What is that? What is that? This is an app. It's called Tender. You guys got to check it out.
You see her?
Pretty lady. Okay.
Anyway, it's an easy way to hook up. You know, it's like grinding for straight people.
That's sick. I'm sick and tired of all the gays having all the fun.
Right? I got laid twice on the way over here. You know what? Gays? Oh, you fucking...
No, you know what I mean. It's super easy for a gay dude to hook up with another guy.
Oh, shit. You know, I did it. No.
Yes, it is. It's fucking easier for a gay dude to hook up with a guy.
You guys can give each other a look. You wind up in the bathroom. Two seconds later.
Straight dudes have to actually pretend like they give a shit what the girl is saying.
Well, if you have to pretend, you're probably not interested.
We still have to talk to women, Chris.
All right. Yes.
This girl's cute.
Nope.
No. The man or a woman.
And yes, and yes, and yes.
Hi, Chris.
Nice to meet you, Doreen.
So, you want to go get a drink?
Of course you do. We're outside a bar.
Well, let's go.
Cheers.
I really love this place. Good choice.
You know, I got to tell you, I got to, like, apologize in advance,
because, you know, whenever I'm excited or nervous,
I tend to talk a little bit too much, but it's really not my fault, you know,
because I was an only child. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Well, I don't. Of course, I just told you I was an only child.
Well, anyway, you know, my parents, they both had full-time jobs,
so, you know, I spent a whole lot of time on my own at home,
and I kind of developed this whole imaginary world with imaginary friends,
and, you know, just kept myself, you know, like, entertained, I guess, I don't know,
and, you know, I actually talk a lot about this to my therapist.
Have you ever tried therapy? This is, like, amazing.
I'm telling you, you need to try this.
I mean, this woman, she saved my life.
Her and weed. Oh, my God, you know what?
Do you want to go get some weed?
Okay. Yeah? Let's do it. Let's go.
When I was in college, did I tell you? It used to smoke so much.
Me and my roommate used to get around all the time.
It was so hilarious.
Okay, what do you think? Hey, kid, hey, kid, hey!
What?
Do you have, like, you know, like, a dime bag?
Get in there.
See, I told you it's gonna be okay. Where's it going?
Got a meal in there? Got a meal in there?
Thank you!
Thank you.
I told you we were gonna find somebody, right?
I was so psyched, really.
Need a joint right now. Oh, my God.
So, hey, so, you want to go back to my place?
Okay.
Cool? So it's that way. Let's go. That way.
So, did you know that we'd actually have cures cancer?
I'm not kidding you. This shit told us it cures cancer.
I watched this amazing, amazing documentary about this.
I'm telling you. I mean, you would be just...
Oh, my God. I don't think this is real wheat.
Smell it.
Right? It's not wheat.
What the fuck? I can't believe that kid just ripped his son.
Ooh. I got E. You want some E?
Okay.
Well, I got it.
You're silly.
Oh, my God.
Do you know how much my wedding video?
You've got to watch my wedding video. It's crazy.
You're gonna love it.
You're married?
Not anymore. Fuckin' left me like a week later.
When did you get married?
Last month.
How long has he been divorced?
A month ago. Can't you listen when I'm talking?
Oh, my God. You're just like him. You're just the same.
Look at me.
Just look at this hideous, hideous dress.
It's not on an ugly dress.
I mean, look at this. Look at this.
I mean, who fucking picked the bridesmaids' dresses?
I mean, really?
Is that what you want to wear for a wedding?
I mean, that's just, like, fucking ugly and up my dress.
Is that not the most hideous dress you've ever seen?
And, oh, there he is. There he is.
Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Fantastic.
I can't believe I fucking fell for this fucking guy.
I'm telling you, I just...
And then he just, like, left me like a week later.
Like, there's something wrong with me.
I don't understand. Why?
Why did he leave me? Why?
Can you tell me, like, is there something, like, wrong with me?
Am I damaged? Good.
What? I just don't understand.
Why did he leave me? Why?
So, do you want to have sex or what?
Okay.
Thank you.
Let's do this.
Let's do this.
