to my darling boy my instinct as a mummy was to protect her cubs but that fatal
night I felt I failed to protect you dear Levi I wish I could say I'm all
better now but I'm not I'm still struggling dear Hamish summary about
stuff's gonna happen and you're gonna feel like you're the loneliest person
in the world most people expect boys to be harsh on each other rather than
loving and gentle they make us say we are fine and feeling strong however bad
we feel inside because of this some of us consider ending our lives and a
few decide to do just that that's Saturday morning I never imagined it
would be the last time I would see you I will never be able to reconcile that
moment when perhaps I could have saved your life I would give anything to turn
back time I know that right now it feels like things are never ever going to
change but believe me they will you are going to change you are going to be
happy really happy don't waste any time if you're not happy some jobs you
probably stayed in too long and some relationships friends and personal you
probably held on to for too long and they weren't making you happy you're
gonna wonder for the rest of your life what your destiny could be you look for
a sign in everything the truth is that you don't need justification there's
only you and the choices you make I thought nobody would care because the
thoughts in my head scared me there are so many other men and boys who feel
like they'll be received as weak or less of a man and this is not your fault
you're incredibly strong Johnny one day you will realize that all you need is
inside yourself we loved you so much you were a big part of our little family
despite all its ups and downs we were a team what I've realized is that life
isn't worth measuring in adversity life is made up of all the little things all
the beautiful mundane moments you might take for granted I'm finally beginning
to like myself it's taken me long enough but at last at the age of 30 I've
forgiven myself for everything I still have my blips I'm not perfect and I'm
okay with that I will never get to see you fulfill the dreams you had I dream
of you often and I never want to wait because I don't want to lose your image
you will have times when you're sad worried and the things don't seem right
there's always another day to reflect and somehow the human spirit has an
inspiring way of coping with those feelings and those feelings don't need
to be there forever and I know you thought we would be better off without
you but you were so wrong we would rather have you here with us now no
matter what as no problem is ever worth taking your life over when you're
feeling lost or buried in conflicting signals you have to remember that the
strongest most powerful thing you can do is ask for help I think it's important
for you to realize that you can talk about it
