I don't care how much it costs, I have to have it.
Life is meant to be enjoyed.
Listen, I don't have time for your excuses.
You have to do your job as my boyfriend.
Buy me things.
And make sure it's pink.
I have to sit down, my feet are killing me.
Call me back when they have the color I want.
And keep trying.
No, pink, not purple, pink.
Just do it!
Can you believe this?
He'll never get married with an attitude like this.
You're unbalancing my dark piece.
And you smell like a pole dancer
sprayed with some type of industrial skank perfume.
No offense.
No offense taken feature goth farmer of America?
I'm Diana, want to start over?
No.
I'm Dina, and you're lucky to be finally getting the chance to meet me.
Lovely homeless woman I befriended in the park today.
Hashtag crazy person.
Make sure to share those snarky comments with me.
That's the plan.
Do you have any regrets in this life?
Besides having a conversation with you?
No.
I mean, what's your game?
You sit in a park, making friends,
asking questions like the wise owl of bad fashion.
I was sitting here waiting for you, Diana.
You share a mutual high place in the underworld.
Really?
Are we rich in the underworld?
We're rich in our shared heritage of the dark one.
We're related to Barack Obama?
No, different dark one.
You can joke about it.
In your heart, you know your true identity.
It's your true being.
Um, were you recently prescribed some type of psychotropic medication
that you ran out of?
But I understand your perspective,
and this is why I have vowed patience.
Okay, now you're creeping me out.
I have mace.
And I, I have fire and eternal damnation.
You don't want to battle with that.
Trust me.
I want to run away.
I can't run away legs.
You will stay here until you realize your true identity.
True identity?
I'm in grad school sleeping with my professor in exchange for good grades.
I'm not proud of it, but it works.
Don't judge me.
We were born 25 years ago.
We were separated as infants because our combined powers would upset the balance of good and evil.
Okay, this is really weird and uncomfortable.
I know, isn't it?
And you haven't even heard the best part.
I'm going to quit drinking when I'm 30.
What's the best part?
We're sisters.
Isn't that, like, totally awesome?
I don't have any brothers or sisters.
I'm an only child.
You don't think we share a strong resemblance?
Look.
It says 999.
What's that all about?
Time out, Blonde.
Read it again.
Ew, you have dandruff.
Read it now.
It says 666.
What does that mean?
It means I'm a spawn of Satan.
That doesn't make you a bad person, you know.
But wait, there's more.
You have a marking tail.
Do you have a mirror?
Look at me. Does it look like I have a mirror?
Look.
Oh, my God.
This might not be the most appropriate phrase,
but I'm new.
It says EEE.
That means I have wide feet.
Damn, you take this Blonde thing way too seriously.
It's reversed in the mirror.
It says 333.
Does this mean I have new credit since I'm not technically me?
Follow me.
Hey, I can't do that.
Snap your finger. I'll help you.
Stop it.
I hope you didn't need to stuff in your bag.
Who in the sky is looking at us?
That's just Father Superman.
He follows me around with a wooden stake.
He's lonely.
He's lonely.
Spicy chorizo with pulled chicken and black beans.
Or golden lentil with madras curry.
Do they have more awesome flavors?
I think you just met them.
Let's take a look out and taste them.
What do these guys have there?
