God you suck. Shut up. It's pathetic. Shut up. You're even trying. No, I'm letting you
win. Oh, you're so polite. That's just cruel. Hey, good morning, sir. Hey. You scumbag. I wasn't
even paying attention. That's my problem. So, uh, someone had a lady friend last night. Yeah,
who was that, man? Just some lady. Is she still here? No. I sent her home early. Did you, uh, show
her the mule? A gentleman never tells me, lady. Wait, where'd you take her? Staten Island. Ah,
the Staten Island date. Who the fuck goes to Staten Island? Staten Island date is 100%
full proof. This guy knows what I'm talking about. Oh, please. I'll walk you through it. First of all,
the ferry is free, and it's a boat. Women fucking love boats. You can drink beers on it. I throw in
a few facts about New York. We watch the sunset, admire the sky. Okay, I like the boat, but what
do you do in Staten Island? On Staten Island, you tourist, and I'm getting to that. I ask her,
have you ever had amazing New York pizza? Yeah, I think so. But you haven't had Staten Island pizza.
My buddy owns this restaurant. Amazing pizza, like the fucking best. What's the name? Beer 76.
Conveniently located across the street from Staten Island for the terminal. I didn't know Staten
Island was so cute, she says. What do you recommend? Mitch Worthington? What's up, Jerry?
There's the best part. My friend Jerry, who owns the place, always tosses me a layup,
and he sees me there with a girl. You got a great guy here, known as a guy for years.
Wait, so you have your friend come over and hype you up like some episode of the Sopranos?
Precisely. No words. So Jerry says, so what are we having? I was thinking about introducing you
to the best pocket pie in the city. Sounds good. I could recommend a little chicken color to go on
top. You know, it's not on the menu, but we'll do it for you guys. My mother's recipe. Even better.
Okay, I'll get right on it. Thanks, Jerry. Cheers. Cheers. Yes. Best vodka pie on Staten Island. Yes.
Enjoy. Thanks, man. We just dive in here. Oh, yeah. Let's do it. You've heard it?
This is probably the best video I've ever had in my life. Exactly. We're gonna pick it up and fold
into like a real New Yorker, huh? Oh, yeah. I had the mayor in here last week. He tried to eat it
with a knife and fork. I stuck my foot right up his ass. I threw him out on the sidewalk.
Come here. Not in my house. Oh, enjoy your pizza. Like I said. Jerry. Like my uncle.
Top five favorite movie. Ready? Top five. Noonstruck. Fight Club. Fried Green Tomatoes. Nice.
I like that. Julia Roberts. Pretty Woman. Great. And Babe. Like Ryan said. Cheers. Nice. Full proof.
Uh, before, before you do that. I just, just would rather with the lights off. Oh, yeah. No,
I know that. Me too. It's just that, uh, can, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.
What the fuck ate my Dandan noodles?
Steph. I didn't eat them. Do I deduct tape my food shot now?
Dude, I didn't eat them. And I don't think you're pronouncing that. Oh, you're so funny.
Everybody's so funny. I ate your fucking noodles.
Dick.
What are you thinking? Nothing. I'm not judging. I'm just processing.
Yeah, right. I had to tell you. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Thank you. And I appreciate it. I really do.
But. No, buts. I'm just. Processing. Processing. Yes.
It's okay. I can tell by your reaction. Well, I don't really appreciate, you know,
you making my reactions for me. I'm sorry. Don't apologize.
Why didn't you tell me earlier? When was I supposed to do that?
When I asked you what your favorite movie was or, hey, we should split this. No.
Or on the fair tonight when we were making out. I mean, when is an exact moment to tell somebody?
I don't know. This isn't going how I rehearsed.
You rehearsed. Sort of. Well, I think you need to brush up on your improv skills.
Yes. And I would like to say something else. Yes. And I would like to listen.
These last couple of weeks have been incredible.
I'm crazy about you. I told you this so you could feel safe with me.
I wanted to tell you the truth so that we, you know who I am.
I'm sorry.
No, fuck. I mean, you're just being like such a stand-up guy right now. It's okay.
It's late. Why don't you stay tonight? We don't have to.
Yes. Okay. That sounds nice.
All right.
Yeah. PJs. Close. Right. Okay. Yeah. Okay.
Oh, my problem.
