I design my surroundings in such a way that everything moves forward and moves fast, right?
I derive satisfaction out of fitting in and fueling this wonderful societal machine.
I take pride in belonging to this functional, fast-paced, smooth-running big city.
I keep migrating from the big city to the bigger city, aiming for the biggest city.
I constantly anticipate and project.
You know, I have this urge for things to accelerate.
I crave this epic ephemeral now.
But with everything I do, I miss the now.
I avoid and evade the now.
I get so wrapped up in this idealized should-be that I completely miss the is, the now.
It's almost like I forget to be here.
I forget that I am here.
You know, nothing is spontaneous or surprising.
Nothing defamiliarizes me anymore because I'm busy, because I don't have time, because
I don't have enough and I want more in my job, in my friends, in my family and money
and the new car and organic groceries and iPhone and the compulsive checking of my email.
This void sucks me in its momentum.
And I enable it, I partake, I gulp it with greed, I desire it immensely.
I want more and more of this futile, dissatisfying it.
I have a completely lost purpose.
What are all my urges and desires and aspirations if I can't be here in the now for these two
minutes and 38 seconds?
Thank you so much.
