["Pomp and Circumstance Theme"]
Claire?
Claire!
You're alive!
Ben!
Call me whatever your heart remembers.
It's been a while.
November 24th, 2013.
I texted you.
You said you'd call me back.
And I never heard back.
And I knew you were a kidnapper murdered.
Oh.
I went to the police.
I told newspapers, but no one would believe me.
I didn't have your address,
because we always met out or in my apartment.
I went on Facebook to find clues,
but the kidnappers blocked me
and unfriended me before I could post anything.
So, I made a t-shirt with your face on it.
I used your initial,
because I couldn't remember how to spell your last name.
I wore this hoodie.
Every day.
Ben, I wasn't kidnapped.
You're brainwashed and joined a call.
I've seen the documentaries.
I tried to join.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't find you.
I thought I had a lead on a Cuban trafficking ring,
but it turns out,
I just don't speak Spanish that well.
Ben, I...
I didn't call you back
because I didn't want to date you anymore.
That makes sense.
I just thought it would be easier.
Have a good day.
Ben, wait.
You can give these shirts to your family
that way if you ever are taken.
You got the shirts.
I'm really sorry.
I've seen that movie.
He's just not that into you.
I should have reversed the roles in my head.
Here's your purple heart.
I thought maybe you were under cover CIA
and were injured in another country,
so I wrote a lot of letters to Congress.
You're a really good guy.
You're just caught up in the emotion of the shirts.
No.
I've dated a lot of guys since you,
and none of them are as caring
and sincere and honest.
You're right.
I should have called you back.
I'm sorry.
So we want to share some takeout.
Are you crazy?
You ruined my life.
Who are you?
Oh, this guy's been searching for me
for three years and now he's back,
so let's eat tacos.
No, no, no.
I thought you joined a cult,
so I joined a cult for a little bit.
And you offer me tacos?
We're the stupid sweatshirt every day,
and there's holes in it.
This is American apparel,
and there are holes.
This is $60 hoodie.
I don't want your money.
I want these holes as a reminder
to never let people like you sway me ever again.
So, no.
I don't want to have dinner now,
or ever.
See?
Well, not hard to say.
And if it was,
I would have said it anyways,
because rejection is a lot easier to accept
when you actually know it's happening.
Aw.
You made you join a cult.
I just made a few Skype calls under a fake name.
No, that's crazy.
You have a monster.
And also, these aren't tacos.
This is some barbecue pulled pork
and some really delicious little cupcakes.
These pumpkin cookies that I deserve
to eat alone.
So...
Good night, babe.
Good night.
Aw.
They're like...
It's like pumpkin,
pumpkin cheesecake,
plus regular cake.
And then, like, caramel on top,
and it's all this tiny little perfect cup.
But it's really good.
Oh, it's so good.
Yeah.
So, I live, like, right at the end of this block?
Right around the corner.
Hmm.
