Oh my god, oh my god, no, it's disgusting!
Have you seen that t-shirt of mine? You know, the one with the thing on it. That drawing of the thing.
Tim, that makes no sense. Look, can you please get ready? The rest of the guys will be here soon and the place looks like crap.
Bio-impendance and bio-electricity basics.
Oh, you're rubbish! Who's that you invited around again?
It's just Steve and Katie. Katie's bringing a friend.
A friend? Shit. You get the door. I'll do the mess.
Hey guys, Steve! There'll be somebody rude and insatiable! And where have you been? You know I've been e-mailing you for the past year.
Yes, thank you. You've got a good grade in your last English essay, didn't you? Talk to me, could maybe help me?
Oh, don't mind me. I'm just a bloody guest as well. Hey, Jillia, we brought along some wine.
Yes, we brought some wine. One bottle of red and one of white.
You brought along wine?
It was really more for my friend, Helen.
Helen did you say? Nice to meet you. I'm Tim. It's funny, I've never heard Katie mention you before.
Well, you're chatty, Tim. No, don't tell me. You've been drinking.
You know, it's funny. I thought that you'd be wearing that T-shirt tonight. You know, the one with the thing on it.
The T-shirt you're talking about, Katie. Anyway, I've got them finished getting ready.
Jillia, serve up the drinks.
You remember that time, Jillia? When you got so drunk that you woke up in Cavalgrove Park at like seven in the morning or something?
That fucking dog walking club thought you were a mannequin.
Oh my god, yeah. It makes a sound worse than it was.
Oh, good times. In fact, do you know what? I think I'll drink to that. Helen, fancy joining me?
Sure. I'll drink to that.
Bloody hell. You're a girl after one heart. Let me guess. You must be a cousin of Katie's.
What makes you say that?
Because in all my years at university, I've never seen you sign students that desperate to destroy those precious brain cells.
Well then, you'll be surprised to know that Helen is very scientific.
Aren't you, Helen?
Yes, Jillia. Very into science and drinking and eating and smoking and dancing.
Helen, they didn't ask for a life story. Actually, Jillia, do you mind if Katie and I use the bathroom?
Yeah, yeah, sure. Go ahead. Here it is.
Don't you ladies be in the bedroom too long?
Fuck me, Steve. Where did those two?
I don't know. I just got inside the taxi when it stops outside my house.
Mum and Dad's house.
That's just a technicality, all right?
Here, look, can I turn that TV on?
No, you can't. Don't be so insatiable.
And don't you even start tonight.
What?
I saw the way your tongue rolled out our head when you saw her.
Me and Katie split ages ago. You know that?
I don't mean Katie. I mean Helen, you twat. You're subtle as a brick, and please do not get so drunk.
Would you leave that guy alone?
Yeah, yeah.
All right. Why do you become such a drink stallion?
What the fuck?
Look, Tim, you call me crazy, all right?
Or it might have been that big fucking joint that smoked in the way of the taxi.
But I say that chip canons into you, all right?
And you'd be crazy not to go for it. It's usual you've got nothing to lose.
Last time you said that, you ended up with a girl in my room while I sat in the couch eating your Chinese.
She is nice, though. Helen, I mean.
She really thinks she was, you know, ironed me up.
Yeah, totally.
A lot of morons.
She is nice, though. You're right.
At least Katie's talking to me now.
I can't remember the last time she said so much in the one sitting.
You're paranoid in your old age. Can we please not go down this road again?
She's got no problem with you, all right? We split up because...
Oh, please. And you sirens are just fine.
You blocked tonight's castle, though.
Tim...
You have no chance with that girl.
No, that's not true.
Trust me.
Sorry about that. Helen wasn't quite right, but everything's fine now.
Yes, it's all fixed now.
Julia, I like your bright blue tights.
Thank you, Helen.
At least someone compliments my fashion sense.
So, Helen, tell me something about yourself.
If you want.
Well, all I can really say is that I liked party.
I care about lots of things.
I give money to Greenpeace.
That you donated once and laxed on online.
You tried to get your money back by claiming you were a victim of fraud.
I recycle.
Yeah, but eating the leftover pizza for breakfast, that's hardly recyclable.
That's disgusting.
Yeah, but it's free-range pizza.
It was baked in a free-range oven
and was never forced into one of those pizza dough battery farms you hear about on TV.
See? I do play my part.
It's chickens.
Wait a minute, can you get free-range pizzas?
What happened?
It's your ramen.
Exactly.
Go see.
It's in my parents' hard-earned cash.
Right, what's everyone having?
Vodka cranberry, thanks.
Triple vodka.
Vodka.
Make it a double extra, Steve.
Wait a minute, I want to get back to Julie's desire to kill the planet.
Oh my god, Tim, nobody is perfect.
There's nothing wrong with kicking back.
We don't always have to be responsible.
Kicking back?
I don't understand.
Do you survive any of that, Helen?
Why do we have to come to Kerry and keep her?
Katie, we always come here.
We don't normally complain.
I can't even put my arms like jelly.
Thanks, Dave.
What the hell is that?
Kind of a taste.
Can't down there all of a read.
Alright, this isn't just a run-in of no vodka mixer.
This is a strictly 18 certificate and it's not for the pain in the heart.
Can I taste it, Steve?
Yeah, you can.
So, what's it called?
Tim, that's my secret.
God damn hell, that was impressive.
Do you enjoy it?
Don't check just the more stuff in my smooth-ass buying.
Oh my god, wait a minute. Your cocktail is called a smooth-ass buying?
Yeah.
What's in it?
Oh, hold on a minute. I'll bet you 10 pounds, Helen can figure that out.
It's a mixture of amaretto, bellies and vimpto.
Wait, how did you do that? That was my own creation.
So you're going to make some drinks then?
I love cocktails and I love giving cocktail parties.
Oh my god, I love cocktail parties and I love hosting them.
That is so cool.
No, it's not.
Buddy hell, Helen.
We've pretty much drunk the bar dry.
Where does it all go?
Well, it's my natural fuel.
And sometimes you can be so false and it really doesn't suit you.
It really doesn't suit you.
Oh my god, Helen, come on, let's return.
The music's playing, the DJ's thinking to dance on the dance floor.
Well, the beat is pumping, the club is dumping, the ladies want to get dunked.
Drinks are flowing, the party gets going.
It's a fix-up for our hot tea.
Having back-and-maps, please, please come do something naughty.
Do you just relax?
Relax?
Just tell the fuck out, kick back.
You're always so tense.
Sorry about your phone, but just tell 247.
Come on, dance, dance, dance.
I just got a bag of chips.
Sorry.
What would you get, Helen?
I've got large fish and chips.
You just had a deep-fried Marsboro supper.
I don't get it, but I'm impressed.
I thought I had the fucking lunch you said.
She's been like this ever since I've known her.
She eats and she eats, never puts on any weight.
I would like to come back here again.
The food is just great.
So, couldn't help but notice that Helen's got a stronger stomach than you do.
What? What do you mean?
You know I can drink Tim or Steve onto the table and ask for you.
No, that's not what I was talking about.
OK, whatever.
Come on, guys. It's back to the flat.
Continue with the fun.
I'll just be in the flat.
Oh, shut up, Tim.
She's a happy fucking thing, isn't she?
She had chick Helen then.
She's well into you.
She's been making hours of your own fucking night.
Crazy not to go for it.
You guys are like made for each other or something.
I know.
Yeah, right, whatever.
Come on.
Why are we still going?
Should we be dead by now?
Tim, death is for the weak.
The weak hearted.
What?
I can't let her be here.
I can't see. You're crazy.
I know.
We should get some BIMP to win.
Then Helen mixes that smooth ass bank.
I can make them.
No, Julia. Helen make them.
You're too drunk.
No, I'll make them.
You can both do it.
It would be fun.
Yeah, right, fun.
Let's go.
Let's do the next round.
You're ready to go again.
What is the actual name of this?
Tim, come on. Stay in the game.
He looks done for.
Do you want to go to bed, Tim?
Maybe he wants to go to bed when Julia let him go to bed.
Look at that guy. He's whipped in every sense.
I don't want to go to bed alone.
Let's do the next round, guys.
Are you sure, Helen?
100%.
I thought we came here for a drinking competition.
Julia said the winner was the one who could drink the most.
Tim, come on. Wake up.
No, no, no.
I'm not drinking anymore. No, that's it.
Game over. Time out. I'm done.
Helen, you go ahead. Love you. Go mad.
Oh, no, no, no, no. Me too.
I can't remember the last time I drank so many shots.
Steve?
Well, see, there's no contest.
Really, you know, no. No, no more.
I'm back in Helen as well.
Start drinking then, Julia.
Oh, my God, that is the first time in a long time that she's lost
and she's going to be pissed off tomorrow.
I'll drink to that.
Listen, we should really get going anyway.
I've got a lot on tomorrow.
It was nice seeing you again, Tim.
Steve, do you want to come with us?
Yeah, I'll come.
Oh, so you're leaving, Helen.
Was there any chance, you know,
was there any chance I could get your mobile number?
Yes, sure.
Oh, right, cool.
Yeah, I mean, maybe we can go out sometime next weekend
and, you know, hit the karaoke bar again.
Get some Tui, sushi or something.
Get a few drinks.
I'd like that.
Yeah, listen, they said that we should just wait downstairs.
Come on.
Uh, I'll see you later.
Yeah, bye.
Bye, Tim.
Yeah, I'll see you later.
Bye.
Can this look weird till tomorrow?
No.
Look at the state of this, please.
What is this?
Oh, that's disgusting.
Do you love here or something?
Look, we're here for hail and you know that.
You know Tim's got a crush on you, don't you?
A crush? Really?
The guys are fucking pissed.
You girls don't mind if I roll a joint, right?
Oh, don't be a bloody idiot.
This is a lab, you can't do that in here.
I wouldn't mind.
She wouldn't mind?
And I think you have had more than enough fun for tonight.
That is very good.
Look, I'm not in the mood for games, alright?
In the long night, it's...
I'm kind of getting towards Steve's bedtime.
Steve's bedtime?
Yeah.
Really?
Helen.
She wasn't smoking anything, was she?
No.
Helen.
Should we call an ambulance or something?
Helen.
No, she's not breathing, she can't be right now.
No, but Steve, just leave it.
No, Steve.
I know she's not breathing.
She's not breathing because she can't.
She's not breathing.
She's not breathing because I'd belt her.
Look, Steve.
No, just...
Steve, I'm so sorry.
Let me show you some of her video footage.
That might make things a bit clearer.
Basically, she's got two detainees.
One for sugar and one for fat.
The sweeter the greasier, the better.
She eats it.
Do you understand?
Yeah.
Okay, she's also got a detector for alcohol.
Oh, that's the smooth aspect.
Yeah.
This explains why you're being so tense all night.
Did she just blink?
Don't be silly.
And Steve, like, the slurring in the song,
that was easy too.
Look, it's so repetitive.
Why did you go all in this trouble tonight?
Did you do this for scientific or personal reasons?
Scientific, of course.
Yeah.
So, what are you going to do now?
I've got a few ideas.
