I'm going to perform here one day.
On my words.
Steve Jobar! Steve Jobar!
Please, please, sit down, sit down.
I'm going to watch my own show now.
Please, I can't see the show. Sit down!
There's an orgy of women over here. There's a harem.
These women from Venezuela are over here.
I like foreign women for some reason.
I love people.
It's unlikely you're my hero.
It's unlikely you're my hero.
If you guys just walk towards me, then I'll walk towards you.
Okay.
I'll just thank you.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Alright, make it totally real, though.
Well, hello there.
Hello.
How are you?
I'm good, how are you?
Hey, my name is Steve Schubert.
I hear you're from Boston.
Yes, I am.
Oh.
Dope!
Itty!
I'm sorry.
I botched it.
I botched it.
One more time.
Give me one more time.
I don't know you.
It's the first time.
Well, hello.
Good day, good sirs.
How are you?
I'm good.
Right here.
I just got off the plane this morning at O'Hare Airport.
My name is Steve Schubert.
I'm here to become a famous comedian.
Right.
Okay.
And I need you guys to help me out with some directions.
But before, I need to make sure that you are cool with it.
So can you just tell me, like, what's your favorite holiday?
What do you think of winning the poo?
All right.
This is really good.
All right.
Thank you.
Are you a comedian?
No.
They say comedian date well with other comedians because you want to go off to sushi.
I'm not a comedian.
You're not a comedian?
I'm not a comedian.
So you want to do sushi?
Do you know where I could go to get famous?
No.
No.
Do you dye your hair?
I do.
It's really black.
I know it.
I like it.
Thank you.
Like the way I like women and my coffee.
Hey.
Hey.
How's it going, man?
I'm good.
How are you?
What's your name?
My name's Brian.
You?
Steve.
Steve.
I'm Schubert.
What do you think of my tie?
I like it.
Where?
It's well-coordinated.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Is there anything that you would recommend for me to do in order to do this?
What's become a comedian?
A comedian.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Be funny.
Be funny.
Be funny.
Be funny.
Be funny.
Be funny.
Be funny.
Be funny.
Be funny.
Be funny.
Be funny.
Be funny.
What brings you to the bean today?
Visiting Chicago for the first time with some friends.
It's a big city.
Beautiful.
I'm a comedian.
I'm trying to do a documentary on my stand-up.
Yep.
I'm trying to get...
Slow down.
Slow down.
Slow down.
I'm trying to get famous.
Okay.
Is there any place that you would recommend to go get famous?
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
Bri.
first one mom this this trip this is my Christmas present well Merry Christmas
thank you sharing I feel like I'm part of your Christmas good you are you are
now well Brian where are you from I'm from Montana oh the broke back mountain
yeah no that's Wyoming never do that no okay thank you thank you and good luck
and look me up because I think one day I'm gonna be a big a big hit and what
are you here for I'm here to see are you girlfriend no we're friends but we're
not girlfriends do you have a male suitor I don't at the moment how long are you
in town for me maybe I'll play my little flute for you oh here he goes not the
flute I'm so charmed okay they're really really good I got a peppermint
oh no that's it that's it's terrible every super hero have a thing that they
eat like a power snack look at mine women are my kryptonite what is
bad kryptonite play crippling talk to me like you know things Lord knows how I
know you like to know things kiss me like you've been there cause like me
you've been there quite a bit show me how to own this how to fraternize amongst
my failures come let's run away be a breathing even keep a baggage here's the
deal I'm good I'm new to the city obviously and one of my books said
try material out on the local first just to see how it plays so I'm gonna try
some of my material and I just really hope I don't get nervous are you funny
you know here that let me try can I try something out on you I don't know we
gotta go we've been working we gotta go we gotta go you look like you're working
to me but just go try there go talk to them okay well can I just try one
quick impression for you okay what I'm either gonna be Ray Charles gotta be
Romano minutes it is Ray Charles or Ray Romano okay you're gonna decide oh
try to do it here we go
huh
okay okay who was it the glass of throw you off who wasn't Romano
it wasn't Ray Charles Ray Romano it is she's good oh you're like oh you're a
mess you are a mess okay now shall not box you are a real mess okay I'm
pretty sure are you enjoying the Chicago weather yeah okay I got a joke for
you if have you heard about the broken look at heavy have you heard about the
broken pencil it's pointless okay do you guys have any jokes you know anything
funny are you okay I'm on a 30-day diet so far I've lost 15 days thank you
good afternoon hey what's your favorite color pink figures
there anything you could give any tips any jokes you know I know what is your
favorite piece of lunch right you're gonna want to take the train and then get
off at Belmont it's comedy like Kevory kind of club okay they love you you can
tell me it's unlikely
It's unlikely you're my hero
A bread election for duets that I won't put on the list
Sometimes one of the books I write said,
pretend you're famous and people will start treating you like you are
It's unlikely I'm yours
Hey, Lucian!
Hello, Chicago!
It's chambered high on the rise
It's chambered high on the rise
I feel like an Australian animal's seeker in the desert
But instead I'm in Chicago, and the night is falling upon us
And I'm hungry to the beast!
One of my books said that you're supposed to have a big meal before you go on and take the stage
So that's what I'm gonna do
Hey guys!
Just here to order my big meal before my big comedy set
What do you guys recommend here?
Philly cheesesteak
Philly cheesesteak it is!
Make it one!
Come on, come on!
Come on, um...
What do you say?
Come on, start!
Me and me in!
I always think root beer has ginseng qualities to it
I always think root beer has ginseng qualities to it
I'm very scared of this
Oh! Mama!
You should put a warning on this like a coffee!
Oh!
I know you all have a full stomach when you go on stage
I really feel...
I'm interconnected to the Earth
I'm pretty connected now
David Hasselhoff
Are these carrots in here?
I can die
I'm gonna do it
I'm gonna finish this
I can't breathe
One, two, three
Oh! He comes back! He comes back!
Because he's a champion
Yeah, I'm a king of comedy, I'm a champion
I'm ready to go do some comedy
Okay, so I just finished my big end meal
And now I'm ready to go in
I ended up coming into the back door
Because one of my books also said that one of the tips is coming through the back way
And it kind of felt like you're a bit of a bigger deal than you might really already be
So I'm gonna try that
I think I've finally found a place
Yes, I did
Plus me, divided by comedy, cabaret, equals fame
Wish me luck
Mr. Steve Schubert
Woo!
I love the interest
Hello
He's a microphone vampire
Good evening
Good evening everyone, my name is Steve
I'm on a 30-day diet, so probably a 15-day
Thank you
Because I'm not a vampire anymore
Did you hear me, Hobbit?
I hope you guys liked my suit
It's my grandfather's funeral
I know I'm surprised they fit in it as well
Okay
I just had to cross the road to get away from Jesus
Thank you
Thank you
Happy New Year
I just wanted to tell you about my resolutions
I mean, I'm gonna try to eat less chastic
Thank you
It's so cold
Okay
You guys
I've been playing a lot of games lately, like kid games
Like the adult version of the games
Like hide and be lonely
Studio apartment
Humpty Dumpty, can I eat this whole pizza without throwing up?
Red Rover, Red Rover, can you please give me a head up
You just got done with your period before I went down on you
Thank you
Yeah, you guys are funny
Do you guys want to, do you guys want, do you guys like, do you guys like magic tricks?
My first trick for you will be to finally prove that the hands are quicker than the eyes
Silence please
Thank you
The next trick will be to, I'm going to turn to the impossible
Once and for all, I will levitate the entire audience
You can sit down and I'll raise you up
Okay
Stop working
All right, my next trick using the power of tilapia will be to tell you a joke
Thank you
Finally, I would like to just wrap up with a quick set of impressions
My first impression for you will either be Blanche Dubois from the three-card-name-bedire
Or Blanche from the Golden Girls
Oh
Blanche Dubois from the three-card-name-bedire
Kind of the strangers
My last impression for you tonight will be what I call the meaning of high brow independent art house drama
Meet mid-2000 pop culture music candy
It is called There Will Be Blood, the milkshake
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, it's better than yours
And they're like, it's better than yours
Brilliant
Thank you
That's what it looks like up close
Operations accept
I was so scared I almost threw my pants like three times
But then I realized I just follow the rule
Follow everything the book told me
I just trust myself
Don't give up on the joke
Don't give up on myself
I'm not a loser
I don't let fear dictate my life
And you know what?
I showed it in there
I showed it in there
I loved it
Every second
This is an investment you're not going to regret
Your son is not an idiot
Or a rejection
That you should have gotten out of when you were younger
You just kept me
No, I don't want to be on any kind of film or film
I'm famous! I'm famous!
I'm Steve Schumert!
Go away
I'm famous!
I knew you'd be too good to be
