Dr. Marshall would say that his favorite sound in the world was just the sound of
his door opening, because it meant that someone was coming to see him. I can
never really say anything the way I want to, so I write it instead. Or at
least I write it before I have to say it to somebody. It doesn't actually work
that well, so I don't know anybody on the planet that has ever preferred a plain
egg. Oh good, another extra rubbery. That's Dr. Marshall. He used to talk about his
wife like they were still together. They were divorced, she had left him, but
he would always make it sound like they were still married. It is, it's like a
vending machine. It's like every time you get behind it, you give it a good shove
and each time you get a little more underneath it and it's just rocking back
and forth and then one of these times it's just gonna fall. It's just been a
fall this entire time. At the end of each story he would he would always say
something like, well, but we're divorced now, so he'd say it like it wasn't final.
As if you're gonna have anything new to say. He, he died last week and I got an
alumni email, one of those thoughts and prayers types. But thoughts and prayers
for who or what? I mean, it's not even like he was my relative or anything and
he was just the guy who taught me from Oz last year. Hi, yeah, pizza town? Yeah,
hi. Um, can I get a l-art? Actually, wait, what are your specials today? Oh, with a,
no, I don't need wings, that's a bit much.
Like what am I supposed to do? Do I, do I just think about it for a while or do I,
you know, send flowers to somebody or an email? No, look, my mom is gonna be over
here soon. Just, just give me one goddamn minute, please.
Dr. Marshall tripped on a hose in his backyard and landed on a pair of shears,
some garden shears. I guess they just hit a major artery. He was, he was pretty
absent. One of those there but not really there types and every time we
started to get closer or anything he would just have an outburst or something
and I'll do that. My cousin keeps sending me these emails of him like hunting
with a dead duck or like a deer and I just, I don't know how to politely
convey to him that no one cares. You know, the worse he is to me, the more he
neglects me or doesn't really seem to care. The more I want him.
Isn't that just twisted? Like nothing natural, just what, what is that? Divine
intervention or shit? Maybe it's just chance. No, don't tell me you haven't been
Mitch. I can tell, okay? That is bullshit. You cannot come over here like that, okay?
And, and the worst part isn't imagining him bleeding out or anything. It's, it's
the moment right before where he's just, he's just walking along and you know he's
got his gloves on and he's just in the moment just fully existing not knowing
that by fast-forwarding one minute everything's over. Okay, actually, you
know what? Wait, why exactly are your breadsticks so expensive? Because I kind
of just seem like a pizza but in a, maybe a square or a football shape with no
sauce but it's on the, oh. And this one time we went to church and I was sitting
next to my dad. We weren't religious by any means but we went to church because
that's what people do, I guess. And the pastor asked us to write down a behavior
that we wanted to change about ourselves. Oh, god. No, I don't want to increase the
size of my, so the church people came around and brought us these cards to
write down our behavior on and I glanced over at what my dad was writing and he
had written angry outbursts. And I couldn't help but kind of admire him for
that, that like sort of self-awareness. And then that night he threw a coffee pot
at my bedroom door. How does that just not shake you or rock you a little bit?
That something like that can happen no matter how old, just in an instance, boom.
And knowing that, how are you just not paralyzed? Oh. Oh, the cheese is imported.
Is it not imported on the other pizza? Interesting. Well, I guess that makes sense.
When my mom found out that he was cheating on her, you know, multiple
affairs, a second family, the works. The works is actually what my dad would call
the pancake breakfast he would make for us. He was a very romantic thinker for a
mathematician, which was charming in a way. And he said, life gives you what you
put into it. You can, you can breed yourself a problem or you can build
yourself a prize. No, I know that I've said it before but, but I'm serious this
time. You cannot come over here right now. And for the longest time I thought it
was just me that I was delusional or crazy or just objectively wrong. But I
was, I was consumed by this man and I thought I was wrong for feeling the way
I was feeling. And then, and then that just made me feel it all the more. And, you
know, I, I would think about it and I would just get twisted up in my stomach
would ache. And, and it wasn't me. You know, for being as good of a cook as he
was, he, he really wasn't much else.
Um, you know what, no, I'm good. Actually, can I just get a large, yeah,
pepperoni, pizza. No, no family deal. It's just for, you know, me. He's a, he's the
kind of guy that, I just don't really know what he's capable of either or just.
Look, my mom is coming over here soon and, and just please, just please stay where
you are right now. Okay. But he has a sweet moment. He broke my finger once. It's,
it's, it's not a big deal. He was just trying to, it's not a big deal really. I
mean, I'm, I'm fine now and I was, I was fine then. So, I mean, it was my ring
finger too. It's not even one that you, uh, you use a lot or anything, right? So.
No, Mitch. Mitch, please don't. No. And then when it happened, it just, you know,
I don't, I don't know what I expected. I mean, when you think about something so
much, I guess it's just what you build. Just, just stop, Mitch. Seriously, I need
you to stay there. This was a mistake. You have all people know I still love my
wife. You've heard about her enough. You're a good person and you're young. You
can build a life. Most of us are left to pick ours up. You're lucky, but this can't
go on. Please just don't do not come here, okay? Just please stop. Maybe I don't have
to say anything.
