I can't sit by and just be a guy who's hiding my past.
Being a neo-Nazi and being the neo-Nazi that I was was huge.
I made this step into what every gangster, thug, criminal, wannabe gang member believe
we are the same freaking makeup, we're ego maniacs, no self esteem.
I learned that there's this great weapon that has been handed to me and to others and you
really have to use it in the right way.
I'm a scared little boy in a teenage body who I fear everything.
I fear my parents, I fear my step-parents, I fear my fucking school, I fear if I was
going to have enough freaking food to eat today.
I like when someone feared me.
I liked it.
My step-father used to try to beat the Italian out of me.
That was his, one of his things he said to me.
And he probably once a week, it wasn't an everyday occurrence, but it was probably once a week
a good ass weapon was coming.
When I went to school was my time to show my alpha male dominance, you know what I mean
in a way, and I started getting into fights right at school.
I was fighting other kids just right in class and I would just snap and I never was like
that before.
I was lost, I was truly lost and I did not feel safe anymore.
My cousin, I go up here this summer and he wasn't home when I first got up to the house
and I walked into his room and it was like a swastika flag, a Confederate flag, all these
newspaper articles on his wall about neo-Nazis and shit, picture a Hitler.
Don't get it really from him yet, but every night all these other skinheads used to climb
up and they'd all park their cars and they'd all climb up on these balcony and they'd all
had tattoos like swastikas and shit and they brought girls and they brought beer and they
drove like they're cool to me right there at our school.
One night all these skinheads were going to do this concert and they were going to bring
me.
I'm still a little skater kid, I'm not shaved or anything.
And as they're all going to go in to this club, they're going to go in and beat everybody
up.
And this big farm boy that I made friends with out of the skinheads, probably the biggest
boy of all of them says, I got him, he puts me on his shoulders and he goes into this
dance pit.
He's punching this guy in the dance pit and he grabs him and he goes kick him, Frank,
kick him.
And I'm on this big dude's shoulders, you know, I'm trying to kick out him.
As the night went on we all got kicked out and that one guy we were trying to kick comes
out and he walked the other way and that big farm boy goes, yo, let's go talk to that
dude, Frank.
I was like, let's go do it.
We chased him down kind of in the parking lot and he goes, yo buddy, you got something
to say to us?
You got something to say to us now?
And this dude was like, no, I never had anything to say to you guys, no, I have nothing to
say to you guys.
I instantly seen it, fear.
He feared me and I fucking loved that.
I'm broken, I'm 14 years old and I like this.
He went back to this party and this older skinned guy asked me to shave my head in the
party.
Just when you shaved your head.
So they all sit me in this chair and they bring out a pair of clippers and one guy does
my hair, one row, then the next guy would take the clippers and he'd do one row.
Next guy'd do it and they kept doing it all night, like every guy I was there did my hair.
I was fucking in.
Growing up I did have some good men in my life, but they would say things, they used
to always say, I went through this story yesterday and Johnny tried to Jew me when I was a little
kid, I never got that joke and I heard it a lot.
I went to one of my first neo-Nazi meetings per se, this guy started talking about the
Jews and he started secretly talking about the Federal Reserve.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but when he started talking about the
money it unlocked what my uncle said, Johnny tried to Jew me and that's how I started.
I was famous in that movement.
It was by mistake.
I was getting tattooed one day and this news or somebody called and said, hey, would you
like to come up to New York and be part of a show, we'd like for you to talk about your
beliefs and you could defend your beliefs, I was like, hell yeah.
I was on the run by the police, I had all these warrants for my arrest, so I was living
in an underground system.
I started recruiting these kids out of this high school and I went and got my own cable
access television show.
Selling point, fucking easy, the same shit that's used today is the same stuff I used
to say back then and that is, you want to be proud of your heritage, don't you?
You want to be proud of your heritage?
You know you can't be proud to be white in this country without being considered racist,
right?
We're a group that's proud of our heritage and we're not going to back down from that.
I would say, you know, why did they get BET and we don't get white entertainment television?
From their actions, they steal jobs from white people to give them to black people.
I wasn't born with no silver spoon in my mouth, I was born as poor as bad as they were and
a really bad neighbor, like why don't I get an extra hand up, you know?
In this town, a street foot of Illinois was like, tour up, we went from like four or five
skinheads to like 40 in like a couple weeks, we were recruiting out of high school and
I became this like little somewhat quasi celebrity.
Let's get to the point here, racism is the greatest bait and switch ever pulled in history.
I tell you to come be proud of your heritage, but when you came to our meetings, we never
talked about our heritage, we always talked about, look at what they're doing.
So all this is going good for me as a skinhead leader and there's a guy who kind of came
around, I didn't like him and he shows up on Christmas Eve for a skinhead Christmas
party that he thinks he's welcome to.
I brought him in the back room and said, you know, I got to talk to you about something
and he's like, okay, and I brought him back there and I like, at the end of it, I pulled
out a shotgun and I was, I said, you ain't going nowhere and me and my roommate and another
guy violently tortured and beat this man on videotape.
I got him about 10 o'clock at night till probably four in the morning, you know, in
the morning time, just tortured him and beat him.
We let him go and he goes and tells the police that we kidnapped him and the police come
and arrest me.
I can give you a whole big long story, but they arrest me at the next taping in my TV
show because I was hiding out.
And for the first time ever, he charges as an adult, he has 17 but my charges were so
violent, hideous, they charged me as an adult.
When I got out of prison, like I had some boys that were cool with me, but I was still
going to go back, I mean, I still was going to stay being who I was, that's what God's
purpose was for me to start this fucking race war.
And that's what I thought of.
And in prison, I was just playing, I just went the past time, it's not reality in there.
So he hired me on, I worked there and delivered furniture for him and stuff.
I talked to him on the phone and kind of told him what we were doing and how we've been
talking to you.
And he was like, oh yeah, he really changed his life, didn't he?
That's what I mean.
Keith didn't do it.
Keith, I swear, everyone's like, he knew, he was, and Keith didn't.
He just wanted a good company in the truck.
You know what I mean?
He wanted a good employee.
Oh shit, this store is gigantic.
Frank, what's up, man?
How's it going?
Good, good.
Frank came in with the tattoos and the whole bullshit and everything, and I'm looking at
him like, oh what the fuck, but okay.
But anyway, me and Frankie, there really wasn't a, there was more similarities between us.
I mean, we literally grew up three blocks away from each other.
My idea was, you know, no-dianomy type of situation, you know, for factual reasons,
you know, and so I hired him and kind of dig into his brain, see what made him tick.
Keith, I thought he was going to Jew me in the end.
He was not going to give me our fucking money.
He's going to Jew me, he's going to Jew me.
And so I remember having, waiting for him to try and do that, and then when he came
up and you gave me extra money that night, you gave me an extra hundred bucks.
And I was just like, you son of a bitch, like I'm waiting, I want to argue with you, I think.
And then when you gave me the job, I was like, holy shit, like, wow.
And one day I broke a piece of furniture which you did not break.
I was like, Keith, I'm so sorry, I'm so stupid, dude, I'm so fucking stupid, man, I'm so
sorry.
You know, and I remember that, and I remember screaming in the hallway and having my flip
out.
So I'm in New Jersey and he starts to fucking unload on me, he's like, I hate when you say
you're stupid.
Everybody blew my mind, he goes, Frank, smart people can fake being dumb, but dumb people
can't fake being smart.
You're just fucking smart, dude, get over it.
You were still a pretty insecure person at that time.
Stuff like that happens, and it's just the nature of the beast.
I just remember, because I had my boots on that day with the red laces, which meant
I was in the neo-nazis.
The fucking laces.
And I remember trying to hide my boots, and I'm like, I'm going to hide that I'm a neo-nazi
today.
So that was my day, I made the decision, like, I'm done, and I never put those boots back
on my feet ever again, never.
It was one of the things where it's a perfect, I hate the perfect storm analogy, but I mean
I was thinking about changing, there was other things changing, and then my last thing to
hold on to was this hatred of Jews, and then here's this guy who gives me a job that nobody
else was giving me a job at the time, nobody.
I kept being wrong, he kept proving me wrong and not even knowing it.
And the day that people treated me as a human fucking being, I couldn't fight that.
I still tried to still be a neo-nazi because he was just one Jew, that's just one Jew,
the rest of them were wrong.
He wasn't like anything, he was just a good fucking human being in my life.
I was beating my head against the wall at the end to believe it, and every racist, especially
in America, we all make exceptions.
We've all fought for debate and switch, but we also all make exceptions, and you, everyone
that's listened to this, and you guys included, you all know racist people in your life, and
they always say this, yeah I hate all black people, except for John, John's cool, I work
with John, John talks just like us, he's cool guy, I like John, John's a good guy yet.
So because you know him, you like him, but the other ones that you don't know, oh jeez,
those ones are horrible, and I just got tired of saying that now.
Sometimes when I think about where I was to now, I think that I actually died and this
is like a heaven type thing, I swear to God, I think this is not all real.
Every human being has a true gift inside them, some go to the grave and never fucking find
it, some find it, and those are the people you need to capitalize on, how they can help
you and you can help them, and it's not for my grandeur, it is truly to help the next
human being, it has to be about humanity, it has to be about having some humility, true
humility, you make sure if the kids look up to you, you show them love and show them respect
and don't you know, wave them off, you do like I do with them, so, if they coach in
life, so, that's it.
