Open up you little fuckers I know you two fucking vampires are in there talking to me
I'll give you fuckers too much time anyway, it's above is your daddy
I thought you said your name was stroke, quiet time, remember, I don't know if you want to, pay up or get some fun crap
He's a real scientist
I'll tell you what the hell, I've been drooling ready for all theührld
Come back.
Are they happy?
Are they happy?
Are they happy?
Oh, come on.
Say it once.
Say, Bobby's your daddy, please.
Shut up, Stroke.
You don't sound anything like the near-own.
I'm trying to do my thing over here.
You're killing me.
Oh, come on.
Cat behind you.
Come on.
He wasn't that bad.
Do you really think they sound like you?
You know, like in the heat or a fan, you know?
Hey, Kathy, you hear that?
She said I sound like I'm over at the near-own.
Great stuff.
Are you going to give us a call?
No, we can't.
Mr. Bickle got it already.
Hey, you've reached the brush now.
This is for Kathy and Stroke.
You're calling regarding our upcoming feature,
Taxi Driver 2.
Leave a message after the beep,
or just on the cell.
Bye-bye.
Oh, hi.
Yeah, I read your script.
Never, you fucking Dennis Woodruff wannabes.
It's so difficult.
Oh, please, Richard, can you read my new script
for Taxi Driver 2?
It's really great.
Oh, yeah.
I'm really good.
Hey, I'm Stroke,
and I think I look like the Nero.
Fucking pathetic losers.
Even knew how.
Oh, wait a minute.
You guys are so talented.
Hey, what's up, guys?
It's Richard.
Listen, guys,
I'm sending you guys out like crazy.
Your script, I love it.
I'm shopping it.
I love it.
I'm shopping it.
I love it.
I'm shopping it.
You have a pitch today.
One o'clock.
Paul Thomas Anderson,
heartache, boogie nights, magnolia.
The script delivery just went out,
so I want you to call me back ASAP.
Okay?
Damon Affleck, boys.
Huh?
Enjoy the ride.
Okay.
Bye.
Ooh, oh, yeah.
Oh, wait a second.
By the way, geez.
Ay, ay, ay.
Cappy, can you do me a favor, please?
Can you have your cousin,
Kent Shreiner, give me a call
as soon as you can, ASAP?
Thanks.
I really appreciate it, baby.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Shannon, Kent Shreiner call.
Not yet, routine.
Stroke.
Stroke.
Stroke.
Forget about the noodles for a second,
all right?
We have a huge audition.
This is the big one.
All right.
I'm going to start it off.
We're going to keep them out, all right?
Okay.
Hey, Jen?
Yeah?
What?
Just a minute.
You got a Jen, too?
Of course.
Double Jen's again.
You didn't know?
Forget about it.
Hey, listen.
We're going to get rid of these
girls, all right?
And give them this to you.
Get rid of them.
Listen, you guys probably aren't hungry.
But if you are, there's an I-hop
across the street.
You can grab something.
No, thanks.
That is a secret, earlier.
Me, too.
Thanks, anyway.
We're good.
All right, ladies.
Everybody out.
But we just got here.
I'm sorry.
Look, you heard the answer.
We have an audition.
We're up and coming movie stars, ladies.
So I'm going to have to ask you to go.
Let's go, girls.
Come on.
Let's go, girls.
It may sound like you're going to be here.
Belinda?
Chah-o-bella.
I need more headshots.
We're not in mail room anymore.
Dick.
Okay, can you stop that?
Please, can you stop that?
Stop calling me dick.
Please, can you just stop it with a dick.
Hmm, sensitive are we.
Stormy seas and paradise.
Stormy seas.
Honey.
More like Lake Placid.
One more addition and I cut the cord, I'm crapping in the joke.
Need I remind you of Jack Weiner, the old Turk, our boss,
who just fired to Koblitz for the exact same thing?
Well, who gives a shit about that old turd Weiner?
You're just saying it's not worth it.
Are they Koblitz?
Nah, I checked.
Yeah, but Cappy is related to Ken Schreiner, who's a major soap actor at CAA.
The Ken Schreiner?
Scotty Baldwin.
Now, how the fuck am I supposed to know that?
Do I know, do I watch TV?
Jesus Christ, I'm trying not to laugh.
So, what o'clock?
Yeah, can I drive your car?
No, never, separate cars, OK, got a jump.
Oh, OK, got a jump, too.
Come on, stroke, I thought we ditched him in the sock at the racetrack.
Seven, Mary, three, and four.
I don't know if you boys realize, but you just hooked up with Hanson John.
John was cuter, though.
I told you.
It's time to ride the party bus.
Party bus, party bus, woo-hoo!
Shana, kid you trying to call yet?
Mm-mm.
Fuck, Jesus, Shana, can you fucking just write this down, please?
Ready when you are, Richie.
Carousel's trailer, too small.
Jimmy's trainer, no.
Winona's chef, yes, and that's it.
No, no, no, wait, wait, that's not it.
That package I gave you for the capping stroke,
I want you said to have a three, four, half-buckum, five o'clock.
Late.
Late.
Delivery.
Got it.
She loves me.
I love me.
Stroke, I'm sorry.
I gotta kick him out.
Hey, boys, this is great and all, but...
We have a speech meeting.
It's a big one, boys.
Yes.
That's right, boys.
All right.
All right, good job.
We'll see ya.
We'll see ya cool.
We'll do this all right.
All right.
See ya.
See you, boys, boys.
We'll see ya.
I won't.
I won't, son.
Enjoy your lunch.
Enjoy your lunch.
Enjoy your lunch.
Enjoy your lunch.
Enjoy your lunch.
Enjoy your lunch.
Shannon.
Shannon, yeah.
You been trying to call yet?
Fuck.
Well, when he does, you tell him to call me, okay?
Yeah, thanks.
Great.
What a Sunday to be standing, reaching.
Up front, Jesus.
Scratching the fucking fire, see?
Oh, Jesse.
Oh, Jesus.
Cheating.
Stroke, we got the picture of her lives at one o'clock.
Set the alarm for 12 o'clock, baby.
Good afternoon, senorita.
Hi.
Hi.
Okay.
Uh, just place the keys under the mat in front of you.
See, fuck you on the corner.
I'll pick it up when I'm done, okay?
Thanks.
Take a seat.
Enjoy your lunch.
Okay.
Set the alarm for 12 o'clock?
Yeah.
A of this time, right?
Yeah.
It doesn't matter.
That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
It doesn't matter.
That's what I'm saying.
Good.
Well, I'm glad that you...
I'm glad...
Can you?
Can you just...
Thanks a lot.
Um, no.
This is what I want to know.
I want to know...
Did you hear from the staff, kids?
No?
Perfect.
Great.
Perfect.
Perfect.
This is what I want you to do now.
I want you to call PT Anderson.
What I want you to do is I want you to make an excuse
for why they're not going to make it to the pitch.
And I want you to use all that acting class stuff
that I paid for, okay?
What's my motivation?
What's your mo...
Your job.
Is that good enough?
Okay?
Because...
Just get it done.
Okay?
Just get it done.
That's it.
Bye-bye.
No, wait.
Wait.
Actually, wait.
I just need a little business.
That package to the Cappy Shroke
has not left the outbox, right?
Right?
Nope.
Gotta go.
Hello?
Hello?
Are you...
Hmm.
Cappy, who's this Paul Thomas?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Cappy, who's this Paul Thomas?
I don't know.
Just some guy.
I don't think we should audition for, like, Scorsese.
Baby steps, Shroke.
Baby steps.
This is the big one.
I could feel it.
It's not fucking up.
So, Operation Kin Shriner's a go, huh?
I want to rip a Scotty ball.
You what?
No, you can't.
I mean, you can't.
You're weak.
You know, you gotta be cutthroat.
Remember, no friends, no friends, no friends.
Here's kinshawiner, right?
First thing I do, I butter them up with a dream, right?
Then, salt them down with misconceptions
of silverscreen stardom, a little bit smooth,
and then I just take, you know,
I just take a nice little, take a,
easy 10%.
You know what 10% is, right, Bill?
You know when you move them, that's a little over the left.
I know, but these guys, I mean, they, they're just kids.
Can't you at least give them some kind of chance?
You know, you're right.
I'm absolutely right, and that's why you're the captain.
I'm just a rower.
Exactly, so good.
Be quiet, please.
Thanks.
Melinda, I swear your naivete is so enduring.
I mean, that's why you stopped bottom feeding.
Really, the second I sign Shriner
is the second that I don't call the kids back.
The risk factor is...
Yeah, the risk factor is zero.
It's zero.
Because I'm gonna send the information out so late
that even if they had a fucking car,
they would never make it.
And better yet, they're out of the rat trap every night.
You know, the freaking rat trap, right?
Yeah, the rat trap.
Yeah.
Hey, Captain.
Stroke, come on.
Try not to go to sleep, okay?
Don't go to sleep.
These guys sound a lot like you in college, you know?
Doing the co-kitten on the girls, you know.
Yeah, you remember that?
Yeah.
Those are good times.
Yes, they are.
Are you finished?
Is it up to tell you shit?
Ever.
I mean, this is charity as far as I'm concerned, Bella, okay?
Okay, all right.
But you're just black.
Yeah.
I'm just black.
I'm really black.
Christy, where's my one o'clock?
Yeah, I just spoke with Shannon from IAA.
She gave the chicken pox excuse.
They want to pitch this ridiculous screenplay, okay?
It's a remake of Taxi Driver.
Did you read it?
Fuck no, I didn't read it.
I don't find new talent.
Contriner's my money in the bank.
You know that.
Look, Bella, I am the new breed of agent, okay?
And you are not.
And that's the bottom line.
I mean, have you seriously maybe considered, you know,
looking for, you know, back of career or something like that?
I'm just joking.
I'm joking, Bella.
That was a joke.
You know, I like to joke all the time.
Hi, hey, hey.
Hey, Shannon, how's it going?
How's the acting coming?
Huh?
You little Academy Award winner, you.
Shannon, I need some numbers from Richard's Rolodex.
Um, can you do that for me?
Sure.
Stroke, check it out.
They messaged her the package.
Your drink, Mr. Shrino.
Oh, thank you.
You know, I'm so proud of you, Mr. Shrino.
You.
Cutthroat parameter?
Exactly.
Your turn.
Hi.
The Cappy actor, writer, producers, big projects,
the Nero, you call me.
Actually, I think that you guys are lost.
You know what, if you go back the way that you came
and you just make a left, you'll see a sign
that says extras casting.
Thanks.
Stroke, stroke.
Come here, Mr. Shrino.
Hi, A.A., big agents.
Oh, one o'clock.
Paul, you're one o'clock's here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I'll say what?
Any 500 back to my office?
Oh, God, Richard, more humiliation.
No, I'll say what?
If you beat me in that piece of shit bug of yours,
I will give you my $100,000 hummer.
It's a cabriolet.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
If I lose?
You give me a hummer.
Wait, I don't understand.
You already have a hummer.
You mean like a newer one?
You give me a hummer.
You got yourself a vet.
OK.
So, Kathy and Stroke, tell me about Taxi Driver 2.
Paul, I have an idea.
I actually put on the page 30 to talk about this.
Wait, you know, before I forget, Paul,
can you do like some of this stuff?
I'm like this.
Whoa!
Like that.
I'm going to give you my card because I got my cell phone
right here.
And later I think it's like Jesus Christ.
Circumstance is not going to work anymore.
skills won't work you look like you don't even need it.
I'm not even going to need it.
I'm like do it my things!
I'm like go my, go go go!
Pumbing Hoe Gin pumba up the scene,
like pumping up the scene.
like right now
like right now
you're such a loser
oh wait a minute
look at that
see the one in the red mini bella?
see the one in the red mini? just like that
something like that, because that makes me horny like a mom
you know, I am so sorry
about that buzz on sunset because
you're almost like into the checkered
I swear
yours is gonna cover that right honey?
no problem Richie
come along
Richie, I think you're in trouble
I have not to tell you, they showed
alright, gotta jump bella
Hummer Hummer Hummer Hummer Hummer Hummer Hummer Hummer 10, 30
my house, k?
what line, Shannon?
no, no, no lying, he's on his way down
he's on his way to uh, stall him 20 seconds
okay
Oh, can you hold on just for a second while I...
No, no, I think you're gonna laugh at us.
No, man, you're really, really good.
I mean, you hit your stuff.
I know that we rehearsed at the bus stop bench.
You nailed the denierle plays.
I can't even worry about it.
We're great.
Cookie, what are we gonna do about rent?
It's an on-factor.
I mean, we're gonna get out of this show.
We're gonna move to Beverly Hills,
north of Sunset, west of Doheny.
We're gonna have lunch at Morton's.
Glinda gave us that wake-up call.
That just cinches everything.
I don't think that he liked us.
What about in the audition when you nailed the name?
Oh, yeah, I did. It was pretty good.
It was really good.
Paul Thomas loved you.
Richard loves us.
IAA fucking loves us.
We're gonna be movie stars for Christ's sakes.
All right?
You're right.
Give it. Let's give it.
Okay, who loves you?
Who loves you? Who loves you?
Everybody loves you. They all love you.
Richard!
Richard!
I can try to inform.
Richard!
Jack, wait.
Okay, before you say anything, I want you to hear this.
Ken, buddy, hey!
We signed today, huh?
Four seasons, Morton's what, baby?
Look, Richard, I'm gonna go with
a poppin' car.
Fiery little thing.
Says I'm gonna look
great on the silver screen.
Oh, come on. Listen.
Kenny Kingkins.
Come on, you know, it's a fickle business, baby.
It's fickle, fickle, fickle like a pickle, right?
You know that.
You need me.
You know that. You need me.
You know that. You need me.
You know that. You need me.
I got somebody else on their line here.
Gotta go.
Mr. Schreiner.
Mr. Schreiner.
Mr.
Mr.
Mr.
Mr.
Mr.
Mr.
Richard, you're an amateur.
Now I'm getting phone calls from directors
and I never talk to directors.
You've got until the dinner bell
to close a deal or you're out of here.
Come on.
I want you to wipe that shit
and grin out of your face.
You know, I'm buying what you're selling,
but you honestly think they like this that much.
Oh, come on. Why wouldn't they?
We got the crazy acting skills.
You know, if he saw it, he loved us.
It's a no-brainer.
I'm going to check the machine.
I guarantee you the good news.
Hey, Kevin.
Essles, can you hear this?
Paul Thomas Anderson hates you.
I hate you and you're gone.
And you know what? I used you for Schreiner.
You two fucking losers will never work in this town again.
I like. Actually, you know what?
You are going to work in this town again
and get out of here.
Come on, Leah, come on, Leah.
Come on, Leah.
Bella, can you, um...
Can you come up here, sweetie?
What is it, Richie?
I need your help.
Oh, why isn't that too bad?
I'm sorry, I'm right in the middle of something.
I'm, um...
I'm buying insurance.
Oh, yeah? Well, no, you know what I'm going to do.
I'm going to help you out with that.
I'm going to try to help you out with full coverage.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, maybe he's right.
I mean, we haven't had a fucking speaking part since we've been out here.
I'm not going home, Stroke.
Why are we even here?
We've got a great script.
We're good-looking guys.
We deserve the right to become big-time movie stars.
We're like PTA and Richard. I mean, they fucking hated us.
These idiots are nobody's.
We're more De Niro's people, anyways.
With that De Niro face and my pitch and skills,
there's no way Bobby will say no.
You're right. We are a two-person pitch machine.
We're Damon Halfwreck.
I mean, we are so close. All we need is Bobby.
That's my guy. There's the Stroke I know.
He are going to be fucking movie stars.
When De Niro sees him, he's going to see you, man.
You've got the same kind of power, the same kind of strength.
I think I should talk to Bobby.
No, no, no.
Stroke, I don't care what we've done before.
How many times we fucked up. This is the night.
So what are we going to say when we see him?
I'm going to pitch him hard. You're going to give him the De Niro face.
I think I should fucking talk to him.
Listen, not about the girl.
Show me that fucking De Niro face.
Show me the face.
God, check that out.
We'll do that. Listen, boy. Tonight, one for Bobby.
Here we go. One big one.
One big one for Bobby.
Here we go.
That is the good stuff.
That's right.
Listen, boy. Listen.
You guys go front door and make sure Bobby doesn't get by.
I'm rolling.
Stroke and I, we'll go main room.
There's no way Bobby's going to get by us today.
We're going to pitch him and we're going to pitch him hard, all right?
We're a taxi driver too. We're going to ride, all right?
Yeah, right.
Come on.
Yeah.
No, tell him 16.
Man.
How's it looking in there, big boy?
Is there Bobby D's in the back room tonight, Dad?
Man.
Rat, it's a trick getting caught.
You poop-bug motherfucker's been caught on his shit last night.
You know what some hands are, you ain't getting in.
You know what I'm saying?
You know what to be a fucking favor.
Look at that south-central,
put a cap in your ass, Dr. Dre, bullshit.
We are no motherfucking coconuts.
We are David Affleck.
So move it, Batty.
Move.
He's tripping.
He's tripping because we're making our best day.
Let's see it.
Get that old gas, motherfucker.
Caps.
Caps?
Caps me.
Caps me.
You know what? I've got some business to do.
I've got the shit.
Hi there.
I'm the Cappy.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Hello?
No, I'm with a client.
Ah, I'm all of you.
What?
I'm a model actress, whatever.
No, not that kind of client.
I'm an agent at IAA.
Hmm.
I'm a model actress, whatever.
No, not that kind of client.
Really?
Hmm.
You know, you look much better in person
than you do in your headshot.
Headshot?
I saw one on Richard's trash.
No.
There's just a little dead there.
Yeah, I know.
But I wouldn't worry about it.
I don't think you'll be seeing much of Richard anymore.
Pleasure to finally meet you.
I'm Belinda.
Bob and Cappy?
Yes.
Tell me something.
Cappy stroke?
Cappy stroke, ass motherfuckers.
Tell me something later.
Have to deserve this.
God damn right.
The rat.
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy...
It's not like I should be sharing this tease.
Excuse me?
He's like, you're talking to me.
You, because I'll see him pass around.
You must be talking to me.
Let's pray to the kid.
Call her.
All right.
So listen, Belle, I really appreciate the wake of call this
morning.
Oh, you're very welcome.
So you guys really wrote this, huh?
Taxi driver, too?
You read it?
The stroke, and I wrote this before we even came to LA.
Oh, shit.
It's Richard.
Bella, is that you?
That's, ain't that a bitch, it is you.
Look what you're doing.
You're still fucking bottom feeding.
What did I just tell you?
What did I fucking tell you?
Don't you ever listen.
Who is this guy?
He's nobody.
He's a fucking loser.
OK, he's a fucking loser.
What do we talk about?
Didn't we cut the rope, remember?
Oh, hey, Bella.
I like this place.
Where'd you hear about it?
Oh, he told me about it.
Oh, how rude of me.
I didn't introduce you.
Dick, this is my new client, the Kim Schreiner.
Kim Dick.
Come, come around.
That is so cute.
All right, that's fucking it.
Let's go over here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Why don't we come here?
Can you do that for me for a second?
Thanks.
This is your trap, your turf.
It's no problem.
Perhaps.
How about I cut you in on anything I sell here?
We'll make a little arrangement.
So why come?
Everyone calls you.
It's OK to me.
You're fucking incredible in taxi.
I mean, incredible.
This is Taxi Driver 2, and Bickel is back.
To your I-B-Script.
Just wait right here, OK?
Don't go anywhere.
Please, just stay right here.
So can you move this way, please?
You know, I really appreciate it.
OK, all right, so this is your business school.
You're not going to fucking believe this.
What, what?
Robert D is in the other fucking room.
Robert D is in the other room.
Robert De Niro is here.
Yeah, I think Robert De Niro's over there.
Did you get just here?
Did you get just here?
Excuse me, excuse me.
Am I fucking here?
You know, because I have a gun.
That was, you know.
Put down the gun, buddy.
OK.
Sure.
Drop the gun.
Yep.
Guns!
We got guns!
Guys, I'm joking.
I fooled you because Bella could tell you I love joking.
Bella, you want to help me out here?
You know, tell them I'm joking.
Richard, you are such a puss.
Yeah.
Pussy?
Yes!
No!
What?
Well, that's the good stuff.
Hey, Marty, you got my clothes on.
You know what, Marty?
I'm thinking a little more blood in that last scene wouldn't hurt a bit.
It doesn't.
Gappy's right.
Whatever you want, boys.
We'll fix it in the house.
Hey, Belinda, am I going to get tapped heartily for that?
Because I really want to get my sack on.
We get whatever we want.
We would like to see how y'all dig this here.
One, two, three, four, five.
Take your time and do it right.
Come on, let's do it right, girl.
You got my love and maybe you make me go insane.
You're all I ever want because you're so freaking.
You got my love and maybe you make me go insane.
You're all I ever want because you're so freaking.
You
You
