I have a confession to make.
Every four years, I do something terrible, horrible, disgusting, unforgivable.
I vote.
Voting blows.
I don't care which way you cut it.
It's the most disempowering thing you can do.
It's a political one night stand.
Except for instead of the free drinks, you get a free sticker.
Actually, those stickers are just the carry-oh four ones turned upside down.
And if politics are one night stand, then Obama's presidency has been the worst foreplay ever.
It's like being on the verge the entire night and then your partner says their neck hurts.
Or in this case, extraordinary rendition.
But it's important to vote because people of color and women in this country have fought
long, hard battles for the right to participate in a system that discriminates against people
of color and women.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not against voting.
I just wish that it could be done with a little bit less enthusiasm, less excitement, because
as it is now, it's like treating a pap smear like a party favor.
For the future women of Texas that will no longer have health care, that joke will not
make sense.
Women's will, of course, be missed.
Speculums, not so much.
But it's important to vote, especially when voter registration looks something like this.
Hector Guzman, a Democrat, Sheila Williams, African American, registered Democrat, well,
we just, oh no, that's, oh gosh.
Indian Electoral College looks something like this.
Well, hello, Mr. Sheep, long time no see.
So you're registering today, are you?
Now did Mrs. Sheep already register, or are you doing that for the both of you?
And I have to say, I'm kind of proud of Republicans this time around.
Yes, Romney is a rich, blockheaded, Wall Street water boy, but the fact that he is the candidate
instead of moon-based Gingrich shows that the earth is still inhabitable.
Please, they're crazy, they've got this guy named Sam Torm, and Perry, and Gingrich, they're
nuts, they're nuts, you can do any test on me you want.
I won't complain, I promise, just take me, I want off time to go, what?
They chose Romney?
Oh, thank God.
Never mind, it's cool.
What?
Paul Ryan, oh, hell no, no, wait, come back, come back, I was just kidding, I was just
kidding, anal probe.
And then there's Obama, man, wishing Obama were progressive is like wishing your male
yoga teacher were straight, not gonna happen, except you might stay in the class because
the only other teacher is a 300-pound tower of sweat named Goonther whose hands-on approach
just might kill you.
