I don't think about my daughter very often.
You know, sometimes I do think about her, but I just prefer not to, just because it's
really upsetting.
I had $19 and some change, unless he, if he hasn't made any more, that's all we have.
She was taking a nap, so I went in the bathroom, and I was like, you know, I usually only
do a little bit, but I don't get high, so I wanted to get high, it was my birthday.
So I did all of it, and I went in the living room, and Ila started crying, so I picked
her up and walked around with her for a minute, and then sat down on the couch, and when I
came back, Ila said over to us, that was hard, man, that's a hard thing to remember, man.
I came home, and she was gray, you know, there was no life in her.
I thought, I didn't know what happened, I didn't know she was using heroin that much,
and she was dead, man, and I threw her on the, she was holding a baby, I put the baby
on the couch, and I threw her on the ground, and I started screaming and yelling, and please
God know, and I'm giving her CPR, and right before the paramedics busted through the door,
she opened her eyes, and I had saved her.
This time, the baby was there, and the cop called, they were human services, and they
got involved, and they took her child.
Everything I had just fell apart, and I just, that's when I started using it every day.
Iris is my long time boyfriend, we'll be together four years in February, I mean we've gone
through our addiction together, we've gone through a lot of our lives together.
They tear most people apart, the stresses that we go through, and just the struggles of,
you know, dealing with addiction and stuff like that, it would, I think it would destroy
most relationships, but it's actually made us stronger.
He is tall, like really good looking, he's really funny, he's really smart.
He's everything to me, you know, he's the person I spend my life with.
You pulled it out?
What are you doing?
Come on baby.
I am trying.
Calm down, calm down, please, please calm down.
Having a needle stuck on my neck to get high is incredibly scary, it's not popping out.
I have to hit Iris now too, I have to do shots for him in his neck because he has no veins
left.
The most dangerous place to hit your vein is the jugular vein in your neck, and so I
know that it's a huge risk, and I've had a shot missed in my neck and I couldn't look
side to side for like two days, you know, it hurts so much.
I know a lot of things can go wrong, but I don't want to be sick.
Like everything hurts a lot, like your skin hurts like everything, your bones, you just
want to die like my stomach hurts, I like, I throw up, it's awful, like I don't want
to be around anybody.
I don't want to be around Iris, and he's like my best friend, he's my boyfriend, like,
I love him through anything except sickness.
Done?
Keeps me using every day, and I like getting high, I guess, yeah, I really like getting
high too.
I don't know, I think he could just do a lot better for himself and a lot more for himself
if he wasn't a drug addict, and I don't think he would be if it wasn't for me, because
like he had already gotten past that point in his life when I moved out here.
He's told me a thousand times that like he wants to quit using, I don't want to, I'm
not going to, and I've told him a thousand times like you can go, you can leave, I don't
care, like I'm gonna keep doing what I want to do, and he doesn't, he just stays, so,
I guess in some point that's his own fault, but I've thought about just leaving, and just
like leaving and not coming back, and I could do just fine by myself, I would do a lot better
by myself, but I guess I love him too, and I don't want to do it by myself, like the
hard times are a lot easier when you have someone else to share it with.
I don't know if I really hold a sign for that long, honestly, I think most of the time
is wasted waiting on my guys to come meet me, but like we'll be out for eight or nine hours
a day just trying to make money and picking up dope, like it's really a lot of time and
energy spent just like trying to get high and like stay well and like maintain like
some days we don't eat, and sometimes it's really miserable, but I have somebody else
there to do it with me, so it's not really all that bad.
A lady had stopped and seen that Alice was flying a pregnant sign and decided that we
needed to get up on her feet, so she gave us a week in a hotel room and we stayed there
for a week, the fact that she thought that she was pregnant and that's why we needed
a hotel room, I mean that's cool that that influence started to give her the hotel room,
but regardless if she's pregnant or not we needed the hotel room, I mean we needed a
place to stay, I'm not going to say no, I'm not going to stay here because she's not
actually pregnant or anything, I'm definitely going to take advantage of the opportunity
to have a place to stay.
I didn't think that my life was going to be like this moving to Denver, but I mean I
didn't really like growing up my whole life like I never thought it was going to be much
better.
Like my mom always said that she hopes it's just a phase, like I'll grow out of it, but
I don't see any point in time where I won't be using drugs, that's something I've known
for a long time and we've talked about that, like I'm a user, I like to get high, I like
to do drugs, like like it or leave it, I can leave it if you don't like it, you know?
