Away, away in my town, machine.
Please welcome Shane's machine.
Hi everyone, I'm Shane's machine. We're going to do a form called the Dust. You can do the Enterprise, of course.
In just a moment, the lights will go down when they come up. Everything you see will be clear.
It's okay darling.
Thank you.
Still, the muse is not struggling with anything.
I can't believe you're in jelly cans on my shoulders, but I can't seem to write.
I believe in you, Shawn. You have so much to give to this world and your nuns.
Thank you so much, Rebecca. So, so much to give.
I mean, I've given up everything. Everything just to wait on you. It's been worth it. It's been those words.
These ones on this page that I just started hearing are all the previous words from the previous books.
These ones are not your best.
No novel should begin with the words Chinese sandwiches.
Wait, hold on.
I think it is.
I'm running up the stairs.
That's fine, I know.
So hard. You don't know what it's like being an artist, Rebecca.
Oh, I know, dear. I know.
You know that you don't know or you know what it's like.
I know nothing of what you know. You're all of this great.
Thank you.
That's why I've given up my life to serve you to sandwiches and affection tenderness for right words that are mediocre at best.
Media over at best.
Media.
Sorry if my mediocre writing has only gotten us this house and cars and vacations and central pay.
A surprising.
Yes.
Surprising that my mediocre writing has two film adaptations. One, sorry, Robin Williams, thank you very much.
We must thank the Lord every day in America.
Mom, get out of here.
Let's finish my report.
Oh, dear. You have no idea the effect my presence can have.
It creates mediocre work.
I don't want to see paper, okay? I need to ace this class if I want to pass.
Well, I'm not going to get it starting out like that.
What's wrong with Japanese squat meat?
Thank you, Sunbury.
You are so infinitely average.
You don't get it, okay? It's not easy.
You're perfect, okay?
You know how hard it is trying to be in this family competing with you and Dad?
No. Oh, dear. You don't have to compete with your father.
It's not very good.
I don't know.
You really don't need to be in the copy while we're doing this.
It's pretty delicate operation if you want everything to go just perfect.
Oh, you don't know.
My presence here on this plane is your passenger as a gift that you will do some hard flying.
Whoa, sorry.
You will fly us through some rough patches.
Oh, okay. Well, successfully, right? I mean, okay, just let me focus.
This has to be really tip-top.
Here, I'll give you a little.
They've been called Angelica.
Please.
There's that Cambodian prison.
Maybe you're just hungry.
Honestly, I'm sure that they won't mind.
I brought you all of the peanut packets.
I'm allergic to peanuts.
Oh, that is going to make your flying well below some part.
That's on Earth. A man in a Cambodian prison looks at an airliner and goes across the sky.
I can see him.
Glad to be free.
We are trapped in this thing.
We are trapped.
What the hell is this?
It was daydreaming. Sorry, sorry.
Get back to work. Sorry.
You know, you don't have it so hard.
You just beat up rocks all day?
Breaking rocks.
They call it breaking rocks.
I will call it by its proper name.
Look, I'm...
I make up the names.
Just because you turn-coded and agreed to be a guard of the fucking Cambodians.
You say that like it's easy.
You say that like it's easy to be a guard.
You know, I've got you pissers running around the whole time.
Do you want to be a guard?
Yes.
You don't know what I did to be a guard.
That's a crazy thing.
You betrayed your country.
Oh, I did. You did.
You stopped beating up rocks.
I'm breaking them.
I'm not taking their lunch money and shoving them in a locker.
I'm taking their pickaxe and breaking them into smaller, more numerous pieces.
Maybe that's why you're not the guard right now.
God! I'm not the guard because I have integrity, right?
I live my life by a code.
Same code I agreed to when I volunteered for the Marine Corps.
Semper Fi. Always faithful.
You want to be in the Marines?
Yes.
There you go. Thank you.
You don't know what I did to get into the Marines!
Yeah!
Marines, Marines, here's that RDP here right now rescuing you.
Oh, don't you dare say anything bad about minor Marines.
Always faithful.
Never leave a man behind. They're coming.
Yes.
Just gotta be patient.
You've been here for ten years.
I'm beating up those rocks.
Breaking the rocks!
Semper.
No, it's not!
Why am I the only one who has to work?
How many supervisors do we need in working?
No, you're not!
You know how hard this is?
It's hot out.
My leg?
What the fuck?
Yeah.
And he's still doing the thing with the rock.
Yeah, don't take me no for it.
You're damn right.
Are you still bullying the rocks?
Stop it!
I'm not even at my feet!
Are you guys going to the office tonight?
Yeah, of course.
I would have missed out on the world.
Yeah, yeah.
I was thinking about bringing a bottle of chicken juice.
Oh, boy.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Check the recipe.
It's a secret little internet found.
I'm not good at cooking.
Yeah, stop.
I'm going to use the little rock.
He's breaking up on that.
I'm going to make a dress out of it.
A little rock dress.
That'll be trendy.
It sounds great.
It's like progressive.
It sounds good.
So they're doing that at White Elfman?
I don't know.
I haven't even gone.
I haven't even thought about presents.
I'm going to just get some of the rocks.
What do you mean the rocks?
I'm going to bring you to the White Elfman.
You know, he could be a present.
What?
How do you feel about being a present?
I'm going to be a present.
Being a...
No, just litter.
This is not our can.
Okay, fine.
If you want to litter, litter.
You'll clean it up.
Go back to the present.
How do you feel about being a present?
Get back to the rocks.
I'm going to buy it.
Jesus Christ.
I brought...
You guys can read.
I really like my present.
This one's killing me.
Oh, yeah.
You'll never get what we buy.
He's still in the trunk.
We got it on my gift.
Oh, okay.
Well, cool.
Well, this is just a mystery.
It's a mystery.
It's a mystery.
You guys are doing such a great job here.
I didn't want to escape.
But I give these up.
These rocks are kidding.
We were getting bullied.
They're really getting bullied.
Yes.
Good.
Good.
That's what we want.
It's a little hard for mobility in the dress, but...
Yeah, and the nice...
Your look is good.
And that's...
It's really good.
Yeah, it's really good.
Can we open the gifts, please?
Together?
Together?
We want to get ours?
We draw numbers?
I think we draw numbers.
Well...
I don't get it.
Because you guys all win.
There's only three of them.
You guys all win together, so...
The numbers can't see.
Oh, that's true.
Hold on.
Close your eyes.
What are you doing?
All right.
Oh, no.
Look, it's really hard.
We're about to put it on the table.
Okay.
Fight.
Fight over the table.
Fight over the table.
You've got to be on the table for it to count.
Really?
I got it.
It's falling off the table.
Okay.
Open your eyes.
Hey, it's him.
Hey.
Let's rock, beat her up up.
Yeah.
Come on, come on, come on.
I can't believe this man.
Mindy Macklin can't come home with me.
You had to...
You could have went home with anybody.
But I chose you, Gerald.
This is my bedroom.
It's not much, but it gets the job done.
Do you know why it takes you to come home with a prong of all night?
I don't know why.
Because I'm failing at school.
And you are going to be my key success.
Get in your bed.
Come on.
How do you feel about that, Gerald?
Do you think you can help graduate high school?
Oh, my God.
Hey, yeah, I can help anyone do anything.
What I do...
Universal help.
I'm gifted.
I can see that, Gerald.
I can see that.
If you help, you know, there are treasures untold.
That dress can't be comfortable.
Do you want a t-shirt?
It's made of a thousand tiny diamonds.
It makes me sparkle like the sunset.
I don't think I can take it off or I'll stop being the sunset.
Getting diamonds in my bed.
Yeah, I can help you and stuff, but like, I help everybody.
I'd like to go back in time and make the Panama Canal not happen.
Can you help me?
Of course I can help you.
Thank you.
I have my reasons.
I'm not even going to ask you.
It's best that you don't.
Alright.
Also the Suez Canal.
That's two favors.
What do I get out of this?
What is your normal fee?
I never thought of that.
I don't know.
I can teach you how to do basketball.
Solve.
I wouldn't be king of the Renaissance fit.
I trust this won't be a problem.
Look, I can make it happen, but it's not going to be easy.
Wear a chainmail and you're fit.
Nah, you're getting hay in here too.
You should take your boots off.
Yes.
Can you make it happen?
Lords and ladies, please pay heed for the king approaches.
Your majesty, your majesty,
have you anything to say to the common people of the Skokie Illinois?
There was a threat against my reign,
but one of you here knows why that was.
What have you turned against me?
This is not a disgrace.
What have you tried to overthrow me?
Ah-ha, for Suez, the king had had too much of it.
And mine had just the right amount of meat.
Terry, what's going on?
Who's scaring us?
What do you think one of us tried to turn against you?
I saw the e-mail, Jay.
E-mail, what do you think?
What kind of lawyer are you?
Literary.
It was just a moment ago.
Oh, just spitballing, huh?
Just spitballing, huh?
Judas.
Oh, Judas.
He used it for sake of the Lord.
No, it was you.
You've reached the idea.
None of you did anything to stop it.
It was sarcasm.
You can't read jokes well over it.
It's an emoticum.
It's the Skokie face.
Ah, I see the printer has been at his merriment again.
He can say something and then put a semicolon and a close parenthesis.
So there could be a better king.
Weak.
Yeah?
Weak.
He knows too much.
Sorry tourists.
This is a roguer version of fairies.
I am king.
I have overthrown the king.
I think the problem still remains that we don't get to vote.
No, this is not going to happen.
I think we have won only one person.
How much crown is this?
God!
God!
God!
Oh, God.
You guys must have missed your chips.
I'm hungry.
Yeah, start.
Stop.
Well, we'll just take the ship around the bottom of the continent.
Damn, I wish it were a quicker way.
Don't dream like that.
Oh, come on, man.
You see how thin it gets there?
Don't you look like Nicaragua?
Don't you care?
You've seen a map, right?
I've seen it.
Don't you know what it is?
It's Mrs. Society?
It's Mrs. Society?
Yes.
That's a crazy name.
You don't have that ball of a time.
Well, they do.
They go by that house.
Mrs. Society.
They care about little tiny patches of land.
You don't want to cross the land.
Exactly where you want to cross.
Little tiny patches of land.
Okay, but like if you're pissed off.
Oh, I know, I know, I got it.
Sorry, it took me a minute.
I mean, it takes months.
It takes months for the ship to be on board.
People in California really need a ship.
It's better than the alternative, all right?
All right.
That's swan-y.
I...
I hear you want a shortcut.
Take a seat.
I mean, keep going.
May not have me left-eyed.
I have me left here.
Here.
You hear what that means?
I have left here.
You want me to move on the other side?
I mean, quite frankly, this is for aesthetic purposes, I'd rather...
Oh, wow, you're missing your right ear and your left eye.
That's how the fuck did that happen?
Is it two separate things or one?
It's one incident.
Okay, just an asymmetrical one.
It's just, yes.
Can we get back to the point you wanted me to do?
I'm sorry, it's just how often do you have run into a person with you condition?
Naturally curious?
I was born this white guy.
What?
Okay, well that's hardly one incident.
Well, it's one incident.
That's no incident.
Right down the birth canal.
You got wounded in the birth canal.
Was there a pirate attack in between the uterus and the olivia somehow?
Great.
I'm too good at navigating the whole.
That kind of shit.
Speaking of canals, there's something you should know.
Holy shit, I'm talking out of my troubles.
What you should know is, I got a shortcut.
Of course you do, you can fly.
All of a sudden you're judgmental about how we get to places?
Okay, well you guys know so much about how to get places quicker.
Why are we all on the same boat?
Talking bird.
They're just as good as grandchildren.
That's right, call.
Keep your mouth shut.
Sometimes I go too much.
Robert, you're paranoid, okay?
I'm not.
Do you see the things that I've seen?
You know not to trust things like this.
Jesus hysterical.
What?
For the record, I didn't want the canal in the first place, okay?
I was content to get the whole pay to take the long trip, alright?
So, so let me go, okay?
The captain, he's done for.
Sorry.
It's alright, it's okay.
One word for me, Gideon takes out your liver.
That's Gideon, just declare.
Sorry, I couldn't hear.
Take out his other idea, right now.
Right now.
That is tragic.
Yes, but don't worry, she can't see her ears.
Mom, I got a bird, I got a bird.
It's so pretty and it has evil angry eyes.
I love you forever, name it Lollipop.
Sweetheart, put it down.
It's got disease, okay?
Oh, but Mom, when I squeeze it, it makes a cooing sound.
Please, Mom, I've been really good, I've got all my glasses left.
Look how cute it is, Mom.
Come on, we never have everything since Dad left.
I'm back.
I've seen you film the whole goddamn house with rodents.
Sorry, are you okay?
I had no idea.
They're not that bad.
Dude, you hear that?
Yeah, it's like they're kissing each other.
It's terrible.
I can't think.
I've been in this house for five minutes, I have not a clue at all.
I can clear him out.
Daddy?
Daddy, are you back?
Are you back forever?
She smells like pigeon poop.
Do you wash it?
I'm trying to do the wrong thing.
They're florist creatively.
No, Mom loves me.
Do you love me, Dad? Is that why you left?
No, so you couldn't have a pigeon.
Is that why you can't be supportive of me and my work?
Because you didn't get what you wanted.
I can't have what I want.
A writing career?
Oh, no, no more Chinese sandwich.
Shrewish, disappointing wife.
Hold on, that's how the novel begins.
Look, everything that you love will eventually leave me.
That's what I learned about that.
Dad, why are you trying to protect yourself?
Why are you helping me enough, Rebecca?
Shrewish, disappointed wife.
Sorry about that.
She's awful, she's awful.
What am I gonna do?
Oh, hey, she says, hey, I want you to do this.
I don't want to do this.
Come on, come on, come on!
Oh!
Ha ha ha ha!
Applause
Applause
Thank you CD! Thank you guys!
