Previously on Tangents and the Times.
You're the editor for a magazine. I'm Marissa.
Wow. I got something coming up.
I'm not sure, but I might need a freelancer for it.
Did you have an article that you were going to write today?
Something that was going to launch your career?
Yeah, I'm getting to it.
Good luck writing that article.
Good luck writing that article.
Hello. I'm Marissa Aras, writer extraordinaire.
I'm here for three o'clock upstairs.
Just a second.
Marissa, what are you doing here?
Well, I wanted to come personally give you my album review.
Oh, well normally I just have people email me that stuff.
Well, usually I do just email them, but my father always taught me that a personal touch.
In a non-creepy way, just...
Wow.
Torres, what's up, bud?
Good now. Good to see you.
See you too. Here's that write-up you wanted.
Oh, thanks. You met Marissa?
Oh, we've met. How can I forget her any consequential musings about her favorite shitty bottles of wine?
I didn't think she'd be qualified for a staff position.
Well, she's not applying for that position.
Yeah, I didn't think poorly written comedy was full of real slang.
Anyway, Miles, good to see you.
Good to see you.
Catch you later, Rossi.
Torres.
Sorry, that was completely unprofessional.
Well, you know, that's sort of his thing. He has a bad attitude.
Yeah, well, he is a good writer.
I'm a really good writer. You called me in for something.
No, I don't think I did, actually.
Well, you didn't call me in today.
But you called to me in the street that one time.
Right. Hey, look, I think you're great. Really, I do.
I'm just not sure if you're qualified for a position here.
I'm looking for somebody with a literary degree, perhaps.
English, maybe?
No, but I have great comedic timings.
Apparently.
Yeah, I do.
I realize that I don't have a degree in, well, anything,
but I'm still totally qualified.
I'm super qualified. I love music.
I'm a really good writer. You censor yourself.
You see that album review? Totally on the house.
That was, like, for free.
That's just on the house. You know what?
What do you normally want for, like, a staff position?
You want, like, a 1500 page?
I mean, well, I can't write 1500 pages.
Do you want, like, 1500 words at a tourist level?
Because I can get that to you.
Also on the house, because I can do it for you.
And, you know, I'll even throw in my resume,
because I assume that's required.
All right, all right, I'll tell you what.
Show me what you got in any email.
Can't you see what I've got?
Okay, there's that creepy personal touch.
I'm just going to use these a whole ass on out here
and get you that editorial sample.
I can do this. I can do this.
I can do this, and I'm going to do it,
because I told people I would,
and because I am a very capable human being.
I'm an excellent being, in fact.
Positive manifestation.
Dead. What's up with them strawberries, brah?
Dead.
Dead, brah.
Dead, brah.
Aw, dead, brah, man.
These strawberries taste like God's balls.
Maybe I should suck on this one.
Who sucks on strawberries?
Dead.
What's on the fridge?
No.
The same thing that was in there this morning.
Stop distracting yourself.
You smoke the weed to focus, and yet, it is all a lie.
Yeah, but dead.
It's great forgetting all that net flickies dead.
Checking out those obscure docks dead.
Shut up.
You still love this, dead.
Yeah, you do, but I can't work under these conditions.
Oh, oh, it's so, it's so hard.
Hanging out four o'clock in your chill ass sweatpants, dude.
Aw, put that.
Very smooth internal monologue,
but seriously, this shit's not gonna work.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Didn't want in person miles?
Dream out, bitch.
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop with the running, okay?
That's like growing up 101.
You don't run by the pool.
Who are you?
This is my pool.
Who am I?
Who are you?
I'm Marissa Ross, pool professional.
I know everything about pools.
Does the A stand for awful?
You could have been aborted.
You could have been aborted, but you weren't.
And I could have been aborted too, and I wasn't.
Instead, we're just two bitches in California.
It could be badasses in New York if we wanted to.
You want to know why?
Because the possibilities are endless because we weren't aborted.
New York has trash in the streets.
You're trash in the streets, all right?
Okay, can you please just walk?
Fine, go ahead.
Stay a little bit, so I don't care.
Children, Jesus.
Oh.
All right.
One down, one in the go.
Well, hey, there wasn't no rule about no weed smoking dead.
Get that roachie, bro.
You need to show out.
You need to show out.
You're showing out.
When did you get a motorcycle?
This is why you're late.
Is it getting all your accessories together?
You're going to tell me you need someone to die on one
because that's what everyone says.
No, I don't know anyone who's died on one,
but I hear you could crash and get your face ripped off.
Think about that.
Yeah, well, you should start thinking about it
because, you know, you could, if it's really bad,
they have to, like, skin graft your ass,
then you'd be like a butt face tomorrow.
Have a great ass.
You need to follow three things.
One, meet him in a public place.
So don't let him get close to you, okay?
I need a table in two chairs.
Rule number two, don't go to a second location.
Rule number three, do not drink.
What do you think you're about?
Corressing your shoulder blades, your hot douchebag.
