I mean, the way I see it, you should be able to break up with a friend the same way you
break up with a guy.
All relationships can be toxic.
So that's what I told her and she started crying and it was kind of like a scene and
then the waitress took her side, which sucked because like that's the Applebee's I used
to work at.
You know, I knew her.
That's Shayna.
Whatever.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
The kids were screaming all night.
I didn't even get to watch Mythbusters.
Hey, Orin.
So far behind the season and I know Phil is going to drop spoilers of work tomorrow.
Drop spoilers.
Anyway, I take it the friend breakup didn't go as planned.
Negative.
I told you, society isn't ready for the idea of friend breakups yet.
So I can unfriend someone online but not in person?
Is this the world that we live in?
Where's Noah?
I could have sworn he was here or else I'd been talking to myself for like 20 minutes.
Noah, your silence is deafening.
Plus your light is on.
Hey guys.
Hey buddy.
So remind me, what does someone without toddlers do on a night like tonight?
Well, since you guys are my brothers, I don't know how to put this tactfully.
But I have a guest over tonight who I'm going to have sex with.
No vacancies in Hotel Mel this evening?
The twin bed is at double occupancy.
Would you please just get a queen like a normal adult?
I do not want to meet the craigslister who's willing to sell a bed for what I'm willing
to pay.
Plus, I can't even afford a pizza that I'd have to bribe my friend with to help me move
it.
Sounds about right.
Anyway, where did you meet this man friend?
At a drag show in Pilsen.
You met in person?
Not some algorithm that matched you based on your favorite Insta filter?
Listen, we are not all so lucky to have married before the advent of Tinder.
Some of us have to swipe a thousand lefts before we find the one.
Okay, we all know you don't swipe left.
I told you I'd set you up with my co-worker Phil.
No, I'm not really looking for anything that serious.
How do you know it would be serious?
Does he pay for his own Netflix account?
Does he have furniture that matches?
Is he off of his parents' family plan?
Exactly.
Look, I'm sure that Phil-
Unsubscribe.
Anyways, the next time you go to a drag show, let me know.
That sounds like it could be fun.
Thanks, but I don't really want my friends to ask me why I invited the IT guy.
Too far, Mel.
Too far.
Thank you, Noah.
All I'm saying is I'd at least appreciate the occasional invite.
I haven't been out in a while.
We haven't been out in a while.
Okay, yeah, next time I'll...oh my god, Orin, what did you send me?
I didn't send you any...dammit, Noah, did you steal my quadcopter?
Steal?
That's my birthright.
No way.
This is from, like, the first club meeting.
Why'd you go through the hassle of stealing my drone just so you could send something
you could've posted?
Says the guy on his rooftop in the middle of the night with a walkie-talkie.
Okay, Noah, you can send it to O.
Wait, wait...okay, go ahead.
I thought this was swallowed by Dad's basement years ago.
Probably in some box that hasn't been touched since before Y2K.
Yeah, right next to the club's old ant farm.
Any survivors?
R.I.P.
Anyways, I'll give you the patch back tomorrow, but you are not getting my drone back.
Dammit.
I should go.
I hear someone knocking around in the dark.
Same time next week?
I'll be here.
Night, Mel.
Night, Noah.
Night.
Good night, guys.
