I will do my best to be honest and fair, friendly and helpful, considerate and caring.
Make the world a better place to be, a sister to every Girl Scout.
Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?
They're only $5 a box.
Post-it's good at the Children's Hospital.
Uh, I don't know. I'm a vegetarian.
Oh good, because they're vegetarians too, with cancer.
Oh, I have cancer.
What hospital's the money going to?
All the hospitals.
St. Jesus' baby?
Well, you and your mother are really something.
Thank you. I love my real mom.
I thought you were professional.
What am I paying you for? Your resume promised depth.
If I wanted pathetic, I'd use my real daughter.
Mom, I have an idea.
To sell cookies.
Not now.
I need to move another 500 units or I'm not going to win.
And if I don't win, I'm not going to get my CEO cookie badge.
I always thought I'd make a great CEO.
I'm trying my best.
I'm not paying you to try your best.
I'm paying you to be the best.
She's not even a Girl Scout.
This is what people think of when they think Girl Scouts.
And this is what we're going to give them.
Not whatever you are.
Quick, Alyssa, Obeseman, 3 o'clock.
He has one of those fat people skitters.
Why is he carrying a basketball?
That's not a basketball. That's his baby.
Jackpot.
Hey, are you selling Girl Scout cookies?
No, I'm not authorized to.
Oh man, that's too bad.
I love Dosey Dose.
Especially when you dip them in caramel.
Exactly.
Truth is the only reason why I joined this troupe was because of the cookies.
Just one box.
Pretty please.
We should go on it. Sprinkles? Caramel?
Well, my mom said no.
But in the Girl Scout handbook under Regulation 439,
it does say that a Girl Scout was followed by her heart teller.
Well, what does your heart tell you?
Girl Scout cookies! Girl Scout cookies!
Five dollars a box! Girl Scout cookies!
Girl Scout cookies! Five dollars a box!
Post-it's good toward leprosy.
Their arms are falling off as we speak.
This is so good if you add whipped cream.
One of the average two children is affected by Elfin Man syndrome.
When mommy kicked daddy out of the house,
these loving sun shines with their only sunshine.
So this box only has a hundred calories.
Ten thousand calories!
Who came here to lead in cause of baldness in children?
Chocolate! Gram! Chocolate! Chocolate!
That's three layers of chocolate!
The environment's burning up. You're killing our children.
These ones fell so many times,
that they're broken.
Sorry, gotta go sell latkes for the free suit of Israel.
But wait, hold on, we have an agreement.
You're supposed to work here with me until there's...
Hello, Miss Cunningham!
What's all this? What have you done with my cookies?
Can you believe it? I did it! I sold every...
You did it all right. You ate every single box.
Fat ass.
I can't believe you did this to me.
We have to sell twice as many units to get my badge.
That's a thousand fucking units.
Now, what are we gonna do?
We...
You and your mother are so cute.
You two are really something.
Thank you. I love you, Real Mom.
I love you, Real Mom.
