Can I tell you all about it?
All about it.
All about it.
All about it.
Sorry.
I've been even more addicted to my music.
I've been even more addicted to my phone ever since signing up for this online dating thing.
It's cool.
Is it though?
I mean, I've been having the hardest time trying to figure out what to say about myself.
What's right.
What's wrong.
So these are broad strokes, but I think it'll work.
I'm your average chinless jokester.
Somehow that sounded better in paper.
Also, how do you feel about pickles?
I don't know.
Why?
I couldn't decide.
Yeah, if I should add it.
We need a plan.
We do need a plan.
I'm thinking it should be three-paragraph song.
All equally funny, but each one of them a little more revealing, like a well-told story.
Thank you.
No, I mean, before we go into Ikea.
Why do we need a plan?
Why?
Because we will waste our time otherwise.
I mean, I still need to go get coffee from Fairway and Kelsey needs her pickles from the fickle pickle.
Yeah, pickles.
I shouldn't have mentioned how much I love pickles.
That might be a turn off.
We're going to have plenty of time to do it all.
Are you kidding me?
We'll get nowhere without a plan.
All right.
We're going to go and get my lamp.
We're going to go to Fairway and get coffee and we'll go get your pickles.
No, we're on foot.
It's past noon.
There's no way.
I love Ikea.
Yeah, I don't think I'll add that.
I think my room is like 70% their products.
Yeah, mine's 10% Craigslist, 40% Ikea, and 60% Shane.
Shane?
Ugh, my ex.
The one that fucked me over.
Yeah, she's a bitch.
She is a bitch.
I'm no rocket scientist and make inappropriate jokes at times, but my friends think it's endearing.
What's wrong with me?
This is terrible.
This is my day to write it, what a waste of my company's time.
So can we please stick to the plan?
Don't leave my side.
Can we then also make a plan for my profile?
I'm going to lose you guys.
I still don't get why we need a plan.
We want to get everything done.
Also, I don't want to spend more than $10 on my coffee.
Some high class coffee.
It is actually.
I wish we had a car.
I'm working on my driver's permit.
Is it obnoxious if I'm like, message me if you have a car?
Can you imagine?
Don't write that.
I'm not actually going to write that, I don't think.
But it would be kind of funny though, right?
Like with the right tone, sense of humor.
I'm sorry, why are you doing this right now?
I'm at my prime, hanging out with you guys at my best, trying to figure myself out.
I think we're killing a lot of time talking, right?
This will not end well.
How about this?
Sometimes I'm weird and that's just me.
I'm a nerd, a dork, straight up awkward.
I also have crooked teeth and not always a great fashion sense.
Grammatically that sounds wrong.
You'll learn to love it though.
I'm also a great buck and won't mind going down on you every other day.
Mom, I'm going to have to call you back.
This is going to take longer than I thought.
Mom, fine, I will go out with him, but it's going to be just as terrible as all of the other ones.
Sorry Samantha's mom, I'll just meet you at the bar.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
So now I've just posted some random facts about myself.
That's fine.
I haven't heard anything.
I'm pretty sure it's just another test to my lameness.
Don't give up just yet.
Were you finished telling me your story about Ikea?
Oh, did you end up getting your pickles?
No, sorry, I went off on a tangent there.
That's fine.
It's so annoying, I just keep talking.
And I forgot your name, so if you're completely offended, I totally understand.
I don't think I told you my name.
Oh, okay, that helps.
I'm Joanne.
Nice tug you're up, Joanne.
Absolutely.
And you're Kelsey.
I am, did I?
Did I tell you?
Rowan did.
Friday night?
Oh, Joanne, yeah, Rowan talks.
Well, you all the time.
It's cool, we just met briefly.
He went home with my friend Sarah.
Oh, okay, yeah.
So Ikea, right.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
7 p.m.
How did that happen?
Does that happen because we didn't have a fucking plan?
That's how that fucking happened.
Except if we're talking about one person's try to contact me.
We're starting with my task first, okay?
No, no, no, I'm not bringing any credit cards.
Just cash.
Got my lamp.
Fuck your lamp.
It's a really lame story.
I'm sorry I've had one too many to do.
You have to stop apologizing.
Joanne.
Joanne, you were incredibly sweet.
Thank you for enduring me.
Only there were a lesbian out there that would be willing to do the same.
Oh my God.
Someone messaged me.
Gay.
Thanks, Joanne.
You're welcome.
Next time on Kelsey.
Happy birthday.
You always seem to catch me at a rather drunk moment.
Well, I mean, this is a bottle.
That's amazing, except for what Kelsey got.
Yeah, I haven't seen that since 98.
Really great and super cute.
Shouldn't I be that drunk?
Thank you.
