Good morning, and welcome to our press conference about the upcoming debates between Ronald Crump
and my husband, Sen. Paul Wood. Before we begin, are there any questions?
Questions? Anybody? Questions? Oh, yes, a question.
Back your dog. Woman's monthly. So, where's the coffee?
Refreshments will be served after the press conference.
Now, I would like to introduce Mr. Ronald Crump, who will sing a few words.
Wow, what a lousy turnout. I got more people to show up for my colonoscopy.
Might as well be talking to myself. Whatever.
My opponent is a big loser. He's a nobody. He's living in my shadow.
He has no power like me. I am the greatest American since George Washington.
No, I'm greater than Washington because he's dead and I'm alive.
In conclusion, I want to say, if you vote for me, I won't take you stupid.
Now, I'm not taking any of your stupid questions, especially from that bucket of hormones. Creepy.
Thank you, Mr. Crump. I think. And now, I would like to introduce my husband, Senator Paul Wood.
Thank you for that warm reception. I just want to say that our campaign is going to be a campaign of compassion.
As an example, I was recently contacted by a Nigerian prince who was desperately trying to transfer his millions to the U.S.
before the revolution happens in his country. I am the only one whom he trusts with his millions.
Therefore, I have set up an account in both our names and put $10,000 in it to make the transfer easier.
Also, his wife, the princess, is having a great deal of trouble trying to get her passport.
So, I wired her $5,000 in cash to help her bribe the officials.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no!
Breaking news for all of us!
No, no, no, no, what my husband meant to say, and not very well, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is.
our campaign will be a campaign of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of
equality for everybody, including your cats. So thank you and we look forward to
seeing you all at the debates. So, where's the coffee?
