Hey, Kristen, thank you so much for coming in.
Thank you for having me.
Please have a seat.
Of course.
Had a look at your resume, and it's really great.
Oh, great.
As you know, you're interviewing for position
here in the HR department.
And what we do here mostly is conduct job interviews.
Sure.
So you have your typical day, you come in,
get a cup of coffee, check your email,
then spend the rest of the day doing job interviews.
So what I'd like to do is do a little role reversal,
where you interview me, so I get an idea of how you
conduct job interviews.
Make sense?
OK, sure, sure.
So it would be like, hi.
Joe, thank you for coming in.
Thank you so much for being with me.
I have a look at your resume, and it looks great.
Really excellent stuff on here.
Now you know you're interviewing for a position in HR.
Yeah.
So a typical day here, let me just tell you
a little bit about it.
You're going to come in, you probably have some coffee,
check your email, maybe head to the bathroom,
place some solitaire for about 45 minutes,
take a dump for about five of those.
And for the rest of the day, you'll be doing job interviews.
So what I want to do is it's just like a little role reversal,
like a mock interview.
Oh, OK.
We'll switch.
OK.
Hi, Chris, and thanks so much for coming in.
Had a look at your resume, and it's great.
Typical day, come in, get a cup of coffee, check your email,
go take a dump, and then on your way back to your desk,
you walk past that receptionist, Stephanie, right?
And you come up with any excuse just
to get really close to her desk, like, let me see that pen.
And then when you get in there, it's kind of give a little sniff,
you know, a little sniff.
And then you spend the rest of the day doing job interviews.
So what I'd like to do now is something called role reversal.
Understand?
Where you interview me.
Oh, OK.
Does that make sense?
Sure, sure, yeah.
OK, so let's go through a, yeah, kind of like that.
Oh, OK, well, hi, Joe.
Thanks so much for having me.
Thank you for coming in.
Wow, look at that resume.
I tell you, you have a great one.
You're interviewing for a job in HR, you know that.
Let me tell you a little bit about a day here, OK?
You're going to come in, you're going to get some coffee,
you're going to check your email,
you're going to go to the bathroom, probably fire out a dump.
Then you're going to head by Stephanie,
she's a receptionist, take a real big whiff.
And then maybe when she isn't looking,
you braid just a little bit of her hair,
and then you're gone because you see Rick, that fucker
from accounting.
You hate Rick so much, and you just make eye contact with him,
you give him some of these, you know,
and give her a, you, Rick, Rick, you're dead.
And you pointed the picture of his family right behind him,
and then you give him one of these.
Yeah, Rick, nothing you can do about it, buddy.
And then you'll probably spend the rest of your day
conducting job interviews.
OK, cool.
So what I'd like to do is just a little role reversal,
like a mock interview, you know, see how you do.
Oh, sure.
So you come in, be like, hey, Chris,
and thanks so much for coming in.
Thank you for having me.
Had a look at your resume, it's great.
Let me tell you a little bit about the position here at HR.
Typical day.
Sure.
Come in, get a cup of coffee, check your email,
go take a dump, walk by Stephanie, smell her hair.
Then you see Rick from accounting, lock eyes with him,
and then you point the picture of his family and his desk.
When he looks, the picture's gone,
because when he looks back, I'm holding the picture.
And I just start eating it.
There's no law against being able to eat pictures, Rick.
There is no anti-picture eating law.
I looked.
Then head over to the vending machine
and just grab on and just start humping and just get
on the vending machine and just, uh, uh, uh, uh.
You're not having sex with the vending machine,
you're making love.
And then spend the rest of the day
just doing job interviews.
So what I like to do, here's how I like to do interviews,
all right?
Do this thing.
It's called role reversal.
Like a mock interview?
So I get an idea how you like to do interviews
and still right now.
Ready, go.
OK, hi.
Yo, thank you for coming in.
I had a look at your resume.
It is awesome.
You're interviewing for a job in HR.
Let me tell you about a typical day here.
You're going to come in.
You're going to get your coffee.
You're going to check your email.
You're going to fire off a dump.
You're going to creep on Stephanie at the receptionist.
Hate, fill your heart with hate for Rick from accounting,
because you can't stand that guy.
Then you're going to get up on that vending machine,
caress those buttons real sweet-like,
maybe lick it up and down a little bit,
and then you're going to head into your office.
And there, you're going to do a line of cocaine
shaped like a swastika.
Let that just fill your veins, fill you with power,
and then you remember that you're worthless.
And then you're probably spending the rest of the day
doing job interviews.
Sure, sure.
What I'd like to do is just a little role reversal.
Where you are going to interview me.
Oh, it splits roles.
I get it.
OK, so how about we go.
Hey, thanks so much for coming in.
Oh, thank you for having me.
Resume.
Great.
Job, HR.
Typical day, like so.
Come in, cup of coffee, check the old email,
go take a dump, smell Stephanie's hair,
threaten Rick, hump a vending machine, swastika of cocaine.
Then you call your ex-girlfriend,
pretending to be a cop, and tell that her husband and daughter
died horribly in a car accident this morning.
No survivors, horrible, burned to death.
The most awful way to die ever.
And then you spend the rest of the day
doing job interviews.
Here's what I want to do, right?
It's called role reversal.
So you interview me.
OK, sure, absolutely.
Hi, Joe.
Thanks so much for meeting with me.
Thank you so much for coming in.
Wow, you know, we had a look at your resume,
and I will tell you it is great.
Yeah, yeah.
But unfortunately, I have got some bad news for you.
What?
The position has been filled.
I am so sorry.
Really?
And thank you so much for coming in.
Oh.
Stephanie, from Reception, she will validate your parking.
Thank you so much for your time.
Thank you again.
Sorry to make you come all the way down here.
Bye.
Bye.
I guess I should probably get some coffee.
