From a secret high school location somewhere in northern California, Big Brother Production
presents The Learning Channel, an ongoing user-generated reality series experiment featuring, without
his knowledge or consent, substitute teacher, Michael Lernon.
So how did five fine friends escape the soul-sucking pointlessness of high school?
Well, for that we have to go back nine weeks to the day Mr. Lernon and his mother came
to sub for our class.
Hello everyone, we're very, very excited to be here.
My mother and I, why don't we welcome her all?
Aren't you afraid she's gonna have a heart attack when she sees us?
No, mother loves surprises.
Although technically this isn't a surprise because I told her we were gonna welcome her
here when we got here, but she probably forgot.
So, on the count of three, alright?
Welcome to California Mrs. Lernon.
As loud as you can, alright?
One, two, three.
Welcome Mrs. Lernon!
And the Oscar goes to Mrs. Georgia Lernon.
Great job, mother!
We got you, didn't we?
We'd had subs before with the usual results.
Either they'd disappear behind a newspaper and leave us to the law of the jungle,
or two days into it, they'd run out screaming.
But this guy Lernon was different.
He seemed to love kids, to still be a kid himself.
He performed for us and we'd roll with it because he was interesting.
It was as if he'd cast himself as that magical rebel teacher who inspires the class of angry troubled youth.
The problem was we were watching a completely different movie.
Ours was a darkly ironic little thriller about a delusional simpleton who brings his mother to class.
And I wanted to know why.
He had us journal every day about our family's weird questions like,
how much money do your parents make?
And if we wrote a lot of money, or not much, he'd push us.
Give me a number.
I wrote about my crew, Judd, Rach, Nina and Doug, how none of us had a plan except to stay together.
They were the closest thing I had to a real family.
The official school show was The Bronco Buzz with Kathy and David.
What are you going to do today, David?
Well, I was actually going to take Kathy out for a movie tonight
and probably bring her back home, give her a massage, loosen her up a little bit,
and then just curl up and go to sleep.
Alright, anyways, we have some clubs going on after school.
We have the Bible Club, which is run by us.
What other clubs, David?
We also got the skateboarders for Jesus Club.
Pretty much I started that, and it's for Jesus.
All we do is skateboard.
Learnin' had some pretty cool magic tricks, turned a few heads.
But you can't be a teacher in the schools without a serious background check,
so we just figured he loved kids and was looking for ways to connect with us.
But then something would fly in from left field and we'd be like, whoa.
I think it's only fair to warn you that I do have super sight.
Children are murdered every day by this machine that is school.
I live in a box.
Hello, Mr. Teacher, it's nice to meet you. Where did you come from?
I don't know.
I live in a box called school.
But then things started to get a little more bizarre.
Music plays
We knew he wasn't right, but we couldn't stop watching
because we didn't know what kind of crazy thing he was going to do next.
We probably should have gotten the hell out of there, or called the cops, but we didn't. Nobody did.
And that's when Rach first got the idea to film him and post the clips on YouTube.
It was chilling footage, and it went pandemic the first week.
Suddenly we were producers and he was our star.
We'd conquered the internet without even trying.
Judd came up with the idea of a password protected weekly show hosted on our own website.
We used social networks to invite subscribers and keep out the teachers and buzz kills.
The ad space revenue bought some new equipment.
At first we played around and learned how to set up our shots and had a lot of fun.
Music plays
Judd wasn't having fun unless he was taking risks.
That's why he used Lernon's eyes on the flyer. He didn't think that anyone would notice.
Marketing is a bitch. It required two things that we didn't have. Time and money.
Of course our videos were password protected. You could register with an email address and once we checked you out we'd send you the link.
If you didn't check out, well you got a different link.
But even though only a few people knew what we were doing, everyone noticed that there was something different about us.
We were tired of getting better at production, but we started to realize that there was more to making a movie than just getting the shot.
And sometimes if they're pushed too far, they pop.
Judd, let's go balloon sound.
Without using my sight, he's only my creative mind. Only what's inside of me. What kind of animal have I created? I have no idea. I can't see it.
He pops, he loses his head, he rips out his eyes and throws him to the ground. This pin here represents his wife and the witches and Ross and Hamlet and all those other things that are in me best life.
And sometimes they become too much and they destroy you.
There's a little piece of latex just like we bet. This is all we have to bet at the end. Nothing. He's nothing. He doesn't have anything inside of him. He's a complete shell.
Still, producing a weekly show that people would actually watch turned out to be a whole lot harder than we thought.
Our subscribers complained that the spy cam gag was wearing thin.
They wanted real information about the learnings. They wanted answers. And I had an idea about how to get them.
Hey, does anybody in this class know how to make a video?
What are they up to?
Something bad, huh?
Get this. The Technical College of Montreal has completed an international search for educational leaders and they have chosen me to video blog about my experiences.
No.
Yes. Somebody must have said my name in.
No.
Doug, he said yes already.
Hey mom, did you hear that? Your son is going to be an educational leader.
Problem. I have no idea how to do one of these bloggly things.
We can help you with that, sir. But first, are you sure that this offer is legit?
We have a website and a phone number with a recorded message.
I'm just trying to watch it back, sir.
Professor Wittgenstein emailed me personally.
Professor Wittgenstein?
It sounds like a stand up guy.
So, just show me what button to push and I'll take it from there.
Okay, well here is your camera.
There we are.
Hey mom, take a look at this dashing young fellow on the screen.
So, where do I talk?
Right into here, sir.
The microphone inside your computer will make you sound like Mickey Mouse.
Oh, no.
And the setup is complete. You're just going to want to hit share and it will be sent away to that address.
Woosh!
Alright, so where are the questions they sent me?
Oh, here they are, sir.
We got lots of answers, but not the type we were expecting.
I know who you are.
And obviously, you know where I am, which makes me wonder why there isn't an army of your agents surrounding me.
I admit I have felt watched.
So, what are you waiting for, Professor Wittgenstein?
I'm here waiting for you.
Michael?
What is it, mother?
Michael, have you taken your pill today?
Can you say Google ad space?
We got a million hits in 48 hours.
Everyone was goading us on.
We were tracking a criminal or a lunatic and we'd crossed an invisible line from which there was no going back.
We decided to cultivate the relationship.
First, we'd remake ourselves into model students, gain his trust over weeks or months until we got some real access.
And then, when the opportunity presented itself, we'd move in for the kill.
There's a pair of us.
Don't tell.
They banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody.
How public, like a frog, to tell your name to live long day to an admiring bog.
Totally unbelievable.
Bravo!
Bravo!
Now, that was the greatest poem I've heard in my life.
I've been tears here.
Yeah, Jed.
I mean, I always wanted to be somebody, but I never thought about how cool it would actually be to be nobody.
You're a somebody and everybody expects something from you.
But if you're nobody, you can hide with all the other nobodies and live in peace.
Well, gosh, then I don't want to be famous for anything.
So you liked the poem.
It was the way you read it, Mr. Learning.
Genius.
I've never been so connected to poetry in my life.
This is you, Mr. Learning.
Me?
Be cool.
This is the advertiser's sick show.
Hey, we know about what you guys do.
How you make fun of Mr. Learning.
That's not true.
Completely.
What she means is that's a flyer for our band.
We started band.
We're not very good.
Oh, yeah?
What does TLC stand for?
Tender Loving Care?
That's our name.
That's lame.
That's totally lame.
But can you explain to me why my eyes are on your band poster?
There is no band.
They can't play a note.
They follow you around everywhere, Mr. Learning.
Rachel works the camera.
Doug is the sound guy.
Do you expect every student to do its own equipment like that?
Judd, is this true?
Of course it's not true, Mr. Learning.
You're lying. The eyes. Look at the eyes.
That was supposed to be a surprise.
Then, little miss, what would Jesus do had to go and spoil it?
Is that what Jesus does?
Are you all surprised for people?
No.
Well, that's what you two did.
This poster was supposed to be our big underground promotion
for tribute to you, sir.
Oh, please.
Why is that so hard to believe?
Yeah, why is that so hard to believe?
Having a concert tomorrow in the quad at lunch.
We are not.
I can't wait to see that.
So we can do our tribute song?
Go ahead and log on to their website, Mr. Learning.
It's password protected.
Who are you hiding from?
Judd, can you show this to me, please?
Come on over.
What was the password?
He's stalling his own password.
Right. The password is learning.
There you go.
What a bunch of dorks.
I guess once you taste a dream, you'll do anything to keep it alive.
You guys want to hear from Tender Love and Care?
Yeah!
Tender Love and Care!
With Tender Love and Care!
This next song is dedicated to the best substitute teacher in the history of the world, Mr. Learning.
One, two, three, four, yeah!
Tender Love and Care!
Tender Love and Care!
So maybe high school is a stupid, soul-sucking prison.
At least we made it real for a little while.
We made it matter.
Would the members of Tender Love and Care please stand?
I would like to recognize Lisa, Doug, Nina, Rach and Judd for their outstanding commitment to their art.
Quite a performance.
No, I think you have a real future.
Not as musicians, but as documentary filmmakers.
What?
And if you ever need an actor, watch.
I know who you are.
So you know where I am, which makes me wonder why I'm not surrounded by an army of your agents.
Mother?
Michael, Michael, have you taken your pill today so you don't act crazy?
Gotcha! Again.
What kind of animal have I created? I have no idea, I can't see it.
You don't believe me, you can push too hard, you can hammer on every single charm without lowering their guard.
You can change the numbers, you can change the style, you can dress it up or push it past, drag it down the extra mile.
Slow it up baby, get your rhythm and rhyme, slow it up baby, you're sitting on a world of time.
Pace it out, bring it on down, cool it off or shake it up cause it all comes round, give a little love now.
Every single day, give a little love now, it's all that's left at the end of the day, give a little love now.
Every single day, everybody, it's all that's left to say, you don't believe me, you can fall behind,
go on dodging calls, hide behind the walls, get lost inside the grind, you can go too easy, let it all lay down,
give it down for rain, ramping up your pain, all the wearer like a crown, heat it up baby, get your rhythm and rhyme,
heat it up baby, all you got to do is take time, bring it apart, bring it on out, throw it off or shake it up cause it all comes round,
give a little love now, every single day, give a little love now, it's all that's left at the end of the day, give a little love now.
Every single day, everybody, it's all that's left to say.
Get a little love now, every single day, give a little love now, it's all that's left at the end of the day,
give a little love now, every single day, everybody, it's all that's left to say, you don't believe me, you can push too far,
you can hammer on every single chunk without lowering their guard, you can change the number, you can change the style,
you can dress it up, go push it past, drag it down the extra mile, slow it up baby, get your rhythm and rhyme,
slow it up baby, it's done all the time, pace it out, bring it on down, cool it off or shake it up cause it all comes round,
give a little love now, every single day, give a little love now, it's all that's left at the end of the day, give a little love now,
every single day, everybody, it's all that's left to say, you don't believe me, you can push too far,
give a little love now, every single day, everybody, it's all that's left to say, you don't believe me, you can push too far,
