So I think about it often, you know, I completely, I mean, I still feel exactly the same way,
you know, I felt, you know, sometimes it's hard to let yourself love like that again
because you're exposed, you're afraid of pain.
And now I often wonder, you know, how should it dealt with the state of things today on
a creative level, you know, what kind of music she'd make, what kind of movie she'd
be doing, what her position would be.
And I always almost feel like she's here, only because usually when things look like
they should be dark, I hear a song, you know, there's messages in the songs, I'm real lucky
that someone that I was so close to and they're passing and still so present.
I didn't really realize how many people felt the same way I did until she died, and I'm
always trying to figure out why things happen and what the mathematical reason is, and when
something happens that happens to everybody, I'm not really ever upset about it, you know,
I just feel like whatever pain I was meant to feel, whatever pain she was meant to invoke
from anyone, it's just a lesson, I feel like we have to meet up again because we were so
locked in on a soul level, you know what I'm saying, and we also believed in a lot of the
same shit.
It was almost like when we spoke, we were preparing each other for who it was, that I was gonna
have to deal with this and it ended up being me and it's cool, I'd prefer to be me to feel
that pain, you know what I'm saying.
How I've come to terms and how I've been able to live with so much death in my life is understanding
that everybody at some point dies, everyone does, so it can't be a bad thing.
Actually the way I look at it is if death was a good thing and if you died, you went
to a really good place, then everyone would be trying to die as soon as possible as opposed
to living.
So I would think that that may be the reason why it's considered or it's positioned to
us in such a mystery, in such a way that you can't understand death until it actually
happens to you.
You know, because Aliyah was such a cool individual, such a good person, you know, I almost believed
that she must have passed a certain amount of tests to be able to leave so young.
So in that respect, I'm most so happy for her and hoping that she's enjoying herself
wherever she's at.
On the selfish side, of course, you know, you never really get over death, you just learn
to live with it and I miss her.
You know, I always miss her, I've never come across anyone like her.
So at the end of the day, if I could do it all again, I would, you know, I would definitely
have to come after her and not be going there playing because we had conversations about
it on the way there.
But being that I was able to experience something that I didn't even, couldn't even fathom with
someone that was so iconic, I feel lucky in that respect to even being near someone like
her and for her to feel the way she did.
So I don't know, it's like the more I think about her, it's not the saddest you get, it's
actually almost the happier I get, you know, just because I was able to spend those serious
moments with her.
So I'll see you guys in the next video.
Bye.
