Dealing with the  loss of a loved one

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Many people  have lost loved ones as a result of the Coronavirus pandemic and the death may often feel unreal.  “You are not alone,” says community psychologist Zanele Ludziya from the Stikland Hospital in the Western Cape.Losing a loved one is never easy and can trigger a range of emotions.“There are many signs you can look out for when a loved one is grieving, but an absence of symptoms does not mean that the person is not grieving.“People may show signs of anger, irritability, sadness or apathy. Their cog nitive functioning may also be affected, as they may be preoccupied with thoughts and memories of the deceased. They could also have trouble concentrating or may appear confused,” says Ludziya.She advises people to be aware of behavioural changes, such as being tearful or increased alcohol and substance use. “They may smoke more than they usually do, they may withdraw or isolate or they may avoid people and places. They may want silence or increased noise. They could also be more aggressive or snappy,” she says.When supporting a loved one, Ludziya says it is helpful to understand the grieving process and that everyone experiences it differently. She explains that grief is not a state, but a process, and people usually go through stages of grief.
Common stages of griefThe common stages of grief are denial or isolation (experiencing numbness or shock); anger (getting angry with others when they have not done anything wrong); bargaining (experiencing feelings of guilt over things not done or said); depression (the sadness that comes with realising that life will continue without their loved); and acceptance (finding a way to living a fulfilled life without the person).“One way of coping or showing support is to understand the stage of grief you are in or that a loved one is experiencing. This can reassure the grieving person that what they are experiencing is normal. Treat the person or yourself with kindness, patience and understanding, keeping in mind that what you are experiencing will eventually pass,” says Ludziya.Get free help for a gambling disorderKgaogelo LetsebeThere is no denying there is a certain glamour to gambling. Yet, for someone suffering from a gambling addiction, life is far from glamorous. This is according to Lesego Kwanini (34), a marketing consultant from Alexandra, who started gambling in 2010 to escape the stress of her relationship and financial situation.“It started innocently, taking a chance on the slot machines. It wasn’t long before I was hooked. In one day, I won R50 000. It’s hard to say no to that kind of rush. But in the end, my habit cost far more than I ever won,” says Kwanini.Between 2010 and 2015, Kwanini lost her job, family and friends. “I was lying to the people closest to me, but I didn’t care… I had my slot machines – they were my friends.”It was only a matter of time before those ‘friends’ turned into enemies. Running out of money to support her gam-bling habit, Kwanini found herself in debt and turned to loan sharks, who she could not pay back. “I was on the verge of suicide,” she admits.While at a casino, Kwanini saw a pamphlet about the South African Responsible Gambling Foundation’s (SARGF) treatment program-me for problem gamblers. She attended the foundation’s free outpatient counselling sessions for three months. “It was hard. There were many times I felt like gambling, but I stayed strong,” she says.  “I feel blessed now. I’m in a happy place.”According to Sibongile Simelane-Quntana, the Executive Director of the SARGF, a problem gambler is someone who continues to gamble despite the negative consequences or impact it has on their life. They also do not want to stop.There are many signs a disordered gambler may exhibit, including being wit-hdrawn, tired and asking for money or loans, she says.“There are no winners in gambling, only some who lose less,” says psychiatrist Dr Mike West, who practises at Akeso Milnerton.Betting on games of chance or horses is harmless fun for most people but, when people lose control over their gambling habit, it can be as addictive and destructive as using drugs, says Dr West. He advises regular gam-blers to ask themselves the following questions: • Do you hide the extent of your gambling?• Do you gamble to escape from problems? • Are you making larger bets?• When you are not gam-bling, do you feel irritable or depressed?• Do you crave gambling or spend a lot of time think-ing about gambling?• Have you had difficulties in the workplace because of gambling?• Is your gambling negative-ly affecting your relation-ships?If you answer yes to these questions, Dr West advises an in-depth assessment for a gambling disorder. 


