Ready? Yeah. Okay. So, question number one, where did you cut?
Um, I started on my thighs and then just ran out of room, so then I put it to my arm.
Uh, my wrists up to, I guess like my elbow area up to here.
Run my upper forearm and on my ankle.
And, you know, it just depends. Sometimes I get on my shoulders or come up my sleeve.
Uh, I'm pretty sure I was in the 8th grade, 7th or 8th grade.
I think I was around 12.
Um, and guys, 13 was 13.
Um, and my friends in high school didn't really know how to do it.
I just think it made, like, getting close to people in my childhood.
I told my friends about it. They recruited me at the cafeteria, so that was, you know, that was great.
Because I was, I felt really stressed out from middle school.
Like, I was always bullied.
I was, um, bullied, but I think the real reason was, like, I wanted some type of, um, attention that I wasn't getting.
I wanted to just take it out on someone, so I chose myself.
I didn't really know any friends, because my friends just, like, decided to stop talking to me.
So, um, it was, like, over the summer, and I just kind of was a little more summer, and I don't know, I just decided to look to cut it.
And I thought, like, I would only be, like, one time, but, something.
It gave me a sense of control.
Feeling of control over the situation.
It got, like, all the anger that I either had towards myself, or, like, some part of me that wasn't accepted, like, I guess it was just anger towards myself.
Changing from being, like, impenetrable to, like, physical being.
So that was, like, what I could focus on, rather than, like, what everything else that was going on.
It gave me, like, a sense of release from the pressure that was just building up in my brain.
I think, if I harmed anyone, it would be my friends, because I could just see, like, certain people that upset them.
But my parents never really paid attention to it, so I don't really even know if they know.
Yeah, definitely. Like, when my parents found out, they were really upset.
My mom and my dad, they were both super emotional about it.
I remember, like, the first time they found out I was in the guidance office, someone pulled, and, you know, they were pretty deep.
And I was young, so I remember going home early that day, and just crying my eyes out, like, with my mom.
Okay. I'm just gonna leave the phone back to her.
Okay. First question. Where did she cut?
She cut on her hips. So I think a little bit on her wrist, but mostly on her hips.
When did you start to notice?
Well, I didn't know that she was depressed until last year, in April, when she was in the hospital, and I didn't notice that she was killing until this summer, because she was at year close now.
She's getting a lot of weight because of the depression medication, so she has my life's wet pants instead of dresses.
So it covers up a lot of scars.
Do you know why?
Well, she cuts.
Yeah, kind of. I don't know anything about her personal life, but the reason is why.
Because she doesn't really talk about it. It's really weird. She's, like, not the same person. She's a really bubbly, happy girl.
She's 16, and she just acts really funny, and she doesn't act sad. But what my parents have been telling me is that she wakes up at night, at three in the morning, and she goes to the bathroom, and she cuts herself.
She doesn't tell anyone really why. She just has bad thoughts, I guess, is what my parents have been saying. I just know that she's sad.
How did it affect you?
A lot. There's so much pressure. There's a lot of pressure on my family this summer when she was like her worst, because she's 16 years old, but her emotional capacity is that of a 12-year-old.
So she can make jokes and be sarcastic at you, and sometimes it can be offensive and hurt your feelings, but if you act offended, you look hurt in any way.
She'll feel so guilty that she'll take it out on herself. So you can't criticize her, but she can criticize you.
And that really takes it to one person, because you don't understand why she's saying these horrible things about you, and they're not necessarily intended to be cruel, they're just backhanded and it hurts.
No. I've been... October 1st was a year coming for me, so I got tattoos to come right out of this thing.
Yeah.
No.
Yes.
Okay, last question. Does she still cut?
Yes. We've taken away all her scissors and knives, and the razors are all locked up. In my kitchen, all the pills and everything are in a locked closet, but she takes the razor's type of pencil sharpeners, I guess, from school, and she cuts.
It's okay.
Thank you.
