When I was a little boy I can recall some very difficult times in my life and I came
from a very abusive situation.
I had a father who was an alcoholic, a mother who was a rageaholic and how that played out
in my life as a young man, not feeling loved, feeling lonely, rejected, disappointed, many
times with broken promises and all of that began to impact me in a way that would change
my life forever in the wrong way.
I became very introverted, I became angry and bitter and those things were in me and
manifest themselves in very negative ways in my life.
I didn't know quite how to escape that so I would dream as a young man how can I get
out of this and I would dream of a guy in shining armor driving up one day perhaps and
just taking me out of my situation and taking me to a better situation.
When I was a kid I used to read the funny papers quite a bit and I would read about
little orphan Annie and I always thought of big daddy warbucks and we would come along
someone like that with lots of money and just take me and adopt me and get me out of my
situation.
Unfortunately that didn't happen so I grew up to become an angry and a bitter man not
knowing how to get out of my situation.
So I joined the service, I joined the army, went to the army, ended up going to Vietnam
where I became even more introverted in the sense of being angry and bitter and lonely
and looking for love in all the wrong places.
This was during the 60s and in the 60s our country was in the process itself of a transformation
or transition if you would.
It was a civil rights movement.
Those of us who were African American descent were beginning to look for ways to change
our culture, our world, our country for lack of a better way and we wanted it to be good
for us because we had experienced some very difficult things, it was segregation and hatred
and against us as a people for no apparent reason other than our skin color.
I can recall being in Vietnam and getting a leafless drop of propaganda that would say
things like go home black man your war is in America.
Things that make you think that's true.
If I go home there are places that I can't even go in but just because of my skin color
and here I am thousands of miles away from home fighting a war for democracy for people
who might have it even better than I would if they were to come to the United States.
So that increased my anger and my bitterness and I had an agenda as a result of that of
freeing my people wanting to become for lack of a better word a revolutionary I was going
to overthrow the world and America in particular how could we make it better and I wanted to
do that by force.
So I began to prepare myself to do that and came back out of the service began to look
for ways to do that and I was way ahead of my time fortunately God had seen fit to not
allow that to happen I began to approach people trying to organize people to help me participate
in a movement that would help to make our world a better world by force and many of
them rejected me as a result of that rejection I began to look for places to fulfill the
loneliness and emptiness that was in me.
I started to use drugs and I got involved heavily in drugs became an addict that caused
me to steal and do things that I shouldn't do and break the law and as a result of breaking
that law I found myself incarcerated I was incarcerated I began to think of ways that
I could be different when I got out and I couldn't didn't find that in prison I read
books and got involved in all kind of movements and ways that I could thought would improve
me and when I got out I found that much had not changed all the promises I made myself
I didn't have the power to keep but through a number of different things I met my wife
we got married and that didn't work out my wife was on her way to divorce court and one
day I went by to visit her and she had been changed something that was different about
her and I inquired and she told me that she had gotten saved I know saved as an evangelical
word but and I didn't know what that meant either but I said good it seemed good to
me that she was different she was more concerned about me and invited me to go out to a church
and over a period of months I went out to that church and something began to happen
something began to change as I heard truth from God's word it began to change me on
inside I came under conviction and over a period of months I gave my heart one night
I gave my heart to Jesus Christ and I've never been the same again Jesus Christ came into
my heart and saved me and changed me and transformed me that was 30 some years ago God has worked
wonderfully in my family put my wife and I back together our marriage was restored we
never got divorced we have two wonderful children two wonderful and beautiful grandchildren
where I used to have hate in my heart now I have love in its place it wasn't long after
I'd give my heart to Christ that Christ gave me a call into the ministry of course I was
very reluctant and resistant to that call because I knew where it came from I knew that
I was a nothing and a nobody ex-drug addict ex-con I knew I had nothing to offer I was
very resistant how could God ask me a nobody a nothing to come in and work in his kingdom
for him so I resisted that I finally gave in I said okay God if you want me to be in
your ministry if you want me to work for you then I'm willing to do that it was hard work
but I was called by God and very grateful for the opportunity to do that grateful that
I had followed the call of God and I did something on my own when God calls you be obedient and
follow him and he'll open doors and he'll close doors that no man can open transformation
working in your life changing you and me changing our hearts so that we can be all that he wants
us to be sharing the gospel and the good news with the lost and dying world even when we
are undeserving and we all are God gives us his grace
