Uh, hi. Is this the audition for Fast and Furious 9?
Take a seat.
Okay.
Wow.
Uh, these are handwritten.
Just, uh, go ahead and select your name and roll and start whenever you're ready.
Uh, John Ross Bowie, reading Nikolai Badass.
He looks like you messed with the Ron the Russian mafia, Wind Diesel.
Time out. Am I actually calling him Wind Diesel?
They're trying something new. Just keep going.
Things that are getting so fast and so furious.
Okay, what is going on here?
Brilliance! That's what? Dan Rosen?
Rosen Talon Agency.
Not you again. We've been over this. I am not looking for new representation.
Yeah, but John, finding the right agent is like falling in love.
It happens precisely when you're not looking.
Fight me. Do you know if they're actually casting Fast and Furious 9 yet?
Oh, I really don't. I wish.
Can I help you for both of our sakes?
I don't know. John, I just...
Hey, uh, are you okay?
I hate my life. I hate this town. I hate my agent.
Hey, Rosen, you can't be using these rooms.
Run.
Dad? Danielle?
I want you to meet the Rosen Agency's newest client, Katrina Mondragon.
Is this a European supermodel he's been going on and on about on the phone?
She doesn't look all that thrilled to be here, Dad.
Katrina was a big shot in Romania, but then she came here to Hollywood about three years ago
and hasn't booked a single thing yet.
And you want to know why?
Because I lack talent and charisma like those casting ladies said.
No, because you didn't know the right people, and now you do.
Back home in Cluj, you could not turn on the television without seeing my commercials for Snag of Dog Condoms.
But all the casting directors here, they say I'm a doll or forgettable. Maybe they are right.
No, no. My son is right. The star is a star is a star.
Ten years ago, nobody had heard about Abner the singing Israeli cowboy.
Who?
Is that the doll?
Sweetheart, if you can dazzle them in Cluj, Romania, you can dazzle them in Hollywood, California.
And I know just how you're going to do it.
Cabaret.
No, not cabaret, Dad.
Yes, cabaret. I know Monty Heimowitz who books the back room at the Olive Garden in Encino.
Grandpa, kids our age don't do cabaret.
No?
Yeah, we're about social. All she needs is a killer Snapchat filter. Yes.
All right.
Think bigger, and I don't know what that is.
It's Snapchat.
Guys, reality TV. We're going to get Katrina on season two of Model UN.
The diplomacy theme reality show on C-Span 2? Katrina's perfect for her.
She knows a ton about international diplomacy.
My patterns were spies.
No offense, but haven't we already established that she's like really bad at auditioning?
That was before she was rep by us, and before we're going to stay up all night and watch
and rewatch every single episode of season one and find the patterns. Katrina, you're
not just going to be on Model UN, you're going to win Model UN.
While we collect 13 weeks of commission checks.
Get that money, babe.
Thank you, baby.
Hey honey, I thought we talked about your boyfriend not hanging out here all day.
Okay, Xander's not littering, dad. He's micro blogging for Black Lives Matter.
You know that he got kicked out of his co-op, and how vulnerable he feels about losing that
safe space. So what he needs from us right now is support.
I know the Mater D at the Magic Castle. You're not afraid of caskets, are you, son?
No, caskets are chill.
Alright, we gotta go. We have a ton of TV to start watching.
You're not going to let him sleep in Wizard's house, are you?
I don't really care at this point. Come on.
Hi, what's your audition time? Oh, you again?
Hi, is it Leslie in?
Tell her you're here, but you're wasting your time.
Alright, now remember, what did we learn from binge watching season one?
That what the show needs is a backstabbing villain.
Perfect, perfect.
What do you want, Tan? I thought I banned you.
I guess you're not interested in the next secretary general of Model UN season two?
Okay, I don't have time for you loser clients.
Tan, I'm trying to run a cast in session here.
Not me.
Okay.
Model UN? More like Ugly Freak Show UN, judging by these bags of fat garbage in your waiting room.
Interesting.
Come on in.
Welcome back.
Models, this is your first security council.
Remember, since it's week one, neither team has diplomatic immunity.
Inez, your runway was fierce, but your team failed to build even a single school.
Katrina, the judges found your runway looks dull and forgettable.
But your team managed to purify a record number of wells.
To what do you credit this astonishing turnaround?
Certainly not to these idiots.
I alone deserve the credit.
Come on.
Shut up, Portugal!
You wouldn't recognize abrogated maritime treaty if it bit you in the genitals.
Are you kidding?
What are you looking at?
I'm going to shove a shamrock shake up your b*****.
And you, judges, what gives you the right to judge me?
I f**king judge you, and I find you guilty of being a bunch of spineless f**k-tars
who couldn't remove landmines from your mouth.
So f**k you!
Suck my f**k, you carly f**king face!
Should have gone with Campery.
Maybe you're right, Dad.
You know our strategy here.
Your strategy?
Fine.
My strategy may have cost us 12 weeks of commission checks,
but as we know, this town doesn't always give you what you want when you want it.
But with a lot of heart and a little hustle, it does give you what you need when you need it.
And I bet our next big client's going to walk through that door any minute now.
Excuse me, is this the audition for Goodfellas 2?
God.
Damn it.
John, John, John.
Hold on.
You
