New York City
8.5 million people call this their home
A melting pot of men and women
An enormous dating pool
And a large amount of that dating pool is ladies
Lucky me
Meet my buddy Ryan
He's a hopeless romantic
Poor guy can't get out of his own way
Yeah, fuck you too dude
That guy, what a joker
Oh yeah, that's Steph
She's a hot mess
In a good way
She's been out of the game for a while
I was engaged to a real toolbox
Look at these losers
There he is
A sexy manly specimen of top dating pedigree
Oosing sex appeal wherever he goes
Ladies literally can't resist
Oh, sorry
That's me, Mitch
Yes, sadly I'm friends with these losers
And if you think I'm being mean
Just know that they both live with me
Not because I have a three bedroom apartment
Why?
I'm a good friend
Where's your lady from?
What lady's friend?
You know what I'm talking about, goddammit
What's his passion though?
Oh, yeah, that lady's friend
No
Oh, hello
Ooh, good morning
Okay
You think you'll see him again?
I don't know, I kinda want to do it
Want to get some ice cream?
Yeah
Why are you washing your shoe, Hansen?
I stepped in to wash it
It's great, just wash it where we do dishes
So how was your date?
It went great
He's really hot
He's like an Australian bowtower
But like the young and hot one
Like from Top Gun
All right, let's play some volleyball with that ice man
Please stop
He's telling me where he's from
In Australia, he serves
He is so gorgeous
And then we did shocks
A lot of shocks
He's really a good kisser
And he is super funny
Ice man, it's a car, right?
Cheeks dig the car
Anyway, we stumbled out of the bar
And went and got 99 cent pizza
I thought it went really great
I mean, we really hit it off
What the fuck?
Well, good morning
Hi
Sleep, okay?
I did
Anything you care to share?
I know where the toilet is
My roommate knows where the toilet is
And?
Which is why we don't use the sink
What are you talking about?
There's vomit in my sink
Vom?
See? Vom
No, I didn't do that
Oh, I think you did
No, I don't
I don't taste like
You vommed?
Yeah
What does that look like to you?
Vom
Pepperoni
What? How could you tell?
It's clearly pepperoni
You had pepperoni when we went to 99 cent slice tonight
Oh no, that vom blends in with the rest of the vom
Are you joking?
No, and I think you had pepperoni too
Impossible, I'm a vegetarian
Yeah, but you were drunk
I resent you turning this around on me
I know where the toilet is
Yeah, and you said that already
Why would I vom in my own sink?
You know what? I resent this
Because I had a really nice time with you
Unless I know you were acting like an asshole
You vommeted in my sink
You know what? I did
I vommeted in your sink
I knew where the toilet was
But I chose to do it there anyway
Fucking gotcha
No, big winner
Have fun cleaning it up
Hey, hey, get back here
I forgot my pants
Oh, you gonna get that?
No
When was the last time you spoke?
I don't know
You called a few months back when I first got here
Why would he be calling?
Here's an idea, pick up the phone
Shut it
Really? No voice message
Should have picked up
You're an epic fail
Thanks for watching
