Hello?
Hi honey.
I just wanted to call and check in.
How are you doing?
I'm fine.
Are you sure?
Have you talked to Andy yet?
Yeah.
I just talked to her a few minutes ago.
She said she's on her way.
Which means she's running about 20 minutes late.
I'm just going to call right now.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm just going to call right now.
I'm just going to call right now.
This is getting ridiculous.
Sheila, she just bought this car!
Yeah, she probably got it at a yard sale!
And the only reason she could afford it was because you've been paying her bills all freaking
year.
She's had it for two months.
I've only had mine for two years.
She probably got paid for once.
That's progress.
Jen is late, but she is coming.
Thanks.
Listen...
And the caterer will be here soon.
And I think Henry is already drunk.
Sheila, you cannot do this today.
Just let your sister drive her car and you can kill each other after the funeral.
Fine.
Just do this for me and Grandma.
I love you.
Love you too.
Bye.
Let's just keep him away from the coffin.
Okay, I know. I'm sorry.
I'm late. I had a little trouble getting it started.
The car or your outfit?
It's a funeral.
The car or black?
The only black I own that doesn't have skulls all over it.
We can still call a rental car.
My car is fine, trust me.
No.
Oh, come on. No.
What's going on?
Just hang on.
BND.
Give it a second. It's just, it's cold.
It's not gonna start.
Trust me, it'll be fine. It's only 150 years old. It runs great.
The funeral is in two freaking hours and we're carless.
Well, it's not my fault. Your car needed new brakes.
Just shut up and tell me if the reception's any better.
Sprint no service.
Next tell it no bars.
Is this a new oil change or what?
Well, if I know I'm not a mechanic.
Well, so it needs a mechanic.
That or a miracle, yeah.
We need a ride to Flagstown. Can you help us out?
Yeah, we're going by there. You don't want to fix your car?
No, it costs 90 bucks to sign our receipt.
Pretty hardcore.
We got some stuff in the back but you guys should fit in fine.
Yeah.
We are stranded in the woods and two random guys show up.
This is a horror movie 101.
Sheila.
Grandpa's funeral is in two hours.
So, I'm Sonny. This is Fred.
Hi, I'm Andy. This is Sheila.
Hi.
This car smells funny.
So, what's in Flagstown?
Our granddad lived there but he died so we're going to his funeral.
Damn, that sucks.
Thank you.
So, what are you all doing out here?
Why do you guys have a sledgehammer?
That's for hammering tent spikes. We're going camping in Arbor Falls.
Okay.
If you're cool you can come with and I mean after the funeral.
How cool would we have to be?
Well, I usually draw a line at shrooms. Fred mostly just smokes.
A lot of people do acid too.
You drop acid while camping?
Well, yeah. If you wander off in the woods you can't really get busted.
Yeah, but what if a bear comes or something? There's freaking coyotes out here.
We're bug repellent.
Okay.
Dude, are you seeing the blue spiders again? They're not real.
You're not going to pick them up too, are you?
You see them too?
We're going to go.
Yeah.
Thank you guys.
But we're like an hour and a half from Flagstown.
I think this guy's cool.
Oh, hello. Hi. Excuse me.
You'd at least think they'd flow down.
The boobs are bigger than mine.
You want an apology for that too?
It was a backhanded compliment, Andy. I was trying to be nice.
How do they do this in movies?
I remember in Drag Race Terror they just sit in the car and sweat.
Only they do it wearing bikinis.
I loved that movie. When did you see it?
In high school, same as you. I had to wait until mom and dad were out though.
Remember when she freaked when she found your slasher movie collection?
Oh yeah. I stormed out and went to my first rave. Good times.
Yeah, for you. Mom and dad didn't get hyper paranoid until you graduated.
Okay. Sheila, your window was right next to the drain pipe and you didn't sneak out once.
You missed out because you were afraid of heights and being grounded.
Not because of me.
Oh!
Help!
I'm so sorry about your grandfather.
Thank you.
I remember when Harry's grandmother passed away, we missed the service because of a blizzard.
It was a hurricane.
No, Harold. It was a blizzard.
It was Hurricane Felix.
Then who died before the blizzard?
Your aunt.
Oh, well. For her, any ugly weather was appropriate.
I was in school.
No, I just graduated last semester.
Oh, how nice.
How about you, dear?
I left school a few years ago. I'm a music promoter now.
Do you think that that was a good decision for you?
Oh yes, definitely. I set up shows, I take care of the band, get you traveled.
A good education is priceless.
You know, when I was in college...
You're not talking about you, Harold.
I might go back sometime, but my career is just getting good.
Yeah, and it only took you three years.
Excuse me?
It's been three years and two months, and all you have to show for it is a car for 90 frickin' bucks. Go you.
At least I actually work, instead of sitting at a desk all a damn day.
You hang out with trash-tastic rockstar wannabes while screwing at least three of them.
I'll get that.
Harold, do something.
Isn't this the sort of thing that gets on the internet?
Just do something, for God's sake.
I'm out of ideas.
I'm going to count to three.
Then you're both walking.
One and a half, two, three.
I graduated!
I'm getting a ride. Come or don't.
Yeah, and maybe the next one will get you three feet closer.
Sheila, I'm sorry that I think outside the box and you're straight A, a countin' brain lives in a cubicle.
But until you have a better idea, can you just shut up?
I had a better idea!
But no, trust me, the car will be fine, and now I'm missing Grandpa's funeral!
Hey.
Quit whining.
We're not going to miss the funeral.
We've made it this far.
But we're not going to get another car if you just stand there like that.
They only stop for you. God forbid anyone sees me when you're around.
Look, you're the good kid.
On the screw-up, hasn't changed in over two decades, so what do you want?
Last month, I got a raise.
The only person who said congratulations was Grandpa.
You get a crap mobile and suddenly you're hot shit.
So you got more money.
Why do you have to make an acceptance speech every freaking time you win?
Because it doesn't matter if there's no one to share it with.
Well, I haven't had a real date in three years.
I can't sleep with the guitarist I work with. It's too unprofessional.
There's no way I have time to find anything else.
I have screwed up so often, so badly.
People just wait for me to do it again. They don't see the good stuff.
Well, like Grandpa always said, you gotta give people credit for trying.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Where are you heading?
We're going to a funeral.
For a funeral? Sounds like fun.
I sell Hado insurance. Isn't that strange?
My car broke down.
I'm gonna call my friends and see how you have service over here.
Don't bother. We've already tried.
Okay.
Wait a second.
Make the call.
But there's no reception. He's on Verizon. He's got reception.
Okay.
You guys can have a ride too if you want.
I mean, at this point we need wings.
Okay.
Holy shit.
Thank you.
Here you go.
Hey man, how are you doing?
Doing fine, man.
Thank you.
I told you Harley beats cars any day.
You're right about that.
Here you go.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you.
Sheila, come on. It's starting.
It's Grandpa.
I don't...
Come on.
Are you kind of retrying?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
