Let's go.
Oh, Christmas!
It's a surprise your brother put up decorations.
No, he didn't.
Pay someone to do it?
I'll have April do it.
No, she quit when she found out I wasn't paying her.
Well, and who did?
Me.
No, seriously, who did?
I did.
Hey, man, you a smart cocoa?
Who are you?
And what have you done with Nick Maple Thorpe?
You're a funny guy.
It's a funny guy over here.
It's just me, jolly old Nick.
Only one of those words describes you.
What was that?
He said, so what's with all the Christmas spirit?
Well, let's just say in the middle of the night
I was visited by a Christmas ghost.
She opened my past, present, and future
and said that if I start doing good things
or make more shorts, I won't die
or I'll live forever or something.
I don't know, there's supposed to be three of them
and there was only one,
and Brad was there for some reason.
I really stopped paying attention.
Basically, I know we've gotten a little bit off track
with that whole year-long short experiment
but I know I might have a little bit as well.
Really?
Yeah.
So what I think we need to do
is make a big Christmas special
short end of the year.
I'm talking pull and inspiration
from all the holiday classics.
Doesn't that break some of the rules?
The rules?
What rules?
Ow, that was fudging on Frank, okay?
Only I didn't say fudging.
It's Sandy Claus.
No fucking shit, lady.
What do you think I'm ordering a pizza?
My laughing where is the girl?
You ever pick your feet up or keep singing?
Good.
Shoot.
You and Marv.
No.
Oh.
Marv?
Hello.
My mouth's bleeding burnt.
Merry Christmas!
If you were the inventor of Christmas,
you'd have invented Christmas.
When I...
I can't fucking believe this.
We're gonna same shit happen the same day twice.
We need to get started right away, though.
We gotta rally the troops.
And we can write it and shoot it.
Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom.
We're gonna be on our way.
Also, I think I'm gonna submit missing pieces
to some film festivals.
I think it's got a real shot.
It turned out much better than I actually expected.
I mean, I always thought it was gonna be good, but, you know,
anyway, I'm getting off track.
The precedence here needs to be the Christmas short.
We have to get on that right away because, you know,
a lot of time left in the month and we're pretty far behind.
But, I don't know, I'm kind of rambling here.
What do you think?
It's a Christmas miracle.
I know, right?
So you're in.
Okay, I think I got it.
But, just in case I wasn't listening,
run the whole thing by me again.
So it's a Christmas special.
Christ!
No moss.
Oh, John.
Why a humbug?
Oh, yeah?
Give me that pastry.
Not the roly.
No, it's a Stoly.
Looking like a Mississippi pimp.
Bitch, better have my sweet potatoes.
Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas, mother fuckers.
You know what, John?
You're the one who should have been visited by that ghost.
Because you hate Christmas.
Yeah, I do.
And now you've got my digged littered with this shit.
Martha Puberit.
I hate this gay shit.
All this joy for the jolly Christmasy crap.
I have been 24 years.
Did he know?
What a busker.
I know, right?
God, he's such a fucking rich.
I still don't know.
What even prompted him to come back?
Where's he at?
I mean, you know, except the mystery.
Where's Tom and Jerry?
Then he got an idea.
An awful idea.
He got such a wonderful, awful idea.
I know just what to do.
He sneered to himself.
It's so diabolical it'll be like murdering an elf.
And he snarled and growled.
His eyes beaded.
His heart raced.
Wait.
What the hell are you doing in my kitchen?
You know, big ass sandwich and shit.
Great.
I'm Santa Claus.
We'll stop my meal from cooking.
Well, there's my favorite brother and his totally heterosexual friend.
Merry Christmas!
Come on!
What is it?
Come on, you lugheads.
Get in.
How the cold is freezing out here.
I've got cookies baking and hot cocoa on the stove.
He was visited by a Christmas ghost.
I got a bad feeling about this.
I want a Subway sandwich.
What are you doing here?
Yeah, where's your usual lackey?
TD?
You guys are usually connected to the dick.
Nice.
That was a good burn.
Good one.
Brother.
Comedian.
Funny guy.
Good one.
Point of fact, actually, I don't know.
I haven't seen him for like a month.
Anyways, get comfortable.
Sit.
Sit.
Sit.
Sit.
What are you trying to pull?
Sit.
All the cookies.
Back in a jiffy.
Bastard.
Now he's stealing my holiday cheer.
It's a Christmas miracle.
God bless us, everyone.
Anyway, before we're really going to wrap it,
I was talking about the short.
Okay.
We're really far behind.
Yep.
Christmas is the obvious.
Idiots.
I have them all right where I want them.
What about Kwanzaa Baht?
Christmas.
Home Alone.
Right.
How are we going to work Home Alone?
Wet Bandits.
Catch your predators off.
Home Alone meets Die Hard.
There's always...
30 of Christmas movies.
I understand that.
Snowman fights a hairdryer.
Totally out of my ideas.
That's wonderful, right?
Jimmy Stewart.
My mouth's bleeding.
My mouth's bleeding.
Someone left me in the middle of a shoot.
Hey, Bob's up.
That's weird.
I mean, there's a...
Snowman.
Did I say snowman?
Yeah.
Snowman.
Would you say man becomes...
Oh, hold the phone.
That was you.
I just saw you on the television.
It's a joke.
I mean, how could I be on the TV when I'm right here?
It's the future, dickfuck.
TV's the internet.
What?
Those weren't real, complete sentences.
So it's you who called my brother?
No.
Yes.
So...
So it's your fault that he is back in my life.
No.
That's right.
No, no, no, no.
It was Tom and Jerry's idea.
They made me do it.
They put me up to it.
Uh-uh.
You brought it up.
TV just said so.
WTF, Gary?
WTF?
What the fuck is WTF?
What the fuck?
You need to tell me when you were having your little hissy fit playing around with your
new friends, Tom and Jerry, you were stabbing me in the back.
I don't think I like your tone of voice.
In fact, I think I'm gonna take my milk and cookies and go.
You fucking retarded.
It wasn't them for any cookies.
I don't fucking bake when I look like some bitch who are fucking queer.
Oh, F off, future man.
Yeah, F the fuck off.
Yeah, fuck off.
Back to Legoland.
Woo!
Hey, by the way, a queer, not correct, nomenclature.
Next time they would appreciate it.
Where do you think you're going?
You're not going anywhere.
Sausage lover.
What the fuck, man?
Flamer.
What the fuck?
First off, that's what they like better.
I didn't think he was gonna come back to town.
Yeah, well, you know, takes one to no one.
What?
Second, he would have forgotten all about me.
If you're saying you know I'm one.
That's how his mind works.
He's got short-term memory.
Doesn't that make you one?
If you would have called him, no.
Did you just make me gay?
Second off, don't get all high and mighty with me.
That's...
You were being a real effing...
Fuck!
D-I-C-K.
Merry Christmas.
Spell call me a dick.
I think I deserve the...
And now, we need to get to the bottom of the truth.
We went to Nick Mabel Thorpe himself.
But he declined to comment.
So we're here at the home of the Australian...
I am so sorry.
Oh, fuck yeah.
That was awesome.
Why?
Because you made a phone call.
Hey Brad, tell the savers to come in.
Two out of twenty one ain't bad.
Two in.
Like, good worker in the way that, you know,
like, Hitler was a good leader, right?
Well...
Like...
Bacon.
Like bacon.
Actually, pretty, pretty quite frustrating mom.
You can lead your horse to water,
but you just can't make him drink.
Darn it woman.
I'm his best friend.
Not a sexologist.
We can make you dance,
but we just can't make you,
just can't make you,
just can't make you think.
Hey Bill, did you hear?
Maria got us a gig dude.
Dude, nobody tells me nothing.
Yeah.
