Jesus here, hello. I'm going to go Christmas caroling. I was so inspired by being Father
Christmas that I thought I'd go Christmas caroling. It's got me out on and I've got a piece of tinsel, like a tinsel bower. I'm going to put that around me there. I've got a song sheet. What we're going to do is nickel donkey. So I'm going to go and see how the public react to me doing a little bit of Christmas caroling. It's very exciting. Here we go.
We're talking like professional entertainers here. This really is the big time to be honest with you and it's very nice to have you here.
Right, I'm here now. I'm going to knock on the door, my first door and I've got my lyrics. It makes me song sheet. It's Christmas time. I've been doing big time here. Tell me that, come on. I have to say, I'm a little bit nervous.
Nickel donkey, nickel donkey on the dusty road. Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load. Been a long time, nickel donkey through the winter's night.
Don't give up now, nickel donkey, Bethlehem's inside. Ring out those bells tonight, Bethlehem, Bethlehem.
Well, I didn't really go the way I expected it to go. Anyway, I'm quite upset by that. Not all of the Christmas spirit in that house. I'm a bit dejected now.
But I suppose in the entertainment business these things happen, don't they? You've got to pull up with rejection. That wasn't very nice, was it, from the lady?
Bethlehem's inside. Ring out those bells tonight, Bethlehem, Bethlehem. Follow that star tonight.
Bethlehem, Bethlehem, little donkey, little donkey on the heavy day. Little donkey, carry Mary, save me all the way. Merry Christmas.
Very good.
Have a lovely Christmas. Thank you very much. Bye bye. Merry Christmas.
Jesus, wake up. What? What, man? What? Where the f*** are we? Well, I don't know, man. I don't know what happened. I know Telgate gave us some, we had a good time.
What time is it? Bloody hell, man. It's half past eleven. Half past eleven at night. We went out at half past four. That was a good night. Anyway, I can see how we should just finish the caroling.
I'll just finish the caroling. I'm very sorry, you know, I know you wanted to film me properly. I'm not f***ing about, honestly. I'm not f***ing about.
I'll leave you for three minutes, and then, you know, four hours later. You know, it's Christmas, isn't it? You know, I've had a bit of a pie. Anyway, let's do the last caroling now. We'll do the last caroling.
And it'll be a good one, and hopefully I'll get some of it, because I don't think I've got anything yet. I've got a suite.
Follow that star, ring out those bells tonight, Bethlehem, Bethlehem. Follow that star tonight, Bethlehem, Bethlehem.
Bethlehem, little donkey, little donkey, had a heavy day. Little donkey, Carrie Mary, safely on her way.
Merry Christmas. Ten pound, love. Oh, Merry Christmas. You're a lovely woman. I'll go to the kids. Merry Christmas.
Oh, Christmas spirit at last. Night night, love. Bye bye. Thank you.
Ten pound, that's the Christmas spirit in evidence. Finally, tonight, right, I told you, you come all this way from London, right, and I told you, you'd find Christmas spirit down here, and we found it.
Ten pound, success for the kids, that. Tenner. Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas.
All right, and Mr. Hotshot Director from London, come down here to film me. Jesus, we're cracking.
Start the damn car. Look, look, look, you know, you're in the middle of, look, hang on. All right, let's go. Where are we going? Home.
Well, you don't live here. But you're home. Do you want to drop off at the station or the airport? We're miles from anywhere at the moment.
Yeah, I know. I mean, I don't know where we are. We're miles away, and all we've got is ten quid.
But we just went to that lady's house there, that strange lady in that weird house in the middle of nowhere, and we got ten quid. That was good.
That's got to go to the kids, that ten quid. Anyway, I'll drop you off at West Otage station. Where are we anyway? I don't know. Have you ever been to Cormorne before?
No. Well, I don't know where we are. Just start the car, and we'll go on to the main road, and then we'll go from here.
Well, it was quite a moorlandish to me. I don't know where we are. It was a good party, though. I can't remember any of it, but it was good.
Did you have a good time? No. It's been an absolute hell ride. That's it? Yes. There's been drugs. Someone spiked my drink, and then we end up here.
Well, we don't know where here it is, but here we are anyway. It's a strange thing for us to be doing, isn't it?
You know, me wanting to get into the entertainment business, you seeing my video, and coming down all this way to film me, and now we're stuck in the car in the middle of nowhere.
Alright, so where do you want me to take you? I can take you to Toro station. That'll do. Just take me there. Alright. I'll wait until I'm on it.
I think we're out of petrol. You know, we're out of petrol. What are we going to do? We're out of petrol.
What? Sounds like the Beast of Bodminmore to me. We are on Bodminmore, and there is a beast here. No one's ever seen it, but that really sounds like a beast to me.
Don't you touch your butt? Yeah, I agree. For the first time tonight, I agree with you. Let's go. Let's run. Run! We've got to go.
Right, what I've done is I've got rid of that up his arse director. I think he's been eaten by the beast or something up here on Bodminmore.
You know, I think in all honesty, if I'm really honest, I think he was holding me back. You know, holding me career back.
It was nice of him to come down and all that, all the way from London, but I want to be working with proper professional producers and directors.
I'm looking at Hollywood, but if it is the UK-based thing, then I need somebody better than that. Definitely, he was holding me back.
So, I don't know where he is, but he's out there on the moor somewhere. Anyway, he didn't know I had a spare kind of petrol left, so I've put that in the car and now I'm going to go home.
Alright, happy Christmas everybody. Here we go. Look, that's the road in front of me. Lovely, isn't it? Lovely, lovely.
Lovely, lovely. That's the road in front of me. Lovely. Here we go. Bodminmore to home now.
