seja
Are you making me a cup of tea?
No
Darren
Are you making me a cup of tea?
No
Darren
Are you making me a cup of tea?
No
Darren
Are you making me a cup of tea?
No
Darren, are you making me a cup of-
Shhh!
Don't ask me again.
I wasn't going to ask you that.
What were you going to ask?
How are you?
Great, thanks.
Good?
Good.
Great.
Would you like a cup of tea?
I would love a cup of tea.
Oh God, what's happening?
Oh God, oh Jesus, I'm in war!
Oh God, gloves go!
What's happening? Is this the end?
What?
I like pretending I'm afraid of them.
Oh God, it's the end, gloves go!
My wife!
My wings!
My...
My fucking dog!
Do you mind being out?
What?
Are you sure?
Yes.
It'll be worth it when I show you these.
Oh my God, I found it so hard not to tell you about it earlier.
Could I have done that snag out, didn't I?
No you couldn't.
Okay.
Have you got a lighter?
Nope.
It feels good to be outside.
I feel frustrated, I just want to be outside all the time.
There's fucking reason.
I just mean like, I want to get on with it, you know.
I feel like I want to go pretty much everywhere.
Do I go home?
Okay.
Okay.
I don't want to go to work tomorrow.
Don't then, just quit.
I can't.
I found that set for you.
No.
You're fucked.
Okay, let's go.
They're fucking freezing anyway.
Do you want to finish the game?
Tomorrow.
Okay.
Night.
Night.
Oh my God, it's the end of this!
Hi, how's it going?
Fine.
Oh cool, yes, sorry.
Are you walking the dogs?
Yes, we are walking the dog.
Okay, cool.
Cool.
Do you want to, do you like, if I, just tell me.
Hey buddy.
Hi.
I saw them again.
My best friends.
Mm-hmm.
They hate me.
They hate me.
It's like, they know how much I love them,
and they can smell it on me, and it disgusts them.
Such a shame.
How is this the case, when I am so relentlessly nice to them?
You have to give me an in.
No chance.
No means.
Have you eaten?
All the time. Three meals a day.
Have you had dinner?
I've already.
I hate you, and I hate myself. Would you like some food?
Yes.
Are you looking at other people's photos on Facebook again?
Are you a lonely old lady?
I'm a people person.
Are you actually in Friends Reunited?
No way.
What?
Tim's engaged.
Tim McManus?
No, Tim-a-Tim. You used to love here, Tim.
No. To her?
God.
Hang on.
Sorry, it's my real friends from London. Have you even heard of it? Hello?
How are you? You alright?
Oh my God, no. It's tightly fine.
No, nothing.
No, I'm not trying.
Well, I said I wasn't going to try.
Look, can I call you back? I'll call you back in, like, one minute, okay?
Alright, I love you.
Bye.
Wrong number?
It's weird, right?
Your sister?
She said that. She's glad I'm not trying to date anyone because all men over 30 are either psychopaths or have kids.
Because why wouldn't you settle down by then?
And then when I said that I hadn't settled down, she was like, yeah, because you're weird.
She's got a point.
Best friends? I can't believe she's made time to this.
It might have been his idea.
She controls him now.
I think it's quite sweet.
He tried to dump her last year.
But she tried to kill herself and go back up.
Oh, my God!
Did you watch their unpicks?
Um, they're really late spots.
Having a crisis, eh? Why? You'll have a crisis.
I'll have a martini, see which lasts the longest.
I'll have a martini, see which lasts the longest.
I'll have a martini, see which lasts the longest.
I'll have a crisis, eh? Why? You'll have a crisis. I'll have a martini, see which lasts the longest.
Oh, that's the movie I'm making, is it? That's the movie I'm making, is it, see?
That's the movie I'm making.
If you don't stop that voice, I'm ending this game.
I'm gonna win the game, see?
It means business, eh?
They're your pieces that you're throwing.
I'm a wild man, see?
And I wish I'd not have secrets.
Are you not gonna pick them up?
Nah, I don't need them, eh? Where are we going?
Chip?
Fuck you.
You're not from here, are you?
Oh, no. I've been here for about 18 months, but I've only been around the corner for a course.
I can't drink that stuff.
Oh, it's mainly just a joint.
Disgusting. You all get some Yeager bombs?
Oh, I can't even smell that stuff without being sick these days.
How's your change?
Thank you, I appreciate it.
You're happy that's a baby's money you're spending.
I'm actually quite excited.
Don't be.
Ah, one term that goes.
There's only one term that goes.
Hi, how are you? I'm JC.
Nice to meet you.
Nice house.
Lovely.
How did you guys have so much?
I think I'm maybe squatting.
So when's he and Kylie last month?
Oh, really amazing.
I love Kylie, but my favourite is still Adele.
Oh, I know what you mean, but I still love Kylie, though.
I was up all night building that cabinet.
Oh, the IKEA one?
Yeah, yeah.
Everything in there is amazing, though.
I can only sew, clear and set it out, I don't know.
Apart from that weird fit.
I know.
There's only meatballs, is there?
I don't know.
So what?
I want to go to every country.
All right, well, I would love to go away, but I have to look after the dogs.
So, listen, you need to come over and see the bathroom, that's nearly done.
Oh, is that it?
Great, great.
No, it's looking good.
And it was under four-heating, you're thinking of, yeah?
Yeah, it reminds me to keep those original tiles as well.
Oh, nice.
Just, why don't you give me the Xbox?
So do you love with Dad?
Yeah.
That's a bit soon, is it not?
No, it's quite.
Except I do all the cooking.
My fiance's the same.
Once they move in with you, they just revert back to being wee boys.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Oh, no, um, we're not having sex anymore.
So, how's things going with Josie at the flight?
No.
It's good, mate.
It's really good.
He used to make me call him by his dad's name.
No.
And he would only do it with me in the garden, like that's the only place that he would do it.
That's not normal.
I haven't seen you look this happy in ages.
He's a bit violent, but nothing's 100%.
So this is it.
I couldn't believe it.
We must have looked like hundreds of rings, right?
But this one, it just stayed out because it sort of encrusted all the way.
I can't believe the way you've cheated that, Gero.
I mean, I'm sorry for interrupting clear, but I just can't believe it.
I really can.
She's making it up.
Oh, so now you're saying that she's lying, are you?
You propose to her and then you burn her clothes.
You're engaged.
No.
Wow.
You haven't even told your friends about us.
Fuck you and fuck your baby.
That was a bit mean.
I feel bad.
Fuck them.
Bunch of squirrels.
Yeah.
I'm so sick of squirrels, man, showing off.
It's like, oh, I've got a baby. I've got a bathroom.
I am an adult too, man.
I read private eye.
I can't only read the cartoons, but I'd buy it.
That guy painting to his son Super Sunday.
It's like making your life really small, do you know what I mean?
I thought it's just go away for a weekend.
Yes, I would love that.
Look at my dad's camper van.
Hi. She can barely speak.
No, no, no.
Okay, mate. Okay, that's great. Thank you.
Cheers, mate.
What's that back?
Thank you.
Yes, I told you.
I really like the van.
Yes, I told you, I really like the van.
Fuck.
North Lanarkshire.
New Lanark. That's what I was thinking of the other day.
New Lanark.
Yeah, it's like it's Milona or something, and he created this tiny socialist utopia
where he paid to educate all his workers and got them nice houses.
Yeah, like better people.
No, it's beautiful.
North Lanarkshire.
Can we go for a walk?
Yes. Two and a half voices.
Here we go.
Take the motor.
Which one is that? Was that the one from last week?
Nah. Just maintaining my portfolio of admirals.
You don't have any one that you actually like.
I like them all for a bit, but maybe they'll get a bit emotional and maybe they're all mental.
You don't really think that. I couldn't be all texting different people.
I'd be like, oh, sorry, I texted someone else this morning and I'm cheating on you in my heart.
I'm sorry.
Why don't you just go to some dates?
No, I don't want to.
I'm done.
I'm tired.
I am unslatical.
I like you on the one ear.
Yeah.
No, seriously?
It's good that you're just not really bothered by it all.
Dude, are you kidding?
I'll do it all tomorrow if I could.
All I want is to have my own family.
Why don't you bag for your ex, Paul?
Cos he's a jerk, is why?
He was gutted when he was broke up.
Oh, fuck off, was he?
I thought it was pretty amicable.
Never understood why you spoke up.
I got pregnant and he didn't want to have it, so...
Fuck, I had no idea.
I mean, it's more complicated than that.
Yeah.
My sister was like, if I'd known that when he'd come round here, I'd have fucking knocked him out.
It's okay.
Like, it really is okay.
You shouldn't meet my sister.
You shouldn't go out with her, though.
So go to half-and-third?
Yeah.
Yeah, fade to the night.
Is it all okay?
Have you damaged that van?
It's fine.
Were you in Hamilton?
What were you in Hamilton?
In between Hamilton and that mother-
You want a tea?
Are you alright?
Have you eaten?
Why were you in Hamilton?
Why were you in Hamilton?
There's macaroni cheese and there's apple crumble.
He wants some of it to take back.
You don't live here anymore.
Can I just take a couple of bogrows?
Dad.
She's just so harsh.
We have a parcel for you from River Island?
Oh, yeah, I don't normally shop there.
I just put on some weight, but then I...
I don't know what River Island is.
Of course you don't.
Where it is?
Hiya, Pao.
I see you've met my best friend, Josie.
Oh, we haven't really met.
You are darling's friend.
Oh, Mr. Sannoura.
His name is Alistair.
Hey, Pao.
Are we best friends?
Do you love me?
Are we best...
Oh my, mate, fuck you!
You're a good kid.
Real good.
As long as I'm around,
you'll always be second best. See?
See?
See?
See?
See?
Dustin' on it, and I really, really like it,
but she just won't give it back to me,
so I think I'm gonna need to pressure her a little bit.
I was also thinking about dying my hair blonde,
because I don't like...
I don't know, we have a board about being brunette,
and I figure if I get my top back,
then volunteer might suit it a bit more,
and I think she'll be really jealous
when I get my volunteer done.
And I think it'll look brighter when I go on holiday,
maybe get me a spray tan or something like that.
Yeah, tanning.
Excuse me.
I always seem to be out when you are.
It's so funny.
Yeah, you're so much faster than me now.
Oh, no, I'm not.
Are you gonna know me?
Yeah, I am.
Oh, thanks for saying that, though.
Oh, it's fine.
I can't be your English as well.
Hiya, sorry.
Darren's just gone to get the coffees.
Hope you don't mind me being here.
Oh, God, now you're totally fine.
Thank you so much.
You know, I don't normally...
I wasn't really expecting to be here,
after having two dates.
I don't normally do that.
Honestly, you're totally fine.
It's so sweet.
I've heard so much about you,
and Darren really respects you, you know,
and I hope you don't mind me saying this,
but I'm so sorry about what happened.
Oh, what happened?
With you and your ex-boyfriend and the baby.
I just think you're really brave to do that,
you know, because of your age.
No, I'm not judging what you did.
It sounds like a total asshole.
Look, thanks.
I appreciate that.
You're okay.
I've got to go.
Hi, pal. You all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Can I hang out?
Yeah, give me a minute.
Okay.
All right, do you want some food?
I can get a game after it.
No, thanks. I'm fine.
See you, sir.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Okay.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
Yeah, I'm fine.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing. There's nothing more.
You're acting weird, what's wrong?
Nothing.
Okay.
There you go.
You've got to have some of this.
This is a classic number.
You don't want a game?
No, I don't want to play a fucking game with you.
I don't want your parents' food, all right?
I need to get some mental about it.
Oh, fuck off. I'm not being mental.
Hey, Halloween meant auto?
No, I'm not.
It's just...
I can't believe you told that girl that.
Like, I haven't even told half my friends that.
I only just told my sister that.
What?
This morning, she was all fucking like,
oh, I'm sorry about your ex-boyfriend and the baby.
Dude, after two fucking dates and you're telling her that.
Sorry, I shouldn't have said that, but she's a terrible chap.
What are you fucking serious?
It's all my mind.
It's fucking piss-off to find your own fucking things to gossip about
and fucking learn to fucking cook for yourself, mate.
I thought you were better than this, getting all mental.
Oh, mate, seriously, mate.
Do you not care about me at all?
Am I your boyfriend?
I know you're not my fucking boyfriend, all right?
I just had to do all of this on my own and I've just...
nobody's been up here.
Oh, seriously, just forget it.
Oh, why?
Everyone else is in their pool.
It's so stupid.
It's so stupid.
Like, even over here, like, I've been swimming in the sea in Edinburgh in the summer
and you, like, you get out and people from Edinburgh look at you like,
are you mental?
They're like, what? It's nice.
It's cold.
Don't know what you're missing.
Oh, my God.
But I'm this much fun, like, 10% of the time, so that is a good investment.
That's a good investment.
Thank you. It was a good investment.
Do you have a minute?
Yeah.
Can I have a seat?
Uh-uh, do we need this?
Wow.
I'm genuinely quite impressed
and also terrified for my life.
That's good.
I hope you like when you look, it's cold dying in the middle of the world, and if this is dignified as I can possibly be, shooting this over the door.
Tired of being a grown-up, if I try any harder, I will show up, and this is just another thing to bury away, shooting over the door.
Josie, I'm sorry, you know.
Yeah.
Is it alright?
Glad we could sort that out.
Yeah.
So, Darren, one of my friends has got a room coming up in her house next month, and I was thinking that I should move there because I could save up a bit of money, and I think it might be a good idea.
OK.
Yes, that's cool.
I hope you like when you look, it's one and the same as my old look, as this is as dignified as I can possibly be, a shooting over the door.
Yeah.
