Through me, through the windows of my disguise
You were one of the few who really knew me
You always took me by surprise
And when I think about
Since Stonewall Drag has been there
Since before Stonewall Drag has been there
But with Stonewall we earned our credit
And now 45 years later
Every single person here
Whether they're wearing latex
Whether they're wearing rubber
Whether they're in leather
Whether they're wearing a polo shirt
We're all trying to represent something
That's part of who we are
That's part of the inside of what we are
Trying to express ourselves
That I'm a woman
Because I'm not
And again
It's all about my
Joy
Of exploring gender
In a way that's
For me
Together in one thing
Not a binary thing
But just a mixture of it all
I was 39 when I first put on
Makeup
And I was like
Wow, isn't it odd to have waited
You know, that long to do that
I normally do my eyes first
Because of
There's fallout that happens when you put all these powders
On your face
And once I
Wipe it away
And the lashes are on
And I look at myself and I'm like
There she is, those are robust eyes
The wig is the last touch
Where he goes to she
And Joey goes to Robusta
Talking about it like this
It's so weird, it makes a hair on my body stand up
Through me
Through the windows
Of my disguise
You were one of the few
Who really knew me
You
You always took me back
Surprise
I had this trimmer and it's called
Essential Trimmer and maybe
Someone else watching this
Will have it and I mean
I didn't perform
For a while because of it
I moved here and I knew I couldn't be a waiter
I mean there are some things
I could not do but who says I can't be
A performer that's got a little trimmer
I mean Catherine Hepburn
When I found out that Catherine Hepburn had
The same Essential Trimmer
It's kind of a day
That changed my life
There's a lot of painting
Putting on makeup
You get into drag
Whatever you're going to call your process
I call it
Painting because I feel like
This is like primer
I like to think that Candy
Keeps
Feel and check
A lot of times when I want to
Be super angry or go off or whatever
I'm like what would Candy do
Candy would keep her shit together
You should be more like Candy
So
I try
I try
I think all creative people
Kind of just want to be immortalized
Today we're doing titties
And I'm super excited to show you guys this
It's going to be like 5 minute quick and easy titties
It's something that I do not understand
Why
More drag queens do not do it
I'm not even doing a base coat
You really should probably do a base coat
But we're just doing quick and easy
Down and dirty titties
Say we got 15 minutes to get ready
You know what? Stop some titties on girls
It's not that hard come on
We're just going to paint them on here
We're going to create a little seize
It's easier if you have a mirror
Even if you've got that kind of bird chest
Like those super skinny girls
Paint like a little tittie
You don't need these kind of long
Island medium titties that I'm doing right now
So anyway, so what we're doing is
We're actually just going to be laying down
The basis of our
Highlight
In our liquid
And we're going to get a little painting
With our hands, we're going to get crazy
We're going to like finger paint a little bit
Say look at that, got a nice little ombre
And then
Get a contouring palette
This one sucks, don't get this one
I love this stuff, this number 7 stuff
You really do need to spend money on makeup
Oh, and another thing is like what titties
Come on, okay like see
Make sure there's like a bit of room
Like between the tits
You can't have them like touching each other
And then the other mistake is actually having them
Too high
Yeah, you don't want the tits you need to have
It can't be too high
So then we're just going to kind of create that line
We're setting it with our
Contouring palette
And I know this is not going to look the best
An older queen told me once
That
You only do drag for yourself
That's why I do drag
I do it for me
Every queen has a moment
Where all of a sudden it's done
For some it's the base
For some it's the wig, for some it's the shoes
For me it's the lashes
When the lashes are on and the glue is set
She's here
In Empress 26 of New York
The Elemental Broadway Empress of Community Camp
In Collaboration
And just recently named
Queen of the New York Leatherman
If Michael were here
And he's not
But if he were he would definitely be stopping
By the latex rubber table
My intention was to come as Michael
And I would have been
Wearing a pair of cut off blue jeans shorts
And a black leather vest
Or maybe just a harness
That's really how drag and leather
To me come together
How do I want the world to see me
Sometimes it's pretty and strong
Sometimes it's
Dominant, sometimes it's
Available, but it's all
A chance to take Michael
And say
Something that I don't say
Between 9 to 5 from Monday to Friday
It's a chance to explore the world
It's a chance to say
This is who I really am on the inside
Witty can be very masculine
And
Michael doesn't get hung up on
Labels of masculine or feminine
Witty is much stronger than Michael
At the end of the day
Michael is still the fat little redhead
They got picked on in 5th grade
Witty and Leather Daddy Michael
Are
Characters that I can put on
To hide him from the world, to protect him
To keep those vulnerabilities hidden
To either laugh at the world
As witty
Or the chance to own who I am
And define who I am
Before anybody else laughs at who I was
A lot of dragon, a lot of leather
Comes out of the same place
We are bigger people than
We were in 5th grade
We're different people than we were when we were picked on on the playground
The ways we choose to enter the world
And interact with the world
Really are the opportunities for us to be
Better than we were
And for us to own our whole selves
The S&M aspects is just one more
Finding a way to get in touch with your body
Finding a way to really viscerally
Understand what you're feeling
And how you're trying to feel it
And being open to that
Not so much the pain dynamic
But the power dynamic
And getting back in touch with the fact that
We are all whole human beings
And shutting out any aspect
Or trying to be all one thing and not the other
That never worked
I am able to step into the world
Um
Fully as this whole
Being that I believe myself to be
Which is transcendent gender
And um
I love that
It's just like a sense of empowerment
I describe it as
Feeling truly beautiful
And feeling
Truly powerful
And feeling truly glamorous
Music
This way? Okay. Let's watch this step.
Music
This step plays
Also reminds 99% men
Yeah
All the time
But now it's more common
To see guys with new powers
This is the place that everything can be
Because men and women are still the same
Which was my point exactly
He said, well we always do that for men
I'm like, well first of all I said
How do you know I'm a man?
Thank you
But in a lot of places they do that
They think because you're a guy
They try to get more money
But I don't think it's there
I just think that though
I mean it's not any more difficult
Yeah, I just think
Music
It's super
Music
It's that shiny thing
Music
What I love the most
Is when you take that little tool
And you sort of nip all the
Skin off and everything
And I can't possibly
Reach down there
Because I've got it extra
Music
We keep it the same length
Or we cut a little bit
Because I play the guitar sometimes
Oh, it's okay
Music
Having a spa day
Music
Ah, it's beautiful
Music
I kind of want a huge overhaul
Kind of surgery or anything
But just, you know
You look good
You know, just type it up
When you look good, you feel pretty
Absolutely
It's the way it works for me
You see, you look so pretty
You feel pretty
You see, you see the color
Looks beautiful
Music
Undergarment's on
Music
I need
Like the king of lovers
Music
Music
Okay
Okay, Max
We went to David's Bridal
Music
I think it was 10
It was a 10 and then we just did it
Music
In less than 24 hours
Music
In less than 16
Music
Made my bouquet
Music
In the headpiece
Music
I called you
We talked about it beforehand
That if it went through, this was what was going to happen
For Pride, it was just
This was going to be a phone call
Probably Wednesday
The Supreme Court's either going to
Announce it on Thursday or Friday
In whichever day they did that
If they did it on Friday
Could we get to David's Bridal
At opening
Get a walk out with a dress
Get an appointment, walk out with
They have a dress that we could walk out with
We tried three dresses and this was the
Second one
We needed something that was beautiful yet functional
And this was really
Was really just the best choice
I would say this to my mother
She would say, are you ready to move home
And I'd say, well I can't have
Wedding in the Presbyterian Church
Because the Presbyterians don't
Recognize gay marriage
And now they do
Kitchen's a mess
Music
Music
Music
Music
Music
Music
It's a
Deepening
Understanding
Of my own relationship to
To the word transgender
It really is
And I fully
Embrace that word now
I'm turning 60 this year
That's a big deal for me
Especially being HIV positive
And not expecting to
Be here
Or I've had a
Backwards and forwards
Relationship with the
With the term and it's so wonderful
That my husband
Really embraces me
In whatever journey that I want to do
Music
Glenn and I got married in
The New York City Halloween Parade
In 2011
We took our vows
At the Soho Park
Where everybody lines up to get into the parade
And then we hired a horse and buggy
To come
Carry us and our minister friend
Sean through the parade
Waving at everybody saying
Thank you for coming to our wedding
Ha ha ha
You are the
Greatest love of my life
Aww
I absolutely love you more than anyone
I've ever known
To you Roger
Take Glenn to be your husband
To love, honor, and cherish
To all certain families
I too
For me to
Like even
Want to get married
Was
A big
Change
It's because I love my husband
That I wanted to get married
It didn't benefit us in any way
Financially
Or tax wise
Or anything
It didn't do anything like that for us
It was just simply
A statement of our love for each other
And that's
That's the reason why we did it
I'm the authority of a Holy Spirit of Love
I now pronounce you married
YAY
Before the marriage law passed
We didn't really think it would make that much
Of a difference to us because we've been together
For seven years
But when it passed everything shifted
And now it's like a culmination of our love
We could have just stayed in the
In the shadows and never had Stonewall
I spent most of my adult life
Like living in alternative
Communities
And expressing really radical alternative beliefs
The world is changing
Regardless of what we do
And wherever
We begin with
Equality
It will expand
To include everyone else
I think we're trying
Whether we're drag queens
Or girls in the city
Or doctors or lawyers
Or just regular folks
As my parents always said
We have this secret identity
That we don't let out
And we don't celebrate much
And it's that person
That makes us do everything that we do
But they're maybe not camera ready
But maybe they're a little shy
Smart like gloves
Piano rose
Piano rose
You know your part
You've done this many times
Before
It scares me
Each time
I begin
Celebrate the man
The man behind the curtain
He's doing all he can
He's flying free
He has a million doubts
But this I know for certain
He gives it all he's got
He owns the key
Celebrate the man
The man behind the curtain
He's doing all he can
He's flying free
I walked out of a taxi
Wearing
I think I was wearing these jeans
But I was wearing my big black coat
And someone
This is what, two weeks ago?
Someone driving down in the car screen
And I was like
I don't think I said fuck you
I just threw my fingers up
And started snapping
When I'm in drag
Nobody refers to me as Joey
I actually adamantly refuse
For anyone to address me as Joey
She sort of developed organically
On her first outing
She was a
Nasty
Nasty
Very blue
I'm quick anyway
Robust is quicker
It's something about the makeup
And the wig
She's become a lot softer
And a lot classier
She's not just this smack you over the head
With the porno humor immediately
And the dick jokes and whatnot
There's all this bullshit
That goes into it to feminize
A very male body
The hips and the ass
And four or five pairs of tights
To cover up the hair on my legs
I really don't look just like my mother
Because up until then
It's just pain
You know
Hardly being able to breathe
Losing a little bit of vision on either side
Because you've got no oxygen
Going to your brain with the coarsening going on
And then it's like
Something clicks and she doesn't feel it anymore
Gender presentation
Is often
A target for violence
And is often a target for discrimination
Whether I am
In a dress walking down the street
Or a trans woman is walking down the street
Someone might see that and see
Other
And choose that as a target
I'm very lucky
When I'm in drag I'm six and a half to seven feet tall
And I'm 200 plus pounds
I don't get hassled
But I've had friends who have been
And have been hurt very badly
No one's ever going to mistake me for a woman
I don't dress to be a woman
I'm a drag queen
When I hear of trans bashing
I always stop and think
Not even a trans bashing, sometimes it's just a gay bashing
You know, I walk down that street
I walk down that corner
How hyper aware do I have to be
Where am I now?
We got marriage
And that doesn't necessarily
Leave people out
Because there are always opportunities
And yes, it's not perfect
We're committed to polyrelationships
Because then, you know, which couple gets married
And which couple doesn't
And how do you balance that
What's next has got to be economic justice
For everybody
Because we're not really addressing
All of those issues fully yet
Marriage doesn't solve
Those issues completely
Particularly in a world of
1% inherited wealth
And inheritance rights
But there are a lot of things
That do get helped by it
Trans issues have come to the surface
Economic justice has been a big deal
And I think it's such a question of figuring out
Where we're going to marshal the resources
And what we're going to put behind
That next step
When the New York City Gay Men's Chorus
Was celebrating its 20th anniversary
It commissioned
A work called the Gay Century Song Book
Which was looking at
100 years of gay life
Primarily in New York City
And the opening number
Had a line that I'll never forget
If the cost of liberation
Is complete assimilation
Will we all wind up invisible again
And I think that's something that we're in danger of
As we become
More normalized in society
As it stops being so other
Where are we
Which is why I think it's interesting
That drag culture has suddenly re-exploded again
We're not just like everybody else
I mean, it's flipped to say
We're more fabulous
That's not the answer
Malcolm X said
If you want to be my friend
There are two things you have to do
The first thing is to forget that I'm black
The second thing is to never forget that I'm black
And without taking away
From his very specific voice
For a very specific purpose
I think underneath what he's saying is
Don't treat me any differently
But don't ever presume that our experiences are the same
And I think there's a lot of that
In what's still to come
With gay culture and gay life
We are
No different
But our experiences are
The way we were brought up
The head of normative things we had to fight against
The moment when we realized that we were other
Order queens get it more than new queens
Like old gay guys
Live
For my
Felicia look and I think it's because
I come from
I come from an understanding of the gay culture
That I think a lot of younger gays
Don't
And it's hard I think for straight people
Like my parents to understand
Why I would do this
Which is weird because my mom
Comes from living in San Francisco
In the 70's
Because she lived through that time
In San Francisco
So she did watch a lot of her gay friends die
Actually very recently
The first time they
My mom asked about Felicia
Like how Felicia was doing
Doing drag has
Really helped me embrace myself
In the way of
Me having a better understanding
Of my own sexuality
And my own
Development as a gay man
Transgender issues
And that there's blurred lines for everything
And I love the idea of pushing those norms
Pushing the idea of beauty norms
Pushing the idea of what it means
To be a man and what it means to be a woman
I should wear the flamingo on my head
Really wear my hip pads
Give them all the body
So quick
No one could have witnessed
What you did to me
But you would
Know me at all
Today
From the fading light
I'd like
To light the light of the day
Out of the ashes
Thinking rather than
Vengeance
Retribution
You were born
Once I'm transformed
Once I'm reformed
You know how we do it, right?
The balls go up. Why are you talking to me?
I know, I don't know.
Tell us.
It's really simple
Before boys go into puberty
Your balls are up
They're inside of you, they're developing
Once you reach
Some sexual maturity, they drop
And what
You still have that sort of
Spongy thing on the inside
Where your balls fit
So what you do is you pop your balls back up
You tape down the skin
The really, really
Tight undergarment
That literally
Snatches the cat back
You take your dick
You put it between your legs
Some girls tape
No, they tape it to
Literally to the tape on their balls
On their ball skin
I'm wearing a long dress
So I don't have to talk
They give me hips
And a bigger ass
And this
Is
Orthopedic pantyhose
This is all smoking
None of this is real, right?
It was cowgirl
Afterward that we went to
He was a patron, he thought I was a chick
Well, I sing really high
And then, you know, I'm like
Maybe 150 pounds at this point
So I'm tiny
I'm wearing these huge fake tits
I've got on my hip pads
And I've got this huge ass
I'm corseted
And this full face of makeup and these long lashes
And this guy cannot
Keep his eyes off of me
But you do
Like an ordinary fool
When your ordinary dreams
Fall through
How many times
Have you mistaken
Good looks and laughs for bad news
How many times
Have you mistaken
Good looks and laughs for the blues
All the world is waiting for news
And the wonders that you do
In your satin tights
And you're all right
And you're all right too
When my father
Was diagnosed with HIV
Grown up in the deep south
I believed somehow
That God made a mistake
And gave my father
My destiny
I did believe that time HIV was my destiny
Somewhere in the back of my mind I felt that
And I missed him, yes
But don't feel sorry for myself
Don't feel sorry for him
And sometimes that means getting up
At 3.30 in the morning
Getting in the shower
Getting in full drag
That's being a man
My father, who was ignorant of filiac
Was diagnosed with HIV when I was 12
And he passed away when I was 15
And a year later
I wrote this song for him
Everybody's facing someone
Those memories I hold dear
In time the pain was dead inside
I longed to have you near
It's no easy way to do this, darling
Not in five inch heels and miniskirt
That's why all those great old Hollywood stars
Love the such grace and dignity and slow pacing
You let me do it, I'll see you later
Hello, I've got a cigarette
Not just?
No, thank you
He didn't even blink
He knows who I am
That's it
He knows what brand I smoke
They know me here
They see me all the time
In and out of the subway
Three doors down
A gentleman who always says
You look so pretty
I never give him a dollar
But he always tells me I look pretty
At the end
I swear I'm not one for this shit
He's one for this shit
Dying inside the girls
He's a bad friend
Dear me
Funny
Even
Oh, that's better
What's in the eyes?
That's better
What's in the eyes?
What's in the eyes?
What's in the eyes?
Time passes
I tell the wrong stones
All wrong bells
Dance to the praise
Dance to the praise
Drag is like a fuck you
To what our world tries to box us into
An inability to embrace life
And explore all it has to offer
And feel weirdo
And embrace it
Drag has given me the opportunity
To learn so much about myself
And other people
I've gotten to meet the most unique
And interesting, beautiful people
By doing drag
It took a while for me to adjust
My thinking
And it made me grow as a person
I'm a gay man
With a slight addiction to cocaine
A little bit of addiction to Sriracha
And really bad ideas
Felicia Delox is the type of drag queen
That is always ready to have a good time
I always like to push the boundary
Of what is fashion
Gender norms
Beauty norms
A lot of girls have birthmarks
When they paint their face
And I choose to do a unibrow
Because you know what?
I love Frida Kahlo
She's one of my favorite artists
In the entire world
And I take drag like an art
Drag gives me the opportunity
To not only get away with a couple more jokes
As I would as a straight or as a white male
Bitch, I'm allowed to do whatever the fuck I want
So shut your whore-ass mouth
And because I'm up here
And your ass is not
So shut the fuck up
And go back to your job folding sweaters
But it also gives me the opportunity
To push my creativity
To create something like this
Eat this agave neck
To eat all of it
I am the captain now
My most fabulous drag self
It's when I'm so engaged with the audience
And able to deliver my best performance
And make the audience
Just go on a journey with me
And have a good time
I got a home in glory land
That outshines the sun
I got a home in glory land right here
That outshines the sun
I got a home in glory land
That outshines the sun
Way beyond the blue
We did it at 7 o'clock in the morning
We went to go to my dad's grave
So drag is a commitment
And it's a lifestyle I guess
We know there's a test
To sing God's praise
Than when we first begun
I got to this place
It took maybe three years
Until I realized holy shit
She's her own entity
She's in me but she's not me
I've never taken off my wig
I was so fucking hot
And my tits were falling down
I said you know what
Excellent
You guys kicked ass
Thank you
They were so hot
And they kept coming
Mom decided on me
Normally they have an adhesive backing
But I guess with the sweat
I was toying with doing it
Only because I thought it was
Hilarious when Queens did it
And that song
The big ball song
It felt so right
And then we were going
Into this whole gospel things
Touch those balls down
You like those balls down
You like those balls down
Rip off your standings
Do the ball dance
Do the ball dance
Do the ball dance
I love the ball dance
I've seen women rip off their wigs
When they feel the Holy Spirit
Dancing around in circles like this
Just felt appropriate
I ran with
It's the road you've walked before
Then alone at my front door
You shouldn't cry about you do
Like an ordinary fool
When ordinary dreams fall through
Someone came up to me and said
Thank you for writing that
I've been living with HIV
For the last 10 years
And we had a little moment
We present our ideal of perfection
That lifts people's spirits
And what we think might have been
A bad performance
Or not our A game
Or I'm wearing the B dress
Or my hair isn't quite right
The audiences
That it is just the way it should be
It's about time to get this stuff off
Oh, God
Oh, God
Oh, God
This is the best
This is the best
Ah
This is the part that hurts the most
I'm sure it's left me some grill marks
Ladies always talk about pantyhose
Being cumbersome
I'm like try wearing two layers of dance tights
Ah
Everything comes off and gets dropped
The rings, the nails
The other nine stayed on
That's the one giving trouble
One of the problems with shoes like that
Is that they are high enough that my feet don't unbend
Hi
This top was hard to get on
But when I put it on, I didn't have the boobs in
I just took it off over the boobs
Ah
Eyelash off
Back in the case
Because I can get a good 10 or 15 uses out of a pair of lashes
With the eyelashes off, does Michael back?
Just about
Why does Michael back?
He's here
It's late, I'm tired
The lashes are off
Generally, Michael is back when all of the clothing is off
It's about the lashes at one level
But at the end of the day
The corset
The pantyhose
It's exhausting holding it all in
But I'm not one of those queens
Who can just throw a four-way stretch over everything
And let it go to God
I like having a little bit more figure
And as Debbie Allen said in the opening of the classic 1980s show, Fame
Fame costs
Here's where you start paying
And drag costs
And it hurts
Sometimes it hurts a lot
Mmm
Oh, it feels so good
That's the other thing about Vaseline
It just feels so good
Ah, isn't that messy and goopy and gross?
Alright, hold on
Ah
Ah, is that great?
It just comes right off
Mmm, the lips are always a little difficult
For some reason
Ah
Drag is everywhere
It doesn't have to look like this
Drag can be much more subtle, much more simple
There are people putting themselves out there
Adding a little bit of color to their lives
That they may not otherwise be able to do
I encounter plenty of people on a daily basis
Who I do not agree with, you know
And my practice is about knowing that their opinions are not the truth
And forgiving myself and them for espousing hate
Through me
Through the windows of my disguise
You were one of the few who really knew me
You always took me by surprise
And when I think about all the days gone past
Well, of course, you know it's gonna make me cry
And when I look at your photograph
I see the longing, the longing in your smile
You had a right to remember
There is joy beyond the pain
