You know my addiction to gambling started when I was young.
Whenever my extended family got together,
my uncles and cousins and I,
we'd head down to the basement to play a little poker.
We only played for, I don't know, nickels and dimes and quarters,
but to a middle school kid who was actually pretty lucky,
like 20 bucks was quite a haul.
As I got into high school, I started teaching my buddies how to play,
and the pocket change turned into bills,
ones, fives, tens, 20s, and my luck turned to skill.
So I could end up walking away from the table with like 100 bucks a night.
And as my addiction developed, I sought out any possible way to gamble.
I'd bet on football games, or on the golf course with my buddies,
and I'd find someone to buy me a fistful of scratch-off lottery tickets,
and as soon as I turned 18 years old, I headed off to the casinos.
Didn't take very long for it was hooked.
The lights and the bells and the people and the excitement,
they were almost intoxicating,
and I had found the place where my addiction could spin out of control.
So as I sat at the video poker machine,
I just knew that if I spent enough time and enough money there,
I'd eventually walk away with more.
As I played the slot machines,
I always felt like I was just one more pull away from hitting the jackpot.
To put my chips down at the blackjack table,
I really believed that this time I was going to go home a winner,
but as you can probably guess, walking away with more,
hitting the jackpot, going home a big winner,
weren't necessarily the result of my time at the casino.
And yet, I still went.
I couldn't stop.
I mean, I changed my entire schedule, my entire routine.
I'd leave my college classes early so I could get down to the casino.
I'd have to my cabin in northern Minnesota before my parents
so I could stop off at the casino.
I'd even call in sick to work so that I could just spend the day at the casino
without anyone really knowing where it was.
You know, even though the drive there was absolutely excruciating,
literally telling myself to turn the car around and go home,
I'd still end up there.
Even though the credit card debts were mounting,
totaling into the thousands, I'd still end up there.
Even though my entire paycheck, and early into my marriage,
my wife's entire paycheck would vanish in a couple hours of gambling,
I'd still end up there.
I just couldn't stop gambling.
I was a Christian.
I mean, I had grown up in a Christian home.
I had awesome Christian friends,
had married an amazing Christian woman,
and even begun to work as a youth pastor in the church.
And yet, I just couldn't stop.
You know, my addiction caused a lot of people a lot of pain.
In fact, those years are some of the most regretful of my entire life.
I hit from the church.
I lied to my wife.
I blew off my friends.
I disappointed my parents.
And most importantly, I chose a bunch of bells and whistles
over the God that I knew, and I said that I loved.
I certainly believed in Him, but I lived my life like He didn't even exist.
That is, until I got caught.
And I completely surrendered my addiction to Him.
My parents came alongside of me.
My friends came alongside of me.
My wife came alongside of me.
And God, through His Son, Jesus Christ,
and by the power of the Holy Spirit, came alongside of me.
And we beat this thing.
We beat this thing.
And I cut all ties.
I don't play poker with my family and friends in the basement anymore.
I don't buy any scratch-off lottery tickets at the gas station.
And I certainly won't be taking a vacation to Las Vegas.
Nope, not even to take in a few shows.
I've completely surrendered this dark part of my past to God,
along with any present temptation that exists
and all the future situations that I might face.
And I'm confident that my ongoing recovery from a gambling addiction
will continue to show that I believe that He can change me.
Because He can.
Because He has.
