Hierarchia Hydro
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Where's the money?
What money?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Same question.
Different answer.
I buried it.
I'm going to come back later for it.
Where?
I made a map for it.
She had my knapsack.
You know, you were foolish to think
you could steal from Val Verde and get away with it.
In fact, he asked me to make a special example out of you.
Just so no one would ever try it again.
Oh!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Well, that's much for a warning shot.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
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Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
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Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Hey, doc.
You mind if I get another one of them shots?
You're going to wish the good doctor wasn't that good.
Oh, shit!
It's Alberti!
Quit your stuttering.
You know why I'm here.
Shh!
Now?
Not yet.
I've got questions to ask here.
As I was saying, I can see that my bounty hunter gave you what was owed to you for stealing
from me, and while I'm grateful that you helped me steal from the nine-fingered man, I'm
unforgiving of the fact that you turned around and double-crossed me.
So, before you go making things right with the good lord, you're going to make things
right with me.
Where's my goddamn money?
It's buried in Tukumkar Valley.
No!
Not yet.
It was the guy who brought me here.
He killed your bounty hunter and took the map.
No!
Not yet!
You didn't happen to get his name, did you?
It was something weird, like tennis breakables.
No!
Jumping breakables!
It was jumping breakables!
Not yet?
Settle up the horses and tell the albino to meet us at Tukumkar Valley.
Yes, the albino!
Hot damn!
This chubby pringles think he can just kill my best bounty hunter and steal from me?
Well, he's got another thing coming.
Almost!
You can do it!
Damn constipation!
Oh, god!
Crossed in a handbasket, no man should have to bear witness to that.
Thank you, boys.
They really scared the shit out of me.
They've been holding there for weeks.
Yeah, happy to oblige.
It's really the only reason we're out here with our guns drawn.
It is?
It's sarcasm.
Of course we're out here to rob in.
Rob me?
Precisely.
We're earnest and war.
And war.
McBain?
Otherwise known as the Ginger Brothers.
See, I'm not really feeling this Ginger Brothers thing here, Ward.
Really?
I think it's catchy and adds panache to our whole hold up thing.
But we're outlaws.
We're not Buffalo Bill rejects.
Outlaws can have panache too, you know.
And, you know, it's panache.
Not panache.
But it's got a E at the end.
Invasil has an E at the end, but you don't hear me calling you an Invasili.
You hear me calling you an Invasil.
Invasil?
You know what?
Fuck your panache.
Hey, where the fuck do you think you're going?
Turn it around.
I'm sorry.
I mean, really, guys, I ain't worth robbing.
I'm a broke loss out of work traveling improv comedian.
A broke what?
Improv comedian.
Let me introduce myself.
My name is Chubby Pringles of the Chubby Pringles Traveling Improv Show.
Chubby Pringles?
Did you ever name you, hate you too?
It's a stage name.
Hey, Ward, something to help you with your panache.
Shut up.
What's an improv show?
Glad you asked.
An improv show is where I get suggestions and ideas from the audience and I put on a show
in front of them at their wonderment.
The fuck?
He makes up shit for funnies.
Allow me to demonstrate with a little game that we call kick it up a notch.
Christ.
All right, so any from you?
Is an occupation you find at every town?
Blacksmith.
Blacksmith, excellent.
And can I get something really hard to do from you?
Go fuck yourself.
Okay, so I'm going to do a scene about a blacksmith who's going to go fuck himself.
By the end of this scene, I'm going to say I'm going to kick it up a notch and you yell,
BAM.
So here we go.
Just normal blacksmith, blacksmiths and stuff.
Oh, I actually made a horse horse with a dildo.
I'm going to put on Betsy here.
Here we go, strapped in real nice.
I'm not too excited.
I'm just going to bend over and do.
Oh, really?
Oh, water and hole.
All right.
Let's see if we can kick it up a notch.
BAM.
BAM.
All right, here we go.
Blacksmiths in the way.
Click, click, click, click.
Oops.
I made a candy ball dildo shooter.
Here we go.
Let's set it up.
Load her in and life a fuse.
It's going to be a big whoa.
That was the gold mine.
All right.
One more time.
Let's kick it up a notch.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
BAM.
M'chio Ramunde-la-phas.
For my long line of banditos wonted in six.
No, seven states.
And a big fan of chubby Pringles.
Jesus.
He's got fans.
You know, you are the funniest Pringle I've ever seen.
I'm happy to say that I've seen all your shows.
The last one just outside of Briscoe county.
Lucky me, I was walking along on this wonderful day.
Till I see you about to be Butchwek by these two copper top sons of horse.
I always thought it was more Auburn
But don't you watch Abby?
We could chill by your side. No one will come to you. No
Which one do I shoot? Okay? Okay? Whoa? Whoa? Whoa? Whoa? There's gonna be no more shooting today. I've already seen enough crazy things. All right
But I do have a proposal unique opportunity for all of us. I did happen to stumble upon a map earlier today
This map leads us to treasure
Leads the treasure Valverde's treasure that he buried in
Tukumkari Valley. This I've heard of
It's a treasure the nine-fingered man
He's buried thousands upon thousands dollars there. I
Propose that we get together find the treasure ourselves split it up evenly
What do you say?
I'm in chubby. I'll do anything for you and I mean anything
Well, we're in minus the homoerotic subtext. All right, so it's settled in we're gang
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's got one in the chamber. Oh
Oh
Oh, hold on there little lady. I'm here to help you
Oh
They don't fall for it every damn time you men are the stupidest I tell you
What the hell is that for? I was just trying to save you. I don't need no saving especially from no man
Don't you know a trap when you see one?
Oh, all right now get your ass out
What in the hell welcome to the jamboree
Pay no never mind to him you too have plenty of time to get acquainted on the way to market
Market
That's right
The name's Haney McCambridge
Professional wrangler and seller of wayward men on the underground sex slave mark. You're a sex slave trader
I prefer the term whore master
Whoo, you're a feisty one. Oh, yeah, you're gonna give me a high price on the market then rich fancy ladies
They love a man with a little extra jiggle really
Shut up
Come on boys get to walking
Mama's gonna make that money
I
Anyone else know why it's taking chubby fringles so long to poop from the licks of them even back to four days
I'd get comfortable
She got to admit though, that's a long time for pooping
Trouble
Look his own ship fumes got him disoriented and he got lost. Oh, he was here. This is his gun
He wasn't alone say what
I want us taking our beloved chubby pringles good. Don't you worry? I can track those pendejos
I got to get your goddamn head checked. Hey, don't forget he can lead us to all that money
Goddamn it. All right
Saddle up you copper top plots
What I think he likes us
Oh
How much longer think till we get to the next town man, I don't know it's about 20 miles out
How'd you end up getting mixed up with this?
Lady
I was on my way to a job. I stopped out of saloon to get me a whiskey after a few drinks
I got in my head. I want me a white woman
Next thing I know I wake up to this bra
Let's see we came across there went through that
Yep, we're smack dab in the middle of Tucumcari Valley. Wait, did you say we're in Tucumcari Valley?
It's what I just said dumbass
men
There's pretty money out here
What are you yammering on about?
There's buried money out here. I have a map on my back pocket if I could just reach it. Y'all mean my man
I
Was beginning to think that you weren't gonna show boss
What in tarnation the albino well god damn I was expecting you days ago
What the fuck? Yeah, you know that little job I was telling you about this is it. I see you later partner
Wait, wait, they call you the albino but you're you're you're you're a
Firm believer in irony. Hey god damn it. Don't go shooting my merchandise. Don't get your bushel in a bunch
You might be able to walk away from this. I
Can't say the same for you
chubby Pringles
Not now just go and get the dynamite
You got Cajones thinking you can just come down here and take my money
But in your case Cajones don't equal brains
Adios chubby Pringles
I
Don't
Don't hate chubby where to save you hot damn more merchandise
Well, here's we have ourselves a good old-fashioned Mexican standoff with a real-life Mexican
Hahaha, I've been waiting for this moment. What I got the dynamite whoopsie
Oh
My tummy calling it that Christ's sake fucker shot me in my tummy
I call it anything else
Your stomach anything but tummy my fucking lower abdominal region what the fuck I'm a tummy be too literal
Word word you saved me. I was aiming for your head anything to shut you up
So many assholes so little bullets ain't no man get the jump on me
Oh my stars
If you ain't the most gorgeous man I've ever seen no man's ever had this effect on me before that's because I'm not like any other man
Kiss me you beautiful man
That's for stealing my chubby Pringles
I think she put that
Now now let's not go do anything hasty when it comes to you. I got nothing but time
Say do I know you seems like we've crossed paths before we have
Remember a couple years ago you came across two traveling improv comedians
One was me
The second was my mentor and friend you wanted to see what an improv show was
My mentor and I happily put on one of our greatest shows for you
But you thought otherwise
You
You
I
Vowed on that day. I would get revenge
So I traveled this country performing improv shows
That's when I happened upon the man who stole your money
And I knew with that map. I'd find the one thing I wanted most
You now we're gonna kick it up a notch
I don't suppose forgiveness is out of the question
God forgives
Improv doesn't
Well, if you're gonna do it get it over with let's finish this like men
You
You
You
You want the same hell you took too long and it's fucking hot out here, Mexicans can burn too cabron
I
Want to shoot him hey chubs. Hey just spoil the moment. They'll make with the monies
The monies
All right, we're in this map correctly. It's just around these bushes boys
Oh fuck
Who the hell are you didn't I ever mention it
The nine-fingered man
The fastest gun in the west
Is the only invincible man in the countryside
You go
Boom
I gotta be a son of a
Now don't you feel better
Oh
