You
I told you if it happened again that was it it was a mistake no no no it was a
accident okay a accident I'm sorry don't don't not right now I'm done with you so
there's no need to discuss it I'm gonna go in there look at a dead girl's ashes
and I'm gonna say sorry to your loser friend and then you're bringing me home
oh Frank I'm so very sorry for your loss thank you do what happened which
would just do she's done I'm done my life is done oh god you were in the
chat rooms again with you no she told you she wasn't gonna put up with that
nonsense anymore dude I know oh oh oh god oh god oh the TV the TV she owns the
TV she's going to take the TV she's going to my dad wife you know you're
talking about a television a television a television that plays Game of Thrones
next week no what no shut it shut it down now you're right my bad okay so did
I miss anything did I miss anything dude it's not an itinerary your speech did I
miss your speech my eulogy whatever you want to call you I want to call it a
eulogy it's because it's a eulogy no you didn't miss it I don't know what I'm
gonna write and I don't know what I'm gonna say I don't know how I'm gonna say
it good luck with that okay
hey Frank hey Bill thanks for coming in I really appreciate it is a shit show in
there total bummer everybody crying and whatnot mm-hmm I had to step out it's
not usually how it is I don't know they're going for that whole celebrate
life idea if you ask me what's the point the dead can't hear it anyway well I
mean yeah except for like heaven or whatever right sure heaven listen your
father was a great man wife your wife was a great man and I'm sure she was
looking up with a smile smiling up where do you think she went well the urn was
front and center so I imagine she had a pretty good view are you even are you
even listening to what I'm saying so let's talk about that eulogy I got a
couple of good lines for you I will never be whole again or heaven has
another angel that always jazzes up the audience she's dead how can you of all
people be so cavalier about all this oh shit let me get back in there gonna
toss around a few Hail Marys
do it do what do what okay look so I've been holding on this for a little
while now I just I just I'm gonna do it I'm gonna pop the question I'm going to
propose at my dad wife's you know yeah I mean something about it just just
feels right you know what about a room with a bunch of people crying in it
apathetic priest who's having an existential crisis my wife's ashes in an
ugly feels right to you David that has got to be a recipe for the worst goddamn
proposal in the world proposal that's right babe you heard God dig it I'm
tired of getting the milk for free I'm getting them jugs off their way let's do
it if it's one thing I learned from this this funeral funeral is that you
got to go all in and baby I'm going all in if I can't have you got to get I don't
want nothing at all I don't know David no more ID case baby let's do it let's do
it come on come on hold on
wait wait a second yes yes of course
oh my god this is amazing in the midst of this absolute manure hurricane here
you to take this this worthless day and turn it into something meaningful oh
Frank there is a woman inside leaping and going for the yearn might be the
mother I don't know you might want to check it out now you know I can make
this official oh really oh my gosh this is gotta be like the luckiest day in my
life but really Bishop his father yeah father that will be like like so great
and the thing we won't even gonna come today yeah like I said you got you got
termites in the bell tower and in the foundation but you can't go cat calling
at a funeral hey who's who's the lady in the black dress it doesn't it doesn't
you know what you're okay did you hear I don't know so look I don't know if you
heard why you were in there doing your bouncy thing kicking guys out of parties
and stuff you know yeah whatever check this out boom we're getting married the
monk say he's gonna do it today why would you want to do that you're already
happy I mean Jesse you're alright and everything but why would you want to do
that so what are you trying to say don't know how I could say it any better
it's literally the worst thing you spend all your time in endless
conversation but who bought toilet paper how you're gonna fix the goddamn kale
for dinner until one blissful morning we decide to sleep in on vacation where you
spend more time in endless conversation that stresses you out more than the
work you're trying to forget that you wake to the police knocking at your door
to inform you that the wicked witch the bane of your existence has been impaled
by a rogue beach umbrella while speed walking down the coast and it is in that
moment that after 12 years 12 years you're finally happy again you're happy
now why would you do that
I
haven't got an angel right yep
you
