Camel, America's first choice among cigarettes, presents, Tobber.
Coming as Marion Kirby, the loveliest ghost in town, and Jeffries.
As George Kirby, the liveliest ghost in town, Robert Sterling, and Leo G. Carroll as Tobber.
Oh yes, and the deadliest ghost, Neil.
And there are only three people in the world who can see or hear them.
You and I, and Cosmo Topper.
You're truly Cosmo Topper.
Now the next letter goes to Wake House, Duneduck House, Investment Brokers, 224 Wall Street,
New York City.
Dear sirs.
What do you think you're doing?
I want to be your secretary.
Oh Topper, I'd make a perfect secretary because nobody can see me or hear me but you.
Please get off my lap.
But I can handle all your correspondence.
Remember, I'm a ghost writer.
I've had enough of your shenanigans.
Oh Topper, darling.
Aren't you attracted to me?
I find you very attractive.
But I wish you'd control your attractions until after office hours.
Oh, but we can combine business and pleasure.
Now just listen to this outline I've made for a letter.
It starts.
Dear sirs.
And in, Love and Kisses Topper.
Love and Kisses Topper?
Well, it's friendlier than yours truly.
Now run along, please.
Besides, as the letter goes along, you can get to know each other better.
Look here, I'm very busy.
You'll have to go.
I just wanted to see how you run the bank.
Mr. Schuyler does.
Now go away. Don't come back.
Miss Erskine.
Miss Erskine, why are you so long incoming?
You'll have to make up your mind, Mr. Topper.
Do you want me or don't you?
Of course I want you.
Dear, transcribe these letters, please.
Yes, sir.
Your stool is Cosmo Topper.
Now the next letter goes to Wake House,
Downer Deck House, Investment Robes,
224 Wall Street, New York City.
Dear sirs.
What do you think you're doing?
Please get off my left.
I've had enough of your shenanigans.
I find you very attractive.
I wish you'd control your attractions
after business hours.
Love and Kisses Topper.
Love and Kisses Topper.
Love and Kisses Topper.
It didn't take long for the old redhead
to learn the score about camels,
mildness and flavor.
Friends, you try camels for 30 days.
Make your own 30-day camel mildness test.
And learn why.
For mildness, for flavor,
camels agree with more people
than any other cigarette.
Hello, Mrs. Beatty to see you, sir.
Beatty, I don't know any, Mrs. Beatty.
She says she knows you.
Oh, all right, bring her in.
Mrs. Beatty.
Topper, darling.
Well, I thought your married name was Johnson.
Oh, Mr. Johnson and I are divorced.
If you're wondering about Beatty,
you're divorced, too.
Oh, your aunt Emma hasn't kept me up to date.
She's probably been too busy counting the Baskerville millions.
I have to talk fast, darling,
and Emma's outside with Mr. Skyler.
I sneaked in to ask you a favor.
What can I do for you?
Well, you can help me get married.
You're getting along better without me.
Is he a name?
Larry Hartford.
Not the great lover of the silver screen?
Yes, and he's not a bit overrated.
Does Aunt Emma agree with you?
That's where you come in.
You have only to meet him and make up your own mind about him.
Then I want you to convince Aunt Emma how wonderful he is.
Oh, is that all?
She's probably in here.
Oh, I'll bring him over for dinner Saturday night.
Don't tell Aunt Emma.
In fact, don't tell anyone.
Why did you sneak away from me?
I didn't sneak at Emma.
I just came in to see my favorite godfather.
Well, Topper, aren't you going to ask Mrs. Baskerville to have a seat?
Why, yes, of course.
Mr. Skyler, if I want a seat,
I'm perfectly capable of taking it myself.
Stop following me.
How are you, Mrs. Baskerville?
Still rich. You fuel it.
Excuse me, darling. I have to run along.
I have an appointment at the hairdresser's.
Take Skyler with you. Get him a new head.
Oh, Mrs. Baskerville.
Oh, go float alone.
Goodbye, darling.
Topper, I'm going to come right to the point.
Have you ever heard of Lawrence Hartford?
Well, I've seen him on the screen, of course.
A fine-looking chap.
Well, I wouldn't know about that.
I haven't seen a motion picture since the birth of a nation.
However, that's neither here nor there.
No, I guess it's closed.
I didn't come here to discuss motion pictures.
I came to talk about Ellen.
Oh.
Nice girl, but has an unfortunate habit
of collecting bad husbands.
She wants to collect Hartford.
I want you to talk her out of it.
But if she's made up her mind...
No, she's made up her mind about her other two husbands.
This one's the worst of the lot.
But you don't even know him.
Oh, I don't have to. I've heard enough about him.
Now, I'm relying on your talk.
But, Mrs. Baskerville...
No, we'll have no further discussion.
Don't argue with me, Mrs. Baskerville Topper.
Why shouldn't he argue with me?
What do you want?
I just wanted to show you the figures
on the building investments.
I've already looked into them.
They're absolutely worthless.
I don't know why I don't keep my money in a stocking.
George, I'm going shopping.
I haven't a thing to wear for Larry Hartford.
Hey, it's too late to go shopping.
All the stores are closed.
That's the best time.
Oh, sorry, dear. I forgot my key.
Oh, it's yours.
Oh, it's you, Mr. Topper.
Sorry, I forgot my key.
Oh, Topper, why don't you ring?
I forgot my key.
Yes, dear, you told us three times.
I wasn't sure you heard the second time.
Oh, Cosmo, I'm so glad you're home.
I've had the most hectic day ever since lunch.
Well, it's nearly dinner time now, dear.
So you can relax.
I spent hours planning the menu.
Neil and I picked out the wines.
No need to go to any length, dear.
A simple chop will suit me.
Not tonight's menu, Saturdays.
Oh, but you don't have to arrange anything elaborate.
It's not elaborate, just a few cold lobsters
and six pounds of Luger caviar,
eight platters of terrapin, and nine hams.
Ten hams. She forgot Hartford.
Good my dear Henrietta.
I can't decide on the dessert.
Would you like to know what Katie decided?
Devil's food, lemon meringue pie,
and a pineapple upside down cake.
Eighty-six people eat a lot of food.
There's certainly do.
You mean you've invited eighty-six people?
I didn't want to make it too large.
But I told you not to tell anybody.
I haven't yet, except Katie, of course.
Well, that leaves eighty-five.
Here's the guest list, Cosmo.
Can you think of anybody I've left out?
No, but I can think of eighty-six you're going to.
What do you mean?
Well, Ellen doesn't want anybody.
Any other people.
I'm afraid you'll have to give up any plans for a party.
Oh, dear.
I'll have to call the caterers, not to come.
You shouldn't have asked them in the first place.
Well, that leaves six of us.
George, I'm not so sure that you and Marion ought to be here on Saturday night.
Hmm?
The caterers were terribly disappointed.
Henrietta, how would you like to take Ellen and Hartford to the Club twenty-two on Saturday night?
You mean not have dinner at home?
I don't see that it's possible to do both.
Unless, of course, we get very hungry.
Well, since you won't let me have people here,
maybe there'll be someone to see us with Larry Hartford at the Club.
Not that I mind, of course.
Splendid, dear.
Only don't talk about it to a soul.
Why not?
Well, if it gets around that Larry Hartford has made a reservation,
there may be so many reservations that we won't be able to get a reservation.
George, where are you?
The usual place.
I'm going to look so beautiful for Larry Hartford that he'll be heartbroken.
He can't see me.
What, any deer?
Oh, yes, thank you.
Neil?
Hey, you must have made him too strong.
They're four to one, Neil.
I'm a whack.
Bad dog.
Good martinis.
No.
Oh, you forgot the most important thing.
Sorry, old boy.
Hello, darling.
Hi, Tom.
What's all this for?
Oh, that's for Larry Hartford Saturday night.
Oh, yes.
Yes, I forgot.
By the way, old man, how did you happen to meet Larry Hartford?
I haven't met him.
Oh, thanks.
He's being brought here by his fiance.
You mean he's engaged?
How could he do that to me without even knowing me?
Who's the lucky girl?
Mrs. Baskerville's niece, Ellen.
Not Ellen Baskerville.
Why, do you know her?
Know her.
Know her.
Ellen Baskerville.
Poor, tragic Ellen Baskerville.
You sure you had the right woman?
What is all this?
And Mrs. Baskerville.
Poor, frustrated Mrs. Baskerville.
How she loved me.
Mrs. Baskerville?
She wanted me to marry Ellen.
To keep from breaking her heart.
But it was not to be.
Okay, Hamlet, come clean.
Where did you meet this poor, tragic Eris?
I'd rather not talk about it.
I wonder if she knows I'm dead.
You asked me, she never knew you were alive.
Please, Marion, don't be bitter.
Ellen was a part of my life before I knew you.
A memory tender and unsullied.
Too bad I can't play the violin.
She only married to forget me.
In that case, she's forgotten you twice.
About you again?
I'd like to forget you for Larry Hartford.
Probably reminds her of me.
It may interest you to know she's deeply in love with this fellow Hartford.
Not since everybody knows about Hartford.
He's a lazy, dissolute drunk.
He probably reminds her of you.
Well, Mrs. Baskerville agrees with you.
And she's never seen the man.
You mean you're promoting this romance behind her back?
Well, that's better than looking at her.
Besides, what business is it of yours?
I can't let Ellen throw herself away in a man like that.
After all, she's still on the rebound from me.
Poor child.
What a life she's had.
Constantly reminded of the little things she loved about me.
My manliness, my tenderness, my wit.
Is there some way to stop him?
You're the magician.
Always her image before me.
Always my image before her.
My body and another man's face.
My face under the man's body.
Now, how did I do that?
Here's John Wayne, America's number one dramatic movie star on location.
As you can see, making a movie can be pretty tough going.
But free-swinging he-man parts are what John Wayne loves to play
and what the audience loves to see him in.
Okay, cut.
When the cameras stop, John Wayne takes time out to enjoy his favorite cigarette, camel.
Let's hear what he thinks about camels in his own words.
Well, after you've been making a lot of strenuous scenes,
you like to sit back and enjoy a cool, mild, good-tasting cigarette.
And that's just what camels are.
Mild and good-tasting pack after pack.
I know I've been smoking them for 20 years.
So why don't you try them yourself?
You'll see what I mean.
Yes, try them yourself,
and you'll discover the secret of camel's extra enjoyment.
Smoke-only camels for 30 days.
From mildness and flavor,
camels agree with more people than any other cigarette.
Marion, I think the guests are arriving.
Marion.
Topper.
Ellen.
Where is everybody?
Yes, but...
No, I can't get his autograph for you.
Katie, where is everybody?
They take Mr. Hartford out for dinner.
Where to, Katie? Where to?
I promise not to tell where to.
You've got to tell me.
I don't care if you are my sister.
A promise is a promise.
Marion.
Marion.
They've sneaked out on us.
Oh, well, if you're going to get mad, Club 22.
Marion, where are you?
Yes, that's where they all went.
Where, Katie? Where?
I don't know.
Marion.
I don't know where they're going after the Club 22.
Marion's gone, too.
No, no, no. Mr. Hartford didn't come here at all.
Katie, Katie, I'll give you 10 bucks
if you tell me where they've gone to.
They all went to the Club 22.
Some people would do anything for money.
Did you just drop $10?
You closet drinker.
It's a sad come down for you, Neil,
from champagne to beer.
And listen, from now on, open your own beer.
Say, Neil, I wonder how Mrs. Baskerville
would like to go to Club 22.
Not me, brother.
I haven't got time to open all those cans.
And having failed at everything else,
I became an actor, and here I am.
How did you know we were here?
You invited me, remember?
I tell you, do you double-crossing baboon?
What are you looking for, Cosmo?
Oh, just looking, dear.
If it wasn't for George, I didn't tell him.
I couldn't stand to watch this movie go with that Emmett Baskerville.
Woman at Table 12, just sign it to Flossie, Lovin' Kisses.
Wait, you shouldn't keep worrying, Mr. Hartford.
Shh, the head waiter might hear you.
You forgot Lovin' Kisses. Where's my pen?
Did you drop this?
Good evening, Mr. Muller.
Did you just get another autograph?
Oh, no, sir.
Then what's this on your shirt?
I put it there to remind me, sir.
All right.
So peaceful without George.
George!
Take it away. Throw it out. It's tainted.
It wasn't tainted to me.
I think I know tainted meat when I see it.
I was practically raised on tainted meat.
You conniving weasel, do you wish you ordered something else, sir?
Come bring us the same thing, untainted.
Poor tragic, Ellen. This is George. You're George.
Ooh.
What's the matter now?
I felt something cold and clammy.
That was George. You're George.
I hope you're not starved, Mr. Hartford.
Not a bit of it, and please call me Larry.
You even call him Hinkle. That's his real name, Hinkle.
Hinkle? That sounds like a bell.
Say something to me, darling, to prove that you still remember.
I hear you're living in the Kirby House.
Yes. Always my name on her lips.
Did you know the Kirby's?
Well, only George.
You just stirred the ashes of a cruel memory.
You just poured salt on an open wound.
Don't cry, darling.
Remember, I told you about George Kirby, darling.
Oh, yes.
Poor tragic, Ellen.
It's hysteria from grief.
You ordered the filet mignon, didn't you, sir?
We all ordered it.
Would you mind putting your name opposite it?
Chef doesn't understand French.
Really?
You must be doing lucrative business.
It was better last week with Gable.
If you have anything to say to me, sir, please don't put it on my shirt.
It all happened when I was visiting Aunt Emma several years ago.
George's wife was away for the weekend.
That's how I happened to see the house.
So that's how she happened to see the house?
Well, she just came to tea with her Aunt Emma.
George sneaked me in late one night.
Aunt Emma, have a tea.
It must be rather fascinating making movies.
What happened then, George?
Nothing, honey. We talked.
Just talked.
We were talking.
There, see?
All of a sudden, George switched off the lights.
You better put the practice black out.
Civil defense.
Of course, the war had been over for three years.
Can't take too many precautions.
Fortunately, George blacked out, too.
Can't take too many precautions.
Hey.
Captain.
I'm sorry, madam. We have no more tables.
I didn't come here to buy furniture.
Where is Mr. Topper sitting?
At least wait, madam.
Well, my dear, this time you've shown excellent taste.
Thank you, darling.
Topper, what is it?
Cosmo.
Was it the meat?
Good evening.
This is basketball.
Aren't you going to ask me to sit down?
By all means.
Did you mind signing for this chair?
Oh, put it on the bill.
Lovely weather we're having, haven't you?
I mean, haven't I?
Did you bring me here to ask Vittles?
George, did you bring that old battleaxe here?
I was here long before she was.
I'd rather you had brought Neil.
I would have, but he had some legal matters to attend to.
Legal matters?
Yeah.
When I left, he was working on a case in the closet.
I didn't know you were coming, Auntie.
You didn't?
Who is this?
Larry Hartford.
Oh, but he's a friend of Topper's.
Yes, quite an old friend.
I don't know any more of my life.
Mr. Larry Hartford.
Hinkle, Hinkle.
Hinkle, Mr. Hinkle, Mrs. Baskerville.
Mr. Baskerville, Mr. Hinkle.
Larry Hartford.
Do you come here often, Mrs. Baskerville?
Oh, wouldn't it caught dead in the place?
Only came because of your husband's note.
Note?
Yes, the note that was slipped under my door,
urgently requesting that I join you and Ellen.
George, I might never forgive you.
But she gets out of so little.
Where do you come from, Mr. Hinkle?
Jersey City.
California.
I could kill you.
It's too late.
Come, coward, don't you try to get away.
What part of California?
Oh, God, you're getting away.
Help me, oh, help.
Someone pushed me.
You can't help me now.
What part of California, Mr. Hinkle?
It looks as if we're never going to get out of dinner.
Stop interrupting Topper.
Well, Mr. Hinkle?
Hollywood, Mrs. Baskerville.
Just outside of Hollywood.
Seattle.
Well, then, perhaps you know a motion picture actor
by the name of Lawrence Hartford.
Intimately.
Is he as bad as his reputation?
No, he's even worse.
He has only one thing to recommend him.
What's that?
He's a good businessman.
As a matter of fact, he's about to marry a very pretty girl
with a grotesquely rich aunt.
For you.
Wait, uh...
Wait, you must stop taking pictures
and then trying to sell them.
Say your best, Topper.
And for pity's sake, Mr. Hartford, sign that picture
and be done with it.
You mean Mr. Hinkle, don't you, Auntie?
Well, uh, natural mistake.
One of the Hartford Hinkles.
Stop all this shilly-shallying.
I recognize Mr. Hartford the moment I came in.
In that case, I may as well sign.
It's not Topper's fault, I am, huh?
Mr. Topper, it occurs to me
that if you're so deceitful about these personal matters,
you may be equally so about financial matters.
I refer to your handling of my affairs at the bank.
Now, just a moment, Mrs. Baskerville.
I beg your pardon?
You should.
You're a selfish, domineering woman and a bully to boot.
I've never been so insulted in my life.
I can't imagine why not.
Topper, are you going to sit here and let him talk to me this way?
Why not?
If I'm going to be fired, I might as well enjoy it.
Mrs. Baskerville, Cosmo was only trying to do Ellen a favor.
Yes, behind my back.
If it wasn't behind your back, you sent her a note.
It wasn't behind your back. I sent you a note.
Well, why did you send me a note?
You wanted to show her that Hartford wasn't such a heel after all.
I just wanted to show you that Hartford wasn't such a heel after all.
Sorry, old man.
Don't mention it.
Is this the truth?
Have you seen George?
No.
What?
No more bullying. I want to enjoy my dinner.
Cosmo, apologize to Mrs. Baskerville.
If he does, I'll have him fired.
And it's for you, young man.
At least I'm glad to see that you're not scared of me.
Oh, but I am scared to death.
Now, where could George have gone?
Bring your young man around for tomorrow.
I want to see if he's as romantic in the house as he is on the screen.
I thought you never went to the movies.
I didn't until last night.
You know, you're not a bad actor.
Thank you. You're not a bad actress.
So there you are.
Why do you look so smug about?
Oh, I feel so nice and warm inside.
Bringing these two lovely people together.
Our friend Topper seems to be getting an education, darling.
Well, one thing he already knows, honey, and that's how wonderful camels are.
Of course camels are wonderful.
They're mild, the way I like mildness.
They have flavor, the way I like flavor.
And more pure pleasure, too.
Do you know why camels give more pleasure?
It's the blend, of course.
Camels' exclusive blend of costly tobaccos that bring so much enjoyment to so many smokers.
That's right.
For mildness, for flavor, for more pure pleasure, try camels.
By far America's first choice in cigarettes.
Each week the makers of camels send thousands of gift packs of camels cigarettes
to members of our armed forces and hospitalized veterans.
This week free camels go to veterans' hospitals
North Little Rock, Arkansas, and Omaha, Nebraska.
U.S. Army Hospital Fort Dix, New Jersey.
U.S. Naval Hospital Memphis, Tennessee.
The Military Air Transport Service, which evacuates virtually all of our overseas sick and wounded personnel.
Topper, brought to you every week by the makers of camels cigarettes, is directed by Blue Landers.
A John W. Lofton Bernard L. Schubert production.
Produced by John W. Lofton.
Starring Anne Jeffries, Robert Sterling, and Leo G. Carroll.
Featuring Lee Patrick as Mrs. Topper.
If you prefer a long cigarette, try Cavaliers, the great new king-size cigarette made by the makers of camels.
King-size Cavaliers give you mildness where it really counts in the feel of the smoke.
So inhale, feel that light extra mildness in the smoke of a Cavalier.
Cavaliers are king-size, yet price no higher than leading regular-size brands.
So try Cavaliers.
Feel that mildness.
Taste that flavor.
That's a Cavalier.
Poor, tragic Ellen. Still trying to forget me.
Topper is a film presentation.
