I've got clothes on the dryer still, so I've got to have a cinnamon roll, pull my clothes
out of the dryer, and then shower.
Let's take a warm all night, it was all fucked up and I was sweating all night, I'm gross.
The first wedding was held in Dallas, where of course it had not even remotely any kind
of legal standing whatsoever, because it was 1997 and it was Texas.
That's us in 1997.
We're battered and skewered now.
Registered for gifts and dressed up, people flew in and there was an open bar and everything
else, but you know, there's only so many times you can put yourself and your friends
through that.
Ever since then, our continual road to a recognized couple of them has been a more, you know, DIY
kind of affair.
How is it that I can't buy my boots?
Shiver of it?
Oh fuck.
Do you want to wear my boots?
No.
You want to wear my boots?
Both of them?
This is the practice copy, because this one can't get fucked up.
Okay, so sign the practice copy?
No, no, no.
You got a pen?
We have to leave.
Yeah, we can do all this after.
You should take it with you, because it's a tradition to sign it immediately after the
ceremony.
Immediately.
And God knows this wedding's all about tradition.
So I came up with a good opening line, but they didn't think it was good.
Say it, Aaron.
I said, clearly beloved, we are gathered here today.
It's not a 2.0.
Welcome to our Y2K wedding.
Y2K.
Can I do the whole wedding in the voice of Miles Davis?
Yes.
Macy Gray.
Yes.
Yeah, we're just going to take our space.
It's a quick internet.
If a security guy doesn't like it and wants us to leave, we'll leave.
We'll just have to do it on the sidewalk.
We're not here to make trouble.
We're just here to do the bull shuffle.
Real pan the ass, legally.
Are you going to get divorced?
I didn't think I was going to get divorced.
Maybe one of you will turn straight.
That could happen.
I figure once you've been together 13 years, if you're not divorced then by 13 years, then
you're just lazy.
They do say it's the first five.
It's 9.59.
Okay, it's 10.
It's 10.
This is going to be short, I'm going to read it all from a text message.
David Alondo has been fake married on two other occasions and signed domestic partnership
papers twice with increasing legal rights each time.
But the marriage performed today is guaranteed to be legal for almost five months, hopefully
longer, and will be recognized in three whole states for now.
At their first wedding in 1997, Coden's were read, people say it brings work together
and it all took quite a while.
We're not doing any of that today.
In fact, we're just going to get right into the vows.
Do you, Dave, promise to love, honor, trust, respect, and amuse Alondo for as long as
you both shall live?
I still do.
Do you, Alondo, promise to love, honor, trust, and respect, and amuse Dave for as long as
you both shall live?
I will continue to do so.
By virtue of the authority vested in me by the State of California and the Internet,
I now pronounce this couple united in marriage under the laws of this state.
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Fucking!
Thanks!
Okay.
Donuts.
Okay.
Donuts!
Woo!
Woo!
And the smell.
You can't really get the smell on film.
And you guys are kind of like gay dinosaurs.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Huddling towards extinction.
Yeah, right.
That's nice.
That's nice.
Right.
So when do we get a seat?
Yeah.
Where do we go?
Where is it?
Where is it?
Where is it?
Where is it?
This is like when we went to Spain.
We're melting!
Okay.
Red!
Dude.
Andre Leontali steps in.
Yes, baby.
Exactly.
So where's the honeymoon?
Huh?
Where's the honeymoon going to be?
Honeymoon's in my pants.
Oh my God, I got the perfect picture.
Do it one more time.
Oh my God.
Look at that, just you two. Just a couple.
No more earos.
Now you can scan for me. Thank you.
Right, your religious denomination.
So I write minister?
Well, it's a universal life church, right?
The official title is minister.
It feels really good. It's my second marriage ever.
This is the first gay one, so they're like my closest friends.
Does anything different happen during a gay wedding than a straight one?
There was less old people there, so, you know, maybe that's because, you know,
grandparents aren't hit to the gays or something, I don't know.
But it wasn't that much different than the last one I did,
except the last one I did was in a backyard,
and this one was in front of primordial ooze.
So...
