No, but seriously, you're a fantastic, and to tell you how fantastic you are, our next
roaster wanted to go on a little bit early because the methadone clinic stopped serving
at nine.
And please, put your hands together for Brett, the amazing Dwarve Lane.
It doesn't mean anything, I have small shoes.
I'm not a comedian, I'm a musician, but we'll give it a go.
I was very honored to have been asked to roast one of my best friends, if not my best friend,
Dan Adanger, the headmistress of the Richmond Institute of Burlesque, and I don't even
know what even got that.
Y'all didn't even laugh.
That was my best joke, like if you just sit down now, I say to her first, okay, alright,
well, um, laugh later, look it up on Wikipedia.
So, she's the headmistress of Boom Boom Basics, you don't need them.
Gosh, right in my ass too.
Like the first time I ever, I'm in the belly dance world, you can probably tell by the
way that I'm dressed, I'm around belly dancers all the time.
So, when I did this little thing called RVA Lotion, which I found later was Revolution
in the speech, I went because of the lotion, because I really am that creepy.
This sucks, I'm gonna, can I do this? Can I pretend like I'm a comedian?
You know, I'm like, walk around, you know, like Stephen Ray, right?
I got some batteries and they weren't included.
Okay, so, that's the only one I know.
So yeah, I'm at Revolution, and they didn't know how creepy I was yet, so they let me
backstage, and I'm looking around, I'm used to seeing belly dancers, you know, which
they really don't wear a lot of clothing, I'm used to that, but I was not prepared
for these creatures, these women, these things, these burlesque dancers.
I had never seen burlesque dancers before, especially like the ones that we have here,
which from what I understand, like our burlesque dancers are illegal in at least five
other states, just the way they are.
So, the first body part, like I didn't even see the burlesque dancer, that's how
I saw the body part first.
The first body part that I saw first was an ass with bats on it, because if you don't
already know, Dana has like the hottest tattoo ever.
Here, show them.
It's like this now, because I'm like, that is badass.
I was like, what is this creature?
You know, not having any idea that, you know, three, four years later that we'd be such
good friends.
She started up Boom Boom Basics, and I was like, oh, this is a girl with my net, Dana.
Boom Boom Basics, it's a sex class, this is great, Richmond needs a sex class, so I
signed up.
That didn't go well.
But, you know, she basically teaches these women to express themselves creatively.
I heard everyone say it, have confidence in themselves.
So, her first class of Boom Bats, she kind of overdid it a little bit, because they all
got pregnant.
So, yeah, we sent them to the adoption clinic, and we started with a fresh batch.
The nice thing is she does have fresh batches of Boom Bats come out every, what, like three
months or so, which is great for me, because I didn't even need Match.com anymore.
I just go to the recitals.
It's kind of nice.
Really.
But, you know, not only does she teach these women how to, you know, feel good about themselves,
and to express themselves and be creative and really take charge of their lives, she
also teaches them how to produce their own shows.
I mean, think about this.
Deanna doesn't have a day job.
She is a burlesque teacher, performer.
She's a performance artist.
This is what she does.
And she's, I mean, and she is, it's really one of the most selfless things, like in this
world, so many people are ultra, ultra, ultra competitive, and they just, you know, shut
other people out.
She brings people in, teaches them how to produce their own shows, going over the map,
algebra, everything, you know.
But there's a reason I found out.
They all owe her money.
It kind of works out in years to her benefit.
So it's kind of nice.
Another defining factor of Deanna, which I just, the eyebrows, right?
I show the eyebrows to my grandmother.
She's Mama Lil.
She tells you, like, look at her eyebrows.
She doesn't have much of a bosom, but look at those eyebrows.
Because they were bosoms back then, right?
My cat, my cat's my pussy cat, right?
Eyebrows, I mean, these are some eyebrows right here.
Deanna Danger eyebrows, some very, I mean, iconic, I would even say, some very famous
people in history are defined by their eyebrows.
Phyllis Diller, right?
Joan Crawford, Frida Kahlo, and Ahmed the Dead Terrorist.
Silence!
I kill you.
Okay.
So I notice she has a lot of bruises on her lately.
She says it's because she's practicing on the lira and she gets all these bruises and everything.
I don't know what the bruises are from.
I come over and Kane, her husband, is limping.
I'm not quite sure what that's about.
But usually, it's usually, it looks like a Mack Trough brand over him.
So I think he might be the workout partner, but I don't know.
And, you know, she is in such great shape.
Like, just every time I see her, like, everything gets better.
You know, every body part just looks sexier, stronger, and awesomer, and more awesomer.
And she's on this crazy doggie where, you know, she was like, well, now I'm only eating this
and now I'm only eating this.
Now she just doesn't eat food.
Like, there's no food involved.
And Justice Year Alone, which is kind of funny that you should do that.
Justice Year Alone, she stopped drinking, like, to become healthier.
She stopped drinking, she stopped drinking 10 and a half times this year.
And it's just, it's kind of funny to me because for someone that doesn't drink anymore,
she's always drunk, always drunk.
Do you know how many times she's like, she doesn't get in my hot tub.
She falls and it's kind of, yeah, there's a little bruise right there.
That's another story.
You know, her routines are really just groundbreaking.
One of the first routines I ever saw her do on stage was where she basically comes glitter.
Have you seen it?
Yeah.
She comes, guess what?
She really is coming on stage.
The glitter's just to cover it up.
You know, like that pink stuff they put on throw up in elementary school.
Right?
It's kind of, you know, but I found that out much later.
She loves, you know, sex, yellow submarine routine, you know, big phallic shape.
Trin!
That's rude.
But, you know, I really would like to know the answer to that question.
You know, she, you know, about that, right, with force.
Because, you know, I found, when she started doing her lira routines, you know,
she has this big ring that she performs on in and out and in and out and in and out
and she likes vagina.
That's kind of, so you have to let us know about force.
The federal government is going to be shut down in about three and a half hours.
Why?
It's actually because of Deanna's ass.
It stops governments from functioning like Richmond, but now it's kind of grown.
So, it's grown into the federal government's going to shut down because of your ass.
Thank you very much.
So, I'll leave you with this one little noodle of education.
Why does Deanna Danger wear panties?
Why?
To keep her ankles warm.
Deanna, I love you, baby.
Ah, yeah, he's treating me as fuck, isn't he?
Yeah, that was awesome.
Give him another big hand, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm actually very excited to introduce our next researcher.
But before we do, this is your last chance to buy raffle tickets before intermission.
And once intermission is over, we will have the raffle drawing.
But, the next performer coming to the stage, are you ready to meet her?
Let's go.
