asma
Evan?
Yes.
Are you Ashley?
It's me.
It's so great to meet you.
I'm sorry I'm late. I had a meeting.
No, it's fine.
I've only been here a few minutes.
Oh no, did they already take your drink order?
Oh yeah.
It's no problem. You're only a couple minutes late.
I ordered you a water.
But I think she forgot to bring it.
Oh, there's no problem. We can just share.
I love this place. It's like my favorite place.
So, how do you know Bruce?
Actually, he's my brother's friend.
I just met him a couple of weeks ago.
What about you?
We used to hang out in high school.
And he said that you were really nice
and that we probably really hit it off.
So, what do you do for work?
I'm a junior sales rep at Hardigan Technology.
And what do you sell?
Mostly computers, sound systems, stuff like that.
That's cool.
My ex-boyfriend was really into all that kind of stuff.
Like he loved all that nerdy crap.
Well, I mean, without computers, we wouldn't have a lot of...
I actually had to D-U-N-P him though,
because I just couldn't see his family.
Plus, like, they were really poor.
I think that his brother was like a hobbit or something.
I think you mean a little person.
A hobbit isn't the perfect...
Midget! That's what they meant.
I know, it's completely offensive.
I know, sorry.
No, I meant to say midget, you're right.
Anyway, he was like a midget dude.
And I was like, you know, I just don't know
if I can marry somebody who's got that in their genetics.
Because I want kids.
And I want him to have a dad
that's got good genes and stuff.
I mean, midgets feel like cute at all.
They're cute.
But I'm not trying to start a circus or anything.
I know, crazy, right?
Like a real midget.
They're like God's typos.
Okay.
What do you guys want?
I'll have the chicken Caesar salad.
What about you, fancy shirt?
Oh, I'll just have the same thing.
Very original.
I'll have the food out soon.
Thank you.
Thank you.
She seems pleasant.
It's...
This meeting you were at,
was it a work meeting or something?
No, actually, it was just with my probation officer.
He's so annoying because he's constantly telling me things
that I've heard before.
He's like, hey, Ashley, don't miss your court dates.
Ashley, don't skip town.
Ashley, these guys, not good in public.
No way though.
And I was like, okay, a broken record.
I totes get it.
Totes.
Oh, BT dubs, my boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, he's in jail.
So you don't have to worry about him.
That's comforting.
Have you ever been?
To jail?
Yeah.
No?
Oh, that's good.
No, that's good.
It's totally good.
I'm trying to date guys who are better for me.
Plus, you'd be like a total Cinderella in jail.
Even in women's jail.
Like really limber.
Let's put him in.
Hello.
You don't got him busy right now.
Yeah, he's here.
Oh, no, he's not as hot as Ryan, but I'd settle.
No, you'd be like worked out or something.
I don't know, really.
It's like something with computers or sliding boards.
I have no idea.
I don't listen.
Okay.
Girl, you know I will.
I should probably go.
I should probably go.
Okay.
Okay, bye.
I'm sorry, that was my dental hygienist.
I have an appointment.
So, I'm...
Can I get you anything else?
Um, if you don't mind, I'd like some crude...
Huns.
Yeah.
Let's play a game.
Let's play a game.
Okay, so you tell me something like crazy about you that not everybody knows
and then I'll tell you something about me that not everybody knows.
Wouldn't that be cool?
Sure.
My favorite color is green.
Wow.
That's thrilling.
I'm like on the edge of my seat.
I'm just kidding.
Okay, okay.
I'll start first.
I'll break the ice.
Okay, so this one time I was in high school
and I took a bunch of live chickens and put them in my principal's office
and I got suspended.
They did.
They totally did.
There was feathers everywhere
and then one of the chickens laid an egg
and we picked it up
and we threw it against the wall.
We were like...
There was an egg on the wall.
It was fun.
Okay, okay.
Your turn.
All right.
One time I was at a convention
and I reached out my hand
and I grazed Leonard Nimoy's ear.
That's a long story.
Okay.
Sounds like fun though.
Yeah, totally fun.
Okay, speaking of fun,
this one time when I was in college
we were hazing the freshman
and I was like,
I got an idea.
How about I leave an upper-decker in the toilet?
Like the baseball cards.
Sure.
Mean trick.
Why don't you try something else?
When I was a kid I was in a commercial.
The commercial was for flaky-o's.
The cereal?
No.
Did you have lines?
No, but I got to sing the theme song.
You got to sing the theme song
for the flaky-o's commercial?
That's like my favorite song on the planet.
You have to sing it.
Um, no.
I don't remember it.
No, come on, please.
Just like the main part of it.
Could you just please play with these?
Pretty please.
They're not quite flakes
and they're not quite o's
but that's the way it goes with flaky-o's.
That's it.
That's like the best cereal.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, I don't know if this will top
the flaky-o's story
but this is like way amazing.
Okay, so there's one time
I was driving down the road
and there was this old guy
and he was walking alongside
and I hit him with my car
and I just kept on driving.
Like, it was sort of like a hit-and-run
except more exciting
because like it was me.
Like wasn't that bad
because like I don't think
I was going that fast
and like I did look
I looked in the rear-view mirror
I did, I did
and I think I saw like a
like a hit-and-run like that.
You know, just one quick one
sort of like a
sort of like Tourette's
but more like,
ow, you kind of hit me
but it's really not bad
so thank you ma'am.
I feel okay
and plus he was like hella old
so totes not big deal.
Wanna play sword play with our force?
Cause I, you know like
you take the fork
and you just go
oh, your powers are useless against me.
God, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I mean, just fix that for you.
Wash it.
I think this is how they do it
in the kitchen.
And then you just like put it
in the dressing
and then it's like fine again.
Salad.
I don't normally say things like this
on the first date
but
I really think we got something going here.
You know?
Jiu-jiu, it's like a train.
It's like we play another game now.
Okay.
Text me.
Text me.
