Hello, faithful viewers! It's me, Maxi Victoria West!
I'm going by the name of Consuela at the moment. Yes, that's right, Maxi's undercover in Mexico.
Now, I'm posing. I'm posing as a cleaner at the moment.
Well, it's a long story, faithful viewers, and I'd love to tell it all to you in every excruciating detail,
but I'm going to have to give you the brief edited highlights.
Well, it's been some months since we had a terrible, terrible accident on board the ship leaving from Canada.
It was terrible, and I one day I was on deck and I saw a large, blubbery animal swimming along in the ocean,
and I thought it would be nice to turn into some cosmetics.
And, yeah, cut long story short, it didn't like being harpooned. It smashed the boat, and all the sailors and the captain and crew, they all died.
Except, luckily for me, and a whole bunch of my wonderful, amazing products, we managed to survive.
We escaped on a little boat that I found floating away. In fact, it had been preloaded with my cosmetics,
because, you know, you never know when you're going to have to abandon ship when you're at sea.
Things are perilous. So, yeah, I floated along for some time, lost a bit of weight, I was out there for quite some time,
with nothing but little fishies to eat. That's what I survived on, survived on my fishies.
And I ended up coasting down from Canada all the way down to Mexico.
Now, it's an unusual situation, but I'm actually here illegally. That's why I'm doing this all undercover. I'm Consuela.
Because, yeah, it's an unusual situation in that normally, it's Americans trying to keep the Mexicans out.
In this case, it's the other way around. They want to keep Maxi out.
I don't know why the Mexicans haven't taken to me, but they do like Consuela, and I'm very good with my little mop and my brushes and everything.
But, oh dear, so many issues. I've got to tell you so much, and I just don't have time to do it, because I've got a bedpan to go clean out.
That's right, faithful viewers, Maxi's getting her fingers dirty doing horrible things.
And, yeah, don't have much time to chat, but don't you worry, make no mistake, I'll escape this hellhole,
and when I do, I'll be back, and I'll be more glamorous than ever.
