America at war!
Good morning America, it's a bright and beautiful day here in the greatest country in the world.
Sure we have depression and looming war, but don't let that get you down.
Think about all the things we have to be thankful for, such as talkies, the automobile, and dancing
babies. Look at them go.
With widespread rations, Americans are turning towards instant food. Why yes, microwavable
meals. These futuristic feasts are ready in just me a minute, but this isn't 1975, it's
today. Just pop it in the microwave and push a button. Could it be any easier?
Now now Charlie, let it set for two minutes after you take it out. You don't want those
microwaves to give you palsy now do you? That's a good American. Look Charlie, a Nazi. Just
kidding, all good Americans must stay alert at all times of the Nazi threat, but there's
another new invention in town. Why yes, radio! The most jovial source of entertainment since
Flip the Frog. It's sure to unite families in ways that boring old conversation never
could. Just listen to this radio program that has already left hundreds of Americans positively
in stitches.
Well hello there Langston, would you like to hear a joke?
Certainly.
Would you call something that has two horns and hates all that's good?
I don't know. My first wife?
No you bonehead! A German! Thank you!
Why Charlie, I see your date isn't very impressed with the program. Try putting on a long playing
musical record and see if that changes the tune.
Much better. Pretty soon the soothing melodies will bring you two closer than two peas in
a victory garden.
Ah, young love. Well well well, looks like it worked out pretty well for you Charlie.
Now that you two are done, why don't you grab a cigarette to relax?
9 out of 10 doctors agree that a smooth cigarette after sex is just what the body needs to fend
off pregnancy. Keep buffing Mary. You can't afford a little bundle of joy in that waitressing
salary now can you?
Oh no! Do you hear the air raid sirens? You know what that means. Nuclear holocaust.
You better grab your asbestos filled radiation blankets. Remember duck and cover. Duck and
cover to save yourself from the Nazis bombs.
Uh oh, looks like you missed a spot Mary. Cover your entire body to prevent burns, cancer
and homosexual thoughts induced from the Nazi gases.
Here's our fearless leader, President Franklin Roosevelt, sporting this season's hardest
fashion. The wheelchair. Yes, the wheelchair. The kipius medical device since the iron
lung. It has all the kids acclamour. Isn't that right Charlie? Look Charlie, a Nazi!
Get him before he gets away and poisons our daughters and sisters with sex drugs.
Work the liver Charlie.
There boy, make sure he's good and dead.
America truly is the greatest country in the world. We march on, continuing to be a guiding
light in a world full of darkness, sin and death.
So until next time, march on America.
