Today is my brother's birthday. His name is Gordie Isaac. He was born 12 years and
eight months before me. We did not do a whole lot together. We did not hang
around together. I have put him in hospital a couple of times. I had beaten
him up quite severely. He almost bled to death. But it was just anger. It was just rage.
In 1994 I came home. It was January. I was under the influence of alcohol and
drugs. I don't remember really coming home until I came to. I was in jail. I
took my mother hostage. I was going to take her life and I was also going to
take my life. The reason for being was that I had shared something with my
mother years before. Thinking that a mother would understand where a child is
coming from. But she didn't. I was just a little guy who was six years old and I
was at a show. It was supposed to have been a Saturday afternoon matinee. I got
postponed until the evening due to mechanical problems or whatever. I wasn't
allowed to go but I got my way with my father. He said okay you can go. He usually
wasn't eager to have me go to a movie at night. So my mother came with me and she
waited in the bar. My best friend and his parents was at the movie as well and I
sat with them and they asked if I needed to ride home and I said no I said mom's
waiting for me. As I left the show house, car pulled up and I didn't really notice
anything. I was eager just to get to see my mom and go home or whatever and there
was these two guys that were standing outside of the rear car doors. They were
wearing masks and I got deterred waiting to the back seat.
I didn't know what was happening. They both got back in on either side of
myself. I was in the middle. I started screaming and hollering for my mom and I
was told that you can scream and holler all you want. No one's gonna hear you
where we're going. At that moment they put a bag or pillowcase over my head
and and they proceeded to start taking off my clothes.
They began to rape me in the back seat of the car.
To this day I don't know where we went. I know that we went off the main highway
and the road was getting more bumpier and bumpier so I knew we were in the back
road somewhere. I don't know how long we were on this back road. We came to a
building to a shed or a garage of some sort. I don't know what kind of place it was but
when I got to this place I was parked in because I was naked and there was a bed
there and they tied me to the bed face down and they all took their turns. I had
numbed everything out as I laid there screaming till I couldn't scream anymore. I
guess we had breaks or whatever to seem like it was forever. It was dark. I've
never seen their faces. But today I think I know who might have started it was my
brother.
All I knew when the daylight came and they told me that to get dressed I was
happy. I was in a lot of pain. I could feel something running down my legs and I
looked down and it was blood. I was told that if I ever said anything it was
gonna be worse the next time. So I didn't want no one to know about what happened
to me so I had to do something to cover it up. I ran into the bushes looking for
something. I came across a bottle. I've always prayed. So I said a prayer. I placed
the bottle so after I broke it about maybe two times or three times. I had
dropped my full weight on to that bottle. My pants was cut open and I had
injured myself to make it look like it was an accident. I lied to the RCMP that
found me. I lied to the nurse and doctors, to my mom and dad. Instead I fell out of
our tree fort. They believed the story.
It's my brother's birthday today, January 19th. If my brother was alive today I'd be
able to sit down with him and to honestly tell him that I accept what you
have done to me and yes I also forgive you and I'm dedicating my story in his
name because it's also his pain that I'm carrying.
you
