The next, the next roaster coming up to the stage, I've known this man for many years,
worked a lot, really enjoy him, everyone wants this next roaster on their show, everyone,
including Laurie, because there's like 40 bitches who want to have him tested.
Ladies and gentlemen, the man that can make any jumpsuit look like a tuxedo, Mr. Marc
Slomski.
Hey, I'm kind of low on whiskey if anyone wants to refill that.
I drink Jack Daniels.
Anyone else low?
We got a whole round.
Jessica, are you back there?
Hi.
I'll show you my icing.
Are you guys having a good time?
I'll show you this cuisine for a drink.
Shut up.
Shut up, you had your fucking turn.
All right, listen.
Have you guys, who here has seen me perform before?
You've not seen me before, all right?
Now shut the fuck up.
Now normally I don't swear this much because I don't believe in it.
So my name is Marc Slomski, I am the host of Burlesque at the Bird.
Well actually this Christmas we're going to have two hosts.
Yeah, Miss Magnolia Jackson.
Apparently when Deanna said let's make this next one bigger, I thought she made quality,
but apparently she meant something else.
I'm just saying.
So I'm really glad to be here.
Who here got raffle brought, you know, you guys are excited about that, right?
You guys are fucking excited because it's the same shit you see in every fucking show.
I got an email earlier, can you please donate some CDs?
Yes, I can donate some fucking CDs, can't they?
Give it up everybody for the film roasters, okay?
Every time you clap they poop themselves, it's awesome.
Yeah.
No, I actually thought they were going to be here in their other form, you know, tonight.
They're alter egos, if you will, and so I had to throw out a whole bunch of material
because they showed up in drag.
But I really like working with those guys.
They really, they keep talking about it and they go at it with a hundred percent,
and that's just when they're in the bathroom.
So congratulations guys.
Magnolia Jackson.
Did I get a jack too?
Yes.
Oh, it's all coming later.
Yeah, oh hey, it's a wordling, give it up for, it's a wordling everybody.
Jesus fucking Christ, where do I start?
They only gave me five to seven minutes, dude, I mean, I don't know where to...
Okay, well Jesus Christ is a good place to start.
He's a Jew and a fucking lawyer, everybody.
That's not a joke, that was just me telling you what the situation was.
I like to picture you as like a little gnome that got caught up in Alice in Wonderland
in an Oliver Twist crossover.
You're buying these cookies that say, eat me and you're saying, please sir, can I have some more?
All right, if you guys don't know it's a wordling, I guarantee you this.
If you talk to him long enough, he will invite you over.
He will try to get you in the hot tub.
He will get naked.
This is all guaranteed, okay?
I say this because I have been there, yeah, I've been there, I went.
And the most fascinating part is next to his hot tub, he has this sign that says,
objects in water are larger than they appear.
I know, I like you, I like you, so that's good, that's good.
How's that working out for you?
Yeah, any prospects tonight?
Not anymore, dude, not anymore.
Buster Bridges, everybody, give it up for Buster Bridges.
You know, he's part of the Slomsky Cabaret, which I created since it's my fucking name.
The audition process is actually pretty rigorous.
The first person in was Trunks Slomsky, if you don't know him, he's my trusty Trunk,
and he traveled around the country with me hours in the van having to smell my flatulence, okay?
I mean, that's the God's honest truth.
And since then, I have upped the criteria every time, you have to meet that and next.
So like, Bitsy had to go through all of that, right?
And she sucked my dick, right?
That was good.
And then Buster came along and...
Actually, sometimes I rubber-stamped the applications.
So, you guys may not know this about Buster, but some little known facts.
He sleeps with a stuffed animal.
Yeah, mm-hmm, yeah.
He likes long walks in the dark.
He's a self-proclaimed brony.
Actually, all that sounds pretty gay.
Oh shit, you already know that.
No, actually, you guys know he's the creep show Casanova?
Anybody know that?
Has anybody know what Casanova, the history of that?
In the dictionary, it's an unscrupulous lover.
Sounds kind of like Buster.
And so recently, he's got a new bow.
He's got a new bow, yeah.
I'm thankful because I don't have to hear about random people who's fucking anyone.
It's good.
And oh my God.
Miss Kaleena, everybody.
She is a belly dancer, which probably all of you knew, right?
But she comes, honey.
And so until tonight, I didn't know that.
But thankfully, we shouldn't have.
I also didn't know she'd been fucked by so much black dick.
She talked like a black man up here on stage.
Oh my God.
He's fucked.
He's like a gangster up here in a V-cost game.
But she does run a show at The Bird, which is pretty awesome.
It's called Illuminar, is it right?
I thought it was Illuminar at first, but it's Illuminar.
It's like a belly dance show with awesome music and lighting.
A Pink Floyd laser light show with loose women, okay?
Yeah, it's as awesome as it sounds, really.
It's good.
And Magnolia.
Give it up for Magnolia, everybody.
You know, seriously, this is no joke.
I have been in awe of your comedy since the first time I saw you.
There's no joke behind that.
Now, you probably know that her vagina is eight miles wide, right?
She sings about it.
If you don't know that, she sings a song, my vagina is eight miles wide.
Now, you may not know that her mom's vagina is 12 miles wide.
You see, it had to get her vagina and her ego.
Now, for you mass savvy folks, that's, yes, a vagina is eight miles wide.
That means her ego is four miles wide.
And yes, it would fit inside her vagina.
And she has put it in there and marveled at its awesomeness.
Because I would, too.
I can't say this.
This lady right here can drink me under the table.
In fact, you have a few times, and I kind of wanted to say now, publicly, that I'm married,
so we probably shouldn't use that phrase so literally from now on.
Ray Bullock, everybody.
Give it up for Ray Bullock.
Our host tonight, he's the founder of the 955 Comedy Club.
I've known Ray for over 10 years.
You've been doing the 955 Club longer than that, right?
I know him from the Chuggers days.
Probably, you guys, most of you don't know where Chuggers was.
It's the good old days, really, wasn't it?
Every Wednesday night?
If you guys feel left out, don't.
If you ever come to the 955, he's still doing the same jokes.
So you guys can participate.
But you have debuted some new material.
He has, every once in a while, he introduces it.
And if you guys, it's funny, because if they ever had a cover band of comedians,
Ray would be famous by now.
What I'm saying is he's like the local Carlos Mancilla.
He's still in more raw material than a carpenter with a crack habit, for God's sakes.
He's a joke thief, okay?
That's what I'm saying to people.
But I will say this about Ray, his laugh, like his crotch, is infectious.
I mean, if you're somewhere and Ray is laughing, you are going to fucking hear it.
You know what I'm saying?
And at the bird, it was like that.
There were 500 people, right?
And I heard all the laughter, and I also heard wreck.
And it warmed my heart.
I'm not kidding.
I was like, Ray is out there, and I literally, from the bottom of my heart,
and I also knew at that moment, Ray had come up with his next joke.
I'm going to take a sip of whiskey here, because I like whiskey.
And that does bring us to the lady of the couple of hours that we've extended this thing to.
Yeah, give it up for Deanna Danger.
What do you say about a lady who you've seen completely nude that's okay to say in public?
I don't know.
So I've been thinking about this.
And so I first met Deanna Danger.
Actually, wait a second.
Is Kane here?
Okay, awesome.
The first time I met Deanna Danger.
Kane is her husband, by the way.
I met Deanna Danger at Sweetheart for the Arts.
Was that right?
Yeah.
In 2010, my brother and I were there, it was our first burlesque show.
I knew right away I was at home.
And looking at all the titties, it was awesome.
And I met Deanna there, and since then, we've worked in a multitude of ways.
We've done travel up and down the East Coast, and since there's a video camera,
I probably can't go into detail there, but it's good.
And through all of that, I've learned a lot from you.
You've gone out there full steam.
You have won awards, right?
I don't keep track anymore.
Two awards.
Come on, two awards.
She has single-handedly built Boom Boom Basics into the number one burlesque school in Richmond
and, I would say, the area.
I mean, who here is the student?
Deanna, look at this.
We've got students here in Illinois.
Up on stage, even.
This is awesome.
She has produced three burlesques at The Birds now, right?
And we're working on our fourth.
This is awesome.
And she's done all of this without taking off her clothes.
Wait a minute.
Actually, that makes it weird.
That's awkward.
Okay, well, you know, Deanna, actually, she does this project with her husband.
Have you guys ever heard of the name of the rose?
You know, it was originally called Smell of the Rose, but after people saw the performances,
they kept thinking Mr. S was like a commentary on the quality of the show.
Don't worry if you haven't seen it.
It's amazing.
Yeah.
It's amazing.
It's a bigger wank fest than a Sunday morning bishop's vlogging by a 13-year-old.
Just say it.
No, seriously.
You know, Deanna, you have worked really hard.
I know you've gotten to this great body, which I appreciate.
You've stopped smoking here.
Yeah.
By the way, I'm sober tonight.
Actually, no, I was going to make that fucking joke about two hours ago, and I said to Buster,
should I just be sober?
And he was like, fuck it.
I'm not sober.
But you've gotten sober, and well, I mean, you've been working really hard.
It's really good.
You know, it's strange, though, because after quitting, you know, I would think you would,
you know, probably get smarter, but god damn, like you work hard, but you're dumb as this brick.
I mean, you've got these great tattoos.
You know, you showed them off earlier.
You've got these seam, you know, the nylon seams, and you still paint those eyebrows on every fucking day.
Get those inked, bitch.
I mean, it's really fucking easy.
I'm sure they can fucking do it.
That's all I'm saying.
Why?
Why go through all that work?
Anyway, I love you, Deanna.
Like, yeah, you're great to work with.
I've always appreciated it.
And one other thing I can say about Deanna is that she's very honest,
and she has come up with this new thing where if you hurt her feelings or fucking cross her.
So, anyways, she confronts you about it.
So, with all that said, I have scheduled some time next week to go over all this material.
Thank you, everybody.
Thanks for going.
You guys are tall as fuck.
Oh, yeah.
Grab what's important.
Grab what's important.
Now, after Deanna comes up, we will be doing our auction at the end of the evening's festivities.
But I think we have all given it to you sufficiently.
It's been a wonderful ride.
Thank you so much for letting us pretty much shit all over you.
And if we were in Germany, you'd be a millionaire by now.
Please, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for all the people who roasted tonight.
Yourselves for coming out.
The creepy old fuck at the end of the bar.
Give it up for him.
And without any further ado, I have to leave.
