with my aunt and she confirmed it. The memory was that my dad was drunk and threatening to kill me, my sister, my mother, and my mother's fiance with a gun. I still only remember fragments, but I can tell you it was terrifying to me at that age. Recently, this is what happened. Our beloved cat passed on last week, it was a very peaceful natural death, and last night we were watching a movie called Rachel Getting Married which has some very intense themes. I had seen it before and there was a scene where a woman confronts her mother and they get into a physical fight. The mother reminds me of mine. I started having a flashback of waking up screaming some time after the trauma with my father and doing this on a regular basis as a little kid. My mother's solution was to come in, slap my face, scream at me, and finally cover my mouth and sit on me to the point I felt like I was suffocating. I honestly think if she could get away with it, she would have smothered me to death. I think I was an embarrassment to her. She has narcissistic traits. I vaguely remembered this before this flashback, but it always seemed muted, gauzy, and far away. Any way, last night I had this flashback in the living room right where our kitty passed. Weird. I start to wonder if going through the grieving process can leave someone with their guard down and some of these memories come up. I am doing ok, but still horrified at my mom. We have been no contact for about a year for other reasons. This just confirms for me how toxic the environment growing up was. Thanks for listening. Telling my story really helps.",6.413672137262218,8.25752933681462,5.827149384558003,77.64785574412535,66.33681462140993,8.604587840358077,31.17204401342783,9.04235418022936,2.797487952256621,1708,67,281,30,28,522,209,383,0.174,0.722,0.103,-0.9826,0,0,0,2,2,1,121.0,4,1,2,1,11,17,4,1,21,1,33,5,3,4,1,51,55,20,6,5,7,13,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,2,22,23,2,1,10,2,1,7,3,13,0,0,24,6,57,4,43,28,3,54,0,4,2,0,38,24,0,7,22,207,79,0,0.0,0.12869565734111205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037964176401096,0.11768855319430432,0.13198387533680805,0.07386458951996053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410209955292308,0.0,0.0,0.06621308476707398,0.0,0.1848533995612273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109120604698022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713116162715507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672336830047203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429119581783762,0.11898671635020952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702467060569345,0.0,0.06173063470685977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210270244049532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280497171712713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201707404766841,0.0,0.0,0.26561674811207553,0.0,0.11501175172918487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053065717196971375,0.10886469190231643,0.09591249533607296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127213164985428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377360636165827,0.0,0.0,0.20386299458818466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113977283665054,0.0,0.0,0.08260958234194994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267998705122833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696970355123754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958406076217791,0.1116783390339802,0.10724807848112757,0.0,0.3691321831954201,0.09275996321486793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888258428044812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985069211029345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203245746054296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537620596421644,0.0,0.1734864178060046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898754452964342,0.10000170706580587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919723471971535,0.0,0.0,0.06333656507209094,0.0,0.0,0.20758006344683466,0.12067961545153695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792439670906175,0.0,0.08621664198922835,0.08712754490990231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177925841207921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715976352255885,0.0,0.13198387533680805,0.06994702252875447 ptsd,metalgirl00,2019/04/17,"Does anyone else have a very hard time leaving their house? I've been recently diagnosed with PTSD, but I've been dealing with this for almost a decade. Ever since something very traumatic happened to me, I rarely leave my house. I'm afraid to and I feel much happier and more comfortable at home. It seems like no matter how many times I leave my house, it just doesn't get any easier. All of the therapists I've been to have told me to go somewhere everyday, but it doesn't seem to work. I've been diagnosed with agoraphobia and it seems like facing my fears should help, but it doesn't. The therapist that I'm currently seeing doesn't seem to be focusing so much on me going somewhere everyday, but rather on dealing with the trauma. Do I have to deal with the trauma first in order to be able to go places? Does anyone else have a hard time leaving their house? How do you deal with it?",4.850378787878785,5.834918431818185,5.148181818181818,84.2756060606061,69.22727272727272,9.048484848484847,26.59848484848485,9.2995712137729,2.0071530303030305,708,21,143,14,12,224,91,176,0.139,0.741,0.12,-0.6808,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,2,6,7,0,2,7,0,17,3,1,2,2,27,31,10,0,2,6,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,8,9,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,5,4,13,3,21,23,4,18,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,5,11,85,21,1,0.090572280829052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906950561114362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159225681960553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266604893321913,0.18560401009264585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735041780769892,0.0,0.1838579170199081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852082661866634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132303730288066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192781337081391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191899652563076,0.04579606657971122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704073580432053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732027850014649,0.0,0.15442294330254314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009276881757978,0.0,0.16226994682769502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060708690657972623,0.0,0.09085138248392664,0.0,0.0,0.4180330064381047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836118711720393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884980828609136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182607687905896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316209557910527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462875613905247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587414944374256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942920059731413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721743813880249,0.329814411239195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492232664991673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972696674348851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032279780092886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844027594322574,0.0,0.0,0.08654569572198363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946323436112602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593769915420829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ImOkWithSilence,2019/04/17,"Seeking help I keep moving to loud apartments. Moved 5 times in 1 year, I'm unable to find quiet place to live. All the dr.s and my payee just try to tell me to take more drugs. Im trapped,sick, no car and the words ptsd makes people have a dumb grin on their face. I have lost my health and see no end in sight. Im pretty sure my payee is a drug addict. No one believes anything i say, its always take meds. This is a nightmare, trying very hard to stay positive. It's impossible to find quiet apartment online through pictures. The apartment im in now said ""nice quiet apartment"" I want to hurt him so bad.....",1.6009733333333322,3.6081733040000015,2.8213000000000013,93.38848333333335,79.96,4.806666666666667,20.816666666666666,5.46131890053228,-0.11701333333333384,473,13,101,2,12,152,88,125,0.131,0.726,0.14400000000000002,0.4033,0,1,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,0,6,0,4,5,1,1,2,12,13,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,2,9,10,3,13,11,2,17,0,2,2,0,6,9,1,0,4,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074263617598135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150577668577761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379041226801953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545574566485987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579113291062238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32071546908980725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247261947655352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527658416733433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238692746337623,0.0,0.0,0.14698227322315302,0.0,0.0,0.09268434017241058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802867881294196,0.0,0.4480895444110211,0.0,0.0,0.12290719216149305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221013638883412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094597607750904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230115231324512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359487600142616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939337119185284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937002576563705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586404916636354,0.0,0.14447031766006665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067769645782144,0.0,0.0,0.1616387304050641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153335015414686,0.10996363615707604,0.0,0.0,0.11018908238342152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473851727973039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032469172756336,0.0,0.2079345983524024,0.0,0.12086042990730715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063058887381896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776238086753466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409323036500114,0.08155951723553022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890460290993732 ptsd,jackiesullivan56,2019/04/17,"Im going crazy About 5 months ago I witnessed someone being shot and then afterwards almost got shot myself. The person that committed this crime then fought and broke my foot because I was trying to get the gun from them which now that I think about it probably was not the best idea. This person also stabbed me in the leg twice and cut my artery and tendon, caused me to have surgery and a cast for 6 weeks. It has caused me to get these horrible thoughts and images in my head that I cannot control. The thought literally of a gun just makes me tense up and I almost/or do start crying. I heae things that cause me to freak out and I just think everyone is out to get me now. Therapy isn't really an option for me. Not sure what to do about it anymore its pretty much driving me insane. Any advice? I'll take anything by now.",2.93339285714286,4.658008410714288,3.6995238095238094,89.91214285714287,75.01190476190476,6.704761904761906,22.714285714285715,7.447530270364453,0.7758642857142855,655,18,137,8,14,208,106,168,0.228,0.743,0.029,-0.9862,0,0,0,2,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,9,6,2,0,8,0,10,4,4,5,2,28,23,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,14,10,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,6,0,20,2,19,16,2,17,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,10,92,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292418324552505,0.12965121308038727,0.0,0.2929177634390004,0.0,0.0,0.11696456344796086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946223579481543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505123174963852,0.0,0.0,0.12036002647976199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915911524865579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534914951275153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507498323747757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404371998618594,0.0,0.0,0.16066042110768686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397582884507367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292454088105315,0.0,0.08312327984058072,0.0,0.11697797745220688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010559035467752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511043492548513,0.15798656599053512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763009831063757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674382995563355,0.0,0.10751838326213768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554182603708165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879963024383905,0.15769368400469413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936982971687433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123926147078137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352401828681823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378489016310983,0.0,0.10996978244883114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726176353074354,0.0,0.09716905564137401,0.18743579666055385,0.0,0.2322291865954944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930135888729456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732144553122137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IzzyScoutC,2019/04/17,"Issues with food aggression? [TW: abuse, food] Long story short, I was mentally abused by my mother when I was younger and my dad managed to get custody of me when I was 13. Up until then, my mother used food as leverage to keep me in line which manifested in issues when I moved in with my dad. I began to hoard food and get aggressive/argumentative when other people asked for parts of my meal (ex. Asking for a taste of something). It wouldn’t even be much but I’d still get upset. I’ve managed to work with through it for the most part and I’m comfortable sharing food with close friends/family and my partner if asked, but I still get unreasonably angry if someone takes my food without asking. Does anyone else have this kind of issue?",3.704374999999999,5.620484020833337,4.495555555555558,84.20500000000001,73.375,7.022222222222222,25.19444444444445,7.793537801064563,1.3743861111111109,585,19,112,8,12,188,90,144,0.099,0.845,0.056,-0.6608,0,0,1,0,2,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,1,2,0,6,8,0,1,0,18,19,15,0,3,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,9,8,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,15,3,24,13,4,17,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,3,10,72,20,3,0.0,0.2281452890894327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731920126921123,0.09864728754544574,0.0,0.0,0.3600244451728172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425275702603441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042718024042818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359013013677828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907615008454248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6985120582531456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120328726106484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014649009358666,0.0,0.08557552844449398,0.0,0.1002578055692194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520222205548181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702469293159237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023273426181172,0.07077476141915867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085174789183244,0.0,0.0667464329952427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157529184257503,0.07411883110266036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377406573452845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238841284617419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315252020545169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092807708589121,0.0,0.07009089044254448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Epyon216,2019/04/17,Looking for help I've been deployed overseas 4 times and would like someone to talk to. If anyone has a free moment they can PM me for my kik. I would like to remain anonymous,2.755833333333332,4.436347361111113,3.512222222222224,91.255,75.3888888888889,4.800000000000002,25.88888888888889,3.1291,0.3894555555555561,139,5,28,0,3,44,30,36,0.0,0.718,0.282,0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,4,5,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781238361878134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666109064437878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38865200079862106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340191773269346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33702172155411314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197053359050028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319377183541119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5651162004063609,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_hxd9,2019/04/18,"Coping strategies I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, after finally receiving professional help. When triggered I can suffer panic attacks or just completely shut down. Usually, to cope I try to just breathe and calm my mind, but sometimes even if I do that it gets to a point where I start hyperventilating to the point where I get lightheaded and I can’t feel my arms and I think I’m going to pass out. If the trigger is more subtle, I can completely shut down, and it’s in such a subtle unnoticeable way that nobody notices (can vary in how noticeable it is) This is equally as bad as the ‘shut down’ can last from anywhere between a few hours to a few days and almost always impacts my education and relationship. Any help on handling triggers and coping strategies would be helpful and needed. Thanks",7.141871737509322,7.746704872483221,7.339149888143178,71.93178225205074,64.03355704697987,10.112155108128263,35.34750186428039,9.994966539143718,3.6045653989560034,642,28,110,13,9,208,97,149,0.07400000000000001,0.828,0.098,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,1,7,0,12,3,2,4,0,26,21,16,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,1,11,2,19,18,4,26,0,1,0,0,5,14,0,4,8,79,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086765281400747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367357272871672,0.0,0.0,0.10924742991407786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827624350108512,0.0,0.0,0.1341359426361647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33687669337809706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360588482797688,0.0,0.0,0.16305625041967248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610773313527727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122940824624728,0.0,0.0,0.17598409521605807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786586742877233,0.0,0.09130103115061364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32304069230279464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820777510390502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095109696434304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221058652011325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911985326221945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658019150093749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848802470685533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037321336748554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877911172331995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724778536776288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888684290083915,0.0,0.11370881462532355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790482902511107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293795879124296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907072577568068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693315057860762,0.0,0.0,0.12751640013649668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412106819248825,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,squintintarentino,2019/04/18,"My child is my trigger... When I was a child, I was sexually assaulted on multiple occasions by multiple people. When I was in the military, I was sexually assaulted and sexually harassed throughout my time there. I thought I was fine except for a few nightmares here and there and a fear of being alone with men. I became pregnant when I was 22 and had my daughter at 23. I read every book imaginable about babies and motherhood. I felt prepared...what I wasn't told was that the sound of my baby crying would trigger my PTSD and I would be reliving my past again. My daughter was a loud crier and would cry bloody murder, so whenever she would cry, all I could imagine and see was me being assaulted again. The only thing I could do was check out mentally and pass my daughter onto my fiance. I only just recently started seeing a shrink about this but she's 2 now and this has been going on a lot more frequently. I don't know what to do or even how to bring up to my Dr. that my own daughter is triggering my memories and sending me into a full blown panic attack when she merely cries. I feel like a monster of a mother. I do not AT ALL resent her but I constantly feel like I cannot be her mom. I don't even want to post this but I'm at my wits end with this. I love my baby. But the thought of being alone with her scares me.",3.8463759953388994,4.776340369003695,5.343111283744417,82.15937075160228,71.50922509225092,8.65729267818994,27.916294426102155,8.99025400887824,2.1505749077490783,1044,37,212,20,19,353,139,271,0.158,0.78,0.062,-0.9628,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,17,14,7,3,13,0,33,2,0,4,2,46,48,22,1,7,8,6,3,2,0,4,1,2,0,3,8,16,0,0,8,2,1,4,5,10,0,0,17,7,46,4,26,20,7,30,0,0,2,1,18,11,0,2,16,165,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25004493167406083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732868714659668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044808070258376,0.0,0.19275932893091846,0.0,0.5303911101028146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691606206079496,0.0,0.0,0.15945985493905135,0.0,0.10170607392805196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358359057402546,0.12207243782333888,0.1724750626511742,0.11590359849491667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860409111040715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634081558614095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794874019060013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026260424748846,0.1089483723270514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165050949808895,0.0,0.0,0.14137783618372124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836156501708554,0.0,0.1416309263679424,0.0,0.0,0.1152344045428544,0.0836873308815951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156098735365768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411072663039138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207458626821647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918971807878975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085496776025265,0.0,0.19238557680695847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085441421419912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801964835737703,0.0,0.0,0.19166558762176164,0.07038883532398063,0.0,0.0,0.11534663180636495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119977055828229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430047639650051,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MissArte,2019/04/18,"Exhausted and fatigued. I finally fall asleep, and when I wake, it feels as if I never slept. I’m now a regular OP in r/raisedbynarcissists and I have (undiagnosed) C-PTSD. Anyways, I have trouble sleeping. I have frequent nightmares, so often that I’m slightly numbed to them now. It takes (what feels like) forever to fall asleep, even if I’m exhausted. When I finally do fall asleep, I oversleep. Like... WAY oversleep. (Btw alarms don’t work for me. I either don’t hear them or they scare me terribly. I have PTSD related to being woken up in an unpleasant manner) Then when I wake up, it feels like I never slept. I’m fatigued throughout the whole day. Today was especially bad. I woke up very late (complete accident) and I’ve been anxious, jittery, and fatigued all day as a result. Is this at least somewhat normal? If anyone has advice or wants to comment similar stories, I’ll be very appreciative. Knowing I’m not alone with my troubles helps me a lot. Thanks for reading!",2.1700634547591062,4.961887778378383,3.684253819036429,82.97465334900119,84.72972972972974,6.46063454759107,27.502937720329022,7.7425588080867325,2.1411128084606355,769,36,137,15,23,253,112,185,0.198,0.731,0.07200000000000001,-0.9681,0,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,3,1,9,16,0,2,5,0,13,14,8,1,3,26,30,17,0,5,7,0,3,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,1,0,3,5,12,0,0,6,4,20,4,15,22,6,25,0,3,0,0,6,6,0,8,18,88,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497264707600056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869147072498374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309690683750867,0.0,0.10713617439288534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793371843528253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606500360419533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197630640040652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120148699856933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23242048415228145,0.2189232244961188,0.0,0.33569376326713185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269199037756128,0.0,0.10270127494041256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420663857472427,0.0,0.17284075012993896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456914754109827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026360907209344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23634803988735234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012473279099078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582159329498296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326316278201454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534016502545614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333235369271342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520364883263814,0.0,0.0,0.14106595428372198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523625473293725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528478963924,0.0903741277979867,0.12162025263573935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106655486381572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115472215984159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AzuraBeth,2019/04/18,"Something interesting a therapist told me (rape tw) Tl;Dr vivid dreams can be traumatic so bring them up with a therapist if needed (it's a bit more than that though) So technically I have 3 therapy options that I'm using right now. I'm waiting for an NHS based therapy service while having therapy at my uni while I wait and also have a mentor which helps with my uni work but is also a therapist at the same time. This week I went for an initial assessment at the NHS service and as they already had a lot of info about me it turned into a semi counseling session as they needed a bit more info but also wanted to make sure I was ok. Anyway one of my traumas came from when I was raped and as it happened 2 years ago I'd just blocked it off mentally but it resurfaced recently after a similar situation happened to me. I wasn't harmed and the other person had no ill intentions but it just brought it up to the surface and fucked me up. I'm basing reliving it now so I brought it up with this therapist. However I also have very vivid dreams and in one dream I was raped by my dad. I'm extremely lucky as my parents have never hurt me in any way (the PTSD is just from many uncontrollable traumatic events) but this dream has made me sort of scared of my dad. I brought this up with the therapist and surprisingly she said that extremely vivid dreams can also be traumatic and change your mental health. I don't think they meant it as you can get PTSD from a dream but that if you're already struggling with your PTSD, vivid dreams can make it worse. So that was a bit comforting as I thought I was crazy for being scared of my dad over a dream. I'm also really anxious about this one road because of a different traumatic dream which is kinda funny to me. So maybe if I have another dream in the future that fucks me up a bit, I'll talk about it rather than push it aside. Sorry for the rant/long post. My mental health is a bit screwed up.",4.9135714285714265,5.411666765306125,5.786934693877551,81.50092244897961,68.84693877551021,9.43526530612245,29.45551020408164,9.490545024520769,2.4526143673469387,1540,54,313,31,25,507,180,392,0.189,0.6829999999999999,0.128,-0.9896,3,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,4,1,24,19,6,4,25,1,27,9,0,5,2,52,58,38,0,7,13,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,27,15,0,3,5,10,0,7,4,13,0,3,18,5,38,6,51,37,9,42,0,1,4,6,17,19,3,8,14,216,65,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531209656257228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626134876777555,0.35352700591744496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05010432987258336,0.07725898415433724,0.0,0.08323643650956151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04491410921811579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021925952856256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426928781094929,0.0,0.0,0.07794274211415603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697900122266862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362303230246254,0.03849430051861897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303084094157496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663492367724174,0.0,0.0,0.04938556273020751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887502451641126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520370487589944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263935516891701,0.0,0.06971696720702837,0.09836277280836901,0.0746990658310974,0.07402058170995439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227536779310775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926427151500183,0.0568258814546881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149780640733398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181194621272753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433376784079824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056423257540564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25838085415080464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720073254261969,0.0,0.0727492447645297,0.0,0.0,0.0629215680489295,0.07008571785771417,0.0,0.1475313101217001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828184207371382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672178814558939,0.0,0.08247774545301066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702541630160373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944170101048411,0.0,0.0,0.05922048775918135,0.0,0.0,0.2527754933732723,0.4277357002685764,0.0,0.04721060667279098,0.0723893637782045,0.05849299323627755,0.042962888848259606,0.0,0.0,0.07040355900916095,0.0,0.0,0.08014172779986911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363510547451387,0.0,0.060792992373915875,0.04345785541751848,0.058483057968762776,0.0591009478225609,0.0,0.0,0.06830128472769573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053639278702481086,0.0,0.07508532042274728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744693923248118 ptsd,punnyenough,2019/04/18,"New subreddit created specifically on Somatic Experiencing Hi all, feel free to join /r/SomaticExperiencing if you're interested in it as a form of therapy. Would love to have you there!",6.423020833333332,9.53842609375,9.58875,45.31458333333336,69.3125,14.266666666666666,35.666666666666664,12.45797560212912,6.535966666666668,153,8,24,8,3,57,30,32,0.0,0.62,0.38,0.9286,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,6,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588574150339512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620550639539217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944447153501308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5854596966833878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636747497121592,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,frankieteardroppp,2019/04/18,"Confused about my memories Hi y'all, I was diagnosed with PTSD a couple years ago due to physical abuse at the hands of my parents and sexual abuse at the hands of a neighbor when I was 13. The diagnosis made a lot of behaviors ive always had make a lot of sense. However, some of the behaviors that are specific to childhood sexual abuse were present before the incident when I was 13. I know there is a lot of controversy about repressed memories, however this isn't entirely that. I've always had memories of my dad coming into my room at night, probably until I was 10, and getting into bed with me, I have memories of waking up when he wrapped his arms of me, and smelling alcohol on his breath. The memories kind of stop there. I never really thought about it much until recently, when it occurred to me that that sort of thing isn't exactly normal. Is it at all possible that I have repressed some sort of sexual abuse at his hands?",7.936994535519125,6.7133125355191305,8.782622950819672,68.31142076502734,62.98907103825138,13.597814207650273,38.366120218579226,12.650343791298138,5.041126775956284,746,33,138,25,9,255,94,183,0.14300000000000002,0.857,0.0,-0.9781,3,0,1,0,4,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,11,0,15,8,6,2,3,27,21,9,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,10,8,1,3,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,9,4,20,1,31,12,7,26,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,8,15,103,30,0,0.0,0.6574575528311359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296980686761867,0.14825298489388553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308577434840115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804328349043748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949781185675523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349465731931994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408011967677542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247718186084544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445893615607402,0.07623868008448911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538126846098537,0.0,0.13126331022968984,0.09259885849492176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197756357486587,0.0,0.10699193618551904,0.0,0.0,0.13018238950705302,0.13591934875615874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403577215753197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638964094892469,0.0,0.0,0.14956714561765982,0.0,0.16216007654250605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886967759816575,0.0,0.13697249130394484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159788635408717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216157505846116,0.0,0.0,0.11013077913496226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893332362755813 ptsd,shouldntbethishard72,2019/04/18,"Monolgue My tears weap more than I smile, I don't even try to hide the sadness that hides behind my eyes, I think I no longer miss my lovers touch, The reality being to miss it hurts too much, We pretend to much, a facade we keep, No one benefits, the hurts too deep. I consider the options day on day, I'm not ready yet to give up on us and walk away. It's harder to stay I realise... I'm hoping for a miracle...a compromise xx",1.994945054945056,3.051946736263737,3.873406593406596,90.44659340659344,76.14285714285714,7.397802197802199,23.98901098901099,7.957251820313856,1.020138461538462,327,10,77,5,7,111,63,91,0.257,0.626,0.117,-0.8373,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,10,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,5,0,1,0,2,12,3,12,9,3,10,0,5,1,1,5,5,0,2,3,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243558120195634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190983904652589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340194823683052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373236583623784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24571888183955104,0.0,0.0,0.5296825523832501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21989588697412074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637273229984716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764113559748695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636899658118713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852061406841514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796484630040567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975855127531993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sherdais24,2019/04/18,"Is this a ptsd symptom? I've been diagnosed with ptsd a while back, I have this thing, for example.. when I have a headache, I will automatically become paranoid and make up all kinds of things like that I have braincancer, one voice tries to convince me that it's true while another voice is saying like no you're fine it's just a headache, the first voice I was talking about always take the upperhand. I just always make up the wooorst scenarios. I'm also super fearful in general, some things that scare me don't make sense at all. I'm in therapy but they don't know about this, I find it unpleasant to talk about it .. the scariest and darkest thoughts come by.",3.116512820512824,5.349303446153846,3.61192307692308,88.46224358974361,76.07692307692308,7.102564102564102,26.98717948717949,8.07648339933343,1.679641025641026,528,21,107,9,12,165,82,130,0.125,0.7909999999999999,0.085,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,8,9,0,2,8,0,10,2,0,3,3,18,19,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,13,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,3,4,10,7,14,15,3,11,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,7,71,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435329350883593,0.2795867288314237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616757080288395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291852397746117,0.0,0.0,0.18554798563832506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472116817626687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052122846627585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905198941983906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535532471291733,0.14290470733306584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495103608314275,0.09233098640559118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415721499465508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33643331450883834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384432900209578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927769947271663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360407629660126,0.16820200786996606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462120545440116,0.12631862183646894,0.2700716191001385,0.0,0.0,0.19212800993738308,0.0,0.3348445614907187,0.0,0.0,0.1333769611420143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406415946096993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mixedmary,2019/04/18,"Is irritation just irritation or a sign of something deeper ? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBUUyOrVWwU A lot is made of the fact that PTSD makes victims of violence irritable. I was watching this video on irritation and I had mixed feelings about it. I think I can partially agree with Zukav that sometimes these minor irritations are a symptom of deeper issues/fears/traumas and people's trauma being triggered. The thing is that honestly most people should be doing a lot more for veterans of war, child abuse victims, rape victims (which can include men as well) and prostituted women. People need to stop sending men to war and expecting them to be OK after that. If veterans feel they were unjustly treated and are angry at society for allowing that, that's a valid feeling. If they can't have a relationship with someone who thinks it's alright to send men to war or doesn't want to really hear about the atrocities of war and empathize with you over them (because that would mean they now feel they have to be anti war and that's too much trouble) that's fine that they can't have a relationship with such a person too (which sadly is probably the majority of people who are not anti war). And the same goes for child abuse survivors or rape survivors or prostitution survivors. Most people in society are not really properly supportive on these issues, nor do they really want to hear all about it and empathize with it (that would mean they feel they have to work on the child abuse/rape issue, get the victims justice/stop the abuse to other victims and that's too much work/disruptive to their mind/disruptive to their life) and would not really be a good supportive person to be in a relationship with the victim. Why is the victim always the problem ? Sure the victim is the one in the most pain but... that doesn't mean that they are the problem. Sometimes I also think that victims become subtly submissive and act like underdogs (because they are, they were subjugated and oppressed) in a subtle ways that other people do not, they come across as low status people and people unconsciously feel entitled to be unfair to them (I have personally noticed myself doing this to a girl once so I know it can happen) even though everyone is not quite aware of the reason. The victim could be aware that their inability to stand up for themselves and be more assertive/authoritative and demand better treatment and be given fair treatment could be related to their prior trauma and the way they were degraded and placed under oppression. I think that this is some of what is going on sometimes when people feel ""triggered."" I think that victims will ""heal"" from their PTSD and their irritation when they get a good amount of people around them who are really fighting back against the trauma they went through. e.g. If you are a veteran and got a few good friends who were anti war and were genuinely working to end wars or if your partner was working to end child sexual abuse/child abuse, that could probably make people more safe.",10.627981818181816,9.142598925454548,9.552909090909091,65.75736363636364,57.92727272727272,12.50909090909091,38.72727272727273,11.288533730351634,4.383072727272728,2459,92,401,51,25,772,231,550,0.26,0.6890000000000001,0.05,-0.9991,0,0,1,0,8,0,62.0,0,3,25,5,18,48,22,0,34,2,60,6,0,7,3,95,94,40,8,17,16,0,7,1,2,5,4,2,0,13,40,30,0,2,17,1,0,6,10,32,1,1,12,10,38,16,63,63,16,34,0,2,1,2,54,16,0,15,10,302,78,3,0.0,0.2996054976841675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505543196345219,0.05260130394192618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627620725888647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860968967015728,0.0,0.07707254706451523,0.06981780593926905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559099758199872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445553289233828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142001558554158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198234865123607,0.0,0.0,0.04175399076498592,0.0,0.0,0.06040620319209537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237496083536656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048841014868065885,0.0,0.06605616453460006,0.0,0.03592747011790595,0.1590693407504478,0.05056011742351235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055902260962278114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249948267091506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196348408753542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03474220897020267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465177836558342,0.03088445433831861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748904371902787,0.0,0.05981710791774637,0.08439518860157498,0.0,0.0,0.2065843421317808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383077963704026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294300006410874,0.04687433334096541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197255718225128,0.0,0.06732365239417988,0.042837227481670286,0.0,0.0672669560317226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820909998097298,0.1655949801542851,0.06604792790057698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631644782849972,0.1209795629225814,0.14779372516996162,0.0,0.0,0.06723867209976568,0.0,0.0,0.2024909735326187,0.06499722880728499,0.0,0.20361302131784026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053563249122460035,0.04866725359289892,0.1875686033939152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570387390752754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347497497437506,0.05958092971831465,0.06570628828631386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041998322848135296,0.20253333351568395,0.06211002226128572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745736176292378,0.10035684367878317,0.0,0.0,0.05683934627565253,0.05860245336468705,0.05704317976476326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408985079620174,0.0,0.0,0.13472184976351953,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,questionable_apples,2019/04/18,"Does anyone have tips for triggering dreams? TW - I’m describing school shooting/guns/being shot dream My coping has been good lately, no flashbacks for a while, getting less jumpy, sleeping better, but I just woke up this morning and last night I had a really bad dream. My PTSD is from being in a school shooting. I don’t go to a physical school anymore. Last night I had a dream that I went back and it was all normal at first until a team of people came in with guns and it happened all over again. I could feel and see a bullet go into my neck and nobody would help me stop bleeding. I woke up crying and really agitated and had to double check that my neck really was ok in the mirror. How can I stop this from happening again? Are there ways to stop certain dreams from happening?",2.576666666666668,4.855314838709682,3.5896774193548424,87.73118279569893,78.03225806451613,6.455913978494625,20.655913978494624,7.554174236665415,0.7624107526881718,620,16,121,9,15,199,98,155,0.152,0.6990000000000001,0.149,-0.5554,0,0,0,4,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,8,1,15,4,3,2,3,24,28,11,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,3,1,6,1,4,2,1,0,1,10,2,13,4,19,15,4,27,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,14,82,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847863807203958,0.09763479715856127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736933054532244,0.1165879099188629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234942398384122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970321003727522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148576765181452,0.0,0.1533805403698565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221939756740492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060275378288272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877194937205147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295259661805542,0.0,0.15871355858973366,0.11711772380193225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704315976640317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359320699618613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276394290241317,0.15751235915691622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620726442348962,0.13681091300479514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680409636007524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632237670922659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683578572567858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239488333683935,0.111269601499534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973406587893816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502188839666487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083435416424517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944139797590218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919143636511786,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jazzybluecat,2019/04/18,"Does having PTSD once make it easier for you to get it again? IMPORTANT TO NOTE 1) I HAVE NEVER dealt with a verbally abusive person before and after that woman. The only “bullying” I’ve experienced was when nobody wanted to be my friend in elementary school. 2) I HAVE HAD PTSD before. I had it when I was 12/13. It developed years after I was sexually abused (age 5-9) by a family friend. *** I’ve posted about this incident before, but I’ve been thinking for the past week... is my response to the incident overblown, or is it a result of a deeper issue? *** To sum the incident: I’m sick. I take a twenty second break while my coworker takes care of the customers. I notice an agitated customer. I assume she’s in a hurry. I call her over to help. She accuses me of not wanting to help her. I tell her that I’m sick. She proceeds to scream in my face, accusing me of not wanting to help her, not wanting to be there, of daydreaming, and that she hopes I get sent home. I’m left speechless because none of that is true, I literally offered to help her. She continues to repeat the above statements over and over — throughout the entire transaction. I scan her stuff in silence. She gets increasingly aggressive, now pointing in my face. I’m still having a freeze reaction. She leaves once the transaction is over. Her friends refused to even look at us for some reason. When my coworker finished, they bolted out of the store without a word. *** I didn’t know how to react during and after her explosion. I started experiencing PTSD symptoms two weeks after and I’m still experiencing it almost a year and a half later. I will be seeing a psychiatrist in late May, but for now, I feel like my reaction to this is abnormal. I know there are CS worker who have been sworn at, called derogatory names, physically assaulted... and they didn’t react as badly. Do you think developing PTSD from this is somewhat, or does it seems like this incident might of triggered something deeper? Did this incident somehow re-triggered my PTSD?",2.7220693093991537,5.41986963874346,4.3906507105460015,79.78343804537525,80.36125654450262,7.51244078783346,25.58738469209673,8.491030156203081,2.2449908252306163,1590,63,282,37,42,532,199,382,0.094,0.789,0.117,0.8413,0,0,1,0,1,0,66.0,1,2,2,1,14,12,2,0,21,0,29,5,2,7,2,48,56,17,0,5,8,0,2,2,3,3,3,1,1,2,18,9,0,1,9,0,1,4,8,4,0,3,11,9,48,8,50,39,4,48,0,0,3,0,39,15,0,11,29,201,66,2,0.0,0.21391922239194755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039610296125393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537479579790192,0.05503002936611046,0.0,0.23044889183304298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435914792914596,0.0,0.09204008658652918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579983030929196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962494884270845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510204072795235,0.0,0.04564511151162967,0.06449157244718348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923578510079505,0.0,0.14149289776717186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420343196929351,0.0,0.09055191404367767,0.08966218528885601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422232274888424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922416490392784,0.0,0.1018327021674954,0.09558684808855404,0.09808267436424148,0.0,0.0,0.08820637147342789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580719917563053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025841734820981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576616421163534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962466760768556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277724264070327,0.0,0.1922771575297404,0.0,0.06865724136236341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861764922389254,0.0,0.0788235410908185,0.0,0.0,0.0853378561445724,0.0,0.08645728165205109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276258113944169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281643195174692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913618366493859,0.07193647692439134,0.08218181551112197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949712955881322,0.0,0.0,0.06389621241230581,0.0,0.14418543857411695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334182576963563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382897313377417,0.135749224084751,0.0,0.07890322107271776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568752522638001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818431924531138,0.0,0.10858818493720572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129831450692234,0.0,0.14482428576936734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702065658511468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626664781953938 ptsd,NocturnalPoet,2019/04/18,"Numbing using food around anniversaries Hi all, I'm feeling really frustrated with myself at the moment. These first three weeks of April are a gauntlet of anniversaries this year. My therapist is currently away, and I find myself turning to food for comfort, and then feeling terrible about myself. Does anybody have any thoughts on what might help? I already journal, but I am finding it hard to face that at the moment. Thanks, Poet",5.072763157894737,8.240373118421054,4.728157894736842,78.0846052631579,74.39473684210526,7.484210526315789,31.86842105263158,8.472884824447931,3.159452631578948,351,17,52,7,8,107,62,76,0.095,0.78,0.125,0.3407,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,5,4,1,1,1,13,12,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,3,7,2,12,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,8,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268772711737287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981046465231256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830215867687328,0.0,0.0,0.1931616323901422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991604441071335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079082559520564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37581702398425226,0.17487751912557847,0.4972083641736026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417117537625724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780482624924573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21810195573064195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317083047611857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928264844843665,0.0,0.23870961713292985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632180808338369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236264257047761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756656335321996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491450933436635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323953166780715 ptsd,sororitygirl12345,2019/04/18,"PTSD from something that .... Never happened ? Hi so , I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this , so if it isn't I would appreciate it if I could be redirected to the correct subreddit. But basically, with every person I have tried to pursue a relationship with, I start freaking out every time they touch me. I went on a date to the movies a while ago, and when he put his arm around my shoulders I started panicking and I had to leave because I couldn't breathe and I felt like crying. Similar things happened in similar situations, where he touches me (whether it be holding my hand, putting his hand on my back, hugging, kiss on the cheek, etc) , just real simple things, I start freaking out. I have not gone to a therapist or psychiatrist or anything and have never been diagnosed for anything, my current situation does not let me get that kind of help, but everyone I have talked to has said that I have ""PTSD""-like symptoms from a sexual assault/rape experience. Someone who has experienced a rape has told me that she has the same reactions to people touching her. but for me .... It's never happened, not that I can remember, at least. So , is it possible to have PTSD from something I never actually experienced ? I am so very confused about this. Any help or advice or insight would be appreciated. Thank you",6.12858870967742,7.0189061330645135,6.8227419354838705,73.75411290322583,66.29838709677419,10.070967741935485,35.25806451612903,10.125756701596842,3.67293064516129,1043,49,188,24,16,344,141,248,0.091,0.82,0.08900000000000001,-0.1518,1,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,1,0,10,10,1,1,11,0,25,11,6,0,6,42,39,21,0,7,16,0,6,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,16,9,0,1,3,0,0,4,10,4,0,0,7,9,31,6,26,24,3,30,0,0,0,3,17,11,0,8,15,144,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.10190930221683896,0.0,0.0,0.1020484747354606,0.09257151758374643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101645939933993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187514166555756,0.09296546662860616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030076479868528,0.0,0.06365998750721108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337941906818798,0.0,0.11471222400642668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599496571081432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138801229906307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646783931047455,0.0,0.0,0.1759747433623055,0.0997880123865096,0.0,0.10215326661462247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026985219358237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054560732312725055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770431784099125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999539838022818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874850737057416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057703630662492,0.0,0.10678746963204402,0.0,0.1020391333738393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221735856698317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239910069177867,0.09118486213648756,0.1091078581199178,0.0,0.0,0.11772992709181382,0.10001574655285372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36622171147743376,0.20996340175918055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188650032696918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211949336122748,0.11829962941310465,0.08918325011137831,0.0993375133321452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347689722127075,0.0,0.0,0.0884837961077675,0.1607917150131727,0.0,0.0,0.2217497681237197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842470207610984,0.1085434866438395,0.0,0.08393744363519154,0.0,0.09614576099125777,0.0,0.1212520956532869,0.13875823803244006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060894382967095664,0.0,0.0,0.0997880123865096,0.0,0.07090159260311371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616626718021367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096808308306331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836915087659713,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LordBando84,2019/04/18,"Your help is needed to PREVENT Veteran Suicide TOO! I self-published my book that I wrote in six days last July. The book is titled, ""81 Days: The Hidden Suicide"" on Amazon Why? The awareness of behavioral & mental health related to veteran suicide is not high enough. I survived veteran suicide. However, 20 veterans a day do not survive suicide. That's about one veteran suicide every 72 minutes everyday. This is a very alarming crisis. ""According to the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), veterans accounted for 14.3 percent of all deaths by suicide among United States adults in 2015, despite constituting only 8.3 percent of the adult population."" Improvements Needed in Suicide Prevention Media Outreach Campaign Oversight and Evaluation.... ""A new report illustrates a troubling trend of veterans committing suicide on VA hospital campuses after receiving inadequate care from individual facilities. Nineteen suicides have occurred on VA campuses from October 2017 to November 2018 ― seven of them in parking lots, according to data [the Washington Post obtained](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/national/wp/2019/02/07/feature/the-parking-lot-suicides/?utm_term=.3a01df419256) from the Department of Veterans Affairs"" Read and Share my story to learn more about how suicide affects us veterans and you. 81 Days: The Hidden Suicide on Amazon Always remember to love your veterans like we love you.",10.572540322580645,13.503299142857143,9.60167914746544,50.379661578341036,57.57142857142857,12.982603686635947,48.58554147465438,12.273956033585215,7.752696082949308,1162,76,122,41,16,366,138,217,0.242,0.637,0.121,-0.9915,1,0,0,0,0,13,60.0,2,4,1,2,4,7,0,1,12,0,6,3,0,2,2,18,12,4,13,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,2,3,1,3,2,2,0,3,1,0,12,5,31,11,6,23,0,0,0,2,17,10,0,1,9,78,15,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058002528807011684,0.07552844383619102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107181531278102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982322748285998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202685980707539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058731883696339936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409620201723753,0.0,0.0,0.04672371329311774,0.07365018780154722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056821214686905486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03405574231439034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852627002620178,0.1258281415315366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024913360136728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337499895137603,0.0,0.06732429149267041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047235854148430616,0.05301597335421339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667608667256403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972673007592281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896542359724626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272050710197481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9149890981173064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384998006006576,0.0,0.0,0.05751628996164328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290050682397721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cascadiapdx,2019/04/18,Self-inflicted PTSD Does anyone have PTSD from inflicting trauma on another person/people? Is this a thing?,4.5966666666666685,8.01392088888889,5.105555555555559,69.14500000000001,90.11111111111113,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.5165333333333333,88,3,11,3,3,28,17,18,0.184,0.816,0.0,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221817151931296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483854481949274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26887930003979393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21301064579249632,0.26828159721048284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7183249747548295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205320424072578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041253386430208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway1121356,2019/04/18,"Advice for finding a good therapist? Not for me, for my girlfriend. She has ptsd, and she distrusts therapists because of a bad situation in the past, where they made her describe her traumas in detail. I really do think she needs one though. She’s badly depressed, and I don’t think our relationship is going to work out unless she starts getting professional help. I may have to tell her that she needs to see a professional or else we aren’t going to work out, and if I do do this I want to be prepared to help her find one so I’m not just dumping a full burden onto her shoulders.",4.578793103448277,5.576721189655178,5.628793103448277,80.53301724137933,69.86206896551724,8.213793103448278,29.15517241379311,8.472884824447931,2.080779310344828,462,17,90,7,8,153,76,116,0.149,0.741,0.11,-0.7759,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,1,2,4,8,2,0,5,0,10,1,1,1,0,21,22,8,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,7,0,2,1,1,21,1,16,19,1,11,0,1,1,0,19,7,0,3,2,68,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432007729527973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808064385041729,0.10250632451801388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483249899939435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047274381791078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073830382674672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785455906278893,0.0,0.19113383695154398,0.14104125774886672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254228173665093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591132539271851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24937105664835502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22789368764535176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052390996373833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656534175932688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772502653910428,0.0,0.0,0.18053659168530975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399854467160116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901436675329528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902166799571715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469757381190412,0.0,0.0,0.3904841063349936,0.0,0.21549512402848645,0.16521239637784546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918275365657933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24483911204325925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sticks-and_stones,2019/04/18,"Trusting people again My life is a mess and I'm at my lowest point. Making a throw away. I'm not sure if this is the right sub to post this on either. I just got out of a relationship that was completely planned and he has done this to multiple women. I was pretty much in a hostage situation for a while. I have to limit where I live because of them. They admitted to stalking me and a ton of really graphic things a normal person wouldn't tell you. I have always attracted very strange people and I'm not sure why. I'm also pretty sure I have PTSD from this situation and possibly my childhood. I havent seen a professional but I know my reality is not right. What is the best way to get over this? What is therapy like? I'm trying really hard to get out of my comfort zone but I'm very fight or flight everywhere.",1.2916666666666679,3.5685591190476202,3.5726190476190496,86.07238095238097,82.80952380952381,7.066666666666667,21.833333333333336,8.167268648758528,1.3110690476190476,644,21,134,14,18,221,100,168,0.093,0.775,0.132,0.8552,1,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,1,2,3,4,10,1,0,10,0,14,1,0,1,3,25,27,11,0,3,9,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,9,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,2,17,8,19,21,4,17,0,0,1,0,10,11,0,2,4,90,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388540295934604,0.1184967128214019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379909128273682,0.0,0.0,0.08681194943380915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945074181554888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931440813832678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573510072204096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880692629942335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389846383209094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127571586556308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826493357785166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058855126087722,0.06957444097610004,0.0,0.12575083496677833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505992891611456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468789898740424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953178085660325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745863341855047,0.12434711269814405,0.0,0.0,0.13462369069667685,0.16054612760303905,0.13638962670778867,0.2897647860338633,0.0,0.0,0.1664699284603784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246326947416855,0.0,0.0,0.15289528272553685,0.0,0.24323510268156226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320150112219992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026598462040748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447281087855942,0.0,0.16285849985551049,0.0,0.09461102346455963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966871925813813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350066948568431,0.0,0.1130386054516468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850307472353575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IamnotCountOlaf,2019/04/19,"A 5yo with PTSD My 5yo daughter was recently diagnosed with PTSD and severe separation anxiety. Her father killed himself in front of her nearly two years ago. She was alone with him for at least an hour before I found them. She has severe behavioral issues at school now, and severe anxiety at home. At home, if I’m out of sight for just a few minutes she will have a panic attack. I mean, just taking out the trash or doing the laundry sends her sobbing in fear that I’ve died. At school, her anxiety seems to manifest as anger. She pushes, hits, throws things, hurts other kids, tries to run away. She’s already had to leave one school and was suspended a couple of weeks ago from her new one. Yesterday was so bad she bruised a teacher’s stomach, pulled another’s hair out, threw a chair at the kids, scared some of them so badly they hid under tables, and then she *choked* one of the kids. When they removed her so she couldn’t hurt any of the kids or the teachers, she started clawing at herself and digging into her own arms. I have her in regular therapy, music therapy, and a sport (I thought physical activity would help as an outlet). But things seem to be getting worse? I’m so alarmed and shocked by the choking (where would she even learn that) and self harm. Is this kind of rage “normal”? Her next therapy appointment isn’t until Wednesday, so I have what feels like ages until I can bring this up. I feel awful and so incredibly sad for her, I feel horrible for the people in her school that she’s hurt, I feel like I’m failing everyone at every point. I’ve suggested taking her out of school, but her therapist and even the school director think that will hurt her more, but I’m concerned about the physical violence to those around her. Does anyone have any experience with this? Any suggestions I might look into for her?",4.709980443285527,6.160083635593221,5.120000000000001,82.60521512385921,69.98870056497175,8.609995654063452,28.022164276401572,9.057496981413335,2.232594002607561,1453,51,278,28,26,462,191,354,0.209,0.7759999999999999,0.014,-0.9954,0,1,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,4,1,16,22,4,4,19,1,21,4,3,0,0,46,43,28,2,5,8,2,5,2,0,5,1,0,2,5,12,21,0,0,11,1,0,9,2,19,0,4,8,7,45,3,52,27,5,51,0,7,2,0,45,25,1,7,19,188,57,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725947700179067,0.0,0.0,0.0801856171054977,0.08543686180209335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579484002763683,0.08118348909955977,0.1776823542648365,0.0,0.0,0.05413511021587144,0.0,0.0,0.06892180047240769,0.0,0.08807845415152661,0.0727403128863722,0.0,0.12928790834779338,0.0,0.0,0.0658802342143799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566572934809934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785814791527387,0.08035158653457555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775232328374968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227271383775392,0.0,0.06523119062400287,0.07397983066891728,0.0,0.07573335900463535,0.0,0.08712102944013768,0.1565871172497333,0.1106202732557005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488898796457818,0.0,0.0,0.04044968570005514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189418858490582,0.0,0.15532072013815182,0.0,0.07624485997397104,0.0,0.33152647620962056,0.0,0.0,0.08080822573991661,0.0,0.0,0.08565573094258593,0.0806228721102397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197848845960931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756487440531507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501479782048476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433501771971838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213227598394555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747744396329995,0.0823389436330335,0.0,0.07585690829285605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573890098012926,0.0,0.0,0.09083777988222183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053674515421892194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318860905042587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100384040414289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644466962630705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751271025763565,0.4701298612423171,0.0,0.14096376539640265,0.08076780383154454,0.26239372974000585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054799535883872194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642308981380935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656156657445885,0.08989265634370137,0.10287118370287332,0.049608751838461314,0.0,0.061464246919319315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256430797136533,0.0,0.07562983132232727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062103083619915386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889941032488777,0.10999642538050584,0.0,0.0,0.04985708932300748 ptsd,Burnttoast82,2019/04/19,"Could it be..? I apologize if you guys get these posts a lot. I know a message board can't diagnose me but I'm seriously wondering if there's more to my mental health issues than what I've discovered so far. I've dealt with depression and anxiety for more than half my life, since I was 14. That's nothing new. However things took a bad turn when I entered adulthood. I became pregnant and moved in with my ex husband 10 years ago. After my son was born I became depressed and anxious, yes, I chalked it up to PPD however, I particularly could not deal with the constant crying and being needed constantly. By couldn't deal with it I mean, I would fly into rages, scream, slam doors, punch walls. It was like a switch flipped and this rage would overtake me and it was terrible and I couldn't stop it. I always walked away from the baby first, this was never directed *at* the baby nor did I feel resentful, but was triggered by him nonetheless. I would be overcome with guilt afterwards, I was confused and thought I was a terrible mother. I went on to have 2 more children in the next 3 years and in that time eventually got on an antidepressant, which helped... The other issue is relationships. Specifically living with someone. Having someone in my space all the time makes me feel...on edge to the extreme. Incredibly irritable, the littlest thing makes me snap, I feel like my senses are in overdrive. I was this way with my ex and we had a ton of other issues, and I ultimately blamed it on our uncompatibility. Fast forward to my current relationship, who I mesh with and get along with SO well. Everything between us is perfect, I feel completely comfortable with him. I would spend all my time with him anyway so we decided to move in together. And as soon as I did that, I feel those same feelings coming back. I feel prickly, on edge, I'm irritable and snappy, I want to pull away and withdraw, I find myself looking at him as a bad guy, when that's not how it is. Even the dogs running around are overstimulating to me. Oddly enough not my children (they irritate me sometimes in a normal way, like kids will do, it doesn't feel the same at all). Nothing would have made me thing ptsd until I read an article a friend posted about a mother with ptsd, and found I could relate to it to a t, except for the flashbacks. Then I read an in depth article about C-PTSD and emotional flashbacks, and thought oh shit. My dad was rough/physically and emotionally abusive growing up, particularly when I was a teen. Bad anger issues, constantly picking on me and generally being a bully. That was a big reason my anxiety peaked as a teen, I had bad anxiety attacks, derealization, took to self harm, etc. I suppose that's enough to be traumatic especially when I look back to how bad it was. Add to that the fact that I have always tended to daydream excessively, still do when my symptoms are bad. A common theme to these daydreams are being hurt or in danger and someone helping me. That has been a theme since I was a kid. Sorry this is a novel. I needed to unload it somewhere...",4.082714689265533,5.96924529830509,5.243749999999999,79.36031426553674,72.28813559322035,8.17090395480226,28.562853107344626,8.841846274778883,2.354081920903955,2426,96,453,48,48,802,286,590,0.223,0.701,0.075,-0.9987,3,0,0,0,0,0,86.0,4,1,1,3,21,31,8,2,34,1,53,6,2,8,6,98,85,43,0,16,9,7,7,3,1,6,4,1,1,7,36,40,0,1,16,3,1,12,9,24,1,2,27,10,71,7,71,41,13,75,0,3,2,0,34,29,2,6,35,330,107,3,0.0,0.07708745905066162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767325912101924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827306961928077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931603533087867,0.0735011862086998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057918694498311364,0.0,0.07401706053700811,0.12225519156203775,0.10005684116955076,0.32594274153876884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056044881610887984,0.06821594001467884,0.2109257072266188,0.0,0.15583938667515065,0.0,0.07146720710812507,0.0,0.13415148301887628,0.11207506978648346,0.06603624184331906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637127957476193,0.0,0.1344522276312703,0.07256097827003327,0.0429726300508757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847324825569133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631771469751257,0.04648008154242594,0.0,0.0,0.05946520239416666,0.05534143695112665,0.0,0.07133678061935685,0.050266497280416836,0.0,0.06798409131961451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052035773864073744,0.0,0.0,0.1288425964250501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915752989175558,0.0,0.0,0.08721895348889509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964988059682911,0.0,0.0,0.2716299868837313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03575620116481668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459549929878076,0.09535756029217796,0.0,0.05745066080255674,0.0,0.10927086022198897,0.0,0.0,0.055313118885556505,0.0,0.061562940503837836,0.08685836135430264,0.0,0.0,0.07087124963854571,0.0,0.0,0.06556687690654207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830055164093236,0.0,0.09648483168377278,0.05017958323810196,0.06283698185046603,0.0691938412651388,0.0,0.06374663846396858,0.1248568850529016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462222112555485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22816088806876825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130158585411927,0.0,0.0,0.0668942493087348,0.0,0.13970380440808092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787352801805516,0.0,0.06678488580953193,0.10763939812463608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537966647197036,0.0,0.0643476711657254,0.07283123089873153,0.0,0.0,0.05195834655484575,0.0543944828404491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762400352188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296722797589645,0.0,0.0,0.10330342258873576,0.11381397711338315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457185435111222,0.0,0.07076843153212667,0.0,0.0,0.07826119753179897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383750681458697,0.1032858760915944,0.0,0.0,0.05849826938903045,0.06031283483029822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705566232185711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310897754357977,0.0,0.0,0.08379518542120334 ptsd,cookie_dough13,2019/04/19,"Just want support I'm 14 and have PTSD. I get flashbacks 4-5 times a day. My twin sister has had 4 seizures over the course of 4 months and now my triggers are something like a loud noise or a cough or a chair scraping the floor. The fourth seizure happened this morning. I can't deal with this. Someone please give me advice on how to recover. Please refrain from using the word seizure in your comments. It gives me flashbacks as well and I'm only writing it to give you all and idea of my situation. maybe just use the letter s. Thank you.",2.0188573811509585,4.301179009174317,2.456196830692246,95.1020433694746,80.0091743119266,4.6975813177648025,25.505421184320262,5.565023196281405,0.4596899082568817,428,17,90,2,11,131,79,109,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.9136,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,0,9,0,5,2,0,4,1,19,17,8,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,10,4,10,16,1,8,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,5,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583642549077602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160471663287376,0.1855114416273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401183277749607,0.5178478904058625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912137940484972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313167463515094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791016484638234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807750876378016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436273224821406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685336569777093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950427313296868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103415945223979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226141055531716,0.0,0.0,0.1524635665724265,0.13852750121812107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041951035165116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566565039426945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492514132285986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108227874801737,0.0,0.0,0.10613396220576198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178871888481786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FasterMellyFaster,2019/04/19,"What do I do? What do I do? Where I am supposed to go with anything? I am at square one, again, and this time I don't feel like I can go anywhere. This time it's a real square one and there are no safe or familiar squares ahead and I don't want to tread in any direction. I'm so scared.",-0.9905274725274716,0.7329891999999987,1.283736263736266,102.39769230769232,87.76923076923076,4.945054945054945,18.516483516483518,6.18269132825596,-0.4979670329670332,218,6,59,2,7,73,42,65,0.162,0.7909999999999999,0.048,-0.7108,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,10,0,0,0,0,9,15,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,4,7,2,6,15,0,9,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,5,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232458545075401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701515479247375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659913525593932,0.2345277070133261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731451940364913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038404136114492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449104127893111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736615349515797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32867172835653463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828526140328822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363168996413974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,acetanilide,2019/04/19,"Therapeutic Dreams So last night I had the most therapeutic dream I've ever had. I was working on these index cards of all my past experiences - there were thousands of them, good and bad - and what I would do was write the experience down, then write the feelings I had at the time, and the feelings I have now about it. For example: >I got my first job when I was 18. >Feelings then: like an adult, responsible, fear, financial stability, structure >Feelings now: glad I had it, learned useful skills, helped me to stick to something I did that with my traumas as well. It was sooo helpful for me. I hope this helps you too",5.663135593220339,6.8089261186440755,5.462500000000002,82.17052966101697,67.47457627118644,8.611864406779661,30.85169491525424,8.841846274778883,2.303403389830508,494,19,97,8,8,153,83,118,0.07400000000000001,0.705,0.22,0.9475,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,3,10,8,0,1,6,0,13,0,0,1,2,15,18,8,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,1,2,11,2,16,5,12,6,2,14,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,12,72,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653199200916094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910037544261795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873597467517285,0.0,0.22280260868011992,0.4004546139220328,0.14144969138141775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684168555125234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607118828805795,0.15835695441170933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981413213212663,0.0,0.0,0.1966565235803312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19648229758063396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139466022745935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673173989523308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580755343011804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901133541924506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524284050608205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545412861697214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100655586633653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802383035564529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414478048974905,0.0,0.0,0.14065197965265294,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BetsyZZZ,2019/04/19,"when does it stop being just heartache and become PTSD ? TW : abortion, divorce, drug addiction &#x200B; So here's my story. I had a rough childhood (various abuse, mentally ill father, did a lot of stupid things as a teenager to cope, blablabla). I didn't have a diagnosis but I suspect I was bordering on BPD disorder for a long time. Anyway, it all seemed to get a bit better when I met a really amazing man. We decided to get married after a few years. We talked about wanting kids in the near future. One week before the wedding, I find out I'm pregnant (not planned). He freaks out, and tells me there is no way we can have that baby. Blames it on financial issues but it was really not impossible to make it work. I was conflicted as it was kind of a bad timing indeed, but not TOO BAD to actually be positive we couldn't make it work. Anyway, with the pressure of the wedding etc, I figured it was indeed better to just have an abortion and try again in a few months when our situation would be more ideal. Thing is I changed my mind. But it was too late. I had a fucking nightmare few weeks after that. Crying for hours, feeling like I lost a part of my very soul. Guilt, anger and resentment towards my now husband. I thought it got better for a while but I started to just dull the trauma with alcohol and cocaine. It just spiralled down from there. We divorced a few months later as he couldn't handle seeing me in that state and I eventually started cheating on him in the end to get some sort of revenge I think. It was totally cruel and inappropriate. I lost almost all of my friends as they sided with him (understandably). It's been a bit more than 3 years. I am just now starting to find my way back to myself. My question is, what can define a line between a ""normal"" response to a traumatic event, and ptsd. I still have dreams, very vivid dreams in which I relive the whole ordeal. I still have moments when I find myself having panic attacks just thinking about that time of my life. Towards the end I became so full of anger and despair that I said awful, awful things to my husband (""I wish you were dead""...don't think it can get worse than that) and I sometimes hear myself say those words in my head at the most unexpected times. I just feel so stupid because it's not such a brutal trauma in my opinion but I am so tired of not being able to forget those horrible things I had to go through. I feel like I will never be able to trust anyone again or forgive myself for the way I reacted to the situation.",3.5656388329979904,5.26634586317908,4.5933757545271625,84.26064713279678,73.26559356136819,7.062555331991953,26.911921529175054,7.7348632917899725,1.5671682494969819,1982,72,384,26,40,646,249,497,0.223,0.6629999999999999,0.114,-0.9965,0,0,3,0,3,0,67.0,6,1,1,9,32,33,10,3,31,2,37,8,1,3,4,81,67,30,0,7,19,3,4,2,1,2,6,3,0,2,29,20,1,2,17,2,0,1,10,22,0,1,20,9,58,11,62,38,19,63,1,4,2,1,30,19,1,9,41,290,87,2,0.16099705879177806,0.09537759411719028,0.07855495263792013,0.08775527907072835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602844675816043,0.08060764920150311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872201229685154,0.09781452421912112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628644343764068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915786983328473,0.0,0.06189840022775842,0.1344258192394963,0.049071156359397065,0.08890430126950577,0.06849831951905858,0.0,0.0,0.2135832228211796,0.1757670903279741,0.0,0.10138507978950984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515677037676236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842385462164776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225828875321264,0.0,0.07044480554435928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335273750758513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425956076307567,0.0,0.08977713910166944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210742551822165,0.11501633096957965,0.0,0.0,0.2207225925420636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219296412602793,0.0744195932904779,0.1682286366203048,0.0,0.04574916934502163,0.0,0.06438202763850115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826147149864751,0.0,0.09072769308408016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927483626102509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401955051478596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382683091836936,0.0,0.0,0.09080584742770363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685849193665723,0.07865503065010579,0.0,0.0,0.07123866537436964,0.0,0.0,0.17574730801206326,0.06843697103773225,0.0,0.0,0.10746678690616174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112358417487976,0.0,0.08128056713863377,0.0,0.12850631632606124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208542844703317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887146735185427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454788683696982,0.0,0.0,0.09444767986899773,0.0,0.0871720628113241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819694620140576,0.0,0.09017677587730827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031388384273132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657253543323768,0.0640156615499989,0.0,0.0,0.06414690574878877,0.07328283784869123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096743959429373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961510391460112,0.0,0.1709318202902017,0.0,0.12857245911949294,0.0673003750605047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470166869831688,0.07035926280831405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391858406736286,0.15474062174619088,0.0,0.06390684056734686,0.18775735937107266,0.09252121772852333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546532173975616,0.0,0.0,0.08380180803423637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328394344792132,0.04748011828267497,0.19168795720899973,0.1291421293698817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987373330229384,0.09256933608170632,0.0,0.0,0.11720777626613026,0.0,0.0820348786361755,0.057183845667199966,0.0,0.09781452421912112,0.10367682736598953 ptsd,Cook_croghan,2019/04/19,"PTSD COURT UPDATE #(not sure) It’s been months since my last update. For good reasons. I’ve been functional, as hell. I haven’t felt like this since before my first deployment in 06. I get up and go to sleep on a schedule, eat better, have cut back on smoking massively, and have been able to go out to social events without needing to use alcohol. The biggest change has been the decrease in my severe, crippling anxiety. Other people I care about and respect have noticed as well. I’ve have two breakdowns since my last post. Very different than my 2-3 a week for the past decade. During one freakout, my friend just stopped and said “man, are you ok? You seem like you’re having a panic attack. Want a fucking hug?” I’m a bigger guy, 6-1, 230-240, lots of tattoos. It fucking sucked that I couldn’t have anyone not be just plan scared of me when I was having a panic attack. Especially with my background of getting PTSD from war trauma. I’m 100% convinced that if I had not made personal progress that this guy had seen for over a year, he would have written me off too. Fuck, that meant the world to me. Besides the small wins, I’ve had some big ones. I graduated culinary school (Jan 28th) I graduated court ( March 14th) I graduated my EMTB course (April 7th) Started a new relationship that is healthy and honest (about 3 months now) Moved into a new place I love and can afford (April 12) The best part about just saying fuck it and really getting help? My father got diagnosed with ALS about 6 months after my DUI. I didn’t really talk about it in my posts, because it’s my dad. Before I started to this whole thing I would have been a drain on him. I couldn’t of helped, I was a complete mess. A few days ago the house went under contract and the sell with help him pay medical bills and get the help he needs for a rough few years. I was in charge of the remodel and sell my fathers house adding 120k+ in value (as long as the contract goes through. Sell date is May 7th). Through all this stuff I’ve cried, confronted and trying to claw my way out of this fucking PTSD pit. That dark, lonely, “Im a piece of shit, this is why this happened” pit. About half way through, my dad trusted me to handle this. He would have never done that before, I couldn’t have handled it before. Progress is fucking progress guys. I never dreamed I could be someone my family could rely on. Someone my friends should respect. A person who was drowned in trauma and swam up. Now I can be me and not my trauma. That person is amazing to me. I’m so proud of him. I love all of you. Stay here, be the person you’re proud of.",2.522895092854508,4.529398737957614,3.267655474931331,91.303109088673,77.03468208092484,5.8813758045340885,23.566637969909397,6.761325535456951,0.6452262616324353,2031,65,422,19,47,640,259,519,0.135,0.708,0.157,0.9441,2,2,1,0,0,0,81.0,0,3,0,10,17,45,14,3,27,1,49,15,2,3,5,55,84,20,2,13,9,4,2,2,2,5,3,2,1,8,26,19,2,1,4,1,5,5,12,22,1,5,22,5,51,23,61,48,10,67,1,1,1,9,35,24,9,5,35,260,77,5,0.06849663139464827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071813088110992,0.07320206780508925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239973553338123,0.0,0.0,0.047894437297145036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584961341236825,0.0,0.052669681497755486,0.0,0.04175491073543047,0.0,0.2331423532062392,0.0,0.0718829887423517,0.060579704148858216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983688076802219,0.0,0.07246035368633305,0.0,0.07181741481434101,0.0,0.0,0.10937797309400576,0.0,0.07524033323299799,0.044174660664615915,0.0,0.0,0.06952263902280427,0.0,0.07156440104257206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009583543919251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700891541194993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457252803479242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576750784507432,0.0,0.0,0.05826319967276746,0.0,0.0,0.10584065500452916,0.3799441919060322,0.14314665123800038,0.0,0.07785642825413709,0.05745172461316611,0.054783013412660966,0.0,0.0,0.2034673023172467,0.06057134492868841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364739270724192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807183219130588,0.0,0.0,0.07398811598718108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116677934204952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692798840186262,0.0,0.0,0.06061736332097624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823338654901144,0.1236417682414181,0.0648131688048766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690031499190031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402007304967886,0.07280107907412663,0.0,0.10157876852293353,0.10565764962986816,0.13230894686095548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798386883542316,0.0,0.0,0.0928301802795349,0.0,0.0,0.1607320770358536,0.0,0.07417517685240256,0.06538778522158682,0.04748693967884033,0.23923446598228046,0.07156440104257206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312016773166596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24020668980471716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776139205579878,0.07042594517154757,0.0,0.07353974796915318,0.0,0.0,0.06515598202707018,0.0544712705384996,0.06857707736000294,0.06932224783200618,0.0,0.06235676066812632,0.0,0.07738169668497479,0.0703108078035642,0.16998336394293362,0.0,0.06854609884266141,0.06982368972265171,0.11607394700143014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696453650271808,0.07300829529988985,0.0,0.05726625092204965,0.0,0.0,0.07841225527139002,0.0,0.0,0.06455726446512068,0.0,0.0,0.05505499770873569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550611828343392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650471647999492,0.0,0.06691125592275753,0.0,0.0,0.05915909710742555,0.0,0.0565168944481418,0.04040108788308841,0.1087388754906331,0.054943866051672965,0.0,0.0615866977385204,0.0634970635412236,0.061807555864192176,0.07647404279639586,0.0,0.0660283083564495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597412503518414,0.0,0.0,0.08821916973575712 ptsd,Cobrex,2019/04/20,"I'm only seeing the negative and feeling too hard. Help. Recently my partner and i got into a fight because i misinterpret everything someone close to him says. He says i always find the negative in things and it is true. Its easier for me to see the bad side of things and i do default to it. He told me its too hard to talk to me about it sometimes because i react so intensely and it makes sense why this person is avoiding me. It feels hard because i never felt like i was allowed to have feelings before. My entire childhood growing up. So when i went through therapy and i felt safe enough to feel like i could express them it felt like i was letting open a dam and so all of my feelings are strong and probably too much for most people. I dont think i can change the intensity of my emotions. But i know i can look at situations in a different light. I just dont know how to do that. How do i change my ""negativity radar"" for lack of a better word? How do i find positivity in things around me?",2.694264705882354,4.35948656372549,4.5341176470588245,83.92852941176474,75.51960784313727,7.545098039215688,27.196078431372552,8.313332769828598,1.8335078431372545,785,31,162,14,17,267,113,204,0.152,0.736,0.112,-0.7572,2,2,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,13,10,1,1,8,0,16,0,0,6,3,42,35,16,0,2,2,0,11,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,13,12,0,2,13,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,8,17,30,7,24,25,5,16,0,0,3,0,13,10,0,1,7,120,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524342278557628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189744738351764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557286481124706,0.2093290270902184,0.0,0.09740064324293303,0.0,0.0,0.1012343243588306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24217599116076516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139038694132284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959077531787055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683024892705579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128756871059674,0.0,0.1182721650524559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287308422760437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28938281196091203,0.08177328070626733,0.3297108816395075,0.0,0.20923649555970175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915475145858073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30761244589431397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672297175344027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581311296416067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704744743035493,0.0,0.16776434736069726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612113866228854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640577349491759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414439174206524,0.0,0.0882818835441882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705521756413125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935509626199704,0.09994576511776457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341181777063688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301963453661495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205312645245114,0.0,0.0,0.18242636975166754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286626091433278,0.0,0.0,0.09698518476979033,0.0,0.11320806681947165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200202566069927,0.0,0.0,0.13089984174785985,0.0,0.2281348780094672,0.07334406741514722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093754929696804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610950344970713,0.10328617886292707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OL2_BURT,2019/04/20,"Insomnia and ptsd I've always been an insomniac, but I'd just fall asleep when I got tired, and sleep great. After my event, since the brunt of it was going to sleep in a panic attack, waking up to every creak or sound that night. Now my insomnia isn't worse, except falling asleep is where I will push through for days to not let my eyes close jacked up on coffee. There is not a moment of the day where I will not have coffee within reach. To comfort myself to get a nap in I have to have protection for myself and take naps at random random times. When this time comes every noise I hear opens my eyes wide. After about an hour of this until my body gives up, then a sound 30 minute nap. Then looking at 3 days of being awake again. I'm not diagnosed by a doctor but he has seen me in panic. Does my event even touch symptoms of ptsd?",4.297135306553912,4.664094104651163,4.846553911205074,88.16525369978861,70.16279069767441,7.417336152219874,21.45031712473573,6.980632752743323,0.37533023255813935,654,10,141,5,11,209,109,172,0.094,0.8220000000000001,0.084,-0.5931,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,2,9,0,13,14,8,0,0,17,23,11,0,0,9,0,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,3,0,5,5,3,0,0,4,8,14,2,30,15,0,39,0,0,4,0,3,15,0,3,19,91,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675035009852134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732968016759466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692037385931934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121837942507614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947197843106356,0.0,0.0,0.15461123993737416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591570198506116,0.1333045753844566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061220066550686,0.0,0.25668835388972955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958587861405299,0.1461283405459778,0.08657236749542051,0.0,0.12183181982575528,0.1679438158089961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716864218550326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001387688967024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576723836706236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791841810160826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429509203170725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574517031793261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35613007670568625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600853974737786,0.0,0.3048790288716577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832868046692164,0.1145328292845325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764911743923326,0.17508035614616355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155236778337398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hippiejess91,2019/04/20,"New Triggers Causing Another Side Of Me Hi, I am new to reddit and stumbled across a post that I found helpful about living with ptsd in a relationship. I was in a previous relationship where I was verbally and physically abused. We were together for far too long. I finally grew the courage to escape. I changed my job, address, phone and cut off any friends that my ex and I had in common. I needed a fresh start. I took some time to heal my heart and soul. I eventually found a very understanding, caring and loving man that accepted me, even with my broken wings (what I call my major relationship baggage). We have been together now for 4 years. We have been doing well with our normal relationship bumps, even with my constant panic attacks/ anxiety/ bad days. But we are planning a major move and found out I have some triggers that I didn't know existed. Moving is so stressful, especially cross country. We have had 2 bad arguments which lead to him saying certain words that my ex would say when we used to fight. My current boyfriend is so good to me and not remotely abusive (mentally or physically) but when he unknowingly said the words that my ex would say to me I have found myself being taken over. I feel like I am back in a fight with my ex. I have shoved my current boyfriend and slapped my boyfriend yesterday. I am so incredibly ashamed! He reacted by leaving our apartment each time to get space. I literally ran him away. He would never hurt me and I know he is not my ex. I can't believe that I ever laid my hands on him. There is no excuse for it. I don't know how to explain this to myself let alone him. I am a peaceful person that avoids confrontation at all costs. Has this happened to anybody else and can anybody please give me advice on how to deal with these new triggers?! I love my boyfriend so much and don't want to run him away!",3.9636445037149954,5.738172662983429,4.859491331682225,82.45560773480665,72.37016574585634,8.087026100209563,29.333587349971427,8.74248658614541,2.3108741474566568,1472,61,286,28,29,478,196,362,0.104,0.775,0.121,0.7596,3,2,0,0,3,0,40.0,8,0,0,2,18,22,5,4,10,0,34,5,2,9,4,67,58,23,0,6,5,5,2,1,1,3,1,4,1,2,14,26,0,1,11,0,1,8,8,12,1,0,16,6,61,10,38,37,7,48,1,1,0,2,45,18,0,4,22,198,75,2,0.0,0.20936432182227235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633612986075227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150557917221458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008209605137494,0.09264432272813493,0.06758870781150655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005126636255095,0.16601841327923714,0.06793690229617841,0.14753973792786215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954196211178164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021682938618086,0.0,0.09008031205977904,0.0907613980571512,0.09346424411062217,0.0,0.0,0.0954766577084914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056979452318631135,0.09108658726590252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380639816987061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671075500890793,0.07991905162107174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044673207527955526,0.06311837794509846,0.0,0.09678482432585804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874917367698003,0.06826020239283813,0.0,0.04616004778572462,0.08475487485866515,0.0,0.07410510355863731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812899993602178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469703366269063,0.05922019376475384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458218104305394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767529852557147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566713379849694,0.0,0.0,0.0935515537192884,0.0,0.09034546444278788,0.0,0.04316411339159957,0.0,0.07801605335871724,0.07818835755755625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594814794750926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903760019201704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780746932468412,0.06494856845738663,0.06551156829002981,0.06814217606436537,0.2559914852395503,0.0,0.0,0.08656577798009422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366152882386373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714518143616084,0.0,0.09698349035881433,0.0,0.0,0.0846163796655622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327825516878517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37942607819861984,0.0,0.0,0.08404257362318125,0.21078213951305835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253569468480749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120642281547072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303701979409742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816184309861864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091977098337218,0.0,0.07630738758670058,0.0,0.0728992966545746,0.052112044009411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794386703702477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828725726598614,0.0,0.0,0.056895513173394786 ptsd,skullie66,2019/04/20,Anniversary tomorrow Tomorrow is the anniversary of my traumatic event. I’m extra anxious and emotional. I’m scared to go to sleep. How do others deal with their anniversaries?,5.085000000000001,8.673505166666667,5.821666666666669,66.6825,80.66666666666666,12.333333333333336,34.16666666666667,10.686352973137794,6.172666666666667,145,8,20,7,4,47,25,30,0.251,0.7020000000000001,0.047,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638701673725528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233188203558321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618787359573458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23335799001864116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110902411769137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41090453821820666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,abakesacake,2019/04/20,"Dizziness - anyone else? How to help? Hi there, I’m not sure if the “advice” tag means I’ll be giving advice or asking for it, but I’m definitely looking for it. I have a lot of trauma. A very unstable upbringing and three separate accounts of sexual abuse, two of those instances were performed by family members when I was a child and the third when I was 18 years old. I have been working very hard in therapy (once a week for three years) and feel like I’ve finally broken really important ground on the unstable childhood aspect. I think that my body and my brain have made enough room for me to start really dealing with the sexual trauma in a big way. And it is ruining my life. I’ve found that my more recent symptoms with vivid flashbacks and memories that were foggy before is a VERY intense dizziness. It is completely debilitating. I cannot drive, leave the couch - anything. I feel like I’m going to be sick if I try. The dizziness has occurred before, but never like this. I need advice on how to bounce back. I’ve tried appealing the young parts by watching TV shows from my childhood (this usually works, but isn’t now). I’ve tried drinking water. I’ve tried grounding exercises. But I am still unable to move. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much in advance.",3.8606794425087116,5.9338134186991915,4.855807200929154,81.11329268292684,73.34959349593495,7.937746806039487,26.34843205574913,8.704169506293173,2.095701742160279,1015,36,185,20,21,331,145,246,0.13699999999999998,0.76,0.103,-0.9151,0,0,1,0,1,0,32.0,0,1,0,4,9,8,0,0,13,0,18,8,2,3,2,28,34,18,0,3,8,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,2,1,10,8,2,0,5,4,1,4,4,3,0,4,7,6,17,5,22,25,5,31,0,1,3,0,7,9,0,4,20,113,27,2,0.0,0.1287527737307396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247530274880544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389737134618424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196516085591769,0.11134231123668883,0.08942378482583,0.0,0.1015890928799762,0.0,0.0,0.08355831149428157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493543930531392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207046786116774,0.0,0.12130844986231062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393541307111313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203103430495212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509533337163646,0.0,0.0,0.1064524124814674,0.0,0.0,0.0907774390663664,0.0,0.0,0.11228218866590248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244169431201794,0.0,0.10989072695119252,0.1552636316079724,0.0,0.11903952381700345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191478936635755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042434081439944,0.06175803136543179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734439959045936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283728327462123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150627950678587,0.0,0.0,0.07675480404754803,0.15926780484158104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125301647495583,0.0,0.0,0.09238490369144464,0.0,0.10282346112459632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837035597099654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549595648598955,0.07988284026566901,0.08057529626229566,0.08381078590633223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140278678966979,0.11572694160068303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767590682773735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392298856958667,0.0,0.10729567622579037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691515037297146,0.0,0.08678170638628659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241747927838038,0.11294675076133055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004608880006326,0.12427032785737255,0.0,0.0,0.06962950590597332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295111379077108,0.0,0.10615199116223296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968148579825623,0.2689852759706841,0.0,0.08625490577697363,0.08716621296526005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582219224206279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995613140097352 ptsd,dasisteinwug,2019/04/20,"I need... a mom? Currently in my 20s. Had a traumatic experience in 2016, death & separation related. Can't even go to an airport w/o havign a panic attack and take a plane w/o crying. Still have flashbacks occasionally, minor anxiety attacks multiple times a day, full-blown anxiety/panic attacks several times a week. Feel really helpless in general. Recently went back home for a few days, tried to tell my mom about my symptoms and tried asking for consolation/help when having a bad moment. My mom just either dismissed my feelings or said ""I don't have the correct words to say to you"" and then leaves right after. All I wanted was a hug, or even just a pat on the back. But alas.",4.222938689217759,6.380739891472873,5.81464411557435,74.26205073995773,72.56589147286822,9.342071881606763,28.7815362931642,9.800150414767053,3.164947286821705,542,22,94,15,11,184,91,129,0.241,0.736,0.023,-0.981,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,0,9,7,3,1,13,0,7,2,0,0,2,17,16,8,1,2,6,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,4,4,9,1,12,12,3,21,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,2,14,59,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725563875202868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396880851555483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705509669234571,0.4638429502312468,0.0,0.2090088422956607,0.11347702343885906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928792519505546,0.17529809221854692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953114554382998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329435407331997,0.0,0.0,0.1374377557920684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723932190175585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109588250973408,0.0,0.13632622899462613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143906340125613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775194025030212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077363393445804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945808093823546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706577688636571,0.0,0.13419218669119007,0.0,0.0,0.1160641987948334,0.12927908414155828,0.10807903968538997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353670630882565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853584556624876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125985312243775,0.1021854700911906,0.0,0.11878908025273212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849742549985832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845444414389687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016172080221713,0.0,0.1090167389297522,0.0,0.0,0.12598754504041107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BentNeckKitty,2019/04/20,"TW suicide, relationships, assault... does this happen to anyone else? My main trauma is childhood abuse, but recently my ptsd symptoms have been linked to my ex boyfriends death. He killed himself two years ago, and I have close relationships with others who have been suicidal or who have serious mental health issues. I worry about my siblings killing themselves for no rational reason. My current bf was hospitalized for wanting to kill himself twice within the past year, my mother has been hospitalized, many friends struggle with thoughts and I’ve been hospitalized for ptsd episode/suicidal thoughts last fall. Everyone currently in my life who i worry most about is recovering and thriving, and I still completely freak out when something is even a tiny bit off. When I call my bf or my mom and it goes straight to voicemail, all I can think of is the scene of my former bfs lifeless body on his bed. I think immediately of for example, my mom in the same way. Dead somewhere. I think of the funeral, the grief feelings come back, how I would probably have to be sectioned again.... picturing the dead body the whole thing. The flashbacks for this are more intense than the ones of abuse i faced as a kid or the time I was assaulted, and I wasn’t even close in proximity to my ex when he passed. I just called my current bf, it went to voicemail because he has no service at work, and all these grief feelings come flooding back. The phone going straight to voicemail has become a massive trigger. I haven’t got to a place with my therapist yet where I can talk about it, and I’m so stuck. I’ve been able to prevent myself from crazy behaviors used for contacting my bf and family when I worry about them (for the most part) but it still will send me into a panic. I don’t know if this is really part of PTSD but I didn’t really know where else to put it",6.754361471861472,7.156146568181821,6.468165584415589,78.5438257575758,64.85227272727272,9.772943722943724,34.375541125541126,9.606745405546679,3.123045021645022,1480,62,277,27,21,463,189,352,0.265,0.706,0.029,-0.9987,3,0,1,0,2,1,40.0,0,0,1,1,21,13,5,2,17,0,30,6,3,4,2,48,49,23,11,3,8,5,2,0,5,2,3,0,1,1,14,18,0,1,11,0,0,8,6,12,0,3,14,2,39,1,43,32,12,48,0,2,0,0,29,17,0,6,22,192,53,2,0.08639077142220693,0.20471787482366127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658020634491297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060406436063893176,0.08851755451109015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285834127920476,0.0,0.05266301240882723,0.0954118196576288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431634737942103,0.19192134328952365,0.0,0.0,0.17642927337873698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883600003710598,0.0905790801829753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560114624870841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433680820317796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412057950719508,0.0,0.0,0.08255008428909424,0.0,0.0,0.08144153071509519,0.0,0.0873635395666211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674529569922283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909786627534888,0.0,0.06909459185350048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639507385875356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182935020720802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016952033772344,0.0,0.0,0.28673576616303165,0.0,0.09495621731957668,0.07042000913176265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102035673414431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758668265437138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706157826729329,0.0,0.0,0.20235965473474604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058540622526425036,0.0,0.0,0.1013609563324153,0.0,0.1871055734620652,0.0824697666420399,0.0,0.0,0.09025996879780916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314386324238556,0.0,0.3029585661438181,0.08684658657049524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106882806703918,0.08882410138469095,0.08530046451910821,0.18550271532758025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650783651203307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798356330656653,0.0,0.0,0.09031439173796024,0.0,0.28349244643890353,0.0,0.0,0.08979308994326128,0.0,0.06943762964491013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003063441893079,0.05739418980016015,0.1660671540626686,0.0,0.13716924513284426,0.050375153552469326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843912306094424,0.0,0.0,0.07461388876637598,0.0,0.0,0.05095551529252408,0.06857297319553346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008511062048798,0.0,0.09645221110058401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289351050448838,0.2632020656612681,0.0,0.06136952534601357,0.0,0.0,0.11126564872640043 ptsd,RonnyronDaDon,2019/04/20,"Will everything work out? I dunno how to move forward in life. I'm a loser, 25 but turning 26 in two weeks. I use to think highly of myself and went down hill quick. No job, can't get a decent one after hundreds of applications. I have no criminal record and have attended college. I have no wife, no kids, no ambition besides take of my grandmother ( my mom's mom) that is very crippled (post cancer and early onset dementia) and can't take care of herself across the country. with my past life and I've been chasing thrills to hopefully get hurt and either die or suffer from some sort of Trama to induce a brain injury to stop thinking for awhile. I wrote a short poem to express my current state. I feel like suicide is my only option. Mom you spent 9 months forming my heart to break it each day you never called to say you loved me. You made me question my role as your child each time I came home because you never hugged me. My fears and insecurities free to great heights because you never gave me strength to overcome them. Your boyfriend physically abused me, and you watched, this was the first of many times I felt that I was jumped. When I fell I didn't have you to kiss my wounds, but when I touch my scars, I dunno if I ever healed You left me in life me in life, like being dropped in the woods without a map or a compass. I never had parents and I never will and I can't get over the fact that you'll never love me. You said I should've been aborted, and I'm now know I'm living proof of your cowardice ,a living breathing regret. Maybe now you'll love me.",3.4869811320754738,4.801464128930816,4.2347327044025125,88.30134433962264,72.80503144654087,6.557861635220128,25.828616352201266,6.816661863887847,0.9581672955974851,1235,40,255,10,24,395,183,318,0.24,0.6729999999999999,0.087,-0.9957,3,0,0,0,1,1,33.0,0,15,1,4,7,19,0,2,11,0,20,15,3,4,9,51,47,20,2,3,7,5,3,2,0,4,7,2,1,2,5,16,0,1,7,0,2,7,16,6,0,3,14,6,55,14,33,28,5,48,0,4,1,5,35,15,0,10,26,164,60,3,0.0,0.11587980891666885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923882699872038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091797837258221,0.0998671488947666,0.111859849894811,0.09971602857436468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307443397604733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150341312578186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846783778673405,0.0,0.0,0.08789845868643006,0.0,0.0,0.1100548504963308,0.04945181401469784,0.06987002858698163,0.09390560717235068,0.0,0.0,0.08319064109839007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532930960854393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782745189679864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589627257765173,0.0,0.10333356758942523,0.0981037456951319,0.09713981550743236,0.0,0.0,0.1046994537636156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970537554004038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053749621658198465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626255496141887,0.0,0.2763228090158873,0.095562590002742,0.0,0.17272255897191865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648113566791405,0.09254296184862708,0.0,0.09915624669683597,0.09825562045543076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436348410216377,0.0780649140832389,0.10394843528756564,0.0,0.0,0.4525872759662138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627341318454248,0.07438310518200321,0.0,0.0,0.1085979514089234,0.0,0.0933634232781446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366762991441603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095610311216728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303244495102213,0.07777636557883169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176715584216893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697991256163693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707041257568768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533561189478082,0.0,0.0,0.11405869024062973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638088768609916,0.09553869866701484,0.0,0.0,0.08446984104563303,0.0,0.08069719322724647,0.0,0.0,0.07845115728168922,0.0,0.0,0.09066377153207753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427798908515232,0.0,0.0712012860199569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anon16218,2019/04/20,"is adulthood better than childhood for kids with ptsd? if this is in the wrong thread then let me know, i have no experience with reddit at all and im sorry as a background, ive been abused (a lot) and all ive been talking about and looking forward to is moving out and being on my own away from my family and town. im so so close to being able to move out, just one more year! i keep getting the inevitable “youre not going to like being an adult as much as you think you will” but i think im in a different situation. so adults, i know the symptoms of ptsd wont magically go away once i grow up and leave, but was it easier to cope or recover once you moved out?",3.574100156494524,3.6901649859154944,5.188685446009392,85.96421752738655,71.67605633802816,8.282942097026604,25.63693270735525,8.167268648758528,1.2783261345852883,516,14,118,7,9,176,93,142,0.077,0.882,0.042,-0.204,1,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,4,0,1,5,3,0,0,7,0,15,1,0,0,2,26,24,17,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,12,0,1,4,0,0,7,3,1,0,1,3,1,14,2,25,15,6,22,0,0,1,0,8,13,0,3,5,85,16,0,0.1333742521854165,0.1580266793206048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25061900068020765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795868751436175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934770627123189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046561114980462,0.1257333749559423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968254194762713,0.0,0.1515993222556399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43220123849050224,0.0,0.0,0.118549163519114,0.0,0.0,0.1465980019261518,0.0,0.0,0.14122407534261766,0.0,0.13638420924164113,0.0,0.0651599226240934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120007806719806,0.0,0.0,0.11339001969964795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252671678345477,0.09804542159442502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840784514255364,0.09037784503361518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118147269467189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991824761851538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930155581071766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862691610972044,0.0,0.1072011717797578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709216707682993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458238073238782,0.0,0.08588864556078182 ptsd,rrr_rrr,2019/04/20,"Summary of me: I crave for validation from abusers I value myself based on how abusers see/value me. I desperately seek attention and approval from them. I recently quit my job just after two days because I clearly found that my bosses and senior employees are narcissists -They have no morals. I wrote an I'm-leaving-email to Project Manager. And then I noticed my so very unrealistic and secret desire: I wished he tried to convince me to stay. Ugh! This desire sounds quite sick. I was leaving an abuser and why do I want them to beg me to stay? My hypothesis is that I wanted to inflate my ego through abusers' approval...sigh... I think I have to be around healthy people who give me fair evaluation and believe in me to a reasonable extent. Abusers undervalue me and want me to fail. They never believe in me.",3.6231798245614018,6.230082151315795,4.664631578947368,79.66808771929824,76.17105263157895,7.4743859649122815,30.5280701754386,8.447377352677275,2.666924912280701,645,31,114,13,15,210,98,152,0.194,0.67,0.136,-0.9298,2,0,0,0,5,0,23.0,0,0,4,4,4,3,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,3,2,25,15,10,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,1,32,1,19,11,1,12,1,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,79,36,6,0.0,0.7191313844918928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806206735951857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739976908371002,0.0,0.0,0.2735279761343557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828595068508559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309692249235505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644752070276587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204599871948706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853356820677306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362278537038568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820233631748716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841559428403512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582245772244044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480824951908548,0.11985712766951395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096731425381348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25876933606091057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778125710653208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824152554021305,0.0,0.11857954770079228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015875040293046,0.2147953731429145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953481470035628,0.0,0.1395915160873925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FirmPotato,2019/04/20,"How do I sleep? tw I have never been a good sleeper. I have two major traumas that I can think of associated with sleep. One, I woke up to being sexually assaulted when I was 19. The other is from childhood. My parents were abusive and my dad was an alcoholic. They always fought, especially at night. I can remember being three years old and them waking me and my sister up with their screaming, fighting in our bedroom doorway, my mom breaking a porcelain wall decor thing over his head. So when I lay my head down to sleep, it all comes rushing back. Sometimes I hear doors slamming or yelling. So I avoid it like hell. I do whatever I can do avoid it and sort of just tire myself out until I pass out every night. I’m up until 7am. Every night. I’m lucky because I work from home and it’s not a big deal if I sleep in, but I don’t want to continue wasting my days and I feel like I’m missing out on regular life. I’ve even tried Ativan, it used to work but lately it does nothing. I also have bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia so maintaining a healthy sleep schedule is a big part of keeping my symptoms at bay but I’m doing a horrible job. How do you sleep?",1.4514406779661009,3.7372570593220367,3.3416,87.91865423728814,82.22033898305084,5.979389830508474,25.117966101694908,7.24861992348623,1.2531985084745758,910,37,184,13,25,305,145,236,0.151,0.794,0.055,-0.9599,2,2,1,0,3,0,25.0,1,1,3,2,11,13,4,2,8,0,20,14,9,3,2,34,34,22,0,2,7,4,1,2,0,0,5,3,3,0,9,13,1,3,3,0,0,3,3,9,0,3,6,4,33,4,26,26,3,36,1,1,0,0,14,16,1,4,18,126,42,3,0.0,0.1275670517899766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506261428156045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610076331539739,0.08958705118627193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278879857117298,0.0,0.06563242449795664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274505092093692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943590657309473,0.11099930775201933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339499657513905,0.0,0.09421957264061928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111262701821425,0.0,0.18142713358160065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054439355557254536,0.07691688171260451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030544938398008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209935304584152,0.0,0.12134783257607833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799815537218564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684226663230277,0.09569882343486896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145236361707287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604794661387075,0.10520070737112264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609756025449664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303894787253924,0.0,0.0,0.3031128057385851,0.0,0.10330879314241677,0.0,0.11297775191934198,0.0,0.07295752392973552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955077093395793,0.1165921949931742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196501758207764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6464647981780534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648480052725284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190659110779427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152875721269987,0.06898826742632815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374666275545106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309840302406002,0.0,0.10517440643664122,0.0,0.0,0.09298918153298176,0.0,0.0,0.0635044190831456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676481047276275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933361723177456 ptsd,Shadowhull,2019/04/20,"I'm not really sure... [NSFW] Preface: I'm not looking for an official diagnosis, I understand that a doctor is only good way to fully diagnose. And note that I am currently in a safe environment and in no way am in danger. The only issue is the mental issues. Also here's my trigger warning if you're reading to read. I've been having a lot of issues recently. I... need a public place to vent where things can stay anonymous. It's been getting worse recently but I've had what I can only assume is depression anxiety and PTSD which left untreated for the last 7 or 8 years as I do not have a good way to get to a doctor. I self harmed for years but stopped after Thanksgiving (American holiday) in 2017. But since before that I've been having an issue where occasionally I would have violent flashbacks of my abusive father and self harm and feel like I'm back in those moments and then to only get shot back into reality starring into nothing while in the midst of a panic attack. It didn't happen all the time and would usually be a few days up to a few weeks apart but recently it has become common and happens 1 or 2 to 3 or 4 times, if bad, a day. This mixed with a constant depressive feeling of dread, depression, and regression has made everything incredibly hard to deal with and I've start to crack recently and break down more often. I... don't really know what else to say. What are your opinions? I'm just sort of struggling right now and need to vent. Thank you everyone.",4.767150170648463,5.739125945392495,6.313261092150171,75.89289505119454,69.40955631399318,9.682525597269628,29.667064846416373,9.888512548439397,2.9383707849829355,1174,44,218,28,20,402,171,293,0.217,0.733,0.051,-0.9953,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,0,0,9,18,3,3,18,0,24,3,0,2,2,48,43,25,0,6,13,1,3,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,13,16,0,2,5,3,0,0,6,12,0,0,6,5,12,6,34,34,5,46,0,3,1,0,8,16,0,10,26,142,25,4,0.0,0.1059022866074208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147823505991985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837648978373291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016841916358608,0.0,0.13745748531686747,0.07462969562351685,0.0,0.09871468116617918,0.07605694747259921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658948841862924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528715566550007,0.0921482493938399,0.2309520830283416,0.0907201910179981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297120277308915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466665059658274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540771237861615,0.08033019601244648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038779456061166,0.06385405586928647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009420233211894,0.0,0.0,0.1499376751078233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807926912398193,0.0,0.08006813528239243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731636387603045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912165364356382,0.07285773161130105,0.0,0.0,0.09711310068912464,0.0,0.0,0.043667213857314466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505782457729854,0.0,0.0,0.07598882933109558,0.0,0.08457479660016205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900753802969006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255028021520915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576381806210727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719141840973922,0.0,0.10486975851585023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338448919554382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448201760454387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881108012201427,0.0,0.11451996591636775,0.0,0.3530132089942791,0.0,0.0,0.07633118640543765,0.0,0.07107963877241219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648848738161095,0.0,0.0,0.07393717817935813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326458112883795,0.09526862887543563,0.0,0.07472681266930709,0.0,0.09344079608922236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424086666149304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822903403402656,0.0,0.0,0.0593809987823765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423797050456364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304913984050912,0.0,0.0,0.09844093174346004,0.0,0.0,0.21284027104516487,0.07169632933295425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910872339520192,0.1269878962499611,0.0,0.0,0.11511732066517087 ptsd,XxRobynnxX,2019/04/20,"Am I the problem I know I am annoying when I ask my friends on overwatch to ignore certain things. I was violently drugged, kidnapped and raped and I just want to make friend like a normal person. But. I feel like I have to defend myself if it ever comes up. I just want people to like me and be friends with me why do I feel like my rape defines me still.",0.8256756756756758,3.0102836621621663,2.528310810810812,93.4111148648649,84.0,4.781081081081081,22.763513513513516,5.985473137389443,0.2959243243243246,277,10,60,2,8,91,49,74,0.228,0.51,0.262,-0.2263,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,14,4,0,2,0,6,3,0,1,2,20,14,6,0,5,4,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,2,16,8,7,12,0,6,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,7,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941518513842244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889708868399534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24084173231706624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785756565517844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100175076151079,0.2967318702701766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813568927262151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114134959463315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058459203873743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138627360139953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034813475701887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439784849398097,0.181337311850722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872077682079875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658527355991453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379727143979347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244988936438838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739801535630066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chickennugget103,2019/04/20,Getting triggered/ coping Does anyone else have it where if they get triggered they feel the urge to cut their hair??! J thought it was just me.,2.9566666666666634,5.737758000000002,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,80.1111111111111,3.6,23.814814814814817,3.1291,-0.11316296296296267,114,4,22,0,3,32,25,27,0.099,0.901,0.0,-0.4122,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,6,6,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133235776045548,0.4591338053926149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921373806690992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37433200891381546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265740089372077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682299596687746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557432073701533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0