Everything feels the same, the waking pain of disappointment invades me again.
For the longest time, I've felt trapped. Nothing changes. I look forward to nothing.
Every morning my rituals are repetitive. My choice of clothing. Black. Believing isn't an option anymore. I'm way past that.
There are no more reminders of my mistakes. I've paid for them all. I would smile if I could feel pain again.
The wonders of my good deeds are around me for display. Money isn't a problem. Happiness is. I'm not looking for forgiveness. I'm looking for change.
I have this scheduled down to a science. I control the devil's clock. I've become methodical of my ritual, timed and hidden. His every step as cowardly as the next.
Finally, the only thing I can feel. Death. I walk towards it. I embrace it. Find me you won't.
One question remains. How do you kill the devil? You trap him.
I have this scheduled down to a science. I'm not looking for forgiveness. I'm not looking for change. I'm looking for change.
I spent years locked away from having any emotion.
And I always wondered, what would it feel like to inhabit someone else's skin?
I finally look forward to something. Freedom.
But I know this dream again. It always ends the same way.
I've showed you in shades of gray my life. I embarrassment. My pain.
The greatest trick the mind plays is to forget that death doesn't exist.
Even when he's lying right next to you. My dreams are practice.
I'm awake now. And I'm left with no more options.
I'm awake now.
I'm awake now.
I'm awake now.
