Oh, we're back here together again, and you know, this is going to work out this time.
You know that.
Yes, I believe so.
Oh, we're here.
Ah, greetings.
I'm the Count Gordieval, and next to me is the lovely...
Budapest.
And next to her is the not-so-lovely...
Dr. Sarkavika.
I'm very lovely.
She's cute.
I'm adorable.
Yeah.
I think so.
If you remember the last time we were together, we tried to together come up with the Internet's
first horror soap opera.
Yes, yes, yes.
I think it was quite...
I think...
I know mine was the best.
Yeah.
Well, that was the problem.
You thought yours was the best?
Yes.
You thought yours was the best?
Yes.
I thought mine was the best.
We couldn't come to a term.
So, we worked it out.
And what do we do?
Well, we each came up with our own ideas, and we submitted them to the iSoap Network.
That's right.
So, we're waiting for iSoap to call us.
They said they're going to call us back tonight and give us the final decision, which one
that we're going to make into the Internet's first horror soap opera.
But I hate to tell you this, folks, the one I made is absolutely incredible.
It's called The Bear in the Blood, and I'm out to...
The whole premises, I'm going to corner the global market on blood, and my evil twin brother,
Spike, is helping me in Singapore.
And it's...
You know, it's...
Somebody needs to put that thing in a Singapore sling, and it's slinging away, because that's
just a bad idea.
Okay.
You may think of that, but I'll tell you what, let's watch it right now.
When we last left Gord of All, he was attempting to corner the global market in blood with
the help of his evil twin, Spike.
Yes, Spike, yes, there's no question about it.
I think the deal's going to happen.
I think we're going to finally acquire the International Red Cross and corner the global
market on blood.
Count, count, please, please help me.
He's after me, and he won't take no for an answer.
Well, I can stop anybody.
Oh, thank you.
But I'll probably need a quick bitery charger.
Oh, by the way, Count, I'm pregnant.
You're what?
Oh, no, there you go again, but this time I'm going to stop you.
And who are you?
I'm Dr. Sarkarvagar, of course, and I'm going to stop you from trying to corner the global
market in blood.
And just how are you going to do that?
By revealing to the world your true nature.
How do you think they're going to react to the fact that a vampire's in charge of the
world's blood?
It might be a problem, but what makes you think they would believe you rather than me?
What I prove to the world that I'm your son, what he is, what I'm your son, my what, your
son, my son, by who?
Well, by that, I don't know that assistant executive secretary, but I don't know that
girl.
You don't let that one there on the floor, on the floor there, hi.
Is he really Gore's illegitimate son?
Is she really pregnant?
Can the deal be stopped?
Tune in next time to Blood Baron.
Now wasn't that spectacular?
I mean, don't you realize?
Aren't you sorry you went wrong?
I like the word wasn't.
I like the word wasn't.
That wasn't spectacular.
Well, I'll tell you what, okay, okay, okay.
We'll give you a chance to show yours, but first let's get to the first part there.
We're actually showing the movie tonight.
Oh, it's a movie.
Yeah.
But it's better than that last thing we saw.
Actually, this one's pretty good.
It's called Carnival of Souls on Creature Feature, the weekly web program.
Let's get on the merry-go-round.
Carnival, get me drunk.
On Souls.
I like fish.
What kind of carnivals do you go to?
That down in Brazil.
Brazil.
Oh, those kind of carnivals.
Come on, man.
See?
Look at how much fun you don't know how to have.
Let's go to our movie.
Hey, Joe.
Drag your foot, boy.
Look what we got here.
Hey, you want to drag, huh?
Sure.
Come on, man.
Get ready.
Sir, as high as this river is right now, and with all the mud and sand it's carrying,
they may never find that car.
Right there.
All right.
Now, let's hear your story about how it happened.
It wasn't our fault, sir.
Yeah?
We were the first ones on the bridge, and coming along, following the tracks, and they wanted
to get around us, I guess, and they lost control when they dropped off.
You sure you didn't crowd them off?
Come on, let's get down there.
Are you all right?
How'd you get out, physician?
Yeah, put this on.
We better get you back to town.
What about the other girls?
I don't remember.
Is this like the one I'll be playing in New York?
It's quite similar.
I supervised the installation myself.
The accident will delay your going, will it?
No.
I'm leaving this morning.
There's nothing I can do here.
That's right.
Well, Mary, you'll make a fine organist for that church.
Be very satisfying to you, I think.
It's just a job to me.
Well, it's not quite the attitude for going into church work.
I'm not taking the vows.
I'm only going to play the organ.
Oh, you want more than that?
Of course it doesn't pay much, but, well, at least it's a start.
Are you driving by Benton to see your folks?
No, I can't.
I must hurry.
I've got to leave.
I'm going to drive straight through.
Mary, it takes more than intellect to be a musician.
Put your soul into it a little.
Good luck, Mary.
Stop by and see us the next time you're in.
Thank you.
But I'm never coming back.
I'll see you tomorrow.
I'll see you tomorrow.
.
.
.
.
.
I
I help you fill it up all right
have anything else lady could you tell me what that big structure is back a few
miles by the lake oh you mean the old bath house that used to be a pretty
ricksy place in the old days and the lake went down and they made a dance hall
out of it and they put those buildings up out there and made some sort of a
carnival there for a while that's years ago though just stands out there now I
see I have an address here of a rooming house could you
direct me oh sure well that's just right over here little ways
you
Come in, Mrs. Thomas, just a minute.
I thought you were Mrs. Thomas.
Yeah, I thought that when you asked me in.
I'm John Linden. I'm your neighbor right across the hall.
Oh, nice to meet you. Would you excuse me?
Hey, I, uh...
I just wondering if you're not doing it...
I just...
Stand right there.
I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Mary Henry.
Oh, yeah, I know. I, uh...
I heard you tell Mrs. Thomas you haven't eaten anything yet, huh?
Well, I just thought you'd be a neighbor in all this.
I haven't eaten anything either.
I just thought you'd be out to ask out for dinner.
Oh, that's very thoughtful of you, but I can't accept it.
I know, I know.
You haven't met or anything yet, but I just thought...
I'm sorry. You know how to excuse me.
Look, there's a really nice restaurant.
You know, right down the street, and I just thought...
I'm just kind of a guy who doesn't like to eat by himself.
I've made arrangements to eat in my room tonight.
Hey, if, uh...
You change your mind, you just holler.
Looks kind of lonesome in here.
Good night, Mr. Lennon.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Miss Henry?
It's Miss Thomas.
Who's the man in the hall?
Me?
Oh, you must be Mr. Lennon.
He has the room across the hall.
No, I mean the other one.
There is no other.
Me and you and Mr. Lennon.
Us three is all there is in this house.
But, but you must have passed him out there.
You're needing this food.
Eating makes you jumpy sometimes.
Maybe you heard the boards pop or something.
These old houses creep worse in my knees.
I didn't hear him, Mrs. Thomas.
I saw him.
Now, don't talk that way.
I don't sleep so good as it is.
It's these old houses.
They're big enough so that you could hide a man in every corner.
You just got to not let your imagination run away.
Are you going out there?
Of course.
There's nobody there.
Well, you just go and eat that sandwich I made for you.
Don't drink the coffee if coffee keeps you awake.
It won't.
Coffee never keeps me awake.
I can't believe I'm going to die.
I'm going to die.
I'm going to die.
I'm going to die.
It does the hem hang right in back.
We might change the hemline a little.
The drape is just fine, otherwise it looks very nice.
I'm sure it isn't very chic to take the second dress, but I like it.
The altar is a little here to make it straight all the way around.
Do you want to go back to your dressing room?
I believe I have you deliver the dress, if you don't mind.
I did say I'd take it.
What's the matter with her?
What's the matter with everyone?
Why don't they answer me?
Why don't they answer me?
Why don't they answer me?
Why don't they answer me?
Why don't they answer me?
What is it?
That man.
I didn't mean any harm. I just stopped to get a drink.
No. No. It was that man. That man.
There was someone else there. That strange man was there.
Now look, you've had a fright. Hysteria won't solve anything.
Now control yourself. Look, I'm Dr. Samuels.
My office is right across the street there.
You've had a shock. If you would like my assistance, I'll be glad to offer it.
Thank you. Could I come with you now?
Certainly. I'll take her over to my office. We'll see that she's all right.
Well, I think you're... Oh, hold over back.
I hope you enjoyed the first part of Carnival of Souls and Creature Feature of the Victory Web Program.
Count Gord, the ball here with Budapest and Dr. Sarcophagi from Spooky...
Spooky Boogie Television, man. Come on now. See that.
Okay. Anyway, you've already seen my demo for ISOP.
Okay. Yours is up. Go ahead, boo.
Count Gord, you've got it all wrong. I have the winning formula for soap operas.
Well, tell us about it.
Okay. Look, people watch soap operas because they want to cry.
They do?
They do. They want to see the character go through something terrible, tragedies, trials, tribulations,
so they feel better about their own pathetic little lives.
Well, I agree with the last part.
And because I want my soap to have that extra ratings kicked,
I'm going to take advantage of the popularity of a certain little redneck beauty queen.
Rednecks? Oh, I love redneck beauty queens.
Because my name is Boo, it seemed like a natural fit.
And what name are you taking, Boo?
Gentlemen, let me show you. Here comes Honey Boo Hoo.
Mama, I went to the doctor today because I was feeling poorly.
I'm afraid I've got some bad news to tell you.
Doctor, I need your help.
As you know, I do beauty pageants.
But lately, I just don't have any energy.
My go-go juice don't make me go no more.
And I have this pain in my chest.
A dollar don't make me holler.
Can you help me, doctor?
Yes, I hate to break it to you, my dear.
But from all your years of being in beauty pageants,
I'm afraid you were exposed to a lot of contaminants.
I'm afraid you have a fatal case of glit along.
Oh, no!
Boo Hoo! Boo Hoo! Boo Hoo!
Oh, but mama, that's not all the doctor had to say.
Well, doctor, this is very hard to accept.
But if I'm going to die of glitter lung,
I want to be in one last pageant.
But I'm having an eye problem.
As you know, I love to show my belly to the judges.
But lately, something feels funny down there,
like something's moving around.
Well, there's a reason for that, my dear.
Apparently, there was something of a mix-up
at the sperm bank in your bikini waxing.
I'm afraid you're pregnant with your own evil twin.
Oh, but mama, the worst was yet to come.
Oh, doctor, this is all so hard to cope with.
But you know what always makes me feel a little better?
When I have a good cry.
As long as I can cry, I think I can deal with this.
Well, I'm sorry, my dear, but with your pregnancy
and what else you got going on in that glitter lung thing,
when you're coughing up all that stuff,
I'm afraid it's messed up your bodily fluids.
You'll never be able to cry again.
Boo Hoo! Boo Hoo! Boo Hoo!
Doctor! Oh, my God, I can't cry.
I need to cry as my stink.
Doctor, can you help me?
Well, there is an experimental treatment we can try.
Will Honey Boo Hoo survive glitter lung
and giving birth to her own evil twin?
And will she ever cry again?
Find out next time on...
Here comes Honey Boo Hoo.
So, what'd you think?
I think that...
Boo Hoo!
No, it was a good try.
I dropped my Yoo Hoo while watching the Honey Boo Hoo.
Well, I so could prove me right.
I think it's too funny for a soap opera.
I don't think it's tragic enough.
Oh, it's the right mix of tragedy and comedy.
Well, speaking about tragedy,
we have some tragic things going on in our movie.
Let's get back to part two of Carnival of Souls
on Nature Features of the Viki Web Program.
By the way, don't drink in this one.
Oh, darn.
This is a domestic carnival.
They didn't have a...
What a margarita.
Well, yeah, I give them a stab, guys.
