It began as legend. A story told among Indian tribes to lull their children to sleep. But
here tonight, we have definitive proof. Actual photographic evidence of what, until now, has
been the stuff of legends. Is this the footage America has been waiting for? Actual photographic
proof of the existence of Edgar Allan Poe. This is Jennifer Wasson, who shot the footage on the
morning in question. Here she describes what she heard in her campground the night before.
It was almost midnight nearly when my husband helped me dearly make a chocolate cracker
sandwich called a s'more. Suddenly we heard a rustling as if someone's quickly hustling,
hustling through the woods and looking for some chick. I think he said her name's...
Lenore. Lenore, he said of that, I'm sure. This had all the telltale signs of a Poe visitation.
Jennifer awoke the next morning to find all her alcohol gone, and her husband depressed.
If Edgar Allan Poe were to inhabit anywhere, it wouldn't be America. It would be France,
where he's much more respected. America's just obsessed with its dead literary figures. It is
eager to embrace any evidence of... something. The Edgar Allan Poe incident, as it's now known,
is just the latest in a long line of American literary epidemics. The Nathaniel Hawthorne
disturbances of 1890, the inappropriately misnamed Walt Whitmaning of 1908, and of course the now
infamous Thoreau photo. I thought I'd finally gotten a photo of the elusive Ralph Emerson,
but it was just that miserable bastard Thoreau. Despite all the naysayers and the bitter debate
between left and right wing literarios, Poe Fever has swept the nation. To get to the
bottom of this mystery, a crack team has been assembled. This team is made up of Elliot Smith,
subproclaimed explorer, and scientist. Isadora Spector, dog groomer, and lead singer of the
Gothrock group, Double D Lovecraft, and Timothy Albert, high school senior and host of a local cable access show.
The mix of research has led the team here to the home of Miss Elizabeth Usher of number 412 Tamer Lane.
So do you like indie rock? I like indie rock. So we've gotten word that the woman who owns the
house ran out of room out to a man three months ago, and since then she's been hearing strange
noises and he hasn't paid his rent yet. This looked very promising.
What's that freaking time? You hear that? That's all day and all night whenever he's here playing
that damn hip hop. Do you hear that? That is a telltale sign. He's here! He's here!
Pickley! It's getting louder! Darren, no! He's gone! What do we do now? We're so close!
We have no evidence! We were so close! Alright, I just need to... Do you hear that? Oh! Thank goodness!
We came so close. We had a good day today. I promise you this, if Poe is out there, we'll
find him and we'll bring him back. In a cage.
