ᴀᴇᴀᴇᴇᴇᴇ ᴅᴀ ᴅᴅᴅᴅ ᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅ ᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅ ᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅ ᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅ ᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅ ᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅ ᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅ ᴅᴅ ᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅ ᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅᴅ �
ლლლ ლლლლლლლ-
වවවවවවවවවවවවවවව඀වවව඀වවවවව඀඀වවවවවව දෙහාවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවව඀වවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවව඀වවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවවව඀ව
We dated football season.
I know, and after church, we'd always go to those luncheons and those seaside taverns.
They had the bars that had the TVs that were showing the football games.
It's just now that you're all wiped up and everything, you go to your bake-offs and your church socials,
and your lord knows what, by the time you drive me to everything, all the games are done.
So football is more important than Jesus and church?
I'm not saying that, I don't see the point of wasting my Sunday
worshipping and working for something that may not really exist.
What?
I know you just did not tell me God and Jesus ain't real.
Well no, I'm sure Jesus was real, but the God and the magic powers, those were just stories.
We got married in the church bar to be under the eyes of God.
Well if you're assuming God has eyes, look, just all the things with Catholicism and all the other religions
and all the assumptions that are made, it all conflicts.
I mean, who knows? I certainly don't, neither do you.
Do we really have to go ahead and waste our life here, worried about some potential second life that may not really be there?
What is this I'm hearing? Is this some atheist talk?
More like agnostic really.
Oh shut up, I'm gonna go.
You want to stay here all day, so badly, then go right ahead.
Just remember, Jesus is always watching everything you do.
I highly doubt that.
Well she is partially.
Jesus Christ, oh I didn't have to get my house.
Barnaby McKenzie, I am Jesus Christ.
Me llis vor eros.
That never gets old.
Look, I have a gun and I'm not free to use it, but if you don't get out of here, I will.
Barnaby, can I call you Barney?
Alright, look, we both know that's not a gun.
That's an iPhone, stop trying to dial 911, I've seen you haven't, you can't even unlock your phone.
And second, I actually am Jesus Christ.
No bullshit.
Wait a minute, you can't be Jesus Christ, you're black.
Well I'm glad your eyesight's working, cause that whole given sight to the blind, it's not gonna happen.
And have you actually read a description about me that wasn't a film synopsis?
Well no, no I guess I haven't.
Alright, let's say for the sake of argument and sanity that I believe you.
What are you doing here?
Well you want to watch some football, right?
Well let's all go watch some football.
All?
Yeah, come on buddy, I'll introduce you to the game.
Bangles, both teams are coming off week two losses that are looking to rebound here in week three,
and Wall Street battling the LMS down for it here in Cincinnati.
What the hell is going on here?
All the people.
You got Sheevan Shakti over there with the Bangles jerseys on.
Woo!
Come on, Green, or Green Ellis.
Or hell, whichever Green you are, just to score you son of a bitch.
Get through that line.
Why do you have to be unnecessarily loud and rude every time you watch these games?
I feel like I'm babysitting you.
I start watching with you.
Move you asshole, move!
Things was so much more peaceful when I was dating grandma.
And a happy couple over there, that would be Zeus and Hera.
Sorry Sheeva.
Looks like my titans are going to be keeping your tigers at bay.
That kind of reminds us of those shows we used to have at the Parthenon.
Remember those, baby?
Vaguely.
You remember I was always in the catacombs beneath having sex with the slaves.
I was way too busy doing that.
I couldn't pay attention to them fighting, too.
Yeah.
You come to think of it, I think I was entirely too preoccupied having three sims with the maid,
and Steven noticed that you weren't there.
I love you.
I love you.
And the old guy over there, that's my oldest buddy, Abraham.
Hey! Hey, hey!
Abraham was the very first Jew, since mine and his hearing aren't, you know, the best.
He still blames me for killing Isaac.
I wasn't even born yet.
I see.
Umm...
What was that wall over by the window underneath the curtain?
Oh, that's Mohammed.
So, who's playing, guys?
Mohammed!
Hello.
Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
This is my punishment, isn't it?
You're going to have a terrorist bombing.
Should we go to the church?
No, no, no.
I'm here to watch the game with a few of my colleagues.
No bomb.
You know what isn't the bomb, though?
This hummus.
Terror.
You gotta give me the recipe.
It's simple.
Just have an orgy and a tub full of chickpeas and extra virgin olive oil.
You know what, as a kid say, it's the tits.
About five pairs worth, as I recall.
All gonna be sick.
Oh, gee, are you letting all the vapors out?
What the?
Who are you?
Jesus Christ.
You ready?
It never gets old.
Hey, Gaya, I didn't know you were showing up today.
Man, I don't even know where I am.
This stuff is so good.
I'm calling this greenhouse hashies,
because Mother Earth is getting baked right now, JC.
Gaya, as in snow in the air,
won't be dober, Gaya.
Cutting disorder.
Come on, come with me.
I'll explain everything later.
Oh, Gaya.
Don't let the door hit you where your daddy supposedly split ya.
Look, I don't know if I'm just freaking out ever since the stress hit me from meeting you,
or if I'm just really high from all that smoke in me in the face earlier.
But could you just please tell me what in the world is going on here?
Sure.
But first, miss.
Thank you.
I thought you turned water into wine.
Actually, I drink wine like it's water.
So you know how you wife Angie told you that Jesus sees everything you do?
Well, I don't.
Actually, I don't care what anyone does.
Like Kermit says, it's none of my business.
But when you became agnostic, that's when you popped up on our radars.
So what?
You're here to punish me or to change my mind because I don't really know what God is?
Just the opposite, exactly.
We're all agnostics.
No, you're not.
You and Abraham are Jews.
Muhammad's a Muslim.
Zeus and Hera and Shiva and Shakti, they're all gods.
Which makes it really weird about how you all are existing in the same place.
Exactly.
Because we can't exist in the same place.
We're not all the gods and prophets and deities that people make us out to be.
We're just people like you.
Big Z here and I, we're just a couple of Greek swingers.
Just live in life.
Nobody ruled over us.
That's just how we believe.
But apparently, our exploits became so legendary.
People started telling stories about it.
And even started bringing us gifts and offerings like food and virgins.
You know, I really like the virgins.
I really, I really did.
And all that nonsense about me throwing bolts of lightning and thunder and all that garbage.
It was really just me throwing the shocker.
You see this?
This right here?
I invented this.
You're welcome.
You have to go into this middle-aged man-child tantrums.
Hey, hey.
I don't have any tantrums.
Take that back.
And people all amazed how him and I were able to maintain the peace and harmony.
And before we knew it, people raised us on these pillars.
Because they wanted to be just the babe-eva.
Shafty, babe.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what's wrong with me today.
You see my team's crapping out and I'm losing my hair and...
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay, babe.
Okay, well, what about Mohammed?
I mean, when did his people become more militant and shit?
No.
I didn't start a military.
I just found a way for me and my people to prosper in the harsh times of the environment.
However, what I was teaching and what is being learned now is very different.
I'm not about conquering and pillaging.
It's just about the betterment of the people.
Can I come out from behind these drapes?
No.
Sorry, Moo.
Just because you wouldn't hurt us doesn't mean others wouldn't.
Oh, poop.
And what about you?
I suppose you just didn't want to follow the Jewish teachings?
Hell no.
I mean, look at Abe.
He thinks Gaia is on fire because she's constantly smoking.
That's why she stays in the bathroom.
So really you're saying you're all just normal?
Pretty much.
So what do you say?
Are you ready for some football?
I'll get my beer by.
That, baby.
Oh, man, I've had the most epic time with you all.
Can we do this every Sunday?
I don't know about every Sunday.
I mean, what about Angie?
Yeah, what about Angie?
I saw a couple pictures of her lying around in the...
Yeah, I think we need her around.
And none of that.
But, I mean, forget about Angie.
If she wants to go ahead and stick with all that Catholic mumbo jumbo letter,
I know the truth now.
All right, guys.
Pack your stuff.
Let's get out of here.
Oh, wait.
Where are you all going?
I thought we were having a good time.
And we thought you were one of us.
But I guess we were wrong, you asshole.
Oh, what are you talking about?
I didn't do anything wrong.
I'm still agnostic.
I still know nothing.
Ask anybody.
Are you?
Are you really?
Or are you just some sort of a judgmental prick
who wouldn't want to spend a day with his wife
doing something she wanted to do?
So, what is it?
Honey, come on.
I should destroy your face.
Honey.
Come on, honey.
Come on.
Come on.
Go get your phone, too.
Asshole.
Go.
I think the point she was trying to make
was we all have lost our way from the time it first started.
We shouldn't and couldn't judge them.
Despite how or why they began,
whether it be fact or fiction,
they drive people to become better than who they are.
You can't tell people different that they don't want to believe.
But occasionally, some people stop to think like you did.
That's where we come in.
Oh, jeez.
Oh, man.
I was a prick, wasn't I?
I guess I just need to remember that I didn't fall in love with her
because of the church.
I fall in love with her because of her.
The church just happened to help make her who she was.
Now you're getting it.
Thanks.
And, hey, if I can ever do anything for any of you guys at all,
you know, please, don't hesitate to ask.
Hello?
Oh, no.
What?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Is anyone there?
Jesus?
Shiva?
Oh, no.
It's Joseph Smith.
Everybody hide!
What's wrong with you people?
You know how none of us actually believe the religions that are based off of us?
Well, Joseph Smith does.
And it annoys the shit out of us.
Quickly hide!
Come on, guys.
I can hear y'all talking in there, you bunch of silly gooseies.
Let me in so I can watch the foosball with you.
I know I don't have my own jersey, but guess what?
I've got trail mixing carrots.
As long as we hide, we're safe.
Guys, I know you're still there.
I can see Mohammed in the window.
No, you can't.
If you want to do us a favor, don't let him in.
Thanks, Mr. Smith, but I'm not interested.
Barnaby!
Barnaby!
Barnaby!
Damn it, she's back.
Hello, everyone.
Oh, damn it, he's back.
What's going on here?
What is this?
Who are these people?
And who are those hoochies?
Is this what you call important?
I didn't.
This is AIDS.
You know what?
I couldn't even tell you what this looks like.
We're all day.
