Every year in the U.S. alone, there are 30,000 suicides.
Around 800,000 when you include every other country.
That's a suicide every 40 seconds.
Around 60% of the suicides in the U.S. occur in the months of November and December.
The holiday season, as we like to call it.
What makes people want to kill themselves at this time of year?
Is it the holiday dead?
Is it the weather?
Is it the family, the in-laws, or maybe it's a combination of things?
Those lines at the store, taking pictures with Santa, being jolly to every dopey looking
fucktart around town, whatever it may be, some people feel the need to kick the chair
or blow their brains out because of it.
What a way to celebrate the holidays.
Merry fucking Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
And here I am, brooding over lovers lost.
Or lovers that never fully developed.
Or lovers that decided that they should continue to date their douchebag, cocksucker boyfriend
that they met at a frat party freshman year.
Well, actually, he's a pretty nice guy.
He's probably a better boy than I'd ever be.
Well, soon to be husband.
That's kind of how I ended up in this situation.
Well, time to go kill myself.
I don't know what happened between Leah and I.
I could feel that we had this strong connection.
I was so confused as to how I could feel something so strongly for someone and not end up being
with that person.
But nothing really came of it.
And here I am.
About to become another suicide statistic.
Can I help you find something?
Uh, yeah.
You know, actually, I'm looking for some rope to hang myself with.
What do you suggest?
What kind of job is this for?
Just need something that can handle roughly 200 pounds.
Right.
Well, if you need something of that capacity, I'd say staying away from the Manila because
it's just not going to cut it.
You're probably going to want to go with like a three strand polypropylene, but it gets
pretty expensive.
Well, that's fine.
It's going to be the last thing I buy anyway.
Because I'm going to kill myself with it.
All right, 14 and 1 and 5 makes 20.
Hey buddy, you have a great time killing yourself.
Hey, thanks.
I will.
So how much can I get for you?
Just enough so my feet don't touch the ground.
Right.
Well, I'll just get you a piece of that and meet you up at register two.
Great.
Thanks.
Whoever told me that my life would flash before my eyes before I died was dead fucking
wrong.
My brain had other plans.
A last attempt to save me, perhaps.
I remember the night we met.
I couldn't stop smiling.
And I just instantly knew that she was something special.
I think that weighed our bats for the other team if you catch my drift.
What?
No.
Uh, yes, he seemed pretty into you.
You're crazy.
Really?
Because he refilled your water glass like eight times and only refilled mine once.
Oh my god, I think you're right.
That does explain the handy you gave me in the bathroom, huh?
See, you are completely oblivious to anyone who's interested in you.
Well, I'd better take off, but thanks for the drink tonight.
Yeah, no problem.
I love you, Max.
God damn it, Leah.
What?
I just, I really want to tell you this.
Hey!
What are you talking about?
Oh, thank you, man.
Hey, you know something?
You guys are cute together.
And all right?
I had something like you guys did, but I took it for granted.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate it.
Hey, hey.
Have a good night.
All right.
So what were you going to say, Max?
It's nothing.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You have a good night.
I should have just fucking told her.
I just panicked.
I felt like I was suffocating.
It just wasn't meant to be.
It would have happened naturally if we were supposed to be together, right?
But that look in her eye, I know she wanted to be with me.
Man, that fucking look she gave me.
Oh, God, what the fuck am I doing?
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I object.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Leah, I guess right now would be a good time to tell you a different suicide statistic.
This is Hank.
And you see, Hank doesn't really want to kill himself.
He's just a little distraught over a recent breakup.
But by golly, he's going to try it out anyway.
Did you know that only four percent of suicide attempts are successful?
Four fucking percent.
I mean, come on, people.
How hard is it to kill yourself?
Well, I guess I'm not really one to talk.
I mean, come on, Hank.
Did you really think that would work?
Yeah.
It worked.
It did.
It worked.
Yeah.
And not just the relationship between a couple of people.
Yeah.
Like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm just one.
Leah.
Max.
Oh, my God.
What the hell happened to you?
It doesn't matter.
I just had to come here.
Look, Leah, I'm crazy about you and I love spending time with you because, you know, you make
me genuinely happy.
I'm so completely lost with so many things in my life, but I'm positive of one thing and that's that I love you more than anything.
What the fuck took you so long?
We should probably get out of here.
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
For once, I felt like life was perfect.
We should probably get out of here.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Thank you for watching!
