For the record, my name is Spencer.
Whether that's my first or last name, though, is not your concern.
What is concerning is what I recently learned about you.
It's been brought to my attention that you are a man of many hobbies, besides the lying,
cheating, wife beating, and other glowing attributes.
I've been told you're a writer.
Now, forgive me, I know Samuel Johnson, but as I was reading your little piece of fiction,
I found it was quite entertaining.
I've really laughed a lot.
You know, I've always wondered how you creatives did it.
Approach a big blank page with an arsenal of words primed to attack.
As for me, I'd be the first to admit I'd suffer from writer's block.
They tell you my previous works.
Granted, my areas of expertise aren't usually categorised as are, but I do strive for a
certain level of originality.
They show you the pictures.
Nothing screams innovation like genital mutilation.
Right?
But that blank page, that white void, the possibilities are endless, but when you try
to be truly original, those possibilities start to become a little harder to grasp.
I read this article the other day, which said that supposedly there are seven people in
this world, at any point in your lifetime, that look just like you, seven people.
I'll add into a moment, every time you look in the mirror, there are six other poor sobs
doing the exact same thing.
We kind of be bored into this world as individuals.
So how can they expect us to then give birth to fresh ideas?
Saying that we both know you had some help, a long arm with the law of massaging your
back as you wrote, giving you character names, times, places, filling in those gaps of originality
with facts.
I suppose we can't critique history for being derivative, only accept it.
Now, under normal circumstances, I love the idea of somebody writing about me, often daydreamed
of potential biography titles, yet I always seem to come back to rock, paper, scissors.
I could have even hired you to write it, but you wrote that thing instead, in another life
maybe.
Think about it, the difference between right and wrong is distinguished only by the law,
but you have your white page, and I have my dark leaves, and I get bogged down in a grey
matter of morality.
All you'll have to do is good and bad from two points of view, and when you wrote your
book, you thought it was good, but to me, it was bad, and when I butcher you, you'll
think that's bad, but I almost certainly think it's good.
There's not much further to do, but I'll need to make a first discretion!
